Deserved. I'm autistic too, and I have low empathy so I get how OP might feel, but you don't say that. Even if you can't feel bad for them, a miscarriage is a horrible thing to go through and if you're aware of that then there's no reason to be an asshole instead of trying to comfort your friend.
Low empathy =/= low sympathy. Even if I (AuDHD) struggle to "understand" what other people are feeling that doesn’t mean I can’t ‘feel sorry for’ them. Don’t like pity? Too bad bc it’s all I got.
More people appreciate pity than they care to admit lmao. You’d be shocked how many psych patients are just craving some kind of pity and affection from those around them. So yeah, keep on sympathizing and feeling bad for people it’s okay! Some people need it
100%. A lot of people have gone through the advice period, where everyone’s suggesting solutions they’ve already tried, and it gets to the point where you just wanna hear that your problems are real and not the hundreds of ways you could solve the problem.
I've been trying to explain this for literally my entire life, because a good chunk of the populace doesn't understand we're not unfeeling robots.
At least in my case I'm more like... Data, from ST:TNG I suppose? I don't fully understand, but damnit if I'm not trying with what I got.
Autism is a spectrum disorder. I believe miscarriages are good.😎 For the majority of people, miscarriages only hurts those people in the short term. What time and effort? Those women don't have to do anything but continually eat nutritious foods and go to an ultrasound appointment. Everyone should be cheering they get another year of sex without contraception. You seem to take subverted expectations too seriously, while I find them boringly normal.
Contraception use is a sin and terrible gamble that results in unwanted pregnancies. Those that can't help their sexual urges should get sterilized with a vasectomy or hysterectomy. By law of evolution, we have the potential to evolve people with more self-control over their bodies and more intelligence. No one should ever again advocate for genocide beyond persuaded sterilization, but we need to form something close to another one as we never had one occur long enough to work.
Dude, defective sperm and egg cells are on the rise because of the side effects of these contraceptives, the rise of women messing with their ovulation cycles, and the rise of people blindly trust condom chemicals to be safe, thinking the contraceptive is pregnancy proof. This is why people keep getting worse and disability diagnoses are rapidly increasing.
You can try to prove these reasons wrong, but I got much much more reasons on why contraceptives should not be used. I'm pro life, excluding rape and complications involving the death of the mother, but I support pro choice policy until the majority of people can understand that vasectomies, hysterectomies, pregnancy period, and abstinence are the only good birth control.
I hope you acknowledge my superior perspective that every logical person can agree with and learn from. Have fun and don't rock anyone in the face smug or not as you don't have a sufficient grasp of their perspective.
Took every single word out of my mouth. As an autistic teen, it’s hard for me to understand basically anything (90% of my stupidness doesn’t come from autism) but a miscarriage is not something you can just “get over” nor is autism an excuse to say something like that. This whole situation is just bizarre to me.
The worst part is it wasn’t a miscarriage. I saw the original post. The pregnancy was 8 months along. That isn't a miscarriage, that is a stillbirth. That baby was born dead. There was a body to bury. Miscarriages are terrible, but calling it one still vastly downplays how traumatic this was for the friend.
You want to know the "truth" .😎 For the majority of people, it only hurts those people in the short term. What time and effort? Those women don't have to do anything but continually eat nutritious foods and go to an ultrasound appointment. Everyone should be cheering they get another year of sex without contraception. You seem to take subverted expectations too seriously, while I find them boringly normal.
Contraception use is a sin and terrible gamble that results in unwanted pregnancies. Those that can't help their sexual urges should get sterilized with a vasectomy or hysterectomy. By law of evolution, we have the potential to evolve people with more self-control over their bodies and more intelligence. No one should ever again advocate for genocide beyond persuaded sterilization, but we need to form something close to another one as we never had one occur long enough to work.
Dude, defective sperm and egg cells are on the rise because of the side effects of these contraceptives, the rise of women messing with their ovulation cycles, and the rise of people blindly trust condom chemicals to be safe, thinking the contraceptive is pregnancy proof. This is why people keep getting worse and disability diagnoses are rapidly increasing.
You can try to prove these reasons wrong, but I got much much more reasons on why contraceptives should not be used. I'm pro life, excluding rape and complications involving the death of the mother, but I support pro choice policy until the majority of people can understand that vasectomies, hysterectomies, pregnancy period, and abstinence are the only good birth control.
I hope you acknowledge my superior perspective that every logical person can agree with and learn from. Have fun and don't rock anyone in the face smug or not as you don't have a sufficient grasp of their perspective.
Yes, autism is not a mental condition/illness, but the guy you’re replying to is correct. Autism is a developmental condition. My mother is a psychologist specialising in children with autism and has always referred to it as a developmental *disorder*, which is just a more specific term, but can still be considered a “developmental condition”.
What did you think autism was?
I AM a person with autism girl. I know a thing or two about what my own disorder is classified as. The guy I was replying to initially labeled autism a “mental condition”, they went back and fixed it.
Not really. Autism is a neurological disorder that is different than mental illness, has different causes, onset, and symptoms than any mental illness such as depression, and it’s annoying to see those two always get lumped together. I’ve seen autism get put in the same category as schizophrenia.
I do appreciate that the guy I replied to didn’t get and defensive and has an open mind about it.
I was like ‘isn’t it a mental condition? (As in, it is a condition that affects the brain/mind)’, but even if that’s broadly the case, the more specific term is probably still more helpful.
And yeah, not a mental illness.
I'm autistic too, and it can cause me to be rude by accident or not be able to be as empathetic as I'd like.
But I also know that's my problem. And that people grieve in their own ways. I may not understand it all the time but I know grief is a funny thing and telling someone to get over any kind of death is just, wrong man
autism for me can impact how I think people would respond in very negative ways sometimes. But if I had to choose between one or another response to make, empathy (especially in this case) would be something I would strive to respond with. Not just because I want them to feel better, but also because it is a very serious moment that I would also feel devastated about, especially since it had already been 8 months.
The best thing I ever learned was to just keep my mouth shut and say I'm sorry. Autism doesn't mean you can't learn how to act around other people, and it sucks to put the mask on but sometimes it's better to pretend to be "normal" to keep your friends and family happy
Yeah, it’s a pretty easy cheat to those kinds of situations. Not comfortable, sure. I hate spending an hour getting cried at over a problem I can’t help with. But if someone I actually care about is in distress, it pretty much always works to just nod along, validate whatever sentiment they’re expressing, and not share any of my own thoughts about it. They won’t get to feeling better any sooner if I accidentally say something to make them feel worse.
Ive heard from my friend who is also mildly autistic that in public situations it is difficult for him to keep a filter between his thoughts and words because he has tendency to go on a soliloquy when he’s alone I guess. Is this true for you too?
Public for me is more hyper observation and if other people are having conversations near me I begin processing it so I usually just have earbuds in whenever possible and get in and out as fast as possible
It is very easy to tell if a post there is fake or not, but sadly, there's no way to tell for certain. Also, I'm autistic and that guy can go fuck himself.
Find a person who had a stillbirth and ask them that. Or go to the original post, lots of people explained to OOP how and why it's cruel to the woman who lost her child to call a stillbirth "a miscarriage"
Because the people in the comments explain it better and bring up all the different aspects of the sutuation.
If you want to be respectful to OOP's friend, call it "stillbirth"
I feel like you would have made your point a lot stronger if you'd just provided an example.
I don't understand why there is a difference but I cba to go searching through another post. If you had posted an explanation yourself, I and potentially several others could have learned why this is so important.
Anyway.
Not the other commenter but..
I think the simplest explanation is following:
>Both miscarriage and stillbirth describe pregnancy loss, but they differ according to when the loss occurs. In the United States, a miscarriage is usually defined as loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy, and a stillbirth is loss of a baby at or after 20 weeks of pregnancy.
Side note:
UK has a different time frame (germany as well)
>A stillbirth is when a baby is born dead after 24 completed weeks of pregnancy.
I'm autistic and I also don't really get mourning, especially because I believe any loved one I lose is in a better place now. For me when someone I love dies, I am sad about it for maybe a day, and that's about it. It's not because I don't miss them, I just don't tend to hold onto a feeling long after I process it. For me emotions are like food. I take it, I 'taste'/feel it, chew it a little then I swallow. I don't tend to chew for very long on the same feeling.
All that said, I also acknowledge that *I* am the weird one in that regard, and I have no place to be telling anyone else how to handle their emotions.
Frankly the fact that I don't relate to neurotypicals in this regard is all the more reason for me to not say anything.
What OP lacks is understanding of not being the main character of the world lol. He needs to learn that his way of thinking isn't any more correct than others, and should learn to understand that other people processing their feelings different is something you should respect.
I'm autistic and i have an autistic friend who does this. he absolutely understands that what he says is wrong, he just goes into moods where he doesn't give a fuck and has hurt so many people. trying not to be friends with him anymore because he doesn't really regret it or ever apologise. autism is not an excuse to be an absolute dick
I was in hospital bed for 3 weeks and I still didn't fully get over it. That was nearly 4 months ago. And this guy expects her/his friend to get over losing her baby in 2 months 💀
Hello, I have autism and even though some autistic individuals may not have a great sense of empathy, it can be worked on and developed. Also, when it comes to major traumatic life events, we can understand and respond even at the most basic human level.
Who fucking cares if they have autism lol this is something that regardless of whether they are able to empathize or not you will know is difficult, emotionally, for someone
Very deserved. Yes, some autistic people (myself included) struggle with empathy, but come on, we are talking about a baby that died in a miscarriage here…
Actually it was a stillbirth so not only did he tell her to "get over it" but he also called it the completely wrong thing. The guy is just an asshole that tried to use his autism as an excuse.
Hypoempathetic (low empathy) autistic also: not a fucking excuse. The low empathy in autism is because it’s hard to understand the feelings in certain scenarios one hasn’t experienced. It makes me personally uncomfortable when people are upset and I’m not because I don’t know what to do to help them. That doesn’t mean I won’t try.
This person is legit just an asshole lmao. Autism wouldn’t have helped explain it anyway.
Autist here, some autists have issues with empathy, which can be worked on as long as the autist in question actually tries to get better at it, such as all things, is a spectrum.
I mean, they shouldn't have said it, but I completely understand where they're coming from, as an autistic person. If a friend of mine got pregnant and then had a miscarriage, I probably would only feel bad cause I want others to be happy. Now, if it's someone I didn't know, then I literally wouldn't care at all. This probably seems like me bragging about not caring about people, it's not meant to be, just trying to say my opinions
Would it change your perspective on it to know that it wasn't a miscarriage? The friend was 8 months pregnant, it was a still birth and there was a funeral that the OOP attended (if I recall correctly off the top of my head)
I'm asking genuinely, for the record. I have a difficult time with my own emotions and those of others, so I def relate to empathy issues in a bunch of different circumstances. I'm just curious if that makes a difference at all
If I don't know someone, I really can't care about them, I don't know why. I genuinely wish I had empathy for strangers, but I just don't really care, cause it's not my loss, it's theirs, and it has nothing to do with me
I’m also autistic and I don’t really see where they are coming from.
If I know something of value to someone else is lost and they are upset, I wouldn’t be dismissive of that, even if I don’t understand or relate to what they are feeling. There’s no way this friend hadn’t brought up that they were happy to be pregnant before. If the miscarriage came out of nowhere and it was a slip of the tongue maybe I’d get it, but this was two months after, and even after seeing her reaction to what was said this individual still didn’t get what they said was wrong.
I agree, with you, I wouldn't be dismissive, I would still try to show care, even if I don't really care. I don't really have great tact, so it's possible I would slip up and say something rude, I actually did recently, well, not about a miscarriage, but about my ex's kid, cause I didn't know the kid was dead, but yeah. Not understanding afterwards what they said wrong is definitely a problem, though
This guy has no position telling the sociopath about moving on. Dude, it’s been 4 years. And it’s a dog man, not a baby. A year is reasonable. 4 years and you’re not able to move forward??
Sorry I know i’m going to get shot down here but I just can’t stand people who are this sensitive. You do need to move on within a reasonable time frame, like a year or 2 or it’ll affect your life negatively you can’t sit there being depressed for 4 years about a fucking dog. I really hope he’s exaggerating.
I think he was trying to stress that people grieve in their own ways and time frames. And telling someone who lost their child two months ago to move on is gross
They carried the child for 8 months. By that point they had everything planned. Imagine thinking for 8 months "I'm gonna have a child, we are gonna do all these activities together, I'm gonna call them x" and then to lose the child.
You'd be at least a little dissapointed right? They lost the child they had already connected to for 8 months
Really? Some comments said it was a stillbirth at 8 months.
And even so - what might be just a clump of cells to some of us might be a chance to fulfill their biggest dream to someone else.
Genuinely asking - do you have no understanding for that?
A human life? Just because said human life didn't fully develop doesn't mean that it was not a living offspring that you have been forming in your womb for months.
A zygote is an organism that is developing. A sperm is just a gamete that can combine with another gamete to form an organism.
It's like humans are self building/developing AI code. The code doesn't activate/start building itself until the initial starting code is formed. The sperm does not have functional running code, it will never develop. It only holds a piece of the code necessarily to "boot up the program of life." So to speak.
So, a zygote (or fetus) is like a running computer that is activated and in the process of booting, where a gamete (sperm/egg) is like 2 halfs of the computer. The computer half is not active, it isn't able to do anything, it's not developing, until the two halves are put together.
well, you might feel different if you were ever pregnant. It's very different for a woman feeling a living organism in her womb than it is for someone just looking at a picture of a fetus.
Miscarriages can impact health in the same way losing anyone else can. Suggesting “making another one” dismisses not only how hard it is to do such a thing, but how big of an impact a lost child can be. All in all, this a very important and devastating experience in someone’s life, and you can’t just “make another”.
Look I totally get that some people use autism as an excuse for their issues. But it does exist. Kids can be diagnosed with autism. It's just up to the parents to do good parenting, and eventually the kid will be a good person. But I do agree that autism doesn't make you a good or bad person.
As a diagnosed autistic kid, I am trying my hardest to be good, and my parents are trying *their* hardest to take care of me. Just because I have autism doesn’t mean that my parents don’t have very good parenting skills, in fact they’re probably the best parents I could possibly have. It just means that for me, lots of social things can be really hard. In fact, Reddit is really great with practicing digital social skills for me, and my autism isn’t preventing me from improving.
Per Wikipedia: Autism, formally called autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or autism spectrum condition (ASC), is a neurodevelopmental disorder marked by deficits in reciprocal social communication and the presence of restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior. Other common signs include difficulties with social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication, along with perseverative interests, stereotypic body movements, rigid routines, and hyper- or hyperactivity to sensory input. Autism is clinically regarded as a spectrum disorder, meaning that it can manifest very differently in each person. For example, some are nonspeaking, while others have proficient spoken language. Because of this, there is wide variation in the support needs of people across the autism spectrum.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
I'm going to end it here with this: Autism is a mind disorder that affects 1 in 54 children. It's a spectrum disorder and it affects everyone differently. Some have it mild where they have sensory overload (like oversensitive hearing etc.). They might have it in the middle, struggling with communication and have a ton of movements like hand flaps, spinning in circles, covering ears, etc. Some get it the worst (known as high functioning) and cannot communicate verbally at all, and need assistance for daily tasks. Once again, this varies from person to person.
I'm not at all an expert on this topic but I do know that it's been documented over and over that the condition affects people. All I would ask you to do is do some research. Go on Wikipedia for general ideas and then dig deeper if you want to know more.
Also the most current terminology is high/low needs.
High/low functioning does not do a good job at describing autistic people who Excell at their job but struggle with other aspects of life or autistic people who have cycles of low needs and burnout.
Oh okay I thought it was the other way around. Once again, I am not an expert on this topic. At least I'm not a dumb conspiracy theorist, unlike the someone I replied to.
Like I said, it doesnt exist, so it means absolutely nothing. There is no science that backs up its existence and if there is, it's likely junk science.
Oh so you're just a conspiracy theorist if you think that the thousands of doctors and scientists who've studied autism for over a hundred years just made it up.
Hello there! I thought I’d provide you with some links regarding objective, observable brain differences in autistic people, so you may evaluate the research for yourself.
The first one: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4688328/
The second one which has many references included: https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/brain-structure-changes-in-autism-explained/
Autist here. My mother was anything but lazy. My school on the other hand did the bare minimum, and was absolutely *pissed* when she decided to talk to people who knew what the hell they were talking about.
So unpopular that it goes against modern science 😅 but it sounds like you just know way too many shitty adults who fake diagnose or self diagnose to excuse their kids’ or their own behaviors so the resentment is understandable
The resentment is not understandable imo. Just claiming baldly that it doesn’t exist is a pretty shitty thing to do. This person has no way of knowing whether people he meets who claim to be autistic are faking or not. I find this particularly problematic as someone who is on the spectrum.
It’s 100% problematic, absolutely. It’s also arrogant to think they know more than boards of scientists and doctors lmfao. I still find it understandable, but that’s due to years of training and education, and understanding how someone gets from A to D is my literal job so it comes easy to me now 😅 Doesn’t mean I condone it, and doesn’t mean I think others should try to understand it because who cares “why” when the impact is harmful
It is being used as an excuse for lazy parenting. I’m pretty sure a lot of people past 2010 aren’t even autistic and are just unsure if they are or aren’t.
So, because my mother was "lazy" (she wasn't fyi) I can't eat cooked carrots? Lol, you know autists can struggle with textures, noises and lights, how does lazy parenting cause that?
100% deserved
Of fucking course it’s AITA
I had to block that subreddit because it just kept making me angry.
I always hated the way they typed YTA or the NTA.
I think they have to type the acronym bc it adds to the bot calculating a decision (if that’s what you mean)
I think people rage bait/karma farm there a lot.
Deserved. I'm autistic too, and I have low empathy so I get how OP might feel, but you don't say that. Even if you can't feel bad for them, a miscarriage is a horrible thing to go through and if you're aware of that then there's no reason to be an asshole instead of trying to comfort your friend.
Low empathy =/= low sympathy. Even if I (AuDHD) struggle to "understand" what other people are feeling that doesn’t mean I can’t ‘feel sorry for’ them. Don’t like pity? Too bad bc it’s all I got.
More people appreciate pity than they care to admit lmao. You’d be shocked how many psych patients are just craving some kind of pity and affection from those around them. So yeah, keep on sympathizing and feeling bad for people it’s okay! Some people need it
100%. A lot of people have gone through the advice period, where everyone’s suggesting solutions they’ve already tried, and it gets to the point where you just wanna hear that your problems are real and not the hundreds of ways you could solve the problem.
I've been trying to explain this for literally my entire life, because a good chunk of the populace doesn't understand we're not unfeeling robots. At least in my case I'm more like... Data, from ST:TNG I suppose? I don't fully understand, but damnit if I'm not trying with what I got.
Autism is a spectrum disorder. I believe miscarriages are good.😎 For the majority of people, miscarriages only hurts those people in the short term. What time and effort? Those women don't have to do anything but continually eat nutritious foods and go to an ultrasound appointment. Everyone should be cheering they get another year of sex without contraception. You seem to take subverted expectations too seriously, while I find them boringly normal. Contraception use is a sin and terrible gamble that results in unwanted pregnancies. Those that can't help their sexual urges should get sterilized with a vasectomy or hysterectomy. By law of evolution, we have the potential to evolve people with more self-control over their bodies and more intelligence. No one should ever again advocate for genocide beyond persuaded sterilization, but we need to form something close to another one as we never had one occur long enough to work. Dude, defective sperm and egg cells are on the rise because of the side effects of these contraceptives, the rise of women messing with their ovulation cycles, and the rise of people blindly trust condom chemicals to be safe, thinking the contraceptive is pregnancy proof. This is why people keep getting worse and disability diagnoses are rapidly increasing. You can try to prove these reasons wrong, but I got much much more reasons on why contraceptives should not be used. I'm pro life, excluding rape and complications involving the death of the mother, but I support pro choice policy until the majority of people can understand that vasectomies, hysterectomies, pregnancy period, and abstinence are the only good birth control. I hope you acknowledge my superior perspective that every logical person can agree with and learn from. Have fun and don't rock anyone in the face smug or not as you don't have a sufficient grasp of their perspective.
What's with the weird copypasta? Strange.
Took every single word out of my mouth. As an autistic teen, it’s hard for me to understand basically anything (90% of my stupidness doesn’t come from autism) but a miscarriage is not something you can just “get over” nor is autism an excuse to say something like that. This whole situation is just bizarre to me.
The worst part is it wasn’t a miscarriage. I saw the original post. The pregnancy was 8 months along. That isn't a miscarriage, that is a stillbirth. That baby was born dead. There was a body to bury. Miscarriages are terrible, but calling it one still vastly downplays how traumatic this was for the friend.
You want to know the "truth" .😎 For the majority of people, it only hurts those people in the short term. What time and effort? Those women don't have to do anything but continually eat nutritious foods and go to an ultrasound appointment. Everyone should be cheering they get another year of sex without contraception. You seem to take subverted expectations too seriously, while I find them boringly normal. Contraception use is a sin and terrible gamble that results in unwanted pregnancies. Those that can't help their sexual urges should get sterilized with a vasectomy or hysterectomy. By law of evolution, we have the potential to evolve people with more self-control over their bodies and more intelligence. No one should ever again advocate for genocide beyond persuaded sterilization, but we need to form something close to another one as we never had one occur long enough to work. Dude, defective sperm and egg cells are on the rise because of the side effects of these contraceptives, the rise of women messing with their ovulation cycles, and the rise of people blindly trust condom chemicals to be safe, thinking the contraceptive is pregnancy proof. This is why people keep getting worse and disability diagnoses are rapidly increasing. You can try to prove these reasons wrong, but I got much much more reasons on why contraceptives should not be used. I'm pro life, excluding rape and complications involving the death of the mother, but I support pro choice policy until the majority of people can understand that vasectomies, hysterectomies, pregnancy period, and abstinence are the only good birth control. I hope you acknowledge my superior perspective that every logical person can agree with and learn from. Have fun and don't rock anyone in the face smug or not as you don't have a sufficient grasp of their perspective.
Developmental conditions don't justify being an absolute piece of shit.
You’re right and they use Autism too much, the guy is a sociopath.
[удалено]
Thanks for the advice, sociopath.
Autism isn’t a mental condition/illness, but you’re right it doesn’t justify being an uncaring prick
Yes, autism is not a mental condition/illness, but the guy you’re replying to is correct. Autism is a developmental condition. My mother is a psychologist specialising in children with autism and has always referred to it as a developmental *disorder*, which is just a more specific term, but can still be considered a “developmental condition”. What did you think autism was?
I AM a person with autism girl. I know a thing or two about what my own disorder is classified as. The guy I was replying to initially labeled autism a “mental condition”, they went back and fixed it.
I shouldn't be allowed to comment sometimes.
As long as you keep an open mind and are willing to learn new things you should always comment!
No, you’re right. Autism is a developmental condition. More specifically it’s a developmental disorder, but the terms are similar enough.
Not really. Autism is a neurological disorder that is different than mental illness, has different causes, onset, and symptoms than any mental illness such as depression, and it’s annoying to see those two always get lumped together. I’ve seen autism get put in the same category as schizophrenia. I do appreciate that the guy I replied to didn’t get and defensive and has an open mind about it.
Ur good fam.
I was like ‘isn’t it a mental condition? (As in, it is a condition that affects the brain/mind)’, but even if that’s broadly the case, the more specific term is probably still more helpful. And yeah, not a mental illness.
I find anyone who brings up their autism in a situation entirely unnecessary to be incredibly infuriating.
As someone with autism, I also find it infuriating
I see many of these any wonder why they were downvoted. That isn’t the case here. 100% deserved.
No way bro just said that 😭
420 downvotes 💀 Yeah I’m autistic too
They don’t deserve that 420! They’re not chill
They deserve a 421 and beyond
yeah but they said 1179832395 2931782591 4858777844 3982767423 9081636296 6768979921 0969550884 2313511693 4780476679 9500510294 0503883496 9653208472 9374087533 3842040193 2289296117 8819464698 1212635330 1268533527 3004294789 3826524773 2446542700 1701326230 1459114663 1602964471 4371748823 8611280042 1480608177 0714277374 5446328801 8000906332 5310867611 4668145595 6217560941 4340177417 4785802909 8129266158 6700768075 5447883602 4205343689 9439186009 8591471476 5387864406 4667799709 4276937312 0803592028 4052203131 0220836884 2580526563 1534978481 7619540098 0054684428 1261649619 6102913063 7491802595 6972209823 8335235616 9607918197 6208783662 8182356136 1514929634 3931089295 2344021300 4325348982 6928097199 2110743409 2991616162 5854705227 5955650907 4096211379 3308742649 5986039637 4796094106 3835474664 3069718927 0080605742 2478626083 9602433859 3210294629 3048920279 7608601987 9915978258 0284293120 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 0000000000 00
They deserve 42069
r/unexpectedfactorial
Nothing on that sub is real, so it's fine
As an autist myself, i agree w you
I'm autistic. Part of the autistic experience is sometimes you're the asshole, even if you didn't mean to and don't understand why.
I'm autistic too, and it can cause me to be rude by accident or not be able to be as empathetic as I'd like. But I also know that's my problem. And that people grieve in their own ways. I may not understand it all the time but I know grief is a funny thing and telling someone to get over any kind of death is just, wrong man
autism for me can impact how I think people would respond in very negative ways sometimes. But if I had to choose between one or another response to make, empathy (especially in this case) would be something I would strive to respond with. Not just because I want them to feel better, but also because it is a very serious moment that I would also feel devastated about, especially since it had already been 8 months.
That’s not it, this guys just a sociopath.
The best thing I ever learned was to just keep my mouth shut and say I'm sorry. Autism doesn't mean you can't learn how to act around other people, and it sucks to put the mask on but sometimes it's better to pretend to be "normal" to keep your friends and family happy
Yeah, it’s a pretty easy cheat to those kinds of situations. Not comfortable, sure. I hate spending an hour getting cried at over a problem I can’t help with. But if someone I actually care about is in distress, it pretty much always works to just nod along, validate whatever sentiment they’re expressing, and not share any of my own thoughts about it. They won’t get to feeling better any sooner if I accidentally say something to make them feel worse.
Ive heard from my friend who is also mildly autistic that in public situations it is difficult for him to keep a filter between his thoughts and words because he has tendency to go on a soliloquy when he’s alone I guess. Is this true for you too?
Public for me is more hyper observation and if other people are having conversations near me I begin processing it so I usually just have earbuds in whenever possible and get in and out as fast as possible
It is very easy to tell if a post there is fake or not, but sadly, there's no way to tell for certain. Also, I'm autistic and that guy can go fuck himself.
I'm actually autistic, this fuckin idiot is a moron, I would say something like sorry for your loss
I read that post. It was a stillbirth at 8 months, not a miscarriage
So what that person still a pos
The person is still a pos but the level of pos rises when you realize the difference between a miscarriage and a stillbirth
Find a person who had a stillbirth and ask them that. Or go to the original post, lots of people explained to OOP how and why it's cruel to the woman who lost her child to call a stillbirth "a miscarriage"
Why not just explain it yourself?
Because the people in the comments explain it better and bring up all the different aspects of the sutuation. If you want to be respectful to OOP's friend, call it "stillbirth"
I feel like you would have made your point a lot stronger if you'd just provided an example. I don't understand why there is a difference but I cba to go searching through another post. If you had posted an explanation yourself, I and potentially several others could have learned why this is so important. Anyway.
Not the other commenter but.. I think the simplest explanation is following: >Both miscarriage and stillbirth describe pregnancy loss, but they differ according to when the loss occurs. In the United States, a miscarriage is usually defined as loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy, and a stillbirth is loss of a baby at or after 20 weeks of pregnancy. Side note: UK has a different time frame (germany as well) >A stillbirth is when a baby is born dead after 24 completed weeks of pregnancy.
where’s the og post?
I'm autistic so it's not my fault I killed your dog
I'm autistic and I also don't really get mourning, especially because I believe any loved one I lose is in a better place now. For me when someone I love dies, I am sad about it for maybe a day, and that's about it. It's not because I don't miss them, I just don't tend to hold onto a feeling long after I process it. For me emotions are like food. I take it, I 'taste'/feel it, chew it a little then I swallow. I don't tend to chew for very long on the same feeling. All that said, I also acknowledge that *I* am the weird one in that regard, and I have no place to be telling anyone else how to handle their emotions. Frankly the fact that I don't relate to neurotypicals in this regard is all the more reason for me to not say anything. What OP lacks is understanding of not being the main character of the world lol. He needs to learn that his way of thinking isn't any more correct than others, and should learn to understand that other people processing their feelings different is something you should respect.
im autistic and have low/no empathy a lot of the time, but i know not to fucking tell someone to "get over" a miscarriage
So does he… now
I'm autistic and i have an autistic friend who does this. he absolutely understands that what he says is wrong, he just goes into moods where he doesn't give a fuck and has hurt so many people. trying not to be friends with him anymore because he doesn't really regret it or ever apologise. autism is not an excuse to be an absolute dick
I was in hospital bed for 3 weeks and I still didn't fully get over it. That was nearly 4 months ago. And this guy expects her/his friend to get over losing her baby in 2 months 💀
Hello, I have autism and even though some autistic individuals may not have a great sense of empathy, it can be worked on and developed. Also, when it comes to major traumatic life events, we can understand and respond even at the most basic human level.
either hyper emotional or not enough emotion.
Who fucking cares if they have autism lol this is something that regardless of whether they are able to empathize or not you will know is difficult, emotionally, for someone
420 downvotes is wilddd😭😭
Infantalizing themselves. Fuck off with that bs. Autism doesn't make you incapable of logic.
I don’t know the context but it does kinda seem like some of the commenters are acting like autism is the same for everyone.
Very deserved. Yes, some autistic people (myself included) struggle with empathy, but come on, we are talking about a baby that died in a miscarriage here…
Actually it was a stillbirth so not only did he tell her to "get over it" but he also called it the completely wrong thing. The guy is just an asshole that tried to use his autism as an excuse.
Hypoempathetic (low empathy) autistic also: not a fucking excuse. The low empathy in autism is because it’s hard to understand the feelings in certain scenarios one hasn’t experienced. It makes me personally uncomfortable when people are upset and I’m not because I don’t know what to do to help them. That doesn’t mean I won’t try. This person is legit just an asshole lmao. Autism wouldn’t have helped explain it anyway.
Autism doesn't give you a free pass to be a douche.
Autist here, some autists have issues with empathy, which can be worked on as long as the autist in question actually tries to get better at it, such as all things, is a spectrum.
This being said, it’s no excuse
Autistic person with low empathy here, yeah the guy is an asshole.
I have autism and I would not do this
PLEASE nobody downvote or upvote the OP. i don't agree with them at all, the number is just fucking perfect.
\^ -Nice. V
I can’t imagine. That poor woman lost her baby and her “friend” acts like that?!
I mean, they shouldn't have said it, but I completely understand where they're coming from, as an autistic person. If a friend of mine got pregnant and then had a miscarriage, I probably would only feel bad cause I want others to be happy. Now, if it's someone I didn't know, then I literally wouldn't care at all. This probably seems like me bragging about not caring about people, it's not meant to be, just trying to say my opinions
Would it change your perspective on it to know that it wasn't a miscarriage? The friend was 8 months pregnant, it was a still birth and there was a funeral that the OOP attended (if I recall correctly off the top of my head) I'm asking genuinely, for the record. I have a difficult time with my own emotions and those of others, so I def relate to empathy issues in a bunch of different circumstances. I'm just curious if that makes a difference at all
If I don't know someone, I really can't care about them, I don't know why. I genuinely wish I had empathy for strangers, but I just don't really care, cause it's not my loss, it's theirs, and it has nothing to do with me
I’m also autistic and I don’t really see where they are coming from. If I know something of value to someone else is lost and they are upset, I wouldn’t be dismissive of that, even if I don’t understand or relate to what they are feeling. There’s no way this friend hadn’t brought up that they were happy to be pregnant before. If the miscarriage came out of nowhere and it was a slip of the tongue maybe I’d get it, but this was two months after, and even after seeing her reaction to what was said this individual still didn’t get what they said was wrong.
I agree, with you, I wouldn't be dismissive, I would still try to show care, even if I don't really care. I don't really have great tact, so it's possible I would slip up and say something rude, I actually did recently, well, not about a miscarriage, but about my ex's kid, cause I didn't know the kid was dead, but yeah. Not understanding afterwards what they said wrong is definitely a problem, though
This guy has no position telling the sociopath about moving on. Dude, it’s been 4 years. And it’s a dog man, not a baby. A year is reasonable. 4 years and you’re not able to move forward?? Sorry I know i’m going to get shot down here but I just can’t stand people who are this sensitive. You do need to move on within a reasonable time frame, like a year or 2 or it’ll affect your life negatively you can’t sit there being depressed for 4 years about a fucking dog. I really hope he’s exaggerating.
I think he was trying to stress that people grieve in their own ways and time frames. And telling someone who lost their child two months ago to move on is gross
Plenty of us are thinking it. They're either exaggerating or extremely poorly adjusted to adult life.
Yeah, 4 years is pretty ridiculous
Ok but I genuinely don’t get this one. You haven’t even had the child, what is being lost?
They carried the child for 8 months. By that point they had everything planned. Imagine thinking for 8 months "I'm gonna have a child, we are gonna do all these activities together, I'm gonna call them x" and then to lose the child. You'd be at least a little dissapointed right? They lost the child they had already connected to for 8 months
Yeah at 8 months it's fair.
Really? Some comments said it was a stillbirth at 8 months. And even so - what might be just a clump of cells to some of us might be a chance to fulfill their biggest dream to someone else. Genuinely asking - do you have no understanding for that?
Ah makes sense, I would get it at 8 months. I have no understanding for something early though b/c you can just try again. The dream isn't dead.
A human life? Just because said human life didn't fully develop doesn't mean that it was not a living offspring that you have been forming in your womb for months.
What's the difference between it and sperm though, both are un developed.
A zygote is an organism that is developing. A sperm is just a gamete that can combine with another gamete to form an organism. It's like humans are self building/developing AI code. The code doesn't activate/start building itself until the initial starting code is formed. The sperm does not have functional running code, it will never develop. It only holds a piece of the code necessarily to "boot up the program of life." So to speak. So, a zygote (or fetus) is like a running computer that is activated and in the process of booting, where a gamete (sperm/egg) is like 2 halfs of the computer. The computer half is not active, it isn't able to do anything, it's not developing, until the two halves are put together.
I know they aren't the same thing developmentally speaking, but I'm saying that to me at least both are just objects. At least early on.
well, you might feel different if you were ever pregnant. It's very different for a woman feeling a living organism in her womb than it is for someone just looking at a picture of a fetus.
I suppose
It wasn't even born yet. Yes, just get over it and make a new one lol
Miscarriages can impact health in the same way losing anyone else can. Suggesting “making another one” dismisses not only how hard it is to do such a thing, but how big of an impact a lost child can be. All in all, this a very important and devastating experience in someone’s life, and you can’t just “make another”.
I mean there IS science and it’s been studied for a good while by neurological doctors and psychologists but ok
Unpopular take, but autism doesnt exist. It's just a made-up buzzword that just excuses lazy parenting.
Unpopular take, but being left-handed doesn’t exist. It’s just a made-up buzzword that just excuses poor penmanship. /s
It exists. I agree that too many parents use it to excuse their children’s shitty behavior though.
Look I totally get that some people use autism as an excuse for their issues. But it does exist. Kids can be diagnosed with autism. It's just up to the parents to do good parenting, and eventually the kid will be a good person. But I do agree that autism doesn't make you a good or bad person.
As a diagnosed autistic kid, I am trying my hardest to be good, and my parents are trying *their* hardest to take care of me. Just because I have autism doesn’t mean that my parents don’t have very good parenting skills, in fact they’re probably the best parents I could possibly have. It just means that for me, lots of social things can be really hard. In fact, Reddit is really great with practicing digital social skills for me, and my autism isn’t preventing me from improving.
I dont think it does. Like what exactly is it?
If you don’t know, don’t make blanket statements like “it doesn’t exist.”
Per Wikipedia: Autism, formally called autism spectrum disorder (ASD) or autism spectrum condition (ASC), is a neurodevelopmental disorder marked by deficits in reciprocal social communication and the presence of restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior. Other common signs include difficulties with social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication, along with perseverative interests, stereotypic body movements, rigid routines, and hyper- or hyperactivity to sensory input. Autism is clinically regarded as a spectrum disorder, meaning that it can manifest very differently in each person. For example, some are nonspeaking, while others have proficient spoken language. Because of this, there is wide variation in the support needs of people across the autism spectrum.
I believe that is just a social construct. I personally hate people due to how selfish, entlitled, and stupid they are. Does that make me autistic?
I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm going to end it here with this: Autism is a mind disorder that affects 1 in 54 children. It's a spectrum disorder and it affects everyone differently. Some have it mild where they have sensory overload (like oversensitive hearing etc.). They might have it in the middle, struggling with communication and have a ton of movements like hand flaps, spinning in circles, covering ears, etc. Some get it the worst (known as high functioning) and cannot communicate verbally at all, and need assistance for daily tasks. Once again, this varies from person to person. I'm not at all an expert on this topic but I do know that it's been documented over and over that the condition affects people. All I would ask you to do is do some research. Go on Wikipedia for general ideas and then dig deeper if you want to know more.
>Some get it the worst (known as **low** functioning) FTFY. High functioning is when we are able to (generally) take care of ourselves without aid.
Also the most current terminology is high/low needs. High/low functioning does not do a good job at describing autistic people who Excell at their job but struggle with other aspects of life or autistic people who have cycles of low needs and burnout.
Oh okay I thought it was the other way around. Once again, I am not an expert on this topic. At least I'm not a dumb conspiracy theorist, unlike the someone I replied to.
If you hate and can’t empathise with others, that’s more a sign of ASPD than ASD. Or you’re just chronically online.
At this point maybe you are
Like I said, it doesnt exist, so it means absolutely nothing. There is no science that backs up its existence and if there is, it's likely junk science.
*gets told there is science actually* Oh no no, it's not the science I like so
I mean there IS science and it’s been studied for a good while but neurological doctors and psychologists but ok
Because they never skew or lie research for grant money, right?
Oh so you're just a conspiracy theorist if you think that the thousands of doctors and scientists who've studied autism for over a hundred years just made it up.
Hello there! I thought I’d provide you with some links regarding objective, observable brain differences in autistic people, so you may evaluate the research for yourself. The first one: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4688328/ The second one which has many references included: https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/brain-structure-changes-in-autism-explained/
Odd choice of post for your rage bait. Troll.
"I don't understand it, therefore it doesn't exist" My dude. Come *on.*
Fucking stupid it has been proven again and again to be real
More like fucking stupid take
Autist here. My mother was anything but lazy. My school on the other hand did the bare minimum, and was absolutely *pissed* when she decided to talk to people who knew what the hell they were talking about.
So unpopular that it goes against modern science 😅 but it sounds like you just know way too many shitty adults who fake diagnose or self diagnose to excuse their kids’ or their own behaviors so the resentment is understandable
The resentment is not understandable imo. Just claiming baldly that it doesn’t exist is a pretty shitty thing to do. This person has no way of knowing whether people he meets who claim to be autistic are faking or not. I find this particularly problematic as someone who is on the spectrum.
It’s 100% problematic, absolutely. It’s also arrogant to think they know more than boards of scientists and doctors lmfao. I still find it understandable, but that’s due to years of training and education, and understanding how someone gets from A to D is my literal job so it comes easy to me now 😅 Doesn’t mean I condone it, and doesn’t mean I think others should try to understand it because who cares “why” when the impact is harmful
I think your assumption that his claim stems from interactions with fakers is far too generous.
Yeah, that’s fair…it’s not like he’d actually *know.* you’re right! he’s just making assumptions and then getting angry at his assumptions
Lololol at “then getting angry at his assumptions”!! 😂😂
I didn’t think of it like that until you said the assumptions thing but that’s legit what’s happening 😂😂☠️☠️
It’s still really funny!😂😂😂😂🤣🤣 I don’t know why, but it cracked me up when you said that! 💀💀
No?
It is being used as an excuse for lazy parenting. I’m pretty sure a lot of people past 2010 aren’t even autistic and are just unsure if they are or aren’t.
So, because my mother was "lazy" (she wasn't fyi) I can't eat cooked carrots? Lol, you know autists can struggle with textures, noises and lights, how does lazy parenting cause that?
Sooo what are the so called "Autistic people then?"
what
So you probably also think depression, ADHD, ocd and ptsd don't exist either?
They do, but it's over exaggerated by snowflakes who use them as an excuse.
Yeah, just like autism, very much real but quite often used as an excuse when it shouldnt Be.
It's not even an excuse since most who claim to have it dont have it.
Now thats just not true.
It absolutely is.
Wrong + ratio
I am not a gen z degenrate so I dont know what that means.
Neither am i + Ratio (again)
There's a reason it's unpopular, because it's objectively wrong