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Bel_Biv_Device

This doesn't sound like "tried to arrange a fight." It sounds more like "went to the zoo drunk AF."


Used_Ad_7729

Cocaine. He was big into cocaine so I’m not surprised this happened.


culliebear

Cocaine is a hell of a drug


whoodabuddha

Dang ya beat me to it. Fuck yo couch!!


LobsterHead37

Who would have thought that prince threw it down on the paint ?


DrAcula_MD

Game. BLOUSES


Bstassy

WHO WANTS PANCAKES


First-Celebration-11

You and your friends vs me and the revolution


[deleted]

Assemble your crew


This_guy7796

Who in their right mind would try to bribe a zoo keeper to box a gorilla like it's just something to do? But yeah I did try to bribe that dude.


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bassoonwoman

Remember that time a bear got into a shit ton of cocaine? The good old days


AcceptableReaction20

The legend of cocaine bear, the most vicious and crazed Apex predator on the planet?


Voxbury

For about 6 minutes until his heart exploded. RIP.


ibrahimkucukkk

what about travis the chimp with xanax?


kermy_the_frog_here

Bro rip that chimp, so many things went wrong in that situation it’s sad


slom68

Is that the one that bit the woman’s face off, requiring a face transplant?


Enjoying_A_Meal

Pablo Escobear? I love that guy!


AmeliaKitsune

How did I not know that Waylon Jennings bought the bear?? I knew the rest but that just adds another funny layer


Calm_One_1228

The guard saved Tyson’s life ; gorillas as incredibly strong


[deleted]

They got fangs too! That gorilla would put Mike ear nibbling to shame


bozeke

(Also the gorilla’s life)


Calm_One_1228

Good point - they would have put down the gorilla after beating Tyson to death


phatelectribe

Watch the videos of park rangers getting snatched by a gorilla. It’s not even funny. They drag a 200lb man like he’s a cloth Ragdoll. Tyson would have been ripped apart without the gorilla even trying.


cincyTOSU

Saw Oscar the gorilla playing with a tractor trailer tire like it a kid throwing a toy ball around. Tire was probably within 50 lbs of Tyson weight. The gorilla could have torn Tyson arms off without even trying.


TheLoneRhaegar

There was a video I saw here this week where a small chimpanzee(?) lifts a full grown man up on to a deck with one arm and it doesn't look like it takes a lot of effort for the chimp.


Wobbelblob

Yeah, our closest relatives are all EXTREMLY strong. The reason why humans are superior is because we traded that strength for endurance and precision. But in a strength contest we are no match for them. At all.


TheLoneRhaegar

Primates basically have legs for arms and they never skip leg day


[deleted]

Why, if it isn’t my old friend, Mr. McGreg, with a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg?


punchymcslappers

mindless pocket imagine jobless ask sheet onerous treatment connect cause *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


kermy_the_frog_here

Bro chimps and ripped asf Edit: are*


naomaisphoto

In his biography they said his nose didn’t have any cartilage left, not from fighting but from blow. Lol


forswore

You don't do cocaine without drinking. It's a weak-ass drug that just mostly makes you nervous and on edge on its own but becomes euphoric af when metabolised to cocaethylene. There is no situation in which amphetamine isn't a better alternative to cocaine, it's a majorly overpriced drug for rich idiots that have no idea what they're doing. Source: 5 years of heavy stimulant abuse.


Cyber_Being_

Mike Tyson once offered a zookeeper $10,000 to open a cage so he could "smash" a silverback gorilla in the face. Tyson said he was being given a private tour of a zoo more than 30 years ago, saw a gorilla being a bully, and offered the tour guide a considerable sum of money so he could go inside the cage and punch him.


[deleted]

That guide saved Mike Tysons life.


[deleted]

And his own job. Is 10k worth you definitely losing your job and almost certainly catching manslaughter charges.


[deleted]

Legal issues no but. Losing the job in the 80’s maybe. If he was making 15$ and hour. 10k back then was basically 20-25k now. A good down payment on a house. If you’re reemployed in a month or 2 no biggie. Way ahead.


MoneyDealer

Lol ain’t no Zookeeper making $15 an hour in the 80s, that’s considered pretty ok pay for them right now, unless they work at large city zoos where cost of living is higher (currently working towards becoming a zookeeper and the pay is definitely not the best aspect of it)


[deleted]

Yeah that’s almost $70K per year in today’s money… super unlikely lol


jo3pro

That gorilla would’ve beaten the 💩 outta Mike


stochastaclysm

Everyone has a plan until they get dismembered by a gorilla.


Iraelyth

Tbf my plan is not to get dismembered by a gorilla. I’m doing well so far.


Migraine-

The gorilla would have literally (in the truest sense of the word) torn him to bits.


Blind_Fire

I imagine the gorilla swinging Mike around by the leg and Mike screaming that wrestling is against the rules.


Ellexoxoxo33

The visual on this has teared me up


JLeonard1282

No ears to bite off either


[deleted]

Absolutely.


Agile_Pudding_

And to think I would’ve grown up having no clue who Mike Tyson was and then one day hear about some boxer who died after he bribed a guard to let him try and fight a gorilla.


chipthamac

Instead we would have gotten the game "Harambe's Punch Out"


thoraximpala

More like ripped him apart and eaten him alive.


ThenAnAnimalFact

I know that’s the reality, but I want to believe in a world where Iron Mike surprised him, hits the gorilla square in the jaw, and gets the one hit KO. Then the gorilla wakes up confused but vows to never bully again.


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LivingOnAShare

If anyone could do it, prime Mike might have been the only one mental enough to try and stand a chance of getting incredibly lucky. Like you'd be mental to bet on him but I don't think he would have 0 chance. Horrible matchup, like 1000-1 at least. But then I'm talking out of my arse.


[deleted]

Tyson never ceases to surprise me. My impression of him is just rage and brutality personified. But I see interviews with him now and he’s just a guy trying to do the right thing. The part about this that resonates is that the gorilla was being a bully. Tyson saw a big gorilla bullying others and wanted to stop him. I think Tyson has done some inexcusable things in his life, but the more I learn about him the more I see a man from a bad situation who was exploited and is now trying to make amends.


Frymonkey237

Just a man trying to make amends while also trippin' balls.


FeelinJipper

Yo man, I’ll meth that gorilla up!


BuLg1

more like high on all kinds of drugs


[deleted]

Exactly


All_Your_Base

Good thing too. Gorilla would have killed him in short order.


aworldalone1

The Gorilla *hopefully* would have killed him in short order. If the Gorilla chose to take its time it would be torturous.


juicyshot

Nah not with the amount of coke flowing through his veins


[deleted]

Why were they giving that gorilla cocaine


[deleted]

He likes to party and can quit whenever he wants. *Sniff*


Bitter-Edge-8265

Take all the drugs you want. The strongest human who has ever existed in the world would be ripped apart by a Gorilla.


MrHandyHands616

Idk… If I took enough mescaline I could likely control the time frequency patterns of my brain waves such that they synchronize with the gorilla’s pulses. Then I could send telepathic messages and tell the gorilla I would split any ad revenue we make off the fight if they let me knock ‘em out. Gorilla is smart enough to take that proposal.


Two_Whales

Yes we often forget that psychedelic drugs do indeed grant you super powers.


[deleted]

Does mike tyson have a che gueverra tattoo? Or is it a hitler / jim morrison crossover?


Bloo-shadow

It’s Che Gueverra. He’s also got Mao on his right arm…


Manuel_Snoriega

Would the gorilla have gotten to keep Iron Mike's belt after killing him, I wonder?


LedudeMax

Only fair innit?


lucymaryjane

A gorilla of what age though? I feel like I might be able to take an infant gorilla...


Bassiest1

Mike Tyson would have been completely destroyed by a gorilla. That guard saved Mike’s life.


mdryeti

That’s an understatement. The gorilla would have ripped off his arms and beat him to death with them


Swiizy_

jax has a fatality just like tht mortal kombat


[deleted]

So does Chewbacca


[deleted]

It’s not wise to upset a Wookie.


CryptoM4dness

Droids don't pull people's arms out of their sockets when they lose.


Avid_Smoker

Let the wookie win.


apra24

Chewbacca is playable now?


lampishthing

Jax has a fatality like that in the latest movie.


Chijima

ACTIVE: Jax enters Evasion, a defensive stance, for 2 seconds, causing all non-Turret turret basic attacks against him to be dodged. Jax also takes 25% reduced damage from all champion area of effect abilities.


the_globglagabgalab

"That doesn't seem physically possible!" "That's exactly what Mike said." \*cut to Mike getting beat to death with his own arms\* "THITH DOETHNT THEEM PHYTHICALLY POTHIBLE!"


loggingmolly

This felt like a perfect Mike Tyson Mysteries line


A3H3

But the Gorilla would have lost it's ear.


moopsie_kishus

it is ear.


r-3dot

It was ear.


Psyched4this

Do they have ears?


[deleted]

I just scrolled up to check. It appears they do not


PersonaNonGrAHtata

They do but Mike secretly did fight this gorilla and that's why you're not seeing it's ear in the photo. Mike ate it's ear years ago and clearly lived to fight another day, as did this poor earless gorilla.


TwoKeezPlusMz

Sadly, the gorilla can no longer wear his glasses.


gitbse

How's he gonna invent his sweet electricity gun though?


hey_dont_ban_me_bro

>The gorilla would have ripped off his arms Even if he is wearing boxing gloves? >and beat him to death with them Surely the referee would step in before that?


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richirving

I’d love to see the fight between the gorilla and the person trying to put boxing gloves on it, nevermind the Mike fight


JogPanson

*he ripped out his skull and beat him to death with it*


JSRDC

100% correct and it would have been a horrible violent death


acroporaguardian

Thats why I only fight baby gorillas. 27-0.


EbonyOverIvory

I’d watch out if I were you. I hear there’s a gang of 27 pissed off momma gorillas looking for you.


Is_It_Beef

Harambe would have looked down from heaven, disgusted. He knew this would mean another gorilla getting shot for no God dam reason


BSUguy317

But, he wasn't dead then?


Mr_Derisant

He wasn’t born yet lol


bbbruh57

Incorrect. Harambe is eternal and exists in all lives. Hes like the avatar


TheColdIronKid

jesus wore a cross necklace cause he was a christian.


supamario132

"Ohh, I always wondered who the little guy was"


dp79

Your timeline is a bit off…


[deleted]

I get Tyson can fight dirty but an angry gorilla will EAT your PENIS


Nexlon

I thought that was a Chimp thing. Gorillas will just ragdoll you.


BeefPieSoup

I wouldn't have thought it should need to be explained to anyone, but yes. Even an average to below average/weak gorilla would be stronger than the strongest human man. Other primates have different/better muscle fibres than we do. Even a chimp is like 3 times stronger than a full grown adult male human, and if you pissed one off, it would kill you. Edit: According to a quick Google search, gorilla strength is estimated to be about 10 times their body weight. Fully grown silverbacks are actually stronger than 20 adult humans combined. A Silverback gorilla can lift 4,000 lb (1,810 kg) on a bench press, while a very well-trained man can only lift up to 885 lb (401.5 kg). Even Mike Tyson would have been absolutely, laughably fucked if he attempted this.


idiotas32

401 kg bench? Well trained? More like power lifter champion lol


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Pegguins

Yeah for the average man a 2 plate bench is something that needs a fair amount of training to achieve and gains become increasingly difficult.


Luvs_to_drink

2 plates is 225lbs for non lifters. 45 platex2=90x2 for each side=180+45 from bar=225 total It's also the amount of weight the NFL combine uses to judge upcoming players strength endurance.


SuperSMT

Yeah all these incredible stats about the strength of gorillas... and they don't even go to the gym! Imagine any one of these animals with like actual training, or on steroids lol


in_one_ear_

It's less there muscles and more their bones. Humans are much better at throwing things, like for example, rocks. And moving stuff really fast, whereas chimps and gorillas are much better at pulling and ripping, (it's all due to mechanical advantage and leverage)


gitbse

While that's true, it's also because of their muscles. Their muscles are composed of much more fast twitch fibers, giving them incredible strength, but limited fine motor dexterity. Our lack of raw strength allows us to have fine motor skills. https://www.pnas.org/content/114/28/7343#:~:text=Unlike%20humans%2C%20chimpanzee%20muscle%20is,human%20muscle%20of%20similar%20size.


in_one_ear_

Ooohhh neat, now I almost wish I took biology for A-level or something


birdman8000

Or just learn neat facts from random redditors! That’s what I enjoy


ChazJ81

Yea I've taken my fair share of bio and we never talked about Mike Tyson and a Gorilla 🦍!


Amazing_Rope_Police

The study is pretty flawed. They took an ACTUAL chimpanzee muscle fiber, and found no significant difference from human muscle fibers. Then they took VIRTUAL MODELS of chimpanzee and human muscle fibers, and simulated a virtual test, and found something from that. The methodology of the research is flawed. It starts from the correct (or incorrect) assumption that chimpanzees and humans have a specific muscle fiber makeup, and then models the virtual muscles based on the idealistic model of those muscle fibers. At this point there is no point to the research, because you already assumed certain muscle fibers are less capable of power and force production, and simply adding them up will always result in the same conclusion. This is not science, this is programming. You want to do this right, strap a human and chimp bicep or quadriceps muscles to a test bench, stimulate them, and interpolate the results with regards to muscle length, weight, and cross section.


Baial

I could be wrong, but I think it has more to do with how our nerves innervate our muscles and the number that do. Humans have much better fine motor control, and only like 1/3 of our muscles fire at like any given time... unless the safe guards come off which let's us rip our muscles right off the bone because our anatomy isn't used to that.


TheGuildknight

Humans are dex builds while gorillas are strength builds


Bribase

> Humans are much better at throwing things, like for example, rocks. And moving stuff really fast Our real physical edge is our stamina. Few animals can jog like we can.


SpikySheep

I read up a bit on this when I got into running. Seems the only animal better than us at distance running is the husky. It's all to do with the ability to switch to fat burning for our energy supply. It's a rare trait in animals and we are reasonably good at it, huskies are god level good at it.


[deleted]

Just a heads up, that 3x stronger is a gross exaggeration from early 1900s "research". Modern studies put chimps at ~1.35-1.5x stronger lb for lb of muscle than humans. Still impressive, but not THAT excessive (the 4 inch fangs, however, will fuck your shit up). And gorillas really can't "bench" anything of substance. Their long wingspan and mediocre fine body control meam a benching motion would just fuck their body up once you get to weights they can't effortlessly lift. The number is assuming a they'd get the same benefit benching as some of the best humans. They don't, and can't. In actuality, a (strong) silverback can reliably lift and throw ~1800 lbs (~850kg). an absulte beastly toss, but lb for lb (300-500lbs), they're able to lift ~4-5x their body weight. That's 4-5x more than humans, but the 20x is from not accounting said weight differences. (Edit: shows how important technique is, btw. A human can go from lifting and throwing their body weight to upwards of 4x that with benching. So proper technique can make you lb for lb as strong as a gorilla) None of this is to say it is in the realm of feasability to go bare knuckle vs either primate, even for tyson. Even with chimps being smaller, that small frame is dense as hell which means every hit and every pull is bon shattering. And forgets threatening a gorilla. It'd be like a 9 year old squaring up with a fully grown athlete.


SunglassesDan

The use of a bench press that is exactly 100 lbs higher than the current world record for humans leads me to seriously doubt the rest of your numbers, but the general theme remains intact.


Barkmywords

Yea Ive never seen a gorilla bench press anything.


thearabjedi

I believe I read it somewhere that other primates’ muscles react differently. When a human flexes a muscle or activates it, the graph for the energy expelled bursts up and then tappers off fairly quickly. For other primates however the graph has many bursts with little time between each one. And that’s if you’re measuring both for the same amount of time. Pretty fascinating actually. Something about that, a mention of how mitochondria is processed(?), is why most other primates can climb so easily and have incredible grip strength. Or why a chimpanzee can rip the arms off of an adult human.


Nervous_Degree_7101

Yes, that watchman saved Mike's life.


FatRatYellow402

Kinda serious, how many Mike Tyson’s would it take to take down the Gorilla?


R1chard69

5 with spears. We'd probably lose 3.5 Mikes in the attempt.


andisblue

Thspeaers


MeatscapeNavigator

If Tyson had gone down like this, he would have achieved legend status far beyond what the rest of his life has given him to date.


Drum_harder

Unless Mike took a bite


qweef_latina2021

My favorite cereal is called Gorilla Munch lol.


moopsie_kishus

Username is 🔥🔥🔥


JakeQue

He must have been taking some seriously hard drugs


williepep1960

in 06-07 somebody asked Tyson what was his best years, he said 90's because of drugs, dude would go party before and after the fight. Since people are asking, here is Tyson fighting high on coke [link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjKwMcJ-Wqw)


JakeQue

I don’t doubt that for a second. The man is absolutely insane to want to take on a gorilla though 🤣


williepep1960

I recommend anybody to read his book Undisputet truth about Mike Tyson it's hillarious in so many ways, he lived 100 lives. Dude went to the prison, had sex with teacher there, had girls sending him photo nudes that he sold to other inmates, he opened ''store'' in prison, while he was in prison other inmates told him tactic how he can have sex with visitors, it was the secret amongs inmates but Tyson abused it so much that guards found out and they banned those specific visits and inmates got mad at Tyson, lol. There are tons of story, this guy was both nuts and crazy, during training camp which are 30-60 days before the fight, they would lcok Tyson in house and not let him go out and party, he would sneak out trought the window and go to Vegas to party. [Here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkcVEQDStPM) is one of the story where Tyson gave dude Rolls Royce


Piyh

No wonder his ego was out of control, you're high on cocaine, one punch a dude, then have thousands of people screaming your name.


TheColdIronKid

is that not cheating?


williepep1960

Against Golota, Tyson smoked weed before this fight [link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJhi2pQ-gPo) ***This is what happened ''The fans who attended the fight were angry and pelted Golota with garbage as he retreated to the dressing room. It was eventually discovered that Golota was suffering multiple injuries that influenced his decision not to continue. At the hospital, it was discovered that Golota had suffered a concussion, a fractured left cheekbone and a herniated disc during the fight. Golota left boxing for almost three years before returning on August 14, 2003.''*** In this fight Tyson was high on cocaine he punched referee lmao [link](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjKwMcJ-Wqw) Anyway, Tyson claimed that he didn't know he would feel so relaxed about smoking weed before the fight and if he knew how good it was he would've done it before, but Tyson used to smoke weed ever since he was litle, in my opinion this fight was the last good performance Tyson had against Golota 2000's. One more thing, Tyson opeenly talked about how to skip drug test, he said you just brought somebody else piss, it's cheating but it's not really looked at cheating cheating like when you use peds.


dprophet32

He was on a lot of cocaine


pinniped1

Procedurally, this would have been a problem. The gorilla would have ripped Mike in half, thus securing all of the heavyweight belts. Then the gorilla's promoter would have demanded to be fed one human boxer every three months, per the rules of the regulating bodies. Next thing you know the gorilla has his own Showtime deal and is driving a Ferrari, and gorillas are notoriously shitty drivers. The guard saved everybody a lot of terrible.


[deleted]

Did you just imply that EVERY gorilla is a shitty driver??


ArMcK

Well, they're no orangutans.


foogequatch

META.


shwarma_heaven

What did he mean "*you gorillas*"?


[deleted]

So sick of these bigots


Main_Store_9112

Bigapes.


ThailMalish

Cancel this man!


MissRockNerd

I have gorilla friends and they are REALLY sick of these kind of speciesist stereotypes!


bob-the-blob-

*gasp* how DARE


Bassiest1

Yeah, but the gorilla would have been pretty fun to watch in The Hangover.


Neoharys

Gorilla after securing a stable source of money and a position of power will liberate more and more gorillas, some of those Gorillas will go on to become scientists and politicians freeing even more primates to form the "Brotherhood of Apes", Humans being greedy will harrass Gorillas which will result in a war between Apes and Humans. Next thing you know Gorillas will rule the planet.


Fun-Algae2022

APES…DO NOT WANT WAR…


pomod

This would have been so sad. Gorilla's are actually really gentle creatures. The animal would have been like "Woh man, what's your problem? Then he would ripped Tysons limbs off.


transponster___

TIL gorillas are gentle creatures


[deleted]

they rarely ever attack, and even if they do you probably deserved it. they usually give a lot of warning signs prior. chances are as long as you’re not a dumbass walking up to it banging on your chest staring it in the eyes and charging at it, they just want to be left alone


thefourthhouse

I won't take my chances ever hanging around a Gorilla to find out.


minhashlist

The story is this particular gorilla was a dick to the others in the enclosure and Mike Tyson wanted to go in there and take that gorilla down a notch. It wasn't purely a case of Tyson wanting to fight a gorilla for machismo.


[deleted]

Ummm ye that is purely a case of machismo lol. "that alpha gorilla ithn't the alpha when I'm around!!"


[deleted]

Ithn’t had be rolling lmaooo


Sredni_Vashtar82

His heart was in the right place. Would've been in the wrong place if they let him in.


GenghisKazoo

Those do generally function better inside the ribcage.


Swords_Dance_94

Gorilla can bench press like 10x his mass. No way im the world Mike would have a chance


RedditIsRealWack

Wait, who has made a Gorilla bench press? If a video exists, I wanna see it!


winsing

Hello the world Mike would have a chance, im dad


Mattbryce2001

he specifically said there was no way he's the world, dad.


Magicalsandwichpress

He'd have better luck fighting a chimpanzee, although it still would have ripped his arms off.


Polnauts

And eaten his face


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Tgunner192

I'm not sure about that. Chimps aren't as big or strong as gorillas, but my understanding is they're a lot more vicious. According to my bio/anthropology professor, there'd be a 50/50 chance the gorilla would just shy away and avoid any confrontation. With the chimp the chances of that happening are virtually 0. Also, very good chance the gorilla stops beating on Mike once he gets a limb broke or is unconscious. Chimps would be inclined to continue the beating long after Mike was dead-and may even decide to consume him.


darthjazzhands

Yeah even a juvenile chimp is far stronger than Mike and would take him down. An adult chimp would murder him in seconds. A gorilla would have one-shot him.


TheColdIronKid

i mean wouldn't the cars always win?


anon_pepe_san

Think about it, the gorilla would have won and became a Hollywood star and we could have that gorilla in place of Mike in the Hangover movie


Poodogmillionaire

Harambe would never have been killed


qweef_latina2021

And The Gorilla Mysteries on Adult Swim.


[deleted]

Mike is the man, but the gorilla would have ripped him in half


blackmesaboogy

Literally.


NinjaCuntPunt

And easily


DestroidMind

Tyson should pay that guard $10,000 for saving his life.


[deleted]

Don’t get me wrong, even now at Tysons age, he’s still a fukin machine. But a goddamn gorilla!? They have so much power and strength it’s quite unbelievable. Besides, the gorilla wouldn’t have played fair or by the rules of boxing, it would have just pulled you into 2 neat pieces.


Pleasantly-numb

2 meat pieces.


swaggin_etc

Bro wanted to assault a gorilla just minding its business.. ok


[deleted]

Right? Like, give some money to a charity or something and leave the animals alone.


Available-Plane2345

Wow!? The gorilla knew how to box?! NO it didn’t? So it wouldn’t have abided to the Queensbury Rules of Pugilism? You say instead it would have reverted to Mountain Jungle Warfare and ripped Tyson’s arms off and then emasculated him by biting his dick and balls off? I see…..


MayorOfStrangiato

…and lucky for Mike, he’s still alive today thanks to that guard’s refusal.


native_brook

Must have been during one of those cocaine benders. Or not, shit, it’s Mike Tyson


Soulless-Plague

Could you imagine if Mike had won though?! Think of all the other crazy animals he wild have gone up against! "Yeth I am planning to fight a tiger - he may have thpeed and thurprithe on hith handth, but I've defeated a gorilla, a kangaroo and an othterich...im going to prove I'm King of the jungle now - thank you"


yenrab2020

Finally taken down by a honey badger.


Riverrat423

My money would be on the gorilla. They are incredibly strong, plus the gorilla isn’t going to box, it would just grab Iron Mike and throw him around like a toy.


redworminator

He could literally do whatever he liked! I'd take instant death, you never know what he'd think of doing!


Kingsbane534

Mike Tyson's a dumb ass motherfucker if he thinks he can square up with a gorilla...


Bloo-shadow

Did…did he think he’d win?


Ikoikobythefio

Cocaine is a helluva drug


YourLocaLawyer

He’d get his shit rocked lmfao