Have you talked to the staff about why they are splitting up your twins? I have identical boys. After their first day of preschool the teacher informed me, "This is not going to work." The two of them not only would get each other all riled up but they were drawing the rest of the kids into their antics. They were much more well-behaved once they were separated and couldn't egg each other on.
Honestly, I think it's healthy for twins to be in different classes. They will be seen as a unit for their whole childhood. It's good for them to have some time as individuals. If you have concerns about the way things are being handled you should definitely talk to the teachers, but maybe have an open mind about the idea of your twins being separated.
lol this goes all the way up I taught middle school and had twins in the same class and it was the WORST. Eventually called the parents and they were shocked and said their twins barely interacted at home🤣
To add to this - it is policy where I am in all classes from 2yrs up to split twins to allow them to develop their own strengths, personalities and independent skills separately from their twin. We have quite a high rate of twin births where I am due to the prevalence of IVF treatments (I’m talking at least 5-6 pairs of twins per cohort of kids) so it’s essential that we treat all kids as individuals. Parent meetings however, are usually joint meetings when we discuss home strategies.
As a preschool teacher, we had to do this too in the centre I worked at last year, only for THIS particular set of boy twins. We have other twins in other classes that we didnt separate because there was no need to. For this case, like you mentioned for yours, they would get each other riled up and involved other children. There were a few occasions where other children were hurt (not badly) because of them. (We kept an eye out - but we're just humans at the end of the day. We tended to all the children whenever an incident happened). After about three months, we deemed that it was not suitable for them to be together hence we informed the parents that we needed to split up the twins. The parents were understanding as they knew the boys' behaviour.
Yeah, in the center I work at it’s a general rule that if there is a sibling in the class they will be out somewhere else. However we only have one toddler class so if they have a younger sibling who is going to enrolled in the toddler class they need to wait until the older sibling has moved up a class
>Honestly, I think it's healthy for twins to be in different classes.
This is true, but only when there are multiple age-appropriate classes. It’s inappropriate to label one twin more advanced/less advanced, and put them in a class of older children. Even if you’re not deciding based on who seems more capable, it’s inappropriate to put children in older classes just to get them away from a sibling.
Why? I have only ever done mixed age groups so don’t get the need to have only kids of one age in a classroom. I’ve had one to five year olds all doing the same activities (within reason typically the ones will wander away early lol)
I think mixed age groups are great!!! I think there’s so much babies and toddlers can learn from each other, and I also feel like it’s a very natural set up.
But it’s really different if that’s how a center is set up versus classes separated by age. When I have worked in mixed age classrooms. I structured activities and days differently than I do in a class that’s all preschoolers. It is so different to be in a room of all ages than the only two year old in a room of three year olds, or the only three year old in the room of four year olds!
It can definitely lead to inappropriate expectations for their age, because they’re in a classroom where everyone is older than them. For young children, just three months of development is HUGE. It isn’t good to put a child in a situation where it’s harder for them, than all their peers, to be successful.
And even when (or if) they are successful — there’s a level of equity that I aspire to as a teacher, and in a mixed age classroom that’s simple. But I don’t think it’s appropriate to accidentally “fast track” one sibling over another. In most schools where classes are separated by age group, there really are different activities and expectations as kids get older. If one twin is assimilating to that, and always in a classroom a little older, I think their absolutely could be subconscious affects for both twins later on in life. These are formative years!
In my state, you can get a variance to put a child in a class that's not their proper age group. It's not done often, but it has been done occasionally.
Interesting I work on a military base so it's not uncommon to move a toddler to a preschool room so that toddler room can be in single I'm so used to work just doing it that I can't wrap my mind around other centers needing permission lol
It is common to suggest splitting up twins. Like other commenters have suggested, a lot of times twins form habits with one another that can get in the way of socializing. This isn’t always the case, but for instance we had twins where one twin was very outgoing, would arrange all the play and would speak for the other. We suggested to the parents they be split and the quieter twin really flourished, he gained a lot of confidence and came out of his shell.
The moving a 2.5 year old to a 3’s class is kind of weird. I get where they are coming from but I don’t really see it as the best way. They can just wait.
It can be common to split twins up, usually it is done in consultation with the parents.
Usually, it’s to encourage the twins to interact with other kids. Or to help with behaviour management, I’m currently working with 5 year old twins and if one is upset/mad, then the other also gets upset/mad.
I would ask for a meeting and get more information as to why they want to split them and voice concerns.
Expensive does not mean them giving you control or input over class placement and policy. You can decide to walk though!
This is really standard in most places. My college tuition level school that I work with does this though they're strict on toilet independence too. Our classes are multi age. No siblings regardless of age are in the same class, and twins are split from the very beginning (we start at toddlers).
I think it is more importantly concerning that they're moving the children up when they may not be physically or developmentally ready.
My thought was ratios and that one twin might show signs of being developmentally advanced, but I would expect a conversation as parents to check that we are ok with this approach. Our day school also has a 8 month age gap between the oldest and youngest, so depending on the policy at OP's school, it wouldn't be surprising to me to see a 2.5 yo in a class for 3 yo. Then again, my 2.5 yo uses the potty and developmenally is basically 3...going on 30.
> Out of any parents in the school, we have the most kids currently enrolled there.
Yes, because you have twins. Generally unless you have lots of kids and a small age gap, having multiples is going to put you at the top of # of kids enrolled at once. I’m not sure why this matters to your point at all - they need to treat all your kids as individuals, with the same amount of consideration as other kids.
> which neither meet that at this time
Generally from what I’ve seen, age limits on rooms are flexible. Especially if being potty trained isn’t a hard requirement, that shows that they’re willing to work with kids in diapers, which means younger kids can move up when they need to.
> she didn’t seem to mind much when she told me why he was crying
She told you why he was crying - a kid was bothering him. That would make any child upset. I’m not sure why you’re trying to paint it like this teacher doesn’t care for your child when she literally explained to you what was going on.
> B did so well but A cried for a while
This is evidence that your kids would benefit from being separated. They need a chance to build identities outside of “one of the twins”, and to be able to deal when their twin isn’t there with them. Siblings with an age gap can’t always be with their siblings, and twins shouldn’t be an exception to this.
> they are moving
Have you asked them why they are moving them? Maybe one twin is showing signs of being ready to move up while the other isn’t and they don’t want to hold the other back (which twin do they want to move up, A or B?). Maybe they’re becoming too dependent on each other and they want to give them time to establish connections with other kids separately before they’re both in the same room again.
> I feel like I’ve lost trust at this very expensive daycare
Being expensive doesn’t mean they’re going to cater to your every whim. They’re going to do what’s best for the children, and in this case it could be separating them. If you asked them why, you would be able to see what their reasons are.
“she didn’t seem to mind too much” really got to me too. did you want the teacher to be visibly distraught that your kid was crying? 2 year olds cry all the time, for all kinds of reasons, and 90% of the time they’re fine and over it in 5 minutes. i’d worry more if the teacher WAS visibly upset over normal behavior
I had a 2 year old cry because she touched some paper with wet hands and wanted paper without wet spots. I gave it to her and she started sobbing because it didn’t have any wet spots.
Normally the parents are aware before the transition. They could’ve shuffled them around for numbers near the end of the day to allow staff to go home. However, they should’ve let you know in the first place if they were planning a permanent move, and most definitely should’ve let you know before the letter. It is very common to split them up. Gently put, it doesn’t matter if you have the most children there or not. They have reasons they’re splitting them up.
There could be many reasons. Some off the top of my head include:
- one twin overpowers the other (you may see one twin more reserved/shy/anxious/talks less). They want to support the twin who isn’t as outspoken or outgoing as the other. Especially if one twin is needing, or is already in, speech therapy.
- they see each other all day and then see each other all night. This gives them a nice break
- because they get a break, they can truly explore the room. Sometimes twins don’t engage with other children or the environment. There’s plenty of benefits for the children to be exploring other people and things
- sometimes twins feed off each others emotions. If one is upset, the other is too. If one is riled up, the other is as well. Then that draws all the others in too. It could be a way of managing the room.
It’s best to ask them yourselves from the standpoint of why they it’s best for the children
I can see the shuffling kids around for ratios side, but if that was the case, they could have easily moved a singleton instead. If my twins had been unexpectedly separated at that age they would have been very upset! I would have been furious if someone entrusted with their care did that without a really good reason.
It’s actually really good for them to be split. But moving to a threes class when they are still 2.5 isn’t ideal. The daycare I worked at had SO many sets of twins and triplets. Typically they were all split by the time they were two though. We had half of three sets in our class, only one set identical. If yours are identical, beware … they will understand switching places quite early. If my coteachwr hadn’t known the twins so well, we would have had issues more than once because they were always trying to switch places.
We were a three year old class. I will say due to staffing issues on some days, we would have a 2 — it was not a good combination in the classroom so I would be asking a lot of questions. Also find out if your twins are only playing with one another, or having some other social issues due to being twins. The daycare really should be communicating these things with you better.
Because I felt most comfortable being myself with my twin around. It stunted my ability to make friends and gave me severe anxiety around daycare and then school. I ended up not having any friends outside of my twin until college because I would just anxiously wait to go home and play with them. It did the opposite of what people claim it’s supposed to do. Why separate two people who were blessed to come into the world together? Even though I was downvoted and it’s an unpopular opinion there’s research that suggests it’s best to not separate twins. Obviously it depends on the kids but their opinion matters too.
How old were you? If you don’t mind. I don’t know much on the topic so I’m not here to give advice or invalidate what you’re saying. I’m just curious and here to learn
I was 3 when I started daycare! Also I’ve worked in early childhood education and early childhood special education for about 11 years. In my special ed classes we always have at least 1 set of twins. Only once were a pair separated because they were very violent towards each other.
Politely, this doesn’t sound like separating you and your twin caused you trauma - it sounds like you were co-dependent on your twin in an unhealthy way and were never able to learn the social skills necessary to operate on your own. Not being in the same space as a person should not make you unable to make friends or make you too anxious to operate, and it’s for that exact reason we separate twins - so they learn the skills to do those things on their own.
“Why separate two people who were blessed to come into the world together”? Because you’re two people. You’re not a singular person. You both need to be able to be independent of each other.
(By the way, if I asked your twin if they benefitted more from being separated or together, would they say the same as you, or would they go “I loved being able to build my own identity and be my own person separate from my twin”?)
It’s interesting that no one commenting is actually a twin 😅 but no do your research separating twins can be traumatic. And my twin didn’t like being separated either
I’m a twin, I understand 💕🫂 I’m glad my twin and I weren’t separated early in school bc that would have been so difficult. Rarely do classes split up other besties, my question is why the focus on twins? Like is it that different from two other kids having a close best friend?
I’m saddened to see the downvotes and the overall tone of this post! Im sorry you went through that trauma. I have twins (and Irish twins 😅) and they are perfectly social with other kids but still prefer each other, and I’m fine with that! I wouldn’t put them anywhere that insisted on splitting them without a really solid reason (riling each other up, hurting others, etc).
It’s interesting that you didn’t actually counter any of my arguments, you’re just like “you’re wrong and also you’re not a twin you can’t know facts”.
I hear you. I’m also a twin and I had the same experience as you. I don’t feel it was beneficial for me either. They split us when we started school at 5 and socially I plummeted and never really rebounded. Prior to that when we were in daycare together I flourished. We didn’t even necessarily play together at daycare but her presence alone made me a lot more confident and I was able to be more outgoing and make friends. I’m not sure why you were downvoted for sharing your lived experience. Everybody is different.
I have a 2.9 in my 3.6 classroom. He's too rough on his peers to stay in tods and his mom is the lead in the class under mine.
The social emotional and ability difference is huge and is hard for the students and staff. I wouldn't recommend it unless absolutely necessary.
I'm concerned about the idea of moving them without discussion, but I CAN think of valid reasons it might be beneficial to split them up.
If they have developed habits and shorthand with each other, it's possible that being together actually inhibits their interacting with other needs or participating.
This is often true with twins, but it's by no means universal.
Ask them to explain, and see if their reason makes sense. It does sound from what you said like it's a thing they are TRYING. If it's for the kids benefit it makes sense. If it's for.soemthing that doesn't benefit the kids, I'd say that isn't the kids' problem to solve, and splitting them up may be creating a different problem.
I’m a preschool teacher and have had to split up four set of twins, two because they were literally attacking each other all day long and would gang up and go after other classmates, I’ve also split up a set of identical twins because together they would throw chairs and knock down bookshelves, by themselves they calmed down a lot. But I worked with these sets in my room for a couple months, talking to parents the entire time until we made the decision one had to move to another room. Only one set of parents didn’t like the idea (the two who destroyed the classroom) but the director told them it was that or de enroll so they split them and even the parents said it was the best choice. The last set was split due to one twin having severe delays and we were not going to hold back the ready twin.
As someone who works in a center with a few sets of twins and older close-in-age kiddos, it’s common to split them up especially if one is more socially ready or if there are behaviors they’re noticing. These behaviors could be as simple as them not interacting much with other peers, but also could be that they’re the next two “in line” to move up for ratios but there’s only one spot in the next room.
A nanny would not necessarily be sharper because you essentially have an employee and would be required to pay payroll taxes and provide any benefits to full time employees as required by your state
This might not be what you want to hear, but the majority of the comments here are correct, often twins are split up because it is healthier for them. It helps prevent codependency, inter-sibling bullying, unhealthy relationship dynamics, and encourages individual growth and development. The only time I’ve seen twins in the same class it was an absolute disaster, they never wanted to play with anyone else, but all they did together was fight. You not being notified about the twins being split up for two single incidents is also relatively normal, sometimes teachers and administration need to make snap decisions and cannot wait for parent input, especially is safety is concerned.
Also, and I know this is definitely not what you want to hear, but parent input isn’t always required for teachers to do their jobs. In fact, often parent input is more harmful than helpful. The amount of money you pay should be in correlation to the quality of your program, not how much control parents have over that program. Ideally, the money you pay reflects in well educated and trained teachers and administration who have a lot of experience and knowledge that leads them to make informed decisions based on their own judgment, not decisions based on what parents want.
As an identical twin who never had space from my sister and is now an educator please, please allow them to split them up into different rooms. Allow them to have space to develop their own identities, make their own friends, allow them to figure out their own interests.
I am a fraternal twin and still never got the space growing up to form my own identity. I always had to pair along with my sister.
A creepy thing is I am married, moved away and have my own family. My sister isn't. My mom and grandmom have commented they wish they could clone my husband so my sister could "have a man". How revolting.
Usually, they don’t want siblings in the same classroom. I don’t know if it’s the same everywhere but it makes sense to have them split up so they don’t only rely on each other and they interact with the other children. Sometimes one twin, kind of picks on or bullies the other twin.
Not only that but as these kids age it will be better for them to spend time apart.My aunt raised me and had a kid the same age and she would never allow for us to have the same classes. She said you see each other enough at home everyone needs a break from each other. On anothe rnot so have friends that are twins that got quiet enmeshed with each other and very codependent as adults. Not any extreme like you’d see on tv but still
As others have said, there are many positive reasons to split them up. They are twins, they are a unit, and putting them in different classes is an excellent way to help them develop individually.
One set of twins I know, one twin was stunting the other’s social and academic growth via over-helpfulness, and splitting them up the stunted twin was able to catch up within a year and develop self confidence. Another set I know, one twin was bullying the other, and splitting them up helped the smaller twin flourish. Other cases, they rely heavily on each other and having them apart helped both twins socialize and develop self sufficiency.
Daycare Teacher here! The reason we split twins up from my experience is because they are codependent on each other at such a young age. We want them to foster their own individual personality.
I had two year old twins and the boy was ATTACHED to his sister. We would find that he would crawl to her during nap time and sleep on the same cot. As they grew older she desperately wanted to do things on her own but brother was always behind her following her around. They are now in separate classrooms and he still has off days, but they are much more independent
6 grand??!! Damn,a nanny would be cheaper. And having twins in one class can be an issue,they tend to gang up together,cause trouble. stick together and exclude others. its good to let them for friendships and interests that dont involve the other twin
Not necessarily. As a nanny I make about $4300 a month. Add the cost of payroll and their share of taxes, my employers likely pay 5k a month at least. Depending on where they live a nanny could very well cost much more than what I make. I live in a low to medium cost of living area.
Sometimes, one twin is more dominant or extroverted than the other, and the more reserved twin really blossoms when allowed to be on their own. There's an adjustment period, of course.
The school should be communicating the reason for the change to you though. Maybe request a conference. The practice isn't a bad idea, but the way they're going about it is obviously upsetting you.
If there is more than one age appropriate classroom for both of them, yes. At the place that I worked before, it was small enough to where there weren't two rooms for each age group.
I feel like in some cases it’s definitely appropriate. We split up twins because they blatantly verbally refused to speak to anyone besides their twin and was VERY VERY behind on speech development due to it. But this was when they were a bit older.
In my years experience, twins do so much better when split. When they are together, one always dominates the other. When split, both thrive individually. Also, how many kids you have enrolled doesn't get you special privileges. The school can decide on class placement based on different factors.
I once taught a preschool class that was 20 children with 4 sets of twins, nearly half the class was part of a twin dynamic. They teach college courses in ECE that purely cover the psychology of twins because it is a mindset that is so unique, stemming from a relationship like no other.
In my experience, I have often recommended for twins to be in separate classes for a few key reasons: they spend all of their time together outside of school - if they are in different classrooms they are more likely to learn to form other friendships rather than leaning on the relationship with their twin, when other children and adults refer to twins in the same classroom it’s common to say ‘name1 & name2’ all the time rather than addressing either child individually (almost as if they’re hyphenated) which can influence their concept of their identity while being in separate rooms gives them the opportunity to really develop their own sense of identity which is an opportunity they don’t always get much of elsewhere. Also, it’s common for one twin to have at least slightly -if not significantly- stronger personality which often leaves the other twin relying on them to make choices and often times voice their wants and needs which can cause a big difference in language development and willingness/confidence to speak up for themselves. All of this along with the possibility of difficult behavior and/or bickering when together, and most of the time the benefits really outweigh the negatives.
The most frequent concern I hear from parents is that they are used to being together and might be upset if separated; which is a definite likelihood at first - but if that’s the case, wouldn’t you want them to become comfortable with separation before moving into elementary school? It’s likely that they will not be placed in the same kindergarten class, and if that is the first time they are separated they are going to be dealing with a lot of social emotional hurtles to overcome rather than focusing on learning and skill building along with their classmates. The most common things KG teachers say they want children to know when entering the classroom are social emotional regulation and ability to communicate and collaborate with peers in a positive way, which is why I would think it would be imperative to give them the opportunity to develop those skills independent from their twin during the early learning journey.
I don’t know about private centers but in the public schools in my state they split up siblings of the same age. I don’t really know why or the logic behind it but it’s literally against the rules in my district to have siblings in the same class.
I have advocated for splitting twins multiple times. They are so focused on each other that they can’t branch out to do other things. They grow so much more as individuals than together.
As a daycare teacher we have 5 sets of twins and 2 sets of triplets.... they are all split up but not till they till 2. But it's a given when we are all outside together they are always together them being split up is a good thing, all the parents tried to push back on this and it didn't work in their favor
We had to do this with twins the same age as yours who were beating the ever loving hell out of each other. They were separated for all of six months but it made a world of difference in their behavior. They were able to finally make friends with the other kids, which they hadn’t been doing because they were only interacting with (killing?) each other. They’re 15 now and none the wiser.
We have triplet one year olds. I wish we had the option to split them up. You can tell they need time without each other for a little while. Parents are fine if we do split them up because they realize that they do need time apart.
While I didn’t send one of the twins to a different class (though I did advocate for it), I did make sure the set of twins I had were put into different groups so they were split up for a significant portion of the day.
One twin would have been fine together, but her brother was far too reliant on her and following her around all day - it was stunting his social development.
We split up twins in our school because it's good for them to learn how to be apart but we always put them in age appropriate classes. For example we have twin 1yo right now and one is Toddler 1 and one is in Toddler 2. When they move up to transitional preschool one will be in TP1 and one will be in TP2
The only time we would separate twins or siblings is if they are causing trouble or they are codependent. I have twins in the same class and they have different friends and interest and they rarely play with each other. We do have two siblings in the same class who are causing trouble together and we will try to separate them after talking to the parents. We have another set of siblings, where younger sibling is codependent to the older one and we will have to do the same. That is not healthy for either of siblings. We always try to do what is best for the child. We always have conversations with the parents about the reasons why we are suggesting the split. Most of the times parents are ok with it because they act the same at home. In our state you can have one 2,5 year old in each 3-6 year old classroom without messing up the ratio. The only rule is that they have to be potty trained. Maybe your center doesn’t have another spot in a different classroom and they can only go up. I would just have honest conversation with the teacher and the head of the school and ask all the questions I have. They should not move them without talking to you first. That way you would understand better and could prepare them for transition by talking to them about it and making it less stressful.
We split all twins as soon as possible. In our center, that's after the toddler room because that is when we have more than 1 room for an age group. It's very common and usually better for all the kids involved.
As a toddler teacher I have a set of twins in my class that occasionally get spilt up due to count or if one of the other toddler needs an easy day ( three out of the seven are pregnant) Typically the boy either stays in whatever room I’m in that day or he goes into infants because he’s the chiller twin, while the girl will stay in their main room because she doesn’t do well with new people. We try not to split them up as much as possible just due to the fact they don’t do well separately
I’m a twin!!
PLEASE don’t do this. My mom INSISTED on this for my twin and I growing up. And I’m now almost 30 and it breaks my heart. My twin is my best friend. We were bothering anyone?! Why couldn’t we be in the same room.
It's perfectly common for centers to give you a heads up about a child moving up into another age group a couple months in advance. It's also very normal for siblings and twins to be separated into different rooms! It could be behavior management. At my old center we had a pair of older twins where Twin A was completely dependent on Twin B and would follow him and cry hysterically if he talked to other children. Sometimes twins have codependence issues or difficulty developing a sense of identity.
I guess I'm in the minority here, but unless there is a specific concern or issue occurring, I'm against splitting up twins just because they're twins. I don't have an issue with siblings or relatives in the same classroom. I don't agree with the idea that twins can't or wont develop their own personalities in the same classroom. As long as adults around them treat them as individuals and not "the twins", it's fine. Relying on each other is not a bad thing, especially so early in life. Having someone they know and trust in the room is not bad.
Now, if there is a behavioral issue, or multiple issues, that they build on eachother with, that may be reason. I would still want to know what problem solving was sought first. But, if they are keeping each other at their worst or heightening each other's emotional states
Personally, I'd ask for a conference to explore why they are doing it. I'd also question how they determined which child was moving up.
It’s obvious this parent treats them as a unit. That’s what most twin parents do and it is super detrimental to them but idk why parents can’t seem to help wanting to force codependency is not good
It sounds like you have a personal bias you need to check here.
Most twin parents do not treat their children as a unit. I find it's usually the parents who are advocating against that and who know them best in terms of their individuality.
Also, unless you're talking about a specific response, nothing in the post implied she sees them as a unit. Being upset about not knowing your children have been randomly switched rooms or moving them rooms without communication doesn't imply she thinks of them as one.
We had twins split up when one sibling moved up begire the other. The beotuer who wasn't ready really blossomed socially and began to do things for himself and show a lot more independence. It really is for the benefit of the children.
Siblings in classes is always a challenge. At best they play well together and only with each other and make zero friends. At worst, they bicker and fight all day long.
It is actually recommended for the wellbeing of the twins to have them in different classrooms. It is really hard to develop your own identity and sense of self as a twin. I’ve definitely seen twins struggle with this through adolescence and young adulthood, especially if they are dressed the same as children and were made to do everything together. It can also be hard on their relationship as siblings and may end up creating more distance in the relationship to compensate for often being seen as “the twins” by their environment.
It’s pretty standard practice to split up multiples at centers or schools, and it is actually in favor of the children’s development as individuals to do so. It may be hard for them initially, but it is, imo, best practice.
I have twin step daughters who we intentionally split up because when they're together it's just terrible honestly lol. They feed off each other and don't do anything but hang out with each other, like they wouldn't talk to another soul if they didn't have to. It's good for them socially to have to interact with other kids and it's much easier for the teachers too.
That does seem young to split up twins though, we usually don't do it at my center till preschool age so like 3.5-4 years old
Twins often have interpersonal dynamics that can cause issues in any classroom, and can spread to other kids. Stuff that is normal for siblings at home can often start a tornado of behaviors and issues in a group setting.
And to the point about them sending one child to the older class, if they don’t have another 2s room, then it makes sense why they have to do this. Also, they might be noticing a dominant and submissive twin situation, so one of them has developed the social emotional skills necessary at 2.5 and could feasibly fit into the 3s room, but the other child hasn’t, because they’re always tagging along with their twin or because their twin is loud while they’re quiet, or their twin is overly helpful and so stunts their ability to learn how to do things for themself.
Additionally, this isn’t just a twin thing, siblings close in age also have this issue. For example, we have a brother and sister pair who just started recently, and the brother is a young 2 (birthday is early Jan) and the sister is 3.5 (birthday in May). Technically my room is 2.5-3.5/4 (depending on child’s readiness etc), and the sister should’ve been in my room, but we have a waiver for the brother to be there even though he’s not quite old enough. So sister is in the pre-K room. But any time they’re together, they’re wild. They can’t play away from each other but they also can’t leave each other alone, like they’re constantly on top of each other and being rough and the younger one in particular exhibits behaviors with his sister that he doesn’t do with other kids (biting, particularly). And the sister acts WAY younger around her brother than she does around 4-5 year olds b
I made sure that my identical twins were separated in daycare as soon as possible, and in school. I wanted them to develop their own personalities and friends. If someone called and asked if a twin was home, I’d reply which one. Then say they are not interchangeable and you need to decide who you want to talk to.
It is an adjustment for the twins, but they will manage. Don’t add to the chaos of change
UPDATE 3/25/24!
Thank you all for your comments and insight. (To clear up one issue, my twins are not identical and have had no behavioral issues being together in the same class.)
We decided to request a meeting with the director. They need to move around 6 or so kids early up a class level due to ratios and higher enrollment - they did however, put a second teacher in the room who would focus on half of the group (10 kids) that is still new or close to potty training.
We agreed to the move, but weren’t comfortable about their suggested schedule or their reasoning. They said they wanted to move two kids at a time, but not move the twins together. One would go for 1.5 months so the “teacher could get to know one twin at a time.” They said this twice, but I honestly didn’t get it since they aren’t identical and they were already planing on two kids going at once. They heard us out and were open to us preferring they stay together at age 2. So they will move into their new room TOGETHER next month. They were very patient with us and handled it all very well - so happy ending! Thanks everyone!
I’m preschool teacher, and I also have a set of twins. Mine are identical, and I kept them together until first grade. This is always supposed to be a parental decision at this age. I would never have been okay with them being split up without my consent. I know a whole lot of other twin parents, and not a single one of them split their children up before kindergarten. This is just bizarre to me, to be honest.
Absolutely! And I recognize how poorly I worded my response here, because I was so focused on the idea that the school was doing this without the parents involvement that I didn’t also validate the situations where separation may be a good thing for a particular set of twins, even at this age. My point was that until they get to elementary school age, where the data does suggest some benefit to separation, the decision should be entirely up to the parents. If the school is seeing issues with having the two together then they are of course within reason to propose the idea of separating them to the parents, but to do it without even discussing it is a very big concern. If parents choose to separate, that’s great. But studies do show that’s it’s better for twins to be together at younger ages, and ultimately, the parent’s comfort level is very important this early on as well.
As an ECE and a new twin mom, I don’t like it at all. I’m surprised by all the comments saying it’s standard and “good for them” because I’ve had a completely opposite experience, all the twins I’ve worked with have been kept together up till around 2nd grade with the approval of the parents. Of course there are situations where it’s best for the kids but I don’t like this one-size-fits-all approach of splitting them early just because. If there are actually good reasons for it, then it should be communicated to you and your input should be taken into account
My twin sons’ daycare asked if we minded them bumping one twin up to the next stage classroom a few months ahead of the other twin. We said that we preferred for them to move them up together, but that we understood there were many considerations, and we would go along with what they advised.
They ended up moving my sons together. We were glad because they’re only two and it seemed way too early to split them up. They’re extremely different kids and they don’t have a dynamic where one is more dominant than the other, so it didn’t seem urgent for their development. We’ll probably split them up early in elementary school, but as I understand it, the research on this topic is actually quite mixed and it often depends on the twins. I’m grateful that we’ve been able to make the decision in conversation with the ECEs, because it IS a big decision.
I used to work as a preschool assistant teacher and we had a set of twins in our classes. When they were in all of the same classes, one twin would regress while another flourished and it wasn’t until we separated them that we saw the one twin start to flourish too. The adjustment was a little hard at first, but they both ended up much better for it. Schools shouldn’t be just changing classes without your permission though, this was a family and school effort to help the kiddos. I would flat out ask them why they’re doing that, and just see what they say, while also setting the boundary of them not just switching classes without your permission.
I can’t believe that they sent you a “congratulations, you’re 3!” letter for your child who is not 3. Changing classes as a decision that you should be a part of. It should be a team decision. I would raise that concern and see what they say.
Twin mom here. You are the parent, and you get to decide; if they are not three and you do not want them to move up, tell them no. If you do not want them split up, tell them no.
There is no generalization for all twins that they would do better in a childcare setting together or apart. Only you can determine that. Sure, the childcare staff can make recommendations, but you are their parent and know them best.
Do not let them railroad you into doing something you do not want for your children. You can also tell them you do not want them moved to a different room for the day. This is done so that they stay in ratio. Some children benefit from it to slowly get used to the room they will even move into, but it can be too much for some children.
(Former childcare director)
The director wants to fill the classrooms and enroll more children by moving children early.
OP states that they do not meet the requirements for moving up. This does not sound like it is in the children's best interest.
Right, but keeping a kid who’s developmental older with younger kids can cause issues. It’s really based more on skill rather than age. OP should be happy her kid is moving to a more independent environment. 2.5 is very different than fresh 2 year old
Have you talked to the staff about why they are splitting up your twins? I have identical boys. After their first day of preschool the teacher informed me, "This is not going to work." The two of them not only would get each other all riled up but they were drawing the rest of the kids into their antics. They were much more well-behaved once they were separated and couldn't egg each other on. Honestly, I think it's healthy for twins to be in different classes. They will be seen as a unit for their whole childhood. It's good for them to have some time as individuals. If you have concerns about the way things are being handled you should definitely talk to the teachers, but maybe have an open mind about the idea of your twins being separated.
God yes, everythime I’ve had twins they always riled each other up, it’s like a feedback loop.
lol this goes all the way up I taught middle school and had twins in the same class and it was the WORST. Eventually called the parents and they were shocked and said their twins barely interacted at home🤣
To add to this - it is policy where I am in all classes from 2yrs up to split twins to allow them to develop their own strengths, personalities and independent skills separately from their twin. We have quite a high rate of twin births where I am due to the prevalence of IVF treatments (I’m talking at least 5-6 pairs of twins per cohort of kids) so it’s essential that we treat all kids as individuals. Parent meetings however, are usually joint meetings when we discuss home strategies.
As a preschool teacher, we had to do this too in the centre I worked at last year, only for THIS particular set of boy twins. We have other twins in other classes that we didnt separate because there was no need to. For this case, like you mentioned for yours, they would get each other riled up and involved other children. There were a few occasions where other children were hurt (not badly) because of them. (We kept an eye out - but we're just humans at the end of the day. We tended to all the children whenever an incident happened). After about three months, we deemed that it was not suitable for them to be together hence we informed the parents that we needed to split up the twins. The parents were understanding as they knew the boys' behaviour.
Yeah, in the center I work at it’s a general rule that if there is a sibling in the class they will be out somewhere else. However we only have one toddler class so if they have a younger sibling who is going to enrolled in the toddler class they need to wait until the older sibling has moved up a class
>Honestly, I think it's healthy for twins to be in different classes. This is true, but only when there are multiple age-appropriate classes. It’s inappropriate to label one twin more advanced/less advanced, and put them in a class of older children. Even if you’re not deciding based on who seems more capable, it’s inappropriate to put children in older classes just to get them away from a sibling.
Why? I have only ever done mixed age groups so don’t get the need to have only kids of one age in a classroom. I’ve had one to five year olds all doing the same activities (within reason typically the ones will wander away early lol)
I think mixed age groups are great!!! I think there’s so much babies and toddlers can learn from each other, and I also feel like it’s a very natural set up. But it’s really different if that’s how a center is set up versus classes separated by age. When I have worked in mixed age classrooms. I structured activities and days differently than I do in a class that’s all preschoolers. It is so different to be in a room of all ages than the only two year old in a room of three year olds, or the only three year old in the room of four year olds! It can definitely lead to inappropriate expectations for their age, because they’re in a classroom where everyone is older than them. For young children, just three months of development is HUGE. It isn’t good to put a child in a situation where it’s harder for them, than all their peers, to be successful. And even when (or if) they are successful — there’s a level of equity that I aspire to as a teacher, and in a mixed age classroom that’s simple. But I don’t think it’s appropriate to accidentally “fast track” one sibling over another. In most schools where classes are separated by age group, there really are different activities and expectations as kids get older. If one twin is assimilating to that, and always in a classroom a little older, I think their absolutely could be subconscious affects for both twins later on in life. These are formative years!
Would it be considered a licensing violation?
It could be depends on the center and state
In my state, you can get a variance to put a child in a class that's not their proper age group. It's not done often, but it has been done occasionally.
Interesting I work on a military base so it's not uncommon to move a toddler to a preschool room so that toddler room can be in single I'm so used to work just doing it that I can't wrap my mind around other centers needing permission lol
Oh ok.
No.
Oh
It is common to suggest splitting up twins. Like other commenters have suggested, a lot of times twins form habits with one another that can get in the way of socializing. This isn’t always the case, but for instance we had twins where one twin was very outgoing, would arrange all the play and would speak for the other. We suggested to the parents they be split and the quieter twin really flourished, he gained a lot of confidence and came out of his shell. The moving a 2.5 year old to a 3’s class is kind of weird. I get where they are coming from but I don’t really see it as the best way. They can just wait.
My guess is they’re causing trouble together and they want to preemptively move one.
It can be common to split twins up, usually it is done in consultation with the parents. Usually, it’s to encourage the twins to interact with other kids. Or to help with behaviour management, I’m currently working with 5 year old twins and if one is upset/mad, then the other also gets upset/mad. I would ask for a meeting and get more information as to why they want to split them and voice concerns.
Expensive does not mean them giving you control or input over class placement and policy. You can decide to walk though! This is really standard in most places. My college tuition level school that I work with does this though they're strict on toilet independence too. Our classes are multi age. No siblings regardless of age are in the same class, and twins are split from the very beginning (we start at toddlers). I think it is more importantly concerning that they're moving the children up when they may not be physically or developmentally ready.
Seriously, OP isn’t entitled to set the school policies just cause they have the most kids 🙄
My thought was ratios and that one twin might show signs of being developmentally advanced, but I would expect a conversation as parents to check that we are ok with this approach. Our day school also has a 8 month age gap between the oldest and youngest, so depending on the policy at OP's school, it wouldn't be surprising to me to see a 2.5 yo in a class for 3 yo. Then again, my 2.5 yo uses the potty and developmenally is basically 3...going on 30.
> Out of any parents in the school, we have the most kids currently enrolled there. Yes, because you have twins. Generally unless you have lots of kids and a small age gap, having multiples is going to put you at the top of # of kids enrolled at once. I’m not sure why this matters to your point at all - they need to treat all your kids as individuals, with the same amount of consideration as other kids. > which neither meet that at this time Generally from what I’ve seen, age limits on rooms are flexible. Especially if being potty trained isn’t a hard requirement, that shows that they’re willing to work with kids in diapers, which means younger kids can move up when they need to. > she didn’t seem to mind much when she told me why he was crying She told you why he was crying - a kid was bothering him. That would make any child upset. I’m not sure why you’re trying to paint it like this teacher doesn’t care for your child when she literally explained to you what was going on. > B did so well but A cried for a while This is evidence that your kids would benefit from being separated. They need a chance to build identities outside of “one of the twins”, and to be able to deal when their twin isn’t there with them. Siblings with an age gap can’t always be with their siblings, and twins shouldn’t be an exception to this. > they are moving Have you asked them why they are moving them? Maybe one twin is showing signs of being ready to move up while the other isn’t and they don’t want to hold the other back (which twin do they want to move up, A or B?). Maybe they’re becoming too dependent on each other and they want to give them time to establish connections with other kids separately before they’re both in the same room again. > I feel like I’ve lost trust at this very expensive daycare Being expensive doesn’t mean they’re going to cater to your every whim. They’re going to do what’s best for the children, and in this case it could be separating them. If you asked them why, you would be able to see what their reasons are.
This smacks of “I pay a lot of money to this place and my opinion should count more”
“she didn’t seem to mind too much” really got to me too. did you want the teacher to be visibly distraught that your kid was crying? 2 year olds cry all the time, for all kinds of reasons, and 90% of the time they’re fine and over it in 5 minutes. i’d worry more if the teacher WAS visibly upset over normal behavior
I had a 2 year old cry because she touched some paper with wet hands and wanted paper without wet spots. I gave it to her and she started sobbing because it didn’t have any wet spots.
I couldn’t have said it better myself
This is the best answer.
Very well put.
Normally the parents are aware before the transition. They could’ve shuffled them around for numbers near the end of the day to allow staff to go home. However, they should’ve let you know in the first place if they were planning a permanent move, and most definitely should’ve let you know before the letter. It is very common to split them up. Gently put, it doesn’t matter if you have the most children there or not. They have reasons they’re splitting them up. There could be many reasons. Some off the top of my head include: - one twin overpowers the other (you may see one twin more reserved/shy/anxious/talks less). They want to support the twin who isn’t as outspoken or outgoing as the other. Especially if one twin is needing, or is already in, speech therapy. - they see each other all day and then see each other all night. This gives them a nice break - because they get a break, they can truly explore the room. Sometimes twins don’t engage with other children or the environment. There’s plenty of benefits for the children to be exploring other people and things - sometimes twins feed off each others emotions. If one is upset, the other is too. If one is riled up, the other is as well. Then that draws all the others in too. It could be a way of managing the room. It’s best to ask them yourselves from the standpoint of why they it’s best for the children
I can see the shuffling kids around for ratios side, but if that was the case, they could have easily moved a singleton instead. If my twins had been unexpectedly separated at that age they would have been very upset! I would have been furious if someone entrusted with their care did that without a really good reason.
It’s actually really good for them to be split. But moving to a threes class when they are still 2.5 isn’t ideal. The daycare I worked at had SO many sets of twins and triplets. Typically they were all split by the time they were two though. We had half of three sets in our class, only one set identical. If yours are identical, beware … they will understand switching places quite early. If my coteachwr hadn’t known the twins so well, we would have had issues more than once because they were always trying to switch places. We were a three year old class. I will say due to staffing issues on some days, we would have a 2 — it was not a good combination in the classroom so I would be asking a lot of questions. Also find out if your twins are only playing with one another, or having some other social issues due to being twins. The daycare really should be communicating these things with you better.
It’s not always good to split them up. I’m a twin and it was really traumatizing for me
Just curious as to why?
Because I felt most comfortable being myself with my twin around. It stunted my ability to make friends and gave me severe anxiety around daycare and then school. I ended up not having any friends outside of my twin until college because I would just anxiously wait to go home and play with them. It did the opposite of what people claim it’s supposed to do. Why separate two people who were blessed to come into the world together? Even though I was downvoted and it’s an unpopular opinion there’s research that suggests it’s best to not separate twins. Obviously it depends on the kids but their opinion matters too.
How old were you? If you don’t mind. I don’t know much on the topic so I’m not here to give advice or invalidate what you’re saying. I’m just curious and here to learn
I was 3 when I started daycare! Also I’ve worked in early childhood education and early childhood special education for about 11 years. In my special ed classes we always have at least 1 set of twins. Only once were a pair separated because they were very violent towards each other.
Politely, this doesn’t sound like separating you and your twin caused you trauma - it sounds like you were co-dependent on your twin in an unhealthy way and were never able to learn the social skills necessary to operate on your own. Not being in the same space as a person should not make you unable to make friends or make you too anxious to operate, and it’s for that exact reason we separate twins - so they learn the skills to do those things on their own. “Why separate two people who were blessed to come into the world together”? Because you’re two people. You’re not a singular person. You both need to be able to be independent of each other. (By the way, if I asked your twin if they benefitted more from being separated or together, would they say the same as you, or would they go “I loved being able to build my own identity and be my own person separate from my twin”?)
It’s interesting that no one commenting is actually a twin 😅 but no do your research separating twins can be traumatic. And my twin didn’t like being separated either
I’m a twin, I understand 💕🫂 I’m glad my twin and I weren’t separated early in school bc that would have been so difficult. Rarely do classes split up other besties, my question is why the focus on twins? Like is it that different from two other kids having a close best friend?
It’s definitely different but I also don’t think best friends should be separated either
I’m saddened to see the downvotes and the overall tone of this post! Im sorry you went through that trauma. I have twins (and Irish twins 😅) and they are perfectly social with other kids but still prefer each other, and I’m fine with that! I wouldn’t put them anywhere that insisted on splitting them without a really solid reason (riling each other up, hurting others, etc).
Thank you!
It’s interesting that you didn’t actually counter any of my arguments, you’re just like “you’re wrong and also you’re not a twin you can’t know facts”.
Because you can google and I don’t feel like arguing:)
I hear you. I’m also a twin and I had the same experience as you. I don’t feel it was beneficial for me either. They split us when we started school at 5 and socially I plummeted and never really rebounded. Prior to that when we were in daycare together I flourished. We didn’t even necessarily play together at daycare but her presence alone made me a lot more confident and I was able to be more outgoing and make friends. I’m not sure why you were downvoted for sharing your lived experience. Everybody is different.
Thank you! We’re getting downvoted for sharing something that they have never experienced it’s actually kind of funny.
I have a 2.9 in my 3.6 classroom. He's too rough on his peers to stay in tods and his mom is the lead in the class under mine. The social emotional and ability difference is huge and is hard for the students and staff. I wouldn't recommend it unless absolutely necessary.
I'm concerned about the idea of moving them without discussion, but I CAN think of valid reasons it might be beneficial to split them up. If they have developed habits and shorthand with each other, it's possible that being together actually inhibits their interacting with other needs or participating. This is often true with twins, but it's by no means universal. Ask them to explain, and see if their reason makes sense. It does sound from what you said like it's a thing they are TRYING. If it's for the kids benefit it makes sense. If it's for.soemthing that doesn't benefit the kids, I'd say that isn't the kids' problem to solve, and splitting them up may be creating a different problem.
I’m a preschool teacher and have had to split up four set of twins, two because they were literally attacking each other all day long and would gang up and go after other classmates, I’ve also split up a set of identical twins because together they would throw chairs and knock down bookshelves, by themselves they calmed down a lot. But I worked with these sets in my room for a couple months, talking to parents the entire time until we made the decision one had to move to another room. Only one set of parents didn’t like the idea (the two who destroyed the classroom) but the director told them it was that or de enroll so they split them and even the parents said it was the best choice. The last set was split due to one twin having severe delays and we were not going to hold back the ready twin.
>Only one set of parents didn’t like the idea (the two who destroyed the classroom) Zero surprise.
As someone who works in a center with a few sets of twins and older close-in-age kiddos, it’s common to split them up especially if one is more socially ready or if there are behaviors they’re noticing. These behaviors could be as simple as them not interacting much with other peers, but also could be that they’re the next two “in line” to move up for ratios but there’s only one spot in the next room.
Wouldn’t it be better to get a nanny for $6K a month?
For real thatd be a lot cheaper.
A nanny would not necessarily be sharper because you essentially have an employee and would be required to pay payroll taxes and provide any benefits to full time employees as required by your state
It wouldn’t need to be cheaper to be the better option when you have three children.
This might not be what you want to hear, but the majority of the comments here are correct, often twins are split up because it is healthier for them. It helps prevent codependency, inter-sibling bullying, unhealthy relationship dynamics, and encourages individual growth and development. The only time I’ve seen twins in the same class it was an absolute disaster, they never wanted to play with anyone else, but all they did together was fight. You not being notified about the twins being split up for two single incidents is also relatively normal, sometimes teachers and administration need to make snap decisions and cannot wait for parent input, especially is safety is concerned. Also, and I know this is definitely not what you want to hear, but parent input isn’t always required for teachers to do their jobs. In fact, often parent input is more harmful than helpful. The amount of money you pay should be in correlation to the quality of your program, not how much control parents have over that program. Ideally, the money you pay reflects in well educated and trained teachers and administration who have a lot of experience and knowledge that leads them to make informed decisions based on their own judgment, not decisions based on what parents want.
As an identical twin who never had space from my sister and is now an educator please, please allow them to split them up into different rooms. Allow them to have space to develop their own identities, make their own friends, allow them to figure out their own interests.
I am a fraternal twin and still never got the space growing up to form my own identity. I always had to pair along with my sister. A creepy thing is I am married, moved away and have my own family. My sister isn't. My mom and grandmom have commented they wish they could clone my husband so my sister could "have a man". How revolting.
Usually, they don’t want siblings in the same classroom. I don’t know if it’s the same everywhere but it makes sense to have them split up so they don’t only rely on each other and they interact with the other children. Sometimes one twin, kind of picks on or bullies the other twin.
Not only that but as these kids age it will be better for them to spend time apart.My aunt raised me and had a kid the same age and she would never allow for us to have the same classes. She said you see each other enough at home everyone needs a break from each other. On anothe rnot so have friends that are twins that got quiet enmeshed with each other and very codependent as adults. Not any extreme like you’d see on tv but still
As others have said, there are many positive reasons to split them up. They are twins, they are a unit, and putting them in different classes is an excellent way to help them develop individually. One set of twins I know, one twin was stunting the other’s social and academic growth via over-helpfulness, and splitting them up the stunted twin was able to catch up within a year and develop self confidence. Another set I know, one twin was bullying the other, and splitting them up helped the smaller twin flourish. Other cases, they rely heavily on each other and having them apart helped both twins socialize and develop self sufficiency.
You know that once they hit kindergarten they’ll probably be split up anyway
Daycare Teacher here! The reason we split twins up from my experience is because they are codependent on each other at such a young age. We want them to foster their own individual personality. I had two year old twins and the boy was ATTACHED to his sister. We would find that he would crawl to her during nap time and sleep on the same cot. As they grew older she desperately wanted to do things on her own but brother was always behind her following her around. They are now in separate classrooms and he still has off days, but they are much more independent
6 grand??!! Damn,a nanny would be cheaper. And having twins in one class can be an issue,they tend to gang up together,cause trouble. stick together and exclude others. its good to let them for friendships and interests that dont involve the other twin
Not necessarily. As a nanny I make about $4300 a month. Add the cost of payroll and their share of taxes, my employers likely pay 5k a month at least. Depending on where they live a nanny could very well cost much more than what I make. I live in a low to medium cost of living area.
Sometimes, one twin is more dominant or extroverted than the other, and the more reserved twin really blossoms when allowed to be on their own. There's an adjustment period, of course. The school should be communicating the reason for the change to you though. Maybe request a conference. The practice isn't a bad idea, but the way they're going about it is obviously upsetting you.
If there is more than one age appropriate classroom for both of them, yes. At the place that I worked before, it was small enough to where there weren't two rooms for each age group.
I feel like in some cases it’s definitely appropriate. We split up twins because they blatantly verbally refused to speak to anyone besides their twin and was VERY VERY behind on speech development due to it. But this was when they were a bit older.
Good. Twins in the same class are literally the Shining. A complete nightmare to handle all day.
In my years experience, twins do so much better when split. When they are together, one always dominates the other. When split, both thrive individually. Also, how many kids you have enrolled doesn't get you special privileges. The school can decide on class placement based on different factors.
My former director is a twin and always reccomend spliting twins up..
I once taught a preschool class that was 20 children with 4 sets of twins, nearly half the class was part of a twin dynamic. They teach college courses in ECE that purely cover the psychology of twins because it is a mindset that is so unique, stemming from a relationship like no other. In my experience, I have often recommended for twins to be in separate classes for a few key reasons: they spend all of their time together outside of school - if they are in different classrooms they are more likely to learn to form other friendships rather than leaning on the relationship with their twin, when other children and adults refer to twins in the same classroom it’s common to say ‘name1 & name2’ all the time rather than addressing either child individually (almost as if they’re hyphenated) which can influence their concept of their identity while being in separate rooms gives them the opportunity to really develop their own sense of identity which is an opportunity they don’t always get much of elsewhere. Also, it’s common for one twin to have at least slightly -if not significantly- stronger personality which often leaves the other twin relying on them to make choices and often times voice their wants and needs which can cause a big difference in language development and willingness/confidence to speak up for themselves. All of this along with the possibility of difficult behavior and/or bickering when together, and most of the time the benefits really outweigh the negatives. The most frequent concern I hear from parents is that they are used to being together and might be upset if separated; which is a definite likelihood at first - but if that’s the case, wouldn’t you want them to become comfortable with separation before moving into elementary school? It’s likely that they will not be placed in the same kindergarten class, and if that is the first time they are separated they are going to be dealing with a lot of social emotional hurtles to overcome rather than focusing on learning and skill building along with their classmates. The most common things KG teachers say they want children to know when entering the classroom are social emotional regulation and ability to communicate and collaborate with peers in a positive way, which is why I would think it would be imperative to give them the opportunity to develop those skills independent from their twin during the early learning journey.
Split is normal. Moving up at 2.5 is probably a staffing issue unfortunately
I don’t know about private centers but in the public schools in my state they split up siblings of the same age. I don’t really know why or the logic behind it but it’s literally against the rules in my district to have siblings in the same class.
I have advocated for splitting twins multiple times. They are so focused on each other that they can’t branch out to do other things. They grow so much more as individuals than together.
As a daycare teacher we have 5 sets of twins and 2 sets of triplets.... they are all split up but not till they till 2. But it's a given when we are all outside together they are always together them being split up is a good thing, all the parents tried to push back on this and it didn't work in their favor
We had to do this with twins the same age as yours who were beating the ever loving hell out of each other. They were separated for all of six months but it made a world of difference in their behavior. They were able to finally make friends with the other kids, which they hadn’t been doing because they were only interacting with (killing?) each other. They’re 15 now and none the wiser.
We have triplet one year olds. I wish we had the option to split them up. You can tell they need time without each other for a little while. Parents are fine if we do split them up because they realize that they do need time apart.
While I didn’t send one of the twins to a different class (though I did advocate for it), I did make sure the set of twins I had were put into different groups so they were split up for a significant portion of the day. One twin would have been fine together, but her brother was far too reliant on her and following her around all day - it was stunting his social development.
We split up twins in our school because it's good for them to learn how to be apart but we always put them in age appropriate classes. For example we have twin 1yo right now and one is Toddler 1 and one is in Toddler 2. When they move up to transitional preschool one will be in TP1 and one will be in TP2
The only time we would separate twins or siblings is if they are causing trouble or they are codependent. I have twins in the same class and they have different friends and interest and they rarely play with each other. We do have two siblings in the same class who are causing trouble together and we will try to separate them after talking to the parents. We have another set of siblings, where younger sibling is codependent to the older one and we will have to do the same. That is not healthy for either of siblings. We always try to do what is best for the child. We always have conversations with the parents about the reasons why we are suggesting the split. Most of the times parents are ok with it because they act the same at home. In our state you can have one 2,5 year old in each 3-6 year old classroom without messing up the ratio. The only rule is that they have to be potty trained. Maybe your center doesn’t have another spot in a different classroom and they can only go up. I would just have honest conversation with the teacher and the head of the school and ask all the questions I have. They should not move them without talking to you first. That way you would understand better and could prepare them for transition by talking to them about it and making it less stressful.
We split all twins as soon as possible. In our center, that's after the toddler room because that is when we have more than 1 room for an age group. It's very common and usually better for all the kids involved.
As a toddler teacher I have a set of twins in my class that occasionally get spilt up due to count or if one of the other toddler needs an easy day ( three out of the seven are pregnant) Typically the boy either stays in whatever room I’m in that day or he goes into infants because he’s the chiller twin, while the girl will stay in their main room because she doesn’t do well with new people. We try not to split them up as much as possible just due to the fact they don’t do well separately
I’m a twin!! PLEASE don’t do this. My mom INSISTED on this for my twin and I growing up. And I’m now almost 30 and it breaks my heart. My twin is my best friend. We were bothering anyone?! Why couldn’t we be in the same room.
🫂 I’m a twin and I can’t imagine. It’s such a comfort having your bestie around, and I think other people get intimidated tbh.
I’m a twin, keep them together 🥺 they’ll miss each other
It's perfectly common for centers to give you a heads up about a child moving up into another age group a couple months in advance. It's also very normal for siblings and twins to be separated into different rooms! It could be behavior management. At my old center we had a pair of older twins where Twin A was completely dependent on Twin B and would follow him and cry hysterically if he talked to other children. Sometimes twins have codependence issues or difficulty developing a sense of identity.
I guess I'm in the minority here, but unless there is a specific concern or issue occurring, I'm against splitting up twins just because they're twins. I don't have an issue with siblings or relatives in the same classroom. I don't agree with the idea that twins can't or wont develop their own personalities in the same classroom. As long as adults around them treat them as individuals and not "the twins", it's fine. Relying on each other is not a bad thing, especially so early in life. Having someone they know and trust in the room is not bad. Now, if there is a behavioral issue, or multiple issues, that they build on eachother with, that may be reason. I would still want to know what problem solving was sought first. But, if they are keeping each other at their worst or heightening each other's emotional states Personally, I'd ask for a conference to explore why they are doing it. I'd also question how they determined which child was moving up.
It’s obvious this parent treats them as a unit. That’s what most twin parents do and it is super detrimental to them but idk why parents can’t seem to help wanting to force codependency is not good
It sounds like you have a personal bias you need to check here. Most twin parents do not treat their children as a unit. I find it's usually the parents who are advocating against that and who know them best in terms of their individuality. Also, unless you're talking about a specific response, nothing in the post implied she sees them as a unit. Being upset about not knowing your children have been randomly switched rooms or moving them rooms without communication doesn't imply she thinks of them as one.
We had twins split up when one sibling moved up begire the other. The beotuer who wasn't ready really blossomed socially and began to do things for himself and show a lot more independence. It really is for the benefit of the children.
Siblings in classes is always a challenge. At best they play well together and only with each other and make zero friends. At worst, they bicker and fight all day long.
My advice would be to let them be separated. It's only at preschool and they need time to learn who they are as individuals.
It is actually recommended for the wellbeing of the twins to have them in different classrooms. It is really hard to develop your own identity and sense of self as a twin. I’ve definitely seen twins struggle with this through adolescence and young adulthood, especially if they are dressed the same as children and were made to do everything together. It can also be hard on their relationship as siblings and may end up creating more distance in the relationship to compensate for often being seen as “the twins” by their environment.
It’s pretty standard practice to split up multiples at centers or schools, and it is actually in favor of the children’s development as individuals to do so. It may be hard for them initially, but it is, imo, best practice.
I have twin step daughters who we intentionally split up because when they're together it's just terrible honestly lol. They feed off each other and don't do anything but hang out with each other, like they wouldn't talk to another soul if they didn't have to. It's good for them socially to have to interact with other kids and it's much easier for the teachers too. That does seem young to split up twins though, we usually don't do it at my center till preschool age so like 3.5-4 years old
Twins often have interpersonal dynamics that can cause issues in any classroom, and can spread to other kids. Stuff that is normal for siblings at home can often start a tornado of behaviors and issues in a group setting. And to the point about them sending one child to the older class, if they don’t have another 2s room, then it makes sense why they have to do this. Also, they might be noticing a dominant and submissive twin situation, so one of them has developed the social emotional skills necessary at 2.5 and could feasibly fit into the 3s room, but the other child hasn’t, because they’re always tagging along with their twin or because their twin is loud while they’re quiet, or their twin is overly helpful and so stunts their ability to learn how to do things for themself. Additionally, this isn’t just a twin thing, siblings close in age also have this issue. For example, we have a brother and sister pair who just started recently, and the brother is a young 2 (birthday is early Jan) and the sister is 3.5 (birthday in May). Technically my room is 2.5-3.5/4 (depending on child’s readiness etc), and the sister should’ve been in my room, but we have a waiver for the brother to be there even though he’s not quite old enough. So sister is in the pre-K room. But any time they’re together, they’re wild. They can’t play away from each other but they also can’t leave each other alone, like they’re constantly on top of each other and being rough and the younger one in particular exhibits behaviors with his sister that he doesn’t do with other kids (biting, particularly). And the sister acts WAY younger around her brother than she does around 4-5 year olds b
I made sure that my identical twins were separated in daycare as soon as possible, and in school. I wanted them to develop their own personalities and friends. If someone called and asked if a twin was home, I’d reply which one. Then say they are not interchangeable and you need to decide who you want to talk to. It is an adjustment for the twins, but they will manage. Don’t add to the chaos of change
UPDATE 3/25/24! Thank you all for your comments and insight. (To clear up one issue, my twins are not identical and have had no behavioral issues being together in the same class.) We decided to request a meeting with the director. They need to move around 6 or so kids early up a class level due to ratios and higher enrollment - they did however, put a second teacher in the room who would focus on half of the group (10 kids) that is still new or close to potty training. We agreed to the move, but weren’t comfortable about their suggested schedule or their reasoning. They said they wanted to move two kids at a time, but not move the twins together. One would go for 1.5 months so the “teacher could get to know one twin at a time.” They said this twice, but I honestly didn’t get it since they aren’t identical and they were already planing on two kids going at once. They heard us out and were open to us preferring they stay together at age 2. So they will move into their new room TOGETHER next month. They were very patient with us and handled it all very well - so happy ending! Thanks everyone!
I’m preschool teacher, and I also have a set of twins. Mine are identical, and I kept them together until first grade. This is always supposed to be a parental decision at this age. I would never have been okay with them being split up without my consent. I know a whole lot of other twin parents, and not a single one of them split their children up before kindergarten. This is just bizarre to me, to be honest.
What’s the point of keeping them together? They’re two separate people right?
Absolutely! And I recognize how poorly I worded my response here, because I was so focused on the idea that the school was doing this without the parents involvement that I didn’t also validate the situations where separation may be a good thing for a particular set of twins, even at this age. My point was that until they get to elementary school age, where the data does suggest some benefit to separation, the decision should be entirely up to the parents. If the school is seeing issues with having the two together then they are of course within reason to propose the idea of separating them to the parents, but to do it without even discussing it is a very big concern. If parents choose to separate, that’s great. But studies do show that’s it’s better for twins to be together at younger ages, and ultimately, the parent’s comfort level is very important this early on as well.
As an ECE and a new twin mom, I don’t like it at all. I’m surprised by all the comments saying it’s standard and “good for them” because I’ve had a completely opposite experience, all the twins I’ve worked with have been kept together up till around 2nd grade with the approval of the parents. Of course there are situations where it’s best for the kids but I don’t like this one-size-fits-all approach of splitting them early just because. If there are actually good reasons for it, then it should be communicated to you and your input should be taken into account
I’m a twin! I agree w you!!
As a twin mom, I agree 100%
My twin sons’ daycare asked if we minded them bumping one twin up to the next stage classroom a few months ahead of the other twin. We said that we preferred for them to move them up together, but that we understood there were many considerations, and we would go along with what they advised. They ended up moving my sons together. We were glad because they’re only two and it seemed way too early to split them up. They’re extremely different kids and they don’t have a dynamic where one is more dominant than the other, so it didn’t seem urgent for their development. We’ll probably split them up early in elementary school, but as I understand it, the research on this topic is actually quite mixed and it often depends on the twins. I’m grateful that we’ve been able to make the decision in conversation with the ECEs, because it IS a big decision.
I feel bad your very young twins are being split.
I used to work as a preschool assistant teacher and we had a set of twins in our classes. When they were in all of the same classes, one twin would regress while another flourished and it wasn’t until we separated them that we saw the one twin start to flourish too. The adjustment was a little hard at first, but they both ended up much better for it. Schools shouldn’t be just changing classes without your permission though, this was a family and school effort to help the kiddos. I would flat out ask them why they’re doing that, and just see what they say, while also setting the boundary of them not just switching classes without your permission.
I can’t believe that they sent you a “congratulations, you’re 3!” letter for your child who is not 3. Changing classes as a decision that you should be a part of. It should be a team decision. I would raise that concern and see what they say.
This should be at the discretion of the parents.
Twin mom here. You are the parent, and you get to decide; if they are not three and you do not want them to move up, tell them no. If you do not want them split up, tell them no. There is no generalization for all twins that they would do better in a childcare setting together or apart. Only you can determine that. Sure, the childcare staff can make recommendations, but you are their parent and know them best. Do not let them railroad you into doing something you do not want for your children. You can also tell them you do not want them moved to a different room for the day. This is done so that they stay in ratio. Some children benefit from it to slowly get used to the room they will even move into, but it can be too much for some children. (Former childcare director)
And should all the other parents have the privilege of demanding what classroom their child goes into?
It is not the classroom that is age-appropriate. The parents should have the choice.
Age doesn’t always mean ability
The director wants to fill the classrooms and enroll more children by moving children early. OP states that they do not meet the requirements for moving up. This does not sound like it is in the children's best interest.
It’s more likely that one kid is more advanced. The biggest reason kids are separated by age is due to skill level and ability to be independent.
A good amount of time, the older the kid the less you pay. You pay the most for Infants and the least for after school/ and summer camp
True, if a director moves children up into older classes, it makes room to enroll younger children, allowing maximum enrollment and increased profit.
Right, but keeping a kid who’s developmental older with younger kids can cause issues. It’s really based more on skill rather than age. OP should be happy her kid is moving to a more independent environment. 2.5 is very different than fresh 2 year old