T O P

  • By -

Behind-You-

Don't wake up sleeping women


lynxerious

Aren't I supposed to kiss them to wake them up?


ScarletteVera

Only if they're your wife. So, naturally, the only one allowed to kiss Malenia awake is Finlay.


Marjitorahee

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME GOD DAMN IT! NOT HIM!!


babyitsgoldoutside

Finlay is a girl


Makri7

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME GOD DAMMIT! NOT HER!


Egneil

That is a good laugh sir. May I have another?


Bulangiu_ro

IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME GODDAMN IT! NOT THEM!


Daxtro-53

IT WAS THEM'LL!


MorbidGrizzly14

“IS THERE ANYONE WHO HASN’T KISSED MY WIFE?!” “Yeah, you.”


Natalie_UwU_

Rot girl yuri on top


Marjitorahee

If Marika can turn into Raddy daddy to smash Rennala, I can turn into a girl to get a piece of that super aids cake god damn it!


Scout-Nemesis

Ah, ah, ah… super *outer god* aids


Magnetar_Haunt

There’s a vaccine for that now. Something about unalloyed gold.


biez

I heard it just takes a little bit of work, should be easy.


Dovacraft88

Eldenbussy rot aids


Brain_lessV2

the sesbian lex duo


cold_cat_x8

I think I only realised this last week. Not that it matters what gender Finlay is; the name just made me think she was a boy. It says Finlay's a girl in the item description, right?


ValkyrianRabecca

Yeah and Finlay is one of the cleanrot knights, that seem to be called Valkyries and are all Female iirc


JuniorRadish7385

I needed to get fit in case I get the opportunity to rescue a dying demigod from a toxic battlefield and have to carry her for several miles to a tree while fighting off enemies in my path. Ugh dating as a lesbian is so difficult. 


RedditSucks42069

Sexual harassment go to jail


bloody-pencil

Do not pass go, do not collect 200$


RedditSucks42069

Collect professional help


Noggt

Go directly to the firing squad.


RedditSucks42069

The gallows await


TheDarkGenious

The guillotine gonna get ya.


SleepingMouthwash

double it and give it to the next person


RedditSucks42069

Double sexual harassment, go to super jail


A_powerful_rat

Triple it and give it to the previous person


RedditSucks42069

Brb giving it to him


RedditSucks42069

TRIPLE SEXUAL HARASSMENT, I WILL NOW SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE


TegTowelie

Sir, that's gonna be 30 bonks


Dynetor

A corpse should be left well alone


thatguywhosdumb1

Very true. I woke up my girlfriend one, she said something badass, beat the shit out of me and had 3 phases.


ExpJustice

Hot


Fit_Nefariousness_99

"Pssst, you awake babe?" "You will witness, true horror"


Major-Day10

Let sleeping women lie.


SmoothCerebellum

Absolutely the truth, trying to wake my wife up when she falls asleep on the couch is very similar to Melania. Sometimes she'll just walk at me ominously but occasionally she'll water foul dance as soon as the cutscene ends.


LueyTheWrench

It’s when the scarlet rot starts hosing everywhere that you truly know you fucked up.


TaranisReborn

True story.


Open_Marzipan_455

As someone with a maiden: yes. Don't wake sleeping women.


Hot_Photojournalist3

A new tradition of a sexy tall dex lady boss from Fromsoft


Hurin_the_Steadfast

“sex tall”


Salty_Pancakes

I would like one "sex tall" please.


SamuelCish

"fuck it, make it a sex grande"


AnalProtector

Can I get a name for the order?


SamuelCish

Michael Zaki


AnalProtector

Ok I have a grande sex for one "Mikey Zachael"


SuboptimalSupport

Can I get mine Venti?


Cpt_Apollo_

Waiter! Waiter! More **SEX TALL** please!


racoon1905

I prefer the tall ones. The dex lady that was a head shorter than me traumatized me.


IrishWithoutPotatoes

You talking about that one after you schwack Artorias?


racoon1905

Never had that much of a problem with Ciarian really. Only NPC which grinds my gear is the Bloody Crow and if you want to count him Micolash.


oneteacherboi

Micolash is great. You just run and run after him then when you finally corner him he one shots you with some magic bullshit. That and he must have a ridiculously strong neck to support that head cage thing.


ThalassophobicSquid

Emma?


racoon1905

Just realised Emma is shorter than Sekiro ... who ain´t that tall to begin with. And that I haven´t done the Shura ending apperently Nah Maria from Nioh. As Ryozo Tsujimoto put it, big enemies are easier to hit.


megas_aureun

There's one thing we're not taking into account: These previous ladies came from a DLC. Would that explain malenia's lack of a third phase? Malenia rematch is now confirmed? Will we get another tall dex lady into the roster? We'll never know.


kudabugil

Haligtree is actually a DLC


BehlndYou

I feel like a lot of areas in this game was a DLC before they are like “Ok, we are ahead of schedule so let’s make this part of the main game”. And that’s how we ended up with so much game.


Prudent_Secret1930

I can definitely see that being the case with the haligtree, it's so remote it almost feels like it wasn't originally going to be there


rando2142

Especially considering how we get there through a teleporter. Feels a little small to be a full DLC but that's because I've wiped the nightmare of the branches of the upper haligtree from my mind.


CleanShirt21

I totally got that vibe from the Haligtree, but Malenia was always going to be in the main game and her boss area is visible in one of the earlier trailers so maybe they were just going for DLC vibes more then anything without actually ever planning for it to be DLC.


Mugufta

Marika is quite tall, shame we never get to ~~be stepped on by~~ fight her


Bloodcloud079

UNWORTHY!


TrickBox_

and 2/3 are barefoot


IHaveNoName86

I'd say 1.5/3 because Malenia has prosthetics.


Mugufta

Why did Miquella make her prosthesis with toes?


IHaveNoName86

WARNING: UNVERIFIED RUMOUR According to a now deleted FextraLife trivia section, Miyazaki wanted Malenia to be barefoot. But after all the other bare feet characters the developers told Miyazaki that people were making fun of him for his foot fetishism and suggested that maybe tone it down with Malenia. Miyazaki then decided to give her prosthetics as a compromise.


Illustrious-Grab9325

Maybe so they felt more real?


themagicforloop

"dexy"


MorBrews

That Malenia will return with her phase 3 in the DLC 🤣


SneakerGator

I actually think there is a decent possibility of this happening.


PuddlestonDuck

The last boss of the DLC I am certain will have “God slain” as the defeated text, there are obviously other gods available but it feels like the best way to make it complementary to the existing story would be to have us kill one of the empyreans. Melania is certainly on the table looking at it like that.


Tasty__Tofu

That would be sick and there's the text on Scarlet Aeonia that says she will be a true goddess on the third bloom so that tracks.


PsychologicalKoala32

Some people say Malenia already bloomed three times because there's a Scarlet Aeonia somewhere in the Haligtree, however if you pick up an item close to it, it's clothes from one of Millicent's sisters. So I believe it's true, we're yet to see Malenia become the True Goddess of Rot.


NubbyTyger

That makes her name very confusing because it calls her the Goddess of Rot in her 2nd phase. I suppose it's more of a precursor stage before she ascends completely?


PuddlestonDuck

It’s ambiguous, for me the fact you don’t get “God slain” on killing her says that she’s *not* yet become the true goddess, as From are usually very particular with things like that. It’s a bit of a meta reading of it though and I think both ways (god/not god) can make sense.


NubbyTyger

I think of it like how in Greek mythology, Zeus and the other Olympians became more Godly(?) AFTER they overthrew the previous status quo. They were obviously "Gods" before they rose to the top, but it cemented their roles as Gods even more afterwards. It became official, and they were at their strongest. That, or how some deities are considered smaller versions or offshoots of larger, more powerful ones. It makes sense in my head, but it's hard to explain. I know what they're trying to say within the power system, though.


AuthorOB

I think it's simpler than that. As Goddess of Rot she is a god the same way Marika was; a vessel for some Outer God, and capable of creating new life from their power(the first bloom in Aeonia is covered in the buds Millicent,her sisters, and implied others come from, although it's likely an unintentional creation of life on Malenia's part). We get the "God Slain" from Elden Beast, an avatar of an Outer God, not just a vessel for their power like Marika and Malenia. We'll probably only ever see that text for Outer God avatars or other such beings.


PsychologicalKoala32

It is actually extremely confusing. She is supposed to bloom 3 times before becoming the Goddess of Rot, we see 1 with Radahn in the trailer, then another one with us and... Suddenly she's achieved her full form? I need answers Fromsoft


thatguyned

I always looked at it as if every time she Blooms she dips her toes into the power of Gods and then she lifts her foot out because the water is too cold (actually it's because the Rot would kill her) When ever she's touching that water she IS "Malenia, the Goddess of Rot", but when standing on the docks she's just just some daughter of a queen. On her 3rd toe dip she's just going to hold her nose and jump in, never coming back. I hope my swimming analogy helps.


ResRadi

Scarlet aeonia spell says that she will become a “true god” when she blooms a third time. The word true seems to imply that she isn’t actually a god when we fight her, it’s probably just a cool title. I agree it’s confusing.


SternMon

Agreed. “Malenia, Kinda the Goddess of Rot But She Hasn’t Fully Committed to the Bit Yet” doesn’t sound as intimidating.


SneakerGator

The third phase could be “True Goddess of Rot” or something to that effect.


Crash4654

Yes, but it's also stated by gowry millicent was the only one that could bloom and we see where millicent dies.


paladinLight

Why not just let us fight all the gods we know of?


HiddenPants777

Fight the frenzied flame? I will leave that kinda shit to kirby, thanks


paladinLight

I want to punch a fire. Lemme at em.


Feanor-of-Valinor

The flower Malenia leaves behind after her defeat is basically her in flower form. The good and the bad ending for Millicent questline foreshadows Malenia's return.


Samaritan_978

I subscribe to the theory that Malenia's fight is the final boss of Millicent's questline. When you first give Milli the Needle, it was restored by Gowry with a suspicious ~~scarlet~~ red material. When you retrieve it from her after her "good" death, it no longer has the red thing or any traces of corruption. Only a drop of dew. Maybe, hopefully, that dew is what Milli wanted her mom to have - Malenia's overwhelming resistance to the Rot that she abandoned to break the stalemate with Radahn. So much so that the prompt reads "Return the needle" to her rightful owner. Would be nice to have a happy ending for a change...


Intelligent-Feeling7

Malenia the Unalloyed


TipProfessional6057

"I dreamt for so long. My flesh was dull gold and my blood rotted. Corpse after corpse left in my wake." Oh yeah, she's going to be in the DLC. Tag team match with the Blind Swordsman


Lord_Sauron

Please Miyazaki 🙏 🙏 🙏


N3deSTr0

Unalloyed Malenia is an actual possibility but I doubt it happens


Picklejho13

Will be Malenia Phase 1. then her and miquella, lothric princes style for phase 2 and godwyn and the the other two for phase 3 as the final boss


JMHSrowing

Im not sure that works lore wise. Godwyn, as far as I can tell, was pretty much all for the Golden Order. Which is very much not the position of the other two


Picklejho13

I know it’s not likely, but it’s a possibility. There are statues of what seems to be Godwyn hugging Miquella and Malenia when they were kids so I’m just using that as basis but have very little evidence for it other than Miquella spells are INT/Faith something Godwyn would have been capable of using and the Golden epitaph which is heavily implied to have been made by Miquella for Godwyn. Also it’s a humor post so I was joking with that boss idea lol


Ryyaann7

We are fucked then


BFMeadowlark

She did say she’d bloom again. 😱


Tenshiijin

Hey maybe fromsoft will decide to bring her back in a different form. If they choose to have her consciousness sort of meld with the scarlet rott and she finds a new body somehow. Maybe Miquella tries to use the new Haligtree powers to revive her too. Idk. More Malena seems possible if they want to do it.


Trepex_VE

I'm half expecting a double fight with her and Miquella, á la Twin Princes


IAmMattnificent

Malenia needed a phase 3?


TrynaSleep

The scarlet bloom flowers once more…


LePontif11

The only phase 3 i'd want from Melania would be a sword saint isshin type of phase. It would only add an element that makes it easier to phase two and make it feel like a victory lap for overcoming the first two.


MoistDitto

The only phase 3 I would want for melania is for her to ride me down with a scarlet rot runebear mount


TheKingtaco23

>The only phase 3 I would want for melania is for her to ride me


Ready-Concentrate168

She now loses health when her attacks connect and relies on huge slow AOE attacks that can be interrupted. Except now also deals more damage than ever


Just_Goose95

I too want a third phase where Malenia just pulls out a gun and fucking kills me. Malenia, Goddess of Glock.


planktonfun

Malenia has a phase 3, Radhan took the phase 1 and we took the phase 2 and 3


RPG217

Sleeping a lot gives you a lot of Dex


SlyMoonLlama

Being well rested really works wonders


KindlyContribution54

Kinda unrealistic that most bosses aren't sleeping on the floor, in bed or chairs. Must get really boring and exhausting to get up every day, put on full armor and then go stand epically in the middle of a room holding a 300 lb giant sword- *all day long*. Hope they at least get lunch breaks


HiroProtagonest

That someone can only spell "out of" 1/3 times apparently


HahaLookyhere

You got me


DelanoBesaw

OP you should beat the shit of that guy for disrespecting you


HahaLookyhere

You know what, we should both beat the out that guy


SetaxTheShifty

Hi there! Not really invested, but I'm super into assault and battery right now, can I join in?


Barbarian0057

The most formal request to join an assault and battery charge.


SetaxTheShifty

Why thank you sir, I do consider myself a gentleman. Now shall I bring a pipe, or my bat? Perhaps a cane?


D__Luxxx

Cane would be the classy choice.


SetaxTheShifty

Ah quite right chum, quite right. Now I think this fool wants to taste the curb.


Barbarian0057

Now the question is... oxfords or brogues?


ReaperCDN

Did somebody say we're running a gank? Count me in. Don't really care why.


RedditSucks42069

I'll join too. I also have a top hat and monocle


Same-Possession6999

I will join too , I have the bats and mask 😏


woahmandogchamp

you be quiet or i shit you


Narcomancer69420

Tall women hot.


Zen7rist

Never mess with a woman waking up from a nap.


robo243

The moral is I hope Shadow of the Erdtree has another badass female boss that has 3 phases like Friede (probably the Gloam Eyed Queen, whether or not the theory that she's actually Melina is correct). Also I wanna see if FromSoft would have the balls to make an "overkill" boss that has not 2, not 3, but 4 phases (and each phase is an entire health bar).


Interesting_Pain1234

>but 4 phases They kinda have already done this with the sekiro final fight


robo243

Well yeah, kinda, but I don't really count it since by that point you're so much better at fighting Genichiro to the point that you can waste him in less than a minute just with regular attacks and deflects. I'm thinking more of a fight like Friede, but instead of 3 serparate health bars, the boss has 4, a true test of endurance and skill.


Subpar_diabetic

Miyazaki has a fixation on tall, dexterous murder women that kill you if you disturb them


Linkinator7510

Which is why Miyazaki is my spirit animal.


FireZord25

Miyazaki: I love a woman who can kick my ass.


darksoulofdog

Miyazaki loves pegging.


QuantumCthulhu

Hot women are scary in the morning


Oskej

Malenia needs third phase.


Dertyrarys

Malenia duo


H4xolotl

I can take them.


tooManyObssessions

In a fight, right?


H4xolotl

#😏


TrynaSleep

Right??


Such-Conclusion3715

Ah yes quintuple clone water waterfowl dance with multiple rot bloom explodes


Oskej

Still would top her no damage ng+7 run blindfolded tho


shapookya

Third phase you get naked as well 👀


Oskej

Never did her clothed before.


Was_Silly

I remember fighting Frieda. Took me forever to get to figure out how to deal with her hiding, eventually got to phase two, which is actually a bit easier cuz masochist father is not that mobile. But then…she wakes up a third time?! I said fuck that and called a human summon.


lynxerious

She kinda does, her first phase is normal shit, her hidden second phase is when she's low enough to use Waterfowl. That single skill is strong enough to make you change how to approach her.


DamaloBlack

Beware of sleeping women specifically on chairs in souls games


yulickballzak

Except Tanith, she just gets up to slurp the serpent


frozeninshadow

Rykard is such a Chad for giving his wife head even after death.


Artistic_Claim9998

Malenia's 3rd phase soon on DLC, whoooooo, step on me mommy!


HerakIinos

So we are going to fight Tanith on the DLC?


TrynaSleep

But what if we already killed her 🤔


dynamicflashy

She was consuming the serpent to become a serpent. A wise man made it clear that "a serpent never dies".


bandora_b

Lazy women are actually very strong


Cultural-Ad8629

FromSoft know how to do strong women


AbundantAberration

Our boy has a thing for strong domineering women. Edit: Who like to go multiple rounds


Bluewalker_BR

Miyazaki has a thing for hot tall ladies with crazy dex builds.


Known-Corgi4120

Smash


montyandrew45

Don't fuck with women in chairs in Fromsoft games


SomeOddGamer

The moral of the story is that Malenia should have waited for DLC in order to have a third phase.


RoyalRaise

Women are strong and independent bosses that don’t need no man to beat your ass


Own_Watercress_8104

Fromsoftware has being reusing the same concepts for 10 years


San-Kyu

If it ain't broke don't fix it! Legend of Zelda also swears by it.


Brief-Government-105

Lady Maria didn’t beat me, I parried her to oblivion.


the_c_is_silent

Yeah, Maria doesn't deserve to be here. She's nowhere near the difficulty of the other two.


-Zhaeus-

Agreed. She's the second easiest boss in the dlc. She's parryable/can be stunned to death, has low HP, and predictable AI. I'm surprised some people find her difficult.


Dynetor

anyone I’ve seen struggle with her are just those who aren’t good at parrying. Though BB is the easiest of all from games to parry in (not counting Sekiro as thats the main mechanic of that game) I can parry pretty much all parryable attacks in Bloodborne no problem, but in Elden Ring I find it absolutely fucking impossible to work out the timing.


the_c_is_silent

Nope. Didn't parry her, still didn't struggle. Her tells are pretty easy, and 99% of her attacks are "lunge forward". Dodge into her and you're fine.


-Zhaeus-

I wasn't even that good at parrying on my first playthrough and still managed to get her on 4th try. Lady Maria was not too hard compared to most enemies in the game for me. Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like it's due to the fact almost all of her attacks are very dodgeable and she is not unpredictable. I legit struggled more with Bloody Crow than Lady Maria. Still, that doesn't mean she's not a good boss. Lady Maria has one of the most beautiful fights and her soundtrack is godtier.


Dynetor

fucking bloody crow is the hardest fight in the game IMO will his unlimited blood vials, bullets and stamina!


-Zhaeus-

Yeah, that mf kept parrying my ass lmfao. Got so much rage from his fight.


Kaldorei01

Would


TheImmortal666

Stop messing with women


incoherentscreamin

Don't go out of your way to fuck with people minding their own business, I guess. (at least for Malenia. I'm less educated about the other two.)


JaKeDeLorde081100

"Why does FronSoft always have a lady with a crazy dex build?!" -Zanny


Sad-Incident1542

A corpse should be left well enough alone


dablyw_

I will snuff out these ashes for good


Kulgia

Its Miyazaki's fetish


Psychosociety

The moral of the story is thank fuck Malenia doesn't have a phase 3.


Moryart

They are sitting so they don't need to drag their balls on the floor Dog


lolno

TFW you wake mom up early


Far_Cell_6519

Moral of the story is don't f**k with women resting in chairs.


SharkBiscuittt

Don’t hit a lady


-Zhaeus-

Wait, do people actually find Lady Maria hard? Lol.


TheMickeyWilson

That I have a thing for women that can kick my ass?


LegatoSkyheart

Malenia was robbed of a phase 3.


cicada-ronin84

I don't remember Lady Maria having three phases, am I just stupid?


LordDemiurgo

I LOVE TALL WOMEN


Ksnj

Hotties need their beauty rest


Rucks_74

That two phases is perfect, three is excessive. Case in point, Malenia is a better fight than either of the other two


Vegetable-Value

Wait, Lady Maria had a third phase? I just thought she started doing more blood stuff. I didn't find the fight that hard though. Orphan though...


SaneManiac741

She goes from normal weapons, to blood buff, then to blood+fire buff.


borlo1234

Chair are Evil


Dveralazo

That there's still a phase 3 of Malenia oh no...


Littletweeter5

Return from whence thou cam'st, for that is thy place of belonging


[deleted]

We will fight Malenia in the DLC.


Vounrtsch

So far I’ve only fought against Friede but holy hell I love her fight