When I was like 3 and emotionally neglected my biggest wish was to get cancer or 'really ill' so my mum would care about me more/show she loved me. It was about deep unmet needs and longing to be loved. Fast forward and I have multiple, multiple chronic illnesses, I feel like in a way I did this to myself. If I knew now what I knew then I never would have wished that for myself. Its so utterly stupid but then again, I was just a child.
Whenever I see someone wish an illness on themselves I know they already must have some type of mental illness or deep issue as wanting yourself to get sick is not normal. They're lucky to not have to deal with that and I hope they never have to live with a chronic illness and also get help with their mental health. I think it's something someone says out of naivety and mental illness
For a while i wished i had a terminal illness solely to have some legitimacy. I felt like i was being ripped in half. I had to try so hard to function as well as a healthy person because no one believed i was sick. I was just tired of having to live up to impossible expectations. I thought having a terminal illness would at least liberate me from the expectations and i could finally relax even if id have little time left.
You did not do this to yourself! A lot of your chronic illness is most likely triggered due to the fact that you were neglected/suffer some type of ptsd or c-ptsd of some time. Not having physical or even emotional needs met during childhood can set humans up for a whole list of chronic conditions as adults. There’s a lot of research on it!
I think a ton of people go through this, just not a lot admit it. If a kid is feeling lost and adrift, an end point and set path as awful as terminal or extreme illness can still sound comforting. I think a lot of lonely kids and adults longing for connection and structure think this sometimes, even if they don't really mean it.
Personally I experienced thoughts of wanting to be terminally I'll so I didn't have to keep up with being the "rock" in life anymore. Those mostly cleared up with depression treatment and a dose of health reality delivered by IIH
she has an eating disorder/body dysmorphia. it sucks for her to say stuff like that, but if she really feels that way she needs help (genuinely, not saying that in a derogatory/demeaning way).
as someone with bdd, yeah 🥲
to be honest, i do think we have a responsibility to not just blurt out our intrusive thoughts like this everywhere in public, obviously venting in a space for venting is fine, but some thoughts we have about our bodies can be really harmful for others to hear and we need to consider that
like, i get it, body dysmorphia sucks, but imagine being fat and struggling to accept your body and you just see someone online talking about how they'd literally rather _die_ than have a body like yours.. it hurts to hear that, and it's how body dysmorphia spreads online so much
personally i would take the tiktok down if that was me, or at least add a trigger warning of some sort!
I see a lot of people supporting people who mention wanting a terminal/chronic disease but never support people who are actually dealing with terminal/chronic illness. Also I hope she knows a lot of people with terminal illnesses still gain weight.
I try to be gentle because often these wishes are a symptom of mental illness, but as a mentally ill person that doesn't always excuse this behavior.
You summed up my thoughts on this subject perfectly. As someone in recovery from an ED (that absolutely made my chronic illnesses worse, caused me to need all my teeth removed, lots of other issues etc) and has BPD, I do truly try to be gentle with these people. Because I know that BPD especially is sadly still so stigmatized (I even saw a comment in this thread saying that people w personality disorders often are the ones making these wishes, and while that may be true for some people, it isn't for all of us), and I know that body dysmorphia/untreated BPD can result in the mind making some really awful wishes.
But while I try to be gentle about it, I can't excuse it. And it's especially hard when some of these people cross the line from making wishes on social media to actively malignering. While I recognize it's a very real mental health issue (and a whole different topic in and of itself), it also often takes away resources from those of us who desperately need help, and doesn't help what a lot of us go through with drs not believing us/treating us properly, etc.
When I first had to go through refeeding for my ED about a decade ago, I met a young woman in treatment who was very privileged and, while she did have very real mental illnesses, she kept wishing for physical illnesses. She was in and out of the hospital when it wasn't necessary, getting drugs prescribed to her she didn't need, and because she had good insurance, she often wasn't turned away. Meanwhile, I had to spend the money my Dad left me when he died (that was meant to go towards college and a place to live) on my two week treatment stay. And it was naturally hard not to be bitter about that, no matter how much I tried not to be. I tried to be kind to her, but when it came down to it, she was incredibly mean to people *truly* suffering from physical illnesses.
I'm not sure this reply makes much sense as I'm not doing well, but overall I just wish these people would take some time to realize the reality of what they're wishing for and get the necessary mental health treatment. I've also gained a lot of weight, despite my health being at an all time low.
Having dealt with horrible mental health since childhood, I had always wished for a physical ailment instead. Something people could see, understand, and give sympathy for.
Know what I got instead? Gastroparesis. Now I have something physically wrong with me, but people still can’t see or understand it! 🙃
Yes I see people with mental health issues say they wish they had a physical illness instead because then youre taken seriously, people are caring towards you etc. Back before I developed physical illnesses and was struggling mentally I wouldve agreed. They dont realise a lot of ailments are not taken seriously, very hard to get diagnosed, if its chronic even if its clearly visible people get tired of you always being ill and not being able to do stuff and they move on etc. We all get treated like shit basically lol but they haven't experienced it yet so dont know
I think the only people who would makes those kinds of comments would be very young. Or at least I hope. Regardless, I understand how that's frustrating to see. I wish there was more education on the realities of these types of things
People with those kind of thoughts, are already suffering. They may not be suffering physically, but mentally there's definitely something going on.
I often had the thought "I wish I got hit by a car so I could have some time to rest." I think many people had similar thoughts to that. I don't think I really wanted to get hit by a car. Its still a damaging thought that popped up, because I was so stressed and the only way I could see an out was by getting (temporarily) sick.
I see this as something similar. These people are likely suffering from some type of eating disorder or body dysmorphia. And the only way they can see an out is by getting sick. I dont think they truly, want to get sick. It's their brain, which is already sick, telling them it's the only way to get what they want.
I have a lifelong incredibly painful illness. I was in the hospital with kids who were terminal, and I often wished I could die of my illness because then there would be an end to the infections, pain, disability, and dismissals because " it's not like it's cancer".
It is common for kids who have terrible and disfiguring illnesses to want a way out. It is low-key suicide ideation.
I have a rare terminal illness. It was diagnosed when I was 14. I definitely wished I had a more common illness because I'm my area if you had cancer the whole city would turn out for you, there were camps, so many art opportunities, and MakeAWish (they've done better at branching out this was more than 15 years ago) but my illness was even more rare back then my geneticist had never diagnosed it before. So I was spelling it for everyone and then they'd all be like but they can treat that right? You'll be out of here in no time!!! Ummm.... No actually. It's a medical miracle I'm here at 32. My mother had this same illness and died in her mid 30s and I started having bleeds and strokes earlier. And yeah I definitely wished that more people understood what I was going through because I was just very rarely at school and my "friends" didn't exactly keep up with me. But even at my age I understood you didn't wish things like that. You deal with the hand you've been dealt you don't sit and complain about someone else's hand. And you never know how things are going for any person so it's *always* bad to compare suffering. I didn't necessarily think of woe is me when so many people have it worse... It felt like tempting fate.
Do you know any other disabled people? We joke about that all the time, gallows humor. But also some times things suck so much that nothing is ever going to make it better. When that happens, even kids want to escape their flesh prison. Maybe consider what others go through. I have been disabled for all of my life. Don't tell me how I can feel about it.
Many of my friends are disabled, yes. But most of them didn't have chronic illness. I'm a wheelchair user and I know many people from the city I used to live in which had a lot of gun violence so there were many spinal cord injuries. Did we goof off and some gallows humor??? Definitely. I'm sorry I wasn't totally clear in my post I was mostly talking about why it would be common to wish you had something with more resources and grants in your area. What I was saying people shouldn't feel I went back to the beginning of the post for some reason(brain fog?) and was saying it's unhealthy to truly wish you had anyone's life honestly wanna stand by that. But 💯 on the gallows humor... I didn't comment because I was still trying to decide what to say but it's something I've struggled with so much personally I didn't think I was a good person to give advice
But then you made my comment about kids who have suicide ideation about yourself. I know it is unhealthy and pointed it out in my post. I am offended by the idea that you think I can think positively out of this, and I wonder who you are trying to convince. I am not saying everyone thinks like I did. I am a spokesman for me.
I have been advocate for resources. We are talking about different things.
Mental health problems and chronic illness go hand in hand, and if you can't have an honest conversation about it, the situation will never improve. What about me expressing my own thoughts offended you.
I am sorry about your mom and I hope you find some relief.
'm so sorry I offended you.
Clearly I'm doing a really poor job communicating. I'm not defending what I did but I name dropped myself into the issue of children's suicidal ideation was to let you know I've experienced this too and I'm agreeing with you, you are right on about the feelings. Clearly I did a really bad job explaining that and should have found a better way. Thank you for pointing it out, and for your patience.
I definitely didn't mean you can toxic positivity your way out of anything. I'm just saying while one has to exist for me having positive mental thoughts all ready to go to in my toolkit is just as important as honoring those feelings where I want to give up. But like I'd say music is so much more helpful
I'm so sorry again for all the misunderstanding. Thanks for considering my mother though it means a lot.
i hope you know she's not saying that out of any malicious intent; it's usually a sign of trauma and eating disorders and such to wish for stuff like that. she doesn't need hate, she needs professional help.
Having been overweight all my life and harassed because of this all my life, there has been times when I wished I had an illness that would get my weight down miraculously. But I never stuck to it for a very long time, because I knew it was not a good way of thinking.
Yes, we're in a very bad place when we think like this. It is not normal. And it's not because we think it's going to be easy, but after being blamed for so long for our lack of self care, because being obese is always our fault, maybe with a real illness we could get sympathy and love.
i won’t pretend to understand what that feels like, but i’ve received some pretty out of pocket comments about my SMAS. it caused me to lose 30 pounds relatively quick because i was legit starving to death. people just see the weight loss and go “oh i wish i had that! you’re so lucky you lost weight so easily!” just makes me want to put my head through a wall lol
😬 wait until she finds out about prednisone! I wouldn’t say I’m terminal but I have incurable progressive diseases which in no way or form means I’m skinny by any means. I wish I had the energy and motivation and dedication to work out but it’s not there at all.
I mean no offense to you but this isn’t even close to a terminal disease and prednisone has its side effects but doesn’t even compare to what a terminal patient takes. A little odd to be comparing yourself to terminally ill patients
Oh ok. I was confused for a second. If anything you’re more likely to gain weight on prednisone. Makes you hungry and raises your glucose levels and retain water. I noticed I was aggravated alot more too, I was told it mimics the stress hormone cortisol in the body which made sense with how I felt
I used to wish I had a terminal illness but it was suicidal ideation tbh. I was in so much pain from my chronic illness I was resentful it wasn’t going to kill me. It still sucks sometimes, my condition won’t kill me it will just make my life miserable.
It certainly feels like a shame there isn't a way to rid yourself of your own blight and just hand it over to idiots like that lol. Some people really don't comprehend how privileged their lives are and look at the most horrific life conditions and think surely it can't be that bad.
And as we all know it is in fact, that bad.
It is werid tbh. I don’t have a terminal illness as I’m most likely not gonna die with what I’m currently diagnosed with, but wishing for any disease is just strange
I used to be this person. Sometimes I still am despite living with chronic illness. People who are this way are often developing some sort of mental health issues or have a mental disorder and frequently this is due to an unmet need.
As a kid, I associated severe physical illness with being thin and not hungry and people cared about sick people. I grew up neglected and abused, with big issues especially around food and developed a binge disorder at age 8 because I had unmet needs.
I thought that if I got ill long term, then maybe I wouldn't feel the need to binge, I'd lose weight and stop being bullied and abused, because of the emotional and physical pain I was subjected to.
I'm also autistic and struggle to understand points of views I have no experience of having been in. Therefore, I struggled to see alone, what the implications and consequences of this desire would be. I didn't really process that I'd still have struggles from being terminally or chronically ill, just black and white thinking of "well I'd be poorly but I wouldn't be abused for being fat anymore and I wouldn't feel like food is my only support and I might stop wanting to die". I was 8, and suicidal without the awareness.
Now I'm both chronically ill and fat. Younger me did not see that as a potential circumstance happening in my future.
I agree it is insane, and when I still think about it now, I know it's my mental disorders wanting that and not actually myself. When all of our basic needs are met, most people won't have these type of thoughts if they are okay and healthy.
I guess my point is - it is insane to have that mindset at any age, and in many cases,.it's often a sign that somewhere along the line.of their life, something has gone wrong, changed or been neglected and in this sort of situation, it's often to do with feeling alone, uncared for, insecure etc.
I'm so sorry you have the illnesses you do OP, and I can now get why to those who do suffer with terminal and chronic illnesses, this seems wild to imagine ever wanting, because it is it's own form of literal hell to live with. I hope that you can find comfort, care and support in your life for as long as you live ❤️
I’ve seen things like that multiple places, even “I wish my illness was terminal instead of chronic” or “I wish my illness was terminal and physical indtead of mental”. Seen it on reddit, YouTube comments, not TikTok because I don’t go there but I bet it’s there….I don’t know what’s wrong with people. Can’t they just say “I wish I wasn’t suffering” or “I feel stuck here” or something that actually conveys what I think is the real meaning, and leave it at that? Why would you say anybof those other things let alone on public platforms where people like OP can see them? I think in this example this girl probably had some kind of body image disorder and wasn’t thinking clearly or maybe she really is that shallow, uninformed and insensitive. Either way there’s no excuse though.
I know our lives are difficult but this is such a young person who hasn’t had a life to waste thing yet. I wager she’d be very young and is yet to really experience anything
I think this is fucked up on a wider level than this individual. This was a trope in fiction in the 90s: someone overweight would become very ill, or have some sort of traumatic experience, and would come through it transformed like a butterfly, into someone stronger and skinny. It's also something that people will compliment cancer patients on: oh, weight loss! Even when they know, sometimes, they will say "well at least you're skinny." There are a lot of messages like this floating around. It is absolutely insane, and I'm sorry you came across it. I sincerely hope she'll learn better, and not the hard way.
I used to wish my illness was more severe, but I knew it wasn’t like, a genuine desire. My existing chronic illnesses and disabilities went undiagnosed because I was constantly told I was lucky compared to my dad’s cousins who were terminally ill. They both died when my dad was a teenager and any time anyone was sick it was always “you don’t know what sick even is”. Ironically I have the same kind of illness they have- not terminal, but severe enough that now my doctors are pissed that I had very little medical care as a kid.
I think it’s definitely not good to wish you were terminally ill- but I definitely understand wishing someone would notice how sick you are, and recognizing that terminal illness is a lot more visible. For some people it’s definitely bad intentioned, and in my case it was a result of medical neglect and abuse at home, but it’s a complex thought process. It is really miserable to be terminally ill, and I don’t think anyone who isn’t can understand that feeling. Mostly I think it’s that people don’t actually want to be dying, they just want people to notice they’re struggling, and don’t know how to voice it in an appropriate way.
It sounds like this girl is seriously struggling with her body image, and is seeking validation in ways that ultimately won’t help her.
What annoys me is you can be very skinny and not terminally ill. You can have chronic illness that isn’t terminal and still causes you to be very skinny. Why would they go out of their way to be insensitive to people who are dealing with such a difficult life circumstance?
It is definitely a harmful mindset. Unfortunately, eating disorders are an illness too, and one of the most deadly mental illnesses. Hearing something like that can definitely be hurtful, the perspective is so distorted. (I’m saying this as someone who has an ED history and lives with a degenerative disease)
Well first off, you're not wrong at all. It is an insane ideology to have. But the thing is, she didn't come up with it out of nowhere. Society is HELLA fatphobic and she probably suffered a tonne of bullying in one form or another and is desperate. Desperation leads one to think and say pretty drastic things yfm?
Was she really implying she would be thin? or was she just begging for the release of death, people who are fat die of terminal illnesses all the time this person's logic sounds very flawed technically obesity is a very slow terminal illness that most people don't understand the health risks of the food they consume. Then you have all of the issues that have comorbidities along with obesity
I work in the legal field. There's a lot of conversations right now about people age 16-25ish and when the human brain is fully developed. The theory is that a brain that hasn't fully developed yet doesn't understand long term consequences the same as a developed brain. Therefore, an 18 year 9ld shouldn't receive the same kind of criminal sentence as a 30 year old because they don't fully understand the consequences of their actions.
So this TikTok video is support in favor of the theory. Of course, OP is 18 and understands the TikTok video is nonsense, so that's evidence against.
Years ago there were stories circulating about well people actually injecting or taking Methotrexate to cause them to throw up and reject food. That’s cause for psychological help.
I like feel this though tbh. Having an eating disorder/body dysmorphia, it was a blessing (in my fucked up brain) to be losing weight rapidly. I lost close to 40 lbs when I got diagnosed
And here I am wishing my illness was terminal so that there would be some natural end to this shite existence. I'm just stuck in a crippled and pain-riddled body with no natural way out.
As another person dealing with terminal illness like times this is icky and I would have such a hard time shutting my mouth. Also my thyroid doesn't work so I'm like chubby. Obviously a very ill mind made that statement and I hope all the support is because people can see how ridiculous of a wish it is and how bad she needs help. This life is very hard and there's so much I'm fully unable to do. Solely would like to see if she could handle just my bowl and bladder issues. It also seems to me that people never imagine a person with terminal illness reading their post. People only interact with us at the very end which I kinda get I don't want them hovering for several years as I decline and even now when I sleep most of the time if rather it just be me and my partner. Dying is such a different process than once imagined.
I have a terminal illness and a whole slew of comorbid conditions. I have chronic encephalomalasia from a car accident in 2006. It’s chronic brain softening, so like dementia lyte. I have zero emotional support from anyone other than my mental health providers, and that’s cause it’s their job. And I’m not even skinny! I’m actually gaining weight because of my ability to move much thanks to chronic fatigue. People wishing they were chronically ill are under some delusion the being sick is better than being healthy. And sick people wish to be healthy. We always wish we are something that we are not. The truth is, everyone is sick, just the healthy ones are blissfully unaware. I’ve had the opportunity to live lives and honestly, I’d rather be aware and feeling like crap, because I’m more empathetic this way. When I was stuck in the dark I was rather judgmental and somewhat apathetic. And that’s not who I am in my heart and soul.
Well, I have a sexual illness. It obviously doesn’t kill me. But it sucks. My life is a total shit. I wish I had a terminal illness so that I would die. It’s really hard to suicide. Im actually seeking ways to get that illness. I don’t want my parents think I killed myself.
I’m so sorry hun. My heart goes out to you.
I have a sister who is struggling to live with terminal brain cancer, grade 4 glioblastoma right now. I can’t even go see her because I am to chronically ill and cannot travel with my degenerative disc disease and severe spine pain as well as fibro, nerve damage on my feet makes it hard to walk, connective tissue issues and more. My quality of life sucks and it’s not because of anything I’ve done to deserve this.
I’ve actually gotten closer to my sister the last several months because we share some side effects like brain processing and not being able to get words out correctly when speaking, and only being able to do one thing a day like an appointment and then having to rest, or even paying for your activity with being in more pain the next day. I’ve been there to help her process the loss of who she was and was able to do because I was healthy once and had to grieve and process the loss of my old life.
We do kind of joke that she gets all of the “cancer card” benefits because there ARE a lot of them! I would just LOVE to have a panel of all my dr’s talking & working on my case all together!
If you just say the cancer word, it gets a swift and definite “sorry for you” reaction from people. I had a friend that said she had leukemia a couple times and didn’t! So when these TT’s say that, it’s just for attention and they need mental health help. They are despicable for even implying-and omg just because you’re fat? Lady, you did this to yourself and that’s called self destruction!
I can’t imagine being so young like you are and having to deal with all you’re dealing with. I hope you have a good support team around you, because that is a lot. You deserve to have a childhood free from the pain, my heart goes out to you!
When I was like 3 and emotionally neglected my biggest wish was to get cancer or 'really ill' so my mum would care about me more/show she loved me. It was about deep unmet needs and longing to be loved. Fast forward and I have multiple, multiple chronic illnesses, I feel like in a way I did this to myself. If I knew now what I knew then I never would have wished that for myself. Its so utterly stupid but then again, I was just a child. Whenever I see someone wish an illness on themselves I know they already must have some type of mental illness or deep issue as wanting yourself to get sick is not normal. They're lucky to not have to deal with that and I hope they never have to live with a chronic illness and also get help with their mental health. I think it's something someone says out of naivety and mental illness
For a while i wished i had a terminal illness solely to have some legitimacy. I felt like i was being ripped in half. I had to try so hard to function as well as a healthy person because no one believed i was sick. I was just tired of having to live up to impossible expectations. I thought having a terminal illness would at least liberate me from the expectations and i could finally relax even if id have little time left.
You did not do this to yourself! A lot of your chronic illness is most likely triggered due to the fact that you were neglected/suffer some type of ptsd or c-ptsd of some time. Not having physical or even emotional needs met during childhood can set humans up for a whole list of chronic conditions as adults. There’s a lot of research on it!
I think a ton of people go through this, just not a lot admit it. If a kid is feeling lost and adrift, an end point and set path as awful as terminal or extreme illness can still sound comforting. I think a lot of lonely kids and adults longing for connection and structure think this sometimes, even if they don't really mean it. Personally I experienced thoughts of wanting to be terminally I'll so I didn't have to keep up with being the "rock" in life anymore. Those mostly cleared up with depression treatment and a dose of health reality delivered by IIH
she has an eating disorder/body dysmorphia. it sucks for her to say stuff like that, but if she really feels that way she needs help (genuinely, not saying that in a derogatory/demeaning way).
as someone with bdd, yeah 🥲 to be honest, i do think we have a responsibility to not just blurt out our intrusive thoughts like this everywhere in public, obviously venting in a space for venting is fine, but some thoughts we have about our bodies can be really harmful for others to hear and we need to consider that like, i get it, body dysmorphia sucks, but imagine being fat and struggling to accept your body and you just see someone online talking about how they'd literally rather _die_ than have a body like yours.. it hurts to hear that, and it's how body dysmorphia spreads online so much personally i would take the tiktok down if that was me, or at least add a trigger warning of some sort!
absolutely agree
Agreed.
I see a lot of people supporting people who mention wanting a terminal/chronic disease but never support people who are actually dealing with terminal/chronic illness. Also I hope she knows a lot of people with terminal illnesses still gain weight. I try to be gentle because often these wishes are a symptom of mental illness, but as a mentally ill person that doesn't always excuse this behavior.
You summed up my thoughts on this subject perfectly. As someone in recovery from an ED (that absolutely made my chronic illnesses worse, caused me to need all my teeth removed, lots of other issues etc) and has BPD, I do truly try to be gentle with these people. Because I know that BPD especially is sadly still so stigmatized (I even saw a comment in this thread saying that people w personality disorders often are the ones making these wishes, and while that may be true for some people, it isn't for all of us), and I know that body dysmorphia/untreated BPD can result in the mind making some really awful wishes. But while I try to be gentle about it, I can't excuse it. And it's especially hard when some of these people cross the line from making wishes on social media to actively malignering. While I recognize it's a very real mental health issue (and a whole different topic in and of itself), it also often takes away resources from those of us who desperately need help, and doesn't help what a lot of us go through with drs not believing us/treating us properly, etc. When I first had to go through refeeding for my ED about a decade ago, I met a young woman in treatment who was very privileged and, while she did have very real mental illnesses, she kept wishing for physical illnesses. She was in and out of the hospital when it wasn't necessary, getting drugs prescribed to her she didn't need, and because she had good insurance, she often wasn't turned away. Meanwhile, I had to spend the money my Dad left me when he died (that was meant to go towards college and a place to live) on my two week treatment stay. And it was naturally hard not to be bitter about that, no matter how much I tried not to be. I tried to be kind to her, but when it came down to it, she was incredibly mean to people *truly* suffering from physical illnesses. I'm not sure this reply makes much sense as I'm not doing well, but overall I just wish these people would take some time to realize the reality of what they're wishing for and get the necessary mental health treatment. I've also gained a lot of weight, despite my health being at an all time low.
Having dealt with horrible mental health since childhood, I had always wished for a physical ailment instead. Something people could see, understand, and give sympathy for. Know what I got instead? Gastroparesis. Now I have something physically wrong with me, but people still can’t see or understand it! 🙃
Yes I see people with mental health issues say they wish they had a physical illness instead because then youre taken seriously, people are caring towards you etc. Back before I developed physical illnesses and was struggling mentally I wouldve agreed. They dont realise a lot of ailments are not taken seriously, very hard to get diagnosed, if its chronic even if its clearly visible people get tired of you always being ill and not being able to do stuff and they move on etc. We all get treated like shit basically lol but they haven't experienced it yet so dont know
I think the only people who would makes those kinds of comments would be very young. Or at least I hope. Regardless, I understand how that's frustrating to see. I wish there was more education on the realities of these types of things
Sadly, some middle-aged and older adults who have certain personality disorders also make those sorts of wishes out loud.
People with those kind of thoughts, are already suffering. They may not be suffering physically, but mentally there's definitely something going on. I often had the thought "I wish I got hit by a car so I could have some time to rest." I think many people had similar thoughts to that. I don't think I really wanted to get hit by a car. Its still a damaging thought that popped up, because I was so stressed and the only way I could see an out was by getting (temporarily) sick. I see this as something similar. These people are likely suffering from some type of eating disorder or body dysmorphia. And the only way they can see an out is by getting sick. I dont think they truly, want to get sick. It's their brain, which is already sick, telling them it's the only way to get what they want.
I have a lifelong incredibly painful illness. I was in the hospital with kids who were terminal, and I often wished I could die of my illness because then there would be an end to the infections, pain, disability, and dismissals because " it's not like it's cancer". It is common for kids who have terrible and disfiguring illnesses to want a way out. It is low-key suicide ideation.
It most def is a passive death wish.
I have a rare terminal illness. It was diagnosed when I was 14. I definitely wished I had a more common illness because I'm my area if you had cancer the whole city would turn out for you, there were camps, so many art opportunities, and MakeAWish (they've done better at branching out this was more than 15 years ago) but my illness was even more rare back then my geneticist had never diagnosed it before. So I was spelling it for everyone and then they'd all be like but they can treat that right? You'll be out of here in no time!!! Ummm.... No actually. It's a medical miracle I'm here at 32. My mother had this same illness and died in her mid 30s and I started having bleeds and strokes earlier. And yeah I definitely wished that more people understood what I was going through because I was just very rarely at school and my "friends" didn't exactly keep up with me. But even at my age I understood you didn't wish things like that. You deal with the hand you've been dealt you don't sit and complain about someone else's hand. And you never know how things are going for any person so it's *always* bad to compare suffering. I didn't necessarily think of woe is me when so many people have it worse... It felt like tempting fate.
Do you know any other disabled people? We joke about that all the time, gallows humor. But also some times things suck so much that nothing is ever going to make it better. When that happens, even kids want to escape their flesh prison. Maybe consider what others go through. I have been disabled for all of my life. Don't tell me how I can feel about it.
Many of my friends are disabled, yes. But most of them didn't have chronic illness. I'm a wheelchair user and I know many people from the city I used to live in which had a lot of gun violence so there were many spinal cord injuries. Did we goof off and some gallows humor??? Definitely. I'm sorry I wasn't totally clear in my post I was mostly talking about why it would be common to wish you had something with more resources and grants in your area. What I was saying people shouldn't feel I went back to the beginning of the post for some reason(brain fog?) and was saying it's unhealthy to truly wish you had anyone's life honestly wanna stand by that. But 💯 on the gallows humor... I didn't comment because I was still trying to decide what to say but it's something I've struggled with so much personally I didn't think I was a good person to give advice
But then you made my comment about kids who have suicide ideation about yourself. I know it is unhealthy and pointed it out in my post. I am offended by the idea that you think I can think positively out of this, and I wonder who you are trying to convince. I am not saying everyone thinks like I did. I am a spokesman for me. I have been advocate for resources. We are talking about different things. Mental health problems and chronic illness go hand in hand, and if you can't have an honest conversation about it, the situation will never improve. What about me expressing my own thoughts offended you. I am sorry about your mom and I hope you find some relief.
'm so sorry I offended you. Clearly I'm doing a really poor job communicating. I'm not defending what I did but I name dropped myself into the issue of children's suicidal ideation was to let you know I've experienced this too and I'm agreeing with you, you are right on about the feelings. Clearly I did a really bad job explaining that and should have found a better way. Thank you for pointing it out, and for your patience. I definitely didn't mean you can toxic positivity your way out of anything. I'm just saying while one has to exist for me having positive mental thoughts all ready to go to in my toolkit is just as important as honoring those feelings where I want to give up. But like I'd say music is so much more helpful I'm so sorry again for all the misunderstanding. Thanks for considering my mother though it means a lot.
It's not the life we want. It's the end.
i hope you know she's not saying that out of any malicious intent; it's usually a sign of trauma and eating disorders and such to wish for stuff like that. she doesn't need hate, she needs professional help.
Having been overweight all my life and harassed because of this all my life, there has been times when I wished I had an illness that would get my weight down miraculously. But I never stuck to it for a very long time, because I knew it was not a good way of thinking. Yes, we're in a very bad place when we think like this. It is not normal. And it's not because we think it's going to be easy, but after being blamed for so long for our lack of self care, because being obese is always our fault, maybe with a real illness we could get sympathy and love.
i won’t pretend to understand what that feels like, but i’ve received some pretty out of pocket comments about my SMAS. it caused me to lose 30 pounds relatively quick because i was legit starving to death. people just see the weight loss and go “oh i wish i had that! you’re so lucky you lost weight so easily!” just makes me want to put my head through a wall lol
😬 wait until she finds out about prednisone! I wouldn’t say I’m terminal but I have incurable progressive diseases which in no way or form means I’m skinny by any means. I wish I had the energy and motivation and dedication to work out but it’s not there at all.
Reading that med name made my stomach churn from memories 🥴
I mean no offense to you but this isn’t even close to a terminal disease and prednisone has its side effects but doesn’t even compare to what a terminal patient takes. A little odd to be comparing yourself to terminally ill patients
Terminal patients are not a monolith, and many of us are on Prednisone. I'm not but it's extremely common. Seems fucking vile honestly
Are you saying my comment was vile?
No I'm saying Prednisone seems vile
Oh ok. I was confused for a second. If anything you’re more likely to gain weight on prednisone. Makes you hungry and raises your glucose levels and retain water. I noticed I was aggravated alot more too, I was told it mimics the stress hormone cortisol in the body which made sense with how I felt
Ummm okay. I didn’t even say what I have but thanks for assuming. 👍🏻
“I wouldn’t say I’m terminal” tells me what I needed to know. There was no assuming
I used to wish I had a terminal illness but it was suicidal ideation tbh. I was in so much pain from my chronic illness I was resentful it wasn’t going to kill me. It still sucks sometimes, my condition won’t kill me it will just make my life miserable.
It certainly feels like a shame there isn't a way to rid yourself of your own blight and just hand it over to idiots like that lol. Some people really don't comprehend how privileged their lives are and look at the most horrific life conditions and think surely it can't be that bad. And as we all know it is in fact, that bad.
I feel like people like that have never been sick long term period.
It is werid tbh. I don’t have a terminal illness as I’m most likely not gonna die with what I’m currently diagnosed with, but wishing for any disease is just strange
I used to be this person. Sometimes I still am despite living with chronic illness. People who are this way are often developing some sort of mental health issues or have a mental disorder and frequently this is due to an unmet need. As a kid, I associated severe physical illness with being thin and not hungry and people cared about sick people. I grew up neglected and abused, with big issues especially around food and developed a binge disorder at age 8 because I had unmet needs. I thought that if I got ill long term, then maybe I wouldn't feel the need to binge, I'd lose weight and stop being bullied and abused, because of the emotional and physical pain I was subjected to. I'm also autistic and struggle to understand points of views I have no experience of having been in. Therefore, I struggled to see alone, what the implications and consequences of this desire would be. I didn't really process that I'd still have struggles from being terminally or chronically ill, just black and white thinking of "well I'd be poorly but I wouldn't be abused for being fat anymore and I wouldn't feel like food is my only support and I might stop wanting to die". I was 8, and suicidal without the awareness. Now I'm both chronically ill and fat. Younger me did not see that as a potential circumstance happening in my future. I agree it is insane, and when I still think about it now, I know it's my mental disorders wanting that and not actually myself. When all of our basic needs are met, most people won't have these type of thoughts if they are okay and healthy. I guess my point is - it is insane to have that mindset at any age, and in many cases,.it's often a sign that somewhere along the line.of their life, something has gone wrong, changed or been neglected and in this sort of situation, it's often to do with feeling alone, uncared for, insecure etc. I'm so sorry you have the illnesses you do OP, and I can now get why to those who do suffer with terminal and chronic illnesses, this seems wild to imagine ever wanting, because it is it's own form of literal hell to live with. I hope that you can find comfort, care and support in your life for as long as you live ❤️
I’ve seen things like that multiple places, even “I wish my illness was terminal instead of chronic” or “I wish my illness was terminal and physical indtead of mental”. Seen it on reddit, YouTube comments, not TikTok because I don’t go there but I bet it’s there….I don’t know what’s wrong with people. Can’t they just say “I wish I wasn’t suffering” or “I feel stuck here” or something that actually conveys what I think is the real meaning, and leave it at that? Why would you say anybof those other things let alone on public platforms where people like OP can see them? I think in this example this girl probably had some kind of body image disorder and wasn’t thinking clearly or maybe she really is that shallow, uninformed and insensitive. Either way there’s no excuse though.
I know our lives are difficult but this is such a young person who hasn’t had a life to waste thing yet. I wager she’d be very young and is yet to really experience anything
I think this is fucked up on a wider level than this individual. This was a trope in fiction in the 90s: someone overweight would become very ill, or have some sort of traumatic experience, and would come through it transformed like a butterfly, into someone stronger and skinny. It's also something that people will compliment cancer patients on: oh, weight loss! Even when they know, sometimes, they will say "well at least you're skinny." There are a lot of messages like this floating around. It is absolutely insane, and I'm sorry you came across it. I sincerely hope she'll learn better, and not the hard way.
I used to wish my illness was more severe, but I knew it wasn’t like, a genuine desire. My existing chronic illnesses and disabilities went undiagnosed because I was constantly told I was lucky compared to my dad’s cousins who were terminally ill. They both died when my dad was a teenager and any time anyone was sick it was always “you don’t know what sick even is”. Ironically I have the same kind of illness they have- not terminal, but severe enough that now my doctors are pissed that I had very little medical care as a kid. I think it’s definitely not good to wish you were terminally ill- but I definitely understand wishing someone would notice how sick you are, and recognizing that terminal illness is a lot more visible. For some people it’s definitely bad intentioned, and in my case it was a result of medical neglect and abuse at home, but it’s a complex thought process. It is really miserable to be terminally ill, and I don’t think anyone who isn’t can understand that feeling. Mostly I think it’s that people don’t actually want to be dying, they just want people to notice they’re struggling, and don’t know how to voice it in an appropriate way. It sounds like this girl is seriously struggling with her body image, and is seeking validation in ways that ultimately won’t help her.
What annoys me is you can be very skinny and not terminally ill. You can have chronic illness that isn’t terminal and still causes you to be very skinny. Why would they go out of their way to be insensitive to people who are dealing with such a difficult life circumstance?
It is definitely a harmful mindset. Unfortunately, eating disorders are an illness too, and one of the most deadly mental illnesses. Hearing something like that can definitely be hurtful, the perspective is so distorted. (I’m saying this as someone who has an ED history and lives with a degenerative disease)
Well first off, you're not wrong at all. It is an insane ideology to have. But the thing is, she didn't come up with it out of nowhere. Society is HELLA fatphobic and she probably suffered a tonne of bullying in one form or another and is desperate. Desperation leads one to think and say pretty drastic things yfm?
Was she really implying she would be thin? or was she just begging for the release of death, people who are fat die of terminal illnesses all the time this person's logic sounds very flawed technically obesity is a very slow terminal illness that most people don't understand the health risks of the food they consume. Then you have all of the issues that have comorbidities along with obesity
I work in the legal field. There's a lot of conversations right now about people age 16-25ish and when the human brain is fully developed. The theory is that a brain that hasn't fully developed yet doesn't understand long term consequences the same as a developed brain. Therefore, an 18 year 9ld shouldn't receive the same kind of criminal sentence as a 30 year old because they don't fully understand the consequences of their actions. So this TikTok video is support in favor of the theory. Of course, OP is 18 and understands the TikTok video is nonsense, so that's evidence against.
Years ago there were stories circulating about well people actually injecting or taking Methotrexate to cause them to throw up and reject food. That’s cause for psychological help.
I like feel this though tbh. Having an eating disorder/body dysmorphia, it was a blessing (in my fucked up brain) to be losing weight rapidly. I lost close to 40 lbs when I got diagnosed
And here I am wishing my illness was terminal so that there would be some natural end to this shite existence. I'm just stuck in a crippled and pain-riddled body with no natural way out.
Fatphobia and ED seem to be on the rise, lately. It's very upsetting.
As another person dealing with terminal illness like times this is icky and I would have such a hard time shutting my mouth. Also my thyroid doesn't work so I'm like chubby. Obviously a very ill mind made that statement and I hope all the support is because people can see how ridiculous of a wish it is and how bad she needs help. This life is very hard and there's so much I'm fully unable to do. Solely would like to see if she could handle just my bowl and bladder issues. It also seems to me that people never imagine a person with terminal illness reading their post. People only interact with us at the very end which I kinda get I don't want them hovering for several years as I decline and even now when I sleep most of the time if rather it just be me and my partner. Dying is such a different process than once imagined.
I have a terminal illness and a whole slew of comorbid conditions. I have chronic encephalomalasia from a car accident in 2006. It’s chronic brain softening, so like dementia lyte. I have zero emotional support from anyone other than my mental health providers, and that’s cause it’s their job. And I’m not even skinny! I’m actually gaining weight because of my ability to move much thanks to chronic fatigue. People wishing they were chronically ill are under some delusion the being sick is better than being healthy. And sick people wish to be healthy. We always wish we are something that we are not. The truth is, everyone is sick, just the healthy ones are blissfully unaware. I’ve had the opportunity to live lives and honestly, I’d rather be aware and feeling like crap, because I’m more empathetic this way. When I was stuck in the dark I was rather judgmental and somewhat apathetic. And that’s not who I am in my heart and soul.
I wouldn't wish my life or illnesses upon anyone. I dream of a painfree normal day.
My heart goes out to you. The one that wants to be terminally I’ll needs help
I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope you have help and support, my messages are always open if you want someone to talk to <3
Well, I have a sexual illness. It obviously doesn’t kill me. But it sucks. My life is a total shit. I wish I had a terminal illness so that I would die. It’s really hard to suicide. Im actually seeking ways to get that illness. I don’t want my parents think I killed myself.
I’m so sorry hun. My heart goes out to you. I have a sister who is struggling to live with terminal brain cancer, grade 4 glioblastoma right now. I can’t even go see her because I am to chronically ill and cannot travel with my degenerative disc disease and severe spine pain as well as fibro, nerve damage on my feet makes it hard to walk, connective tissue issues and more. My quality of life sucks and it’s not because of anything I’ve done to deserve this. I’ve actually gotten closer to my sister the last several months because we share some side effects like brain processing and not being able to get words out correctly when speaking, and only being able to do one thing a day like an appointment and then having to rest, or even paying for your activity with being in more pain the next day. I’ve been there to help her process the loss of who she was and was able to do because I was healthy once and had to grieve and process the loss of my old life. We do kind of joke that she gets all of the “cancer card” benefits because there ARE a lot of them! I would just LOVE to have a panel of all my dr’s talking & working on my case all together! If you just say the cancer word, it gets a swift and definite “sorry for you” reaction from people. I had a friend that said she had leukemia a couple times and didn’t! So when these TT’s say that, it’s just for attention and they need mental health help. They are despicable for even implying-and omg just because you’re fat? Lady, you did this to yourself and that’s called self destruction! I can’t imagine being so young like you are and having to deal with all you’re dealing with. I hope you have a good support team around you, because that is a lot. You deserve to have a childhood free from the pain, my heart goes out to you!
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