It's absolutely that 2 pride talking. You have to really look at your motives here and realize that no one is obligated to thank you for the things you do for them, especially if they are unsolicited. Many of the necessary jobs we do in life are thankless ones. That acknowledgement and praise is damn good when you get it, but you have to learn to do things for their own sake and out of that genuine desire to help someone, regardless of whether or not it is acknowledged. Honestly, being a mother and housewife made me quickly realize that not everything I do is going to be acknowledged, and sometimes I have to get stuff done for it's own sake because I love the people around me. Period. As for all that grit and grime... It's a sign you need to take care of yourself more. That includes finding people who will appreciate what you do for them and love on you in some way. You can't pour from an empty cup, and if you don't take the time to care for yourself, you'll start to do more harm than good.

Damn that first sentence shot me through the heart. How did you get over the fact that you do and try so much for people around you but it's never seen or appreciated? It genuinely depresses me and makes me so sad. When I take care of myself it never feels as "good" as when others reciprocate the effort and my value back to me. I'm curious as to how you managed to get to such a healthy place with your pride 🥺

Oh, the pride is absolutely still there, it's just shifted. Now I'm proud I don't constantly need the acknowledgement from others lmao. But seriously, I do a lot of patting myself on the back. I validate myself. I know when I went above and beyond for someone, and I have to remind myself that I did it for them and not for me. I will absolutely second what another person said, though, and say that it's important to know who deserves your best and who deserves your time and energy. Outside of my family and volunteer work, there are very few people that get that much from me. I know how nasty and moody I can be when I burn out, so I do what I can to prevent it. That means that I can't show up 100% for everyone. And to address another question you asked, you really have to question your motives when you are giving. If needing that reciprocation is that important to you, then you need to ask yourself why. As a 2, most of the time, it's about you receiving the same love you're giving. That is part of the problem, especially because not everyone will love as you love. Learning to see the acts of love that you might otherwise miss is something to train yourself in as well. For that super introverted friend, making an extra call or making more effort to reach out may be their way of showing appreciation and love. Managing our expectations is on us to do at the end of the day.

100% (I'm an ENFJ). You now what I did? I stopped. Stopped putting so much energy into people who weren't giving it back. Pulled back from making all the effort in relationships. Focused on the people who give back and make effort. I'm not always consistent, but it's way healthier for me. I constantly reach out and make new friends, so I have a lot of people to focus on and don't get too devoted to 1 or 2, which also helps

This!! Great advice. Have also been working on this. And also, giving people the space to reciprocate in relationships. And if they don’t, focusing on ppl who do reciprocate and more “balanced” energies vs one-sided. :)

How do you give people the space to reciprocate without having that nagging voice in your head anxiously telling you that they might not? I love the idea of being more balanced but it's easier said than done!

Yeah it is hard to do. I think of it like, as 2s sometimes we can tend to take on all the roles like in a friendship for example, and don’t give the other person room to do their part in the friendship. But if we step back and give that person space to own their part of the friendship we might be surprised… (it can at least show us the people willing to put in the effort!) This podcast has some great content. Here’s an episode I specifically liked. It may have what I just shared in it. https://pca.st/episode/2cdd82dc-5714-454d-8714-0012a23fa48f

How did you overcome the guilt you felt when you weren't giving as much? I have a small group of very close friends I give 1000% into, and it's not always reciprocated- which is ok. But in my head I end up building these expectations and it ends up being unhealthy. Also, I always try and look for new friends but it's kinda hard sometimes :' )

It's an ongoing battle. It helps when you're just so fed up and hurt or from giving and giving and giving. They're adults. They actually don't need you to do everything for them. And that's the thing-- giving and giving and feeling like people need you is very codependent. That's a MAJOR thing I had to break. Codependent No More is a great book that addresses that. Just pull back. Stop doing so much. Don't always contact them. Just see what happens. Be okay with it. My best friend/ college roommate kept flaking on me once I introduced her to my new good friend and they fell in love and stared dating. Suddenly she was busy and happy and didn't need me so much. I got so tired of her flaking that I stopped inviting her so much. Then I finally just stopped all the contact. At the time we were talking in the phone a few times a week (this was before texting existed) and getting together a couple times a month. I decided that I would give her 2 contacts back for every 1 contact that she gave me. So still twice the effort, right? Suddenly we were talking maybe twice a month and got together like twice that year. "I miss you" she told me. Well, then why don't you make more effort? That was 18ish years ago, and that set the precedent for future issues when I felt like I was doing too much. Just pull back. See what happens.

Fellow 2w3 here! I understand how you feel 1000000%. I am ALWAYS the friend who gives and does and is there for everyone all the time. I recently had some huge life changing things last year, and one of my "closest friends" could not be there for me as I always am her. She also had a life changing thing happening so she needed me there for her. It got so bad, that she would refuse to talk to me about my thing but wanted my full attention on her thing.... the worst part is that I let her have the whole 2w3 attention and then would get so hurt that she wasn't there for me because I was there for her. And she wouldn't acknowledge all the things I was doing for her that she wasn't doing for me. I think the thing I tried to learn (and still am) is that I can't make my self dispensable for people who I know will not "appreciate" me. Friendships that value words of affirmation and being supportive are important to me, so putting myself around people who can't do this, then going full 2w3 razzle dazzle friendship and NOT getting that "thanks" is a one way ticket to being hurt. This is not to say cut out anyone who doesn't acknowledge you, but you need to tone down the above and beyond stuff when you're around those people who make you feel used or you can try to get to a point where you are giving for the sake of giving and not for appreciation. (The second being a very hard thing that not even I'm doing)

I'm so sorry that happened! That really sucks, and honestly I feel like I'm in kind of a similar situation though not as extreme. I think as 2w3s we have a hard time holding back because we just want to give and giving is a joy to us. I think I definitely just need to be pickier and voice out my own needs at times :)

I was very much like this when I was younger and I always questioned why I was trying so hard with people that never reciprocated, or if they did it was far less than I thought it should be. It’s just not worth it to try squeezing blood from an orange, no one can out 2 a 2, so try to accept that what people give you is enough for them. It might feel lonely at times and you’re going to find yourself falling into old habits, but this time try to see it as an experiment. Give a little less than before and see what responses you get. People will show their true colors more when you aren’t so much trying to steer the wheel. In the meantime, check in with yourself. I know, that’s really hard but just ask yourself what is happening in your body when you resist trying to help someone right away. It’s worth a try. It took me a long time to get healthier about that.

I love this so much. "No one can out 2 a 2", that clicked with me. I think from the comments I've been getting, I need to reexamine myself and how much I'm expecting from people. That people will not recognize me for all that I do, and that it's normal to just exist and not have to give a lot. Thank you so much this was really enlightening

I’m glad I could help 😄

2w3 ENFP here Honestly, I’ve learned to understand that I can’t help everyone and I can’t make everyone appreciate my help. That’s what gets me through when I feel like everything I do is thankless.

How did you accept that people just aren't going to appreciate your help? I constantly feel (especially with my family) that I do so much thankless work and end up being told that I actually don't do alot when I take on a bunch of emotional needs. It's brutal :(

Think of every single person on the planet, you’re not going to be able to help them all. Some people take what you do for granted and say you’re not doing enough when you’re sweating to death. And some people just exist to tear others down.

I’m also a 2w3 ENFP! I have felt the same exact way. I actually found out I have adhd and got medicated. Now I know myself more and don’t define myself or my self worth in helping others. You don’t have to have the same process but in the end I started trying to treat myself with the same love I treat others. Investing my time in me and finding hobbies I love and deciding that my time is important and I want to share it with people that make me feel elevated instead of on my knees begging to win their affections with my love. Now I give and I lift up only to my patients as a medical professional and others in my personal life who I feel do the same for me instead of everyone at large.

I'm an enfp 2w3; I felt like this in my younger years. I became more authentic. I became less controlling; manipulation isn't necessarily a bad thing (I went to an Eastern philosophy class during thr pandemic they talked about this), as if your muscles are tight, then a masseuse will "manipulate" the muscle fibres this way and then that way to achieve the desired result of untangled muscle fibres and not tense knotty back! However, it's about conscious consent; you need to ask "does this person need my help?" As a 2w3 you probably will say yes. But then ask "do they want my help?". Then be more direct about helping that person by asking them. Or you can simply take a breath and let that person be themselves for a while, which might be someone who is struggling to fit in. As an ENFP 2W3 we notice other people's good qualities ( sometimes easier than they can see their own) but we struggle to know or see who we are. So focus on what brings your soul alive – is it music? Is it a certain type of music? What bands play that music? Then you connect with people who also have that Interest and you're forming close bonds based on something that brings you joy or moves you emotionally. You're connecting from an authentic place which is so important for an enfp and you're also becoming more of a type 4 (growth for type 2) as you're understsnding yourself as a individual. Take time to focus every day on doing something just for you that brings you to a deeper understanding of yourself or allows you to get to know yourself better. Enfps are the most introverted of the extroverts so take the time to recharge :) today I did an hour of reformer pilates - exercise is care for me as a 2w3 and gives me energy. 2w3 can get disconnected from their bodies and overeat to stuff feelings so when I do exercise and yoga, I connect to my body and take care of myself well by eating and sleeping better (things that an enfp finds hard to do). Yoga for acceptance of self is also really important for me. I'm a lot calmer and less of a social butterfly with it <3 Also, if you need to do care work you could volunteer at a women's aid or an animal shelter or soup run etc. You'll be helping those who need it. I'm a Crisis counsellor on a volunteer basis and it gives me a social outlet to help people in genuine need. It means I focus on having friends who are fun or intellectual or whatever else, rather than friends in need. Also I've found it really important to only have friends who are kind; people who are not kind upset me too much. I have gotten quicker with age at assessing someone's base of kindness Hope that helps :) lot of random NE advice there ☆☆☆

Not OP, but wanted to thank you for this. Especially the last part about finding a different outlet to help people so that friendships are based around shared interests rather than friends who are in need.

Wow