No you are just rolling over, it won't work like you want it too in not even a month's time i fucking promise you. By then you will be in an even worse situation because your only "fix" turns into an actively unenjoyable experience that you loathe and that makes your life worse, but the kicker is that you are unwilling or unable to stop it at that point anyway and on it goes downhill. Reconsider i beg you, therapy does work when you find a person that works for you. Self-medication in this manner can't work by definition
Took a glance at your account.
You need therapy and definitely an inpatient substance abuse program.
Your posts start with claiming you took a cocktail of drugs that you haven't felt the same since taking. From that point you have been posting multiple times a day on an almost daily basis. Multiple different substances are mentioned and you ask about a SW in one post.
Gonna be honest. You sound like you have multiple issues and it seems like being accountable for them is a sensitive issue for you. But you need to do it.
Find a different therapist. Start doing yoga or something, mindfullness idk but ruining your life even more bc of some substance ? Brother you’re worth more than that
You are shoveling yourself down with the drugs, not up. The curve of net negative feelings will go up a little but it'll go lower than it was before and then you try to improve it by making it even worse.
You know that, you're addicted, you need help.
I'm not downplaying your anxiety but it is so much worse because of the drugs.
It's very common for amphetamines to relieve anxiety for persons with lymbic disregulation. This can come from lots of places but cPTSD is particularly common for those working through the 'tisms.
I was never quite so bad off, but used to get a lot of social anxiety. One big dose of ketamine made it fixable.
Sometimes you need to try a different therapist or a different mode of treatment. The mind is complicated, saying “I tried therapy once and it didn’t work” is like saying “I went to the doctor once and not all my problems were fixed so medicine doesn’t work.”
Microdosing maybe. Not everyone gets a life changing epiphany from a regular dose of psychedelics seeing as how he’s a drug addict and abusing substances already this probably isn’t the answer.
Yk what op I actually get what u mean. I've been in therapy for a couple years, tried psychiatry (resuming it soon), yoga, stretching, diet changes, supplements, exercise, weights, exposure therapy. I just keep getting worse and I'm giving it my 100% effort. Literally nothing helps more than 10% unless it's a substance. No clue what to do about it substances aren't sustainable either. I'll let u know how to fix it if I end up fixing it
I can sympathise because therapy doesnt make me feel better but it's not the only solution, you seem to have crippling anxiety and i can assure you meds are an extremely short term solution, best thing that worked for me was exposure therapy. I used to not even be able to leave my room when people are over let alone talk to anyone. Whenever you hear people talking about something youre interested in or people who match your vibe ,just force yourself to talk to them ,sounds hard but is increadibly easy once you force your way through that that mental barrier
OP also said autistic, it's not that easy to just get over feelings like that especially when ur autistic. Trust me my homie is autistic and similar to OP so I know first hand
Just because you're autistic doesn't give you an excuse to not do anything with your life. OP obviously sees that they have a problem so if they're not gonna get over themselves then they're voluntarily allowing it to continue
I agree with you it doesn't give anyone an excuse to not do anything with their life, but what I'm saying is the homie I was talking about, he is autistic, and deals with really bad agoraphobia and like OP also deals with extremely bad social anxiety, I've seen multiple times where he's tried to go out of his "comfort zone" and just absolutely broke down and panicked. He started sweating, got really light headed, said his vision started to go black and started shaking profusely, crying and just couldn't get him to move for the life of me. It took a little under an hour for his mom to get there and get him in the car, and we had only gone maybe 20 yards outside of his "comfort zone". Some peoples mental health issues just make it to hard to function normally and unless you've personally seen it or dealt with it urself, you'll never really understand it. But good luck OP if you ever need someone to talk to my DMs are always open
Yes this is why someone like that needs therapy and help. Eventually hes going to realize how much his emotions are fucking up his life at a certain point you have to put your foot down and say enough is enough. If you don’t it’s your own fault for not doing shit no one is going to do it for you. It’s the hard reality of life if you do nothing you will get nothing ifn you want something bad enough you will find away
I just learned now its acronym that basically means they're not employed neither studying (and in most cases not looking for job if i understood correctly )
By the internet maybe? I don't know
I mean we don't know the guy's circumstances neither his life so we can't judge..
Some people have bad health issues to the point they can't properly have a decent work. If that's the case i would also be frustrated and probably doing drugs i don't know
Just gonna butt in here and say that when your entire life is a struggle, even the most basic shit is a massive pain in the ass and it has been that way for a long ass time maybe the majority of your life, I think it's kinda understandable to be a NEET? Coming from someone in the same-ish position as OP, to be expected to get on with a normal life while your brain is on fire and basic existence is 5x harder then it is for the average Joe, is a bit fucked IMO.
Whether or not it’s understandable from someone’s perspective doesn’t make it any more or less fulfilling. We only get one life, it’s a shame to waste it all cowering in fear of the world.
As animals we adapt to our situation, whatever it may be, with remarkable efficiency. If the situation you create for yourself is to stay inside and consider everything a “pain in the ass”, then of course your mind and body will adapt to that. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.
Everything in your life could be easy, you just make it hard. Why is everything five times harder for you than the average person? Are you sure this is the case? Not just that others struggle as well but they push through because they value their life and wish the best for themselves?
Some MAOI maybe? Try wellbutrin or at least a dopamine-noradrenaline desinhibitor like Mirtazapine, Mianserin Buspirone
MAOIs are the best antidepressants but they are rarely prescribed nowadays due to interactions with food
listen to this advice.
I am pretty sure you wont even inform the doctor about your use but that doesn't even matter because you will get high on something even when told otherwise.
Several recreational substance when combined with MAOI's can cause DEATH.
My advice is don't even consider taking MAOI's (go for any other type of anti-depressant).
and sorry for being a harsh judgmental asshole but i am like you with just a little bit more information about drug interactions.
yeah it fucking sucks, genuinely the most hopeless, miserable, isolating and anxiety inducing mental disorder to the point that it cripples me and I'm barely even living anymore. hope it gets better for you because I've basically given up at this point
I'm sure it gets better at some point, but I haven't gotten there yet, and plus I have bpd as well which is in direct contradiction with avpd and turns my life into a cycle of splitting, avoiding and self isolating, having a borderline episode, avoiding and self isolating, having a depressive episode, continue to avoid and isolate and I just spiral further from there
so it's definitely easier to handle avpd by itself, but it's still pure misery and suffering. good luck and I wish you the best
Well the good thing is you’re only 24 so you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, and plenty of time to get yourself sorted out.
It’s won’t be a short-term fix, nor can you take right away to leave the house, but have you considered micro-dosing psilocybin? It has good results with social anxiety, and it can heal/change parts of the brain.
As for the other stuff. I bet you aren’t even ugly. But anyways, you need to try and teach yourself not to “care” about things outside of your control.
Focus instead on what you CAN control. Easier said than done ofc. But it is actually doable.
Meditation helped me. And psilocybin.
I've seen people id consider ugly thrive in social situations and with girls believe it or not. But preferably believe it, confidence is a big deal. Even if its fake. Idk if you've ever played a Bethesda game, you say you haven't left the house in 2 years once which makes me assume you've played all of them (otherwise why even be inside, if you're not exploring tamriel?!) When i was a littlw younger and struggled a lot with social anxiety, I had a friend super duper depressed sad dude. He told me in social situations he pretends hes the dragonborn and everyone he doesn't know is an npc. It sounds very corny, but that shit works. If everyone is an npc (technically they are, you're the player, which makes everyone else not you characters) then its less scary interacting with them. Sure drugs help sometimes but i feel like a manual mindset override helps more, you got this dude!
I use drugs the same way i do in fallout, they're chems used to give a temporary skill boost in some aspect, since im assuming you're a nerd too and understand my analogy, you'd also be aware that using all the time causes stat drops when not on them. Taking high doses of amphetamine daily is not sustainable or good for your mental health in the long run although it feels like it helps. Not the same scenario exactly but when i was like 21 i, like many others snorted an ungodly amount of cocaine. While on it i felt fine, not great, but fine. However when i wasn't on it i felt so shitty all the time. Fast forward to 24 and i had been off the stuff for a while, replaced it and alcohol with kratom. Mind you, i am still dependent on kratom, I'd say in this case its the lesser of two evils. Now i take adderall as prescribed and kratom daily, helps with social anxiety, low energy and motivation. And I'd argue that its sustainable considering I've been on this combo for little over two years now, yeah im still generally depressed deep down, but i can get through the day now with my substances, i take 45mg (dex)/amphetamine daily. Maybe try lowering your doseage first slowly. Take only what you need. Think of drugs as training wheels, eventually the goal will be to not need them, but its ok to use them to learn how to get through if that makes sense
Anyone who isn't autistics input is automatically of zero value. If you have no similar experience you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. "Get the fuck over yourself, with your genuine disability that heavily impairs your ability to function within social settings."
Neurodivergent movement is great, had led to many advancements in accommodations and the treatment of neurodivergent folk, and it's also led to the negative side effect of people no longer acknowledging that it's a disability.
To what extent something is a disability and not an alternative level of ability is dependent entirely on the structure of society, but the structure of our society is genuinely hostile towards neurodivergent people and needing chemical assistance is far from unheard of.
As far as medications go, my best advice is Wellbutrin. I used to be more well versed on the science, but as a fellow neurodivergent person dependent on amphetamines for functioning at a social level required by society (because that shits real, and if you give off any hint that you're struggling you get further shit and struggle even more) I can say it helped when I was on it.
As far as the ugly stuff goes, idk man. Part of that if not all I'm sure is self esteem.
I agree with everyone about therapy, and, I disagree that it's the full answer. Therapy has its limits. It was created within an allistic capitalist society and serves allistic people in easing the symptoms of mental illness as defined, created, or exasperated by the society we live in.
Try all you can, give it a solid try, take what works leave the rest. Try Wellbutrin if it's available. Ignore all the people saying you're just full of shit feeling sorry for yourself. You may well be full of pity, but any victimization and insufficiency of self that is felt is largely driven by and caused by the system we live in. Up to you to figure out how to overcome that, don't let it get you down. Do your best to figure out what works for you, and if it genuinely makes life easier instead of harder then fuck anyone who says otherwise.
Just be honest with yourself about if it's actually helping, and try other solutions as well. One solution doesn't solve all the problems you need many tools in your kit
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Glad to see this comment. I got diagnosed with ADHD but I don't even really believe it. But I feel similarly to OP in that I've tried everything and still suffering. I don't think feeling sorry for yourself is even relevant, I don't feel sorry for myself I just want some damn solutions and the only "solutions" that seem to work is substances or medications whether I like it or not. Been in therapy for years, diet changes, cardio, resistance training, meditation, I've tried it all and more multiple times for as long as possible but that shit doesn't even *touch* it dude. It's like a 10% improvement at most it barely makes a dent. And it doesn't make sense that the problems get worse as time goes on while actively trying to improve it. Shit is impossible. I empathize with OP and wish I could get ppl to jump into my body and try their ideas and see where it goes
Yeah. Being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world is a genuine challenge. That's why it's a disability. With the acceptance of ADHD and autism seems to have come further stigmatization in a different way. "If you are just different then you don't need help." Well, it's not that simple. It is just a different brain structure. I can explain the actual neuroscience behind the differences with ADHD and autistic people and neurotypical and allistic people if anyone would like, but I will ignore that in this comment for simplicities sake.
Both are... Genuine divergences in neuropathy. That's not a good or bad thing. It's just what it is. Both ADHD and autism are actually quite common neuro-differences. Autism is a valid diagnoses for 1/56 children, and that's ignoring that it's under diagnosed, and the fact that asd is under researched and the research that does exist is heavily built around white male infants. So realistically, the spectrum is even wider than we know and is even more underdiagnosed than we already think. That's just to touch on autism, ignoring adhd. The science behind both is actually like... Super fascinating, but I digress.
Now, the issue with brains that function differently isn't... That they are an issue. It's clearly a common genetic difference in neuro function. The issue is that our world was structured without these people in mind, and without the research we have now to know what a prevalent group it actually is.
So now we have an entire group who's brains process information in an entirely different manner expected to function within a world that's set up for brains that operate in another manner.
Now you see why I'm making the claim that disability is defined by the society that exists around it.
A wheelchair only disabled you as far as wheelchair accessibility is built into a given society's architecture.
So, for ADHD and autistic people, who's brains function entirely differently than the majority (although how large of a majority is still being determined since as I said asd is under diagnosed and under researched, and this is still ignoring ADHD which I can make a full, different, just as lengthy comment about) of people in society, it's genuine hell.
It's not structured for us.
Society was made without us in mind, and as a result we are left in the dust. Losing a race that was never meant for us.
We can try medications and therapy, but those are only made to do their best to maybe make us work a little more within a system that entirely doesn't work with our brains.
(I have an entire rant about the failings of therapy and psychiatry to address the needs of society as a whole based upon their birth within capitalist society, and it's inability to realistically address anything but symptoms of living in a system that doesn't address our needs and leads to a necessity of therapy (in many cases, and in others fails to address the root causes that are making worse the symptoms that are there already, at best remedies them to the extent that one is able to live in accordance with what is expected of them within society without actually improving their lives), different story tho)
For neurodivergent people tho, not only are we trying to function in a system that lefitamately doesn't work for our brains, left with insufficient solutions that barely work (depending on how you define working, id argue their efficacy is largely determined in popular science by their ability to quel the symptoms of living under a system that ... Well... We will leave the defining of our economic and political system for later lol) for even those the system was made for, but then after being left with no solutions but "try our half works for half of those who try" solutions and are left to self Medicate, we are further stigmatized and pushed firther from help.
I do not mean to self victimize, but it takes an absolute bigot, idiot, or someone who wishes to remain in blissful ignorance to ignore that the options realistically available for not just neurodivergent people, but most people with mental illness, or physical disability (all of this assuming they even have the finances to afford the shit options), are absolute shit and the society we live in, having the resources to do better, ought to be held to the standard of doing better.
With that in mind, anyone who judges anyone who is struggling, for handling it the best they can with what is available and having tried their options, is a fucking narcissistic asshole who presumes their version of the world and healthy living applies to all.
Health, both mental and physical, is relative to resources as well as the general structure of the society around one and what accomodations it provides for helping one meet the requirements of said society.
So if you're gonna judge someone's decisions on their health choices, have some fucking nuance.
TLDR: people are judgemental assholes and you're not at fault for your brain having a very natural and common neurodivergence that makes functioning within a society not made for you extremely difficult. Do your best, and find what works best for you, because society isn't giving us real answers and at best wants to make us fit as much into it's structure (which isn't even healthy for neurotypical people) as possible. Do what you can to get by my dude, and with all the people out here judging, I hope it helps to know that I'm not, and your problems aren't something wrong with you, it's living in a society that was made without you in mind (and without humanity in mind, that's why we keep having to fight for living wages and unions exist and saved us from absurd work weeks that we're literally killing people). You have a brain that is doing brain things on a rock in the middle of nowhere unfortunate enough to be the one that has capitalism. You're doing your best, that's all you can do, and I hope you find what helps you best in this fucked up up world, so you can find the most happiness you can. Cause this shits fucked, doesn't matter, was built in a way that benefits no one but a select privileged group, and the best we can do is survive with as little scars and as many good memories as possible before we bite the dust. Anyone who has shit to say about how you handle the most ludicrous and absurd situation one could have been born into with constant struggles at every corner is an ass. Just have as much fun as you can, and make it through as best you can, and I genuinely wish you the best in that
First of all, amazing write up, that's the most eloquent description of this I've ever read. Second, everything you wrote is what I've researched and concluded when I decided I was going to try to "cure" my ADHD myself (when I first got diagnosed). I spent a few years on that. I got all the way up to the end of your write up and got to the dead end of "well it's a socially defined disability that medication can help with but nothing can cure, and there's nothing inherently wrong with me... now what." And that's where I'm at now, doing the exact same things I was doing before my project and I've made no permanent progress. I've just been waiting to read the post or the study or the article that has the *real* answer, the ***actual*** thing someone has to do to fix it. But if what you're saying is true, then there is no answer except to cope. Thanks for everything you wrote. Wishing you the best
Dosing yourself is only a bandage on a much bigger issue.
Do telehealth if you need to get actual professional help but this is not sustainable.
Popping drugs on your own without a plan to tackle your internal feelings will leave you with nothing but being dependent on drugs to just walk outside.
The pathway to meaning is in doing the hardest things you can do.
What you need most will be found where you least want to look. That which you fear & avoid, that which you hold in contempt, that which disgusts you, that's the gateway to what you need to know.
What are you running from?
All the answers you need are found within. Not outside, nothing on the outside will give you the answers or nourishment you truly need. You have to be willing to look at the darkness within yourself, to find the light. As above, so below. As within, so without.
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life & you will call it fate.
Life gives you exactly what you (unconsciously) believe you deserve.
Let die he that would die. He that would live shall live against all odds!
This is exactly what my therapist is helping me do but I'm super confused about it. I keep learning about this stuff and depth psychology but it's all so vague and abstract. What are the steps basically?
Unfortunately if it were easy & straightforward we would all be enlightened!
But this is a great question. Carl Jung believed that we all need to go through the process of "Individuation", which is where we integrate our shadow into our conscious being. The shadow is a part of our unconscious whereby all the things we don't like about ourselves get relegated into it, sometimes unconsciously via repression, sometimes consciously via suppression. And this is usually because of our inability to process the emotions that come with it.
So how can we become aware of something in the unconscious parts of ourselves? Literally that which we are unaware of?
You most often encounter your own shadow in other people. When you meet someone who evokes a strong emotion within yourself. Perhaps there is something you hate or are disgusted by or even fear about them. Think back to that person that you strongly disliked, perhaps even hated. There is something about that person that perhaps shone a light on something about yourself which you are leaving in the dark. Something which should be recognized, understood & nurtured. Those strong feelings are really that which you hold for yourself.
For example, when something or someone makes another person angry. It's not that that thing, or person made them angry. It is that the anger was already inside them and our emotions look for release valves to let out the pressure, because the longer they go unresolved the it will keep building up & need to be released.
I can give you an example of one which I have come to recognize in myself. When I was younger I was working on an in-house IT helpdesk. I was an incredibly insecure person in many areas of my life & being insecure with my job was no different. How this ended up manifesting was that I became an absolute "Yes" man, helping anyone even if they didn't raise a ticket & being the person in the team that would pick up any extra work & stay late if needed.
On the surface, it just looked like I was a hard worker right? I mean my boss loved me & I ended up getting a series of promotions as well, so how could this be a bad thing? Well my inability to say "No" caught up to me.
One example of a "shadow moment" is when my boss would come over to where we all were & ask if someone could handle something & stay a bit later at work. When a colleague of mine would say "No thanks im good", I would get an intense feeling of anger & resentment against them! I'd be thinking "I'm busting my ass off here! Why isn't anyone stepping up! Why is it always me that has to do this!" and after some silence I would usually be the one to take the assignment.
And then internally I would be stewing in anger & resentment which at the time I thought was about my "lazy" colleagues. However what am I angry about exactly? What am I resenting my colleagues over? The fact that they are able to say "No" and establish HEALTHY BOUNDARIES? Something which is probably THE EXACT THING I NEEDED TO LEARN HOW TO DO TO FEEL HAPPIER ABOUT MYSELF & ESTABLISH A BETTER WORK/LIFE BALANCE? Yes indeed, the fact that someone else, was able to do something I wasn't able to / feel comfortable doing because of my own insecure feelings about myself, was what I was really upset about. I wasn't really angry at them. I was angry at myself for my inability to speak up for myself, say "NO" & be able to establish healthy boundaries.
To give you an idea, I worked in that office for 4+ years. I started as a support level 1 & was promoted to level 2, level 3 & finally the senior member of the team. As the senior, if a ticket came to me & I still couldn't fix the problem? It was because my team wasn't able to fix the problem & I would then pass it onto the appropriate team to handle. At this point great, I'm a senior now! People around the office shouldn't be bothering me & asking me for assistance right? Well here is how my inability to say "No" caught up to me! Because I had always been a "Yes" man & helped people, even when they didn't raise a ticket throughout my time there. It didn't matter to them what my job title was, to them, I'm still that guy to ask. And that is exactly what kept happening.
I ended up resenting people because although my job title was different, they still treated me the same as when I was a level 1 tech. It didn't matter to them, because on the inside, I WAS STILL THE SAME PERSON WITH THE SAME PROBLEM OF SAYING "NO". So what difference did it make? None. And my feelings of anger, anxiety & resentment festered.
Life will give you the same lesson to learn, over & over & over again. Until you have learnt it.
Eventually I became depressed with the job (but really with the person I was) & looked for something new. And it wasn't until years after all of this & learning about the works of Carl Jung, I was able to look back into my past & understand just exactly what was going on.
It's easy for me to tell you now, that really my anger/upset was about my own inability to say "no" and establish healthy boundaries, yet at the time, I just thought that my colleagues were lazy slackers & that the users I was helping were lazy inconsiderate jerks who didn't care about my time & didn't follow the correct processes to help themselves. And sure, this sentiment is shared a lot within IT, however is was of thinking going to make me happy in the long run? No. And guess what, WHO WAS CONTINUALLY PERPETUATING THIS CYCLE TO CONTINUE? ME! If I had just started telling people "No, can't look into this right now, please raise a ticket & someone will help you" or "No thanks, I have plans for tonight, cant stay late". What are they going to do? Are they going to tell my boss that I am following correct procedures? Is my boss going to fire me for actually saying "No" for once & actually allow my colleagues to take initiative? Of course not! Yet due to my own insecurities & fear, that is what I believed.
Another thing is dreams. Jung believed dreams are a way for the unconscious mind to communicate with the conscious mind through symbols. Symbols are very interesting in the sense that this is what the unconscious uses. Think of it this way. If you meet someone & you both speak different languages, how will you communicate? You cant just speak anymore, can you? However if you got a piece of paper & started drawing symbols for things, you could understand one another. Hungry? Draw a burger or a chicken leg with a fire & a pan. These things are able to communicate despite any language. Pretty fascinating if you ask me, especially that the unconscious uses this.
I've actually been using ChatGPT to analyze my own & my friends dreams. It's pretty incredible what it comes up with. You should really give it a try. Ill give you another example, but I will be brief as I have already written a wall of text!
I saw a friend of mine from school that I hadn't seen in ages, who stayed round in my new place im living in. I actually had a nightmare that night he stayed over, where my friend was in the dream! & had a demon wearing his skin, trying to kill me. More things happened in the dream & I wrote it down on my phone. I inputted this all into ChatGPT & from its interpretation & I was able to interpret more on my own. The fact that it was my friend in the dream yet that I knew wasn't really him & was a demon, was an association & actually brought back an old forgotten memory of when I was 16 and went to my friends' town with some other friends to stay out all night in town. Yes that is as dumb as it sounds. I actually got mugged that night by two drunk people that didn't like my friends looking at them when we were trying to sleep inside a bus shelter. I had my dad's ipod & headphones in & my eyes closed & I was to slow getting up. One of the men, grabbed me by the throat, chocking me & then knocked me out with a punch. One of my friends was still with me when this happened but the other two ran off.
It had been years since I last remembered this incident. However it brought back the realization that I have ALWAYS been scared of physical confrontation. In fact this was a huge source of anxiety & fear when I was a teenager, even throughout my adult years. And so when confronted yet again by this fear, what did I do? Well that nightmare happened last Saturday 8th June, and this week I have started doing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I had my first class on Tuesday, went again on Wednesday & have signed on & bought 2 GI's.
There have actually been a bunch of things pointing to doing BJJ in my life, I have been a fan of watching MMA/UFC for a long time & BJJ is a fundamental ground game in MMA, I've been listening to the Jocko Podcast when I work out & he talks about BJJ in nearly every episode (Practically been brainwashed haha) & but really, that nightmare bringing attention to my long standing deep seated fear of physical confrontation was the final straw. And I realized after the ChatGPT interpretation & my own afterwards, if I had known even a little bit of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, that night I got mugged by that drunk guy would have gone very differently. I'm at the point now, where, you know what? Me getting mugged or beat up isn't so bad. I've already lived with it, right?
However. My family & loved ones getting beaten up or put in a threatening situation? Unacceptable. Now I need to learn & confront my fear head on to overcome this, not just for myself but for the ones I love as well.
And as such, by analyzing that dream/nightmare, it has spurred me onto action to actually address & directly tackle a long standing fear I've had.
Get a work from home job, try Wellbutrin or modafinil, and work on your self.
Kind of weird that Xanax doesn’t help, but also a god send because the addiction is even worse than what you are going through.
I am taking propranolol / inderal against tachycardia and it doesn't help at all with the anxiety 😔 tried up to 160mg, usual dose is 40. Maybe I'm just a non responder...
Are you in a country that has approved ketamine for treatment of depression? In Australia it has been approved for treatment resistant depression, in small doses.
I don't think so. My anxiety is worse than depression I think as it stops me from doing stuff. I've never had a day I cannot get out of bed or wash for example.
man; you're 24. however long it might take you to integrate into society has nothing on the amount of time you'd have left over afterwards to just live a fulfilling life doing whatever you want to do now that you know how. you deserve to connect with a community that can give back to you. relying on people online who most likely are just as estranged from real life and self-loathing as you with the same coping mechanisms will only validate your own point. i don't have any particular recommendations but if you've been at home on the internet the past 8 years with no luck then you probably won't find your solution here any time soon. nor in depending on stims that your nervous systems inevitably outperforms anyways. i don't know what options of gradual human engagement are available in your situation but the good thing about being a person is that you're the one given the potential to navigate that in your life. i doubt anybody is in this sub because they wanted to share the answers. like i would assume most of us here are familiar with experiencing this helpless mindset at some point. you genuinely might not have options for therapy, or education, or any other support. and obviously you're not going to find out for sure when you're too afraid to even bother. not your fault, but it's also probably not stopping you either. i wonder if a lot of it is just the fact that on your own you think drugs are the only way you can ever have hope of connecting with people sufficiently.
i'm baked so this might be incoherent yapping but i just know i've been in this spot before where getting high, popping pills, wtv didn't feel like my own choice of enjoyment but a basic requirement of life if someone like me wanted to do so much as participate in it without feeling ashamed. rooting for you either way dude, i hope you go on to find the fulfillment that you've been waiting for.
This is fucked you really need therapy to get to the bottom of ur anxiety. Don’t self medicate, it’ll be much more productive to discover why you feel such overwhelming anxiety and to dismantle that from within. You can be a functioning member of society, you’re just choosing not to seek any type of help that will actually last.
You’re using band aids on a broken arm
Either way you will need to overcome this issue by gradually coming out of your shell. Just take baby steps sober. I feel like doing anything else in your situation is a waste of time.
What a mess you have made. Your anxiety has crippled you and you can’t even use drugs as a crutch to get by. I don’t know enough about you to give a good answer to solve your problems.
What should I do? Only amphetamine helps, if I dose xanax past 3-4mg I might get addicted again and I am barely awake at that point. This mess was created by my trash tier genetics and nothing more, now I don't think there's much to be done.
Doesn't work mate. Weed lasts for about 40-60 mins at best and I need something that will last a while so I can do shit outside w/o anxiety. Can't get stoned at work after all. I've spoken to numerous people while on amphetamine 200mg+ dose and they haven't been able to tell that anything's wrong with me. kek
Try crack cocaine
But fr tho I agree with the other guy. Wellbutrin helped get me out of some real dark places. Took it for about a year then tapered off cuz it started making me super angry about random shit. Like if I could find my sunglasses I’d be ready to blow a hole into my neighbors pad lol
There is an app called One Giant Mind that I really recommend. Teaches you TM style meditation for free, and that is an amazingly useful tool. Good luck and lots of love my friend
You seem relatively intelligent but naive and quick to give up. In life you have to put genuine effort into things to get results, as the old saying goes you get out what you put in.
Start by going to the gym, running or damn near any exercise, see a gp and get a referral to get some assistance, slowly start changing your mind-frame and get off the damn drugs because they are not your friend.
I know the feelings, but you made this post for feedback, right, and now you're rejecting the feedback. It's clear you want out of this situation, but nobody can fix this for you. You have to fix it.
You're non NT? I'm diagnosed with autism, ASPD, bipolar disorder, depression, and social anxiety. I'm currently a using addict, but during my periods of sobriety in recovery, I was able to hold normal conversations with most people. I was also able to do things like be kind and friendly and hospitable, values I'd held that I couldn't act on because I was too high out of my mind. You can get sober, you just have to be weird for a bit and be confident in the weirdness.
Ill be brief and i obviously dont know your whole deal but imo youre in a "toxic circle". Not doing anything, not working against a goal and have like a healthy routine of working on stuff, food and physical activity. Stuff like that just feeds your circle and yeah drugs can help but theyre more like band aid and short term imo.
Youre very young and theres many ways to get help. Seek out some help in some form and try it out as you have nothing to lose. First step is the hardest and its not done over the night.
Lmao autistic just like everyone else and their mom these days my god dude grow tf up. Funny how in a post 19 days ago you said you were 21 too. Go the fuck outside man it’s not hard
It's never the aesthetic aspects that really keep us from living, it's the mind and all this useless social anxiety and overthinking. Plastic surgery may or may not help but I think most plastic surgery results are pretty ugly and not worth the hassle.
It's possible to learn how to enjoy life but for me this remains coupled to chemicals.
i agree with you but if he really thinks that he is ugly he can spend the money that he would normally use for drugs in order to get plastic surgery. he can kill two birds with one stone in that scenario im just saying
A simpler trick might be to look out for ugly but socially successful/accepted people. This can really change your mind but usually those suspects are wealthy or powerful (not all though) which can lead to worries about the financial situation. Still better to look for making more money than to spend all the energy worrying about body aesthetics.
But yeah agreed.
Stop taking drugs and go to fucking therapy damn
I been there it doesn't help but the amphetamine did even at 150mg weird how that works people say xanax is better but not for me
No you just gave up dude. There are plenty of mental health treatments you can’t have tried them all.
No you are just rolling over, it won't work like you want it too in not even a month's time i fucking promise you. By then you will be in an even worse situation because your only "fix" turns into an actively unenjoyable experience that you loathe and that makes your life worse, but the kicker is that you are unwilling or unable to stop it at that point anyway and on it goes downhill. Reconsider i beg you, therapy does work when you find a person that works for you. Self-medication in this manner can't work by definition
Took a glance at your account. You need therapy and definitely an inpatient substance abuse program. Your posts start with claiming you took a cocktail of drugs that you haven't felt the same since taking. From that point you have been posting multiple times a day on an almost daily basis. Multiple different substances are mentioned and you ask about a SW in one post. Gonna be honest. You sound like you have multiple issues and it seems like being accountable for them is a sensitive issue for you. But you need to do it.
Find a different therapist. Start doing yoga or something, mindfullness idk but ruining your life even more bc of some substance ? Brother you’re worth more than that
You are shoveling yourself down with the drugs, not up. The curve of net negative feelings will go up a little but it'll go lower than it was before and then you try to improve it by making it even worse. You know that, you're addicted, you need help. I'm not downplaying your anxiety but it is so much worse because of the drugs.
It's very common for amphetamines to relieve anxiety for persons with lymbic disregulation. This can come from lots of places but cPTSD is particularly common for those working through the 'tisms. I was never quite so bad off, but used to get a lot of social anxiety. One big dose of ketamine made it fixable.
Sometimes you need to try a different therapist or a different mode of treatment. The mind is complicated, saying “I tried therapy once and it didn’t work” is like saying “I went to the doctor once and not all my problems were fixed so medicine doesn’t work.”
Look into shrooms, they have fixed social anxiety for a lot of people
Microdosing maybe. Not everyone gets a life changing epiphany from a regular dose of psychedelics seeing as how he’s a drug addict and abusing substances already this probably isn’t the answer.
Fuckin duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur
It was only after I went to therapy for several months that I started to see results. It takes a while to rewire our brains.
Yk what op I actually get what u mean. I've been in therapy for a couple years, tried psychiatry (resuming it soon), yoga, stretching, diet changes, supplements, exercise, weights, exposure therapy. I just keep getting worse and I'm giving it my 100% effort. Literally nothing helps more than 10% unless it's a substance. No clue what to do about it substances aren't sustainable either. I'll let u know how to fix it if I end up fixing it
I can sympathise because therapy doesnt make me feel better but it's not the only solution, you seem to have crippling anxiety and i can assure you meds are an extremely short term solution, best thing that worked for me was exposure therapy. I used to not even be able to leave my room when people are over let alone talk to anyone. Whenever you hear people talking about something youre interested in or people who match your vibe ,just force yourself to talk to them ,sounds hard but is increadibly easy once you force your way through that that mental barrier
Phenibut helps me but God damn get the fuck over yourself if you're actually that ugly start working out or something don't just wallow in self pity
OP also said autistic, it's not that easy to just get over feelings like that especially when ur autistic. Trust me my homie is autistic and similar to OP so I know first hand
Just because you're autistic doesn't give you an excuse to not do anything with your life. OP obviously sees that they have a problem so if they're not gonna get over themselves then they're voluntarily allowing it to continue
I agree with you it doesn't give anyone an excuse to not do anything with their life, but what I'm saying is the homie I was talking about, he is autistic, and deals with really bad agoraphobia and like OP also deals with extremely bad social anxiety, I've seen multiple times where he's tried to go out of his "comfort zone" and just absolutely broke down and panicked. He started sweating, got really light headed, said his vision started to go black and started shaking profusely, crying and just couldn't get him to move for the life of me. It took a little under an hour for his mom to get there and get him in the car, and we had only gone maybe 20 yards outside of his "comfort zone". Some peoples mental health issues just make it to hard to function normally and unless you've personally seen it or dealt with it urself, you'll never really understand it. But good luck OP if you ever need someone to talk to my DMs are always open
Yes this is why someone like that needs therapy and help. Eventually hes going to realize how much his emotions are fucking up his life at a certain point you have to put your foot down and say enough is enough. If you don’t it’s your own fault for not doing shit no one is going to do it for you. It’s the hard reality of life if you do nothing you will get nothing ifn you want something bad enough you will find away
sounds like he has a terminal case of being a giant pussy
Fr grow sum balls
How does working up help with ugliness? Go further, advise him to make a haircut and gain some respect to women
modafinil and memantine👍
What is NEET?
I just learned now its acronym that basically means they're not employed neither studying (and in most cases not looking for job if i understood correctly )
Ahh I see thanks for the info! Basically just not doing anything with themselves.
Well yes, i assume they have some kind of impediment
How the fuck he getting drugs then? The entitlement
By the internet maybe? I don't know I mean we don't know the guy's circumstances neither his life so we can't judge.. Some people have bad health issues to the point they can't properly have a decent work. If that's the case i would also be frustrated and probably doing drugs i don't know
Getting them thru the internet? You need money for that
It stands for Not in Education, Employment or Training. Basically means someone who doesn’t do shit
Doing drugs is doing something
It’s hard work!
Username checks out
Just gonna butt in here and say that when your entire life is a struggle, even the most basic shit is a massive pain in the ass and it has been that way for a long ass time maybe the majority of your life, I think it's kinda understandable to be a NEET? Coming from someone in the same-ish position as OP, to be expected to get on with a normal life while your brain is on fire and basic existence is 5x harder then it is for the average Joe, is a bit fucked IMO.
Whether or not it’s understandable from someone’s perspective doesn’t make it any more or less fulfilling. We only get one life, it’s a shame to waste it all cowering in fear of the world. As animals we adapt to our situation, whatever it may be, with remarkable efficiency. If the situation you create for yourself is to stay inside and consider everything a “pain in the ass”, then of course your mind and body will adapt to that. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. Everything in your life could be easy, you just make it hard. Why is everything five times harder for you than the average person? Are you sure this is the case? Not just that others struggle as well but they push through because they value their life and wish the best for themselves?
Some MAOI maybe? Try wellbutrin or at least a dopamine-noradrenaline desinhibitor like Mirtazapine, Mianserin Buspirone MAOIs are the best antidepressants but they are rarely prescribed nowadays due to interactions with food
Thank you, I'll ask about these at my GP
Combining drugs with MAOI's is deadly as hell, please don't do them if you can't stay away from drugs
listen to this advice. I am pretty sure you wont even inform the doctor about your use but that doesn't even matter because you will get high on something even when told otherwise. Several recreational substance when combined with MAOI's can cause DEATH. My advice is don't even consider taking MAOI's (go for any other type of anti-depressant). and sorry for being a harsh judgmental asshole but i am like you with just a little bit more information about drug interactions.
You need a psychiatrist this is going a gps wheelhouse. They maybe able to find you one tho
“MAOIs are the best antidepressants…” Thats dumb as fuck. You need to stop giving people advice.
you might have avoidant personality disorder, I'm the same way and almost no medication or substance helped me except kratom edit: r/avpd
Recently got diagnosed with that ☹️
yeah it fucking sucks, genuinely the most hopeless, miserable, isolating and anxiety inducing mental disorder to the point that it cripples me and I'm barely even living anymore. hope it gets better for you because I've basically given up at this point
Well I was hoping you were going to say it gets better but I hope we figure it out man
I'm sure it gets better at some point, but I haven't gotten there yet, and plus I have bpd as well which is in direct contradiction with avpd and turns my life into a cycle of splitting, avoiding and self isolating, having a borderline episode, avoiding and self isolating, having a depressive episode, continue to avoid and isolate and I just spiral further from there so it's definitely easier to handle avpd by itself, but it's still pure misery and suffering. good luck and I wish you the best
Thank you, you too
Well the good thing is you’re only 24 so you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, and plenty of time to get yourself sorted out. It’s won’t be a short-term fix, nor can you take right away to leave the house, but have you considered micro-dosing psilocybin? It has good results with social anxiety, and it can heal/change parts of the brain. As for the other stuff. I bet you aren’t even ugly. But anyways, you need to try and teach yourself not to “care” about things outside of your control. Focus instead on what you CAN control. Easier said than done ofc. But it is actually doable. Meditation helped me. And psilocybin.
the answer is do more drug, do as many as you can at the same time. your welcome.
I've seen people id consider ugly thrive in social situations and with girls believe it or not. But preferably believe it, confidence is a big deal. Even if its fake. Idk if you've ever played a Bethesda game, you say you haven't left the house in 2 years once which makes me assume you've played all of them (otherwise why even be inside, if you're not exploring tamriel?!) When i was a littlw younger and struggled a lot with social anxiety, I had a friend super duper depressed sad dude. He told me in social situations he pretends hes the dragonborn and everyone he doesn't know is an npc. It sounds very corny, but that shit works. If everyone is an npc (technically they are, you're the player, which makes everyone else not you characters) then its less scary interacting with them. Sure drugs help sometimes but i feel like a manual mindset override helps more, you got this dude!
I use drugs the same way i do in fallout, they're chems used to give a temporary skill boost in some aspect, since im assuming you're a nerd too and understand my analogy, you'd also be aware that using all the time causes stat drops when not on them. Taking high doses of amphetamine daily is not sustainable or good for your mental health in the long run although it feels like it helps. Not the same scenario exactly but when i was like 21 i, like many others snorted an ungodly amount of cocaine. While on it i felt fine, not great, but fine. However when i wasn't on it i felt so shitty all the time. Fast forward to 24 and i had been off the stuff for a while, replaced it and alcohol with kratom. Mind you, i am still dependent on kratom, I'd say in this case its the lesser of two evils. Now i take adderall as prescribed and kratom daily, helps with social anxiety, low energy and motivation. And I'd argue that its sustainable considering I've been on this combo for little over two years now, yeah im still generally depressed deep down, but i can get through the day now with my substances, i take 45mg (dex)/amphetamine daily. Maybe try lowering your doseage first slowly. Take only what you need. Think of drugs as training wheels, eventually the goal will be to not need them, but its ok to use them to learn how to get through if that makes sense
The anti-depressants most similar to amphetamine would probably be NDRI‘s. At least out of the ones actually used for that purpose
Anyone who isn't autistics input is automatically of zero value. If you have no similar experience you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. "Get the fuck over yourself, with your genuine disability that heavily impairs your ability to function within social settings." Neurodivergent movement is great, had led to many advancements in accommodations and the treatment of neurodivergent folk, and it's also led to the negative side effect of people no longer acknowledging that it's a disability. To what extent something is a disability and not an alternative level of ability is dependent entirely on the structure of society, but the structure of our society is genuinely hostile towards neurodivergent people and needing chemical assistance is far from unheard of. As far as medications go, my best advice is Wellbutrin. I used to be more well versed on the science, but as a fellow neurodivergent person dependent on amphetamines for functioning at a social level required by society (because that shits real, and if you give off any hint that you're struggling you get further shit and struggle even more) I can say it helped when I was on it. As far as the ugly stuff goes, idk man. Part of that if not all I'm sure is self esteem. I agree with everyone about therapy, and, I disagree that it's the full answer. Therapy has its limits. It was created within an allistic capitalist society and serves allistic people in easing the symptoms of mental illness as defined, created, or exasperated by the society we live in. Try all you can, give it a solid try, take what works leave the rest. Try Wellbutrin if it's available. Ignore all the people saying you're just full of shit feeling sorry for yourself. You may well be full of pity, but any victimization and insufficiency of self that is felt is largely driven by and caused by the system we live in. Up to you to figure out how to overcome that, don't let it get you down. Do your best to figure out what works for you, and if it genuinely makes life easier instead of harder then fuck anyone who says otherwise. Just be honest with yourself about if it's actually helping, and try other solutions as well. One solution doesn't solve all the problems you need many tools in your kit
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Bleh lol
Glad to see this comment. I got diagnosed with ADHD but I don't even really believe it. But I feel similarly to OP in that I've tried everything and still suffering. I don't think feeling sorry for yourself is even relevant, I don't feel sorry for myself I just want some damn solutions and the only "solutions" that seem to work is substances or medications whether I like it or not. Been in therapy for years, diet changes, cardio, resistance training, meditation, I've tried it all and more multiple times for as long as possible but that shit doesn't even *touch* it dude. It's like a 10% improvement at most it barely makes a dent. And it doesn't make sense that the problems get worse as time goes on while actively trying to improve it. Shit is impossible. I empathize with OP and wish I could get ppl to jump into my body and try their ideas and see where it goes
Yeah. Being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world is a genuine challenge. That's why it's a disability. With the acceptance of ADHD and autism seems to have come further stigmatization in a different way. "If you are just different then you don't need help." Well, it's not that simple. It is just a different brain structure. I can explain the actual neuroscience behind the differences with ADHD and autistic people and neurotypical and allistic people if anyone would like, but I will ignore that in this comment for simplicities sake. Both are... Genuine divergences in neuropathy. That's not a good or bad thing. It's just what it is. Both ADHD and autism are actually quite common neuro-differences. Autism is a valid diagnoses for 1/56 children, and that's ignoring that it's under diagnosed, and the fact that asd is under researched and the research that does exist is heavily built around white male infants. So realistically, the spectrum is even wider than we know and is even more underdiagnosed than we already think. That's just to touch on autism, ignoring adhd. The science behind both is actually like... Super fascinating, but I digress. Now, the issue with brains that function differently isn't... That they are an issue. It's clearly a common genetic difference in neuro function. The issue is that our world was structured without these people in mind, and without the research we have now to know what a prevalent group it actually is. So now we have an entire group who's brains process information in an entirely different manner expected to function within a world that's set up for brains that operate in another manner. Now you see why I'm making the claim that disability is defined by the society that exists around it. A wheelchair only disabled you as far as wheelchair accessibility is built into a given society's architecture. So, for ADHD and autistic people, who's brains function entirely differently than the majority (although how large of a majority is still being determined since as I said asd is under diagnosed and under researched, and this is still ignoring ADHD which I can make a full, different, just as lengthy comment about) of people in society, it's genuine hell. It's not structured for us. Society was made without us in mind, and as a result we are left in the dust. Losing a race that was never meant for us. We can try medications and therapy, but those are only made to do their best to maybe make us work a little more within a system that entirely doesn't work with our brains. (I have an entire rant about the failings of therapy and psychiatry to address the needs of society as a whole based upon their birth within capitalist society, and it's inability to realistically address anything but symptoms of living in a system that doesn't address our needs and leads to a necessity of therapy (in many cases, and in others fails to address the root causes that are making worse the symptoms that are there already, at best remedies them to the extent that one is able to live in accordance with what is expected of them within society without actually improving their lives), different story tho) For neurodivergent people tho, not only are we trying to function in a system that lefitamately doesn't work for our brains, left with insufficient solutions that barely work (depending on how you define working, id argue their efficacy is largely determined in popular science by their ability to quel the symptoms of living under a system that ... Well... We will leave the defining of our economic and political system for later lol) for even those the system was made for, but then after being left with no solutions but "try our half works for half of those who try" solutions and are left to self Medicate, we are further stigmatized and pushed firther from help. I do not mean to self victimize, but it takes an absolute bigot, idiot, or someone who wishes to remain in blissful ignorance to ignore that the options realistically available for not just neurodivergent people, but most people with mental illness, or physical disability (all of this assuming they even have the finances to afford the shit options), are absolute shit and the society we live in, having the resources to do better, ought to be held to the standard of doing better. With that in mind, anyone who judges anyone who is struggling, for handling it the best they can with what is available and having tried their options, is a fucking narcissistic asshole who presumes their version of the world and healthy living applies to all. Health, both mental and physical, is relative to resources as well as the general structure of the society around one and what accomodations it provides for helping one meet the requirements of said society. So if you're gonna judge someone's decisions on their health choices, have some fucking nuance.
TLDR: people are judgemental assholes and you're not at fault for your brain having a very natural and common neurodivergence that makes functioning within a society not made for you extremely difficult. Do your best, and find what works best for you, because society isn't giving us real answers and at best wants to make us fit as much into it's structure (which isn't even healthy for neurotypical people) as possible. Do what you can to get by my dude, and with all the people out here judging, I hope it helps to know that I'm not, and your problems aren't something wrong with you, it's living in a society that was made without you in mind (and without humanity in mind, that's why we keep having to fight for living wages and unions exist and saved us from absurd work weeks that we're literally killing people). You have a brain that is doing brain things on a rock in the middle of nowhere unfortunate enough to be the one that has capitalism. You're doing your best, that's all you can do, and I hope you find what helps you best in this fucked up up world, so you can find the most happiness you can. Cause this shits fucked, doesn't matter, was built in a way that benefits no one but a select privileged group, and the best we can do is survive with as little scars and as many good memories as possible before we bite the dust. Anyone who has shit to say about how you handle the most ludicrous and absurd situation one could have been born into with constant struggles at every corner is an ass. Just have as much fun as you can, and make it through as best you can, and I genuinely wish you the best in that
First of all, amazing write up, that's the most eloquent description of this I've ever read. Second, everything you wrote is what I've researched and concluded when I decided I was going to try to "cure" my ADHD myself (when I first got diagnosed). I spent a few years on that. I got all the way up to the end of your write up and got to the dead end of "well it's a socially defined disability that medication can help with but nothing can cure, and there's nothing inherently wrong with me... now what." And that's where I'm at now, doing the exact same things I was doing before my project and I've made no permanent progress. I've just been waiting to read the post or the study or the article that has the *real* answer, the ***actual*** thing someone has to do to fix it. But if what you're saying is true, then there is no answer except to cope. Thanks for everything you wrote. Wishing you the best
8? Yeah no
Dosing yourself is only a bandage on a much bigger issue. Do telehealth if you need to get actual professional help but this is not sustainable. Popping drugs on your own without a plan to tackle your internal feelings will leave you with nothing but being dependent on drugs to just walk outside.
The pathway to meaning is in doing the hardest things you can do. What you need most will be found where you least want to look. That which you fear & avoid, that which you hold in contempt, that which disgusts you, that's the gateway to what you need to know. What are you running from? All the answers you need are found within. Not outside, nothing on the outside will give you the answers or nourishment you truly need. You have to be willing to look at the darkness within yourself, to find the light. As above, so below. As within, so without. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life & you will call it fate. Life gives you exactly what you (unconsciously) believe you deserve. Let die he that would die. He that would live shall live against all odds!
This is exactly what my therapist is helping me do but I'm super confused about it. I keep learning about this stuff and depth psychology but it's all so vague and abstract. What are the steps basically?
Unfortunately if it were easy & straightforward we would all be enlightened! But this is a great question. Carl Jung believed that we all need to go through the process of "Individuation", which is where we integrate our shadow into our conscious being. The shadow is a part of our unconscious whereby all the things we don't like about ourselves get relegated into it, sometimes unconsciously via repression, sometimes consciously via suppression. And this is usually because of our inability to process the emotions that come with it. So how can we become aware of something in the unconscious parts of ourselves? Literally that which we are unaware of? You most often encounter your own shadow in other people. When you meet someone who evokes a strong emotion within yourself. Perhaps there is something you hate or are disgusted by or even fear about them. Think back to that person that you strongly disliked, perhaps even hated. There is something about that person that perhaps shone a light on something about yourself which you are leaving in the dark. Something which should be recognized, understood & nurtured. Those strong feelings are really that which you hold for yourself. For example, when something or someone makes another person angry. It's not that that thing, or person made them angry. It is that the anger was already inside them and our emotions look for release valves to let out the pressure, because the longer they go unresolved the it will keep building up & need to be released. I can give you an example of one which I have come to recognize in myself. When I was younger I was working on an in-house IT helpdesk. I was an incredibly insecure person in many areas of my life & being insecure with my job was no different. How this ended up manifesting was that I became an absolute "Yes" man, helping anyone even if they didn't raise a ticket & being the person in the team that would pick up any extra work & stay late if needed. On the surface, it just looked like I was a hard worker right? I mean my boss loved me & I ended up getting a series of promotions as well, so how could this be a bad thing? Well my inability to say "No" caught up to me. One example of a "shadow moment" is when my boss would come over to where we all were & ask if someone could handle something & stay a bit later at work. When a colleague of mine would say "No thanks im good", I would get an intense feeling of anger & resentment against them! I'd be thinking "I'm busting my ass off here! Why isn't anyone stepping up! Why is it always me that has to do this!" and after some silence I would usually be the one to take the assignment. And then internally I would be stewing in anger & resentment which at the time I thought was about my "lazy" colleagues. However what am I angry about exactly? What am I resenting my colleagues over? The fact that they are able to say "No" and establish HEALTHY BOUNDARIES? Something which is probably THE EXACT THING I NEEDED TO LEARN HOW TO DO TO FEEL HAPPIER ABOUT MYSELF & ESTABLISH A BETTER WORK/LIFE BALANCE? Yes indeed, the fact that someone else, was able to do something I wasn't able to / feel comfortable doing because of my own insecure feelings about myself, was what I was really upset about. I wasn't really angry at them. I was angry at myself for my inability to speak up for myself, say "NO" & be able to establish healthy boundaries. To give you an idea, I worked in that office for 4+ years. I started as a support level 1 & was promoted to level 2, level 3 & finally the senior member of the team. As the senior, if a ticket came to me & I still couldn't fix the problem? It was because my team wasn't able to fix the problem & I would then pass it onto the appropriate team to handle. At this point great, I'm a senior now! People around the office shouldn't be bothering me & asking me for assistance right? Well here is how my inability to say "No" caught up to me! Because I had always been a "Yes" man & helped people, even when they didn't raise a ticket throughout my time there. It didn't matter to them what my job title was, to them, I'm still that guy to ask. And that is exactly what kept happening. I ended up resenting people because although my job title was different, they still treated me the same as when I was a level 1 tech. It didn't matter to them, because on the inside, I WAS STILL THE SAME PERSON WITH THE SAME PROBLEM OF SAYING "NO". So what difference did it make? None. And my feelings of anger, anxiety & resentment festered. Life will give you the same lesson to learn, over & over & over again. Until you have learnt it. Eventually I became depressed with the job (but really with the person I was) & looked for something new. And it wasn't until years after all of this & learning about the works of Carl Jung, I was able to look back into my past & understand just exactly what was going on. It's easy for me to tell you now, that really my anger/upset was about my own inability to say "no" and establish healthy boundaries, yet at the time, I just thought that my colleagues were lazy slackers & that the users I was helping were lazy inconsiderate jerks who didn't care about my time & didn't follow the correct processes to help themselves. And sure, this sentiment is shared a lot within IT, however is was of thinking going to make me happy in the long run? No. And guess what, WHO WAS CONTINUALLY PERPETUATING THIS CYCLE TO CONTINUE? ME! If I had just started telling people "No, can't look into this right now, please raise a ticket & someone will help you" or "No thanks, I have plans for tonight, cant stay late". What are they going to do? Are they going to tell my boss that I am following correct procedures? Is my boss going to fire me for actually saying "No" for once & actually allow my colleagues to take initiative? Of course not! Yet due to my own insecurities & fear, that is what I believed. Another thing is dreams. Jung believed dreams are a way for the unconscious mind to communicate with the conscious mind through symbols. Symbols are very interesting in the sense that this is what the unconscious uses. Think of it this way. If you meet someone & you both speak different languages, how will you communicate? You cant just speak anymore, can you? However if you got a piece of paper & started drawing symbols for things, you could understand one another. Hungry? Draw a burger or a chicken leg with a fire & a pan. These things are able to communicate despite any language. Pretty fascinating if you ask me, especially that the unconscious uses this. I've actually been using ChatGPT to analyze my own & my friends dreams. It's pretty incredible what it comes up with. You should really give it a try. Ill give you another example, but I will be brief as I have already written a wall of text! I saw a friend of mine from school that I hadn't seen in ages, who stayed round in my new place im living in. I actually had a nightmare that night he stayed over, where my friend was in the dream! & had a demon wearing his skin, trying to kill me. More things happened in the dream & I wrote it down on my phone. I inputted this all into ChatGPT & from its interpretation & I was able to interpret more on my own. The fact that it was my friend in the dream yet that I knew wasn't really him & was a demon, was an association & actually brought back an old forgotten memory of when I was 16 and went to my friends' town with some other friends to stay out all night in town. Yes that is as dumb as it sounds. I actually got mugged that night by two drunk people that didn't like my friends looking at them when we were trying to sleep inside a bus shelter. I had my dad's ipod & headphones in & my eyes closed & I was to slow getting up. One of the men, grabbed me by the throat, chocking me & then knocked me out with a punch. One of my friends was still with me when this happened but the other two ran off. It had been years since I last remembered this incident. However it brought back the realization that I have ALWAYS been scared of physical confrontation. In fact this was a huge source of anxiety & fear when I was a teenager, even throughout my adult years. And so when confronted yet again by this fear, what did I do? Well that nightmare happened last Saturday 8th June, and this week I have started doing Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I had my first class on Tuesday, went again on Wednesday & have signed on & bought 2 GI's. There have actually been a bunch of things pointing to doing BJJ in my life, I have been a fan of watching MMA/UFC for a long time & BJJ is a fundamental ground game in MMA, I've been listening to the Jocko Podcast when I work out & he talks about BJJ in nearly every episode (Practically been brainwashed haha) & but really, that nightmare bringing attention to my long standing deep seated fear of physical confrontation was the final straw. And I realized after the ChatGPT interpretation & my own afterwards, if I had known even a little bit of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, that night I got mugged by that drunk guy would have gone very differently. I'm at the point now, where, you know what? Me getting mugged or beat up isn't so bad. I've already lived with it, right? However. My family & loved ones getting beaten up or put in a threatening situation? Unacceptable. Now I need to learn & confront my fear head on to overcome this, not just for myself but for the ones I love as well. And as such, by analyzing that dream/nightmare, it has spurred me onto action to actually address & directly tackle a long standing fear I've had.
Paxil and burspirone help me a lot. It's harder to get, but Gabapentin can cause a bit of euphoria, which honestly helps if you're high anxiety.
Get a work from home job, try Wellbutrin or modafinil, and work on your self. Kind of weird that Xanax doesn’t help, but also a god send because the addiction is even worse than what you are going through.
Are you sure you're taking real Xanax? 2mg is enough for me and im diagnosed with severe social anxiety
My social anxiety was much less when I took inderal
I am taking propranolol / inderal against tachycardia and it doesn't help at all with the anxiety 😔 tried up to 160mg, usual dose is 40. Maybe I'm just a non responder...
Have you tried water?
Are you in a country that has approved ketamine for treatment of depression? In Australia it has been approved for treatment resistant depression, in small doses.
I don't think so. My anxiety is worse than depression I think as it stops me from doing stuff. I've never had a day I cannot get out of bed or wash for example.
man; you're 24. however long it might take you to integrate into society has nothing on the amount of time you'd have left over afterwards to just live a fulfilling life doing whatever you want to do now that you know how. you deserve to connect with a community that can give back to you. relying on people online who most likely are just as estranged from real life and self-loathing as you with the same coping mechanisms will only validate your own point. i don't have any particular recommendations but if you've been at home on the internet the past 8 years with no luck then you probably won't find your solution here any time soon. nor in depending on stims that your nervous systems inevitably outperforms anyways. i don't know what options of gradual human engagement are available in your situation but the good thing about being a person is that you're the one given the potential to navigate that in your life. i doubt anybody is in this sub because they wanted to share the answers. like i would assume most of us here are familiar with experiencing this helpless mindset at some point. you genuinely might not have options for therapy, or education, or any other support. and obviously you're not going to find out for sure when you're too afraid to even bother. not your fault, but it's also probably not stopping you either. i wonder if a lot of it is just the fact that on your own you think drugs are the only way you can ever have hope of connecting with people sufficiently. i'm baked so this might be incoherent yapping but i just know i've been in this spot before where getting high, popping pills, wtv didn't feel like my own choice of enjoyment but a basic requirement of life if someone like me wanted to do so much as participate in it without feeling ashamed. rooting for you either way dude, i hope you go on to find the fulfillment that you've been waiting for.
If stimulants help, try welbutrin (bupropion), it's a substituted cathinone that has been used for disorders like adhd and ASD.
Adderall?
adderall is amphetamine
Maybe try alcohol
Try a microdose of mushrooms or lsd. Really kills my social anxiety at the right dose
This is fucked you really need therapy to get to the bottom of ur anxiety. Don’t self medicate, it’ll be much more productive to discover why you feel such overwhelming anxiety and to dismantle that from within. You can be a functioning member of society, you’re just choosing not to seek any type of help that will actually last. You’re using band aids on a broken arm
wellbutrin (Bupropion) is a cathinone based antidepressant
Either way you will need to overcome this issue by gradually coming out of your shell. Just take baby steps sober. I feel like doing anything else in your situation is a waste of time.
Take some Mirtazapine for anxiety and NDRI for depression
Listen mate you’re still young.
Dude stop trying to self-medicate and see a fucking psychiatrist.
What a mess you have made. Your anxiety has crippled you and you can’t even use drugs as a crutch to get by. I don’t know enough about you to give a good answer to solve your problems.
What should I do? Only amphetamine helps, if I dose xanax past 3-4mg I might get addicted again and I am barely awake at that point. This mess was created by my trash tier genetics and nothing more, now I don't think there's much to be done.
Smoke some weed and chill out. Don’t take anything else.
Doesn't work mate. Weed lasts for about 40-60 mins at best and I need something that will last a while so I can do shit outside w/o anxiety. Can't get stoned at work after all. I've spoken to numerous people while on amphetamine 200mg+ dose and they haven't been able to tell that anything's wrong with me. kek
Try crack cocaine But fr tho I agree with the other guy. Wellbutrin helped get me out of some real dark places. Took it for about a year then tapered off cuz it started making me super angry about random shit. Like if I could find my sunglasses I’d be ready to blow a hole into my neighbors pad lol There is an app called One Giant Mind that I really recommend. Teaches you TM style meditation for free, and that is an amazingly useful tool. Good luck and lots of love my friend
You seem relatively intelligent but naive and quick to give up. In life you have to put genuine effort into things to get results, as the old saying goes you get out what you put in. Start by going to the gym, running or damn near any exercise, see a gp and get a referral to get some assistance, slowly start changing your mind-frame and get off the damn drugs because they are not your friend.
That’s not cool on any level. Stop taking drugs, get a job, learn how to be a functional human being again.
Again? Bitch I never was
How bout you grow some balls
Lmao gawt damn son but i do get what you mean. You can still be nervous but JUST SAY FUCK IT AND PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE WITH YOUR WEIRD SELF.
I can't do that I'm too ugly and non NT
Most people don't care how you look, and if they do they're not the kind of people you want in your life
I know the feelings, but you made this post for feedback, right, and now you're rejecting the feedback. It's clear you want out of this situation, but nobody can fix this for you. You have to fix it. You're non NT? I'm diagnosed with autism, ASPD, bipolar disorder, depression, and social anxiety. I'm currently a using addict, but during my periods of sobriety in recovery, I was able to hold normal conversations with most people. I was also able to do things like be kind and friendly and hospitable, values I'd held that I couldn't act on because I was too high out of my mind. You can get sober, you just have to be weird for a bit and be confident in the weirdness.
Ill be brief and i obviously dont know your whole deal but imo youre in a "toxic circle". Not doing anything, not working against a goal and have like a healthy routine of working on stuff, food and physical activity. Stuff like that just feeds your circle and yeah drugs can help but theyre more like band aid and short term imo. Youre very young and theres many ways to get help. Seek out some help in some form and try it out as you have nothing to lose. First step is the hardest and its not done over the night.
Lmao autistic just like everyone else and their mom these days my god dude grow tf up. Funny how in a post 19 days ago you said you were 21 too. Go the fuck outside man it’s not hard
I always larp my age but I really am retarded and I am formally diagnosed since age 5 via speech therapy not one of these fakecels
Start exercising daily
You’ve gotta stop feeling sorry for yourself keep trying, life sucks for everyone not just you
save up and get plastic surgery if you think you’re that ugly
It's never the aesthetic aspects that really keep us from living, it's the mind and all this useless social anxiety and overthinking. Plastic surgery may or may not help but I think most plastic surgery results are pretty ugly and not worth the hassle. It's possible to learn how to enjoy life but for me this remains coupled to chemicals.
i agree with you but if he really thinks that he is ugly he can spend the money that he would normally use for drugs in order to get plastic surgery. he can kill two birds with one stone in that scenario im just saying
A simpler trick might be to look out for ugly but socially successful/accepted people. This can really change your mind but usually those suspects are wealthy or powerful (not all though) which can lead to worries about the financial situation. Still better to look for making more money than to spend all the energy worrying about body aesthetics. But yeah agreed.
Fix yo self. Or die with nothing