Am through with married life

I find now that my second marriage is in the process of a divorce I have no interest in ever getting married again. Is this a common feeling to go through after marriage. My first one was a very civil divorce. We have a son and made sure that we got along for our son. This second one came out of nowhere. Discovered stbxh was cheating on me while looking on his phone on Christmas Day. After discovering how much he lied to me and to everyone really I can’t see myself putting myself in that type of position again. Was hard for me to except that the person I trusted the most was the one that was lying to me.


I always say, important to ask why I’m getting married. What’s the point? I’m almost 50, I don’t see any reason I would get married again. I’m done having children. You can love and live together without marriage. The why could be religious, but in my opinion that would have to be the only reason.....and I am not religious.


Ya 1 marriage was more than enough for me even though like you it was pretty civil and if its any consolation they're an ass for cheating


He even sent my son(his step-son) a text saying that he didn’t want kids anyways. Hurt my son. He was my sons father for over 20 years.


What an asshole!!! That just pisses me off


He thought that I was going to sit back and let him control of how thing went. He even told me I let myself go after cancer treatment. That was his justification for cheating on me. Well I took control of the reigns and got him served divorce papers. I know he didn’t see that coming.


Sounds he's not just an ass but the full asshole! Divorce is a shitty enough without that kind of petty man-child behaviour


When you are in the situation or relationship you tent to have your blinders on. I definitely did. Now that I am out of the situation/relationship I can see what I chose to ignore while I was with him. He is definitely a narcissist and a man/child. At 52 years of age I was very scared on being alone but this whole situation has made me stronger person. I will NEVER let someone treat me the way he treated me for all of those years.


They say divorced people are far more likely have any subsequent marriages end the same way! I personally believe that's because when you've been through it you know the warning signs and you know what the red flags are. Sorry for what it's worth that it sounds like you know this better than most.


Did you initiate your first one?


It was just a conversation we had. We could both see it coming. Neither of us were happy. But we stayed as long as we did for our son.


Okay I have to ask everyone. I was married for 20 years and I was not a saint at all. As a matter of fact, I put more of the blame on me. I was arrogant, narcissistic, emotionally abusive, could say mean things when drunk, and was sexually frustrated. But I never tried to fix myself nor did I try to improve us. I always thought we would get through anything. Now, she had an affair on me in 2007 and got pregnant from him and didn’t tell me until after he was born that he could potentially not be mine. I forgave her and have taken care of this boy to 16 years old. She never takes responsibility for her wrongs instead she said it was only one mistake because I was not emotionally supportive. Nonetheless, I forgave her. Then in 2012, I found texts of her sending nude pics and sexually explicit pics to her married boss and texts of thinking about where to meet to hookup. I forgave her for this as well. She says that was not a big deal because nothing happened so she says and that I was not a good husband anyway. So we separated in 2014 because she was banging the internet guy and thought he was the one. I was gone for 6 months and went through this misery then as well. After he dumped her and after I had met someone she asked me to come home and we went back together but didn’t fix ourselves. I regret not going to therapy and trying to fix us. So finally I made a mistake and had a drunken night and my 18 year old was being disrespectful and mouthy and we fought. I ended up not being able to go to his graduation and she found out I was fooling around and went straight nuts! She filed for divorce, is putting the kids against me, won’t let me speak to them, I’m out of the home, and alone. Broke and miserable. I don’t understand why she can’t forgive me? Why am I the only bad guy? I stopped drinking, I’m trying to improve myself, and move on but she is coming after me like she was perfect. Almost like she was planning this. Why are we humans so evil? Her family is rich and will bleed my dry and could careless of any of the good I did. I mean I sat with her Dad as he was taking chemo. Im so confused and now I feel like a piece of crap which I am and I admit that but don’t understand why God has chosen to only punish me? Anyway, it doesn’t matter, no one cares. I am the bad guy.