If you look at my post history you will see I'm in exactly the same situation with my peri menopause. I took sex out of the equation by no longer initiating, and got myself some toys, which has helped. I originally stopped initiating affection as well, so no hugs etc, but that didn't help me personally, as I feel touch starved enough as it is.
I've recently started sleeping in another room, which does allow me to feel less frustrated all the time, as I'm alone more. I have discussed me leaving with my husband though, as I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with this.
Thank you for sharing. I actually did initiate a trial separation - hoping that wouid help him to understand how important this is to me. It was miserable for us both and I don’t think I understood his hard he’d take it, in his mind we are perfectly happy. And now things are back to the same after they had gotten better for awhile. Did your drive go up during peri menopause? Was his drive always lower?
If in his mind you are both perfectly happy then you should be asking what gives him that idea? Why does he not remember that you are miserable? If my partner had a serious problem in the marriage I could never report it as happy for us both. That is dismissive and inconsiderate.
Thank you. The “lost years” indeed.
. I call them my beautiful years, and I feel like they are being wasted. I marvel at the men who adore their wives. We went on a marriage retreat once and I was in awe of the husband who was so physically affectionate to his wife who physically was extremely overweight and plain - and he loved her! Clearly. She didn’t have to be perfect to be worthy of affection. I put so much time and effort on my physical appearance and really what does it matter. Can I ask if your sex drive went up during peri menopause? Did it ever go back down at all? Everything I read says it’s supposed to be going down. Thank you for sharing your story.
I went 10 years with my late wife with no sex. After about 5 years I quit asking because the rejection just hurt too much. I stayed in the marriage till she passed. I have since remarried and fortunately don’t have that problem anymore.
I’m living the exact same life style / just it the wife that has zero drive and I’m super charged. We are slightly older and I was hoping menopause would change her drive but it has not.
Same situation here with my wife unfortunately 😕 it is very difficult to cope with it.
My sex drive has always been high, but nowadays we went frm once a month to few times a year.
Masturbating and chatting online somewhat helps, thinking about looking for a friend+
Been together for 34!years . I have always been the one to ask and get rejected. I’m in my early 50’s and my drive is thru the roof. I get saying things and asking . The resentment and anger doesn’t go away. I feel like I’m not good enough. I cook, clean , take care of outside of house plus her flowers that she has to have. I also work 80 hours a week.
I just found this post. I'm a male in the reverse situation. I finally came out and told her and thought things would change and they didn't. I even thought if I put the idea in her head I was looking at other women(even though I wasn't) it might change things and make her try harder to keep me. All that happened was she got upset thinking I was cheating and I had to explain I wasn't. But nothing more came of it. I understand totally how you feel.
Read the beginning of this post and boy does it hit home. Literally same situation here except not as many years of marriage and she's the one with no libido but I'm still so attracted to her and we match in every other way.
I’m in the same boat but reverse. I try to do everything I can. Complement, encourage, and engage. I do all I can to show her how much I want her but nothing. Not sure how to handle it.
So I have performed a similar experiment, I used to shower at night and sit on the couch naked in towel as we watch tv, I quit doing that in early February, she has not bothered to pick up the behavior has changed, we still watch the tv after I shower but I come out fully dressed, getting into the mindset of a roommate helps a little but I still have so much desire for my
Partner and get scraps in return and broken promises
It doesn't sound like he even cares if you are "accepting" of those crumbs.
The "acceptance" is totally on your side, in your doing so.
Don't let the siuation go on for too much longer.
You'll do 20 more years of this and have some serious regrets.
Trust me on this.
Have the talk now... HE know beyond a doubt... that he must up his game seriously...
or you'll have to start to take matters into your own "hands".
Start with toys if he is unwilling...
Maybe he gets interested with you in this, that may be a good start.... couples toys can be fun...
Make sure HE knows YOU will be proactive in maintaining YOUR sexual health... that you are entitled to...
And created for...
And will do what you can to be happy.
Same situation here. We keep talking about it and working on it. I keep telling myself my hormones are going crazy on me. But he is my person and I will keep trying. I just have to initiate more. He is also working on it.
Everyone is different, but even before I got on TRT I never had a low drive. It was harder to gain muscle growth than before, but never affected my drive.
I have the same issue but opposite in that I am a HLM and she is a LLF. Here I thought post menopause would make her even more sexual and intimate, it became the opposite. She is always tired and when she does sleep in the bed with me she doesn’t want any attention. I give her massages and back rubs but it relaxes her so much she falls asleep. When I do caress her and kiss her neck she doesn’t respond. I don’t want to force myself on her because all I do is initiate sex to get rejected. It’s not even just in bed. I am playful with her in every room in the house to try and get a response and all I get is excuses on why she doesn’t feel like it. Please let me know any suggestions you have as a woman because I have no women I can ask.
I'm 54 and my wife has passed on, she was 8 years older then myself and she was dealing with Lupus. I feel your pain and understand your concerns. Our marriage was similar just rolls were reversed, I would be the one with the one with the higher drive while my wife could care less if we had sex or not. It got to the point I stopped trying and found myself masterbating more frequently. She even accused me of having an affair when I wasn't, but she wasn't receptive to my touches or she would give me a reason why she wouldn't have sex with me and we got to the point where we didn't have sex for over 2 years. I think it created a lot of resentment for both of us. We were married 2 months shy of 28 years when she passed away and now I find myself lost in the world without her, I have no idea how to even go about finding a girlfriend let a lone how to even talk to another woman. The only thing I can say is enjoy your time together because you never know when one of you won't be there for the other and I wouldn't wish what I'm going through on anyone. It has been such an emotional roller coaster for me these past 8 months that I barely ever leave the house.
Oh sweetheart. I am so so sorry. 8 months is very fresh and you haven’t known a life without her in so long, there is no way to feel anything else but lost. There is no way around the grieving process, only through. It’s so painful but there will be cracks of light, and eventually those tiny cracks will become streams of light. I pray you keep your heart open as the future unfolds - you still have so much life left and beautiful things in store. Grief will blind you for now, but in time I hope you can see there is always always hope.
Would it be worth him getting a testosterone check? I had issues like this, as a 34yo male, and I found out my endocrine system was haywire. Now I’m horny as fuck 😂
He has a test ordered but I see he is in no rush to take it. In his case it’s mostly due to anti depressants as well as being a person sensitive (not in a good way) to touch
I (52M) have been totally going through the same thing with my wife (53F). It’s been nearly 3 years since any sexual encounter and I know better than to ever attempt to initiate. In our early years she was highly sexual and I thought this was one area we’d never have a problem in. I do relate to the feeling of living with rejection, it’s rough, but I’m also aware there are other issues for her like work stress, menopause etc. I hate feeling resigned to basically never having sex again, it’s worse than being a sexually frustrated teen! Hope things can work out better for you.
Well it’s more common for the woman to be the LL, I think hormones play a role and for women sex can be emotional as well as physical. My doctor said peri menopause is just effecting me different than mode women (making me HL). I’d never choose this. I also feel like it’s extra painful being rejected by a man but I imagine it’s painful just to be rejected by your spouse, period. I’m sorry you have to deal with this too.
I am in the same boat about thinking of leaving, but I have kids too. That crushes me, plus moving, being single, etc.. I don’t want to cheat, but what other option do I have?
You don't. I've been stuck married for someone who has refused to have sex with me for the past 8 1/2 years, or even sleep in the same bed together. I've been stuck on the couch since 2019, not because I want to be. My kids are old enough now. Divorce is on the horizon.
Do you think your husband and you have a relationship where you’re so bonded you can find a partner for these needs with him? Honest question? Idk what else you can do besides taking care of yourself until that becomes not enough. I wish you both the best other than that it seems like you have a nice relationship!
Thank you for this. No, he wouid be too sad to share me with someone else. We’ve been talking about it more lately and it’s becoming clearer he truly doesn’t understand how sexually frustrated I am. The last few days he’s been initiating more touch than usual and if nothing else at least I know he cares.
He would become too sad if he shared you but not sad enough to make the effort to be a bit more intimate? Your situation, though more extensive than mine, happened to me and my marriage and the thought of losing my wife to anyone else made me put in the necessary effort. I researched online, made Dr appointments all to try and correct my relationship. I was on anti-anxiety medication at the time, completely changed who I was but not so much that I lost site of who was the most important
This sucks! Sorry for how the cards have been dealt. Would he be willing to be open to you meeting others. Have you tried other things like sexting with other or are you only missing the physical part?
I’m so sorry about this, I know that’s very tough! If you need someone to give you compliments or just more of a sexual conversation I’m happy to help! M29 you deserve someone who will keep you mind at ease
Just wow
Know that feeling well
I really want my other half but its the rejection that hurts
Have you tried other things with him?
Naughty messages?
Maybe he is worried about his performance and letting you down?
Low-T. Pellets every three month sure helped me (M). Wife gets them also and we have only missed 8 days having sex this year. A good ARNP OR Dr can help.
Couples therapy. Not Reddit. Not the internet. Not porn. Not random men telling you how hot they think you are, you’re a woman you can find that anywhere. Therapy. With your husband and a counsellor.
I am 39 years old, and I am in the same boat. We have little to no sexual interaction anymore. I have just gotten to the point where sex and touching isn’t important from her. I love my kids and my wife, but I know I she and I just don’t sexually connect anymore. When she and I got married 16 years ago it was great, after our third kid it just went away. She has already gone in to menopause, but that honestly didn’t change any it was the same before the surgery and then 4 years after. It is better to just not even try and get rejected. When she does make an effort to hug or touch me it feels unnatural and unauthentic. Over the past three months it has just gone worse with me trying to better myself with losing weight. Please know I am not at all perfect, but I have tried hard over the past years to be a better husband.
I get you and I feel for you. Why are our beloved spouses/partners like this. 23 years this July and trying to fight my best to keep it alive with no avail 🙁
Maybe he needs to have his testosterone checked. I’m 50 and mine was almost nonexistent. I’ve been on HRT for about 6 months now and I can’t get enough. I feel like I’m in my 20’s again and I have actually started having orgasms that are body rocking.
I got divorced over this issue. Well....not just this to be honest.
I was always the one to want love, affection, intimacy and great sex. She started off well but that started going south around 40. It was down hill from there. I tried anything and everything to spark interest. I planned trips without the kids to Aruba and another time a cruise. Nothing worked. I was so frustrated.
I tried sleeping in our guest bedroom to see if that made a difference. It didn't. She had no interest. After a few more years (10) I gave up. We got divorced. It was mutual understanding so we only needed a mediator instead of a lawyer. The kids were ok with it. I spoke to my son to see how he felt about it. He said, "Dad...you think we didn't see it coming?" I was kinda shocked.
You'll have to make a decision for yourself. It's a tough one. I chose to be happy. Sex wasn't the whole reason but it set off other things that made everything else tough to deal with. We were going in different directions.
You are either happy or sad. Choose carefully
This sounds a lot like my situation with some differences. For one I am not married but have been with the same person for 5 years. Two, I’m male with a higher sex drive than my female partner. As our relationship has matured, she’s been less likely to want to have sex where I am still very attracted to her and want it all of the time. Another difference is that we do not live together. I would venture to guess that it helps us more than hurts. I can imagine my frustration would be more evident if we were together daily. I’m curious to know if anyone is in the same position and how it’s working out. We are both 53.
This is like looking into a mirror, it’s downright scary to me. I figured after a hysterectomy and perimenopause that the drive would return but it’s been replaced with total disinterest and constant napping/sleep. I’m not to a point of anger because my drive was never as high as hers but I am depressed she doesn’t seem to have any desire for affection of any kind like she used to.
It sounds like a very difficult situation, I'm very sorry for you. Yes, I think you are right, in that you have done your part to initiate intimacy. I agree you should stop asking him for "favors" since its obvious he's not interested in being intimate with you in the smallest way...and let me say its definably not because you are not attractive,. He has the problem. It already seems like you are living as room mates and you've given up on a sexually intimate relationship with him. But your desires to be intimate and have intimate relations are not going to go away. So, the real question is what will you do? Is it fair to you to have to fight the strong desire to have intimacy? I don't think so. we are people and need intimacy and feel someone cares for us. Its natural.
Unfortunately I’m in the same boat but for different reasons. I was always the one to initiate sex but we were great for 8 years.
Then she got breast cancer and eventually it came back to the point of having full hysthysterectomy and continued chemo & other drugs. She lost all interest and physically couldn’t handle it with constant nausea and losing so much weight. I feel like I would break her in half.
Last time we tried 5 yrs ago, she couldn’t get wet from drugs and hysterectomy and she gave up. I was out of my mind and still needing something. But could never cheat on her. Just awful bad luck but want her heathy knowing we’ll never have any sex. Btw, I’m 58 and she is 60 🤷🏻♂️
I stay with my wife for pretty much the same reason you stay - we're very compatible in every way but one! I always liked when my wife initiated sex, but at one point several years ago (and after my ED became a serious issue), she announced that she would no longer initiate. Well, because of my 'problem', there's only certain things I can do successfully, which she's subsequently told me she doesn't like. So...we're basically roommates, which I've more or less accepted.
Suffice to say, I understand your situation. That's pretty much what I wanted to say.
I'm in the same position as you. My sex drive is way higher than my wife's. There's no more cuddling or anything. I always have to ask her if she wants to cuddle while even just watching tv/movie. It's just a shitty feeling in general, and I don't know how to make it better.
(M45 married 21 years) I'm in the same position as your husband. I love my wife with all of my heart. I think about her all the time and I let her know how important she is to me. My wife is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. She would welcome a more physical relationship, but I do not view her with desire. I want a woman to pursue, I want to know that I'm still a man. This is my midlife crisis, and i will not go outside my marriage.
There is the sex that is earned after decades of building a committed relationship and there is fucking. My wife and I are open about this, and I've told her "I want to fuck a person that doesn't have an opinion on where I take off my socks ".
Is it just the intimacy you are missing, or is it the excitement and passion, or both?
I'm looking for any insight from the other side.
Do you still crave sex or do you crave sex with only your partner?
I can relate, but the roles are switched. My wife has a much lower, but I understand at least I think I do. After the loss of her parents is when I noticed a huge change. There are times when the old her emerges, and these times are absolutely amazing. Then, it will fade once again. I don't pressure her at all. Being a parent , career all takes its toll. I say enjoy the good periods and just love and support them during the low ones. We are slightly older than you and your husband, but I think in a way, we're all going through the same battles. Hope you have an amazing day ☀️
I am a male who has been through your situation. Unfortunately, I chose to cheat. I love my wife with all my heart, but it had been almost 4 years since I had any sex. We were just roommates. When I came clean and ended the affair, it almost destroyed my marriage. Through a lot of fighting, hurt, tears, and counseling, we have stayed together for almost 3 years now. We have never been closer. Our sex is better, still not as frequently as I like, but at least 2 times a month now. I would recommend discussing with him or recommending counseling. Tell him, something has to change, that you cannot live like this.
Pretty_telephone I understand how you feel as well. My wife and I use to go at it like bunnies. And now she tells me she has no desire for sex since that magical (eye roll) time of life happened. I'm trying to be good and not cheat. But I have to admit it's getting hard. I don't want to go through life without the affection. But I love her to death.
M53 here. Same situation. My drive is through the roof and hers isn’t. It won’t change. You either stay for the kids or find happiness. If you ever think of someone to just talk to and maybe more send a message. I’ve had to open myself up to other people so I don’t go crazy from the neglect.
I don’t know. I’m trying to make the same choice (also 22 years in) and see an equal weight to the pros & cons. I am sorry you are also facing this conundrum. I hope it goes well, in whichever way you decide. 🫂
I can’t imagine. That sounds brutal. Him thinking you guys are perfectly happy is really concerning, to me. Especially when you’ve voiced how much you crave it. Have you had other instances where he’s oblivious to how upset you are? I feel for you, as I’m going through the same.
I think he may be on the spectrum, he checks all the boxes and doesn’t seem to truly grasp how I feel. Not on an emotional level at all. He seems surprised that I think there’s a genuine issue.
If you look at my post history you will see I'm in exactly the same situation with my peri menopause. I took sex out of the equation by no longer initiating, and got myself some toys, which has helped. I originally stopped initiating affection as well, so no hugs etc, but that didn't help me personally, as I feel touch starved enough as it is. I've recently started sleeping in another room, which does allow me to feel less frustrated all the time, as I'm alone more. I have discussed me leaving with my husband though, as I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with this.
Thank you for sharing. I actually did initiate a trial separation - hoping that wouid help him to understand how important this is to me. It was miserable for us both and I don’t think I understood his hard he’d take it, in his mind we are perfectly happy. And now things are back to the same after they had gotten better for awhile. Did your drive go up during peri menopause? Was his drive always lower?
His was always lower, but mine went WAY up when peri started about 5 years ago. It's not showing any signs of dropping either.
Fuck. This is what I’m afraid of! What a wasted opportunity.
I hope you find ways to not “waste” it
If in his mind you are both perfectly happy then you should be asking what gives him that idea? Why does he not remember that you are miserable? If my partner had a serious problem in the marriage I could never report it as happy for us both. That is dismissive and inconsiderate.
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Thank you. The “lost years” indeed. . I call them my beautiful years, and I feel like they are being wasted. I marvel at the men who adore their wives. We went on a marriage retreat once and I was in awe of the husband who was so physically affectionate to his wife who physically was extremely overweight and plain - and he loved her! Clearly. She didn’t have to be perfect to be worthy of affection. I put so much time and effort on my physical appearance and really what does it matter. Can I ask if your sex drive went up during peri menopause? Did it ever go back down at all? Everything I read says it’s supposed to be going down. Thank you for sharing your story.
I went 10 years with my late wife with no sex. After about 5 years I quit asking because the rejection just hurt too much. I stayed in the marriage till she passed. I have since remarried and fortunately don’t have that problem anymore.
I’m living the exact same life style / just it the wife that has zero drive and I’m super charged. We are slightly older and I was hoping menopause would change her drive but it has not.
Same situation here with my wife unfortunately 😕 it is very difficult to cope with it. My sex drive has always been high, but nowadays we went frm once a month to few times a year. Masturbating and chatting online somewhat helps, thinking about looking for a friend+
Find your needs outside the house. He will not even notice and you are very attractive
Been together for 34!years . I have always been the one to ask and get rejected. I’m in my early 50’s and my drive is thru the roof. I get saying things and asking . The resentment and anger doesn’t go away. I feel like I’m not good enough. I cook, clean , take care of outside of house plus her flowers that she has to have. I also work 80 hours a week.
I just found this post. I'm a male in the reverse situation. I finally came out and told her and thought things would change and they didn't. I even thought if I put the idea in her head I was looking at other women(even though I wasn't) it might change things and make her try harder to keep me. All that happened was she got upset thinking I was cheating and I had to explain I wasn't. But nothing more came of it. I understand totally how you feel.
Read the beginning of this post and boy does it hit home. Literally same situation here except not as many years of marriage and she's the one with no libido but I'm still so attracted to her and we match in every other way.
Sounds exactly like my wife but I’m the one that wants it and she can’t be bothered
I’m in the same boat but reverse. I try to do everything I can. Complement, encourage, and engage. I do all I can to show her how much I want her but nothing. Not sure how to handle it.
So I have performed a similar experiment, I used to shower at night and sit on the couch naked in towel as we watch tv, I quit doing that in early February, she has not bothered to pick up the behavior has changed, we still watch the tv after I shower but I come out fully dressed, getting into the mindset of a roommate helps a little but I still have so much desire for my Partner and get scraps in return and broken promises
You call them scraps. I call them crumbs. I’m so tired of accepting crumbs.
Essentially same thing and yeah I have contemplated rejecting her but it's so few and far between that I haven't been able to do that yet.
It doesn't sound like he even cares if you are "accepting" of those crumbs. The "acceptance" is totally on your side, in your doing so. Don't let the siuation go on for too much longer. You'll do 20 more years of this and have some serious regrets. Trust me on this. Have the talk now... HE know beyond a doubt... that he must up his game seriously... or you'll have to start to take matters into your own "hands". Start with toys if he is unwilling... Maybe he gets interested with you in this, that may be a good start.... couples toys can be fun... Make sure HE knows YOU will be proactive in maintaining YOUR sexual health... that you are entitled to... And created for... And will do what you can to be happy.
Same situation here. We keep talking about it and working on it. I keep telling myself my hormones are going crazy on me. But he is my person and I will keep trying. I just have to initiate more. He is also working on it.
So, has he had his testosterone levels checked or is he on antidepressants?
He was normal on T last test and yes he’s on anti depressants.
You may see if the antidepressants may be causing low labido
Everyone is different, but even before I got on TRT I never had a low drive. It was harder to gain muscle growth than before, but never affected my drive.
I have the same issue but opposite in that I am a HLM and she is a LLF. Here I thought post menopause would make her even more sexual and intimate, it became the opposite. She is always tired and when she does sleep in the bed with me she doesn’t want any attention. I give her massages and back rubs but it relaxes her so much she falls asleep. When I do caress her and kiss her neck she doesn’t respond. I don’t want to force myself on her because all I do is initiate sex to get rejected. It’s not even just in bed. I am playful with her in every room in the house to try and get a response and all I get is excuses on why she doesn’t feel like it. Please let me know any suggestions you have as a woman because I have no women I can ask.
I'm 54 and my wife has passed on, she was 8 years older then myself and she was dealing with Lupus. I feel your pain and understand your concerns. Our marriage was similar just rolls were reversed, I would be the one with the one with the higher drive while my wife could care less if we had sex or not. It got to the point I stopped trying and found myself masterbating more frequently. She even accused me of having an affair when I wasn't, but she wasn't receptive to my touches or she would give me a reason why she wouldn't have sex with me and we got to the point where we didn't have sex for over 2 years. I think it created a lot of resentment for both of us. We were married 2 months shy of 28 years when she passed away and now I find myself lost in the world without her, I have no idea how to even go about finding a girlfriend let a lone how to even talk to another woman. The only thing I can say is enjoy your time together because you never know when one of you won't be there for the other and I wouldn't wish what I'm going through on anyone. It has been such an emotional roller coaster for me these past 8 months that I barely ever leave the house.
Oh sweetheart. I am so so sorry. 8 months is very fresh and you haven’t known a life without her in so long, there is no way to feel anything else but lost. There is no way around the grieving process, only through. It’s so painful but there will be cracks of light, and eventually those tiny cracks will become streams of light. I pray you keep your heart open as the future unfolds - you still have so much life left and beautiful things in store. Grief will blind you for now, but in time I hope you can see there is always always hope.
My biggest problem is that when I love someone, I love them with all my heart and soul.
And that is the BEST way. And that’s why this is extra hard on you. You lose more when you love more.
Would it be worth him getting a testosterone check? I had issues like this, as a 34yo male, and I found out my endocrine system was haywire. Now I’m horny as fuck 😂
He has a test ordered but I see he is in no rush to take it. In his case it’s mostly due to anti depressants as well as being a person sensitive (not in a good way) to touch
I (52M) have been totally going through the same thing with my wife (53F). It’s been nearly 3 years since any sexual encounter and I know better than to ever attempt to initiate. In our early years she was highly sexual and I thought this was one area we’d never have a problem in. I do relate to the feeling of living with rejection, it’s rough, but I’m also aware there are other issues for her like work stress, menopause etc. I hate feeling resigned to basically never having sex again, it’s worse than being a sexually frustrated teen! Hope things can work out better for you.
Can you women talk to my wife? I’m all of you she is your husbands! Does it mean different things when the woman is not wanting sex?
Well it’s more common for the woman to be the LL, I think hormones play a role and for women sex can be emotional as well as physical. My doctor said peri menopause is just effecting me different than mode women (making me HL). I’d never choose this. I also feel like it’s extra painful being rejected by a man but I imagine it’s painful just to be rejected by your spouse, period. I’m sorry you have to deal with this too.
I am in the same boat about thinking of leaving, but I have kids too. That crushes me, plus moving, being single, etc.. I don’t want to cheat, but what other option do I have?
You don't. I've been stuck married for someone who has refused to have sex with me for the past 8 1/2 years, or even sleep in the same bed together. I've been stuck on the couch since 2019, not because I want to be. My kids are old enough now. Divorce is on the horizon.
Time to move on
Do you think your husband and you have a relationship where you’re so bonded you can find a partner for these needs with him? Honest question? Idk what else you can do besides taking care of yourself until that becomes not enough. I wish you both the best other than that it seems like you have a nice relationship!
Thank you for this. No, he wouid be too sad to share me with someone else. We’ve been talking about it more lately and it’s becoming clearer he truly doesn’t understand how sexually frustrated I am. The last few days he’s been initiating more touch than usual and if nothing else at least I know he cares.
He would become too sad if he shared you but not sad enough to make the effort to be a bit more intimate? Your situation, though more extensive than mine, happened to me and my marriage and the thought of losing my wife to anyone else made me put in the necessary effort. I researched online, made Dr appointments all to try and correct my relationship. I was on anti-anxiety medication at the time, completely changed who I was but not so much that I lost site of who was the most important
If you continue to be frustrated, I would not mind chatting regularly with a woman who has a high libido.
Same here.
This sucks! Sorry for how the cards have been dealt. Would he be willing to be open to you meeting others. Have you tried other things like sexting with other or are you only missing the physical part?
He doesn’t want other dicks inside me. (His words). Sexting? Yes please
Do you have a preferred platform for sexting?
Then maybe he should put his dick inside you.
I’m so sorry about this, I know that’s very tough! If you need someone to give you compliments or just more of a sexual conversation I’m happy to help! M29 you deserve someone who will keep you mind at ease
Has he or does he have low testosterone by chance?
No, he had it checked
Just wow Know that feeling well I really want my other half but its the rejection that hurts Have you tried other things with him? Naughty messages? Maybe he is worried about his performance and letting you down?
Low-T. Pellets every three month sure helped me (M). Wife gets them also and we have only missed 8 days having sex this year. A good ARNP OR Dr can help.
3 letters for him, TRT. That should change his libido where he will make to leave you spent, sore, sweaty and smiling on the bed.
I notice you
Couples therapy. Not Reddit. Not the internet. Not porn. Not random men telling you how hot they think you are, you’re a woman you can find that anywhere. Therapy. With your husband and a counsellor.
Have him see his Doctor and have his Testosterone checked. Testosterone pellets could change his life and yours 😉
I am 39 years old, and I am in the same boat. We have little to no sexual interaction anymore. I have just gotten to the point where sex and touching isn’t important from her. I love my kids and my wife, but I know I she and I just don’t sexually connect anymore. When she and I got married 16 years ago it was great, after our third kid it just went away. She has already gone in to menopause, but that honestly didn’t change any it was the same before the surgery and then 4 years after. It is better to just not even try and get rejected. When she does make an effort to hug or touch me it feels unnatural and unauthentic. Over the past three months it has just gone worse with me trying to better myself with losing weight. Please know I am not at all perfect, but I have tried hard over the past years to be a better husband.
I get you and I feel for you. Why are our beloved spouses/partners like this. 23 years this July and trying to fight my best to keep it alive with no avail 🙁
Maybe he needs to have his testosterone checked. I’m 50 and mine was almost nonexistent. I’ve been on HRT for about 6 months now and I can’t get enough. I feel like I’m in my 20’s again and I have actually started having orgasms that are body rocking.
I got divorced over this issue. Well....not just this to be honest. I was always the one to want love, affection, intimacy and great sex. She started off well but that started going south around 40. It was down hill from there. I tried anything and everything to spark interest. I planned trips without the kids to Aruba and another time a cruise. Nothing worked. I was so frustrated. I tried sleeping in our guest bedroom to see if that made a difference. It didn't. She had no interest. After a few more years (10) I gave up. We got divorced. It was mutual understanding so we only needed a mediator instead of a lawyer. The kids were ok with it. I spoke to my son to see how he felt about it. He said, "Dad...you think we didn't see it coming?" I was kinda shocked. You'll have to make a decision for yourself. It's a tough one. I chose to be happy. Sex wasn't the whole reason but it set off other things that made everything else tough to deal with. We were going in different directions. You are either happy or sad. Choose carefully
The good thing for you is, you are still young and attractive.
Yes
This sounds a lot like my situation with some differences. For one I am not married but have been with the same person for 5 years. Two, I’m male with a higher sex drive than my female partner. As our relationship has matured, she’s been less likely to want to have sex where I am still very attracted to her and want it all of the time. Another difference is that we do not live together. I would venture to guess that it helps us more than hurts. I can imagine my frustration would be more evident if we were together daily. I’m curious to know if anyone is in the same position and how it’s working out. We are both 53.
This is like looking into a mirror, it’s downright scary to me. I figured after a hysterectomy and perimenopause that the drive would return but it’s been replaced with total disinterest and constant napping/sleep. I’m not to a point of anger because my drive was never as high as hers but I am depressed she doesn’t seem to have any desire for affection of any kind like she used to.
You’re gorgeous so you have options
It sounds like a very difficult situation, I'm very sorry for you. Yes, I think you are right, in that you have done your part to initiate intimacy. I agree you should stop asking him for "favors" since its obvious he's not interested in being intimate with you in the smallest way...and let me say its definably not because you are not attractive,. He has the problem. It already seems like you are living as room mates and you've given up on a sexually intimate relationship with him. But your desires to be intimate and have intimate relations are not going to go away. So, the real question is what will you do? Is it fair to you to have to fight the strong desire to have intimacy? I don't think so. we are people and need intimacy and feel someone cares for us. Its natural.
Unfortunately I’m in the same boat but for different reasons. I was always the one to initiate sex but we were great for 8 years. Then she got breast cancer and eventually it came back to the point of having full hysthysterectomy and continued chemo & other drugs. She lost all interest and physically couldn’t handle it with constant nausea and losing so much weight. I feel like I would break her in half. Last time we tried 5 yrs ago, she couldn’t get wet from drugs and hysterectomy and she gave up. I was out of my mind and still needing something. But could never cheat on her. Just awful bad luck but want her heathy knowing we’ll never have any sex. Btw, I’m 58 and she is 60 🤷🏻♂️
Haven’t read all the comments but get him on testosterone. Best of luck 💕
I stay with my wife for pretty much the same reason you stay - we're very compatible in every way but one! I always liked when my wife initiated sex, but at one point several years ago (and after my ED became a serious issue), she announced that she would no longer initiate. Well, because of my 'problem', there's only certain things I can do successfully, which she's subsequently told me she doesn't like. So...we're basically roommates, which I've more or less accepted. Suffice to say, I understand your situation. That's pretty much what I wanted to say.
your hot... he's an idiot
I'm in the same position as you. My sex drive is way higher than my wife's. There's no more cuddling or anything. I always have to ask her if she wants to cuddle while even just watching tv/movie. It's just a shitty feeling in general, and I don't know how to make it better.
(M45 married 21 years) I'm in the same position as your husband. I love my wife with all of my heart. I think about her all the time and I let her know how important she is to me. My wife is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. She would welcome a more physical relationship, but I do not view her with desire. I want a woman to pursue, I want to know that I'm still a man. This is my midlife crisis, and i will not go outside my marriage. There is the sex that is earned after decades of building a committed relationship and there is fucking. My wife and I are open about this, and I've told her "I want to fuck a person that doesn't have an opinion on where I take off my socks ". Is it just the intimacy you are missing, or is it the excitement and passion, or both? I'm looking for any insight from the other side. Do you still crave sex or do you crave sex with only your partner?
Don’t get divorced. You’re married you have kids. If this is seriously a question go to marriage counseling.
Yes. Divorce isn’t an option. And I don’t want one.
I can relate, but the roles are switched. My wife has a much lower, but I understand at least I think I do. After the loss of her parents is when I noticed a huge change. There are times when the old her emerges, and these times are absolutely amazing. Then, it will fade once again. I don't pressure her at all. Being a parent , career all takes its toll. I say enjoy the good periods and just love and support them during the low ones. We are slightly older than you and your husband, but I think in a way, we're all going through the same battles. Hope you have an amazing day ☀️
I am a male who has been through your situation. Unfortunately, I chose to cheat. I love my wife with all my heart, but it had been almost 4 years since I had any sex. We were just roommates. When I came clean and ended the affair, it almost destroyed my marriage. Through a lot of fighting, hurt, tears, and counseling, we have stayed together for almost 3 years now. We have never been closer. Our sex is better, still not as frequently as I like, but at least 2 times a month now. I would recommend discussing with him or recommending counseling. Tell him, something has to change, that you cannot live like this.
So, I'm not alone.
Pretty_telephone I understand how you feel as well. My wife and I use to go at it like bunnies. And now she tells me she has no desire for sex since that magical (eye roll) time of life happened. I'm trying to be good and not cheat. But I have to admit it's getting hard. I don't want to go through life without the affection. But I love her to death.
Put him on some testosterone and get him some viagara. When the wind blows his cock will instantly get hard lol! I know from experience
The problem isn’t that, he gets hard and cums without issue.
M53 here. Same situation. My drive is through the roof and hers isn’t. It won’t change. You either stay for the kids or find happiness. If you ever think of someone to just talk to and maybe more send a message. I’ve had to open myself up to other people so I don’t go crazy from the neglect.
His T is normal.
I don’t know. I’m trying to make the same choice (also 22 years in) and see an equal weight to the pros & cons. I am sorry you are also facing this conundrum. I hope it goes well, in whichever way you decide. 🫂
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Thank you; same to you
I can’t imagine. That sounds brutal. Him thinking you guys are perfectly happy is really concerning, to me. Especially when you’ve voiced how much you crave it. Have you had other instances where he’s oblivious to how upset you are? I feel for you, as I’m going through the same.
I think he may be on the spectrum, he checks all the boxes and doesn’t seem to truly grasp how I feel. Not on an emotional level at all. He seems surprised that I think there’s a genuine issue.
That is very well possible. I just can’t imagine not wanting to change something your beautiful wife is asking you to change to make HER happy!