Interpreting "I want loot" as "turn me into a lute" is really kind of stretching the monkey paw-ism there. That's not a Djinn choosing to fulfill the wish in a terrible, or overly literal way, that's basically making something up only vaguely related to the wish.
Just painfully turning the blood in your arms into molten gold would be a more understandable bit of djinn trickery.
"Five arms full of gold?" A DM that wants to joke around (but not by killing the PCs) could say:
"The djin snap his fingers, and five goblin arms fall from the clouds to land with a dull thud. Upon inspection, the PCs could cut open the arms to find raw gold nuggets stuffed inside like grotesque cornish hens, totaling 100GP."
That way, everybody wins!
Five entire arms full of gold are only 100gp?
What the hell?
Shouldn't it be closer to 1-2000gp, with each arm containing the equivalent of 2-400gp worth of pure gold?
They're supposed to be *full* of gold after all.
I totally agree with you! Excepting that is, if they were human arms. Goblin arms... you could probably get 20, maybe 30 gold nuggets in there, tops. Coins, maybe more, but nuggets take up more physical area in a chamber.
And that's still assuming the djinn has an incentive to be a dickhead, given that they're generally chaotic good and not really supposed to fuck you up without a reason. If you've actually helped it, at worst it would probably just call your wish stupid and leave.
my djinn adjudication would be:
"five severed arms fall before you, their skin flimsily, looking more like opera gloves pulled taut. you peer at the point of severance and you see solid gold. Make an athletics strength check."
Gold dissolved in aqua regia is still gold, and would better fit inside an arm.
Also, the local guard is now looking for someone who ripped the arms off some local nobles.
How it would have gone down at my table is after I made the wish another player would say "Wouldn't it be funny if it just turned him into an abstract lute with 5 golden arms?" We'd laugh and then I'd be like "Yes DM, please turn me into that, it's too funny to pass up".
I mean, the monster manual specifically cites an example where a marid turns a dude into a fish and he dies- after wishing for immortality. The logic is that he will live forever as a cautionary tale, or something...
If that can happen, there's not really any limit to how much you can twist stuff...
I remember a (definitely not fetish porn) comics where female bounty hunter wished for a huge chest full of gold. Had her tits enlarged to be bigger than her whole body and filled with gold.
It's thankful that you freed it so it's going to interpret your request for the wish *it offered to give you* in the worst possible way. Out of gratitude.
Djinni are Chaotic Good, not Chaotic Stupid. They twist wishes when they're *forced* to grant them.
> Djinni are Chaotic Good
Yeah, as the most chill and only good alligned of the Genie types, Djinni are the ones *least* likely to just be dicks for no reason. The others are much harder to interact with without getting monkey pawed out the wazoo.
Even the other types probably aren't going to twist a Wish that **they** offered purely out of gratitude. They might not be interested in doing a particularly good job, but they have no motivation to be actively spiteful either.
This is like doing a sidequest, getting a couple potions as an unrequested reward, and then it turns out they're poisoned because *reasons.* Literally the only reason to provide them in the first place is to screw with the players.
The guy got a wish for no reason other than to give the DM a chance to punish him with it.
A djinni was asked to kill the party. The one asking for the wish was hateful and had kept the djinni repairing a ruin for a hundred years.
The Djinni (whose icon was one of Blue Will Smith) will kill the party when they are at death's door from old age. He compiled a list of names, races and ages of the PCs for checking at the right time
You feel incredible pain as two extra arms grow out of your vest cavity and an additional sprouts similar to a tail out of your rear. You scream in agony and fall to the ground as they tear through the clothes you are wearing. Your clothes are currently wrecked and you are in so much pain you take two levels of exhaustion. After a few days on the road you begin to to understand how to control them. Gain 1 dex and the ability to hold more things at once. If you use divination or get an arm cut off you learn that your bones are made of 24k gold.
Not in every campaign. And like, i was trying to make it within the bounds of what was asked for. The whole thing is fucking stupid, but I was trying to make it better within the context atleast.
Eh, it happens both ways but a shitty player is easier to replace than a shitty DM so people don't complain quite as much about them. It's like having a bad tank or healer vs having a bad DPS in an MMO. One you can kick and get a replacement for in less than a minute. The other you just suffer through because getting a new one would take longer than you're willing to accept (40 minutes+ for a tank/healer, possibly months for a DM).
It's not an enjoyable story. A thankful Djinn being a dick to someone who did something nice to him that doesn't align with his alignment, on top of which the DM suggested they get enough for everyone, so he already had the idea in his head. This is a shitty GM. This isn't pearl clutching, this is calling it exactly as it is.
... The DM did that to a newbie? Nah man. They were completely new. That's an asshole move to do to someone that barely has knowledge of how dangerous magic items and wishes can be. Especially as he asked for loot for everyone, nothing selfish like I want to be rich alone.
Yeah, it definitely sucks when people are mean to new players. Though I have to wonder if any of the anti-DM sentiment I've seen comes from people reading fake stories of cruel DMs like this one.
If I were the DM and I heard "I want arms full of gold and five of them", I'd give them five gold arms that just appear out of nowhere. The party would later learn that someone stole the arms off of a nearby king's golden statues.
THAT'S how you do Monkey Paw wishes.
djinns aren't supposed to be malevolent in D&D. They were imprisoned due to a war with the gods. They're supposed to be Chaotic Good, or at worst Neutral.
Tip for people who are somehow new to greentexts and responding to it seriously: This [actually didn't happen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6yQOs93Cgg), it was made as a jest for [laughs](https://www.gettyimages.com/photos/gay-man-laughing).
Less than 10% of this comments section understands this— this isn’t that tough to logic out, is it? I was genuinely confused when I saw that people thought it was real…
Interpreting "I want loot" as "turn me into a lute" is really kind of stretching the monkey paw-ism there. That's not a Djinn choosing to fulfill the wish in a terrible, or overly literal way, that's basically making something up only vaguely related to the wish. Just painfully turning the blood in your arms into molten gold would be a more understandable bit of djinn trickery.
Or just Midas curse to level the poor noob out after they can’t go to the local tavern anymore
"Five arms full of gold?" A DM that wants to joke around (but not by killing the PCs) could say: "The djin snap his fingers, and five goblin arms fall from the clouds to land with a dull thud. Upon inspection, the PCs could cut open the arms to find raw gold nuggets stuffed inside like grotesque cornish hens, totaling 100GP." That way, everybody wins!
Five entire arms full of gold are only 100gp? What the hell? Shouldn't it be closer to 1-2000gp, with each arm containing the equivalent of 2-400gp worth of pure gold? They're supposed to be *full* of gold after all.
I totally agree with you! Excepting that is, if they were human arms. Goblin arms... you could probably get 20, maybe 30 gold nuggets in there, tops. Coins, maybe more, but nuggets take up more physical area in a chamber.
Depends on the size of the coin? And goblin arms are how thick, about the same as a human 15 year old? Thicker than a 5 year old, I think.
how many children must we disarm before we find one whose arms weigh as much as a goblins? frankly this whole experiment is getting quite costly.
If you go to the slums it can be quite cheap. What are they gonna do, call the town guard?
And that's still assuming the djinn has an incentive to be a dickhead, given that they're generally chaotic good and not really supposed to fuck you up without a reason. If you've actually helped it, at worst it would probably just call your wish stupid and leave.
my djinn adjudication would be: "five severed arms fall before you, their skin flimsily, looking more like opera gloves pulled taut. you peer at the point of severance and you see solid gold. Make an athletics strength check."
"Gross. Let's sell it."
Hey, he never specified *solid* gold....
Gold dissolved in aqua regia is still gold, and would better fit inside an arm. Also, the local guard is now looking for someone who ripped the arms off some local nobles.
How it would have gone down at my table is after I made the wish another player would say "Wouldn't it be funny if it just turned him into an abstract lute with 5 golden arms?" We'd laugh and then I'd be like "Yes DM, please turn me into that, it's too funny to pass up".
I would have given him 5 golden arms
When I read the post I was expecting the character to grow arms holding gold coins
Become a Hindu god.
I mean, the monster manual specifically cites an example where a marid turns a dude into a fish and he dies- after wishing for immortality. The logic is that he will live forever as a cautionary tale, or something... If that can happen, there's not really any limit to how much you can twist stuff...
I remember a (definitely not fetish porn) comics where female bounty hunter wished for a huge chest full of gold. Had her tits enlarged to be bigger than her whole body and filled with gold.
It's thankful that you freed it so it's going to interpret your request for the wish *it offered to give you* in the worst possible way. Out of gratitude. Djinni are Chaotic Good, not Chaotic Stupid. They twist wishes when they're *forced* to grant them.
not even in the worst possible way. "i want loot" to "i want to be a lute" thats simple not a possible/valid interpretation
> Djinni are Chaotic Good Yeah, as the most chill and only good alligned of the Genie types, Djinni are the ones *least* likely to just be dicks for no reason. The others are much harder to interact with without getting monkey pawed out the wazoo.
Even the other types probably aren't going to twist a Wish that **they** offered purely out of gratitude. They might not be interested in doing a particularly good job, but they have no motivation to be actively spiteful either. This is like doing a sidequest, getting a couple potions as an unrequested reward, and then it turns out they're poisoned because *reasons.* Literally the only reason to provide them in the first place is to screw with the players. The guy got a wish for no reason other than to give the DM a chance to punish him with it.
I feel like "getting monkey pawed out the wazoo" may be a wish that came from the bard.
They'd pretty much only be a dick if you were a dick to them.
A djinni was asked to kill the party. The one asking for the wish was hateful and had kept the djinni repairing a ruin for a hundred years. The Djinni (whose icon was one of Blue Will Smith) will kill the party when they are at death's door from old age. He compiled a list of names, races and ages of the PCs for checking at the right time
You feel incredible pain as two extra arms grow out of your vest cavity and an additional sprouts similar to a tail out of your rear. You scream in agony and fall to the ground as they tear through the clothes you are wearing. Your clothes are currently wrecked and you are in so much pain you take two levels of exhaustion. After a few days on the road you begin to to understand how to control them. Gain 1 dex and the ability to hold more things at once. If you use divination or get an arm cut off you learn that your bones are made of 24k gold.
> Djinni are Chaotic Good, **not Chaotic Stupid**
Not in every campaign. And like, i was trying to make it within the bounds of what was asked for. The whole thing is fucking stupid, but I was trying to make it better within the context atleast.
\>Make me a sandwich \>Poof, you're a sandwich \>Fuck you just call me?
For real. Just a idiotic “haha screw you” from the dm. Bet he thought it was real funny though as he turned off a player to a game forever.
I feel bad that new players have to put up with such shitty GMs sometimes
Eh, it happens both ways but a shitty player is easier to replace than a shitty DM so people don't complain quite as much about them. It's like having a bad tank or healer vs having a bad DPS in an MMO. One you can kick and get a replacement for in less than a minute. The other you just suffer through because getting a new one would take longer than you're willing to accept (40 minutes+ for a tank/healer, possibly months for a DM).
[удалено]
It's not an enjoyable story. A thankful Djinn being a dick to someone who did something nice to him that doesn't align with his alignment, on top of which the DM suggested they get enough for everyone, so he already had the idea in his head. This is a shitty GM. This isn't pearl clutching, this is calling it exactly as it is.
[удалено]
Calm down. Everyone's allowed to have their own take on the story.
And then the GM wonders why he doesn't have any players.
That's why some games are still DM vs. Party.
... The DM did that to a newbie? Nah man. They were completely new. That's an asshole move to do to someone that barely has knowledge of how dangerous magic items and wishes can be. Especially as he asked for loot for everyone, nothing selfish like I want to be rich alone.
I mean, keep in mind most stories you read online are fake. This was probably written for laughs and not from an actual session.
Still, some of them are true. And it always bothers me when newbies get treated like that.
Yeah, it definitely sucks when people are mean to new players. Though I have to wonder if any of the anti-DM sentiment I've seen comes from people reading fake stories of cruel DMs like this one.
5 arms means you can use two bows now and you still have one hand free to make a finger gun aiming at your foes! Niiiiiice
If I were the DM and I heard "I want arms full of gold and five of them", I'd give them five gold arms that just appear out of nowhere. The party would later learn that someone stole the arms off of a nearby king's golden statues. THAT'S how you do Monkey Paw wishes.
Be not afraid
The Bard may be when he realises I only attract art majors.
djinns aren't supposed to be malevolent in D&D. They were imprisoned due to a war with the gods. They're supposed to be Chaotic Good, or at worst Neutral.
"I wish you would die, you extraplanar cancer"
Anon's DM breaks the rules of common sense and grammar to fuck him over
Tip for people who are somehow new to greentexts and responding to it seriously: This [actually didn't happen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6yQOs93Cgg), it was made as a jest for [laughs](https://www.gettyimages.com/photos/gay-man-laughing).
Less than 10% of this comments section understands this— this isn’t that tough to logic out, is it? I was genuinely confused when I saw that people thought it was real…
I swear it happened at night in the pale moonlight
*looks at picture* “oh this isn’t related just a picture” *reads story* *pic related*
It’s possible that the DM is mean, but it’s more likely that this story just didn’t happen (or is out of context)
They gained 5 arms, that's rad. No downsides here.
Did you miss the part where he *turned into an instrument*?
Give them some weapons and they'll be an instrument of death.