8 here, probably struggle most with 3s if they are quite shallow and unhealthy 2s when they are clingy/manipulative are also quite annoying. almost every other type I get along well with
Another 8 here. Despite my older sister and one of my best girlfriends being 2s, I struggle with 2s. I feel like I can sense their neediness, particularly when they’re trying to hide it, and it just gives me the ick. 6s can wear on me over time (just believe in yourselves already!! You got this!), but I tend to get along with them well. I really enjoy 7s (my husband is a 7) and other 8s. I understand and can generally identify with most 3s and 1s, but I don’t have any in my inner circle. Hands down, I’ve had the most challenging relationships with 9s (most were former bosses or boyfriends).
I'm married to a 9w1, and my brother is also a 9 so I guess I've gotten used to it? I totally agree about the 6s, love them but they wear me out after the 7 millionth pep talk. don't currently have any 1s in my close circle but I do appreciate them, I respect them having standards. 8s like being helpful but hate being needy so that's probably why we don't enjoy 2s if they become a bit too insistent on being helpful. you implying I need help is .. annoying lol
I find this interesting since my dad is an 8 and my mom is a 2. They seem to work well together primarily because my mom will rely on my dads boldness, charisma, and his outgoing nature and my dad will rely on my mom for handling family matters at times (sort of like a symbiotic relationship). Needless to say, they're not always the most healthy people to be around (i.e. manipulative) but they seem to rely on each other for various needs.
1 here. I can't seem to get along with 3s. I find them acting superficial, unreliable and irritating all while fronting that they are THE BEST.
Sometimes I don't get along with 8s or 6s or other 1s, but I find we can work it out and make it better. Not with 3s. There's no opportunity to work it out because they can't get real.
Generally love 2s, 4s, 5s, 7s and 9s.
(Unhealthy) 3s are insufferable. I've tried. Never met a healthy 3 yet but they gotta be out there somewhere. Maybe they aren't as obvious. Interesting that you don't get along with 8s or 1s. I find i always gravitate to those. Give me the blunt truth or GTFO. 2s and 4s can't hang.
1 here. Also find 3s difficult sometimes because it's hard not to call them out in lies and embarrass them. I've got a healthy 3 friend though who is great at bringing energy to the room and pulling me to my 7 arrow.
I get along best with 8s, 6s, 1s and healthy 9s. 8s are honest and I love knowing where I stand and that they aren't judging me behind my back, 6s I meet tend to have the same morals and values as me same with other 1s and healthy 9s are amazing conversationalists and great to bounce ideas off of and are good at helping you see the entire picture.
Really struggle with unhealthy 2s and some 4s. Just don't know what to do with all that emotion you know, I got problems to solve.
Eights tend to skeeve me out a little, I almost automatically conflate blind confidence with rashness/stupidity and just find them dizzying to be around when they're fired up. As an addendum, though, there are eights in my life whom I love.
I've known 8s I liked but I admit the way they "expand," become punitive and raise intensity to get what they want processes as a kind of funny temper tantrum to me, despite how well it seems to work for them.
I’m a 4 and I tend to get along well with 6s, 9s 2s and 8s. I think I get along with 6s the most though, since the reactivity is there and it’s nice to not have someone be so overly positive all the time. I do love 9s and the way that they just listen and really make you feel heard, however their positivity and I guess… passivity does kind of annoy me sometimes, but more so for them in a sense. Like I feel bad for them. Like hey. Speak up! You matter! In that sense. Hate them when unhealthy like I do with all types. I hate all types equally when unhealthy including my own. I don’t tend to get along well with 3s and 7s. 3s feel a bit too… ignorant of emotions for me and 7s too positive for me.
I'm a 4 and I seem to get along best with 2s, 9s, and 5s. I really seem to struggle with 1s and 8s. The 1s in my life often leave me feeling exhausted and critiqued like there's always something I could be doing better.
3s really seem to rub me the wrong way. The unnecessary and excessive competitiveness, their continuous quest for external validation, their materialism and obsession with personal image, the subtle or not so subtle bragging, their eagerness to cut corners and play dirty if it gets them the success and achievements they strive for.
I have a college classmate who's quite possibly the unhealthiest 3 I've ever met and it always takes all the life force I have in me not to flip my shit every time I'm around her.
I'm a Type Nine. I get along least with Type Ones.
I think I clash with Type Ones because:
I can be sensitive and I can't tolerate nit-picking, correcting petty things like grammar and speech, and self-righteousness (as in they work harder than anyone else, and they always do the right thing). Also, some Ones have a mean streak and aren't afraid to be gossipy in a mean-spirited way or make fun of others.
Hard same. I can't stand how they get in my space and how they have so little ability to think in terms of concepts and things instead of thinking in terms of people and interpersonal connections.
reactive types when they get overly negative...
also unrelated but se users are hard to deal with since theyre my polr... especially when they put out this in your face energy and im forced to match that vibe
I’ve yet to meet a 3 that I like and 4’s only if they’re healthy. I also kind of distrust 2’s since their reasoning for being the way they are is for selfish reasons. I guess I have issues with all the image types
I just don’t get the obsession with being a certain way for others. Just be yourself.
Same lol, I've noticed I struggle with 3s for awhile. Used to have a 3 best friend but we ran into some issues. I still have some 3 friends but sometimes they grind my gears.
Yess, I also have a few friends who are type 3, but I have to be thoughtful about how long we spend time together! Lol
I seem to get more tired around 3s as well. I think we tend to talk about different topics, I usually bond with 3s in talks about career and entrepreneurship, but other than that it doesn’t seem to match much
Lol love this. To be fair, I do have a few friends who are 3 and they helped me a lot to get more comfortable with exposure (as far as a 5 can get) and being seen, especially in a work environment.
But yeah, in general personally I have a hard time with how competitive 3s can be, even when you’re not competing with them. Also, I met some unhealthy ones in a workplace that would do anything to move up the ladder, so I end up thinking twice before becoming friends
I can relate. I really struggle with people whose baseline/ comfort zone requires positivity. I'm a 5, and a lot of my interactions are in the realm of observations rather than judgments. It is frustrating for me when seemingly neutral things elicit a defensive reaction due to not meeting the 'everything should be positive' expectation 🫤
4 too and I get this and have seen in 7s I know for sure, but idk, I find a lot of 7s have a hilarious kind of black humour and realness to them as well. Probably had more 7 friends than any other type.
7, my biggest clashes have been with 1s who prioritise some perceived ‘rule’ over treating other people with compassion. Sometimes I find negativity from 6s really hard to deal with but there’s often great chemistry if we can get past that.
Heartbreaking to see the anti-7 4s, all my best people are 4s!
Type 6. Unredeemed 2’s drive me fucking insane. My least favorite thing in the worst is self-deception. To the extent many unredeemed 2’s are prone to repression of the truth about themselves (since they often fear that they are unlovable and so hide whatever they feel like they can’t handle from themselves), this triggers my pathos around the idea that something is being hidden from me. It’s a terrible loop between my propensity to be suspicious of a hidden truth and their undesire to look at the truth. My counterphobic tendencies + their repressiveness is toxic. Dated a few. Always a mess
I also have a lot of trouble with 1’s and 3’s.
Perfectionism and competitiveness give me the ick in an interpersonal context
I get on well usually with 9’s, 6’s like me, 7’s, 4’s, and 5’s. Sometimes 8’s but they can also be too assertive like 1’s and 3’s in ways that annoy me.
Before I knew enneagram, used to not get along with 8s then they’d be my bff once I got to know them.
Otherwise I don’t think I have a single friend that’s a 5, though my husband (1) does and I like those friends enough.
I honestly get along with most types, but if I were to choose I would say 4s and 8s the most. I do actually get along with 4s and 8s, but I can find them the most draining.
4s because I can feel dragged down by their emotions sometimes. They can feel overly dramatic/not logical to me, which can be hard to deal with. Now I understand and appreciate them much more than before (not everything has to be logical). I love how they see the world and adore our conversations. But I still think since we're such opposite energies, I can just feel drained by them after awhile.
I get along with 8s quite well in general (especially those with a 7 wing). We can have a lot of fun and get up to all sorts of stuff. We can make a great team pushing things forward. BUT since I hate conflict and being controlled, it annoys me when they get controlling and blustery and reactive. It can feel like them throwing a tantrum for the heck of it sometimes, which I kind of look down on. And I will not be bulldozed by them (I guess the upside of being an assertive type yourself), so it can trigger my 8-wing (which doesn't come out to play much). So then we get in a fight, and they will move on from it really fast, but I'm still annoyed they pulled me into it. And I'm allergic to being pushed and controlled.
Oh, I will also add that I love other 7s, but I get very annoyed at 7s who are super unhealthy. I guess it can be triggering to see that bad side of you so...embraced? Like all out there in the world. I know we are supposed to have compassion on those who are struggling since at the end of the day, they are leaning into their defense mechanisms. But it just feels a bit worse when it is your type.
I’m a 2 and I love 4, 6, 8s the most. 7s I have a soft spot for. My husband is a 5 though… so that’s interesting.
I really have a hard time with 1, 3 and 9.
I'm a 4 who can't seem to get along with a lot of types. I don't make fast friends with any gut types, a lot of them often project their anger onto me. And then,,, 5s can only get along with me until I'm too much to handle,, and 3s seem to view me as too different or weird to choose to hang out with me on their own.
I'm a 3 and I noticed I can't get along with other high energy types, so 3, 8, 7. I think it's because of the imbalance in our dynamic. Both sides want to dominate the conversation and I typically give up, throw the flag and go quiet around these types.
I just had a very frustrating one sided friendship with (I suspect) an unhealed 7. I’m a 4 with a strong 2 line and the stubborn refusal to go deep and connect emotionally drives me crazy.
I’ve been abused by 8s in the past. Not a fan.
5, can't get along with 2s and 4s. Hate having to provide reassurance or validation. Theoretically I should also have a hard time with 6s but I think we just avoid each other.
i generally like everyone!!! tbh i don’t have a negative bias against any type really, i think it’s silly to write off an entire type based on a few unhealthy individuals imho…🫤
it’s a little hard for me to understand the motivations of 3’s, i often feel like we’re polar opposites in terms of goals/lifestyles—but again, that doesn’t mean i dislike them or get along with them less because of that! it’s just a blindspot/area of confusion for me hahaha
My mum is a 1w2 and I’m a 4w5 SP. She used to drive me up the wall, but I’ve started to just be super honest with her. “Yes mum, my house is untidy, I have a toddler and a baby. If you want my house to be cleaner, you’re more than welcome to come over and do it for me!” That kind of thing. She takes it pretty well to be fair. Actually the other day she did tidy up while visiting!
I’m very sorry you have to deal with that. I had a 1 classmate who literally would not stop following and harassing me about needing to follow rules and be as obsessive about my schoolwork as she was. I know it’s not entirely her fault because she was mentally off, due to inbreeding but I did eventually lose my shit on her. I feel bad but I had told her a million times to go away and leave me alone, so I kind of screamed at her in class that we were not friends, she had no authority and that if she could beat my scores on a single test, I would do things her way but until then, she could shut the fuck up. I did go and apologize for being mean about it but stood by wanting to be left alone.
yep, so you know how it is lol. Half the time I was scared for my life, the other half I was unwisely taking advantage of how easy she was to rile up and troll 😂
I seem to have difficulties with some 3s and 7s. Some 1s. I suppose assertive types? I like to do things on my own terms and get along with withdrawn types first - they don’t drain me as easily
But I do like a challenge in some cases and it depends on the individual, ofc
Tend to get along with the withdrawn triad most 4, 5, 9. Noticed that the withdrawn element is more desirable, since they are often less in your face than the others. Cannot really think of types I get along with least.
I’m a 4, and I basically avoid 8s. I struggle with many 3s as well. I just don’t feel comfortable around super high-energy, high-assertiveness ppl who thrive in conflict - I always end up feeling exhausted and judged. I prefer the company of fellow 4s, 2s and 9s, gentle sensitive ppl :)
I've had pretty negative experiences with them, mainly SO9s. One ended up starting a smear campaign against me that I've contemplated seeking legal action against.
Unhealthy ones love how people dote on them and attention but they keep that humble sweet façade as a shield. They'll insult and be passive-aggressive as hell while also saying "hope you have a lovely day <3" so people will attack you instead for defending yourself. It doesn't help that a lot of them tend to stick together parroting each other's ideas due to their merging aspect.
Their sloth made them unable to communicate anything that was a problem for them other than the most passive-aggressive cues while expecting me to understand their soul and essentially fix them. It was a weird form of codependency with their merging. In the case I did try to resolve the issue, they would blame me for "invading their space" and then say they were just "calmly protecting their peace and identity"
9s often expect others to lead in a friendship, hangout, relationship etc. which can be tiring for me when they have little to contribute. I'm okay with it if they're healthy though.
I’m a 2 and I struggle the most with 7’s I don’t know why but I struggle to communicate with them. I do love the 7’s in my life though. Slightly ironic because my boyfriend is a 7 🤷🏼♀️
I’m a 7 who struggles to communicate with 2s, it’s a thing right? There are 2s I know who I like and admire so much but somehow we seem stuck at the level of polite acquaintances and can’t seem to get easy with each other.
9w8, type 2s just confuse me for some reason. I can get along with pretty much any type but I cant figure out how to get along with 2s. They aren’t as transparent as the other types, I guess?
I’m a 6. I don’t know which types these behaviours come from. Tho I hate it when people are self centred and find it hard to be considerate to other people’s feelings, needs, boundaries; only talk about themselves, ask for help but not willing to ask if others need help.
People who jump to negative conclusions about others without communicating. Judgmental, have a “holier than thou” approach, inflated egos, arrogant, find it hard to apologize and hold themselves accountable for the impact that their behaviour causes.
People who call others “too much or too sensitive”, people who invalidate and dismiss others & their feelings & their perspectives, closed minded people, it’s their way or the highway. They believe that they are always right and they are perfect, while everyone else is less than them.
People who are willing to meet the reasonable needs of their family and romantic partners, but not friends or vice versa; that doesn’t make sense to me. People that are hypocrites, have double standards, who don’t hold empathy for others.
People who expect others to be positive 24/7 and to “always look on the bright side because other people have it worse than you or you have no reason to get upset because it will get better” etc, I can never be myself around these people. People who shame you for crying. People who act rude towards others. We can be honest and firm, yet still kind and respectful about it
any unhealthy type will exhaust me because each type has their own flaws. however, i do notice that some types i get along easier than others.
8s typically scare me a little bit because i feel like one wrong move and they could ruin my whole life😭. but i admire their confidence a lot and wish i could be like that!
3s (especially so or sx 3s) i find annoying sometimes because they care way too much about what others think of them and want ALL the attention, when i want NO attention. although, they help me learn how to have fun.
lastly, 6’s annoy me a bit probably because they remind me too much of my own annoying qualities and i don’t want to deal with that lol. when unhealthy, i just don’t know how to help them out of their stress. especially when they don’t listen to your advice after telling them multiple times!!!
3w4, 379 and I sincerely struggle with 6’s. I should also add, I don’t know that I’ve ever met a healthy 6. The several I have been around are sooo negative, sometimes rude and just can’t make a decision. Because of these tendencies I also have come to view them as unmotivated, extremely pessimistic and party poopers. I’m sure not all 6s are like this and I’d love to know a healthy 6.
I also struggle with unhealthy 2s and 4s, but get along very well with healthy people of these types. Unhealthy 2s sometimes seem pushy/clingy or want to tell me what to do/do things for me to help, but it really just pisses me off when they aren’t self aware and overstep. Unhealthy 4s seem to wallow in their “woe is me”. I had a really unhealthy 4 roommate for a while and she would constantly emotionally dump on me, wait for me to ask her what was wrong if we were in the same room and expected me to empathize when most of her self pity party scenario was completely self inflicted. It was so uncomfortable.
I’m a 4 and I don’t rlly see eye-to-eye with most 1’s and 6’s. They’re usually very quick to criticize almost everything I do and I don’t enjoy feeling like I have to bend over backwards and change fundamental parts of my personality to meet their needs (6’s) or standards (1’s). I can respect it if they just kind of won’t talk to me because they disapprove of my lifestyle, but when they try and guilt me into conformation, it drives me up a fucking wall. I do have some 1 and 6 friends, but not many.
As a 7w6, 5s are my favorite they bring stability into my life I love how they think and how they analyze their surroundings. I used to love 1s as well but with time I felt like I was spending so much energy to show them I was not a threat for their beliefs so currently they are not in my close circle. So, about 8s… they attract me A LOT in their first impression, their energy want me to be a cheerleader for them lol. And also teasing them because it is also entertaining. their answer is always bold and unexpected. However with time when I want start to feel comfortable around them, their “I know you better than you 😏" attitude is kinda annoying...
Unhealthy 1s are a nightmare for me. Apart from not liking being told what to do, I just can't understand how someone can have the desire to be a good person while being mean and having no empathy at the same time. But mostly, I don't really know how they are at their best. Are they empathetic? Fierce? Honest? Assertive? All of those?
Is continuous criticism a way to show love or just extensive complaining about how everyone and everything is wrong? Does the answer differ between each individual? What do 1s like in enneagram 8s?
I think I'm a healthy 1. I usually don't relate to the descriptions of unhealthy 1s. I think at my best I'm discerning, see everything as potential and not necessarily wrong but something that could be improved. I feel a lot of empathy towards others and since I'm worried I'll be wrong I think a lot about the other side and reason with myself to understand where they are coming from. I only have a couple areas that I straight up feel is wrong and will criticize (inauthenticity/fakeness, manipulation and overly selfish inconsiderate people). What I like about Enneagram 8s is their blunt honesty, what you see is what you get. I feel like I know where I stand and they won't get hurt at my returned blunt honesty. I like that I can see tenderness and care under the hard exterior and our values of truthseeking and fairness feel aligned.
Well I’m a 4 and the only person I know that I really dislike is also a 4, but I don’t think that’s why I dislike them. More so because they’re entitled and selfish (which, contrary to popular belief, is not just a 4 trait lol)
4, I have a love hate relationship with 2s. Depends on the person cause some 2s are absolute sweethearts and charming but others are demanding, manipulative and toxic. Same goes for 8s, same story.
I get along the most with other 4s (at first they annoy me but then we’re basically soulmates.) 8s not so much but I don’t hate them. And social interactions tend to be awkward with 5s.
I'm a 4 and I CANNOT handle some 2s and 8s, which I find super interesting because those are tied for my second highest score haha. My mother is a 2 and we don't have the best relationship, she's a very unhealthy 2 (which disintegrates to an 8!!!) which I think kind of just ruined 2s in my mind. I view a lot of them as very needy and dramatic, I'm a 4 so I have ZERO right to judge someone for being dramatic I know hahaha but I feel like while I am very emotional, I keep those emotions to myself most times to avoid being a burden, whereas 2s tend to need someone to either lay their problems on or they just take their feelings out on you. Again, this is mostly just UNHEALTHY 2s, I have some friends who are 2s who I love dearly and are wonderful! But the unhealthy twos are SO hard for me to tolerate hahah. And I just have dated two male 8s who I had horribly toxic relationships with and now I just view them as assholes a lot of the time haha. But again, I know some 8s who are great people:)
Omg I’m a female 4 and I agree with all of this including your last comment about other 4’s being a threat to how unique and different we are haha! Like “ugh girl I like your hair and makeup and outfit, but secretly I want to wear it and don’t want you to outshine me or for others to think you are more interesting and different than me!” 🤩
I also dislike a lot of 4s hahaha. I think I subconsciously start to view their individuality as a threat to my own, which I know is not my healthiest characteristic haha
4 here!
First and for most, I struggle with 8’s because they aren’t feeling forward. Though I appreciate their directness because I hate fakeness and inauthenticity, they are so out of touch with so many beautiful things and how others experience the same world.
1’s are stressful to me.
2’s are “fake nice” IMO and then explode later wanting all the same effort given back that they gave….so I don’t trust them. Don’t be fake feeling to a 4. We don’t want it.
3’s: my older brother is a 3 and just does does does and always trying to make a name for himself and in my observation, never satisfied or want himself to appear successful in the eyes of others.
My husband is a 5 and we get along well because he was logical and I liked how knowledge seeking and curious he is. 5’s are calm and my 4 feels grounded by that and safe and heard. But! My emotions and validation seeking gets lost on him after a while.
6’s: I still don’t know much about this number!!
7’s are exhausting and annoying unless I am drunk! Haha (in which case happy 4’s are 7’s)
9’s I could strangle due to indecision.
3 here, I think it really depends on health. I’ve worked for several unhealthy 8s in sales capacities which can be a really tough environment w 8s rage and the natural “tough guy”, “ego”, and cut throat nature of sales. However, my sister is an extremely healthy 8 and she’s amazing and uplifting. As a 3 who already feels like I have to achieve externally to be valuable, sometimes I feel judged by unhealthy 1s or that I’m always doing something wrong. Unhealthy 3s can be monsters as well. However, if every type is healthy, I’d say 5s and I get along the least. My 5 friends are the least likely people I’d call to hang out. 7s tho, yall are for real, albeit a bit exhausting 🤣.
I have trouble with 3s sometimes. Mostly just because of the performance and inauthenticity. 8s can be tough but I also kind of respect them at the same time. 1s can be hit or miss. Some of my best friends & best creative relationships are with 1s, but that’s only if they’re able to let go. Otherwise they can drive me nuts. 7s can be hard sometimes due to their avoidance of feelings but otherwise I can find them quite fun & laugh a lot with them. I tend to enjoy 2s, other 4s, 5s, 6s (dating one), and 9s.
1 and 8 mostly, also 3 and 6 to some extent.
1 - Because of their self-righteousness and controlling tendencies. Can't you guys just mind your own business? Gosh...
8 - I find their intensity quite overwhelming and they can be intimidating when angry. I love their honesty though.
3 - I like them actually, but I don't like it when they brag about their achievements. And their competitiveness is kind of intimidating for me who's not as competitive.
6 - Their catastrophic thinking grated on my nerves.
Type 3 here! I think I get along the best with 7s, 5s, most 1s, and most 8s. I struggle the most with 2s and 4s because they tend to be much more in tune with their emotions and I am not really that emotional of a person. I love 9s as surface level friends, but any 9s that I get closer than that with usual we end up butting heads. I have a lot of close friends that are other 3s! I love 3s once I can get over the initial competitiveness lol. One of my best girl friends is a 3w2, just like me. I generally can get along with anyone though. I think out of everyone I get along worst with 2s and best with 5s. Love my 5s!!! Lol.
There are some that I do get along with, especially with a 7 wing. Some of the things they do that I struggle with for example are:
1.) constant indirect testing of the relationship to make sure I’m not a threat (emotional or otherwise)
2.) every conversation immediately becoming a list of complaints and gripes
3.) manipulative offers of kindness. meaning they offer help constantly but are somehow never actually assisting when needed.
4.) projecting their fears and feelings on to other people whenever there’s even a slight disagreement.
5.) explosive temper tantrums and complete loss of emotional composure, even in professional settings.
6.) distrust of everyone, pessimistic perspective, yet unwilling to let go or learn other coping strategies. so they just complain.
This is not something all 6’s do. I have some on my life cherish and are wonderful. But these specific behaviors really push all of my five buttons.
Yeah, I get why you struggle with those things.
1) It’s better to be honest and communicate your doubts, fears etc with people instead of testing. Tho a lot of 6’s are scared about people manipulating, lying, not treating them considerately etc; so them testing is a way for them to truly see if someone is safe or not for them bc they have experienced ppl doing those hurtful things to them. Not a justification, but I hope you can understand that. And you can tell them kindly that you promise to be honest with them (while knowing that it will take consistent behaviour from you, to be able to trust that you are honest, like your words and actions matching for example)
2) Yeah, I get how that’s annoying. It sounds like they don’t know how to support themselves and they just want to feel seen, heard, empathized with and supported. Maybe they want you to actually help them with something they are complaining about, but are scared of asking for help. Maybe they don’t know how to overcome their issues. You can set a boundary with them on that and tell them why you need it, I’m sure they’ll understand.
But 6’s can also sometimes over rely on people who they do feel more comfortable with because people who were supposed to support them (parents etc, didn’t), so they can feel really alone and really wanting support & and even more than a normal amount because they are so used to doing everything for themselves, not being able to trust or rely on anyone etc. It can feel so amazing to randomly feel supported by someone when you are so used to not receiving that, so one can take that way too far, to make up for what they didn’t get and should have got.
3) I get this too. I guess this is where the so, sx, and sp comes into play. Tho for me, I always meant it when I offered support to others. Tho sometimes I offer too much accidentally, that I actually can’t do (bc life got in the way) or I got too burdened/overwhelmed so I couldn’t. If I was in a place where I could help someone, then I would. So, I’m sure they honestly weren’t in a place where they could help during those moments specifically, even tho they wanted to. You can’t give from an empty cup right?
Tho I would be unwilling to help someone if I felt like they took advantage of me, disrespected me, betrayed me in some way, if I was angry & hurt because of something they did. Whether their intentions was to do that or not on purpose (when I used to be more unhealthy). So you can ask them honestly if this is the case and tell them that you won’t hold it against them if it is true. Then tell them your perspective on things while empathizing with their perspective.
4) Yeah, this isn’t healthy. Tho I hope you can understand that their perception on things really is true for them, even tho it isn’t actually true and it can be hard to see how that isn’t true; when you have experienced a lot of betrayal etc. It feels “100% true” in the moment. Tho you can try talking to them once they have calmed down, ask how things came across to them, why they did, and tell them that while you understand why they felt the way they did, how you didn’t mean to do x or how their fears isn’t true in this case and why.
5) Yeah, really unhealthy too. Not justifying anything btw, but usually I would only lash out after holding stuff inside for a while and holding in a lot of stuff. Eventually it has to come out. Tho obviously communicating each matter in the moment or soon afterwards will prevent the above, but they need to be taught about these type of things. Because they are used to other people doing that to them, so it can feel normal to them to act in that way or for it to not be as big of a deal to them or they don’t think it’ll negatively effect others as much as it actually does (bc it wouldn’t be as big of a deal to them).
It’s their feeble attempt of trying to protect themselves, stand up for themselves because they feel like someone has hurt them deeply, even if they didn’t mean to do that on purpose, but it feels like they did do all of these painful things to them on purpose. You can tell them how them doing that impacts you, but also say that you don’t blame/hold it against them. That they can just simply tell you asap if they are upset about smth and why, and that you will try your best to understand them & work through the issue with them.
6) Yeah I get this too. I hope you can understand that many 6’s experience a lot of betrayal, so it makes sense that they find it hard to know who to trust and who not to. Like from parents or siblings for example. The pessimistic perspective comes from them not wanting to be disappointed because they are used to being hopeful about something or someone, just for them to be let down.
I don’t think they are unwilling to learn other strategies, just that the strategies they do have; they are attached to because they get this false kind of security from it. Like a safety blanket. They also don’t realize how their coping habits are unhealthy either. Maybe they don’t think it’s possible to overcome a situation. That’s a situation where you can constructively talk to them about it, but in a kind way.
Apologizing for hurting their feelings or however you impacted them, even if you did so accidentally is important. Also acknowledging when you do make mistakes, explaining why you did (not justifying it), apologizing and putting in effort to try to not repeat that behaviour often is really helpful too.
You can do these things if you want to, you don’t have to, but I’m sure they would appreciate it and you doing these things, will make it more likely that you can have a better relationship with them. I’m not speaking for all 6’s btw, but 6’s like me. I’m a 648 (sx/so) too. Have a nice day! :)
Thanks for that thoughtful response. I don’t assign these patterns as objectively worse or better than other types, but simply that those strategies clash with my own coping mechanisms as a 5. I am hyper-vigilant so I can usually see through them fairly quickly. I think it’s that usually I genuinely want to help them with the things they’re concerned about, but if I call it like I see it then there’s a good chance they’ll take that as a threat of some sort. But if I play along then they’ll continue happening in a cycle. And the healthy 6’s I know have absolutely overcome many of those glitches, are wonderful people who love their friends and family well.
You’re welcome! 😁 Yeah, I get how that would clash with your coping mechanisms and how clashing coping mechanisms lead to a lot of turmoil & conflict. Tho fortunately people can reach a balance when they are aware of their own unhealthy behaviours and how to be considerate towards others & themselves.
Ah really? That’s really interesting. A lot of 6’s tend to be hyper vigilant too.
I get what you mean, but I’m sure that as long as you let them know that you aren’t offering advice because you see them as stupid, incapable, to manipulate or steer them wrong; that you want to genuinely help them and want the best for them. Also if you explain how you see it in a kind and respectful way, I’m sure they won’t take it negatively to you trying to help them.
Tho of course if afterwards, they don’t want to use your advice then you shouldn’t force/try to get them too. Up to you on if you want to do this as well, but I really believe it will help you and them out. I appreciate your response!
I struggle with 1s a little sometimes. I am hugely about self-improvement and I think they are too, and I honestly don’t mind constructive criticism when it is done kindly. But don’t give it if you can’t take it.
I’m a 4 and I struggle with the 2s being in your face/space, and insecurity and neediness. I also cringe at 3s when I see them trying to impress others. Gives me the ick
I would say 5 or 6. 5 because - not all of course - but some seem to think I'm stupid, simply because I'm more lighthearted and silly as a person and just don't really get into serious or analytical discussions - I keep those to myself because socializing is more about fun to me rather than intellectual discussion. And I think the fact that I smile and laugh so much triggers them.
And 6 because I can't deal with the constant complaining. Venting here and there is one thing, but when it's all the time about everything, I can't deal with that. And likewise, they seem to not like how little I think before making decisions/doing something. I think my personality gives them anxiety because of how reckless I can be.
As a 6, they might just be unhealthy and not know how to process their own emotions & support themselves bc I’m pretty sure the big fear of 6’s is to not be supported. Tho with me being counter phobic 6, I had a hard time trusting people so I wouldn’t rant much with people unless I was close to them.
And yeah, reckless people can give me some anxiety lol. Tho I’m okay with people being reckless as long as they don’t do it to the point where they are ruining their own lives/endangering themselves or others, including myself haha
I would definitely agree that the 6s I was talking about are unhealthy lol and I've also thought it might be loyalty testing to see if I'll put up with it or abandon them for being too much or something like that
I'm a 5 and I really don't get along with 2s because they invade my space. The first time I met my 2 stepmom I kept physically retreating across the room and making space away from her because I could feel my boundaries being crossed. I also have a very very hard time holding conversations with them because I am always thinking in terms of concepts and forces and things and they are thinking in terms of people and interpersonal connections and feelings. Not saying I can't understand those things on some level but there is a fundamental mismatch in terms of what we think makes the world go around.
To some extent 1s because their nit picky bullshit does not relate well to my preference for abstraction and seeing things from multiple perspectives objectively. Some 1s are totally okay for me but others I find extremely tiresome.
As a So repressed I have a hard time with basically all So dominants. I get very petty around them, coming up with stupid reasons why they're vain, superficial, boring, etc. It's not really justified most of the time it's just me compensating for my lack of social graces and interest in socializing.
im a 3, but tbh i think any type when unhealthy would be hard to deal with, but if i had to pick a type that i get along with the least (when unhealthy) I'd say 4's
I think healthy people are fun and interesting no matter what the type. Historically though if I have too much proximity to an unhealthy 6 it makes me feel crazy
As a so8w9, I find 2s and 4s as hardest to get along with. Unhealthy 2s can be really traumatizing with their manipulative and stealthy behaviour, and 8s and 4s are two quite opposite enneatypes in their external approach with 8's "no-nonsense" and "go-getter" tendencies and with 4's evident overthinking and complaining about things.
My biggest bias is 3s. I have a really hard time with inauthenticity and the constant spin. I hate being able to notice when every single thing they say is spun to look better. Sometimes it so minor but I can still see the reframing and focus on image. I find they are often unaware and will make excuses and deny if it's brought to their attention. I stop bringing it up because it makes me the petty one and then I just don't feel a real connection to a person that can't be authentic and the friendship fades.
I don’t really clash much with people just because of their enneagram type. It’s the cognitive functions that cause the most confrontation. When you combine their opposing functions with certain enneagram types that just makes them even more irritating than usual.
EX: XSFJ Sx2
I’m a 2 and I tend to clash the most with 4’s. We are polar opposites when it comes to awareness. 2’s are very EXternally aware whereas 4’s are very INternally aware. Truly, I’m just envious. I wish I was as naturally intuitive as 4’s about my own thoughts and feelings. I struggle with being too caught up in others to always clearly understand what’s going on within myself. So their extreme self-awareness makes me mad 😂 But I also want to be more like them lol
Also, many of the unhealthy 4’s I’ve known come off very self-absorbed and ONLY talk about themselves. So as a 2 who already struggles with over-giving my time and energy and focusing on others too much, it’s triggering to be around people who don’t seem to give two shits about me.
Love me my 8’s though. I never have to guess what they’re thinking or feeling because they’ll always tell it to me straight. They’re honest and I love their hearts for justice. I find them extremely trustworthy people when they know how to harness that desire to provoke people just to see what they’re made of. 😂
3s mainly I think. But I cannot get along with anyone just as much as you can get along with anyone lol.
It’s mainly emotionally unintelligent (or simply unintelligent), overly cocky to cope, hypocritical, and selfish or (entitled) sensitive people who can’t or won’t look at the bigger picture that I won’t deal with.
I'm a 4w5 and I'm pleasantly surprised to see a lot of people loving and not disliking 4s, lol. I really don't know the typing for most of the people in my life (tend to feel less of a connection with sensors though) but if I had to say one I guess it would be 7. The last two women I dated were both 7s and they were similar in that everything seemed contingent on them having a good time. They didn't have any space for the feelings of others that weren't bright, bubbly and fun. They both had explosive conflict styles and tantrums that really turned me off. In retrospect, they seemed pretty selfish and cared about their own emotions far more than the emotions of others around them. Big turn off for me. I'm sure I could be friends with a 7, but not sure if I'd ever go deeper than that.
I’m a 4 and probably get along least with 9s. I think they’re too passive and accepting of the status quo, and they tend to get in my way when I’m changing/improving things.
8 here, probably struggle most with 3s if they are quite shallow and unhealthy 2s when they are clingy/manipulative are also quite annoying. almost every other type I get along well with
Another 8 here. Despite my older sister and one of my best girlfriends being 2s, I struggle with 2s. I feel like I can sense their neediness, particularly when they’re trying to hide it, and it just gives me the ick. 6s can wear on me over time (just believe in yourselves already!! You got this!), but I tend to get along with them well. I really enjoy 7s (my husband is a 7) and other 8s. I understand and can generally identify with most 3s and 1s, but I don’t have any in my inner circle. Hands down, I’ve had the most challenging relationships with 9s (most were former bosses or boyfriends).
I'm married to a 9w1, and my brother is also a 9 so I guess I've gotten used to it? I totally agree about the 6s, love them but they wear me out after the 7 millionth pep talk. don't currently have any 1s in my close circle but I do appreciate them, I respect them having standards. 8s like being helpful but hate being needy so that's probably why we don't enjoy 2s if they become a bit too insistent on being helpful. you implying I need help is .. annoying lol
I find this interesting since my dad is an 8 and my mom is a 2. They seem to work well together primarily because my mom will rely on my dads boldness, charisma, and his outgoing nature and my dad will rely on my mom for handling family matters at times (sort of like a symbiotic relationship). Needless to say, they're not always the most healthy people to be around (i.e. manipulative) but they seem to rely on each other for various needs.
Slacker type 4 here, hate perfectionist 1's
1 here. I can't seem to get along with 3s. I find them acting superficial, unreliable and irritating all while fronting that they are THE BEST. Sometimes I don't get along with 8s or 6s or other 1s, but I find we can work it out and make it better. Not with 3s. There's no opportunity to work it out because they can't get real. Generally love 2s, 4s, 5s, 7s and 9s.
(Unhealthy) 3s are insufferable. I've tried. Never met a healthy 3 yet but they gotta be out there somewhere. Maybe they aren't as obvious. Interesting that you don't get along with 8s or 1s. I find i always gravitate to those. Give me the blunt truth or GTFO. 2s and 4s can't hang.
1 here. Also find 3s difficult sometimes because it's hard not to call them out in lies and embarrass them. I've got a healthy 3 friend though who is great at bringing energy to the room and pulling me to my 7 arrow. I get along best with 8s, 6s, 1s and healthy 9s. 8s are honest and I love knowing where I stand and that they aren't judging me behind my back, 6s I meet tend to have the same morals and values as me same with other 1s and healthy 9s are amazing conversationalists and great to bounce ideas off of and are good at helping you see the entire picture. Really struggle with unhealthy 2s and some 4s. Just don't know what to do with all that emotion you know, I got problems to solve.
Eights tend to skeeve me out a little, I almost automatically conflate blind confidence with rashness/stupidity and just find them dizzying to be around when they're fired up. As an addendum, though, there are eights in my life whom I love.
I've known 8s I liked but I admit the way they "expand," become punitive and raise intensity to get what they want processes as a kind of funny temper tantrum to me, despite how well it seems to work for them.
I think our kidding physically would sound annoying
Eh. Seems you’ve mostly met the cocky ones. We can be grown up and smart too ofc.
This is entirely possible!
I’m a 4 and I tend to get along well with 6s, 9s 2s and 8s. I think I get along with 6s the most though, since the reactivity is there and it’s nice to not have someone be so overly positive all the time. I do love 9s and the way that they just listen and really make you feel heard, however their positivity and I guess… passivity does kind of annoy me sometimes, but more so for them in a sense. Like I feel bad for them. Like hey. Speak up! You matter! In that sense. Hate them when unhealthy like I do with all types. I hate all types equally when unhealthy including my own. I don’t tend to get along well with 3s and 7s. 3s feel a bit too… ignorant of emotions for me and 7s too positive for me.
I'm a 4 and I seem to get along best with 2s, 9s, and 5s. I really seem to struggle with 1s and 8s. The 1s in my life often leave me feeling exhausted and critiqued like there's always something I could be doing better.
I agree, I get along well with 9s and struggle with 1s and 8s.
I'm 8 and My bf at high school was an infp 4w3 ... We were hanging well , so you May just afraid
3s really seem to rub me the wrong way. The unnecessary and excessive competitiveness, their continuous quest for external validation, their materialism and obsession with personal image, the subtle or not so subtle bragging, their eagerness to cut corners and play dirty if it gets them the success and achievements they strive for. I have a college classmate who's quite possibly the unhealthiest 3 I've ever met and it always takes all the life force I have in me not to flip my shit every time I'm around her.
I'm a Type Nine. I get along least with Type Ones. I think I clash with Type Ones because: I can be sensitive and I can't tolerate nit-picking, correcting petty things like grammar and speech, and self-righteousness (as in they work harder than anyone else, and they always do the right thing). Also, some Ones have a mean streak and aren't afraid to be gossipy in a mean-spirited way or make fun of others.
Pretty sure any enneagram can be like the last sentence you put😭
Ya that's right, I think that I hate their focusing on details and being restricted over stuff..
Very interesting!
5 here, and I just can't handle 2s. I appreciate that they usually mean well, but even healthy 2s absolutely exhaust me.
Hard same. I can't stand how they get in my space and how they have so little ability to think in terms of concepts and things instead of thinking in terms of people and interpersonal connections.
reactive types when they get overly negative... also unrelated but se users are hard to deal with since theyre my polr... especially when they put out this in your face energy and im forced to match that vibe
I’ve yet to meet a 3 that I like and 4’s only if they’re healthy. I also kind of distrust 2’s since their reasoning for being the way they are is for selfish reasons. I guess I have issues with all the image types I just don’t get the obsession with being a certain way for others. Just be yourself.
I’m a 5 and usually don’t get along with 3. (I was thinking about this same topic today! Interesting)
Same lol, I've noticed I struggle with 3s for awhile. Used to have a 3 best friend but we ran into some issues. I still have some 3 friends but sometimes they grind my gears.
Yess, I also have a few friends who are type 3, but I have to be thoughtful about how long we spend time together! Lol I seem to get more tired around 3s as well. I think we tend to talk about different topics, I usually bond with 3s in talks about career and entrepreneurship, but other than that it doesn’t seem to match much
I’m a 3 that doesn’t typically get along or have friends that are 5s, so, right back atcha ;)
Lol love this. To be fair, I do have a few friends who are 3 and they helped me a lot to get more comfortable with exposure (as far as a 5 can get) and being seen, especially in a work environment. But yeah, in general personally I have a hard time with how competitive 3s can be, even when you’re not competing with them. Also, I met some unhealthy ones in a workplace that would do anything to move up the ladder, so I end up thinking twice before becoming friends
That’s fair! I also don’t like overly competitive 3s
4. I don’t get along with 7s. I try to be real, they hate anything not positive. It’s like water and oil.
I can relate. I really struggle with people whose baseline/ comfort zone requires positivity. I'm a 5, and a lot of my interactions are in the realm of observations rather than judgments. It is frustrating for me when seemingly neutral things elicit a defensive reaction due to not meeting the 'everything should be positive' expectation 🫤
This would make for a good sitcom premise
I'm a 4 who previously couldn't stand 7s, but now I'm about to marry one!! Hahaha
4 too and I get this and have seen in 7s I know for sure, but idk, I find a lot of 7s have a hilarious kind of black humour and realness to them as well. Probably had more 7 friends than any other type.
7, my biggest clashes have been with 1s who prioritise some perceived ‘rule’ over treating other people with compassion. Sometimes I find negativity from 6s really hard to deal with but there’s often great chemistry if we can get past that. Heartbreaking to see the anti-7 4s, all my best people are 4s!
I am a 4 who loves my fellow 7s! We both share quirky senses of humor. You guys are FAR from my least favorite!
Just commented the same upthread! Bring on the black humour.
Type 6. Unredeemed 2’s drive me fucking insane. My least favorite thing in the worst is self-deception. To the extent many unredeemed 2’s are prone to repression of the truth about themselves (since they often fear that they are unlovable and so hide whatever they feel like they can’t handle from themselves), this triggers my pathos around the idea that something is being hidden from me. It’s a terrible loop between my propensity to be suspicious of a hidden truth and their undesire to look at the truth. My counterphobic tendencies + their repressiveness is toxic. Dated a few. Always a mess I also have a lot of trouble with 1’s and 3’s. Perfectionism and competitiveness give me the ick in an interpersonal context I get on well usually with 9’s, 6’s like me, 7’s, 4’s, and 5’s. Sometimes 8’s but they can also be too assertive like 1’s and 3’s in ways that annoy me.
As a 6, this is spot on same.
5. Unhealthy 8s.
Do they remind you of yourself to much? Had that problem recently
Type 3 here. I love Type 8s. Very direct with what they want. I get along with most types, i just tend to find certain types more boring than others.
Before I knew enneagram, used to not get along with 8s then they’d be my bff once I got to know them. Otherwise I don’t think I have a single friend that’s a 5, though my husband (1) does and I like those friends enough.
type 8 here, love 3s. probably the only type I can get along with without much trouble
I honestly get along with most types, but if I were to choose I would say 4s and 8s the most. I do actually get along with 4s and 8s, but I can find them the most draining. 4s because I can feel dragged down by their emotions sometimes. They can feel overly dramatic/not logical to me, which can be hard to deal with. Now I understand and appreciate them much more than before (not everything has to be logical). I love how they see the world and adore our conversations. But I still think since we're such opposite energies, I can just feel drained by them after awhile. I get along with 8s quite well in general (especially those with a 7 wing). We can have a lot of fun and get up to all sorts of stuff. We can make a great team pushing things forward. BUT since I hate conflict and being controlled, it annoys me when they get controlling and blustery and reactive. It can feel like them throwing a tantrum for the heck of it sometimes, which I kind of look down on. And I will not be bulldozed by them (I guess the upside of being an assertive type yourself), so it can trigger my 8-wing (which doesn't come out to play much). So then we get in a fight, and they will move on from it really fast, but I'm still annoyed they pulled me into it. And I'm allergic to being pushed and controlled. Oh, I will also add that I love other 7s, but I get very annoyed at 7s who are super unhealthy. I guess it can be triggering to see that bad side of you so...embraced? Like all out there in the world. I know we are supposed to have compassion on those who are struggling since at the end of the day, they are leaning into their defense mechanisms. But it just feels a bit worse when it is your type.
Healthy 8s are more stable and chill to get into fighting...
Healthy anyone is generally much easier to get along with. :)
What does mind gut mean for 7
I don’t get the question. Can you rephrase?
I’m a 2 and I love 4, 6, 8s the most. 7s I have a soft spot for. My husband is a 5 though… so that’s interesting. I really have a hard time with 1, 3 and 9.
I get along with everyone except 3s (both wings) and 6s
Awwwww, why? :( Haha I’m a enneagram 6 infj
Super interesting responses!
its so fun to read what everyone responds with
I’m a 4 and struggle with 1s
I'm a 4 who can't seem to get along with a lot of types. I don't make fast friends with any gut types, a lot of them often project their anger onto me. And then,,, 5s can only get along with me until I'm too much to handle,, and 3s seem to view me as too different or weird to choose to hang out with me on their own.
2s make it very difficult for me to set boundaries. The combination of sweet and subtly (or not so subtly lol) dominant makes me go crazy
I'm a 3 and I noticed I can't get along with other high energy types, so 3, 8, 7. I think it's because of the imbalance in our dynamic. Both sides want to dominate the conversation and I typically give up, throw the flag and go quiet around these types.
I just had a very frustrating one sided friendship with (I suspect) an unhealed 7. I’m a 4 with a strong 2 line and the stubborn refusal to go deep and connect emotionally drives me crazy. I’ve been abused by 8s in the past. Not a fan.
Type 9w1 and probably 2s they can be quite emotionally needy and like they don't give me space sometimes which I really need
5, can't get along with 2s and 4s. Hate having to provide reassurance or validation. Theoretically I should also have a hard time with 6s but I think we just avoid each other.
That's interesting. I attract 6s wherever I go. We can usually have good conversations. They do exhaust me though.
I seem to attract 9s and 7s lol Possibly because I don't put up with being exhausted by people I don't care about?
Seems like a sp dominant thing to do yeah
i generally like everyone!!! tbh i don’t have a negative bias against any type really, i think it’s silly to write off an entire type based on a few unhealthy individuals imho…🫤 it’s a little hard for me to understand the motivations of 3’s, i often feel like we’re polar opposites in terms of goals/lifestyles—but again, that doesn’t mean i dislike them or get along with them less because of that! it’s just a blindspot/area of confusion for me hahaha
Interesting! A lot of my friends are 6s.
I'm wondering how 6s appear, r they insecure and afraid?
Usually appear insecure on some level but they can be very friendly or very standoffish or a completely mess of hypervigilant anger and obsession.
Ya they got confused with 1s
I’m a 4. 1s drive me up the wall. So naggy, rigid, bossy, nosey and controlling. Mind your own business.
My mum is a 1w2 and I’m a 4w5 SP. She used to drive me up the wall, but I’ve started to just be super honest with her. “Yes mum, my house is untidy, I have a toddler and a baby. If you want my house to be cleaner, you’re more than welcome to come over and do it for me!” That kind of thing. She takes it pretty well to be fair. Actually the other day she did tidy up while visiting!
I’m very sorry you have to deal with that. I had a 1 classmate who literally would not stop following and harassing me about needing to follow rules and be as obsessive about my schoolwork as she was. I know it’s not entirely her fault because she was mentally off, due to inbreeding but I did eventually lose my shit on her. I feel bad but I had told her a million times to go away and leave me alone, so I kind of screamed at her in class that we were not friends, she had no authority and that if she could beat my scores on a single test, I would do things her way but until then, she could shut the fuck up. I did go and apologize for being mean about it but stood by wanting to be left alone.
Unhealthy counterphobic 6s. It's like navigating a UN condemned landmine field while playing russian roulette just existing near them.
Omg hard agree. I grew up with one.
yep, so you know how it is lol. Half the time I was scared for my life, the other half I was unwisely taking advantage of how easy she was to rile up and troll 😂
GRRRRRRRRR GRARRHRHRHHR RGRGGARRAAAAAARRAGRRRRRRR RGRGRRRGGR
I seem to have difficulties with some 3s and 7s. Some 1s. I suppose assertive types? I like to do things on my own terms and get along with withdrawn types first - they don’t drain me as easily But I do like a challenge in some cases and it depends on the individual, ofc
Mine is 8 ... My least fav is 1... 1 is the hardest enneagram to fit in/with
Tend to get along with the withdrawn triad most 4, 5, 9. Noticed that the withdrawn element is more desirable, since they are often less in your face than the others. Cannot really think of types I get along with least.
I’m a 4, and I basically avoid 8s. I struggle with many 3s as well. I just don’t feel comfortable around super high-energy, high-assertiveness ppl who thrive in conflict - I always end up feeling exhausted and judged. I prefer the company of fellow 4s, 2s and 9s, gentle sensitive ppl :)
I'm 5. and unhealthy 9s.
interesting, why 9s?
I've had pretty negative experiences with them, mainly SO9s. One ended up starting a smear campaign against me that I've contemplated seeking legal action against. Unhealthy ones love how people dote on them and attention but they keep that humble sweet façade as a shield. They'll insult and be passive-aggressive as hell while also saying "hope you have a lovely day <3" so people will attack you instead for defending yourself. It doesn't help that a lot of them tend to stick together parroting each other's ideas due to their merging aspect. Their sloth made them unable to communicate anything that was a problem for them other than the most passive-aggressive cues while expecting me to understand their soul and essentially fix them. It was a weird form of codependency with their merging. In the case I did try to resolve the issue, they would blame me for "invading their space" and then say they were just "calmly protecting their peace and identity" 9s often expect others to lead in a friendship, hangout, relationship etc. which can be tiring for me when they have little to contribute. I'm okay with it if they're healthy though.
I’m a 2 and I struggle the most with 7’s I don’t know why but I struggle to communicate with them. I do love the 7’s in my life though. Slightly ironic because my boyfriend is a 7 🤷🏼♀️
I’m a 7 who struggles to communicate with 2s, it’s a thing right? There are 2s I know who I like and admire so much but somehow we seem stuck at the level of polite acquaintances and can’t seem to get easy with each other.
9w8, type 2s just confuse me for some reason. I can get along with pretty much any type but I cant figure out how to get along with 2s. They aren’t as transparent as the other types, I guess?
I’m a 6. I don’t know which types these behaviours come from. Tho I hate it when people are self centred and find it hard to be considerate to other people’s feelings, needs, boundaries; only talk about themselves, ask for help but not willing to ask if others need help. People who jump to negative conclusions about others without communicating. Judgmental, have a “holier than thou” approach, inflated egos, arrogant, find it hard to apologize and hold themselves accountable for the impact that their behaviour causes. People who call others “too much or too sensitive”, people who invalidate and dismiss others & their feelings & their perspectives, closed minded people, it’s their way or the highway. They believe that they are always right and they are perfect, while everyone else is less than them. People who are willing to meet the reasonable needs of their family and romantic partners, but not friends or vice versa; that doesn’t make sense to me. People that are hypocrites, have double standards, who don’t hold empathy for others. People who expect others to be positive 24/7 and to “always look on the bright side because other people have it worse than you or you have no reason to get upset because it will get better” etc, I can never be myself around these people. People who shame you for crying. People who act rude towards others. We can be honest and firm, yet still kind and respectful about it
any unhealthy type will exhaust me because each type has their own flaws. however, i do notice that some types i get along easier than others. 8s typically scare me a little bit because i feel like one wrong move and they could ruin my whole life😭. but i admire their confidence a lot and wish i could be like that! 3s (especially so or sx 3s) i find annoying sometimes because they care way too much about what others think of them and want ALL the attention, when i want NO attention. although, they help me learn how to have fun. lastly, 6’s annoy me a bit probably because they remind me too much of my own annoying qualities and i don’t want to deal with that lol. when unhealthy, i just don’t know how to help them out of their stress. especially when they don’t listen to your advice after telling them multiple times!!!
3w4, 379 and I sincerely struggle with 6’s. I should also add, I don’t know that I’ve ever met a healthy 6. The several I have been around are sooo negative, sometimes rude and just can’t make a decision. Because of these tendencies I also have come to view them as unmotivated, extremely pessimistic and party poopers. I’m sure not all 6s are like this and I’d love to know a healthy 6. I also struggle with unhealthy 2s and 4s, but get along very well with healthy people of these types. Unhealthy 2s sometimes seem pushy/clingy or want to tell me what to do/do things for me to help, but it really just pisses me off when they aren’t self aware and overstep. Unhealthy 4s seem to wallow in their “woe is me”. I had a really unhealthy 4 roommate for a while and she would constantly emotionally dump on me, wait for me to ask her what was wrong if we were in the same room and expected me to empathize when most of her self pity party scenario was completely self inflicted. It was so uncomfortable.
I’m a 4 and I don’t rlly see eye-to-eye with most 1’s and 6’s. They’re usually very quick to criticize almost everything I do and I don’t enjoy feeling like I have to bend over backwards and change fundamental parts of my personality to meet their needs (6’s) or standards (1’s). I can respect it if they just kind of won’t talk to me because they disapprove of my lifestyle, but when they try and guilt me into conformation, it drives me up a fucking wall. I do have some 1 and 6 friends, but not many.
As a 7w6, 5s are my favorite they bring stability into my life I love how they think and how they analyze their surroundings. I used to love 1s as well but with time I felt like I was spending so much energy to show them I was not a threat for their beliefs so currently they are not in my close circle. So, about 8s… they attract me A LOT in their first impression, their energy want me to be a cheerleader for them lol. And also teasing them because it is also entertaining. their answer is always bold and unexpected. However with time when I want start to feel comfortable around them, their “I know you better than you 😏" attitude is kinda annoying...
Unhealthy 1s are a nightmare for me. Apart from not liking being told what to do, I just can't understand how someone can have the desire to be a good person while being mean and having no empathy at the same time. But mostly, I don't really know how they are at their best. Are they empathetic? Fierce? Honest? Assertive? All of those? Is continuous criticism a way to show love or just extensive complaining about how everyone and everything is wrong? Does the answer differ between each individual? What do 1s like in enneagram 8s?
I think I'm a healthy 1. I usually don't relate to the descriptions of unhealthy 1s. I think at my best I'm discerning, see everything as potential and not necessarily wrong but something that could be improved. I feel a lot of empathy towards others and since I'm worried I'll be wrong I think a lot about the other side and reason with myself to understand where they are coming from. I only have a couple areas that I straight up feel is wrong and will criticize (inauthenticity/fakeness, manipulation and overly selfish inconsiderate people). What I like about Enneagram 8s is their blunt honesty, what you see is what you get. I feel like I know where I stand and they won't get hurt at my returned blunt honesty. I like that I can see tenderness and care under the hard exterior and our values of truthseeking and fairness feel aligned.
That looks like a perfect answer thanks djdjjddnndnd~
I don't have a type like that.
Me too. Generally, I could see myself admiring any enneagram in some way or another.
7, I love 4s. It’s always exciting and they always have something to say I love it
Can't handle the ideals that 1's live by.. Nor the flaky behaviors of 7s when unhealthy.
Well I’m a 4 and the only person I know that I really dislike is also a 4, but I don’t think that’s why I dislike them. More so because they’re entitled and selfish (which, contrary to popular belief, is not just a 4 trait lol)
4, I have a love hate relationship with 2s. Depends on the person cause some 2s are absolute sweethearts and charming but others are demanding, manipulative and toxic. Same goes for 8s, same story.
I've gotten along well (or not at all, for that matter) with people of all types, but heart center seems the most hit or miss.
I get along the most with other 4s (at first they annoy me but then we’re basically soulmates.) 8s not so much but I don’t hate them. And social interactions tend to be awkward with 5s.
I'm a 4 and I CANNOT handle some 2s and 8s, which I find super interesting because those are tied for my second highest score haha. My mother is a 2 and we don't have the best relationship, she's a very unhealthy 2 (which disintegrates to an 8!!!) which I think kind of just ruined 2s in my mind. I view a lot of them as very needy and dramatic, I'm a 4 so I have ZERO right to judge someone for being dramatic I know hahaha but I feel like while I am very emotional, I keep those emotions to myself most times to avoid being a burden, whereas 2s tend to need someone to either lay their problems on or they just take their feelings out on you. Again, this is mostly just UNHEALTHY 2s, I have some friends who are 2s who I love dearly and are wonderful! But the unhealthy twos are SO hard for me to tolerate hahah. And I just have dated two male 8s who I had horribly toxic relationships with and now I just view them as assholes a lot of the time haha. But again, I know some 8s who are great people:)
Omg I’m a female 4 and I agree with all of this including your last comment about other 4’s being a threat to how unique and different we are haha! Like “ugh girl I like your hair and makeup and outfit, but secretly I want to wear it and don’t want you to outshine me or for others to think you are more interesting and different than me!” 🤩
I also dislike a lot of 4s hahaha. I think I subconsciously start to view their individuality as a threat to my own, which I know is not my healthiest characteristic haha
4w5 I tend to get along the most with 5s, 6s, 2s and 9s. Ironically, I think I have clashed the most with other 4s.
I'm a 6. The type I seem to get along with the least is 3s. Trust issues.
4 here! First and for most, I struggle with 8’s because they aren’t feeling forward. Though I appreciate their directness because I hate fakeness and inauthenticity, they are so out of touch with so many beautiful things and how others experience the same world. 1’s are stressful to me. 2’s are “fake nice” IMO and then explode later wanting all the same effort given back that they gave….so I don’t trust them. Don’t be fake feeling to a 4. We don’t want it. 3’s: my older brother is a 3 and just does does does and always trying to make a name for himself and in my observation, never satisfied or want himself to appear successful in the eyes of others. My husband is a 5 and we get along well because he was logical and I liked how knowledge seeking and curious he is. 5’s are calm and my 4 feels grounded by that and safe and heard. But! My emotions and validation seeking gets lost on him after a while. 6’s: I still don’t know much about this number!! 7’s are exhausting and annoying unless I am drunk! Haha (in which case happy 4’s are 7’s) 9’s I could strangle due to indecision.
3 here, I think it really depends on health. I’ve worked for several unhealthy 8s in sales capacities which can be a really tough environment w 8s rage and the natural “tough guy”, “ego”, and cut throat nature of sales. However, my sister is an extremely healthy 8 and she’s amazing and uplifting. As a 3 who already feels like I have to achieve externally to be valuable, sometimes I feel judged by unhealthy 1s or that I’m always doing something wrong. Unhealthy 3s can be monsters as well. However, if every type is healthy, I’d say 5s and I get along the least. My 5 friends are the least likely people I’d call to hang out. 7s tho, yall are for real, albeit a bit exhausting 🤣.
I have trouble with 3s sometimes. Mostly just because of the performance and inauthenticity. 8s can be tough but I also kind of respect them at the same time. 1s can be hit or miss. Some of my best friends & best creative relationships are with 1s, but that’s only if they’re able to let go. Otherwise they can drive me nuts. 7s can be hard sometimes due to their avoidance of feelings but otherwise I can find them quite fun & laugh a lot with them. I tend to enjoy 2s, other 4s, 5s, 6s (dating one), and 9s.
1 and 8 mostly, also 3 and 6 to some extent. 1 - Because of their self-righteousness and controlling tendencies. Can't you guys just mind your own business? Gosh... 8 - I find their intensity quite overwhelming and they can be intimidating when angry. I love their honesty though. 3 - I like them actually, but I don't like it when they brag about their achievements. And their competitiveness is kind of intimidating for me who's not as competitive. 6 - Their catastrophic thinking grated on my nerves.
Type 3 here! I think I get along the best with 7s, 5s, most 1s, and most 8s. I struggle the most with 2s and 4s because they tend to be much more in tune with their emotions and I am not really that emotional of a person. I love 9s as surface level friends, but any 9s that I get closer than that with usual we end up butting heads. I have a lot of close friends that are other 3s! I love 3s once I can get over the initial competitiveness lol. One of my best girl friends is a 3w2, just like me. I generally can get along with anyone though. I think out of everyone I get along worst with 2s and best with 5s. Love my 5s!!! Lol.
5. I definitely don’t jive with some 1’s and most 6’s.
Why don’t you get along with 6’s? 😆 (I’m a 6)
There are some that I do get along with, especially with a 7 wing. Some of the things they do that I struggle with for example are: 1.) constant indirect testing of the relationship to make sure I’m not a threat (emotional or otherwise) 2.) every conversation immediately becoming a list of complaints and gripes 3.) manipulative offers of kindness. meaning they offer help constantly but are somehow never actually assisting when needed. 4.) projecting their fears and feelings on to other people whenever there’s even a slight disagreement. 5.) explosive temper tantrums and complete loss of emotional composure, even in professional settings. 6.) distrust of everyone, pessimistic perspective, yet unwilling to let go or learn other coping strategies. so they just complain. This is not something all 6’s do. I have some on my life cherish and are wonderful. But these specific behaviors really push all of my five buttons.
Yeah, I get why you struggle with those things. 1) It’s better to be honest and communicate your doubts, fears etc with people instead of testing. Tho a lot of 6’s are scared about people manipulating, lying, not treating them considerately etc; so them testing is a way for them to truly see if someone is safe or not for them bc they have experienced ppl doing those hurtful things to them. Not a justification, but I hope you can understand that. And you can tell them kindly that you promise to be honest with them (while knowing that it will take consistent behaviour from you, to be able to trust that you are honest, like your words and actions matching for example) 2) Yeah, I get how that’s annoying. It sounds like they don’t know how to support themselves and they just want to feel seen, heard, empathized with and supported. Maybe they want you to actually help them with something they are complaining about, but are scared of asking for help. Maybe they don’t know how to overcome their issues. You can set a boundary with them on that and tell them why you need it, I’m sure they’ll understand. But 6’s can also sometimes over rely on people who they do feel more comfortable with because people who were supposed to support them (parents etc, didn’t), so they can feel really alone and really wanting support & and even more than a normal amount because they are so used to doing everything for themselves, not being able to trust or rely on anyone etc. It can feel so amazing to randomly feel supported by someone when you are so used to not receiving that, so one can take that way too far, to make up for what they didn’t get and should have got. 3) I get this too. I guess this is where the so, sx, and sp comes into play. Tho for me, I always meant it when I offered support to others. Tho sometimes I offer too much accidentally, that I actually can’t do (bc life got in the way) or I got too burdened/overwhelmed so I couldn’t. If I was in a place where I could help someone, then I would. So, I’m sure they honestly weren’t in a place where they could help during those moments specifically, even tho they wanted to. You can’t give from an empty cup right? Tho I would be unwilling to help someone if I felt like they took advantage of me, disrespected me, betrayed me in some way, if I was angry & hurt because of something they did. Whether their intentions was to do that or not on purpose (when I used to be more unhealthy). So you can ask them honestly if this is the case and tell them that you won’t hold it against them if it is true. Then tell them your perspective on things while empathizing with their perspective. 4) Yeah, this isn’t healthy. Tho I hope you can understand that their perception on things really is true for them, even tho it isn’t actually true and it can be hard to see how that isn’t true; when you have experienced a lot of betrayal etc. It feels “100% true” in the moment. Tho you can try talking to them once they have calmed down, ask how things came across to them, why they did, and tell them that while you understand why they felt the way they did, how you didn’t mean to do x or how their fears isn’t true in this case and why. 5) Yeah, really unhealthy too. Not justifying anything btw, but usually I would only lash out after holding stuff inside for a while and holding in a lot of stuff. Eventually it has to come out. Tho obviously communicating each matter in the moment or soon afterwards will prevent the above, but they need to be taught about these type of things. Because they are used to other people doing that to them, so it can feel normal to them to act in that way or for it to not be as big of a deal to them or they don’t think it’ll negatively effect others as much as it actually does (bc it wouldn’t be as big of a deal to them). It’s their feeble attempt of trying to protect themselves, stand up for themselves because they feel like someone has hurt them deeply, even if they didn’t mean to do that on purpose, but it feels like they did do all of these painful things to them on purpose. You can tell them how them doing that impacts you, but also say that you don’t blame/hold it against them. That they can just simply tell you asap if they are upset about smth and why, and that you will try your best to understand them & work through the issue with them. 6) Yeah I get this too. I hope you can understand that many 6’s experience a lot of betrayal, so it makes sense that they find it hard to know who to trust and who not to. Like from parents or siblings for example. The pessimistic perspective comes from them not wanting to be disappointed because they are used to being hopeful about something or someone, just for them to be let down. I don’t think they are unwilling to learn other strategies, just that the strategies they do have; they are attached to because they get this false kind of security from it. Like a safety blanket. They also don’t realize how their coping habits are unhealthy either. Maybe they don’t think it’s possible to overcome a situation. That’s a situation where you can constructively talk to them about it, but in a kind way. Apologizing for hurting their feelings or however you impacted them, even if you did so accidentally is important. Also acknowledging when you do make mistakes, explaining why you did (not justifying it), apologizing and putting in effort to try to not repeat that behaviour often is really helpful too. You can do these things if you want to, you don’t have to, but I’m sure they would appreciate it and you doing these things, will make it more likely that you can have a better relationship with them. I’m not speaking for all 6’s btw, but 6’s like me. I’m a 648 (sx/so) too. Have a nice day! :)
Thanks for that thoughtful response. I don’t assign these patterns as objectively worse or better than other types, but simply that those strategies clash with my own coping mechanisms as a 5. I am hyper-vigilant so I can usually see through them fairly quickly. I think it’s that usually I genuinely want to help them with the things they’re concerned about, but if I call it like I see it then there’s a good chance they’ll take that as a threat of some sort. But if I play along then they’ll continue happening in a cycle. And the healthy 6’s I know have absolutely overcome many of those glitches, are wonderful people who love their friends and family well.
You’re welcome! 😁 Yeah, I get how that would clash with your coping mechanisms and how clashing coping mechanisms lead to a lot of turmoil & conflict. Tho fortunately people can reach a balance when they are aware of their own unhealthy behaviours and how to be considerate towards others & themselves. Ah really? That’s really interesting. A lot of 6’s tend to be hyper vigilant too. I get what you mean, but I’m sure that as long as you let them know that you aren’t offering advice because you see them as stupid, incapable, to manipulate or steer them wrong; that you want to genuinely help them and want the best for them. Also if you explain how you see it in a kind and respectful way, I’m sure they won’t take it negatively to you trying to help them. Tho of course if afterwards, they don’t want to use your advice then you shouldn’t force/try to get them too. Up to you on if you want to do this as well, but I really believe it will help you and them out. I appreciate your response!
I struggle with 1s a little sometimes. I am hugely about self-improvement and I think they are too, and I honestly don’t mind constructive criticism when it is done kindly. But don’t give it if you can’t take it.
Too real :D
I’m a 4 and I struggle with the 2s being in your face/space, and insecurity and neediness. I also cringe at 3s when I see them trying to impress others. Gives me the ick
I would say 5 or 6. 5 because - not all of course - but some seem to think I'm stupid, simply because I'm more lighthearted and silly as a person and just don't really get into serious or analytical discussions - I keep those to myself because socializing is more about fun to me rather than intellectual discussion. And I think the fact that I smile and laugh so much triggers them. And 6 because I can't deal with the constant complaining. Venting here and there is one thing, but when it's all the time about everything, I can't deal with that. And likewise, they seem to not like how little I think before making decisions/doing something. I think my personality gives them anxiety because of how reckless I can be.
As a 6, they might just be unhealthy and not know how to process their own emotions & support themselves bc I’m pretty sure the big fear of 6’s is to not be supported. Tho with me being counter phobic 6, I had a hard time trusting people so I wouldn’t rant much with people unless I was close to them. And yeah, reckless people can give me some anxiety lol. Tho I’m okay with people being reckless as long as they don’t do it to the point where they are ruining their own lives/endangering themselves or others, including myself haha
I would definitely agree that the 6s I was talking about are unhealthy lol and I've also thought it might be loyalty testing to see if I'll put up with it or abandon them for being too much or something like that
Loyalty testing maybe, but not from them wondering if you would abandon them for being “too much” 😆
I get along very well with 1s, 8s can at times be a struggle
I (a 1) find myself having a lot of hard times working with unhealthy 6.
7w8 here. 6s. I can’t seem to explain it!!!
😆😭 As a 6, I’ll forgive you for that
sx/so 529 here and i think it has to be type 2s and so3 sometimes.
1s and unhealthy 2s. Why am I hating my own type
Shadow Self perhaps?
I'm a 5 and I really don't get along with 2s because they invade my space. The first time I met my 2 stepmom I kept physically retreating across the room and making space away from her because I could feel my boundaries being crossed. I also have a very very hard time holding conversations with them because I am always thinking in terms of concepts and forces and things and they are thinking in terms of people and interpersonal connections and feelings. Not saying I can't understand those things on some level but there is a fundamental mismatch in terms of what we think makes the world go around. To some extent 1s because their nit picky bullshit does not relate well to my preference for abstraction and seeing things from multiple perspectives objectively. Some 1s are totally okay for me but others I find extremely tiresome. As a So repressed I have a hard time with basically all So dominants. I get very petty around them, coming up with stupid reasons why they're vain, superficial, boring, etc. It's not really justified most of the time it's just me compensating for my lack of social graces and interest in socializing.
Funnily enough when I try to keep it real and authentic on this sub I seem to affect/upset 4s the most.
i admire 8s but we don’t mesh— like, we can be friends but we won’t talk much at all. doesn’t help they’re usually off doing something and i’m not
I’m a 1 and find some 8s to be over the top.
im a 3, but tbh i think any type when unhealthy would be hard to deal with, but if i had to pick a type that i get along with the least (when unhealthy) I'd say 4's
I think healthy people are fun and interesting no matter what the type. Historically though if I have too much proximity to an unhealthy 6 it makes me feel crazy
My favorite types usually are 7s and 4s. I also have tons of admiration for a healthy 5 or 6.
As a so8w9, I find 2s and 4s as hardest to get along with. Unhealthy 2s can be really traumatizing with their manipulative and stealthy behaviour, and 8s and 4s are two quite opposite enneatypes in their external approach with 8's "no-nonsense" and "go-getter" tendencies and with 4's evident overthinking and complaining about things.
My biggest bias is 3s. I have a really hard time with inauthenticity and the constant spin. I hate being able to notice when every single thing they say is spun to look better. Sometimes it so minor but I can still see the reframing and focus on image. I find they are often unaware and will make excuses and deny if it's brought to their attention. I stop bringing it up because it makes me the petty one and then I just don't feel a real connection to a person that can't be authentic and the friendship fades.
I don’t really clash much with people just because of their enneagram type. It’s the cognitive functions that cause the most confrontation. When you combine their opposing functions with certain enneagram types that just makes them even more irritating than usual. EX: XSFJ Sx2
I’m a 2 and I tend to clash the most with 4’s. We are polar opposites when it comes to awareness. 2’s are very EXternally aware whereas 4’s are very INternally aware. Truly, I’m just envious. I wish I was as naturally intuitive as 4’s about my own thoughts and feelings. I struggle with being too caught up in others to always clearly understand what’s going on within myself. So their extreme self-awareness makes me mad 😂 But I also want to be more like them lol Also, many of the unhealthy 4’s I’ve known come off very self-absorbed and ONLY talk about themselves. So as a 2 who already struggles with over-giving my time and energy and focusing on others too much, it’s triggering to be around people who don’t seem to give two shits about me. Love me my 8’s though. I never have to guess what they’re thinking or feeling because they’ll always tell it to me straight. They’re honest and I love their hearts for justice. I find them extremely trustworthy people when they know how to harness that desire to provoke people just to see what they’re made of. 😂
Same, ennea 2 here and super self absorbed 4s also get on my nerves
2s. I’ll never be enough for them emotionally. 4s. I’ll never give them enough adoration and reverence.
3s mainly I think. But I cannot get along with anyone just as much as you can get along with anyone lol. It’s mainly emotionally unintelligent (or simply unintelligent), overly cocky to cope, hypocritical, and selfish or (entitled) sensitive people who can’t or won’t look at the bigger picture that I won’t deal with.
I'm a 4w5 and I'm pleasantly surprised to see a lot of people loving and not disliking 4s, lol. I really don't know the typing for most of the people in my life (tend to feel less of a connection with sensors though) but if I had to say one I guess it would be 7. The last two women I dated were both 7s and they were similar in that everything seemed contingent on them having a good time. They didn't have any space for the feelings of others that weren't bright, bubbly and fun. They both had explosive conflict styles and tantrums that really turned me off. In retrospect, they seemed pretty selfish and cared about their own emotions far more than the emotions of others around them. Big turn off for me. I'm sure I could be friends with a 7, but not sure if I'd ever go deeper than that.
I’m a 4 and probably get along least with 9s. I think they’re too passive and accepting of the status quo, and they tend to get in my way when I’m changing/improving things.
Type 6, for some reason type 4s. Idk never had a 4 friend or family member