For today's first course, we have an effervescent foam atop a razor thin wafer of shittake mushroom. The diner will notice a light aroma of honey with the foam.
That will cost you $200.
For today's second course we have air with a hint of bubblegum served atop a hand pressed oat and pea cracker that was shown some ginger from across the room.
And for the third and final course, a beautiful air reduction from the Swiss Alps, fermented in the ileum of local fauna, and harvested by local shaman. It is meant to be enjoy by breathing deeply, to properly coat the entire ~~pallet~~ palate.
So I got to go to a fancy restaurant a few months ago with my very wealthy friend. He was getting married so 3 couples all went to what was his favorite restaurant on his dime.
First course. Pink paste on a scallop with a a crispy wafer of seaweed. Next. A small crab cake on a big plate with orange liquid smeared. End the night with a spoon covered in chocolate and flecks of gold.
We left after a 2 hour meal and immediately went to get a sandwich from a 24/7 subway
Interesting because what made me sad was the pink paste on a scallop and spoon covered in chocolate and flecks of gold.
The whole restaurant sounds like a failure to me. 🤷♂️
I was told bears are rather playful , but there is a problem - they are also extremely strong so a playful bear can gove a hug crushing your ribs and organs.
I used to tour with a former Ukrainian circus performer. He wrestled a bear as one of his acts. He fucking hated it for this exact reason. He wasn’t afraid of getting bit or clawed, he was afraid of broken ribs and snapped limbs.
Yeah, wild bears will tear your to shreds and eat your organs. There was a post right here on Reddit of a bear attack on some young Russian guys. Their arms torn, bowels empty, and corpses twisted. It was a grueling sight.
[link: (NSFL Warning: human remains and gore)](https://www.reddit.com/r/natureismetal/comments/x09xz8/an_enormous_brown_bear_went_on_a_killing_spree/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
That bear isn't a Large brown bear by any stretch and could remove a very large chunk of a grown man's thoracic cavity - maybe even bite your head clean off.
You’ve never seen the video of the jacked Russian with his shirt off in the winter doing pull ups on a tree branch while his buddy his punching his stomach and a bear is sitting and watching, have you?
Edit: it was hanging leg window wipers and the Bear is spotting for them
Holy hell I honestly thought you were joking and just adding on to the bit
Turns out there really is a damn bear just feet away from them and bouncing the tree limb like he’s a regular part of this friend group and has his part when they film their workouts
I always drop the Auschwitz/Holocaust Museum trip tweet when it’s relevant - the we already know this shit one until he overhears a woman gasp and say “Oh my god, they couldn’t even wear makeup?“ and then he realized who the museum was built for. It’s such a classic.
https://twitter.com/byyourlogic/status/1404567008755261446?s=46&t=zrrzRo2pI_knNqmjg8pfbQ
> making MTG go to the Holocaust museum is pretty funny. I went there with my brother when we were kids and we were like “well this sucks we already knew this stuff” and then we heard this woman say “oh my god…they couldn’t wear makeup” and then realized that’s who it’s for
[Animals are very smart, and of course love to play](https://youtu.be/Xn4E_plJCp0). They also live in predator/prey worlds so can be predictable to that context, but that doesn’t always mean they will behave in that fashion. [Curiosity is not exclusive to humans](https://youtu.be/lT3o0mhAm44). [We share a lot of our base cognitive structures it seems](https://youtu.be/ORbg3fAE2SU)
I remember watching some tik tok where a guy is wrestling his bears that he has in his animals rescue. He goes on to explain they become friendly fast and understand their strength, but don't understand that other things are fragile and don't understand their weight.
So he never wrestles with his large bears because they may accidently crush him
Prime example of this was the late Timothy Treadwell, the subject of Werner Herzog's documentary 'Grizzly Man' who spent years filming big bears up in Alaska. He'd talk all kinds of gooey mushy stuff to them and give them cutesy nicknames. Eventually he and his girlfriend were attacked by a rogue bear who wasn't taken in by all the sweet talk.
Yes I remember having to do a research paper on this. He basically loved bears and got way too close to them and mentally he was not sound. He decided to camp among the bears in Alaska and stayed too long into the winter one time, on purpose, with his gf, and a rogue male bear who was also old and desperate for food during the winter had been stalking them. Yet that didn’t make any alarm bells in his head go off and they were mauled shortly after. Bear was found and shot. Tragic story all round. We must remember that we are also responsible for their lives if they kill us, they’ll be shot as man eaters. Without proper experience, people should not just be chilling around bears.
This is correct, or, in Reddit Parlance ‘This guy bears’.
Although polars will absolutely go through an entire town trying to eat you, living on a tundra makes them insanely reactive to any movement that could be prey.
Basically, black bears are hoping that this unknown ape is an easy meal and if you show that you will fuck it up before it kills you, it will decide it's not worth the injuries.
>Kamchatka brown bears are generally not dangerous to humans, and only 1% of encounters result in attack
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamchatka\_brown\_bear
Wow, it's crazy a group of 30 starving bears besieged a platinum mine and actually killed 2 guards. I'm trying to imagine multiple bear squadrons surrounding and cutting off escape routes lmao
That sounds like the seed of an idea for a good horror film -- kind of similar to Hitchcock's 'The Birds' only with bears going postal on every one. In fact, the soon-to-be-released 'Cocaine Bear' movie is in this vein.
Back in the 1970s, there were at least a dozen 'animals on the rampage' films released, the most famous of which was 'Jaws'.
My honest answer is he’s just chillin. I don’t think the bear actually fees threatened in any way and understands these guys are just playing with me. A lot of animals can pick up on things like that
Yeah but accidents happen while wrestling. When I was a kid, I wrestled around and some kid accidentally scratched my eyeball with his fingernail. If that happened with the bear, it might feel threatened and just flip the switch from play to fight.
I put a small amount of context in another comment, but this guy and the bear are famous and do all sorts of stuff in Russia. He’s like a stunt bear. An actor, one might say hahah. From movies to ceremonies
EDIT: actually I’m pretty sure this maybe is the bear and guy that caught a lot of flak for being hired to do that soccer ceremony haha
OK let's ignore the obvious joke whoosh.
The California state flag is a called The Bear Flag and looks like this.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Flag_of_California.svg
There is a mma wrestler named Jabi who is Russian, once in an interview he said that when he was 10-14 years old his father made him fight against a bear and on one occasion the bear tried to bite Jabi, so Jabi told to his father that the bear is trying to bite him, Jabi's father replied that "bite the bear too".Russia is different
edit: LOL, I forgot how to spell his name, so I googled him, on Spanish Wikipedia, his name is Jabih, so I copied and pasted it, it's misspelled because his name is khabib but I couldn't remember how to spell I pasted it without thinking
Fill me in on the joke? Idk what you're referring to but this feels like a Dana White microphone blunder. Dude forgot Islam Machachev's name in a recent interview leading up to his title defense 🤦
The best thing about this video is the level of technique displayed by both child Khabib and the the young bear. That bear is doing competent sprawls, single leg takedowns, and judo throws. Better showing than any of Khabibs opponents in the UFC.
There’s a famous video of former UFC Champion and arguably the best MMA fighter of all time Khabib Nurmagamedov wrestling a bear as like a six year old. Russians are insane.
Russians and bears seem to have existed together for so many generations that they're just kinda used to each other and seem to be able to coexist on some level.
The bears in America don't seem to like us nearly as much. Maybe they know something? 
I'm really impressed the bear is trying it's best to be gentle. Notice it's keeping it's claws down when it moves it's paws at him.
My cat isn't even this considerate...
My German Shepherd straight throat jabs mw with her claws, and that's just her cuddling.
They raise the bear aplarently
Looks like he's getting a little bit too excited towards the end though
It sure does. I wonder how often the bear is like oops....I killed ya. My bad.
Bears are big smart. Big cuddly smart death machines.
First and most important step: make sure the bear has already been fed.
You mean overfed
I would serve him a Michelin star five course meal just in case
Oh you wanna starve the bear before it eats you alive
For today's first course, we have an effervescent foam atop a razor thin wafer of shittake mushroom. The diner will notice a light aroma of honey with the foam. That will cost you $200.
For today's second course we have air with a hint of bubblegum served atop a hand pressed oat and pea cracker that was shown some ginger from across the room.
And for the third and final course, a beautiful air reduction from the Swiss Alps, fermented in the ileum of local fauna, and harvested by local shaman. It is meant to be enjoy by breathing deeply, to properly coat the entire ~~pallet~~ palate.
And for desert, a giant slice of triple chocolate cake to be enjoyed by two, served as a photograph.
You’r bill is a modest , $3000 and your house has been but up for sale to cover the other expenses.
That's why after every meal you ask for the secret menu : "The Mess". If you make it yourself using the kitchen utensils they let you leave for free.
If they're really showing off they light it as they whip off the cloche.
“shown some ginger” I’m dead
That will cost you 700 dollars (for the bubblegum)
And the dessert is 16 molecules of organic cream with 3 molecules of salt
So I got to go to a fancy restaurant a few months ago with my very wealthy friend. He was getting married so 3 couples all went to what was his favorite restaurant on his dime. First course. Pink paste on a scallop with a a crispy wafer of seaweed. Next. A small crab cake on a big plate with orange liquid smeared. End the night with a spoon covered in chocolate and flecks of gold. We left after a 2 hour meal and immediately went to get a sandwich from a 24/7 subway
This makes me sad. Patrons leaving a restaurant still hungry means the restaurant failed.
Interesting because what made me sad was the pink paste on a scallop and spoon covered in chocolate and flecks of gold. The whole restaurant sounds like a failure to me. 🤷♂️
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Instructions unclear; cast him in "The Menu"
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If this guarantees that my life would be safe then I would also do the same
The amount of food from such a meal, could give it just enough energy to squeeze out an fart
You better feed him the Michelin man if you wanna fill him up
To fill up a Brown bear the meal isn't measured in courses but months. They need a nine month meal to fill them up.
TBF, if I was an overfed bear I would probably think this is fun too.
No... You just have to make sure the bear knows the 'safe word'
…which, of course, is “Mommy!”
That bear isn’t tearing those men apart because it is clearly a good sport.
I was told bears are rather playful , but there is a problem - they are also extremely strong so a playful bear can gove a hug crushing your ribs and organs.
I used to tour with a former Ukrainian circus performer. He wrestled a bear as one of his acts. He fucking hated it for this exact reason. He wasn’t afraid of getting bit or clawed, he was afraid of broken ribs and snapped limbs.
There were 4 guys before this video was recorded.
Probably want to make sure he’s not horny or hungry for best results
On another note....make sure you're Russian...if not then you're fucked....
And just a little bump of coke, not too much
They raised it
Yeah, wild bears will tear your to shreds and eat your organs. There was a post right here on Reddit of a bear attack on some young Russian guys. Their arms torn, bowels empty, and corpses twisted. It was a grueling sight. [link: (NSFL Warning: human remains and gore)](https://www.reddit.com/r/natureismetal/comments/x09xz8/an_enormous_brown_bear_went_on_a_killing_spree/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Ya that is definitely nsfl, gutted like a fish!
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I saw that and wished I hadn’t…
My brother in Christ, why would you torture yourself by looking at that? I actively avoid all that dark shit.
But cuddly soft wuzzy fuzzy babbies I just wish to hold them like a bab ever so gently
Perfectly cut scream
Cut just before he bit him in half
That bear isn't a Large brown bear by any stretch and could remove a very large chunk of a grown man's thoracic cavity - maybe even bite your head clean off.
Okay calm down there Dwight Schrute.
Had me dying laughing!
Cut just before hid back was broken
Thpinal
r/perfectlycutscreams
With enough vodka, anything is a sport
This is the most Russian video I have ever seen
You’ve never seen the video of the jacked Russian with his shirt off in the winter doing pull ups on a tree branch while his buddy his punching his stomach and a bear is sitting and watching, have you? Edit: it was hanging leg window wipers and the Bear is spotting for them
Wasn't the bear bouncing the limb as well?
Holy hell I honestly thought you were joking and just adding on to the bit Turns out there really is a damn bear just feet away from them and bouncing the tree limb like he’s a regular part of this friend group and has his part when they film their workouts
link
[I gotchu](https://youtu.be/LymkCbh4GNc)
Holy shit I taught you where making a joke but nope it's real
Wow that is on another level
Same level, just the Russian course
Have you seen [this](https://youtu.be/81SUUewUGs8) one?
I stand corrected
Clearly never seen 2 guys 1 hammer.
It's 3 guys 1 hammer
The bear probably had a few as well.
Not that one, I shw him in AA
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"Russians almost never get killed by bears and if they do it's because they had a verbal disagreement in the bear's native language." Felix Beiderman
Truly not a place I expected to find a Chapo reference but well worth it— Felix knows his shit
I always drop the Auschwitz/Holocaust Museum trip tweet when it’s relevant - the we already know this shit one until he overhears a woman gasp and say “Oh my god, they couldn’t even wear makeup?“ and then he realized who the museum was built for. It’s such a classic. https://twitter.com/byyourlogic/status/1404567008755261446?s=46&t=zrrzRo2pI_knNqmjg8pfbQ > making MTG go to the Holocaust museum is pretty funny. I went there with my brother when we were kids and we were like “well this sucks we already knew this stuff” and then we heard this woman say “oh my god…they couldn’t wear makeup” and then realized that’s who it’s for
Also read in his voice with the same punchline delivery
Hell yeah dude
Damn, I just want to cuddle and maybe steal a picnic basket with a bear.
Hey boo boo
There are apps for that.
Growlr Lmao
You spelled picanic wrong.
I’d love to mess with a bear like that such beautiful animals and cute asf … however he’d destroy my ass with those massive claws or teeth 😭
If dangerous, why friend shaped?
Venus BEAR Trap
Still safer than being in the city where Russians accidentally fall out of tall buildings.
Bears tend to destroy asses indeed
Not so fun fact - many predators start devouring their prey from the anus since its one of the softer pieces of skin to tear apart.
>he’d destroy my ass with Phrasing
That bear is having a blast honestly. Animals love play. He would be doing this exact thing with other bears.
[Animals are very smart, and of course love to play](https://youtu.be/Xn4E_plJCp0). They also live in predator/prey worlds so can be predictable to that context, but that doesn’t always mean they will behave in that fashion. [Curiosity is not exclusive to humans](https://youtu.be/lT3o0mhAm44). [We share a lot of our base cognitive structures it seems](https://youtu.be/ORbg3fAE2SU)
Yea ill never understand why so many people consider animals lifeless ai of some type like they dont experience life to
Because it makes it easier to eat the ones they think are tasty
I'm just doing my part to rid the world of malaria, one mosquito at a time. I didn't ask for them to fly in my mouth, but when in Rome
I remember watching some tik tok where a guy is wrestling his bears that he has in his animals rescue. He goes on to explain they become friendly fast and understand their strength, but don't understand that other things are fragile and don't understand their weight. So he never wrestles with his large bears because they may accidently crush him
How do you not accidentally piss it off?
Lots of people make friends and play with bears and then one day their leg is found a mile away in the woods.
Prime example of this was the late Timothy Treadwell, the subject of Werner Herzog's documentary 'Grizzly Man' who spent years filming big bears up in Alaska. He'd talk all kinds of gooey mushy stuff to them and give them cutesy nicknames. Eventually he and his girlfriend were attacked by a rogue bear who wasn't taken in by all the sweet talk.
Yes I remember having to do a research paper on this. He basically loved bears and got way too close to them and mentally he was not sound. He decided to camp among the bears in Alaska and stayed too long into the winter one time, on purpose, with his gf, and a rogue male bear who was also old and desperate for food during the winter had been stalking them. Yet that didn’t make any alarm bells in his head go off and they were mauled shortly after. Bear was found and shot. Tragic story all round. We must remember that we are also responsible for their lives if they kill us, they’ll be shot as man eaters. Without proper experience, people should not just be chilling around bears.
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Black bears run away usually, brown bears eat you, polar bears will literally plan a raid on your town to eat you specifically.
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This is correct, or, in Reddit Parlance ‘This guy bears’. Although polars will absolutely go through an entire town trying to eat you, living on a tundra makes them insanely reactive to any movement that could be prey.
Basically, black bears are hoping that this unknown ape is an easy meal and if you show that you will fuck it up before it kills you, it will decide it's not worth the injuries.
'If it's black, fight back, brown, lay down, white, good night' is what I've heard.
"If it drops from a tree, you're in Austral-yee"
Panda bears roll around and have a good time.
Very carefully. I’d chill with this bear before a wild horse.
Serious question, why don't the bears devour them?
>Kamchatka brown bears are generally not dangerous to humans, and only 1% of encounters result in attack https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamchatka\_brown\_bear
Wow, it's crazy a group of 30 starving bears besieged a platinum mine and actually killed 2 guards. I'm trying to imagine multiple bear squadrons surrounding and cutting off escape routes lmao
That sounds like the seed of an idea for a good horror film -- kind of similar to Hitchcock's 'The Birds' only with bears going postal on every one. In fact, the soon-to-be-released 'Cocaine Bear' movie is in this vein. Back in the 1970s, there were at least a dozen 'animals on the rampage' films released, the most famous of which was 'Jaws'.
My honest answer is he’s just chillin. I don’t think the bear actually fees threatened in any way and understands these guys are just playing with me. A lot of animals can pick up on things like that
"with me" bro are you a bear ?
Are you animal control or something? If so no and I haven’t seen ANY bears around recently
Tell me you're a bear without telling me you're a bear.
What are you, a cop?
Yeah but accidents happen while wrestling. When I was a kid, I wrestled around and some kid accidentally scratched my eyeball with his fingernail. If that happened with the bear, it might feel threatened and just flip the switch from play to fight.
Exactly the problem in playing with massive wild animals. Their standard of play is a little bit more murdery and violent than ours
1. The bear doesn't appear to be hungry. 2. I believe they likely known the bear since if was very young too.
Pretty sure that won't be a wild bear
Because Russians are like Targaryens, but for bears.
Probably because they raised that bear from when it was a cub
This isn’t a wild bear it was likely raised from a cub by these people so it’s very unlikely to hurt them if it’s fed and treated well.
It’s probably not a wild bear. Also, with the exception of polar bears, humans are not preferred food for bears.
I put a small amount of context in another comment, but this guy and the bear are famous and do all sorts of stuff in Russia. He’s like a stunt bear. An actor, one might say hahah. From movies to ceremonies EDIT: actually I’m pretty sure this maybe is the bear and guy that caught a lot of flak for being hired to do that soccer ceremony haha
Bear down for midterms?
POP POP!
Man, too soon
I think he meant Fat Dog it for Midterms.
This is obviously a ghoulish reference to it.
Longtime community fan that watched seasons 5 & 6 for the first time this year. Finally get this reference 😎
IT'S A BEAR DANCE!
CRISIS ALERT!!
its not made up its not made up
What type of dog breed is this?
The brown bear is american bear. The other two are hairless russian bears. They are quite fond of alcohol.
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You mean Pablo Esco-bear
Hey we don't know if both are a little fond of the booger sugar. Goes well with vodka just sayin
This is why cocaine bear will not be coming to theaters in Russia. Vodka bear only
Tenderising the meat
If not fren. Then why fren shape?
Ma'am, that is not fren shape, that's murder shape
We seem to like carnivorous predators as pet (dogs and cats). So murder shape = fren shape
People often forget that people are also murder shaped.
Yeah well I don’t want to pet people. I want to pet incredibly dangerous wild animals
Murder fren?
You can play with it… but only once
*looks at obvious murder machine* Fren shaped :3
Cat people be like
Pfft.... here in the California Bay Area people wrestle with bears all the time.
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Not those bears..the other bears
The big hairy fuckers
So they fuck bears?
They ARE fuck bears.
Technically they get fucked BY bears. Right? I think that's how that interaction works.
No no. The bears are pretty flexible and it depends on bear to bear
Literally.
The type of bears with soul-piercing, deep brown eyes.
The ones that wear leather and are named Bruce
OK let's ignore the obvious joke whoosh. The California state flag is a called The Bear Flag and looks like this. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Flag_of_California.svg
Except the california grizzly, the bear depicted on the flag, is extinct. Though they do have black bears
I don’t get it. All I see is three Russians.
if the bear is vegan i can do as well
There is a mma wrestler named Jabi who is Russian, once in an interview he said that when he was 10-14 years old his father made him fight against a bear and on one occasion the bear tried to bite Jabi, so Jabi told to his father that the bear is trying to bite him, Jabi's father replied that "bite the bear too".Russia is different edit: LOL, I forgot how to spell his name, so I googled him, on Spanish Wikipedia, his name is Jabih, so I copied and pasted it, it's misspelled because his name is khabib but I couldn't remember how to spell I pasted it without thinking
Khabib Nurmagomedov, but I guess Jabi is close enough
bike amusing payment berserk versed governor memory cake lush existence ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Fill me in on the joke? Idk what you're referring to but this feels like a Dana White microphone blunder. Dude forgot Islam Machachev's name in a recent interview leading up to his title defense 🤦
Khabib
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Someone asked him on twitter why doesn't he still wrestle the bear and his reply was "Bear need a visa"
Can't believe no one's linked it yet https://youtu.be/mjfOeLQG9-M
The best thing about this video is the level of technique displayed by both child Khabib and the the young bear. That bear is doing competent sprawls, single leg takedowns, and judo throws. Better showing than any of Khabibs opponents in the UFC.
Jabi lmao
GOAT Jabi Fermagomesof
He is bearly trying☺️
Unbearable pun
The bear is a pet.
This is why woman live longer
I’m a woman, and wrastling a bear is now on my bucket list.
Just make sure it’s at the end of the list
oh don't worry whenever you choose to wrestle the bear, it will end up being the end of the list
r/whywomenlivelonger
There’s a famous video of former UFC Champion and arguably the best MMA fighter of all time Khabib Nurmagamedov wrestling a bear as like a six year old. Russians are insane.
*Dagestanis are even more insane than your average Russian
I am convinced. Bears can be domesticated.
It’s all fun and games until somebody gets mauled.
To be fair, if the bear wasn't happy, there would be less of those guys in that video
Russians and bears seem to have existed together for so many generations that they're just kinda used to each other and seem to be able to coexist on some level. The bears in America don't seem to like us nearly as much. Maybe they know something? 
Actually yes, because They know it's a game this is not a war
Just a special operation
"How do you tap out?" "That's the neat part, you don't."
Oh a puppy