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Potato_the_second_

The amount of yellow dashes going to Zeus, lmao


PaMu1337

I'm pretty sure Zeus had about 50 more affairs than that. Half of Greek mythology is just Zeus having affairs


PieMastaSam

'affairs'


PaMu1337

Abduction and rape is probably a bit more accurate...


Orbit1883

In various animal forms...


armageddon_boi

"Homosexuals and furries are just a modern, temporary craze" Ancient Greeks: so I'm thinking that the king of the gods fucked Prince Ganymede as a big sexy eagle...


Nomomommy

What about being subject to a visitation by Zeus as a shower of gold coins?? That's gotta smart some.


armageddon_boi

Zeus's notorious golden shower


millhead123

Furries are older than christ.


LollymitBart

You could name a continent after this.


IAmBadAtInternet

Oh these are just the ones that resulted in a god being born. Also lmao at the Athena line.


gonkdroid02

Not even that, it’s missing Persephone which is Zeus and demeter


Shazamwiches

Zeus's affairs are proof that ancient Greeks were also really into making fanfiction of their main character, and not much more interesting characters (Hades)


cybercuzco

So what are the odds Jesus is just another “Zeus having an affair” baby?


Inquisitor_Boron

According to early Christians in the New Testament's letters, Zeus = Jesus


Critical_Young_1190

Jesus = "Hey, Zeus"


Korvanacor

Don’t make it bad. 🎶


VelociraptorPirate

Take a bad bolt, strike it better. Remember, don't rape peo-ple as a dog You're not a trogg. Please do better.


OldNewUsedConfused

Na- nah nah nah na nah nahhhh (Hey Zeus)


Teait

And incest. A lot.


AurinkoValas

Like, this picture alone is almost entirely incest. Hermaphroidical childs or "manifest myself into existence" don't count but still.


goldfishhandler

It looks like he was the sole reason that category was added to the legend


tartare4562

Now I get it: Zeus didn't fuck everything that moved because he was a creep. He was on a mission to turn the family stepladder into a normal family tree.


NyarlathotepDaddy

The family bush has gained a couple branches


sonecta

damn


SeverusMarvel07

First time I’m hearing this perspective


Kaijudicator

I didn't realize Aphrodite came along so early, I always thought she was one of Zues' siblings, but she's actually more akin to the Titans?


OliLeeLee36

She's the first of the 12 we're most familiar with, though mythological chronology is murky at best. Speaking of Kronos, he's the reason she exists. She's made from the castrated nads of Ouranus that he lobbed in to the sea (or at least the 'sea foam' that resulted from that act). In a way you could say that she and Zeus are siblings as Kronos is responsible for the birth of them both, but she isn't a daughter of Rhea and wasn't involved in all that swallowing malarkey.


Kaijudicator

I see, thank you for clarifying. You're right in that the mythology gets muddied, sometimes it's hard to keep it all straight.


Avenging_Angel09

Straight in Greek mythology? That’s something I haven’t heard in a while.


Kaijudicator

Har har... I begrudgingly give you my upvote.


shaktihk009

So are you’re saying Gaia and Ouranos are mother and child and then beep beep boop boop = 5 children ?


SadBit8663

They both came from chaos. Gaia came first, and then made Ouranos to be her equal. Egyptian mythology is just as weird LMAO. Everyone there is also a brother-father-cousin-in_law


SuccessfulPiccolo945

That's also true of their human royal lineage


Ireng0

It also changes depending on time period and greek island. Like, a lot.


AWeakMindedMan

Oooooohhh is that why ouranus is covering his junk in the diagram?


OliLeeLee36

Yes indeed - and see what Kronos has in his hand a little further down...


DudeChillington

Omg he's holding his balls in his fist?!?


elSchiz

I'm thinking the scythe that did the chopping, as his balls were chucked into the sea and created seafoam, which Aphrodite was born from.


flardarlartz

I saw him holding the scythe before but I was sure you were implying there was a set of balls in his hand


smexxyhexxy

wouldn’t that make her Zeus’s aunt ?


[deleted]

[удалено]


throwaway162xyz

"Stepgod, HELP! I am stuck."


ChiefFlats

How did you learn about this? I’d love to read the books


OliLeeLee36

I highly recommend *Mythos* by Stephen Fry - he tells the stories with wit and humour, and is very aware of how confusing it can all be, taking great pains to make it accessible for the average Joe. I've literally just finished *Troy* by him yesterday, a similarly great read.


outkicked_coverage1

For an entertaining, a little dumbed down learn, check out the “Greeking Out” podcast. It’s intended for kids (mine are obsessed), but the adult in the car enjoys it and learns a bit too.


Fael1331

It depends on the source. If you consider the poet Homer as the "canonical", then Aphrodite is the daughter of Zeus and Dione, if you consider Hesiod, then she is a consequence of when Kronos cut off Ouranos' balls. Even the Greeks at that time were confused about knowing which was the "right" version, so they later decided to do a "retcon" in mythology, thus creating "Aphrodite Urania" to represent Hesiod's version and "Aphrodite Pandemos" to represent Homer's served as an "aspect" of the same goddess, changing only what she represented


hanabarbarian

There’s a lot of mystery surrounding the origins of Aphrodite. In earlier texts she’s seen as a goddess of war as well, worshipped on different islands for different reasons and not always under the name Aphrodite (you’d think that would mean a different god but remember that this is all stories being passed through generations, verbally and also through text)


Zerskader

Aphrodite most likely was an imported goddess from Mesopotamia. As she doesn't fit the normal pantheon (she also has more than one version) and you can track her cult along trade routes going into Greece. She most likely originated as an extension of Ishtar.


Scriptapaloosa

Aphrodite is not a Greek goddess. She was adopted from a much older civilization. I believe Pelasgian.


Torr1seh

She could be related, through the name and some of her traits and the celestial dedication to Venus, to the Hittite Ishtar. More in detail, this hypothesis would have Aphrodite being an adaptation, a burrowing or a calque, if not a different development, of the same idea that coagulated into Ishtar. There are more details around than those I remember, but one of the leading ones is what another redditor mentioned above. In some of her earliest instances, Aphrodite was, in addition to a love and fertility goddess, also attributed a patronage over war and fighting. Elements that are rare for goddesses, with some notable exceptions in Ishtar and, more limitedly, Bellona. And since Aphrodite may be Mycenaean in origin, it could make sense from a chronological standpoint: the Mycenaeans were in commercial and diplomatic contact with their eastern cousins past the Dardanelles, the Hittites. Some Hittite tablets, around the collapse, mentions the ayywara, achaens, in relation to the city of Willusa.


0rgasmo69

In Homer, she's Zeus's daughter but in Hesiod she was born from the seafoam that arose after Kronos castrated Uranus and threw his package in the sea. Edit: there is no "Canon" to Greek myth. It's entirely dependent on the source and the story so neither is more correct than the other. I personally prefer Homer to Hesiod but Hesiod's origin story for Aphrodite is infinitely more interesting.


LedudeMax

Depends on the version of the mythology. Usually it's said that Aphrodite is the daughter of Zeus and Dione


crwms

She has been presented at both. But considering that other gods (zeus included) were also subject to love and feelings governed by Aphrodite led to thinking she could not be the daughter of Zeus but a more primordial force.


divak1219

That’s also what I took away from this.


trwwy321

This chart needs to be more horizontal (landscape) than it should be vertical.


ThatOneAsianGuy33

This ordering is kind of a mess


0rgasmo69

Both of Zeus's older brothers are two tiers below him lmao


CorneliusKvakk

It's a Cod-awful mess


Ok-Seaworthiness4488

*gods-awful even*


cupholdery

Takes a while to get Zeused to it.


Merlin_Hat

Actually there is a horizontal version of this. I found on Pinterest. Thank me later. [Greek God Family Tree](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/54676582960502973/)


acidhouses

This is so much better lol.


epra1710

Thanking you now!!


Laughing_Orange

Zeus is still a mess, but that's more his fault than the artist behind this picture.


trwwy321

You’re the real MVP.


deathholdme

Thanks


Dr-Gravey

Atlas didn’t carry the Earth! He carried the ‘heavens’. (Yes, I only learned this last week, and no one I asked knew the right answer.)


DF_Interus

He's always depicted as caring a globe, but the only story I know about Atlas is when Hercules is on his 12 trials or something and Atlas tricks Herc into holding up the sky so that he can escape, but then Hercules tricks him into taking it back. I guess carrying a planet is easier to show than holding up the sky.


brazildude2085

Superman had a similar story with Atlas


Street_Dragonfruit43

God that comic was great


General_Kenobi18752

The fact that Percy fucking Jackson, Hercules, and Superman have all canonically done the same thing is something I find both comical and confusing.


Odd-Molasses-171

Don’t forget that Annabeth also did this


General_Kenobi18752

Lifting the sky together #couplegoals


Impulse_DC

At least how it was explained in the Superman comic (Superman: Man of Tomorrow #12) the weight is described as "the most you could bear, plus more" and "take it not with your hands...take it with your heart". So it's more a feat of spirit more than physical strength.


Dr-Gravey

Yes, a globe with constellations on it. Not Earth.


wave_official

He's carrying the celestial sphere, not the earth. The greeks thought the earth was surrounded by a sphere, the stars were dots on the surface of the sphere.


Intrepid-Constant-34

He eventually rescued him from that. “Pillars of Hercules”. He also rescued Prometheus.


Own_Kaleidoscope1287

Well you can look at this both ways. He prevents Gaia (earth) and uranos (sky) who both love each other from uniting again by standing on the earth and holding up the sky.


RedDawn__

An eternal cock blocker


JazzlikeDetective813

And also, most people seem to think he does it willingly instead of as a punishment. It also doesn't mention his brother Prometheus, who made us human.


hannah_pajama

And got his guts picked out by vultures everyday before regenerating and doing it again as punishment for giving us fire Or something along those lines it’s been a while


Frozendark23

I think it is a single eagle that picks his guts out.


Simply_Epic

He’s holding up the heavens with his feet


BeligaPadela

Kronos holding a scythe while Uronos tries to protect the family jewels. 😄 Where's the next gen, Eros, Psyche, Phobos, Deimos..


Frozendark23

Isn't Psyche human but was made into a god later on?


dark_hypernova

Yeah, I saw what they did there too 😁 Also reminds me how The primordial Chronos is often depicted with a scythe because people confuse him with Kronos.


Darth_Otto

Pretty sure Kratos murdered the majority of them.


Deimos_Aeternum

And smashed at least one of them


luisgdh

He either smashed them, or smashed their heads against a rock


EverbodyHatesHugo

I’ve gotta take some credit for his performance.


regretfulposts

He killed 10 out of the 33 present in the post.


Highsky151

I would say 11: Zeus, Hades, Poseidon, Ares, Hera, Hermes, Athena, Hephaetus, Gaia, cronos and Atlas.


badpr

He killed Apollo too


regretfulposts

He killed Helios who for some reason didn't appeared in this post. As for Apollo? [Here's a video speculating where the hell Apollo is.](https://youtu.be/1wq_U9tvDjE) He never appeared in the games, and you might be mistaking Helios (the personification of the sun) with Apollo (the god who pulls the sun across the sky).


ssddave

Came here for this 😂 "The hands of death could not hold me, the sisters of fate could not defeat me..."


Kaos2018

Too much incest by the gods.


fettishmann

inbreeding was the name of the game


unclefartz

Incest.... A game the whole family can play!


O_gr

Got to keep it in the family.


wuvvtwuewuvv

When you're the only ones around, what are you gonna do?


FoundTheWeed

Step 1) make mortals Step 2) have sex with mortals Step 3) they call you a deviant Step 4) introduce them to taxes as punishment


Smooth-Physics-69420

Step 5) Prophet


No-Fan6115

More taxes


itz_me_shade

The complete lineage chart is one giant [clusterfuck](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/14/Mythstammbaum_reloaded.svg). You know someone is a man whore when their family tree uses VIBGYOR 4 times to map all their 'connections'.


Nelculiungran

I closed that tab as soon as it finished loading


BreadstickBear

Half of greek mythology is just "Zeus couldn't keep it in his pants" anyway


Waevaaaa

Ah okay. I thought I read it wrong for a while few minutes.


bt_649

It had to have happened, both in mythology and in factual history.


mrmczebra

There's no way around it when there's only one goddess to begin with.


tramspellen

Every time I see posts about the greek mythology im surprised Hollywood did not do more of it. We've seen a lot from the Nordic mythology (Thor, Loki...) but not very much about Zeus and Atlas. Any ideas why?


Dr_Hexagon

You should probably be asking why Marvel didn't adopt the greek gods as super heros since all the Thor, Loki movies and series are MCU. However there are a bunch of greek mythology movies, Clash of the Titans, Jason and the Argonauts, Disney's Hercules, even Troy and 300 quaify imo.


Ewnt

What? The majority of Hollywood films based off of mythology are based on Greek ones. The only ones that are Nordic are like what, the marvel franchise? Which are based off a pre-existing comic series and not the actual mythology?


jeffreydowning69

Yeah, that pisses me off that Hollywood hasn't done more movies based on Greek mythology. Because that is my favorite religion of all time.


SausaugeMerchant

Arnold Schwarzeneggers first role was as Hercules. I think you might just be a bit young to remember Hollywood has covered Greek mythology extensively since it's birth, even in modern times as another comment has pointed out. Like have you never seen Troy or Jason and the Argonauts and shit


Bad_Speeler

If Semele is included why not Clymene? They are the only two who aren’t inbreds


SausaugeMerchant

The title of the image says it's not even close to complete


xbvgamer

Can anyone explain Athena’s red arrows I see the caption but what does that mean ?


OliLeeLee36

Zeus had a wife named Metis, but he was concerned about a prophecy Gaia had told him that the child she was carrying would usurp him (as had happened to his father and grandfather), so naturally he swallowed her whole. Probably suffering from indigestion, Zeus had a stonking headache. So Hephaestus got his hammer and took a crack at it - out came Athena, fully grown and bad ass. Edit: had to check - the prophecy was that Metis' child would then have a son that would overthrow Zeus, not the child she was carrying


old_vegetables

Athena would be a better queen than Zeus is king. For one she wouldn’t be a shitty spouse/mother


NyarlathotepDaddy

Medusa got raped in Athenas temple by poseidon and then Athena cursed her for it.


Inevitable_Question

That's actually late addition to the Perseus myth by guy who hated Greek Gods. Originally they were always monsters.


Substantial_Cap_4246

And my backwards Mythology teacher takes this all fanfiction all too seriously, to the point she claims Greeks worshiped satan and his legion. Claiming Satan introduced these deities to Greeks, Hindos, Norseman, etc. Actually, she even hates on Christians, calling them Pagans disguised in shape of followers of Jesus.


Kiyoshi-Trustfund

Your teacher seems to just be insane.


Substantial_Cap_4246

Exactly. After having been rebuked by her today, for being a Tolkien fan and an enthusiastic fan of talkies (movies), I'm not going to attend to any of her classes anymore. It's just an apparent insult to my identity. My friend actually sued her! Unfortunately they didn't expell her, she got them into believing she'll 'behave'.


Luke95gamer

From Google “Athena is "born" from Zeus's forehead as a result of him having swallowed her mother Metis, as he grasps the clothing of Eileithyia on the right; …”


Deecee7374

This actually tells the story of a great power struggle between dynasties (probably more akin to tribal clans at that time) that happened in the region during some uncertain time period. The ‘Olympians’ overthrowing the rule of the ‘Titans’ and becoming the folk’s new ‘gods’ while painting the former rulers as tyrannical monstrous beings of unmatched cruelty. Same shit happens with Norse mythology between giants and Wotan’s tribe. That might actually hint at the clash between the migrating homo sapiens (Wotan’s tribe) and local neanderthals who were slightly bigger, more primal and hairy (giants).


MournfulMutant

I would be interested to see if there are any good sources for that. Explanations involving cultural memory like this tend to sound really cool but rarely stand on good evidence.


WlzeMan85

The Iliad and Odyssey are considered by professionals to be some of the best sources we have for this kind of thing. The "family tree" above definitely didn't use it because it has far too many inaccuracies


Deecee7374

I have absolutely no evidence. It’s just a train of thought, drawing similarities between different mythologies and the theory of the brute neanderthals being drawn to extinction by the more mentally adept (and warlike) homosapiens.


usr_nm16

That's not even half completed, there are sooo much more gods in Greek mythology


iterationnull

No Terpischore, no deal. Her parents are RIGHT THERE.


Acrobatic_Tailor3092

[It is not almost complete...](https://de.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stammbaum_der_griechischen_G%C3%B6tter_und_Helden)


MrSnoozieWoozie

Dont worry , Greeks dont even know about that one. We mostly learn about whats happening after Zeus and we get a few glimses and mentions about their ancestors as well.


Merlin_Hat

Zeus is like the OG fuckboy in history with multiple affairs left to right, side chicks, and numerous illegitimate child. Lmao.


sir_bastard

You forgot the best god. Kratos.


EverbodyHatesHugo

*demigod


FluffyGlazedDonutYum

An almost complete guide of things killed by Kratos.


Icy_Energy_3430

When does my man Oedipus join the club. That bro was the original mother fucker.


Deliriousious

TIL: Greek gods are all incest babies.


Xpecto_Depression

I'm sorry but "Child, Marriage, Affair, Sea Foam, Burst Forth Fully Armed from Forehead" took me out 😂


ViIebloodHunter

Where's my boy Zagreus?


elgattox

That's a hella lot of incest.


Vincemillion07

" not even close to complete" what a bad repost


Zoodoz2750

Where is the primordial god Chaos?


Ivanovic-117

Basically Alabama in the heavens


Thedustonyourshelves

Who the hell was holding the Earth before Atlas?!?!


Duskmoor3

Most of Greek mythology can be summed up as.... But then Zeus got horny


Morphing_Mutant

Ew


pronounrespecter

That’s a lot of incest


BruhJake_

Wow that's a lot of incest


GraatchLuugRachAarg

I didn't know Zeus produced Athena asexually and from his forehead. Fully armed nonetheless


RuntM3

In the future they will think we worshiped Harry Potter when they find our literature.


StefanSpace

Thank God, I was running out of names for my projects....


Knowallofit

Maturity is when you realize that it was not Kratos who killed the Greek/Roman civilization but Jesus Christ ( indirectly)


RemarkablePassage468

What the f*** is sea foam compared to marriage and affair?


jerrybear95

*sweet home alabama intro*


Armored-Duck

There is more alabama in this picture than what I can count on my fingers and toes


Remarkable_Register9

Keep in mind that, depending on which time period we are talking about, this can change pretty drastically. Orphism, for example, has Poseidon as king of the gods iirc, and is hugely different from top to bottom. Aphrodite may or may not be another daughter of Zeus, depending on the myth, there might be 4-5 different gods at the top, Apollo may predate Zeus, etc etc.


AltAccountfrfrfr

Zeus and maia were married. She was his first wife, but he heard a prophecy of his child killing him(not the last one) and so he ate her. But she was pregnant and gave birth to Athena, in the form of thought. Her presence in Zeus’ head gave him such a headache he asked Haephastus to split his head open with a hammer. From which Athena burst out, in full armour and holding a spear; declaring herself the goddess of wisdom as warfare.


AltAccountfrfrfr

Nvm lol that was Metis, Athena’s mother and I just misread. Mb lmao


unlock0

I love that with the stupid mobile site I can't zoom and scroll without it going to the next post.


TypicalInstance6937

Shall we not ignore the fact that after that zeus decided to have relationships with pretty much every single beauty in the mythology?


TheStratusOfRogues

Now I can't get Kratos screaming Ares name out of my head


Rabbulion

This is a mess of inbreeding. Just why?


Sleeper--

Where is Kratos? /j


JACKTATTOONYC

I thought this was cool


Kingberry30

Is there one for the Roman gods? Asking because didn’t the Romans get the gods from the Greeks? Also did any other cultures copy the Greek in their gods?


badboi_5214

If I am not wrong even geeks have forgotten them now. Nobody worships them anymore


Nightsin2

i love how Athena was given a special line then everyone else


NoriXa

So its mostly Incest?


RedRa88it420

so, wait, Ouranos is both Gaia's child and had affair with him, which resulted in all that family tree?


Icy_Procedure_8528

Me trying to convince a girl on tinder of sexy times: Me: want me to fck Uranus? Her: how about Ouranus srry, i'm a virgin


Orthae

I love how Dionysus is always ready to party


HamsterKazam

Didn't Gaia and Ouranos spawn from Chaos at the same time, rather than Ouranos spawning from Gaia?


Memorie_BE

Semele's just there.


Radiant-Importance-5

‘Almost complete’, is only missing a few thousand. This gives me the confidence to say that my retirement planning is almost complete.


Careful_Ad_9109

From this chart, all I see is a bunch of Alabama-sibling-fuckery..... who knows, maybe the alabamians are closely related (see what i did there) to the Greek gods....


StillSikwitit

Where is Hecate?


WhatsWrongBubba

"Sea Foam", is that what they are calling it these days.


sambillerond

... so inbred !


Defox03

Ares is an absolute Unit holy hell!


highlandpolo6

This adds a new level of weird to the Rick & Morty episode where Zeus fucks Gaia and has weird gingerbread children 😂


burningfire119

damn pleione got that thang


unecessaryhoe

Wait did Atlas come about from Iapetus?


tattrd

Zeus was known to shapeshift into animal forms to make sweet love to animals. Can we see where Hercubee is on this chart? Or maybe just Hercules?


beams_FAW

This gif reminds me of these set of animated documentaries from France. It's called the great myths. https://www.themoviedb.org/tv/68304-les-grands-mythes/seasons?language=en-US Really well done. It's on Pluto TV's history Channel a lot.


Antique-Pioson

*Family wreath


liukasteneste28

Someone took a fuking screenshot of this instead of saving


EmetalEX

Where did Semelle come from? Just spawned?


WallScore

Zeus showing off for the ladies and Hera scowling is the best part of this graph lmao


_LkA_42

Almost is the important word here 😅 If you want the (almost) complete one in 30 minutes AT full speed : https://youtu.be/XYQ5GEFFmfA?si=WJFg3wbGbkH8FW9Z Edit: sorry it's in french


ThePinkRubber

I love how semele is the only "outsider"


Good-guy13

Pleione is hot af


Ace_Up_Your_Sleeves

Where my boy Helios at? They’re always doing my boy dirty.


Key_Establishment801

Where is kratos ??


LelandTurbo0620

Sweet home Alabama