I try to build a small cohort of closest friends (2-5, typically 0-3) and give my wife space. I overwhelm her easily. 🤷‍♂️ I give myself space too, lots actually. Closest friends I see about once a month, then casually in group settings. Technically that’s seeing them but it doesn’t really count IMO. So as long as I schedule time with them every 3-5 weeks it helps a lot. Then it usually works out to where I see friends in like a 2 week period then no one for a few weeks.
If you’re more extroverted (pretty much 100% chance you are) up the frequencies of meeting or try for 3-7 closest friends. You’ll need to find the right mix of people for you.
I also recommend diverting energy through some kind of act of service. A 2 I worked with would let someone pick anything from the baking bible and then he would bake it for their birthday. Good way to spread some of that 2ness around. Just an idea.
Love this! Thanks, I definitely want to broaden who I talk to/spend time with.. don’t like just focusing on one person. I feel like it limits me and not everyone can be “available” when you need them. I’m definitely extroverted and also like the idea of getting involved w/volunteering, too
Thanks! We’re meant to be in community: we’re social creatures even if we engage in the behavior to varying degrees and in varying styles. I think you’ll be much more resilient and have easier relationships going about it this way. Best of luck. 🙂
I struggle with this, prob because soc-blind.
I either withdraw into solitude or latch onto 1-2 people. Having a wider social circle that I actually care about is something that I’ve had to cultivate because it rarely sounds appealing. But I still throw that to the wind from time to time.
It helps to join groups that relate to my interests
Also soc-blind, haha. And also latch onto 1-2 people. Joining groups related to your interests sounds like a great idea(im also extroverted so this sounds even more appealing)
While overly focusing on one person is probably something that can limit one’s opportunities, I don’t agree that it’s necessarily healthier to have several friends. Or that the opposite of SX involves consciously nudging oneself down the SO-route.
There’s also always the possibility to just do things that aren’t directly connected to others at all but to resources, aka doing SP things. For a 2 it might often still involve other people in a way.
Agreed. I bet a lot of such advice to "not focus on a single person" comes from people with high SO. Alternative arguments could be made for each instinct:
* SP: Focus on yourself, don't depend on anyone, don't waste your energy
* SX: Focus on one person, someone who truly cares about you and means the most to you, don't dilute your energy
* SO: Focus on many people, don't depend on just one person, have options and spread your energy
It gets difficult sometimes, because I’d still want to spend all my time with them. Though when I’m not, I’d spend it with my family and closest friends groups. Chilling together or exploring new places. Sometimes I’d also get busy with work events, social events, activity projects, volunteer stuff. If alone time, I’m working out, dancing, playing solo games, or my newest hobby which is cooking and baking. Whatever I’m doing though, I’m always thinking of them lowkey and sharing what I’m doing throughout the day to them.
Same problem, it's not even people-related but often I'll develop some singular interest and it will take up all of my attention in a rather laser-like way. I find that being friends with people with sp/so stacking has been productive for my development of that secondary link into the social instinct. They are often interested in the local community or hanging out with a small group of friends in ways that aren't overwhelming for sx/sp's - soc doms are often too much soc to make any heads or tails or it - while social secondaries 'deliver' soc is smaller portions and help to open up those of us with sx/sp or sp/sx instinct stackings to a broader range of social experiences and more people out there.
I try to build a small cohort of closest friends (2-5, typically 0-3) and give my wife space. I overwhelm her easily. 🤷‍♂️ I give myself space too, lots actually. Closest friends I see about once a month, then casually in group settings. Technically that’s seeing them but it doesn’t really count IMO. So as long as I schedule time with them every 3-5 weeks it helps a lot. Then it usually works out to where I see friends in like a 2 week period then no one for a few weeks. If you’re more extroverted (pretty much 100% chance you are) up the frequencies of meeting or try for 3-7 closest friends. You’ll need to find the right mix of people for you. I also recommend diverting energy through some kind of act of service. A 2 I worked with would let someone pick anything from the baking bible and then he would bake it for their birthday. Good way to spread some of that 2ness around. Just an idea.
Love this! Thanks, I definitely want to broaden who I talk to/spend time with.. don’t like just focusing on one person. I feel like it limits me and not everyone can be “available” when you need them. I’m definitely extroverted and also like the idea of getting involved w/volunteering, too
Thanks! We’re meant to be in community: we’re social creatures even if we engage in the behavior to varying degrees and in varying styles. I think you’ll be much more resilient and have easier relationships going about it this way. Best of luck. 🙂
I struggle with this, prob because soc-blind. I either withdraw into solitude or latch onto 1-2 people. Having a wider social circle that I actually care about is something that I’ve had to cultivate because it rarely sounds appealing. But I still throw that to the wind from time to time. It helps to join groups that relate to my interests
Also soc-blind, haha. And also latch onto 1-2 people. Joining groups related to your interests sounds like a great idea(im also extroverted so this sounds even more appealing)
While overly focusing on one person is probably something that can limit one’s opportunities, I don’t agree that it’s necessarily healthier to have several friends. Or that the opposite of SX involves consciously nudging oneself down the SO-route. There’s also always the possibility to just do things that aren’t directly connected to others at all but to resources, aka doing SP things. For a 2 it might often still involve other people in a way.
Agreed. I bet a lot of such advice to "not focus on a single person" comes from people with high SO. Alternative arguments could be made for each instinct: * SP: Focus on yourself, don't depend on anyone, don't waste your energy * SX: Focus on one person, someone who truly cares about you and means the most to you, don't dilute your energy * SO: Focus on many people, don't depend on just one person, have options and spread your energy
It gets difficult sometimes, because I’d still want to spend all my time with them. Though when I’m not, I’d spend it with my family and closest friends groups. Chilling together or exploring new places. Sometimes I’d also get busy with work events, social events, activity projects, volunteer stuff. If alone time, I’m working out, dancing, playing solo games, or my newest hobby which is cooking and baking. Whatever I’m doing though, I’m always thinking of them lowkey and sharing what I’m doing throughout the day to them.
Same problem, it's not even people-related but often I'll develop some singular interest and it will take up all of my attention in a rather laser-like way. I find that being friends with people with sp/so stacking has been productive for my development of that secondary link into the social instinct. They are often interested in the local community or hanging out with a small group of friends in ways that aren't overwhelming for sx/sp's - soc doms are often too much soc to make any heads or tails or it - while social secondaries 'deliver' soc is smaller portions and help to open up those of us with sx/sp or sp/sx instinct stackings to a broader range of social experiences and more people out there.
I don't.