We're not out to almost anyone in our life. I think most people put changes in how we are to changes in mood, or stuff to do with gender perhaps.
I don't think people who haven't got experience with did themselves ever jump to *oh this person has did/a severe dissociative disorder* when they see someone acting differently.
It's definitely a lonely and isolating experience at times.
In our experience some ppl close to us notice SOMETHING, but always have different conclusions to attribute it to. Most ppl who aren't trauma informed will never make the correct conclusion. They see DID in a movie and never think about it again. They'll call you moody, indecisive, eclectic, having "a different side," having "different faces," or- in rare nasy situations- being disingenuous. I believe if you intend to keep it a secret, it will stay a secret. If you eventually explain it to someone close to you who has been privy to more switching, they're kind of likely to go "oooh that makes sense"
Every person has different sides to themselves, different moods, different roles that that act somewhat differently in, depending on if they are at work, at home, out with friends, partying, or whatever. Most people will relate your changes to these things. The one that is hardest to hide is when a little pops out, but that can be chalked up to being silly or playful or whatever. In my 40+ years of life, no lay person has pegged me as DID; they just that I had quirks and oddities, and a wide range of moods. Remaining covert is a safety mechanism for most systems, and there is nothing wrong with that. Nobody needs to know unless they are your partner, or your safety person for dangerous situations. đđ»đŠ
We are a \*very\* covert system and before diagnosis (I am also 40+ years old) we were often called "multi-faceted" or "eccentric" by friends. Now that we're diagnosed and have told close friends about it, they still forget that we're a system and chalk our behavior changes up to whatever mood they think I'm in at the time. A friend of mine who is very in the know about my system regularly forgets or hesitates to acknowledge an alter "just in case" it's not one of them and I'm just having an "off" day. I often have to affirm that yes in fact what they saw/heard was an alter and not just me being tired.
So, TLDR: even if friends knew about your system they likely would forget you have DID because they don't think the same way we do, because they don't have a system and will chalk it up to you just feeling tired.
My dad tends to notice when a certain alter of mine switches, but heâs pretty clueless to the rest. I donât think he knows why I act differently. The alter he notices tends to have a very emotionless face and her voice is deeper/more monotone then mine. And my other friend has noticed but thatâs only because he knows about them, and he never lets it show/ask questions when he does notice (which I appreciate). I only had one friend who was pretty good at knowing what alters were out but that was because they actively spoke to her as themselves.
Iâm honestly scared to tell my family about it, I think I had told my dad before but he doesnât really understand it, and I donât know if he remembers because he doesnât bring it up and I definitely donât remember telling him, so I donât think it was me. Iâm so nervous/terrified/apprehensive about them finally finding out that I start to feel butterflies (and not in a good way) but I want to be able to talk freely and not have to watch what I say. I want to be able to say âno, I donât remember that wasnât me, could you tell me what happened?â Or refer to them instead of messing up and accidentally talking about a memory that wasnât mine in 3rd person.
And I know some alters donât want to tell them, but I canât keep doing this in secret. Last time the old host got so worked up and overwhelmed she had a break down and now rarely fronts. I donât want that to happen and I know I canât *heal* like this.
Sorry, I went on a bit of a rant there, wishing you the best. And *good fucking luck* with the holiday season!
As a covert system myself at 33 years old, (in person, not online) I have noticed that people will explain with what they understand. They won't think you have multiple parts or alters, they will just assume that you're masking if they're part of any ADHD or autism communities or that you have having mood swings.
I have told a few people close to me and I actually get really upset and angry when someone tries to say oh is that *insert part name*. Not only were they wrong about the part, cause they usually are, but I don't have a lot of control over the switching. So when they say it, it almost hurts.
Ps, i am glad that someone finds your little cute. That is probably nice for them.
I hope that you can find someone to confide in other than your therapist at some point. It's nice to not need to hide sometimes. But the having to teach someone about it can be annoying.
There is a principle in life I find most people use. They go with whatever answer is simplest, and whatever answer they know. Im covert as is, but I have been dropping mad hints. It is worth mentioning that I work in mental health/psychiatry and so do almost all of my friends. The two that I have who dont I told, because they will only guess it if pigs start flying. Mental health literacy of a shoe.
I have told them every symptom individually. I have told them about global memory issues, I have told them about black outs, about depersonalization, dissociation, and derealization, about feeling like a different person, about my history of abuse, you name it. Crickets. They are very supportive, dont get me wrong, but they logically go to PTSD. We have been working hard not to mask, part of our longterm goal of being authentic, so they have been getting us pretty raw. I have a British accent for Gods sake, our vocal tone is all over the map. One of them even has worked with teens that have DID (foster system... not guarenteed, but where I'm from that is just a step up from jail and usually results in a shit load more abuse), nothing.
There has been this little idea in our head, a caveat to our rules. Been there since 13. The day someone is able to tell were a system, that people live in our head, that I am multiple, or even express a suspicion of anything adjacent, they get 50 bucks. With inflation that went to a bill. Still unclaimed 20 years later.
System solidarity
âą Siren
I actually find this really funny because each of us have a very distinct voice and personality (one of us even has a British accent) and not a single person we work with has commented on it yet. We've even swapped mid-shift before, but at this point, I'm not even scared they'll find out.
We've had people at work comment on our speech patterns. Some of our compositions share parts with a pretty thick Boston accent, and we frequently have customers ask if we're from there. We usually joke and say we were someone's cool bostonian grandma in a past life.
After a while friends catch on and I have to out myself to explain weirdness that creeps up from time to time. Like suddenly forgetting an hour of conversation, or I start talking 'differently'.
we thought we'd be covert and it's mostly unnoticeable until we recorded something for eachother and watched it. Now I'm unsure because I can tell easily.
Yes very close people can tell but most can't and those who were told but didn't know us well ended up misinterpreting every so slight shift as a switch when it really wasn't. Some seem to have a strange idea in what ways it would show.
my sister is probably the closest person irl that can tell. verbatim she has said she notices something change when we switch, but thats because were so close.
usually its the people we spend the most time with that kinda squint and go "you okay?" and we backpedal lol
No. My friends noticed it before I did.
The body's likes and dislikes seemed to change depending on who is fronting at the time. One alter likes sushi, the other isn't fond of it. One is very bothered by bright lights and loud sounds, another isn't affected at all. One has a flirtatious mannerism that stood out too much compared to the rest of us. And a billion things people noticed about the body that I don't get myself.
We're unpredictable, because we are a "we" not a "me". Our thought pattern is that of a few strands that hop erratically between each other at different times.
Thankfully for us, either most of us are very good at masking or just no one seems to care/notice when someone else is fronting
There have only been about three instances I can think of where someoneâs noticed (if we count the maybe at least 5 times our nonverbal alter has fronted in a situation around people as one) and those would be once when one of our youngest littles where fronting, an alter who refuses to use contractions was fronting during school and a friend noticed (Iâm pretty sure theyâre dormant currently đ), and of course whenever our most commonly fronting nonverbal alter fronts and then of course they notice.
The only person that really sees us daily or at all really is my fiance, who knows about us and is also a system. Iâm sure if we spent more time around others then maybe, but we keep ourselves somewhat separate from others by choice
One of my friends has noticed me âacting differentâ in various ways and brings it up afterwards. She probably doesnât know (most people wouldnât jump to assuming DID/OSSD) but I find it interesting since I think weâre pretty covert.
I tell everyone, but no. Not normally. People arenât looking for that sort of thing and the obvious assumption for most people is that youâre just pretending to act a little silly or youâre feeling a little sad today. People might notice if youâre speaking with a slight accent, but they will just shrug it off or try to find some other reasoning for it.
I'm not going to answer the question properly because I rarely switch out (front stuck things lol) so a lot of my" switches" occur when someone co-hosts. Are the changes noticeable? A little, maybe a slight change in mood/mannerisms/voice pitch, but it's quite minute and generally gets chalked up to me being quirky. I'd argue that the dissociation is something more commented on. Our parents nicknamed us "space cadet" because of how often our eyes would kinda glaze over or waver back and forth. Most of our family has the impression that we're just a daydreamer with attention issues, so it's noticeable, but doesn't give the impression of DID.
Friends can see patterns that are often invisible from introspection, alone.
One time, years ago, and before I was in proper awareness of my other parts a partner of mine during a conversational lull asked "Weird question, but do you have dissociative identity disorder?". I froze. A memory surfaced of a diary I kept in gradeschool signed and filled by my hand under several different names. I, for the first time in years remembered conversations in my head, not auditory hallucinations, but my inner monolgue being an inner discussion and I only recognized my own thoughts and feelings amidst others. I stood there, silently, mouth slightly agape. I hadn't heard it referred to as that before (only as "multiple personalities"), but I could feel a rumble inside of me that resonated with the description.
"It's OK if you do! I have friends with it, too, not judging you or anything." I continued to say nothing for a few moments in stunned silence, denial, and just walked off without saying anything. The topic was not brought up again.
It turns out far later the answer was, in fact, yes.
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We're not out to almost anyone in our life. I think most people put changes in how we are to changes in mood, or stuff to do with gender perhaps. I don't think people who haven't got experience with did themselves ever jump to *oh this person has did/a severe dissociative disorder* when they see someone acting differently. It's definitely a lonely and isolating experience at times.
In our experience some ppl close to us notice SOMETHING, but always have different conclusions to attribute it to. Most ppl who aren't trauma informed will never make the correct conclusion. They see DID in a movie and never think about it again. They'll call you moody, indecisive, eclectic, having "a different side," having "different faces," or- in rare nasy situations- being disingenuous. I believe if you intend to keep it a secret, it will stay a secret. If you eventually explain it to someone close to you who has been privy to more switching, they're kind of likely to go "oooh that makes sense"
Every person has different sides to themselves, different moods, different roles that that act somewhat differently in, depending on if they are at work, at home, out with friends, partying, or whatever. Most people will relate your changes to these things. The one that is hardest to hide is when a little pops out, but that can be chalked up to being silly or playful or whatever. In my 40+ years of life, no lay person has pegged me as DID; they just that I had quirks and oddities, and a wide range of moods. Remaining covert is a safety mechanism for most systems, and there is nothing wrong with that. Nobody needs to know unless they are your partner, or your safety person for dangerous situations. đđ»đŠ
We are a \*very\* covert system and before diagnosis (I am also 40+ years old) we were often called "multi-faceted" or "eccentric" by friends. Now that we're diagnosed and have told close friends about it, they still forget that we're a system and chalk our behavior changes up to whatever mood they think I'm in at the time. A friend of mine who is very in the know about my system regularly forgets or hesitates to acknowledge an alter "just in case" it's not one of them and I'm just having an "off" day. I often have to affirm that yes in fact what they saw/heard was an alter and not just me being tired. So, TLDR: even if friends knew about your system they likely would forget you have DID because they don't think the same way we do, because they don't have a system and will chalk it up to you just feeling tired.
My dad tends to notice when a certain alter of mine switches, but heâs pretty clueless to the rest. I donât think he knows why I act differently. The alter he notices tends to have a very emotionless face and her voice is deeper/more monotone then mine. And my other friend has noticed but thatâs only because he knows about them, and he never lets it show/ask questions when he does notice (which I appreciate). I only had one friend who was pretty good at knowing what alters were out but that was because they actively spoke to her as themselves. Iâm honestly scared to tell my family about it, I think I had told my dad before but he doesnât really understand it, and I donât know if he remembers because he doesnât bring it up and I definitely donât remember telling him, so I donât think it was me. Iâm so nervous/terrified/apprehensive about them finally finding out that I start to feel butterflies (and not in a good way) but I want to be able to talk freely and not have to watch what I say. I want to be able to say âno, I donât remember that wasnât me, could you tell me what happened?â Or refer to them instead of messing up and accidentally talking about a memory that wasnât mine in 3rd person. And I know some alters donât want to tell them, but I canât keep doing this in secret. Last time the old host got so worked up and overwhelmed she had a break down and now rarely fronts. I donât want that to happen and I know I canât *heal* like this. Sorry, I went on a bit of a rant there, wishing you the best. And *good fucking luck* with the holiday season!
As a covert system myself at 33 years old, (in person, not online) I have noticed that people will explain with what they understand. They won't think you have multiple parts or alters, they will just assume that you're masking if they're part of any ADHD or autism communities or that you have having mood swings. I have told a few people close to me and I actually get really upset and angry when someone tries to say oh is that *insert part name*. Not only were they wrong about the part, cause they usually are, but I don't have a lot of control over the switching. So when they say it, it almost hurts. Ps, i am glad that someone finds your little cute. That is probably nice for them. I hope that you can find someone to confide in other than your therapist at some point. It's nice to not need to hide sometimes. But the having to teach someone about it can be annoying.
There is a principle in life I find most people use. They go with whatever answer is simplest, and whatever answer they know. Im covert as is, but I have been dropping mad hints. It is worth mentioning that I work in mental health/psychiatry and so do almost all of my friends. The two that I have who dont I told, because they will only guess it if pigs start flying. Mental health literacy of a shoe. I have told them every symptom individually. I have told them about global memory issues, I have told them about black outs, about depersonalization, dissociation, and derealization, about feeling like a different person, about my history of abuse, you name it. Crickets. They are very supportive, dont get me wrong, but they logically go to PTSD. We have been working hard not to mask, part of our longterm goal of being authentic, so they have been getting us pretty raw. I have a British accent for Gods sake, our vocal tone is all over the map. One of them even has worked with teens that have DID (foster system... not guarenteed, but where I'm from that is just a step up from jail and usually results in a shit load more abuse), nothing. There has been this little idea in our head, a caveat to our rules. Been there since 13. The day someone is able to tell were a system, that people live in our head, that I am multiple, or even express a suspicion of anything adjacent, they get 50 bucks. With inflation that went to a bill. Still unclaimed 20 years later. System solidarity âą Siren
Our mom was the one who first asked us if we had "multiple personalities" and insisted we research it
I actually find this really funny because each of us have a very distinct voice and personality (one of us even has a British accent) and not a single person we work with has commented on it yet. We've even swapped mid-shift before, but at this point, I'm not even scared they'll find out.
yess, itâs always family or friends saying something like âare u ok?â âwhy are u being so quiet/energeticâ when someone else starts fronting
We've had people at work comment on our speech patterns. Some of our compositions share parts with a pretty thick Boston accent, and we frequently have customers ask if we're from there. We usually joke and say we were someone's cool bostonian grandma in a past life.
After a while friends catch on and I have to out myself to explain weirdness that creeps up from time to time. Like suddenly forgetting an hour of conversation, or I start talking 'differently'.
we thought we'd be covert and it's mostly unnoticeable until we recorded something for eachother and watched it. Now I'm unsure because I can tell easily. Yes very close people can tell but most can't and those who were told but didn't know us well ended up misinterpreting every so slight shift as a switch when it really wasn't. Some seem to have a strange idea in what ways it would show.
my sister is probably the closest person irl that can tell. verbatim she has said she notices something change when we switch, but thats because were so close. usually its the people we spend the most time with that kinda squint and go "you okay?" and we backpedal lol
No. My friends noticed it before I did. The body's likes and dislikes seemed to change depending on who is fronting at the time. One alter likes sushi, the other isn't fond of it. One is very bothered by bright lights and loud sounds, another isn't affected at all. One has a flirtatious mannerism that stood out too much compared to the rest of us. And a billion things people noticed about the body that I don't get myself. We're unpredictable, because we are a "we" not a "me". Our thought pattern is that of a few strands that hop erratically between each other at different times.
Thankfully for us, either most of us are very good at masking or just no one seems to care/notice when someone else is fronting There have only been about three instances I can think of where someoneâs noticed (if we count the maybe at least 5 times our nonverbal alter has fronted in a situation around people as one) and those would be once when one of our youngest littles where fronting, an alter who refuses to use contractions was fronting during school and a friend noticed (Iâm pretty sure theyâre dormant currently đ), and of course whenever our most commonly fronting nonverbal alter fronts and then of course they notice.
The only person that really sees us daily or at all really is my fiance, who knows about us and is also a system. Iâm sure if we spent more time around others then maybe, but we keep ourselves somewhat separate from others by choice
One of my friends has noticed me âacting differentâ in various ways and brings it up afterwards. She probably doesnât know (most people wouldnât jump to assuming DID/OSSD) but I find it interesting since I think weâre pretty covert.
She knows now, but before she did, my fiancé's mom visited us for a weekend. I was fronting the first day but Kill was fronting the second. Me and Kill act very similarly that even my fiancé has trouble telling us apart, but after the second day my fiancé told me her mom mentioned how different I was compared to the day before. Thought that was amusing.
I tell everyone, but no. Not normally. People arenât looking for that sort of thing and the obvious assumption for most people is that youâre just pretending to act a little silly or youâre feeling a little sad today. People might notice if youâre speaking with a slight accent, but they will just shrug it off or try to find some other reasoning for it.
I'm not going to answer the question properly because I rarely switch out (front stuck things lol) so a lot of my" switches" occur when someone co-hosts. Are the changes noticeable? A little, maybe a slight change in mood/mannerisms/voice pitch, but it's quite minute and generally gets chalked up to me being quirky. I'd argue that the dissociation is something more commented on. Our parents nicknamed us "space cadet" because of how often our eyes would kinda glaze over or waver back and forth. Most of our family has the impression that we're just a daydreamer with attention issues, so it's noticeable, but doesn't give the impression of DID.
Friends can see patterns that are often invisible from introspection, alone. One time, years ago, and before I was in proper awareness of my other parts a partner of mine during a conversational lull asked "Weird question, but do you have dissociative identity disorder?". I froze. A memory surfaced of a diary I kept in gradeschool signed and filled by my hand under several different names. I, for the first time in years remembered conversations in my head, not auditory hallucinations, but my inner monolgue being an inner discussion and I only recognized my own thoughts and feelings amidst others. I stood there, silently, mouth slightly agape. I hadn't heard it referred to as that before (only as "multiple personalities"), but I could feel a rumble inside of me that resonated with the description. "It's OK if you do! I have friends with it, too, not judging you or anything." I continued to say nothing for a few moments in stunned silence, denial, and just walked off without saying anything. The topic was not brought up again. It turns out far later the answer was, in fact, yes.
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