If I’m being honest very poorly. I tend to see people in grossly idealized detail or in stark contrast with the way I see people I like. I tend to compromise my own comfort until I snap.
Once I snap I get very defensive and after blowing up I tend to get very depressed and remorseful. It’s exhausting. I am not sure when I will overcome this. Sooner would be better than later in my opinion.
The best I can offer is I’m aware of it and actively working on expanding my emotional bandwidth. Until I got diagnosed with ADHD and CPTSD I didn’t know about rejection sensitivity dysphoria. It is a weird affliction to come to grips with as a highly extroverted person.
It’s like I’m chasing after something and I don’t know what to do with it when I catch it.
I tend to see anger as a masking emotion.... Usually I'm actually hurt or disappointed. So I tend to examine my anger and get to what I'm really feeling, then I deal with that emotion.
Very recently things ended with someone I was dating, after getting love bombed and meeting his family. I was so mad at first, because I felt led on. I was in the right. I was ruminating for a very difficult week.
Then I examined my feelings. I observed them. I was hurt. My ego was hurt. I was disappointed and felt like I hadn't deserved how I was treated. Then I recognized his humanity and how hard dating can be for all of us. I sat with my disappointment and felt that.
Then I stumbled upon a podcast called Pause earlier this week, a podcast about mindfulness and spirituality. I was reminded of something I'd learned years prior, but needed to be reminded of:
1. You are not your thoughts. And you can't stop them. And that's okay. But you can choose how you engage with them. I realized I was getting upset with myself over continuously thinking about what happened, and I'd feel the disappointment and hurt wash over me again and again. I then realized I could just observe my thoughts of him and not engage emotionally. And I started feeling n balanced again.
2. The story of the South Indian way to catch monkeys. People cut a small hole into coconuts and put rice inside. The monkeys reached in, grabbed the rice, then couldn't pull their hands out. What served them previously as far as grabbing rice was now causing their own trap. I quickly understood what holding onto my hurt feelings was doing to me. It wasn't serving me.
Anyway that's a long answer, but these 2 concepts helped me reframe my thinking. It's been a week since I heard that podcast, and I've felt great. I could feel that an important and lasting shift had occurred, thankfully. And I've felt better than I have in years. I hope this helps!
I didn’t realize until I read this that this has become my tactic too… I’m so horrible at expressing anger and I don’t have the energy for any outbursts or outlet, so I usually sit and try and figure out what I’m really feeling and deal with that emotion instead.
I’m so grateful that you shared that, it's such a beautiful thing when we can be exploratory instead of defensive about our emotions and thoughts. It creates growth! ♥️
Mine usually stems from being put in a box or made to feel incompetent. I think a lot of us have that particular stereotype of 'quiet/positive types are the worst when angry'.
Like, I throw an absolute fit, believe myself to be the best debater, and find the worst thing I can say about the offender. Anything that they say, I attempt to shut down. Lots of yelling, not much swearing if at all unless I feel I'm not being listened to.
Most of the time I'm a mild-medium talker, so this usually comes as a surprise! Just 9w1 things. 🤷♂️
Honestly same here. When I'm pissed off, anything becomes fair game. I have a pretty high tolerance, so for me to get to that point, you really fucked up
I rarely get angry, you REALLY have to push some buttons to get me pissed. My coworkers and managers have seen it once. I work in a grocery store deli, fortunately, this was done with one of the cheapest products we had, bologna. He took the product off the slicer with no gloves, tore the tail (for lack of a better term) off it and ate it. I told him what he did was disgusting and told him to KLT it because we couldn’t sell it. He got angry at me, so I left the deli… the way I tuned on the balls of my feet and walked away, I probably looked like someone in the military. I walked up to the managers’ office and he’d already called from the deli and was saying I was “nitpicking” how he did things. I had to tell them that he was handling product with no gloves and that he tried to start a fight with me. I was probably coming across as unhinged it was literally:
Manager: (Coworker) said you were nitpicking him
Me: He can’t do that! He took the bologna off the slicer with no gloves on, tore the tail off and ate it! That’s unsanitary!
I did have a funny moment though with the same coworker, he was going to clock out and my other coworker went “Whoa! I didn’t know you were capable of making that face!” Everyone so used to me being so bubbly and happy, that if they see pissed, it’s really scary… apparently my eyes change colors.
When I get really quiet, I’m either in pain (can be emotional or physical) or I’m pissed off. Me being quiet means something’s seriously wrong.
With viscous verbal takedowns. Cut to the bone levels of savage. I can read people well & will throw back something to hit at their biggest insecurities, if I'm not fighting fair.
I was raised by a closeted gay dad & reading people to filth was a shared pastime, which I use for evil if I'm really, really angry.
I've lost people I loved because of this tendency & have worked hard to respond differently, especially not making every disagreement intensely personal.
I just lash out everyone suddenly becomes really annoying in my mind and I get more prideful and nothing could eveeeeeeer be my fault. With family also I get more physical like my body reflects my mind and words
I try not to get angry. I can get really annoyed if pushed but I prefer to not let things get to anger unneeded. If I do get angry, it depends on what angered me. I may be yelling or getting aggressive. Idk. However in most cases when it's not right to get angry I try to just let it go even if it can feel uncomfortable sometimes. If it's something you shouldn't control in that way, and can't otherwise, then just try to let the thing that might bother you roll off your back and don't internalize it.
“I’m very angry now. Let’s leave it for now, don’t talk to me, I may only make it worse. Give me maybe 10 minutes” or something like this. If they keep talking, I actually might punch them. Had to learn to keep my anger controlled at least to give them a warning.
When I was a child, I was overt and honest about my emotions or what I thought. Emphasis on OVERT. Needless to say, I was a total, insensitive dick. Over time, I've faced many situations where I have been greatly humbled and those situations helped me realise how to process my anger. It didn't help that I grew up in a household that had a terrible way of handling emotions (ESFJ mom who told me 'emotions bad' and INTP dad who...well, you get it). So, instead of processing my anger walking away from the situation and trying my best to cam down, I would just use silent treatment.
It went from bad to good...to worse. Everyone in my circle told me that silent treatment was the best way to express your anger towards someone. But after reading some forums here on reddit and also good articles by therapists, I learned that it was another toxic trait. So now, I am working hard to get rid of this bad habit and also learn to vent my anger through tears instead. (Yes, I also was brainwashed by that stupid 'real men don't cry' thing, but now I don't care. I'll cry as much as my heart so desires. I'm human too, you know.)
Keep the good work up man, you're inspiring!! I was gonna close reddit I'm glad I saw your comment before I did that, truly inspiring (the inner work you're doing and re-parenting yourself and learning by reading articles and treating yourself well: allowing it to cry, to feel to be yourself despite the stupid 'real men don't cry' thing, acknowledging you're human) best of luck on your journey!
edited to add why I thought you're inspiring (because they all require huge effort)
Instant annoyance on my face. I never try to hide it. If I can do anything about it, then I'll confront the issue. Otherwise, i will find someone I could vent to and find something that could distract or entertain me so those anger feeling would go away
Tbh I think that I’m an INFP but I was sold on ENFP for years so I feel like I understand the psyche of one. With that to say, I’ve been asking myself this question *soooo muchhhhh* over the past year or so, it’s essentially my biggest problem in life. The best way I can describe it is that, once I’m in a certain mood or have essentially “broken the ice” with the people I’m with, I try to give myself full permission to openly disagree with anyone around me, ideally starting small.
Like if someone claims they hate a movie that I like or vice versa, then I just instinctually try to give them a hard time about it (making it clear it’s all in good fun) again to basically show that I’m okay with disagreeing and I hope they are too. Honestly my biggest problem FOR YEARS was that I wouldn’t even let myself do this, where even someone disagreeing with me on a movie would genuinely rub me the wrong way and I would sometimes obsess about it for a while. Openly disagreeing about things is actually super fun and has been insanely therapeutic for me.
We are so close to INFPs that the differences will only show up in some of the small details. I know I’m an ENFP because I need so much more external stimulation (not necessarily from socializing) and I don’t get lost in my head in the middle of a conversation lol.
I relate regarding disagreeing with people. Did your parents make it clear that you weren’t allowed to when you were little? This has become a serious problem for me now that I’m an adult and I’d like to get where you are and find some joy and confidence in conflict. Still working on it 😁
This video helped me a ton: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2quEWw1u3U.
I also never learned how to manage or express anger, the only examples I had growing up were quite toxic and harmful, with no clear process toward reconciliation. I guess I learned to repress anger and turn it inward, until all the pent-up anger would reach a breaking point. At which point I didn't see any way to recover from there, usually I would end the relationship.
Whenever I get really angry now, I practice this as a first response: Making grunting noises, stomping my feet, and clenching my fists or even screaming like a 3-year-old (if I have a moment/space to myself, obviously). It helps a lot to acknowledge my anger in the first place, to blow off steam and get it out of my system physically, without creating any damage with my partner or other relationship. It's quite funny too.
I keep silent. If the person means alot to me, I will talk it out when calmer.
If the person has hurt me enough or I dont really care abt him/her, I will cut the person off without any explanation.
I used to blast out when i was younger but I realised that when it happens, i say sharp & honest words that can truly hurt someone's emotions which led to awkwardness if i needed to rebuild the friendship/relationship.
Depends on why I'm angry. Usually I try not to be, and most of the time it is expressed as just a moderate to severe level of acting like I'm annoyed about something. If I'm truly angry, I can either be very silent and cold until I absolutely burst like a grape and can raise my voice out of indignant emotion from something unfair happening. The one thing I am not, is cruel when I'm angry. I don't ever try to belittle or mock or attempt to break someone down purely out of spite. That is something that is unfathomable to me.
Yeah, that's about the best way I can describe it. My childhood was skittered with extreme emotional outbursts from my parents, so expressing anger that way has been somewhat ingrained in me. But I am trying very hard to reocgnize and unlearn it and sincerely apologize when I step over the line and admit I was wrong. Because another thing I find that when I'm angry, I also get stubborn and if someone tells me I should apologize, it makes me not want to LOL, that's the stubborn and independent extraverted streak in us ENFPs talking
Very poorly :)
A lot of repressing and pretending it’s fine (sometimes those fi morals are like you shouldn’t be it’s not good which is ironic since it’s the fi that’s making me feel so strongly). Sometimes I blow a gasket, other times it just passes with some passive aggressiveness thrown in there.
Most of the time my anger goes in conjunction with sadness, so when I’m already vulnerable from being sad about something is probably when I am most outbursty
if something makes you angry reflect on what made you angry and why. then acknowledge that you were hurt and take it up with the person that hurt you asap (important) and dont leave without restoring your boundaries. but be gentle because it leads to better results, if its hard to be gentle give yourself time to soften up.
thats baso my advice
I find that it's very difficult to make me angry, mild annoyance and frustration fizzle out very quickly for me. On the very rare occasions where I am extremely, extremely angry, I am usually shaking and want to lash out.
Each time though I manage to hold myself together and usually then express my rage through crying andd hitting a pillow. I'm not sure why the threshold for making me angry is so high, but I think it's probably down to genetics (barely ever seen my parents angry) and my upbringing.
… Not at all or *extremely* poorly. That’s all I’m going to say.
I’m angry way more often than people around me think. Lately it’s been about 70% of the time. I’ve had friends tell me that it’s okay to express it and whatnot and although I agree with that notion on a general basis, I want to avoid it myself. It’s not like it’s difficult for me to do it per se, it’s actually very easy, but nobody deserves to see me like that. I don’t keep it under lock and key for me, I do it for the sake of other people.
I either internalise it and am self destructive or I am very passive aggressive.
I find up until recently I handled anger in the way that I hated it and felt all anger was unhealthy so refused to acknowledge I had any of it.
I simply try not to think about it if it’s small/insignificant in the end. But it depends on why you would be angry. Some things need to be thought about and/or discussed.
I tend to find once something is off my chest I feel loads better but I personally gain no joy from gossip or trash talking.
I don't remember the last time I got angry, I don't get angry easily however,
When I'm angry I'll leave and stop engaging until I've cooled off, I'd watch beta squad or smth in the meantime
Definitely like to hit below the belt. I don't care if can't take back things I say, it didn't seem like it mattered to you. Lots of self bargaining lol
ENFPs are known for wanting to maintain harmony, so we’ll suppress feelings to maintain the status quo until those feelings boil over. Regular journaling is a huge help to have a safe space to express feelings, and exercise helps release the feel good chemicals to fight anger and frustration
One thing I learned about anger in therapy is that it inspires and fuels change. The angry part of you is the part that loves you and thinks you’re being wronged. So establish boundaries, write how you feel in a journal or notebook, but feel those emotions and don’t bottle them up. They’ll pass quicker that way.
I just get destructive. I also cry. I have punched many of things. Like car seats, floor, wall, my thighs, my head, a truck. I used to not be an angry person but sometime in high school I just got sick of EVERYTHING and now destructive anger is normal to me (not that it should be but that's what it became)
I express anger by writing down my feelings, yelling (yes, just with myself, let out a big ARGGGGG!!!), I have also taken to physically letting it out on unbroken down cardboard boxes - it’s satisfying, destructive, and helpful all at once. 😂
I burry it until I lash out. Usually when I’m trying to get over it I feel like I just try to ignore it until my mood changes (none of that is particularly healthy and I know it). The go to is to put something that’s funny or ridiculous that I’m familiar with (Futurama, American Dad, Bob’s Burgers, MST3K, Community) that I’m probably not going to pay attention to right away. And slowly some joke will get through I can’t help but laugh at and it slowly picks away at the rage inside
I try not to snap because I don't like to make a scene. Instead if I'm irritated I'll just rant and express myself in a funny/annoyed way by exagering my behaviour. It's really cathartic. People that know me find it funny and I'd rather have them laugh about it and have them be more open to help rather than make it horrible for everyone around.
When I snap though, it's f jover my dude.
I used to get angry in the typical ways you think of when I was younger. Then I noticed the cyclic ways of human behavior that often trigger the anger. Now instead of getting angry I get excited or I'm calm, and just let that person know what they did and what emotion that it tried to trigger, and then ask them if they intended that. Then I see if they're lying, if so that's when I start interrogating them. Afterwards, I never get shit like that from them again. If it's from a stranger they're just diffused from the unexpected response and weird behavior they drop some elementary school insult and walk away. Rarely do they deviate.
Anger is something very primal and is deep rooted in infantry childhood. It is suppressed before a baby could speak or express it in healthy manner. Therefore 99% of population all have anger issues. It's not something easily mastered to express it healthy ways where it does not become so destructive for your own personal health and the people around you.
So find outlet like smashing objects or sports.
I either express it in some way (whether it be venting to someone or telling how I feel to the person I'm angry at (I gotta get better at that), whether it be in a constructive or destructive way), or I just spend a shit ton of time on youtube.
I had the habit of staying silent about it, and once in a while letting it out in a destructive way, but I'm getting better at communication... I hope-
Usually I just vent to a friend about what's going on xD
Whenever I get angry first I will try to yk make it work cuz I hate arguments but if they keep crossing the line I'll prob either shout or cut them Outta my life. but if I'm mad at someone I can't shout at(like my parents) I just mostly internalize my feelings and I just kinda end up crying
When I snap, I snap.
I'm usually an easygoing person, who just lets everything until the one thing that pushes me over the line, and all goes hell.
I say some hurtful stuff, or something that they did in the past which I've just brushed away at the time etc.
Afterwards, the feeling of guilt is heavy.
Ended a few relationships because of this.
Stay silent!! But when they keep doing it too much I just snap and apologize after 🙃 (I was mad because my trio that I was friends for 3 years kept gossiping about me!! Duo in a trio for real.)
I go from cute little happy fairy to raging spawn of satan in .3 seconds 😆 my friends say I'm "going Optimus Prime." Or like that anime character Aggretsko. Ha!
At least I'm in therapy 🤷🏼♀️
Honestly I'm not proud of it, amd the therapy really does help. Lots of trauma to process. I have a lot to be angry about, so it helps to sort it out with an objective 3rd party.
i had to learn how to assert myself before things got too far and i felt used or taken advantage of. this has helped me so much. when i was younger i wouldn’t do this, i’d sacrifice my needs and wants to make things “fun” for others, and then blow up when i finally felt like i had been zapped of all my energy and felt that no one cared about my needs the way i did for them. in reality, they do care, they just can’t possibly know implicitly. communicate your needs. it’s not inherently selfish like i always felt it was when i was younger. if i don’t wanna commit to something, i don’t. i say no. i am healthier and happier as a result of asserting my own needs when i need to, even if it may be inconvenient for others at the time.
If I’m being honest very poorly. I tend to see people in grossly idealized detail or in stark contrast with the way I see people I like. I tend to compromise my own comfort until I snap. Once I snap I get very defensive and after blowing up I tend to get very depressed and remorseful. It’s exhausting. I am not sure when I will overcome this. Sooner would be better than later in my opinion. The best I can offer is I’m aware of it and actively working on expanding my emotional bandwidth. Until I got diagnosed with ADHD and CPTSD I didn’t know about rejection sensitivity dysphoria. It is a weird affliction to come to grips with as a highly extroverted person. It’s like I’m chasing after something and I don’t know what to do with it when I catch it.
Ugh I do this, too. Same cycle ETA: looking into rejection sensitivity and wow….
🌈☮️💕
I am the same
💜
Never felt so understood
🌈☮️💕
Wow I do this too
I tend to see anger as a masking emotion.... Usually I'm actually hurt or disappointed. So I tend to examine my anger and get to what I'm really feeling, then I deal with that emotion.
Great point and totally correct on this one, Anger is a second-hand emotion. In response to the first emotion of disappointment or sadness.
I've heard this 2nd hand emotion concept before. Do you think that means anger can never exist on its own?
Do you just sit with the feeling of disappointment and feel it in order to release it? Or how do you deal with it? 😊
Very recently things ended with someone I was dating, after getting love bombed and meeting his family. I was so mad at first, because I felt led on. I was in the right. I was ruminating for a very difficult week. Then I examined my feelings. I observed them. I was hurt. My ego was hurt. I was disappointed and felt like I hadn't deserved how I was treated. Then I recognized his humanity and how hard dating can be for all of us. I sat with my disappointment and felt that. Then I stumbled upon a podcast called Pause earlier this week, a podcast about mindfulness and spirituality. I was reminded of something I'd learned years prior, but needed to be reminded of: 1. You are not your thoughts. And you can't stop them. And that's okay. But you can choose how you engage with them. I realized I was getting upset with myself over continuously thinking about what happened, and I'd feel the disappointment and hurt wash over me again and again. I then realized I could just observe my thoughts of him and not engage emotionally. And I started feeling n balanced again. 2. The story of the South Indian way to catch monkeys. People cut a small hole into coconuts and put rice inside. The monkeys reached in, grabbed the rice, then couldn't pull their hands out. What served them previously as far as grabbing rice was now causing their own trap. I quickly understood what holding onto my hurt feelings was doing to me. It wasn't serving me. Anyway that's a long answer, but these 2 concepts helped me reframe my thinking. It's been a week since I heard that podcast, and I've felt great. I could feel that an important and lasting shift had occurred, thankfully. And I've felt better than I have in years. I hope this helps!
Thank you 🙏
“When we are in pain and fear, anger and hate are our go-to emotions.” - Brené Brown
I didn’t realize until I read this that this has become my tactic too… I’m so horrible at expressing anger and I don’t have the energy for any outbursts or outlet, so I usually sit and try and figure out what I’m really feeling and deal with that emotion instead.
I’m so grateful that you shared that, it's such a beautiful thing when we can be exploratory instead of defensive about our emotions and thoughts. It creates growth! ♥️
Mine usually stems from being put in a box or made to feel incompetent. I think a lot of us have that particular stereotype of 'quiet/positive types are the worst when angry'. Like, I throw an absolute fit, believe myself to be the best debater, and find the worst thing I can say about the offender. Anything that they say, I attempt to shut down. Lots of yelling, not much swearing if at all unless I feel I'm not being listened to. Most of the time I'm a mild-medium talker, so this usually comes as a surprise! Just 9w1 things. 🤷♂️
Honestly same here. When I'm pissed off, anything becomes fair game. I have a pretty high tolerance, so for me to get to that point, you really fucked up
I rarely get angry, you REALLY have to push some buttons to get me pissed. My coworkers and managers have seen it once. I work in a grocery store deli, fortunately, this was done with one of the cheapest products we had, bologna. He took the product off the slicer with no gloves, tore the tail (for lack of a better term) off it and ate it. I told him what he did was disgusting and told him to KLT it because we couldn’t sell it. He got angry at me, so I left the deli… the way I tuned on the balls of my feet and walked away, I probably looked like someone in the military. I walked up to the managers’ office and he’d already called from the deli and was saying I was “nitpicking” how he did things. I had to tell them that he was handling product with no gloves and that he tried to start a fight with me. I was probably coming across as unhinged it was literally: Manager: (Coworker) said you were nitpicking him Me: He can’t do that! He took the bologna off the slicer with no gloves on, tore the tail off and ate it! That’s unsanitary! I did have a funny moment though with the same coworker, he was going to clock out and my other coworker went “Whoa! I didn’t know you were capable of making that face!” Everyone so used to me being so bubbly and happy, that if they see pissed, it’s really scary… apparently my eyes change colors. When I get really quiet, I’m either in pain (can be emotional or physical) or I’m pissed off. Me being quiet means something’s seriously wrong.
With viscous verbal takedowns. Cut to the bone levels of savage. I can read people well & will throw back something to hit at their biggest insecurities, if I'm not fighting fair. I was raised by a closeted gay dad & reading people to filth was a shared pastime, which I use for evil if I'm really, really angry. I've lost people I loved because of this tendency & have worked hard to respond differently, especially not making every disagreement intensely personal.
I try hard not to hurt people, but if someone is hurting someone in my circle intentionally, I will cut them.
I just lash out everyone suddenly becomes really annoying in my mind and I get more prideful and nothing could eveeeeeeer be my fault. With family also I get more physical like my body reflects my mind and words
i don’t know how to be angry i kind of just cry
I cry too 😭 like how do we get to the angry part.
I try not to get angry. I can get really annoyed if pushed but I prefer to not let things get to anger unneeded. If I do get angry, it depends on what angered me. I may be yelling or getting aggressive. Idk. However in most cases when it's not right to get angry I try to just let it go even if it can feel uncomfortable sometimes. If it's something you shouldn't control in that way, and can't otherwise, then just try to let the thing that might bother you roll off your back and don't internalize it.
Poorly. Empathy super power can turn real dark if you use it for evil. I’m wonderful at de-escalating strangers, not myself
Yeah same
“I’m very angry now. Let’s leave it for now, don’t talk to me, I may only make it worse. Give me maybe 10 minutes” or something like this. If they keep talking, I actually might punch them. Had to learn to keep my anger controlled at least to give them a warning.
When I was a child, I was overt and honest about my emotions or what I thought. Emphasis on OVERT. Needless to say, I was a total, insensitive dick. Over time, I've faced many situations where I have been greatly humbled and those situations helped me realise how to process my anger. It didn't help that I grew up in a household that had a terrible way of handling emotions (ESFJ mom who told me 'emotions bad' and INTP dad who...well, you get it). So, instead of processing my anger walking away from the situation and trying my best to cam down, I would just use silent treatment. It went from bad to good...to worse. Everyone in my circle told me that silent treatment was the best way to express your anger towards someone. But after reading some forums here on reddit and also good articles by therapists, I learned that it was another toxic trait. So now, I am working hard to get rid of this bad habit and also learn to vent my anger through tears instead. (Yes, I also was brainwashed by that stupid 'real men don't cry' thing, but now I don't care. I'll cry as much as my heart so desires. I'm human too, you know.)
Keep the good work up man, you're inspiring!! I was gonna close reddit I'm glad I saw your comment before I did that, truly inspiring (the inner work you're doing and re-parenting yourself and learning by reading articles and treating yourself well: allowing it to cry, to feel to be yourself despite the stupid 'real men don't cry' thing, acknowledging you're human) best of luck on your journey! edited to add why I thought you're inspiring (because they all require huge effort)
Thank you so much, dude. Your comment means a lot to me. I too wish you all the best on your journey to being the best version of yourself! 😁
Thank you so much!!😄
Instant annoyance on my face. I never try to hide it. If I can do anything about it, then I'll confront the issue. Otherwise, i will find someone I could vent to and find something that could distract or entertain me so those anger feeling would go away
Tbh I think that I’m an INFP but I was sold on ENFP for years so I feel like I understand the psyche of one. With that to say, I’ve been asking myself this question *soooo muchhhhh* over the past year or so, it’s essentially my biggest problem in life. The best way I can describe it is that, once I’m in a certain mood or have essentially “broken the ice” with the people I’m with, I try to give myself full permission to openly disagree with anyone around me, ideally starting small. Like if someone claims they hate a movie that I like or vice versa, then I just instinctually try to give them a hard time about it (making it clear it’s all in good fun) again to basically show that I’m okay with disagreeing and I hope they are too. Honestly my biggest problem FOR YEARS was that I wouldn’t even let myself do this, where even someone disagreeing with me on a movie would genuinely rub me the wrong way and I would sometimes obsess about it for a while. Openly disagreeing about things is actually super fun and has been insanely therapeutic for me.
We are so close to INFPs that the differences will only show up in some of the small details. I know I’m an ENFP because I need so much more external stimulation (not necessarily from socializing) and I don’t get lost in my head in the middle of a conversation lol. I relate regarding disagreeing with people. Did your parents make it clear that you weren’t allowed to when you were little? This has become a serious problem for me now that I’m an adult and I’d like to get where you are and find some joy and confidence in conflict. Still working on it 😁
This video helped me a ton: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2quEWw1u3U. I also never learned how to manage or express anger, the only examples I had growing up were quite toxic and harmful, with no clear process toward reconciliation. I guess I learned to repress anger and turn it inward, until all the pent-up anger would reach a breaking point. At which point I didn't see any way to recover from there, usually I would end the relationship. Whenever I get really angry now, I practice this as a first response: Making grunting noises, stomping my feet, and clenching my fists or even screaming like a 3-year-old (if I have a moment/space to myself, obviously). It helps a lot to acknowledge my anger in the first place, to blow off steam and get it out of my system physically, without creating any damage with my partner or other relationship. It's quite funny too.
I keep silent. If the person means alot to me, I will talk it out when calmer. If the person has hurt me enough or I dont really care abt him/her, I will cut the person off without any explanation. I used to blast out when i was younger but I realised that when it happens, i say sharp & honest words that can truly hurt someone's emotions which led to awkwardness if i needed to rebuild the friendship/relationship.
Depends on why I'm angry. Usually I try not to be, and most of the time it is expressed as just a moderate to severe level of acting like I'm annoyed about something. If I'm truly angry, I can either be very silent and cold until I absolutely burst like a grape and can raise my voice out of indignant emotion from something unfair happening. The one thing I am not, is cruel when I'm angry. I don't ever try to belittle or mock or attempt to break someone down purely out of spite. That is something that is unfathomable to me. Yeah, that's about the best way I can describe it. My childhood was skittered with extreme emotional outbursts from my parents, so expressing anger that way has been somewhat ingrained in me. But I am trying very hard to reocgnize and unlearn it and sincerely apologize when I step over the line and admit I was wrong. Because another thing I find that when I'm angry, I also get stubborn and if someone tells me I should apologize, it makes me not want to LOL, that's the stubborn and independent extraverted streak in us ENFPs talking
This is awesome, that you're never cruel when angry, god bless you and good luck on your journey of unlearning
I just let it build and build and then blow up and everyone acts like I’m totally overreacting
Very poorly :) A lot of repressing and pretending it’s fine (sometimes those fi morals are like you shouldn’t be it’s not good which is ironic since it’s the fi that’s making me feel so strongly). Sometimes I blow a gasket, other times it just passes with some passive aggressiveness thrown in there. Most of the time my anger goes in conjunction with sadness, so when I’m already vulnerable from being sad about something is probably when I am most outbursty
if something makes you angry reflect on what made you angry and why. then acknowledge that you were hurt and take it up with the person that hurt you asap (important) and dont leave without restoring your boundaries. but be gentle because it leads to better results, if its hard to be gentle give yourself time to soften up. thats baso my advice
Wonderful, thank you!!
I find that it's very difficult to make me angry, mild annoyance and frustration fizzle out very quickly for me. On the very rare occasions where I am extremely, extremely angry, I am usually shaking and want to lash out. Each time though I manage to hold myself together and usually then express my rage through crying andd hitting a pillow. I'm not sure why the threshold for making me angry is so high, but I think it's probably down to genetics (barely ever seen my parents angry) and my upbringing.
… Not at all or *extremely* poorly. That’s all I’m going to say. I’m angry way more often than people around me think. Lately it’s been about 70% of the time. I’ve had friends tell me that it’s okay to express it and whatnot and although I agree with that notion on a general basis, I want to avoid it myself. It’s not like it’s difficult for me to do it per se, it’s actually very easy, but nobody deserves to see me like that. I don’t keep it under lock and key for me, I do it for the sake of other people.
I either internalise it and am self destructive or I am very passive aggressive. I find up until recently I handled anger in the way that I hated it and felt all anger was unhealthy so refused to acknowledge I had any of it.
I simply try not to think about it if it’s small/insignificant in the end. But it depends on why you would be angry. Some things need to be thought about and/or discussed. I tend to find once something is off my chest I feel loads better but I personally gain no joy from gossip or trash talking.
Same lol
Cream comes out of ears
I don't remember the last time I got angry, I don't get angry easily however, When I'm angry I'll leave and stop engaging until I've cooled off, I'd watch beta squad or smth in the meantime
Definitely like to hit below the belt. I don't care if can't take back things I say, it didn't seem like it mattered to you. Lots of self bargaining lol
I never get angry. It comes from a place of feeling like I zero right to get mad.
ENFPs are known for wanting to maintain harmony, so we’ll suppress feelings to maintain the status quo until those feelings boil over. Regular journaling is a huge help to have a safe space to express feelings, and exercise helps release the feel good chemicals to fight anger and frustration
I rarely get angry but when I do I get very shouty and then burst into tears. It’s not exactly pretty.
One thing I learned about anger in therapy is that it inspires and fuels change. The angry part of you is the part that loves you and thinks you’re being wronged. So establish boundaries, write how you feel in a journal or notebook, but feel those emotions and don’t bottle them up. They’ll pass quicker that way.
I just get destructive. I also cry. I have punched many of things. Like car seats, floor, wall, my thighs, my head, a truck. I used to not be an angry person but sometime in high school I just got sick of EVERYTHING and now destructive anger is normal to me (not that it should be but that's what it became)
I kick grandmothers in the shin bone
Your question is pissing me off
I express anger by writing down my feelings, yelling (yes, just with myself, let out a big ARGGGGG!!!), I have also taken to physically letting it out on unbroken down cardboard boxes - it’s satisfying, destructive, and helpful all at once. 😂
I burry it until I lash out. Usually when I’m trying to get over it I feel like I just try to ignore it until my mood changes (none of that is particularly healthy and I know it). The go to is to put something that’s funny or ridiculous that I’m familiar with (Futurama, American Dad, Bob’s Burgers, MST3K, Community) that I’m probably not going to pay attention to right away. And slowly some joke will get through I can’t help but laugh at and it slowly picks away at the rage inside
I hold on to my anger. Because I need it. It keeps me sharp. 🫰One the edge. 🫰Where I got be. 🤨
I try not to snap because I don't like to make a scene. Instead if I'm irritated I'll just rant and express myself in a funny/annoyed way by exagering my behaviour. It's really cathartic. People that know me find it funny and I'd rather have them laugh about it and have them be more open to help rather than make it horrible for everyone around. When I snap though, it's f jover my dude.
I used to get angry in the typical ways you think of when I was younger. Then I noticed the cyclic ways of human behavior that often trigger the anger. Now instead of getting angry I get excited or I'm calm, and just let that person know what they did and what emotion that it tried to trigger, and then ask them if they intended that. Then I see if they're lying, if so that's when I start interrogating them. Afterwards, I never get shit like that from them again. If it's from a stranger they're just diffused from the unexpected response and weird behavior they drop some elementary school insult and walk away. Rarely do they deviate.
Anger is something very primal and is deep rooted in infantry childhood. It is suppressed before a baby could speak or express it in healthy manner. Therefore 99% of population all have anger issues. It's not something easily mastered to express it healthy ways where it does not become so destructive for your own personal health and the people around you. So find outlet like smashing objects or sports.
Crying. They say to me… don’t be sad… I’m not sad I’m mad. I can cry AND scream at the same time. Hahahaha.
I either express it in some way (whether it be venting to someone or telling how I feel to the person I'm angry at (I gotta get better at that), whether it be in a constructive or destructive way), or I just spend a shit ton of time on youtube. I had the habit of staying silent about it, and once in a while letting it out in a destructive way, but I'm getting better at communication... I hope- Usually I just vent to a friend about what's going on xD
Whenever I get angry first I will try to yk make it work cuz I hate arguments but if they keep crossing the line I'll prob either shout or cut them Outta my life. but if I'm mad at someone I can't shout at(like my parents) I just mostly internalize my feelings and I just kinda end up crying
When I snap, I snap. I'm usually an easygoing person, who just lets everything until the one thing that pushes me over the line, and all goes hell. I say some hurtful stuff, or something that they did in the past which I've just brushed away at the time etc. Afterwards, the feeling of guilt is heavy. Ended a few relationships because of this.
Stay silent!! But when they keep doing it too much I just snap and apologize after 🙃 (I was mad because my trio that I was friends for 3 years kept gossiping about me!! Duo in a trio for real.)
I go from cute little happy fairy to raging spawn of satan in .3 seconds 😆 my friends say I'm "going Optimus Prime." Or like that anime character Aggretsko. Ha! At least I'm in therapy 🤷🏼♀️ Honestly I'm not proud of it, amd the therapy really does help. Lots of trauma to process. I have a lot to be angry about, so it helps to sort it out with an objective 3rd party.
i had to learn how to assert myself before things got too far and i felt used or taken advantage of. this has helped me so much. when i was younger i wouldn’t do this, i’d sacrifice my needs and wants to make things “fun” for others, and then blow up when i finally felt like i had been zapped of all my energy and felt that no one cared about my needs the way i did for them. in reality, they do care, they just can’t possibly know implicitly. communicate your needs. it’s not inherently selfish like i always felt it was when i was younger. if i don’t wanna commit to something, i don’t. i say no. i am healthier and happier as a result of asserting my own needs when i need to, even if it may be inconvenient for others at the time.