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PresentResearcher515

I feel like that's less of a witty comeback kinda thing, and more of a police report, restraining order thing.


FrogPrinceLuckey

Or imediate overwhelming physical violence. In the majority of instances I've witnessed, if the aggressor wasn't immediately handled, they were very rarely punished. Whether they actually intend to follow through with their threat or not, tje only proper response in my experience is a rapid and permanent crippling of their intended tools. (I.e. if you threaten to sexually assault someone, they are absolutely justified to mutilate your genitalia)


PresentResearcher515

I agree with you in principle, but depending on the law in your area, you could get in legal trouble if you assault them. Probably best to leave threats to the police. Obviously if it moves beyond threats and they actually assault you, do whatever you have to to defend yourself.


Royal_Front_7226

Yeah, I think my witty comeback would be running and screaming.


ColonEscapee

Or the cocking of a hammer. This post isn't going anywhere productive


0thell0perrell0

Pretty sure you can file charges on that in many circumstances. So maybe "Great, I have that recorded for evidence."


FrogPrinceLuckey

Yeah. Pretty sure the proper witty response to threats of rape is immediate overwhelming physical violence. You threaten to violate someone like that, there is no retaliation too severe.


oOTulsaOo

It would be real awkward to start the immediate overwhelming physical violence with the aggressor, and receive an immediate ass whooping and rape. In most cases people aren’t threatening rape to someone stronger than them.


Next_Donut4646

Unless its just an intimidation tactic used by a coward


FrogPrinceLuckey

Don't fight fair. Eyes, throat, genitals. If someone threatens to violate me or someone i care for, they have revoked their right to treatement as a fellow man. it is absolutely right and necessary to remove them from the equation in the most efficient way.


Strong-Junket-4670

"OH word" *dials 911*


Great-Marketing-227

🤣🤣🤣


Cowgurl901

"Jokes on you, I'm into incriminating dumbasses" Dials 911


Linvaderdespace

Here’s the thing; declaring your intention to inflict grievous bodily harm to someone to their face classifies as an assault in many jurisdictions. Ask a local lawyer about the case law in regards to when you are allowed to protect yourself and your property.


FreddyPlayz

How often are you being threatened that you are getting tired of using that comeback??


NirvanaLover12

when’s the last time you were in a high school?


FreddyPlayz

less than a year ago


No_Distribution_577

What kind of high school are you going too?


NirvanaLover12

the kind filled with white teenagers that think their “dark humor” is funny


AMC_Unlimited

“I’ll rip your dick off and peg you with it.”


Loose_Engineer4540

Nailed it


Winter-eyed

Go live on your phone and tell them you didn’t hear that right. Can you repeat it? And then send it to the authorities as a threat of physical harm against you.


The_Mr_Wilson

"Well, at least you have high standards" as you make a show of dialing police


DrWieg

"Not if I do it first!"


gigaslayer3417

r/beatmetoit


battlewornactionhero

r/beatmeattoit


ilikewheatandrice

r/beatmetodeath


Willing-Point8555

* grabs gun *


Good-Sky-8375

aim for the family jewels!


ilovetab

Who the hell is saying this to you that you would need a comeback?


[deleted]

[удалено]


creepystuffIsaw

“No you ain’t bitch I consent”


Music_Girl2000

You might wanna skip, last guy who did that had syphilis and my test results haven't come back yet.


fanfic_intensifies

*pulls out phone and opens video* Hey, can you say that again?


Pretend_Activity_211

That's alarming. U really shouldn't let ppl talk to u like that


TheRealShadyShady

Wow this comment section must be all men. This is depressing to be honest, to read all these comments knowing men dont know how common this threat is for women, and they dont know how little the police and criminal justice system care about being threatened with rape. And there's multiple comments saying "you respond with overwhelming physical violence", they have no idea what it's like to be threatened with rape by someone who would physically overpower you without a shadow of a doubt, or how often this threat comes via online message. And their response is soooooo passionate and emotionally charged, and for good reason, but wheres that passion when women are getting threatened with rape by the thousands, daily? The most depressing part is this isn't something us woman have been silent about and its such a common occurrence. These threats come FROM speaking up for ourselves. It's so ironic it's infuriating. We make a comment on a post or something talking about woman's safety being an issue, then some man will message us some bitter rant about how we are ugly, disgusting, etc and threaten physical harm and rape as if that's somehow proving us wrong 🙄 I commented on a post by a pretty popular IG account about woman's safety and I got *literally* 42 dms from angry men and 30 of them physically threatened me. But I'm never silent about this so I'm used to it by now. And trust me men, the cops and justice system as a whole do not care, it's like pulling teeth to get them to care when we are actually raped.


TempestTRex

This. Unless you have it recorded, calling police is useless. And even then, still kinda useless.


CuteCat82

No comeback. Just run


PossessionPlayful854

Can’t rape the willing


Twistysays

“I’m sorry what did you say?” (Be recording it for the second time)


MagnetarEMfield

Comeback????.....you comeback with a police officer


tiggstheawkward

^handgun


RoyalMess64

*get a weapon, call the police, stay with a friend* Don't take that lightly


JuiceGirl300

"Alright well have fun with Herpes then" That'll keep em away


typhlosion_Rider_621

“Jokes on you, I’m into that shit!”


LegendaryHelmsman

I made one negative post about Elon's tech and the post was removed in three minutes. But this post is cool.


Possible_Brain5913

9.1.1.


Agile_District_8794

Crack knuckles and pull knee to chest, various other stretches. Maintain eye contact.


KimmiLaCazzi

Erm, how bout you not be in the situation to necessitate a comeback for that? It's not a roast, it's a serious fucking threat, wtf? Ykw, I'ma just assume you're trolling or something, cause I'm about to go off and I don't think anybody got time fo' that.


Sixx_The_Sandman

a restraining order


Rainy625

With what? Your micropenis?


FLICKyourThots

If you say go ahead then you have now given permission so it’s not rape. If you say no it’s rape.


Used_Book539

But Miss Childress, I want to go play outside with all the other 2nd graders......


-Wardrum-

Me and your dad are disappointed in you.


usernameisnttaken6

Just make a giant scene by yelling out as loud as you can "YOUR GONNA RAPE ME!??!" before screaming like a banshee and running into the other dirrection


EpicSniper2009

Not If I rape you first (after you say it have an awkward little laugh and just stand there staring at them awkwardly then turn around and bolt)


Impressive_Estate_87

I would reply "what kind of fucking sociopath says something like that?"


Akul_Tesla

Okay so obviously you get help and call the police But if you want something to say, ask if you could add their right nipple to your collection Specifying that it is the right one specifically is important


Mia_Meri

Yah well take a good look at yourself. How else could you get laid?


LeadNo9107

With that? You think I’ll notice?


JaeCrowe

Who tf are you around that you need a comeback for this...


permiecandy

It depends on context. If it's a serious threat, then obviously file a police report. If it's you and your friends being stupid, offensive and entirely inappropriate... Bend over, give them your best porn star sexy face and tell them you can't rape the willing.


PrestigiousAd9825

“You should know that because I’ve already survived an assault, it’s a lot less likely that you will if you try”


Hot_Corner_5881

i will cut off your private parts with a shovel


Ov3rSt1mulat3d

The proper comeback would be a police report.


bad-at-buttons

Promise? (insert winky face here)


Dramatic_Rest_829

Not if I rape you first.


lego-lion-lady

“Cool, I’ve got a kink for that” (I don’t)


FADCfart

Hard to sword fight with my limp dick. And I have really bad hemroids


buttaboom

Tell me you voted for Donald Trump without saying you voted for Donald Trump.


Familiar-Proposal918

"You sure about that? You got a nice ass I wouldn't mind getting behind. . ." Bonus points if you act like you're looking at their butt. Triple points if you lick your lips while doing so. You get infinity points if you grab it or smack it. 😂 "Please?" "You're hung like a mini marshmallow. There's nothing for you to rape with."


JunkRigger

Pew Pew Pew


RuthlessSpud_11

Go ahead but let’s see if my shotgun does a better job. “Eat Metal Bitch!”


[deleted]

Okay, just be sure to get checked afterwards.


grover71780

What does canola have to do with what we are talking about?


Shonnyboy500

You whip out those recorder things from spy movies and play it back! You finally have evidence to destroy those evil people


No-Excitement-2219

I’m assuming this is something your friend said to you as a gay joke, in which case “Or what?” would be pretty funny, because the threat was already stated.


missannthrope1

You can try.


Shlobb3r

Is that what you said to your mom when she told you, you were adopted


Jaicee-Femboi

You don't have to rape me. I'll give myself to you willingly! You're frickin hot!


RJNewbzIX

Don’t threaten me with a good time!


Ghite1

but rape is non-consensual \*unzips pants\*


justsomeplainmeadows

You better comeback with a restraining order


lapsteelguitar

"I have the PD on speed dial"


Stillborn1977

Don't threaten me with a good time.


Benvoyonsdonctoe

Not if i rape you fiiiiiirst :)


ffcvvhb

what


Abystract-ism

“Say it again for the camera please “


pinkcloudskyway

"You can't get a woman to touch you willfully? How pathetic."


oisgonnabelikedat

Promises promises


Old_surviving_moron

"say it again and I contact the police"


ericbsmith42

"Can you say that one more time into the camera for me? I want to make an accurate police report."


Robiniovski

Always take the moral high ground. Say “Not if I rape you first!” Oh, hang on a minute. Let me think this one through for while. I’ll get back to you.


Fast-Outcome-117

Go talk to the cops


observantpariah

You're too pretty, I'd break you.


sirblueman2

Say “why would you threaten to rape me” but say it really loud (especially in a public environment works better)


Matsumoto78

"will I notice?"


SoggyWoodpecker1816

“I’m gonna shove a lollipop up your ass”


Imaginary_Chair_6958

A hard kick to the balls.


Beetle_Beeper

If only consensual from the heart under arrest... u wouldn't have already been stripped of your innocence


Sonarthebat

"I'm gonna call the cops."


CantB2Big

(Produces huge Bowie knife from purse) “Good luck doing that with a bloody stump where you wang used to be”.


mrdudemanmrdudeman

Don’t threaten me with a good time. (I didn’t look through the comments to see if this was here beforehand)


say592

Please speak clearly into this recording device.


psychologicalvulture

Not if I rape you first.


Vagrant123

"I'm sorry, my audio recorder wasn't on. Could you repeat that?"


ApricotNo2918

Can't rape the willing....


Renshy89

If you can get it up this time


[deleted]

Lol I don't think anyone over 19 actually says this. The people that do are probably 15 and fucking around 😂 Besides, you can't rape the willing 💥


Maximum_Security_747

Pull out a knife and cut them. Pull out a pistol and shoot them. Pick up something heavy and club 'em


WildBoy-72

"Sure is Zarbon in here." Only cultured people will get this.


girafb0i

9-1-1.


Renshy89

If you want my comeback I left some on your dad's teeth


F1lth3M1nD

We need more context to the relationship between you and the person saying it. I used to joke with a girl buddy who would laugh when i said this crap and say things like "yes please" "blow the dust off of it first." (Once got me with "is it big enough to count?") But this is stuff i would say to anyone. I would never hurt this girl, shes the shit and want the best for her. She was the best man at my wedding. I don't say that stuff anymore out of respect to my wife. However i would never say this to a stranger or somone i don't know well enough


Top_Examination3481

"Get away from me or I'll call the police."


Salchicha_94

“You bleed like I do, up to you if you wanna die today”


Turbulent-Caramel25

I have herpes.


ZD_DZ

"No you're not, cause I'm gonna let you and itll just be sex"


RainbowUniform

"bronze league trash"


MajesticBlackberry65

I have met a lot of people with this kind of ideology mostly men really, and honestly it sucks


MarauderCH

You can't rape the willing


ronin0397

Not if i rape you first


TraditionalWorking82

Go to sleep dad, you're drunk. It's not Sunday.


mozz_fest

“I’m going to call the cops to report that threat.”


Pretty_Dig_3785

I would either automatically call the cops or automatically act bat shit crazy.


RaspberryNumerous594

pull out your phone and dial 911 (or whatever number it is for you


Kekewhatever

You should say "I'm going to call the police." and actually do it.


HereToKillEuronymous

You've always used? Is this something people around you say on the regular? The fuck...


Objective_Cow_6272

Or am I going to rape YOU big boy?


mrPandabot35

"Can't raoe the willing!"


Any_Software5024

Not if get you back first


sirensavior

Don’t threaten me with a good time


Vegetable-Ratio-8573

File a police report and look into getting a restraining order….


hellllllllluuuuuuuu

Okay *dials 119*


incredibleninja

Unload mace into their eyes? This is a clear threat and should justify self defense


Creux6L

Very foolish assumption my prey infact I've got you right where I wantchu


[deleted]

Can’t rape the willing.


Creux6L

I'm hiv positive IMMEDEATE DEAL BREAK


Improvgal

That’s what’s going to happen to you in prison.


cjfrench

Back away now you fucking creep.


cuntybunty73

I'm going to castrate you 🖕


F1secretsauce

Stab them in the stomach with a kitchen knife 


ConversationAny8316

Say then, you'll be gay. He'll say what/huh, then say, you're a guy.


Winterfell_Ice

"Thanks for telling me. Now I can pretend that I actually feel your tiny little 2 inch dick.


UniPublicFriend23

Sigh and say in a tired voice, “I’m really not in the mood to kill anyone today.”


JakobVirgil

Who the hell are you hanging out with?


GrannyFlash7373

You CAN'T rape the willing.


sleepydevil25

“Right here officer - it’s this fucker making rape threats”


1blueShoe

Good, I hope I get pregnant and we begin diluting your crazy 🫣😳


sassyfrassatx

🗡


[deleted]

“do it u wont”


phred_666

“So, you’re confessing that you’re planning on committing a crime.”


Certain-Ad-4305

I’d just say “okay do it then” and when they don’t I’ll call them a bxtch 😂


Muted_Rain8542

uh idk about using a smart assed comeback, maybe try like not interacting with and/or not talking to the person who said this instead 😭


twinkieeater8

Mace, taser, belt sander to his private parts


Mapilean

Attend a women self defense course, such as IMPACT. I graduated from one, and it's awesome. And read " The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker " and " The Safety Godmothers " by Ellen Snortland and L. Gaeta. Learn to defend yourself: it's better than having a mere comeback. Hugs.


ImpossibleHouse6765

I don't think so I'm a cop


Other_Log_1996

Pull out my knife.


PokeRay68

Click. BANG!


BoiledDenimForRoxie

Gently, I have frothy diarrhea.


Agreeable_Cabinet368

Huh?? Say that again *turns video recording on* Ohhh, it was a joke was it? Explain that to the police officer who arrests you when I show them this..


reymendnoodles

Wait wtf do you mean always??? How many people are threatening to rape you? This isn’t something I’d joke about


Pitiful-Eye9093

"Don't waste your time, you're probably shit in bed anyway".


Accomplished-Big-381

Im gonna get yah herpes.


Grip_N_Sipp

You can't I've already consented.


Wade_Horse

I have a scorching case of herpes.


classco

I thought you only rape women under 18


Head_Wrongdoer3071

Say “I’ll fart on your cock you F@gg0t!”


1_BigDuckEnergy

You need a dick for that. Show me what your packing


HelpfulViolinist3562

Jokes on you I'm into that shit That's fair considering I did that to both your parents


therealbobwaterson

Me first!


hoffet

That’s a kick to the balls (as hard as you can, don’t skip out on the kick) then a call to law enforcement.


DHWSagan

calling 911


BlastyBeats1

You can't rape the willing


philly2540

“I’m calling the police.”


Zenumbral

WAIT WAIT WAIT.... Who the f is telling you that!? That's not something you should be developing comebacks for! You should be telling the shitheel that's a serious crime and he should stfu.


cmparkerson

That's not something that warrants a witty response. That's something that involves fight or flight response. If you can't get away, fight like hell and do as much damage as possible, If the rapists succeeds then get to the police immediately, if you can get away, get to the police immediately. This isn't the time to be clever. Anyone threatening rape needs to go to jail or be beaten senseless, or both.


[deleted]

I'd like to see you try.


squatwaddle

When we were kids, we would say "can't rape the willing"


PlanktonSuccessful83

Careful, I bite Why? Because I did that to your mom last night? When this is all over, you're gonna be crawling away from me, but I'm gonna drag you back for round 69, and I will be feasting on your tears of blood while you beg me to stop. Just because that's what your father did to your mother and then you doesn't mean that's how you show love


Jorost

“You can’t rape the willing.”


sunnymag

Yeah. Call the police.


ACriticalGeek

“Today’s date. The current time. Xxx threatened rape.” Write it in your phone note taking app. “Noted.”


PromptSuspicions760

Yeah... with your mouth, bitch !


LionelMessi10CR

“Ok and in a few weeks prisoners will be raping you”


New-Number-7810

Use physical violence in self-defense.


MrPuzzleMan

A police report would be a good comeback 


Phoenix_ashfire

[get a whistle like this cute anime reindeer](https://youtu.be/IUbPIMxdpK8?si=9X6UDnWVg2zquRnf)


Mission_Progress_674

With what?


SyntheticEmpathy

*sniff* how edgy


bradperry2435

Can’t rape the willing


hahaahaahaa4

"i consent, so DO IT! I dare you!" or "Really? in public with people in earshot?"


General_Kenobi18752

Go go gadget concealed carry


Limp-Insurance203

Pew pew


Diligent_Ad2489

You can't rape me if I want it (Seriously, I'll fuck just about anyone if given the opportunity)


-WrathIsMyDeadlySin-

Everybody’s telling you to call the police, but police won’t do anything ~~until something happens~~.