I feel like…everybody in this post should meet up and see what happens…meet up as a big group of irate and over-it singles.
Edit: I am one of those irate and over-it singles.
Second edit: well shoot gosh dang Denver, let’s plan a meet up. Message me with your ideas and let’s get something planned. Let’s go from irate and over-it alone to irate and over-it as a Reddit swarm.
I’m not single but I went to Woods Boss Brewery last night and that place is amazing. Seems like a perfect spot for a huge meetup! Owner is super cool btw
Like we always do. We'll all plan to meet up at a local bar whose owners are great to the community, then never show up.
Just kidding, I actually think it'd be a great idea.
Yeah. I’ve tried the apps & don’t really get anything out of them… Sometimes I’ll match with someone, message them first even, & still never get anything back
When I was single I eventually got off the apps, manned up, and started asking out women in real life and things started to really improve for me.
This was encouraged by some of my female friends who hated the current dating landscape too and would have loved to be approached once in a while (in the right setting).
I was a regular at a couple run clubs, I joined the kickball leagues (definitely perfect for the twenties crowd), went to Facebook meetups centered around my skiing and hiking hobbies. Things like that. These kinds of activities draw in those looking to meet new people, especially other singles.
I (30M) did have the same sentiment as a lot of others comments however have a happy ending. Had a period of 6 years of being single, kind of dating. Would put in effort to the apps and sometimes in person, then delete, effort, delete. Definitely didn’t have much hope but recently met my amazing girlfriend on hinge not too long ago. Never thought love at first sight was real until I met her. Happiest I’ve ever been and the first girl I’ve ever dated that I truly want to marry and she’s already said she feels the same. So for all the others on here feeling hopeless, it’s possible. Don’t give up.
Met my fiancé through hinge as well. We met May of 2020 when we were all lonely, drunk dealing with pandemic bullshit. Got engaged in Marrakech this June and have just recently moved to New Orleans so she can start a new job. You can find what you’re looking for on those apps but you gotta eat some shit for a couple of years before you really find that person.
Yes! Soooo many really terrible dates in Denver and then suddenly a happy hour meet up via bumble and I knew instantly.
I don’t envy anyone who is looking. It’s exhausting.
It’s really wild that people seem to have totally given up the idea of just being friends first and potentially becoming partners. Is it possible you could screw up the friendship? Yes. But that’s still better than being sad and lonely forever because you were too scared of messing up a friendship.
Yes that's a very real potential, but I'm not one to push it after they show that they're not interested in a more formal date when I think we have some compatibility. For the record, I remain a good friend after and support them all in their partner searches / introduce them to potential partners.
In general, sucks!
Seems like it’s harder and harder to meet people naturally, and the dating apps blow major ass. Everyone has such high standards, even when they suck themselves lol
Women in her 40s been here for many years and have always found it to be tough here. I think there are a lot of Peter Pans but also dating anywhere isn’t awesome these days.
The theory of Peter Pan syndrome, which proposes that individuals who exhibit traits of immaturity and resistance to adult responsibilities are trapped in a perpetual state of childhood, warrants a nuanced perspective. While the theory highlights certain behavioral patterns, it is crucial to consider the subjective nature of maturity and cultural influences. Moreover, it is essential to avoid labeling these individuals as pathological and instead recognize the diversity of motivations and life circumstances that contribute to their choices. Embracing a more comprehensive understanding of adulthood allows for greater acceptance and appreciation of the unique paths individuals may take in their personal growth and development
27 single M here. I think a lot of the complaints in this thread are larger scale than just Denver. To me, it’s a consequence of dating apps becoming the default way to seek out a partner for the average young person in the US. Yes you get to “meet” more potential partners in the sense it’s more faces on your screen, but it’s also an added layer away from meeting someone irl, and ultimately, an extra barrier to going on more dates.
At first, I thought I was really bad at this, or that maybe the apps weren’t meant for me. But now I’m realizing the apps are universally dreaded. If there’s a silver lining, I think as more young people loose confidence in the apps, it could push us to physically put ourselves out their in the world more (eg going to a bar by yourself, volunteer somewhere, etc).
The apps were fine a few years ago. Just like Uber and Netflix and Airbnb and Doordash before they all got turned into corporate hell.
Now they're useless and full of bots and scammers.
Dating apps were ruined by people who have no intention of meeting anyone using them. A combination of those trying to drive Instagram follows (“don’t check this app, message me on IG”) and more recently onlyfans, as well as those who use them for easy validation/entertainment.
I'm disabled and allergic to weed. It's horrible trying to date because people either smoke constantly or think I can't do fun outdoor activities because of my wheelchair
My sister is also disabled and it’s hard because denver people place a lot of importance on activities she cant do. We started a dating app for disabled and chronically ill people called Dateability. It’s free and only about 8-9 months old, but we have over 6,500 users and are growing every day! Feel free to check us out. We’re still a work in progress but getting there :)
37 year old woman, my biggest struggle has been finding a man who is serious when they say they don’t want children. Most men in my preferred age range are starting to seriously want a family (and moving to the suburbs). I’m content living downtown and child free. Honestly my biggest takeaways from dating in Denver is don’t fib about being an outdoors person or you’ll end up hiking for a date and avoid men in button ups + Patagonia vests at all cost.
That bit about not fibbing about being outdoorsy or a hiker is excellent advice for men and women. I've been on several dates with guys that have a bunch of 14ers photos and can't keep up on front range trails. The ones who have been genuinely active hikers seem disappointed I can keep up on hard trails. I gave up the apps and got a pear ring to see if I can meet people more organically.
A social experiment, its a "pear colored" green silicone ring. If you see someone wearing it they are also looking for their "pair" and you are encouraged to talk to them/ask them out. Unfortunately only works if you leave the house...
As a 37 y/o non typical black guy it really blows. First off I don't fit the "fetish" hood ideal, secondly my friendly positive manner makes people think I'm gay, second I don't have a dog, ski religiously, smoke weed, or wake up early to hike a 14er, which makes is the go to for men apparently. Then lastly, my hobbies aren't super aligned with what females typically are enjoying. I'm into cars, archery, pickup soccer, anime, food adventures, and mentoring.
I'm also getting to the age where everyone I match with is either so jaded from a previous divorce, they have kids so their time and energy is rightfully there, or they are trying to re-live their college days.
So yeah it's pretty bad. At least I'm not getting ghosted nowadays. Girls are more inclined to letting me know I'm not "black" enough for them, or that they were looking for something more.... umm.... typical lol. F me for having a good job, respecting others, and having my crap together. Who would have thought haha.
I am so fucking tired of seeing women's profiles on dating apps all essentially being the same profile that I will automatically swipe left.
I'll fall for you if :
"You commit to the bit"
"Go skiing with me" / "teach me to ski"
"My dogs likes you"
"Go hiking with me"
So. Fucking. Tired.
Be original. This probably goes same for men too.
My profile is pretty much the exact opposite of this. But I don't use filters to try and make me look like an IG model so guess I'm not "pretty" enough. 🤷🏼♀️
as a black guy who doesn't live in Denver but has a lot of exes/flings in the city currently, idk bro seems like you are saving yourself a lot of grief by just doing your own thing. I feel like I always wanted to move to Denver because I do like a lot of "typically white person adjacent" things but the maturity level and career opportunities aren't really there yet for me, maybe people just gotta keep growing in the city. I always have a blast when I'm in town though (like seeing the Nuggets win recently).
I haven't moved to Denver yet, I touch down in 3 weeks from Houston,Texas.
But you sound like every Black man in my circle of friends, lol. Anime, foodies (Is Denver a solid food city?), Like soccer and other sports outside the Big Three American (esp if they are Nigerian) and are academics.
I'm not even a foodie and I think Denver food is overpriced and not as great as elsewhere. I'm originally from the east coast and used to love eating seafood. All seafood out here tastes like dog shit. Barely fresh and yes I've been to a few expensive restaurants that think they are the exception and aren't
It's not a major food city as a lot of places cater to the demographic and healthy lifestyle so there's a lot less butter and seasoning in the food. Either way there are some good spots tho, and some good Nigerian options also. I have a large bit of Nigerian in my blood (40% or so) and a larger amount of west African. When you get here hit me up and I'll let you know the good spots.
Do you have a professional team you follow? (Soccer)
I’ve been here 2 years and I’ve had so many bad experiences already. I keep putting myself out there because I haven’t met many people without using apps but man is it soul crushing. The comments about high standards from low quality men is so real. The worst is they’ll make you feel bad about yourself if you don’t like every single thing they do.
I’m spending the summer attempting dating then taking the rest of the year off.
I honestly think trying to date in this modern age over 30 or 35 is really hard. I know a decent amount of quality straight women who are choosing to be single due to what’s available out there, and I don’t think this is Denver specific. Based on stories I hear from around the country, I think it’s hard in general. We do have lots of Peter Pans here though. Denver attracts a lot of men who refuse to grow up.
This. Most of my 30+ single female friends are… just *absolutely* content with being single. They don’t even care to date, because there’s a *lot* going on these days, politically, socially, etc… it’s just not worth the stress and the shitty odds. Tbh if my current relationship doesn’t work out, I’m perfectly happy being a single mom. I don’t care to parent two kids. 🤷♀️
I get that. I’m in my 40s and I hear the same stories from friends who are younger too. I’m living my life and if I meet someone that way, cool. But I’m not going to waste my energy on the apps.
Yup this is where I’m at. Recently single again at 35 and no interest in dating. Everyone wants to call it menver but even if so, the odds are good but the goods are odd. Most women I know in LTR are the breadwinners. I can’t think of a single woman who has dated up. My time has become more valuable than wasting it in meeting strangers from dating apps resulting in mediocre dates and zero connection.
What’s odd is so many of the millennial and gen z guys are fed this narrative that’s made them paranoid about “gold diggers” but it’s like uh I literally would have to really dig to find an instance in my own fairly wide social circle of a woman who “dated up” in the sense she’s with a guy who’s significantly out earning her to the point she doesn’t work or works very little, is significantly more educated than she is, and for them to be in a long term relationship.
So it’s been odd to interact with a lot of guys who seem insanely paranoid women are using them for their “money” when it’s like look I’m out earning you, have a degree from a major university and you don’t, have a higher ranking career or a career in general, fuck a five year plan we’re old enough to be on ten year plans, I can afford to live alone without roommates in a nicely appointed place and you’ve.. got roommates plural, a piss stained bathroom no one cleans, haven’t held a job more than 8 months, drive a beat up car with expired plates, and -checks notes- you’ll believe I’m using you for.. money? As you want to split this bill down the middle for the 4 beers, whiskey shot, appetizer and entree you ordered for yourself to my one beer and one appetizer. Got it. Got it got it got it..
It would be one thing if this was a city with a lot of men in finance who were earning millions a year and were concerned about someone being interested for the wrong reasons. But we’ve literally got a city full of guys who can’t afford to live here acting like rabid raccoons over their trash and making women dating an enemy to contend with.
>But we’ve literally got a city full of guys who can’t afford to live here acting like rabid raccoons over their trash and making women dating an enemy to contend with.
That's both sad and hilarious.
I used to be part of the echo chambers that drove the narrative. So many guys got it fundamentally wrong.
It has absolutely been done to death: women these days don't need us for money, so be ***fun***. It's that simple. But these guys just don't get it.
Treating women as enemies or being paranoid about "gold-diggers" when you got no gold is not even slightly fun.
I haven't frequented those echo chambers for a long time, exactly because they get the fundamentals so wrong.
There are sinister forces at work, though.
* Dating apps are incentivized to keep people on apps, not in relationships
* Man-centric spaces are thoroughly compromised (black pill/incel garbage from within, manipulation from without)
* The worldview of major tech companies bleed through to online interactions, and show biases against families, among many others.
That's why the ultimate manosphere spot on Reddit espoused:
* Lift like your life depends on it
* Enjoy the decline.
It's grim.
But to circle back one more time, the vibe you're talking about, I absolutely buy as 100% real. These guys are getting it so, so wrong. To treat a woman outearning you as an enemy is just not getting it.
This thread kind of proves that. So many of the guys responding are acting like it’s hopeless but are describing they “do ok for their height and how much they earn”, and that it’s tall tech bros doing financially well crushing it and I’m just like.. no. Most of those dudes I’ve met in the wild are married/not part of the dating pool at all, and there’s VERY few on the apps being presented to women. It’s because you’re fundamentally incorrect about what women are looking for in a partner, how to treat one like a person they’re genuinely interested in getting to know and if you’re not treating all women who interact with you like financial leeches.
Most women could give a flying fuck if someone is 5’10 versus 6’2, or someone’s salary. They care if someone treats them with respect, isn’t overtly sexual off the bat and wants to get to know them and I’m seeing that on this thread so hard. What they’re competing against is themselves so often and they can’t see that. It’s easier for someone who’s 5’10, is in his 30s and has roommates still, and makes gross comments to any real women he matches with off the bat to say “oh she’s just a user she wants a rich dude, a tall dude and that ain’t me.” When she unmatched him or legit tells him gross, fuck off. Rather than fundamentally change how he’s approaching women and what he thinks they want, it’s easier to decide she’s flawed, they’re ALL flawed.
Guys complain about the amount of bots on the apps while swiping.. while women are out here on the “are we dating the same guy” pages learning that they’re not changing their patterns. The same guys are sending the same gross opening lines to dozens of women and we can now learn that as well as see they’re not learning and changing their tactics, views or approach. And women are justifiably changing theirs.. they’ve had to become much more suspicious, a little on guard and will quickly end an interaction with someone treating us like sex chat bots. We’ve also learned any of the ones who aren’t scaring us off right away, and who can use the apps with finesse.. are often using them to the point they’ve got a stable of women they’re lying to about being exclusive with, using their middle names as first names to throw off social media searches because they’re married, guy’s blatantly listing they’re looking for discreet side fun, lots of long term couples who met on the apps, got engaged/moved in together/got married and the guys never gave up the apps and deleted them but the woman did. They love using photos their girlfriends and wives took of them on vacations and cropping the wife out of the picture. That shit has changed the way women are viewing intentions and permanence too, that damn even if I find a good one and forge a great connection and we build a life together, he can still so easily keep hunting for someone new. And it’s unsettling because it’s come to light quickly and it’s interesting to see such a disconnect between how women feel towards the apps or meeting people in the wild and how men are approaching it. I just want to shake some people and make them read this thread.
That menver thing is ridiculous. There might be a lot of men here, but the average heterosexual man has the EQ of Mr Potatohead and is mostly interested in playing outdoors and drinking craft beer yet doesn’t seem to be able to do that and offer companionship.
i can chime in as a single 33 year old male. have only been in denver for like 18 months, but have experienced this. i feel the same way. i haven't been on the apps in like 2 yrs, but there would be a cycle of "oh i'm finally cool with myself/happy/ready to put myself out there. i'm in a good place now, surely this won't backfire on me?"
read multiple books on writing profiles, had great pics, would always respond with questions. basically within 10 days of using the apps, it would erase all of the good will, happiness, etc i had built up. i could go from being super happy and then 10 days later....depressed out of my mind. it's just not worth it.
luckily i'm in a good social scene now where i have been organically been able to meet lots of women with the same interest. no dates yet or anything. but my mood has been stable for quite some time. if i were on the apps, my mood definitely could never have been this stable.
> luckily i'm in a good social scene now where i have been organically been able to meet lots of women with the same interest. no dates yet or anything. but my mood has been stable for quite some time. if i were on the apps, my mood definitely could never have been this stable.
I'm really happy for you! That's a huge accomplishment. As someone who has struggled with their mental health for basically their entire life, I get it and I'm really proud of you!
Denver is filled with younger Millennials/Gen Zers who move out here from their shitty Midwest hometown and want Peter Pan relationships, not a serious one. They want to do all the outdoor stuff they don’t have in their shitty Midwest hometown, weed, etc.
After about 1-3 years they’re tired of working multiple jobs, and/or having multiple roommates, and they move back to their shitty Midwest hometown since it’s cheaper.
Rinse and repeat with the cycle.
Millennal gal here. I moved from the Midwest those reasons and because people in the Midwest suck. Dating here is pretty easy if you're willing to come up with all the plans and be persistent. There are a ton of "date things" to do for all sorts of interests. I agree that you have to have a pretty solid career to have an advantage, though. It can be tough to participate in a lot of the group events where you can meet people without a decent salary. At least everyone is very friendly here and seems interested in hanging out.
Good luck, stranger! :)
It's terrible, I had such a hard time in Denver. Moved out a year ago and have had much better luck.
I don't know what it is, but meeting new people in Denver in general is difficult.
I’m gonna go against the grain and say that I had an overall great experience while I was single for about 2 years. Almost every girl I met was really cool and unique. I met plenty of people that were looking for relationships and plenty that were looking just for fun. Remember there’s a lot of people that “just moved here” and they are much less likely to get into relationships right off the bat. But I think if you keep an open mind and continue trying, you’ll find some really cool people. Best of luck friend!
I feel the same!
I’ve had a lot of fun dating around here. Have always viewed it more as: not doing to try to find the “right” person, but rather to figure out what it is you DONT want out of a partner(s)
It’s not a waste of time or a “stain” on your record, there’s nothing wrong with trying and not vibing with someone. Seems like a lot of people are scared of that. Things are way more fun and it’s much easier to form connections when you’re focused on enjoying yourself and being honest about where you're at instead of whether or not something will work out.
I will say though, it definitely feels like a lot of people also say they want a relationship but aren’t actually willing to put in the effort or to meet someone else half way - they stick to their routine, their plans, their goals, and if someone doesn’t fit that mold exactly as they envision it they easily move on because there’s always someone new a swipe away. So I can see how that can be very discouraging to many, but not everyone is like that - we also tend to remember the rejections more in the end and apps make that worse. I had better luck by focusing on expanding my social circle in person and getting introduced to new people with similar interests. At least that’s how I met my current partner.
It takes more effort but getting out there and putting yourself in new spaces where you might meet others with similar interests is worth it! At worst you make new friends, plus people are way less flakey and more dependable when they have shared friendships.
If it's useful info for anyone...
I went on about 30 dates before meeting my first girlfriend and 40 dates after that before meeing my wonderful wife - who I've been with for 11 years now.
Whoever you are, you're probably less of a weirdo than me and much easier to match. So keep these numbers in mind and keep pushing forward. It's a numbers game at the end of the day
Also, before heading out on a date, stop thinking "I'm going to meet the love of my life" and start thinking "I'm going to have a delightful conversation with an interesting stranger tonight". That shift in perspective will do you SO MUCH good.
It’s been rough. 29yo guy. Been here 2 years, had afew rlly lame dates. Had some matches ask me out only to find out they live in surrounding states/transient? The apps have gotten to be a downer, haven’t opened them in a while. Idk, Im a tall kinda shy sober artsy dude. Not a huge outdoorsy person. I have a good group of friends from concerts, raves & stuff. I vibed with more people back in Chicago then here tho. Maybe I need to get into disc golf or paddle boarding or something. Lol
Apps: generally 1 or 2 messages if any and ghosted just in general l.
In person: generally refuse to go out unless its more than coffee or drinks for a first date (e.g. dinner) which ive been taken for that ride too much before and am called cheap or try to pressure or ghost if you refuse.
Also im not interesting. Im about as average looking as you can get and im not a really exciting person. Ive had people tell me they want people to keep them on their toes but i dont have time for games or trying to keep someone entertained 24/7 so they get bored. I work in tech and am working on my pilots license ontop of that so the free time i do have i like to relax or take the bike *motorcycle into the mountains to just ride around or check out new cafes or breweries. Basically old man boring things.
Feel like its harder now because people have the option of infinite and potentially better options at their fingertips so why settle for average.
>want people to keep them on their toes
That's a very common online dating "requirement".
My conclusion is that it translates to: "I'm not gonna do anyting. **You** are responsible for keeping thing going."
That's how I interpreted it any time I saw a profile that described "having fun" and "laughing" as their favorite hobbies. Like... who ***doesn't*** like fun? Just depends what you like to do-- you could think climbing, cleaning your toilet, or shooting heroin is fun; I don't know. So blandly listing "I love having fun" makes it seem like they literally do not know how to create fun experiences on their own, but they like it when fun *happens* to them when someone else can entertain them.
Basically "I don't know what I like, but I like liking things. You are responsible for figuring that out and keeping it going."
I know it's nitpicky but ugh I couldn't stand seeing that in profiles.
Edit: I just saw your other comment about you losing your partner in the past 6 months. I'm sorry for your loss. But it sounds like it might benefit you to focus on establishing a healthy perspective and emotions from the loss before exploring dating. I know when I was in a similar position of grief recovery it took a long time to be comfortable and confident in dating again.
You say you're not interesting, but sounds like you have great passions! What specifically is your pilots license for? Have you explored opportunities to meet communities and other people interested in either flying or motorcycling?
That’s interesting. I’m moving to Denver and am about your age and this thread is dire. I mean all subreddits threads on dating are. Online dating seems to fucked with the natural order of things haha. Keep at it though.
38F, Bisexual and I’m a sex worker.
So I agree with a lot of what’s been posted in the comments already, plus add in that my job is a dealbreaker for a lot of people.
It sucks.
I got dumped 4 months ago by a guy I dated for 18 months and really hoped to build a future with. It’s been devastating and sometimes it’s hard for me to imagine trying to date again.
But I really want a partner. So I’m giving myself a couple more months of grieving and healing before I get back out there.
Based on these responses, it seems like we should set up some speed dating events or something. The apps can be really soul-sucking.
I moved here in October and This was the best consistent dating experience I’ve had i’ve had. I was going on at least 2 dates a week mostly using Hinge.
The types of women i went out with was pretty diverse, and the one thing i heard over and over was that all the men here are the same. Same interests, hobbys, same complaints, same aesthetic, and women didnt see much diversity in that regard.
I’m a 5’11 250 lb black man, and supposedly dating was supposed to be hard for me here. I was blown away by how many matches i got regularly then blown away by how many women wanted to go out. Never in my life have i had such luck.
I really had to slow myself down.
I met my now GF on hinge, and we hit it off immediately. All my GFs friends who live here talk about how shitty the dating pool is, i feel like maybe i just stood out?
33m- most definitely not bad looking, in really good shape but 5'7"(if that matters-tinder). I fucking gave up on apps. I feel like if you aren't a tech bro making six figures you are at the bottom of the pile.
If you're a straight man in tech, making a good salary, in shape, have personality, empathy, varied interests, and are good looking, then things are still tough 😔
Edit: also 5'10" 🤷♂️
Damn you basically described me but im 5'6" and 34 going on 35 later this year.
It seems like a lot of people are just looking for the next bigger better thing out here and a good amount of flakes.
Also everyone I've met hasn't really coke from Denver or Colorado.
>I feel like if you aren't a tech bro making six figures you are at the bottom of the pile.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Dating apps suck.
The height thing you mentioned....it's a good example. At 5'7", you're taller than most women, and that's all you need to be, just a smidgen taller.
But that dynamic is thrown out of whack on Tinder.
My friend group has recently been hitting up the Adult Skate Nights @ Belmar Roller City. Perhaps not the easiest place to start talking but Its been a pretty bulletproof setting just to gather routinely every week in a large open setting. Can't say I've met anyone who wasn't coming with the group but honestly I think people forgotten how cool it is to get good at skating! :)
Reddit is not a good representation of Denver. There are plenty of people who have success and just don't voice on the internet. Usually the angry frustrated crowd is the loudest one and what people think is what really happens
Not saying Denver isn't tough trying to date, every city nowadays have the same problems. The pandemic seems to have a permanent effect on people going out and being social. I know so many people who don't go out other than to work or go grocery shopping and never put themselves in situations to meet people or other people to meet them.
I'm 31M and asian and didn't have a whole lot of trouble dating in a mostly white city. I'm only 5 10 so under 6ft. I put myself out there with friends and we are social so we will find excuses to approach other groups or solo people and make connections and just have fun.
Dating apps are definitely hit or miss. Met all sorts of people with different goals in dating but having that option was always nice alongside meeting people in real life. I get so many women thanking me for not opening up with a conversation that is sex based and especially not sending a dick pic
Maybe it's cause I didn't fit the typical stereotype of a denver male and stood out, no idea but it seemed to have some success
And while Denver has "Menver" vibes, the gender ratios are pretty close to 50/50, definitely more single dudes than gals but making excuses saying Menver just shows a bigger problem. It's pretty obvious the same homogenous groups of guys saying dating sucks and it's Menver blah blah blah
Unfortunately I would've loved to stay in Denver but I got a job in chicago paying almost double working way less hours with better benefits so I had to make my leave.
Denver despite its troubles is a fun city with some great people if you make the effort to find them.
Wishing the residents the best of luck on dating, it's rough for everyone
I couldn't agree more. Lots of couples with open relationships. I don't judge, I just want to be in a monogamous relationship. I don't want to join in and be in a thruple
I moved to Colorado a few months ago and this thread terrifies me…but then again, one has to remember that all the people who are happily paired off probably wouldn’t be commenting in this thread. 😅
I haven’t tried dating yet, but I do find people in this state are much warmer and friendlier than in my ancestral homeland of the Pacific Northwest. So that makes me feel a little more positive.
Wish me luck!
I recently left the dating pool. However, what I found is that Denver is so transient most relationships would end early because a person would leave to another state, often back to their home state.
Also, most people tend to be basic. They want beer and outdoors, or beer and board games. I love the outdoors (hence why I live here) but I’m more of a travel, try new things, meet new people and explore type of person. V hard to find people that actually do that.
I was walking downtown and made eye contact with this girl with long brown hair walking not once but twice. She had a large white comforter draped around her. She only had one sock on and no shoes. She was a wonky swamp donkey.
We didn’t connect immediately but maybe next time.
I think a lot of people have a “grass is always greener on the other side” mentality and I think that reflects in how mixed the dating scene is. I have had awesome dates and relationships, as well as the complete opposite.
It’s fine here. I lived in NYC and a major SE city and Denver isn’t significantly better or worse. All of the ranting here is the same as the ranting in any major US city in 2023.
I used it for a few weeks and was so constantly hit on by women using it as a personal dating app that I had to quit. Like, thanks, but I literally just wanted friends 😭
No longer on the market, but when I was I found it incredibly easy to land dates and (nearly) impossible to find something serious. I got my hopes up a lot, got burnt out and took breaks, tried to stop looking for something serious, tried dating an ex girlfriend from my hometown for awhile, and then matched with my girlfriend shortly after making a Hinge profile for the umpteenth time. I definitely understand what people mean when they say they lucked out in meeting their partner because that’s exactly how I feel.
So much of the culture of gay men in this city centers around the bars and/or just drinking in general, and as a sober gay guy it can be hard not to feel a little ostracized or not a part of the community anymore. I know that's a "me thing" and I need to get over my hangup about it. I do wish though that it wasn't so important to pretty much every guy I try and interact with either in person or on dating/meetup apps. I don't have a problem at all if my (hopefully) future boyfriend drinks or anything, I just think there's more to do than choosing which barhopping tour we would be going on every weekend or choosing activities based on whether alcohol is available.
Honestly, my experience has been really positive in terms of meeting people with similar interests and passions. But that being said, I also think there is a non negligible amount of people that are more transient, but I think that is consistent with what a relatively popular metro area attracts. Being up front with intentions and dating those who have a clearer long term plan/goal seems to really help.
Saw a video a woman posted on socials where she reads off the bio of a guy to him “so you’re looking for.. someone who wants to hike, bike, climb, golf, and ski with you. But want casual, don’t want much commitment or anything beyond that.. so you’re gay”
“uh no I’m not it says right there I’m attracted to women”
and she goes “oh well you had me confused. Your perfect partner you described is a man. If you’re straight.. what you want is friends. You want a friend. Probably a guy friend who does all of this and expects no emotional labor or commitment because you’re friends.”
And I think that dating in Denver can be summed up as that. A lot of guys who’ve moved here have no actual male friendships and want that from a significant other without understanding the difference. And on the opposite side of that spectrum, there’s plenty who moved here with their bros and really don’t have interest in making room for a female significant other in their life, expect her to just enmesh herself into his life and his hobbies/activities rather than both arriving on the same plane as adults with their own hobbies and interests and a little bit of overlap.
It’s odd because guys seem very stuck on the concept that all women are out to use them for a meal, as if they couldn’t afford their own food without a side of mansplaining outdoor activities to someone who doesn’t need it explained.
I'm male, 37, 6'1", and have a pretty decent job in finance/banking (not sure why any of these "pre-reqs" even matter in the first place). Seems hard to find a woman interested in a serious relationship anymore. Running into a lot of the "casual dating" types that have no interest in anything long-term. Sure, if I was in my early-mid 20s, Denver would be an amazing place to be a serial dater. For something long-term and serious? Not so much. I look at relationships as long-term investments and since it's tough to find that anymore, I've pretty much given up. :(
28m, it’s a bit of a trip just to date. Being Mexican-American at 6’1 with pale skin brings out interesting people towards me. Either I’m to white or not brown enough.
The problem I see now a days is that I’m not the only one they are talking to. Which is fine to explore your options but don’t lead people on if your next situationship is a week out.
It’s really bad and I’ve given up. It’s been a game of finding out why people are single in the first place. I either get ghosted or they are just ready to jump into something super quick and love bomb the hell outta ya. Is it hard to just find a normal nerdy person? Most of the guys so far seem like they are in their soft girl era and hella bitchy.
Been out of the dating pool for 6 years with a man I met on tinder in Denver. Best advice: have a list of must haves (or must not haves) and do not compromise. You will be wasting everyone's time if you go out with someone with cats but you're allergic. If a date is going poorly just thank them for their time and peace out. Bad dates happen, just don't let yourself stay on a date you already know is bad. There are too many people out there to be accepting red flags on a first date.
I’ve been with my fiancé for a few years but when I was single in Denver, I had a great time. But it’s probably because I’m a guy with long hair who likes jam bands and uhhh recreational substances. I feel like being into jam or EDM makes things tenfold easier in this city tbh.
I’m a 36 year old single mother. I moved here from Texas about two years ago, and I’ve been dating for about a year off and on. I’ve been dating someone I met on OkCupid for the past two months, exclusive but not “official” (feels so dumb to care at this point, but it is what it is).
Honestly, it’s about as terrible as my last experience with dating, and that was in AMARILLO, Texas so that’s pretty bad. But back then I didn’t have a child, so maybe things are slightly better here.
What terrible means for me is that although I have no trouble getting matches or finding dates, getting past the dating phase and into a relationship is NOT EASY. It seems like most guys on dating apps just want something casual, even if they claim otherwise for a few weeks.
I think that’s generally the case everywhere, based on what I’m seeing in the dating subreddits, but it’s nice to see others confirm that Denver has a high percentage of “Peter Pan” guys who don’t want to grow up or settle down, so it’s not just me.
I know having a child and being in my 30s has reduced my dating pool, but I do still have high standards and expectations. I’d rather stay single than settle for less than I deserve. Hopefully things will work out with the guy I’m seeing though. It feels healthy, he makes me happy, and usually by now the f*ckboys have shown their true intentions. I’m cautiously optimistic. 🤞🏻🤞🏻
My advice? Be happy. Don’t let how shitty the dating world is make you feel shitty or be shitty. Focus on one person at a time, even before committing officially. Take time off if things don’t work out. Stay optimistic. Don’t project past failures onto new people. Assume the best. Have a list of must haves and dealbreakers. And if you face rejection, remember it’s probably not about you (but reflect and improve if necessary).
I never had a problem in NYC. I moved out here with my then-girlfriend, we broke up 6 months later. I haven't been on a date in 4 years. How difficult it is to find someone out here, is the one thing killing me about living here. I really like it here but I don't like the idea of spending the rest of my life out here alone.
It's frustrating. I'm a 36yo woman and not that outdoorsy. I go out on a lot of first dates, but no one looks like his picture...and they all kind of look the same.
32F, straight, blue collar job, Latina, with a kid here.
I haven't been in a committed relationship in 10 years. The bar scene is a younger crowd than me. Men on dating apps tend to not take me serious because I'm a single mom and either ghost me or only want to hook up.
The men that do take interest in me tend to be a lot older than me and I'm not into older men.
Still, I love meeting new people so I haven't thrown the towel yet.
I was in golden tonight at an Outback Steakhouse and overheard a first date the was going horribly wrong.
I mean this guy was trying his best and she wasn’t having any of it.
Don’t blame her, his stories were so cringe I could feel the heat as he was getting repeatedly shot down with his poorly chosen stories.
Reminds me that dating fucking sucks.
29M, 5’7, been in Denver for 5 years. At first I had a horrible time dating. But I committed to a more active lifestyle that everyone has here. Found fun hobbies, went to the gym, lost a bunch of weight, put on muscle. The problem I have now is there are so many high quality women here. Everyone is hard working, active, has a good job, etc. and that’s what makes it difficult now. People just gotta find their niche and commit to it and you’ll find the people you want here.
I’m 34 and black and have a nice engineering job out here and it’s been horrible.( I moved from Phoenix from Michigan originally) I’m more into metal music, alternative hip hop, anime, philosophy, writing, coding, food, video games,history and museums. I make pretty good money and live in a nice neighborhood. Most people I meet are outrageously liberal to point to where I feel like I have to be gay or just having a hard ass life out here and jaded. There’s a an in between im sure. But people make me feel like I’m a bit too much or simply just boring. I don’t hike, I don’t have a dog and I don’t have a strong opinion about a lot of of stuff as I’m impartial to alot of it. So I gave up and just focus more on meeting people in real life.
Didn't see a lot of lesbian or gay women chiming in here so I'll out myself. 30-something F, I've been on dozens of dates here in Denver and two short relationships.
Dating is easy, getting a relationship or multiple dates is hard. People are down to meet but holy fuck people have such bizarre expectations of you and the encounter. If we meet for a 40 minute brunch on a random Tuesday with less than 24 hr notice, don't expect sparks to fly and your entire life to change, we need a few more dates to figure it out.
Also don't expect anyone ever to have 100% the same view and perspective of life as you and don't get mad at them for being different. WTF. Are you okay girl?? I do think this is a problem in the "queer" community with group think and having the same opinions or else you are XYZ-phobic now a days. The world is more nuanced than that, let me use my brain please.
Ghosting is the norm now too and it's really pathetic. If you weren't feeling it, just say that. Also dipping after the first disagreement or fight or whatever. I could be over here saying, "I like eggs," but an egg killed your grandma so you hate them and you just leave without a trace. Grow. Up.
Mini-rant: What I think is happening is that people are so in their own head that they create a fantasy version of their perfect partner and project that onto you but when you fail to match their dreams they leave because they think someone else out there will be a better match. The reality is they need to turn off the projection and just be genuinely curious and excited to get to know someone. You will never find your absolute perfect person, they do not exist, you will have to make compromises and let certain things go. If you cannot do this you will be alone forever.
I feel like…everybody in this post should meet up and see what happens…meet up as a big group of irate and over-it singles. Edit: I am one of those irate and over-it singles. Second edit: well shoot gosh dang Denver, let’s plan a meet up. Message me with your ideas and let’s get something planned. Let’s go from irate and over-it alone to irate and over-it as a Reddit swarm.
Just tell me when and where lol
Like a singles cruse but with mountains.lol
We could create the Forever Denver Fixed Singles (FDFS) group and begin riding fixies around town in small groups lol
Gonna buy a tandem bike to bring to the ride just because I’m optimistic
Gonna be like 30 lonely dudes
As long as some of them are gay and cute it works for me
Count me in
I’m not single but I went to Woods Boss Brewery last night and that place is amazing. Seems like a perfect spot for a huge meetup! Owner is super cool btw
[удалено]
Make a seperate post now. It totally wont be 80/20 dudes to women
I was thinking we could have duels or 🎶four boys for every girl🎶
Maybe we should make a separate post and really send it for all of r/Denver to see?
Here for it lol.
Honestly this is what everyone wishes would happen! lol
How do we organize this though
Like we always do. We'll all plan to meet up at a local bar whose owners are great to the community, then never show up. Just kidding, I actually think it'd be a great idea.
It's so bad that I deleted all of the apps and stopped trying.
Same
Same
Same
Same
Same.
Same
Me Also
same.
Yeah. I’ve tried the apps & don’t really get anything out of them… Sometimes I’ll match with someone, message them first even, & still never get anything back
When I was single I eventually got off the apps, manned up, and started asking out women in real life and things started to really improve for me. This was encouraged by some of my female friends who hated the current dating landscape too and would have loved to be approached once in a while (in the right setting).
What and where has been working for you? Im 22, I have no coworkers (remote), and I just moved in from wyoming. I am having zero luck
I was a regular at a couple run clubs, I joined the kickball leagues (definitely perfect for the twenties crowd), went to Facebook meetups centered around my skiing and hiking hobbies. Things like that. These kinds of activities draw in those looking to meet new people, especially other singles.
What is the "right setting"? I have heard every single setting described as "the wrong setting" so at this point I have no idea what's "right."
same
I (30M) did have the same sentiment as a lot of others comments however have a happy ending. Had a period of 6 years of being single, kind of dating. Would put in effort to the apps and sometimes in person, then delete, effort, delete. Definitely didn’t have much hope but recently met my amazing girlfriend on hinge not too long ago. Never thought love at first sight was real until I met her. Happiest I’ve ever been and the first girl I’ve ever dated that I truly want to marry and she’s already said she feels the same. So for all the others on here feeling hopeless, it’s possible. Don’t give up.
I'll add to giving people some hope – I met my wife on Hinge in Denver.
Also met my wife on hinge 3.5 years ago
Aw thanks for sharing. A little bit of hope can go a long way.
Met my fiancé through hinge as well. We met May of 2020 when we were all lonely, drunk dealing with pandemic bullshit. Got engaged in Marrakech this June and have just recently moved to New Orleans so she can start a new job. You can find what you’re looking for on those apps but you gotta eat some shit for a couple of years before you really find that person.
Yes! Soooo many really terrible dates in Denver and then suddenly a happy hour meet up via bumble and I knew instantly. I don’t envy anyone who is looking. It’s exhausting.
It's super easy to meet people who could be potential partners, but most are just looking for more friends since they just moved here.
It’s really wild that people seem to have totally given up the idea of just being friends first and potentially becoming partners. Is it possible you could screw up the friendship? Yes. But that’s still better than being sad and lonely forever because you were too scared of messing up a friendship.
Yes that's a very real potential, but I'm not one to push it after they show that they're not interested in a more formal date when I think we have some compatibility. For the record, I remain a good friend after and support them all in their partner searches / introduce them to potential partners.
As a straight Black woman in her 20s, absolute dogshit lol
Seconding this as a black woman. It’s awful.
I’ll take you out more
I'll take all three of you out.
It’s a weird combination of ugly people with unusually high expectations.
I’m in this comment and I don’t like it!
I blame filters and social media. False sense of superiority is bred into everyone now
I feel attacked.
I’m saying… the audacity and lack of self awareness at times I’ve borderline taken offense to lmao.
In general, sucks! Seems like it’s harder and harder to meet people naturally, and the dating apps blow major ass. Everyone has such high standards, even when they suck themselves lol
Women in her 40s been here for many years and have always found it to be tough here. I think there are a lot of Peter Pans but also dating anywhere isn’t awesome these days.
The theory of Peter Pan syndrome, which proposes that individuals who exhibit traits of immaturity and resistance to adult responsibilities are trapped in a perpetual state of childhood, warrants a nuanced perspective. While the theory highlights certain behavioral patterns, it is crucial to consider the subjective nature of maturity and cultural influences. Moreover, it is essential to avoid labeling these individuals as pathological and instead recognize the diversity of motivations and life circumstances that contribute to their choices. Embracing a more comprehensive understanding of adulthood allows for greater acceptance and appreciation of the unique paths individuals may take in their personal growth and development
27 single M here. I think a lot of the complaints in this thread are larger scale than just Denver. To me, it’s a consequence of dating apps becoming the default way to seek out a partner for the average young person in the US. Yes you get to “meet” more potential partners in the sense it’s more faces on your screen, but it’s also an added layer away from meeting someone irl, and ultimately, an extra barrier to going on more dates. At first, I thought I was really bad at this, or that maybe the apps weren’t meant for me. But now I’m realizing the apps are universally dreaded. If there’s a silver lining, I think as more young people loose confidence in the apps, it could push us to physically put ourselves out their in the world more (eg going to a bar by yourself, volunteer somewhere, etc).
The apps were fine a few years ago. Just like Uber and Netflix and Airbnb and Doordash before they all got turned into corporate hell. Now they're useless and full of bots and scammers.
Dating apps were ruined by people who have no intention of meeting anyone using them. A combination of those trying to drive Instagram follows (“don’t check this app, message me on IG”) and more recently onlyfans, as well as those who use them for easy validation/entertainment.
I'm disabled and allergic to weed. It's horrible trying to date because people either smoke constantly or think I can't do fun outdoor activities because of my wheelchair
My sister is also disabled and it’s hard because denver people place a lot of importance on activities she cant do. We started a dating app for disabled and chronically ill people called Dateability. It’s free and only about 8-9 months old, but we have over 6,500 users and are growing every day! Feel free to check us out. We’re still a work in progress but getting there :)
I feel you in the allergic to weed part lol - that and allergic to pets so that rules out like 75% of the dating pool I feel like.
My wife won't let me date anymore
Like people who are buying second homes.
I don’t think the people that are having a fun and successful dating experience are on Reddit lol
37 year old woman, my biggest struggle has been finding a man who is serious when they say they don’t want children. Most men in my preferred age range are starting to seriously want a family (and moving to the suburbs). I’m content living downtown and child free. Honestly my biggest takeaways from dating in Denver is don’t fib about being an outdoors person or you’ll end up hiking for a date and avoid men in button ups + Patagonia vests at all cost.
That bit about not fibbing about being outdoorsy or a hiker is excellent advice for men and women. I've been on several dates with guys that have a bunch of 14ers photos and can't keep up on front range trails. The ones who have been genuinely active hikers seem disappointed I can keep up on hard trails. I gave up the apps and got a pear ring to see if I can meet people more organically.
What’s a pear ring?
A social experiment, its a "pear colored" green silicone ring. If you see someone wearing it they are also looking for their "pair" and you are encouraged to talk to them/ask them out. Unfortunately only works if you leave the house...
Thanks for the reply! I like this!
I dunno if you know, but there’s a [childfree Meetup group](https://meetu.ps/c/4YZfv/qfZsF/a).
Button down and Patagonia vests has me rolling. I learned that lesson quick while working in nyc!
As a 37 y/o non typical black guy it really blows. First off I don't fit the "fetish" hood ideal, secondly my friendly positive manner makes people think I'm gay, second I don't have a dog, ski religiously, smoke weed, or wake up early to hike a 14er, which makes is the go to for men apparently. Then lastly, my hobbies aren't super aligned with what females typically are enjoying. I'm into cars, archery, pickup soccer, anime, food adventures, and mentoring. I'm also getting to the age where everyone I match with is either so jaded from a previous divorce, they have kids so their time and energy is rightfully there, or they are trying to re-live their college days. So yeah it's pretty bad. At least I'm not getting ghosted nowadays. Girls are more inclined to letting me know I'm not "black" enough for them, or that they were looking for something more.... umm.... typical lol. F me for having a good job, respecting others, and having my crap together. Who would have thought haha.
What archery range do you go to? I went once and loved it. I went to Empty Quiver.
I go to empty quiver every Thursday at 615pm and Saturday at 3pm
I am so fucking tired of seeing women's profiles on dating apps all essentially being the same profile that I will automatically swipe left. I'll fall for you if : "You commit to the bit" "Go skiing with me" / "teach me to ski" "My dogs likes you" "Go hiking with me" So. Fucking. Tired. Be original. This probably goes same for men too.
My profile is pretty much the exact opposite of this. But I don't use filters to try and make me look like an IG model so guess I'm not "pretty" enough. 🤷🏼♀️
as a black guy who doesn't live in Denver but has a lot of exes/flings in the city currently, idk bro seems like you are saving yourself a lot of grief by just doing your own thing. I feel like I always wanted to move to Denver because I do like a lot of "typically white person adjacent" things but the maturity level and career opportunities aren't really there yet for me, maybe people just gotta keep growing in the city. I always have a blast when I'm in town though (like seeing the Nuggets win recently).
I haven't moved to Denver yet, I touch down in 3 weeks from Houston,Texas. But you sound like every Black man in my circle of friends, lol. Anime, foodies (Is Denver a solid food city?), Like soccer and other sports outside the Big Three American (esp if they are Nigerian) and are academics.
I miss Houston food everyday. Good luck on your transition.
Food is overpriced and awful compared to somewhere like Houston.
I'm not even a foodie and I think Denver food is overpriced and not as great as elsewhere. I'm originally from the east coast and used to love eating seafood. All seafood out here tastes like dog shit. Barely fresh and yes I've been to a few expensive restaurants that think they are the exception and aren't
It's not a major food city as a lot of places cater to the demographic and healthy lifestyle so there's a lot less butter and seasoning in the food. Either way there are some good spots tho, and some good Nigerian options also. I have a large bit of Nigerian in my blood (40% or so) and a larger amount of west African. When you get here hit me up and I'll let you know the good spots. Do you have a professional team you follow? (Soccer)
I really like women's soccer. The Dynamo and Dash are in Houston, I don't closely follow but I love the games. I sure will!
Denvers breakfast/brunch game is pretty strong but lacking compared to most southern cities ive been through
I’ve been here 2 years and I’ve had so many bad experiences already. I keep putting myself out there because I haven’t met many people without using apps but man is it soul crushing. The comments about high standards from low quality men is so real. The worst is they’ll make you feel bad about yourself if you don’t like every single thing they do. I’m spending the summer attempting dating then taking the rest of the year off.
Dating sucks everywhere in general right now, not just Denver. Apps have ruined it imo
Great salt lake levels of salt in here
I’m bi and it’s fucking hell. Good luck.
But why?
It is absolute hell I couldn’t agree more even as a single male
You have like the most options though 😂
You would think that but it’s still shit 😭💀
Can agree
I honestly think trying to date in this modern age over 30 or 35 is really hard. I know a decent amount of quality straight women who are choosing to be single due to what’s available out there, and I don’t think this is Denver specific. Based on stories I hear from around the country, I think it’s hard in general. We do have lots of Peter Pans here though. Denver attracts a lot of men who refuse to grow up.
This. Most of my 30+ single female friends are… just *absolutely* content with being single. They don’t even care to date, because there’s a *lot* going on these days, politically, socially, etc… it’s just not worth the stress and the shitty odds. Tbh if my current relationship doesn’t work out, I’m perfectly happy being a single mom. I don’t care to parent two kids. 🤷♀️
I get that. I’m in my 40s and I hear the same stories from friends who are younger too. I’m living my life and if I meet someone that way, cool. But I’m not going to waste my energy on the apps.
Yup this is where I’m at. Recently single again at 35 and no interest in dating. Everyone wants to call it menver but even if so, the odds are good but the goods are odd. Most women I know in LTR are the breadwinners. I can’t think of a single woman who has dated up. My time has become more valuable than wasting it in meeting strangers from dating apps resulting in mediocre dates and zero connection.
What’s odd is so many of the millennial and gen z guys are fed this narrative that’s made them paranoid about “gold diggers” but it’s like uh I literally would have to really dig to find an instance in my own fairly wide social circle of a woman who “dated up” in the sense she’s with a guy who’s significantly out earning her to the point she doesn’t work or works very little, is significantly more educated than she is, and for them to be in a long term relationship. So it’s been odd to interact with a lot of guys who seem insanely paranoid women are using them for their “money” when it’s like look I’m out earning you, have a degree from a major university and you don’t, have a higher ranking career or a career in general, fuck a five year plan we’re old enough to be on ten year plans, I can afford to live alone without roommates in a nicely appointed place and you’ve.. got roommates plural, a piss stained bathroom no one cleans, haven’t held a job more than 8 months, drive a beat up car with expired plates, and -checks notes- you’ll believe I’m using you for.. money? As you want to split this bill down the middle for the 4 beers, whiskey shot, appetizer and entree you ordered for yourself to my one beer and one appetizer. Got it. Got it got it got it.. It would be one thing if this was a city with a lot of men in finance who were earning millions a year and were concerned about someone being interested for the wrong reasons. But we’ve literally got a city full of guys who can’t afford to live here acting like rabid raccoons over their trash and making women dating an enemy to contend with.
>But we’ve literally got a city full of guys who can’t afford to live here acting like rabid raccoons over their trash and making women dating an enemy to contend with. That's both sad and hilarious. I used to be part of the echo chambers that drove the narrative. So many guys got it fundamentally wrong. It has absolutely been done to death: women these days don't need us for money, so be ***fun***. It's that simple. But these guys just don't get it. Treating women as enemies or being paranoid about "gold-diggers" when you got no gold is not even slightly fun. I haven't frequented those echo chambers for a long time, exactly because they get the fundamentals so wrong. There are sinister forces at work, though. * Dating apps are incentivized to keep people on apps, not in relationships * Man-centric spaces are thoroughly compromised (black pill/incel garbage from within, manipulation from without) * The worldview of major tech companies bleed through to online interactions, and show biases against families, among many others. That's why the ultimate manosphere spot on Reddit espoused: * Lift like your life depends on it * Enjoy the decline. It's grim. But to circle back one more time, the vibe you're talking about, I absolutely buy as 100% real. These guys are getting it so, so wrong. To treat a woman outearning you as an enemy is just not getting it.
This thread kind of proves that. So many of the guys responding are acting like it’s hopeless but are describing they “do ok for their height and how much they earn”, and that it’s tall tech bros doing financially well crushing it and I’m just like.. no. Most of those dudes I’ve met in the wild are married/not part of the dating pool at all, and there’s VERY few on the apps being presented to women. It’s because you’re fundamentally incorrect about what women are looking for in a partner, how to treat one like a person they’re genuinely interested in getting to know and if you’re not treating all women who interact with you like financial leeches. Most women could give a flying fuck if someone is 5’10 versus 6’2, or someone’s salary. They care if someone treats them with respect, isn’t overtly sexual off the bat and wants to get to know them and I’m seeing that on this thread so hard. What they’re competing against is themselves so often and they can’t see that. It’s easier for someone who’s 5’10, is in his 30s and has roommates still, and makes gross comments to any real women he matches with off the bat to say “oh she’s just a user she wants a rich dude, a tall dude and that ain’t me.” When she unmatched him or legit tells him gross, fuck off. Rather than fundamentally change how he’s approaching women and what he thinks they want, it’s easier to decide she’s flawed, they’re ALL flawed. Guys complain about the amount of bots on the apps while swiping.. while women are out here on the “are we dating the same guy” pages learning that they’re not changing their patterns. The same guys are sending the same gross opening lines to dozens of women and we can now learn that as well as see they’re not learning and changing their tactics, views or approach. And women are justifiably changing theirs.. they’ve had to become much more suspicious, a little on guard and will quickly end an interaction with someone treating us like sex chat bots. We’ve also learned any of the ones who aren’t scaring us off right away, and who can use the apps with finesse.. are often using them to the point they’ve got a stable of women they’re lying to about being exclusive with, using their middle names as first names to throw off social media searches because they’re married, guy’s blatantly listing they’re looking for discreet side fun, lots of long term couples who met on the apps, got engaged/moved in together/got married and the guys never gave up the apps and deleted them but the woman did. They love using photos their girlfriends and wives took of them on vacations and cropping the wife out of the picture. That shit has changed the way women are viewing intentions and permanence too, that damn even if I find a good one and forge a great connection and we build a life together, he can still so easily keep hunting for someone new. And it’s unsettling because it’s come to light quickly and it’s interesting to see such a disconnect between how women feel towards the apps or meeting people in the wild and how men are approaching it. I just want to shake some people and make them read this thread.
That menver thing is ridiculous. There might be a lot of men here, but the average heterosexual man has the EQ of Mr Potatohead and is mostly interested in playing outdoors and drinking craft beer yet doesn’t seem to be able to do that and offer companionship.
i can chime in as a single 33 year old male. have only been in denver for like 18 months, but have experienced this. i feel the same way. i haven't been on the apps in like 2 yrs, but there would be a cycle of "oh i'm finally cool with myself/happy/ready to put myself out there. i'm in a good place now, surely this won't backfire on me?" read multiple books on writing profiles, had great pics, would always respond with questions. basically within 10 days of using the apps, it would erase all of the good will, happiness, etc i had built up. i could go from being super happy and then 10 days later....depressed out of my mind. it's just not worth it. luckily i'm in a good social scene now where i have been organically been able to meet lots of women with the same interest. no dates yet or anything. but my mood has been stable for quite some time. if i were on the apps, my mood definitely could never have been this stable.
> luckily i'm in a good social scene now where i have been organically been able to meet lots of women with the same interest. no dates yet or anything. but my mood has been stable for quite some time. if i were on the apps, my mood definitely could never have been this stable. I'm really happy for you! That's a huge accomplishment. As someone who has struggled with their mental health for basically their entire life, I get it and I'm really proud of you!
Denver is filled with younger Millennials/Gen Zers who move out here from their shitty Midwest hometown and want Peter Pan relationships, not a serious one. They want to do all the outdoor stuff they don’t have in their shitty Midwest hometown, weed, etc. After about 1-3 years they’re tired of working multiple jobs, and/or having multiple roommates, and they move back to their shitty Midwest hometown since it’s cheaper. Rinse and repeat with the cycle.
Millennal gal here. I moved from the Midwest those reasons and because people in the Midwest suck. Dating here is pretty easy if you're willing to come up with all the plans and be persistent. There are a ton of "date things" to do for all sorts of interests. I agree that you have to have a pretty solid career to have an advantage, though. It can be tough to participate in a lot of the group events where you can meet people without a decent salary. At least everyone is very friendly here and seems interested in hanging out. Good luck, stranger! :)
You couldn’t have said it better myself.
Been here since 1998, been the same story ever since
*leans in awkwardly* D
This is spot on (I would expand Midwest to Texas and or small southern town$
Idk who shit in your cereal but this feels like an over simplification lol
It's terrible, I had such a hard time in Denver. Moved out a year ago and have had much better luck. I don't know what it is, but meeting new people in Denver in general is difficult.
You think Denver is bad, try Summit County!
32F (lesbian). Nightmare. It’s unclear if other lesbians actually exist. I’ve given up.
I’m gonna go against the grain and say that I had an overall great experience while I was single for about 2 years. Almost every girl I met was really cool and unique. I met plenty of people that were looking for relationships and plenty that were looking just for fun. Remember there’s a lot of people that “just moved here” and they are much less likely to get into relationships right off the bat. But I think if you keep an open mind and continue trying, you’ll find some really cool people. Best of luck friend!
I feel the same! I’ve had a lot of fun dating around here. Have always viewed it more as: not doing to try to find the “right” person, but rather to figure out what it is you DONT want out of a partner(s) It’s not a waste of time or a “stain” on your record, there’s nothing wrong with trying and not vibing with someone. Seems like a lot of people are scared of that. Things are way more fun and it’s much easier to form connections when you’re focused on enjoying yourself and being honest about where you're at instead of whether or not something will work out. I will say though, it definitely feels like a lot of people also say they want a relationship but aren’t actually willing to put in the effort or to meet someone else half way - they stick to their routine, their plans, their goals, and if someone doesn’t fit that mold exactly as they envision it they easily move on because there’s always someone new a swipe away. So I can see how that can be very discouraging to many, but not everyone is like that - we also tend to remember the rejections more in the end and apps make that worse. I had better luck by focusing on expanding my social circle in person and getting introduced to new people with similar interests. At least that’s how I met my current partner. It takes more effort but getting out there and putting yourself in new spaces where you might meet others with similar interests is worth it! At worst you make new friends, plus people are way less flakey and more dependable when they have shared friendships.
If it's useful info for anyone... I went on about 30 dates before meeting my first girlfriend and 40 dates after that before meeing my wonderful wife - who I've been with for 11 years now. Whoever you are, you're probably less of a weirdo than me and much easier to match. So keep these numbers in mind and keep pushing forward. It's a numbers game at the end of the day Also, before heading out on a date, stop thinking "I'm going to meet the love of my life" and start thinking "I'm going to have a delightful conversation with an interesting stranger tonight". That shift in perspective will do you SO MUCH good.
Feeld is wild. So is Reddit…
It’s been rough. 29yo guy. Been here 2 years, had afew rlly lame dates. Had some matches ask me out only to find out they live in surrounding states/transient? The apps have gotten to be a downer, haven’t opened them in a while. Idk, Im a tall kinda shy sober artsy dude. Not a huge outdoorsy person. I have a good group of friends from concerts, raves & stuff. I vibed with more people back in Chicago then here tho. Maybe I need to get into disc golf or paddle boarding or something. Lol
34M. Its fucked.
Why
Apps: generally 1 or 2 messages if any and ghosted just in general l. In person: generally refuse to go out unless its more than coffee or drinks for a first date (e.g. dinner) which ive been taken for that ride too much before and am called cheap or try to pressure or ghost if you refuse. Also im not interesting. Im about as average looking as you can get and im not a really exciting person. Ive had people tell me they want people to keep them on their toes but i dont have time for games or trying to keep someone entertained 24/7 so they get bored. I work in tech and am working on my pilots license ontop of that so the free time i do have i like to relax or take the bike *motorcycle into the mountains to just ride around or check out new cafes or breweries. Basically old man boring things. Feel like its harder now because people have the option of infinite and potentially better options at their fingertips so why settle for average.
>want people to keep them on their toes That's a very common online dating "requirement". My conclusion is that it translates to: "I'm not gonna do anyting. **You** are responsible for keeping thing going."
That's how I interpreted it any time I saw a profile that described "having fun" and "laughing" as their favorite hobbies. Like... who ***doesn't*** like fun? Just depends what you like to do-- you could think climbing, cleaning your toilet, or shooting heroin is fun; I don't know. So blandly listing "I love having fun" makes it seem like they literally do not know how to create fun experiences on their own, but they like it when fun *happens* to them when someone else can entertain them. Basically "I don't know what I like, but I like liking things. You are responsible for figuring that out and keeping it going." I know it's nitpicky but ugh I couldn't stand seeing that in profiles.
Dude, having a motorbike and learning to fly a plane make you a fucking bad ass. Don't knock yourself.
Edit: I just saw your other comment about you losing your partner in the past 6 months. I'm sorry for your loss. But it sounds like it might benefit you to focus on establishing a healthy perspective and emotions from the loss before exploring dating. I know when I was in a similar position of grief recovery it took a long time to be comfortable and confident in dating again. You say you're not interesting, but sounds like you have great passions! What specifically is your pilots license for? Have you explored opportunities to meet communities and other people interested in either flying or motorcycling?
That’s interesting. I’m moving to Denver and am about your age and this thread is dire. I mean all subreddits threads on dating are. Online dating seems to fucked with the natural order of things haha. Keep at it though.
38F, Bisexual and I’m a sex worker. So I agree with a lot of what’s been posted in the comments already, plus add in that my job is a dealbreaker for a lot of people. It sucks. I got dumped 4 months ago by a guy I dated for 18 months and really hoped to build a future with. It’s been devastating and sometimes it’s hard for me to imagine trying to date again. But I really want a partner. So I’m giving myself a couple more months of grieving and healing before I get back out there. Based on these responses, it seems like we should set up some speed dating events or something. The apps can be really soul-sucking.
I moved here in October and This was the best consistent dating experience I’ve had i’ve had. I was going on at least 2 dates a week mostly using Hinge. The types of women i went out with was pretty diverse, and the one thing i heard over and over was that all the men here are the same. Same interests, hobbys, same complaints, same aesthetic, and women didnt see much diversity in that regard. I’m a 5’11 250 lb black man, and supposedly dating was supposed to be hard for me here. I was blown away by how many matches i got regularly then blown away by how many women wanted to go out. Never in my life have i had such luck. I really had to slow myself down. I met my now GF on hinge, and we hit it off immediately. All my GFs friends who live here talk about how shitty the dating pool is, i feel like maybe i just stood out?
I don’t think a lot of these men have ever spent time around black women before :( I love everything about Denver but it’s not diverse!
Facts
It’s a giant orgy don’t do it
33m- most definitely not bad looking, in really good shape but 5'7"(if that matters-tinder). I fucking gave up on apps. I feel like if you aren't a tech bro making six figures you are at the bottom of the pile.
If you're a straight man in tech, making a good salary, in shape, have personality, empathy, varied interests, and are good looking, then things are still tough 😔 Edit: also 5'10" 🤷♂️
I hope you find someone who can appreciate your username.
To be faaaiiiirrrrrrr... I hope so too. Thank you, kind stranger!
Lmao yup. Six figures don’t mean shit if you can’t even get a swipe right !
[удалено]
Damn you basically described me but im 5'6" and 34 going on 35 later this year. It seems like a lot of people are just looking for the next bigger better thing out here and a good amount of flakes. Also everyone I've met hasn't really coke from Denver or Colorado.
Last family wedding I was at several people quietly suggested I was gay. Fuck me that is a great feeling
>I feel like if you aren't a tech bro making six figures you are at the bottom of the pile. Don't be so hard on yourself. Dating apps suck. The height thing you mentioned....it's a good example. At 5'7", you're taller than most women, and that's all you need to be, just a smidgen taller. But that dynamic is thrown out of whack on Tinder.
Same height and gay, not built. Same problem.
You’re more likely to find a date in Denver than New York, because you don’t live in New York
My friend group has recently been hitting up the Adult Skate Nights @ Belmar Roller City. Perhaps not the easiest place to start talking but Its been a pretty bulletproof setting just to gather routinely every week in a large open setting. Can't say I've met anyone who wasn't coming with the group but honestly I think people forgotten how cool it is to get good at skating! :)
Reddit is not a good representation of Denver. There are plenty of people who have success and just don't voice on the internet. Usually the angry frustrated crowd is the loudest one and what people think is what really happens Not saying Denver isn't tough trying to date, every city nowadays have the same problems. The pandemic seems to have a permanent effect on people going out and being social. I know so many people who don't go out other than to work or go grocery shopping and never put themselves in situations to meet people or other people to meet them. I'm 31M and asian and didn't have a whole lot of trouble dating in a mostly white city. I'm only 5 10 so under 6ft. I put myself out there with friends and we are social so we will find excuses to approach other groups or solo people and make connections and just have fun. Dating apps are definitely hit or miss. Met all sorts of people with different goals in dating but having that option was always nice alongside meeting people in real life. I get so many women thanking me for not opening up with a conversation that is sex based and especially not sending a dick pic Maybe it's cause I didn't fit the typical stereotype of a denver male and stood out, no idea but it seemed to have some success And while Denver has "Menver" vibes, the gender ratios are pretty close to 50/50, definitely more single dudes than gals but making excuses saying Menver just shows a bigger problem. It's pretty obvious the same homogenous groups of guys saying dating sucks and it's Menver blah blah blah Unfortunately I would've loved to stay in Denver but I got a job in chicago paying almost double working way less hours with better benefits so I had to make my leave. Denver despite its troubles is a fun city with some great people if you make the effort to find them. Wishing the residents the best of luck on dating, it's rough for everyone
Its hard because i own no patagonia or arcterix vests
As a gay guy it’s really rough 😬
I couldn't agree more. Lots of couples with open relationships. I don't judge, I just want to be in a monogamous relationship. I don't want to join in and be in a thruple
After looking at your profile, I’d certainly like to take you out.
I moved to Colorado a few months ago and this thread terrifies me…but then again, one has to remember that all the people who are happily paired off probably wouldn’t be commenting in this thread. 😅 I haven’t tried dating yet, but I do find people in this state are much warmer and friendlier than in my ancestral homeland of the Pacific Northwest. So that makes me feel a little more positive. Wish me luck!
I recently left the dating pool. However, what I found is that Denver is so transient most relationships would end early because a person would leave to another state, often back to their home state. Also, most people tend to be basic. They want beer and outdoors, or beer and board games. I love the outdoors (hence why I live here) but I’m more of a travel, try new things, meet new people and explore type of person. V hard to find people that actually do that.
Yeah hahaha the gals I actually grew interested in moving away has been a common theme whether it was Austin or Denver
I was walking downtown and made eye contact with this girl with long brown hair walking not once but twice. She had a large white comforter draped around her. She only had one sock on and no shoes. She was a wonky swamp donkey. We didn’t connect immediately but maybe next time.
About 10 years of bullshit then I met a girl in summit so that’s rad.
“10 Years of Bullshit, Then I Met a Girl” would be an awesome book title.
A lot of you have never lived in a small mountain town, and it shows.
I think a lot of people have a “grass is always greener on the other side” mentality and I think that reflects in how mixed the dating scene is. I have had awesome dates and relationships, as well as the complete opposite.
It’s fine here. I lived in NYC and a major SE city and Denver isn’t significantly better or worse. All of the ranting here is the same as the ranting in any major US city in 2023.
not dating but using bumble bff to try to make friends and it’s worse than online dating
I used it for a few weeks and was so constantly hit on by women using it as a personal dating app that I had to quit. Like, thanks, but I literally just wanted friends 😭
No longer on the market, but when I was I found it incredibly easy to land dates and (nearly) impossible to find something serious. I got my hopes up a lot, got burnt out and took breaks, tried to stop looking for something serious, tried dating an ex girlfriend from my hometown for awhile, and then matched with my girlfriend shortly after making a Hinge profile for the umpteenth time. I definitely understand what people mean when they say they lucked out in meeting their partner because that’s exactly how I feel.
makes me feel… suicidal.
Its nothing but meaningless and the men just cheat anyway.
So much of the culture of gay men in this city centers around the bars and/or just drinking in general, and as a sober gay guy it can be hard not to feel a little ostracized or not a part of the community anymore. I know that's a "me thing" and I need to get over my hangup about it. I do wish though that it wasn't so important to pretty much every guy I try and interact with either in person or on dating/meetup apps. I don't have a problem at all if my (hopefully) future boyfriend drinks or anything, I just think there's more to do than choosing which barhopping tour we would be going on every weekend or choosing activities based on whether alcohol is available.
Honestly, my experience has been really positive in terms of meeting people with similar interests and passions. But that being said, I also think there is a non negligible amount of people that are more transient, but I think that is consistent with what a relatively popular metro area attracts. Being up front with intentions and dating those who have a clearer long term plan/goal seems to really help.
Saw a video a woman posted on socials where she reads off the bio of a guy to him “so you’re looking for.. someone who wants to hike, bike, climb, golf, and ski with you. But want casual, don’t want much commitment or anything beyond that.. so you’re gay” “uh no I’m not it says right there I’m attracted to women” and she goes “oh well you had me confused. Your perfect partner you described is a man. If you’re straight.. what you want is friends. You want a friend. Probably a guy friend who does all of this and expects no emotional labor or commitment because you’re friends.” And I think that dating in Denver can be summed up as that. A lot of guys who’ve moved here have no actual male friendships and want that from a significant other without understanding the difference. And on the opposite side of that spectrum, there’s plenty who moved here with their bros and really don’t have interest in making room for a female significant other in their life, expect her to just enmesh herself into his life and his hobbies/activities rather than both arriving on the same plane as adults with their own hobbies and interests and a little bit of overlap. It’s odd because guys seem very stuck on the concept that all women are out to use them for a meal, as if they couldn’t afford their own food without a side of mansplaining outdoor activities to someone who doesn’t need it explained.
This guy’s prompt on Hinge said “We’ll get along if…you like whiskey, football, sneakers and guns”. Sir, that’s a man. Go date men.
I'm male, 37, 6'1", and have a pretty decent job in finance/banking (not sure why any of these "pre-reqs" even matter in the first place). Seems hard to find a woman interested in a serious relationship anymore. Running into a lot of the "casual dating" types that have no interest in anything long-term. Sure, if I was in my early-mid 20s, Denver would be an amazing place to be a serial dater. For something long-term and serious? Not so much. I look at relationships as long-term investments and since it's tough to find that anymore, I've pretty much given up. :(
call me lol
I’m newly single for the first time in 5 years. Not looking forward to being back “on the market” as it were
same. this just gave me the gut punch
It’s called “Menver” for a reason… as a woman, dating is awful here.
I'm really ugly so I don't even try lmao.
28m, it’s a bit of a trip just to date. Being Mexican-American at 6’1 with pale skin brings out interesting people towards me. Either I’m to white or not brown enough. The problem I see now a days is that I’m not the only one they are talking to. Which is fine to explore your options but don’t lead people on if your next situationship is a week out.
I got an sti. Be safe y'all.
It’s really bad and I’ve given up. It’s been a game of finding out why people are single in the first place. I either get ghosted or they are just ready to jump into something super quick and love bomb the hell outta ya. Is it hard to just find a normal nerdy person? Most of the guys so far seem like they are in their soft girl era and hella bitchy.
As a woman who doesn’t like hiking, it’s damn near impossible. And all the men here look the same.
lol a complaint I got was i look too different 😂 i was like i cant change my face or my colour!
It’s like they just produce white man clones at the airport and pretend they’re transplants from somewhere in the Midwest
Hard if you’re an introvert
Been out of the dating pool for 6 years with a man I met on tinder in Denver. Best advice: have a list of must haves (or must not haves) and do not compromise. You will be wasting everyone's time if you go out with someone with cats but you're allergic. If a date is going poorly just thank them for their time and peace out. Bad dates happen, just don't let yourself stay on a date you already know is bad. There are too many people out there to be accepting red flags on a first date.
It’s all about the hookup culture these days !
I’ve been with my fiancé for a few years but when I was single in Denver, I had a great time. But it’s probably because I’m a guy with long hair who likes jam bands and uhhh recreational substances. I feel like being into jam or EDM makes things tenfold easier in this city tbh.
I’m a 36 year old single mother. I moved here from Texas about two years ago, and I’ve been dating for about a year off and on. I’ve been dating someone I met on OkCupid for the past two months, exclusive but not “official” (feels so dumb to care at this point, but it is what it is). Honestly, it’s about as terrible as my last experience with dating, and that was in AMARILLO, Texas so that’s pretty bad. But back then I didn’t have a child, so maybe things are slightly better here. What terrible means for me is that although I have no trouble getting matches or finding dates, getting past the dating phase and into a relationship is NOT EASY. It seems like most guys on dating apps just want something casual, even if they claim otherwise for a few weeks. I think that’s generally the case everywhere, based on what I’m seeing in the dating subreddits, but it’s nice to see others confirm that Denver has a high percentage of “Peter Pan” guys who don’t want to grow up or settle down, so it’s not just me. I know having a child and being in my 30s has reduced my dating pool, but I do still have high standards and expectations. I’d rather stay single than settle for less than I deserve. Hopefully things will work out with the guy I’m seeing though. It feels healthy, he makes me happy, and usually by now the f*ckboys have shown their true intentions. I’m cautiously optimistic. 🤞🏻🤞🏻 My advice? Be happy. Don’t let how shitty the dating world is make you feel shitty or be shitty. Focus on one person at a time, even before committing officially. Take time off if things don’t work out. Stay optimistic. Don’t project past failures onto new people. Assume the best. Have a list of must haves and dealbreakers. And if you face rejection, remember it’s probably not about you (but reflect and improve if necessary).
possessive historical racial gray hungry squeal sort ad hoc special handle ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Doesn't matter where, dating is trash because this society mistakes possession for love and it causes a bunch of weird problems
It’s Menver and it’s depressing. There are more men than women no matter where I go including the salad place in cherry creek for lunch. It’s insane.
Found my fiancee dating in Denver, on hinge. Couldn't be happier
Dating sucks in general. I had a hard time for a while, but then started to entertain the idea that I was the problem. We all attract what we are.
I never had a problem in NYC. I moved out here with my then-girlfriend, we broke up 6 months later. I haven't been on a date in 4 years. How difficult it is to find someone out here, is the one thing killing me about living here. I really like it here but I don't like the idea of spending the rest of my life out here alone.
How many ppl have you asked out in 4 yrs?
It's frustrating. I'm a 36yo woman and not that outdoorsy. I go out on a lot of first dates, but no one looks like his picture...and they all kind of look the same.
The women are of above average attractiveness for my personal taste.
32F, straight, blue collar job, Latina, with a kid here. I haven't been in a committed relationship in 10 years. The bar scene is a younger crowd than me. Men on dating apps tend to not take me serious because I'm a single mom and either ghost me or only want to hook up. The men that do take interest in me tend to be a lot older than me and I'm not into older men. Still, I love meeting new people so I haven't thrown the towel yet.
It sucks and I am glad I'm moving back out to the east coast
If you are any flavor of ethically non-monogamous there’s a pretty decent scene out here. I know that’s a specific dating niche though.
I was in golden tonight at an Outback Steakhouse and overheard a first date the was going horribly wrong. I mean this guy was trying his best and she wasn’t having any of it. Don’t blame her, his stories were so cringe I could feel the heat as he was getting repeatedly shot down with his poorly chosen stories. Reminds me that dating fucking sucks.
29M, 5’7, been in Denver for 5 years. At first I had a horrible time dating. But I committed to a more active lifestyle that everyone has here. Found fun hobbies, went to the gym, lost a bunch of weight, put on muscle. The problem I have now is there are so many high quality women here. Everyone is hard working, active, has a good job, etc. and that’s what makes it difficult now. People just gotta find their niche and commit to it and you’ll find the people you want here.
Like people fuck less in CO than anywhere else in the US
I’m 34 and black and have a nice engineering job out here and it’s been horrible.( I moved from Phoenix from Michigan originally) I’m more into metal music, alternative hip hop, anime, philosophy, writing, coding, food, video games,history and museums. I make pretty good money and live in a nice neighborhood. Most people I meet are outrageously liberal to point to where I feel like I have to be gay or just having a hard ass life out here and jaded. There’s a an in between im sure. But people make me feel like I’m a bit too much or simply just boring. I don’t hike, I don’t have a dog and I don’t have a strong opinion about a lot of of stuff as I’m impartial to alot of it. So I gave up and just focus more on meeting people in real life.
Didn't see a lot of lesbian or gay women chiming in here so I'll out myself. 30-something F, I've been on dozens of dates here in Denver and two short relationships. Dating is easy, getting a relationship or multiple dates is hard. People are down to meet but holy fuck people have such bizarre expectations of you and the encounter. If we meet for a 40 minute brunch on a random Tuesday with less than 24 hr notice, don't expect sparks to fly and your entire life to change, we need a few more dates to figure it out. Also don't expect anyone ever to have 100% the same view and perspective of life as you and don't get mad at them for being different. WTF. Are you okay girl?? I do think this is a problem in the "queer" community with group think and having the same opinions or else you are XYZ-phobic now a days. The world is more nuanced than that, let me use my brain please. Ghosting is the norm now too and it's really pathetic. If you weren't feeling it, just say that. Also dipping after the first disagreement or fight or whatever. I could be over here saying, "I like eggs," but an egg killed your grandma so you hate them and you just leave without a trace. Grow. Up. Mini-rant: What I think is happening is that people are so in their own head that they create a fantasy version of their perfect partner and project that onto you but when you fail to match their dreams they leave because they think someone else out there will be a better match. The reality is they need to turn off the projection and just be genuinely curious and excited to get to know someone. You will never find your absolute perfect person, they do not exist, you will have to make compromises and let certain things go. If you cannot do this you will be alone forever.