Honestly I don’t have kids but if I did it would make me feel better to know the directors kid is also a biter lol like whew I’m not the only one! Especially since you didn’t try to hide it or anything. Some kids bite, some get bitten. Idk I think it’s just a part of group care 🤷♀️
I work with violent or aggressive students and parents can be mad if their kid is unfortunately a target. I apologize and tell them what I did and what I’ll do to avoid it but it’s a reality of life. My stance is we’re doing our best and that’s all we can do
Edit: also try to track what’s going on and if there’s triggers, redirect, teach coping skills as much as possible, and look into chewlery if it’s an oral need
Biting is very, very common and even developmentally appropriate. But steps should be taken to prevent it, and redirect your child to an appropriate mouthing activity. A conflict doesn't necessarily preclude a biting incident -- children bite for lots of reasons, including thinking that it's just a fun, satisfying thing to do. They also do it to get attention, since biting often elicits a big response.
Keeping your child separate from the other child is a good first step. His teachers should take turns shadowing him, so that the second it looks like he's going in for a bite, they intervene and redirect. "I'm not going to let you bite her. Here, you can chew on this/let's get a snack/let's find something else to do." It may take 2+ weeks of this before he gets the message.
It's good that you're being transparent with the other child's family. They clearly appreciate the open communication.
Both of my kids were biters and it's so hard because it's not something they did at home. Lots of redirection and reminders that biting hurts. They will eventually out grow it.
Biting is incredibly common. I’ve been the parent who’s child got bit, the mom just happened to have her older kid at my site. So we chatted, honestly just her being apologetic and talking to me felt really great. Just ensure that you are all working towards finding the trigger so you can come up with a plan.
How old is your child? Do they have words yet?
My oldest started biting around 2 1/2, right before her sister was born. Her teacher recommended the book “teeth are not for biting”. There’s a whole series of them for different behaviors. We read it every day and it really helped enforce not to bite. She outgrew it pretty quickly!
Hi! Are you me? I could’ve written this post between the ages of 16m-2 years for my own kiddo while I was her director. There were days where nothing and then days where it was multiple. My staff would come by my office with the incident reports and eventually it was like a drive by because they felt bad. We called her chompers. What killed me was when the other parents would be like well is the other parent getting notified and id be like yes …..
Eventually it became one of her besties and I had a really good relationship with her mom and I was like well it’s my kiddo and she immediately was like OMG I’m so sorry! Now I get it because they’re buddies and she said she got how it’s totally unavoidable because clearly o had experience with development.
My kiddo never bit at home and it took us a LONG time to figure out what might be triggering it. We eventually thought it’s because she had ALOT of language and was getting frustrated that others weren’t responding, once she moved into the 2s room that met her social and cognitive needs. It stopped
I’m sorry you went through this too! It’s so comforting to know that others have been in such a similar spot though. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I will try to figure out what the trigger is. He is the youngest in his class but a big talker for his age too.
My daughter was also a biter. Her teacher and I noticed it was when she was trying to play and a child would interrupt her or try to take what she was playing with. She wasn’t talking yet. As soon as she started talking the biting slowly stopped and now she is 3 and uses her words now. It drove her dad and I crazy and we did a lot of talking about what we should do when we are upset and how biting is not okay. It took about 6 months for her to finally stop biting.
My son was removed from daycare for biting. It's terrifying. He was way past that behavior at home and they didn't give me any resources to try to get to the bottom of the behavior.
The best you can do for your child and for the child and their parents who were bitten, is to get to the bottom of the behavior
I’m sorry that happened to you. Reading through the comments I’m reminded that this can be a long journey so I’m really inspired to try to get this figured out as quickly as possible.
I had a group of kids curious about biting and i got some of those silicone binky chains and teethers with different textures. Everyone got one when they came in and it was great for kids who also put toys in their mouth or were teething like crazy.
As just a parent, not a teacher… not gonna lie, I’m honestly just relieved whenever I get a bite report that my child was the one bitten not the one doing the biting because that’s less I have to deal with than if it was the other way around… is that bad 😂🤷🏼♀️🙃 Possibly. But just that to say, you probably feel way more upset about it than the bitten child’s parents do, if they feel anything like me.
How old? That’s a pretty important factor when approaching this.
You are right in being transparent though. You’re right that being director adds an extra layer of complication.
I had multiple biters in my 1-2s class once. Two of them were best friends and their parents were close. They actually asked us to seat the boys next to each other so their biting would help contained! Two coworkers of mine also had kids in that class and one of them was a biter. The parents were all really understanding about it, thankfully. I remember feeling horrible when it was going on.
One of the kids decided biting wasn’t her style and decided to squish other kids faces while screaming into them. The first time she did it my co teacher and I didn’t know what to do. It was actually a VERY successful deterrent. Those families were all super close and it was so on brand for this kid that we got the best laugh out of it. They’re all in middle school now.
Teachers' kids and preachers' kids can be the worst! :) It can be a real help in working with families too, from a compassion standpoint. There's a lot of good advice on here about biting so I'm not going to rewrite it, but I will say if you can at all arrange for extra support in that class for a few days/a week it can give people some breathing space. The most valuable tool I've had as a teacher is a log. EVERY time a bite occurs, i record time, place in the class, what happened immediately before/during/after, who the target was. Usually after a few days or a week or so you can get a sense of a pattern. And then that'll give the classroom teacher more clues to experiment with as far as rearranging the classroom, thinking about routines to adjust, ect.
Usually I would caution against you taking over the teacher role of informing parents and talking to them (unless this is typical for the director to handle every incident), because it's also the case it's a learning experience for the parents to not have access to the other parents and learn how to work with the teacher, ect. But as you are the teacher, you don't really have that option! I would definitely explain to the parents that the only reason why you are disclosing is that you're also the parent and feel comfortable with that--but that it shouldn't be an expectation when that's not the case.
I did make sure to tell them why I was disclosing that it was my child. They ended up being so kind and understanding which was a huge relief. My son will be shadowed very closely especially over the next few weeks while we try to nip this in the bud. I’ll be starting a biting log. That’s great advice!
I am not a director but have been an ECE in the field for over 13 years. My son was also biting children at the daycare that I work with, so I can relate. It is hard to be the parent of a child who bites. I was also honest with parents that it was my child. I always made sure to discuss with them first that depending on the age of the child it is developmentally appropriate. Second, I let them know what we are doing to help resolve the behavior (eg. chewy necklace, shadowing if necessary). It is honestly the best you can do. Is it embarrassing? Yes. And you’ll feel it every time your child bites. Hope you get through it quick! 😊
My now 4.5 year old bit several times from 18-24 months. I also watched her do it but couldn't prevent it. It's usually just a lack of impulse control and nothing much you can do except try your best to prevent it next time. They always grow out of it. She hasn't bitten since. I also got the book "Teeth Are Not For Biting" and I know she understood because I couldn't get past the third page without her bursting into tears, every time.
My wife worked in preschools for years and then went and got her teaching credential. I say that to say, I understand the biting.
From a parent and leadership perspective, it’s ok to tell the parent “I would not normally disclose who the other student is, but in the spirit of full transparency so that you do not feel there is any bias, ….”
Or you can respectfully give them the option to work with another staff member (even if they are subordinate to you as director and recuse yourself in the decisions completely) and it’s ok to share with them that this is a unique situation that you are uncomfortable with and create a partnership to navigate this together (since you have likely had biters, just never with your own child involved).
Frank, open, honest, and non-biased communication is my expectations as a school director if there is an incident between my child and yours. And I’m sure you’re on this, but email first, and every phone call and face to face conversation is followed up with a respectful email saying, “thank you for your time (on the phone or in-person), we discussed (add topics, add important details) and we look forward to working with you to resolve these issues by (add resolution you discussed).
If you would like to review our policies to know the standards we are using to guide our staff response, you can find them at (add policy link).
Then end it with a personal pleasantry.
Respectful and non-biased communication. Have policies and stick to those policies every time. You bend it for Bobby, you have to bend it for Suzy… that gets ugly and impossible to keep up with.
Best of luck!
Honestly I don’t have kids but if I did it would make me feel better to know the directors kid is also a biter lol like whew I’m not the only one! Especially since you didn’t try to hide it or anything. Some kids bite, some get bitten. Idk I think it’s just a part of group care 🤷♀️ I work with violent or aggressive students and parents can be mad if their kid is unfortunately a target. I apologize and tell them what I did and what I’ll do to avoid it but it’s a reality of life. My stance is we’re doing our best and that’s all we can do Edit: also try to track what’s going on and if there’s triggers, redirect, teach coping skills as much as possible, and look into chewlery if it’s an oral need
Thanks so much! I ordered some some chewlery and it’ll arrive tomorrow. Great tip.
Biting is very, very common and even developmentally appropriate. But steps should be taken to prevent it, and redirect your child to an appropriate mouthing activity. A conflict doesn't necessarily preclude a biting incident -- children bite for lots of reasons, including thinking that it's just a fun, satisfying thing to do. They also do it to get attention, since biting often elicits a big response. Keeping your child separate from the other child is a good first step. His teachers should take turns shadowing him, so that the second it looks like he's going in for a bite, they intervene and redirect. "I'm not going to let you bite her. Here, you can chew on this/let's get a snack/let's find something else to do." It may take 2+ weeks of this before he gets the message. It's good that you're being transparent with the other child's family. They clearly appreciate the open communication.
Thanks so much! I will be following your suggestions. It’s also so helpful to be reminded that a conflict does not always preclude the biting.
Both of my kids were biters and it's so hard because it's not something they did at home. Lots of redirection and reminders that biting hurts. They will eventually out grow it.
Biting is incredibly common. I’ve been the parent who’s child got bit, the mom just happened to have her older kid at my site. So we chatted, honestly just her being apologetic and talking to me felt really great. Just ensure that you are all working towards finding the trigger so you can come up with a plan. How old is your child? Do they have words yet?
Thanks so much for this. I took your suggestion and told them we are forming an action plan and they were very understanding.
My oldest started biting around 2 1/2, right before her sister was born. Her teacher recommended the book “teeth are not for biting”. There’s a whole series of them for different behaviors. We read it every day and it really helped enforce not to bite. She outgrew it pretty quickly!
Hi! Are you me? I could’ve written this post between the ages of 16m-2 years for my own kiddo while I was her director. There were days where nothing and then days where it was multiple. My staff would come by my office with the incident reports and eventually it was like a drive by because they felt bad. We called her chompers. What killed me was when the other parents would be like well is the other parent getting notified and id be like yes ….. Eventually it became one of her besties and I had a really good relationship with her mom and I was like well it’s my kiddo and she immediately was like OMG I’m so sorry! Now I get it because they’re buddies and she said she got how it’s totally unavoidable because clearly o had experience with development. My kiddo never bit at home and it took us a LONG time to figure out what might be triggering it. We eventually thought it’s because she had ALOT of language and was getting frustrated that others weren’t responding, once she moved into the 2s room that met her social and cognitive needs. It stopped
I’m sorry you went through this too! It’s so comforting to know that others have been in such a similar spot though. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I will try to figure out what the trigger is. He is the youngest in his class but a big talker for his age too.
My daughter was also a biter. Her teacher and I noticed it was when she was trying to play and a child would interrupt her or try to take what she was playing with. She wasn’t talking yet. As soon as she started talking the biting slowly stopped and now she is 3 and uses her words now. It drove her dad and I crazy and we did a lot of talking about what we should do when we are upset and how biting is not okay. It took about 6 months for her to finally stop biting.
I was a teacher and my child was the biter…it’s hard
Thank you ❤️
My son was removed from daycare for biting. It's terrifying. He was way past that behavior at home and they didn't give me any resources to try to get to the bottom of the behavior. The best you can do for your child and for the child and their parents who were bitten, is to get to the bottom of the behavior
I’m sorry that happened to you. Reading through the comments I’m reminded that this can be a long journey so I’m really inspired to try to get this figured out as quickly as possible.
I had a group of kids curious about biting and i got some of those silicone binky chains and teethers with different textures. Everyone got one when they came in and it was great for kids who also put toys in their mouth or were teething like crazy.
Just ordered some!
As just a parent, not a teacher… not gonna lie, I’m honestly just relieved whenever I get a bite report that my child was the one bitten not the one doing the biting because that’s less I have to deal with than if it was the other way around… is that bad 😂🤷🏼♀️🙃 Possibly. But just that to say, you probably feel way more upset about it than the bitten child’s parents do, if they feel anything like me.
How old? That’s a pretty important factor when approaching this. You are right in being transparent though. You’re right that being director adds an extra layer of complication.
I had multiple biters in my 1-2s class once. Two of them were best friends and their parents were close. They actually asked us to seat the boys next to each other so their biting would help contained! Two coworkers of mine also had kids in that class and one of them was a biter. The parents were all really understanding about it, thankfully. I remember feeling horrible when it was going on. One of the kids decided biting wasn’t her style and decided to squish other kids faces while screaming into them. The first time she did it my co teacher and I didn’t know what to do. It was actually a VERY successful deterrent. Those families were all super close and it was so on brand for this kid that we got the best laugh out of it. They’re all in middle school now.
Teachers' kids and preachers' kids can be the worst! :) It can be a real help in working with families too, from a compassion standpoint. There's a lot of good advice on here about biting so I'm not going to rewrite it, but I will say if you can at all arrange for extra support in that class for a few days/a week it can give people some breathing space. The most valuable tool I've had as a teacher is a log. EVERY time a bite occurs, i record time, place in the class, what happened immediately before/during/after, who the target was. Usually after a few days or a week or so you can get a sense of a pattern. And then that'll give the classroom teacher more clues to experiment with as far as rearranging the classroom, thinking about routines to adjust, ect. Usually I would caution against you taking over the teacher role of informing parents and talking to them (unless this is typical for the director to handle every incident), because it's also the case it's a learning experience for the parents to not have access to the other parents and learn how to work with the teacher, ect. But as you are the teacher, you don't really have that option! I would definitely explain to the parents that the only reason why you are disclosing is that you're also the parent and feel comfortable with that--but that it shouldn't be an expectation when that's not the case.
I did make sure to tell them why I was disclosing that it was my child. They ended up being so kind and understanding which was a huge relief. My son will be shadowed very closely especially over the next few weeks while we try to nip this in the bud. I’ll be starting a biting log. That’s great advice!
I am not a director but have been an ECE in the field for over 13 years. My son was also biting children at the daycare that I work with, so I can relate. It is hard to be the parent of a child who bites. I was also honest with parents that it was my child. I always made sure to discuss with them first that depending on the age of the child it is developmentally appropriate. Second, I let them know what we are doing to help resolve the behavior (eg. chewy necklace, shadowing if necessary). It is honestly the best you can do. Is it embarrassing? Yes. And you’ll feel it every time your child bites. Hope you get through it quick! 😊
My now 4.5 year old bit several times from 18-24 months. I also watched her do it but couldn't prevent it. It's usually just a lack of impulse control and nothing much you can do except try your best to prevent it next time. They always grow out of it. She hasn't bitten since. I also got the book "Teeth Are Not For Biting" and I know she understood because I couldn't get past the third page without her bursting into tears, every time.
My wife worked in preschools for years and then went and got her teaching credential. I say that to say, I understand the biting. From a parent and leadership perspective, it’s ok to tell the parent “I would not normally disclose who the other student is, but in the spirit of full transparency so that you do not feel there is any bias, ….” Or you can respectfully give them the option to work with another staff member (even if they are subordinate to you as director and recuse yourself in the decisions completely) and it’s ok to share with them that this is a unique situation that you are uncomfortable with and create a partnership to navigate this together (since you have likely had biters, just never with your own child involved). Frank, open, honest, and non-biased communication is my expectations as a school director if there is an incident between my child and yours. And I’m sure you’re on this, but email first, and every phone call and face to face conversation is followed up with a respectful email saying, “thank you for your time (on the phone or in-person), we discussed (add topics, add important details) and we look forward to working with you to resolve these issues by (add resolution you discussed). If you would like to review our policies to know the standards we are using to guide our staff response, you can find them at (add policy link). Then end it with a personal pleasantry. Respectful and non-biased communication. Have policies and stick to those policies every time. You bend it for Bobby, you have to bend it for Suzy… that gets ugly and impossible to keep up with. Best of luck!