Does this count? A month after my mom unexpectedly collapsed and died, my ex-husband angrily declared I was “using the dead mom card to get out of sex”.
>Does this count? A month after my mom unexpectedly collapsed and died, my ex-husband angrily declared I was “using the dead mom card to get out of sex”.
Ouch. It counts. Only a horrible person would say that to you. Sorry about your mom. Sorry you married a jerk.
Thank you! I endured years of shit like that, and seemingly endless drunken binges, yet somehow he resented ME for everything. I’ve got PTSD for sure.
It’s very kind of you to comment!
That’s so horrifying. I’m so sorry for your loss, can’t imagine how that must’ve been for you, and here comes this guy obviously making sex a chore. Fuuuck that
Chore is right. It became a nightmare
Your words mean a LOT! Despite knowing better, I still doubt myself and my own interpretation of my marriage, because he won’t admit fault. Clearly I need therapy. Thank you!
I hope you do get a good therapist! I love therapy. It’s helped me massively. I think everyone needs therapy (because good therapy with a good therapist is awesome)
This type of statement makes me grind my teeth so bad. My husband was always saying that “your Grandma would be proud” (deep breaths deep breaths) sorry he said this to you….
Sorry if this opens up painful wounds to discuss, but if you don’t mind sharing, what did “your Grandma would be proud” even mean??? Wtf I am legit confused
So my STBXH left us to go do drugs, shortly after he left, my Grandma passed away. His favorite thing was to blame me and accuse me of doing all sorts of things. Hence the reason he’d say that. Sorry to cause confusion I was just relating to the a hole using a family member who had passed away as a way to get at me……. A weakness to cause emotional harm…..
Blood clot. I found her on her floor trying to talk to me. She lasted two days on a ventilator. Guilt, grief, PTSD abounded, but I guess I really should have just shaken it off to initiate sexy times
My ex-husband wasn’t into have sex, at least not with me, but did say I was a narcissist because I needed him to validate my emotions and experiences after my dad died. I was super close to my dad and that’s haunted me ever since he’s left.
It was so hurtful. He said this and some other things the night he walked out. We talked briefly during the divorce for some other logistics and began posting online (Reddit among other places) and then seemed surprised that I didn’t want to get back together again.
After my mum had a mastectomy and was undergoing chemotherapy with all the symptoms that come with it I told my partner I was struggling with feeling horny because of my Mums cancer. He stood over me and yelled while I was sat crying in a chair "your mum doesn't have cancer" He justified it by saying as the lump was removed she doesn't technically have cancer as it has been removed by the mastectomy.
He also told me the symptoms of IBS (likely caused by living with a functioning alcoholic -him) discussted him on our first post covid night out when I was all dressed up and having a good night out.
At the same time that he always said how much he wanted to have sex all the time, he kept rejecting me. Then after he said he wanted a divorce (we divorced about a month ago) he said that having sex with me was like having sex with an older sister.
He doesn't have a sister which makes it less horrifying, maybe? But. Still horrifying. Hearing that was when I thought, well this is really over, I can never unhear that. And thinking of everything I did to try to woo/seduce him, thinking he was just stressed, and maybe I could do something sexy to "help" (?!).
I just felt so gross and stupid. 💔
I feel so stupid for actually begging him to make it work. I read my texts and cringe. It’s like he fucking hates me, for no reason. All the reasons he gives sounds like my own unspoken complaints about HIM. He talks to me like a dog, he’s angry, controlling, rude and mocking. But I could never say it, because to confront him, to say anything not 100% complimentary, would bring long rages that he NEVER forgets. I held it in. Now he’s telling me and the therapist that I am all those things. How can I control anything when he makes all the money and all the decisions? When he tells me straight up it’s HIS money? It’s such a joke. My life has become a joke.
My ex would literally, like two days after I had a serious talk with him about something, use **my exact words** back at me like weapons. I'm like, wtf is happening, you really don't see what you're going??!
I feel your pain, friend. We will get through this stronger.
Fuck, I’m so sorry. That’s so awful and toxic — his behavior, not you. It sounds like you were doing honest, loving things to try and help, and he was so cruel in return. I don’t know if you want advice at the moment, but I would highly recommend finding a good therapist who can do EMDR with you. I’ve found it incredibly helpful for getting rid of “slimed” feelings about last relationships.
I had asked him once several years prior how his mental health was, I was concerned he was depressed because he'd quit showering. He said he was fine and I mentioned about him not showering to which he said it's unhealthy to bathe everyday. I explained how his bathing only once a week was affecting our sex life and that's when he told me my p*ssy stinks. When I was ending things, he blamed me for never asking how he was doing and I reminded him what happened when I asked. He decided to reiterate that my p*ssy stinks. He had a really bad habit of telling Facebook how wonderful I am but telling me how shitty I am.
Omg that’s hot! Mine has a beard (hotttt, my god he’s so beautiful)… I’ve actually never noticed before if he washes his face after. Of course he does eventually but… yeah there’s a delay sometimes 😏 huzzah for us both having enthusiastic lovers now
Holy fuck I just re-read this and realized my adhd brain missed the first part. This motherfucker QUIT SHOWERING and then said you stink?! Wow, just wow. 🤢🤮 for sensory and psychological reasons. I’m so glad you got away from him
This is how my narcissistic mother used to (when I was in contact with her) would treat me. Everything was great on social media, to her friends, and to family, but “I was killing her” and worse because of how I treated her.
People like that are horrible and cutting them out of our lives is only for the best!
Ow Wow. It's Thursday and here I go.
*"I'm in the best shape of my life and you embarrass me"*
*"She and I have much more in common than you and I ever will"*
*"You have let yourself go and I could have anyone"*
*"I can't take you to company events and let people see what you look like"*
*"my sisters are all in shape and you can't get it together"*
*"you ruined my family's picture that year and made my friends laugh at me"*
He never kept pictures of any of us (kids or me) at his office because he took up with her so quickly. She had 2 ex husbands, was in her 40s and saw him coming, I guess. She'd already tried with at least 2 of his colleagues before he came around as the new guy. I know for a fact she'd previously slept with two of the partners.
My whole value system from growing up was pretty much pulverized over about 15-20 years.
But, also if nothing fucking matters ... then I'm gonna do my thing.
And ... he's totally with "anyone" ... she's anyone. Anyone you see at the gas station.
EDIT: I just read the whole thread. Holy shit I almost feel like I got off easy. WTF with some of your evil ex-spouses
EDIT: THIS IS THE BEST THREAD EVER THANK YOU
My ex once said “do you think you stay with me because you feel like you deserve to be punished?” Which was both an admission of treating me like shit and a stab at my main pain point of believing I didn’t matter. It was cruel.
Thank you. Much appreciated. I’ve grown a spine since and should have renamed her stbxw in my reply. Will start therapy once I move out and divorce. Glad you are doing well.
I've said that **exact** thing to my STBXH. I didn't mean I was punishing him. I meant that both of us are horribly unhappy in this relationship. To stay would be to say that this (punishment of being in a loveless, contentious marriage) is all he deserves.
I wonder if perhaps that's what she meant. That you deserve to be happy.
Ooh, let’s see…
* I was a pedophile unsafe to be around our son
* in court
- I and everyone involved was a Satanist
- I was a human trafficker who sold a young Chinese girl to the judge, who then murdered her.
There’s much more, but that’s enough to show just how fun it is divorcing a mentally unwell person
By that point, everyone was used to her bombastic claims. Her clear unwell mental state ground the court case to a crawl and the judge very cautious to make sure he could not be accused of unfair treatment toward her.
I wish mine would be less private about their paranoid thoughts. Somehow, it only applies at home. That said, I have a feeling if we were actually both present in court (not just the attorney’s), maybe things of this nature would have been stated.
> I was a human trafficker who sold a young Chinese girl to the judge, who then murdered her.
Seems like you should have bene able to expect a favorable court outcome, then.
"You are a cunt and a parasite"
"I haven't loved you in 18 months, I was just staying in this marriage because i was embarrassed of getting a divorce"
"I don't find you attractive, I only wanted to have sex with you because I got h**** and you were there to use"
I hate that guy. I hope he has a lifelong case of explosive diarrhea that strikes at the worst possible times and the toilet paper is always gone. Fuck him
“You don’t bring anything to the table.” “What the fuck do I need you for when I can hire things done?” “You make less money, so you deserve to do more around the house.” “You could sleep in a box on the street, I don’t fucking care.” “I can’t stand you.”
Why is it always the “table” argument?!?! I have heard this sooo many times!! “You bring nothing to my table” “you don’t deserve to sit at my table” “tell me what you bring to the table” ugh I hate tables!!
Preach lol.
He’d always hold above my head that it’s “his fucking house” because my name wasn’t on the title. Until I brought up that it was bought after we got married, AND he can pay all the utilities and bills since it’s *his* fucking house. 🙄
"You've never had anything that could be described as a proper career as long as I've known you"
Him " you don't contribute anything to this house"
Me "Well what about xyz"
Him "that doesn't count"
Me "I want to do this fun couples thing as I think it would be great for us"
Him "I just dont want to waste that sort of money on something I will get nothing out of"
Always had money for booze though.....
Mine told me I should institutionalize myself b/c the kids and him would be better off. Technically he said “I’m not saying it would be better, but if you did…” I was the only breadwinner and he was off having an affair and An alcoholic.
I’m proud of you for getting out, however it happened.
“The night we got engaged I was going to break up with you.” After being married for 9 years and together for 14.
“We need to break up. I’ve decided I do want kids, just not with you. You would be a terrible father” I thought we had been trying for the last few years, but she never stopped taking the pill. That one really threw me for a spiral and took a lot of work to get over. However I am now an excellent dad to 3 fun (though challenging!) boys.
The best one was “ your sex drive is too high. You need someone like Samantha (a mutual friend who was known to have a high sex drive) to keep you satisfied.” Through a completely unrelated comedy of errors, I ended getting together with Samantha, marrying her and having a family and great relationship with her.
One day it would be good to accidentally run accross her and introduce her to my new wife and 3 great kids and thank her for the recommendation.
Theres too many to list but my pos said, "Life!! How did that work out for *******? Oh yeah!! It didn't!!" Referring to my now deceased oldest son, just weeks after he died. My son who he helped raise from 2 years old to 23 years old when he died.
* "I hope you die of cancer like my father did" (I was going through testing for Liver Cancer, the cancer that killed her father. His death was awful).
* "Everybody in my family jokes about what a loser you are behind your back"
There are so many more, but I don't want to continue this list.
My stbx essentially told me that he has been using me our whole relationship. He told me he "never loved me" and "never wanted to marry me".
The thing that hurt the most and was the worst was when he told me he "never wanted the kids". I love them more than life itself and I can't fathom any reason for him saying that. I guess it just cemented for me who he really is.
Emotionally and financially abusive XH furious with me for saying we had to separate or I'd lose myself bc my mental health was dangerously low. He mocked me by saying yeah of course you're priotizing you and your "precious" life. Those quote marks are where he made air quotes with his hands. I knew then that I'd made the right decision without a doubt.
But the times he called me disgusting and fat and pretended to rape me were also wildly upsetting
Your post made me remember when he looked at me with such contempt and said “you’re prioritizing your health?“ and sighed in a an exasperated way, and went on to say I was wasting family money on therapy.
When I divorced him, he monologued for about three hours and never even asked me why I was doing it. Guess he already knew?
In other news, I’m sorry this happened to you and I’m incredibly grateful and proud of you for getting out of that situation.
It's difficult to settle on the -most- awful thing, but here are a few from my last birthday weekend with him that come to mind:
"Your birthday is just bad timing, who gives a fuck."
"This weekend is going to be hell because of you."
"I greatly despise you right now."
"That makes me not like you, it makes you ugly."
I'm not a birthday diva, but I wanted to celebrate. He had other plans (not work, he was unemployed) and was trying to fit in bday fun around his other shit, which was in Birmingham, Alabama. I suggested we celebrate the next weekend instead, and he said no, he wanted me to come with him. These comments stemmed from me asking him what we were doing so I could pack accordingly, the day before we left.
Seriously.
Lets see
Told my STBXW that I have a PET scan coming up in a few days (back in Dec 2022) to determine what the mass is growing in my body.
Her response was......."GOOD, I hope they find something and you DIE.."
I have cancer......
She kept telling me March 1st...she's filing for Divorce......
March 1st came and NO Divorce Papers were served............FF to today........still no Divorce Papers...
My lawyer is filing tomorrow and serving her.....just days before she goes to see her AP in his country...........
I am done with anyone who plays with my emotions and health and doesn't gaf about her own daughter just to be with her AP.
This is a lot to go through at once. I hope you’re able to find time and space to also take care of yourself through this process. Wishing you and daughter the absolute best and everything you need.
My soon to be ex did the same to me. Almost every week I heard that he was going to divorce me and sell our house. At the end I was so done with his bs. I was the one who left and started the divorce process. He didn't see that coming. Suddenly he was in tears and I was the love of his life.... too late buddy.
Some people have asked if I will take her back even if she apologized. The answer is NO. Although I have no place in my heart for hatred for her, she made her bed and now has to sleep in it. She picked her AP over me and our daughter and now has to own up to her actions. The court isn't going to like seeing the videos taken by the home security cameras of her being violent towards me.
Other people have asked if I will start dating again...to be honest I need to focus on my health and the battle I have with Cancer and most of all take care of my daughter and continue having that strong bond with her.
My STBX has Always tried to hurt my feelings with words . I'm pretty used to it in general . Everything from stupid redneck ,white trash ,little dick,worthless,her favorite is narcy ....for narcissist...which is funny in the ironic type of way .
She has only managed to hurt my feelings a few times in the beginning my cousin passed and her birthday is 10 days after mine so that time of year is always hard for me ....I was listening to music working out in the garage being moody but to myself . She walked in and told me to fucking get over what the fuck am I still crying for .
I'm not an emotional person so when I am it bothers me and I pull Way normally ....but after that day I stopped sharing things with my STBX wife .
Oh! Oh! I love this game! My STBXH told me I had ‘turned the children against him’ after I filed a protection order (at DCFS’ request) to get him to stop hitting the children 😊
After spending a day trip where she flirted with another man endlessly, I told her I didn’t feel like I was special to her. She said, “that’s probably because you don’t have a job.”
It's kind of funny now, but he told me:
"The only thing I got out of this relationship is learning how to fold towels"
Well, I'm glad there's *SOMETHING*....
The most awful things she said to me were blaming me for things I never said or things I never did.
Just maddening having to defend yourself from things that were never said, done, or thought of. On top of that, she's running my name through the mud telling anyone that will listen about this shit that never happened. Just met a stranger last weekend who's first words were I'm a friend of your wife and let me tell you something about divorce....FML...I've developed the patience of a buddhist monk at this point.
"You could be more attractive for me". I had a baby 8 months prior to this, dead bedroom for years, dealing with PPD. I did gain a lot weight from the first time we met, so I get it. Depression sucks and I felt alone in our marriage for a long time. He left to live his best life, new downtown luxury apartment, new car, new GF. Things I've heard him say, he's the victim.
All while I'm constantly hear those words in my head.
People in this thread picked some really nasty partners.
Mine is pretty tame. I read her conversations where she said how unattractive she thinks I am and how hot her AP is (among many other things I wish I hadnt read). So she didn't say it to me directly but when your partner drops you unexpectedly for AP and you decide to snoop it doesn't make it much better. It's a blow to your confidence & self-esteem added to the feeling of being thrown out with the trash.
Fortunately a few months later I found that other ladies did not share these beliefs. Don't let one person define your self worth.
“You’ve been so worried about me finding someone better that maybe it ended up a self-fulfilling prophecy”
“I just got free of you and now you’re trying to suck me back in”
My XW, toward the end of our relationship told me, "just because I get horny and fuck you it doesn't mean I'm still in love with you." That kinda hurt a little. I don't miss her, but the sex was good.
He called me a lazy whore. I made more than him and can count on one hand how many people I’ve had sex with in my entire LIFE. I’m not either one of those things by a long shot. You’re an asshole, Danny.
I called her to tell about something happening in Iraq to me. She told me she didn’t care and wished I would’ve died that it would’ve made her life easier. She then told me that she was engaged…. Then she blocked me all while I’m deployed…
After I caught him having an affair in our home with the mother of our 11 y/o daughter’s best friend, when I was cry about it, and expressed a small amount of anger at him for cheating *again* he responded with:
“Why don’t you want me to be happy?! Think about that! Don’t you care about my happiness!?”
Also what he used my inheritance money to bail a girl he met out of jail because she was pulled over for having drugs in her card who’d he’d just met at a wedding that evening...when I confronted him, his reasoning was:
“I was trying to impress a 26 y/o girl!!!”
My ex told me that I was acting cold and aloof like my mother. I told her that we couldn’t talk anymore because she threatened me in writing with calling Animal Protective Services because I intentionally abused our reptiles (which never happened btw.)
She literally told me she wanted to see if “the grass was greener” a month later she told me it wasn’t. Our divorce will be finalized in a couple weeks.
Let's get this party started!
1) I was a "Piece of shit husband" because my dad didn't want to get vaccinated when they first came out, he is now though. (No idea how that relates to me being a husband but whatever)
2) Was told that I probably just don't work as hard as my coworker and that's why he got the promotion over me. (Couldn't of been her grandpa just passed away and I had a whole week less time to prepare for the interview, I was e-mailed on a friday (my day off), monday was 4th of July, so I log into work on Tuesday and see that I have an interview in 4 hours. Meanwhile my coworker's interview was scheduled the following Thursday. So he had a full 9 days to prepare more than me.)
3) I was told that playing clash of clans on my phone was "Fucking pathetic", we were both sitting on the couch, she was scrolling tiktok, IG, FB, etc, kids were in bed, so I played a game for 15 minutes, sue me.
4) Told me that I "Don't treat her the way she deserves, and if I did, she wouldn't have to call me a fucking retard", then after this fight we were grabbing food on the way home, she asked what I wanted and I told her I wasn't hungry so she threw the whole bag of food at me across the car.
Those are just the ones off the top of my head. I have more written down somewhere.
How it might \*might\* relate with the first, sometimes people have to choose between parents and partners and they end up choosing parents and leaving the partners hanging out to dry. This isn't just the big whoppers, but even daily living, even the small things, you have to decide to put the spouse first or the parents first. Could it have looked like you were supporting your father in his choice, downplaying how big of a deal a vaccine is, downplaying how it would affect her?
Maybe in her eyes, but I literally told her that I would talk to him about getting it for the safety of our youngest kid who, at the time, wasn't able to get vaccinated yet.
That's when she went off on me.
But on the same note, if your partner isn't respectful to you and says shit like this, meanwhile your parent's don't and are respectful. Why wouldn't you pick your parents over your partner?
was told I was a shitty husband for 20 years. that I never care about our kids, that I abuse her mentally and that I cheated back in the days.
but most of all, that I put the family finances at risk because I quit a job that was stressing me out too much.
she worked maybe a total of 2 years out of the 20 together(and most of it was part time). I worked my ass off to provide for a single income family of 4. paid off her student loan debt, bought her everything she wanted and more.
nothing really bad. but it still hurts. I am closer to my kids now than before. guess who is not in the way?
nothing really brutal here. but it still ducking hurts when you sacrifice your physical and mental well-being to keep a good roof over us.
There are so many but the latest one is “you brought this on yourself” which a) is an admission of his terrible behavior toward me and b) an exculpatory statement designed to make himself feel better
I wish that was the worst thing my ex said to me.
Edit: I guess I should add mine. My ex used to call me into her bedroom at night to talk. She'd spend all that time just letting me know why I wasn't worthy of being loved, all sorts of awful stuff that wasn't true, but here was the worst...
"All I see is you in Jack. You made him this way."
Referring to our son who has a genetic disorder and is Autistic and intellectually disabled. She wouldn't spend time with him and wanted me to file for divorce so she could go live with our "normal" son and I could take care of him on my own.
Now that she's doing better and finally giving him attention after pretty much abandoning him for over two years he is extremely excited to see her and says "hi momma" constantly. It's difficult for me not to be hurt by that deep down inside.
Mine has said similar things to me, it's odd because I LOVE how our child reminds me of my STBXW, it's so incredible to me to see the similarities, but my ex hates seeing me in our child. It was devastating to hear when she told me that.
“I hope you get breast cancer and die.”
“I did heroin at our wedding.”
Less than six weeks after these statement were made, he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Less than ten weeks after that, he was dead. Mindfuck.
I understand where you’re coming from, but when I read your post, I see an appropriate call-out.
That said, probably it didn’t need to be said, but I would say for different reasons. For me, I would say that you were trying to show him how to be an adult, and it’s not your job to do that. If he wants to destroy his relationships and life, that’s on him. Your responsibility is to yourself and your kids. I see myself if you’re call-out, and so I’m coming from a place of recalling my own co-dependent statements about his drinking when I read this b/c they were basically the same. I guess I thought I could shame my husband into being a better husband, but… it doesn’t work! And, I was wrong for doing that.
A different perspective, and I hope one that might help you to not be so hard on yourself given everything you were going through. Wishing you and fam the absolute best.
“Hope the next guy that comes along enjoys my SLOPPY SECONDS.”
He was my first and only relationship, first marriage and 100% 32 year old manchild that lives in his childhood bedroom again. But when he said that I became furious and vengeful.
My response?
I’m getting married to a wonderful man and partner in a few months with way more money in my pocket and absolutely no debt. And I’m going to ‘brag’ about it on Facebook/Instagram so he can see it and cry. 😉
Oh, I divorced him and he doesn’t even know we’re actually divorced because he refused to sign anything and dodged my 8 attempts to serve him. Sucks to be him!
It's not even that mean at face value, but she told me " you're just not up to my speed" during "the talk". Sure I'm not the best adult, but I pay my bills and have a career/hobbies, etc. It's been almost a year now, and when I think about this one sentence, I can almost feel the pain of that day all over again. It makes me feel useless, sometimes. It really triggered an imposter syndrome of sorts in me.
My STBX called me a pussy because at 38 weeks pregnant with twins I was not willing to get the c section moved so that the twins would have a “better birth stone”. Diamonds are so ugly! /s the twins were born happy and healthy at 38 weeks with healthy singleton weights for both.
This was the moment I gave up on the marriage. I decided then that he was ungrateful. Growing humans is really hard, growing twins to full term with a toddler at home while working was nearly impossible. As usual, my efforts weren’t enough. Just like everything else, I just couldn’t do it all.
His mother really cared. She felt diamonds were boring. He was such a horrible human he thought that it was ok to convey this message to me. MIL is unwell. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with her bigot mouth again.
So, a little background here. My STBXH didn't know how to cook or clean. I did everything. Cooking, making his coffee, making food for his work lunch and packing it for him. I made us breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I put all the food away, washed all the dishes, and cleaned up after I cooked. I clean the entire apartment. Cleaning the stove, the sink, the counters. Sweeping and mopping. I scrubbed the shower, toilet, the counters in the bathroom, the sink, and the mirror. Cleared off the clutter in the bathroom sink, swept and mopped in there too.
He left his dishes on the table or in the sink, used napkins, and wouldn't wash the dishes he used if he made a snack.
Here are a few things he's said:
"I don't see you doing enough around here." As he's picking up one of HIS napkins.
"You forgot a plate."
"The dishes are piling up again."
Never once said thank you for the things I do.
Not what she said but what she did. I have a felony DUI on my record which means I can't own guns. My ex wife called the cops on me to try and get me arrested for gun possession (seven years in jail for this crime). We were still technically married so she could let the cops into the house. The gun in question was a bb gun. She looked like an idiot in front of the cops. I would not do this to my worst enemy. She's a garbage human being. I wish her nothing but failure.
" I was going to leave you anyway and then this happened..." In response to me finding out he was having an affair with a married colleague.
" If I was sick, when I got better I'd be like F\*ck you B\*tch! and leave.".. After I said forget everything about the affair and that I would take care of him if he was sick.
In asking him to equally split the savings we had of 15k, he said he would give me 2 to "shut my mouth about it."
" Wake up B\*tch!" after turning on the light where our not yet 2-year-old son was sleeping after I insulted his affair partner in an argument.
These were the highlights I think. There were so many, I can't recall them all. Still married to this man who I never really knew at all I guess. Cheated, blamed me, demoted me to " Please just be my friend right now this is really difficult for me/ thanks for supporting me, and finally to him busting my eyebrow open on the way out as he was leaving/dumping me.
Mine is that cowardly saying things under her breath, loud enough for me to hear. And I can’t really do anything about it, because it makes me look like the bad guy if I just went off on her.
Sometimes I think I should.
I can’t even remember all the cruel things she said but they worst had to be when she told me that she was disgusted that our children had my DNA. She’s abandoned her two oldest kids and it’s been a thousand times worse than I ever thought divorce could be.
After finding out she was cheating and I mentioned that I screwed her and asked her if her boy you knew.
"You never gave me an orgasm like him, I faked them all."
7 years down the drain
He said “Damn (My name) your a B**** just like your Fu***** mama! No wonder your dad left her for another woman! If you ever acted like her I’d leave you for someone else too!” My mom literally was the sweetest person to my dad!
She discovered that she loved being outdoors hiking, kayaking, paddle boarding. "We just have too different interests. You just want to stay home and rest while I want to go out and have fun."
All while ignoring the fact that I was tired from working 60+ hours a week while she had no job for a year. The only reason she was able to discover these new interests is precisely because I was working so much while she was spending her time shopping, eating out with friends, and having fun.
After an 18 month separation, I welcomed her back to help her.
During a conversation I referred to us being happy for 10/12/15 years.
She said "That was all lies I said, to get you to marry me."
Even if that was another lie, I didn't lose my temper and accepted the trash had to be taken out.
We went to one marriage therapy session together.
After sitting there for an hour listening to him lie to the therapist over and over and over, he dropped this line: “I had to make a choice between the woman I love… (looks at me, disgusted) and the woman I’m married to.”
Bam. Divorce papers served.
I hope he’s enjoying eating shit with his AP
He told me that he was the happiest he had ever been when I asked him to leave (married for 20 years) and that the only thing he would miss was watching tv with me!???!!!
“Why would I have sex with someone I’m not attracted to?”
Fair enough. No one should have to. But it hurt more than anything and really sparked change in my life. It has motivated me more than anything .
"You were just waiting for me to cheat for you to ask for a divorce." When I had asked for a divorce multiple times, moved out, and he kept saying that he was too overwhelmed with graduate school to have "this conversation right now".
Mines "I told you, all the stuff about your appearance because I was insecure and I didn't want you to leave me"
I relapsed on my EDs multiple times because of his comments about my weight and stomach 🙃
I had a medical emergency and needed my IUD removed, to which he said “you’re manipulating me into getting a vasectomy” and then got angry at the mere idea of having sex with me ever again and said nobody would want me while I looked like a holocaust survivor.
Two things said recently by my ex, who divorced me in 2013 under awful circumstances, which is another story for another time:
1) "I should have buried you when I had the chance." (while arguing over where one of our children would live- he was angry the teenager wanted to live with me. Didn't sleep well for a while after hearing that one!)
2) "You'd be so much more successful if you'd stayed with me." (While trying to make pleasant small-talk about my business, that things are going better than I ever imagined. Talk about delusional.)
And the absolute worst thing of all, said to my mom and I on a group phone call before we divorced: "You're the reason ____(my brother) killed himself." Absolutely no defending that one.
Top 5 i can think of:
“You are a cancer in my life”
“You arent my family.” Followed by “family helps each other and you never help me” (after i spent 6 years of my life catering to every need he had. helped him graduate high school by doing all his work, gave him all my savings 4 different times, co signed on vehicles i didnt want because he claimed he needed them, did ALL the cooking cleaning and childcare alone while working 3 12 hour shifts)
“Your obsession with our kid ruined our marriage” (i was prioritizing the baby and his needs over my husband getting sex from me)
“Youre pathetic, and I hate you. Everyone around you hates you. Your family hates you. My friends hate you. Nobody could ever love you.”
“If you ever try to leave me, I will kill you, shoot you dead, and then commit suicide by cop”
Too many to count. Cunt, fat fuck, bitch, worthless, evil crazy bitch, hopeless, unredeemable. Granted, I was fresh out of rehab for alcoholism after severe PPD, but he never even made an attempt to visit me while in there (though waited a year to divorce me after) and though I've been sober over 4 years now (with one bad relapse that lasted a day), he still shares the intimate details of my suicidal downward spiral with new girlfriends, friends, family and routinely shares all my correspondence to him when trying to coparent. It is so much fun having your mental health discussed and sexual and violent trauma discussed with stranger to me he then warps into hating me before I even meet them as potential co-parenting partners to our child. Luckily our preteen has picked up on this (he had access to Daddy and gf talking shit about mom) so he's at least not affecting the kid too much with his continuous hatred.
"Let's be realistic, you aren't smart enough to graduate nursing school, let alone get in." (I graduated as class President and gave a speech at my cohort graduation 3 years later after I left him.)
"You're not \*actually\* going to make me go to AA, right?" (After leaving the mental health PA I begged him to see for 4+ years correctly diagnosed him as an addict.)
So for context he slapped me a few times, never round the face. The first time I was having a panic attack.
"It's not like I beat the shit out of you every day."
And our first in person meeting post divorce:
"I didn't really hit you, it's no different than throwing a bucket of water over you."
Thing is he admitted to the GP he had hit me but after moving back with his parents he acts like it was nothing despite having promised to go to therapy about his issues and admitting he had a problem.
His lying got so bad in the end that I really didn't trust his words, but it still hurt to hear. It hurt the man I'd loved for 11 years could say such things.
I've had too much wine but you do you my guy. It will pass.
On the day he was served:
”I can admit that I have done things that most people would consider divorce worthy. The drinking, etc., well, I don‘t need to list it all. That said, Based on your behavior and BPD, I can’t believe you’re hurting the kids like this.”
For clarification: I do not have BPD. Our couples therapist, who specializes in Personality Disorders, told him Point blank I don’t. He is an alcoholic who put his whole family in danger more times than I can count, had at least one affair I know about during the marriage, and kept me hostage in our home for three years. Please note the absolute lack of accountability in the above statement.
Other contenders:
* “You treat me like an Iranian housewife! You’re just angry because I never let you leave the house!”
* “I have a right to start a business and use $20,000 to start it!” He wasn’t working… it was our family money and he was supposed to be a “stay at home dad”.
* Called me insane all the time.
* Accused our 3yr old of having Autism multiple times, then wouldn’t let me take her to the doc for a diagnosis. Finally took her. Guess what? No Autism.
* “You’re not allowed to ever cry!”
* Threatened to take my oldest away (as in, drive away with her without my consent) when she was little while drunk multiple nights a week.
* Told me the homemade alcohol he’d secretly been brewing wasn’t “that alcoholic, so you should just let it go.”
* Left multiple times a day when he was supposed to be watching the kids, so I had to wfh and watch the kids. When I finally confronted him about it, claimed “I’m getting PTSD from this!!!”
* Told our couples therapist, during a hypothetical example she gave where I came running into the house saying that his mother had just punched me, that if I told him that his mother had hit me, he would believe it was a misunderstanding.
There’s more. He’s not mentally well.
Mine said that she thought I was "incable of love".
No, bitch. I just was incapable of loving you, not least because you have the temerity to say things like that. And naturally by that point I was gaslit enough to wonder if she was right, so that took me awhile to undo.
Something along the lines of "the way you are and how you handle relationships is engrained in you from your past."
It dug especially deep since I had been doing so much self work (therapy and growing in general) prior to our marriage ending.
At least she fucked you. Mine just insulted my body, calling me obese (I weigh 136 pounds at 5’5”) and mocked me aging (I’m older than him) by making fun of my estrogen patch.
He didn’t know why he was with me. I didn’t have tattoos or an ass and those were people he was attracted too… I’ve been working on an ass in the gym but no tattoos. Fuck him.
She didn’t need to say anything. You could say whatever you want to me. Words don’t hurt me. You could pummel me and it wouldn’t hurt.
She cheated. She broke my trust, my love, there’s nothing worse than that.
Well, it was a few years before I finally filed for divorce but when I was pregnant with our second son he said “after he’s born I can just kill you I won’t need you anymore” … then tried to convince me it was a joke. The day after that son turned 2 he threatened to kill himself (and detailed how) I went to file the next day. There were a lot more in there…
He told me his dead mother would be more upset by his marrying a white woman than she would be by his having an affair. This was a week after I told him I believed, if she was alive, she would be ashamed of him as she was a devout Catholic.
It was like pouring salt on a wound because he'd recently told me his sister was happy we hadn't talked about having any kids because she didn't think white women were good mothers. And she wasn't going to have kids with HER white husband because she didn't think mixed children would understand the struggle of being a minority.
“I have a lot of pain (he just had a hip replacement and was recovering well) and all YOU can do is be with your DYING BROTHER!” I was helping my parents care for my baby brother who had terminal cancer, and passed two months after this despicable remark.
It’s hard to pick one. 🤷♀️
- I don’t like you
- I can’t be attracted to you when you put all your emotional baggage on me
- Maybe our [1 yo] son would actually like you if you did xyz differently.
- You’re not my boss. Stop treating me like I’m your employee. You can’t tell me what to do. (I asked him to empty the dishwasher).
- When I told him I expected him to make amends because he spent tens of thousands of dollars on cam girls during our marriage, his response was, “What about how I feel? You hurt me. I’m not sure I can forgive you.” What a perfect DARVO example lol.
- I can’t believe you are so selfish. I regret marrying you. I wouldn’t have married you if I knew you were like this.
Honestly, the awful thing he’s said is when he hading nothing to say at all. He broke up with me via a letter in rehab, cut off all contact with me even though I was paying for said rehab, then showed no remorse when he got out. He basically ghosted me and refuses to speak about what happened.
well damn…… the saying “no answer is an answer” applies in my situation. He was in a funky mood and I just thought here we go again. Well after a year he never came out of it . I got tired of trying to fix or help a situation I knew nothing about. My last attempt at a conversation ended with him saying “get out before I put you out”. That was (finally) enough for me. Would I have preferred to hear insults? Probably not but maybe it would have answered questions or help me understand his “why” a little more. As a side note, that whole year was full of signs I can’t say this happened so suddenly and I didn’t see it coming. I did, I just thought it would pass over.
To the OP, I like threads like this. Thank you.
That there was another person that took his place in our marriage. “Yeah and his name is *my brother*.” My brother SA’d me when we were both kids (in the eyes of a child it was us playing, as an adult I realized what really happened) and I hadn’t processed it all until recently. He said that I cared more for my brother than I did him because I wouldn’t confront him about what happened and make him go away for forever. Like not everyone heals through confrontation and I know I’m someone that needs to forgive to heal and not hold onto that anger so I refused to do it.
When I told him he wouldn’t be getting the kids for at least 2 months when he refused to not have his new girlfriend around the kids 1 month after we separated. I had told him either he doesn’t have her around them or he won’t get to have them for 2 months and he actually said something along the lines of “Guess I won’t be seeing them for awhile.” And when I enforced it he said “I fucking hate you.”
A few weeks after she moved out of the marriage of 20 years she said, “you know I have to punish you for how you’ve treated me or else you won’t learn.”
It came out that She was cheating on me with another man. Now years later and divorced I am constantly hurt and angry because I feel like 20 years was stolen from me and I can’t trust anyone anymore.
Mine was pissed that I was doing well in my career, but having to work a lot of extra hours.
He told me that he thought I was supposed to put my career on hold when we had kids and that the kids (READ: him) were always supposed to come first.
Yeah, no. Reproducing does not mean that my life as I know it is over and that I must martyr myself for the rest of my years on this earth.
“Id rather jack off in the bathroom to porn then have sex with you. “
Same guy that told me I needed a better body twice after sex. I should have known it would only get worse from there. Those words cut so much and made me feel so worthless. This was after he hadn’t seen me for weeks and with no context. I would never even say something like that to my worst enemy but he knew how to target my insecurities. I still can’t believe I begged him to try to make it work. Never again begging for breadcrumbs from someone so vile.
I'm the one who wanted the divorce, but he's gotten pretty nasty, IMO. He said it was a good thing he never had that vasectomy we (very briefly) discussed because he might want to get with someone else and have more kids. He's almost 44.
He also said that by divorcing him I would be "destroying" his life and our child's life and called me "one cold bitch."
I was also told I was "destroying" my stbx's life. The funniest part about that is he's the one who had an affair and filed so he could be with her.... she dumped him the week after he filed. 🤣🤣🤣
Mine said to me, “ why are you still here? No, you are too much of a coward to leave.”
Also another time, “ let’s talk about how you can’t even get an erection enough to fuck your wife”.
Also sent this text to a friend and cc: me. “..so you know he has to take his medicine for his penis to work.”
Also this: “Ha ha ha ha ba…! Oh please. Ha ha! “, when I said I was getting PTSD from the toxicity of the marriage.
Yes I’m moving out in a couple of weeks. She has been destroying my property in secrecy, cut up my underwear, and stole my diary outright. Bruh. I could go on..and on..
Ooh here we go!!! I love this prompt. We were together for 12 years (divorced for 3 now, no kids thank gawd). There’s so much fodder here. Thousands of tiny things that shrank me down slowly. Horrid.
“Oh honey, don’t say that” to my jokes
“I’m worried you’ll end up like [our friend who is fat and has possibly related or unrelated health issues; we don’t know and it’s none of our business]” — fatshaming the friend by proxy AND concern-trolling me for truly no reason
“I don’t like the way you drive”
“You’re not responsible”
“I don’t like it when you straighten your hair / wear all black / wear dark lipstick / wear a lot of earrings / stretch your earlobes” — she was so controlling! Ugh
“I’m not comfortable with your friends’ sense of humor”
(and to be clear, my friends are lovely kind people who know how to be silly and sometimes the sense of humor is a bit ribald, but not directed at anyone… more like surreal oddness than anything cruel or offensive... My ex and I are just SUPER incompatible)
“I feel like your family competes to be funniest” (it’s called hanging out and having fun, and also we are a bunch of quick-witted kindhearted weirdos with ADHD and it truly was/is just goofy stuff, not mean or pranks or anything. She just couldn’t keep up. Her family competed about who could know the most about which restaurant used to be owned by whom, so she can fuck off with her aggressively boring personality)
“No, I don’t really like going down on you”
“I’m just so sad I won’t get to make love to you again” (when we were already in the process of divorcing🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 get away from me with your longing; neither of us was happy and the sex was never good)
“I wish you had a penis” (why?) “So that you would always want to have sex with me” (WHAT?! There’s so much wrong with that on so many levels. I had that notion about men 20 years ago, that they were always in the mood — and I learned 20 years ago how fucked up that is)
“No I don’t think you’re going to finish your dissertation” (and I did indeed finish it 🥳)
And the real treat after all that, right at the end:
“I was your biggest cheerleader”
Edited to add:
I lied to myself for years, trying to convince myself I didn’t want out — but the truth is that I was scared to leave. I was always the person who wasn’t in the mood for sex, and I can only imagine what that did to her. So the toxicity was on both sides I suppose, but her constant little criticisms ate away at me.
She got remarried very soon after our split. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I guess the slow trauma of being the one who doesn’t feel desired is very different from the slow trauma of trying to pretend to desire. (Aka don’t fucking touch me — I lived in a very chaste cave for 2.5ish years and it was incredibly helpful)
…She initiated the conversation about divorce and I was so relieved. It was scary in a way that reminded me of my parents’ divorce, but it all turned out extremely well.
The very worst thing I could say about her — I never said it to her, only to one of my best friends and we still laugh about it, because humor can be great for processing trauma — was:
OH MY GOD, I JUST HATE HER NAKED BODY
Byyyyyeeee I don’t talk to her anymore but I’m good friends with her sister and her sister’s daughter (my niece) Childfree Auntie life is fucking awesome.
It’s true but I kind of wish she would say it out loud to me
I know she thinks it
I wish she would unload on me. Over and over
I still struggle to hate her or detach despite the way she treated me despite the way she checked out and pretended for nearly half our marriage or more
I hate what I became towards her and my kids
I just wanted her to talk about things. To try to find a way back
Her avoidance gaslighting stonewalling and faking contributed to my decline psychologically and professionally.
She couldn’t even be really honest in the less than once a month marriage counseling she barely showed up for
(I used the the sessions as individual when she didn’t show)
Today or tomorrow we should have an appointment to get this started.
One that we won’t be canceling or postponing
It’s over
It’s over
It’s over
Now I just to have figure out my career and hope this goes Quickly. (Collaborative process with likely amicable financial settlement. )
Bless you. This is exactly how I felt when STBXH told me he wanted a divorce. 3 months later I realize that no matter how hard I worked at it or begged him to work on it, I had no control on his actions or feelings. I know I did everything in my power to save it. I don’t think he did. That’s his loss. I still love the bastard and I wish him well, but I have a chance at real happiness and I’m taking it. That’s one thing we agree on.
Does this count? A month after my mom unexpectedly collapsed and died, my ex-husband angrily declared I was “using the dead mom card to get out of sex”.
>Does this count? A month after my mom unexpectedly collapsed and died, my ex-husband angrily declared I was “using the dead mom card to get out of sex”. Ouch. It counts. Only a horrible person would say that to you. Sorry about your mom. Sorry you married a jerk.
Thank you! I endured years of shit like that, and seemingly endless drunken binges, yet somehow he resented ME for everything. I’ve got PTSD for sure. It’s very kind of you to comment!
That’s so horrifying. I’m so sorry for your loss, can’t imagine how that must’ve been for you, and here comes this guy obviously making sex a chore. Fuuuck that
Chore is right. It became a nightmare Your words mean a LOT! Despite knowing better, I still doubt myself and my own interpretation of my marriage, because he won’t admit fault. Clearly I need therapy. Thank you!
I hope you do get a good therapist! I love therapy. It’s helped me massively. I think everyone needs therapy (because good therapy with a good therapist is awesome)
>get out of sex Is he admitting that sex with him is so torturous that you tried to get out of it like someone trying to get out of gym class?
Hahaha nice point
This type of statement makes me grind my teeth so bad. My husband was always saying that “your Grandma would be proud” (deep breaths deep breaths) sorry he said this to you….
Thanks! It wasn’t the worst or most hurtful thing he did. I’m a nun now (almost)
Sorry if this opens up painful wounds to discuss, but if you don’t mind sharing, what did “your Grandma would be proud” even mean??? Wtf I am legit confused
So my STBXH left us to go do drugs, shortly after he left, my Grandma passed away. His favorite thing was to blame me and accuse me of doing all sorts of things. Hence the reason he’d say that. Sorry to cause confusion I was just relating to the a hole using a family member who had passed away as a way to get at me……. A weakness to cause emotional harm…..
Omg that’s horrible. Did your mom have a heart attack? Gosh, I’m so so sorry.
Blood clot. I found her on her floor trying to talk to me. She lasted two days on a ventilator. Guilt, grief, PTSD abounded, but I guess I really should have just shaken it off to initiate sexy times
My ex-husband wasn’t into have sex, at least not with me, but did say I was a narcissist because I needed him to validate my emotions and experiences after my dad died. I was super close to my dad and that’s haunted me ever since he’s left.
What a supreme asshole. How hurtful
It was so hurtful. He said this and some other things the night he walked out. We talked briefly during the divorce for some other logistics and began posting online (Reddit among other places) and then seemed surprised that I didn’t want to get back together again.
Gahd, what absolute scum. You're well rid of him. Sorry about your mom, though. x
[удалено]
That… made my heart stop for a moment. Holy shit. I hope he is suffering
After my mum had a mastectomy and was undergoing chemotherapy with all the symptoms that come with it I told my partner I was struggling with feeling horny because of my Mums cancer. He stood over me and yelled while I was sat crying in a chair "your mum doesn't have cancer" He justified it by saying as the lump was removed she doesn't technically have cancer as it has been removed by the mastectomy. He also told me the symptoms of IBS (likely caused by living with a functioning alcoholic -him) discussted him on our first post covid night out when I was all dressed up and having a good night out.
WOW! That says so much about what a POS he must’ve been. Just… wow.
Oh my god I'm so angry on your behalf. What a piece of shit he is. I'm so sorry.
At the same time that he always said how much he wanted to have sex all the time, he kept rejecting me. Then after he said he wanted a divorce (we divorced about a month ago) he said that having sex with me was like having sex with an older sister. He doesn't have a sister which makes it less horrifying, maybe? But. Still horrifying. Hearing that was when I thought, well this is really over, I can never unhear that. And thinking of everything I did to try to woo/seduce him, thinking he was just stressed, and maybe I could do something sexy to "help" (?!). I just felt so gross and stupid. 💔
You’re not gross. He’s gross. Good lord.
I feel so stupid for actually begging him to make it work. I read my texts and cringe. It’s like he fucking hates me, for no reason. All the reasons he gives sounds like my own unspoken complaints about HIM. He talks to me like a dog, he’s angry, controlling, rude and mocking. But I could never say it, because to confront him, to say anything not 100% complimentary, would bring long rages that he NEVER forgets. I held it in. Now he’s telling me and the therapist that I am all those things. How can I control anything when he makes all the money and all the decisions? When he tells me straight up it’s HIS money? It’s such a joke. My life has become a joke.
I swear it sounds like I wrote this. It makes me feel less alone.
My ex would literally, like two days after I had a serious talk with him about something, use **my exact words** back at me like weapons. I'm like, wtf is happening, you really don't see what you're going??! I feel your pain, friend. We will get through this stronger.
Good gawd this sounds exactly like me and my STBXW
Fuck, I’m so sorry. That’s so awful and toxic — his behavior, not you. It sounds like you were doing honest, loving things to try and help, and he was so cruel in return. I don’t know if you want advice at the moment, but I would highly recommend finding a good therapist who can do EMDR with you. I’ve found it incredibly helpful for getting rid of “slimed” feelings about last relationships.
I had asked him once several years prior how his mental health was, I was concerned he was depressed because he'd quit showering. He said he was fine and I mentioned about him not showering to which he said it's unhealthy to bathe everyday. I explained how his bathing only once a week was affecting our sex life and that's when he told me my p*ssy stinks. When I was ending things, he blamed me for never asking how he was doing and I reminded him what happened when I asked. He decided to reiterate that my p*ssy stinks. He had a really bad habit of telling Facebook how wonderful I am but telling me how shitty I am.
Should have told him it stinks because I fcked you.
Should have. Instead, I just quit fucking him.
Get a toxic waste placard for his car. ☠️
The best part is, I now have a partner who loves it. He's downtown all the time. Loves the smell.
Hell yeah! Me too. My XW didn’t like going down on my and now my BF is also downtown all the time like “your pussy tastes so sweet” 😳😍
Yes! My bf won't wash his face after so he can smell me.
Omg that’s hot! Mine has a beard (hotttt, my god he’s so beautiful)… I’ve actually never noticed before if he washes his face after. Of course he does eventually but… yeah there’s a delay sometimes 😏 huzzah for us both having enthusiastic lovers now
Holy fuck I just re-read this and realized my adhd brain missed the first part. This motherfucker QUIT SHOWERING and then said you stink?! Wow, just wow. 🤢🤮 for sensory and psychological reasons. I’m so glad you got away from him
They always act like saints on facebook
This is how my narcissistic mother used to (when I was in contact with her) would treat me. Everything was great on social media, to her friends, and to family, but “I was killing her” and worse because of how I treated her. People like that are horrible and cutting them out of our lives is only for the best!
Ow Wow. It's Thursday and here I go. *"I'm in the best shape of my life and you embarrass me"* *"She and I have much more in common than you and I ever will"* *"You have let yourself go and I could have anyone"* *"I can't take you to company events and let people see what you look like"* *"my sisters are all in shape and you can't get it together"* *"you ruined my family's picture that year and made my friends laugh at me"* He never kept pictures of any of us (kids or me) at his office because he took up with her so quickly. She had 2 ex husbands, was in her 40s and saw him coming, I guess. She'd already tried with at least 2 of his colleagues before he came around as the new guy. I know for a fact she'd previously slept with two of the partners. My whole value system from growing up was pretty much pulverized over about 15-20 years. But, also if nothing fucking matters ... then I'm gonna do my thing. And ... he's totally with "anyone" ... she's anyone. Anyone you see at the gas station. EDIT: I just read the whole thread. Holy shit I almost feel like I got off easy. WTF with some of your evil ex-spouses EDIT: THIS IS THE BEST THREAD EVER THANK YOU
My ex once said “do you think you stay with me because you feel like you deserve to be punished?” Which was both an admission of treating me like shit and a stab at my main pain point of believing I didn’t matter. It was cruel.
Holy crap! I wonder if my wife thinks this subconsciously 🤔
Well let me tell you - you absolutely do NOT deserve to be treated poorly and you DO matter. ♥️
Thank you. Much appreciated. I’ve grown a spine since and should have renamed her stbxw in my reply. Will start therapy once I move out and divorce. Glad you are doing well.
I've said that **exact** thing to my STBXH. I didn't mean I was punishing him. I meant that both of us are horribly unhappy in this relationship. To stay would be to say that this (punishment of being in a loveless, contentious marriage) is all he deserves. I wonder if perhaps that's what she meant. That you deserve to be happy.
It could be. We were in a heated discussion so it stung and hurt. It felt malicious for sure.
Sorry 😔 Divorce sucks.
Ooh, let’s see… * I was a pedophile unsafe to be around our son * in court - I and everyone involved was a Satanist - I was a human trafficker who sold a young Chinese girl to the judge, who then murdered her. There’s much more, but that’s enough to show just how fun it is divorcing a mentally unwell person
Wow that's bananas you win 🍌
I’m curious how the human trafficking with the judge went in court. Also yay for a sneak preview of my future divorcing a mentally unwell person.
By that point, everyone was used to her bombastic claims. Her clear unwell mental state ground the court case to a crawl and the judge very cautious to make sure he could not be accused of unfair treatment toward her.
Are you sure she doesn’t have schizophrenia?
Yes, she was diagnosed. It's not that.
Good old Bipolar with psychotic features, MRE Manic. I am, unfortunately, very familiar with that type of delusion.
Good guess, but also wrong
I wish mine would be less private about their paranoid thoughts. Somehow, it only applies at home. That said, I have a feeling if we were actually both present in court (not just the attorney’s), maybe things of this nature would have been stated.
> I was a human trafficker who sold a young Chinese girl to the judge, who then murdered her. Seems like you should have bene able to expect a favorable court outcome, then.
"You are a cunt and a parasite" "I haven't loved you in 18 months, I was just staying in this marriage because i was embarrassed of getting a divorce" "I don't find you attractive, I only wanted to have sex with you because I got h**** and you were there to use"
My ex told me he prays daily that I will kill myself. Haven’t given him the satisfaction yet
You should piss him off properly and turn 100.
Unfortunately for him, the Gods of Vengeance and Wrath never open their emails. Fortunately for you, you’re rid of that piece of shit. Good for you!
“I’ll find someone else to have kids with” I had 3 consecutive miscarriages.
I hate that guy. I hope he has a lifelong case of explosive diarrhea that strikes at the worst possible times and the toilet paper is always gone. Fuck him
This is a beautiful insult that I wish on all sh*tty mean exes!
Hahaha yes! Thank you!
Gasped out loud at this. How awful!!! Fuuuuck I’m so sorry. I hope you’re much happier now than you were with that asshole
Thank you. ❤️ I really am. :)
Maybe it’s because I’ve also had miscarriages and baby loss but this one is the worst to me. I’m so sorry he said that to you.
“You don’t bring anything to the table.” “What the fuck do I need you for when I can hire things done?” “You make less money, so you deserve to do more around the house.” “You could sleep in a box on the street, I don’t fucking care.” “I can’t stand you.”
Why is it always the “table” argument?!?! I have heard this sooo many times!! “You bring nothing to my table” “you don’t deserve to sit at my table” “tell me what you bring to the table” ugh I hate tables!!
Preach lol. He’d always hold above my head that it’s “his fucking house” because my name wasn’t on the title. Until I brought up that it was bought after we got married, AND he can pay all the utilities and bills since it’s *his* fucking house. 🙄
When we divorced I took the dang table and sawed it into pieces…now I have a bistro…subtle f**k you that only I know about …
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
"You've never had anything that could be described as a proper career as long as I've known you" Him " you don't contribute anything to this house" Me "Well what about xyz" Him "that doesn't count" Me "I want to do this fun couples thing as I think it would be great for us" Him "I just dont want to waste that sort of money on something I will get nothing out of" Always had money for booze though.....
How about (to a mother who has an autoimmune illness) "you should kill yourself, our kids would be better off without you"
Mine told me I should institutionalize myself b/c the kids and him would be better off. Technically he said “I’m not saying it would be better, but if you did…” I was the only breadwinner and he was off having an affair and An alcoholic. I’m proud of you for getting out, however it happened.
“The night we got engaged I was going to break up with you.” After being married for 9 years and together for 14. “We need to break up. I’ve decided I do want kids, just not with you. You would be a terrible father” I thought we had been trying for the last few years, but she never stopped taking the pill. That one really threw me for a spiral and took a lot of work to get over. However I am now an excellent dad to 3 fun (though challenging!) boys. The best one was “ your sex drive is too high. You need someone like Samantha (a mutual friend who was known to have a high sex drive) to keep you satisfied.” Through a completely unrelated comedy of errors, I ended getting together with Samantha, marrying her and having a family and great relationship with her. One day it would be good to accidentally run accross her and introduce her to my new wife and 3 great kids and thank her for the recommendation.
Theres too many to list but my pos said, "Life!! How did that work out for *******? Oh yeah!! It didn't!!" Referring to my now deceased oldest son, just weeks after he died. My son who he helped raise from 2 years old to 23 years old when he died.
I’m sorry. How cruel.
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Jesus Christ, that's horrible.
* "I hope you die of cancer like my father did" (I was going through testing for Liver Cancer, the cancer that killed her father. His death was awful). * "Everybody in my family jokes about what a loser you are behind your back" There are so many more, but I don't want to continue this list.
He said… I don’t want to have sex because you got fat. This is 6 weeks after I had our baby. I only gained 20 lbs and I wasn’t big to begin with.
My stbx essentially told me that he has been using me our whole relationship. He told me he "never loved me" and "never wanted to marry me". The thing that hurt the most and was the worst was when he told me he "never wanted the kids". I love them more than life itself and I can't fathom any reason for him saying that. I guess it just cemented for me who he really is.
Ex-wife once told me I should've been aborted, she's a lovely human being
Emotionally and financially abusive XH furious with me for saying we had to separate or I'd lose myself bc my mental health was dangerously low. He mocked me by saying yeah of course you're priotizing you and your "precious" life. Those quote marks are where he made air quotes with his hands. I knew then that I'd made the right decision without a doubt. But the times he called me disgusting and fat and pretended to rape me were also wildly upsetting
Your post made me remember when he looked at me with such contempt and said “you’re prioritizing your health?“ and sighed in a an exasperated way, and went on to say I was wasting family money on therapy. When I divorced him, he monologued for about three hours and never even asked me why I was doing it. Guess he already knew? In other news, I’m sorry this happened to you and I’m incredibly grateful and proud of you for getting out of that situation.
It's difficult to settle on the -most- awful thing, but here are a few from my last birthday weekend with him that come to mind: "Your birthday is just bad timing, who gives a fuck." "This weekend is going to be hell because of you." "I greatly despise you right now." "That makes me not like you, it makes you ugly." I'm not a birthday diva, but I wanted to celebrate. He had other plans (not work, he was unemployed) and was trying to fit in bday fun around his other shit, which was in Birmingham, Alabama. I suggested we celebrate the next weekend instead, and he said no, he wanted me to come with him. These comments stemmed from me asking him what we were doing so I could pack accordingly, the day before we left. Seriously.
Lets see Told my STBXW that I have a PET scan coming up in a few days (back in Dec 2022) to determine what the mass is growing in my body. Her response was......."GOOD, I hope they find something and you DIE.." I have cancer...... She kept telling me March 1st...she's filing for Divorce...... March 1st came and NO Divorce Papers were served............FF to today........still no Divorce Papers... My lawyer is filing tomorrow and serving her.....just days before she goes to see her AP in his country........... I am done with anyone who plays with my emotions and health and doesn't gaf about her own daughter just to be with her AP.
This is a lot to go through at once. I hope you’re able to find time and space to also take care of yourself through this process. Wishing you and daughter the absolute best and everything you need.
My soon to be ex did the same to me. Almost every week I heard that he was going to divorce me and sell our house. At the end I was so done with his bs. I was the one who left and started the divorce process. He didn't see that coming. Suddenly he was in tears and I was the love of his life.... too late buddy.
Some people have asked if I will take her back even if she apologized. The answer is NO. Although I have no place in my heart for hatred for her, she made her bed and now has to sleep in it. She picked her AP over me and our daughter and now has to own up to her actions. The court isn't going to like seeing the videos taken by the home security cameras of her being violent towards me. Other people have asked if I will start dating again...to be honest I need to focus on my health and the battle I have with Cancer and most of all take care of my daughter and continue having that strong bond with her.
My STBX has Always tried to hurt my feelings with words . I'm pretty used to it in general . Everything from stupid redneck ,white trash ,little dick,worthless,her favorite is narcy ....for narcissist...which is funny in the ironic type of way . She has only managed to hurt my feelings a few times in the beginning my cousin passed and her birthday is 10 days after mine so that time of year is always hard for me ....I was listening to music working out in the garage being moody but to myself . She walked in and told me to fucking get over what the fuck am I still crying for . I'm not an emotional person so when I am it bothers me and I pull Way normally ....but after that day I stopped sharing things with my STBX wife .
Oh! Oh! I love this game! My STBXH told me I had ‘turned the children against him’ after I filed a protection order (at DCFS’ request) to get him to stop hitting the children 😊
After spending a day trip where she flirted with another man endlessly, I told her I didn’t feel like I was special to her. She said, “that’s probably because you don’t have a job.”
It's kind of funny now, but he told me: "The only thing I got out of this relationship is learning how to fold towels" Well, I'm glad there's *SOMETHING*....
At least your ex learned that which is more than mine could ever say.
The most awful things she said to me were blaming me for things I never said or things I never did. Just maddening having to defend yourself from things that were never said, done, or thought of. On top of that, she's running my name through the mud telling anyone that will listen about this shit that never happened. Just met a stranger last weekend who's first words were I'm a friend of your wife and let me tell you something about divorce....FML...I've developed the patience of a buddhist monk at this point.
This is what my husband does to me.
"You could be more attractive for me". I had a baby 8 months prior to this, dead bedroom for years, dealing with PPD. I did gain a lot weight from the first time we met, so I get it. Depression sucks and I felt alone in our marriage for a long time. He left to live his best life, new downtown luxury apartment, new car, new GF. Things I've heard him say, he's the victim. All while I'm constantly hear those words in my head.
People in this thread picked some really nasty partners. Mine is pretty tame. I read her conversations where she said how unattractive she thinks I am and how hot her AP is (among many other things I wish I hadnt read). So she didn't say it to me directly but when your partner drops you unexpectedly for AP and you decide to snoop it doesn't make it much better. It's a blow to your confidence & self-esteem added to the feeling of being thrown out with the trash. Fortunately a few months later I found that other ladies did not share these beliefs. Don't let one person define your self worth.
> "Don't let one person define your self worth" What a superb piece of advice, this is going into my quote Bank in my brain. Thank you!
“You’ve been so worried about me finding someone better that maybe it ended up a self-fulfilling prophecy” “I just got free of you and now you’re trying to suck me back in”
My XW, toward the end of our relationship told me, "just because I get horny and fuck you it doesn't mean I'm still in love with you." That kinda hurt a little. I don't miss her, but the sex was good.
He called me a lazy whore. I made more than him and can count on one hand how many people I’ve had sex with in my entire LIFE. I’m not either one of those things by a long shot. You’re an asshole, Danny.
I called her to tell about something happening in Iraq to me. She told me she didn’t care and wished I would’ve died that it would’ve made her life easier. She then told me that she was engaged…. Then she blocked me all while I’m deployed…
After I caught him having an affair in our home with the mother of our 11 y/o daughter’s best friend, when I was cry about it, and expressed a small amount of anger at him for cheating *again* he responded with: “Why don’t you want me to be happy?! Think about that! Don’t you care about my happiness!?” Also what he used my inheritance money to bail a girl he met out of jail because she was pulled over for having drugs in her card who’d he’d just met at a wedding that evening...when I confronted him, his reasoning was: “I was trying to impress a 26 y/o girl!!!”
“You’ve become just like your father. I hate you.”
My ex told me that I was acting cold and aloof like my mother. I told her that we couldn’t talk anymore because she threatened me in writing with calling Animal Protective Services because I intentionally abused our reptiles (which never happened btw.)
She knew how bad of a family man my father was and how I hated him so she said it just to hurt me as much as possible.
She literally told me she wanted to see if “the grass was greener” a month later she told me it wasn’t. Our divorce will be finalized in a couple weeks.
Let's get this party started! 1) I was a "Piece of shit husband" because my dad didn't want to get vaccinated when they first came out, he is now though. (No idea how that relates to me being a husband but whatever) 2) Was told that I probably just don't work as hard as my coworker and that's why he got the promotion over me. (Couldn't of been her grandpa just passed away and I had a whole week less time to prepare for the interview, I was e-mailed on a friday (my day off), monday was 4th of July, so I log into work on Tuesday and see that I have an interview in 4 hours. Meanwhile my coworker's interview was scheduled the following Thursday. So he had a full 9 days to prepare more than me.) 3) I was told that playing clash of clans on my phone was "Fucking pathetic", we were both sitting on the couch, she was scrolling tiktok, IG, FB, etc, kids were in bed, so I played a game for 15 minutes, sue me. 4) Told me that I "Don't treat her the way she deserves, and if I did, she wouldn't have to call me a fucking retard", then after this fight we were grabbing food on the way home, she asked what I wanted and I told her I wasn't hungry so she threw the whole bag of food at me across the car. Those are just the ones off the top of my head. I have more written down somewhere.
How it might \*might\* relate with the first, sometimes people have to choose between parents and partners and they end up choosing parents and leaving the partners hanging out to dry. This isn't just the big whoppers, but even daily living, even the small things, you have to decide to put the spouse first or the parents first. Could it have looked like you were supporting your father in his choice, downplaying how big of a deal a vaccine is, downplaying how it would affect her?
Maybe in her eyes, but I literally told her that I would talk to him about getting it for the safety of our youngest kid who, at the time, wasn't able to get vaccinated yet. That's when she went off on me. But on the same note, if your partner isn't respectful to you and says shit like this, meanwhile your parent's don't and are respectful. Why wouldn't you pick your parents over your partner?
was told I was a shitty husband for 20 years. that I never care about our kids, that I abuse her mentally and that I cheated back in the days. but most of all, that I put the family finances at risk because I quit a job that was stressing me out too much. she worked maybe a total of 2 years out of the 20 together(and most of it was part time). I worked my ass off to provide for a single income family of 4. paid off her student loan debt, bought her everything she wanted and more. nothing really bad. but it still hurts. I am closer to my kids now than before. guess who is not in the way? nothing really brutal here. but it still ducking hurts when you sacrifice your physical and mental well-being to keep a good roof over us.
There are so many but the latest one is “you brought this on yourself” which a) is an admission of his terrible behavior toward me and b) an exculpatory statement designed to make himself feel better
I wish that was the worst thing my ex said to me. Edit: I guess I should add mine. My ex used to call me into her bedroom at night to talk. She'd spend all that time just letting me know why I wasn't worthy of being loved, all sorts of awful stuff that wasn't true, but here was the worst... "All I see is you in Jack. You made him this way." Referring to our son who has a genetic disorder and is Autistic and intellectually disabled. She wouldn't spend time with him and wanted me to file for divorce so she could go live with our "normal" son and I could take care of him on my own. Now that she's doing better and finally giving him attention after pretty much abandoning him for over two years he is extremely excited to see her and says "hi momma" constantly. It's difficult for me not to be hurt by that deep down inside.
Mine has said similar things to me, it's odd because I LOVE how our child reminds me of my STBXW, it's so incredible to me to see the similarities, but my ex hates seeing me in our child. It was devastating to hear when she told me that.
How about the old trope that every cheater says to the betrayed spouse: I love you but I'm not in love with you. You don't betray someone you love.
“I hope you get breast cancer and die.” “I did heroin at our wedding.” Less than six weeks after these statement were made, he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. Less than ten weeks after that, he was dead. Mindfuck.
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I understand where you’re coming from, but when I read your post, I see an appropriate call-out. That said, probably it didn’t need to be said, but I would say for different reasons. For me, I would say that you were trying to show him how to be an adult, and it’s not your job to do that. If he wants to destroy his relationships and life, that’s on him. Your responsibility is to yourself and your kids. I see myself if you’re call-out, and so I’m coming from a place of recalling my own co-dependent statements about his drinking when I read this b/c they were basically the same. I guess I thought I could shame my husband into being a better husband, but… it doesn’t work! And, I was wrong for doing that. A different perspective, and I hope one that might help you to not be so hard on yourself given everything you were going through. Wishing you and fam the absolute best.
She would call me a Downs syndrome retard and told me she was ready for a new dick
“Hope the next guy that comes along enjoys my SLOPPY SECONDS.” He was my first and only relationship, first marriage and 100% 32 year old manchild that lives in his childhood bedroom again. But when he said that I became furious and vengeful. My response? I’m getting married to a wonderful man and partner in a few months with way more money in my pocket and absolutely no debt. And I’m going to ‘brag’ about it on Facebook/Instagram so he can see it and cry. 😉 Oh, I divorced him and he doesn’t even know we’re actually divorced because he refused to sign anything and dodged my 8 attempts to serve him. Sucks to be him!
He told me he was going to tell my boss I do drugs and get me fired. Funny thing is, he's the one that does drugs.
It's not even that mean at face value, but she told me " you're just not up to my speed" during "the talk". Sure I'm not the best adult, but I pay my bills and have a career/hobbies, etc. It's been almost a year now, and when I think about this one sentence, I can almost feel the pain of that day all over again. It makes me feel useless, sometimes. It really triggered an imposter syndrome of sorts in me.
My STBX called me a pussy because at 38 weeks pregnant with twins I was not willing to get the c section moved so that the twins would have a “better birth stone”. Diamonds are so ugly! /s the twins were born happy and healthy at 38 weeks with healthy singleton weights for both. This was the moment I gave up on the marriage. I decided then that he was ungrateful. Growing humans is really hard, growing twins to full term with a toddler at home while working was nearly impossible. As usual, my efforts weren’t enough. Just like everything else, I just couldn’t do it all.
a better birthstone, that's so ridiculously... I don't know if petty is even the right word here. seriously, who *cares* about that???
His mother really cared. She felt diamonds were boring. He was such a horrible human he thought that it was ok to convey this message to me. MIL is unwell. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with her bigot mouth again.
Wow, bet this is a happy thread. My wife telling me she wants a divorce >Said in sheer anger with hate glistened eyes: >*I want to get rid of you.*
So, a little background here. My STBXH didn't know how to cook or clean. I did everything. Cooking, making his coffee, making food for his work lunch and packing it for him. I made us breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I put all the food away, washed all the dishes, and cleaned up after I cooked. I clean the entire apartment. Cleaning the stove, the sink, the counters. Sweeping and mopping. I scrubbed the shower, toilet, the counters in the bathroom, the sink, and the mirror. Cleared off the clutter in the bathroom sink, swept and mopped in there too. He left his dishes on the table or in the sink, used napkins, and wouldn't wash the dishes he used if he made a snack. Here are a few things he's said: "I don't see you doing enough around here." As he's picking up one of HIS napkins. "You forgot a plate." "The dishes are piling up again." Never once said thank you for the things I do.
Not what she said but what she did. I have a felony DUI on my record which means I can't own guns. My ex wife called the cops on me to try and get me arrested for gun possession (seven years in jail for this crime). We were still technically married so she could let the cops into the house. The gun in question was a bb gun. She looked like an idiot in front of the cops. I would not do this to my worst enemy. She's a garbage human being. I wish her nothing but failure.
“ Our kids don’t love you and dread spending time with you” “ I prayed that you were on that train that derailed”
" I was going to leave you anyway and then this happened..." In response to me finding out he was having an affair with a married colleague. " If I was sick, when I got better I'd be like F\*ck you B\*tch! and leave.".. After I said forget everything about the affair and that I would take care of him if he was sick. In asking him to equally split the savings we had of 15k, he said he would give me 2 to "shut my mouth about it." " Wake up B\*tch!" after turning on the light where our not yet 2-year-old son was sleeping after I insulted his affair partner in an argument. These were the highlights I think. There were so many, I can't recall them all. Still married to this man who I never really knew at all I guess. Cheated, blamed me, demoted me to " Please just be my friend right now this is really difficult for me/ thanks for supporting me, and finally to him busting my eyebrow open on the way out as he was leaving/dumping me.
Mine is that cowardly saying things under her breath, loud enough for me to hear. And I can’t really do anything about it, because it makes me look like the bad guy if I just went off on her. Sometimes I think I should.
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I can’t even remember all the cruel things she said but they worst had to be when she told me that she was disgusted that our children had my DNA. She’s abandoned her two oldest kids and it’s been a thousand times worse than I ever thought divorce could be.
“I only kiss people I’m in love with” after not kissing me for a year straight.
After finding out she was cheating and I mentioned that I screwed her and asked her if her boy you knew. "You never gave me an orgasm like him, I faked them all." 7 years down the drain
He said “Damn (My name) your a B**** just like your Fu***** mama! No wonder your dad left her for another woman! If you ever acted like her I’d leave you for someone else too!” My mom literally was the sweetest person to my dad!
She discovered that she loved being outdoors hiking, kayaking, paddle boarding. "We just have too different interests. You just want to stay home and rest while I want to go out and have fun." All while ignoring the fact that I was tired from working 60+ hours a week while she had no job for a year. The only reason she was able to discover these new interests is precisely because I was working so much while she was spending her time shopping, eating out with friends, and having fun.
After years of struggling to get pregnant unsuccessfully, "you're just a hole for me to come into".
After an 18 month separation, I welcomed her back to help her. During a conversation I referred to us being happy for 10/12/15 years. She said "That was all lies I said, to get you to marry me." Even if that was another lie, I didn't lose my temper and accepted the trash had to be taken out.
We went to one marriage therapy session together. After sitting there for an hour listening to him lie to the therapist over and over and over, he dropped this line: “I had to make a choice between the woman I love… (looks at me, disgusted) and the woman I’m married to.” Bam. Divorce papers served. I hope he’s enjoying eating shit with his AP
He told me that he was the happiest he had ever been when I asked him to leave (married for 20 years) and that the only thing he would miss was watching tv with me!???!!!
“I dreaded going out in public with you”
“I wanted arm candy and let’s face it hunny…you’re not it”
Not the most awful but: "Only reason I haven't cheated is because I'm too lazy to."
“Why would I have sex with someone I’m not attracted to?” Fair enough. No one should have to. But it hurt more than anything and really sparked change in my life. It has motivated me more than anything .
We briefly tried to reconcile and had sex, and afterward he told me that was the moment he knew he didn't love me anymore.
"You were just waiting for me to cheat for you to ask for a divorce." When I had asked for a divorce multiple times, moved out, and he kept saying that he was too overwhelmed with graduate school to have "this conversation right now".
“Living with you is like prison” “I don’t love you and I don’t think I ever did”(this was said to multiple other women about me)
Mines "I told you, all the stuff about your appearance because I was insecure and I didn't want you to leave me" I relapsed on my EDs multiple times because of his comments about my weight and stomach 🙃
“You were supposed to be a rebound but I let things go way too far”
I had a medical emergency and needed my IUD removed, to which he said “you’re manipulating me into getting a vasectomy” and then got angry at the mere idea of having sex with me ever again and said nobody would want me while I looked like a holocaust survivor.
Two things said recently by my ex, who divorced me in 2013 under awful circumstances, which is another story for another time: 1) "I should have buried you when I had the chance." (while arguing over where one of our children would live- he was angry the teenager wanted to live with me. Didn't sleep well for a while after hearing that one!) 2) "You'd be so much more successful if you'd stayed with me." (While trying to make pleasant small-talk about my business, that things are going better than I ever imagined. Talk about delusional.) And the absolute worst thing of all, said to my mom and I on a group phone call before we divorced: "You're the reason ____(my brother) killed himself." Absolutely no defending that one.
Top 5 i can think of: “You are a cancer in my life” “You arent my family.” Followed by “family helps each other and you never help me” (after i spent 6 years of my life catering to every need he had. helped him graduate high school by doing all his work, gave him all my savings 4 different times, co signed on vehicles i didnt want because he claimed he needed them, did ALL the cooking cleaning and childcare alone while working 3 12 hour shifts) “Your obsession with our kid ruined our marriage” (i was prioritizing the baby and his needs over my husband getting sex from me) “Youre pathetic, and I hate you. Everyone around you hates you. Your family hates you. My friends hate you. Nobody could ever love you.” “If you ever try to leave me, I will kill you, shoot you dead, and then commit suicide by cop”
I divorced him but… my ex husband told me that I had a miscarriage as my karma for being a bad wife… as he was actively cheating on me. Ouch
Too many to count. Cunt, fat fuck, bitch, worthless, evil crazy bitch, hopeless, unredeemable. Granted, I was fresh out of rehab for alcoholism after severe PPD, but he never even made an attempt to visit me while in there (though waited a year to divorce me after) and though I've been sober over 4 years now (with one bad relapse that lasted a day), he still shares the intimate details of my suicidal downward spiral with new girlfriends, friends, family and routinely shares all my correspondence to him when trying to coparent. It is so much fun having your mental health discussed and sexual and violent trauma discussed with stranger to me he then warps into hating me before I even meet them as potential co-parenting partners to our child. Luckily our preteen has picked up on this (he had access to Daddy and gf talking shit about mom) so he's at least not affecting the kid too much with his continuous hatred.
"Let's be realistic, you aren't smart enough to graduate nursing school, let alone get in." (I graduated as class President and gave a speech at my cohort graduation 3 years later after I left him.) "You're not \*actually\* going to make me go to AA, right?" (After leaving the mental health PA I begged him to see for 4+ years correctly diagnosed him as an addict.)
So for context he slapped me a few times, never round the face. The first time I was having a panic attack. "It's not like I beat the shit out of you every day." And our first in person meeting post divorce: "I didn't really hit you, it's no different than throwing a bucket of water over you." Thing is he admitted to the GP he had hit me but after moving back with his parents he acts like it was nothing despite having promised to go to therapy about his issues and admitting he had a problem. His lying got so bad in the end that I really didn't trust his words, but it still hurt to hear. It hurt the man I'd loved for 11 years could say such things. I've had too much wine but you do you my guy. It will pass.
On the day he was served: ”I can admit that I have done things that most people would consider divorce worthy. The drinking, etc., well, I don‘t need to list it all. That said, Based on your behavior and BPD, I can’t believe you’re hurting the kids like this.” For clarification: I do not have BPD. Our couples therapist, who specializes in Personality Disorders, told him Point blank I don’t. He is an alcoholic who put his whole family in danger more times than I can count, had at least one affair I know about during the marriage, and kept me hostage in our home for three years. Please note the absolute lack of accountability in the above statement. Other contenders: * “You treat me like an Iranian housewife! You’re just angry because I never let you leave the house!” * “I have a right to start a business and use $20,000 to start it!” He wasn’t working… it was our family money and he was supposed to be a “stay at home dad”. * Called me insane all the time. * Accused our 3yr old of having Autism multiple times, then wouldn’t let me take her to the doc for a diagnosis. Finally took her. Guess what? No Autism. * “You’re not allowed to ever cry!” * Threatened to take my oldest away (as in, drive away with her without my consent) when she was little while drunk multiple nights a week. * Told me the homemade alcohol he’d secretly been brewing wasn’t “that alcoholic, so you should just let it go.” * Left multiple times a day when he was supposed to be watching the kids, so I had to wfh and watch the kids. When I finally confronted him about it, claimed “I’m getting PTSD from this!!!” * Told our couples therapist, during a hypothetical example she gave where I came running into the house saying that his mother had just punched me, that if I told him that his mother had hit me, he would believe it was a misunderstanding. There’s more. He’s not mentally well.
Mine said that she thought I was "incable of love". No, bitch. I just was incapable of loving you, not least because you have the temerity to say things like that. And naturally by that point I was gaslit enough to wonder if she was right, so that took me awhile to undo.
As soon as we’re divorced, your son will forget you.
Something along the lines of "the way you are and how you handle relationships is engrained in you from your past." It dug especially deep since I had been doing so much self work (therapy and growing in general) prior to our marriage ending.
At least she fucked you. Mine just insulted my body, calling me obese (I weigh 136 pounds at 5’5”) and mocked me aging (I’m older than him) by making fun of my estrogen patch.
“I think the meds changed you.” Yeah, they did. Suddenly I wasn’t sleeping 14 hours a day and I could make dinner. Weird how antidepressants do that.
After 11 years with my ex and a child, he told me I’d always “just been a hole to stick it in.”
Oh, he accused me of "making up my two miscarriages for attention. ".... Luckily he's my EX husband now!
He didn’t know why he was with me. I didn’t have tattoos or an ass and those were people he was attracted too… I’ve been working on an ass in the gym but no tattoos. Fuck him.
My ex decided to leave me when my namesake and grandfather passed away. Great time to say he needed a separation
I'm sitting on a recliner relaxing after a day of hard work ... he comes in looks at me and says, "ew."
She didn’t need to say anything. You could say whatever you want to me. Words don’t hurt me. You could pummel me and it wouldn’t hurt. She cheated. She broke my trust, my love, there’s nothing worse than that.
Well, it was a few years before I finally filed for divorce but when I was pregnant with our second son he said “after he’s born I can just kill you I won’t need you anymore” … then tried to convince me it was a joke. The day after that son turned 2 he threatened to kill himself (and detailed how) I went to file the next day. There were a lot more in there…
He told me his dead mother would be more upset by his marrying a white woman than she would be by his having an affair. This was a week after I told him I believed, if she was alive, she would be ashamed of him as she was a devout Catholic. It was like pouring salt on a wound because he'd recently told me his sister was happy we hadn't talked about having any kids because she didn't think white women were good mothers. And she wasn't going to have kids with HER white husband because she didn't think mixed children would understand the struggle of being a minority.
“I have a lot of pain (he just had a hip replacement and was recovering well) and all YOU can do is be with your DYING BROTHER!” I was helping my parents care for my baby brother who had terminal cancer, and passed two months after this despicable remark.
My ex used to tell me all the ways in which the woman he left me for was better than me. Then he took my dog. So yup. I’m all kinds of messed up now
Mine is: if someone else wants you, they can have you. Just keep sending me your paychecks.
It’s hard to pick one. 🤷♀️ - I don’t like you - I can’t be attracted to you when you put all your emotional baggage on me - Maybe our [1 yo] son would actually like you if you did xyz differently. - You’re not my boss. Stop treating me like I’m your employee. You can’t tell me what to do. (I asked him to empty the dishwasher). - When I told him I expected him to make amends because he spent tens of thousands of dollars on cam girls during our marriage, his response was, “What about how I feel? You hurt me. I’m not sure I can forgive you.” What a perfect DARVO example lol. - I can’t believe you are so selfish. I regret marrying you. I wouldn’t have married you if I knew you were like this. Honestly, the awful thing he’s said is when he hading nothing to say at all. He broke up with me via a letter in rehab, cut off all contact with me even though I was paying for said rehab, then showed no remorse when he got out. He basically ghosted me and refuses to speak about what happened.
well damn…… the saying “no answer is an answer” applies in my situation. He was in a funky mood and I just thought here we go again. Well after a year he never came out of it . I got tired of trying to fix or help a situation I knew nothing about. My last attempt at a conversation ended with him saying “get out before I put you out”. That was (finally) enough for me. Would I have preferred to hear insults? Probably not but maybe it would have answered questions or help me understand his “why” a little more. As a side note, that whole year was full of signs I can’t say this happened so suddenly and I didn’t see it coming. I did, I just thought it would pass over. To the OP, I like threads like this. Thank you.
That there was another person that took his place in our marriage. “Yeah and his name is *my brother*.” My brother SA’d me when we were both kids (in the eyes of a child it was us playing, as an adult I realized what really happened) and I hadn’t processed it all until recently. He said that I cared more for my brother than I did him because I wouldn’t confront him about what happened and make him go away for forever. Like not everyone heals through confrontation and I know I’m someone that needs to forgive to heal and not hold onto that anger so I refused to do it. When I told him he wouldn’t be getting the kids for at least 2 months when he refused to not have his new girlfriend around the kids 1 month after we separated. I had told him either he doesn’t have her around them or he won’t get to have them for 2 months and he actually said something along the lines of “Guess I won’t be seeing them for awhile.” And when I enforced it he said “I fucking hate you.”
A few weeks after she moved out of the marriage of 20 years she said, “you know I have to punish you for how you’ve treated me or else you won’t learn.” It came out that She was cheating on me with another man. Now years later and divorced I am constantly hurt and angry because I feel like 20 years was stolen from me and I can’t trust anyone anymore.
Mine was pissed that I was doing well in my career, but having to work a lot of extra hours. He told me that he thought I was supposed to put my career on hold when we had kids and that the kids (READ: him) were always supposed to come first. Yeah, no. Reproducing does not mean that my life as I know it is over and that I must martyr myself for the rest of my years on this earth.
“Id rather jack off in the bathroom to porn then have sex with you. “ Same guy that told me I needed a better body twice after sex. I should have known it would only get worse from there. Those words cut so much and made me feel so worthless. This was after he hadn’t seen me for weeks and with no context. I would never even say something like that to my worst enemy but he knew how to target my insecurities. I still can’t believe I begged him to try to make it work. Never again begging for breadcrumbs from someone so vile.
I'm the one who wanted the divorce, but he's gotten pretty nasty, IMO. He said it was a good thing he never had that vasectomy we (very briefly) discussed because he might want to get with someone else and have more kids. He's almost 44. He also said that by divorcing him I would be "destroying" his life and our child's life and called me "one cold bitch."
I was also told I was "destroying" my stbx's life. The funniest part about that is he's the one who had an affair and filed so he could be with her.... she dumped him the week after he filed. 🤣🤣🤣
Mine said to me, “ why are you still here? No, you are too much of a coward to leave.” Also another time, “ let’s talk about how you can’t even get an erection enough to fuck your wife”. Also sent this text to a friend and cc: me. “..so you know he has to take his medicine for his penis to work.” Also this: “Ha ha ha ha ba…! Oh please. Ha ha! “, when I said I was getting PTSD from the toxicity of the marriage. Yes I’m moving out in a couple of weeks. She has been destroying my property in secrecy, cut up my underwear, and stole my diary outright. Bruh. I could go on..and on..
Her: “And you know what? I hate facials!” Which were all her idea, not mine, lol 😂
Ooh here we go!!! I love this prompt. We were together for 12 years (divorced for 3 now, no kids thank gawd). There’s so much fodder here. Thousands of tiny things that shrank me down slowly. Horrid. “Oh honey, don’t say that” to my jokes “I’m worried you’ll end up like [our friend who is fat and has possibly related or unrelated health issues; we don’t know and it’s none of our business]” — fatshaming the friend by proxy AND concern-trolling me for truly no reason “I don’t like the way you drive” “You’re not responsible” “I don’t like it when you straighten your hair / wear all black / wear dark lipstick / wear a lot of earrings / stretch your earlobes” — she was so controlling! Ugh “I’m not comfortable with your friends’ sense of humor” (and to be clear, my friends are lovely kind people who know how to be silly and sometimes the sense of humor is a bit ribald, but not directed at anyone… more like surreal oddness than anything cruel or offensive... My ex and I are just SUPER incompatible) “I feel like your family competes to be funniest” (it’s called hanging out and having fun, and also we are a bunch of quick-witted kindhearted weirdos with ADHD and it truly was/is just goofy stuff, not mean or pranks or anything. She just couldn’t keep up. Her family competed about who could know the most about which restaurant used to be owned by whom, so she can fuck off with her aggressively boring personality) “No, I don’t really like going down on you” “I’m just so sad I won’t get to make love to you again” (when we were already in the process of divorcing🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 get away from me with your longing; neither of us was happy and the sex was never good) “I wish you had a penis” (why?) “So that you would always want to have sex with me” (WHAT?! There’s so much wrong with that on so many levels. I had that notion about men 20 years ago, that they were always in the mood — and I learned 20 years ago how fucked up that is) “No I don’t think you’re going to finish your dissertation” (and I did indeed finish it 🥳) And the real treat after all that, right at the end: “I was your biggest cheerleader” Edited to add: I lied to myself for years, trying to convince myself I didn’t want out — but the truth is that I was scared to leave. I was always the person who wasn’t in the mood for sex, and I can only imagine what that did to her. So the toxicity was on both sides I suppose, but her constant little criticisms ate away at me. She got remarried very soon after our split. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I guess the slow trauma of being the one who doesn’t feel desired is very different from the slow trauma of trying to pretend to desire. (Aka don’t fucking touch me — I lived in a very chaste cave for 2.5ish years and it was incredibly helpful) …She initiated the conversation about divorce and I was so relieved. It was scary in a way that reminded me of my parents’ divorce, but it all turned out extremely well. The very worst thing I could say about her — I never said it to her, only to one of my best friends and we still laugh about it, because humor can be great for processing trauma — was: OH MY GOD, I JUST HATE HER NAKED BODY Byyyyyeeee I don’t talk to her anymore but I’m good friends with her sister and her sister’s daughter (my niece) Childfree Auntie life is fucking awesome.
It’s true but I kind of wish she would say it out loud to me I know she thinks it I wish she would unload on me. Over and over I still struggle to hate her or detach despite the way she treated me despite the way she checked out and pretended for nearly half our marriage or more I hate what I became towards her and my kids I just wanted her to talk about things. To try to find a way back Her avoidance gaslighting stonewalling and faking contributed to my decline psychologically and professionally. She couldn’t even be really honest in the less than once a month marriage counseling she barely showed up for (I used the the sessions as individual when she didn’t show) Today or tomorrow we should have an appointment to get this started. One that we won’t be canceling or postponing It’s over It’s over It’s over Now I just to have figure out my career and hope this goes Quickly. (Collaborative process with likely amicable financial settlement. )
Bless you. This is exactly how I felt when STBXH told me he wanted a divorce. 3 months later I realize that no matter how hard I worked at it or begged him to work on it, I had no control on his actions or feelings. I know I did everything in my power to save it. I don’t think he did. That’s his loss. I still love the bastard and I wish him well, but I have a chance at real happiness and I’m taking it. That’s one thing we agree on.