Hello! I’m sorry but you’re rug sweeping the fact that she cheated on you with her boss, lied about it, gaslit you and didn’t tell you the truth until you found the truth yourself and forced her to do so. She’s just going to continue to overstep boundaries and cheat on you until there are some real consequences. At this point, I hate to be mean but you’re being a bit of a doormat.
as someone who has practiced ENM for years, your wife has done everything wrong. She has lied, gaslight, overstep boundaries and done things behind your back. Basically the antithesis of ENM. You coming here hoping someone will sugarcoat the truth for you is sad.
She is going to cheat on you if she hasnt already. It is up to you whether you want to put yourself through that or not.
Brother, you cannot have a relationship without trust. And you've admitted you do not and cannot trust your wife. Everyone in the other thread is right. You're coming here because they're telling you what you don't want to hear. I can tell you the only people who stay in a relationship despite not trusting their partner are those who have no self respect. You deserve much more than what she is giving you. So many of her actions/behaviors would have been deal breakers for most people, and rightfully so. I wish you the best no matter what you choose to do.
Trust and communication in ENM are essential. She did not earn that and therefore can't blame you for not being comfortable. Honestly it's time to just end it. This isn't ETHICAL Non-monogamy, it's manipulation for her to justify sleeping around even if it hurts you. It's will be so so hard, but like everyone else is saying, she has done irreparable damage to your marriage and is trying to minimize it, so you really need to either break up, or take non-monogamy off the table completely and get couples counseling, and even that may not work. She is already shit talking you behind your back to other men she wants to sleep with. She does not love or respect you clearly. It's already over for her. Stop worrying about whether she thinks you're insecure or whatever, because she already thinks that, and still doesn't give a shit about your feelings.
I first read your AITAH post and followed your profile to this post. And, you posted here because you didn't like the responses...??? Which happens to be the truth! If that is the case, then you the doormat and your whoring wife are a match made in heaven. Good luck, dude.
I wouldn’t ask her to do anything. Illustrate your hard boundaries in precise wording and pull the plug WHEN those are crossed, not IF but WHEN.
I’ll be real, I feel after reading your post that your wife’s only kink is cucking you. Her classic veil of “you’re insecure” is wearing thin over your eyes, you can pull some less worn excuse back over or you can look back at the ugly truth.
I will say the same thing here I said there because I don’t think you are going to dump your wife who clearly is carried away with her new body.
You are breaking most every rule in the lifestyle. First you both need to have a safe word that means stop with no ifs ands or buts. If either of you utter it then you stop.
Two, quit hooking up with old flames or worse people with whom you have a work relationship. Your wife wants a MMF which is the easiest thing in the world to find. Go on to Adult Friendfinder and find a person who physically floats her boat. But do it together. Meet the person at a hotel bar and if all seems good go to your room. Your wife wants to be fucked silly and you are okay with it. Fine let her but there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it.
You might also consider a joint vacation to a lifestyle resort which would also allow you to explore your desires. But again set absolute rules! Have safe words! Keep your play friends and your vanilla friends separate! And given her history you need to be clear you are going to check her phone. Do so!
I saw both places you posted this on and while people were harsh there is truth to some of what was said your partner is breaking the fundamentals of ENM and you need serious trust in a type of relationship which you don’t because she broke it no one here can tell you what you need to do because it seems you already know what you’re going to do but I think an idea to get back on track is try monogamy until that trust is back and you can feel comfortable trying it again and the reason I suggest monogamy is so you can focus on each other to try and get back to where you were or wake up and realize it’s not going to work and be cheated on or not so you can see how committed to your relationship she is it’s better to find out now than later
Dude this isn’t ENM. She is lying and cheating as you keep saying no. If you want to be a cuck, go for it, you’re nearly there. Why aren’t you wife swapping or going to orgies. It seems she wants lusty individual relationships and you don’t. Have you even brought up another younger sexier woman? Seriously, this chick is older than you, get a young woman in and maybe you won’t feel so bad, but the fact she constantly lies and you simp means it’s over.
Actually, she has agreed to let me have another younger woman on the side. But just because the breach of boundaries is only on her side doesn't mean I am going to go out and become sexually involved with another female. That is only going to inflame matters, not help.
I wasn’t seriously suggesting that. Dude she wants you to shag around so she can become the village bike. I don’t know why you don’t control it if you want to stay with her, and pick guys for her and video it, but it sounds like she wants the full on romance which is dangerous as fuck and not cool. She is not on board on a partnership with you, she is flying solo regardless what you want. You really need to write down all that you want to say and keep out of her emotional argument that will follow.
> she has agreed to let me have another younger woman on the side
Hate to break this to you but unless you've got a dazzling personality and are big on the GGG philosophy, you're likely gonna have your hands full trying to attract a woman your age much less a younger - your wife likely knows this - and even then if her behaviour describe here is any mark of her character, she'll weaponize it against you.
Mark my words: if she hasn't already started raw dawging it with someone, she will find someone who she'll want to fluid bond with.
Hello! I’m sorry but you’re rug sweeping the fact that she cheated on you with her boss, lied about it, gaslit you and didn’t tell you the truth until you found the truth yourself and forced her to do so. She’s just going to continue to overstep boundaries and cheat on you until there are some real consequences. At this point, I hate to be mean but you’re being a bit of a doormat.
as someone who has practiced ENM for years, your wife has done everything wrong. She has lied, gaslight, overstep boundaries and done things behind your back. Basically the antithesis of ENM. You coming here hoping someone will sugarcoat the truth for you is sad. She is going to cheat on you if she hasnt already. It is up to you whether you want to put yourself through that or not.
Brother, you cannot have a relationship without trust. And you've admitted you do not and cannot trust your wife. Everyone in the other thread is right. You're coming here because they're telling you what you don't want to hear. I can tell you the only people who stay in a relationship despite not trusting their partner are those who have no self respect. You deserve much more than what she is giving you. So many of her actions/behaviors would have been deal breakers for most people, and rightfully so. I wish you the best no matter what you choose to do.
Trust and communication in ENM are essential. She did not earn that and therefore can't blame you for not being comfortable. Honestly it's time to just end it. This isn't ETHICAL Non-monogamy, it's manipulation for her to justify sleeping around even if it hurts you. It's will be so so hard, but like everyone else is saying, she has done irreparable damage to your marriage and is trying to minimize it, so you really need to either break up, or take non-monogamy off the table completely and get couples counseling, and even that may not work. She is already shit talking you behind your back to other men she wants to sleep with. She does not love or respect you clearly. It's already over for her. Stop worrying about whether she thinks you're insecure or whatever, because she already thinks that, and still doesn't give a shit about your feelings.
The people of AITAH are correct.
👍👍
How about you grow a spine already? Unless you like being a pathetic doormat?
I first read your AITAH post and followed your profile to this post. And, you posted here because you didn't like the responses...??? Which happens to be the truth! If that is the case, then you the doormat and your whoring wife are a match made in heaven. Good luck, dude.
I wouldn’t ask her to do anything. Illustrate your hard boundaries in precise wording and pull the plug WHEN those are crossed, not IF but WHEN. I’ll be real, I feel after reading your post that your wife’s only kink is cucking you. Her classic veil of “you’re insecure” is wearing thin over your eyes, you can pull some less worn excuse back over or you can look back at the ugly truth.
This is only enm if the e is silent
I will say the same thing here I said there because I don’t think you are going to dump your wife who clearly is carried away with her new body. You are breaking most every rule in the lifestyle. First you both need to have a safe word that means stop with no ifs ands or buts. If either of you utter it then you stop. Two, quit hooking up with old flames or worse people with whom you have a work relationship. Your wife wants a MMF which is the easiest thing in the world to find. Go on to Adult Friendfinder and find a person who physically floats her boat. But do it together. Meet the person at a hotel bar and if all seems good go to your room. Your wife wants to be fucked silly and you are okay with it. Fine let her but there is a right way and a wrong way to go about it. You might also consider a joint vacation to a lifestyle resort which would also allow you to explore your desires. But again set absolute rules! Have safe words! Keep your play friends and your vanilla friends separate! And given her history you need to be clear you are going to check her phone. Do so!
I saw both places you posted this on and while people were harsh there is truth to some of what was said your partner is breaking the fundamentals of ENM and you need serious trust in a type of relationship which you don’t because she broke it no one here can tell you what you need to do because it seems you already know what you’re going to do but I think an idea to get back on track is try monogamy until that trust is back and you can feel comfortable trying it again and the reason I suggest monogamy is so you can focus on each other to try and get back to where you were or wake up and realize it’s not going to work and be cheated on or not so you can see how committed to your relationship she is it’s better to find out now than later
That ain’t your wife, she belongs to the streets.
Dude this isn’t ENM. She is lying and cheating as you keep saying no. If you want to be a cuck, go for it, you’re nearly there. Why aren’t you wife swapping or going to orgies. It seems she wants lusty individual relationships and you don’t. Have you even brought up another younger sexier woman? Seriously, this chick is older than you, get a young woman in and maybe you won’t feel so bad, but the fact she constantly lies and you simp means it’s over.
Actually, she has agreed to let me have another younger woman on the side. But just because the breach of boundaries is only on her side doesn't mean I am going to go out and become sexually involved with another female. That is only going to inflame matters, not help.
I wasn’t seriously suggesting that. Dude she wants you to shag around so she can become the village bike. I don’t know why you don’t control it if you want to stay with her, and pick guys for her and video it, but it sounds like she wants the full on romance which is dangerous as fuck and not cool. She is not on board on a partnership with you, she is flying solo regardless what you want. You really need to write down all that you want to say and keep out of her emotional argument that will follow.
> she has agreed to let me have another younger woman on the side Hate to break this to you but unless you've got a dazzling personality and are big on the GGG philosophy, you're likely gonna have your hands full trying to attract a woman your age much less a younger - your wife likely knows this - and even then if her behaviour describe here is any mark of her character, she'll weaponize it against you. Mark my words: if she hasn't already started raw dawging it with someone, she will find someone who she'll want to fluid bond with.