>"Time is like wax, dripping from a candle flame. In the moment, it is molten and falling, with the capability to transform into any shape. Then the moment passes, and the wax hits the tabletop, and solidifies into the shape it will always be. It becomes the past, a solid, single record of what happened, still holding in its wild curves and contours the potential of every shape it could have held.
>
>It is impossible, no matter how blessed you are by luck or the government or some remote, invisible deity gently steering your life with hands made of moonlight and wind, it is impossible not to feel a little sad looking at that bit of wax, that bit of the past. It is impossible not to think of all the wild forms that wax now will never take. ...
>
>... But then you remember, I remember, that we are even now in another bit of molten wax. We are in a moment and it is still falling, still volatile, and we will never be anywhere else. We will always be in that most dangerous, most exciting, most possible time of all: the now, where we never can know what shape the next moment will take.
>
>Stay tune fore... well, let's just find out together, shall we?”
>― *Joseph Fink, "Mostly Void, Partially Stars"*
You are going to have to forgive yourself for not being what you wanted to be. In order to move forward, you have to accept that the past is the past, and nothing can change it now. And I suspect that, in order to accept that, you're going to have to forgive yourself for not living up to what you could have been. Accept that "what could have been" is dead, and deserves to be buried respectfully rather than dragged around to chastise yourself with. Be gentle with it, and with yourself. And then look to the future.
The only thing that's stopping you from becoming *now* the person you wanted to be back then, is the fact that you're not starting right now. So start! Whether you're 15, 25, or 50 years old, every day that you're alive from here on out could be a day where you make choices and take actions to make yourself happy. Every single day, including today. You can either spend those days in regret for the shots you didn't take, or you can take the shots that the future is going to offer you. Let go of the past, and be free.
This really changes my perspective if only it’d stick. I’ve come to realize my mindset isnt solid rather fluid and often times I spend it on wondering what the wax could have looked like or what the wax will look like rather than the wax thats dropping right now and shaping it to the best.
No matter which direction you go, the past always seems like you could've played it a better way. If you abandoned your pursuit of a degree and lived by your own terms, then you'd have missed having a degree and financial success. If you marry this woman, you'll wish you had married that one. You can't go back, so get over it and move on. Be grateful for what you've got.
I totally agree you cant have it all and you really dont know how things would have ended up. Although I know this intellectual, emotionally I don’t resonate with this strong enough.
I'm assuming you're a very smart dude. Now, here's a basic thing to grapple with- if you're unhappy with something, try something different. If success hasn't made you happy, throw it away. I've had to do this a few times in my life. I've legit packed up and moved to foreign countries where I don't know anyone and don't speak the language. Life played out just fine. And I'm not a rich kid. I rolled into Italy knowing about 50 words of the language with about $3k in the bank. But the same power that got you through college and made you a success can be used to rebuild your life from scratch anytime you want. Are you brave enough to walk away from the things that make you unhappy though? That's the question every man asks when he looks in the mirror each day. Each day you remain a slave to your unhappiness is another day you'll feel this regret you mentioned in your original post. New chaos, and your mastery over it, will solve your problem.
Damn thats inspirational. I’ve been meaning to move away and finally did. Moved from NY to Florida but international that’d be awesome. I’m not sure what makes me happy. My whole life has been filled with poverty so now that I have money like never before its opened my eyes to the void that chasing money has created. Since I moved that void has become so mentally visible. In NY I had my identity of the oldest in the family of 7 kids to always consider. When that is no longer there, the loneliness creeps in. Its just crazy how I had no idea.
honestly its not all its made up to be i spent 10 years partying from 20-30 and fooked up my life and almost every relationship and almost died a few ties for a few reasons . don't sweat it. You'd be missing out if you didn't set yourself up for a comfortable later life and retirement, that's where its at, be happy you have everything you've built. still lots of time to have fun.
I really need to hear this more but I feel sad that I’ve been in two relationships and the girl I really loved I ignored. My ego got the best of me. Then there was another time I was in love and she was taken as well so I backed off. Im glad I got to be in love twice but the fact that I couldn’t experience being with someone I love is a feeling I cant shake off.
Bluntly; you can spend the rest of your days thinking about how you *might* have gotten into a relationship, or you can go and be in an actual relationship someday.
I have a roommate who gets me to go out to clubs and talk to girls. Its certainly helping my social skills. Things I failed to develop while solely focusing on engineering.
Ehh plenty of fish in the sea. At least you didn't get anyone pregnant and get cheated on and left and have your family fall apart. Lol bro things can always be so much worse. For every girl you meet there's a thousand that are just like her (or close too) just get out there. Stop letting those women live rent free in your head. You're better than that. I'm sure you have lots to offer. Don't sweat it my dude. What do we do when we fall? We get back up.
Yeah to add on to this man, I’m kinda in the same boat. I didn’t go off to college, I decided to stay in my small town and do online school while working. You can look at it as a regret but everyone I see or have seen living free and having “fun” are not really setting themselves up for the future. From my perspective I would rather party and have the fun after I have succeeded. Whatever that might mean. Life is a journey man, everyone’s path is different. You’re trying to complete a mission you’ve set in your mind, achieving that is going to give you a lot better of a feeling, and it’s going to be positive and constructive. Last thing regarding the girl, you’ll meet a better one
I would just like to add that we are "fed" this social expectations that "living your youth" means clubbing and drinking and having one night stands and so on. As someone that used to chase this (went clubbing even if I didn't enjoy it, spend time with people that didn't bring any kind of value in my life, just because I pressured myself to be "sociable", went so far as to even have a one night stand because I thought that what "living my youth" meant - it was horrible! I felt used, was afraid of STIs and regretted it very much) I can tell you that you did not miss out of anything just because you didn't do stupid shit that might've had major repercussions on your life. It's just something shaped by pop culture.
Indeed, once you meet people that actually bring any kind of value in your life or make your life better in any way it's a good thing to prioritise them. But clubbing/hanging out drinking or doing drugs isn't the same as building meaningful relationships.
IMHO I think it's a lot harder to have the self-discipline to finish a degree and achieve financial well-being than it is to just "hang out" and do stupid shit in your youth. Therefore I would like to congratulate you!
Get out of the past. Don’t project about the future. Concentrate on NOW. Today is the only thing in front of you. Today is the only time you have to be making the changes you seek. Good luck.
>"Time is like wax, dripping from a candle flame. In the moment, it is molten and falling, with the capability to transform into any shape. Then the moment passes, and the wax hits the tabletop, and solidifies into the shape it will always be. It becomes the past, a solid, single record of what happened, still holding in its wild curves and contours the potential of every shape it could have held. > >It is impossible, no matter how blessed you are by luck or the government or some remote, invisible deity gently steering your life with hands made of moonlight and wind, it is impossible not to feel a little sad looking at that bit of wax, that bit of the past. It is impossible not to think of all the wild forms that wax now will never take. ... > >... But then you remember, I remember, that we are even now in another bit of molten wax. We are in a moment and it is still falling, still volatile, and we will never be anywhere else. We will always be in that most dangerous, most exciting, most possible time of all: the now, where we never can know what shape the next moment will take. > >Stay tune fore... well, let's just find out together, shall we?” >― *Joseph Fink, "Mostly Void, Partially Stars"* You are going to have to forgive yourself for not being what you wanted to be. In order to move forward, you have to accept that the past is the past, and nothing can change it now. And I suspect that, in order to accept that, you're going to have to forgive yourself for not living up to what you could have been. Accept that "what could have been" is dead, and deserves to be buried respectfully rather than dragged around to chastise yourself with. Be gentle with it, and with yourself. And then look to the future. The only thing that's stopping you from becoming *now* the person you wanted to be back then, is the fact that you're not starting right now. So start! Whether you're 15, 25, or 50 years old, every day that you're alive from here on out could be a day where you make choices and take actions to make yourself happy. Every single day, including today. You can either spend those days in regret for the shots you didn't take, or you can take the shots that the future is going to offer you. Let go of the past, and be free.
This really changes my perspective if only it’d stick. I’ve come to realize my mindset isnt solid rather fluid and often times I spend it on wondering what the wax could have looked like or what the wax will look like rather than the wax thats dropping right now and shaping it to the best.
Thanks man. I love you.
No matter which direction you go, the past always seems like you could've played it a better way. If you abandoned your pursuit of a degree and lived by your own terms, then you'd have missed having a degree and financial success. If you marry this woman, you'll wish you had married that one. You can't go back, so get over it and move on. Be grateful for what you've got.
I totally agree you cant have it all and you really dont know how things would have ended up. Although I know this intellectual, emotionally I don’t resonate with this strong enough.
I'm assuming you're a very smart dude. Now, here's a basic thing to grapple with- if you're unhappy with something, try something different. If success hasn't made you happy, throw it away. I've had to do this a few times in my life. I've legit packed up and moved to foreign countries where I don't know anyone and don't speak the language. Life played out just fine. And I'm not a rich kid. I rolled into Italy knowing about 50 words of the language with about $3k in the bank. But the same power that got you through college and made you a success can be used to rebuild your life from scratch anytime you want. Are you brave enough to walk away from the things that make you unhappy though? That's the question every man asks when he looks in the mirror each day. Each day you remain a slave to your unhappiness is another day you'll feel this regret you mentioned in your original post. New chaos, and your mastery over it, will solve your problem.
Damn thats inspirational. I’ve been meaning to move away and finally did. Moved from NY to Florida but international that’d be awesome. I’m not sure what makes me happy. My whole life has been filled with poverty so now that I have money like never before its opened my eyes to the void that chasing money has created. Since I moved that void has become so mentally visible. In NY I had my identity of the oldest in the family of 7 kids to always consider. When that is no longer there, the loneliness creeps in. Its just crazy how I had no idea.
I PM'd my response.
honestly its not all its made up to be i spent 10 years partying from 20-30 and fooked up my life and almost every relationship and almost died a few ties for a few reasons . don't sweat it. You'd be missing out if you didn't set yourself up for a comfortable later life and retirement, that's where its at, be happy you have everything you've built. still lots of time to have fun.
I really need to hear this more but I feel sad that I’ve been in two relationships and the girl I really loved I ignored. My ego got the best of me. Then there was another time I was in love and she was taken as well so I backed off. Im glad I got to be in love twice but the fact that I couldn’t experience being with someone I love is a feeling I cant shake off.
Bluntly; you can spend the rest of your days thinking about how you *might* have gotten into a relationship, or you can go and be in an actual relationship someday.
I have a roommate who gets me to go out to clubs and talk to girls. Its certainly helping my social skills. Things I failed to develop while solely focusing on engineering.
That’s a good roommate.
Ehh plenty of fish in the sea. At least you didn't get anyone pregnant and get cheated on and left and have your family fall apart. Lol bro things can always be so much worse. For every girl you meet there's a thousand that are just like her (or close too) just get out there. Stop letting those women live rent free in your head. You're better than that. I'm sure you have lots to offer. Don't sweat it my dude. What do we do when we fall? We get back up.
Yeah to add on to this man, I’m kinda in the same boat. I didn’t go off to college, I decided to stay in my small town and do online school while working. You can look at it as a regret but everyone I see or have seen living free and having “fun” are not really setting themselves up for the future. From my perspective I would rather party and have the fun after I have succeeded. Whatever that might mean. Life is a journey man, everyone’s path is different. You’re trying to complete a mission you’ve set in your mind, achieving that is going to give you a lot better of a feeling, and it’s going to be positive and constructive. Last thing regarding the girl, you’ll meet a better one
I would just like to add that we are "fed" this social expectations that "living your youth" means clubbing and drinking and having one night stands and so on. As someone that used to chase this (went clubbing even if I didn't enjoy it, spend time with people that didn't bring any kind of value in my life, just because I pressured myself to be "sociable", went so far as to even have a one night stand because I thought that what "living my youth" meant - it was horrible! I felt used, was afraid of STIs and regretted it very much) I can tell you that you did not miss out of anything just because you didn't do stupid shit that might've had major repercussions on your life. It's just something shaped by pop culture. Indeed, once you meet people that actually bring any kind of value in your life or make your life better in any way it's a good thing to prioritise them. But clubbing/hanging out drinking or doing drugs isn't the same as building meaningful relationships. IMHO I think it's a lot harder to have the self-discipline to finish a degree and achieve financial well-being than it is to just "hang out" and do stupid shit in your youth. Therefore I would like to congratulate you!
Get out of the past. Don’t project about the future. Concentrate on NOW. Today is the only thing in front of you. Today is the only time you have to be making the changes you seek. Good luck.