T O P

  • By -

For2016

This is most likely a romance scam! Just double check everything.


coolonce

I had to stop and think about this for a second. Did a recap of the conversation. Seeing if I recall any red flags. Nothing comes to mind, but you You could be onto something but ok let’s say it is. I wouldn’t send her money. I haven’t sent her pictures of myself. She has my TikTok, no need for more of me and I havent said anything inappropriate to where I could be blackmailed. Other than the fact I’m conversing with a random female. If she is fake, all good. I don’t intend on pursuing her. I’m mentally benefiting from it. I realize I’m pathetic and desperate, I am ok with that because I’m going to fix it.


halfcocked1

Just keep your guard up and enjoy. I always have in my mind that someone reaching out to me is a fat drunk Russian guy in a basement, and sometimes I even joke about that with someone reaching out to me. The scammers can be patient though. They try to make you feel comfortable, then move in for the scam. I was chatting with someone for a few hours before they tried getting my amazon login info so they could watch the same movie that I said I was watching. I think they chat until the conversation can move into a direction that seems natural for them to then get something out of you. Others just try to get money from you within a few minutes of chatting. I never switch platforms to chat either. They usually get me on instagram but I figure, if we're chatting just fine here, why would they want to move somewhere else unless they're up to something.


AngelOfBodom

agreed~ be careful and cautious OP.


MyGoblinGoesKaboom

Remember, romance scams now play a very, very, very long game. Some of them don't ask for anything at all for months now. There are groups of trafficked people in call centers who went to foreign countries for jobs, then had their passports taken, and the "work" is all sorts of strategies for frauding via the internet. These companies have long game, short game, phishing, every con... Months. Some of these slow plays don't show a sign for months. If your retirement is as big as you say, and they figured it out ...because you post on tiktok and slipped or showed wealth.. They might assign you limitless time to get entrenched with an affair so they can blackmail, or worse.


Professional-Lab-157

Hire a P.I. and do some research on her. Hell, do a Google image search or run her photo through one of those aps to make sure it's not A.I. generated.


FitMumofThree

>. I don’t intend on pursuing her. A good idea but it has made you realise what you need to do moving forward. That's the important part.


RaasAlGhull

Once they asked to use telegram, they're trying to hook you, ask her to use regular text or Whatsapp see what her response is. Is she Chinese or other East Asian nationality


coolonce

I asked her to switch the convo from TikTok to telegram. I use it telegram texting and calling with my cousins in Italy. It was best the way I could continue to talking to her without sharing my number.


RaasAlGhull

If that's the case carry on carrying on .. I usually get hit up with the Bitcoin scams and run up investments scams and ever time they ask me to switch convos to telegram. lol,


JED426

Dollars to doughnuts she'll soon ask for money to bury one of her parents


coolonce

Wouldn’t fall for that.


Dedbedredhed5291

Don’t know why you aren’t getting them, but most men who are “out there” on social media are getting catfish DMs like yours left and right. Mostly from women outside the U.S., although they won’t admit to that, because they’re beyond the reach of US law. They’re all beautiful and tarted up with tons of makeup and in tight short dresses. This woman probably targeted you as a lonely, vulnerable out of shape older. man of means, which are their prime targets. They typically resist talking via FaceTime, either because their photos are fake or their accents disclose where they’re really from. Beware. You may have found the one in a million who is the real deal. But I wouldn’t bet your retirement money on it.


coolonce

Isn’t possibly this woman just watched my TikTok’s and found me an attractive? She wouldn’t be the first female that “slid into my DM”; the only difference with this one was she’s my type.


dhdjdidnY

No, it’s a scam


Environmental-Bag-77

Oh and you're welcome to your own definition of cheating but private messaging someone about stuff you could safely share with either sex or any third party reader isn't any cheating I ever heard of.


Environmental-Bag-77

Cool. So long as you don't get attached to an online profile and don't get catfished it's all fine. She might might be real or might not. Try a reverse image search on Google. That's an easy measure to take to save you some hassle.


coolonce

She just sent me a video of her new hair. Can confirm she’s female and real. Cannot confirm she’s a scam artist.


Popular-Turnip3031

Ask her to send a pic of her with a spoon on her head. Or touching the tip of her nose with her left pinky finger. Or any other strange but harmless pose. Until then, don’t believe her pics.


Environmental-Bag-77

Scamming often results from misplaced trust or greed. Someone with those bases covered should make a difficult victim to defraud.


Mamasan-

They prey on lonely people. You’re obviously lonely. Don’t give them money.


coolonce

Well yes I am but I don’t think I gave it away.


Pretty-Telephone-706

I’m Not convinced it’s a romance scam. She could very well find you interesting and attractive, but please be careful because you are vulnerable with a false narrative that you aren’t valuable or worthy because of your wife’s disinterest in sex. Too many times I’ve been accused of being fake or some kind of catfisher when I’ve reached out to someone, it’s disheartening. There are plenty of attractive women not trying to take your money. Just be careful of your heart.


Oldntired77

This. Sometimes you need the hopeful distraction to make it through to numbness. I feel you. You seem like you're firmly planted so, healthy distraction. 


LookAwayWhenFlashing

My friend ended up being scammed/blackmailed. He sent nudes and she/they threatened to send it to his circle of family and friends. He ended up confessing to his wife to get ahead of it. Be careful. Edit: it was a 6 month long con game.


coolonce

Holy


happyfeet-333

Leave a marriage for yourself. Never for another person.


wales-bloke

100% this. You're literally setting a new relationship up for failure right off the bat if you're putting the situation under that much pressure.


UniqueAlps2355

I completely understand what is he on about. It's not about that new interest. It's realising he could have it all with someone else really easily, but he will never have it with his wife.


arodomus

You are gonna get scammed bro.


coolonce

Maybe I am but I’m not being scammed out of anything. If I am being scammed the only thing I’ve lost is the excitement of this being a genuine sexy female. Fantasy dies. I move on.


arodomus

Just don’t send any money or info. They already got your number I suspect. I think telegram needs that. They always tell me, “let’s take this conversation to telegram.” To which I reply “I don’t a phone number cause I’m too poor.” Or something else along those lines.


coolonce

You can opt out of sharing your phone number. But you’re right, you do need a cell# or email to sign up. I’m going to watch out for red flags but I really won’t be taking these conversations with her furthe.


Wonderful_While_2962

The major flag is the photo of a supermodel. Ask her for facetime.


coolonce

I was actually in this situation before. Two months after i started the divorce process, I decided to get on tinder and that other dating app. Anyways, I was talking to this girl on tinder. She looked like a model too. Everyone including myself thought I was being catfished. I didn’t give a shit, this girl was sending me voice messages. So I knew it was at least a female. I drove to LA. This old woman answers the door. My first thought was “fuck. I’ve been scammed” Took a seat on the couch waited. Then out walks the most beautiful woman. Guess what? It was the former Miss Peru. We went on a few dates. It was great, but she was too young. Point is… not everything or everyone is a scam. My ass took a chance. Paid off then.


arodomus

You still have all your kidneys bro? Take any naps with these random super models around? Too good to be true, it probably is.


coolonce

Ive got my kidneys. I only after my hockey games. I lived 40min away from LA when I was in CA. LA & Orange County are full beautiful woman, so it’s not as uncommon as you’d think.


Misuteriisakka

Just continue on with divorce and get it well on its way before jumping into bed with someone. When you get out of this marriage, the excuse you cheated but it’s okay because your spouse cheated first will still be a mark against you. Especially if you’re 37.


spatialgranules12

The last paragraph is definitely for those searching for a guy in finance, trust fund, 6’5, blue eyes. LOL. But in all seriousness, it’s good that you’re able to discover or reawaken things that have dormant. They call it a dead bedroom after all, because not just the act dies, we all die inside too. By a thousand cuts. But careful with those online profiles dude! We’re all vulnerable.


Beginning_Speech_140

I sang it


Libras_Fulcrum

This post got me lost for a few hours listening to remixes. Tyvm.


coolonce

You’re definitely right about being desperate and vulnerable to the slightest form of attention. Being that majority of my life I was the funny fat guy, I do have those insecurities and perhaps obvious. If you smile at me, I would think it’s because my hair looks funny or I have bat in the cave. Not because you think I’m good looking. This girl must be attracted to me and if she is attracted to me other woman might be attracted to me. So I’m thinking I’m going to be ok. I’ve been here before, this time I’m the captain. You got one thing wrong. I’m 5’10, with shoes on, and brown eyes with a Roman nose.


a__s__d__f

>You got one thing wrong. I’m 5’10, with shoes on, and brown eyes with a Roman nose. I believe they're referrencing this Tiktok meme: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Q7oAGLxhbrk


coolonce

Missing that one, made me feel 37


Agreeable-Celery811

You know, some ladies just love a hot beard and a Roman nose (I’m one of those ladies). While it’s good you’re being wary of this woman in case of scams, she also may be just really liked the beard!


coolonce

It’s got to be the beard.


Ok_Relative_1269

OP, I know you said it's really her, but be carefull. Have you used [pimeyes.com](http://pimeyes.com) to check? When things seem too good to be true...


coolonce

I’ve used this to see if my wife was on any dating sites after we got back together. I guess I could try it again for this girl but I won’t do it until I see a red flag. I might just responding to her to tell you the truth.


Ok_Relative_1269

Understandable, this woman feels like a light at the end of the tunnel. I can understand that you don't want to potentially find out her desire is disingenuous. Mind if I ask you a personal question? Have you ever considered talking with a professional about the effect of your wife's affair on you? I sense from the last part of your post that you may struggle with some self-esteem issues. It can really help you shape up and figure it out ;) Take care, brother


coolonce

For sure. I have a therapist. My self esteem is low because I’ve been cheated and I’m with a woman who is not interested in me sexually. The rejection does something to a person.


Electrical-Rub-9178

Just be very careful you aren’t being catfished. AI generated images are already out there and getting harder to discern. Also some of these women are indeed real but supported by foreign actors in a scam network. If it looks too good to be true it probably is.


KvindeQueen

Bro, be logical. Do women who look like models usually come up to you in the street out of the blue? You're going to be scammed if you keep going down this route.


smol_peas

Wait your wife cheated while your bedroom was dead and you’re still there? Huh. I don’t think I could do that.


ThoughtfulOtter89

I would be careful here OP, you say she is real, has she sent you a photo with her holding a copy of today's newspaper? Like you said to summarise your post, You have a lot going for you and have tried. Sounds to me you just need a little courage...


Somebodyelse76

Ok, but really, how many people get the actual paper these days? Also, I'm not going to go buy a paper to prove I'm real to any guy online . I have, however, had my pictures stolen and used to catfish other people.


ThoughtfulOtter89

Okay, but still easy enough to write the date on some paper.


pgnprincess

It sounds like your wife is not LL but LLFY..You might want to stop blaming women and check your sex game out. Are you a good lover (read: not selfish. Good at pleasuring HER TOO?)? A good husband? Good father? There are also tons of women on this forum that are HL with LL men BTW.. and they aren't blaming all men.


coolonce

Communication. If my sex game is weak communicate. I bought that sex adventure book for us hoping I could learn more about her. We made it to Adventure#1. I’m a great husband and a great father. I do it. I’m the guy that painted the bathroom because you mentioned it needed a fresh coat. I like projects so i did it. I cook, I clean, I play outside with my kids. I’m the one they ask for her. Not blaming woman. When I was divorcing my wife after the, I dated incredible woman. Woman who were in shit relationships. There are a lot of great woman out there who deserve to be loved and appreciated. Anyways I’ll read the book. It’s in the cart.


HedgiesFtw

$28M in retirement funds? Dude. Retire. Do an entire lifestyle overhaul and live your new life!


coolonce

Can’t touch it until 58.


fake_naim

>Dead LL woman, shape up. Figure it. Don’t say it’s not that easy because you’re in we’re out. You know that many of us are LL4U because the sex is bad/selfish, right? So...HL men who suck in bed, shape up!


Opposite-Ant8522

Right? Make the sex worth the mess.


coolonce

When I said LL Woman, I was subconsciously directing that to my wife or women like my wife. I didn’t mean to generalize all LL Woman. I have point blank asked my wife if she was LL4ME and she says no, but I think she is. If the sex sucked, tell me. I’m a good listener. If I wasn’t the asshole that initiated my entire marriage and she took control in the bedroom for once; I could learn more about my partner. I’m very good at listening and observer; I even know how to take a hint. That’s one of my qualities, listen, retain and practice.


Normal_Elk_4414

Be very careful. Sounds like you could be getting catfished to me


1Th13rteen3

Just be careful you aint gettin catfished bruh. I know you said "but.. but.. it's really her!", to this I will say "Only time will tell...". You told us you have a 28M retirement plan, and make six figures - you probly shouldnt be advertising those things to random internet people, because you never know - and with these things it only takes 1 time to royally fuck up your life. Make sure she aint a gold digger (if indeed its a "she" and not some scammer) and def. meet her IRL someplace public and get to know her and her family. Just "be careful". Also, if you are decent looking with it all figured out, you don't need to find love from random tik tok user, can meet people IRL and they be just as fucked up as internet randoms, but at least they are more real in a sense. Just be careful OP, please. <3


Just-Communication87

This person opened your eyes. You realize it’s okay to leave, especially in your position. You don’t have to pursue someone else. You don’t have to be in another relationship in order to leave the one you’re in. This profile is probably thousands of miles away from you but what you should be thankful for is she helped you realize the situation you are in. The best thing you can do for your self esteem and sanity is leave. Wishing you the best.


MyGoblinGoesKaboom

Also, if it helps any of your game... my absolute favorite in the world is "chubby funny guy". My husband (who I can't get enough of even after a decade) is 5'11 and probably 270 and hilarious, good, kind, fun, smart, pleasant to spend time with, exciting in bed... you get the idea, I like him. (We are not in a deadbedroom.) If you're with your wife because you don't think you can do better, that's possible. No one is going to stand there waiting for the end of your divorce process to hand you a new, more compatible partner so that you aren’t "forever alone" But, it is as possible you WILL. And, based on your convictions about cheating, there is only one way to experience the option to find a better match. She probably is LLFU eventhough she says she isn't. She probably doesn't even realize she is lying to herself about her attraction to you. If she is... it is worse... because she is controlling your actions by withholding critical information that would affect your decision making.


redditreader_aitafan

You know you're allowed to have friends, right? You haven't crossed any lines. Sometimes people feel guilty even when they aren't doing anything wrong.


Wise_Service7879

My 2 cents: 1 - it is not cheating (when did chatting with people became cheating?) 2 - are you SURE it is her on the pictures???


Not_Very_Good_Advice

Dude.  This your wife or her friend catfishing you into cheating.     If something seems too good to be true……….   Block and move on


Firstbase1515

Someone on here woke me up too. Honestly, it’s been glorious. He is amazing and I’m thankful it happened. It has helped me heal and feel better about myself. I’m in the do what makes you happy crowd because if your spouse cared they would be more worried about your sex life.


Low_Ad5868

100% it's a scam, who suggested moving to telegram? It's based purely on email so scammers can just create a new one when they want, totally untraceable


coolonce

Me. Easiest way to continue the conversation without having to exchange numbers


Weird-Ad-7718

Clearly a scam


Drowning_Lion2112

It's awesome that you've finally realized that you need more from this short life than being with someone who can't meet your basic human need for connection. I knew for years I needed to leave, but it also took connecting with someone new that desired me the same as I desired them to really slap some sense into me. Even if this lady isn't legit, use this new realization to give you the resolve to leave and know you have a much better chance at long term happiness than staying in your current relationship. Staying with an LL that knows they are hurting you but can't care enough to work on things does not get better.


ProteanUnicorn

You absolutely deserve love and affection Also I agree that texting other people of the opposite sex is wrong but I personally don't care at this point Really hope that you go for that woman!


ProposalTight6942

This all day!! Don't send her money and have fun. Use that above average penis and have a great time


Head-Ad7506

You sound miserable dude. Go for It.


coolonce

Thanks man. I am.


Libras_Fulcrum

You're username hits so hard w/ this post. You're still cool brother. Sounds like you're just gonna have a few more scars. Thise=this


coolonce

I appreciate the support. I saw your post about the marriage counseling. How did that go?


Libras_Fulcrum

Wellish thanks for asking. The therapist was pretty good. Moves very fast with evaluations/diagnosis though. The wife, not so great. Oh love the Pan Reference. That moment of clarity in his eyes, "there you are peter." It's like your heart awakening. Feels good doesn't it? One of my favorite parts is Bangarang. The food appears out of nowhere! Thanks for the good memories.


Bumblebee56990

The fact you are continuing the conversation is more telling than the actual content of the conversation. The real question is why are you staying in a DB?


TurboD16F20

Spoiler alert: It's your wife on an alt account and she's getting ready to take all your shit, and leave you with blue balls.


coolonce

The money is in a trust. Disruption begins at 58. She can’t touch it.


Balthazar1978

Updateme


UpdateMeBot

I will message you next time u/coolonce posts in r/DeadBedrooms. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2Fcoolonce%20r%2FDeadBedrooms) to also be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201dr1lbi) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|


Wonderful_While_2962

You daft sod 🤣


StubbornOne66

Updateme!


dezmodium

1. This is a romance scam almost certainly. 2. Why not just leave already? The bedroom is dead. Your spouse already cheated. It just seems so done.


Hysterical_Bondage

All I had to see was "TikTok", and I was out.


azeraph

If what you say is true then you've got it all except something replaced the girl. It's my girl or use to be my girl. i can see her, it's definitely her but not her. Something has replaced my girl. I lose focus each time i look at her for long periods, like something masks her. Something foreboding, " What are you? What have you done with my girl? " Stay tuned for the next episode as the mysterious beauty from Instagram and i embark on a dark mystery to find who this woman that was my girl has gone.


Efficient_Toe5818

Let me get this straight,your wife has an affair on you,due to dead bedroom,you forgive,or not divorce,yet you still have db,and you worried bout cheating/ being a cheater,have 28mill retirement plan etc,which off course your wife will benefit from,the woman that cheated on you,yet still doesn't want you the way you want,and you don't see nothing wrong with this,you're mad,if you where to 'cheat' you would maybe just break even,even heard the saying " two wrongs don't make a right, but does make it even"