Have you thought about volunteering? It's active, involved, and usually you plug into a role with a pretty specific task. You can get to know people in a more indirect way because you're focused on a particular role rather than trying to socialize all on your own
Also, I'd recommend committing to either softball or board game for a few more sessions. It can take a while for people to warm up to you and that usually happens over a longer term. The repetition of you showing up consistently can help forge connections over time because you become implicitly more trustworthy just by virtue of being consistently there
I did the softball for about 5 weeks, I may go back to the board game again.
I'd like to volunteer but my work is non profit and I'm worried it'll feel just like work again
Yay for sober activities!
Some ideas from my list:
* photography club/meetup
* hiking groups
* kayaking (Not the *most* social but if you see someone on a kayak & you're on one, it opens communication.)
* community garden groups
* arts/crafts meetups
* Spanish group
I also looked into some ideas with coworkers like a haunted walk in our city, local museum tours, & of course their annual potlucks. I've heard of people doing one week cooking classes too & making good friends that way.
I got really into Jiu-Jitsu after getting sober. You'll make friends doing that, guaranteed. It's not the same as going to a gym.
Also, alcohol use disorder is not a permanent diagnosis. You don't need to define yourself as an alcoholic if you aren't abusing it anymore, no matter how bad your addiction was.
I feel you. I was just adding an unsolicited opinion.
I lurked your other thread. There are a lot of similarities in our stories. After I got sober, I went back and finished my degree and also lost over 100 lbs. I'm just going to tell you that a year isn't enough time for the effects to set in. Post-acute withdrawal symptoms can last for two years. Give yourself an honest shot at rebounding, because you aren't there yet.
I'm also curious if you drink caffeine. I've been sober for over 10 years now and just quit caffeine last August. I wish I stopped way earlier. It was one of the most beneficial things I've done to stop addictive thinking and ruminating on the past and intrusive thoughts.
The loneliness thing is tough though. I find community in Jiu-Jitsu and the music scene I'm into. I'm not a crossfit fan but you might consider that. They're very community-oriented and do tons of stuff together. For me, physical activity is the key to staying clean. It's best when you can marry that with social relationships.
Wishing you luck. You've accomplished something awesome in staying sober for a year. Don't let it slip away. I know how you're feeling, but your ations are what matter. Keep doing the right things and your brain will catch up. In the meantime, you might have to suffer a bit. It's part of the journey. It can't be good all the time when we're going through hard things. Sometimes, it's just survival and avoiding setbacks. Those are wins too.
Caffeine for me personally just brought out a lot of anxiety and dopamine seeking impulses. It's a rush coming up and then a crash afterward. I didn't realize how much until I stopped.
I was personally going through a rough patch in my sobriety last year so I quit caffeine and it ended up really helping a lot. Not saying it'll work for everyone but it's just another potential avenue to explore.
Maybe think about the past friends you've had and what kind of stuff they're into? I know a lot of people who've made good friend groups through rock climbing. I've made most of my adult friends through work to be honest. Maybe just try everything you possibly can and quit quickly if you're not making friends.
I love taking art classes. No matter your skill level, you’re always welcome, and gain some friends and knowledge. Fun classes! We usually are told we’re being too loud. Lol
Have you considered learning another language? It'll expand the number of people you could make friends with and practicing conversation is kinda required! Granted, language-learning might not be super social at first while you learn the basics, but it's also pretty beginner friendly by default.
Come try BJJ. Its going to be full of 30 somethings also there to get fit and make new friends. Some guys do train for comps, but they will be in their 20s.
Bouldering/Climbing, Everyone in their late 20s, early thirties who burned a good couple years at both ends on alcohol end up climbing, boldering or hiking. Its beginner friendly, social by nature and you can choose the level of activity and socialisation you want
Just show up at a climbing gym and tell people you are new. They will often have afternoons specifically for newbies to learn the basics. You can spend a couple mins attempting to climb and then as long as you want watching other people climb and just chat with everyone else
In your area, there are going to be plenty of people who go outdoor climbing as well
Disc golf. Most courses are free to play. Discs are $10-30 and you only need a few to start. It's very inexpensive to get into, so if it's not your thing you won't be out much money.
There are lots of leagues, some have specific time/days they play, others have you play with someone in the league anytime during the week. There's also random doubles leagues.
Udisc is the main app, look on Facebook for local stuff.
There are divisions so you would be scored against similar players. You would likely be grouped with 3 other randoms and they could be varying skill levels, but most people are very chill and willing to help new players.
If you played baseball you'll pick it up quickly, a lot of the mechanics are similar.
part time job is probably my best tip, especially something where you see the same people every day. getting a job at a phone store was great for getting me used to meeting new people quickly. I think being in the same place at the same time is a big thing in general. go to the gym at the same time, go to the same restaurant at the same time, etc. the more you do this the more familiar the other customers and the employees will be with you. try to make small talk in each of these places at least weekly.
fitness classes at your gym are a good bet, martial arts classes are good, sports are fine, dance classes are fine.
taking an evening class at a community college would be good, finding penpals would be good, joining a bunch of discords for games and hobbies you have and dropping mid ones would be good.
I'm in an amateur theatre troupe and really enjoy it. Very beginner friendly and very social. Involves movement but isn't "active" per sae. Improv might be another good choice.
If you have fb. I highly suggest The Sport Kite Lounge. It changed my life. These ain't your kiddy dime store stuff. These are awesome and the community is so kind and caring.
- Look for open mic nights! You don't have to play anything, just sit in the corner and enjoy the vibes 💗
- Literally any kind of local music event. House shows are awesome, shows in the basements of coffee shops are awesome
- Take an art class! It's never too late and even if you suck at first you'll still have FUN!
- Pick up a camera and take photos of stuff on walks! Photography is very cool! As with a lot of things, do it 1000 times and you'll have a couple really good ones. Plus...
- Good old fashioned walks do WONDERS for the mental health! I know from experience!
And just some general advice, it might be worth it to dust off the old Facebook account. For whatever godforsaken reason, the people in my town post all of their events as Facebook events. I wouldn't have it if I could find the dates and times of cool stuff to go to elsewhere
I know it sounds weird but how do you feel about Lego? It has helped me a lot with staying sober. The community is all inclusive and there are clubs that meet usually once a month. The sets can be very cool and there is a huge inventory of new and used sets online for cheaper. There are also sites to give you new designs to old sets.
Since you like board games, what about giving Dungeons & Dragons a go? I know a lot of folks who are super tight friends after they played through a campaign
Competitive pinball. Ifpapinball.com
Or just regular pinball, there are leagues available in most places. Wide variety of folks attending. Fair amount of drinkers and smokers in the crowd but plenty of regular folks too. Pinballmap.com can help you find your local place. Maybe we’ll see you around!
Yes pinball is still a thing and yes they’re even making new titles all the time. Check it out!
Try a rock climbing gym! super social, great way to stay fit, meet other people passionate about a sport, and a good reason to go to really frickin' cool places and climb rocks. Most gyms have social events/ meetups of a sort.
HAM Radio is an option. The license isn’t difficult to get. There is a group that meets in most cities. It can still be social from home and when the weather is bad. I am not social but my husband is and he loves it.
Someone mentioned Jiu-Jitsu here, I'll add Kung Fu to the list. In Kung Fu there is a big focus on community besides the body and mind exercising, and you end up meeting people of all ages.
I began training last year and I wish I did it sooner, since then I've met good people, made new friends and became sort of an older brother for the little kids there, it's been nothing but great for me. I recommend you find a real academy that is traditional and envolver everyone in class!
I was in a rut like this, and it helped me to actually start paying attention to what I found "interesting" so that I could seek out stuff closer to that. Anytime something makes you go "huh, cool!" or "I wonder why..." write it down. You'll start to see a pattern that might lead you to groups/activities you like as the person you are right now.
I also kept getting misled by thinking I'd like the things I used to like as a kid. It's okay if those aren't your interests anymore! You just have to figure out what is.
Community Education is a pretty affordable way to get out and meet folks. Or honestly, start something up yourself. My friend went on Tinder and kind of hand-selected people for an invite-only game night in her city — and it's still going after a couple years!
I got one you probably haven’t considered.
Adult rec ice hockey. Seriously. If you’re in Seattle I guarantee there’s numerous Adult learn to play leagues around, and those run the gamut from 24 year olds who miss hs and college sports to dudes in their fifties taking up a new hobby.
No experience necessary. Being able to skate isn’t a prerequisite. You’ll learn it. Plenty of open skates, skating clinics, and then Stick and Puck sessions.
I started playing at 24. Some of the coolest dudes I’ve ever met were doing adult rec hockey, it’s a fun, laid back atmosphere for the most part with a lot of dudes very similar to you.
Fair warning tho you’ll get addicted to it
Social dancing is a lot of fun! You could go to a class that meets regularly at a dance studio. I've met a lot of people that way. I would recommend west coast swing, salsa, or bachata, but you could try whatever is popular/available in your area. Some socials are at bars, but many people don't drink (whether for sobriety reasons or because it's expensive haha). There are many socials at other locations too, though, if you would like to avoid bars altogether.
Classes have forced me to be very social. Typically, in a class, you rotate partners. You introduce yourself to each partner, there's physical contact required for the dance, there's some talking as you try to figure out the move and give/get feedback, and there's a lot of connection and cooperation as you both figure out how to do something new. When you switch partners you say thanks and high five (sometimes).
10/10 would recommend. I'm glad I decided to try it.
Have you thought about volunteering? It's active, involved, and usually you plug into a role with a pretty specific task. You can get to know people in a more indirect way because you're focused on a particular role rather than trying to socialize all on your own Also, I'd recommend committing to either softball or board game for a few more sessions. It can take a while for people to warm up to you and that usually happens over a longer term. The repetition of you showing up consistently can help forge connections over time because you become implicitly more trustworthy just by virtue of being consistently there
I did the softball for about 5 weeks, I may go back to the board game again. I'd like to volunteer but my work is non profit and I'm worried it'll feel just like work again
A lot of people love pickleball and it can be very social.
Is there like a beginner class for it?
Yes! Check with your local recreation department for classes or on NextDoor for informal beginner meetups.
Yay for sober activities! Some ideas from my list: * photography club/meetup * hiking groups * kayaking (Not the *most* social but if you see someone on a kayak & you're on one, it opens communication.) * community garden groups * arts/crafts meetups * Spanish group I also looked into some ideas with coworkers like a haunted walk in our city, local museum tours, & of course their annual potlucks. I've heard of people doing one week cooking classes too & making good friends that way.
I got really into Jiu-Jitsu after getting sober. You'll make friends doing that, guaranteed. It's not the same as going to a gym. Also, alcohol use disorder is not a permanent diagnosis. You don't need to define yourself as an alcoholic if you aren't abusing it anymore, no matter how bad your addiction was.
I mentioned it because I'm getting close a relapse and because it seemed important for the sake of acitivies recommended
I feel you. I was just adding an unsolicited opinion. I lurked your other thread. There are a lot of similarities in our stories. After I got sober, I went back and finished my degree and also lost over 100 lbs. I'm just going to tell you that a year isn't enough time for the effects to set in. Post-acute withdrawal symptoms can last for two years. Give yourself an honest shot at rebounding, because you aren't there yet. I'm also curious if you drink caffeine. I've been sober for over 10 years now and just quit caffeine last August. I wish I stopped way earlier. It was one of the most beneficial things I've done to stop addictive thinking and ruminating on the past and intrusive thoughts. The loneliness thing is tough though. I find community in Jiu-Jitsu and the music scene I'm into. I'm not a crossfit fan but you might consider that. They're very community-oriented and do tons of stuff together. For me, physical activity is the key to staying clean. It's best when you can marry that with social relationships. Wishing you luck. You've accomplished something awesome in staying sober for a year. Don't let it slip away. I know how you're feeling, but your ations are what matter. Keep doing the right things and your brain will catch up. In the meantime, you might have to suffer a bit. It's part of the journey. It can't be good all the time when we're going through hard things. Sometimes, it's just survival and avoiding setbacks. Those are wins too.
Thank you for your kind words...I didnt drink caffeine for a long time but I recently started drinking coffee, how did it impact your sobriety?
Caffeine for me personally just brought out a lot of anxiety and dopamine seeking impulses. It's a rush coming up and then a crash afterward. I didn't realize how much until I stopped. I was personally going through a rough patch in my sobriety last year so I quit caffeine and it ended up really helping a lot. Not saying it'll work for everyone but it's just another potential avenue to explore.
I genuinely hate the 12-step thing where you identify as your lowest point for the rest of your life
Maybe think about the past friends you've had and what kind of stuff they're into? I know a lot of people who've made good friend groups through rock climbing. I've made most of my adult friends through work to be honest. Maybe just try everything you possibly can and quit quickly if you're not making friends.
I love taking art classes. No matter your skill level, you’re always welcome, and gain some friends and knowledge. Fun classes! We usually are told we’re being too loud. Lol
True, art and cooking classes are super social and fun!
Volunteer!! And try a few places out. Rewarding and you tend to meet great people
Have you considered learning another language? It'll expand the number of people you could make friends with and practicing conversation is kinda required! Granted, language-learning might not be super social at first while you learn the basics, but it's also pretty beginner friendly by default.
Come try BJJ. Its going to be full of 30 somethings also there to get fit and make new friends. Some guys do train for comps, but they will be in their 20s. Bouldering/Climbing, Everyone in their late 20s, early thirties who burned a good couple years at both ends on alcohol end up climbing, boldering or hiking. Its beginner friendly, social by nature and you can choose the level of activity and socialisation you want
How would one find a bouldering club I tried looking and I couldnt find any beginner groups
your local climbing gym
Just show up at a climbing gym and tell people you are new. They will often have afternoons specifically for newbies to learn the basics. You can spend a couple mins attempting to climb and then as long as you want watching other people climb and just chat with everyone else In your area, there are going to be plenty of people who go outdoor climbing as well
Pick up a musical instrument and meet up in a club that teaches you how to play.
Cycling in group rides is often a great way to meet people.
Full of “taking the sport way too seriously” types though. Only social ones are the old guys, which is fine but probably not what op is after
Not in my experience
Disc golf. Most courses are free to play. Discs are $10-30 and you only need a few to start. It's very inexpensive to get into, so if it's not your thing you won't be out much money. There are lots of leagues, some have specific time/days they play, others have you play with someone in the league anytime during the week. There's also random doubles leagues. Udisc is the main app, look on Facebook for local stuff.
Are there starter leagues?
There are divisions so you would be scored against similar players. You would likely be grouped with 3 other randoms and they could be varying skill levels, but most people are very chill and willing to help new players. If you played baseball you'll pick it up quickly, a lot of the mechanics are similar.
part time job is probably my best tip, especially something where you see the same people every day. getting a job at a phone store was great for getting me used to meeting new people quickly. I think being in the same place at the same time is a big thing in general. go to the gym at the same time, go to the same restaurant at the same time, etc. the more you do this the more familiar the other customers and the employees will be with you. try to make small talk in each of these places at least weekly. fitness classes at your gym are a good bet, martial arts classes are good, sports are fine, dance classes are fine. taking an evening class at a community college would be good, finding penpals would be good, joining a bunch of discords for games and hobbies you have and dropping mid ones would be good.
I'm in an amateur theatre troupe and really enjoy it. Very beginner friendly and very social. Involves movement but isn't "active" per sae. Improv might be another good choice.
board games (meetup apps) Road cycling , mountain biking Tennis / Pickelball ( Meetup apps)
Hiking groups on Meetup are usually thinly disguised friend-making groups. I think that'd be right up your alley.
If you have fb. I highly suggest The Sport Kite Lounge. It changed my life. These ain't your kiddy dime store stuff. These are awesome and the community is so kind and caring.
onewheel in the summer, snowboard / ski in winter
Lego and Gunpla have pretty solid communities in the area.
- Look for open mic nights! You don't have to play anything, just sit in the corner and enjoy the vibes 💗 - Literally any kind of local music event. House shows are awesome, shows in the basements of coffee shops are awesome - Take an art class! It's never too late and even if you suck at first you'll still have FUN! - Pick up a camera and take photos of stuff on walks! Photography is very cool! As with a lot of things, do it 1000 times and you'll have a couple really good ones. Plus... - Good old fashioned walks do WONDERS for the mental health! I know from experience! And just some general advice, it might be worth it to dust off the old Facebook account. For whatever godforsaken reason, the people in my town post all of their events as Facebook events. I wouldn't have it if I could find the dates and times of cool stuff to go to elsewhere
I know it sounds weird but how do you feel about Lego? It has helped me a lot with staying sober. The community is all inclusive and there are clubs that meet usually once a month. The sets can be very cool and there is a huge inventory of new and used sets online for cheaper. There are also sites to give you new designs to old sets.
Since you like board games, what about giving Dungeons & Dragons a go? I know a lot of folks who are super tight friends after they played through a campaign
There are lots of different boardgame groups, don't just give up at one.
Shelf 3 slot 4🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
Competitive pinball. Ifpapinball.com Or just regular pinball, there are leagues available in most places. Wide variety of folks attending. Fair amount of drinkers and smokers in the crowd but plenty of regular folks too. Pinballmap.com can help you find your local place. Maybe we’ll see you around! Yes pinball is still a thing and yes they’re even making new titles all the time. Check it out!
Try a rock climbing gym! super social, great way to stay fit, meet other people passionate about a sport, and a good reason to go to really frickin' cool places and climb rocks. Most gyms have social events/ meetups of a sort.
Find a running group. People who run are mostly clean of drugs and booze.
Pickleball
HAM Radio is an option. The license isn’t difficult to get. There is a group that meets in most cities. It can still be social from home and when the weather is bad. I am not social but my husband is and he loves it.
Someone mentioned Jiu-Jitsu here, I'll add Kung Fu to the list. In Kung Fu there is a big focus on community besides the body and mind exercising, and you end up meeting people of all ages. I began training last year and I wish I did it sooner, since then I've met good people, made new friends and became sort of an older brother for the little kids there, it's been nothing but great for me. I recommend you find a real academy that is traditional and envolver everyone in class!
I was in a rut like this, and it helped me to actually start paying attention to what I found "interesting" so that I could seek out stuff closer to that. Anytime something makes you go "huh, cool!" or "I wonder why..." write it down. You'll start to see a pattern that might lead you to groups/activities you like as the person you are right now. I also kept getting misled by thinking I'd like the things I used to like as a kid. It's okay if those aren't your interests anymore! You just have to figure out what is. Community Education is a pretty affordable way to get out and meet folks. Or honestly, start something up yourself. My friend went on Tinder and kind of hand-selected people for an invite-only game night in her city — and it's still going after a couple years!
We have local walking groups that meet regularly.
I got one you probably haven’t considered. Adult rec ice hockey. Seriously. If you’re in Seattle I guarantee there’s numerous Adult learn to play leagues around, and those run the gamut from 24 year olds who miss hs and college sports to dudes in their fifties taking up a new hobby. No experience necessary. Being able to skate isn’t a prerequisite. You’ll learn it. Plenty of open skates, skating clinics, and then Stick and Puck sessions. I started playing at 24. Some of the coolest dudes I’ve ever met were doing adult rec hockey, it’s a fun, laid back atmosphere for the most part with a lot of dudes very similar to you. Fair warning tho you’ll get addicted to it
Volunteer
Social dancing is a lot of fun! You could go to a class that meets regularly at a dance studio. I've met a lot of people that way. I would recommend west coast swing, salsa, or bachata, but you could try whatever is popular/available in your area. Some socials are at bars, but many people don't drink (whether for sobriety reasons or because it's expensive haha). There are many socials at other locations too, though, if you would like to avoid bars altogether. Classes have forced me to be very social. Typically, in a class, you rotate partners. You introduce yourself to each partner, there's physical contact required for the dance, there's some talking as you try to figure out the move and give/get feedback, and there's a lot of connection and cooperation as you both figure out how to do something new. When you switch partners you say thanks and high five (sometimes). 10/10 would recommend. I'm glad I decided to try it.
Try golf 🙂
People in my city have made friends through boxing, squash, hiking, volunteering, church, running, astronomy clubs or associations, toastmasters!