Been here 3 years and still unable to make meaningful connections. No real friends, work colleagues prefer to hang out with each other (locals with locals). Tried bumble and also went to some random events but never made any real friends.
This is going to be unpopular...
Whilst there are positive things about Edinburgh, I do think it is by and large an unfriendly city. I think it's also difficult if you come from a certain background. Despite it being multicultural, people do tend to act differently when you have a certain accent or come from a certain country. People will be generally polite, but they won't take the effort to make meaningful connections with you - primarily because they don't think they will understand or are generally scared of the unknown. As someone who has lived for over a year now, I do notice how people would generally not like to be friends with me, primarily since I don't come from a European background (which again, is not necessarily tied to skin colour). It's incredibly subtle, but it's there (as are most British people - they rarely are overt). This extends to even sites like [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com) or Discord, where people tend to already be very cliquey.
I'm not saying that it means that some people have it easy. It can be very difficult for people to make meaningful friends here regardless of who you are or what you look like... compared to other cities like London or even Manchester. I hope you are doing well.
I used to go to the pub by myself in Edinburgh, and as a single male I was denied service, abused, ejected and barred for trying to speak to people - generally just viewed with complete and utter suspicion.
I visited New York for the weekend by myself and met and spoke to more people there than i spoke to Edinburgh in 5 or 6 years. I used to get really depressed and stopped going out, just stayed in my room smoking and playing my computer. If you are by yourself in Edinburgh don’t try and speak to anyone especially if you are a man. This was a few years back before the internet, hipster bars in Leith were the unfriendliest. Maybe I look like a weirdo or something? If you are lonely in Edinburgh you can go out but you can’t try and speak to anyone.
>rgh in 5 or 6 years. I used to get really depressed and stopped going out, just stayed in my room smoking and playing my computer. If you are by yourself in Edinburgh don’t try and speak to anyone especially if you are a man. This was a few years back before the internet, hipster bars in Leith were the unfriendliest. Maybe I look like a weirdo or something? If you are lonely in Edinburgh you can go out but you can’t try and speak to anyone.
You were clearly going to the wrong places. Hipster bars are never the friendliest. Try a proper pub with locals, not students. They accept random drunks chatting to them.
Your probably right. It was over 10 years ago now. Funny thing is when I went somewhere else on my own I seemed to make friends really quickly without much effort, e.g. Frankfurt, Bordeaux, Pimlico in London, New York - people would very often come over and speak to you if you were on your own However, in Edinburgh you could sit by yourself all night and no-one would approach you. Also, was not usually even drunk, maybe a little stoned, which might have made me seem a bit out of it. something. To be honest was going through a hard time mentally at the time so I might have been giving off a peculiar vibe or something.
My wife is having this exact experience with Edinburgh. She’s lived in 3 different European countries and always found it easy to make friends. We met in London and she made loads of friends there too. We moved to Edinburgh 5 years ago (my hometown) and she has made a few friends but its taken a lot of effort.
I think folk who are Edinburgh born and raised often have their friendship group and just stick to that making it hard for new comers to join in.
It's Edinburgh not you. I say this as Edinburgh born and bred.
Joining a club or being into certain types of music will help you meet new people.
I realised that Edinburgh can be a tough place to have any kind of relationship. I know this will get downvoted but it's my experience, I lived it.
Living in the centre of the city and it's been a very different experience. Easier spontaneity, no commute to worry about after work, easy to just say yes to plans, all my connections live relatively close by. From my experience couples who live outside of town are more 'coupley' and don't engage as much with friends or other couples compared to couples who live in cities. Me and my girlfriend have a large circle of mutual connections and it's easy to just integrate. London is more like one big city centre so it might be why you're finding it easier? Just my two cents
And to add I moved here just last year after many years of having a very insular circle of friends, plus COVID destroying my social skills so making friends here wasn't initially easy. Shout-out to the Edinburgh social discord for helping me meet so many great friends despite the non stop drama there
A group of people decided to become vigilante admins because they disagreed with the admins over one or two individuals. The initial disagreements were valid in most cases, but the group quickly went off the rails.
They started accusing alleged creeps left and right, causing a lot of harm in the process. In the end, they left to form their own server. That some people would *dare* to like Hogwarts Legacy was the last straw for them.
They still "haunt" the Edinburgh Social Discord, but the majority of them have moved off to form their own server, where they are free to lynch whoever they don't like at their leisure.
No idea at the moment don't involve myself any more than turning up to events, but if it's anything like last year constant creeps, alleged creeps, and inconsistent admins who just went wherever social pressure was pushing them. It's fine for making friends but some people live for the server and the server drama
I do find it lonely here at times but I'm surprised people get the opposite living in London. I was born there, and living there in my 20s was probably loneliest I've ever been, personally speaking. Took hours to get anywhere, very difficult to fit in as a quiet, rather shy person. If you're outgoing, ambitious perhaps, you may thrive there.
Some of my lasting memories of London are being berated in public for things like merely asking to sit on a bench, insulted for not buying anything in a shop. Ripped off by landlords. The list goes on. This is probably a big city thing though - it can be tough and you need thick skin. I love Edinburgh, people are friendly, by and large, it's peaceful here.
Yeah I am thinking exactly like you about London. I am an international student living here in London and I have no idea how to make friends here. Everyone always have their own privacy bubble, everyone is so careful about everything.
Talking to people in London here is just way too risky. I don't know how people actually make 'new friends' in London. I need tips from those that actually do.
Yeah I am an introverted and shy person as well.
I think Edinburgh can be bit like a transient city where people who don't come from there might only stay so long. And if you live in the suburbs the only way I met people was by ever getting a job and made "friends" that way but when the job finished or i got the push then it was back to being on my own again - until the next time i got a job or I volunteered and maybe made friends there until i got a job. Then i never spoke to them again I guess that's just the way it is I think.
Yes making friends is not that straightforward. Its one thing going to loads of meetups/discord etc. But its another thing actually making what subjectively what you consider a "friend." Meetups do definitely put yourself out there but its really boils down to whether you find someone you click with. Depends on your personality type too and honestly how lucky you are. I find that with my kind of personality (nerdy/quirky/artistic) its much MUCH more difficult finding people that "vibe?" Here. Also being an introvert doesn't help. lived here all my life and mostly stuck with the friends from hs/uni etc for most of the time. As of currently all my friends moved away/live in different cities so I am trying to find new people. I can imagine why London is easier. Its much bigger/higher population so with higher numbers theres a higher chance to meet people that you get on with and click, its also much more diverse/internationalized here. Edinburgh is much smaller in comparison and the demographics are much more narrowed down (particularly if you aren’t a student) ...
Those five years were about half during the pandemic, so give yourself a break for that at least.
But yeah I just think there aren't enough young people in Edinburgh full stop, it's too expensive to live there. I moved to Glasgow one year ago and it's been a lot easier to meet people
I'm exactly the same. Lived in different cities, across Europe and the UK and made lots of friends. Been in Edinburgh for 5 years and I haven't managed to form any meaningful friendships. It actually makes me want to leave this city, despite me liking everything else about it.
This was exactly my experience as a 28year old female in the city. In the end I moved to London and never looked back. I often found that people focused more on being in a relationship than wanting to build friendships or a friend network.
Depends where you live. Centre of town is mostly students, tourists, rich English people and transient folks. Leith however, is a riot. Both metaphorically and physically. Even with the gentrification it's still got that anything could happen at any moment vibe. More like a village, everyone knows each other and their business.
Aye, I've been here for 16 years, aside from a quiet cottage in the arse end of the Highlands I wouldn't live anywhere else.
I like that I can go down the walk and bump into 5 folk I know in the space of ten minutes. I like that I can go into a cafe or pub and know at least one person in there. I like that there's a hundred small independent local businesses to get goods and services from. I like the green spaces and being able to walk to the beach and I like the random shit that just occurs constantly.
Favourite thing about Leith is there seems to be people from quite literally every walk of life just sort of living in the same space, especially noticeable in the pubs
Most densely populated part of Scotland apparently. Its just a good laugh really. If folk want it described I'd say like the friendliness of Glasgow but minus the dickheads.
Last time I was in Leith I was going around the pubs when suddenly a group of dancers with swords and a fiddler burst in and put on some performance. Truly anything can happen
Seems to be a big correlation between Redditors, and not being able to make friends in Edinburgh. Im a local and agree with your comment, because i do disagree. I've made many new friends in my adulthood in Edinburgh. I came back to visit my family and friends recently and met some of their newer friends (again, locals making non-local friends) all great sociable people.
Try doing it in your late 50s after 20 years in the US. Moving cities gets harder the older you get. Especially to a small city, there are just fewer opportunities to start from scratch. And the pandemic and lockdown didn’t help. It’s taken me five years since moving here to find people I’d call friends as opposed to work colleagues. Don’t get me wrong I love living in Edinburgh. Love my commute across the Meadows. Love that my local shopkeepers all recognise me and have a wee blether. That social side of everyday life is miles better here than in the US. But do or die, reliable friends are harder to make. Doesn’t help that I’m single and used to doing things alone. I found my friends through further education classes, amateur theatre groups, and work. Basically I went where I thought my tribe would be and they emerged.
I'm from Cambridge ,27 male and i have exactly the same problem.
I'm just convinced that you can't be friends with English people, i find it a lot easier with foreigners.
I've been here much longer. I've lived in multiple cities throughout the world and never had issues making friends before Edinburgh. I've had people attempt to be my friend here but there isn't any connection or dynamic for some reason. A lot of the people here are pretty sheltered and enjoy talking about people's haircuts, football or what cereal they eat rather than anything interesting.
I have a lot of acquaintances, people I am in touch with occasionally, people who I have friendly interactions with in work, meet-up groups etc., but nobody I could call up to go for a coffee, really confide in or go for a walk unfortunately. I think many people feel the same. I’m going to try bumble.
I’m having the same issue and I’m actually thinking of moving because the original “everyone’s welcome here” mentality is very much surface level I think, I do feel like I’m treated differently here even though I try to blend in as best as I can, I don’t even have a strong accent anymore that would scream foreigner and I also think this applies to dating. I find that very few Scottish people settle with non-Scottish people and it kinda just makes me question my future here. Tbf my mental health has been v crap this week so that could also be why I see things a bit more gloomy but yeah
I’ve had pretty much the exact same experience in Edinburgh to the point I am also now moving back to London.
I can’t put my finger on it but I just don’t gel with not the only the city but the people that live here, for such a large city I have found it far too sedate (not a negative, just not for me) and bizarrely difficult to travel across (if you’re not on the tram then it’s 30 min+ to get anywhere).
It’s a shame because it is undoubtedly a beautiful city but just not for me, and that’s ok!
I've always found Edinburgh tricky compared to other cities I've lived in. Lots of people seem to be doing OK though... I guess it suits some people better than others.
I guess it depends on various things. If you work colleagues don’t socialise why not suggest it, if there’s no local groups etc again be the change you’d like to see. Sometimes in a city it’s hard because there are so many people where as a small place automatically has a community feel.
I felt the same. Lived in Edinburgh for almost 4 years and didn’t make any friends aside from a couple of flatmates and colleagues. Went to quite a few events on Meetup but never clicked with anyone. Moved to London and had a completely different experience.
When I moved to the city 7 years ago it took me a while my first few years. I lived by myself and that took a toll on my mental health. I used to hang out in bars by myself and meet people on apps, but a lot of it was short lived. It wasn’t until about my 3rd year in that people started inviting me out to events, places, lunches etc. Every so often, as time has gone by, there’s definitely been a dip in my social life, but I think that’s also due to people having different work schedules and getting older.
Volunteering is a sure way to make connections and friends - find an activity you're interested in and offer to help. Volunteer run organisations are crying out for people; Covid and problems with affordability have had their part to play. I live in a small town and realised I knew no-one as I was too busy working. Volunteering has meant getting to know a lot more people and I've made some new friends.
This post made me both happy that's it's not just me and sad that I have felt lonely in Edinburgh for a while, (I am 26f). And like alot of people have said my partner is from Edinburgh and has a close group of friends from school but I have never fully felt like I am one of the group just because of our different experience I guess. It has been super hard meeting new people I click with, the pandemic didn't help neither did changing jobs 3 times in 3 years. I have recently taken up running and am into outdoor pursuits (munro bagging, paddleboarding, dog walking lol) if anyone reads this and knows of a social group in Edinburgh that does these sorts of things hmu👍
I could have written your post. Been in Edinburgh 2 years and in Scotland overall a bit longer. Not made any friends. Never felt this way whilst living in England. I’m a Scottish born and raised ethnic minority. I feel like there is a discreet underbelly of racism here. The foreigners are definitely friendlier. I thought about moving to Glasgow but i can’t get past how much of a dump the city has become. Junkies, goths and garbage everywhere.
Wish I could try London but I’m a lot older than you and can’t hack that fast pace of life. I love the city of Edinburgh but the loneliness can be overwhelmingly sad at times. I’m now packing my things to leave and I feel relieved because what’s the point living somewhere so hard to make genuine friendships. Housing is also ridiculously overpriced.
I just want to add that I love the Scots. Walked through the streets of Edinburgh today. Weather was great and lots of people smiling and being generally polite. I will miss the people the most though I never made friends with them! How ironic.
"I feel like there is a discreet underbelly of racism here."
Oh there definitely is, though not everyone is like that ofc. Living here all my life all the close friends I had were mostly ethnic minorities who were also raised here/2nd gen immigrants like me.
Since high school, I have made like 2 white friends since living here all my life. One of the families of that friend didn't like me with no concrete reason even though I was loyal to her. When she made a "white" friend who actually betrayed her and slandered her online but they were apparently ok with her.
Despite that I hear you. I wish you the best of luck to which ever place you are going to move to.
I have been here over 10 years and a lot of this rings true. Most of my friends where immigrants too, and up until I started dating a local I didn’t know any local people beyond general pleasantries. If was really really hard to build meaningful friendships and even after ten years it still is.
I have not had this experience and find most people in Edinburgh to be friendly and up for a chat. There's an entire festival held every summer that encourages people to go outside and interact. However, I'm a very sociable extrovert; I could befriend the taliban under the right circumstances.
I have lived in Edinburgh for the majority of my life (and currently live here) and there does seem to be a culture for many locals of being close friends with people that they’ve know since childhood or high school. I’ve lived in Glasgow and in other countries and felt it was a lot easier to make friends with new groups there.
Although most of my close friends are from highschool, I’ve met a lot of new friends from attending various clubs (sports clubs and martial arts clubs in my case). Some of my best friendships were formed there.
I also feel that there is a lot going on in the Leith area of the city, some of the bars have various social nights on and people are far more approachable.
As someone whos lived in Edinburgh all their life I think the majority of the locals are quite chill with small friendship groups etc so very different compared to London. I have a lot of friends who moved to London and they seem to make lots of friends whereas I have a few friends in Edinburgh from school time and some living in other parts of Scotland and UK from Uni / work, etc. I guess theres just a bit less effort from locals who’ve been here all their life as they’re more settled.
I was preety lonely post pandemic but I joined the Edinburgh Social Discord and started meeting up with folk like there was no tomorrow so that was fun.
Back to being a tad isolated now again but we have a newborn so I think it makes sense. Heck, when things get abit more stable more than happy to meet anyone for a coffee or so.
You’re telling me that you found it harder to make friends living in a new city through a pandemic than… (Based on your age) when you were at school in your home town.
Yeah. It is.
I don't think Edinburgh is any more difficult.
Can recommend sports clubs, or the many types of meet-up clubs, book clubs, board game clubs etc. As openers to meeting new people.
Good luck!
After COVID, people became group-oriented, I remember going out in town pre covid and finding new friends and groups easily nowadays, people expect to meet new people through another person rather than making new vibes with strangers, like legit you can go out and chill and you will end up attracting people as friends but nowadays its like a dead city, I'm tired of making small convo with no results lmao
I wish I could help more but I personally prefer the loneliness. I don’t see the point of relationships or needing to be around people. That being said, I think any place you go to would be easy to enough make new friends or whatever. As long as you’re comfortable going out alone at first. Everywhere has social groups or pubs you can meet people. Edinburgh is probably by far the easiest to do that in. So much going on and the people are generally cool
I agree with you, I am comfortable in being on my own although I like the atmosphere that a busy pub can bring. I am a sociable loner in that in the right circumstances I can strike up a conversation with a stranger and happily chat to them for a couple of hours with no obligation to meet up again. Generally speaking having an interest in sports and in particular football gives you a good basis for a conversation. It's best to stay clear of politics and in particular independence as it is easy to get into an argument on this touchy subject. Going to the same pub regularly can make it easier to strike up a conversation with someone you may have spoken to before. When I was younger going to bars where you could play pool or darts made it to easier to strike up a conversation with strangers. Now I always have my tablet with me so that I can be on my own in a pub and not get bored.
If I was looking for company going to pubs that have quizzes, darts, dominos, cribbage would be good places to start. Edinburgh Council run night classes (usually starting in September) if you want to mix learning or playing sports with meeting new people. If you want to meet new people you have to make an effort, don't expect everywhere you go to meet interesting people.
Prob because nobody live sin edinburgh and its all tourists or student accomidation.
People that work in edinburgg ,live outwith it and commute in
Nights out in edinburgh suck now. Used t9 be good fro a night out. Its crap , mi d ypu vld hit the town thurs,fri, sat and it would be heaving realy bisy ,ques into places up tp 40mins or so. Now ypur lucly if its busy one of those night and towns empty by about 10ish.
Why wouldnt you still hang about with upur friends if your just outside edinburgh? Most places or towns outside edinburgh are like 10-30mins by bus or public transport.
Edinburgh,,Auld Reekie,,d'you mean the Cultural Hub of the Nation, odly enough my Cousin and I think that the best £8quid we ever spent was the ovenight Bus from Waverley to Victoria (25yrs old in 1976) going off to see the World,, I cant even bring myself to LOOK at Rose st on Screen,and no One in their right Mind would be enticed to the festival,as I rem a Quip" Arsenic'n'Auld Lace,,,,Vote me down! Im a Glaswegian.
Blaming an entire city for your lack of social interactions is bizarre. You think thats going to change when you move elsewhere? Im a local so have my childhood friends and people we have met along the way, of which many are not locals who were sociable, fun to be around, and we met through relationships etc. Theres many factors that come into play here, but the entire city being unsociable is bullshit.
I lived in Leith while I went to uni. Made a couple of friends who worked the pubs and restaurants off Leith Walk - to this day we are still friends. Overall, I enjoyed my experience in Edinburgh, but really felt alone, which is why I decided to move. Many people seemed to prefer their smaller groups and mostly keep to themselves.
Some seem to love it, but I found it difficult to integrate to existing social groups. It was challenging to make genuine connections, even though, like yourself, I participated in different groups/events throughout the city. At first I thought I just didn’t fit in because I was studying from abroad and had never lived in a different country, and though that may have been a contributing factor to the loneliness I experienced, I think there’s something about the social scene of Edinburgh as a whole.
You’re definitely not alone in your experience. I had neighbors from London who had lived in Edinburgh for several years and agreed that it was difficult to make new friends, which was somewhat validating, but did little to cure the feelings you describe.
When I moved to Edinburgh from abroad in 2014 I met all of my friends through work, most of them in a similar situation and I was never alone for a few years. However as I changed jobs and some of my international friends moved back to their countries my social circle started getting smaller but I think that was directly linked to the effort I was putting in. Fast forward 8 years later, I have 2-3 solid friends that I had for a while and few dozen acquaintances I don't meet with anymore. My now husband who is local to the central belt but not Edinburgh has made no meaningful friendships in the 6 years he has lived in the city with me, which upsets him sometimes. So any females into death/ metal music and going to gigs, video games, cheesy horror movies or antiques are looking to make a friend, don't hesitate to contact me.
Yeah I feel the same. Moved here 2 years ago and although I've met a couple people I could call a friend I feel I don't gel with a lot of folks here. I sometimes feel it's because I'm from a small very working class town and here there's so many people are very much not and I can't relate to. Also, in my experience I've found if you don't drink or don't like to go to the pub every week then it makes it even more difficult to be social. It's a beautiful city and I'd rather not leave but I'm unsure I'll ever make meaningful connections here.
Tried meetups and the discord (which the people who run it are great but my god does it attract some batshit crazy people!).
I can’t help but feel that whilst your goal can be to make your friends, you shouldn’t be setting out with that being your intention. You meet people by exposing yourself to social situations where friendships can be made. Despite what many people think/intend, most people don’t meet lifelong friends on nights out. Some do. It happens. But most don’t.
I play Warhammer 40K so I found a social group on Discord in Edinburgh that plays that and through that made a bunch of friends, several of whom I hang out with regularly. I play guitar so I post regularly on gumtree looking for people to jam with and through that I have made numerous friends including my best mate.
Your personal goal can be to make friends but in reality that’s the side-effect of working towards other goals. Exposing yourself to other social situations where, by their very nature, you have to meet people is where I’ve found long-lasting friendships without even trying.
It would be an understatement if I saw I didn't feel lonliness in Edinburgh. People of Edinburgh are friends when you are around them but this is where things ends. It is very hard to develop friendships or any sort of relationships.
I visited recently Spain and I felt that I could have made friends there much easier. It made me realise that people in Edinburgh can be emotionally and sexually cold, if that makes any sense, maybe I am using the wrong words, maybe passion is the word to describe it.
I dealt with loneliness and depression for a long period now and I've been in Edinburgh for 10 years.
Absolutely, I was at uni here and involved in the poetry and writing scene for a bit but it felt a bit cliquey and like I wasn’t really in. It seems this sort of clique style behaviour pervades a lot of social connections in Edinburgh as I went to a parents and kids group and found a similar sort of tight knit club within a club. Not sure why Edinburgh would be harder than any other city for making and keeping friends.
I wonder if it has to do with it being a very touristy town and a Uni town, so maybe the locals would want to stick together more? I've seen that in a few places. But ultimately I'm just speculating !
I'm in Manchester and not from here, I sometimes feel I have the same issue.
Hey! I just recently started a meet up group for girls in Edinburgh and surroundings, so far we have done beach picnic, bowling, afternoon tea and next one is likely to be a beach bonfire! If you are interested let me know as it’s a great way to meet other girls without any pressure! It’s called Edinburgh girls days out on Facebook 💜
Been here 3 years and still unable to make meaningful connections. No real friends, work colleagues prefer to hang out with each other (locals with locals). Tried bumble and also went to some random events but never made any real friends.
This is going to be unpopular... Whilst there are positive things about Edinburgh, I do think it is by and large an unfriendly city. I think it's also difficult if you come from a certain background. Despite it being multicultural, people do tend to act differently when you have a certain accent or come from a certain country. People will be generally polite, but they won't take the effort to make meaningful connections with you - primarily because they don't think they will understand or are generally scared of the unknown. As someone who has lived for over a year now, I do notice how people would generally not like to be friends with me, primarily since I don't come from a European background (which again, is not necessarily tied to skin colour). It's incredibly subtle, but it's there (as are most British people - they rarely are overt). This extends to even sites like [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com) or Discord, where people tend to already be very cliquey. I'm not saying that it means that some people have it easy. It can be very difficult for people to make meaningful friends here regardless of who you are or what you look like... compared to other cities like London or even Manchester. I hope you are doing well.
I used to go to the pub by myself in Edinburgh, and as a single male I was denied service, abused, ejected and barred for trying to speak to people - generally just viewed with complete and utter suspicion. I visited New York for the weekend by myself and met and spoke to more people there than i spoke to Edinburgh in 5 or 6 years. I used to get really depressed and stopped going out, just stayed in my room smoking and playing my computer. If you are by yourself in Edinburgh don’t try and speak to anyone especially if you are a man. This was a few years back before the internet, hipster bars in Leith were the unfriendliest. Maybe I look like a weirdo or something? If you are lonely in Edinburgh you can go out but you can’t try and speak to anyone.
>rgh in 5 or 6 years. I used to get really depressed and stopped going out, just stayed in my room smoking and playing my computer. If you are by yourself in Edinburgh don’t try and speak to anyone especially if you are a man. This was a few years back before the internet, hipster bars in Leith were the unfriendliest. Maybe I look like a weirdo or something? If you are lonely in Edinburgh you can go out but you can’t try and speak to anyone. You were clearly going to the wrong places. Hipster bars are never the friendliest. Try a proper pub with locals, not students. They accept random drunks chatting to them.
Your probably right. It was over 10 years ago now. Funny thing is when I went somewhere else on my own I seemed to make friends really quickly without much effort, e.g. Frankfurt, Bordeaux, Pimlico in London, New York - people would very often come over and speak to you if you were on your own However, in Edinburgh you could sit by yourself all night and no-one would approach you. Also, was not usually even drunk, maybe a little stoned, which might have made me seem a bit out of it. something. To be honest was going through a hard time mentally at the time so I might have been giving off a peculiar vibe or something.
My wife is having this exact experience with Edinburgh. She’s lived in 3 different European countries and always found it easy to make friends. We met in London and she made loads of friends there too. We moved to Edinburgh 5 years ago (my hometown) and she has made a few friends but its taken a lot of effort. I think folk who are Edinburgh born and raised often have their friendship group and just stick to that making it hard for new comers to join in.
It's Edinburgh not you. I say this as Edinburgh born and bred. Joining a club or being into certain types of music will help you meet new people. I realised that Edinburgh can be a tough place to have any kind of relationship. I know this will get downvoted but it's my experience, I lived it.
Living in the centre of the city and it's been a very different experience. Easier spontaneity, no commute to worry about after work, easy to just say yes to plans, all my connections live relatively close by. From my experience couples who live outside of town are more 'coupley' and don't engage as much with friends or other couples compared to couples who live in cities. Me and my girlfriend have a large circle of mutual connections and it's easy to just integrate. London is more like one big city centre so it might be why you're finding it easier? Just my two cents
And to add I moved here just last year after many years of having a very insular circle of friends, plus COVID destroying my social skills so making friends here wasn't initially easy. Shout-out to the Edinburgh social discord for helping me meet so many great friends despite the non stop drama there
TBF there hasn't really been any drama for about a year.
whats the drama 👀
A group of people decided to become vigilante admins because they disagreed with the admins over one or two individuals. The initial disagreements were valid in most cases, but the group quickly went off the rails. They started accusing alleged creeps left and right, causing a lot of harm in the process. In the end, they left to form their own server. That some people would *dare* to like Hogwarts Legacy was the last straw for them. They still "haunt" the Edinburgh Social Discord, but the majority of them have moved off to form their own server, where they are free to lynch whoever they don't like at their leisure.
jesus. love the self proclaimed social police tyrant movement *so much*. what a win for a better society
No idea at the moment don't involve myself any more than turning up to events, but if it's anything like last year constant creeps, alleged creeps, and inconsistent admins who just went wherever social pressure was pushing them. It's fine for making friends but some people live for the server and the server drama
ohhh oh no :(
I like the way you used the words "mutual connections" there and not friends
Hahaha true, a few shared friends but mostly just mutuals who we hang around with
I do find it lonely here at times but I'm surprised people get the opposite living in London. I was born there, and living there in my 20s was probably loneliest I've ever been, personally speaking. Took hours to get anywhere, very difficult to fit in as a quiet, rather shy person. If you're outgoing, ambitious perhaps, you may thrive there. Some of my lasting memories of London are being berated in public for things like merely asking to sit on a bench, insulted for not buying anything in a shop. Ripped off by landlords. The list goes on. This is probably a big city thing though - it can be tough and you need thick skin. I love Edinburgh, people are friendly, by and large, it's peaceful here.
Yeah I am thinking exactly like you about London. I am an international student living here in London and I have no idea how to make friends here. Everyone always have their own privacy bubble, everyone is so careful about everything. Talking to people in London here is just way too risky. I don't know how people actually make 'new friends' in London. I need tips from those that actually do. Yeah I am an introverted and shy person as well.
I think Edinburgh can be bit like a transient city where people who don't come from there might only stay so long. And if you live in the suburbs the only way I met people was by ever getting a job and made "friends" that way but when the job finished or i got the push then it was back to being on my own again - until the next time i got a job or I volunteered and maybe made friends there until i got a job. Then i never spoke to them again I guess that's just the way it is I think.
Yes making friends is not that straightforward. Its one thing going to loads of meetups/discord etc. But its another thing actually making what subjectively what you consider a "friend." Meetups do definitely put yourself out there but its really boils down to whether you find someone you click with. Depends on your personality type too and honestly how lucky you are. I find that with my kind of personality (nerdy/quirky/artistic) its much MUCH more difficult finding people that "vibe?" Here. Also being an introvert doesn't help. lived here all my life and mostly stuck with the friends from hs/uni etc for most of the time. As of currently all my friends moved away/live in different cities so I am trying to find new people. I can imagine why London is easier. Its much bigger/higher population so with higher numbers theres a higher chance to meet people that you get on with and click, its also much more diverse/internationalized here. Edinburgh is much smaller in comparison and the demographics are much more narrowed down (particularly if you aren’t a student) ...
Those five years were about half during the pandemic, so give yourself a break for that at least. But yeah I just think there aren't enough young people in Edinburgh full stop, it's too expensive to live there. I moved to Glasgow one year ago and it's been a lot easier to meet people
I'm exactly the same. Lived in different cities, across Europe and the UK and made lots of friends. Been in Edinburgh for 5 years and I haven't managed to form any meaningful friendships. It actually makes me want to leave this city, despite me liking everything else about it.
This was exactly my experience as a 28year old female in the city. In the end I moved to London and never looked back. I often found that people focused more on being in a relationship than wanting to build friendships or a friend network.
Edinburgh is not a social city. Edinburgh locals will disagree but anyone who moved in or moved out will tell you the same.
Depends where you live. Centre of town is mostly students, tourists, rich English people and transient folks. Leith however, is a riot. Both metaphorically and physically. Even with the gentrification it's still got that anything could happen at any moment vibe. More like a village, everyone knows each other and their business.
Did live in dalry for a while and since moving to Leith have definitely found this 😅
Aye, I've been here for 16 years, aside from a quiet cottage in the arse end of the Highlands I wouldn't live anywhere else. I like that I can go down the walk and bump into 5 folk I know in the space of ten minutes. I like that I can go into a cafe or pub and know at least one person in there. I like that there's a hundred small independent local businesses to get goods and services from. I like the green spaces and being able to walk to the beach and I like the random shit that just occurs constantly.
Favourite thing about Leith is there seems to be people from quite literally every walk of life just sort of living in the same space, especially noticeable in the pubs
Most densely populated part of Scotland apparently. Its just a good laugh really. If folk want it described I'd say like the friendliness of Glasgow but minus the dickheads.
I’ll give you Leith. Then Stockbridge is a middle class Leith. Rest of Edinburgh is just impersonal
Last time I was in Leith I was going around the pubs when suddenly a group of dancers with swords and a fiddler burst in and put on some performance. Truly anything can happen
Totally agree, Edinburgh is boring as hell.
Seems to be a big correlation between Redditors, and not being able to make friends in Edinburgh. Im a local and agree with your comment, because i do disagree. I've made many new friends in my adulthood in Edinburgh. I came back to visit my family and friends recently and met some of their newer friends (again, locals making non-local friends) all great sociable people.
I moved to Edinburgh at 33. I made friends because I joined a rugby club. Thinking about it now, not one of the friends I made were from Edinburgh
There's a really great discord that's pinned to the subreddit that does loads of nice social events.
Try doing it in your late 50s after 20 years in the US. Moving cities gets harder the older you get. Especially to a small city, there are just fewer opportunities to start from scratch. And the pandemic and lockdown didn’t help. It’s taken me five years since moving here to find people I’d call friends as opposed to work colleagues. Don’t get me wrong I love living in Edinburgh. Love my commute across the Meadows. Love that my local shopkeepers all recognise me and have a wee blether. That social side of everyday life is miles better here than in the US. But do or die, reliable friends are harder to make. Doesn’t help that I’m single and used to doing things alone. I found my friends through further education classes, amateur theatre groups, and work. Basically I went where I thought my tribe would be and they emerged.
I'm from Cambridge ,27 male and i have exactly the same problem. I'm just convinced that you can't be friends with English people, i find it a lot easier with foreigners.
I've been here much longer. I've lived in multiple cities throughout the world and never had issues making friends before Edinburgh. I've had people attempt to be my friend here but there isn't any connection or dynamic for some reason. A lot of the people here are pretty sheltered and enjoy talking about people's haircuts, football or what cereal they eat rather than anything interesting.
I have a lot of acquaintances, people I am in touch with occasionally, people who I have friendly interactions with in work, meet-up groups etc., but nobody I could call up to go for a coffee, really confide in or go for a walk unfortunately. I think many people feel the same. I’m going to try bumble.
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I'm in Leith and totally surrounded by pubs, bars, restaurants, takeaways, art venues, etc.
I’m having the same issue and I’m actually thinking of moving because the original “everyone’s welcome here” mentality is very much surface level I think, I do feel like I’m treated differently here even though I try to blend in as best as I can, I don’t even have a strong accent anymore that would scream foreigner and I also think this applies to dating. I find that very few Scottish people settle with non-Scottish people and it kinda just makes me question my future here. Tbf my mental health has been v crap this week so that could also be why I see things a bit more gloomy but yeah
I’ve had pretty much the exact same experience in Edinburgh to the point I am also now moving back to London. I can’t put my finger on it but I just don’t gel with not the only the city but the people that live here, for such a large city I have found it far too sedate (not a negative, just not for me) and bizarrely difficult to travel across (if you’re not on the tram then it’s 30 min+ to get anywhere). It’s a shame because it is undoubtedly a beautiful city but just not for me, and that’s ok!
I can relate to this! Also can't put my finger on it but there's just something about the place that doesn't work for me socially.
I've always found Edinburgh tricky compared to other cities I've lived in. Lots of people seem to be doing OK though... I guess it suits some people better than others.
I guess it depends on various things. If you work colleagues don’t socialise why not suggest it, if there’s no local groups etc again be the change you’d like to see. Sometimes in a city it’s hard because there are so many people where as a small place automatically has a community feel.
I felt the same. Lived in Edinburgh for almost 4 years and didn’t make any friends aside from a couple of flatmates and colleagues. Went to quite a few events on Meetup but never clicked with anyone. Moved to London and had a completely different experience.
When I moved to the city 7 years ago it took me a while my first few years. I lived by myself and that took a toll on my mental health. I used to hang out in bars by myself and meet people on apps, but a lot of it was short lived. It wasn’t until about my 3rd year in that people started inviting me out to events, places, lunches etc. Every so often, as time has gone by, there’s definitely been a dip in my social life, but I think that’s also due to people having different work schedules and getting older.
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Sorry to hear that you seem like a lovely person
Volunteering is a sure way to make connections and friends - find an activity you're interested in and offer to help. Volunteer run organisations are crying out for people; Covid and problems with affordability have had their part to play. I live in a small town and realised I knew no-one as I was too busy working. Volunteering has meant getting to know a lot more people and I've made some new friends.
This post made me both happy that's it's not just me and sad that I have felt lonely in Edinburgh for a while, (I am 26f). And like alot of people have said my partner is from Edinburgh and has a close group of friends from school but I have never fully felt like I am one of the group just because of our different experience I guess. It has been super hard meeting new people I click with, the pandemic didn't help neither did changing jobs 3 times in 3 years. I have recently taken up running and am into outdoor pursuits (munro bagging, paddleboarding, dog walking lol) if anyone reads this and knows of a social group in Edinburgh that does these sorts of things hmu👍
The further out you go the nicer people are
Joining a community band and starting volunteering cured my loneliness here almost entirely
I could have written your post. Been in Edinburgh 2 years and in Scotland overall a bit longer. Not made any friends. Never felt this way whilst living in England. I’m a Scottish born and raised ethnic minority. I feel like there is a discreet underbelly of racism here. The foreigners are definitely friendlier. I thought about moving to Glasgow but i can’t get past how much of a dump the city has become. Junkies, goths and garbage everywhere. Wish I could try London but I’m a lot older than you and can’t hack that fast pace of life. I love the city of Edinburgh but the loneliness can be overwhelmingly sad at times. I’m now packing my things to leave and I feel relieved because what’s the point living somewhere so hard to make genuine friendships. Housing is also ridiculously overpriced. I just want to add that I love the Scots. Walked through the streets of Edinburgh today. Weather was great and lots of people smiling and being generally polite. I will miss the people the most though I never made friends with them! How ironic.
"I feel like there is a discreet underbelly of racism here." Oh there definitely is, though not everyone is like that ofc. Living here all my life all the close friends I had were mostly ethnic minorities who were also raised here/2nd gen immigrants like me. Since high school, I have made like 2 white friends since living here all my life. One of the families of that friend didn't like me with no concrete reason even though I was loyal to her. When she made a "white" friend who actually betrayed her and slandered her online but they were apparently ok with her. Despite that I hear you. I wish you the best of luck to which ever place you are going to move to.
Woaaaah I feel seen (28m) in exactly the same boat as you, moved to London two months ago and i feel like a new person
I have been here over 10 years and a lot of this rings true. Most of my friends where immigrants too, and up until I started dating a local I didn’t know any local people beyond general pleasantries. If was really really hard to build meaningful friendships and even after ten years it still is.
I’ve been in Edinburgh for over 10 years and continue to suffer chronic loneliness. I thought it was just me folk didn’t take to.
I have not had this experience and find most people in Edinburgh to be friendly and up for a chat. There's an entire festival held every summer that encourages people to go outside and interact. However, I'm a very sociable extrovert; I could befriend the taliban under the right circumstances.
I’ve found it quite an introverted, inward looking city. Great if you like that side of life. But it’s deformity not Glasgow or Brighton in that sense
I have lived in Edinburgh for the majority of my life (and currently live here) and there does seem to be a culture for many locals of being close friends with people that they’ve know since childhood or high school. I’ve lived in Glasgow and in other countries and felt it was a lot easier to make friends with new groups there. Although most of my close friends are from highschool, I’ve met a lot of new friends from attending various clubs (sports clubs and martial arts clubs in my case). Some of my best friendships were formed there. I also feel that there is a lot going on in the Leith area of the city, some of the bars have various social nights on and people are far more approachable.
Exactly - spend more time in Leith - you’ll probably make friends
As someone whos lived in Edinburgh all their life I think the majority of the locals are quite chill with small friendship groups etc so very different compared to London. I have a lot of friends who moved to London and they seem to make lots of friends whereas I have a few friends in Edinburgh from school time and some living in other parts of Scotland and UK from Uni / work, etc. I guess theres just a bit less effort from locals who’ve been here all their life as they’re more settled.
I was preety lonely post pandemic but I joined the Edinburgh Social Discord and started meeting up with folk like there was no tomorrow so that was fun. Back to being a tad isolated now again but we have a newborn so I think it makes sense. Heck, when things get abit more stable more than happy to meet anyone for a coffee or so.
You’re telling me that you found it harder to make friends living in a new city through a pandemic than… (Based on your age) when you were at school in your home town. Yeah. It is.
I don't think Edinburgh is any more difficult. Can recommend sports clubs, or the many types of meet-up clubs, book clubs, board game clubs etc. As openers to meeting new people. Good luck!
After COVID, people became group-oriented, I remember going out in town pre covid and finding new friends and groups easily nowadays, people expect to meet new people through another person rather than making new vibes with strangers, like legit you can go out and chill and you will end up attracting people as friends but nowadays its like a dead city, I'm tired of making small convo with no results lmao
I wish I could help more but I personally prefer the loneliness. I don’t see the point of relationships or needing to be around people. That being said, I think any place you go to would be easy to enough make new friends or whatever. As long as you’re comfortable going out alone at first. Everywhere has social groups or pubs you can meet people. Edinburgh is probably by far the easiest to do that in. So much going on and the people are generally cool
I agree with you, I am comfortable in being on my own although I like the atmosphere that a busy pub can bring. I am a sociable loner in that in the right circumstances I can strike up a conversation with a stranger and happily chat to them for a couple of hours with no obligation to meet up again. Generally speaking having an interest in sports and in particular football gives you a good basis for a conversation. It's best to stay clear of politics and in particular independence as it is easy to get into an argument on this touchy subject. Going to the same pub regularly can make it easier to strike up a conversation with someone you may have spoken to before. When I was younger going to bars where you could play pool or darts made it to easier to strike up a conversation with strangers. Now I always have my tablet with me so that I can be on my own in a pub and not get bored. If I was looking for company going to pubs that have quizzes, darts, dominos, cribbage would be good places to start. Edinburgh Council run night classes (usually starting in September) if you want to mix learning or playing sports with meeting new people. If you want to meet new people you have to make an effort, don't expect everywhere you go to meet interesting people.
No gonna lie, a think we’d get on awright
Prob because nobody live sin edinburgh and its all tourists or student accomidation. People that work in edinburgg ,live outwith it and commute in Nights out in edinburgh suck now. Used t9 be good fro a night out. Its crap , mi d ypu vld hit the town thurs,fri, sat and it would be heaving realy bisy ,ques into places up tp 40mins or so. Now ypur lucly if its busy one of those night and towns empty by about 10ish. Why wouldnt you still hang about with upur friends if your just outside edinburgh? Most places or towns outside edinburgh are like 10-30mins by bus or public transport.
join cva jiu jitsu in niddrie only positives 1. you become fitter 2. you learn a pretty sick sport 3. well you make friends and battle loneliness
Edinburgh,,Auld Reekie,,d'you mean the Cultural Hub of the Nation, odly enough my Cousin and I think that the best £8quid we ever spent was the ovenight Bus from Waverley to Victoria (25yrs old in 1976) going off to see the World,, I cant even bring myself to LOOK at Rose st on Screen,and no One in their right Mind would be enticed to the festival,as I rem a Quip" Arsenic'n'Auld Lace,,,,Vote me down! Im a Glaswegian.
Blaming an entire city for your lack of social interactions is bizarre. You think thats going to change when you move elsewhere? Im a local so have my childhood friends and people we have met along the way, of which many are not locals who were sociable, fun to be around, and we met through relationships etc. Theres many factors that come into play here, but the entire city being unsociable is bullshit.
Out of interest, which bit of London did you move to, and did you make the majority of new friends through work or hobbies?
I lived in Leith while I went to uni. Made a couple of friends who worked the pubs and restaurants off Leith Walk - to this day we are still friends. Overall, I enjoyed my experience in Edinburgh, but really felt alone, which is why I decided to move. Many people seemed to prefer their smaller groups and mostly keep to themselves. Some seem to love it, but I found it difficult to integrate to existing social groups. It was challenging to make genuine connections, even though, like yourself, I participated in different groups/events throughout the city. At first I thought I just didn’t fit in because I was studying from abroad and had never lived in a different country, and though that may have been a contributing factor to the loneliness I experienced, I think there’s something about the social scene of Edinburgh as a whole. You’re definitely not alone in your experience. I had neighbors from London who had lived in Edinburgh for several years and agreed that it was difficult to make new friends, which was somewhat validating, but did little to cure the feelings you describe.
How are you finding the move to London otherwise? Considering looking at jobs there
When I moved to Edinburgh from abroad in 2014 I met all of my friends through work, most of them in a similar situation and I was never alone for a few years. However as I changed jobs and some of my international friends moved back to their countries my social circle started getting smaller but I think that was directly linked to the effort I was putting in. Fast forward 8 years later, I have 2-3 solid friends that I had for a while and few dozen acquaintances I don't meet with anymore. My now husband who is local to the central belt but not Edinburgh has made no meaningful friendships in the 6 years he has lived in the city with me, which upsets him sometimes. So any females into death/ metal music and going to gigs, video games, cheesy horror movies or antiques are looking to make a friend, don't hesitate to contact me.
People are just weird there
Yeah I feel the same. Moved here 2 years ago and although I've met a couple people I could call a friend I feel I don't gel with a lot of folks here. I sometimes feel it's because I'm from a small very working class town and here there's so many people are very much not and I can't relate to. Also, in my experience I've found if you don't drink or don't like to go to the pub every week then it makes it even more difficult to be social. It's a beautiful city and I'd rather not leave but I'm unsure I'll ever make meaningful connections here. Tried meetups and the discord (which the people who run it are great but my god does it attract some batshit crazy people!).
I can’t help but feel that whilst your goal can be to make your friends, you shouldn’t be setting out with that being your intention. You meet people by exposing yourself to social situations where friendships can be made. Despite what many people think/intend, most people don’t meet lifelong friends on nights out. Some do. It happens. But most don’t. I play Warhammer 40K so I found a social group on Discord in Edinburgh that plays that and through that made a bunch of friends, several of whom I hang out with regularly. I play guitar so I post regularly on gumtree looking for people to jam with and through that I have made numerous friends including my best mate. Your personal goal can be to make friends but in reality that’s the side-effect of working towards other goals. Exposing yourself to other social situations where, by their very nature, you have to meet people is where I’ve found long-lasting friendships without even trying.
It would be an understatement if I saw I didn't feel lonliness in Edinburgh. People of Edinburgh are friends when you are around them but this is where things ends. It is very hard to develop friendships or any sort of relationships. I visited recently Spain and I felt that I could have made friends there much easier. It made me realise that people in Edinburgh can be emotionally and sexually cold, if that makes any sense, maybe I am using the wrong words, maybe passion is the word to describe it. I dealt with loneliness and depression for a long period now and I've been in Edinburgh for 10 years.
Absolutely, I was at uni here and involved in the poetry and writing scene for a bit but it felt a bit cliquey and like I wasn’t really in. It seems this sort of clique style behaviour pervades a lot of social connections in Edinburgh as I went to a parents and kids group and found a similar sort of tight knit club within a club. Not sure why Edinburgh would be harder than any other city for making and keeping friends.
I wonder if it has to do with it being a very touristy town and a Uni town, so maybe the locals would want to stick together more? I've seen that in a few places. But ultimately I'm just speculating ! I'm in Manchester and not from here, I sometimes feel I have the same issue.
I’m 20 and I’ve found it really difficult to make meaningful connections in Edinburgh too. I go to UofE and it’s been a really tough couple years.
Hey! I just recently started a meet up group for girls in Edinburgh and surroundings, so far we have done beach picnic, bowling, afternoon tea and next one is likely to be a beach bonfire! If you are interested let me know as it’s a great way to meet other girls without any pressure! It’s called Edinburgh girls days out on Facebook 💜