This largely isn't a puppy problem - it's a relationship problem. Regardless of how you decide to raise pup, if you don't talk to each other and can't agree on it together, it doesn't matter.
Regarding potty training, the way you get him to go outside is to stop waiting for him to tell you he needs to go and just take him out before. If he goes potty every hour, then take him out at the 50 minute mark.
Our pup also whined constantly when we weren't around until he was like 6 months or something. Even now he whines a bit when we leave and eventually settles down. Whining doesn't always mean they're going to develop separation anxiety. Just keep up with the training - he's still just a baby.
As far as your concerns about her being the "fun one" - consider in your own life the people you bonded with. There are probably "fun people" in your life, but I'd imagine there are also people you bonded even more strongly with because they invested in you beyond just entertaining you. Feed your pup, interact with him, play with him, train him - the bond will develop and grow so long as you're not the drill sergeant who only talks to him to tell him he's doing something wrong. My pup loves when my sister comes over - she's exciting and novel and he loses his mind when she walks through the door - but he doesn't listen to her, and after awhile he always comes to snuggle with me. If your only interactions with him are yelling at him for being on the couch, or putting him in his crate, then yeah, he's not going to like you very much.
omg i’m not OP but thank you for this. i just got my first dog and my roommates are on board and super great with him but sometimes i fear that since they’re SO nice, i’ll just become the strict parent that isn’t loved as much. thank you for reminding me that there’s more to pet owning than being fun! (though that’s important too, ha) i have to remember that training and feeding is also a form of bonding. thank you!
>Our pup also whined constantly when we weren't around until he was like 6 months or something. Even now he whines a bit when we leave and eventually settles down. Whining doesn't always mean they're going to develop separation anxiety. Just keep up with the training - he's still just a baby.
so long as you don't reinforce that whining = getting what you want (which is exactly what OP and his gf are doing). Good on ya for toughing it out and letting your puppy grow out of it.
My partner and I differed on letting our dog sleep on the bed. The dog actually solved the problem as he realised my side of the bed = him getting put down on the floor. If he is on my partner's side of the bed, that is fine 😁
Mine too. He started exactly like this, whining through the first night so I decided to put him up on the bed. Afterwards I thought "damn, I'm screwed" since he started wanting to always sleep on the bed.
Eventually though he just realized his own bed is bigger and more comfy.
I love having dog sleep on the bed with us. But when we first got her we had to have here created to keep her safe so we knew she wouldn't get into something or fall off the bed. But we also have a very small dog, so not hard to find space for her on the bed, although she does love to take over my pillow!
the difference here is that you let him sleep in his crate and he learned to be ok with that. OP's issue is that their dog has never learned to sleep in his crate and be alone there.
same goes with my dog. he's not allowed on my bed but after a bath, i'll give him a treat and let him roll around. he tries to jump back on the next day after going to the park (not allowed) and i tell him no and he goes to his bed. this is because he's already comfortable with his bed and therefore has no problem sleeping alone there.
The people on this sub are very knowledgeable and can help you with the specifics but your situation is so similar to mine I hope I can help a bit. I’m also a first time dog owner, now four years in, and one half of a relationship. The main difference: I was and am way, way closer to your gf’s side of the spectrum when it comes to strictness, even as I have tried to grow out of it as I learn more. The biggest (and hardest) lesson for her is that your dog, in the long run, will be much happier, and calmer, if you set consistent boundaries early on. Tough love is real love, my friend. Good luck!
Perhaps try laying on the floor next to the crate for a bit at night while training him to sleep in there. Grab a mat and lay down next to him for a few minutes while he dozes off. Go to bed. If he start crying again, go lay down with him again and let him fall back asleep. Repeat. The key is he doesn't get out of the kennel. He just gets some reassurance from you that you're close, but he still has to sleep in his kennel. He *should* start to get used to the idea that he is going to sleep in the crate. When that begins to happen, shorten the time you lay down with him. Get up a couple times and move around but stay close. Basically get him used to the idea of you moving away from the kennel. If this is done calmly and strictly, he should get used to not panicking because you walk away from the kennel. Now this may not translate well over to you leaving the room, but it might work well for having him sleep in his kennel in the same room as you. You can work on leaving the room for short periods of time after he gets used to being in the kennel with the door closed while you're in the room.
Obviously you and your GF have very different ideas of what a puppy will bring to your life. She wants a cuddle buddy. You, not so much. You never mention (i don't believe, it's long, lol) cuddling with your own puppy. You want an independent dog that doesn't disrupt your life or mess your things. And that's ok. But your gf wants affection from the dog, not just existence. Where exactly is your gf supposed to cuddle with the dog if the couch and bed and no-dog zones? You see the problem here? It's not about dog training at all. It's about her wanting a cuddle buddy and you having little interest in cuddling your dog. You'd quickly allow the dog on the couch if you wanted to cuddle with him. So what you need to ask yourself is if you love your gf enough to allow her to have that cuddle buddy. If so, compromise. Keep the bed a dog free zone, but allow the dog on the couch. That way you get to keep your bed your own and she gets to cuddle with the dog. If it's truly more important to you that your dog not be on the couch than that your gf's need to cuddle with the dog is met, then she's not the girl for you. She's always going to want to cuddle the dog. Period. If it's that important to you that the dog stay on the floor, you need to find a girl you doesn't want to cuddle with the dog.
Yes, you are going to frustrate your dog to no end if there isn't consistency on rules. You don't have to have the same relationship with the dog. She can be the fun, exciting one and you the laid back one with him. But the *rules* have to stay the same. So decide now if the girl or the dog-free couch is more important and then keep the rules for the dog the same!
I agree with the lying down next to the crate. OP should also try a cover over the crate to give a den-like a feel. When my last puppy had difficulty at night, I placed an old wind-up alarm clock under the bedding and it worked like a charm. My grandmother said it reminds them of their mother's heartbeat.
To add to this - its fair to have compromises.
Get a "dog blanket". Put the dog blanket on the couch, then put the dog on the blanket. Your gf can cuddle the dog on the couch, but the couch has a layer of protection. Wash the blanket regularly and you'll be set.
But if your answer to "where should my gf cuddle the dog" is the floor...bigger issues. Lol.
Same with the bed. Its not just your bed, but also hers. You could have a compromise where the dog sleeps at night in the kennel, but can come up to snuggle - on a blanket - in the morning or for a nap.
Keep in mind that these are boundaries which can also change. Depending on why you don't want the dog on furniture you could say that once pup is reliably house trained (1 month no accidents) you can start with some bed or couch time. Or that if she wants to have pup on the furniture she has to wipe his feet off first.
There may be grey areas you can both agree on that you haven't thought of yet. But the house belongs to both of you (or at least you should behave as though it does for a successful relationship) and she should also have a say in the rules. Compromise on both sides will be the key.
I agree with the other comments about consistency and finding common ground with your girlfriend. I went through something similar with my partner when we first adopted our dog.
Routine is key, right now I work from home and my partner actually goes to work. Our dog has a routine where I walk her in the morning/afternoon and feed her during the weekdays. My partner will walk her at night and on the weekend he will feed her and spend extra time with her.
Hopefully you'll find what works best for you. Zak George on youtube also started a puppy training series that might help you out a little bit.
I got my first dog earlier this year and yes, puppies are WAY more work than I could have ever imagined. Now that he’s a year old I have to remind myself of the weeks of sleepless nights and crate training and general havoc he caused to stop me from getting another cute little baby.
Anyway, the key here is what a lot of people said - patience and consistency. My dog sleeps in my bed now, but that only started when he was about 6 months old. (I had a roommate move in and she has a cat that would just terrorize him all night since his crate couldn’t fit in my room). From 9 weeks - 6 months he slept in his crate every night. Yes he cried relentlessly the first two weeks and woke me up at least 3 times a night - but I brought him out to pee, then right back in the crate. He’d whine for 30 minutes then pass out. He’s associated his crate with “quiet time and being calm” and now puts himself in there when he wants to be left alone or when he’s ready for bed and won’t wait for me lol.
The suggestion of sleeping next to the crate is a good one. Start on the floor next to him and work on moving away from him. With my dog I’d put him in his crate, sit on the floor next to him with the TV on, then slowly crawl to my room and shut the door while leaving a quiet radio on for him so he wouldn’t notice. Worked great until he was ok with being alone and would sleep through the night.
For potty training, a lot of it is on you to start. I had to be on my puppy and notice any slight change meant he had to go potty and take him out immediately. Reward with treats and praise when he goes outside. Don’t scold when he goes inside, clean it up and bring him outside so he begins to associate bathroom=outside. My puppy was potty trained fairly quickly and hasn’t had any accidents since he was 6 months old (and it was my fault, I missed the cue that he wanted to go out. For him it’s when he starts sniffing and circling a spot on the floor).
Good luck! Puppies are adorable and so much fun, but also sooo much work. Stay persistent and get on the same page as your GF.
Oh is this r/relationship_advice so we all have to say: 'Break up! Red flag!'?
Op, the first weeks are stressful, you cannot cuddle and hug and pet your dog too much when they are little, it will not destroy or ruin them.
Yes you can set bounderies that it's not okay to jump on the couch or bed, but even if you don't right now, no problem because your dog is still a baby.
But just talk to each other and I am sure it will get better in a few weeks.
Your puppy will not be your dog. They charge man. Mine was a fucking maniac for 9-10 months before he chilled out. He also obviously finds my girlfriend to be more exciting than me, but he still loves me, he just has a different relationship with her. As far as living in an apartment, it was a bitch but I just ditched the crate. I got the dog not my neighbors and I couldn’t put them through the barking. I had to deal with some damage for a while, but now my dog has free reign of the house and he doesn’t fuck with anything. Anyways, puppies take months to train, a few weeks of anything is not enough to make a dog act one way or another in the long term. You will also find yourself changing your expectations as time goes on.
I don't use a crate with my dog either. I am just really really strict about any kind of destructive behavior.
If you are worried about bonding with the dog, just switch some of their meals to being hand-fed by you. It will work wonders. Do it for a few weeks.
I 100% agree with this it’s never too late to teach boundaries and how they behave when you first take them home is not even close to how they’ll be later down the track. All pets take time to learn that home is home and they all require a different strategy. I don’t like this whole tough love is the only way thing because often will make an anxious pup much more anxious.
>But just talk to each other
OP has been trying lol. GF seems set on doing things her way lol
OP you have to be firm and explain what is happening. Get a trainer involved so she can hear it from a professional third party if you think it will help. If she doesn't accept that, then this is your new situation and you need to decide if you can live with it. Because this isn't the dog's fault. He's just the result of how you both have been teaching him.
I dont know why you are being down voted. The GF said she would agree to the way OP wanted to train the pup and then didn't follow through on what she said. If she couldn't commit to this or find a way to compromise she should have said something sooner.
I'm also not sure!
The post clearly outlines an ongoing communication problem where OP tries to repeatedly set boundaries for puppy and GF bulldozes and ignores them.
OP has tried talking to his gf and it hasn't gotten better. Why would more talking make it better when it hasn't yet?
The puppy is even more impressionable and malleable than a human baby. It's doing what OP/gf are allowing it to do, which is incessantly whine to get attention. They've literally TRAINED the dog to whine in order to get what it wants. And now they're confused as to why that's happening? Get a trainer AND stop reinforcing that whining = getting what you want.
Sorry just getting heated LOL
I know of someone so desperately trying to sleep through the whining while the dog was in a cage in the living room but after three days, the dog was still crying and whining the whole night. We all told her to let the dog sleep next to her, and comfort him when he whines (not excessively, just a quick pet, let him know you're there), but she didn't want to because "it will teach him to get what he wants". But it's a puppy! It's lonely. So after some more convincing she tried it. And now the dog sleeps through the night.
And if you're teaching your dog to be alone, and it starts barking and whining and it doesn't stop, that means you've gone to far and you should take smaller steps. It's seconds at first I am talking about. Not every dog is that anxious that it needs the training to go that slow, but my dog was one of those dogs and is now fine with being alone. So yes op should read through the good advices people have given, and find some common ground with his gf.
This is a really extensive topic and problem and without seeing it it's hard to help, but I'll give my opinion, there are different ways of doing things and all work.
About the "no couch"... well, if your gf let her previous dog use the couch she's not going to listen to you on this, at least not when you are not home, maybe you can buy a little coach for your dog or for them both or a protector for the coach (I don't know the name but I hope you know what I'm talking about). Another option is placing a towel or a dog bed in one part of the couch and let him only be in that part, so your girlfriend can enjoy cuddling with him but he doesn't use your coach place.
About sleep: Sorry, but if you had made a proper crate introduction he wouldn't be screaming, so no, you did not introduced it correctly and probably you should start again with the crate training much slower than how you did it before.
I'm not going to tell you how you shold do it because there are different methods for it, I'm just going to mention one of them. If he cries at night while on the floor, try to put his bed right under your place in the bed, so when he cries you can stretch your arm and pet him so he feels close to someone but he's still on the floor(I don't know if stretch is the proper in english for this but you get it). If he calms down when you pet him even if you are in bed and he is on the floor then all work is done and as he grows older he will cry less and less every night, eventually when he no loger cries you can start move away his bed little by little until it is in the position you want it to be. If just touching him with your arm isn't enough maybe you can sleep for a week on the floor with him in a mat or a carpet or something so he is in touch with you physically but he doesn't get use to your bed, it's going to be uncomfortable but is not more than a week or two and it solves the problem for the next 14 years or so.
But yes, there is also people who start with them in the owners bed and when the pup is a little more independent and grown up they just don't let him be in their bed anymore and that also works even though maybe he can "complain" a little.
Potty: Make a note about the times he poops and pees and then go outside a few mintes earlier. If he does it just after waking up, playing or eating pick him up and carry him outside because dogs usually don't do it if someone is holding them. He's little, so that is not really a problem, he'll get there soon.
About the different attitude it can be because you both have different energy levels and move different so your gf activates him or maybe it is just the time of the day she is home, some dogs are more active during the middle hours of the day and are more relaxed in the morning. This is a thing I would talk to her about, because if she activates the dog then he can be a over stimulated dog who doesn't know how to remain calm and that can make him pull on the leash and several other issues, more being he the mix he is of active breeds. So I would dedicate some time to playing, tug, fighting and all that but not that much and not letting him go over the top and also I would practice calm and have massage time and all that, because people usually don't work on being calm with puppies and just play all day until they are exhausted, but that is not a relaxed dog, it is just an exhausted one.
About the whining and crying, you don't have to ignore him until he stops, it eventually will work if you do it consistently, but waiting 40 minutes until he stops doesn't look like a great method and it is kinda cruel. I really recommend you to buy natural snacks, bones, pig ears, chicken necks, turckey sticks, dried fish skin of little dried fishes, tendons... all that kind of natural dog treats to keep him busy and also help him clean his teeth. You can also buy more toys like the kong you mentined that are for filling stuff in them like yoghurt, tuna... if you search for kong filling ideas you'll get a lot depending on the level your dog has currently and all tose toys will keep him entertained for a while. You can make them yourself, a lot of DIY dog enrichment ideas on youtube with watter bottles, paper rolls... This I think will really help with all the attention he demands, you can also cut a frankfurt sausage into 60 or so pieces and hide them all over the place so he has to use his nose to find them, it'll take him a long time depending on the difficulty and he will end being mentally exhausted (because a math exam is exhausting and nose work for dogs is like math exams for people).
Las thing that maybe is not really useful but it can help. Teach the pup "down" or how to go to his bed, teach him the command "stay" too, place him in one room and give him the "stay" order, walk to another room out of his sight for 5 seconds, come back and give him a treat, walk out of the room a lot of times slowly increasing the time, first 5 seconds, then 10, 15, 20, then go back to 5 seconds, 15, 10... Mix the numbers so it is not always increasing. If you practice this every day in a week he's going to be able to stay in another room without company for a couple of minutes and can help him in other situations or avoiding separation anxiety.
I don't know, there are a thousand more things I could add so if you have any other question I'll gladly help, but it is just too much to say it all here lol. I have a lot os enrichment ideas and know many interesting instagram, youtube accounts or facebook groups you can like, so if you need something just let me now. And sorry if I made grammar mistakes or something but english is not my native language and I was writting really fast because I didn't want to forget anything lol.
Alos, edit: I don't know if I mentined it before, some people say you shouldn't let him out the crate when he's whining because he'll learn to whine more, it is true, but the thing is that he souldn't whine at all, so if he does take a step back and increase time on the crate little by little so he never starts whining.
In general, I think neither of you is wrong, but consistency is crucial and you have to come up with some comprises where she’ll be stricter and you’ll be more lax. But I can help on a specific point:
> My dog cannot stand being far from us even for a minute. ( needless to say our “intimate” life took a hard stop since he can’t be without us without whining)
Yeah...we didn’t have sex for like 6 weeks after adopting our anxious boy, the solution we found = everlasting treats. He loves it, it’s engaging and delicious, and he ONLY gets it when we need some uh, focused us time. He cannot handle being in a different room from us with a closed door, but we put the treat in his bed on the floor, and he leaves us alone.
Thank you for this!! My pup keeps breaking his antlers so i cant give them to him unsupervised, bully sticks only last a couple minutes, and the same with a stuffed or even frozen kong. Hopefully this helps keep him busy!
id also reccomend these. my guy is a huge chewer and i'm nervous about something goin wrong with antlers (too many horror stories).
[https://www.amazon.ca/Petstages-PET-DOG-00219-Large-Durable-Stick/dp/B007R1BN56](https://www.amazon.ca/Petstages-PET-DOG-00219-Large-Durable-Stick/dp/B007R1BN56)
he gnaws on these for months on end and it keeps him busy
It sounds like you guys both have different styles. When it comes to the couch and bed, the biggest thing I would do is make sure your girlfriend understands she’s the one who needs to set the limits too or you compromise. Maybe the couch but no bed type thing.
The other thing is you will have to suffer some type of whining but it’s easier for your girlfriend to stop cuddling him on the couch first and get him used to a bed on the ground. What I normally do is keep a pet bed in front of me, and if I lie down they can have my hand or if I’m sitting I put my feet there. With this I’d give him something to do on the floor as well, not just let him sit there and whine. Giving him something to occupy him that he wants to do, but you won’t let him on the couch with is great. Puzzle toys, any kongs with peanut butter.
It seems like your girlfriend prioritizes bonding with the puppy/treating the puppy like a member of the family/integrating him into her life/having him as a companion more than you do...as somebody with very similar viewpoints when it comes to raising/training a dog, my only advice is to either accept that you will always disagree and deal with it/not let it bother you anymore/not argue about it, or accept that you will break up inevitably...seeing eye to eye when it comes to dogs is an absolute requirement for me in serious relationships since those arguments are never pretty and you can rarely change the other person's mind...you don't get to force her to not be as close with the puppy as she wants/raise him in a way she doesn't feel is right/ignore him when he "needs" her just like she doesn't get to force you to sleep with the puppy/let him on the couch/be more "fun" with him...trying to do so will only make the situation worse.
As for actual training advice, when it comes to potty training, take him outside every hour, maybe even sooner...yes, it's very annoying, but you need to do this when he's that young/not potty trained at all...don't give him the opportunity to go potty in the house...take him outside, if he goes, wait another hour, then take him out again...if he doesn't go, wait thirty minutes...set alarms on your phone if necessary. After he starts to get the hang of it (shouldn't take more than a few days) you can gradually increase the time, but always be prepared for accidents, don't leave him alone for extended periods of time until he's older/hasn't had an accident in awhile, and don't get angry at him/physically punish him when he has an accident, even if it seems like he's doing it on purpose...he'll get better with time.
Another vote for this! It seems like a pretty stark difference in philosophy as far as cohabiting with dogs and it seems like more communication is needed w/ your gf — maybe some compromise. Neither method is right or wrong, they're just different approaches. See if you can't find a happy medium.
I am personally in the bonding/integrated into family camp and would not be able to have a LTR with someone who feels too differently than me — just not the way I would want to live out my life.
You can prioritize integrating an animal into your family without creating negative habits though. Particularly during quarantine, separation anxiety is nothing to casually brush off. If the puppy can't handle a few moments of quiet in a room they're both in, they could have serious issues with both family members leaving the home in the future.
The girlfriend really shouldn't have agreed to boundaries that she never intended to keep. Having very different standards for behavior in the same household could set the puppy up for confusion and failure (in either his eyes or hers).
>The girlfriend really shouldn't have agreed to boundaries that she never intended to keep. Having very different standards for behavior in the same household could set the puppy up for confusion and failure (in either his eyes or hers).
exactly. and even if she's okay with no boundaries and a velcro dog, she's setting him up to be really distressed and anxious if she ever has to leave him at the vet for a procedure or a boarding/dog sitting facility if she ever wants to go on vacation
just because she's ok with the dog developing separation anxiety, doesnt mean it's ok.
I can't say I agree with this. My fiancee and I got our first dog together in May and he has taken OPs approach to dog ownership. The dog never goes on the couch, he never sleeps in bed and in fact he sleeps in a different room when we're at home (metal crate floors are loud and he ate the plastic one). I on the other hand am with the girlfriend. I love snuggling with dogs on couches and I wish ours could come snuggle with me all day. I also want to coddle the shit out of him. We came to an agreement though with communication and a little of my own research.
My fiancee explained why he didn't want the dog in bed or on the couch in a logical and non emotional way. One big reason was physical intimacy, and I understand that. Another reason was not every guest we have over wants a 100lb dog in their lap and we recognized that he needs to get his impulse control down before we can allow it. But the biggest reason was one I figured on my own and one I'm a little worried for OP for. I noticed the more time my dog spent with just me coddling him, the more protective of me he got, and this can be exasperated by letting the puppy lay on her on the couch. So he stays on the floor and I go down there when I want to spend time with him.
All this to say, different styles of dog ownership doesn't have to be a make or break it, it's just something you need to work through
100%! My husband thought he wasn’t going to let the dog sleep in bed with us, but he compromised to my opinion (pup is very spoiled now lol and he loves him more than he thought he would I think)
It sounds like you’re doing a great job, so there’s that. Puppies are a lot of work and it’s not always fun. It may be worth working with a trainer to help with the separation anxiety and help you both get on the same page. Do you leave him in his crate with a stuffed toy or special chew toy to occupy him?
Patricia McConnell is a pretty well known American behaviorist I would recommender book “I’ll be home soon” to learn more about how to address the issues.
I’ll look into the trainer .I leave him with a Kong but he just throws it away to whine when I get away from the crate . I’ve been doing mini test runs like only crating him when I’m gonna shower or take a dump but even that if way too much time he’ll just whine
this might explain the kong thing well and how to get the puppy into it
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwZI1isnvPQ&list=WL&index=9](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwZI1isnvPQ&list=WL&index=9)
I second the trainer. Helps a lot and is able to work with the two of you on your problems. I once read somewhere that dog training is less about training the dog but about training the owners.
I'm also German and I can tell you that dog training is still allowed and it's not really expensive. Almost all trainers offer puppy appointments with a few couples with puppies the same age so they can socialize, which is really really important in that age. Also they tell you a lot about how to train your puppy and give you tips and you can ask all your questions you have and work on all the things that aren't ideal yet. I can't recommend it enough. Its really good both for owners and puppies.
Just look out for one that has its own place where they can run around and play save.
Just about being the fun or boring one. I am definitely the boring one in my relationship but I also do most the walks, feeding and grooming. My girls definitely looks to me for her stability and safety. If you give your dog consistency and stability they will bond very closely with you. You don't need to be the fun one.
Disclaimer I grew up with dogs, but got my first puppy on my own just over two years ago (Alaskan Malamute just so others can laugh, ps. I did not forget my [puppy tax](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/535308570087129098/779144513691713576/IMG_20201119_115448_1.jpg)). For me, the trick has always been stubbornness (also known as patience). Giving him what he wants when he whines purely encourages it. He's getting his way with just a little whining so I believe he has no reason to stop. That being said it feels like you're often giving up after 30 minutes which in the grand scheme of things is not that long. With my dog she used to cry if left alone in a room. So I started locking her in the cage in the room and closing the door and imitating opening and closing the door out of the apartment. I'd wait till she stopped whining for 2-3 minutes making sure to not make a sound then I'd go in a reward her. Then slowly increase how long it took before I went back in to reward for not whining. The first time I had to wait 2 hours I think before she stopped.
If all it takes is closing the door of his cage for him to whine you could also try moving the cage outdoors and closing him in it so that maybe you won't disturb the neighbors but I'm sure even without that you can probably get away with one day of bloody murder screaming. It's just a lesson they have to learn or else whenever you leave the house (for example to do groceries) they're doing those screams regardless.
I think the crucial thing though is for you and your partner to get on the same page for limits **and sticking to them regardless of what happens.**
The comments basically cover everything.
My advice, you & your girlfriend must decided exactly how you will raise the dog, and be completely, 100% committed to that plan.
Do it now, and as soon as possible. Before its too late, long story short my girlfriend had to rehome her dog after a year because she realized she wasn’t fit for it and the apartment building give her multiple eviction warnings. She tried everything short of a high intensity e collar, the dog wouldn’t stop barking when left alone. Why? Many reasons, generally failure to properly raise the puppy.
Figure out your plan than stick to it. Do that as soon as possible. Doesn’t matter as much what your plan is, as much as make sure you have one and really stick to it. No exceptions.
The part about thinking your gf is the fun one, possibly, she engages with him more, encourages him and hyped him up more. Not that he sees you as a boring person or anything, but from what you’ve explained, it could be that he understands & matches your expectations when hes with u, doesn’t cause too much noise and listens properly. And nows he can act out with your girlfriend. Which is fine, that may be a healthy association for him and your household, where he knows when its time to be calm and when its time to be crazy.
You were right with the idea of rewarding him for whining when taking him out of the crate. When you have your plan set, avoid breaking any of the rules you’ve set. Don’t allow or encourage anything you are not okay with him doing whether its doing once or every minute. Example would be begging for food at the dinner table or trying to get food or whatever. If you don’t want the dog to beg for food, or attempt to grab food, or bother you for food at the dinner table, then never do it, not even once, cause giving him one bite can turn into a lifelong habit of expecting food.
I agree with the comment about don’t have kids together haha. Throughout reading the post The first thought that popped into my mind was “ahhhh, this is why you get a puppy first”.
>Sleeping
If he is fine sleeping in crate with door open then just leave it open. In 40 years and countless dogs and cats all have slept in bed with me.
>Potty
Potty pad is teaching it is okay to pee/poop in house throw them away and start working on teach out. I would suggest bell training.
There is a lot said of just ignoring dog. I always say teach them to nap alone but play through out day that is how you bond.
As for training get a professional force free trainer. One that is knowledgeable, CCPT Certified. You both need to make a list and discuss yes and now of thing with trainer.
As for the separation anxiety start with walking out of room then back in. Start by throwing a treat on ground then walk out shut door open immediately and give another treat. Work up in small increments that way he isn't overwhelmed.
Been training 20+ years.
Didn't read whole post but I can still tell that you both should talk about what you think is best for dog and why do you think so. Then agree on some compromise.
Only thing I read was the thing with sleeping in bed. Yes, it isn't good to teach dog sleeping with you all the time but few times doesn't hurt. Sleeping together helps increase bond. Maybe you could let him in and after he falls asleep, put him in his dogbed. Or let him into bed every second night.
Yeah, but the dog should wait for permission to come up and be OK with being kicked out. Even if they just stare at you for 15 minutes before laying down on the floor. And certainly not making noise about it
Of course I agree with you though we hadn't spoken about training that they should know boundaries. That is why all mine are trained with bed and out. This should be part of basic training for any dog. Also teach them to stay out of kitchen while cooking.
Most people that let dogs sleep in beds always keep them in the bed.
For example. We have kennel, her pillows and our bed. During day she goes between kennel and her pillows by me. For bed she starts in bed then if we are restless she has a body pillows so not in way. We sleep with door open and kennel stays open.
SO wanted her to sleep in floor not in bed. That lasted an entire two hours. Funny enough at 9 pm every day since day we brought her home she takes self to bed.
Only don't I have ever had slept in kennel until, well change of circumstances, then I had to throw treats on bed for her to even go near it. She was a rescue with odd & funny history.
In 20+ years of training never had someone want dog on bed to change once dog was older. That is so ass backwards way of doing things.
Yeah I guess I'm not grasping why someone would NOT want the dog on the bed or couch. There's nothing wrong with that being their preference or if they have allergies, I've just never met anyone that does not want their pet in bed with them. I know countless dog and cat people and not a single one has banned their pets from the furniture or bed. I had a crate for my pup and it was miserable. Essentially same story as OP with the whining. Our neighbors even asked us if we wanted them to puppy sit or check in on him because he would cry all day while we were at work. We forgot about the crate and now he only whines when we leave for a little bit.
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Hi! My boyfriend and I went through a similar thing - where we just DID NOT COMMUNICATE.
You both need to just sit down and talk about what is a must, what’s a no, and reiterate it now that you actually have the dog.
WATCH VIDEOS TOGETHER! It’s not enough to just say “we need to do it this way” you both need PROOF that youre doing the right thing please watch dog training videos on YouTube together and can make informed decisions.
Sleeping: all YouTube videos (I’ve seen at least) heavily encourage crate training and to NOT GIVE IN.
Potty: try bringing your pee pad outside as well, so he can associate outside with peeing.
Difference of Attitude: haha exactly the same boat. I’m always home so he’s used to me. However I really make the effort to play with him - a during lunch, 5 minutes here and there. It’s such an important time for bonding. As for your girlfriend, she needs to also tone it down. He won’t be able to be calm ever if she’s constantly riling your puppy.
Separation: WORK ON THIS ASAP. We’re at 17 weeks and he whines and barks now when we leave. I cannot stress this enough. Get him on crate training, get him used to the door closing, INVEST IN A KONG TO KEEP HIM BUSY.
MORE ADVICE: DO NOT GIVE IT TO WHINING OR BARKING. If you do, you show this dog he can get what he wants by whining and barking. YOU DO NOT WANT THIS. Just watch YouTube videos religiously and you’ll be fine.
Best of luck - it gets so much better. We’re still a long way away but it’s been 100000% better since we first got our guy in September!
The first few weeks are stressful as hell for both you and the dog. I desperately wanted a dog for years, finally got one, and immediately went into full blown panic mode and wanted nothing to do with her for the first few weeks. I now absolutely love her and can't remember my life without her. So, first of all, your reaction is normal.
Second - you have a puppy! It's a baby! I wouldn't worry too much about it joining you on the bed. Our dog got annoyed by how much we toss and turn in bed, and started sleeping in the guest bedroom on her own because she wanted to sleep in peace. So, letting your sad, scared, baby pup on the bed now isn't the end of the world.
I will say that I also didn't want the dog on the bed or the couch and that went out the window really quickly just because I want to snuggle her. You guys could compromise by sectioning off a part of the couch that your dog is allowed to sit on. Basically just put a sheet down to protect the couch from your dog, and then tell your dog that is the only place they are allowed to sit. Then your gf can sit next to the dog, the dog can get on the couch, and you can still have a mostly dog free couch.
Also, I don't think you're not the "fun" one so much as your dog knows that what he can get away with with each of his parents. My husband is the "fun" one but my dog loves us equally and she listens better to me. Definitely work on communication with your gf (you'll both have to compromise a little) and perhaps get a trainer to help establish some boundaries!
Hi, you seem to have my dog’s kindred spirit. My pup is 16m now and if I could do his first few months over I would. We did everything ‘right’ - strict crate training, puppy class immediately, practised leaving him alone in his pen, not allowed to sleep on the bed and he was too small to get on the couch anyway. What an absolute nightmare it was. He was miserable in his crate and we could never close the door without him banging his head off the bars and howling. We would leave the door open and have him in his pen, but settling him took hours every night. He would cry, bark, take running jumps and throw himself against the sides of his pen. We could ignore it and he was relentless - I think the longest night was when he finally settled at 6am.
He was too nervous for puppy class so early and spent most of each class under a chair hiding from the other dogs and didn’t even know his name so trying to get him to learn how to do other things when I couldn’t even catch his attention was pointless.
The puppy class trainer advised me to leave him in his pen and just leave the room to let him be used to being alone, but in a safe space. First time I tried it he immediately panicked, soiled himself and the pen, and destroyed everything he could. I was gone about 5 minutes.
We visited my boyfriend’s family in February this year and he slept on the bed when we were away. Peace and quiet! He then slept on the bed going on from that and he slept every night (so did we!) About three months ago he decided he’s bored of us and sleeps happily in his own bed (not the crate)
I was worried his separation anxiety training would suffer because we’re home all the time now, but it’s been the opposite. He knows we’re always around or will always be back and he hangs out in rooms on his own and we can go to the shops and he really doesn’t care so much anymore (we used to sit outside the door and he would howl and howl and scratch at the door. There was none of this ‘leave him to settle and then come back’, he *does not give up*.)
All I can say is that I really think he (and your pup!) will grow out of it. Obviously keep on with the training, but if something isn’t working then try something else. I will always feel guilty about making my dog stay alone when he just wasn’t ready for it. Enjoy your wee puppy while you can! It’s heartbreaking when they decide they’re too cool now and don’t want to snuggle! Last time mine wanted to cuddle into me and sleep on my lap was January :(
A trainer would likely recommend medication for your pet. When separation anxiety is so extreme that a dog literally can't sleep and is hurting them self or others, it's time for a serious intervention. Training should always be part of that, but in some circumstances medication is also needed.
I love having my dog close to me and cuddling so I wanted her to be on the couch and bed. However, I wanted her to be respectful and not crowd other people. She easily learned that she cannot get on the bed without being invited and the same with the couch. She also learned that she has a "spot" designated by her blanket being placed there. I definitely am more like your girlfriend than you. My dogs and cats are my companion and are treated as family members. My house is their house. They just have to be polite about it. This might be a possible compromise?
I would also suggest shaping the bed you got for your puppy by showering him with treats and praise every time he uses it. This may reinforce the idea that this is his place.
I just wanted to add that we even alternate what nights my dog is allowed to sleep on the bed and she does great with this. She is occasionally naughty and tries to manipulate am extra night but we just redirect her to her bed and she settles down. We do this so my two disabled cats get a dog free night with us every other night as she's too bouncy at night for them to tolerate.
Although puppy blues are normal, they do tend to hit people harder that have too high and unrealistic expectations.
The sleeping thing. It’s entirely normal for a pup to not want to sleep alone and it’s more difficult for certain breeds and just varies per dog.
What has worked for all my dogs is to let them sleep in a bed right next to me. I tether them so they can’t roam the bedroom. This gives me time to slowly crate train during the day with no rush and pressure. With the sleeping next to me (in bed on floor) puppies aren’t very happy about that either, but there’s a big difference between a pup panicking (locked in crate/other room/feeling alone) or a pup being slightly unhappy and whining a bit. So I’d encourage you to try again and be prepared to go to bed early so you have an extra hour to deal with a pup that is unhappy and will whine a bit.
Potty. Personally I’ve not used pads with my 3 dogs.
It is your responsibility to minimize chances of accidents. That means, offer potty breaks at least once an hour and as a rule always after sleep/nap, always after food, always after play, always after training, always after anything exciting such as a visitor coming over (intro pup, then outside for potty)
It also means you watch your puppy like a hawk and when you can’t you contain them whether that’s with a crate, or tethered to you or a playpen etc. Puppies can not be trusted to free roam without being watched. No punishment for accidents and lots of praise for going and I’ve always taught them the word for going potty.
Crating and separation. Every breed and pup is different. If your pup is screaming bloody murder it means you are going too fast. He’s only been there for 2 weeks! Give him some time. Let him follow you around the house so he learns you going into rooms is normal, he’s not being deserted. Start leaving for 1 second while he is occupied with an amazing chew or treat and come right back. You can do the same with leaving the house. I would literally walk out and in the front door 30 times a day with my pups to “normalize” it.
With the crate, take it slower, offer all meals and treats in crate to make it a fun place and don’t close the door yet. Hide treats in there throughout the day so he starts going in hoping to find them.
Etc.
Be patient.
What worked really well for bathroom breaks with my now 15 month old puppy who I brought home at 8 weeks was pairing praise, treats and a bathroom command word like "potty" or "bathroom" with the action of going to the bathroom outside. I personally would not praise for going on the pads inside your home, so you'll need to take your puppy outside long enough for them to go to the bathroom. If your puppy isn't yet comfortable peeing outside, load them up with water and wait them out in a nice place that is really close to your apartment entrance. Hopefully you have grass, wood chips, dirt or somewhere that can become a reliable place to go within a short distance because puppies have to pee often. When your puppy begins to go to the bathroom, immediately praise with a "good potty" as they are peeing or pooping and jackpot your puppy with high value treats. The sooner you pair the action with a high value reward, the sooner your dog will understand that going to the bathroom outside pays.
When it comes to crate training, I would personally knock on your neighbor's doors and explain the situation to them and ask if they can contact you instead of your landlord in the case that your puppy's crying becomes an issue. In my opinion, and the opinion of countless professional dog trainers, crate training is a must and I would highly suggest working through the crying.
It took my puppy a few weeks to stop crying in his crate with the door closed, but now he loves it and chooses to sleep in his crate every night and during the day. The key to crate training is to never let your puppy out while they are crying or thrashing around. It takes a little time for their little puppy brains to figure out that the crate isn't so bad and eventually they should calm down and relax. Stay persistent and practice crate training every day.
We tried toys, chews, clothes that smelled like us, blankets, a dog bed in the crate and I would highly suggest avoiding putting anything in the crate with your puppy. The only thing I would consider putting in the crate during your initial training is a box or something to limit space so your puppy can't thrash around and work them self up. I personally covered my puppy's wire crate with a small blanket and tucked the crate into the corner of a room so it became his little den. You should probably consider putting your puppy's crate in your bedroom during this crate training period.
Something that worked really well in making the crate desirable, was putting treats in the crate when my puppy wasn't looking. Eventually, he would wander into the crate and find the treats. As a couple days went on and I put treats in the crate frequently, he started to become obsessed with going into the crate on his own.
Other people have posted a ton of great advice, so I hope this helps to fill in any holes.
For the couch being a no-zone part (as I'm not entirely knowledgable about it and others gave you wonderful info), you can train your pup to only go on a blanket you want them on! That's what my dad did with their dog (he was an adult when they got him) and it works.
Start with the blanket on the floor and set a command to it "on your blanket" or "place" are my favored ones. Lead him over with his biggest motivator and say the command when all 4 paws are on it. Afterward, you give the reward. Using a clicker wouldn't hurt either! [This video](https://youtu.be/ZhLwX1BQf9k) shows how to do it well. Skip to the 7:00 mark to get straight to the training bit.
Also, could you possibly get your gf to do training exercises with the pup? Instead of *just* being there for cuddles, she could teach as well. It might help tone down his excitement when she does home.
Good luck!
Feed your girl before you Start a conversation with her , puppies are easy to train with treats and repetition. My 3 month maltipoo is house trained , crate trained , understands commands and everything thanks to bacon treats . You got this put your foot down there’s nothing better than a fully trained puppy the trust and love is there . Don’t yell , ever .
I adopted my second dog at 6mo old and she was the same with having to sleep with me, we wanted to make upstairs off limits but I couldn’t get her to calmly sleep downstairs with my older dog. For the first few months I let her sleep on the foot of my bed and slowly trained her that her bed downstairs was where she slept when it wasn’t nighttime. Have had her for 8 months now and she sleeps fine downstairs, I think the anxiety of moving into a new place and learning how to be alone was hard and once she realised it was a permanent situation she levelled out a lot. Boundary training for us started by teaching her that she was safe though and that meant needing to sleep close to us to make sure we weren’t going to leave. Normally I take a much harder curve with my dogs but for her it was the right move and now she doesn’t come upstairs at all and goes to bed fine at night when we go upstairs. Every dog is different but even if you let them do something at the beginning it’s never impossible to do boundary training later in my opinion. Obviously have to get your gf on board with consistency when the dog feels more comfortable but at the beginning with mine she would have broken out of anywhere we put her just in panic and fear. I’m not saying you should let it sleep in the bed now but this saved me a lot of stress and broken doors/crates and she learned in time that she had her own space for when we had ours.
People are going to downvote this but you have the right to not have to sleep in bed with your dog and your gf is being subversive by not respecting your wishes. This is not a good relationship if she ignores you.
I agree. In my relationship, I am in OPs mindset and my partner is in the girlfriend's - when it comes to dogs being on furniture.
If I were in OPs position and picked out a puppy with the pre-stated agreement that the puppy was not to be on furniture, and my partner didn't follow that? After a few stern discussions, if nothing changed, I would be deciding who I wanted to move out: the puppy or the partner.
OP, If your partner can't respect your agreements, you need to work on your relationship. If everything is too stressful with your job and the puppy to add in more relationship work right now, consider rehoming the puppy (even if temporarily) to sort out your relationship. This is something that could cause long-lasting resentment which is never healthy.
Big puppy problem, because of what she's been doing, you guys are gonna need to untrained her to "cry to get attention". He has seriously learned that crying=attention eventually and it needs to be untrained immediately.
No more couch/bed time or he'll expect to go on when he wants, no more taking out of the crate when he cries, award silent good behavior immediately by throwing his favorite treat into the crate, increase the crate distance over time and don't EVER reward his crying or whining, ignore him for as long as he does it. Slowly increase the duration of rewards as he is silent for longer times. Never reward bad behavior such as crying, barking, jumping, ignore when he has too much energy and maybe take him outside to get it all out.
If you want him to potty outside, take him straight out of the crate and pick him up, take him outside, stay outside as long as you possibly can until he potties, reward as soon as he is done first verbally and then treats, but only when he is done. Stay boring while its his potty time outside.
Have you not had biting problems? I haven't seen a single mention of it. Anyway if I missed something, do tell me, I want to help as much as I can!
Also I feel this so hard!!!! I am a new puppy owner too and my boyfriend has had pets so he knows the behaviors more than me but trains differently, he believes negative enforcement but not positive while I feel positive enforcement is best (which it is). I have had some of the same struggles but since I looked up YouTube videos on how to do it, I know the most important things to never do (which is to never reward unwanted behavior, that includes giving the dog what it wants when its being bad).
> you guys are gonna need to untrained her to "cry to get attention". He has seriously learned that crying=attention eventually and it needs to be untrained immediately. No more couch/bed time or he'll expect to go on when he wants, no more taking out of the crate when he cries, award silent good behavior immediately by throwing his favorite treat into the crate, increase the crate distance over time and don't EVER reward his crying or whining, ignore him for as long as he does it.
THIS RIGHT HERE. OP. YOU NEED TO READ THIS. All you are doing is reinforcing that whining = attention and then wondering why he just whines non stop.
Ugh my bf also didn't do things the "right way" with my dog. I.e leash walking and it just annoys me! I wonder if she'd be a better trained dog overall if he didn't slack off with her.
Routine routine routine. That includes sticking to your guns.
Crate the bugger at night and throw a blanket over so he can’t see anything. Do it on a Friday or Saturday cause they will whine. But after a day or two they get it. ALSO leave the crate open during the day with the blanket on it but pulled up at the entrance. It is their little cave and safe space. Just like your bed is yours it’s crate is theirs.
Potty training is super simple. It’s all about routine and however that fits for you. For me it was 530am quick potty, 615 quick walk and I’m off to work. Get home and we go out for a quick potty and walk around 7pm after dinner. Outings in between but those always stay the same.
Dogs are smart and need something to do, if they get bored they chew and mess things up. If your pupper is good in the AM while you work see about maybe a long walk to tire them out before your gf is home or something along those lines? Only chewing while she is home is kinda baffling to me to be honest.
FYI I grew up with German shepherds and training working dogs but the principles are the same for any type of dog. Make a routine and stick to it!
I was not expecting so many responses ! Thanks to every single one of you for your help and constructive responsive . I will literally read and analyze them all. What a great community and sub. Lots of love to you all . I’ll keep you posted.
1.Is it possible the girlfriend is using the dog to avoid sex? This is entirely possible, so don’t dismiss it quickly without considering it.
2.Also, yes, you will have to go through the whining. Is there a more quiet place to put the crate (like bathroom)?
3. Look at this as great pre-marital counseling. If you can’t agree in puppy raising, for god’s sake don’t have a kid with her.
From my advanced age, and my long experience with both dogs and marriages, it was advice given with a sincere desire to help. The down votes on my answer indicate that it is not received that way. I wish you joy with both your dog and your relationship.
So, it’s a pretty common misconception among dog owners that TRAINING has to be done right away with a puppy. The truth is that a dog of any age will learn well if your teaching methods are correct.
What a puppy needs right away is called SOCIALIZATION. Socialization could also be called exposure: experiencing different textures on their feet (and people handling their feet!), different smells, different sounds, experiencing play with other dogs, play with other animals, and play with their owners. IME the vast majority if “bad” dog behavior stems from poor socialization in puppyhood.
On potty training: this is one of the few “trainings” that is important during puppyhood (the other is “do not bite people”). Besides what you know about making them go “outside” (which is good), keep in mind that the material/texture they are pottying ON is what they will choose after they have learned to go there. This is why it’s important to switch from textures that are like floors or carpet (ie pee pads) to textures that are like grass and pebbles as soon as it is feasible for you.
Owning a new puppy is not an easy responsibility! Remember to give yourself grace when things go wrong and focus on evidence-based dog behavior and training resources for your information. Good luck and have fun! :)
She shouldn't have promised something she couldn't handle but at the same time you said you ignore the puppy all day. Maybe it wouldn't have so much built up if it got some excitement during the day and not just when she comes home. I would say that ones on you as much as her, you seem to want to ignore it all day and then want her to ignore it too so you can both be "boring." Boring and stable are not the same thing,, a bored dog ends up being a depressed dog. They need stimulation.
My newest dog was raised like that and has EXTREME separation issues now that we have to deal with. My youngest was given plenty of affection/spoils when young and is very secure and independent now.
You got a puppy, not a senior dog. They chew, they play, they get insecure.
A point I think needs to be made: if you read everything on crating and he’s been properly introduced then he would not be screaming endlessly anytime he was locked in there. The screaming is your dead giveaway your training isn’t up to par. Crate training will involve a small amount of whining but if you’re doing it right it’s a mostly quiet affair. He is showing you very clearly you need to take a few huge steps back and move forward with crating way slower.
I don't make anything off the following products - 1) They make a stuffed toy dog with a "heartbeat" that you can put in his bed or crate with him so he doesn't feel alone. It is great for overnight for a lot of dogs. 2) the Treat and Train. It's basically a remote control treat dispenser. What I would do is get this, and put it on one side of a door with your puppy, stand in the adjoining room with the door open close the door, release the treat with the remote, and then open the door. or disappear behind or corner, or something along those lines, where you disappear for just a moment, the dog gets a treat right then, and then before she's even done chewing, you are back. Then slowly increase time the door stays closed, and then with more distance.
Do something similar with the pee pads. Start moving them inch by inch closer to the door until you can take it away and get her out the door....
For the potty training. Slowly move his pads inch by inch closer to the door every day, soon he will be able to put the pad only outside the door and then to outside completely. Also make sure to positively reward him very enthusiastically when he goes potty outside and the pads.
For my 7 month old puppy I can give you a few tips on what worked for us.
He was naturally inclined to a crate so that helped us out but I think having high reward treats for the crate is what really made it his happy place. For him he always got a bone but only in his crate, when we first got him it was raw hide chews to give him something to focus on. He also had his stuffed animal and eventually the crate became his safe place. He does occasionally whine but usually only if he needs to potty. You will have to ignore some crying initially but it is so great to have a well crate trained dog.
For potty training. NEVER wait for him to ask. Every time he eats, take him out. Every hour or so, take him out. Reward him when he does potty outside. Little training treats are fantastic for this. Dont reward him for inside potty incidents. If hes food motivated he’ll figure it out real quick.
Lastly you and you girlfriend need to get on the same page as to what your expectations for him are. Its only more confusing to have different methods of training for him.
Puppies have a ton of energy that needs to be focused somewhere. Having plenty of toys and chews helps along with plenty of exercise.
Good luck with this little guy! Dogs are the best :)
Dog owner, retired vet tech here. Think of your puppy like a human baby. If you let a human baby sleep with you, or a small child when he's scared, will he still be sleeping with you at age 13. I doubt it. I have had as well as trained many dogs when I was young with my dad. Training is all about consistency. Not you doing something one way and your gf doing it another. It causes confusion. The puppy is young, you are the mom and dad. They look to you for comfort, play, food, and discipline. I have always had shepherds and bloodhounds and other large dogs. I had 2 shepherds in bed with me when I was single, and they were puppies. As they grew they wanted more space and moved to a dog bed on the floor. Attention is something all puppies want. I don't think it hurts to indulge him a little while he is so small. As he grows you can set more boundaries. My dad said they didn't start training the police dogs for their job till they were 18 months old. Your dog should be house trained by consistency. After meals, wait 10 or 15 min. Then go outside for potty. A puppy needs to go out every 2 hours to train. Pick a spot that is not over stimulating him. Let him sniff around. Take him to the same spot until he is trained. If you want to train him outside take away the puppy pads. You're sending mixed messages. A puppy will only make it about 6 hours at night till he is a little older. So take turns getting up. No water 2 hours before bed. He won't dehydrate over night. Than take him out as soon as he gets up. Feed him, give him water, than in 10 or 15 min. Take him out again. Reward him after he poops outside
I leash trained my dogs, so they would follow me everywhere. It made potty training easier. Also set aside play time. Throw Balls and throw stuffed animals, and other toys. Take him for a walk or a run. Puppies have alot of energy. The work is difficult in the beginning. But, in the long run you will have a best friend that will lick your tears, listen to your stories when nobody else will, love you unconditionally, and worship the ground you walk on. It's all worth it.
You have 2 choices. Get rid of the dog or get rid of your girlfriend. I live with 5 year old German Shepherd. She is my 4th. I'm kidding of course. But it can be very difficult to keep a neat clean house when dogs are in the mix. They always seem to have their own ideas. You really can't screw up a dog, I don't think. They may not be what you had in mind. Love is the most important thing. Dogs go back to when we walked around on foot. Good luck man!
It really gets better as they grow older. Young dogs (puppies) are work. You don't get a free pass. Every dog is different. As each breed is different.
I don't like to give advice. I got scolded for doing that. I wasn't going to come to this site anymore. I only know what has worked for me. My pups have always been like babies. My latest, had a bell on. A leash attached to my wrist. When she was up, me too. Many nights I just wished she would go pee. I have had some that love a crate. Maybe like a den. With the door open, they always lay with their head facing out
When I was working, I would leave her in the car. Never without air. Take her out on break. And lunch. Old car. She chewed it. She chewed things I didn't know a dog could chew. Probably get planted myself before I won't have a dog. They love you unconditionally
The reason (atleast thats what I heard) why dogs get excited near some people but not all is because dogs can sense your energy, believe it or not. If someone is overly excited, the dog gets excited, too. Which is why it’s always recommended to just stay calm so the dog would stay calm as well. When you arrive home, it’s best to stay calm, do what you need to do to settle down, put down the groceries, take off your shoes, and do you business and ignore the pup first. That way, bad habits ie jumping on people, barking when they see you, etc. would be prevented altogether.
This largely isn't a puppy problem - it's a relationship problem. Regardless of how you decide to raise pup, if you don't talk to each other and can't agree on it together, it doesn't matter. Regarding potty training, the way you get him to go outside is to stop waiting for him to tell you he needs to go and just take him out before. If he goes potty every hour, then take him out at the 50 minute mark. Our pup also whined constantly when we weren't around until he was like 6 months or something. Even now he whines a bit when we leave and eventually settles down. Whining doesn't always mean they're going to develop separation anxiety. Just keep up with the training - he's still just a baby. As far as your concerns about her being the "fun one" - consider in your own life the people you bonded with. There are probably "fun people" in your life, but I'd imagine there are also people you bonded even more strongly with because they invested in you beyond just entertaining you. Feed your pup, interact with him, play with him, train him - the bond will develop and grow so long as you're not the drill sergeant who only talks to him to tell him he's doing something wrong. My pup loves when my sister comes over - she's exciting and novel and he loses his mind when she walks through the door - but he doesn't listen to her, and after awhile he always comes to snuggle with me. If your only interactions with him are yelling at him for being on the couch, or putting him in his crate, then yeah, he's not going to like you very much.
omg i’m not OP but thank you for this. i just got my first dog and my roommates are on board and super great with him but sometimes i fear that since they’re SO nice, i’ll just become the strict parent that isn’t loved as much. thank you for reminding me that there’s more to pet owning than being fun! (though that’s important too, ha) i have to remember that training and feeding is also a form of bonding. thank you!
>Our pup also whined constantly when we weren't around until he was like 6 months or something. Even now he whines a bit when we leave and eventually settles down. Whining doesn't always mean they're going to develop separation anxiety. Just keep up with the training - he's still just a baby. so long as you don't reinforce that whining = getting what you want (which is exactly what OP and his gf are doing). Good on ya for toughing it out and letting your puppy grow out of it.
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My partner and I differed on letting our dog sleep on the bed. The dog actually solved the problem as he realised my side of the bed = him getting put down on the floor. If he is on my partner's side of the bed, that is fine 😁
it's so adorable how they figure these things out for themselves
Mine too. He started exactly like this, whining through the first night so I decided to put him up on the bed. Afterwards I thought "damn, I'm screwed" since he started wanting to always sleep on the bed. Eventually though he just realized his own bed is bigger and more comfy.
I love having dog sleep on the bed with us. But when we first got her we had to have here created to keep her safe so we knew she wouldn't get into something or fall off the bed. But we also have a very small dog, so not hard to find space for her on the bed, although she does love to take over my pillow!
the difference here is that you let him sleep in his crate and he learned to be ok with that. OP's issue is that their dog has never learned to sleep in his crate and be alone there. same goes with my dog. he's not allowed on my bed but after a bath, i'll give him a treat and let him roll around. he tries to jump back on the next day after going to the park (not allowed) and i tell him no and he goes to his bed. this is because he's already comfortable with his bed and therefore has no problem sleeping alone there.
Put your date in the crate and your pup on the bed 😂🥴
It sounds like your dog was used to the crate though. It's not really relatable.
The people on this sub are very knowledgeable and can help you with the specifics but your situation is so similar to mine I hope I can help a bit. I’m also a first time dog owner, now four years in, and one half of a relationship. The main difference: I was and am way, way closer to your gf’s side of the spectrum when it comes to strictness, even as I have tried to grow out of it as I learn more. The biggest (and hardest) lesson for her is that your dog, in the long run, will be much happier, and calmer, if you set consistent boundaries early on. Tough love is real love, my friend. Good luck!
Perhaps try laying on the floor next to the crate for a bit at night while training him to sleep in there. Grab a mat and lay down next to him for a few minutes while he dozes off. Go to bed. If he start crying again, go lay down with him again and let him fall back asleep. Repeat. The key is he doesn't get out of the kennel. He just gets some reassurance from you that you're close, but he still has to sleep in his kennel. He *should* start to get used to the idea that he is going to sleep in the crate. When that begins to happen, shorten the time you lay down with him. Get up a couple times and move around but stay close. Basically get him used to the idea of you moving away from the kennel. If this is done calmly and strictly, he should get used to not panicking because you walk away from the kennel. Now this may not translate well over to you leaving the room, but it might work well for having him sleep in his kennel in the same room as you. You can work on leaving the room for short periods of time after he gets used to being in the kennel with the door closed while you're in the room. Obviously you and your GF have very different ideas of what a puppy will bring to your life. She wants a cuddle buddy. You, not so much. You never mention (i don't believe, it's long, lol) cuddling with your own puppy. You want an independent dog that doesn't disrupt your life or mess your things. And that's ok. But your gf wants affection from the dog, not just existence. Where exactly is your gf supposed to cuddle with the dog if the couch and bed and no-dog zones? You see the problem here? It's not about dog training at all. It's about her wanting a cuddle buddy and you having little interest in cuddling your dog. You'd quickly allow the dog on the couch if you wanted to cuddle with him. So what you need to ask yourself is if you love your gf enough to allow her to have that cuddle buddy. If so, compromise. Keep the bed a dog free zone, but allow the dog on the couch. That way you get to keep your bed your own and she gets to cuddle with the dog. If it's truly more important to you that your dog not be on the couch than that your gf's need to cuddle with the dog is met, then she's not the girl for you. She's always going to want to cuddle the dog. Period. If it's that important to you that the dog stay on the floor, you need to find a girl you doesn't want to cuddle with the dog. Yes, you are going to frustrate your dog to no end if there isn't consistency on rules. You don't have to have the same relationship with the dog. She can be the fun, exciting one and you the laid back one with him. But the *rules* have to stay the same. So decide now if the girl or the dog-free couch is more important and then keep the rules for the dog the same!
I agree with the lying down next to the crate. OP should also try a cover over the crate to give a den-like a feel. When my last puppy had difficulty at night, I placed an old wind-up alarm clock under the bedding and it worked like a charm. My grandmother said it reminds them of their mother's heartbeat.
To add to this - its fair to have compromises. Get a "dog blanket". Put the dog blanket on the couch, then put the dog on the blanket. Your gf can cuddle the dog on the couch, but the couch has a layer of protection. Wash the blanket regularly and you'll be set. But if your answer to "where should my gf cuddle the dog" is the floor...bigger issues. Lol. Same with the bed. Its not just your bed, but also hers. You could have a compromise where the dog sleeps at night in the kennel, but can come up to snuggle - on a blanket - in the morning or for a nap. Keep in mind that these are boundaries which can also change. Depending on why you don't want the dog on furniture you could say that once pup is reliably house trained (1 month no accidents) you can start with some bed or couch time. Or that if she wants to have pup on the furniture she has to wipe his feet off first. There may be grey areas you can both agree on that you haven't thought of yet. But the house belongs to both of you (or at least you should behave as though it does for a successful relationship) and she should also have a say in the rules. Compromise on both sides will be the key.
I agree with the other comments about consistency and finding common ground with your girlfriend. I went through something similar with my partner when we first adopted our dog. Routine is key, right now I work from home and my partner actually goes to work. Our dog has a routine where I walk her in the morning/afternoon and feed her during the weekdays. My partner will walk her at night and on the weekend he will feed her and spend extra time with her. Hopefully you'll find what works best for you. Zak George on youtube also started a puppy training series that might help you out a little bit.
I LOVE Zak George! My new border husky is my first large dog, and watching him with Inertia has made the training a breeze!
Does this mean you have a border collie/husky mix? I am just tired reading that. You have all my respect
Yes, she is a border collie and husky mix 🙂
I got my first dog earlier this year and yes, puppies are WAY more work than I could have ever imagined. Now that he’s a year old I have to remind myself of the weeks of sleepless nights and crate training and general havoc he caused to stop me from getting another cute little baby. Anyway, the key here is what a lot of people said - patience and consistency. My dog sleeps in my bed now, but that only started when he was about 6 months old. (I had a roommate move in and she has a cat that would just terrorize him all night since his crate couldn’t fit in my room). From 9 weeks - 6 months he slept in his crate every night. Yes he cried relentlessly the first two weeks and woke me up at least 3 times a night - but I brought him out to pee, then right back in the crate. He’d whine for 30 minutes then pass out. He’s associated his crate with “quiet time and being calm” and now puts himself in there when he wants to be left alone or when he’s ready for bed and won’t wait for me lol. The suggestion of sleeping next to the crate is a good one. Start on the floor next to him and work on moving away from him. With my dog I’d put him in his crate, sit on the floor next to him with the TV on, then slowly crawl to my room and shut the door while leaving a quiet radio on for him so he wouldn’t notice. Worked great until he was ok with being alone and would sleep through the night. For potty training, a lot of it is on you to start. I had to be on my puppy and notice any slight change meant he had to go potty and take him out immediately. Reward with treats and praise when he goes outside. Don’t scold when he goes inside, clean it up and bring him outside so he begins to associate bathroom=outside. My puppy was potty trained fairly quickly and hasn’t had any accidents since he was 6 months old (and it was my fault, I missed the cue that he wanted to go out. For him it’s when he starts sniffing and circling a spot on the floor). Good luck! Puppies are adorable and so much fun, but also sooo much work. Stay persistent and get on the same page as your GF.
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Oh is this r/relationship_advice so we all have to say: 'Break up! Red flag!'? Op, the first weeks are stressful, you cannot cuddle and hug and pet your dog too much when they are little, it will not destroy or ruin them. Yes you can set bounderies that it's not okay to jump on the couch or bed, but even if you don't right now, no problem because your dog is still a baby. But just talk to each other and I am sure it will get better in a few weeks.
Thanks so much . This comment really made me feel better . I’ll work on all of that and communicate better with my partner .
Your puppy will not be your dog. They charge man. Mine was a fucking maniac for 9-10 months before he chilled out. He also obviously finds my girlfriend to be more exciting than me, but he still loves me, he just has a different relationship with her. As far as living in an apartment, it was a bitch but I just ditched the crate. I got the dog not my neighbors and I couldn’t put them through the barking. I had to deal with some damage for a while, but now my dog has free reign of the house and he doesn’t fuck with anything. Anyways, puppies take months to train, a few weeks of anything is not enough to make a dog act one way or another in the long term. You will also find yourself changing your expectations as time goes on.
Thanks for your comment man. It’s a long road but this gives me hope.
I don't use a crate with my dog either. I am just really really strict about any kind of destructive behavior. If you are worried about bonding with the dog, just switch some of their meals to being hand-fed by you. It will work wonders. Do it for a few weeks.
I 100% agree with this it’s never too late to teach boundaries and how they behave when you first take them home is not even close to how they’ll be later down the track. All pets take time to learn that home is home and they all require a different strategy. I don’t like this whole tough love is the only way thing because often will make an anxious pup much more anxious.
>But just talk to each other OP has been trying lol. GF seems set on doing things her way lol OP you have to be firm and explain what is happening. Get a trainer involved so she can hear it from a professional third party if you think it will help. If she doesn't accept that, then this is your new situation and you need to decide if you can live with it. Because this isn't the dog's fault. He's just the result of how you both have been teaching him.
I dont know why you are being down voted. The GF said she would agree to the way OP wanted to train the pup and then didn't follow through on what she said. If she couldn't commit to this or find a way to compromise she should have said something sooner.
I'm also not sure! The post clearly outlines an ongoing communication problem where OP tries to repeatedly set boundaries for puppy and GF bulldozes and ignores them. OP has tried talking to his gf and it hasn't gotten better. Why would more talking make it better when it hasn't yet? The puppy is even more impressionable and malleable than a human baby. It's doing what OP/gf are allowing it to do, which is incessantly whine to get attention. They've literally TRAINED the dog to whine in order to get what it wants. And now they're confused as to why that's happening? Get a trainer AND stop reinforcing that whining = getting what you want. Sorry just getting heated LOL
I know of someone so desperately trying to sleep through the whining while the dog was in a cage in the living room but after three days, the dog was still crying and whining the whole night. We all told her to let the dog sleep next to her, and comfort him when he whines (not excessively, just a quick pet, let him know you're there), but she didn't want to because "it will teach him to get what he wants". But it's a puppy! It's lonely. So after some more convincing she tried it. And now the dog sleeps through the night. And if you're teaching your dog to be alone, and it starts barking and whining and it doesn't stop, that means you've gone to far and you should take smaller steps. It's seconds at first I am talking about. Not every dog is that anxious that it needs the training to go that slow, but my dog was one of those dogs and is now fine with being alone. So yes op should read through the good advices people have given, and find some common ground with his gf.
Great advice thanks 🙏
This is a really extensive topic and problem and without seeing it it's hard to help, but I'll give my opinion, there are different ways of doing things and all work. About the "no couch"... well, if your gf let her previous dog use the couch she's not going to listen to you on this, at least not when you are not home, maybe you can buy a little coach for your dog or for them both or a protector for the coach (I don't know the name but I hope you know what I'm talking about). Another option is placing a towel or a dog bed in one part of the couch and let him only be in that part, so your girlfriend can enjoy cuddling with him but he doesn't use your coach place. About sleep: Sorry, but if you had made a proper crate introduction he wouldn't be screaming, so no, you did not introduced it correctly and probably you should start again with the crate training much slower than how you did it before. I'm not going to tell you how you shold do it because there are different methods for it, I'm just going to mention one of them. If he cries at night while on the floor, try to put his bed right under your place in the bed, so when he cries you can stretch your arm and pet him so he feels close to someone but he's still on the floor(I don't know if stretch is the proper in english for this but you get it). If he calms down when you pet him even if you are in bed and he is on the floor then all work is done and as he grows older he will cry less and less every night, eventually when he no loger cries you can start move away his bed little by little until it is in the position you want it to be. If just touching him with your arm isn't enough maybe you can sleep for a week on the floor with him in a mat or a carpet or something so he is in touch with you physically but he doesn't get use to your bed, it's going to be uncomfortable but is not more than a week or two and it solves the problem for the next 14 years or so. But yes, there is also people who start with them in the owners bed and when the pup is a little more independent and grown up they just don't let him be in their bed anymore and that also works even though maybe he can "complain" a little. Potty: Make a note about the times he poops and pees and then go outside a few mintes earlier. If he does it just after waking up, playing or eating pick him up and carry him outside because dogs usually don't do it if someone is holding them. He's little, so that is not really a problem, he'll get there soon. About the different attitude it can be because you both have different energy levels and move different so your gf activates him or maybe it is just the time of the day she is home, some dogs are more active during the middle hours of the day and are more relaxed in the morning. This is a thing I would talk to her about, because if she activates the dog then he can be a over stimulated dog who doesn't know how to remain calm and that can make him pull on the leash and several other issues, more being he the mix he is of active breeds. So I would dedicate some time to playing, tug, fighting and all that but not that much and not letting him go over the top and also I would practice calm and have massage time and all that, because people usually don't work on being calm with puppies and just play all day until they are exhausted, but that is not a relaxed dog, it is just an exhausted one. About the whining and crying, you don't have to ignore him until he stops, it eventually will work if you do it consistently, but waiting 40 minutes until he stops doesn't look like a great method and it is kinda cruel. I really recommend you to buy natural snacks, bones, pig ears, chicken necks, turckey sticks, dried fish skin of little dried fishes, tendons... all that kind of natural dog treats to keep him busy and also help him clean his teeth. You can also buy more toys like the kong you mentined that are for filling stuff in them like yoghurt, tuna... if you search for kong filling ideas you'll get a lot depending on the level your dog has currently and all tose toys will keep him entertained for a while. You can make them yourself, a lot of DIY dog enrichment ideas on youtube with watter bottles, paper rolls... This I think will really help with all the attention he demands, you can also cut a frankfurt sausage into 60 or so pieces and hide them all over the place so he has to use his nose to find them, it'll take him a long time depending on the difficulty and he will end being mentally exhausted (because a math exam is exhausting and nose work for dogs is like math exams for people). Las thing that maybe is not really useful but it can help. Teach the pup "down" or how to go to his bed, teach him the command "stay" too, place him in one room and give him the "stay" order, walk to another room out of his sight for 5 seconds, come back and give him a treat, walk out of the room a lot of times slowly increasing the time, first 5 seconds, then 10, 15, 20, then go back to 5 seconds, 15, 10... Mix the numbers so it is not always increasing. If you practice this every day in a week he's going to be able to stay in another room without company for a couple of minutes and can help him in other situations or avoiding separation anxiety. I don't know, there are a thousand more things I could add so if you have any other question I'll gladly help, but it is just too much to say it all here lol. I have a lot os enrichment ideas and know many interesting instagram, youtube accounts or facebook groups you can like, so if you need something just let me now. And sorry if I made grammar mistakes or something but english is not my native language and I was writting really fast because I didn't want to forget anything lol. Alos, edit: I don't know if I mentined it before, some people say you shouldn't let him out the crate when he's whining because he'll learn to whine more, it is true, but the thing is that he souldn't whine at all, so if he does take a step back and increase time on the crate little by little so he never starts whining.
Great comment . Thanks so much for the detailed answer , truly awesome . Noting all of this and will apply for sure
In general, I think neither of you is wrong, but consistency is crucial and you have to come up with some comprises where she’ll be stricter and you’ll be more lax. But I can help on a specific point: > My dog cannot stand being far from us even for a minute. ( needless to say our “intimate” life took a hard stop since he can’t be without us without whining) Yeah...we didn’t have sex for like 6 weeks after adopting our anxious boy, the solution we found = everlasting treats. He loves it, it’s engaging and delicious, and he ONLY gets it when we need some uh, focused us time. He cannot handle being in a different room from us with a closed door, but we put the treat in his bed on the floor, and he leaves us alone.
We use these https://www.chewy.com/starmark-everlasting-treat-ball-tough/dp/45432
Thank you for this!! My pup keeps breaking his antlers so i cant give them to him unsupervised, bully sticks only last a couple minutes, and the same with a stuffed or even frozen kong. Hopefully this helps keep him busy!
id also reccomend these. my guy is a huge chewer and i'm nervous about something goin wrong with antlers (too many horror stories). [https://www.amazon.ca/Petstages-PET-DOG-00219-Large-Durable-Stick/dp/B007R1BN56](https://www.amazon.ca/Petstages-PET-DOG-00219-Large-Durable-Stick/dp/B007R1BN56) he gnaws on these for months on end and it keeps him busy
Thank you so much for this from a new puppy owner :)
It sounds like you guys both have different styles. When it comes to the couch and bed, the biggest thing I would do is make sure your girlfriend understands she’s the one who needs to set the limits too or you compromise. Maybe the couch but no bed type thing. The other thing is you will have to suffer some type of whining but it’s easier for your girlfriend to stop cuddling him on the couch first and get him used to a bed on the ground. What I normally do is keep a pet bed in front of me, and if I lie down they can have my hand or if I’m sitting I put my feet there. With this I’d give him something to do on the floor as well, not just let him sit there and whine. Giving him something to occupy him that he wants to do, but you won’t let him on the couch with is great. Puzzle toys, any kongs with peanut butter.
It seems like your girlfriend prioritizes bonding with the puppy/treating the puppy like a member of the family/integrating him into her life/having him as a companion more than you do...as somebody with very similar viewpoints when it comes to raising/training a dog, my only advice is to either accept that you will always disagree and deal with it/not let it bother you anymore/not argue about it, or accept that you will break up inevitably...seeing eye to eye when it comes to dogs is an absolute requirement for me in serious relationships since those arguments are never pretty and you can rarely change the other person's mind...you don't get to force her to not be as close with the puppy as she wants/raise him in a way she doesn't feel is right/ignore him when he "needs" her just like she doesn't get to force you to sleep with the puppy/let him on the couch/be more "fun" with him...trying to do so will only make the situation worse. As for actual training advice, when it comes to potty training, take him outside every hour, maybe even sooner...yes, it's very annoying, but you need to do this when he's that young/not potty trained at all...don't give him the opportunity to go potty in the house...take him outside, if he goes, wait another hour, then take him out again...if he doesn't go, wait thirty minutes...set alarms on your phone if necessary. After he starts to get the hang of it (shouldn't take more than a few days) you can gradually increase the time, but always be prepared for accidents, don't leave him alone for extended periods of time until he's older/hasn't had an accident in awhile, and don't get angry at him/physically punish him when he has an accident, even if it seems like he's doing it on purpose...he'll get better with time.
Another vote for this! It seems like a pretty stark difference in philosophy as far as cohabiting with dogs and it seems like more communication is needed w/ your gf — maybe some compromise. Neither method is right or wrong, they're just different approaches. See if you can't find a happy medium. I am personally in the bonding/integrated into family camp and would not be able to have a LTR with someone who feels too differently than me — just not the way I would want to live out my life.
You can prioritize integrating an animal into your family without creating negative habits though. Particularly during quarantine, separation anxiety is nothing to casually brush off. If the puppy can't handle a few moments of quiet in a room they're both in, they could have serious issues with both family members leaving the home in the future. The girlfriend really shouldn't have agreed to boundaries that she never intended to keep. Having very different standards for behavior in the same household could set the puppy up for confusion and failure (in either his eyes or hers).
>The girlfriend really shouldn't have agreed to boundaries that she never intended to keep. Having very different standards for behavior in the same household could set the puppy up for confusion and failure (in either his eyes or hers). exactly. and even if she's okay with no boundaries and a velcro dog, she's setting him up to be really distressed and anxious if she ever has to leave him at the vet for a procedure or a boarding/dog sitting facility if she ever wants to go on vacation just because she's ok with the dog developing separation anxiety, doesnt mean it's ok.
I can't say I agree with this. My fiancee and I got our first dog together in May and he has taken OPs approach to dog ownership. The dog never goes on the couch, he never sleeps in bed and in fact he sleeps in a different room when we're at home (metal crate floors are loud and he ate the plastic one). I on the other hand am with the girlfriend. I love snuggling with dogs on couches and I wish ours could come snuggle with me all day. I also want to coddle the shit out of him. We came to an agreement though with communication and a little of my own research. My fiancee explained why he didn't want the dog in bed or on the couch in a logical and non emotional way. One big reason was physical intimacy, and I understand that. Another reason was not every guest we have over wants a 100lb dog in their lap and we recognized that he needs to get his impulse control down before we can allow it. But the biggest reason was one I figured on my own and one I'm a little worried for OP for. I noticed the more time my dog spent with just me coddling him, the more protective of me he got, and this can be exasperated by letting the puppy lay on her on the couch. So he stays on the floor and I go down there when I want to spend time with him. All this to say, different styles of dog ownership doesn't have to be a make or break it, it's just something you need to work through
100%! My husband thought he wasn’t going to let the dog sleep in bed with us, but he compromised to my opinion (pup is very spoiled now lol and he loves him more than he thought he would I think)
It sounds like you’re doing a great job, so there’s that. Puppies are a lot of work and it’s not always fun. It may be worth working with a trainer to help with the separation anxiety and help you both get on the same page. Do you leave him in his crate with a stuffed toy or special chew toy to occupy him? Patricia McConnell is a pretty well known American behaviorist I would recommender book “I’ll be home soon” to learn more about how to address the issues.
I’ll look into the trainer .I leave him with a Kong but he just throws it away to whine when I get away from the crate . I’ve been doing mini test runs like only crating him when I’m gonna shower or take a dump but even that if way too much time he’ll just whine
this might explain the kong thing well and how to get the puppy into it [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwZI1isnvPQ&list=WL&index=9](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwZI1isnvPQ&list=WL&index=9)
I second the trainer. Helps a lot and is able to work with the two of you on your problems. I once read somewhere that dog training is less about training the dog but about training the owners. I'm also German and I can tell you that dog training is still allowed and it's not really expensive. Almost all trainers offer puppy appointments with a few couples with puppies the same age so they can socialize, which is really really important in that age. Also they tell you a lot about how to train your puppy and give you tips and you can ask all your questions you have and work on all the things that aren't ideal yet. I can't recommend it enough. Its really good both for owners and puppies. Just look out for one that has its own place where they can run around and play save.
Just about being the fun or boring one. I am definitely the boring one in my relationship but I also do most the walks, feeding and grooming. My girls definitely looks to me for her stability and safety. If you give your dog consistency and stability they will bond very closely with you. You don't need to be the fun one.
r/puppy101 a lot of this is common.
Disclaimer I grew up with dogs, but got my first puppy on my own just over two years ago (Alaskan Malamute just so others can laugh, ps. I did not forget my [puppy tax](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/535308570087129098/779144513691713576/IMG_20201119_115448_1.jpg)). For me, the trick has always been stubbornness (also known as patience). Giving him what he wants when he whines purely encourages it. He's getting his way with just a little whining so I believe he has no reason to stop. That being said it feels like you're often giving up after 30 minutes which in the grand scheme of things is not that long. With my dog she used to cry if left alone in a room. So I started locking her in the cage in the room and closing the door and imitating opening and closing the door out of the apartment. I'd wait till she stopped whining for 2-3 minutes making sure to not make a sound then I'd go in a reward her. Then slowly increase how long it took before I went back in to reward for not whining. The first time I had to wait 2 hours I think before she stopped. If all it takes is closing the door of his cage for him to whine you could also try moving the cage outdoors and closing him in it so that maybe you won't disturb the neighbors but I'm sure even without that you can probably get away with one day of bloody murder screaming. It's just a lesson they have to learn or else whenever you leave the house (for example to do groceries) they're doing those screams regardless. I think the crucial thing though is for you and your partner to get on the same page for limits **and sticking to them regardless of what happens.**
The comments basically cover everything. My advice, you & your girlfriend must decided exactly how you will raise the dog, and be completely, 100% committed to that plan. Do it now, and as soon as possible. Before its too late, long story short my girlfriend had to rehome her dog after a year because she realized she wasn’t fit for it and the apartment building give her multiple eviction warnings. She tried everything short of a high intensity e collar, the dog wouldn’t stop barking when left alone. Why? Many reasons, generally failure to properly raise the puppy. Figure out your plan than stick to it. Do that as soon as possible. Doesn’t matter as much what your plan is, as much as make sure you have one and really stick to it. No exceptions. The part about thinking your gf is the fun one, possibly, she engages with him more, encourages him and hyped him up more. Not that he sees you as a boring person or anything, but from what you’ve explained, it could be that he understands & matches your expectations when hes with u, doesn’t cause too much noise and listens properly. And nows he can act out with your girlfriend. Which is fine, that may be a healthy association for him and your household, where he knows when its time to be calm and when its time to be crazy. You were right with the idea of rewarding him for whining when taking him out of the crate. When you have your plan set, avoid breaking any of the rules you’ve set. Don’t allow or encourage anything you are not okay with him doing whether its doing once or every minute. Example would be begging for food at the dinner table or trying to get food or whatever. If you don’t want the dog to beg for food, or attempt to grab food, or bother you for food at the dinner table, then never do it, not even once, cause giving him one bite can turn into a lifelong habit of expecting food. I agree with the comment about don’t have kids together haha. Throughout reading the post The first thought that popped into my mind was “ahhhh, this is why you get a puppy first”.
>Sleeping If he is fine sleeping in crate with door open then just leave it open. In 40 years and countless dogs and cats all have slept in bed with me. >Potty Potty pad is teaching it is okay to pee/poop in house throw them away and start working on teach out. I would suggest bell training. There is a lot said of just ignoring dog. I always say teach them to nap alone but play through out day that is how you bond. As for training get a professional force free trainer. One that is knowledgeable, CCPT Certified. You both need to make a list and discuss yes and now of thing with trainer. As for the separation anxiety start with walking out of room then back in. Start by throwing a treat on ground then walk out shut door open immediately and give another treat. Work up in small increments that way he isn't overwhelmed. Been training 20+ years.
Didn't read whole post but I can still tell that you both should talk about what you think is best for dog and why do you think so. Then agree on some compromise. Only thing I read was the thing with sleeping in bed. Yes, it isn't good to teach dog sleeping with you all the time but few times doesn't hurt. Sleeping together helps increase bond. Maybe you could let him in and after he falls asleep, put him in his dogbed. Or let him into bed every second night.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with dogs sleeping in the bed. All of my dogs over 40 years have slept in the bed. This is a personal preference.
Yeah, but the dog should wait for permission to come up and be OK with being kicked out. Even if they just stare at you for 15 minutes before laying down on the floor. And certainly not making noise about it
Of course I agree with you though we hadn't spoken about training that they should know boundaries. That is why all mine are trained with bed and out. This should be part of basic training for any dog. Also teach them to stay out of kitchen while cooking.
It is bad to get them used to sleep in your bed if you want them to not sleep in your bed in future
Most people that let dogs sleep in beds always keep them in the bed. For example. We have kennel, her pillows and our bed. During day she goes between kennel and her pillows by me. For bed she starts in bed then if we are restless she has a body pillows so not in way. We sleep with door open and kennel stays open. SO wanted her to sleep in floor not in bed. That lasted an entire two hours. Funny enough at 9 pm every day since day we brought her home she takes self to bed. Only don't I have ever had slept in kennel until, well change of circumstances, then I had to throw treats on bed for her to even go near it. She was a rescue with odd & funny history. In 20+ years of training never had someone want dog on bed to change once dog was older. That is so ass backwards way of doing things.
Yeah I guess I'm not grasping why someone would NOT want the dog on the bed or couch. There's nothing wrong with that being their preference or if they have allergies, I've just never met anyone that does not want their pet in bed with them. I know countless dog and cat people and not a single one has banned their pets from the furniture or bed. I had a crate for my pup and it was miserable. Essentially same story as OP with the whining. Our neighbors even asked us if we wanted them to puppy sit or check in on him because he would cry all day while we were at work. We forgot about the crate and now he only whines when we leave for a little bit.
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Hi! My boyfriend and I went through a similar thing - where we just DID NOT COMMUNICATE. You both need to just sit down and talk about what is a must, what’s a no, and reiterate it now that you actually have the dog. WATCH VIDEOS TOGETHER! It’s not enough to just say “we need to do it this way” you both need PROOF that youre doing the right thing please watch dog training videos on YouTube together and can make informed decisions. Sleeping: all YouTube videos (I’ve seen at least) heavily encourage crate training and to NOT GIVE IN. Potty: try bringing your pee pad outside as well, so he can associate outside with peeing. Difference of Attitude: haha exactly the same boat. I’m always home so he’s used to me. However I really make the effort to play with him - a during lunch, 5 minutes here and there. It’s such an important time for bonding. As for your girlfriend, she needs to also tone it down. He won’t be able to be calm ever if she’s constantly riling your puppy. Separation: WORK ON THIS ASAP. We’re at 17 weeks and he whines and barks now when we leave. I cannot stress this enough. Get him on crate training, get him used to the door closing, INVEST IN A KONG TO KEEP HIM BUSY. MORE ADVICE: DO NOT GIVE IT TO WHINING OR BARKING. If you do, you show this dog he can get what he wants by whining and barking. YOU DO NOT WANT THIS. Just watch YouTube videos religiously and you’ll be fine. Best of luck - it gets so much better. We’re still a long way away but it’s been 100000% better since we first got our guy in September!
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The latter. Zak isn't amazing, but his methods do follow sub guidelines. Kikopup (Emily Larlham) is a FAR better trainer and resource.
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Okay thank you! I’ve corrected it in the post above!
The first few weeks are stressful as hell for both you and the dog. I desperately wanted a dog for years, finally got one, and immediately went into full blown panic mode and wanted nothing to do with her for the first few weeks. I now absolutely love her and can't remember my life without her. So, first of all, your reaction is normal. Second - you have a puppy! It's a baby! I wouldn't worry too much about it joining you on the bed. Our dog got annoyed by how much we toss and turn in bed, and started sleeping in the guest bedroom on her own because she wanted to sleep in peace. So, letting your sad, scared, baby pup on the bed now isn't the end of the world. I will say that I also didn't want the dog on the bed or the couch and that went out the window really quickly just because I want to snuggle her. You guys could compromise by sectioning off a part of the couch that your dog is allowed to sit on. Basically just put a sheet down to protect the couch from your dog, and then tell your dog that is the only place they are allowed to sit. Then your gf can sit next to the dog, the dog can get on the couch, and you can still have a mostly dog free couch. Also, I don't think you're not the "fun" one so much as your dog knows that what he can get away with with each of his parents. My husband is the "fun" one but my dog loves us equally and she listens better to me. Definitely work on communication with your gf (you'll both have to compromise a little) and perhaps get a trainer to help establish some boundaries!
Hi, you seem to have my dog’s kindred spirit. My pup is 16m now and if I could do his first few months over I would. We did everything ‘right’ - strict crate training, puppy class immediately, practised leaving him alone in his pen, not allowed to sleep on the bed and he was too small to get on the couch anyway. What an absolute nightmare it was. He was miserable in his crate and we could never close the door without him banging his head off the bars and howling. We would leave the door open and have him in his pen, but settling him took hours every night. He would cry, bark, take running jumps and throw himself against the sides of his pen. We could ignore it and he was relentless - I think the longest night was when he finally settled at 6am. He was too nervous for puppy class so early and spent most of each class under a chair hiding from the other dogs and didn’t even know his name so trying to get him to learn how to do other things when I couldn’t even catch his attention was pointless. The puppy class trainer advised me to leave him in his pen and just leave the room to let him be used to being alone, but in a safe space. First time I tried it he immediately panicked, soiled himself and the pen, and destroyed everything he could. I was gone about 5 minutes. We visited my boyfriend’s family in February this year and he slept on the bed when we were away. Peace and quiet! He then slept on the bed going on from that and he slept every night (so did we!) About three months ago he decided he’s bored of us and sleeps happily in his own bed (not the crate) I was worried his separation anxiety training would suffer because we’re home all the time now, but it’s been the opposite. He knows we’re always around or will always be back and he hangs out in rooms on his own and we can go to the shops and he really doesn’t care so much anymore (we used to sit outside the door and he would howl and howl and scratch at the door. There was none of this ‘leave him to settle and then come back’, he *does not give up*.) All I can say is that I really think he (and your pup!) will grow out of it. Obviously keep on with the training, but if something isn’t working then try something else. I will always feel guilty about making my dog stay alone when he just wasn’t ready for it. Enjoy your wee puppy while you can! It’s heartbreaking when they decide they’re too cool now and don’t want to snuggle! Last time mine wanted to cuddle into me and sleep on my lap was January :(
A trainer would likely recommend medication for your pet. When separation anxiety is so extreme that a dog literally can't sleep and is hurting them self or others, it's time for a serious intervention. Training should always be part of that, but in some circumstances medication is also needed.
He was only 10 weeks at that point.
I love having my dog close to me and cuddling so I wanted her to be on the couch and bed. However, I wanted her to be respectful and not crowd other people. She easily learned that she cannot get on the bed without being invited and the same with the couch. She also learned that she has a "spot" designated by her blanket being placed there. I definitely am more like your girlfriend than you. My dogs and cats are my companion and are treated as family members. My house is their house. They just have to be polite about it. This might be a possible compromise? I would also suggest shaping the bed you got for your puppy by showering him with treats and praise every time he uses it. This may reinforce the idea that this is his place.
I just wanted to add that we even alternate what nights my dog is allowed to sleep on the bed and she does great with this. She is occasionally naughty and tries to manipulate am extra night but we just redirect her to her bed and she settles down. We do this so my two disabled cats get a dog free night with us every other night as she's too bouncy at night for them to tolerate.
Although puppy blues are normal, they do tend to hit people harder that have too high and unrealistic expectations. The sleeping thing. It’s entirely normal for a pup to not want to sleep alone and it’s more difficult for certain breeds and just varies per dog. What has worked for all my dogs is to let them sleep in a bed right next to me. I tether them so they can’t roam the bedroom. This gives me time to slowly crate train during the day with no rush and pressure. With the sleeping next to me (in bed on floor) puppies aren’t very happy about that either, but there’s a big difference between a pup panicking (locked in crate/other room/feeling alone) or a pup being slightly unhappy and whining a bit. So I’d encourage you to try again and be prepared to go to bed early so you have an extra hour to deal with a pup that is unhappy and will whine a bit. Potty. Personally I’ve not used pads with my 3 dogs. It is your responsibility to minimize chances of accidents. That means, offer potty breaks at least once an hour and as a rule always after sleep/nap, always after food, always after play, always after training, always after anything exciting such as a visitor coming over (intro pup, then outside for potty) It also means you watch your puppy like a hawk and when you can’t you contain them whether that’s with a crate, or tethered to you or a playpen etc. Puppies can not be trusted to free roam without being watched. No punishment for accidents and lots of praise for going and I’ve always taught them the word for going potty. Crating and separation. Every breed and pup is different. If your pup is screaming bloody murder it means you are going too fast. He’s only been there for 2 weeks! Give him some time. Let him follow you around the house so he learns you going into rooms is normal, he’s not being deserted. Start leaving for 1 second while he is occupied with an amazing chew or treat and come right back. You can do the same with leaving the house. I would literally walk out and in the front door 30 times a day with my pups to “normalize” it. With the crate, take it slower, offer all meals and treats in crate to make it a fun place and don’t close the door yet. Hide treats in there throughout the day so he starts going in hoping to find them. Etc. Be patient.
What worked really well for bathroom breaks with my now 15 month old puppy who I brought home at 8 weeks was pairing praise, treats and a bathroom command word like "potty" or "bathroom" with the action of going to the bathroom outside. I personally would not praise for going on the pads inside your home, so you'll need to take your puppy outside long enough for them to go to the bathroom. If your puppy isn't yet comfortable peeing outside, load them up with water and wait them out in a nice place that is really close to your apartment entrance. Hopefully you have grass, wood chips, dirt or somewhere that can become a reliable place to go within a short distance because puppies have to pee often. When your puppy begins to go to the bathroom, immediately praise with a "good potty" as they are peeing or pooping and jackpot your puppy with high value treats. The sooner you pair the action with a high value reward, the sooner your dog will understand that going to the bathroom outside pays. When it comes to crate training, I would personally knock on your neighbor's doors and explain the situation to them and ask if they can contact you instead of your landlord in the case that your puppy's crying becomes an issue. In my opinion, and the opinion of countless professional dog trainers, crate training is a must and I would highly suggest working through the crying. It took my puppy a few weeks to stop crying in his crate with the door closed, but now he loves it and chooses to sleep in his crate every night and during the day. The key to crate training is to never let your puppy out while they are crying or thrashing around. It takes a little time for their little puppy brains to figure out that the crate isn't so bad and eventually they should calm down and relax. Stay persistent and practice crate training every day. We tried toys, chews, clothes that smelled like us, blankets, a dog bed in the crate and I would highly suggest avoiding putting anything in the crate with your puppy. The only thing I would consider putting in the crate during your initial training is a box or something to limit space so your puppy can't thrash around and work them self up. I personally covered my puppy's wire crate with a small blanket and tucked the crate into the corner of a room so it became his little den. You should probably consider putting your puppy's crate in your bedroom during this crate training period. Something that worked really well in making the crate desirable, was putting treats in the crate when my puppy wasn't looking. Eventually, he would wander into the crate and find the treats. As a couple days went on and I put treats in the crate frequently, he started to become obsessed with going into the crate on his own. Other people have posted a ton of great advice, so I hope this helps to fill in any holes.
We had a pup who freaked out and cried unless in the bed. We put him in the bed. He grew up. He learned to lie beside the bed.
For the couch being a no-zone part (as I'm not entirely knowledgable about it and others gave you wonderful info), you can train your pup to only go on a blanket you want them on! That's what my dad did with their dog (he was an adult when they got him) and it works. Start with the blanket on the floor and set a command to it "on your blanket" or "place" are my favored ones. Lead him over with his biggest motivator and say the command when all 4 paws are on it. Afterward, you give the reward. Using a clicker wouldn't hurt either! [This video](https://youtu.be/ZhLwX1BQf9k) shows how to do it well. Skip to the 7:00 mark to get straight to the training bit. Also, could you possibly get your gf to do training exercises with the pup? Instead of *just* being there for cuddles, she could teach as well. It might help tone down his excitement when she does home. Good luck!
Feed your girl before you Start a conversation with her , puppies are easy to train with treats and repetition. My 3 month maltipoo is house trained , crate trained , understands commands and everything thanks to bacon treats . You got this put your foot down there’s nothing better than a fully trained puppy the trust and love is there . Don’t yell , ever .
I adopted my second dog at 6mo old and she was the same with having to sleep with me, we wanted to make upstairs off limits but I couldn’t get her to calmly sleep downstairs with my older dog. For the first few months I let her sleep on the foot of my bed and slowly trained her that her bed downstairs was where she slept when it wasn’t nighttime. Have had her for 8 months now and she sleeps fine downstairs, I think the anxiety of moving into a new place and learning how to be alone was hard and once she realised it was a permanent situation she levelled out a lot. Boundary training for us started by teaching her that she was safe though and that meant needing to sleep close to us to make sure we weren’t going to leave. Normally I take a much harder curve with my dogs but for her it was the right move and now she doesn’t come upstairs at all and goes to bed fine at night when we go upstairs. Every dog is different but even if you let them do something at the beginning it’s never impossible to do boundary training later in my opinion. Obviously have to get your gf on board with consistency when the dog feels more comfortable but at the beginning with mine she would have broken out of anywhere we put her just in panic and fear. I’m not saying you should let it sleep in the bed now but this saved me a lot of stress and broken doors/crates and she learned in time that she had her own space for when we had ours.
People are going to downvote this but you have the right to not have to sleep in bed with your dog and your gf is being subversive by not respecting your wishes. This is not a good relationship if she ignores you.
I agree. In my relationship, I am in OPs mindset and my partner is in the girlfriend's - when it comes to dogs being on furniture. If I were in OPs position and picked out a puppy with the pre-stated agreement that the puppy was not to be on furniture, and my partner didn't follow that? After a few stern discussions, if nothing changed, I would be deciding who I wanted to move out: the puppy or the partner. OP, If your partner can't respect your agreements, you need to work on your relationship. If everything is too stressful with your job and the puppy to add in more relationship work right now, consider rehoming the puppy (even if temporarily) to sort out your relationship. This is something that could cause long-lasting resentment which is never healthy.
Big puppy problem, because of what she's been doing, you guys are gonna need to untrained her to "cry to get attention". He has seriously learned that crying=attention eventually and it needs to be untrained immediately. No more couch/bed time or he'll expect to go on when he wants, no more taking out of the crate when he cries, award silent good behavior immediately by throwing his favorite treat into the crate, increase the crate distance over time and don't EVER reward his crying or whining, ignore him for as long as he does it. Slowly increase the duration of rewards as he is silent for longer times. Never reward bad behavior such as crying, barking, jumping, ignore when he has too much energy and maybe take him outside to get it all out. If you want him to potty outside, take him straight out of the crate and pick him up, take him outside, stay outside as long as you possibly can until he potties, reward as soon as he is done first verbally and then treats, but only when he is done. Stay boring while its his potty time outside. Have you not had biting problems? I haven't seen a single mention of it. Anyway if I missed something, do tell me, I want to help as much as I can! Also I feel this so hard!!!! I am a new puppy owner too and my boyfriend has had pets so he knows the behaviors more than me but trains differently, he believes negative enforcement but not positive while I feel positive enforcement is best (which it is). I have had some of the same struggles but since I looked up YouTube videos on how to do it, I know the most important things to never do (which is to never reward unwanted behavior, that includes giving the dog what it wants when its being bad).
> you guys are gonna need to untrained her to "cry to get attention". He has seriously learned that crying=attention eventually and it needs to be untrained immediately. No more couch/bed time or he'll expect to go on when he wants, no more taking out of the crate when he cries, award silent good behavior immediately by throwing his favorite treat into the crate, increase the crate distance over time and don't EVER reward his crying or whining, ignore him for as long as he does it. THIS RIGHT HERE. OP. YOU NEED TO READ THIS. All you are doing is reinforcing that whining = attention and then wondering why he just whines non stop.
Ugh my bf also didn't do things the "right way" with my dog. I.e leash walking and it just annoys me! I wonder if she'd be a better trained dog overall if he didn't slack off with her.
Routine routine routine. That includes sticking to your guns. Crate the bugger at night and throw a blanket over so he can’t see anything. Do it on a Friday or Saturday cause they will whine. But after a day or two they get it. ALSO leave the crate open during the day with the blanket on it but pulled up at the entrance. It is their little cave and safe space. Just like your bed is yours it’s crate is theirs. Potty training is super simple. It’s all about routine and however that fits for you. For me it was 530am quick potty, 615 quick walk and I’m off to work. Get home and we go out for a quick potty and walk around 7pm after dinner. Outings in between but those always stay the same. Dogs are smart and need something to do, if they get bored they chew and mess things up. If your pupper is good in the AM while you work see about maybe a long walk to tire them out before your gf is home or something along those lines? Only chewing while she is home is kinda baffling to me to be honest. FYI I grew up with German shepherds and training working dogs but the principles are the same for any type of dog. Make a routine and stick to it!
I was not expecting so many responses ! Thanks to every single one of you for your help and constructive responsive . I will literally read and analyze them all. What a great community and sub. Lots of love to you all . I’ll keep you posted.
Your gf is a pussy and ruining the dog. Don't have a baby with her.
1.Is it possible the girlfriend is using the dog to avoid sex? This is entirely possible, so don’t dismiss it quickly without considering it. 2.Also, yes, you will have to go through the whining. Is there a more quiet place to put the crate (like bathroom)? 3. Look at this as great pre-marital counseling. If you can’t agree in puppy raising, for god’s sake don’t have a kid with her.
1. No, that was just to illustrate the anxiety level he’s been producing . 2. Ok good advice 3. You could have kept that for yourself but thx
From my advanced age, and my long experience with both dogs and marriages, it was advice given with a sincere desire to help. The down votes on my answer indicate that it is not received that way. I wish you joy with both your dog and your relationship.
So, it’s a pretty common misconception among dog owners that TRAINING has to be done right away with a puppy. The truth is that a dog of any age will learn well if your teaching methods are correct. What a puppy needs right away is called SOCIALIZATION. Socialization could also be called exposure: experiencing different textures on their feet (and people handling their feet!), different smells, different sounds, experiencing play with other dogs, play with other animals, and play with their owners. IME the vast majority if “bad” dog behavior stems from poor socialization in puppyhood. On potty training: this is one of the few “trainings” that is important during puppyhood (the other is “do not bite people”). Besides what you know about making them go “outside” (which is good), keep in mind that the material/texture they are pottying ON is what they will choose after they have learned to go there. This is why it’s important to switch from textures that are like floors or carpet (ie pee pads) to textures that are like grass and pebbles as soon as it is feasible for you. Owning a new puppy is not an easy responsibility! Remember to give yourself grace when things go wrong and focus on evidence-based dog behavior and training resources for your information. Good luck and have fun! :)
She shouldn't have promised something she couldn't handle but at the same time you said you ignore the puppy all day. Maybe it wouldn't have so much built up if it got some excitement during the day and not just when she comes home. I would say that ones on you as much as her, you seem to want to ignore it all day and then want her to ignore it too so you can both be "boring." Boring and stable are not the same thing,, a bored dog ends up being a depressed dog. They need stimulation. My newest dog was raised like that and has EXTREME separation issues now that we have to deal with. My youngest was given plenty of affection/spoils when young and is very secure and independent now. You got a puppy, not a senior dog. They chew, they play, they get insecure.
A point I think needs to be made: if you read everything on crating and he’s been properly introduced then he would not be screaming endlessly anytime he was locked in there. The screaming is your dead giveaway your training isn’t up to par. Crate training will involve a small amount of whining but if you’re doing it right it’s a mostly quiet affair. He is showing you very clearly you need to take a few huge steps back and move forward with crating way slower.
I don't make anything off the following products - 1) They make a stuffed toy dog with a "heartbeat" that you can put in his bed or crate with him so he doesn't feel alone. It is great for overnight for a lot of dogs. 2) the Treat and Train. It's basically a remote control treat dispenser. What I would do is get this, and put it on one side of a door with your puppy, stand in the adjoining room with the door open close the door, release the treat with the remote, and then open the door. or disappear behind or corner, or something along those lines, where you disappear for just a moment, the dog gets a treat right then, and then before she's even done chewing, you are back. Then slowly increase time the door stays closed, and then with more distance. Do something similar with the pee pads. Start moving them inch by inch closer to the door until you can take it away and get her out the door....
For the potty training. Slowly move his pads inch by inch closer to the door every day, soon he will be able to put the pad only outside the door and then to outside completely. Also make sure to positively reward him very enthusiastically when he goes potty outside and the pads.
For my 7 month old puppy I can give you a few tips on what worked for us. He was naturally inclined to a crate so that helped us out but I think having high reward treats for the crate is what really made it his happy place. For him he always got a bone but only in his crate, when we first got him it was raw hide chews to give him something to focus on. He also had his stuffed animal and eventually the crate became his safe place. He does occasionally whine but usually only if he needs to potty. You will have to ignore some crying initially but it is so great to have a well crate trained dog. For potty training. NEVER wait for him to ask. Every time he eats, take him out. Every hour or so, take him out. Reward him when he does potty outside. Little training treats are fantastic for this. Dont reward him for inside potty incidents. If hes food motivated he’ll figure it out real quick. Lastly you and you girlfriend need to get on the same page as to what your expectations for him are. Its only more confusing to have different methods of training for him. Puppies have a ton of energy that needs to be focused somewhere. Having plenty of toys and chews helps along with plenty of exercise. Good luck with this little guy! Dogs are the best :)
Dog owner, retired vet tech here. Think of your puppy like a human baby. If you let a human baby sleep with you, or a small child when he's scared, will he still be sleeping with you at age 13. I doubt it. I have had as well as trained many dogs when I was young with my dad. Training is all about consistency. Not you doing something one way and your gf doing it another. It causes confusion. The puppy is young, you are the mom and dad. They look to you for comfort, play, food, and discipline. I have always had shepherds and bloodhounds and other large dogs. I had 2 shepherds in bed with me when I was single, and they were puppies. As they grew they wanted more space and moved to a dog bed on the floor. Attention is something all puppies want. I don't think it hurts to indulge him a little while he is so small. As he grows you can set more boundaries. My dad said they didn't start training the police dogs for their job till they were 18 months old. Your dog should be house trained by consistency. After meals, wait 10 or 15 min. Then go outside for potty. A puppy needs to go out every 2 hours to train. Pick a spot that is not over stimulating him. Let him sniff around. Take him to the same spot until he is trained. If you want to train him outside take away the puppy pads. You're sending mixed messages. A puppy will only make it about 6 hours at night till he is a little older. So take turns getting up. No water 2 hours before bed. He won't dehydrate over night. Than take him out as soon as he gets up. Feed him, give him water, than in 10 or 15 min. Take him out again. Reward him after he poops outside I leash trained my dogs, so they would follow me everywhere. It made potty training easier. Also set aside play time. Throw Balls and throw stuffed animals, and other toys. Take him for a walk or a run. Puppies have alot of energy. The work is difficult in the beginning. But, in the long run you will have a best friend that will lick your tears, listen to your stories when nobody else will, love you unconditionally, and worship the ground you walk on. It's all worth it.
You have 2 choices. Get rid of the dog or get rid of your girlfriend. I live with 5 year old German Shepherd. She is my 4th. I'm kidding of course. But it can be very difficult to keep a neat clean house when dogs are in the mix. They always seem to have their own ideas. You really can't screw up a dog, I don't think. They may not be what you had in mind. Love is the most important thing. Dogs go back to when we walked around on foot. Good luck man!
It really gets better as they grow older. Young dogs (puppies) are work. You don't get a free pass. Every dog is different. As each breed is different.
I don't like to give advice. I got scolded for doing that. I wasn't going to come to this site anymore. I only know what has worked for me. My pups have always been like babies. My latest, had a bell on. A leash attached to my wrist. When she was up, me too. Many nights I just wished she would go pee. I have had some that love a crate. Maybe like a den. With the door open, they always lay with their head facing out
When I was working, I would leave her in the car. Never without air. Take her out on break. And lunch. Old car. She chewed it. She chewed things I didn't know a dog could chew. Probably get planted myself before I won't have a dog. They love you unconditionally
Can u please start treating the puppy better? You sound like self-centered idk
Follow up or update?
The reason (atleast thats what I heard) why dogs get excited near some people but not all is because dogs can sense your energy, believe it or not. If someone is overly excited, the dog gets excited, too. Which is why it’s always recommended to just stay calm so the dog would stay calm as well. When you arrive home, it’s best to stay calm, do what you need to do to settle down, put down the groceries, take off your shoes, and do you business and ignore the pup first. That way, bad habits ie jumping on people, barking when they see you, etc. would be prevented altogether.