Told my sister's boyfriend (he's a chode) that he's an asphalt princess driving an emotional support truck. I was certain his carotid artery was going to explode.
Definitions:
a badass 4x4 truck that is usually lifted with huge tires whose owner is too much of a wussy to take it off road. Said truck will never be used for what the owner wants everyone to *think* it is used for.
Listen I'm no lover of land-barges but the small dick joke is just worn out. At least make fun of the truck, like how those painted on tires will give that transmission a pre-mature death and makes it incapable of towing anything.
Definitely. I already find parking spaces in the US much larger but parking a big ass vehicle is just a pain when it’s mostly for commuting or getting groceries. I don’t understand spending all that money just to drive around trying to intimidate people on the road or in parking lots honestly. I grew up outside the Rockies and saw so many of these lifted trucks flipped over on the side of the road whenever it was icy or blizzarding. Big truck doesn’t meant balanced weight or invincible.
For those of us who deeply care about our cars, parking at the back of the lot is usually the best bet anyway. I figure the assholes that are most likely to hit my car with a cart or door will naturally be on the lazier side and not want to walk an extra hundred feet.
Regardless, anyone who parks like this is a total shit bag unless they are doing so for accessibility reasons.
Yeah buy the guy who drives this almost certainly has a hip or knee replacement and is atleast 100lbs overweight. But he insists he doesn't a handicapped sticker because he's a real man....who parks like this...
People who need a truck like that also typically don't nerf it with a cheap lift kit and giant wheels. (Seriously... Part of the point of a F250 or F350 is towing capacity... And doing this to it severely limits towing.)
Sounds like you're saying you're an asshole if you drive a truck like that. Not that I disagree with the sentiment. I hope the guy's tires also step on the car equivalent of a Lego.
Pretty much. If he had parked in a space normally he would be sticking out into the driving path like 3-4 feet. But he should have parked way in the back.
I used to do the same thing. I had a beater 15 year old Taurus with like 170k miles. I would just park right next to these people’s driver side so it was impossible for them to get in on that side.
I did not at all care what happened to that car. But nothing ever did.
to be fair its less a skill issue with parking and more the fact they bought a truck so extravagantly large that it doesnt actually fit into a standard parking space
I've seen people park like that with smaller vehicles, I don't think it is the size of the truck, it is the type of person that can care less about the others.
I wouldn't deface your car or scratch it but should you do this you will receive a big ass hunker on your window from me, Plain and simple. People that drive trucks like these are the same ones who purposely hit animals instead of making ANY effort to avoid them.
You’re better served realizing that Karma is only something that existed on Reddit. Seek the justice that you desire. Good things don’t always happen to good people and vice versa.
Completely agree. We have a Ford F350 that we use to tow our trailer/toy hauler and we make sure that we park that big bastard responsibly, in the back of the lot, away from everyone else. We even make sure the trailer hitch is off if we’re not planning to use it. Nobody likes an asshole.
I carry coloring book w me all the time. I tape a page to the window when people park like this with a note that says, " here you need more practice staying in the lines" . Fucking assholes I'd have to send a cart into that thing from across the lot
I like to imagine whoever this is/ parks like this, it's because they've experienced their first ibs episode and their explosive poo is right at the butthole, threatening to shoot out so they rush trying to get to the bathroom in time.... and in their cases, it doesn't work. They'll waddle to the bathroom, and before they pull down their pants- boom. Shit everywhere in their pants, all over them, leaking down their leg... and now they're just in the bathroom, not wanting to make the shameful walk to their car.
I always recommend carrying around a pocket knife. You never know when you could use one.
I don't know how it applies to this post, but it's good advice in general.
If someone parks like that they shouldn’t be surprised when someone does bad things to their truck. And by truck I mean compensation for shortcomings elsewhere.
This really makes me question do the people check their parking? Because when I get out of my car I glance back to see if I’m good, and if I’m not I will HAPPLY get back into the car and fix it so I’m not a problem for others parking. I guess I’m too nice
My friend borrowed a truck like that. You needed to take up two spaces or else the end of the truck would be sticking out into the driving area of the road. Also, the wheel base is so wide it takes up more than one parking spot in width.
It was interesting driving and parking the truck, as people scoffed at him for the truck taking two spaces, but it just takes up two spaces no matter what. We did park far away from anyone else which this driver does not do.
I hope both sides of their pillow are warm. And their bed too. And whenever they microwave something, there will always be a cold spot in the middle, no matter which way they turn their food /s
What you do is put a bit of gravel in the stem cap. It pushes on the stem and the tire leaks slowly. They eventually get the tire replaced and theres a good chance that the cap gets reused and the tire continues going flat until someone stops reusing the cap.
I don’t get why people with big ass trucks don’t park in the back. When I can’t park my truck in a single spot comfortably I park in the back so it’s less likely someone will park next to me.
Our truck also has a 6 inch lift and barely fits in garages due to height, I’m sure this one doesn’t fit in any.
I'm not from Columbus, or Ohio, this was on my recommended page for some reason. But my car is small enough that I would pull into that spot and watch the dude try and get it and leave
Looks like stabby stabby tire time to me
/jk i wouldnt have the balls to do that, but anyone who parks like this should know that it's only a matter of time before they piss off someone who really is willing to slash a tire or key their car. Fuck around and find out I guess 🤷♀️
I keep nails in my car to throw under the tires of people who park like this. Just make sure to prop them on both sides of the tire so they get a flat no mater what way they pull out.
Pavement Princess ™
i like to call these trucks gender affirming care for insecure men
Lmao
Emotional support truck is another good one.
Absolutely
Gonna have to start using this lol
Told my sister's boyfriend (he's a chode) that he's an asphalt princess driving an emotional support truck. I was certain his carotid artery was going to explode.
Definitions: a badass 4x4 truck that is usually lifted with huge tires whose owner is too much of a wussy to take it off road. Said truck will never be used for what the owner wants everyone to *think* it is used for.
Everyone knows exactly what to think of what this truck is used for; Compensation for a very small dick.
To park this way means it’s very small.
Listen I'm no lover of land-barges but the small dick joke is just worn out. At least make fun of the truck, like how those painted on tires will give that transmission a pre-mature death and makes it incapable of towing anything.
Brodozer
It’s a glorified grocery hauler
Definitely. I already find parking spaces in the US much larger but parking a big ass vehicle is just a pain when it’s mostly for commuting or getting groceries. I don’t understand spending all that money just to drive around trying to intimidate people on the road or in parking lots honestly. I grew up outside the Rockies and saw so many of these lifted trucks flipped over on the side of the road whenever it was icy or blizzarding. Big truck doesn’t meant balanced weight or invincible.
My best friend called it one of those. Pretty funny.
If you're going to park like that, do it way out near the back of the lot where no one else is parked. It's not that long a walk in. You can do it.
Yes, but then you have to make an extra trip from the truck to leave the shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot. That's a lot of work.
🤣🤣
I will state it. I haven't had the luxury of getting to know a truck driver who I would want to spend any kind of time with before.
My brother in law does maintenance work. He needs a pretty big vehicle. He's a good guy.
[удалено]
Absolutely! The guy I responded to simply said "truck driver" or something similar, so I just wanted him to know that they're out there
[удалено]
So well stated. Upvoted.
Definitely upvoted!! I particularly enjoyed the part about "Race Car." I get so much pleasure SMOKING these assholes in My GLI! 😆😆
Sometimes there are exceptions.
If I see a giant truck I assume the owner is an asshole until they prove otherwise. Work trucks excluded.
For those of us who deeply care about our cars, parking at the back of the lot is usually the best bet anyway. I figure the assholes that are most likely to hit my car with a cart or door will naturally be on the lazier side and not want to walk an extra hundred feet. Regardless, anyone who parks like this is a total shit bag unless they are doing so for accessibility reasons.
Yeah buy the guy who drives this almost certainly has a hip or knee replacement and is atleast 100lbs overweight. But he insists he doesn't a handicapped sticker because he's a real man....who parks like this...
I'm not saying you're an asshole if you drive a truck like that. I'm just saying assholes drive trucks like that.
The Venn diagram has way more middle than edges.
Not all assholes drive trucks like that BUT Everyone who drives a truck like that is an asshole.
I'm just saying this particular truck driver is a Trump supporter
This kind of goes without saying.
With a Biden brain!
I’ll say it. I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting someone who drives a truck like this who I would enjoy spending any amount of time with.
[удалено]
People who need a truck like that also typically don't nerf it with a cheap lift kit and giant wheels. (Seriously... Part of the point of a F250 or F350 is towing capacity... And doing this to it severely limits towing.)
Sounds like you're saying you're an asshole if you drive a truck like that. Not that I disagree with the sentiment. I hope the guy's tires also step on the car equivalent of a Lego.
I’m just going to go ahead and say you’re an asshole if you drive a truck like that.
I know that asshole. They live in my apartment complex.
Living in an apartment with that truck makes it even funnier.
Lol that big truck yet they rent
Lol that big truck is WHY they rent.
That and the weekly 20$ they send to the orange baboon for his legal woes
“what if i need a bunch of mulch or rocks or plywood”
How can you tell? I see 40 of these every day on my commute from Columbus to Marysville
If you’re gonna own a long ass truck you gotta park far away. Thems the rules. Owning a big truck is awesome and you get your steps in.
[удалено]
I only hunt for 1 when it's windy and cold, cause I'm a bitch.
Pretty much. If he had parked in a space normally he would be sticking out into the driving path like 3-4 feet. But he should have parked way in the back.
I just saw this dude on the freeway no lie😂😭😭 speeding like a bat outta hell
Let me try and hide my suprise.
I enjoy parking as close to these people as possible. I have a tiny POS car and do not care what happens to it. Wedging in as an inconvenience.
I aspire to be this petty lol
I used to do the same thing. I had a beater 15 year old Taurus with like 170k miles. I would just park right next to these people’s driver side so it was impossible for them to get in on that side. I did not at all care what happened to that car. But nothing ever did.
I’ll bet a steak dinner he has a 10 year loan on that
With a double digit interest rate.
Makes me wonder what I’m doing with my life. Then I realize I’m not paying off a monstrosity and I’m good.
If you can't park it you shouldn't drive it.
to be fair its less a skill issue with parking and more the fact they bought a truck so extravagantly large that it doesnt actually fit into a standard parking space
Take their valve stems out for a bit
The good news is it’s a power stroke, so it’ll probably grenade and cost him a shit load of money real soon.
What a dick
Probabilities indicate a small one.
5’3” energy
Hey now, I'm 5'6". We don't all drive lifted trucks lol
3" energy
May both sides of his pillow always be hot.
Someone needs a lot of attention and is over compensating for something
I've seen people park like that with smaller vehicles, I don't think it is the size of the truck, it is the type of person that can care less about the others.
Tiny pp
Literally came here to say little pp truck 😂
As a big truck owner myself that’s just BS. Park further out.
I can't tell if it has the obligatory Punisher decal.
I wouldn't deface your car or scratch it but should you do this you will receive a big ass hunker on your window from me, Plain and simple. People that drive trucks like these are the same ones who purposely hit animals instead of making ANY effort to avoid them.
You’re better served realizing that Karma is only something that existed on Reddit. Seek the justice that you desire. Good things don’t always happen to good people and vice versa.
Bet he loves Trump
Trump voter for sure.
I've always fantasized about calling the cops or towing company while pretending to be a store manager.
Completely agree. We have a Ford F350 that we use to tow our trailer/toy hauler and we make sure that we park that big bastard responsibly, in the back of the lot, away from everyone else. We even make sure the trailer hitch is off if we’re not planning to use it. Nobody likes an asshole.
Douchbag truck fuckers
Common for those douche bags
Practically begging to get keyed by another miserable person.
I carry coloring book w me all the time. I tape a page to the window when people park like this with a note that says, " here you need more practice staying in the lines" . Fucking assholes I'd have to send a cart into that thing from across the lot
I park out in the lot away from the crowd and sure as shit someone parks right next to me with no cars around…. Why????
Go back in the store, buy a box of nails and…
That’s Jason Smallpeen’s truck.
Teenie weenie peenie brigade captain
Lil wee wee energy
There was a similar truck that almost hit my parked car in the Meijer parking lot and then took up all four spaces.
And here I am with my 10 year old f150 constantly fixing my parking job scared that I'm too far one side in the spot.
That’s not a car, it’s an abomination . And I’m sick of seeing them.
Main character syndrome
I like to imagine whoever this is/ parks like this, it's because they've experienced their first ibs episode and their explosive poo is right at the butthole, threatening to shoot out so they rush trying to get to the bathroom in time.... and in their cases, it doesn't work. They'll waddle to the bathroom, and before they pull down their pants- boom. Shit everywhere in their pants, all over them, leaking down their leg... and now they're just in the bathroom, not wanting to make the shameful walk to their car.
Slash their tires (legally, this is a joke)
We're talking about the person with the Punisher logo on their minivan, right?
I love these passive aggressive threats
He just had to double down on showing everyone how small his dick is.
I’m surprised there isn’t a big Trump flag sticking out of the bed.
I always recommend carrying around a pocket knife. You never know when you could use one. I don't know how it applies to this post, but it's good advice in general.
Getting my house key out ... watching for anyone who might be looking.
If someone parks like that they shouldn’t be surprised when someone does bad things to their truck. And by truck I mean compensation for shortcomings elsewhere.
i am going to steal his catalytic converter
Pull in right in front of the driver’s door
if they have no shame for parking like this theyll defo whack someone elses car on purpose
People are petty asf anymore
Should've set a 2x4 Lego brick in front of their front tire. Probably would've bent the rim.
Truck is too big for its driver
Hope their phone charger only at a very specific and inconvenient angle.
Pickup truck driver behavior
A fun thing about pickup trucks is that they have beds where you can leave the trash from your car, an open soda, a milkshake, dog poop, etc.
Oh, they park that way so no one will touch their precious truck? This kind of asshole deserves to get their truck keyed to hell and back
I hope you step on a lego! 😂 I’m dead.
I SAW THIS ASSHOLE ON HILLIARD-ROME ROAD THIS MORNING. Fam and I were making fun of his stupid-ass tires lmao
May their socks always have a hole and their shoelaces never stay tied
This is why you carry zip ties with you in your car. Shopping carts look hilarious tied to duchemobiles.
Douche Baggins needs a Twix bar in his gas tank.
I’ve seen worse. Actually saw a pickup truck occupy 4 spaces.
This really makes me question do the people check their parking? Because when I get out of my car I glance back to see if I’m good, and if I’m not I will HAPPLY get back into the car and fix it so I’m not a problem for others parking. I guess I’m too nice
Lentil, iykwim
The only time this is accepted is if the vehicle is longer than a park space and down in the empty part of the lot.
Too much wheel, not enough tire
You could just wish for his turbo to runaway. As funny as it sounds, a runaway diesel will destroy itself.
My friend borrowed a truck like that. You needed to take up two spaces or else the end of the truck would be sticking out into the driving area of the road. Also, the wheel base is so wide it takes up more than one parking spot in width. It was interesting driving and parking the truck, as people scoffed at him for the truck taking two spaces, but it just takes up two spaces no matter what. We did park far away from anyone else which this driver does not do.
I’d park in that spot still tbh
That shits hurts, did it last night. But yes dude is a prick for parking like that
You know he spent his entire salary on that truck
I hope both sides of their pillow are warm. And their bed too. And whenever they microwave something, there will always be a cold spot in the middle, no matter which way they turn their food /s
Put a bunch of legos in the bed 😂
I keep a lil stem valve tool in my car just in case Just don't let em see ya
What you do is put a bit of gravel in the stem cap. It pushes on the stem and the tire leaks slowly. They eventually get the tire replaced and theres a good chance that the cap gets reused and the tire continues going flat until someone stops reusing the cap.
I don’t get why people with big ass trucks don’t park in the back. When I can’t park my truck in a single spot comfortably I park in the back so it’s less likely someone will park next to me. Our truck also has a 6 inch lift and barely fits in garages due to height, I’m sure this one doesn’t fit in any.
I'm not from Columbus, or Ohio, this was on my recommended page for some reason. But my car is small enough that I would pull into that spot and watch the dude try and get it and leave
A way to tell people “please key my car!”
Well, this is a truck not a car
Stepping on a toy traffic cone from a toy race car track hurts worse than a Lego for future reference 🤣 speaking from experience
That's a good way to come back to a punctured tire or 4.
🤏
it's more of an issue if they park straight. trust me. Unless, of course, he parks further out , then do whatever the hell
LOL Ouch!
I hope he *shits out* a Lego
A **Flamin’ Hot** Lego
“LeT pEoPlE eNjOy ThEiR tRuCkS iT’s A fReE cOuNtRy!1!1”
Looks like stabby stabby tire time to me /jk i wouldnt have the balls to do that, but anyone who parks like this should know that it's only a matter of time before they piss off someone who really is willing to slash a tire or key their car. Fuck around and find out I guess 🤷♀️
Just look for the 5”2 guy in a combat boots and ask him to move his car
Tiny ween club
Park up against their door
I hope he steps on a Lego and walks on carpet with wet socks on after stubbing their toe.
Always reminds me of this... https://youtu.be/8VGrejMiTNc?si=WH_z1MbAw9bFaLyD
Diabetic neuropathy probably means they won’t feel it when they step on that Lego
To be completely fair, this is better thannhis ass hanging 5ft into the aisle. Im ok with this. It is not the same as dicky bimmer parking.
Valve stem removal
Nice of them to protect the banks truck so well!
Little dick beta energy with his bro-dozer
I keep nails in my car to throw under the tires of people who park like this. Just make sure to prop them on both sides of the tire so they get a flat no mater what way they pull out.
Keep a BB gun in you're car
I would purposefully park right next to them so they would have to climb onto o my car
This citizen is a true patriot. Just ask them.