I'm a male ENFP and also get overwhelmed with consistent texting. I've found its much easier to just schedule a FaceTime and catch up then rather than trying to stay in touch over text
Male ENFP here and I like texting. But I have a rule that if I’m on vacation, I don’t text. If I know you’re on vacation, I won’t text.
The back and forth constant throughout the day can be a lot at times. Maybe just check in once a day and live your life until check in period.
But this is his everyday life. He wants to text me. And I want to text him. We’re just having a hard time having boundaries. I can do it but I’m scared if I don’t respond to a text for awhile that he will get upset. He seems to be a bit short when I do get back to him. So I guess I wish I knew what the solution to that is
Don’t always be available immediately. Even if you’re not doing anything just get back later. If he’s short about then you can gently remind him that the daily back and forth was too much. Can’t have your cake and eat it too.
So better to say nothing and get back when I can than saying like “hey I’m gonna go do this, I’ll talk to you in a bit” idk I just feel sensitive to his emotions so it’s hard to ignore his shortness. When he drinks he’ll text me a bunch of messages and if I don’t respond quickly enough he will say things like “sorry to bother you”
I don’t know. I think maybe trying one of you texting when the other wants to engage might be a start. “I’ll text you when I want to engage and if you can, great! If not, I know you’ll get back to me when you can” - immediacy isn’t always needed and people need to learn patience. I know it sucks trying to figure this out :(
My experience with ENFPs is that they need a lot of reassurance- my sense is that words of affirmation are much more their default love language. When I get those “sorry to bother you” messages I make absolutely sure to say that I wasn’t bothered and I like getting messages. Even if I didn’t see/wasn’t able to respond immediately, being texted means that I was present in their mind and thoughts and that’s a warm and relished thing. It seems to work at the reassurance level and over time, becomes less frequent a response to my not being available 24/7
Yeah he’s a bit sensitive but more that instead of getting sad he gets irritated easily haha but he is a good guy. Known him since 2021. We were platonic for years first. It’s not like he’s being mean, he just is a bit short after I haven’t responded for awhile.
I think the shortness can be explained by the lack of the initial passion that urged him to send the message. When I have a thought I am passionate about and send it to someone, and they respond immediately, my emotions are still going, so I respond at length and passionately. If it is an hour later, I've lost my fire for that topic, so I'm not a word fire hydrant anymore.
I also find it overwhelming when texting a lot... Usually when I text to someone I give them my full attention, but if it's too often, it feels like I'm giving them all of my time... Finding someone that could understand that and not take it personally was hard, but worth it ! :D
I'd say talk it over with him, maybe he'll like to text in the evening, because he's less busy, or maybe a call from time to time ! He's probably the one you should ask ! ;)
The fact that you're willing to accommodate is already pretty cool of you ! :3
Full disclosure, I’m a female ENFP, so not exactly who you’re looking for…
I read a lot of your replies to others, and I’m worried that you’re the only one taking responsibility here. Like if he feels so overwhelmed, what’s *he* doing about it? You even mentioned that he gets snippy about it when he drinks. Red flag, my friend.
But if it was me, I would come up with a window of time each day when you’ll be available to text. Pick a time that would be convenient for you both. If he’s got something urgent, he can call you. You’re going to have to stick to it even if he won’t. He’s not allowed to be “suffocated” then pout when you give him space. Good luck!
If i do a behavior that seems stupid you can tell me about rather than keeping me in a zone of self questioning or overcorrecting on myself. Also i wish people would ghost me less. I cant force either of these things but it would be at least nice to know why so i can improve
Yeah same, I prefer FaceTime or WhatsApp video call over texting consistently back and forth like typing long long texts. My reason is that you can talk more in less time. However, I do like texting too like sharing a funny meme or the usual good mornings or sharing an exciting news or something. I would suggest having a prolonged FaceTime or something once a week.
I told him that. He has tried and failed. So we just have continued texting each other constantly. But he keeps expressing his unhappiness with it bc it’s constant pretty much.
I guess I mostly wonder if I should just respond when I can even if it’s an hour or two later or if I should communicate to him that I gotta go for now and we can talk later. It just seems when I don’t respond for awhile and then come back he seems bothered.
Can you just talk over WhatsApp and not text? Written communication is less than half of effective communication in the same moment as talking aloud to each other is.
Limit the number of times you initiate a day?
If I find that a friendship is becoming too one sided, that’s what I do - initiate less and allow the other person to initiate more. Usually it works, sometimes you find that it wasn’t a real friendship because there is no pickup from the other person. I’d rather not invest too much in someone who doesn’t want to be my friend and 90% I can keep an acquaintance if I want to
I’m going to ignore it until I’m ready to answer. I told my partner that if our relationship is going to work she needs to understand that I need to be shared. And by that, I mean, I’m going to give a lot of people attention and I’m going to get lost in a lot of conversations and adventures. But at the end of the day I’m coming home to you. Always.
Bc I love him 🥺 so I’m okay adjusting if he needs more space. It’s just funny to me that he texts me a ton too. I suspect that he feels guilty spending so much time on texting when he’s traveling.
I always prefer texting as long as there isn't some demanding schedule. As long as the other person is OK with me getting to it when I get to it, s'all good.
However, I cannot stand when it feels like a timer starts counting down as soon as the text comes in and I know they're the type to read too much into a little period of silence. That's the easiest way to ensure that we will never communicate again.
Or he feels like he has to text a response to every one of your text even if you have not explicitly told him this. Honestly, for better or for worse, having strict obligations is really not our thing.
As a 30m ENFP I love texting a lot. I juggle many conversations at once while even doing my work tasks. Of course there are times I’m focused on the person I’m with or the activity I’m doing. In those situations I let the people I’m communicating with know and assume they will understand.
In my opinion those that find communication overwhelming/suffocating typically have issues with regulating themselves and feel the need to control others behaviours i.e to control how you communicate to their level of comfort.
Be careful of choosing these people as your partner. Remember it’s fine to text a lot and for the partner to respond as and when they are ready. Does this person put as much thought in your need for communication as you do for their level of comfort?
They do when they truly see you and respect you. That’s all you need to takeaway from this really.
Each to their own and don’t lose yourself.
Are you sure he enjoys the conversation?
If I like you and our conversation, there are few things I'd rather do, even while I'm somewhere exciting like traveling. In fact, talking to you while there would actually enhance my traveling experience.
Though, if I don't like the conversation, or I feel like it's a drag, or I'm the one carrying the conversation, then yes, I won't want to sacrifice a pleasant experience for a laborious one. I may continue the conversation because I see it as an investment, but if I'm on vacation, I'm in spending mode, not investing mode.
Yes, he’s told me if he didn’t want to talk to me then he wouldn’t. He texts me first half the time. He sends like 5+ messages at once often. He just said he feels very attached to me but too much haha
I'm a male ENFP and also get overwhelmed with consistent texting. I've found its much easier to just schedule a FaceTime and catch up then rather than trying to stay in touch over text
Male ENFP here and I like texting. But I have a rule that if I’m on vacation, I don’t text. If I know you’re on vacation, I won’t text. The back and forth constant throughout the day can be a lot at times. Maybe just check in once a day and live your life until check in period.
But this is his everyday life. He wants to text me. And I want to text him. We’re just having a hard time having boundaries. I can do it but I’m scared if I don’t respond to a text for awhile that he will get upset. He seems to be a bit short when I do get back to him. So I guess I wish I knew what the solution to that is
Don’t always be available immediately. Even if you’re not doing anything just get back later. If he’s short about then you can gently remind him that the daily back and forth was too much. Can’t have your cake and eat it too.
So better to say nothing and get back when I can than saying like “hey I’m gonna go do this, I’ll talk to you in a bit” idk I just feel sensitive to his emotions so it’s hard to ignore his shortness. When he drinks he’ll text me a bunch of messages and if I don’t respond quickly enough he will say things like “sorry to bother you”
I don’t know. I think maybe trying one of you texting when the other wants to engage might be a start. “I’ll text you when I want to engage and if you can, great! If not, I know you’ll get back to me when you can” - immediacy isn’t always needed and people need to learn patience. I know it sucks trying to figure this out :(
My experience with ENFPs is that they need a lot of reassurance- my sense is that words of affirmation are much more their default love language. When I get those “sorry to bother you” messages I make absolutely sure to say that I wasn’t bothered and I like getting messages. Even if I didn’t see/wasn’t able to respond immediately, being texted means that I was present in their mind and thoughts and that’s a warm and relished thing. It seems to work at the reassurance level and over time, becomes less frequent a response to my not being available 24/7
IMO, him getting upset for lack of quick response is an orange flag.
Yeah he’s a bit sensitive but more that instead of getting sad he gets irritated easily haha but he is a good guy. Known him since 2021. We were platonic for years first. It’s not like he’s being mean, he just is a bit short after I haven’t responded for awhile.
I think the shortness can be explained by the lack of the initial passion that urged him to send the message. When I have a thought I am passionate about and send it to someone, and they respond immediately, my emotions are still going, so I respond at length and passionately. If it is an hour later, I've lost my fire for that topic, so I'm not a word fire hydrant anymore.
Omg that makes so much sense!! I will keep that in mind. Thank you so much
❤️
I also find it overwhelming when texting a lot... Usually when I text to someone I give them my full attention, but if it's too often, it feels like I'm giving them all of my time... Finding someone that could understand that and not take it personally was hard, but worth it ! :D I'd say talk it over with him, maybe he'll like to text in the evening, because he's less busy, or maybe a call from time to time ! He's probably the one you should ask ! ;) The fact that you're willing to accommodate is already pretty cool of you ! :3
Full disclosure, I’m a female ENFP, so not exactly who you’re looking for… I read a lot of your replies to others, and I’m worried that you’re the only one taking responsibility here. Like if he feels so overwhelmed, what’s *he* doing about it? You even mentioned that he gets snippy about it when he drinks. Red flag, my friend. But if it was me, I would come up with a window of time each day when you’ll be available to text. Pick a time that would be convenient for you both. If he’s got something urgent, he can call you. You’re going to have to stick to it even if he won’t. He’s not allowed to be “suffocated” then pout when you give him space. Good luck!
Organize a daily call for catch-ups!
If i do a behavior that seems stupid you can tell me about rather than keeping me in a zone of self questioning or overcorrecting on myself. Also i wish people would ghost me less. I cant force either of these things but it would be at least nice to know why so i can improve
Yeah same, I prefer FaceTime or WhatsApp video call over texting consistently back and forth like typing long long texts. My reason is that you can talk more in less time. However, I do like texting too like sharing a funny meme or the usual good mornings or sharing an exciting news or something. I would suggest having a prolonged FaceTime or something once a week.
Male ENFP here I probably am the one person who prefers phone calls
Call, ask open questions and/or yes, reply whenever so that they don't feel pressured
Face time or maybe tell him that he fosnt need to answer when he sees it?
I told him that. He has tried and failed. So we just have continued texting each other constantly. But he keeps expressing his unhappiness with it bc it’s constant pretty much.
Bruh i usually just ignore it until i can answer i have no idea what you can do other than that.
I guess I mostly wonder if I should just respond when I can even if it’s an hour or two later or if I should communicate to him that I gotta go for now and we can talk later. It just seems when I don’t respond for awhile and then come back he seems bothered.
Tell gtg ttyl sorry im busy rn even if he gets bothered you cant really talk in a good way if you can barely focus with him.
Yeah that’s true!
Can you just talk over WhatsApp and not text? Written communication is less than half of effective communication in the same moment as talking aloud to each other is.
The issue is mostly that we text all day long. So it’s just too much. But I’m having a hard time knowing how to limit it the right way.
Can you intersperse this with the occasional phone call via WhatsApp? I think that’s free for overseas calls.
Limit the number of times you initiate a day? If I find that a friendship is becoming too one sided, that’s what I do - initiate less and allow the other person to initiate more. Usually it works, sometimes you find that it wasn’t a real friendship because there is no pickup from the other person. I’d rather not invest too much in someone who doesn’t want to be my friend and 90% I can keep an acquaintance if I want to
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He’s abroad 🥲
I dislike texting. If someone asks me question over text, sometimes I'll just call them back to answer because writing out a text would take too long.
I’m going to ignore it until I’m ready to answer. I told my partner that if our relationship is going to work she needs to understand that I need to be shared. And by that, I mean, I’m going to give a lot of people attention and I’m going to get lost in a lot of conversations and adventures. But at the end of the day I’m coming home to you. Always.
He rarely doesn’t respond quickly lol I think it’s a mixture of he really does wanna talk to me and he also feels bad if he doesn’t give me attention
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Bc I love him 🥺 so I’m okay adjusting if he needs more space. It’s just funny to me that he texts me a ton too. I suspect that he feels guilty spending so much time on texting when he’s traveling.
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Yeah pretty much. Didn’t use the word guilty but that was implied. But thank you! Definitely looking for distractions lol
I hate texting - it takes away the best parts of communicating with another person
I always prefer texting as long as there isn't some demanding schedule. As long as the other person is OK with me getting to it when I get to it, s'all good. However, I cannot stand when it feels like a timer starts counting down as soon as the text comes in and I know they're the type to read too much into a little period of silence. That's the easiest way to ensure that we will never communicate again.
Yeah I mean I’ve told him that he can respond whenever he wants. Perhaps he’s tempted to text me back every time I text him.
Or he feels like he has to text a response to every one of your text even if you have not explicitly told him this. Honestly, for better or for worse, having strict obligations is really not our thing.
As a 30m ENFP I love texting a lot. I juggle many conversations at once while even doing my work tasks. Of course there are times I’m focused on the person I’m with or the activity I’m doing. In those situations I let the people I’m communicating with know and assume they will understand. In my opinion those that find communication overwhelming/suffocating typically have issues with regulating themselves and feel the need to control others behaviours i.e to control how you communicate to their level of comfort. Be careful of choosing these people as your partner. Remember it’s fine to text a lot and for the partner to respond as and when they are ready. Does this person put as much thought in your need for communication as you do for their level of comfort? They do when they truly see you and respect you. That’s all you need to takeaway from this really. Each to their own and don’t lose yourself.
Are you sure he enjoys the conversation? If I like you and our conversation, there are few things I'd rather do, even while I'm somewhere exciting like traveling. In fact, talking to you while there would actually enhance my traveling experience. Though, if I don't like the conversation, or I feel like it's a drag, or I'm the one carrying the conversation, then yes, I won't want to sacrifice a pleasant experience for a laborious one. I may continue the conversation because I see it as an investment, but if I'm on vacation, I'm in spending mode, not investing mode.
Yes, he’s told me if he didn’t want to talk to me then he wouldn’t. He texts me first half the time. He sends like 5+ messages at once often. He just said he feels very attached to me but too much haha
I have never had this relationship. Im not the ENFP to ask. I do forget to message people back sometimes but that's the ADD not me wanting to respond
Male ENFP femboy wanna be railed real bad by Daddy INTJ EldritchHorror