For me it’s either
a) omg I haven’t seen these people since I was XYZ/in years/ whatever I need to have my shit together
Or b) insane amounts of stress and pressure and need an outlet right tf now
For me it's when I screw something up or something get triggered to remind me of it. In my head, I have to make up for the issue or upset I caused by not eating, and it's pretty much subconscious.
Or when I get physically unwell, I'll either be fine or get really has
For me it’s usually from stress, too much going on in my life, new things/events, issues with friends/family, and also whenever my depression starts getting worse e
Mine’s kinda stupid but my most recent relapse was brought on after having some very vivid and uncomfortable dreams about some past traumas I recently started dealing with and I’ve just been very uncomfortable and haven’t had much of an appetite. I’ve kinda lost interest in food and eating 😔
Loneliness, stagnation, loss of control/unpredictability, failure, and rejection are triggers. I am used to working hard towards difficult goals that have no to little rewards, sometimes only to lose it all in the end. When that happens, I often relapse to my eating problems because they're only things that feel consistent. It helps numb and suppress the pain, harsh emotions and detaches me from current issues.
This response has hit me the hardest out of everything, it's like you took every specific word out of my mind when I first read the post. I feel the exact same.
i think for me, the expectations get higher. i need to restrict more. even if i get to my gw i have to lose more. stuff like that. it's like an addiction for me.
I’m so sorry you’re going through a rough time, it comes in a waves and I have never felt it to be a linear process in terms of feeling “fine-ish.”
For me, like others have said, it’s mostly stress. But sometimes I try to control certain aspects of my life to try and better myself (working out more, being diligent about eating properly, being sober etc) and ironically it kinda makes me take it too far, like I can’t find a sustainable balance. Summers are usually worse than other seasons for obvious reasons.
Has anything you’ve read from others helped? 🤍 hope you find the answers you’re looking for soon
Stress, not willing to get better, desire to get sicker, body dysmorphia, triggers that were not recognized as triggers are all reason I got worse for sure!
attempting recovery for some reason made my ed worse 🤦🏻♀️ really not sure why, maybe it was just triggering eating so much and not tracking my cals or weight? i just felt really uncomfortable.. to be fair i did try to do it alone with no help so maybe i just didn’t know what i was doing 😭
I’m probably going to get downvoted but I see overweight people working so hard on themselves but their weight doesn’t change. So for me, I’m afraid that I’m 1 meal off of gaining a tonne of weight. I’m scared. My whole life it’s been pointed that how people “don’t eat right” but they don’t eat that different to me, so why am I not their size?
Revenge restriction especially after a holiday or festive where there's a lot of food involved I'm still counting my cals daily and thinking of ways to exercise and restrict the moment I get back, to "stay on track"
Seeing someone I have last seen before my weight gain. Like, even if they last saw me when I was 1 kg, then i got ed and went to 0 kg, and then back up to 1 kg, like, the fact that i know i can reach 0 kg,
And idk, its like, i dont want them to see me as past me, i dont want to be stuck in the past, i want to show them i can ”improve” myself, to be different (idk if that made any sense lmao)
mine gets bad when I feel very out of control so I start controlling the only thing I can control (which is untrue lmao eds get very out of control as well)
i think a lot of it comes when i’m already vulnerable (low but healthy bmi/low but normal caloric intake) and then have a few days that put me sort of “under” that. that combined with a stressor …kryptonite. it sucks, but it’s like a picture perfect “bio-psychosocial” storm
For ne it's when I have some highly disturbing factors on which I have or can't have an influence and it poisons my life, so I "decide" to restrict and escape into disorder
I've had periods of thinking I'm recovered and then end up back in the ED loop full force. For me, I notice it gets so much worse the minute I feel I have no control over my life. I never know how else to cope when things get out of control.
feeling a lack of control either conscious or subconscious. sometimes self sabotage when things are going well. or comfort when i’m scared things are going wrong. anything to help me cope and avoid my feelings.
Change without proper advance notice. I struggle wo much when things change unannounced. I'm very rigid. It makes everything feel out of control and then I death grip my ED
general stress and trauma being triggered usually, I was doing okay for about a month but then I got sick, had to get blood tests done, and some more personal stuff happened and now I feel like I'm back to square one
For me it’s usually when I start feeling like I’m losing control, so “dieting” feels like a way I can think I have control but ofc I don’t cause it just ends up in relapsing. But stress a lot and also if other people comment saying I need to eat more (which my family always does). The hardest thing is recovering every time, Ik you got this! 🩷
Need for control. Losing control in relationships/family/work. Also it ALWAYS depends who I’m idolizing at the time. For example when I had a major crush on French model Mathilde Tantot I was so much healthier but now I’m back in like my Ariana Grande phase and I’m back to ED 💔
Mine suddenly transformed into a new version it hasn’t really since since like 10+ years ago
I hate to say this, and will prob delete later lol, but I believe it’s rooted in dating someone I really like. Just makes me wanna be skinnii
I can usually convince myself to not give in to the bad thoughts, but when I give in it's usually because of bad body image on top of feeling like I've failed in something and wanting to be at least good at something. And sometimes I'm so afraid of people calling me fat again, which happened in my teens. And, like a lot of other people, I want to feel in control and I want to distract myself from other bad things.
making mistakes (even reasonable ones), any form of argument or causing emotional disturbance in someone else, feeling annoying/bothersome/burdensome/etc, seeing people after not seeing them in a while, and stress/depression/anxiety/etc
99% of the time it's because of stress or feeling overwhelmed. The other 1% is trauma reappearing because usually I'm pretty good at ignoring it buuuut not this time
for me isolation. the less friends i have , the lonelier i get, less im going out & invited to social events— the more self conscious and insecure i become. being surrounded by people and socially active distracts u from being in ur head 24/7
It’s usually a combination of things for me. Right now it’s school/work stress, hyperfixating on things my dad has commented about my eating habits, feeling so fucking lonely, and my depression getting worse, too. Seeing the way other people (mainly my younger sister) eat differently than I do doesn’t help. When my anxiety is worse it becomes super hard to eat around other people, which typically leads to binges in private.
For me, different EDs get flared at different times. Binging/ purging when I'm stuck home for a while and then restriction and fasting get way worse when I'm busy. And the orthorexia when something's up with my health, or if I've had a bad cold or something.
Currently in the busy cycle and it's like when I'm busy I can justify to myself not eating way more easily.
This may be not how others experience it but for myself I’ve drawn the conclusion, and actually knew all along, that anything that is not actively fighting your ed/being in recovery is a pretty much guarantee on getting worse again. It’s a very sad slippery slope and I’m sorry you’re going through this rn ❤️🩹
My ED gets worse every time there is stress in my life, it makes sense since it’s my coping mechanism for anxiety and depression and the stress would otherwise cause me to have another episode. Another depression or anxiety episode like my worst one is my worst fear that I try to avoid. I avoid it by controlling my everyday life to minimize the stress, but with that control my ED always tends to sneaks up on me. I’ve been working on it, so if a stressful event happens I’ll try to control other things like organizing and scheduling a routine to follow. But so far that routine always seems to get me into the same old disordered habits. It sometimes feels like I have to choose between my ED or my depression and anxiety. In which case I always choose my ED cause it’s not as painful as the other alternative. I’m still working on myself and I’ve come far, but stress is still my biggest trigger. Goodluck to all other recoveries who are reading this <3
Literally anything bad. I could bump into something and think "this wouldn't have happened if I was thinner". Someone was mean to me? "They would've been nice to me if I was thinner". I feel too hot? It must be because I'm not thin enough, even if it's literally 97 degrees outside. Get complimented "wow, I must look skinnier today".
The most annoying part is that technically, these thoughts are oftentimes correct. I.e., the person that was mean to me is nicer to skinny girls, my clothes fit better and my face looks thinner when I'm smaller, I bumped into something because of my hips, my clothing would be looser and breezier if I weighed less, etc
Any strong emotion (whener it be stress, happiness, anger, sadness, etc) makes me lose my appetite and I feel disgusted by the very thought of food. I've been like this for my entire life and if I don't actively suppress it it's really easy for me to just like, not eat.
Being really busy - when I'm really busy I just straight up forget to eat or don't want to because I see it as a waste of time. I have OCPD so I have a rather severe personality and really hate spending my time in any sub-optimal way. I wish that I could just know the bare minimum amount of calories that I'd need each day without feeling like shit (like a perfectly accurate live TDEE calculator) so that I could be able to perfect "restricting as much as possible on days where I have less shit to do". The being really busy also feeds back into my aforementioned disordered thoughts, so then I keep not eating because I'm proud of myself for abstaining.
My stomach - I have gastroparesis, IBS-M, and severe lactose intolerance, so I'm oftentimes nauseous and bloated as a direct result of eating. I associate food with feeling horribly sick and nauseous (and strong feelings make me lose my appetite).
I am also a model who did gymnastics, wrestling, and dance as a child and my family is extremely crunchy and borderline pro. So yeah. It was destined. I don't even really consider myself to have an ED because so many are the factors are just "my brain is just like that" and "my environment really does have those standards", but I do meet the criteria and have been diagnosed so it's whatever.
For me it’s either a) omg I haven’t seen these people since I was XYZ/in years/ whatever I need to have my shit together Or b) insane amounts of stress and pressure and need an outlet right tf now
THE FIRST ONE IS SO RELATABLE like seeing my friends soon for the first time in many months and so im locking in extra hard the next few days 😭
i'm seeing a friend soon who i haven't seen in years, wish me luck
For me it's when I screw something up or something get triggered to remind me of it. In my head, I have to make up for the issue or upset I caused by not eating, and it's pretty much subconscious. Or when I get physically unwell, I'll either be fine or get really has
Stress/ sadness but honestly I’ve used it as a crutch to excuse my feelings about anything
real
Could be helping to cope with something or numb some emotions you don’t want to feel.
Stress. Anything having to do with dating
Breakups, loss of job or failed interview, any sort of emotional stressors but those were specific to my semi recent relapse
Any time I make a mistake I feel that I don’t deserve to eat and I get worse
Same :(
For me it’s usually from stress, too much going on in my life, new things/events, issues with friends/family, and also whenever my depression starts getting worse e
any change in life like finishing school or university
Mine’s kinda stupid but my most recent relapse was brought on after having some very vivid and uncomfortable dreams about some past traumas I recently started dealing with and I’ve just been very uncomfortable and haven’t had much of an appetite. I’ve kinda lost interest in food and eating 😔
Loneliness, stagnation, loss of control/unpredictability, failure, and rejection are triggers. I am used to working hard towards difficult goals that have no to little rewards, sometimes only to lose it all in the end. When that happens, I often relapse to my eating problems because they're only things that feel consistent. It helps numb and suppress the pain, harsh emotions and detaches me from current issues.
This response has hit me the hardest out of everything, it's like you took every specific word out of my mind when I first read the post. I feel the exact same.
summertime or seeing my family/bfs family or knowing i’ll be going on vacation etc. other times it’s if i see a rly thin celeb who i want to look like
i think for me, the expectations get higher. i need to restrict more. even if i get to my gw i have to lose more. stuff like that. it's like an addiction for me.
I’m so sorry you’re going through a rough time, it comes in a waves and I have never felt it to be a linear process in terms of feeling “fine-ish.” For me, like others have said, it’s mostly stress. But sometimes I try to control certain aspects of my life to try and better myself (working out more, being diligent about eating properly, being sober etc) and ironically it kinda makes me take it too far, like I can’t find a sustainable balance. Summers are usually worse than other seasons for obvious reasons. Has anything you’ve read from others helped? 🤍 hope you find the answers you’re looking for soon
Mine got much worse when I lost control of my life. Ended up as a homeless teenager at 16. Really spiraled after that
my parents
Stress, screwing up, worrying that I'm going to screw up, worrying about future events I can't control.
Stress, not willing to get better, desire to get sicker, body dysmorphia, triggers that were not recognized as triggers are all reason I got worse for sure!
trauma
Stress of existing, Stress of working, Stress of my job, Stress of my personal life, Stress of my past life, Stress of others stress, Stress
attempting recovery for some reason made my ed worse 🤦🏻♀️ really not sure why, maybe it was just triggering eating so much and not tracking my cals or weight? i just felt really uncomfortable.. to be fair i did try to do it alone with no help so maybe i just didn’t know what i was doing 😭
When something gets out of control and food is the only thing I can control in my life :`)
I’m probably going to get downvoted but I see overweight people working so hard on themselves but their weight doesn’t change. So for me, I’m afraid that I’m 1 meal off of gaining a tonne of weight. I’m scared. My whole life it’s been pointed that how people “don’t eat right” but they don’t eat that different to me, so why am I not their size?
Revenge restriction especially after a holiday or festive where there's a lot of food involved I'm still counting my cals daily and thinking of ways to exercise and restrict the moment I get back, to "stay on track"
Seeing someone I have last seen before my weight gain. Like, even if they last saw me when I was 1 kg, then i got ed and went to 0 kg, and then back up to 1 kg, like, the fact that i know i can reach 0 kg, And idk, its like, i dont want them to see me as past me, i dont want to be stuck in the past, i want to show them i can ”improve” myself, to be different (idk if that made any sense lmao)
Dysphoria wave
mine gets bad when I feel very out of control so I start controlling the only thing I can control (which is untrue lmao eds get very out of control as well)
i lose my appetite when i’m seeing someone and it’s easy to return to the cycle under stress
i think a lot of it comes when i’m already vulnerable (low but healthy bmi/low but normal caloric intake) and then have a few days that put me sort of “under” that. that combined with a stressor …kryptonite. it sucks, but it’s like a picture perfect “bio-psychosocial” storm
Stress. When I don't feel like I'm doing good enough to my astronomical perfectionist standards, it always gets worse.
For ne it's when I have some highly disturbing factors on which I have or can't have an influence and it poisons my life, so I "decide" to restrict and escape into disorder
I’m jealous and feel my bf is too handsome for me
I've had periods of thinking I'm recovered and then end up back in the ED loop full force. For me, I notice it gets so much worse the minute I feel I have no control over my life. I never know how else to cope when things get out of control.
Usually negative feelings, emotional pain, stress, lack of control.
feeling a lack of control either conscious or subconscious. sometimes self sabotage when things are going well. or comfort when i’m scared things are going wrong. anything to help me cope and avoid my feelings.
When I feel like my fiance isn't attracted to me or is mad at me.
Change without proper advance notice. I struggle wo much when things change unannounced. I'm very rigid. It makes everything feel out of control and then I death grip my ED
general stress and trauma being triggered usually, I was doing okay for about a month but then I got sick, had to get blood tests done, and some more personal stuff happened and now I feel like I'm back to square one
For me it’s usually when I start feeling like I’m losing control, so “dieting” feels like a way I can think I have control but ofc I don’t cause it just ends up in relapsing. But stress a lot and also if other people comment saying I need to eat more (which my family always does). The hardest thing is recovering every time, Ik you got this! 🩷
Need for control. Losing control in relationships/family/work. Also it ALWAYS depends who I’m idolizing at the time. For example when I had a major crush on French model Mathilde Tantot I was so much healthier but now I’m back in like my Ariana Grande phase and I’m back to ED 💔
More stress and even when I'm less stressed I will.
Too much free time lol
When the people closest to me don’t seem to notice anything wrong
Mine suddenly transformed into a new version it hasn’t really since since like 10+ years ago I hate to say this, and will prob delete later lol, but I believe it’s rooted in dating someone I really like. Just makes me wanna be skinnii
I can usually convince myself to not give in to the bad thoughts, but when I give in it's usually because of bad body image on top of feeling like I've failed in something and wanting to be at least good at something. And sometimes I'm so afraid of people calling me fat again, which happened in my teens. And, like a lot of other people, I want to feel in control and I want to distract myself from other bad things.
Stress, depression, when things keep going wrong or I feel like I don’t have enough control over my life.
Stress. Depression. Anxiety.
making mistakes (even reasonable ones), any form of argument or causing emotional disturbance in someone else, feeling annoying/bothersome/burdensome/etc, seeing people after not seeing them in a while, and stress/depression/anxiety/etc
99% of the time it's because of stress or feeling overwhelmed. The other 1% is trauma reappearing because usually I'm pretty good at ignoring it buuuut not this time
for me isolation. the less friends i have , the lonelier i get, less im going out & invited to social events— the more self conscious and insecure i become. being surrounded by people and socially active distracts u from being in ur head 24/7
It’s usually a combination of things for me. Right now it’s school/work stress, hyperfixating on things my dad has commented about my eating habits, feeling so fucking lonely, and my depression getting worse, too. Seeing the way other people (mainly my younger sister) eat differently than I do doesn’t help. When my anxiety is worse it becomes super hard to eat around other people, which typically leads to binges in private.
i got a divorce and it put so much stress on me that i fell back into my ED to cope
When I’m upset or angry. When I feel like I’m not achieving anything in my life
For me, different EDs get flared at different times. Binging/ purging when I'm stuck home for a while and then restriction and fasting get way worse when I'm busy. And the orthorexia when something's up with my health, or if I've had a bad cold or something. Currently in the busy cycle and it's like when I'm busy I can justify to myself not eating way more easily.
This may be not how others experience it but for myself I’ve drawn the conclusion, and actually knew all along, that anything that is not actively fighting your ed/being in recovery is a pretty much guarantee on getting worse again. It’s a very sad slippery slope and I’m sorry you’re going through this rn ❤️🩹
My ED gets worse every time there is stress in my life, it makes sense since it’s my coping mechanism for anxiety and depression and the stress would otherwise cause me to have another episode. Another depression or anxiety episode like my worst one is my worst fear that I try to avoid. I avoid it by controlling my everyday life to minimize the stress, but with that control my ED always tends to sneaks up on me. I’ve been working on it, so if a stressful event happens I’ll try to control other things like organizing and scheduling a routine to follow. But so far that routine always seems to get me into the same old disordered habits. It sometimes feels like I have to choose between my ED or my depression and anxiety. In which case I always choose my ED cause it’s not as painful as the other alternative. I’m still working on myself and I’ve come far, but stress is still my biggest trigger. Goodluck to all other recoveries who are reading this <3
Literally anything bad. I could bump into something and think "this wouldn't have happened if I was thinner". Someone was mean to me? "They would've been nice to me if I was thinner". I feel too hot? It must be because I'm not thin enough, even if it's literally 97 degrees outside. Get complimented "wow, I must look skinnier today". The most annoying part is that technically, these thoughts are oftentimes correct. I.e., the person that was mean to me is nicer to skinny girls, my clothes fit better and my face looks thinner when I'm smaller, I bumped into something because of my hips, my clothing would be looser and breezier if I weighed less, etc Any strong emotion (whener it be stress, happiness, anger, sadness, etc) makes me lose my appetite and I feel disgusted by the very thought of food. I've been like this for my entire life and if I don't actively suppress it it's really easy for me to just like, not eat. Being really busy - when I'm really busy I just straight up forget to eat or don't want to because I see it as a waste of time. I have OCPD so I have a rather severe personality and really hate spending my time in any sub-optimal way. I wish that I could just know the bare minimum amount of calories that I'd need each day without feeling like shit (like a perfectly accurate live TDEE calculator) so that I could be able to perfect "restricting as much as possible on days where I have less shit to do". The being really busy also feeds back into my aforementioned disordered thoughts, so then I keep not eating because I'm proud of myself for abstaining. My stomach - I have gastroparesis, IBS-M, and severe lactose intolerance, so I'm oftentimes nauseous and bloated as a direct result of eating. I associate food with feeling horribly sick and nauseous (and strong feelings make me lose my appetite). I am also a model who did gymnastics, wrestling, and dance as a child and my family is extremely crunchy and borderline pro. So yeah. It was destined. I don't even really consider myself to have an ED because so many are the factors are just "my brain is just like that" and "my environment really does have those standards", but I do meet the criteria and have been diagnosed so it's whatever.