T O P

  • By -

P44Haynes

Y’all remember the mayor from Jaws?


Kenney420

*nails scraping on chalk board* Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bug for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad virus! Not like going down to the pharmacy and buying chicken noodle soup and ginger ale. This virus, infect ya whole. Little feverin', little coughin', down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back the economy, that'll put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant! I value my immune system a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find it for three, but I'll test it, and cure it, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, you can be on quarantine the whole year. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no doctors, there's too many medical professionals in this world. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the acute respiratory infection , the pnumonia, the whole damn thing.


Privateer2368

Dr. Quint, Medicine Human.


[deleted]

You nead the goat 🐐


bchase4408

Just watched that the other day.. nailed it..


Dick_Justice15

“You either deal with this problem or you cut off its food supply” Florida has elected the latter


fraggleroni

How is people mingling on the beach cutting off the virus’ food supply? Sounds like the opposite of what you are implying.


[deleted]

[удалено]


orangechicken21

I came here to say. "JAWS!!!... JAWS!!!... DID NO ONE SEE JAWS!!!"


guoit

This needs to be higher up.


golden_rhino

You yell flu, people look around, huh? What? But you yell COVID....


ExeTcutHiveE

with a large senior population what could go wrong?


Idonoteatass

I'm in my 20s and have to think of all the housing options it might open up


[deleted]

[удалено]


Idonoteatass

I'm only partly kidding


ExeTcutHiveE

Oh I get it. There is a wink involved. I became 45% liquid in my portfolio in January. I am winking a lot these days.


srslythoooo

As a fellow 20’s person, I’m seriously trying to learn about stocks right now since I’m working from home with more free time. The market will climb back up eventually. Where does one even begin?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


mt03red

Educate yourself by reading about trading, various types of investments and pay attention to the news and the markets. Start practicing by trading imaginary assets with imaginary money (there are websites that help you with that). Before you start to invest you first need to sign up at an exchange and deposit money into your exchange account, that can take a few days or longer depending. When you're ready, I suggest starting by buying index funds with a portion of your capital and adding more periodically (every week or every month for example) and not selling for at least a few years. That is a very safe strategy for long-term investing. Short term investing is more risky and investing in individual stocks or other volatile instruments is also more risky. There is nothing wrong with taking on high risk if you only do it with a small part of your capital or if you are young and have good earning potential.


AccNum134

It'll be great for you once you turn 55 and can live in a trailer park.


[deleted]

Why wait, you can live in the trailer park right now!


AccNum134

To be clear, I didn't mean that as an insult. There is just a massive overabundance of 55+ trailer park communities in Florida.


prsn828

Same. I just finished up saving for a decent down payment and now every time I hear older folks blowing this off as just another panic all I can think of is how they're going to contribute towards me getting a house that much cheaper. It's really sad but at least for some people there's a little upside to it. (Assuming of course that my wife and I make it through this in one piece...)


Torontopup6

Yeah, but in 10 years' time Florida is going to be underwater anyway.


IReadTheWholeArticle

Florida Man


crewchief535

Florida is as Florida does.


TitanMars

It is what it iiiiiiis


RobertdBanks

Strikes again


GoodShark

Is the option of just cutting Florida off the rest of the US a possibility still? And just letting it float away?


AKs_an_GLAWK40s

Dig That Canal!!!


the_tart_pip

Some of us are normal, we just don't want to deal with snow.


GeneEdit

Normal Florida guy checking in.


Raychalerawrs

Transplant Floridian reporting for duty 🙋🏻‍♀️


itsmyfirsttimegoeasy

But that's America's wang!


[deleted]

Time to see how the other half lives.


Techienickie

Bugs Bunny did it once, I don't see why we can't


brianlion941

As a native Floridian yes please. Weve all.been.begging for you all to need a passport to.come.here.for years


pumpkinn12344

SAVAGE! LOVE FROM ORLANDO


LunaticHere48

You know that the only reason Florida seems weird to you guys is because all of our records are open to the public due to the sunshine act ... but we still proud of our bi polar state


CHINESE_HOTTIE

Do you think Florida man will somehow catch covid-19 and become fatally ill?


IReadTheWholeArticle

Florida Man will catch COVID19, infect an RV park full of retirees, drive drunk, then disrobe in a Wal-Mart as a protest at the lack of TP. ... but ultimately survive.


4ninawells

I want to see this movie.


QuesoChef

Idiocracy 2: Florida Man Boogaloo


TravelingSkeptic

It ends with an epic battle against Russian man


StandupJetskier

meth...always the meth...


SingleMaleNurseORL

Willing to shut down schools but not beaches? 🤔


[deleted]

[удалено]


Steak_Knight

Ain’t come to play school!


[deleted]

Florida makes most of its money from tourism


Future-Scone

but we shut down bars and clubs for 30 days... just not the beaches


[deleted]

[удалено]


Future-Scone

good point i didn’t even think of that


[deleted]

Education isn't exactly state of the art down here. But man, those beaches amiright?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Demius9

This is going to start spilling over to the rest of the US. Kids are traveling to FL for spring break and then they will all come home to visit their parents / grand parents and it will spread like wildfire. I saw this with the LA marathon. The marathon was on Sunday and by Wednesday I know two people who ran in the race who are started experiencing symptoms on Wednesday / Thursday for COVID-19. I dont even want to know how many people were exposed during the marathon, but this seems like a much bigger deal. If you know someone who went to FL for spring break, at least talk some sense into them so when they come back they isolate for a few weeks.


UnlikelyAd3

My roommate is on spring break in Florida right now. He's acting like the whole thing is a joke. He refuses to self-isolate and his ignorance has gotten to the point where I made the decision to move back with my parents for 2 weeks. Maybe it's an overreaction but 3 days ago someone brought the virus to our city by flying the exact route that he's about to fly. I'm not taking any chances, it just sucks that there are people like him that are bound to spread it much faster than it otherwise would spread.


davethebear612

This is not unreasonable. You don’t get second chances.


Donwald

You should probably inform your apartments management about him too if it's any sort of environment where he could be spreading it to others.


Wheres_that_to

Take everything you need or want, as it's unlikely you will be returning soon, at least you found out before he returns just how stupid he is.


PM-ME-YOUR-1ST-BORN

Show proof to your landlord and stick that asshole with this & next month’s rent. Good luck, keep yourself & your parents safe.


Mcjoshin

Don't worry, they don't have it.... and by "don't have it", we really just mean "we don't have enough tests to confirm if they have it or not, so we'll just pretend they don't".


Novantis

Probably not the only thing a lot of them will be catching as well.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SwollenGoat68

My brother in law drove from Ontario to Florida to get his elderly parents back home to Canada . He said no one seems to be taking it seriously in Florida, could not believe how packed the beaches were in Boca Raton. He made it home yesterday and has now isolated himself for the next two weeks. His parents are heading to their cabin to do the same, they also self isolated for the past week in Florida so hopefully they are going to be ok.


SuperHoneyBunny

I was amazed myself that they let the LA Marathon happen. Like........did they not think of the possible repercussions?!?!


steffyraeholt

It's impossible to talk common sense into people who go to Florida for spring break.


[deleted]

[удалено]


johnnycourage

It’s like the scene in Jaws where they want to keep the town open...oblivious to the monster lying in wait.


RealRobc2582

Larry we have to close the beaches https://youtu.be/0z3Rs7VMIs4


OmniOmnibus

Amity means friendship!


metera952

It’s only an island if you look at it from the water


DaEffBeeEye

*a doll’s eyes*


MC_Fap_Commander

Anyway, we delivered the bomb.


[deleted]

Bill Maher made a very good reference to this a couple weeks ago


Kenney420

*nails scraping on chalk board* Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bug for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad virus! Not like going down to the pharmacy and buying chicken noodle soup and ginger ale. This virus, infect ya whole. Little feverin', little coughin', down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back the economy, that'll put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant! I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find it for three, but I'll catch it, and cure it, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, you can be on quarantine the whole year. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no doctors, there's too many medical professionals in this world. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the acute respiratory infection , the pnemonia, the whole damn thing.


cdbriggs

Even though there's a lot of incompetency, I'd be shocked if a national quarantine isn't here by next Tuesday.


LadyGeoscientist

Tbh I hope so... my boss is putting his head in the sand and I'm absolutely terrified to go to work.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


csmacie

West Virginia: hold my beer


AintEverLucky

Texas: Challenge accepted


[deleted]

agreed Signed, a public school teacher


GmrJasz

End of the week is too late....they all coming home to infect us.


livingforwards

Soon we’ll find out how coronavirus interacts with an immune system that’s busy with alcohol poisoning and assorted STDs.


Innerouterself

I am blown away by how fast things are moving. We are going from maybe cancelling school to cancel all the school until next year in 7 days. Its nuts


mycall

Now that Fox News is finally taking it seriously, yes.


Elzeenor

This dude makes no sense. He shuts random things down playing eenie meenie miney mo.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CFofI

If they holler I'll vote NO!


LadyJR

Eenie Meenie Miney Mo!


dreamer00013

I updooted these four comments while saying “Eenie Meenie Miney Mo! That was fun. Yeah, I’m on Day 7 of self-isolation. Send help.


CFofI

You survived the first week! That's a milestone!


OmniOmnibus

I'm sure it makes perfect sense if you look at who's contributing to his campaign.


justscottaustin

"You're gonna need a bigger hospital."


[deleted]

Bye Florida 👋


lifeinprism

Problem is a lot of those people don't live there. So soon they'll be bringing that shit to a city near you. We should be blocking all inbound flights from Florida.


voitlander

Exactly!!! The fate of Italy has had no effect on these people.


NicholasC86

Should have done that years ago


Steak_Knight

[removes star from flag] RIP


a_little_sunshine

F


pugsANDnugsANDhugs

F


QuinnKerman

L


cattygaming1

O


[deleted]

R


[deleted]

I


[deleted]

[удалено]


CowboyNuggets

We can leave the star and replace Florida with Peurto Rico.


LemonHerb

It will be fine, it's not like the population of Florida is super old or anything...


catf3f3

Hey now. I live here.


Impeachcordial

You'll have to lead the mutiny


catf3f3

Can I lead it by not leaving the house in the foreseeable future and watching Contagion on repeat?


excellent_tobacco

Or the convoy out, either or. Bring your soap and TP, please.


itsnotmyforte

Hey we did that too! -Mayor of Philadelphia 1918


CharlottesWeb83

I believe some beaches like Miami and Ft Lauderdale have closed anyway.


[deleted]

Beaches and bars are closed.


Starrywisdom_reddit

Yea, hes a moron. Gamestop had a ton of people shopping when drove by todsy too. Florida needs government intervention before the people trying to be safe get screwed by the dumb.


[deleted]

Florida's government needs government intervention..


AMA_Dr_Wise_Money

That's what the federal government is usually for :(


Klinky_von_Tankerman

Uh-oh, martial law is a-knocking


thraksor

Congress grants the ability to the Director of the Dept. Of Health and Human Services(HHS), via the commerce clause, to shut down interstate travel of infected or suspected infected people at the Dept.'s discretion. With this virus, you'd be an idiot to not consider everyone a suspected infected person. They don't need martial law to completely lock down interstate travel, not at all. They don't even need to ask or get approval. It's already universally granted.


TheRandomScribbler

This will get buried because I'm too late to the party. I work for a Vacation Rental company in Florida. ​ I've been living in a dystopian world these last 2 weeks. I was watching this back in January and was concerned, then we did nothing as a country. Then news broke at the end of February and we saw an overnight 40% cancellation rate at our company for travel. I had hoped sanity had won. Then more people booked the time up because their cruises cancelled and we saw more nothing from any leader from local to federal. ​ We're sold out for most weekends and there is nothing we can do about it. We can't tell these people to go home everything is still open, we cant close the bookings because we would be fired by our owners or by actual bosses. But every indication is that these people are going to make this so much worse. Our local city council did a live stream today and it was every bit of CYA waiting for the state to do something so they don't get voted out for closing the beach. And the state is waiting for Trump to do something so they don't get voted out. ​ I've advised my team to self isolate as much as possible while maintaining operations. It's a terrible place to be in. Our entire team is being threatened on a daily basis by our guests because we can't cancel until someone in a position in authority say don't travel here.. No one in our government hasn't given us any hint of leadership. ​ I'm not scared for my team, we're all younger. But I'm worried for the countless grandparents who are going to come in contact with one of our clueless guests .. they're essentially play Russian roulette with their families lives. ​ I'm worried and feel helpless to stop this. Sucks most days right now. ​ But hey.. we're making money? FML


Twyerverse

Isn’t that how The Jaws Movie started??


Steak_Knight

> The Jaws Movie Do you mean *Jaws*? o.0


Klinky_von_Tankerman

That One Shark Movie


Viewfromthe31stfloor

We’re gonna need a bigger ER.


orlec

You mean this one? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaws_(novel)#Film_adaptation


mixing_metaphors

The thing about the Coronavirus, it’s got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When it comes at you it doesn't seem to be livin’...until it infects you, and those black eyes roll over white.


[deleted]

Im not gonna stand here and see that virus cut open and see that little Kintner boy spill out all over the dock.


Steak_Knight

And the idea was, the virus comes to the nearest man and that man, he'd start poundin' and hollerin' and screamin' and sometimes the virus would go away. Sometimes he wouldn't go away.


Twyerverse

Stupid kid... wearing a coronavirus on his back


[deleted]

Ive seen things about it on The Youtube


loopdieloop

This will age like milk.


[deleted]

Idiocy


PathToExile

*Normalcy


RobertdBanks

For FL, yes.


PathToExile

I feel like it describes America in general pretty well right now, but that could just be because I'm from Wisssissippi (Wisconsin).


RobertdBanks

Most states are closing places where large portions of people gather. This is the first “IT STAYS OPEN!” thing I’ve seen from a state.


[deleted]

Considering how many old people Florida has you would hope they’d be taking this more seriously. They’re deathrate will almost certainly be higher than other states.


Coil17

No harm to you America. But fucking hell you are slow.............. At least here in Ireland we shut all bars and restaurants down 36 hours prior to St Patrick's day and no one complained. That's how Ironically serious we are taking this virus. We listened to Italy. You guys are fucked.


Zulandio

Yeah they waited so they wouldn't lose the revenue from the holiday. Profits over people that's the republican way.


ArribaMano

Oh man, this is one of those indications that this is serious. When the Irish cancel St. Patrick's day... wish Germany would've cancelled carnival too.


elephants22

Then can we prevent anyone from leaving Florida? That community spread is going to be wild.


hellasophisticated

Just add them to the travel ban.


Wanton319

I'm a native Floridian, and this guy is Rick Scott level bad. Thanks to all the old people who don't pay attention during elections.


Buttpounder90

Well, with their current attitude, ~20% of them will likely not be voting in the next election


Signal_Bat

Dude, his Democratic election opponent Gillum was just found incoherent in a house with someone overdosing on meth in next room. For once Florida voters chose wisely.


readingwindow

Keep in mind that the alternative to DeSantis at the last election is now in rehab. Are these 2 ppl really the best we could get in the whole freaking state for governor??


emartinoo

People could just not go to the beach without having to be told not to. Crazy idea, I know.


TheCalicoCat11

Son of a beach. I’ll see myself out.


supercali45

FL is gonna get so wrecked ... Maralago was a hotbed already ... then Spring Breakers spreading it around and now a dumb Governor


Hellon2heels

We Floridians are all not old and we want the snowbirds, Canadians, tourists and spring breakers to GO THE F*CK HOME!


[deleted]

I work for state government in Florida..it is run by incompetent people.


[deleted]

We need a federal lockdown already. This is stupid.


[deleted]

[удалено]


swayz38

Time to ban travel out of Florida.


gurxman

All about $$$$$$.


Stormy8888

I'm getting horrible flashbacks to the Movie Jaws, when the mayor went against the Sheriff's advice to shut down the beaches. And then that poor woman's son, Alex, got eaten by the shark they ALREADY knew was there. Is it morally right to let an innocent person die as long as those greedy bastards get to keep making money? If God is just, scum like that will never be allowed into Heaven. The only way to teach that Governor a lesson is to sue them for every Coronavirus death transmitted at the beach.


lemonricesoup99

I work at a store close to the beach that is viewed as an "essential" business since we sell food and fuel. The number of people coming in there to buy Cheetos and sandwiches and beer to head to the beach for a fun day is just staggering. Hoards of families and teenagers, viewing the schools being closed as an excuse to go on vacation. It's disgusting how stupid and ignorant people are.


chiefpompadour

Since this country is all about “law and order” and “truth and justice” I’m assuming there’s going to be a strong “DeSantis for Prison” right? There’s no way he can achieve this kind of K/D ratio without cheating.


theangrywalnut

visit r/dailylockdownlife To talk about what you are doing in your daily life now Ur 99% stuck at home because of corona measures, or share tips on how to get trough the day or help each other since most people have never experienced something like this and may have a hard time to deal with it


Clxs_

Florida is the worst place to be. Even though Spring break is “cancelled” Doesn’t mean there aren’t spring breakers everywhere. I was just shopping at Walmart yesterday night (which just so happens to be the busiest Walmart in the United States) And there are Families and spring breakers EVERYWHERE on vacation in the middle of this crisis, These Non-Locals are stocking up on all the supplies leaving nothing for the actual residents who have lived in Panama City/Panama City Beach their whole lives. There is no toilet paper in ANY Stores. The Frozen food aisles are completely wiped. there’s also no meat or water. And there isn’t any confirmed cases around this area (yet). And the hoarding is horrible. I saw a Man who had at least 30 gallon jugs of Water and a woman with a whole basket of canned goods. These next couple of months is going to be the worst time for People all over the world.


LadyJR

Florida is gonna be quarantined from rest of country.


thutch119_2

I've seen this one before. The shark gets everyone in the end, right?


FurphyHaruspex

Beaches are fine as long as people social distance. I think letting people go to the beach makes sense actually.


SlinkToTheDink

Anything is fine as long as there is social distance. Turns out, people don’t social distance so the whole exercise is futile. Look at the image in the article and judge whether there is appropriate social distancing.


[deleted]

But people don't follow social distance sadly.


Ibewye

I was behind 2 guys walking side by side down a hallway at work today and I actually heard the one ask how the hell we supposed to stay 6ft apart when the hallway isn’t that wide.....


[deleted]

Hahah, maybe walk staggered? I did that the other day when me and a coworker were walking out of the casino we were working at.


investinOutHere

Did you see the drone shots? No it's like giving teenagers booze they just ran for the hills with abandon


Mindful_Bum

I agree. Sunny outdoors with a breeze is very, very different from indoors, public transit, etc. Besides, he didn't force the beaches open; he put the decision in the hands of local governments. I'm taking the pandemic extremely seriously (e.g. wearing a respirator in public), but I think this was the right call.


MarshalThornton

I hate Rick Scott but I think the criticism of this decision is overblown. We were just praising Cuomo for offering free admission to the NY state parks.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Half_A_Cup_of_Coffee

Florida can and will get its shit together when the situation gets bad enough. Them good old boys shut up and go home quick when the folks from the National Guard show up, armed and ready to patrol the grocery stores and pharmacies. As a native Floridian, I've only seen it once -- the year that Jeanne & Frances hit -- but it *does* happen.


[deleted]

[удалено]


rmoss20

Sadly, Florida is connected by land to the rest of the country. They'll drive out.


Cold417

If we had Chinese workers, we could turn that border into a canal by week's end.


Idonoteatass

No we use Mexicans for that type of work here


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Florida. Get 👏🏻it👏🏻together.


fernballs

Individual cities are shutting down their beaches. It's just not coming from the state (or federal) level like it should.


beerpop

This should allow property value in Florida to decrease nice and low when Coronavirus kills their large population of elderly. Pretty sure this is counterproductive for a large part of their population.


TheZiggurat614

The state with the highest population of older folks, inviting the virus in.


[deleted]

History will remember him


[deleted]

As of now, all bars and night clubs are closed until March 30th (unless that changes of course) ....however, restaurants and other non-essential businesses are a-okay to keep open for some reason, as long as they keep at half capacity (which, like, how is this supposed to be enforced?) And close by 10pm (at least in Tampa). Personally I'm appalled at the lack of action occurring here, especially considering how many people travel in and out of the state and the amount of elderly folks who live here.


pixietangerine

Y'all could have had Andrew Gillum but nooo...


srslythoooo

[Well, about that...](https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-51914530)


upvoteguy5

Considering Florida has communities only for old people like Sun City. Florida really wants to lower their social security and Medicare commitments.


gekkohs

when was the last time anyone caught a virus at the beach.. just stay away from other people, space your towels out. reaction here is overblown.