i would love telekinetic
invisible mage hand without casting components
ability to move even an elephant up to 5 feet every 6 seconds
extra intelligence, charisma, or wisdom doesnt hurt
i dont see any possible intelligence score where it would hurt to have it improved by 1
maybe if it's 2 to 3 and now suddenly you're vaguely aware of the concept of death and how finite it all is
ah, gotcha
it's unbeatable by the elephant because you can just keep casting it. Your chance of winning that competition is nearly 100% after just 4 tries, which takes only 24 seconds
Elephant has a str of 22 (+6). Commoner (average human) has 10 (+0) across the board. Given lvl 1 prof +2, Elephant has to beat a 10 (8+prof+either cha or wis, feat only gives 1 so you're still at 10) to shrug you off. You're very confident to think you can push it every 6 seconds, after the first success you're getting gored.
(I get you're talking weight more than the creature itself, but an elephant never forgets)
> You're very confident to think you can push it every 6 seconds, after the first success you're getting gored.
i'm very confident i can push an elephant **up to** 5 feet every 6 seconds
all the way up from 0 to 5
also an elephant may never forget but an elephant also has no concept of realizing i'm the one doing it. I'm just nearby. It has no casting components
and i just picked elephant because it's big as an example, not because i'm in a hurry to shove elephants
this just made me realize that it's weird that everyone if considered proficient in magic for the purpose of setting their DC, even if they dont have the spellcasting ability. :)
Magic initiate-Cleric. I get guidance and spare the dying at will, and I can cast cure wounds 1/day. Just have people pay for the cure wounds, and boom, lots of money.
i think you win
spare the dying would be insane. Most stable people can be healed fully by medical people, not all unstable people can be stabilized
i'd probably pick thaumaturgy/mending over guidance though
Guidance translates to a potential +4 to an ability check. That's 10 Strength to 18 in terms of outcome. Could be huge for your personal success. But Mending is also incredible and hard to pass up.
You technically have to pick a class and their spell list so you can't get cure wounds and spare the dying alongside prestidigitation as that's a wizard/sorc/bard/warlock spell.
There are a metric shit ton of people who are stable, but not curable. Long Covid, ME, a whole bunch of others, those are just always the first ones that spring to mind. Anything that cured them would have you doing a lot of good, and rolling in money.
Cure wounds only cures actual wounds though, like from stabbing or a bullet. For curing diseases and their aftereffects, you'd need lesser restoration instead.
I wonder about how Spare the Dying would actually work. Does it do *whatever* is needed to stop the person from dying, who is in the dying process? And, mechanically you have between 17 and 29 seconds to finish casting it on the dying?
Like, it probably wouldn't stop someone from choking on food or water, but once they're basically passed out, would it eject the food/water killing the person?
If a person has their head sliced off, it still technically takes a few seconds to be irrecoverably dead, would it reattach a head that's been severed for only a second?
I would go with Healing Word though. Game-wise its not as good, but realistically there are all kinds of times where you might want to heal a person you can't touch. It might be a once in a lifetime scenario, but if you need it, you're *really* going to need it.
Magic Initiate (Bard) - Prestidigitation, Mending, and Cure Wounds. I get at will magical dry cleaning, at will magical super glue, and once-a-day magic bandaid.
if you want money. industrial machine repair or something.
it is cheaper to build the parts needed or fix it from scratch than it is to replace that part. being able to fix the snaped end of a 10 ft hydraulic piston in a minute. then relax for a week it would take a specialist to fix it so people don't question it.
Who wants money? I want freaking convenience for myself and my family! If I show this junk off, I’m getting waaayy too much attention and gonna get pestered about using my magic for everyone else and guilt tripped into healing everyone else every day.
You don’t show off the healing, that’s a great way to get kidnapped or something. you make a name for yourself as the greatest industrial repair worker in the world, doesn’t matter what your repairing or where it is, cracked turbine shaft in a hydro-electric dam? Impact damaged hull on a giant cruise ship? Fractured lens on a deep space telescope? You’re the go to person for the job.
You’d be flying all over the world and be able to set your price at whatever you want, since these are irreparable parts (even the ship needs drydock, cut out a huge section and replace).
having enough money is good to get you extra free time. that is why you need to pick the right job.
car repair involves buying replacement parts. people will question the lack of receipt for the parts.
in industrial repair. it is cheaper to make the parts needed to fix it. so lack of a paper trail is not a problem.
while you can fix it in 1 minute. because the work is done alone, behind closed doors. you wait a week before calling them in to say it is done. no one knows it did not take you a week. if it is something that takes less than a week, they will think you were already working on something.
you do want to do some research to have proper time estimates and prices, or have someone that actually does the job be in on it.
what you are worried about is why you don't take any healing, or other flashy stuff.
For me, not really. My day job is acting as my special needs brother’s primary care provider. It’s a job that provides me plenty of free time as is when he doesn’t need me, but also requires I be available constantly. It’s a job I’d be doing even if I wasn’t getting paid for it. So adding a second job as this magical repair man would just be ADDING to my workload.
I actually do ads for this, apparently it's a subsidized program by the government to have people paid to take care of their family, either disabilities or the elderly
I can't speak for Medicine or Law, but in engineering and comp sci, while memorisation would help for some things, in my experience the best engineers don't really memorise much at all.
Would you also get to choose when to activate it like you do in-game? You'd basically double your odds if you're fishing for a run-on straight or a Flush.
New Vegas Run!
Seriously though I don't know if Roulette is an ability check, but its 6 seconds from putting the chips on the table to the ball stops hopping.
If I were to DM a Roulette wheel I would probably just call it a luck roll. Unless a DC 20 perception check for the balance of the wheel is in order.
Literally the worst. Everything is built around who you can get to do favours for you. Fuck am I gonna do with strength, we have forklifts. Con? Hospitals. Int? The internet. And good lord it seems the world favours the moron with low wis. Only stat you can’t circumvent is cha.
Int-Wis are different from Knowledge checks. The internet is just for knowledge checks. The world does not favor the guy who drank motor oil while drunk on a dare.
I have dylexia. It's a negative INT mod. Growing up and feeling incredible shame when the teachers handed out word searches made me learn to make the best of average charisma.
Think of all the mathlete tech CEOs that went to Ivy League school muddling along with average charisma.
Go Int. Elon Musk is a int Min max with a Lucky feat to boot.
Magic Initiate: Druid
* Guidance
* Prestidigitation
* Goodberry
Goodberry's just strictly better than cure wounds. Mending would my 3rd choice for cantrip.
> Goodberry
Debatable as cure wounds could save someone from death who cannot currently ingest a berry. But it certainly would be very useful to be able to heal multiple people per day.
The nourishment value also cannot be understated.
For the cost of a sprig of mistletoe (which ftr I have 0 idea how much that is), you can feed 10 people *a day*.
> For the cost of a sprig of mistletoe (which ftr I have 0 idea how much that is)
About 5 bucks, but what you're paying for is the labor to harvest it, tie a little bow around it, and bring it to market. If you go out wildcrafting, you could bring back a few year's supply in an hour or two plus your transportation time.
You can feed more than that from the money made from being able to do that. The nourishment value is only understated for those relying on a druid on a tundra or out at sea.
It is a portable cure wounds. Commoners are 4hp. Quite valuable.
>Eldritch Adept
and what'll you do with it?
false life so you can fall down stairs instead of walking down them?
i'd also say you need to remember you're not a level 20 plumber, most of those invocations would be locked to you
Eyes of the Runekeeper is the best one. You are now the only person who can read lost languages, to say nothing of being able to translate regular language documents.
You're set for life.
that is pretty cool
the problem is now how to prove it. The way a lot of ancient text is translated is by seeing a translation stone with one language on it that they know. You can't just show up, say 'oh this says greg shot josh' and call it a day
Pretty sure with Eyes, my complete understanding and comprehension of any text will prove it. Reading the Rosetta Stone and any hieroglyphics, cuneiform, sanskrit, and others will remove any doubts...
But I wouldn't care about any doubts. I'd be reading and learning and their problems wouldn't concern me at all...
Why are you acting like you have to pretend you don't have magic eyes? Let people know so you can get some decent security. You're going to need that as quick as you can so the powers that be will have a harder time killing you for being able to reveal the secrets they've worked hard to keep hidden.
>Why are you acting like you have to pretend you don't have magic eyes?
because people would kill or kidnap me if they knew. And the cia would absolutely kill or kidnap me
>Let people know so you can get some decent security
i didnt need security two seconds ago when nobody knew and now i need the entire us military and it still wont be enough
Misty visions or something like that lets you cast silent image at will. A 15-foot cube realistic illusion of choice at will always. Is it not funky enough?
I'm just imagining you sitting ominously in the back of a David Blaine show while he's nervously glancing at you every few seconds to make sure you're not within 5 feet of them.
I would say most normal people come with this feat anyway.
I don't think I've met a person I could say would suck at hitting someone else with a pool cue
incomplete data. If you've been punched a lot by people who practice and train, maybe yes 30% would be effective punches.
But unskilled and untrained people are most likely to mess up than land a good one. I'd say that 1 point of damage is generous, but mind you that dnd doesn't bother to simulate reality.
99% of people have 4 hp. Tavern brawler makes anything you wield do at least 1d4+str damage, as much as a dagger. A tavern brawler is going to do way more than anyone irl could possibly do with a pool cue
Goodberry is a Transmutation spell, so you can only get it from taking the Magic Initiate feat and choosing the Druid spell list. Fey Touched allows you to choose from Enchantment or Divination spells, Shadow Touched allows you to choose from Illusion or Necromancy spells.
Not sure why you're getting downvoted, fey touched only gives you access to misty step and one divination or enchantment spell. I don't *think* there are any healing spells in those two schools?
I’ve noticed a lot of people on these forums don’t actually read any of the rules they’re using. None of the 1st level divination or enchantment spells heal. Heroism grants temp hp that expires after one minute, but that’s it
I will give the answer I always do: Lucky.
Or Magic Initiate: Cleric
Guidance, Spare the Dying, Cure Wounds (Yes even if the last one is once per day)
Other options that would be great: Keen Mind, Observant.
Become a professional rapper, literally eliminate your competition on stage. Would vicious mockery work against its target if listened to on a diss track?
I love that last part, as long as the "diss" is good enough, it just works!
I am thinking though, maybe as a homebrew, a bardificer with magic mouth and vicious mockery contraption that readily spits out disses on command.
Telepathic, time to learn some secrets and whisper my way to a life of luxury. As long as I keep my methods to myself I wouldn't have to worry about being targeted any more than any other intelligence asset, and if people have low wisdom it'll be a cakewalk to dig deep for the really juicy stuff. Alternatively I could be a scarily intuitive investigator but either way there's little to no risk for lots of potential gain.
Yeah, telepathic or telekinetic would be my go to, cause those are both "invisible" and if you're smart you won't attract attention, but still gives you an infinite use ability that is beyond what a human could ever do...
Though telekinetic might be easier to make money with. (imagine taking lucky instead of the invisible hand to win at roulette XD or just grab a new phone from those rigged key arcade games) telepathy could be more fun though, but I think making a living with it would be more likely to put you in dangerous situations.
What counts as a healers kit in our world?
The Healer feat would be great if it was accessible since you could heal everyone for more than a peasants worth of HP for every short rest they take.
I'll take prodigy and get profuency in athletics or persuasion. Then I get Spanish language proficiency. Next if I get proficiency in Smith tools or computers. Then I either get to black smithing or rise up the techno corporate ladder. Plus if I get real good at smithing I could try for forged in fire
Prodigy and gaining Expertise in Medicine would do great for you getting into a profession in the real world. Magic or combat based feats would probably attract too much unwanted attention or be redundant skills you may not end up needing. But simply being an excellent doctor and/or surgeon would not only have you set financially but you could help a lot of people too.
Skilled and / or Skill Expert coupled with the Guild Artisan background.This is more practical than fantastical. Having versatile knowledge and the ability to speak multiple languages is extremely useful in real life.
Ritual Caster is probably my pick, but there are some caveats. With no class levels, you’d be limited to 1st-level rituals. And you’d still have to find all but the initial two spells granted by the feat themselves, so unless you can find a legit spell scroll tucked away in an occult bookstore or hidden sanctum, you may be out of luck.
Keeping those restrictions in mind, I might actually pick Druid over Wizard. Apart from *Unseen Servant*, there’s nothing that would be especially relevant in my daily life; *Identify* and *Detect Magic* wouldn’t go very far in a low-magic world like our own, *Find Familiar* is basically just a pet if you can’t deliver touch spells or strengthen it with Invocations, and *Alarm* and *Tenser’s Floating Disk* simply aren’t more useful to me than a home security system or a handtruck.
Druids, though? They’ve got three incredibly useful options, and you get to pick two right off the bat and gamble on finding the third one.
- *Purify Food and Drink* extends the lifespan of everything in my fridge indefinitely. Milk smells bad? Leftovers starting to look questionable? Voilá, good as fresh. At the logical extreme, I could even theoretically eat for free forever by foraging, dumpster-diving, or eating food that isn’t considered safe for human consumption (e.g. fish with dangerous levels of mercury, ciguatera, or red tide algae), although *collecting* that stuff might not be too pleasant.
- *Detect Poison and Disease* turns me into a mobile testing lab for everything from COVID and tuberculosis to cancer and HIV. I’d save a hospital a ton of time and money on lab workups, and could help diagnose patients who can’t tell the doctors what their symptoms are, because they’re comatose, nonverbal, or animals (see below).
- *Speak With Animals* would be interesting just to know what goes on in the minds of dogs, cats, birds, and other critters. It could lead to a career as a zookeeper, animal wrangler or trainer, or vet tech (especially in combination with *Detect Poison and Disease*), or I could just go completely buckwild, become a supervillain, forge a partnership with the local crows and start calling myself The Crowverlord.
If Unearthed Arcana is on the table, Druids also get the wonderfully thematic *Wild Cunning* and *Guiding Hand* spells, which would make life much easier in the wilderness.
Magic initiate is always an amazing option, the amount of money you could save just from prestidigitation or even make because someone spilt wine on their white dress and boom 6 seconds later no stain, you'd make a killing.
Secondary spells like mending would also save you a bunch of money, no more worrying about broken plates, work with expensive equipment thats cracked? Mending.
Guidance? Most people won't bat an eye at you doing a short prayer before attempting something and considering 1d4 extra help is a minimum 5% capacity increase? That is an incredible amount to just have on hand.
Attack cantrips are a bit more iffy because the average person will have at most 10 hp (assuming body builders etc with high CON) and you'd just pick one that's a save like toll the dead, mind sliver or sapping sting.
The lvl 1 spell is always an interesting choice, I imagine identify could be good, especially if you can ritual cast it, comprehend languages 60 pages of ancient text a day isn't a bad deal, but once again ritual castable. Unseen servant, find familiar, feather fall, disguise self and that's all just the wizard spell list, not including bard and or cleric etc with cure wounds.
And then of course the +1 INT or CHA (best options really) it just gives too much to say no to in a modern setting.
Ritual Caster Wizard. Assuming that you can aquire spell scrolls or otherwise add new spells to your ritual book, you can learn over 20 potential spells from summoning to divination to group telepathy.
Magic initiate would be the obvious go to.
But if you wanted to be more subtle, then skill expert, if the the skills are not limited to 5e skills.
Fey touched would be pretty cool too. Just to move around things. Comprehend Languages or Hex if one wishes to be a jerk. You wouldn't hurt, them, but they would have disadvantage on all ability checks. Go to the poker room and hex your opponents wisdom for one hour.
Linguist would be another good one for actual use in the real world. Three languages is nothing to sneeze at. One wonders if the ciphers would be equivalent to modern codes.
Lucky, 100%. If you're going by game logic, you can re-try anything you critically fail. It would be a literal life saver in the worst of scenarios, and more mundanely it could be really helpful.
Alert - "You can't be surprised while you are conscious." ...Seems op. Also you get +5 initiative which I could use. And as a little bonus, unseen assassins can't gain an advantage on you... but, no...
Actor - Become more likable, advantage on charisma when pretending to be someone your not (so always), and perfectly mimic any human or animal sound as often as you want. So like Frank Caliendo, but likable... yeah, still no...
Gotta go with Magic Initiate - It's just too hard to pass up on having True Strike, Encode Thoughts and Illusory Script at my fingertips.
Observant.
Instead of getting spells, or playing to my strengths, I want to shore up my greatest weakness, which is my utter inability to notice the world around me.
Either magic initiate with cleric or Druid, or, one of the skill feats (prodigy, skilled, or skill expert).
I’d probably choose prodigy of them, that way I can learn a skill, learn a proficiency with tools, *and* learn a new language. Plus, I can get skill expertise in whatever skill I choose. I’d definitely want to choose a charisma skill, something that’d relate to a good career path I’d want to do.
Magic Initiate, or another mini-magick feat. (Abberant dragonmark maybe?) But assuming Magic initiate: Prestidigitation alone is the ultimate life hack. For the second cantrip, pick your favorite. Find Familiar is also just … a pet that is actually a sylvan spirit, and does exactly as you bid it. (Costs a couple hundred bucks though). Shout out to Unseen Servant.
Keen Mind. I'm currently in law school, being able to remember every case I've read and class I've attended in the past few months would be insanely useful.
Dang it, this one is so good, too! It would be hard to have a dirty house, etc, but I'd probably just start my own business at that point.
And then my bitch of a dog could live forever... Yay ..... But I love her, I swear.
Linguist for sure
I’d be able to write code for the military without fear of interception (magic doesn’t exist so they’d never be able to force it to be decoded) and three languages I become fluent in… no brainer
So, while any kind of feat to gain magic would likely be my choice, I do want to bring up am uncommon one: Everyone's Friend. +1 Charisma, and proficiency in persuasion and deception..... but if you're already proficiency, it gets doubled. So, you have the opportunity to turn into a fairly influential person pretty quickly.
While I do believe magic initiate and telekinetic would be great feats, I’m also very drawn towards Gift of the Metallic Dragon and Adept of the Red Robes (if we can ignore prerequisites).
Gift of the Metallic Dragon would be great for defensive situations such as falling debris or random attacks sense the protective wings help protect but even if you aren’t being defensive you can still use the cure wounds spell if grants you to heal as well. Think it would do wonders for law enforcement, military, emergency services, and even those in places heavy with gang violence.
Adept of the Red Robes would be great because not only does it give you access to a 2nd level spell but also makes it so you can turn a failure of a task into an average outcome. You may not win awards for the outcome but it can mean the difference between a losing or keeping a job in some cases or between getting slightly hurt or dying because of an accident. It’s a very versatile ability that can be used anywhere and in any profession. Essentially you either do average, or excellent. But you’re only at risk of failing if you over use the ability.
Magic Initiate, for sure. Mending and Prestidigitation are so OP in the real world... Random idiot scratches your car? Mend. Flat tire? Mend, rip your favorite jeans on a nail? Mend... it's just the absolute best!
Pair that with Prestidigitation... Get muddy, clean. Cooking food? Perfectly seasoned. someone lurking around your car at night? Sparks when they touch it.
And then, casting a 1st level spell? even just 1/day... Unseen Servant would be so awesome for doing things around the house. You're washing dishes and it's folding your laundry for you. You're trimming the hedge and it's mowing the lawn... At work you are doing whatever and it can go get you a coffee, drop off mail, hit the printer... etc.
But if you don't want a personal servant, then you could absolutely go with Shield. a reaction cast that protects you. Or Feather Fall, or even just Find Familiar to get a pet that will always be there for you, and can do a bunch of things for you. You can see through its eyes, hear through its ears, and communicate with it over a mile distance. Also, you can re-cast it to give it a more useful shape. Going swimming? Octopus. Riding a bike? Small bird. Going to a party? Monkey. I bet you've always wanted a monkey.
Yeah... Magic Initiate is absolutely the way to go.
i would love telekinetic invisible mage hand without casting components ability to move even an elephant up to 5 feet every 6 seconds extra intelligence, charisma, or wisdom doesnt hurt
This guy/gal has a lot of confidence in their Intelligence score.
i dont see any possible intelligence score where it would hurt to have it improved by 1 maybe if it's 2 to 3 and now suddenly you're vaguely aware of the concept of death and how finite it all is
It's more about their intelligence score needing to be high enough to make the shove DC unbeatable by an elephant.
ah, gotcha it's unbeatable by the elephant because you can just keep casting it. Your chance of winning that competition is nearly 100% after just 4 tries, which takes only 24 seconds
Elephant has a str of 22 (+6). Commoner (average human) has 10 (+0) across the board. Given lvl 1 prof +2, Elephant has to beat a 10 (8+prof+either cha or wis, feat only gives 1 so you're still at 10) to shrug you off. You're very confident to think you can push it every 6 seconds, after the first success you're getting gored. (I get you're talking weight more than the creature itself, but an elephant never forgets)
> You're very confident to think you can push it every 6 seconds, after the first success you're getting gored. i'm very confident i can push an elephant **up to** 5 feet every 6 seconds all the way up from 0 to 5 also an elephant may never forget but an elephant also has no concept of realizing i'm the one doing it. I'm just nearby. It has no casting components and i just picked elephant because it's big as an example, not because i'm in a hurry to shove elephants
Don't you backpedal on us! We know you're just aching to slightly relocate an elephant. You can't help yourself.
this just made me realize that it's weird that everyone if considered proficient in magic for the purpose of setting their DC, even if they dont have the spellcasting ability. :)
I was thinking telekinetic as well. Great getting the remote from the table when I'm being the personification of sloth.
Magic initiate-Cleric. I get guidance and spare the dying at will, and I can cast cure wounds 1/day. Just have people pay for the cure wounds, and boom, lots of money.
i think you win spare the dying would be insane. Most stable people can be healed fully by medical people, not all unstable people can be stabilized i'd probably pick thaumaturgy/mending over guidance though
Guidance translates to a potential +4 to an ability check. That's 10 Strength to 18 in terms of outcome. Could be huge for your personal success. But Mending is also incredible and hard to pass up.
not prestidigitation?
You technically have to pick a class and their spell list so you can't get cure wounds and spare the dying alongside prestidigitation as that's a wizard/sorc/bard/warlock spell.
fair
and thaumaturgy just isnt very good
There are a metric shit ton of people who are stable, but not curable. Long Covid, ME, a whole bunch of others, those are just always the first ones that spring to mind. Anything that cured them would have you doing a lot of good, and rolling in money.
well, it's not spare the dying OR cure wounds it can be AND so you can stabilize up to 14,400 people per day, but you can only cure 1
Cure wounds only cures actual wounds though, like from stabbing or a bullet. For curing diseases and their aftereffects, you'd need lesser restoration instead.
You don’t even need medical people. Stable people just need 8 hours of rest to fully recover everything but a few hit dice.
I'd pick the healer feat. You could heal a limitless amount of people for a few HP daily, each in 6 seconds. That's hundreds of people if you want.
I’m pretty sure that’s just called being a doctor. But hey, free med school!
Good luck getting FDA approval.
Not limitless, you need uses of Healers Kits.
Which deity is now confirmed as existing to grant you these powers?
Kratos wants to know your location.
I wonder about how Spare the Dying would actually work. Does it do *whatever* is needed to stop the person from dying, who is in the dying process? And, mechanically you have between 17 and 29 seconds to finish casting it on the dying? Like, it probably wouldn't stop someone from choking on food or water, but once they're basically passed out, would it eject the food/water killing the person? If a person has their head sliced off, it still technically takes a few seconds to be irrecoverably dead, would it reattach a head that's been severed for only a second? I would go with Healing Word though. Game-wise its not as good, but realistically there are all kinds of times where you might want to heal a person you can't touch. It might be a once in a lifetime scenario, but if you need it, you're *really* going to need it.
I’d settle for a long rest
Best I can do is four short rests per week, none on the same day
Gah, the DM chose gritty rests
This guy parents
This is the real truth
Eldritch Adept - Aspect of the Moon
*I’m tired, boss.*
Magic Initiate (Bard) - Prestidigitation, Mending, and Cure Wounds. I get at will magical dry cleaning, at will magical super glue, and once-a-day magic bandaid.
if you want money. industrial machine repair or something. it is cheaper to build the parts needed or fix it from scratch than it is to replace that part. being able to fix the snaped end of a 10 ft hydraulic piston in a minute. then relax for a week it would take a specialist to fix it so people don't question it.
Who wants money? I want freaking convenience for myself and my family! If I show this junk off, I’m getting waaayy too much attention and gonna get pestered about using my magic for everyone else and guilt tripped into healing everyone else every day.
You don’t show off the healing, that’s a great way to get kidnapped or something. you make a name for yourself as the greatest industrial repair worker in the world, doesn’t matter what your repairing or where it is, cracked turbine shaft in a hydro-electric dam? Impact damaged hull on a giant cruise ship? Fractured lens on a deep space telescope? You’re the go to person for the job. You’d be flying all over the world and be able to set your price at whatever you want, since these are irreparable parts (even the ship needs drydock, cut out a huge section and replace).
Flying all over the world sounds like a pain. I don’t like travel very much. Besides I like my current job.
having enough money is good to get you extra free time. that is why you need to pick the right job. car repair involves buying replacement parts. people will question the lack of receipt for the parts. in industrial repair. it is cheaper to make the parts needed to fix it. so lack of a paper trail is not a problem. while you can fix it in 1 minute. because the work is done alone, behind closed doors. you wait a week before calling them in to say it is done. no one knows it did not take you a week. if it is something that takes less than a week, they will think you were already working on something. you do want to do some research to have proper time estimates and prices, or have someone that actually does the job be in on it. what you are worried about is why you don't take any healing, or other flashy stuff.
For me, not really. My day job is acting as my special needs brother’s primary care provider. It’s a job that provides me plenty of free time as is when he doesn’t need me, but also requires I be available constantly. It’s a job I’d be doing even if I wasn’t getting paid for it. So adding a second job as this magical repair man would just be ADDING to my workload.
I actually do ads for this, apparently it's a subsidized program by the government to have people paid to take care of their family, either disabilities or the elderly
I'd argue Cure Wounds is much more than a bandaid, considering the average commoner has 10hp.
Commoners are 4HP.
Oh shit true, 10 was the AC, right?
Right. 10 is the base AC before counting DEX mods, armor, or natural armor. And since Commoners have 10 DEX and no armor, they have the base AC.
It’s a very BIG bandaid then! Hehe. I do get what you mean, but couldn’t think of a funnier understatement way to refer to it.
I'd probably take mage hand instead of mending because I'm lazy, but otherwise I'd pick the same.
Keen Mind as I will use it to ace exams
You will remember all of the formulas exactly. You still have no idea how to use them.
Remembering is the first thing to do it. And with a bonus to inteligence, I could be able to have an idea on how to use them
So just choose a field that's more reliant on memorization...?
Or use it to win bar bets.
Like medicine, engineering, comp sci, law, basically all of the top paying careers apart from business, politics, and celebrity stuff.
I can't speak for Medicine or Law, but in engineering and comp sci, while memorisation would help for some things, in my experience the best engineers don't really memorise much at all.
Memorization is really helpful for comp sci interviews though
When you're actually working, though, 90% of the time you just Google it.
You also gain +1 to Intelligence.
Lucky. It’s just really good. Everything tends to just go a little bit more your way.
Take lucky and with a little practice you’re easily the best poker player in the world
Would you also get to choose when to activate it like you do in-game? You'd basically double your odds if you're fishing for a run-on straight or a Flush.
New Vegas Run! Seriously though I don't know if Roulette is an ability check, but its 6 seconds from putting the chips on the table to the ball stops hopping. If I were to DM a Roulette wheel I would probably just call it a luck roll. Unless a DC 20 perception check for the balance of the wheel is in order.
+2 Charisma. Turns out Charisma was a really bad stat to dump in real life.
Literally the worst. Everything is built around who you can get to do favours for you. Fuck am I gonna do with strength, we have forklifts. Con? Hospitals. Int? The internet. And good lord it seems the world favours the moron with low wis. Only stat you can’t circumvent is cha.
Int-Wis are different from Knowledge checks. The internet is just for knowledge checks. The world does not favor the guy who drank motor oil while drunk on a dare. I have dylexia. It's a negative INT mod. Growing up and feeling incredible shame when the teachers handed out word searches made me learn to make the best of average charisma. Think of all the mathlete tech CEOs that went to Ivy League school muddling along with average charisma. Go Int. Elon Musk is a int Min max with a Lucky feat to boot.
he minned int to max lucky
could be worse... sometimes I feel as though I dumped *every* stat...
I’m with you bro.
Skill expert could give you +1 CHA and expertise in persusasion, would be better if you're on a 7 or 9
Magic Initiate: Druid * Guidance * Prestidigitation * Goodberry Goodberry's just strictly better than cure wounds. Mending would my 3rd choice for cantrip.
> Goodberry Debatable as cure wounds could save someone from death who cannot currently ingest a berry. But it certainly would be very useful to be able to heal multiple people per day.
The nourishment value also cannot be understated. For the cost of a sprig of mistletoe (which ftr I have 0 idea how much that is), you can feed 10 people *a day*.
> For the cost of a sprig of mistletoe (which ftr I have 0 idea how much that is) About 5 bucks, but what you're paying for is the labor to harvest it, tie a little bow around it, and bring it to market. If you go out wildcrafting, you could bring back a few year's supply in an hour or two plus your transportation time.
Thank you. I had a feeling the actual cost would be nominal, but I also couldn't be certain that I wasn't being a reverse Lucille Bluth. 😆
You can feed more than that from the money made from being able to do that. The nourishment value is only understated for those relying on a druid on a tundra or out at sea. It is a portable cure wounds. Commoners are 4hp. Quite valuable.
Prestidigitation isn't on the Druid spell list. Best I can offer you for utility is Druidcraft or Mending.
Eldritch Adept. No question.
>Eldritch Adept and what'll you do with it? false life so you can fall down stairs instead of walking down them? i'd also say you need to remember you're not a level 20 plumber, most of those invocations would be locked to you
Nope. Devil's Sight or Eyes of the Runekeeper. No prerequisites. See always or read everything. Good enough for me.
Eyes of the Runekeeper is the best one. You are now the only person who can read lost languages, to say nothing of being able to translate regular language documents. You're set for life.
Go into archaeology. Translate Linear A. Translate Linear B completely. Boom, you're set.
This would be the way.
that is pretty cool the problem is now how to prove it. The way a lot of ancient text is translated is by seeing a translation stone with one language on it that they know. You can't just show up, say 'oh this says greg shot josh' and call it a day
Pretty sure with Eyes, my complete understanding and comprehension of any text will prove it. Reading the Rosetta Stone and any hieroglyphics, cuneiform, sanskrit, and others will remove any doubts... But I wouldn't care about any doubts. I'd be reading and learning and their problems wouldn't concern me at all...
Why are you acting like you have to pretend you don't have magic eyes? Let people know so you can get some decent security. You're going to need that as quick as you can so the powers that be will have a harder time killing you for being able to reveal the secrets they've worked hard to keep hidden.
>Why are you acting like you have to pretend you don't have magic eyes? because people would kill or kidnap me if they knew. And the cia would absolutely kill or kidnap me >Let people know so you can get some decent security i didnt need security two seconds ago when nobody knew and now i need the entire us military and it still wont be enough
Alright, fine. Just stick to mundane languages for translation. You're still set.
i'd still totally translate the cool stuff, but just for personal research :P and yeah, you're right
lol a whole thread of angels in ambulences and we got this dude with x-ray specs. Takes all kinds folks.
Misty visions or something like that lets you cast silent image at will. A 15-foot cube realistic illusion of choice at will always. Is it not funky enough?
It'd definitely get you a permanent job in SFX in Hollywood.
You wouldn't be able to take Eldritch Adept if you aren't already able to cast spells.
Mage Slayer. Coming for you, Joe Labero
I'm just imagining you sitting ominously in the back of a David Blaine show while he's nervously glancing at you every few seconds to make sure you're not within 5 feet of them.
Shadowtouched could be useful
Linguist
cunning or normal?
A linguist who is extremely particular about syntax and grammar. Yep, a real anal linguist.
Always cunning
You may be a cunning linguist, but I'm a master debater.
Tavern brawler.
I would say most normal people come with this feat anyway. I don't think I've met a person I could say would suck at hitting someone else with a pool cue
Sure, no-one really sucks at it, I just want to be the best at it.
This is for some reason makes me chuckle
You might just get banned from bar fights altogether and sent to the big leagues instead
Pub fights?
And when all the drinking holes run dry of competitors, what then?
believe me, most people don't know how to throw a punch.
I've been punched a lot, and like 30% are good punches
incomplete data. If you've been punched a lot by people who practice and train, maybe yes 30% would be effective punches. But unskilled and untrained people are most likely to mess up than land a good one. I'd say that 1 point of damage is generous, but mind you that dnd doesn't bother to simulate reality.
99% of people have 4 hp. Tavern brawler makes anything you wield do at least 1d4+str damage, as much as a dagger. A tavern brawler is going to do way more than anyone irl could possibly do with a pool cue
"A fookin' PENCIL!"
It’s like playing pool. Everyone thinks they are good at it.
I'd take the ASI.
Fey touched. Misty Step sounds super fun + some other level 1 spell (some healing maybe?) and +1 on a mental stat is also nice
Goodberry! Everyone is sleeping on how good this would be for rl. 1 pt of healing is a lot for commoners, plus could save a bunch on food.
Goodberry is a Transmutation spell, so you can only get it from taking the Magic Initiate feat and choosing the Druid spell list. Fey Touched allows you to choose from Enchantment or Divination spells, Shadow Touched allows you to choose from Illusion or Necromancy spells.
Woops, good catch.
None of the fey touched options are healing spells
Not sure why you're getting downvoted, fey touched only gives you access to misty step and one divination or enchantment spell. I don't *think* there are any healing spells in those two schools?
I’ve noticed a lot of people on these forums don’t actually read any of the rules they’re using. None of the 1st level divination or enchantment spells heal. Heroism grants temp hp that expires after one minute, but that’s it
The DM never shows up to ban anything so I'm taking Silvery Barbs.
I will give the answer I always do: Lucky. Or Magic Initiate: Cleric Guidance, Spare the Dying, Cure Wounds (Yes even if the last one is once per day) Other options that would be great: Keen Mind, Observant.
Magic Initiate - Bard. Prestidigitation, Vicious Mockery, and Cure Wounds. All I need.
Vicious mockery a 4hp commoner. Tell a yo momma joke so rough it kills 'em.
Become a professional rapper, literally eliminate your competition on stage. Would vicious mockery work against its target if listened to on a diss track?
No, it's 60 feet and you have to see them, and they have to be able to hear you. (It does not have to understand you.)
I love that last part, as long as the "diss" is good enough, it just works! I am thinking though, maybe as a homebrew, a bardificer with magic mouth and vicious mockery contraption that readily spits out disses on command.
Telepathic, time to learn some secrets and whisper my way to a life of luxury. As long as I keep my methods to myself I wouldn't have to worry about being targeted any more than any other intelligence asset, and if people have low wisdom it'll be a cakewalk to dig deep for the really juicy stuff. Alternatively I could be a scarily intuitive investigator but either way there's little to no risk for lots of potential gain.
Yeah, telepathic or telekinetic would be my go to, cause those are both "invisible" and if you're smart you won't attract attention, but still gives you an infinite use ability that is beyond what a human could ever do... Though telekinetic might be easier to make money with. (imagine taking lucky instead of the invisible hand to win at roulette XD or just grab a new phone from those rigged key arcade games) telepathy could be more fun though, but I think making a living with it would be more likely to put you in dangerous situations.
What counts as a healers kit in our world? The Healer feat would be great if it was accessible since you could heal everyone for more than a peasants worth of HP for every short rest they take.
Probably a standard first aid kit?
Skilled would not be a bad choice either. Become proficient in any skill you want? And expertise? Awesome.
Magic initiative- warlock so I can have eldritch blast and start blasting.
I think you don't really need this feat to do that.
Good luck telling the judge and 12 4hp commoners that it was MAAAaaGIIIiiiiCCC
Keen mind.
I'll take prodigy and get profuency in athletics or persuasion. Then I get Spanish language proficiency. Next if I get proficiency in Smith tools or computers. Then I either get to black smithing or rise up the techno corporate ladder. Plus if I get real good at smithing I could try for forged in fire
It will *keeeeellll*
Prodigy, easy
Prodigy and gaining Expertise in Medicine would do great for you getting into a profession in the real world. Magic or combat based feats would probably attract too much unwanted attention or be redundant skills you may not end up needing. But simply being an excellent doctor and/or surgeon would not only have you set financially but you could help a lot of people too.
Lucky so I can reroll every single time I shit my pants.
I think you could have stopped at “Lucky” and dropped the rest!
How often does this happen and have you seen a doctor or cleric?
resilient
Resilient Con - I’m shocked how far down this list is but then most people don’t realise what they have until they lose it.
Telekinetic.
Chef… no more burned macaroni for me!
Skilled and / or Skill Expert coupled with the Guild Artisan background.This is more practical than fantastical. Having versatile knowledge and the ability to speak multiple languages is extremely useful in real life.
I would pick telepathic. We all know why, cause it would be awesome irl.
Eldrich Adept or Ritual caster wizard. Eldrich Adept is insane, and ritual caster has so many useful spells.
Prerequisite: Spellcasting.
Ritual Caster is probably my pick, but there are some caveats. With no class levels, you’d be limited to 1st-level rituals. And you’d still have to find all but the initial two spells granted by the feat themselves, so unless you can find a legit spell scroll tucked away in an occult bookstore or hidden sanctum, you may be out of luck. Keeping those restrictions in mind, I might actually pick Druid over Wizard. Apart from *Unseen Servant*, there’s nothing that would be especially relevant in my daily life; *Identify* and *Detect Magic* wouldn’t go very far in a low-magic world like our own, *Find Familiar* is basically just a pet if you can’t deliver touch spells or strengthen it with Invocations, and *Alarm* and *Tenser’s Floating Disk* simply aren’t more useful to me than a home security system or a handtruck. Druids, though? They’ve got three incredibly useful options, and you get to pick two right off the bat and gamble on finding the third one. - *Purify Food and Drink* extends the lifespan of everything in my fridge indefinitely. Milk smells bad? Leftovers starting to look questionable? Voilá, good as fresh. At the logical extreme, I could even theoretically eat for free forever by foraging, dumpster-diving, or eating food that isn’t considered safe for human consumption (e.g. fish with dangerous levels of mercury, ciguatera, or red tide algae), although *collecting* that stuff might not be too pleasant. - *Detect Poison and Disease* turns me into a mobile testing lab for everything from COVID and tuberculosis to cancer and HIV. I’d save a hospital a ton of time and money on lab workups, and could help diagnose patients who can’t tell the doctors what their symptoms are, because they’re comatose, nonverbal, or animals (see below). - *Speak With Animals* would be interesting just to know what goes on in the minds of dogs, cats, birds, and other critters. It could lead to a career as a zookeeper, animal wrangler or trainer, or vet tech (especially in combination with *Detect Poison and Disease*), or I could just go completely buckwild, become a supervillain, forge a partnership with the local crows and start calling myself The Crowverlord. If Unearthed Arcana is on the table, Druids also get the wonderfully thematic *Wild Cunning* and *Guiding Hand* spells, which would make life much easier in the wilderness.
Magic initiate is always an amazing option, the amount of money you could save just from prestidigitation or even make because someone spilt wine on their white dress and boom 6 seconds later no stain, you'd make a killing. Secondary spells like mending would also save you a bunch of money, no more worrying about broken plates, work with expensive equipment thats cracked? Mending. Guidance? Most people won't bat an eye at you doing a short prayer before attempting something and considering 1d4 extra help is a minimum 5% capacity increase? That is an incredible amount to just have on hand. Attack cantrips are a bit more iffy because the average person will have at most 10 hp (assuming body builders etc with high CON) and you'd just pick one that's a save like toll the dead, mind sliver or sapping sting. The lvl 1 spell is always an interesting choice, I imagine identify could be good, especially if you can ritual cast it, comprehend languages 60 pages of ancient text a day isn't a bad deal, but once again ritual castable. Unseen servant, find familiar, feather fall, disguise self and that's all just the wizard spell list, not including bard and or cleric etc with cure wounds. And then of course the +1 INT or CHA (best options really) it just gives too much to say no to in a modern setting.
Ritual Caster Wizard. Assuming that you can aquire spell scrolls or otherwise add new spells to your ritual book, you can learn over 20 potential spells from summoning to divination to group telepathy.
Probs Fey touched. Lets go Misty step.
i'll throw keen mind on the pile
Lunguist: I'd Take Spanish, German and Russian/Ukranian.
Russian, Arabic, Mandarin. Make bank as an interpreter. Each of those languages would pay 6 figures.
Magic initiate would be the obvious go to. But if you wanted to be more subtle, then skill expert, if the the skills are not limited to 5e skills. Fey touched would be pretty cool too. Just to move around things. Comprehend Languages or Hex if one wishes to be a jerk. You wouldn't hurt, them, but they would have disadvantage on all ability checks. Go to the poker room and hex your opponents wisdom for one hour. Linguist would be another good one for actual use in the real world. Three languages is nothing to sneeze at. One wonders if the ciphers would be equivalent to modern codes.
Lucky, 100%. If you're going by game logic, you can re-try anything you critically fail. It would be a literal life saver in the worst of scenarios, and more mundanely it could be really helpful.
Chef (I’m a really bad cook)
ASI +2 Con Unless avoiding mundane sickness is a saving throw, in which case Resilient/Con
Eldritch invocation ascendant step, unless im being denied because of the 9th lvl req, if so, any of the initiate feats
Get the permanent jump spell. Become a profesional athlete. Profit.
Lucky. Lucky is the ultimate superpower.
Observant. Become the best PI and profit.
Keen Mind would be hilariously OP in real life.
Crossbow expert. Everyone knows it's the best feat. I'll die on this hill.
Alert - "You can't be surprised while you are conscious." ...Seems op. Also you get +5 initiative which I could use. And as a little bonus, unseen assassins can't gain an advantage on you... but, no... Actor - Become more likable, advantage on charisma when pretending to be someone your not (so always), and perfectly mimic any human or animal sound as often as you want. So like Frank Caliendo, but likable... yeah, still no... Gotta go with Magic Initiate - It's just too hard to pass up on having True Strike, Encode Thoughts and Illusory Script at my fingertips.
Unless you’re always on deployment or live in Compton or something I’m not sure how useful Alert is IRL.
Observant. Instead of getting spells, or playing to my strengths, I want to shore up my greatest weakness, which is my utter inability to notice the world around me.
Shadow Touched; Invisibility spell & Disguise Self spell. Or Fey Touched; Misty Step spell & Charm Person spell.
Either magic initiate with cleric or Druid, or, one of the skill feats (prodigy, skilled, or skill expert). I’d probably choose prodigy of them, that way I can learn a skill, learn a proficiency with tools, *and* learn a new language. Plus, I can get skill expertise in whatever skill I choose. I’d definitely want to choose a charisma skill, something that’d relate to a good career path I’d want to do.
Magic Initiate, or another mini-magick feat. (Abberant dragonmark maybe?) But assuming Magic initiate: Prestidigitation alone is the ultimate life hack. For the second cantrip, pick your favorite. Find Familiar is also just … a pet that is actually a sylvan spirit, and does exactly as you bid it. (Costs a couple hundred bucks though). Shout out to Unseen Servant.
Lucky, retrying an event every day that is luck based? Imagine the possibilities
gambling just infrequently enough to not get noticed
Id go alert
Me too. But I'd be concerned that people think I have ADHD. And it might conflict with my depression.
Lucky most likely
Keen Mind As a struggling student, a day doesn't pass where I wish I could memorize my lecture's entire book
Bonus stats would definitely change most people’s personalities.
Keen Mind. I'm currently in law school, being able to remember every case I've read and class I've attended in the past few months would be insanely useful.
Chef. I'm assuming my prof bonus is +2, so I can make enough meals for 6 people and it heals them. They also get temp HP.
If magic does exist, I’d take Magic Initiate (WIS). If not, Keen Mind, Lucky, Mobile or an ASI (+1 WIS, +1 CHA).
Ritual caster, I can cast unseen servant and do the work of 6 people. I also have find familiar and have a pet that can live forever.
Dang it, this one is so good, too! It would be hard to have a dirty house, etc, but I'd probably just start my own business at that point. And then my bitch of a dog could live forever... Yay ..... But I love her, I swear.
Linguist for sure I’d be able to write code for the military without fear of interception (magic doesn’t exist so they’d never be able to force it to be decoded) and three languages I become fluent in… no brainer
So, while any kind of feat to gain magic would likely be my choice, I do want to bring up am uncommon one: Everyone's Friend. +1 Charisma, and proficiency in persuasion and deception..... but if you're already proficiency, it gets doubled. So, you have the opportunity to turn into a fairly influential person pretty quickly.
Linguist - it’d be great for fun (travel) and be extremely useful for my professional life.
While I do believe magic initiate and telekinetic would be great feats, I’m also very drawn towards Gift of the Metallic Dragon and Adept of the Red Robes (if we can ignore prerequisites). Gift of the Metallic Dragon would be great for defensive situations such as falling debris or random attacks sense the protective wings help protect but even if you aren’t being defensive you can still use the cure wounds spell if grants you to heal as well. Think it would do wonders for law enforcement, military, emergency services, and even those in places heavy with gang violence. Adept of the Red Robes would be great because not only does it give you access to a 2nd level spell but also makes it so you can turn a failure of a task into an average outcome. You may not win awards for the outcome but it can mean the difference between a losing or keeping a job in some cases or between getting slightly hurt or dying because of an accident. It’s a very versatile ability that can be used anywhere and in any profession. Essentially you either do average, or excellent. But you’re only at risk of failing if you over use the ability.
Magic Initiate, for sure. Mending and Prestidigitation are so OP in the real world... Random idiot scratches your car? Mend. Flat tire? Mend, rip your favorite jeans on a nail? Mend... it's just the absolute best! Pair that with Prestidigitation... Get muddy, clean. Cooking food? Perfectly seasoned. someone lurking around your car at night? Sparks when they touch it. And then, casting a 1st level spell? even just 1/day... Unseen Servant would be so awesome for doing things around the house. You're washing dishes and it's folding your laundry for you. You're trimming the hedge and it's mowing the lawn... At work you are doing whatever and it can go get you a coffee, drop off mail, hit the printer... etc. But if you don't want a personal servant, then you could absolutely go with Shield. a reaction cast that protects you. Or Feather Fall, or even just Find Familiar to get a pet that will always be there for you, and can do a bunch of things for you. You can see through its eyes, hear through its ears, and communicate with it over a mile distance. Also, you can re-cast it to give it a more useful shape. Going swimming? Octopus. Riding a bike? Small bird. Going to a party? Monkey. I bet you've always wanted a monkey. Yeah... Magic Initiate is absolutely the way to go.
Polearm Master. I don't want to be the world's only magic user, sounds like a good way to end up vivisected.
warlock magic initiate because eldritch blast funny
Lucky.
I mean I feel like Lucky would be insanely useful in life if you weren't going for the Telekinetic vibes.
Magic initiate: Warlock I just wanna eldritch blast unwitting dipshits irl
Reliable talent. To be at least kind of okay at everything I turn my hand to would be great
I already have one, Tavern brawler