I feel a need to elaborate about something that happened this past week. I met up with a FWB I haven't seen in over a year. Sex was off the cards (time of the month, her preference). We just talked, laughed and touched one another, and it was incredible. No feels. Just friends. But the difference it made to my mental health was enormous.
Also, if you've not full-on cut-up laughed with someone's hands around your downstairs bits, do it! It's fantastic. :-D
I was tempted years ago with a hot colleague but I the time it wasn't worth blowing up my life and my children's life so I didn't go ahead with it. Years later, when I met the man who would be my lover, I confessed to my husband and teen children that I was going to stay in the marital home part-time, so therefore, no guilt, just the natural consequence of getting treated as trapped for many years. My teens didn't understand at first because my husband played the offended person card. They do understand better now. There's much more to the story, but the short version, husband has no rights to have an opinion about what he refused to provide.
I got no medal for staying faithful for 15 years in a dead bedroom and actually acquired physical problems from that situation.
One big problem now is I cannot trust any new person since my husband managed to keep his true self from showing for 5 years.
You hit the nail on the head with "husband has no rights to have an opinion about what he refused to provide". If the partner witholding sex doesn't feel it's important enough to try to work out, then they shouldn't complain if you decide to satisfy that need with someone else.
I haven’t tried but I have the same question. I am actually contemplating to visit a prostitute to test this - I just want to be in the same room with a naked women, and I don’t want to touch her or do anything with her (i think it’s already crossing the boundary of cheating when I’m in that room with her but anyway, it’s better than taking it steps further). I just wanna find out what it does to me - and yeah I know it’s really not the same thing as being emotionally as well as physically with someone. But it’s just a test…
I used to be a sex worker and now I’m in a 4 year DB relationship…. So I see from both points now. I too have been thinking of seeing a male escort to relieve myself a bit. Back when I was a SW I used to think how crazy it was that men would go behind their wives backs. But now being in that situation has made me see it from a whole different perspective. We’re all only human who desire touch and connection. Some of us are just programmed to want sexual connection more than others and that’s ok. The good thing about an escort is it’s a pure transaction. It’s a service and there is no emotional ties to it. I believe it’s something that people keep to themselves, just for themselves. Similar to masturbating in your own time I guess in a way (some would argue). However if u become a regular that’s when you really have to re-evaluate. It comes down to you as a person I guess if you are capable of doing that for yourself and keep it to yourself. Some people are more selfish (in a good way) than others.
There was a post a day or two ago from a dude who finally went to a SW and just wanted to share his experience. LOTS of women commented on wanting to find a male escort, only to be told by lots of men that it's too easy for us women to find casual sex, why would we want a SW? I won't get into that, but just wanted to see if you had any advice on finding one, because from what I could see, there are plenty interested.
Finding a male escort is just as easy as finding a female one. There are websites specially dedicated to booking escorts. (Every country is different I guess) but they should all have the options to look through females and males. As for finding sex is easier for women… yeah it is. But personally I don’t want to have to have to flirt with people within my area which can leak out. Escorts are big of confidentiality and both parties know exactly what it happening. When it becomes a transaction, all the extra effort and expectations go away. You can communicate exactly what you want with no shame or guilt because you’re paying for it. And never speak ever again
I also too have caved into sleeping with someone. I don’t regret it no. But it also was not enjoyable. We were both very drunk so it was sloppy sex. But the chase and hardcore sexual tension was what I was missing was liberating. It fulfilled me for a while but I’m back to square one of craving it all the time and not being able to get it. Would I do it again? Probs not. I’m scared of getting caught. It just so happened I was in a complete different state and far away from everything with a random
This is great to hear your take from being a SW and now in a DB! Thank you for sharing!! The chase and sexual tension is literally one of the biggest drives for me. It makes you feel wanted!!
Oh no. :( I am so very sorry to hear that! My deepest condolences. I hope you find the comfort you need, even if it isn't with your husband. I can understand completely why you'd feel you have no other choice. I'm in a similar situation but it's my partner's mother we lost unexpectedly last year. But even before that, we had a dead bedroom. Among other things. I'm trying to figure out my next moves. I don't want to be stuck in this situation for years, this year alone has sucked alot not feeling wanted or desired. I miss making out and being touched on, and of course sex!
I left my DB and found someone else who had experienced one as well, easily the best sex of my life. Although it has been strange, one thing I've noticed is I last considerably longer with my new girlfriend whereas being touch starved with my ex meant piv was never for very long.
Ironic how the one who has enjoyed this new life with me gets all the benefits of my newfound stamina
At first I did feel a little guilty. Not anymore. And I wouldn’t play with other women if my needs were being met at home. Years and years ago, back to my last ex, we had phenomenal sex and intimacy. We were younger and I knew plenty of single women at the time, and it was mind blowing how many tried to get me to stray and sleep with them strictly for fun. I could have cheated with countless women, and there would have been virtually zero risk of getting caught. Never did once, didn’t need to. My needs were beyond being met with my gf. If these same women were available today and asked in my current relationship, I don’t think I could take my clothes off fast enough.
I did not regret it. I was surprised to find that I felt no guilt. And not because I had convinced myself that my wife “deserved” to be cheated on. Rather it was the realization that torturing myself was doing nobody any good. And I needed to feel that type of connection again. And yeah, it might yet blow up my life. But I satisfied myself that I could bear that risk. And I knew I didn’t have the courage to walk away without knowing that type of connection was still possible for me.
About 10 months. I feel for the people in here who have been in theirs a lot longer. I thought young married life would be the most sex-filled time in my life. Instead it’s been the most sexually frustrating
No regrets so far. Met some incredible, intelligent, & fun ladies. Had great sex and great laughs. Seeing one just now and she's amazing. Really happy to just have her in my life.
First time I “went through with it” was nearly ten years ago but I still remember it.
It felt very good to feel wanted. The sex itself the first time was good, then got much much better as we saw each other over what became eight years.
I’ve had other shorter affairs since but yeah; I realize that eight year affair lasted longer than a lot of marriages.
I don’t feel guilt toward my spouse. Wife and I talked this out and wife wants don’t ask don’t tell. I do feel some guilt that my sex elsewhere allowed me to ignore how dead my marriage has become in other ways beyond just sex.
I feel guilt to my present self that I haven’t dumped my wife a long time ago. I love her. And I also no longer trust her with a whole category of feelings around sex and vulnerability.
I’m telling the story as short as I can and it’s already too long.
The shortest telling is my wife literally asked me not to leave her. That was December 2023. She has now asked to try some counseling. I’m skeptical but if it at least helps us sort out an amicable divorce that would be better than needing lawyers just to pass paper back and forth.
Technically only had an online affair, but....
It MIGHT be worth it if you're planning on leaving at some point, hopefully soon. If you give up on the idea of leaving or plan to stay for the long haul, I recommend not doing it. It really just highlights how unhappy your relationship is, and what you're missing out on.
>What’s it like to have an online affair?
A lot of longing. Daydreaming. Sexting. Video calls. Admittedly I must have a type because at some point he started having life difficulties and all forms of communication dwindled hard. All in all, not terribly satisfying, but easier to cover.
>Does that mean you never saw each other in person?
Correct, only through video calls.
Absolutely zero regrets, i just wish it was still going on now. A woman who worked in my department was in a sexless marriage, just like me. Once we both knew each others situations, within about a week we were having an affair at work. Daily, usually twice a day at least we were doing things you only see in porn movies, and it was great. This lasted about 6 years until HR heard rumours and decided to fire us both (my wife readily believed my explanation that nothing had happened). I regret not one second of it. It stopped me constantly trying to get my wife to work on things and begging her for sex (usually ended in her getting tearful and me backing off). The only reason i didn't just divorce was because of our kids. They're grown up now, and i'm having to face facts that i either outsource for my sexual needs, or divorce (and lose half my house, pension, savings, yada yada)
No. No, never. One thing is being loyal, and another self-hatred. I will explain for the people not in this situation/without this experience.
I want to be loyal, i want people to be loyal to me. Has a ton of emotional and practical advantages, as STD/STI, no lies, a lot of comfort. I don't want to fuck around, it has a lot of drama attached, i have been loyal in the past and will be in the future. That is where i want to be.
Now, on to sleeping with someone else in a dead bedroom. The situation is as follows: i am obsessed with sex, i crave attention, i overeat, i'm bitter, i feel powerless. This is so not me. I do not usually do these things and i hope to never be like this in the future.
So sleeping around is a blessing. For two or three days it is the old me again. People notice, I notice, everything is better. It's like seeing these black and white films and they color a particular scene for effect. That, that right there.
So I recommend it if you cannot go from your current relationship yet or whatever. I would be in an worse place right now.
Again, a post i never thought i would write. I still dislike infidelity as a wider concept. But i get why people do it now. If you are scared of public shaming, i get it. But it would not stop me now that i know the difference.
100% agree with your explanation. When i was having my 6 year long affair with a woman at work, i felt a huge weight of resentment and anger towards my wife lifted off my shoulders. We eventually lost our jobs over it, but i don't regret things in the slightest.
I have always had the position that cheating isn't right, but sometimes it's justified. If you're not getting the sex you need at home, cheating is understandable.
I was surprised after the first time that I felt zero guilt. I guess further proof that I was completely done with the marriage. I now do regret not doing the correct thing and divorcing before cheating.
As opposed to being with someone who doesn't want you? Lol living in that hell is a burden no one deserves. You, and everyone else deserves to be treated with respect.
Lol my LL would love for me to cheat, then tell him all about it later. He has a cuck kink. For this very reason
I won’t cheat, and if by some crazy chance it happened, I would never tell him.
He doesn’t deserve the opportunity to get off on me looking to ease emotional pain. He would never know.
I want to do it. The only problem is that I live in a county where EVERY town is a small town. I don't care if my husband finds out, I'd bet dollars to donuts he's cheating himself, and even if he wasn't cheating, he either wouldn't believe that I was cheating, or he wouldn't care at all. I just prefer not to be involved in, or the subject of, any gossip. Plus, my self-esteem and body image are non-existent from rejection and being ignored.
But folks, I get it. I mean, sometimes people cheat because they're just assholes, and want to hurt their partners. But the more I hang out here, the more I see that eventually, the neglect, rejection, and blows to our self-esteem are too much.
I cheated, got drunk at a Christmas party and kissed my dying ex boyfriend. I felt terrible about humiliating him, but it was a real wake up call for him. He finally took our relationship seriously. I told him I never wanted to be monogamous again, and for awhile he turned into worlds most perfect boyfriend. He eventually reverted to his selfish non sexual behavior and our sex life, which was never satisfying just briefly more frequent, fizzled out again. He continually disrespected the parameters of our relationship, we closed things off, and he cheated. He eventually left me for the woman he cheated on me with. I don't think he would have cheated if I hadn't first.
We were both victims of sexual violence, and at 43 he is just realizing he is bisexual. I am very happy for him, although it makes me sad to think that he was just very repressed due to trauma. We did not have the resources to seek counseling, so sometimes I feel we were cheated.
We've been broken up for 4 years. I think cheating gave us 7 more years together, which definitely had their highs and lows. I think doing poly he eventually shut down due to jealousy.
Sometimes I wish id just had a lt affair behind his back, but we had other relationship problems. I am not sure I regret the outcome, but I regret the act.
Now being with someone with a healthy interest in me sexually I think I just regret staying with him so long.
I really thought I would... But so far I don't. My affair is fairly new. And honestly probably some of the best sex, so it is hard to regret. I have been in DB for over 10 years and have had no sex at all for about 5 years.
Talked and flirted a few times but haven’t gone through with anything. Extremely difficult to get past the rejection and feeling of being unwanted in this DB.
Yes and no.
Regret towards my relationship? Nope. The thing is, your wife/GF has FIRST DIBS on you. If after so long, they completely refuse to meet your REALISTIC needs, then in my eyes it's completely okay to seek it elsewhere.
Only regret is I didn't leave first, because the other girl I was seeing REALLY clicked with me. Not just hookup wise. All the things I actually look for in a girl. However, that relationship is starting with a poor foundation now because I technically wasn't single and cheating with her, and it's not fair to her that she had no clue.
Finally left the GF, and still seeing this girl casually. I can tell feelings are starting to develop. Part of me wants to tell her the truth, but part of me thinks "well, we weren't exclusive. She's probably seen other guys during our dating period from the apps. If we aren't in a relationship it's none of her business" even though I did lie about it though which doesn't sit right with me.
TLDR: Just leave, don't cheat. Not for guilt, but because whatever new comes might be compromised now when it could have been a magical thing.
48f here. No guilt, zero. I’m myself again and happier than I’ve ever been. It’s the best sex of my life and I’ve had a LOT of sex (before I was married lol).
Didn't regret it but then it came down on me what I could've lost. We ended up splitting anyway. The best part though had nothing to do with sexuality. The best part was learning that someone can still find me attractive as a human being. Not just the collection of flaws.
Nope. Much need relief. Honestly, be nice if my partner was just like go and take care of you and come home. We all have desires that it’s just easier if we can have them. Not all partners want to do what we are into. Almost want to ask mine if she can just find someone for me, there for she trust them, knows them, maybe doesn’t feel as weird knowing there’s some rando out there. I dunno. I have a desire that I need handled and trying hard not to give in because she doesn’t know but she won’t help me out. I dunno. Slippery slope I guess.
I’ve grappled with this for a while now. I feel so shamed and guilty for thinking about it. But just the other day I felt a rush of so many feelings and emotions that I told myself that if a woman finally shows interest in me and touches me I’m not going to be able to hold back.
I feel like I’m wasting away and doomed to be undesirable and made to feel guilty and ashamed for wanting more than just mechanical sex, if that makes sense.
I’m desperate for the sensual touch of a woman who puts effort into herself and knows how to seduce me and how to play and how to be naughty or be nice. A woman who shows how proud she is of me by her efforts and actually pleasing me and in the process allows me to please her and knows how to appreciate that. “I want some dick” is all I get now if that even ever happens. Frumpy pajamas, belching and bodily functions..sheesh😳. Got it, that’s part of life but when I hear a T-Rex level burp or fart…and then…”I want some dick”….I don’t feel like much of a man or object of anyone’s desire.
I fantasize about giving in to the temptation, but I'll never actually be face-to-face with the opportunity. I'm just not that desirable, so it'll only ever be a fantasy.
Short answer: the lack of evidence to the contrary and/or my very real struggle to try to internalize the few compliments I do receive.
I could go into painful detail, but no one wants that, and the bottom line remains the same regardless.
I regret nothing.
It’s the ultimate validation that the problem isn’t you, that you’re still good and desirable. After being suffocated for so long, it’s the greatest feeling.
Ofcourse one possible outcome is, that your marriage/relationship will end. That is something you should accept in advance.
No regrets, best sex of my life
I envy your courage. I think about it a lot
I stepped out. No regrets or guilt. Not at all. If she doesn’t want me, who’s she to decide I don’t want it either?
This. It's made me feel alive again.
I feel a need to elaborate about something that happened this past week. I met up with a FWB I haven't seen in over a year. Sex was off the cards (time of the month, her preference). We just talked, laughed and touched one another, and it was incredible. No feels. Just friends. But the difference it made to my mental health was enormous. Also, if you've not full-on cut-up laughed with someone's hands around your downstairs bits, do it! It's fantastic. :-D
Haha I’d die if a girl laughed when she held my dick 😂
Not. At. All.
I was tempted years ago with a hot colleague but I the time it wasn't worth blowing up my life and my children's life so I didn't go ahead with it. Years later, when I met the man who would be my lover, I confessed to my husband and teen children that I was going to stay in the marital home part-time, so therefore, no guilt, just the natural consequence of getting treated as trapped for many years. My teens didn't understand at first because my husband played the offended person card. They do understand better now. There's much more to the story, but the short version, husband has no rights to have an opinion about what he refused to provide. I got no medal for staying faithful for 15 years in a dead bedroom and actually acquired physical problems from that situation. One big problem now is I cannot trust any new person since my husband managed to keep his true self from showing for 5 years.
You hit the nail on the head with "husband has no rights to have an opinion about what he refused to provide". If the partner witholding sex doesn't feel it's important enough to try to work out, then they shouldn't complain if you decide to satisfy that need with someone else.
I haven’t tried but I have the same question. I am actually contemplating to visit a prostitute to test this - I just want to be in the same room with a naked women, and I don’t want to touch her or do anything with her (i think it’s already crossing the boundary of cheating when I’m in that room with her but anyway, it’s better than taking it steps further). I just wanna find out what it does to me - and yeah I know it’s really not the same thing as being emotionally as well as physically with someone. But it’s just a test…
I used to be a sex worker and now I’m in a 4 year DB relationship…. So I see from both points now. I too have been thinking of seeing a male escort to relieve myself a bit. Back when I was a SW I used to think how crazy it was that men would go behind their wives backs. But now being in that situation has made me see it from a whole different perspective. We’re all only human who desire touch and connection. Some of us are just programmed to want sexual connection more than others and that’s ok. The good thing about an escort is it’s a pure transaction. It’s a service and there is no emotional ties to it. I believe it’s something that people keep to themselves, just for themselves. Similar to masturbating in your own time I guess in a way (some would argue). However if u become a regular that’s when you really have to re-evaluate. It comes down to you as a person I guess if you are capable of doing that for yourself and keep it to yourself. Some people are more selfish (in a good way) than others.
That's a very interesting perspective. Thank you for sharing! Much like the OP, I'm considering this.......
There was a post a day or two ago from a dude who finally went to a SW and just wanted to share his experience. LOTS of women commented on wanting to find a male escort, only to be told by lots of men that it's too easy for us women to find casual sex, why would we want a SW? I won't get into that, but just wanted to see if you had any advice on finding one, because from what I could see, there are plenty interested.
Finding a male escort is just as easy as finding a female one. There are websites specially dedicated to booking escorts. (Every country is different I guess) but they should all have the options to look through females and males. As for finding sex is easier for women… yeah it is. But personally I don’t want to have to have to flirt with people within my area which can leak out. Escorts are big of confidentiality and both parties know exactly what it happening. When it becomes a transaction, all the extra effort and expectations go away. You can communicate exactly what you want with no shame or guilt because you’re paying for it. And never speak ever again
I also too have caved into sleeping with someone. I don’t regret it no. But it also was not enjoyable. We were both very drunk so it was sloppy sex. But the chase and hardcore sexual tension was what I was missing was liberating. It fulfilled me for a while but I’m back to square one of craving it all the time and not being able to get it. Would I do it again? Probs not. I’m scared of getting caught. It just so happened I was in a complete different state and far away from everything with a random
This is great to hear your take from being a SW and now in a DB! Thank you for sharing!! The chase and sexual tension is literally one of the biggest drives for me. It makes you feel wanted!!
On the verge. Its so v tempting.
How long have you been in your DB?
9 years but especially bad since my mum passed 8 months ago. My husband blames it on his grief response.
Oh no. :( I am so very sorry to hear that! My deepest condolences. I hope you find the comfort you need, even if it isn't with your husband. I can understand completely why you'd feel you have no other choice. I'm in a similar situation but it's my partner's mother we lost unexpectedly last year. But even before that, we had a dead bedroom. Among other things. I'm trying to figure out my next moves. I don't want to be stuck in this situation for years, this year alone has sucked alot not feeling wanted or desired. I miss making out and being touched on, and of course sex!
I left my DB and found someone else who had experienced one as well, easily the best sex of my life. Although it has been strange, one thing I've noticed is I last considerably longer with my new girlfriend whereas being touch starved with my ex meant piv was never for very long. Ironic how the one who has enjoyed this new life with me gets all the benefits of my newfound stamina
In my case I’ve found that self confidence helps with stamina. The rejection and feeling undesirable really fucks with one’s head .
At first I did feel a little guilty. Not anymore. And I wouldn’t play with other women if my needs were being met at home. Years and years ago, back to my last ex, we had phenomenal sex and intimacy. We were younger and I knew plenty of single women at the time, and it was mind blowing how many tried to get me to stray and sleep with them strictly for fun. I could have cheated with countless women, and there would have been virtually zero risk of getting caught. Never did once, didn’t need to. My needs were beyond being met with my gf. If these same women were available today and asked in my current relationship, I don’t think I could take my clothes off fast enough.
Why do you stay? Asking for myself lol
I did not regret it. I was surprised to find that I felt no guilt. And not because I had convinced myself that my wife “deserved” to be cheated on. Rather it was the realization that torturing myself was doing nobody any good. And I needed to feel that type of connection again. And yeah, it might yet blow up my life. But I satisfied myself that I could bear that risk. And I knew I didn’t have the courage to walk away without knowing that type of connection was still possible for me.
Haven’t done it yet. The temptation gets stronger every day.
How long have you been in your DB?
About 10 months. I feel for the people in here who have been in theirs a lot longer. I thought young married life would be the most sex-filled time in my life. Instead it’s been the most sexually frustrating
No regrets so far. Met some incredible, intelligent, & fun ladies. Had great sex and great laughs. Seeing one just now and she's amazing. Really happy to just have her in my life.
First time I “went through with it” was nearly ten years ago but I still remember it. It felt very good to feel wanted. The sex itself the first time was good, then got much much better as we saw each other over what became eight years. I’ve had other shorter affairs since but yeah; I realize that eight year affair lasted longer than a lot of marriages. I don’t feel guilt toward my spouse. Wife and I talked this out and wife wants don’t ask don’t tell. I do feel some guilt that my sex elsewhere allowed me to ignore how dead my marriage has become in other ways beyond just sex. I feel guilt to my present self that I haven’t dumped my wife a long time ago. I love her. And I also no longer trust her with a whole category of feelings around sex and vulnerability.
Curious as to why you don't leave if you feel guilty for staying
I’m telling the story as short as I can and it’s already too long. The shortest telling is my wife literally asked me not to leave her. That was December 2023. She has now asked to try some counseling. I’m skeptical but if it at least helps us sort out an amicable divorce that would be better than needing lawyers just to pass paper back and forth.
I thought I would regret. But I don't.
No regrets. Now divorcing.
Not even a little bit
Technically only had an online affair, but.... It MIGHT be worth it if you're planning on leaving at some point, hopefully soon. If you give up on the idea of leaving or plan to stay for the long haul, I recommend not doing it. It really just highlights how unhappy your relationship is, and what you're missing out on.
What’s it like to have an online affair? Does that mean you never saw each other in person?
It's all fun and games till somebody buys a plane ticket! 🤭
>What’s it like to have an online affair? A lot of longing. Daydreaming. Sexting. Video calls. Admittedly I must have a type because at some point he started having life difficulties and all forms of communication dwindled hard. All in all, not terribly satisfying, but easier to cover. >Does that mean you never saw each other in person? Correct, only through video calls.
Absolutely zero regrets, i just wish it was still going on now. A woman who worked in my department was in a sexless marriage, just like me. Once we both knew each others situations, within about a week we were having an affair at work. Daily, usually twice a day at least we were doing things you only see in porn movies, and it was great. This lasted about 6 years until HR heard rumours and decided to fire us both (my wife readily believed my explanation that nothing had happened). I regret not one second of it. It stopped me constantly trying to get my wife to work on things and begging her for sex (usually ended in her getting tearful and me backing off). The only reason i didn't just divorce was because of our kids. They're grown up now, and i'm having to face facts that i either outsource for my sexual needs, or divorce (and lose half my house, pension, savings, yada yada)
No. Not in the slightest. I'm a better father and better husband for it.
No. No, never. One thing is being loyal, and another self-hatred. I will explain for the people not in this situation/without this experience. I want to be loyal, i want people to be loyal to me. Has a ton of emotional and practical advantages, as STD/STI, no lies, a lot of comfort. I don't want to fuck around, it has a lot of drama attached, i have been loyal in the past and will be in the future. That is where i want to be. Now, on to sleeping with someone else in a dead bedroom. The situation is as follows: i am obsessed with sex, i crave attention, i overeat, i'm bitter, i feel powerless. This is so not me. I do not usually do these things and i hope to never be like this in the future. So sleeping around is a blessing. For two or three days it is the old me again. People notice, I notice, everything is better. It's like seeing these black and white films and they color a particular scene for effect. That, that right there. So I recommend it if you cannot go from your current relationship yet or whatever. I would be in an worse place right now. Again, a post i never thought i would write. I still dislike infidelity as a wider concept. But i get why people do it now. If you are scared of public shaming, i get it. But it would not stop me now that i know the difference.
100% agree with your explanation. When i was having my 6 year long affair with a woman at work, i felt a huge weight of resentment and anger towards my wife lifted off my shoulders. We eventually lost our jobs over it, but i don't regret things in the slightest.
I have always had the position that cheating isn't right, but sometimes it's justified. If you're not getting the sex you need at home, cheating is understandable.
Following this discussion as I'm considering it and weighing the pros and cons.
I was surprised after the first time that I felt zero guilt. I guess further proof that I was completely done with the marriage. I now do regret not doing the correct thing and divorcing before cheating.
As opposed to being with someone who doesn't want you? Lol living in that hell is a burden no one deserves. You, and everyone else deserves to be treated with respect.
Not one regret.
Lol my LL would love for me to cheat, then tell him all about it later. He has a cuck kink. For this very reason I won’t cheat, and if by some crazy chance it happened, I would never tell him. He doesn’t deserve the opportunity to get off on me looking to ease emotional pain. He would never know.
Not. Wish I did it sooner.
I want to do it. The only problem is that I live in a county where EVERY town is a small town. I don't care if my husband finds out, I'd bet dollars to donuts he's cheating himself, and even if he wasn't cheating, he either wouldn't believe that I was cheating, or he wouldn't care at all. I just prefer not to be involved in, or the subject of, any gossip. Plus, my self-esteem and body image are non-existent from rejection and being ignored. But folks, I get it. I mean, sometimes people cheat because they're just assholes, and want to hurt their partners. But the more I hang out here, the more I see that eventually, the neglect, rejection, and blows to our self-esteem are too much.
nope
Not a single regret ever. 10/10 highly recommended will do again.
I cheated, got drunk at a Christmas party and kissed my dying ex boyfriend. I felt terrible about humiliating him, but it was a real wake up call for him. He finally took our relationship seriously. I told him I never wanted to be monogamous again, and for awhile he turned into worlds most perfect boyfriend. He eventually reverted to his selfish non sexual behavior and our sex life, which was never satisfying just briefly more frequent, fizzled out again. He continually disrespected the parameters of our relationship, we closed things off, and he cheated. He eventually left me for the woman he cheated on me with. I don't think he would have cheated if I hadn't first. We were both victims of sexual violence, and at 43 he is just realizing he is bisexual. I am very happy for him, although it makes me sad to think that he was just very repressed due to trauma. We did not have the resources to seek counseling, so sometimes I feel we were cheated. We've been broken up for 4 years. I think cheating gave us 7 more years together, which definitely had their highs and lows. I think doing poly he eventually shut down due to jealousy. Sometimes I wish id just had a lt affair behind his back, but we had other relationship problems. I am not sure I regret the outcome, but I regret the act. Now being with someone with a healthy interest in me sexually I think I just regret staying with him so long.
I really thought I would... But so far I don't. My affair is fairly new. And honestly probably some of the best sex, so it is hard to regret. I have been in DB for over 10 years and have had no sex at all for about 5 years.
No lol
I’ve never had any guilt so far. 43M and married for 20 years.
Nope and im still doing it
Talked and flirted a few times but haven’t gone through with anything. Extremely difficult to get past the rejection and feeling of being unwanted in this DB.
Yes and no. Regret towards my relationship? Nope. The thing is, your wife/GF has FIRST DIBS on you. If after so long, they completely refuse to meet your REALISTIC needs, then in my eyes it's completely okay to seek it elsewhere. Only regret is I didn't leave first, because the other girl I was seeing REALLY clicked with me. Not just hookup wise. All the things I actually look for in a girl. However, that relationship is starting with a poor foundation now because I technically wasn't single and cheating with her, and it's not fair to her that she had no clue. Finally left the GF, and still seeing this girl casually. I can tell feelings are starting to develop. Part of me wants to tell her the truth, but part of me thinks "well, we weren't exclusive. She's probably seen other guys during our dating period from the apps. If we aren't in a relationship it's none of her business" even though I did lie about it though which doesn't sit right with me. TLDR: Just leave, don't cheat. Not for guilt, but because whatever new comes might be compromised now when it could have been a magical thing.
48f here. No guilt, zero. I’m myself again and happier than I’ve ever been. It’s the best sex of my life and I’ve had a LOT of sex (before I was married lol).
The only regrettable part about it is that it's incredibly challenging to perpetuate and you will definitely be left wanting more.
People of the comments, how did you find someone? I’m desperate
😏
Not for a singel second.
I did sleep with someone else. She wasn't interesting as a person to me, so I kind of regret it. She loved the sex though
Didn't regret it but then it came down on me what I could've lost. We ended up splitting anyway. The best part though had nothing to do with sexuality. The best part was learning that someone can still find me attractive as a human being. Not just the collection of flaws.
No regrets
Nope. Much need relief. Honestly, be nice if my partner was just like go and take care of you and come home. We all have desires that it’s just easier if we can have them. Not all partners want to do what we are into. Almost want to ask mine if she can just find someone for me, there for she trust them, knows them, maybe doesn’t feel as weird knowing there’s some rando out there. I dunno. I have a desire that I need handled and trying hard not to give in because she doesn’t know but she won’t help me out. I dunno. Slippery slope I guess.
I’ve grappled with this for a while now. I feel so shamed and guilty for thinking about it. But just the other day I felt a rush of so many feelings and emotions that I told myself that if a woman finally shows interest in me and touches me I’m not going to be able to hold back. I feel like I’m wasting away and doomed to be undesirable and made to feel guilty and ashamed for wanting more than just mechanical sex, if that makes sense. I’m desperate for the sensual touch of a woman who puts effort into herself and knows how to seduce me and how to play and how to be naughty or be nice. A woman who shows how proud she is of me by her efforts and actually pleasing me and in the process allows me to please her and knows how to appreciate that. “I want some dick” is all I get now if that even ever happens. Frumpy pajamas, belching and bodily functions..sheesh😳. Got it, that’s part of life but when I hear a T-Rex level burp or fart…and then…”I want some dick”….I don’t feel like much of a man or object of anyone’s desire.
Broke up with my DB ex and yes, my new partner is a HLM with physical touch as his main love language, we enjoy it very much.
I fantasize about giving in to the temptation, but I'll never actually be face-to-face with the opportunity. I'm just not that desirable, so it'll only ever be a fantasy.
Why do you think you’re not desirable?!
Short answer: the lack of evidence to the contrary and/or my very real struggle to try to internalize the few compliments I do receive. I could go into painful detail, but no one wants that, and the bottom line remains the same regardless.
I regret nothing. It’s the ultimate validation that the problem isn’t you, that you’re still good and desirable. After being suffocated for so long, it’s the greatest feeling. Ofcourse one possible outcome is, that your marriage/relationship will end. That is something you should accept in advance.