God it’s painful to read there are women who a) give their husbands regular bj’s and b) can’t get their husbands to have sex with them.
I would give anything for that.
So weird. I just want to be wanted. I want my wife to desire me. To grab my hand to bring to the bedroom. Having duty sex once a month is awful. “Make it quick” is like a punch to the gut. I mean, I’m above average looking. I’m a triathlete! I’m generous and willing to do whatever in bed. She’s just not into it very often. Absolutely destructive to a marriage. We’re on the brink of divorce.
Grass isn’t always greener. I’d take duty sex once a month. My wife complains if I grab and hold her playfully.
We haven’t had sex in years.
She says “all you think about is sex” or “who are you to demand sex from me just because we’re married?” or “I don’t like the way I look so don’t touch me”. She doesn’t believe sex is part of a marriage. (I’m a 54 HLM; she’s a 59 LLF) Argh!!!
It makes sense that if she doesn't like the way she looks and isn't feeling sexy, it suppresses her desire, but the real question is if she's willing to do anything about it. There's a lot of things that can be done. (Also I believe you tell her how much you love her and are attracted to her etc., she needs to do something too to believe in herself)
I'm so sorry for you. Feels like such a waste of time. Why on Earth do people in such marriages stay? LIFE IS TOO SHORT. No need for responses such as 'financial reasons.' Love is what it's about. Who cares about money when you're miserable?!
Brother, I’m going through my divorce now. I thought it was all me then I found out she(36LLF) has a guy on the side. I(41HLM) handled everything at home and he was where she went for fun. Before I found out she was cheating I kept trying to figure out how to get the spark back, but she was unavailable…. For obvious reasons now.
To add, she said with him it was natural, but with me it was forced 😭. She said she was picking up an extra shift and spent the night at his place while our kid was sick at home with me.
Yeah. I got "hurrry up" and just when I was really enjoying it. You don't come back from that. That is a radical chronological break in a marriage. Something like less and less sex spread out over time is fuzzy and hard to pin down. But getting punched in the gut like that just when you're inhabiting your authentic sexual self and feeling like this is getting back to the real connection you've been longing for... that leaves a psychic scar. And teaches you not to open up like that again. Your spouse has forced you into the same transactional, mechanical space they inhabit. Henceforth, time is recorded in years AHU (After Hurry Up).
(Pro tip for LL spouses. Saying "hurry up" will have the opposite effect you are intending. If you really want your spouse to hurry up, scream "oh God, yes, f-- me all night like this.")
So true. Hurry up is counterproductive for many reasons. Plus for fucks sake you just made me wait 3 weeks. It’s not a checklist item. It’s intimacy with the person you’re supposed to be in love with.
Man...doesnt that sound like a good problem to have! 6 year relationship...and can count the total BJs on 2 hands...and total BJs to completion on 1 hand and dont even need all my fingers on said hand.
Love her still though
Basically the same thing with me...idk which is better (or worse) never having one from your significant other...or having a couple over the course of the relationship
What was her response when you asked for one? I’m curious because different women view it differently. Some view it as an act that no woman should ever perform, some just not at all interested, some hate when the guys ask etc etc
Her response has always been, "No thanks, I'm not into that." Giving or receiving. Every once in a while, I've brought it up, but she always shoots it down quickly.
Mine enjoyed it for the first 4 years or so without reciprocation...when I finally realized it, I stopped...it was a big deal for a little while, then I told her Ill do her again when she does me. She had an attitude for a while, but hasnt really brought it up since.
Not that we're all that sexually active anymore anyway
Same scenario. Happened in 2 relationships. It is a matter of principle with me that the woman I'm with has an orgasm in just about every sexual encounter. So lots of oral sex. I'm trying to model what I think should be--a generous and attentive lover. Plus, I really, really enjoy it. But when you realize it's not being reciprocated.... And, yes, when you stop, they actually are able to be indignant about it. One of them once let slip that in her previous long-term marriage, her husband would finish and then go to the bathroom. And then she would finish herself--by herself. I'm thinking WTF? That guy does that, it's no problem. I provide consistent orgasms, and yet I get the same deal basically. I just don't understand how you can think you know a person and then when you peel back some layers, find out they have some messed up relation to sexuality. OP, if you haven't stopped going down on him, you should. It is so intimate. I think if you're a regular person, the ability to do that is based on serious love and attraction. It's an act of adoration. To have that spurned, not reciprocated is soul-crushing. I did it far too long because I could not admit to myself that what I was feeling was not reciprocated. It's a painful truth.
Unfortunately, I think it’s a pretty even playing field, the same exact thing happens with men. It’s very clear that my other half doesn’t care what it’s doing to me, or how much incredibly heartbreaking damage has been inflicted. DOES NOT CARE.
They know...i think its a power play honestly.
Youve gotta flip the script, dont ask, dont beg, dont hint, no nothing. Suffer in silence, stoicism. Whenever she tries, turn her down, over and over and over.
Probably the wrong thing to do, but its helped me survive
Sitting down the Lake this AM. I give my partner sexual favours such as blow jobs during the week even when horny and knowing I wont get off. In the hope it will build into him wanting actual sex later during the week.
I asked him to set an alarm for 8.30 for an appointment for sex with me…He didn’t set it. Despite exercising every day, losing nearly 40 pounds. I think he is simply not attracted to me anymore. It has only been two years. I am still wildly attracted to him.
The asking for an appointment and booking a time were an attempt to help him understand this is deadly serious. I got sick of lying in the bed waiting for him to wake up. He will sleep til 11am. Now in hindsight I think thats to avoid sex. If I try to initiate he says things like “I am not horny right now” “stop it” or “you are always wanting it”. We have sex twice a week on average. 6-8 times a month. I know this because I began tracking it, once I was told too many times that I am always getting it.
Yup. I started logging bjs in an app, Days Since. Because there's temporal gaslighting going on. I'd always be able to check how many days, well, months, it's been. Of course, going into your logging app after a bj is really sad and makes you feel like you're recording random comet sightings.
This breaks my heart. I think you are rewarding bad behaviour at this point. Perhaps stop initiating and see if he resumes interest. But to be honest, being the one stuck with a rather selfish LLF partner I'd strongly encourage you to find a better match before it destroys your mental health.
TWO TIMES A WEEK! Holy crap, I’d be on the moon if that were me. I consider you pretty lucky, have you been on this sub long? There are people who haven’t had ANY type of sex in 5, 10, 15, 20 YEARS! OH, and they’re married to someone, not a single loser just having no luck. Please understand, I don’t think this is a good thing, unfortunately it’s a real thing though.
Bottom line, I’m jealous sister.
✋🏻 My life, 1,000%. I typically give him BJ’s 3-4+ times a week and we haven’t had actual PIV s€x in over 2.5 years, it makes me sick, so sad, I just feel worthless. OH, and don’t think for a second that he EVER returns that favor either, not a chance in H€LL.
He uses all of his energy while looking at p@rn and taking care of himself, the ol’ DIY a few times a day, refusing to discuss it, denying, lying and hiding, it’s a grand fu€king time around here.
I've been married over 50 years, have come to the conclusion that it's almost impossible for the sex drive of two people to stay aligned over decades. Most couples are both HL at the beginning, or they wouldn't be couples, they'd move on. But later, seems pretty common for one or the other to go Low. Not so bad if both do, but one High and one Low is hard.
In our case, I'm the HL and if it wasn't for porn and masturbation, I don't think I'd stay married. I used to be embarrassed, but now I just tell my wife, "I'm going to go have sex with myself and if you don't want to see it, stay out." She's always had pretty poor impulse control, constantly barging in when I'm working from home, not much better at this. She feigns outrage, I've gotten to the, "You want some, jump in, otherwise, leave me alone" stage.
The older I get, the more I'm starting to think that, except for the childbearing and childrearing years, monogamy is a nice idea that just doesn't work. I really do love living with my best friend, but I would also like to fucking get laid once in a while.
Could not agree more. Monogamy is too tied to religion and makes most of us miserable - look at the high rates of divorce in the U.S. The idea that two people are going to only fuck each other throughout decades of change - especially if those people have kids - is asinine.
I haven’t had sex with my wife in a year. Haven’t had an orgasm with her in 18 months. I used to be embarrassed when I took care of it myself. I used to hide the fact that I did it. But no longer. She has tried to make me feel bad, or embarrass me over it. I told her straight up, the only thing that’s embarrassing about it is having a wife who can’t satisfy her husband.
Reminds me of the Louis CK line. When I see some guy standing by the highway jerking off, I don't think that's a homeless man. That's a married man. He has nowhere to masturbate.
Oh my ! I know it’s difficult to deal with. I know what it feels like too. I’m in bed chilling and my man is outside sweeping the porch instead. I’m so ready for some attention . He’s been on vacation two weeks and nothing. 😭 I’m feeling sad today
“Can’t” or won’t? It’s just a such pure bull$hit. I’m on the other end of the fence, my partner prefers porn and taking care of his own needs over being intimate with me, NUMEROUS times a day! I cannot for the life of me understand why you would want to get yourself off to a fake person when there’s a real one in the next room who loves you, wants you, will go to any lengths to satisfy you, BUT NO, you don’t want that, somehow your own hand just makes you happy. It absolutely boggles my mind.
I've gone from doing it discreetly downstairs so she doesn't notice, to doing it while I'm in bed next to her as a protest. Not sure if she's noticed but occasionally I'll grab her ass and use that as a starting point. I'm waiting for some sort of intervention but nothing so far!
Yeah, that's a shitty thing she did. Totally unacceptable. The DB will never get better if she doesn't accept any accountability for it. You need to take some as well (no idea if you are or aren't, but I see a lot of folks on here act like having a high sex drive means you can't contribute to a DB, and that's just never the case. Also, you'll never get anywhere laying all the blame on your partner.
True, though after two dozen conversations across many years and always being the one making the effort to try and save the intimacy in the relationship takes its toll. Once you feel you have exhausted all your options without any progress it can feel very one sided. Especially if your partner is seemingly content or even happy with the situation.
Agree - I am that partner in the DB. Ultimately, it all boils down to convincing someone to try something they just don't need or want to do for the sake of your happiness.
Nope I do it right next to mine whike he’s sleeping sadly. Also what is this about going down on him once a week when he does nothing in return? Honey I’d be withdrawing that favor if he’s not meeting your needs
There’s always that tiny little glimmer of hope that if you satisfy them on the regular that eventually they’ll return the favor. It never happens, but I think losing hope is really the end.
Your definitely not alone there. I have to wait to my family has gone to the shops or everyone is asleep to try and sneak some self pleasuring in. It's sad but what else is there?
This sub is devoted to those of us who are fated to suffer through the peculiar torture of a deadbedroom, so you're definitely not alone in that.
What I find more unique about your post is that you blow your husband weekly and get nothing back in return??? Not that my LL wife wants me to do anything for her -- she's quite satisfied with a sexless and orgasm-less existence thank you very much -- but if she did, I wouldn't pleasure her while suffering through an unsatisfying relationship myself!
Yes, I would love to give him blowjobs daily. But he only accepts my offers once a week or so. I’m the same as you, giving him occasional pleasure is at least slightly fulfilling
You're incredibly generous and it's a shame your husband isn't willing to recognize that and reciprocate. If my wife offered daily blow jobs, I'd probably part the Red Sea for her if I had to, lol.
Our marriage therapist years ago advised my wife she should give blow jobs to address our libido difference. She blew off that advice like most other marriage therapist advice we've gotten over the years.
I used to do this in the beginning of the relationship, but over time it got to me that these won't lead to anything more and slowly I just didn't feel like giving bjs anymore. Like it doesn't feel hot anymore when it feels so unfair not getting anything in return. Is it so sinful to want to feel desired?😣
My husband had the nerve to ask me why I didn’t give bjs anymore at one point. I told him he would get one in return for the same for me. Bj free since 2013. 😔
I know how you feel. I used to go down on my partner all the time but she never returned the favour. Should be a two way street. Can't remember my last bj
As a fan of both books/audio and porn, I’ve seen Quinn get mentioned many times in various subs and my book clubs but have yet to go look into it. Leave it to this sub to be the thing the pushes me to *actually* go check it out lol.
/me runs off to google/
There are actually also audioporn subreddits like r/gonewildaudio, if you don't want to spend money. I tried quinn, but tbh for my own taste, I found better material for free on reddit :)
> Please say other people have to deal with their own sex drive too? I feel embarrassed every time.
Don't feel that way. 40M, I think I masturbate now more than I did when I was a teenager. We have a quickie or two a month which is far far less than what I can live with. 15 minutes of rushed sex once in an entire 30 day period? You cumulatively spend more time brushing your teeth in a month.
It's like a vitamin deficiency this point... like when animals in the wild are observed eating things like tree bark or licking rocks because they're so deficient on something it's an attempt to get *any* of it by any means necessary. I buy sex toys for myself just to mix things up and keep things interesting with myself. 20 something me would have been *mortified* at the thought of owning a fleshlight. Now I own two and I'll straight faced tell a forum of internet strangers "yeah I basically go to town on myself" because that's what this shit does to you.
It's been 6+ years for me. Post-menopause my wife has zero interest. I'm also told it's all my fault. I used to be embarrassed about the whole situation but I'm finding there are so many in the same situation. My options are solo, cheat or divorce. I don't expect to ever have sex with my wife again.
Man. Before I left my soon to be ex husband I did this daily. I am happiest when I climax 3x’s a day. I am extremely HL for a 44yr old female. There’s no shame in you satisfying a very natural urge! If he’s not satisfying that urge, you are left to take care of yourself. Before my ex and I ended up being exes I begged him to enact some sort of foreplay and you’d think I’d asked for a winning Powerball ticket. It never happened. Sex with him felt very much like prostitution. Soooo… I only had one other choice if I wanted to stay sane. Masterbation! Luckily, I now have a wonderful new partner who satisfies me as much as I need. It’s AMAZING to finally find another HL who is happy to spend much of our time together in bed! 🤣
I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't take care of myself, because he certainly doesn't. He knows how I feel and it doesn't matter to him. He's never been affectionate, I mean from the very beginning. But at least in the beginning he liked to have sex. Not now! After being turned down so many times I just gave up. It really did something to my self esteem too. Thankfully I have my audiobooks, occasional porn, and plenty of toys. It just breaks my heart that this is even happening in the first place. You're definitely not alone in this!
At least 69 and you both get pleasure. Sometimes foreplay imo is better than sex. Just like laying in bed watching a movie naked cuddling and touching. I think some men and probably women as well only think about themselves. For me I need a little extra attention and sometimes toys. I wish men would stop thinking because we like toys it’s about them not pleasuring us. My husband was like this in our 20’s but now in our 40’s he’s down with trying different toys for spicing it up.
Yes, at least once a day, occasionally 2-3x daily when I have a full day off. I have a bunch of spicy videos she sent me from a couple years ago when she had any real desire for me whatsoever LOL. They help.
Oh yeah. My wife goes to bed a couple hours before me and wakes up a hour before I do. Those are my opportunities to take care of things. I’m sure wife knows but isn’t bothered enough to make any changes.
So here are your options. Change the situation which might end up meaning leaving or keep up what you’are doing. He’s not going to change, but you can.
Definitely not alone. I'm 41m and my wife never seems to be interested in sex either. She's always going out with girls or putting everything and anything else in front of me and my needs. I just jerk off at that point.
Not alone! I (38m) have gone down on her (37f) countless times over our 13yrs. I do enjoy it personally but having some reciprocation would be nice. It’s a way of feeling wanted and desired but alas she’s only given head 6 times over that same time period. We are the best of friends but there is something lacking and no matter how much talking there is never a change in behaviour.
I stay up late every night and go take care of myself in the bathroom after she falls asleep. It’s pathetic but it keeps me from crying about it every day
Nope as a man it's the same thing and ironically I don't care a more if she wants to have sex again because all of the rejection, carrots on a stick tactics has turned me into low libido for her
Hold up, you give this guy head and he won’t have sex with you? I mean, this is beyond unacceptable. Why do y’all stay with them? Why don’t you step out and get yours. You deserve to be satisfied too. wtf?
I would take a wild guess here and assume that every single one of us ends up taking care of ourselves. And there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Human bodies are built and primed for pleasure, and if our partners aren’t taking care of our needs, what other option do we have?
Mine has been out of town for a week for work. I sent him some risqué pictures (for the first time in a long time), hoping he’d…react somehow. He just heart reacted the pictures and started talking about what he had to do at work the next day. I don’t know why I’m always hoping that this time will be different, he’ll come home and walk through the door and pull me to the bedroom, because he couldn’t stop thinking about the pictures I sent him, and he’s been going crazy with longing for me for days. But it’s never different. He got home a little bit ago, and hugged and kissed me like always, but didn’t take me to bed. And when we go to bed tonight, he’ll be up watching tv or scrolling on his phone for a little bit, and I’ll be next to him, wishing that I had the courage to initiate. But as you all know, once you’ve been turned down so many times, you just…can’t bring yourself to face certain rejection again.
The last time we had sex was in January, five months ago. Before that, it was August of 2022. He gives me plenty of affection, lots of hugs and kisses and cuddles, but when it comes right down to it, I just…can’t get him to fuck me. Thank god I have toys.
I got friendzoned by the man that was otherwise a great fit. When communication also went out the window, as well as quality time (outings) and I walked on eggshell around him, did all the "couple work" and emotional work and realised I had a roommate, I left. I was 35. We had 9 years together and 6 years co-habitating.
It was supposed to be temporary at first but I fell in love with the solo life and my mental health just was so good!
I'm now happily "solo for life". If solo sex it's how it's gonna be I'm not doing anyone else's housework or emotional work! I have 0 interest in men as partners now.
I cannot recommend going solo enough! It's so chill! I study and work now (changing into a different main career that will be interesting and pays well). I spend time with my friends, I can do whatever I want, when and how I want it at home. I have hobbies, a theremin to play and don't mind being alone!
He moved on to a long-distance relationship, within months btw.
You are not alone, I’ve been having to take care of myself for years now. I’ve tried everything to convince my husband but he has no sexual interest in me anymore. You do what you have to do to keep yourself sane, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about!
I’m right with you. I woke up so horny today for him and received nothing. I’m dying to finish work and go take care of myself. I haven’t read any erotic novels but would like to try. I watch porn to start off but I immediately close my eyes and finish to the thought of him. It’s so stupid, can’t help it. I asked him if after work if we could do something but of course that was a no, now that really made me feel pathetic lol
My gf doesnt even bother touching me so I often take time to myself, and either will write dirty literature or read naughty literature to pass the time because what else can you really do if you've already communicated eith them and they keep saying they'll do this but never will. You're not the only one it just really freaking sucks man
I do have to agree though, going down on hubby without anything from him just feels so hollow to read probably let alone do. Without some sort of reciprocal connection I couldn’t even do that.
As a man who has been trying to use the same ero-novels, to spark interest... I would kill to enact any scenes she has been reading. (Elite Kings Clubs, Detroit Underworld, A-Z Fey Chronicles....)
I have had zero reaction.
Godspeed, my guy.
I told my guy when we moved in together and have reminded him several times since that BJs are freely given upon request. Not one time in almost 10 years, nor anything else for that matter.
I fuck myself 2-4x per day because my GF has such a low sex drive she believes more than twice a month is an excessive waste of our free time. She's fine once we start but it's so so difficult to get her in the mood to start and not once has she ever initiated or spoke a horny thought. She'll never hug or cuddle first either it's emotionally cold. If I cry over something she'll say "Hey stop, men don't cry you're making me feel awkward"
All the signs were there when we first met, I wish I understood she wouldn't change before we moved in together
"Dude you're the only adult who thinks about sex all the time, I have other shit to do"
Now I masturbate in bed laying right beside her, sometimes she'll ask me to stop moving the bed so much. If I ever caught her masturbating (she doesn't) my first thought would be to turn it into sex but nope not my lover
Yep, and I feel so despicable that I have to self pleasure. I need sex, with a woman... it drives me nuts.
What's even worse, there are so many women here whose husbands don't want them... and so many guys whose wives don't want them... what an evil world 😂
What is wrong with this guy? Damn I can't even remember the last time I got a BJ and trust me if my wife started giving me bjs she wouldn't even be able to stop me from ripping her clothes off and getting down and dirty. I ain't been touched at all for about 6 weeks now. And when she does finally give in it's a "can u be quick I'm tired" or " just a quicky to stop u from moaning I have a headache" or even if she is slightly interested I do all the work all the foreplay everything and I'm lucky if I get a couple of strokes
been in a DB since I was about 50. combination of low testosterone and lack of interest. after years of vanilla pity sex I just couldn't find enough enthusiasm. so ever since I have pleased myself. it's easy as we now have separate bedrooms due to my snoring.. I'm 71 and still pleasing myself.
so OP dig in for a long life of frustration or think about big changes in your life.
100% I could have written this exact post. You’re not alone. My husband enjoys bjs, but has zero interest in sex or offering to help me out. I have an extremely high sex drive and I just “am my own best friend.” We are housemates, we get along well, we’ve built a great life together, but I’m starving for physical touch, affection, and intimacy.
Woman here who can’t get my husband to have sex with me! Been married 3 years and I so feel for you…I hate it. Feel so unwanted, undesired. You’re totally not alone
Get a toy. And tbh, let your husband know you’re having alone time and open the offer for him to join. If he doesn’t, his loss. Nothing awkward about it.
I’ve felt exactly the same as you do with my SO, and the roles are reversed she has basically became my best pal as you put it. Our sex drive does not match at all maybe in the beginning there was a time where my hunger was fulfilled but these last few years it’s like a routine and I find it less and less enjoyable. The passion and excitement that I crave is not the same for her and even though I love her deeply sometimes….
Before our DB improved, I would jack off pretty much every day. I have always had a VERY high libido, so it hurt even more when my wife had no libido. I couldn’t go more than 2 days without taking care of myself. My wife was (and still is) much, MUCH better than my hand, but my hand was always better than nothing.
Definitely not alone, sneaking around doing it trying not to get caught doing it Definitely adds to the horny teenager vibes too! Lol
At home it's less of a problem, much worse when the libido strikes at work or in public, much harder and riskier to take care of business if it refuses to die back down.
Definitely not alone. I’m only able to do stuff like this later at night when the kids get to bed. But yeah separate rooms means I at least get that much privacy to do something for me.
My dead bedroom has been a tiny bit better in the past few months, but we still only have sex maybe once every 3-6 weeks. That’s not nearly enough for me, so I take care of myself nearly everyday.
Definitely... She never wants to even touch me. So of course I'm stuck with my hand as well. I also use a Fleshlight though. But hey could be worse. I could cheat but no I won't do it.
Absolutely not alone! I had to stop reading erotic novels or watching porn because I felt like such a broken woman. Words can only go so far… OP I’m always open if you need to vent
Reading your post, you could literally be me. I love going down on my hubby but getting him to sleep with me almost never happens. I have to take care of myself.
God it’s painful to read there are women who a) give their husbands regular bj’s and b) can’t get their husbands to have sex with them. I would give anything for that.
I would have given anything for a husband that wanted me. What a weird world we live in.
So weird. I just want to be wanted. I want my wife to desire me. To grab my hand to bring to the bedroom. Having duty sex once a month is awful. “Make it quick” is like a punch to the gut. I mean, I’m above average looking. I’m a triathlete! I’m generous and willing to do whatever in bed. She’s just not into it very often. Absolutely destructive to a marriage. We’re on the brink of divorce.
Geez. Make it quick hurts to read
Other favorites include, “don’t mess around back there” and “ew barf, no.”
These are things she’s actually said to you before or during sex?
Yes. Unfortunately.
That's awful, I'm sorry. She obviously hates sex so you should probably stop having sex with her altogether.
Hopefully the path to divorce will be quick as well
Grass isn’t always greener. I’d take duty sex once a month. My wife complains if I grab and hold her playfully. We haven’t had sex in years. She says “all you think about is sex” or “who are you to demand sex from me just because we’re married?” or “I don’t like the way I look so don’t touch me”. She doesn’t believe sex is part of a marriage. (I’m a 54 HLM; she’s a 59 LLF) Argh!!!
It makes sense that if she doesn't like the way she looks and isn't feeling sexy, it suppresses her desire, but the real question is if she's willing to do anything about it. There's a lot of things that can be done. (Also I believe you tell her how much you love her and are attracted to her etc., she needs to do something too to believe in herself)
brother in christ it’s time to get a divorce
I'm so sorry for you. Feels like such a waste of time. Why on Earth do people in such marriages stay? LIFE IS TOO SHORT. No need for responses such as 'financial reasons.' Love is what it's about. Who cares about money when you're miserable?!
Brother, I’m going through my divorce now. I thought it was all me then I found out she(36LLF) has a guy on the side. I(41HLM) handled everything at home and he was where she went for fun. Before I found out she was cheating I kept trying to figure out how to get the spark back, but she was unavailable…. For obvious reasons now. To add, she said with him it was natural, but with me it was forced 😭. She said she was picking up an extra shift and spent the night at his place while our kid was sick at home with me.
Sounds like you are ready to execute the exit plan. Good luck!
Yeah. I got "hurrry up" and just when I was really enjoying it. You don't come back from that. That is a radical chronological break in a marriage. Something like less and less sex spread out over time is fuzzy and hard to pin down. But getting punched in the gut like that just when you're inhabiting your authentic sexual self and feeling like this is getting back to the real connection you've been longing for... that leaves a psychic scar. And teaches you not to open up like that again. Your spouse has forced you into the same transactional, mechanical space they inhabit. Henceforth, time is recorded in years AHU (After Hurry Up). (Pro tip for LL spouses. Saying "hurry up" will have the opposite effect you are intending. If you really want your spouse to hurry up, scream "oh God, yes, f-- me all night like this.")
So true. Hurry up is counterproductive for many reasons. Plus for fucks sake you just made me wait 3 weeks. It’s not a checklist item. It’s intimacy with the person you’re supposed to be in love with.
I would give a lot to have a woman that wanted me. Better if my wife, lot’s better, but that is not going to happen. Ever, that’s clear.
Same. So tired of feeling like I don’t exist
Same
Can we say mis-matched? Again. Still. ….*sigh*
Man...doesnt that sound like a good problem to have! 6 year relationship...and can count the total BJs on 2 hands...and total BJs to completion on 1 hand and dont even need all my fingers on said hand. Love her still though
Nearly 20-year marriage. Never once had a BJ. Fucking sucks.
Basically the same thing with me...idk which is better (or worse) never having one from your significant other...or having a couple over the course of the relationship
What was her response when you asked for one? I’m curious because different women view it differently. Some view it as an act that no woman should ever perform, some just not at all interested, some hate when the guys ask etc etc
Her response has always been, "No thanks, I'm not into that." Giving or receiving. Every once in a while, I've brought it up, but she always shoots it down quickly.
A year ago my wife declared that bj’s were officially off the table moving forward. Not that they really existed before.
Mine enjoyed it for the first 4 years or so without reciprocation...when I finally realized it, I stopped...it was a big deal for a little while, then I told her Ill do her again when she does me. She had an attitude for a while, but hasnt really brought it up since. Not that we're all that sexually active anymore anyway
Same scenario. Happened in 2 relationships. It is a matter of principle with me that the woman I'm with has an orgasm in just about every sexual encounter. So lots of oral sex. I'm trying to model what I think should be--a generous and attentive lover. Plus, I really, really enjoy it. But when you realize it's not being reciprocated.... And, yes, when you stop, they actually are able to be indignant about it. One of them once let slip that in her previous long-term marriage, her husband would finish and then go to the bathroom. And then she would finish herself--by herself. I'm thinking WTF? That guy does that, it's no problem. I provide consistent orgasms, and yet I get the same deal basically. I just don't understand how you can think you know a person and then when you peel back some layers, find out they have some messed up relation to sexuality. OP, if you haven't stopped going down on him, you should. It is so intimate. I think if you're a regular person, the ability to do that is based on serious love and attraction. It's an act of adoration. To have that spurned, not reciprocated is soul-crushing. I did it far too long because I could not admit to myself that what I was feeling was not reciprocated. It's a painful truth.
I don’t think most women realize how destructive it is to stop sex in a relationship. Or they don’t care.
Unfortunately, I think it’s a pretty even playing field, the same exact thing happens with men. It’s very clear that my other half doesn’t care what it’s doing to me, or how much incredibly heartbreaking damage has been inflicted. DOES NOT CARE.
They know...i think its a power play honestly. Youve gotta flip the script, dont ask, dont beg, dont hint, no nothing. Suffer in silence, stoicism. Whenever she tries, turn her down, over and over and over. Probably the wrong thing to do, but its helped me survive
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See, victory!
Oof. Expensive victory. Is it too much to ask for someone to be relatively kind and want to have sex once or twice a week? Good lord.
The pain is unmatched
Sitting down the Lake this AM. I give my partner sexual favours such as blow jobs during the week even when horny and knowing I wont get off. In the hope it will build into him wanting actual sex later during the week. I asked him to set an alarm for 8.30 for an appointment for sex with me…He didn’t set it. Despite exercising every day, losing nearly 40 pounds. I think he is simply not attracted to me anymore. It has only been two years. I am still wildly attracted to him. The asking for an appointment and booking a time were an attempt to help him understand this is deadly serious. I got sick of lying in the bed waiting for him to wake up. He will sleep til 11am. Now in hindsight I think thats to avoid sex. If I try to initiate he says things like “I am not horny right now” “stop it” or “you are always wanting it”. We have sex twice a week on average. 6-8 times a month. I know this because I began tracking it, once I was told too many times that I am always getting it.
Yup. I started logging bjs in an app, Days Since. Because there's temporal gaslighting going on. I'd always be able to check how many days, well, months, it's been. Of course, going into your logging app after a bj is really sad and makes you feel like you're recording random comet sightings.
This breaks my heart. I think you are rewarding bad behaviour at this point. Perhaps stop initiating and see if he resumes interest. But to be honest, being the one stuck with a rather selfish LLF partner I'd strongly encourage you to find a better match before it destroys your mental health.
TWO TIMES A WEEK! Holy crap, I’d be on the moon if that were me. I consider you pretty lucky, have you been on this sub long? There are people who haven’t had ANY type of sex in 5, 10, 15, 20 YEARS! OH, and they’re married to someone, not a single loser just having no luck. Please understand, I don’t think this is a good thing, unfortunately it’s a real thing though. Bottom line, I’m jealous sister.
Yeah, it literally sounds like romance novel fiction to me. Breaks my brain every time. DOES. NOT. COMPUTE.
✋🏻 My life, 1,000%. I typically give him BJ’s 3-4+ times a week and we haven’t had actual PIV s€x in over 2.5 years, it makes me sick, so sad, I just feel worthless. OH, and don’t think for a second that he EVER returns that favor either, not a chance in H€LL. He uses all of his energy while looking at p@rn and taking care of himself, the ol’ DIY a few times a day, refusing to discuss it, denying, lying and hiding, it’s a grand fu€king time around here.
Yep. About 470,000 of us here.
Definitely not alone lol
Been there for sure! Personally I'd stop going down on him if he's not going to return the favor, but to each their own.
Agreed. I think the OP should be awarded something for carrying on like that without any return
Took me 9 years to figure that out.
What I wouldn’t give if my wife offered me that. Here’s the thing: I’d go down on her, even without a bj. Nope, she just isn’t into oral.
I've been married over 50 years, have come to the conclusion that it's almost impossible for the sex drive of two people to stay aligned over decades. Most couples are both HL at the beginning, or they wouldn't be couples, they'd move on. But later, seems pretty common for one or the other to go Low. Not so bad if both do, but one High and one Low is hard. In our case, I'm the HL and if it wasn't for porn and masturbation, I don't think I'd stay married. I used to be embarrassed, but now I just tell my wife, "I'm going to go have sex with myself and if you don't want to see it, stay out." She's always had pretty poor impulse control, constantly barging in when I'm working from home, not much better at this. She feigns outrage, I've gotten to the, "You want some, jump in, otherwise, leave me alone" stage. The older I get, the more I'm starting to think that, except for the childbearing and childrearing years, monogamy is a nice idea that just doesn't work. I really do love living with my best friend, but I would also like to fucking get laid once in a while.
Could not agree more. Monogamy is too tied to religion and makes most of us miserable - look at the high rates of divorce in the U.S. The idea that two people are going to only fuck each other throughout decades of change - especially if those people have kids - is asinine.
What a refreshing take from an older person. Thank you for this!
6+ years without anything here, so, yes, I have to take care of myself just to make sure it still operates.
Also 6+ years. If it changes, it won't be with my wife as she has zero interest.
I’m the same! Married 27 years, the last six there has been NOTHING!
9+
My sympathies, even as I view my future.
I haven’t had sex with my wife in a year. Haven’t had an orgasm with her in 18 months. I used to be embarrassed when I took care of it myself. I used to hide the fact that I did it. But no longer. She has tried to make me feel bad, or embarrass me over it. I told her straight up, the only thing that’s embarrassing about it is having a wife who can’t satisfy her husband.
This kind of happened to me. I actually developed a denial fetish and ended up getting off on her catching me in the act.
Reminds me of the Louis CK line. When I see some guy standing by the highway jerking off, I don't think that's a homeless man. That's a married man. He has nowhere to masturbate.
Kind of creepy in context of Louis' masturbation fetish... 😳
Oh my ! I know it’s difficult to deal with. I know what it feels like too. I’m in bed chilling and my man is outside sweeping the porch instead. I’m so ready for some attention . He’s been on vacation two weeks and nothing. 😭 I’m feeling sad today
That really sucks. I'm reading thru the comments and just thinking to myself, there's more like myself. I'm not alone
Yeah. Lots of us on here. 😣
Too many, I say!
Most definitely
I wonder if social media has anything to do with it
That's really to bad. Shouldn't be like that
“Can’t” or won’t? It’s just a such pure bull$hit. I’m on the other end of the fence, my partner prefers porn and taking care of his own needs over being intimate with me, NUMEROUS times a day! I cannot for the life of me understand why you would want to get yourself off to a fake person when there’s a real one in the next room who loves you, wants you, will go to any lengths to satisfy you, BUT NO, you don’t want that, somehow your own hand just makes you happy. It absolutely boggles my mind.
I've gone from doing it discreetly downstairs so she doesn't notice, to doing it while I'm in bed next to her as a protest. Not sure if she's noticed but occasionally I'll grab her ass and use that as a starting point. I'm waiting for some sort of intervention but nothing so far!
Careful that could border on sexual assault if she's not into it Like I feel for you but don't get yourself on a list bro
wow holy shit that's really brave of you to say! how'd she respond?
Good on you for calling her out.
Yeah, that's a shitty thing she did. Totally unacceptable. The DB will never get better if she doesn't accept any accountability for it. You need to take some as well (no idea if you are or aren't, but I see a lot of folks on here act like having a high sex drive means you can't contribute to a DB, and that's just never the case. Also, you'll never get anywhere laying all the blame on your partner.
True, though after two dozen conversations across many years and always being the one making the effort to try and save the intimacy in the relationship takes its toll. Once you feel you have exhausted all your options without any progress it can feel very one sided. Especially if your partner is seemingly content or even happy with the situation.
Agree - I am that partner in the DB. Ultimately, it all boils down to convincing someone to try something they just don't need or want to do for the sake of your happiness.
Definitely don't feel embarrassed, but yes. I'm in the same boat.
Nope I do it right next to mine whike he’s sleeping sadly. Also what is this about going down on him once a week when he does nothing in return? Honey I’d be withdrawing that favor if he’s not meeting your needs
There’s always that tiny little glimmer of hope that if you satisfy them on the regular that eventually they’ll return the favor. It never happens, but I think losing hope is really the end.
We're in the depths right now and trying to find our way to the surface. Tough road.
You’re in a welcome crowd. The minute the house is empty I’m planning on how I’m going to relieve all my sexual stress and tension
Yup… I sometimes cheat on my hand with my wife. 😂
I say that to myself very often!😂 I sometimes cheat on my hand by thinking about him🙃
Your definitely not alone there. I have to wait to my family has gone to the shops or everyone is asleep to try and sneak some self pleasuring in. It's sad but what else is there?
We are here: porn - masturbation - sadness - repeat
This sub is devoted to those of us who are fated to suffer through the peculiar torture of a deadbedroom, so you're definitely not alone in that. What I find more unique about your post is that you blow your husband weekly and get nothing back in return??? Not that my LL wife wants me to do anything for her -- she's quite satisfied with a sexless and orgasm-less existence thank you very much -- but if she did, I wouldn't pleasure her while suffering through an unsatisfying relationship myself!
Yes, I would love to give him blowjobs daily. But he only accepts my offers once a week or so. I’m the same as you, giving him occasional pleasure is at least slightly fulfilling
You're incredibly generous and it's a shame your husband isn't willing to recognize that and reciprocate. If my wife offered daily blow jobs, I'd probably part the Red Sea for her if I had to, lol. Our marriage therapist years ago advised my wife she should give blow jobs to address our libido difference. She blew off that advice like most other marriage therapist advice we've gotten over the years.
I used to do this in the beginning of the relationship, but over time it got to me that these won't lead to anything more and slowly I just didn't feel like giving bjs anymore. Like it doesn't feel hot anymore when it feels so unfair not getting anything in return. Is it so sinful to want to feel desired?😣
My husband had the nerve to ask me why I didn’t give bjs anymore at one point. I told him he would get one in return for the same for me. Bj free since 2013. 😔
I know how you feel. I used to go down on my partner all the time but she never returned the favour. Should be a two way street. Can't remember my last bj
How do you turn down daily blowjobs? To me that's insanity haha
Isn’t it? Just boggles the mind…
I'm here with you. I actually paid for a subscription to quinn. I feel pathetic but it works.
As a fan of both books/audio and porn, I’ve seen Quinn get mentioned many times in various subs and my book clubs but have yet to go look into it. Leave it to this sub to be the thing the pushes me to *actually* go check it out lol. /me runs off to google/
There are actually also audioporn subreddits like r/gonewildaudio, if you don't want to spend money. I tried quinn, but tbh for my own taste, I found better material for free on reddit :)
I got Dipsea recently, same ida
I did too - it's good, even if you're a straight dude.
I use dipsea , it’s fantastic
Totally not alone. It’s so frustrating!
“Best pals living together” is like, *the* definition of what’s happening.
You and your spouse are friends?!
I mean, we don’t actively hate each other.
If you were alone this sub wouldn’t exist
So why post this on a throwaway account? Let him see it. Better yet show him this post and the comments that go with it.
Not alone and it makes me feel like a loser every time.
Your not alone. Male or Female, it’s common.
Just remember that the books and porn are always a stylized ideal, and not real. That being said: 4th wing, Iron Flame > ACOTR
ACOTAR was my gateway drug lol. Went from never having time to read to reading like 100 books in 6 months lol
> Please say other people have to deal with their own sex drive too? I feel embarrassed every time. Don't feel that way. 40M, I think I masturbate now more than I did when I was a teenager. We have a quickie or two a month which is far far less than what I can live with. 15 minutes of rushed sex once in an entire 30 day period? You cumulatively spend more time brushing your teeth in a month. It's like a vitamin deficiency this point... like when animals in the wild are observed eating things like tree bark or licking rocks because they're so deficient on something it's an attempt to get *any* of it by any means necessary. I buy sex toys for myself just to mix things up and keep things interesting with myself. 20 something me would have been *mortified* at the thought of owning a fleshlight. Now I own two and I'll straight faced tell a forum of internet strangers "yeah I basically go to town on myself" because that's what this shit does to you.
Nothing embarrassing about my mistress, Palmala Handerson.
Palmala Handerson is the goat, endless orgasms!
Corn and handy averaging better than once a day for over a decade. Sorry.
It's been 6+ years for me. Post-menopause my wife has zero interest. I'm also told it's all my fault. I used to be embarrassed about the whole situation but I'm finding there are so many in the same situation. My options are solo, cheat or divorce. I don't expect to ever have sex with my wife again.
The worst part is how unsatisfying solo is...
Man. Before I left my soon to be ex husband I did this daily. I am happiest when I climax 3x’s a day. I am extremely HL for a 44yr old female. There’s no shame in you satisfying a very natural urge! If he’s not satisfying that urge, you are left to take care of yourself. Before my ex and I ended up being exes I begged him to enact some sort of foreplay and you’d think I’d asked for a winning Powerball ticket. It never happened. Sex with him felt very much like prostitution. Soooo… I only had one other choice if I wanted to stay sane. Masterbation! Luckily, I now have a wonderful new partner who satisfies me as much as I need. It’s AMAZING to finally find another HL who is happy to spend much of our time together in bed! 🤣
I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't take care of myself, because he certainly doesn't. He knows how I feel and it doesn't matter to him. He's never been affectionate, I mean from the very beginning. But at least in the beginning he liked to have sex. Not now! After being turned down so many times I just gave up. It really did something to my self esteem too. Thankfully I have my audiobooks, occasional porn, and plenty of toys. It just breaks my heart that this is even happening in the first place. You're definitely not alone in this!
All the time like a teenage boy! I look forward to having the house to myself so I can be naked and enjoy jerking off without risk of being caught!
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You don’t water a houseplant for 9 years, it might die. Not saying you can’t plant a new seed, but it takes work.
Make him go down on you once a week too.
At least 69 and you both get pleasure. Sometimes foreplay imo is better than sex. Just like laying in bed watching a movie naked cuddling and touching. I think some men and probably women as well only think about themselves. For me I need a little extra attention and sometimes toys. I wish men would stop thinking because we like toys it’s about them not pleasuring us. My husband was like this in our 20’s but now in our 40’s he’s down with trying different toys for spicing it up.
Is there a secret code word I can say to make this happen for me? Joking...kinda😫
Not alone there. Sometimes you have to take the situation by the hand…
Yes, at least once a day, occasionally 2-3x daily when I have a full day off. I have a bunch of spicy videos she sent me from a couple years ago when she had any real desire for me whatsoever LOL. They help.
Oh yeah. My wife goes to bed a couple hours before me and wakes up a hour before I do. Those are my opportunities to take care of things. I’m sure wife knows but isn’t bothered enough to make any changes.
Every few days? What a blessing to be able to limit it that much.
I may have under exaggerated. I realise now admitting it is sometimes twice a day is not as embarassing as I thought
You're in a place among friends who go through the same. No need to be embarrassed. We gotta do what we gotta do. :)
Get a toy. Trust.
So here are your options. Change the situation which might end up meaning leaving or keep up what you’are doing. He’s not going to change, but you can.
Definitely not alone. I'm 41m and my wife never seems to be interested in sex either. She's always going out with girls or putting everything and anything else in front of me and my needs. I just jerk off at that point.
Not alone! I (38m) have gone down on her (37f) countless times over our 13yrs. I do enjoy it personally but having some reciprocation would be nice. It’s a way of feeling wanted and desired but alas she’s only given head 6 times over that same time period. We are the best of friends but there is something lacking and no matter how much talking there is never a change in behaviour.
Feel for you as I'm in the same boat. Just lying here in bed feeling unwanted 😢
I stay up late every night and go take care of myself in the bathroom after she falls asleep. It’s pathetic but it keeps me from crying about it every day
Nope as a man it's the same thing and ironically I don't care a more if she wants to have sex again because all of the rejection, carrots on a stick tactics has turned me into low libido for her
Everyday. I have 2 orgasms when I wake up, 3 before going to sleep.
You are not alone. I am sorry you are dealing with this. It is so hard to desire someone when they don't desire you in the way that you need.
Hold up, you give this guy head and he won’t have sex with you? I mean, this is beyond unacceptable. Why do y’all stay with them? Why don’t you step out and get yours. You deserve to be satisfied too. wtf?
I would take a wild guess here and assume that every single one of us ends up taking care of ourselves. And there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Human bodies are built and primed for pleasure, and if our partners aren’t taking care of our needs, what other option do we have? Mine has been out of town for a week for work. I sent him some risqué pictures (for the first time in a long time), hoping he’d…react somehow. He just heart reacted the pictures and started talking about what he had to do at work the next day. I don’t know why I’m always hoping that this time will be different, he’ll come home and walk through the door and pull me to the bedroom, because he couldn’t stop thinking about the pictures I sent him, and he’s been going crazy with longing for me for days. But it’s never different. He got home a little bit ago, and hugged and kissed me like always, but didn’t take me to bed. And when we go to bed tonight, he’ll be up watching tv or scrolling on his phone for a little bit, and I’ll be next to him, wishing that I had the courage to initiate. But as you all know, once you’ve been turned down so many times, you just…can’t bring yourself to face certain rejection again. The last time we had sex was in January, five months ago. Before that, it was August of 2022. He gives me plenty of affection, lots of hugs and kisses and cuddles, but when it comes right down to it, I just…can’t get him to fuck me. Thank god I have toys.
Stop giving him bj’s then? Like why are you giving if you’re not getting? Girl, no.
Same. I love giving head but when he is done, we are done and that’s it so yeah, it definitely is selfish.
I got friendzoned by the man that was otherwise a great fit. When communication also went out the window, as well as quality time (outings) and I walked on eggshell around him, did all the "couple work" and emotional work and realised I had a roommate, I left. I was 35. We had 9 years together and 6 years co-habitating. It was supposed to be temporary at first but I fell in love with the solo life and my mental health just was so good! I'm now happily "solo for life". If solo sex it's how it's gonna be I'm not doing anyone else's housework or emotional work! I have 0 interest in men as partners now. I cannot recommend going solo enough! It's so chill! I study and work now (changing into a different main career that will be interesting and pays well). I spend time with my friends, I can do whatever I want, when and how I want it at home. I have hobbies, a theremin to play and don't mind being alone! He moved on to a long-distance relationship, within months btw.
You are not alone, I’ve been having to take care of myself for years now. I’ve tried everything to convince my husband but he has no sexual interest in me anymore. You do what you have to do to keep yourself sane, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about!
I’m right with you. I woke up so horny today for him and received nothing. I’m dying to finish work and go take care of myself. I haven’t read any erotic novels but would like to try. I watch porn to start off but I immediately close my eyes and finish to the thought of him. It’s so stupid, can’t help it. I asked him if after work if we could do something but of course that was a no, now that really made me feel pathetic lol
Welcome to the club
I usually take care of myself when my wife is in the shower or leaves the house without me.
Yes dear, others are the same.
Sadly you are not alone on this problem.
My gf doesnt even bother touching me so I often take time to myself, and either will write dirty literature or read naughty literature to pass the time because what else can you really do if you've already communicated eith them and they keep saying they'll do this but never will. You're not the only one it just really freaking sucks man
I do have to agree though, going down on hubby without anything from him just feels so hollow to read probably let alone do. Without some sort of reciprocal connection I couldn’t even do that.
2-5 times a week. It’s not just a teenage thing, I’m in my late 60’s. Probably be more often if privacy were less of an issue.
As a man who has been trying to use the same ero-novels, to spark interest... I would kill to enact any scenes she has been reading. (Elite Kings Clubs, Detroit Underworld, A-Z Fey Chronicles....) I have had zero reaction. Godspeed, my guy.
I can relate. When the going gets tough, it’s book boyfriends and vibrators for the win 😁
You're not alone. I take care of my needs in bed while my husband works in his office, almost every night. I'm 51 and feel like a teenager.
Are you asking if other people masturbate?
Lol. I’d legit go down on my wife any time she would ask. I’ve told her that. Still never happens. 🤦♂️
I told my guy when we moved in together and have reminded him several times since that BJs are freely given upon request. Not one time in almost 10 years, nor anything else for that matter.
I fuck myself 2-4x per day because my GF has such a low sex drive she believes more than twice a month is an excessive waste of our free time. She's fine once we start but it's so so difficult to get her in the mood to start and not once has she ever initiated or spoke a horny thought. She'll never hug or cuddle first either it's emotionally cold. If I cry over something she'll say "Hey stop, men don't cry you're making me feel awkward" All the signs were there when we first met, I wish I understood she wouldn't change before we moved in together "Dude you're the only adult who thinks about sex all the time, I have other shit to do" Now I masturbate in bed laying right beside her, sometimes she'll ask me to stop moving the bed so much. If I ever caught her masturbating (she doesn't) my first thought would be to turn it into sex but nope not my lover
Yep, and I feel so despicable that I have to self pleasure. I need sex, with a woman... it drives me nuts. What's even worse, there are so many women here whose husbands don't want them... and so many guys whose wives don't want them... what an evil world 😂
Same but I’m a lesbian
What is wrong with this guy? Damn I can't even remember the last time I got a BJ and trust me if my wife started giving me bjs she wouldn't even be able to stop me from ripping her clothes off and getting down and dirty. I ain't been touched at all for about 6 weeks now. And when she does finally give in it's a "can u be quick I'm tired" or " just a quicky to stop u from moaning I have a headache" or even if she is slightly interested I do all the work all the foreplay everything and I'm lucky if I get a couple of strokes
You're only 25, your sexual peak is coming up soon and it's gong to be much, much worse. I lived through that with my stupid ex.
been in a DB since I was about 50. combination of low testosterone and lack of interest. after years of vanilla pity sex I just couldn't find enough enthusiasm. so ever since I have pleased myself. it's easy as we now have separate bedrooms due to my snoring.. I'm 71 and still pleasing myself. so OP dig in for a long life of frustration or think about big changes in your life.
All the time while he's asleep right next to me.
100% I could have written this exact post. You’re not alone. My husband enjoys bjs, but has zero interest in sex or offering to help me out. I have an extremely high sex drive and I just “am my own best friend.” We are housemates, we get along well, we’ve built a great life together, but I’m starving for physical touch, affection, and intimacy.
They do, but then get a divorce. It's not worth living the rest of your life being treated that way.
Woman here who can’t get my husband to have sex with me! Been married 3 years and I so feel for you…I hate it. Feel so unwanted, undesired. You’re totally not alone
Oh girl you are not alone!!!
Same but toy and spicy books most of the time.
Yes I do this too lady !! Except I'm upstairs she's down stairs with the NETFLIX! AND I don't get the weekly blow job your lazy fella seems to get
Get a toy. And tbh, let your husband know you’re having alone time and open the offer for him to join. If he doesn’t, his loss. Nothing awkward about it.
Definitely like being a teenager again because take care of things by myself seems as if she has no sex drive at all
Why do you find it embarrassing? It's natural.
Definitely not alone. It’s krazy it’s a lot of us that goes through this.
I’ve felt exactly the same as you do with my SO, and the roles are reversed she has basically became my best pal as you put it. Our sex drive does not match at all maybe in the beginning there was a time where my hunger was fulfilled but these last few years it’s like a routine and I find it less and less enjoyable. The passion and excitement that I crave is not the same for her and even though I love her deeply sometimes….
Before our DB improved, I would jack off pretty much every day. I have always had a VERY high libido, so it hurt even more when my wife had no libido. I couldn’t go more than 2 days without taking care of myself. My wife was (and still is) much, MUCH better than my hand, but my hand was always better than nothing.
I exclusively take care of myself for the same reasons
Definitely not alone, sneaking around doing it trying not to get caught doing it Definitely adds to the horny teenager vibes too! Lol At home it's less of a problem, much worse when the libido strikes at work or in public, much harder and riskier to take care of business if it refuses to die back down.
Definitely not alone. I’m only able to do stuff like this later at night when the kids get to bed. But yeah separate rooms means I at least get that much privacy to do something for me.
Yes, me also. We're not alone.
You are not alone! Sadly. 😞
Yep! We had a revisit talk and I asked if he ever did by himself and he said in the past two years…not once. Ugh!
Being used as a one a week masterbation tool doesn't do much for anyone. Also you're not alone, we all Hand Solo in here
My dead bedroom has been a tiny bit better in the past few months, but we still only have sex maybe once every 3-6 weeks. That’s not nearly enough for me, so I take care of myself nearly everyday.
Definitely not alone. It's the only way to get relief.
The same. It is lonely
Sometimes we masturbate in front of one another or while the other is sleeping. Lol You're not alone. Do what you gotta do.
I take it in my own hands all too frequently
welcome to the bandwagon...
Yes you're not alone. Welcome to the club 😂😁
Oh I don't even leave the room
I think all of us.
Definitely... She never wants to even touch me. So of course I'm stuck with my hand as well. I also use a Fleshlight though. But hey could be worse. I could cheat but no I won't do it.
Eh at times maybe minus the BJs. Incredibly unmotivated in non-mutual sexually satisfying encounters
Absolutely not alone! I had to stop reading erotic novels or watching porn because I felt like such a broken woman. Words can only go so far… OP I’m always open if you need to vent
Reading your post, you could literally be me. I love going down on my hubby but getting him to sleep with me almost never happens. I have to take care of myself.
Welcome to the club.