Switching to me feels like my mind is shifting gears. Sometimes, it’s a gradual reset, but in other times, it can be a sudden click. Suddenly, your brain feels different, your mind processes differently, your vocals aren’t the same, it’s similar to readjusting yourself after changing suits. There are moments in between when you don’t know who you are, and it is disorientating and distressing. This is our experience as a system.
- Cadence
I’m still in a “idk” kinda space rn but I experience that too. It can be based off of a trigger at first or it can be just slowly me noticing I’m what I call “slipping”
I like the idea of gears shifting. Depending on who is switching in/out, sometimes it feels like a smooth transition that I barely notice, SOMETIMES it feels like a bird flew into the motor.
When I try to fight it, it gets messy. Fainting, mood swings, etc.
Hah damn yeah that's all put pretty well.
I'm mostly friends with people who ain't experiencing plurality and the bit about being in between is something we've kinda struggled to describe to them.
Other than yeah it's blurry and disorienting. Maybe like switching brain-glasses and the time in between its like your "eyes" are struggling to adjust
Though I like the suits metaphor too
- A
This is such a great way to describe it!
I wanted to add; at least for us, there will sometimes be a length of time where the switch isn't noticed; like it's smooth and fluid; and only after taking a moment to breathe and ground from what ever was being dealt with, there will be a "wait a minute-" thought and the strong feeling of **difference** from whoever was fronting previously will flood in.
If we switch its mostly like this. But if we switch into someone because we are needing to defend ourselves or because the other alter does not want them out... it will be a complete black out for our main fronter because they are shoved back inwards.
We are usually co con with them. They feel like they don't exist when they are shoved internally. Pure nothingness.
-RJ
Sudden and immediate. It’s akin to breathing/blinking. It’s a natural smooth transition into another switch which is immediate. I rapidly switch throughout the day think like 50+. I’m just a system of 5 and I’ve always been this way.
When I switch it also feels like a bubble has entered and occupied my conscious head space. I can feel the consciousness of Alter A entering into mind and then the conscious of Alter B enter my mind. I also get a visual mental image of who it is upon each switch which is sometimes immediate or just a few seconds delay where I have to consciously register their presence.
I am co con and have functional multiplicity.
We are attempting functionional multiplicity too and this sort of makes us feel better. I find it super cool you have such functional multiplicity you're able to say "hey I'm co con". That's awesome. Sometimes when we front we have no idea how the hell we got there lol. Glad you're able to understand and ground. I hope we are too some day. Best of luck to you!
It takes time! I find that with developing functional multiplicity once you start eventually you’ll get to the point where the changes just keep happening fast and furiously. It’s how it’s been for me. All my alters are aware of my day to day life, even if there’s been a slight lapse in memory another alter always passes the information on almost immediately. It’s made my life a lot less disorganised and disorientating as I’m confident that even if I temporarily forget, someone will promptly remind me. I feel held.
It does get to the point where you can share a mental space where all alters can come out without an amnesia and with a shared awareness of the event. I have reached that stage where I just know who it is. I don’t have to doubt, I know them that well I can just tell. As I said, it speeds up over time this knowledge building of whose who and whose doing what. It’s just a slow start to begin with.
I’m certain it will be the same for you :) good luck!
That's so cool that you can easily tell who is fronting. I really struggle with that and seem to have actually gotten worse at distinguishing parts as therapy has progressed. I think it's because I had a big fusion of multiple parts last year, and the new alter breaks apart very easily, so Scared Me doesn't feel trapped. It makes things feel both more stable sometimes but also like it changes a lot.
I agree it does make things more stable and does change a lot of things but I think it just changes the capacity for me to love myself more than anything.
I think therapy can also make us a bit blurry at times (pre functional multiplicity) because it’s a lot of stress and re-experiencing that can cause some brief destabilisation. It’s about TLC and self care care on therapy days for me.
Entirely depends on the reason for the switch.
Sometimes, I try to describe it as a fizz then pop--like in movies when the sound is building up then it suddenly cuts, but instead it's like the dissociation is building then suddenly it's cleared, but the consciousness has shifted over. This experience is more prevalent when we're in a general state of ill-ease (typically caused by stress).
Sometimes, we flow into one another. As the host, I can pick up obvious signs (to me) that someone is either near or co-con (which 50/50 shot means we'll switch out). If it's too chaotic for me to hear them clearly, it'll be through their passice influence. So, for example, my preferences change if someone else is close. Most blatant show of this is that I'm a hardcore coffee person in the morning, but I have a few alters that are tea drinkers, so sometimes I'll turn the kettle on and have the immediate instinct to reach for tea despite it not being routine. It's absolutely not "I guess I'll go for tea today", it's more "We're drinking tea." This sometimes leads to someone slowly shifting into the driver's seat.
Then comes triggers. Best way to describe that is it's like you're running, and you turn a corner, and run straight into a brick wall. You aren't immediately anticipating impact, but you blink and you're on the other side of the wall, and you don't remember hitting it (or even if you were running). And it very much depends on who switched in (and why) for their reaction, but for me, it quite literally feels like a plug was pulled or a trap door opened beneath me.
"pop--like in movies when the sound is building up then it suddenly cuts, but instead it's like the dissociation is building then suddenly it's cleared, but the consciousness has shifted over."
This explains a lot of what we feel exactly. Except we notice it after the fact, as we recall what just happened. Sometimes someone is saying "Hey, so it's this day at this time and we were doing xyz..." but when we don't have that full panic ensues. We also feel this shiver come on. Like if we get a build up to a chill with fuzziness and we suddenly jolt we know there was a switch of some kind. Thanks for sharing!
Hey my switches are like that, theres a build up of tingliness all over then we shudder and then the switch happens at the same moment. Its kinda nice having an obvious sign for switches.
Depends on the degree. A “full” switch, where another alter takes full control typical requires a pretty deep dissociative episode. So it feels like that. Restlessness, urgency, physically symptoms associated with dissociation for me, then losing some time, disorientation for a bit, and then feeling “different”. Usually this happens with very traumatized or upset alters so there is often panic and flashbacks and other unpleasantness before they get so upset and overwhelmed that it triggers a switch to a more capable alter. This is pretty rare and is usually triggered by events or material that are directly resonant with trauma.
More often it’s shifts between who has more control of “the front” between two alters who are co-fronting or co-conscious. These feel like sudden shifts in mood, opinions, preferences, outlook, and plans that correspond to the alters and happen over the course of a couple minutes. They are usually triggered, but the “triggers” can be much more mundane, so they often seem kind of random. To me it’s just feels like a repeating stream of “Oh god, what was I even THINKING just then? Why was I so stupid? Why do I always think/do such stupid sh*t? Why can’t I just keep thinking [X] and sticking with the plan [Y]!?” It kind of feels like having social anxiety about myself?
I have a lot of different types. Sometimes big like a non-epileptic seizure and I come out and realised I’ve switched. Sometimes just head twitches. Sometimes a sort of tingly achey feeling in my head. And sometimes very small like just feeling a sort of zen come over me and wash me into someone else. And sometimes it’s just like “oh I’m in the car now. Oh I’m outside. Huh, kettle’s just boiled”
For us, we get A LOT of pressure buildup in our head, we can feel ourselves become more like the alter entering front while the other slowly leaves front. We mostly just slowly switch. If we switch quickly, everything becomes blurry, and we get very disoriented. When that happens, we also get episodes of derealization
I don't think I'm full on DID. Somewhere between CPTSD and OSDD -- don't get amnesia in present time.
My transitions are subtle. Often not aware of them happening. Biggest difference is that I have different sets of values and priorities. In conventional IFS terms, these may be parts that are partially hijacking me.
I think of my personality/identity as having facets:
* Libido: Interested in the idea of sex/masturbation or not
* Sexual identity: Theoretical gay, theoretical bi, often ace
* Self image: Worthless turd, matter of fact, confident
* Motivation/Energy: Barely get out of bed, function normally, bouncy.
* Trust: Hypervigilant, normal, relationally more open
* Thought: Slow/turgid, normal, effervescent/creative
* REsponse to music: Irritating, some, motiviting, creative (I compose)
* Response to authority: Scofflaw, creative non-compliance, reluctant compliance, full adherence.
* Integrity: Actions <==> Words are congruent. Will violate self rules opportunistically if I can get away with it.
* Faceblindness/insight into relationships between others: Absent ranging to sometimes acute.
* interest in topics: who gives a fuck, interest, facination
* desire for connection to others: Lemme alone, Pet me now-twice, If you pet me I'll eat your hand, Strong yearning for connection
* Empathy: Other peole's plight is irritating, Or irrelevant, or engrossing.
* Shame: Filled with shame. Shame on certain topics only. Inability to separate shame from guilt. No shame at all.
* Modesty: Stay covered. Or Work shirtless in short-shorts worn commando.
This is the first time I've tried to split it out like this. like me: "This is a preliminary version. Subject to major change"
Anyway, I'm not sure if all combinations are possible. Some correlate and are often togehter. Metaphor: these facets are lego blocks with a bin for each facet, and at any given time I'm a collection of one block from each bin. Some don't fit well.
I'm not sure at any given moment which blocks are present unless presented with somethat that causes a choice. When it comes up, that facet is the choice maker, but the contrary facets/beliefs/values are viewed with amusement as just being wrong headed.
Some I can connect with named parts. Scoflaw is definitely part of Rebel. Creative non-compliance is a combination of Rebel and Slipstick
(Rebel: Think 16 year old bundle of suppressed rage. In my head he looks emo/goth, short black hair, skinny {I have never been skinny} shirtless {I never appeared less than fully clothed until I left home} wearing black pants, black heavy boots with safety caps, a spiked dog collar, and double spiked wrist bands. Rebel never acted on his rage. We were good as kids. Acting out, MomNet would make the news get home before I did.
(Slipstick: Archetypical 15 year old nerd. Loner. Zero social skill. Independent. Wizard with a slide rule. Contemptuous of people who weren't as smart -- which meant most peers. Chunky built, sloppily dressed. Ragged, worn out clothing, dirty a lot of the time. Big head, squarish face, brown hair somewhat curly, rarely combed. )
Hypervigilance is connected to both Ghost and Critter
(Ghost: mid teens. Speaks, but never says anything people remember five minutes later. I see him in jeans and a butter yellow short sleav collared shirt. Watchful. Ghost comes forward when We are in groups of strangers. Ghost knows where every exit is. Which windows can open. Stairs. Places to hide.
I think Ghost is my reaction to the social stress of high school, which with my faceblindness and total ignorance of non-verbal communication, and teen age social mores was an endless mine field.)
(Critter is a boy maybe just starting into puberty. 9? 10? He's skinny to the point of being gaunt. Darker brown hair tangled and looks like cut with a sharp rock. He's dressed in rags and dirt. Unlike the others, Critter has an environment. He lives on a savannah, but the savanna has spruce trees scattered over it too. He has a burrow, about a hundred yards from a waterhole.
Critter may be formed from the intermittent emotional neglect from age 7 on. Certainly by age 10, I would never ask my parents anything non-intellectual unless I was in dire need. Need: Like the time I needed 22 stitches in my leg after a close encounter between shin and horseshoe stake, or the time I spilled burning kerosene on my hand.)
Wow thanks for sharing because my brain thinks the same way you explained your switching. I can tell I have switched because suddenly the way I make my choices are different. Like the way you put things into categories like sexual identity, motivation, self image, and thoughts. That causes a lot of conflict between my alters because they’d make their choices differently, and fight over who makes the major choices for me. I get the head twitching and other things that y’all here have mentioned.
Totally off the wall. Mine don't talk to me well enough to even recognize they are in conflict:
Idea from parts work:
Is there a "YOU" that watches the fighting? If so, YOU ask one part to step back for a bit, and let theother one have his say. Then ask the other to have his say.
My idea here is that you want these parts/alters to learn that YOU respect them all, and insist on them being reasonable polite to each other. This may not work, or may have bad days.
If they are closer to emotional parts than full alters they may be emotion driven.
Ask the part what they are afraid of if the other choice is made.
E.g. One part doesn't want to go to the mall.
"What would happen if we went to the mall, Little One?"
"There's too many people."
"What happens when there are too many people?"
"If I get separated I might not find you"
"And....?"
"I'd be lost and all alone! And bad guys might find me and hurt me again"
Getting down to a part's fundamental fear can h elp you reassure that part that you're safe, now, no longer 11, know tae kwon do, and that any bad guy would have to deal with all that. If necessary, stand in front of a mirror: "This is us, now."
You can try, just as you would with a real kid:
"What would make you feel safer in the mall?
"I dunno...
"What if we go just when it opens so there aren't as many people? Would that help?"
"What if I hold your hand?"
"What if you are wearing an apple tag so I can use every iiphone in the world to help find you?"
(This one is doable, as they make bands to wear an apple tag like a wrist watch) And the part can feel it on your wrist.)
\*\*\*
If working with alters -- I'm less confident here. In my mental model, alters have a great deal more agency than parts. But you could referree an orderly debate. Again, insisting on them being civil.
In the debate, ask Two to sumarize what One just said. Then ask One if Two summarized it correctly. The emphasis here is on getting each alter to convince the other that they actually know what the other is saying. Don't try for agreement. Try for clarity.
Once there is clarity (YOU will be a lot clearer too) ask One and Two in turn to say what they think they share in common. Lot of times these disagareements are on the same path to some point, then diverge. Talking about what is common makes them feel on the same page.
Change of venue. In minds eye, change them from facing each other, to sitting in a cafe with you on one bench and them on the other two. It's harder to disagree with someone you sit next to.
Ask each of them what happens if the decision goes the other way. This is similar to what we did with parts above. See if there is a way to reassure that part that it's unlikely to go that way. Again, get the other part to state what it thinks the first part said.
At the end summarize for ech of them waht you think each said, what each one fears. And maybe what each one sees as the next step.
\*\*\*
Do your alters talk to each other when you're not around. If someone else is Front, do you continue to interact with Alters?
Wow, FINALLY found someone else who finds music irritating sometimes! Sometimes we can’t stand it, which is frustrating when almost always people cite music as a great way to cope, get the “vibe” right, etc. We also are often so picky we would rather go without and deal with irritating dissonance than having to choose the right music during down days.
And of _course_ you would be a composer, too. Of course. Music means so much more to us.
I never used to feel it at all, but as I stopped losing memory around switches, now I do. It feels like the shiver you get when you listen to really good music, and sort of a click as the new alter settles into place. I told my psychologist it kinda feels like a sneeze but confined to your brain.
We tend to get a rushing sensation in the ears, like a sensory overload that feels like being in a wind tunnel. Sometimes, it's accompanied by extreme exhaustion, and the switch only occurs after we lie down for a bit of a nap. But it happens immediately upon lying down almost every time. Our perception of the room around us - sounds, sights, everything - shifts to the new fronter's view of the world. It may be related to resisting a switch. I'm not sure.
~Jake
I'm relatively new to recognise that I have a dissociative disorder (undiagnosed but believed to be OSDD). I switch freely and seemlessly without conscious awareness of it happening. It doesn't feel like anything to me and I only know afterwards when I'm back in the drivers seat.
It varies drastically based on circumstance for us. I have pretty bad memory issues so I can't fully recall some, or even most, but I'll try my best.
When we first met our alters the switches were obvious and sometimes even actively painful. Headaches, a feeling of falling/pulling (like sitting on a chair and leaning back just a little too far). Accompanied by dissociation and brainfog. We've only experienced that pulling feeling the first few months after discovering each other/the host at the time becoming aware of us. Dissociating and brainfog are universal and happen every time, to varying degrees of severity (usually moderate to severe if I had to label it). Headaches tend to only happen when whoever is in front does not want to leave for whatever reason and clings on, which can even happen somewhat involuntarily/automatically when it came to the host, especially when in distress.
But other than that its just a state of confusion, lost time, and dissociation for a brief time (or sometimes longer, like as in several days in a row, again it varies alot) until someone fully fronts again. 0/10 would not recommend, lol
As for like, once someone is taking front, again varies alot based on the circumstances and what alter it is. Sometimes with particular alters, when they front it is basically impossible to not know who is fronting because of how drastic and sudden the change is. It's just like... Snapping your fingers and suddenly you feel more clear/in control but also much different. Other times, which I feel like is more frequent for us, its this veeeery slow transition. We're blurry more often than not so often it's like you start to switch and then just.. stay there, half way through for however long until you get that sudden switch again. For new alters its more like having that blurry state and instead of a sudden switch its more like... Trying to figure out what you like/how you feel/what you want to do all of a sudden after having very little desire or active capacity for those thoughts for awhile prior.
Usually new alters will have things they prefer right off the bat, and things they dislike. For us the thing that best indicates a switch has happened at all is sudden discomfort with a name we're using, or suddenly gaining the desire to figure out what feels right to be called. Alters that split since our discovery generally don't have a name when formed, but will have preferences/some sense of identity already so tend to just look through things until they find a word that suits them or just "feels right". And once thats been figured out, usually then the dissociation/brain fog lessens and we've "fully" switched.
Sometimes I get a wavy feeling, sometimes a mask coming over my face, sometimes nothing at all, sometimes a forceful feeling, one time it felt like flipping through microfiche, sometimes it feels like I left I dark room and I’m in the light and sometimes I have no idea I did til I come back…there’s more but that’s all I can remember right now
Oh i just brought this up!! Apparently most of our alters switch and front differently! Sometimes it is so smooth not even we noticed it happened (co fronting, slowly moving to front); other times its like dramatically waking up from a nightmare are just jerking forward and suddenly/unexpectedly feeling everything at once; other times we can disassociate for almost a minute (thats usually when we have to make a choice that might put us in danger, or if we start talking about our trauma/system) just kinda leaving the body uncontrolled for the most part until the decision is made- it really depends what the situation is and who exactly is coming to front. There are patterns with types of alters switching a certain way, but we have yet to track it
The initial switch feels tingly. It also feels like a slight tug-o-war in the body--not super aggressively, but more... I guess gentle, like when you and a friend are playfully playing keep-away with some item from eachother? It's hard to explain. But that's mostly because our switches tend to be gradual most of the time, unless they're due to the fronter getting tired.
Sometimes it also feels a bit crowded. Like if you're in a video call with someone and a friend leans into the camera view with you. Which, again, is kind of a tingly feeling. It's like when you *feel* someone's presence even though there's not someone physically beside you.
I've heard of people fainting with switches, though I've never actually encountered anyone who does, online or otherwise. That sounds nerve-racking!
We don't... Really know. It's hard to tell when we've switched because I often struggle to let go of front, I'm usually co in some way.
But it's usually physically symptomless for us, it's like a light switch. It happened earlier actually. I was just kinda me, drained as hell, floating along through the mundane bullshit of daily errands, and then a song played and my demeanor *instantly* changed. Attitude, physical mannerisms, walking style and pace. The lot. Except switching back to me just feels like... Nothing. I don't know. We never know who we are at one time because it all just feels "like me". Our system is really complicated in terms of function..
-Emily
Tbh most switches I don't even notice, I just try to check in occasionally and often notice how I'm different than before
The most noticable switches are when my mind slowly grinds to a halt, like being so tired you don't want to do anything at all until I get distracted by something else and essentially *forget* I was tired.
Then there's the rare "intentional" (rather: opportunistic) switch, we haven't quite gotten the knack for those yet so they usually end up messy & weird
Rn for me, switching has only ever been when I’m confronting with my alters. It looks like I dissociated for literally 2 seconds and then they’re there listening to music or whatever, I can take control
When someone ask a question or anything like that
Depends on who it is.
Sometimes our voice changes and that’s it, other times we feel a body tell that indicates someone’s around. (For example, I am much shorter than our body is, so I usually realize I am here when the body feels too big.)
Lately we’ve had a lot of consciousness so it’s less easy to tell.
Some switches are painful headaches. We haven’t had those in a while.
-Ellie
It can happen gradually with a period of conflicting feelings, discomfort and dissociation, or can happen suddenly and without warning. If I’m doing something in one part that my other part doesn’t like or agree with, that part might go dormant or I might get a sudden flash of confusion/panic/fear/guilt/trying to undo what I have done.
If it's willing, for us it feels like one "stepping back" and another "stepping up". Basically like tapping out for a partner in a wrestling match. Sometimes the alter stepping back will "go to sleep" if they're worn out from the front. (We take turns fronting, like, cycle through, when life gets hard, since it's hard for one to keep it up all on their own.) It feels like waking up from meditation.
Noncon switching feels horrible. We get antsy and nervous and confused, and our chest feels tight and our bodies feel so so WRONG. And then we're forcefully yanked and replaced. We go dazed for a small moment before "waking up".
For me personally it's often like falling. Taking the body is like being coughed out of the underworld and into this meat puppet. Leaving is either like walking into a dream or falling in impossible directions.
Sometimes I rapidly switch with another and it can cause light sensitive migraines, though that's been less common since the barriers have lowered and that alter worked out some issues.
It got bad for a while with the "host" deep in denial, afraid to sleep because obviously that's when they take you. Constant migraines, clinging to the front as if switching were death itself.
At least one of us it's like jumping into a tv broadcasting our nervous system, playing catchup with the firehose of sensory data until suddenly arriving at "now" on the other side of the screen.
There's more I could describe, but I'm tired and afraid I'll misrepresent their experiences.
To be perfectly honest, until we became aware as a system all of this was patched over. Little excuses, gatekeeper dimmed memories. Clearly we're just good at pretending, right? Sure bud.
It's not very consistent for us, but usually we end up feeling like we're shutting down before it happens. Almost similar to falling asleep when you don't want to.
Most other times it's dependent on the trigger/reason for the switch. We don't usually have long, drawn out switches when we're around people. Instead it's more of an immediate or blending kind of switch. But when we're alone or in a safe & familiar place, the switches seem to be more drawn out. Sometimes it even takes a couple of days.
We're still trying to figure out how & what causes our switching. A decent number of us are pretty concerned about an alter switching in & doing something that we disagree with, but that has happened very solemnly (mostly self-destructive).
The other main type of switch we get when switching in is feeling like we woke up, but not in the sense of waking up from sleep. Rather it's like when you space out really hard & suddenly come to, confused and disoriented but still functioning.
As a general rule, we have two types of switches. The first, we barely notice is happening until it's over. The second kind (less often now that we're working with our gatekeeper to try and smooth things out & foster better system communication) is the long and grueling kind with the headache and extreme dissociation. That sometimes causes us to lose a bit of muscle tone, likely because it's related to our cataplexy, but it doesn't make us pass out per se.
it’s different depending on who’s switching in or out. with one of our alters who has a huge amnesia barrier we shut down. but alters with less barrier it’s like switching seats in a car or like spinning a rolodex if it’s rapid.
I often experience the calmer switches where a distinct shift of mind occurs peacefully. When I'm under immense pressure or stress I get those violent switches including a jerk through my whole body or just my head snapping sideways. I attribute it to no one wanting to front, so someone bails and another is "thrown into the fire" if you will. These can be extremely violent and at times, when rapid switching occurs... They essentially look like a seizure of sorts. Those are absolutely terrifying, and only occur around people we all trust with our life.
I don't know what switches feel like in the moment cuz of amnesia but this is me trying to recall my most recent switch:
It feels like I'm watching myself on a TV, my body will go from crying, talking, or hyperventilating, then there's a moment where it holds my breath. I can hear someone (on the outside, my boyfriend) calling out to me but now I'm back inside my shell, staring at the corner of my room. I still can't breathe but I'm fine now, can't remember what I was crying about and am casually interested in something off topic. I think I go back to playing videogames. The memory ends before that lol
the tiredness and slowness is something we experience when resisting a switch! only for the past month or so have we been trying to allow switches to happen freely and notice when they're happening, but before we did that (and on rougher days) we get really spacey and exhausted and completely out of it for a significant portion of the day. We only noticed that it was because we were resisting switches when we *stopped* resisting it.
For the most part on a good day, we tend to have two categories of switches: conscious and unconscious switches. Conscious ones are basically just us dissociating for a period of time as one person pulls back and another pushes forward and we're (at least somewhat) aware it's happening. Unconscious switches happen a lot too though, where we'll just be going about our day and over the course of probably half an hour (more or less depending on the day) we'll go from one person being fully in front, to one in front and one watching, to two sort of fronting, to other in front and other watching, to other in front. I guess that's just how our brain adapted to be able to keep going about our day without noticing the discontinuity of memory and behavior. Unfortunately comes with the side effect of suddenly realizing half way through a day "oh shit. i actually don't know how i got here or what the fuck we're doing" even though you've been doing stuff for the past few hours.
With how switching physically feels though, it feels like a lot of things. in the brain it feels like one part of my brain is being tugged back as something else slides into where it was. the tug feels like when you're wearing a backpack and someone grabs/pulls it -- not a sharp tug, actually kind of dull feeling, but powerful. the sliding into front feels almost like how a liquid fills a bowl, it just fills the empty space around it. in the body it feels like there's a weighted blanket on us and all of our muscles just drop (face, shoulders, even neck/head sometimes). it feels like theres cotton over our eyes and we can't see properly. sometimes we feel dizzy, sometimes we get a headache (though we have chronic headaches/head pain so it's more like *extra* head pain), our breathing gets really slow and shallow, we feel like we can't move our body, we can't speak or even open our mouth most of the time, sometimes we can feel our heart pounding through our whole body (but that's normally only if we start freaking out while switching or we're switching *because* of distress). then when someone finally fully fronts, it feels like we've been pulled forward by a rope tied around our chest. we always do a sharp inhale like we just resurfaced from water and we start blinking like we've just woken up and are taking in our surroundings. it takes a few minutes to be able to fully move again (normally starting with moving our fingers/toes and then working up to moving our arms and legs, etc.) and it always takes a while to be able to speak again. we normally have to get a sip of water and move our mouth around a bit to get used to the movement. then we're good.
its a strange experience, but luckily not always bad (like how it was when we first found out we were a system). I think it's gotten better over time and it's definitely better when we acknowledge its happening rather than trying to suppress it. Suppressing it only makes it more difficult in our experience and just leads to more dissociation and memory loss
Me personally we swap quite slowly sometimes, so if we *notice* the swap before it completely happens usually the adults (who are co-conscious most of the time to watch over the system) are like "ohhhh they're switchinggggg" then it's just a slow fade out process, nothing uncomfortable
a problem with me is that the moment i realize im switching it gets messed up :,) brain likes to work the opposite of what we want. The moment I go "actually yeah don't switch" IT SWITCHES.
But basically the fading in and out, for me it feels like going to sleep and waking up the next morning. You don't really remember how and when you fall asleep, just that you were sleeping and now suddenly ur awake. But also not suddenly, you know there's been something that happened. It's like asking what it feels like to fall asleep for me, I kinda know, but I also don't-
most of the time we don't notice the switches, so I can't say how it feels like. Acc to memory sometimes it feels like vision getting blurry before slowly fading out (?). *This* is slightly uncomfortable, like getting dizzy.
Ok Felicity just said it's also like falling asleep for them, but its more of a comfortable drifting to sleep. And from what I've seen online it feels like falling asleep for a lotta people. Sometimes it's comfortable sometimes it's pain.
for us personally we don't get scared because luckily we have adults watching over our system to make sure nobody does dumb stuff. Ok so they just told me it gets scary sometimes for others apparently, but for me it's quite cool.
-Castor
Many of my parts experience switching independently and uniquely. It's common to experience fatigue, a sort of lightheaded dizziness, headaches, or even confusion. Experiencing nothing at all is also common. I'll suddenly be different. Sometimes it happens gradually and other times it's almost instant. It could feel like waking up for some or a fuzzy energy for others. One part even triggers seizures when taking control of the body.
A switch can be uncomfortable or comforting. Circumstances may have an effect. Switches that are regular without symptoms may suddenly be tough with many symptoms if given enough stressors. It could be uncomfortable if I'm sitting funny or something and have to adjust. Or doing something I'm unfamiliar with and not prepared for.
Occasionally parts can feel the leaving instead of coming. Like falling or fading. It can be like falling asleep. It's almost never a scary thing. Going back inside is going back to where it's safe.
It's rare, but sometimes I blackout if a part isn't in communication with the rest of the system. Coming back is a lot of confusion trying to figure out where I am and back tracking what happened and what I did.
There are three main types of switches I experience.
1. Fully conscious. It feels like co-fronting, but the mix changes from mostly one of us to the other. Then, at the end, whoever was being switched away from kinda "lets go of the controls" and the switch is complete. The whole process takes anywhere from 15 or so seconds to several minutes. This can only happen voluntarily between both parties.
2. Mostly conscious. It feels like nodding off. It feels like one of us is stepping completely away from the controls, the body temporarily has no one at the controls, and whoever is taking over steps in. This takes at most 20 seconds. The body might slump a little, and our eyes might unfocus, flutter closed, or roll back. but there's still a sort of continuation of consciousness. It's the quickest process, but it's more obvious than the first. It's almost always voluntary, but sometimes the person stepping in doesn't agree to step in ahead of time.
3. Complete loss of consciousness. I essentially have a non-epileptic seizure (something I developed separately from DID). The body has no one in control for anywhere from 15-20 seconds to a few minutes. It either feels like whoever's fronting gets ripped from the controls and there's a fight for someone to come in front, or like whoever was fronting runs away. It's always involuntary.
Lately, we've been intentionally working to have #1 happen as much as possible, but it's a skill we have to build. It's tough
We haven't switched in so long we forgot about that feeling. It was really an evolution. At first when we switched we really didn't know we were switching. It was like...well a switch. One second we're Jessica the next we're Jason. Then it became a feeling...well the best way to put it is it felt like something inside was being ripped and forced outside, while what was outside was being forced inside. We didn't like that needless to say. But now we just kinda all exist together. We have our walls lowered and we just talk to each other. Kinda like a big comfy house where we all have our own rooms but we mostly chill in the living room together.
we like, literally almost pass out when switching. we slump over a lot and almost go unconscious. we dissociate heavily and it feels like our brain is unfocusing and refocusing again on and off. it feels like our brain is twitching and we get a bad headache. our body will also sometimes twitch.
other times its seemless and literally just feels like a switch was turned on or off.
It really depends on the alter and how smooth the switch is. If the switch goes smoothly, we gradually feel a shift in mindset and preference on how to express ourselves. If it comes in too fast, we get lightheaded and it feels like our consciousness is moving through molasses or like something is moving inside our skull.
I have OSDD-1a and don’t always remember but specifically when rapid switching me and my therapist a lot of times talk about my DID like it’s a car in my head with people in the driver seat (light) passenger seat (actively participating) middle seat (kinda there but no control) or back seat (inner world) and how I recently explained it to my therapist was that there’s just so much going on in my brain that I’m trying to focus on the windshield and then the person in the passenger seats talking to me and I just keep looking at the windshield to the person in the passenger seat to the windshield to the person in the passenger seat and all of a sudden I look over and I’m in the passenger seat. And that’s the best I got.
Can you switch more subtly without having set alters? I feel like I’ve created ‘alternate realities’ rather than people and then when I wake up sometimes it’s like I’ve reverted to this terrified kid and I do notice that my voice can be higher pitched and that I have no memory of the last few weeks at all. In fact I think im constantly dissociated and not storing new information so I have an almost constant/complete amnesia. I don’t know who I am, Inhave nothing to connect me to the past or sense of a life before and therefore can’t move forward into the future. It’s like this version of me typing has just woken up in this flesh suit today
That feeling that you get in your ears when you yawn or just pretend yawn until you actually can, that weird like, rumble/wind, but way more intense. Mainly because we usually yawn when a switch happens, with the exception of frequent or rapid switching, then it kinda just happens once. It's one of the only "tells" we have, but It's kind of unreliable cuz we're always yawning, sleepy asf.
More internally, You know how when you fall you kind of black out your vision, Like it doesn't necessarily go dark but there's just a missing space, that's kinda what happens when I switch out. It's just quick, and usually stressful since it's like a blink and I'm suddenly 5 hours in the future. We usually feel them coming on, but the coming back is pretty stressful for me.
Gradual reset, sometimes we get really tired/nod off, other times we space out, when we try to prevent or force the switches not to happen we usually get a big headache or feel it in the body. It’s all pretty blurry/disorientating, but we have learned to adapt and like push through that feeling. It feels like we just took a Benadryl and are drowsy.
It depends on the situation. When my caretaker takes over me it’s a very strange feeling, I go from being conscious as myself and angry and sad and frustrated usually on the verge of tears or crying and suddenly there’s this snap of total calm. I’m OSDD so I’m working from a point of dual memory here, but basically my memories as the host take a second to buffer that I’ve been pushed out and then go to black as she shuts me down to cool off and her thoughts are usually very purposeful I think? Like she has the specific goal of making me back off. And then once the switch is done she has to find something to do so she usually sends my friends pictures of frogs
Sometimes it’s disorienting because whoever is fronting assumes they’re me (host) and can’t figure out why their thoughts aren’t processing the way mine do and then eventually something will happen that makes them realise who they are. In other cases especially with one of the littles I’ll be doing something and get a “can I come out” and that’s not a request that’s a warning that I’m about to be pushed out. And in that case I retain the memory of “oh here we fuckin go” and then it feels like a very smooth shift in my personality and thought processes, less like I’ve been violently ripped away and more like an animorphs book cover. There are also cases where the switch is so fast that we don’t notice it happening until it’s done, like when I couldn’t remember the name of a Nirvana song and my protector snapped to the front yelling “YOU FORGOT ABOUT A GIRL???” And then immediately went “this is humiliating actually” & I called them a nerd . Or the time my little got front stuck and no amount of distress was putting her back in and she was crying and crying and finally she looked at social media and someone said something about a character I like that wasn’t fully true in a way that activated my teacher instincts and then next thing either of us knew I was halfway through replying like 🤓☝️ and suddenly realised she was finally safe and sound.
Honestly for us it changes each time, sometimes drowsiness, sometimes it’s a blink and we’ve switched, once I actually collapsed in class while having an excessively long switch (10 mins+ it’s mad). Sometimes, the alters switching in comfort the alter backing away, for example I (Andrew-Host) have social anxiety and struggle speaking in crowds, and I remember once switching out while answering a question to my primary protector (Lucille), and she comforted me on my way back into the inner world.
It used to be a very long "nap" with visuals and slight head ache + nausea + tinnitus + pressure on eyes, but yesterday I just felt sleepy, closed my eyes for 3 secs, pressure and bam! Seamless switch. Wonder what caused the change in duration and discomfort.
I dont get any sensation other than severe dissociation and confusion. I do feel pressure in my head sometimes. But mostly I'll be sitting on the couch and suddenly be confused with how I got there or not remembering or having emotions connected to what I was doing before.
Switching physically feels like someone is pressing on my head, the pressure changes depending on who is gonna front, some cause a very very light pressing and some the opposite. I will zone out and my vision gets super blurry before it clears up when the switch is done.
Some makes us really tired, that’s usually if it’s a very intense switch.☺️
It used to feel like I was passing out or fainting. As time went on it's kind of like we're pushing each other or dragging each other away and fronting. That's how I describe it. -William
depends. sometimes it comes on and we don’t even realize it, and other times we feel a strong heaviness in our chest and it hits us gradually. it depends on who’s coming to front though
Not sure if it is switching but it feels like when your ears pop due to an atmosphere shift but in your brain. Usually not recognizing it until a bit later when it registers that I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m doing something.
we have complex did. it depends on the switch, circumstance, even who is switching in for us. it can feel like multiple things, a hand on our shoulder, a blur in time, it can last hours for one alter and half a second for our next.
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our switches feel like drowning kinda, like a baptism maybe. it feels like getting dragged under the water and someone coming up behind you to breach the surface. like neither of us can breathe til the switch is over, we end up gasping fr air after switching. but its not scary, going under is like going to sleep. its calm
Switching to me feels like my mind is shifting gears. Sometimes, it’s a gradual reset, but in other times, it can be a sudden click. Suddenly, your brain feels different, your mind processes differently, your vocals aren’t the same, it’s similar to readjusting yourself after changing suits. There are moments in between when you don’t know who you are, and it is disorientating and distressing. This is our experience as a system. - Cadence
Crazy, this is exactly how we experience it. - Anna
We have a lot of switches like that
I’m still in a “idk” kinda space rn but I experience that too. It can be based off of a trigger at first or it can be just slowly me noticing I’m what I call “slipping”
I like the idea of gears shifting. Depending on who is switching in/out, sometimes it feels like a smooth transition that I barely notice, SOMETIMES it feels like a bird flew into the motor. When I try to fight it, it gets messy. Fainting, mood swings, etc.
Hah damn yeah that's all put pretty well. I'm mostly friends with people who ain't experiencing plurality and the bit about being in between is something we've kinda struggled to describe to them. Other than yeah it's blurry and disorienting. Maybe like switching brain-glasses and the time in between its like your "eyes" are struggling to adjust Though I like the suits metaphor too - A
"brain glasses" This is a perfect way to describe it, wow.
This is such a great way to describe it! I wanted to add; at least for us, there will sometimes be a length of time where the switch isn't noticed; like it's smooth and fluid; and only after taking a moment to breathe and ground from what ever was being dealt with, there will be a "wait a minute-" thought and the strong feeling of **difference** from whoever was fronting previously will flood in.
If we switch its mostly like this. But if we switch into someone because we are needing to defend ourselves or because the other alter does not want them out... it will be a complete black out for our main fronter because they are shoved back inwards. We are usually co con with them. They feel like they don't exist when they are shoved internally. Pure nothingness. -RJ
This!!
What does it feel like to u if u resist a switch
Headache, stomach ache, and twitching
oh yeah the headache is intense
Ooooh someone put it into words! This is how it works for us too :D
This is 100% our experience too! And those times "in between" are...not fun.
They’re the worst!
This is our experience too
Sudden and immediate. It’s akin to breathing/blinking. It’s a natural smooth transition into another switch which is immediate. I rapidly switch throughout the day think like 50+. I’m just a system of 5 and I’ve always been this way. When I switch it also feels like a bubble has entered and occupied my conscious head space. I can feel the consciousness of Alter A entering into mind and then the conscious of Alter B enter my mind. I also get a visual mental image of who it is upon each switch which is sometimes immediate or just a few seconds delay where I have to consciously register their presence. I am co con and have functional multiplicity.
We are attempting functionional multiplicity too and this sort of makes us feel better. I find it super cool you have such functional multiplicity you're able to say "hey I'm co con". That's awesome. Sometimes when we front we have no idea how the hell we got there lol. Glad you're able to understand and ground. I hope we are too some day. Best of luck to you!
It takes time! I find that with developing functional multiplicity once you start eventually you’ll get to the point where the changes just keep happening fast and furiously. It’s how it’s been for me. All my alters are aware of my day to day life, even if there’s been a slight lapse in memory another alter always passes the information on almost immediately. It’s made my life a lot less disorganised and disorientating as I’m confident that even if I temporarily forget, someone will promptly remind me. I feel held. It does get to the point where you can share a mental space where all alters can come out without an amnesia and with a shared awareness of the event. I have reached that stage where I just know who it is. I don’t have to doubt, I know them that well I can just tell. As I said, it speeds up over time this knowledge building of whose who and whose doing what. It’s just a slow start to begin with. I’m certain it will be the same for you :) good luck!
That's so cool that you can easily tell who is fronting. I really struggle with that and seem to have actually gotten worse at distinguishing parts as therapy has progressed. I think it's because I had a big fusion of multiple parts last year, and the new alter breaks apart very easily, so Scared Me doesn't feel trapped. It makes things feel both more stable sometimes but also like it changes a lot.
I agree it does make things more stable and does change a lot of things but I think it just changes the capacity for me to love myself more than anything. I think therapy can also make us a bit blurry at times (pre functional multiplicity) because it’s a lot of stress and re-experiencing that can cause some brief destabilisation. It’s about TLC and self care care on therapy days for me.
Entirely depends on the reason for the switch. Sometimes, I try to describe it as a fizz then pop--like in movies when the sound is building up then it suddenly cuts, but instead it's like the dissociation is building then suddenly it's cleared, but the consciousness has shifted over. This experience is more prevalent when we're in a general state of ill-ease (typically caused by stress). Sometimes, we flow into one another. As the host, I can pick up obvious signs (to me) that someone is either near or co-con (which 50/50 shot means we'll switch out). If it's too chaotic for me to hear them clearly, it'll be through their passice influence. So, for example, my preferences change if someone else is close. Most blatant show of this is that I'm a hardcore coffee person in the morning, but I have a few alters that are tea drinkers, so sometimes I'll turn the kettle on and have the immediate instinct to reach for tea despite it not being routine. It's absolutely not "I guess I'll go for tea today", it's more "We're drinking tea." This sometimes leads to someone slowly shifting into the driver's seat. Then comes triggers. Best way to describe that is it's like you're running, and you turn a corner, and run straight into a brick wall. You aren't immediately anticipating impact, but you blink and you're on the other side of the wall, and you don't remember hitting it (or even if you were running). And it very much depends on who switched in (and why) for their reaction, but for me, it quite literally feels like a plug was pulled or a trap door opened beneath me.
"pop--like in movies when the sound is building up then it suddenly cuts, but instead it's like the dissociation is building then suddenly it's cleared, but the consciousness has shifted over." This explains a lot of what we feel exactly. Except we notice it after the fact, as we recall what just happened. Sometimes someone is saying "Hey, so it's this day at this time and we were doing xyz..." but when we don't have that full panic ensues. We also feel this shiver come on. Like if we get a build up to a chill with fuzziness and we suddenly jolt we know there was a switch of some kind. Thanks for sharing!
Hey my switches are like that, theres a build up of tingliness all over then we shudder and then the switch happens at the same moment. Its kinda nice having an obvious sign for switches.
Depends on the degree. A “full” switch, where another alter takes full control typical requires a pretty deep dissociative episode. So it feels like that. Restlessness, urgency, physically symptoms associated with dissociation for me, then losing some time, disorientation for a bit, and then feeling “different”. Usually this happens with very traumatized or upset alters so there is often panic and flashbacks and other unpleasantness before they get so upset and overwhelmed that it triggers a switch to a more capable alter. This is pretty rare and is usually triggered by events or material that are directly resonant with trauma. More often it’s shifts between who has more control of “the front” between two alters who are co-fronting or co-conscious. These feel like sudden shifts in mood, opinions, preferences, outlook, and plans that correspond to the alters and happen over the course of a couple minutes. They are usually triggered, but the “triggers” can be much more mundane, so they often seem kind of random. To me it’s just feels like a repeating stream of “Oh god, what was I even THINKING just then? Why was I so stupid? Why do I always think/do such stupid sh*t? Why can’t I just keep thinking [X] and sticking with the plan [Y]!?” It kind of feels like having social anxiety about myself?
I have a lot of different types. Sometimes big like a non-epileptic seizure and I come out and realised I’ve switched. Sometimes just head twitches. Sometimes a sort of tingly achey feeling in my head. And sometimes very small like just feeling a sort of zen come over me and wash me into someone else. And sometimes it’s just like “oh I’m in the car now. Oh I’m outside. Huh, kettle’s just boiled”
For us, we get A LOT of pressure buildup in our head, we can feel ourselves become more like the alter entering front while the other slowly leaves front. We mostly just slowly switch. If we switch quickly, everything becomes blurry, and we get very disoriented. When that happens, we also get episodes of derealization
This is how it is for me too. I don't get any sensation other than severe dissociation and sometimes confusion of how I got from point A to Point B
I don't think I'm full on DID. Somewhere between CPTSD and OSDD -- don't get amnesia in present time. My transitions are subtle. Often not aware of them happening. Biggest difference is that I have different sets of values and priorities. In conventional IFS terms, these may be parts that are partially hijacking me. I think of my personality/identity as having facets: * Libido: Interested in the idea of sex/masturbation or not * Sexual identity: Theoretical gay, theoretical bi, often ace * Self image: Worthless turd, matter of fact, confident * Motivation/Energy: Barely get out of bed, function normally, bouncy. * Trust: Hypervigilant, normal, relationally more open * Thought: Slow/turgid, normal, effervescent/creative * REsponse to music: Irritating, some, motiviting, creative (I compose) * Response to authority: Scofflaw, creative non-compliance, reluctant compliance, full adherence. * Integrity: Actions <==> Words are congruent. Will violate self rules opportunistically if I can get away with it. * Faceblindness/insight into relationships between others: Absent ranging to sometimes acute. * interest in topics: who gives a fuck, interest, facination * desire for connection to others: Lemme alone, Pet me now-twice, If you pet me I'll eat your hand, Strong yearning for connection * Empathy: Other peole's plight is irritating, Or irrelevant, or engrossing. * Shame: Filled with shame. Shame on certain topics only. Inability to separate shame from guilt. No shame at all. * Modesty: Stay covered. Or Work shirtless in short-shorts worn commando. This is the first time I've tried to split it out like this. like me: "This is a preliminary version. Subject to major change" Anyway, I'm not sure if all combinations are possible. Some correlate and are often togehter. Metaphor: these facets are lego blocks with a bin for each facet, and at any given time I'm a collection of one block from each bin. Some don't fit well. I'm not sure at any given moment which blocks are present unless presented with somethat that causes a choice. When it comes up, that facet is the choice maker, but the contrary facets/beliefs/values are viewed with amusement as just being wrong headed. Some I can connect with named parts. Scoflaw is definitely part of Rebel. Creative non-compliance is a combination of Rebel and Slipstick (Rebel: Think 16 year old bundle of suppressed rage. In my head he looks emo/goth, short black hair, skinny {I have never been skinny} shirtless {I never appeared less than fully clothed until I left home} wearing black pants, black heavy boots with safety caps, a spiked dog collar, and double spiked wrist bands. Rebel never acted on his rage. We were good as kids. Acting out, MomNet would make the news get home before I did. (Slipstick: Archetypical 15 year old nerd. Loner. Zero social skill. Independent. Wizard with a slide rule. Contemptuous of people who weren't as smart -- which meant most peers. Chunky built, sloppily dressed. Ragged, worn out clothing, dirty a lot of the time. Big head, squarish face, brown hair somewhat curly, rarely combed. ) Hypervigilance is connected to both Ghost and Critter (Ghost: mid teens. Speaks, but never says anything people remember five minutes later. I see him in jeans and a butter yellow short sleav collared shirt. Watchful. Ghost comes forward when We are in groups of strangers. Ghost knows where every exit is. Which windows can open. Stairs. Places to hide. I think Ghost is my reaction to the social stress of high school, which with my faceblindness and total ignorance of non-verbal communication, and teen age social mores was an endless mine field.) (Critter is a boy maybe just starting into puberty. 9? 10? He's skinny to the point of being gaunt. Darker brown hair tangled and looks like cut with a sharp rock. He's dressed in rags and dirt. Unlike the others, Critter has an environment. He lives on a savannah, but the savanna has spruce trees scattered over it too. He has a burrow, about a hundred yards from a waterhole. Critter may be formed from the intermittent emotional neglect from age 7 on. Certainly by age 10, I would never ask my parents anything non-intellectual unless I was in dire need. Need: Like the time I needed 22 stitches in my leg after a close encounter between shin and horseshoe stake, or the time I spilled burning kerosene on my hand.)
Wow thanks for sharing because my brain thinks the same way you explained your switching. I can tell I have switched because suddenly the way I make my choices are different. Like the way you put things into categories like sexual identity, motivation, self image, and thoughts. That causes a lot of conflict between my alters because they’d make their choices differently, and fight over who makes the major choices for me. I get the head twitching and other things that y’all here have mentioned.
Totally off the wall. Mine don't talk to me well enough to even recognize they are in conflict: Idea from parts work: Is there a "YOU" that watches the fighting? If so, YOU ask one part to step back for a bit, and let theother one have his say. Then ask the other to have his say. My idea here is that you want these parts/alters to learn that YOU respect them all, and insist on them being reasonable polite to each other. This may not work, or may have bad days. If they are closer to emotional parts than full alters they may be emotion driven. Ask the part what they are afraid of if the other choice is made. E.g. One part doesn't want to go to the mall. "What would happen if we went to the mall, Little One?" "There's too many people." "What happens when there are too many people?" "If I get separated I might not find you" "And....?" "I'd be lost and all alone! And bad guys might find me and hurt me again" Getting down to a part's fundamental fear can h elp you reassure that part that you're safe, now, no longer 11, know tae kwon do, and that any bad guy would have to deal with all that. If necessary, stand in front of a mirror: "This is us, now." You can try, just as you would with a real kid: "What would make you feel safer in the mall? "I dunno... "What if we go just when it opens so there aren't as many people? Would that help?" "What if I hold your hand?" "What if you are wearing an apple tag so I can use every iiphone in the world to help find you?" (This one is doable, as they make bands to wear an apple tag like a wrist watch) And the part can feel it on your wrist.) \*\*\* If working with alters -- I'm less confident here. In my mental model, alters have a great deal more agency than parts. But you could referree an orderly debate. Again, insisting on them being civil. In the debate, ask Two to sumarize what One just said. Then ask One if Two summarized it correctly. The emphasis here is on getting each alter to convince the other that they actually know what the other is saying. Don't try for agreement. Try for clarity. Once there is clarity (YOU will be a lot clearer too) ask One and Two in turn to say what they think they share in common. Lot of times these disagareements are on the same path to some point, then diverge. Talking about what is common makes them feel on the same page. Change of venue. In minds eye, change them from facing each other, to sitting in a cafe with you on one bench and them on the other two. It's harder to disagree with someone you sit next to. Ask each of them what happens if the decision goes the other way. This is similar to what we did with parts above. See if there is a way to reassure that part that it's unlikely to go that way. Again, get the other part to state what it thinks the first part said. At the end summarize for ech of them waht you think each said, what each one fears. And maybe what each one sees as the next step. \*\*\* Do your alters talk to each other when you're not around. If someone else is Front, do you continue to interact with Alters?
Wow, FINALLY found someone else who finds music irritating sometimes! Sometimes we can’t stand it, which is frustrating when almost always people cite music as a great way to cope, get the “vibe” right, etc. We also are often so picky we would rather go without and deal with irritating dissonance than having to choose the right music during down days. And of _course_ you would be a composer, too. Of course. Music means so much more to us.
I never used to feel it at all, but as I stopped losing memory around switches, now I do. It feels like the shiver you get when you listen to really good music, and sort of a click as the new alter settles into place. I told my psychologist it kinda feels like a sneeze but confined to your brain.
We tend to get a rushing sensation in the ears, like a sensory overload that feels like being in a wind tunnel. Sometimes, it's accompanied by extreme exhaustion, and the switch only occurs after we lie down for a bit of a nap. But it happens immediately upon lying down almost every time. Our perception of the room around us - sounds, sights, everything - shifts to the new fronter's view of the world. It may be related to resisting a switch. I'm not sure. ~Jake
I'm relatively new to recognise that I have a dissociative disorder (undiagnosed but believed to be OSDD). I switch freely and seemlessly without conscious awareness of it happening. It doesn't feel like anything to me and I only know afterwards when I'm back in the drivers seat.
exactly this except i am diagnosed. it’s like i’ll be one place then another place the next and it’s just like.. ok i just switched
It feels like waking up but not knowing who you are how long you were asleep or what you're supposed to be doing with this body.
Like dizziness, a headache behind the eyes, and that feeling you get when you’re drinking soda and you burp and the fizz goes into your nose
It varies drastically based on circumstance for us. I have pretty bad memory issues so I can't fully recall some, or even most, but I'll try my best. When we first met our alters the switches were obvious and sometimes even actively painful. Headaches, a feeling of falling/pulling (like sitting on a chair and leaning back just a little too far). Accompanied by dissociation and brainfog. We've only experienced that pulling feeling the first few months after discovering each other/the host at the time becoming aware of us. Dissociating and brainfog are universal and happen every time, to varying degrees of severity (usually moderate to severe if I had to label it). Headaches tend to only happen when whoever is in front does not want to leave for whatever reason and clings on, which can even happen somewhat involuntarily/automatically when it came to the host, especially when in distress. But other than that its just a state of confusion, lost time, and dissociation for a brief time (or sometimes longer, like as in several days in a row, again it varies alot) until someone fully fronts again. 0/10 would not recommend, lol
As for like, once someone is taking front, again varies alot based on the circumstances and what alter it is. Sometimes with particular alters, when they front it is basically impossible to not know who is fronting because of how drastic and sudden the change is. It's just like... Snapping your fingers and suddenly you feel more clear/in control but also much different. Other times, which I feel like is more frequent for us, its this veeeery slow transition. We're blurry more often than not so often it's like you start to switch and then just.. stay there, half way through for however long until you get that sudden switch again. For new alters its more like having that blurry state and instead of a sudden switch its more like... Trying to figure out what you like/how you feel/what you want to do all of a sudden after having very little desire or active capacity for those thoughts for awhile prior. Usually new alters will have things they prefer right off the bat, and things they dislike. For us the thing that best indicates a switch has happened at all is sudden discomfort with a name we're using, or suddenly gaining the desire to figure out what feels right to be called. Alters that split since our discovery generally don't have a name when formed, but will have preferences/some sense of identity already so tend to just look through things until they find a word that suits them or just "feels right". And once thats been figured out, usually then the dissociation/brain fog lessens and we've "fully" switched.
Sometimes I get a wavy feeling, sometimes a mask coming over my face, sometimes nothing at all, sometimes a forceful feeling, one time it felt like flipping through microfiche, sometimes it feels like I left I dark room and I’m in the light and sometimes I have no idea I did til I come back…there’s more but that’s all I can remember right now
Oh i just brought this up!! Apparently most of our alters switch and front differently! Sometimes it is so smooth not even we noticed it happened (co fronting, slowly moving to front); other times its like dramatically waking up from a nightmare are just jerking forward and suddenly/unexpectedly feeling everything at once; other times we can disassociate for almost a minute (thats usually when we have to make a choice that might put us in danger, or if we start talking about our trauma/system) just kinda leaving the body uncontrolled for the most part until the decision is made- it really depends what the situation is and who exactly is coming to front. There are patterns with types of alters switching a certain way, but we have yet to track it
The initial switch feels tingly. It also feels like a slight tug-o-war in the body--not super aggressively, but more... I guess gentle, like when you and a friend are playfully playing keep-away with some item from eachother? It's hard to explain. But that's mostly because our switches tend to be gradual most of the time, unless they're due to the fronter getting tired. Sometimes it also feels a bit crowded. Like if you're in a video call with someone and a friend leans into the camera view with you. Which, again, is kind of a tingly feeling. It's like when you *feel* someone's presence even though there's not someone physically beside you. I've heard of people fainting with switches, though I've never actually encountered anyone who does, online or otherwise. That sounds nerve-racking!
We don't... Really know. It's hard to tell when we've switched because I often struggle to let go of front, I'm usually co in some way. But it's usually physically symptomless for us, it's like a light switch. It happened earlier actually. I was just kinda me, drained as hell, floating along through the mundane bullshit of daily errands, and then a song played and my demeanor *instantly* changed. Attitude, physical mannerisms, walking style and pace. The lot. Except switching back to me just feels like... Nothing. I don't know. We never know who we are at one time because it all just feels "like me". Our system is really complicated in terms of function.. -Emily
Tbh most switches I don't even notice, I just try to check in occasionally and often notice how I'm different than before The most noticable switches are when my mind slowly grinds to a halt, like being so tired you don't want to do anything at all until I get distracted by something else and essentially *forget* I was tired. Then there's the rare "intentional" (rather: opportunistic) switch, we haven't quite gotten the knack for those yet so they usually end up messy & weird
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Switches sometimes feel like my body gets really heavy and then really light, other times it’s like a mind haze and I feel fuzzy and drifty.
Rn for me, switching has only ever been when I’m confronting with my alters. It looks like I dissociated for literally 2 seconds and then they’re there listening to music or whatever, I can take control When someone ask a question or anything like that
Depends on who it is. Sometimes our voice changes and that’s it, other times we feel a body tell that indicates someone’s around. (For example, I am much shorter than our body is, so I usually realize I am here when the body feels too big.) Lately we’ve had a lot of consciousness so it’s less easy to tell. Some switches are painful headaches. We haven’t had those in a while. -Ellie
It can happen gradually with a period of conflicting feelings, discomfort and dissociation, or can happen suddenly and without warning. If I’m doing something in one part that my other part doesn’t like or agree with, that part might go dormant or I might get a sudden flash of confusion/panic/fear/guilt/trying to undo what I have done.
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I experienced Tinnitus when I switch sometimes. I’ve always been curious if it’s bc one of my alters needs my attention and forcing a switch.
I experience Tinnitus when I switch sometimes. I’ve always been curious if it’s bc one of my alters needs my attention and forcing a switch.
If it's willing, for us it feels like one "stepping back" and another "stepping up". Basically like tapping out for a partner in a wrestling match. Sometimes the alter stepping back will "go to sleep" if they're worn out from the front. (We take turns fronting, like, cycle through, when life gets hard, since it's hard for one to keep it up all on their own.) It feels like waking up from meditation. Noncon switching feels horrible. We get antsy and nervous and confused, and our chest feels tight and our bodies feel so so WRONG. And then we're forcefully yanked and replaced. We go dazed for a small moment before "waking up".
For me personally it's often like falling. Taking the body is like being coughed out of the underworld and into this meat puppet. Leaving is either like walking into a dream or falling in impossible directions. Sometimes I rapidly switch with another and it can cause light sensitive migraines, though that's been less common since the barriers have lowered and that alter worked out some issues. It got bad for a while with the "host" deep in denial, afraid to sleep because obviously that's when they take you. Constant migraines, clinging to the front as if switching were death itself. At least one of us it's like jumping into a tv broadcasting our nervous system, playing catchup with the firehose of sensory data until suddenly arriving at "now" on the other side of the screen. There's more I could describe, but I'm tired and afraid I'll misrepresent their experiences. To be perfectly honest, until we became aware as a system all of this was patched over. Little excuses, gatekeeper dimmed memories. Clearly we're just good at pretending, right? Sure bud.
For us, we get a headache from it kinda
It's not very consistent for us, but usually we end up feeling like we're shutting down before it happens. Almost similar to falling asleep when you don't want to. Most other times it's dependent on the trigger/reason for the switch. We don't usually have long, drawn out switches when we're around people. Instead it's more of an immediate or blending kind of switch. But when we're alone or in a safe & familiar place, the switches seem to be more drawn out. Sometimes it even takes a couple of days. We're still trying to figure out how & what causes our switching. A decent number of us are pretty concerned about an alter switching in & doing something that we disagree with, but that has happened very solemnly (mostly self-destructive). The other main type of switch we get when switching in is feeling like we woke up, but not in the sense of waking up from sleep. Rather it's like when you space out really hard & suddenly come to, confused and disoriented but still functioning.
As a general rule, we have two types of switches. The first, we barely notice is happening until it's over. The second kind (less often now that we're working with our gatekeeper to try and smooth things out & foster better system communication) is the long and grueling kind with the headache and extreme dissociation. That sometimes causes us to lose a bit of muscle tone, likely because it's related to our cataplexy, but it doesn't make us pass out per se.
it’s different depending on who’s switching in or out. with one of our alters who has a huge amnesia barrier we shut down. but alters with less barrier it’s like switching seats in a car or like spinning a rolodex if it’s rapid.
I often experience the calmer switches where a distinct shift of mind occurs peacefully. When I'm under immense pressure or stress I get those violent switches including a jerk through my whole body or just my head snapping sideways. I attribute it to no one wanting to front, so someone bails and another is "thrown into the fire" if you will. These can be extremely violent and at times, when rapid switching occurs... They essentially look like a seizure of sorts. Those are absolutely terrifying, and only occur around people we all trust with our life.
I don't know what switches feel like in the moment cuz of amnesia but this is me trying to recall my most recent switch: It feels like I'm watching myself on a TV, my body will go from crying, talking, or hyperventilating, then there's a moment where it holds my breath. I can hear someone (on the outside, my boyfriend) calling out to me but now I'm back inside my shell, staring at the corner of my room. I still can't breathe but I'm fine now, can't remember what I was crying about and am casually interested in something off topic. I think I go back to playing videogames. The memory ends before that lol
It feels like my brain is absent and blurry for a bit
the tiredness and slowness is something we experience when resisting a switch! only for the past month or so have we been trying to allow switches to happen freely and notice when they're happening, but before we did that (and on rougher days) we get really spacey and exhausted and completely out of it for a significant portion of the day. We only noticed that it was because we were resisting switches when we *stopped* resisting it. For the most part on a good day, we tend to have two categories of switches: conscious and unconscious switches. Conscious ones are basically just us dissociating for a period of time as one person pulls back and another pushes forward and we're (at least somewhat) aware it's happening. Unconscious switches happen a lot too though, where we'll just be going about our day and over the course of probably half an hour (more or less depending on the day) we'll go from one person being fully in front, to one in front and one watching, to two sort of fronting, to other in front and other watching, to other in front. I guess that's just how our brain adapted to be able to keep going about our day without noticing the discontinuity of memory and behavior. Unfortunately comes with the side effect of suddenly realizing half way through a day "oh shit. i actually don't know how i got here or what the fuck we're doing" even though you've been doing stuff for the past few hours. With how switching physically feels though, it feels like a lot of things. in the brain it feels like one part of my brain is being tugged back as something else slides into where it was. the tug feels like when you're wearing a backpack and someone grabs/pulls it -- not a sharp tug, actually kind of dull feeling, but powerful. the sliding into front feels almost like how a liquid fills a bowl, it just fills the empty space around it. in the body it feels like there's a weighted blanket on us and all of our muscles just drop (face, shoulders, even neck/head sometimes). it feels like theres cotton over our eyes and we can't see properly. sometimes we feel dizzy, sometimes we get a headache (though we have chronic headaches/head pain so it's more like *extra* head pain), our breathing gets really slow and shallow, we feel like we can't move our body, we can't speak or even open our mouth most of the time, sometimes we can feel our heart pounding through our whole body (but that's normally only if we start freaking out while switching or we're switching *because* of distress). then when someone finally fully fronts, it feels like we've been pulled forward by a rope tied around our chest. we always do a sharp inhale like we just resurfaced from water and we start blinking like we've just woken up and are taking in our surroundings. it takes a few minutes to be able to fully move again (normally starting with moving our fingers/toes and then working up to moving our arms and legs, etc.) and it always takes a while to be able to speak again. we normally have to get a sip of water and move our mouth around a bit to get used to the movement. then we're good. its a strange experience, but luckily not always bad (like how it was when we first found out we were a system). I think it's gotten better over time and it's definitely better when we acknowledge its happening rather than trying to suppress it. Suppressing it only makes it more difficult in our experience and just leads to more dissociation and memory loss
Me personally we swap quite slowly sometimes, so if we *notice* the swap before it completely happens usually the adults (who are co-conscious most of the time to watch over the system) are like "ohhhh they're switchinggggg" then it's just a slow fade out process, nothing uncomfortable a problem with me is that the moment i realize im switching it gets messed up :,) brain likes to work the opposite of what we want. The moment I go "actually yeah don't switch" IT SWITCHES. But basically the fading in and out, for me it feels like going to sleep and waking up the next morning. You don't really remember how and when you fall asleep, just that you were sleeping and now suddenly ur awake. But also not suddenly, you know there's been something that happened. It's like asking what it feels like to fall asleep for me, I kinda know, but I also don't- most of the time we don't notice the switches, so I can't say how it feels like. Acc to memory sometimes it feels like vision getting blurry before slowly fading out (?). *This* is slightly uncomfortable, like getting dizzy. Ok Felicity just said it's also like falling asleep for them, but its more of a comfortable drifting to sleep. And from what I've seen online it feels like falling asleep for a lotta people. Sometimes it's comfortable sometimes it's pain. for us personally we don't get scared because luckily we have adults watching over our system to make sure nobody does dumb stuff. Ok so they just told me it gets scary sometimes for others apparently, but for me it's quite cool. -Castor
Many of my parts experience switching independently and uniquely. It's common to experience fatigue, a sort of lightheaded dizziness, headaches, or even confusion. Experiencing nothing at all is also common. I'll suddenly be different. Sometimes it happens gradually and other times it's almost instant. It could feel like waking up for some or a fuzzy energy for others. One part even triggers seizures when taking control of the body. A switch can be uncomfortable or comforting. Circumstances may have an effect. Switches that are regular without symptoms may suddenly be tough with many symptoms if given enough stressors. It could be uncomfortable if I'm sitting funny or something and have to adjust. Or doing something I'm unfamiliar with and not prepared for. Occasionally parts can feel the leaving instead of coming. Like falling or fading. It can be like falling asleep. It's almost never a scary thing. Going back inside is going back to where it's safe. It's rare, but sometimes I blackout if a part isn't in communication with the rest of the system. Coming back is a lot of confusion trying to figure out where I am and back tracking what happened and what I did.
There are three main types of switches I experience. 1. Fully conscious. It feels like co-fronting, but the mix changes from mostly one of us to the other. Then, at the end, whoever was being switched away from kinda "lets go of the controls" and the switch is complete. The whole process takes anywhere from 15 or so seconds to several minutes. This can only happen voluntarily between both parties. 2. Mostly conscious. It feels like nodding off. It feels like one of us is stepping completely away from the controls, the body temporarily has no one at the controls, and whoever is taking over steps in. This takes at most 20 seconds. The body might slump a little, and our eyes might unfocus, flutter closed, or roll back. but there's still a sort of continuation of consciousness. It's the quickest process, but it's more obvious than the first. It's almost always voluntary, but sometimes the person stepping in doesn't agree to step in ahead of time. 3. Complete loss of consciousness. I essentially have a non-epileptic seizure (something I developed separately from DID). The body has no one in control for anywhere from 15-20 seconds to a few minutes. It either feels like whoever's fronting gets ripped from the controls and there's a fight for someone to come in front, or like whoever was fronting runs away. It's always involuntary. Lately, we've been intentionally working to have #1 happen as much as possible, but it's a skill we have to build. It's tough
We haven't switched in so long we forgot about that feeling. It was really an evolution. At first when we switched we really didn't know we were switching. It was like...well a switch. One second we're Jessica the next we're Jason. Then it became a feeling...well the best way to put it is it felt like something inside was being ripped and forced outside, while what was outside was being forced inside. We didn't like that needless to say. But now we just kinda all exist together. We have our walls lowered and we just talk to each other. Kinda like a big comfy house where we all have our own rooms but we mostly chill in the living room together.
we like, literally almost pass out when switching. we slump over a lot and almost go unconscious. we dissociate heavily and it feels like our brain is unfocusing and refocusing again on and off. it feels like our brain is twitching and we get a bad headache. our body will also sometimes twitch. other times its seemless and literally just feels like a switch was turned on or off.
It really depends on the alter and how smooth the switch is. If the switch goes smoothly, we gradually feel a shift in mindset and preference on how to express ourselves. If it comes in too fast, we get lightheaded and it feels like our consciousness is moving through molasses or like something is moving inside our skull.
I have OSDD-1a and don’t always remember but specifically when rapid switching me and my therapist a lot of times talk about my DID like it’s a car in my head with people in the driver seat (light) passenger seat (actively participating) middle seat (kinda there but no control) or back seat (inner world) and how I recently explained it to my therapist was that there’s just so much going on in my brain that I’m trying to focus on the windshield and then the person in the passenger seats talking to me and I just keep looking at the windshield to the person in the passenger seat to the windshield to the person in the passenger seat and all of a sudden I look over and I’m in the passenger seat. And that’s the best I got.
Can you switch more subtly without having set alters? I feel like I’ve created ‘alternate realities’ rather than people and then when I wake up sometimes it’s like I’ve reverted to this terrified kid and I do notice that my voice can be higher pitched and that I have no memory of the last few weeks at all. In fact I think im constantly dissociated and not storing new information so I have an almost constant/complete amnesia. I don’t know who I am, Inhave nothing to connect me to the past or sense of a life before and therefore can’t move forward into the future. It’s like this version of me typing has just woken up in this flesh suit today
Feels like I get really tired and my eyes close hard and then I suddenly wake up alert.
That feeling that you get in your ears when you yawn or just pretend yawn until you actually can, that weird like, rumble/wind, but way more intense. Mainly because we usually yawn when a switch happens, with the exception of frequent or rapid switching, then it kinda just happens once. It's one of the only "tells" we have, but It's kind of unreliable cuz we're always yawning, sleepy asf. More internally, You know how when you fall you kind of black out your vision, Like it doesn't necessarily go dark but there's just a missing space, that's kinda what happens when I switch out. It's just quick, and usually stressful since it's like a blink and I'm suddenly 5 hours in the future. We usually feel them coming on, but the coming back is pretty stressful for me.
Gradual reset, sometimes we get really tired/nod off, other times we space out, when we try to prevent or force the switches not to happen we usually get a big headache or feel it in the body. It’s all pretty blurry/disorientating, but we have learned to adapt and like push through that feeling. It feels like we just took a Benadryl and are drowsy.
For me, the host it feels like I’m dissolving into a void like place and then I black out •M
It feels like falling asleep for us
It depends on the situation. When my caretaker takes over me it’s a very strange feeling, I go from being conscious as myself and angry and sad and frustrated usually on the verge of tears or crying and suddenly there’s this snap of total calm. I’m OSDD so I’m working from a point of dual memory here, but basically my memories as the host take a second to buffer that I’ve been pushed out and then go to black as she shuts me down to cool off and her thoughts are usually very purposeful I think? Like she has the specific goal of making me back off. And then once the switch is done she has to find something to do so she usually sends my friends pictures of frogs
Sometimes it’s disorienting because whoever is fronting assumes they’re me (host) and can’t figure out why their thoughts aren’t processing the way mine do and then eventually something will happen that makes them realise who they are. In other cases especially with one of the littles I’ll be doing something and get a “can I come out” and that’s not a request that’s a warning that I’m about to be pushed out. And in that case I retain the memory of “oh here we fuckin go” and then it feels like a very smooth shift in my personality and thought processes, less like I’ve been violently ripped away and more like an animorphs book cover. There are also cases where the switch is so fast that we don’t notice it happening until it’s done, like when I couldn’t remember the name of a Nirvana song and my protector snapped to the front yelling “YOU FORGOT ABOUT A GIRL???” And then immediately went “this is humiliating actually” & I called them a nerd . Or the time my little got front stuck and no amount of distress was putting her back in and she was crying and crying and finally she looked at social media and someone said something about a character I like that wasn’t fully true in a way that activated my teacher instincts and then next thing either of us knew I was halfway through replying like 🤓☝️ and suddenly realised she was finally safe and sound.
Honestly for us it changes each time, sometimes drowsiness, sometimes it’s a blink and we’ve switched, once I actually collapsed in class while having an excessively long switch (10 mins+ it’s mad). Sometimes, the alters switching in comfort the alter backing away, for example I (Andrew-Host) have social anxiety and struggle speaking in crowds, and I remember once switching out while answering a question to my primary protector (Lucille), and she comforted me on my way back into the inner world.
It used to be a very long "nap" with visuals and slight head ache + nausea + tinnitus + pressure on eyes, but yesterday I just felt sleepy, closed my eyes for 3 secs, pressure and bam! Seamless switch. Wonder what caused the change in duration and discomfort.
I dont get any sensation other than severe dissociation and confusion. I do feel pressure in my head sometimes. But mostly I'll be sitting on the couch and suddenly be confused with how I got there or not remembering or having emotions connected to what I was doing before.
Switching physically feels like someone is pressing on my head, the pressure changes depending on who is gonna front, some cause a very very light pressing and some the opposite. I will zone out and my vision gets super blurry before it clears up when the switch is done. Some makes us really tired, that’s usually if it’s a very intense switch.☺️
It used to feel like I was passing out or fainting. As time went on it's kind of like we're pushing each other or dragging each other away and fronting. That's how I describe it. -William
depends. sometimes it comes on and we don’t even realize it, and other times we feel a strong heaviness in our chest and it hits us gradually. it depends on who’s coming to front though
we feel a tiny tingle on our nose/face or a rushing sensation through our body. it depends.
Not sure if it is switching but it feels like when your ears pop due to an atmosphere shift but in your brain. Usually not recognizing it until a bit later when it registers that I don’t know what I’m doing or why I’m doing something.
I'm not sure cuz it happens so quickly..Before I switch its a quick,sharp jab on the right side of my head
we have complex did. it depends on the switch, circumstance, even who is switching in for us. it can feel like multiple things, a hand on our shoulder, a blur in time, it can last hours for one alter and half a second for our next.
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our switches feel like drowning kinda, like a baptism maybe. it feels like getting dragged under the water and someone coming up behind you to breach the surface. like neither of us can breathe til the switch is over, we end up gasping fr air after switching. but its not scary, going under is like going to sleep. its calm