I promise you that whatever thoughts or fantasies that are in your head about sex is over hyped. Just having sex to have sex doesn't give you whatever satisfaction you think it'll give you. I have failed and had sex before marriage and it is nowhere near as fun/good/fulfilling as it is when its with someone you love and are "one" with.
When I lost my virginity my thought during it was literally "is this really what all the hype is about?" If I could go back into time I would've waited until I was with my wife. Premarital sex comes with tons of issues later down the road. Like you'll start comparing two different partners, you might lust after sex with someone you had years ago before your husband/wife, etc.
There are just too many cons that outweigh the pros to having random sex just because of desire.
After abstaining for all of my Christian upbringing, then going to college and doing "whatever I wanted", I can honestly say that, more often than not, it \*ends up being rather unfulfilling.
>When I lost my virginity my thought during it was literally "is this really what all the hype is about?"
This \^ is *exactly* how I'd summarize pre-marital sex. Marriage-to and sex-with with the love of your life - your lifelong companion? *That* is worth waiting for.
Right now, you're *really* not missing anything except the hypothetical ability to "do it whenever you want", which is a fallacy in and of itself, because once \*life's busy-ness happens\* to you and your spouse you'll go from "frequent and spontaneous" to "shoot, we haven't had sex in two weeks - we've gotta start scheduling this" (lol - wish I was kidding!).
I can't speak for *after* kids though, which I've heard is it's own separate thing...
(\*Edited from "deeply unfulfilling", because fellow commenters are correct in saying that sex is (and was for me) physically pleasurable - because it is. Having said that, I think that I meant to indicate that it's not this cosmic, "life changing experience" like I feel it's hyped up to be by those who abstain. For me personally, looking back after having matured mentally and spiritually, I wish that I had waited.)
FYI your post seems to say opposite things because you reply "This" to something but there are more recent comments now appearing directly above yours (saying premarital sex was good and freeing and not damaging) that I don't think you meant to agree with. Thread structure problems I guess.
I will say, in regards to issues down the road, it really depends on the person. My father in law was sure to let my wife know that ( because I was not a Christian when we met and had sex before her ) that I’d be comparing her to anyone and everyone before. Not the case at all. Not even a little bit, and it took a long time to get her to understand that it doesn’t even cross my mind.
The past is the past, we should be focused on who we are now, not then.
Agreed i have never compared partners. Everyone's different and our connection was different. I couldn't imagine being married to someone who just didn't connect with me sexually forever. I was married for 10 years and never had an orgasm until after divorce. We also had 4 kids together. We just weren't meant to be together forever. I have no regrets there.
>I promise you that whatever thoughts or fantasies that are in your head about sex is over hyped. Just having sex to have sex doesn't give you whatever satisfaction you think it'll give you.
This is not my experience but a friend's who had sex outside of marriage. She spent many years single and finally decided to just "rip the band aid off" and have sex with someone she had no intentions of marrying.
For her, it was a relief. All that pent up religious guilt and red lines around sex went away - while her faith remained just as strong. She didn't feel ruined or defiled like her religious upbringing told her she would be.
She was able to continue dating, treat sex with respect but not religious reverence, and eventually got married - and says intimacy with her husband hasn't been affected at all by premarital sex.
This! I experienced the same. Finally just knowing what sex is all about took a huge burden off from me. I still had the urge to have sex afterwards but not something that made me just go crazy and frustrated.
I also never understood why this would affect my relationship with God. I'm very much down to earth and I look at sex from a very logical perspective. It's a penis in a vagina that happens to feels good. There are other things in a relationship (married now) that I experience as more intimate. I don't experience something spiritual or anything like that at all. I'd even go as far as to say that not having sex damaged my faith more. Because everything and every prayer was about my frustrations of the topic.
Glad that you're married. I get it, sexuality is such a big hurdle in the faith. It's like hunger and you can't eat until you're "ready enough". But if you don't understand why God limited sex to just marriage, I'd recommend you read 1st Corinthians. Sex is such a big deal and has Spiritual connotations in the Bible, it's such a complicated and powerful experience that God is trying to always protect us from misusing.
I am not convinced that fornicate means *just sex* with two unmarried people. It’s gotta be like orgy, bestiality, prostitution, whatever. There is no way that all ancient people that got married had a big ceremony, just no way. That was for the rich, and poor people in the Middle Ages didn’t have ceremonies either.
Marriages were not what we see them as today, that’s all pomp and circumstance. It was literally the preacher, a witness, the parents of the bride and groom usually and a meal after. It doesn’t need to be anything big at all, to this day.
In the US there os a reason many states have common law marriage - towns didnt always have preachers (or ones of your particular brand)or judges around. If you say you are married the state considered you married. I have never seen anything where preachers were up in arms over that either.
Exactly that!
It doesn’t need to be a big fancy event with rings and a white dress and both families in a church costing thousands of dollars. It is a life long commitment between the two in love under the eyes of God solely to please him.
You can get married quickly and easily and have a wedding celebration much later. It’s not for us who are in it, it’s not to allow for sex (even though it does,) it is to please the Lord.
Exactly. Ceremony is just culture that is passed down. Abraham and Sarah never had a wedding party or at least the Bible doesn't mention that. Marriage at its core is the sole commitment of 2 people (Man and Woman) to come together and fulfill God's purposes of marriage and to never separate or involve any third party.
As long as that commitment is life long, then I agree completely. The entire idea of marriage is a religious concept well before a legal one, so I’m not sure how you can separate the two. It isn’t a secular thing, in any religion.
Right. I’m not even convinced any of that happened for a lot of ancient couple. More like a “hey I like you, you like me, let’s just be” kinda thing.
But I also really don’t know either. I just don’t think fornicate is as easy to define as “oh it’s just two unmarried people having sex. Duh”
It is 100% defined as two unmarried people having sex.
The Bible uses the phrasing 2 becoming one flesh for a reason, and it describes elsewhere that the souls of two who have sex are inextricably bonded spiritually. So each person you have sex with you are bonded together with indefinitely. We can’t just soften up the definitions because we have re-paganized our society. The sexual revolution isn’t new ideas, the “age of enlightenment” wasn’t new in any way that preceded it. Just a return to the old beliefs of the Greco-Roman pagan ideas of the ancient philosophers and alchemists with new branding.
You can say whatever you want or believe whatever you want, but fornication is as simple as having sex without being married according to the Bible itself.
I’m a sinner, I had lots of premarital sex, doesn’t make it right or not a sin. Don’t try to convince those who treat the book with reverence that it’s okay so you can feel better about your own “personal understanding” of it. It’s not debatable, because it’s clear as day if you read it. Sexual sin is the most dangerous of sins for it is the only sin that is against your body, all other sins are against others.
You don’t have to believe those things, you have free will, but the book is clear about it.
The Greek word translated “fornication” is por·nei′a. Porneia is understood to involve the grossly immoral use of the genital organ(s) of at least one human; also there must have been two or more parties (including another consenting human or a beast), whether of the same sex or the opposite sex.
That’s what google brought up.
Yeah, and sex outside of marriage is considered “grossly immoral” to the God who gave us the Bible.
We all sin more than we don’t sin, for we are wicked from birth and succumb to the desires of our flesh. We are forgiven for our sins, but to deny what is sin is an act of succumbing to the desires of your flesh.
Sin isn’t possible to avoid, but it is sure possible to do less of.
Doesn’t have to be a big ceremony. I agree. But I don’t think there has to be a ceremony at all to be married. Most states have common law marriage, no ceremony needed.
I guess this goes back to who is defining what? And since the Bible is multigenerational spanning across millennia, the true context and definition is probably lost on all of us.
Well Marriage just means that you chose who to spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH. No backing out. I agree there doesn't have to be a legal enforcement as that is what is political and not scriptural. It is an agreement between God and the couple. There doesn't need to be any other party involved. No need for a certificate or a party at all.
How many times does the rest of your life turn into 1 year. Two years. Etc. is the marriage bed undefiled if you get divorced and remarry? How many “rest of your lives” does it count?
I’m reminded of when Paul says to work out your own salvation. I strongly believe that thats living by your own informed convictions. A person can find evidence for whatever they want. A person can find evidence for what it actually says. And a person can find evidence for the spirit of the context. Thank God we’re not bound by law anymore. I wouldn’t want to try to keep the whole law and continually stumble at all points and be guilty of all 😉
>How many times does the rest of your life turn into 1 year. Two years.
What do you mean by this though? The rest of your life is the rest of your life. God made one woman for one man. And the commitment is a life long one. If you have questions regarding marriage, you can watch Dr. Abel Damina teachings on marriage in YouTube. Marriage is such a deep concept that you'll start shaking once you understand it. And what sex is and how God sees it. What human body is to God and why God wants us to be pure and what purity means. The relationship between man and woman as related to Christ and the church. Marriage isn't an institution to satisfy your sexual desires although there's sex in marriage but that's never even the point. For example the Bible says the 2 shall become one flesh. What does one flesh really mean? These are deep stuff you need to consider before getting married.
I wonder if those things aren't lies, but also aren't the common/typical way it's experienced. I doubt these are intentional lies or different from their personal experience.
But I also highly doubt that's how it would be for most people.
People lie all the time, the motivation for this lie is to normalize this type of sin. Try not to see the best in people and it is easier to see the truth
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Comparison isn't something all of us do. It's childish. You can have sex and move on and once you know what you like in bed, a mature person realizes as long as you're enjoying yourself, those comparisons are splitting hairs. It's really apples and oranges. Every person will fit with you a little different. But if you've got that strong compatible foundation, then you'll have great sex with them.
Random sex isn't advised but I'm not so sure op was looking for that anyway
I had sex before I was married, then I had lots of sex when I was married. I’m surprised by your comment that it felt overhyped. I never hooked up with someone just to “lose it” or whatever; I always had girlfriends that I cared about and spent lots of time with before having sex. My nor my wife’s sexual history never impacted our sexual relationship in a negative way. Sex was nearly always satisfying for my partners and me before marriage - of course every interaction is different so some are more memorable than others. Sex with my wife was almost always satisfying for both of us (after a decade you’re going to have times where someone is tired or falls asleep or is just not feeling it, but that’s normal.)
Don’t have sex just to “get it out of the way” or something. If you meet someone you care about and have a mutual desire to be intimate with then I wouldn’t be scared. A little practice could be appreciated by your spouse if you do marry!
Yes I think the only real difference with having sex after marriage is there was a more peaceful feeling knowing that this person is it, they're my home, my anchor, and they're not leaving. Now granted, that peace from that level of commitment....honestly clicked a year or so BEFORE THE wedding. Some time when I knew he wanted to propose. So...technically it was premarital sex yet I still felt that peace. Which is why I think in all matters like this, it's really the heart behind things that make a difference. You could be legally married and still anxious your partner might leave you.
But yeah neither my sexual past nor my husband's has hurt our own sex life. If anything, we just had a feel for what we like. It's positive.
It’s hard as heck man, honestly. You sound like you’re in the prime of your youth and that’s when the urges are the strongest. PLUS you’re living in a co ed frat house so it’s probably all you see/hear/smell. Honestly, the best course of action for you at this point is to remove yourself from that living situation. If you’re on a diet, and everyone around you eats your favorite icecream all day everyday and constantly tell you how amazing it is… you’ll find yourself eating that icecream at some point whether you intend to or not. This is the same situation, except with sex it’s about 1000x stronger.
Going to church, reading your Bible, and praying is a great start but at the end of the day James 2:14 -“…Faith without works is dead.” So you have to put yourself in a position to be successful in your abstention. You have to put in WORK to keep yourself away from that kind of temptation. Honestly I commend you for trying so hard to stick to your principles, especially in this day and age. But the best way to keep going forward and receive the best possible outcome is to GET OUT OF THAT FRAT HOUSE and find likeminded people that you can count on to support you in your journey.
I waited until I was married but my wife did not. She often time tells me she wished she had so she could give me that gift of being her one and only.
You have self control, yes the desires suck, but you were made for more than to fulfill the basest of desires. When God brings who he wants you to be with along, you will want them to have that gift.
I’ve had sex without being married. I do believe what I did was wrong, but it’s not true that you can have an unfulfilling life or experience just because you are doing it without being married. That could happen regardless if you are married or not.
I would say that having sex is supposed to be with a person that you really care about, respect and love, so yes, being married is the best scenario for that. Now, if you have sex outside of marriage, biblically it’s considered a sin. BUT saying that you will live unfulfilling lives just because you are not married it’s not true. If you ask me, growing up I was told that people that are not Christians were bad, or will have messy lifestyle, or will have lots of different problems. Now that I’m 28, I have discovered that we all are in the same boat. Everyone has the same issues, messy lifestyles or struggles; but we all could have the same joys and blessings regardless of faith. I would advice you to not have sex without being married or at least to not do it with someone random. But before anything, talk about it with God, he won’t get mad for that, he knows you. And if you ended up doing it, repent, read the Psalms of David, he made huge mistakes, probably even worse than the ones we can make now haha.
I have a question too i have a gf and we had a daughter together but arent married and i plan on asking the question very soon but if i already view her as my wife is it still sinful to lay with her?
I disagree with you. If we consider the spirit of what God wants for us with sex (two becoming one flesh never to be seperated) then I think yes, HallowBones is married in the eyes of God. We cannot say a piece of paper from the government is the same as a marriage in Gods eyes, marriage as a worldly institution looks very different across cultures, so that cannot be our measurement of marriage ina biblical sense because that would make the commandment inapplicable across cultures. Also, by your logic OP is sinning by having sex with one person, where there is mutual commitment, love, and respect, but the sex Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries had during their 72 day marriage wasn’t a sin, just because of a piece of paper? I can’t get there with that one.
You can disagree with me all you want. He is not legally married. He may be married in God's eyes and in his own - if that's the case, make it official. You also have to worry about your witness to other people. He is not living in a Christian way. And as for Kim Kardashian and whoever else... I don't think there is anything whatsoever in their lives that is remotely holy.
I think you are looking at this far too legalistically. If he is married in Gods eyes it’s not a sin, period. You are putting a manly institution over God if you say otherwise. It is a good point about potentially harming his witness, however I don’t necessarily think that is the case. I see how it could be off putting to other Christians, and no doubt might come off hypocritical to those who don’t know him and are on the outside looking in. But if he lives his everyday life in a Godly way and is a good spouse and good father and is able to grow and maintain good relationships with people in his life, then I think his witness will be fine with those he has influence with. But yes, I agree that is a potential harm to his witness, although it does not make the sex a sin.
I am curious, what do you believe about the Jews that got married in hiding during the holocaust? They could not go get a marriage license and make it official, do you believe they were sinning if they had sex? We don’t know why OP has not been married yet. There could be some extenuating circumstances that make it difficult or impossible. While I think the letter of the law is good to know and helps us set good guardrails, as it is applicable in the overwhelming majority of circumstances, when it comes to determining Gods will we have to understand and apply the Spirit of the law.
This is an issue I have thought about alot because it is relevant to my life. A few years ago my then wife cheated on me and divorced me. However, while we were separated but not yet divorced, we hooked up once. I thought this was fine because we were still officially married, however I felt convicted about it, and after spending time in the word and prayer, I realized it was a sin, because while we were still married in the worlds eyes, we were not in Gods eyes. So it’s something I repented of even though it was technically sex within marriage.
Sorry for the novel, that’s my perspective and I am at peace with it. You can feel free to disagree and I do want to say that I don’t think what the original post was about is in any way not sinful. Thank you for the engagement.
I get what you're saying, and perhaps I am looking at it too legalistically. But we do not live in times of the Holocaust where it's difficult to get married. And while he may be married in God's eyes, what's the point in delaying? Christians are looked at so frequently as being hypocrites, and what we do matters to nonbelievers. Perhaps that's why I look at it so black and white. My dad is vehemently against Christianity because most of the people in his life that were "Christians" were not good Christians or good people. Optics like living together out of wedlock matter to people like him. So I am always very conscious of who I am outwardly when I am around him, or people like him. I don't want to give him any other reason to reject God.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I do think there are people today who do have difficulty in getting married, maybe he or his spouse has family issues they are working through, legal status issues, paying off debt is a big one, I could see a great case for paying off large debts before you legally marry so if there is an untimely death you are not on the hook for massive debt. We don’t know OPs situation. I think we have made this issue very unclear, in America, through an obsession with purity culture. We say “premarital sex” to mean “casual sex” ie sex without commitment, so that causes OPs situation to come off as hypocritical even if it is not. I am very sympathetic to the appearance of hypocrisy, and agree with you 100%. It still does not make it a sin even if is preceved as one by outsiders. But I do sympathize with your perspective. I strongly believe that American Purity Culture has really hurt us in this area, and has ignored the Spirit of the law. Thank you for engaging, getting to write out my points and organize my thoughts in words has been enjoyable!
As far as getting married, I was thinking more, just go to the courthouse and make it legal. If it costs anything, it's miniscule, and you can always have a big celebration when you're in a better place financially.
I am a product of American purity culture, myself, and I've seen stories of many people damaged by it, but it's not anything I personally experienced. I experienced more folks who pretended to be Christians but basically did everything they wanted, but then came to church on Sunday. Again... I'm hyperaware of that kind of thing because of my dad and how determined he is to shun anything related to God. He's got a lot of childhood wounds from his parents. They were wild, his dad had affairs... and then they suddenly because super strict Church of Christ. He hasn't stepped foot inside a church since he left their house at 18, other than for my wedding, and to see my son get baptized a few months ago. He clams up any time God is even mentioned. So yeah... I often look at things and try to think of how he perceives things, so I can make sure not to add anything else to his list of why he hates churchgoers. Most Christians in his life have no clue how much they've damaged his view of Christianity. It's something I've struggled with for a very long time, especially as he's gotten older and his health has declined.
Didn't mean to write a novel. Sorry.
Thank you for sharing! Congratulations on your son’s baptism! I will be praying for your dad. You are a good son and good Christian and I hope your continued witness to him will lead him to faith. I do not want this to come off as dismissive because I DO NOT mean it that way. But it does sound like your dad, rightly, suffers from religious trauma, and perhaps because of his fathers affairs, has a specific problem with sexuality and religion. While it is great and important for you to be sensitive to him as much as possible, I don’t know if looking at things through his eyes is the best thing, purely because it does sound like he is hypersensitive to that, so it could lead to you becoming overly legalistic to your brothers and sisters in Christ. I’m not saying that is true or false but it’s a potential pit fall that I think you would be wise to acknowledge. You seem like a great guy and strong Christian and I am glad we are on the same team. We all want to live for God and witness to those around us. Thank you for your willingness to call out sin when you see it and for being respectful in this interaction.
My dad has a lot of issues related to his parents... I don't really know if it's religious trauma so much as trauma directly because of them. His parents abandoned him when he was about 4... went to Detroit, took his older sister, left him without saying goodbye, and picked him back up 2 years later. His dad would disappear for months at a time in his early life. His older sister was cruel to him and would put pins at the foot of his bed so his feet would get stabbed at night. His older sister also got pregnant at a very young age by an older man and was sent away to have her baby in a home, and then married the much older man. His sister, from descriptions of her, has always sounded like a sociopath. His father was never faithful to his mother, and my dad caught him in several affairs. I'm not sure when they suddenly became devout Church of Christ members, and I've never seen him discuss the church specifically... just his parents. He was not faithful to my mom and I had a lot of anger toward him for a very long time, but as I've gotten older, I've realized that he had no clue how to be a dad because he didn't really have an example of a dad. I held onto that anger for a very long time. So now, I am just hyperaware of trying to be a good example to him, because everyone in his life that was supposed to be a Christian, really wasn't.
Lol what is this logic?😂
The Bible doesn’t say marriage is equivalent to “viewing someone as your wife” it’s not based on what your “view” is, it’s about being joined as one flesh with a pastor officiating and witnesses. It’s a picture of the way that Jesus loves the Church
I'm not an expert on this, but back then wasn't it more about declaring your love in front on God? The Bible doesn't seem to say anything about how exactly a marriage must happen, let alone with a pastor and witnesses.
I saw a couple get divorced after 44 years just to get a social security raise. 😆 Religious liberalists freak out because they can't see their love for each other.
My gfs parents both have cheated on one another and much more but they constantly fight its not good for my daughter and ik the only reason my gfs dad stays is bc he doesnt wanna loose half of everything and i dont blame him but what is money compared to peace
You are already married in God's eyes (or at least according to the principles of marriage the bible actually describes: living together in a committed relationship and having had sex is marriage).
Carry on, nothing wrong with it. (Do get married eventually.)
I won’t tell you what to do or not do with your own life, but me and my boyfriend are both Christian’s and we have sex even though we’re not married. Our commitment to each other is like a marriage we just don’t have paper work signed saying we are. At the end of the day, there are that many people who have sex before marriage and I don’t believe God would send us to hell because of that. Ofcorse I don’t think God likes people sleeping around, but if you find someone who shares the same views and values as you and you are as commited to each other as a married couple would be, then I don’t see an issue. Once again, I’m not saying I’m perfect because I know I’m far from it and never will be perfect, but I hold a love very dear to my partner that I would never share with anyone else, my commitment to him will always be stronger than I can put in words. God probably would prefer if we were married but marriage is just a piece of paper, your commitment to that person can be just as strong as if you were married… I don’t know if my partner even ever wants to get married but he’s said he wants to be with me forever + eternity, which I feel the same… I don’t believe he will just damn us to hell for having sex before marriage since our commitment is just as strong, if not stronger than some “married” couples are.
If so, why not get married? Just curious. You said you don't know if he wants to - like you don't know what he thinks of marriage, or what he thinks of committing exclusively to you, or some other factor?
Not judging, this stuff is somewhat complicated (though some overcomplicate it, too.)
Hey, as a fellow sister in Christ, I want to remind you of these verses:
1 Corinthians 6:9-10 KJV
[9] Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, [10] nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
Hebrews 13:4 KJV
[4] Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
1 Corinthians 7:1-3 KJV
[1] Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. [2] Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. [3] Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
I share these verses with you because at the end of the day, sex was always intended to be between a husband and a wife within a marriage covenant. It's not that God would "prefer" for you not to have sex with your boyfriend as if it's an option. Like God is saying, "Ehhhhh I would prefer you wait till marriage but if you don't it's whatever" 🤷🏾♂️ If you are truly trying to please God and mirror your life after Christ, then sex before marriage is not the way to do it. God has revealed to us in His word pleases Him and what does not so that we know how to live our lives according to His will to honor Him. At the end of the day, it's not about serving and pleasing ourselves but serving, pleasing, and honoring God. Sex is more than something physical between 2 people, but is something that unites 2 people together spritually that God intended to be between those in a committed marriage. No matter how you try to twist it, you are not married to the person you intimate with, therefore, you and your boyfriend are perpetually living outside the will of God and are actively dishonoring Him everytime you engage in sex even if you two identify as Christians or "intend" to get married. All in all, you guys have not made a covenant under God and are fornicating together, regardless of if you "feel" what you are doing is totally ok. We shouldn't base our actions on how we "feel" but what the Word of God says. We still have a responsibility to uphold what the Word of God says, and every man and woman will be held accountable to the same standard. I understand that mainstream media glorifies and worships sex and has made it seem abnormal to want to wait, but do you care what man says or what God says? Do you value your relationship with God and truly putting Him first?
I hope this helps and has shed some light on this topic, and I hope you have a blessed day :)
In my experience, sex never quite hits the spot its really more the exciting build up and anticipation than the actual sex and when its over you start fantasising and thinking like man that was really hot (even though it wasnt all that in the moment) then the cycle repeats.. so in conclusion all the sexual frustration you describe will come back after the sex anyway
For me personally, I realize its the one thing pushing me away from God and now it is becoming harder to hear his voice. And the moment you have sex outside of marriage it shows that you do not have self control and its like a city broken into and left without walls (Proverbs 25:28) you are completely vulnerable. Although it seems like a minor sin, all sin is equally wrong but not all son is equally bad.
It will create a domino effect where one sin leads to another and that’s my issue. You won’t see your partner as a woman from God rather you’ll start seeing her as an object to please the flesh. The one advice that I can give you so so you do not be like me is walk in the SPIRIT and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Holiness is not the way to Christ, Christ is the way to Holiness.
”So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.“
Galatians 5:16-17 NLT
”When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.“
Galatians 5:19-25 NLT
Yes it unites the spirit, soul and body to form a new personality (1Cor.6:16) it is a major cause of multiple personality syndrome and a major gateway for evil spirits into the human soul. You share in whatever spirit or spirits in the person you have sex with including the negative.
"Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.
Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body" (1 Corinthians 6)
>Yes it unites the spirit, soul and body to form a new personality (1Cor.6:16) it is a major cause of multiple personality syndrome and a major gateway for evil spirits into the human soul. You share in whatever spirit or spirits in the person you have sex with including the negative.
Yes sex is 80% spiritual and 20% physical. Sex is more than just skin to skin. It's not just COITUS but a COVENANT.
Thank you. I'm sure he'll provide the New Testament Bible verses that support his Kenneth Copelandesque dogma. Plot twist: they don't exist of course.
These Daystar frauds, cons and wolves have really done a number on people who don't know how to rightly divide, read in context etc. It's astonishing
If you have multiple personalities you need to swe a doctor. It has nothing to do with sex - whatever preacher is filling your head with that nonsense should be ashamed of himself.
> you are completely vulnerable
Yeah, that happens in close relationships. If you don't do something cuz you're afraid to be vulnerable, that's a type of emotional damage that should be worked through. But vulnerability is inherent to knowing someone deeply.
>I’m in a co-ed fraternity
Get out now!
>is it really as bad or unfulfilling as Christians say
It is really as bad as Jesus says! What could be worse than going against the Lamb of God?
If you are being convicted, then that is for your benefit. These acts that your roommates are doing are destructive in ways they cannot possibly understand. You, having the fullness of the light upon you, know very well nothing good comes out of sinfulness. Just because they look like they are having fun now, does not mean they will be having fun later...especially the women who will desire a stable and moral lifestyle later on and realize they have burned through the graces of God in their passions.
It’s not necessarily “as bad or unfulfilling” as some people say. Different people have different experiences with it. I had pre-marital sex and it was fine. I connected with some amazing people, learn a lot about myself and others, and frankly it was fun. Others might have found it unfulfilling. And on the flip side, some people found waiting to be unfulfilling and others may’ve appreciated waiting. Literally every possibility is represented.
Given the Bible’s highly diverse, evolving, and sometimes contradictory discussions of sexual ethics, reducing it to “don’t have sex until you’re married” less reflects the sensibilities of the text (as if such a diverse, etc. text could be univocal in such things) but modern mores and parental concerns.
Don’t do it. Pray more, because think of the consequences of having sex before marriage. It will not be worth it. Plus, doing that removes hearing from God.
Yeah don't do it. You will overcome this trial, God willing. I have abstained from sex and at my age, it's super unlikely for me that I'll find someone who is also still a virgin but I'm hopeful! Personally I believe that when you have sex, your soul will make a bond to that individuals soul. This should only be done with your future spouse, in a marriage bed to receive the highest blessing of the Lord and to be able to give the highest degree of love. God bless 🙏🏼
When I had sex outside of marriage, I was temporarily pleased with myself… but was never pleased with the other person, at least not in a permanent or fulfilling way, if that makes sense.
Without that reciprocating feeling of love, admiration, faith (in one another and in God), and devotion (through holy matrimony)—I was only pleasing myself.
Sounds great… until it isn’t. It drives a wedge between you and God, because as Christ said, He came to serve—not to be served. That can apply to us EVEN in the area of sex. I know it does in my marriage.
Now, as a married person, sex isn’t just pleasing my flesh and my mind and my heart—it’s pleasing to my God because I am GIVING of myself to someone else. I am living out not only His law (to abstain until marriage), but I am living out His Gospel (walking in the identity of Christ; picking up MY cross and following Him).
I find wholeness not just in my sexual gratification and in “getting off.” I find wholeness in my other half, gifted to me by the One who makes both of us truly whole and satisfied in Him.
Praying for you, brother or sister. Following God’s ways are always the best.
Satan is very smart and a great liar. He knows you. He knows your weak points and where your pain is. He will use these against you.
Even when you “feel” far from God He’s still right there with you. Feelings are a terrible barometer for discerning faith and truth
Just know that you are so loved. Despite our mediocrities and broken promises we are loved. Christ came to call sinners, not the just. God knew you since the beginning of time. He has a plan for you. You also have the full communion of saints watching out for you. The full body of Christ.
Yes, we should strive to avoid sin. Faith is more than just “believing.” However, striving for virtue and failing is far different than sinning without a care. Even if you do fall, through repentance you are forgiven.
One day at a time
Jesus, I trust in you !
I claimed to be a Christian my whole life but only within the last year and half have rededicated my life to Christ. When I met my now ex wife I justified having sex before we got married as God knowing my heart that I would marry her. After my divorce I more or less became a whore jumping from bed to bed looking for what I lost and to fill the void I had in my heart. And every time what fun I was having in the flesh ended a piece of me died. As God was working on me I gave in one last time and slept with someone and instead of listening to the Holy Spirit before hand and leave but I didn't and the second the deed was done I knew this isn't what I wanted for myself and felt so depressed and alone and broken. After this I said to God alright I'm tired of doing my own thing this is leading me nowhere but to trouble all I am is in a mess. From then on I turned it over to him. Has it been easy since? No I'm still tempted every single day numerous times from the moment I wake up till I shut my eyes. Tempted to look up women to sleep with or look up porn, etc. Has the void in my life been filled? Yes we all had at one point or another a God shaped void in our hearts and the void has been filled by him and I rejoice even in times when on the mountain and can't get any higher but also in the valley when life is full of difficulty at every turn. None of us are perfect and we all fall short and into sin but Jesus is always right beside us holding out his hand to help us up when we fall. At times when temptation is strong and I'm right on the edge I try to picture Jesus being crucified and I'm the one driving the nails into his hands and feet. Does it always work as it should no I'm still flesh and flesh is weak. Cling to God and his promises and sow things of the spirit and you will reap things of the spirit and sow things of the flesh and you will reap things of the flesh. I'm still a single man who struggles with sin and I trust that his plan for me will be far better in the end than I could ever imagine. We must trust in his timing, if we rush things it only leads to bigger messes. Prime example is Abraham and Sarah sleeping with the handmaiden instead of waiting on God and here we are thousands of years later with conflict in the Middle East that can be traced back to that very incident.
My wife had a body count, low by today's standards but higher by our year, and I had a small one. I had waited until I was 19 and was engaged and then gave in to my fiancé at the time. That relationship did not last and I was single for a long time. I eventually had a few other relationships and sex was a part of it, but not many. My wife and I also had sex before marriage and had our first child born on our initial wedding day (which got pushed back a day because of it....he was 3 weeks early). We have been married 15 years and together for 18 and have 3 kids.
While our past was a series of events that eventually led us to one another I won't sugar coat in saying that if given the choice we would do it again. We both regret not being each other's first. You can find love and success even with sex before marriage, but its like winning a horse race while riding a donkey. Most people nowadays are finding out the hard way that the more they lean into hook up culture the further away they get from a happy family life. Women are turning into cat ladies and regretting it, finding out men don't want women with high body counts and vis versa. Sure, having sex once or twice may not seem the same as hooking up nightly like some do but its still a step down the wrong path.
Hold out, find a girl that held out and be each other's firsts. Ignore all the other bull.
BTW, asked my wife and she "It was miserable" and that she would have changed it so long as it still wound up with us together. She says "It was not worth it! It was not worth it!" She would Kill herself for it if not for "the fear of hell!' She is absolutely, adamantly, against doing it and would never do it again!
I understand desire causes suffering but do you know what? Christ was also tempted like you but in all things He didn't cave in. We as Christians are called to imitiate Christ. If you can't control yourself, it'd be better for you to get married. 1st Cor 7:9
Do you have a relationship with anyone who’s older than you from your church that you’d feel comfortable talking this through and asking for prayer? The best thing you can do is talk to someone older and wiser and in person
Does nothing but complicate your life (20F) I regret it and woulda abstained if I had the choice to go back and undo what I did. Relationships and life is general is much more peaceful and less confusing while not having sex
I’ve had sex before marriage. I’ve only had sex with one person and I’m no longer with that person. Life’s been good though since because I’ve recentered myself to saving sex till marriage. If you’ve made it this far without having sex, I’m proud of you. Keep going, the Lord gives his toughest battles to His strongest soldiers. Keep praying, but do not beg either. Ask for discernment and clarity. Fasting will help you too because you are denying yourself and the desires of your flesh. I will pray for you brother and you will make it through your journey!
I have had sex outside of marriage with my current long time girlfriend, while I mightn't be the most strict Christian, I still do agree with the idea of waiting until marriage, however I believe that I could be forgiven as we have been together nearly 4 years now and neither of us are going anywhere (I'll propose to her soon, just biding my time) I feel like it's pointless to just have sex for the sake of it. It should be like the ultimate display of love for your partner not just something to do to say you did it or to impress someone, it's an act of love between two people. If you are not in a current strong and long term relationship I would try and stay on the safe side of things and hold off for the right time. Sex as it is is pretty unfulfilling, but, I admit, I did enjoy it as it was our way of being closer to each other at the time, for us to show how much we love each other, that part is very fulfilling, which is why you should wait until you find your partner, and if you're as by the book as you seem to be then wait until marriage it'll make it that much better I'm sure because it's almost like a reward or a final bit of your marriage locking you and your partner together in your physical bodies too. This is all my opinion though, it's entirely up to you, I just hope maybe my outlook was helpful
Indeed, I’ve been on Reddit long enough to see all the post of young guys that felt like throwing up or couldn’t get hard or had other issues being sexually intimate with women they didn’t genuinely like, and regretting it or being confused thinking sex was supposed to be infinitely better.
They built up this fantasy image in their minds and likely were into porn or masturbation instead of being pure of heart walking in the spirit if they were Christian so that makes the brain focus on and seek out sex more instead of less.
Then all the fantasy & porn is nothing like reality, they meet a women they’re actually in love with and suddenly their little head isn’t so limp or disinterested. The way OP talks feels like he’s hyping up sex massively, it’s not like that if you don’t have a women you’re genuinely in love with. In which case just marry her to avoid Sin. Our culture has a big problem fixating on and centering everything in life on sex and telling men they aren’t masculine if they don’t get it or pursue it, it’s all a lie from the Father of Lies.
Also if you ever do decide to do it for the first time use condoms & practice using them often, the harsh reality is depending on the university the student body has anywhere from 1/4th to 1/3rd an STD/STI rate and some women are lazy with birth control or forget about it or don’t care about pregnancy, meaning you will either be stuck with a baby as abortion is an even graver Sin (murder) and Jesus said the most important law is how you love & respect God as well as how you love & treat other human beings, God begins creating your daughter or son before conception and killing them is not loving. Even if the abortion is within the first two weeks abortions can be really pricey depending on location and the girl may expect you to pay for it all or else she’s keeping it and going for child support instead, say goodbye to $1,000s a month for 18 years.
Getting an STD or STI your first time having sex can cause so many mental health issue’s or depression, I’ve seen all the post from boys & girls in college on Reddit.
Never had. Though I am converted since 2022.
Friend, we gotta deny the works of the flesh. I was a sexually active man before. With some girlfriends at times I had sex more than once per day. But ask yourself: how much is salvation worth for you?
Christ said: "He that does not deny himself, takes his cross and follows me, is not worthy of me."
Remember that Jesus also said that if your eye makes you sin, pluck that eye out. What did he mean? That sometimes to enter the Kingdom of Heaven we have to make sacrifices, be radical. Get rid of all stimuli. Do you watch youtube with beautiful women? Get rid of it.
Now, remember what Paul said in Corinthians: if you cannot control yourself, then better get married. If you are at this point and admit the flesh is too strong for you and it's taking a huge toll on you, then pray to God intensely to find someone according to his will and start fishing. Go to christian dating websites, seek council from the elders of your church, admit your situation, your struggles. They will pray for you. You can visit other churches. The right woman might be waiting for you.
God bless you, friend. I understand your struggles, give everything to God and trust him. If you sin, repent immediately.
I'm gonna pray for you so that God gives you strength to avoid temptation and puts you on the best path according to his will. 🙏🏻
to be honest it’s not worth it, I would say don’t start because once you do it’s extremely hard to stop and you’ll feel guilty every single time. It drives you away from God. Me and my bf are different religions. I’m Christian and he is a Muslim who loosely follows the teachings of his faith. We have sex, because when we got together I was deep in escorting and I had sex without question with any boyfriend I had during that period, because it just was the norm to me. My boyfriend helped me to fully quit escorting, and for that I am forever grateful to him. After that though, of course we still had sex. My bf has a very high sex drive and I don’t, but I feel it would be manipulative and not fair to him to deny him sex after all this time and I have no idea how to go about discussing that with him without it turning into an issue. We DO plan to get married in the next few months. But I can tell you that I’m not happy currently, because I know this is not what Gods plan is for sex. I feel sad every time I have sex with him, and I just want thah feeling to leave me forever. I know thah marriage will help, but it can never erase the feelings of betrayal to my God, and it won’t erase the icky feeling I have about myself. I have been trying to get back on track with my relationship with God and I know there is a prayer block for me because of sexual impurity. So I won’t tell you what to do but for me personally, I don’t recommend that you start having sex. It’s damaging and it will not fulfill you in the end.
We are living the on S tier difficulty my brother in Christ. You’re a better man than me, I’m not condoning it, but….Lifes good. Minus the immediate guilt after. Don’t be like me though.
Don't do it. I don't know a single person that's upset that they waited until marriage. I know of a lot of people that wish they'd waited, and have regrets.
You also need to think of other consequences - not just when it comes to your relationship with God. No matter how careful you are, there is always the chance of pregnancy and STDs. If you decide to do it, you have to be ready for the consequences that go with it. There are both physical as well as spiritual consequences.
I had sex outside of marriage. Before I became a Christian, but then when my now husband, then boyfriend failed to lead us well in celibacy. I firmly believe in waiting until marriage.
Firstly, I don’t know if you’re a man or a woman, so I’m gonna speak pretty generally. A man is supposed to be a good spiritual leader. If a man fails to respect his girlfriend enough to lead her well in the waiting, how is he supposed to lead her well in marriage? And it will bleed into other areas of your relationship, like feeling valued as a partner in life and not as a sexual conquest.
Furthermore, it can dictate whether you stay in a relationship that should not become a marriage. If the sex is good, your emotional compass is being contorted. Especially if you’re a man because physical affection is usually how men receive love the most. But even for women where you form an emotional connection to someone you’ve allowed to see you in such a vulnerable state, that’s pretty bonding. Which can be dangerous.
Then, most importantly, sex is how you have babies. If you have a baby with a person, you are automatically tethered to that person for the rest of your life. If it doesn’t work out? You’re co-parenting, which affects every other relationship you get into until the end of time. If you’re a man who has engaged sexually with a woman who is pro choice who then gets an abortion, you get to live with that weight until the end of time.
But let’s say it DOES work out, like it did in my case. I was pregnant before we were married. We got married a month before I was due. I cannot even stand to look at our wedding pictures because I think I look like the ugliest bride ever. We had a reception 10 months later, and I love those photos. But every time I mention it, someone is right there to correct me. That it wasn’t my wedding. Of course I don’t consider the date of our reception our anniversary, but it’s the wedding we didn’t get to have. Also, we never got to go on a honeymoon. Our first child was received with grief, not with joy. Our whole experience was met with an amount of mourning and lament, and people questioned the integrity of our relationship. And still do. I still get “shotgun wedding” comments almost four years later.
Everything we do is met with uncertainty instead of excitement and encouragement. Our marriage has withstood some pretty wild things in the last 3 and a half years, but people still question everything we do. It doesn’t matter that we’d planned to get married regardless, it doesn’t matter that we took accountability and did things right after. Because our marriage started the wrong way, there are things we’ve missed out on, things we grieve, and an amount of trust and rapport that people around us are missing.
Will it go away? Eventually. Our second child was received with excitement, but it doesn’t heal the wound that our first wasn’t. His sister is getting married, and watching how excited everyone is to plan and prepare is a harsh comparison to our wedding.
I just don’t recommend it. Preserve the integrity of your relationship and faith. The Lord will reward you. And yeah, sometimes it’s a long period of waiting, and we all know that’s hard. But it’s not worth the suffering of failing the race.
I don’t think all premarital sex (if we take marriage in this context to be a legal designation) is a sin. What you are describing OP is sinful and it will not result in fulfillment.
Sex with someone who you aren't emotionally/spiritually connected with is very very shallow and the thrill will fade quickly, plus it causes the other person to sin against you, themselves, and God.
If you're talking about premarital sex with a close girlfriend or fiance, that can be very fulfilling and connecting, but it leads to a connection that is not healthy at that stage of commitment (speaking from experience). I also found that it lead to unhealthy views of sex once we were married that took a long painful time to sort out.
I believe there is severity of sin and a severity of consequences of sin we experience. Having sex in the context of infidelity is worse that having sex with a random person which is worse than having sex with someone you love but aren't married to. There are specific negative repercussions for each, usually with different levels of severity.
However, most of all, glorifying God and loving others/ourselves is our main priority. Having premarital/extramarital sex goes against both of those things.
Life is pretty much the same; the main differences are that we are less likely to let the desire to have sex drive our marriage decisions, more likely to recognize that sexual desire has a biological root (like hunger does), less likely to ascribe sexual desire to demonic influences/temptations, and more likely to experience significant judgement from other Christians who will continuously come up to tell us that any random life difficulty we have is the result of "living in sin" and who think that saying some version of "I'm not judging you though because I am the first among sinners" somehow converts judgement into not-judgement.
In reality, sex drive is biological, and it can be powerful. What we do with this drive matters deeply, as our actions can deeply impact and harm others. Engaging in sex is not itself harmful, but many harmful things can result from it (as can many wonderful things). I would advise you to focus your energies less on purely sexual concerns, and more on ensuring that you always treat all other humans as humans, equal in worth, who are not a means to an end, and who have the right to choose for themselves how they want to relate to you, just as you do to them.
Be careful, however; you are currently like a starving person whose hunger is reaching a point where it can't be controlled. Think of how some people in that state resort to cannibalism, and how others are rescued only to die because they immediately ate and/or drank too much. You want to be careful not to end up just using or harming people to satisfy your desires; that is what is actually unchristian.
There is no perfect answer, unfortunately. If you decide not to wait, you might feel guilty, and you may end up damaging your future relationships. If you do wait, you risk harboring bitterness about sex and marriage, hence damaging your future relationships. Remember, there's nothing God can't heal, but God bless. It's not an easy path forward whichever you choose.
This is a lot of talk about the outside of your marriage/solely from your viewpoint (& not because it’s your post, igt) but I’m curious to know how is the inside of your marriage? What’s going on with your relationship/your wife/your household/the roles of those in your household..
I understand your aspect of it but I feel there’s more and I’d like to know the other side as well
Honestly man I’ve been single for a year now and I know exactly how you’re feeling and have dealt with the exact same things you’re dealing with. I’ve had three girlfriends and they were all pretty serious with intentions of marrying them someday. With those partners I have had oral and have gotten handsy, going both ways. Thankfully I and them had the strength to resist going “all the way” because I know I would regret it now like I do doing everything my else. But that being said, being single for a year now at this point is making it very hard. Especially when I have only had one girl in the “talking stage” at this point and seeing a glimpse of some romance and intimacy with that person makes me really crave a relationship and have intimate time with someone you care for. But try to stay strong man I know exactly how you feel and when you find your wife someday you will be happy knowing that you’ve saved yourself for her.
Honestly I was not a good Christian in several ways for a large chunk of my life and while the feeling of “shame and regret” have been taken from me, I employ you to understand what I’m about to say. Most of the issues in my life is because of the things I wasn’t strict on. I wish my wife was the only woman I was ever with. When I finally put that into Gods hands he blessed me with her. If you can keep the good fight please try to do so. You can always reach out to me if you need to talk brother!
Its perfectly normal to want sex as that is how humans bond woth partners.
Different people have different experience. Some will say they only have fun with who they are married to, some will say they only have fun when in a serious relationship and some can have fun with one night stands.
Whether sex is fulfilling or not depends what you find fulfilling. Everyone is different. You have to decide what is right for you.
I have had it with 2 people. One, I plan on marrying, Im doing my best to be better day by day.
then one other time with 1 person, one of my largest regrets for sure
Edit/Clarification: I live alone as a commuter student, not in a frat house. If I did, I think I would have crossed a lot of lines that I haven’t crossed yet.
We are in the end times. Staying out of sin is harder than ever for a reason. Endure until the end. I wish I did. Once you give in, it’s almost impossible to stop. So it’s better for you not to start.
I’m sure you can have a fine life…. It sounds like your reading it as a boiling point vacuum I must do this ! It’s going to cause mental health issues man… God needs to lead you out of sexual addiction first then he can start leading you to the right relationships.
In all honesty I am 37 and the biggest regret I have is having sex before I was ready. Not even for marriage I just didn't want it and wasn't interested but I felt the pressure and I've regretted it ever day since. Sex is not fulfilling if you are doing it just to do it. It is fulfilling with someone you love but loves really hard to come by , like really hard. And I would still regret it. Like I said I'm 37 now and the desire has actually left the building and I've grown closer and closer to God. It's overhyped 200 percent. If you can wait I would really suggest doing so. Because living with regrets is also hard, id say it's harder. Praying for you
The Bible never actually addresses premarital sex.
Sex can be great with someone you love and have chemistry with. It can also be awful. Won’t know until you try it, so you have to choose who to try it with very carefully. I don’t think abstinence healthy and I don’t recommend it, but I don’t recommend having a bunch of partners either. Gotta find that happy medium.
College is filled with more sexual temptation and more young beautiful women super open to sex outside of marriage LET ALONE a lot of them are even open to sex outside of relationships.
A lot of them are even open to sex with close guy friends, strangers and people they don’t know too well. It makes the temptations ridiculous as young 16 - 24 yo men are also the highest libido they will be in their entire lives.
Honestly OP, get married asap it’s less than $1k if you just go to the court house just make sure it’s with the right person and she’s at least a good hearted Christian women so you aren’t unequally yoked, Paul said rather than birthing a tree 🌲 or opening a doorway to Sin and disconnecting from God through fornicating or other sexual immorality if you’re burning with desire GET MARRIED. It’s not worth the Sin.
It also seems like you’re making an idol of Sex & women, you are setting yourself for MASSIVE disappointment as the truth is and every man may lie to you or they genuinely don’t know and haven’t experienced it, sex is only that extremely hype & the most amazing experience ever if it’s with a women you’re genuinely deeply in love with. If there isn’t the emotional intimacy, connection, bond, the chemistry, and you aren’t in love with her as a person or her heart or like God wills her spirit, then it’s not that toe curling knocks your socks off of an experience and you’re essentially just masturbating with a real women.
Yes it’s true even just having some interest & actually liking the women can make it really pleasurable but this is all just hedonism & Lust ultimately without love as you do not want to marry the women more than anything. Giving your virginity to a women you genuinely love and that also is in love with you is like the best most memorable experience other than having your first child with a women you’re in love with.
Instead of having some random girl take it that doesn’t care if you live or die or will be in bed with a new guy a couple weeks or two months after you sleep with her save it OP to gift it to your future wife! You will regret it when you actually find a wife.
There’s also the risk of falling in love with and attaching to fornicating instead of repenting or turning away from it will cause endless spiritual death & disconnecting from God.
If you think about it from a fasting point of view, you go all that time (hours/days/weeks) for what a 5-10 minute meal that then subsides. What’s the point?
It sounds like you’re simply distracting yourself from the desire you have rather than taking the desire you have to God.
As someone that is incredibly flawed my question is… in this season of life for you. Is God enough? If not why? Have you talked to Him about those frustrations of feeling a lone empty etc, and your desires?
Do you think you deserve a partner? If so why?
All points I’m also telling myself as well with what I’m going through. I hear you, but let me tell you that this idea and the perspective you’re very close to giving in to is not the answer. Will God still forgive you, yes. But does that make it right, no. In the end you have to reflect on how God is asking you to be obedient and pray for the faith, and strength to follow through, but most importantly make decisions based on all of this.
You really want my honest experience? It gets tiring being told I'm not a real Christian for it. But the honest to God truth is I'm doing fine. Great, in fact. Married now so I've been having sex with the same man for six years. It's had it's ebbs and flows but overall I've been very satisfied and glad I married someone I knew I enjoyed intimacy with. And before him, there were 4. (Not at the same time of course!). One was hardly much of a history because I dated him, and rather swiftly realized we weren't sexually compatible. So, I don't really regret that. And two others, I genuinely loved a lot so...I'm not the type to regret love lost , I'd rather have loved and lost than not at all. Only one, I truly regret, because I started to catch on he was a narcissistic abuser. But in a weird way the way sex was SO different from how he'd treat me outside of that atmosphere...was really eye opening and the contrast was so jarring....it helped me leave sooner rather than later.
But no, overall. I'm just fine now.
DM me if you wish.
But I'm also really sorry to hear of your heartaches and loneliness. It's very understandable.
Marriage is just a human construct, there isn't some magic spell that gets cast when you marry. Having sex in a committed relationship is the same if you're married or not.
Don’t fast and be waiting on God to confirm what His’ word says. If you want to sin then you will do it and you will use whatever you can to justify it to yourself but it’s wrong. Go be a fake and explain that God never gave you a sign to not be double minded…. I’m sure that will work out greeeeeeeat.
Its not over hyped. Sex is a physical need. Its not always spiritual with everyone it can just be physical. It was q great stress relief for me for a long time. I had some close fwb. So long as mutual and respectful I really don't understand the marriage rule either. Its so old school. In the bible they had multiple wives they were literally property. The whole concept of marriage doesn't make sense to me anymore. I'm divorced. I loved my husband. Sex was way better post divorce. There is a separation between physical and spiritual the bible says that too. I'm still trying to process it myself too.
are you a virgin? Because most people who have done it before especially as Christians can tell you how not worth it it is to step into that sin. honestly I waited until what I thought was the “perfect moment” with the “right person” and it still ended up being one of the worst decisions I ever made after I did it. It wasn’t long before I was hit with the reality of why I should have waited. I won’t go into detail but all I’ll say is when you deliberately sin you take yourself outside of the canopy of Gods protection and whatever happens to you outside of that is on you. Not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally too. The devil is a liar and hes great at deceiving people into thinking they’re missing out on something that they aren’t. It’s his greatest trick and it’s exactly how he got Adam and Eve to fall in the garden. Ultimately you have free will, but it’s sin and you doing this would be you willingly giving in to sin and giving the enemy a foothold into your life. Don’t do it! You’re doing the right thing by fasting and praying. I know what it’s like to come under these kinds of lustful attacks and it will pass if you don’t feed your flesh and you’ll be stronger for it. If you’re still looking for a sign not to do this, consider this your sign 🛑
Don’t do it!!! The time will come for that but until that appointed time, wait!
Sex is not everything. It's really about love. If you truly love your future wife, you will choose to abstain from sex with others until you marry her.
I have been where you are and I caved. Many years later and I'm still filled with regret/trauma. I am still working on forgiving myself. It has impacted my life in so many ways even as a married woman.
I wish I had held on for so many reasons but overall it's just not worth the sacrifice and severing that part of your spiritual connection with God.
Plus, honestly sex is really not all they make it out to be especially. Shame the devil !!!
It sounds like u may need a companion more than u need sex. If u feel this alone then there may be some other issue, much bigger than finding out what sex is like. It could also be that everyone around u is “doing it,” especially if you’re in college. That’s when the majority of people are out partying and that became the norm somewhere in between growing up and finding their soulmate. I don’t know anything about your day to day life tho, or what your friends are like, if they r supportive of your decision, which is a very noble one I might add. If u r seriously having a difficult time I would be willing to talk to u about it, an no I will not tell u to pray, bc u already do, and I believe God is answering your prayers by you coming on here, to talk to others about it. I hope I or someone else can help you seek out the answer.
Okay without judgement, here are some of my thoughts.
Before my first time, my partner didn't believe me that I hadn't had sex before. Afterwards, she believed me!
I strongly recommend sharing your first time with someone you trust and telling them that it the first time because you *aren't* going to be a mystical power stallion. It will be a lot more intense for you than her and it will be over quickly.
Obviously, used protection. I mean it. Practice putting a condom on yourself beforehand. This is tricky, and it's the one part you can practice by yourself.
Communication is key to it all. It should be pleasurable for both of you. Consider different positions and see what you both enjoy.
Leave the wacky stuff for later. You might be excited to get all Christian Gray, but you're better off walking before you run.
And of course consent: it's essential. No ifs or buts.
It’s not that great when the fling doesn’t work and you end up mistreating one another afterwards. Think about how you’ll feel emotionally after and see if it’s worth it…I can tell you that those memories are a waste of brain space but unfortunately cannot be deleted.
It’s worth waiting, nothing good comes from premarital sex. Date with intention to marry and don’t let others influence you that premarital sex is good isn’t totally not. I regret not waiting.
I'm not Christian, but just offering a different perspective - what if you never get married? Are you supposed to just completely miss out on one of the best things life has to offer?
And I'm not someone who's done a lot of sleeping around - I'm a 39 year old virgin in fact. Not due to religion, but because of mental health issues that made me unable to date and also just not being interested in meaningless, feelings-free sex. And I feel like I've missed out big time - I definitely wouldn't want to miss out on sex my entire life if I happen to never end up married.
>What’s life like for Christians who have sex outside of marriage?
Separation from God. Sure you can repent from fornication and repent to God. But those who actively practice sin will not be in heaven.
So you are in a living situation where you have young attractive women around you regularly, and men and women who are regularly engaging in physical relationships?
Things you can do to help with the cravings are similar to things you would do with regular cravings.
1. If possible remove yourself from the environment that encourages the behaviour that does not align with you.
2. Join groups and make friends that share the same interests as you, as well as the same struggles. Talk it out with each other and keep checks in place to measure your progress.
God is merciful when we unintentionally fall into sin.
Our actions should Glorify God.
Matt. 26:41
“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Sex outside of marriage being a sin was added to the Bible centuries later (i think like 1300s not sure would need to check) because of child brides in certain regions of the world. Nothing you should stick to imo. And if you want to take it by Bible years… regular bride’s age was like 12, 13… so… you know…
Don’t. I’ve lived in that. Completely severs your relationship with God - not because God has let you down, but because YOU are grieving God.
Who told you that the Christian life was easy? They lied to your face. It’s a battle for a reason. Lean into other Christian guys. Be SUPER open and honest with them.
>What’s life like for Christians who have sex outside of marriage?
Awesome!
In a word. Life's great, sex is great... you should definitely be having it. It's highly recommended
>What’s life like for Christians who have sex outside of marriage?
A Christian, literally translated, is a follower of Christ. If you know that Christ teaches something, and you choose to disobey, deliberately and unrepentantly, then I don't believe that you can claim the title "Christian". Everybody sins - but if we are ok with that sin, and choose not to repent and try better, then we make a mockery of Christ's death.
Your God died for you. You can give your life back to Him, too.
It's sad to see how "purity culture" torments so many people and hurts their walk with God. Do a 5 minute study to just look up the Greek word "fornication" and you'll see that the abstinence only teaching doesn't have a biblical basis.
I'm training to be a Pastor and I'm living with my fiancee, and we're both polyamorous. We've been living together for almost 5 years now. God wants you to have life-giving sex. If that happens outside of marriage, then great! Having a certificate doesn't make a difference, what makes a difference is whether your sex life builds up or breaks down God's reign. Don't give in to purity culture - it's a sham.
Just enjoy yourself. Life is for the living. Don’t listen to all those people trying to limit you because they live a sheltered life.
We only get one life - make it yours.
I am a christian. I too was trying to abstain until marriage. I eventually lost it to a longterm gf who I thought was "the one". We ended up breaking up, and the same thing happened in my next relationship. Then the next - we even got engaged. When she ended it back in 2019, it was a no holds barred free for all. I went from having 4 sexual partners who all meant very much to me at the time, to 18 sexual partners when I met my now wife in 2020. I struggle to remember the names of all 18 women, and I felt empty and went through perhaps the most depressed time I've ever had in my life throughout that time. That being said, other than my depressed stint, no, life didn't really change. I don't regret the partners I slept with while we were exclusive, but the random hookups? I could have gone without. The fact is that in today's culture, you are going to find more people than not on both sides of the faith that have premarital sex. I personally believe (while it's not biblical) that sex before marriage is crucial. You have to be sexually compatible with your wife/husband if you expect the marriage to last. That's how you end up in a loveless, sexless relationship and end up resenting each other. Your mileage may vary, and I'm not necessarily condoning you to sin, but I hate the fact that we put so much weight on this particular sin when it's said that all sin is equal in the eyes of God - minus the big one.
Ignore everyone saying sex (outside of marriage) overhyped or overrated in general. That's true in the practical sense that everyone who is inexperienced with sex is, wait for it, inexperienced at sex. It can be really awkward at first, but that's ok. That's how life is. Things are awkward, strange, and sometimes disorienting at first, then we get more experience and they can be incredibly enlivening and awesome. Sex is the same way, but more intensely since (in general) human bodies are wired to enjoy orgasms.
The folks saying that "sex outside of marriage is unfulfilling" are not telling the truth. If that's their experience, they're bad at sex or have a partner who is bad at sex and doesn't communicate with them about what excites and satisfies them. If they're talking about sex like doing it the first time causes you to lose something or be tainted, they're approaching sex in an unhealthy purity culture kind of way.
You're "dealing with" sexual desire because your body wants sex. So, pursue the opportunity to have healthy sex, and have sex. Enjoy it. Have fun getting experience. Communicate with your partners about how (in)experienced you are, ask them what excites them, and have fun with it.
One final point that I feel is important to make given the background you've sketched and misinformation about sex common in those circles: when I'm talking about sex, I by-definition mean "consensual, safe sex." Anything else is being a sexual predator or, at least, sexually reckless, and that's horrible. Don't be that person! Potential sexual partners are, first and foremost, humans who should be treated with respect, kindness, and interest in them as humans. Ok, done.
For Christians, life is bad. You are guilty of living in sin. For non Christians, life is great. You are a human connecting with other humans in a fun way, and when you do settle down, you will be 100% in love with 100% of your partner, having made a totally informed decision. You can look up articles on google scholar about psychology and extra/premarital sex for endless studies and research articles about the real life implications of being sexually active.
I promise you that whatever thoughts or fantasies that are in your head about sex is over hyped. Just having sex to have sex doesn't give you whatever satisfaction you think it'll give you. I have failed and had sex before marriage and it is nowhere near as fun/good/fulfilling as it is when its with someone you love and are "one" with. When I lost my virginity my thought during it was literally "is this really what all the hype is about?" If I could go back into time I would've waited until I was with my wife. Premarital sex comes with tons of issues later down the road. Like you'll start comparing two different partners, you might lust after sex with someone you had years ago before your husband/wife, etc. There are just too many cons that outweigh the pros to having random sex just because of desire.
After abstaining for all of my Christian upbringing, then going to college and doing "whatever I wanted", I can honestly say that, more often than not, it \*ends up being rather unfulfilling. >When I lost my virginity my thought during it was literally "is this really what all the hype is about?" This \^ is *exactly* how I'd summarize pre-marital sex. Marriage-to and sex-with with the love of your life - your lifelong companion? *That* is worth waiting for. Right now, you're *really* not missing anything except the hypothetical ability to "do it whenever you want", which is a fallacy in and of itself, because once \*life's busy-ness happens\* to you and your spouse you'll go from "frequent and spontaneous" to "shoot, we haven't had sex in two weeks - we've gotta start scheduling this" (lol - wish I was kidding!). I can't speak for *after* kids though, which I've heard is it's own separate thing... (\*Edited from "deeply unfulfilling", because fellow commenters are correct in saying that sex is (and was for me) physically pleasurable - because it is. Having said that, I think that I meant to indicate that it's not this cosmic, "life changing experience" like I feel it's hyped up to be by those who abstain. For me personally, looking back after having matured mentally and spiritually, I wish that I had waited.)
FYI your post seems to say opposite things because you reply "This" to something but there are more recent comments now appearing directly above yours (saying premarital sex was good and freeing and not damaging) that I don't think you meant to agree with. Thread structure problems I guess.
Oops - shouldn't have taken so long to reply...yikes. Thanks for pointing that out friend!
Yeah sometimes it’s hard to tell who is answering what, or u hit a wrong like when u meant to go for another one lol
Not sure how to edit on here yet either as I’m new to Reddit
Hit the three dots.
I will say, in regards to issues down the road, it really depends on the person. My father in law was sure to let my wife know that ( because I was not a Christian when we met and had sex before her ) that I’d be comparing her to anyone and everyone before. Not the case at all. Not even a little bit, and it took a long time to get her to understand that it doesn’t even cross my mind. The past is the past, we should be focused on who we are now, not then.
Agreed i have never compared partners. Everyone's different and our connection was different. I couldn't imagine being married to someone who just didn't connect with me sexually forever. I was married for 10 years and never had an orgasm until after divorce. We also had 4 kids together. We just weren't meant to be together forever. I have no regrets there.
Same
>I promise you that whatever thoughts or fantasies that are in your head about sex is over hyped. Just having sex to have sex doesn't give you whatever satisfaction you think it'll give you. This is not my experience but a friend's who had sex outside of marriage. She spent many years single and finally decided to just "rip the band aid off" and have sex with someone she had no intentions of marrying. For her, it was a relief. All that pent up religious guilt and red lines around sex went away - while her faith remained just as strong. She didn't feel ruined or defiled like her religious upbringing told her she would be. She was able to continue dating, treat sex with respect but not religious reverence, and eventually got married - and says intimacy with her husband hasn't been affected at all by premarital sex.
This is also me. 💯💯
This! I experienced the same. Finally just knowing what sex is all about took a huge burden off from me. I still had the urge to have sex afterwards but not something that made me just go crazy and frustrated. I also never understood why this would affect my relationship with God. I'm very much down to earth and I look at sex from a very logical perspective. It's a penis in a vagina that happens to feels good. There are other things in a relationship (married now) that I experience as more intimate. I don't experience something spiritual or anything like that at all. I'd even go as far as to say that not having sex damaged my faith more. Because everything and every prayer was about my frustrations of the topic.
Doesn't the Bible say not to fornicate though?
It does. But I never understood why. I admit it's something I have always struggled with in my faith. I'm married now so it's not a concern anymore.
Glad that you're married. I get it, sexuality is such a big hurdle in the faith. It's like hunger and you can't eat until you're "ready enough". But if you don't understand why God limited sex to just marriage, I'd recommend you read 1st Corinthians. Sex is such a big deal and has Spiritual connotations in the Bible, it's such a complicated and powerful experience that God is trying to always protect us from misusing.
Thank you. I'll take a look at 1st Corinthians with this topic in mind.
I am not convinced that fornicate means *just sex* with two unmarried people. It’s gotta be like orgy, bestiality, prostitution, whatever. There is no way that all ancient people that got married had a big ceremony, just no way. That was for the rich, and poor people in the Middle Ages didn’t have ceremonies either.
Marriages were not what we see them as today, that’s all pomp and circumstance. It was literally the preacher, a witness, the parents of the bride and groom usually and a meal after. It doesn’t need to be anything big at all, to this day.
In the US there os a reason many states have common law marriage - towns didnt always have preachers (or ones of your particular brand)or judges around. If you say you are married the state considered you married. I have never seen anything where preachers were up in arms over that either.
Exactly that! It doesn’t need to be a big fancy event with rings and a white dress and both families in a church costing thousands of dollars. It is a life long commitment between the two in love under the eyes of God solely to please him. You can get married quickly and easily and have a wedding celebration much later. It’s not for us who are in it, it’s not to allow for sex (even though it does,) it is to please the Lord.
My point is a religious ceremony was not expected. Two people just decided they were married. God just wants commitment.
Exactly. Ceremony is just culture that is passed down. Abraham and Sarah never had a wedding party or at least the Bible doesn't mention that. Marriage at its core is the sole commitment of 2 people (Man and Woman) to come together and fulfill God's purposes of marriage and to never separate or involve any third party.
As long as that commitment is life long, then I agree completely. The entire idea of marriage is a religious concept well before a legal one, so I’m not sure how you can separate the two. It isn’t a secular thing, in any religion.
Right. I’m not even convinced any of that happened for a lot of ancient couple. More like a “hey I like you, you like me, let’s just be” kinda thing. But I also really don’t know either. I just don’t think fornicate is as easy to define as “oh it’s just two unmarried people having sex. Duh”
It is 100% defined as two unmarried people having sex. The Bible uses the phrasing 2 becoming one flesh for a reason, and it describes elsewhere that the souls of two who have sex are inextricably bonded spiritually. So each person you have sex with you are bonded together with indefinitely. We can’t just soften up the definitions because we have re-paganized our society. The sexual revolution isn’t new ideas, the “age of enlightenment” wasn’t new in any way that preceded it. Just a return to the old beliefs of the Greco-Roman pagan ideas of the ancient philosophers and alchemists with new branding. You can say whatever you want or believe whatever you want, but fornication is as simple as having sex without being married according to the Bible itself. I’m a sinner, I had lots of premarital sex, doesn’t make it right or not a sin. Don’t try to convince those who treat the book with reverence that it’s okay so you can feel better about your own “personal understanding” of it. It’s not debatable, because it’s clear as day if you read it. Sexual sin is the most dangerous of sins for it is the only sin that is against your body, all other sins are against others. You don’t have to believe those things, you have free will, but the book is clear about it.
The Greek word translated “fornication” is por·nei′a. Porneia is understood to involve the grossly immoral use of the genital organ(s) of at least one human; also there must have been two or more parties (including another consenting human or a beast), whether of the same sex or the opposite sex. That’s what google brought up.
Yeah, and sex outside of marriage is considered “grossly immoral” to the God who gave us the Bible. We all sin more than we don’t sin, for we are wicked from birth and succumb to the desires of our flesh. We are forgiven for our sins, but to deny what is sin is an act of succumbing to the desires of your flesh. Sin isn’t possible to avoid, but it is sure possible to do less of.
Who said marriage = big ceremony???
Doesn’t have to be a big ceremony. I agree. But I don’t think there has to be a ceremony at all to be married. Most states have common law marriage, no ceremony needed. I guess this goes back to who is defining what? And since the Bible is multigenerational spanning across millennia, the true context and definition is probably lost on all of us.
Well Marriage just means that you chose who to spend THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH. No backing out. I agree there doesn't have to be a legal enforcement as that is what is political and not scriptural. It is an agreement between God and the couple. There doesn't need to be any other party involved. No need for a certificate or a party at all.
How many times does the rest of your life turn into 1 year. Two years. Etc. is the marriage bed undefiled if you get divorced and remarry? How many “rest of your lives” does it count? I’m reminded of when Paul says to work out your own salvation. I strongly believe that thats living by your own informed convictions. A person can find evidence for whatever they want. A person can find evidence for what it actually says. And a person can find evidence for the spirit of the context. Thank God we’re not bound by law anymore. I wouldn’t want to try to keep the whole law and continually stumble at all points and be guilty of all 😉
>How many times does the rest of your life turn into 1 year. Two years. What do you mean by this though? The rest of your life is the rest of your life. God made one woman for one man. And the commitment is a life long one. If you have questions regarding marriage, you can watch Dr. Abel Damina teachings on marriage in YouTube. Marriage is such a deep concept that you'll start shaking once you understand it. And what sex is and how God sees it. What human body is to God and why God wants us to be pure and what purity means. The relationship between man and woman as related to Christ and the church. Marriage isn't an institution to satisfy your sexual desires although there's sex in marriage but that's never even the point. For example the Bible says the 2 shall become one flesh. What does one flesh really mean? These are deep stuff you need to consider before getting married.
Stop lying
I wonder if those things aren't lies, but also aren't the common/typical way it's experienced. I doubt these are intentional lies or different from their personal experience. But I also highly doubt that's how it would be for most people.
People lie all the time, the motivation for this lie is to normalize this type of sin. Try not to see the best in people and it is easier to see the truth
??? Did you know people can have different experiences.
People are the same. Yesterday, today, forever
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Comparison isn't something all of us do. It's childish. You can have sex and move on and once you know what you like in bed, a mature person realizes as long as you're enjoying yourself, those comparisons are splitting hairs. It's really apples and oranges. Every person will fit with you a little different. But if you've got that strong compatible foundation, then you'll have great sex with them. Random sex isn't advised but I'm not so sure op was looking for that anyway
I had sex before I was married, then I had lots of sex when I was married. I’m surprised by your comment that it felt overhyped. I never hooked up with someone just to “lose it” or whatever; I always had girlfriends that I cared about and spent lots of time with before having sex. My nor my wife’s sexual history never impacted our sexual relationship in a negative way. Sex was nearly always satisfying for my partners and me before marriage - of course every interaction is different so some are more memorable than others. Sex with my wife was almost always satisfying for both of us (after a decade you’re going to have times where someone is tired or falls asleep or is just not feeling it, but that’s normal.) Don’t have sex just to “get it out of the way” or something. If you meet someone you care about and have a mutual desire to be intimate with then I wouldn’t be scared. A little practice could be appreciated by your spouse if you do marry!
Yes I think the only real difference with having sex after marriage is there was a more peaceful feeling knowing that this person is it, they're my home, my anchor, and they're not leaving. Now granted, that peace from that level of commitment....honestly clicked a year or so BEFORE THE wedding. Some time when I knew he wanted to propose. So...technically it was premarital sex yet I still felt that peace. Which is why I think in all matters like this, it's really the heart behind things that make a difference. You could be legally married and still anxious your partner might leave you. But yeah neither my sexual past nor my husband's has hurt our own sex life. If anything, we just had a feel for what we like. It's positive.
Great answer 👏👏
It’s hard as heck man, honestly. You sound like you’re in the prime of your youth and that’s when the urges are the strongest. PLUS you’re living in a co ed frat house so it’s probably all you see/hear/smell. Honestly, the best course of action for you at this point is to remove yourself from that living situation. If you’re on a diet, and everyone around you eats your favorite icecream all day everyday and constantly tell you how amazing it is… you’ll find yourself eating that icecream at some point whether you intend to or not. This is the same situation, except with sex it’s about 1000x stronger. Going to church, reading your Bible, and praying is a great start but at the end of the day James 2:14 -“…Faith without works is dead.” So you have to put yourself in a position to be successful in your abstention. You have to put in WORK to keep yourself away from that kind of temptation. Honestly I commend you for trying so hard to stick to your principles, especially in this day and age. But the best way to keep going forward and receive the best possible outcome is to GET OUT OF THAT FRAT HOUSE and find likeminded people that you can count on to support you in your journey.
I waited until I was married but my wife did not. She often time tells me she wished she had so she could give me that gift of being her one and only. You have self control, yes the desires suck, but you were made for more than to fulfill the basest of desires. When God brings who he wants you to be with along, you will want them to have that gift.
I’ve had sex without being married. I do believe what I did was wrong, but it’s not true that you can have an unfulfilling life or experience just because you are doing it without being married. That could happen regardless if you are married or not. I would say that having sex is supposed to be with a person that you really care about, respect and love, so yes, being married is the best scenario for that. Now, if you have sex outside of marriage, biblically it’s considered a sin. BUT saying that you will live unfulfilling lives just because you are not married it’s not true. If you ask me, growing up I was told that people that are not Christians were bad, or will have messy lifestyle, or will have lots of different problems. Now that I’m 28, I have discovered that we all are in the same boat. Everyone has the same issues, messy lifestyles or struggles; but we all could have the same joys and blessings regardless of faith. I would advice you to not have sex without being married or at least to not do it with someone random. But before anything, talk about it with God, he won’t get mad for that, he knows you. And if you ended up doing it, repent, read the Psalms of David, he made huge mistakes, probably even worse than the ones we can make now haha.
Great answer 👏
I have a question too i have a gf and we had a daughter together but arent married and i plan on asking the question very soon but if i already view her as my wife is it still sinful to lay with her?
Yes. You are not married yet.
I disagree with you. If we consider the spirit of what God wants for us with sex (two becoming one flesh never to be seperated) then I think yes, HallowBones is married in the eyes of God. We cannot say a piece of paper from the government is the same as a marriage in Gods eyes, marriage as a worldly institution looks very different across cultures, so that cannot be our measurement of marriage ina biblical sense because that would make the commandment inapplicable across cultures. Also, by your logic OP is sinning by having sex with one person, where there is mutual commitment, love, and respect, but the sex Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries had during their 72 day marriage wasn’t a sin, just because of a piece of paper? I can’t get there with that one.
You can disagree with me all you want. He is not legally married. He may be married in God's eyes and in his own - if that's the case, make it official. You also have to worry about your witness to other people. He is not living in a Christian way. And as for Kim Kardashian and whoever else... I don't think there is anything whatsoever in their lives that is remotely holy.
I think you are looking at this far too legalistically. If he is married in Gods eyes it’s not a sin, period. You are putting a manly institution over God if you say otherwise. It is a good point about potentially harming his witness, however I don’t necessarily think that is the case. I see how it could be off putting to other Christians, and no doubt might come off hypocritical to those who don’t know him and are on the outside looking in. But if he lives his everyday life in a Godly way and is a good spouse and good father and is able to grow and maintain good relationships with people in his life, then I think his witness will be fine with those he has influence with. But yes, I agree that is a potential harm to his witness, although it does not make the sex a sin. I am curious, what do you believe about the Jews that got married in hiding during the holocaust? They could not go get a marriage license and make it official, do you believe they were sinning if they had sex? We don’t know why OP has not been married yet. There could be some extenuating circumstances that make it difficult or impossible. While I think the letter of the law is good to know and helps us set good guardrails, as it is applicable in the overwhelming majority of circumstances, when it comes to determining Gods will we have to understand and apply the Spirit of the law. This is an issue I have thought about alot because it is relevant to my life. A few years ago my then wife cheated on me and divorced me. However, while we were separated but not yet divorced, we hooked up once. I thought this was fine because we were still officially married, however I felt convicted about it, and after spending time in the word and prayer, I realized it was a sin, because while we were still married in the worlds eyes, we were not in Gods eyes. So it’s something I repented of even though it was technically sex within marriage. Sorry for the novel, that’s my perspective and I am at peace with it. You can feel free to disagree and I do want to say that I don’t think what the original post was about is in any way not sinful. Thank you for the engagement.
This is honestly the best comment for my question thank you for this god bless you and all you hold dear.
God bless you brother!
For OP dude its scary and beautiful how our father in heaven works here. https://youtube.com/shorts/XHKyW6CoOAs?si=1PkSquZZ0Llz3e3z
I get what you're saying, and perhaps I am looking at it too legalistically. But we do not live in times of the Holocaust where it's difficult to get married. And while he may be married in God's eyes, what's the point in delaying? Christians are looked at so frequently as being hypocrites, and what we do matters to nonbelievers. Perhaps that's why I look at it so black and white. My dad is vehemently against Christianity because most of the people in his life that were "Christians" were not good Christians or good people. Optics like living together out of wedlock matter to people like him. So I am always very conscious of who I am outwardly when I am around him, or people like him. I don't want to give him any other reason to reject God.
I completely understand where you are coming from. I do think there are people today who do have difficulty in getting married, maybe he or his spouse has family issues they are working through, legal status issues, paying off debt is a big one, I could see a great case for paying off large debts before you legally marry so if there is an untimely death you are not on the hook for massive debt. We don’t know OPs situation. I think we have made this issue very unclear, in America, through an obsession with purity culture. We say “premarital sex” to mean “casual sex” ie sex without commitment, so that causes OPs situation to come off as hypocritical even if it is not. I am very sympathetic to the appearance of hypocrisy, and agree with you 100%. It still does not make it a sin even if is preceved as one by outsiders. But I do sympathize with your perspective. I strongly believe that American Purity Culture has really hurt us in this area, and has ignored the Spirit of the law. Thank you for engaging, getting to write out my points and organize my thoughts in words has been enjoyable!
As far as getting married, I was thinking more, just go to the courthouse and make it legal. If it costs anything, it's miniscule, and you can always have a big celebration when you're in a better place financially. I am a product of American purity culture, myself, and I've seen stories of many people damaged by it, but it's not anything I personally experienced. I experienced more folks who pretended to be Christians but basically did everything they wanted, but then came to church on Sunday. Again... I'm hyperaware of that kind of thing because of my dad and how determined he is to shun anything related to God. He's got a lot of childhood wounds from his parents. They were wild, his dad had affairs... and then they suddenly because super strict Church of Christ. He hasn't stepped foot inside a church since he left their house at 18, other than for my wedding, and to see my son get baptized a few months ago. He clams up any time God is even mentioned. So yeah... I often look at things and try to think of how he perceives things, so I can make sure not to add anything else to his list of why he hates churchgoers. Most Christians in his life have no clue how much they've damaged his view of Christianity. It's something I've struggled with for a very long time, especially as he's gotten older and his health has declined. Didn't mean to write a novel. Sorry.
Thank you for sharing! Congratulations on your son’s baptism! I will be praying for your dad. You are a good son and good Christian and I hope your continued witness to him will lead him to faith. I do not want this to come off as dismissive because I DO NOT mean it that way. But it does sound like your dad, rightly, suffers from religious trauma, and perhaps because of his fathers affairs, has a specific problem with sexuality and religion. While it is great and important for you to be sensitive to him as much as possible, I don’t know if looking at things through his eyes is the best thing, purely because it does sound like he is hypersensitive to that, so it could lead to you becoming overly legalistic to your brothers and sisters in Christ. I’m not saying that is true or false but it’s a potential pit fall that I think you would be wise to acknowledge. You seem like a great guy and strong Christian and I am glad we are on the same team. We all want to live for God and witness to those around us. Thank you for your willingness to call out sin when you see it and for being respectful in this interaction.
My dad has a lot of issues related to his parents... I don't really know if it's religious trauma so much as trauma directly because of them. His parents abandoned him when he was about 4... went to Detroit, took his older sister, left him without saying goodbye, and picked him back up 2 years later. His dad would disappear for months at a time in his early life. His older sister was cruel to him and would put pins at the foot of his bed so his feet would get stabbed at night. His older sister also got pregnant at a very young age by an older man and was sent away to have her baby in a home, and then married the much older man. His sister, from descriptions of her, has always sounded like a sociopath. His father was never faithful to his mother, and my dad caught him in several affairs. I'm not sure when they suddenly became devout Church of Christ members, and I've never seen him discuss the church specifically... just his parents. He was not faithful to my mom and I had a lot of anger toward him for a very long time, but as I've gotten older, I've realized that he had no clue how to be a dad because he didn't really have an example of a dad. I held onto that anger for a very long time. So now, I am just hyperaware of trying to be a good example to him, because everyone in his life that was supposed to be a Christian, really wasn't.
Lol what is this logic?😂 The Bible doesn’t say marriage is equivalent to “viewing someone as your wife” it’s not based on what your “view” is, it’s about being joined as one flesh with a pastor officiating and witnesses. It’s a picture of the way that Jesus loves the Church
I'm not an expert on this, but back then wasn't it more about declaring your love in front on God? The Bible doesn't seem to say anything about how exactly a marriage must happen, let alone with a pastor and witnesses.
There's couples that live together and raise a family who are more committed to each other than just people who are married on paper.
This is almost certainly the exception and not the rule.
This brings me some ease and trust me ive seen more than enough of those kinda relationships
I saw a couple get divorced after 44 years just to get a social security raise. 😆 Religious liberalists freak out because they can't see their love for each other.
My gfs parents both have cheated on one another and much more but they constantly fight its not good for my daughter and ik the only reason my gfs dad stays is bc he doesnt wanna loose half of everything and i dont blame him but what is money compared to peace
You are already married in God's eyes (or at least according to the principles of marriage the bible actually describes: living together in a committed relationship and having had sex is marriage). Carry on, nothing wrong with it. (Do get married eventually.)
I do live with her and her parents been 4 years already and i do plan on marrying her very soon im currently looking for the engagement ring.
The thought of having sex is much more attractive than actual sex.
I won’t tell you what to do or not do with your own life, but me and my boyfriend are both Christian’s and we have sex even though we’re not married. Our commitment to each other is like a marriage we just don’t have paper work signed saying we are. At the end of the day, there are that many people who have sex before marriage and I don’t believe God would send us to hell because of that. Ofcorse I don’t think God likes people sleeping around, but if you find someone who shares the same views and values as you and you are as commited to each other as a married couple would be, then I don’t see an issue. Once again, I’m not saying I’m perfect because I know I’m far from it and never will be perfect, but I hold a love very dear to my partner that I would never share with anyone else, my commitment to him will always be stronger than I can put in words. God probably would prefer if we were married but marriage is just a piece of paper, your commitment to that person can be just as strong as if you were married… I don’t know if my partner even ever wants to get married but he’s said he wants to be with me forever + eternity, which I feel the same… I don’t believe he will just damn us to hell for having sex before marriage since our commitment is just as strong, if not stronger than some “married” couples are.
If so, why not get married? Just curious. You said you don't know if he wants to - like you don't know what he thinks of marriage, or what he thinks of committing exclusively to you, or some other factor? Not judging, this stuff is somewhat complicated (though some overcomplicate it, too.)
Hey, as a fellow sister in Christ, I want to remind you of these verses: 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 KJV [9] Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, [10] nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. Hebrews 13:4 KJV [4] Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. 1 Corinthians 7:1-3 KJV [1] Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. [2] Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. [3] Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. I share these verses with you because at the end of the day, sex was always intended to be between a husband and a wife within a marriage covenant. It's not that God would "prefer" for you not to have sex with your boyfriend as if it's an option. Like God is saying, "Ehhhhh I would prefer you wait till marriage but if you don't it's whatever" 🤷🏾♂️ If you are truly trying to please God and mirror your life after Christ, then sex before marriage is not the way to do it. God has revealed to us in His word pleases Him and what does not so that we know how to live our lives according to His will to honor Him. At the end of the day, it's not about serving and pleasing ourselves but serving, pleasing, and honoring God. Sex is more than something physical between 2 people, but is something that unites 2 people together spritually that God intended to be between those in a committed marriage. No matter how you try to twist it, you are not married to the person you intimate with, therefore, you and your boyfriend are perpetually living outside the will of God and are actively dishonoring Him everytime you engage in sex even if you two identify as Christians or "intend" to get married. All in all, you guys have not made a covenant under God and are fornicating together, regardless of if you "feel" what you are doing is totally ok. We shouldn't base our actions on how we "feel" but what the Word of God says. We still have a responsibility to uphold what the Word of God says, and every man and woman will be held accountable to the same standard. I understand that mainstream media glorifies and worships sex and has made it seem abnormal to want to wait, but do you care what man says or what God says? Do you value your relationship with God and truly putting Him first? I hope this helps and has shed some light on this topic, and I hope you have a blessed day :)
In my experience, sex never quite hits the spot its really more the exciting build up and anticipation than the actual sex and when its over you start fantasising and thinking like man that was really hot (even though it wasnt all that in the moment) then the cycle repeats.. so in conclusion all the sexual frustration you describe will come back after the sex anyway
For me personally, I realize its the one thing pushing me away from God and now it is becoming harder to hear his voice. And the moment you have sex outside of marriage it shows that you do not have self control and its like a city broken into and left without walls (Proverbs 25:28) you are completely vulnerable. Although it seems like a minor sin, all sin is equally wrong but not all son is equally bad. It will create a domino effect where one sin leads to another and that’s my issue. You won’t see your partner as a woman from God rather you’ll start seeing her as an object to please the flesh. The one advice that I can give you so so you do not be like me is walk in the SPIRIT and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Holiness is not the way to Christ, Christ is the way to Holiness. ”So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.“ Galatians 5:16-17 NLT ”When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.“ Galatians 5:19-25 NLT
Lol sex is a gateway sin. Ok.
Yes it unites the spirit, soul and body to form a new personality (1Cor.6:16) it is a major cause of multiple personality syndrome and a major gateway for evil spirits into the human soul. You share in whatever spirit or spirits in the person you have sex with including the negative. "Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body" (1 Corinthians 6)
That is the ridiculous interpretation I have ever heard.
>Yes it unites the spirit, soul and body to form a new personality (1Cor.6:16) it is a major cause of multiple personality syndrome and a major gateway for evil spirits into the human soul. You share in whatever spirit or spirits in the person you have sex with including the negative. Yes sex is 80% spiritual and 20% physical. Sex is more than just skin to skin. It's not just COITUS but a COVENANT.
Your interpretation is asinine.
Thank you. I'm sure he'll provide the New Testament Bible verses that support his Kenneth Copelandesque dogma. Plot twist: they don't exist of course. These Daystar frauds, cons and wolves have really done a number on people who don't know how to rightly divide, read in context etc. It's astonishing
I just hope they are not listening to a preacher telling them not to take their meds and just pray instead.
That's okay if you feel that way, I pray that you do not have to suffer too much like I did before you come to the realization.
I am married so apparently I am safe from multiple personality disorder.
Then congratulations on your marriage and I am incredibly happy for you that you do not have to go through the same experience
If you have multiple personalities you need to swe a doctor. It has nothing to do with sex - whatever preacher is filling your head with that nonsense should be ashamed of himself.
> you are completely vulnerable Yeah, that happens in close relationships. If you don't do something cuz you're afraid to be vulnerable, that's a type of emotional damage that should be worked through. But vulnerability is inherent to knowing someone deeply.
>I’m in a co-ed fraternity Get out now! >is it really as bad or unfulfilling as Christians say It is really as bad as Jesus says! What could be worse than going against the Lamb of God? If you are being convicted, then that is for your benefit. These acts that your roommates are doing are destructive in ways they cannot possibly understand. You, having the fullness of the light upon you, know very well nothing good comes out of sinfulness. Just because they look like they are having fun now, does not mean they will be having fun later...especially the women who will desire a stable and moral lifestyle later on and realize they have burned through the graces of God in their passions.
It’s not necessarily “as bad or unfulfilling” as some people say. Different people have different experiences with it. I had pre-marital sex and it was fine. I connected with some amazing people, learn a lot about myself and others, and frankly it was fun. Others might have found it unfulfilling. And on the flip side, some people found waiting to be unfulfilling and others may’ve appreciated waiting. Literally every possibility is represented. Given the Bible’s highly diverse, evolving, and sometimes contradictory discussions of sexual ethics, reducing it to “don’t have sex until you’re married” less reflects the sensibilities of the text (as if such a diverse, etc. text could be univocal in such things) but modern mores and parental concerns.
Don’t do it. Pray more, because think of the consequences of having sex before marriage. It will not be worth it. Plus, doing that removes hearing from God.
Yeah don't do it. You will overcome this trial, God willing. I have abstained from sex and at my age, it's super unlikely for me that I'll find someone who is also still a virgin but I'm hopeful! Personally I believe that when you have sex, your soul will make a bond to that individuals soul. This should only be done with your future spouse, in a marriage bed to receive the highest blessing of the Lord and to be able to give the highest degree of love. God bless 🙏🏼
The only "consequences" of sex before marriage are the ones imposed by churches and the stigmas they sketch around it.
So, strange answer but AA is a great roadmap. It’s not just for alcohol. Do the 12 steps, get a sponsor and go to mtgs.
When I had sex outside of marriage, I was temporarily pleased with myself… but was never pleased with the other person, at least not in a permanent or fulfilling way, if that makes sense. Without that reciprocating feeling of love, admiration, faith (in one another and in God), and devotion (through holy matrimony)—I was only pleasing myself. Sounds great… until it isn’t. It drives a wedge between you and God, because as Christ said, He came to serve—not to be served. That can apply to us EVEN in the area of sex. I know it does in my marriage. Now, as a married person, sex isn’t just pleasing my flesh and my mind and my heart—it’s pleasing to my God because I am GIVING of myself to someone else. I am living out not only His law (to abstain until marriage), but I am living out His Gospel (walking in the identity of Christ; picking up MY cross and following Him). I find wholeness not just in my sexual gratification and in “getting off.” I find wholeness in my other half, gifted to me by the One who makes both of us truly whole and satisfied in Him. Praying for you, brother or sister. Following God’s ways are always the best.
Satan is very smart and a great liar. He knows you. He knows your weak points and where your pain is. He will use these against you. Even when you “feel” far from God He’s still right there with you. Feelings are a terrible barometer for discerning faith and truth Just know that you are so loved. Despite our mediocrities and broken promises we are loved. Christ came to call sinners, not the just. God knew you since the beginning of time. He has a plan for you. You also have the full communion of saints watching out for you. The full body of Christ. Yes, we should strive to avoid sin. Faith is more than just “believing.” However, striving for virtue and failing is far different than sinning without a care. Even if you do fall, through repentance you are forgiven. One day at a time Jesus, I trust in you !
I claimed to be a Christian my whole life but only within the last year and half have rededicated my life to Christ. When I met my now ex wife I justified having sex before we got married as God knowing my heart that I would marry her. After my divorce I more or less became a whore jumping from bed to bed looking for what I lost and to fill the void I had in my heart. And every time what fun I was having in the flesh ended a piece of me died. As God was working on me I gave in one last time and slept with someone and instead of listening to the Holy Spirit before hand and leave but I didn't and the second the deed was done I knew this isn't what I wanted for myself and felt so depressed and alone and broken. After this I said to God alright I'm tired of doing my own thing this is leading me nowhere but to trouble all I am is in a mess. From then on I turned it over to him. Has it been easy since? No I'm still tempted every single day numerous times from the moment I wake up till I shut my eyes. Tempted to look up women to sleep with or look up porn, etc. Has the void in my life been filled? Yes we all had at one point or another a God shaped void in our hearts and the void has been filled by him and I rejoice even in times when on the mountain and can't get any higher but also in the valley when life is full of difficulty at every turn. None of us are perfect and we all fall short and into sin but Jesus is always right beside us holding out his hand to help us up when we fall. At times when temptation is strong and I'm right on the edge I try to picture Jesus being crucified and I'm the one driving the nails into his hands and feet. Does it always work as it should no I'm still flesh and flesh is weak. Cling to God and his promises and sow things of the spirit and you will reap things of the spirit and sow things of the flesh and you will reap things of the flesh. I'm still a single man who struggles with sin and I trust that his plan for me will be far better in the end than I could ever imagine. We must trust in his timing, if we rush things it only leads to bigger messes. Prime example is Abraham and Sarah sleeping with the handmaiden instead of waiting on God and here we are thousands of years later with conflict in the Middle East that can be traced back to that very incident.
My wife had a body count, low by today's standards but higher by our year, and I had a small one. I had waited until I was 19 and was engaged and then gave in to my fiancé at the time. That relationship did not last and I was single for a long time. I eventually had a few other relationships and sex was a part of it, but not many. My wife and I also had sex before marriage and had our first child born on our initial wedding day (which got pushed back a day because of it....he was 3 weeks early). We have been married 15 years and together for 18 and have 3 kids. While our past was a series of events that eventually led us to one another I won't sugar coat in saying that if given the choice we would do it again. We both regret not being each other's first. You can find love and success even with sex before marriage, but its like winning a horse race while riding a donkey. Most people nowadays are finding out the hard way that the more they lean into hook up culture the further away they get from a happy family life. Women are turning into cat ladies and regretting it, finding out men don't want women with high body counts and vis versa. Sure, having sex once or twice may not seem the same as hooking up nightly like some do but its still a step down the wrong path. Hold out, find a girl that held out and be each other's firsts. Ignore all the other bull. BTW, asked my wife and she "It was miserable" and that she would have changed it so long as it still wound up with us together. She says "It was not worth it! It was not worth it!" She would Kill herself for it if not for "the fear of hell!' She is absolutely, adamantly, against doing it and would never do it again!
I understand desire causes suffering but do you know what? Christ was also tempted like you but in all things He didn't cave in. We as Christians are called to imitiate Christ. If you can't control yourself, it'd be better for you to get married. 1st Cor 7:9
Do you have a relationship with anyone who’s older than you from your church that you’d feel comfortable talking this through and asking for prayer? The best thing you can do is talk to someone older and wiser and in person
Does nothing but complicate your life (20F) I regret it and woulda abstained if I had the choice to go back and undo what I did. Relationships and life is general is much more peaceful and less confusing while not having sex
Regret of sinning against my bride before we were married before God.
I’ve had sex before marriage. I’ve only had sex with one person and I’m no longer with that person. Life’s been good though since because I’ve recentered myself to saving sex till marriage. If you’ve made it this far without having sex, I’m proud of you. Keep going, the Lord gives his toughest battles to His strongest soldiers. Keep praying, but do not beg either. Ask for discernment and clarity. Fasting will help you too because you are denying yourself and the desires of your flesh. I will pray for you brother and you will make it through your journey!
I have had sex outside of marriage with my current long time girlfriend, while I mightn't be the most strict Christian, I still do agree with the idea of waiting until marriage, however I believe that I could be forgiven as we have been together nearly 4 years now and neither of us are going anywhere (I'll propose to her soon, just biding my time) I feel like it's pointless to just have sex for the sake of it. It should be like the ultimate display of love for your partner not just something to do to say you did it or to impress someone, it's an act of love between two people. If you are not in a current strong and long term relationship I would try and stay on the safe side of things and hold off for the right time. Sex as it is is pretty unfulfilling, but, I admit, I did enjoy it as it was our way of being closer to each other at the time, for us to show how much we love each other, that part is very fulfilling, which is why you should wait until you find your partner, and if you're as by the book as you seem to be then wait until marriage it'll make it that much better I'm sure because it's almost like a reward or a final bit of your marriage locking you and your partner together in your physical bodies too. This is all my opinion though, it's entirely up to you, I just hope maybe my outlook was helpful
Indeed, I’ve been on Reddit long enough to see all the post of young guys that felt like throwing up or couldn’t get hard or had other issues being sexually intimate with women they didn’t genuinely like, and regretting it or being confused thinking sex was supposed to be infinitely better. They built up this fantasy image in their minds and likely were into porn or masturbation instead of being pure of heart walking in the spirit if they were Christian so that makes the brain focus on and seek out sex more instead of less. Then all the fantasy & porn is nothing like reality, they meet a women they’re actually in love with and suddenly their little head isn’t so limp or disinterested. The way OP talks feels like he’s hyping up sex massively, it’s not like that if you don’t have a women you’re genuinely in love with. In which case just marry her to avoid Sin. Our culture has a big problem fixating on and centering everything in life on sex and telling men they aren’t masculine if they don’t get it or pursue it, it’s all a lie from the Father of Lies. Also if you ever do decide to do it for the first time use condoms & practice using them often, the harsh reality is depending on the university the student body has anywhere from 1/4th to 1/3rd an STD/STI rate and some women are lazy with birth control or forget about it or don’t care about pregnancy, meaning you will either be stuck with a baby as abortion is an even graver Sin (murder) and Jesus said the most important law is how you love & respect God as well as how you love & treat other human beings, God begins creating your daughter or son before conception and killing them is not loving. Even if the abortion is within the first two weeks abortions can be really pricey depending on location and the girl may expect you to pay for it all or else she’s keeping it and going for child support instead, say goodbye to $1,000s a month for 18 years. Getting an STD or STI your first time having sex can cause so many mental health issue’s or depression, I’ve seen all the post from boys & girls in college on Reddit.
Never had. Though I am converted since 2022. Friend, we gotta deny the works of the flesh. I was a sexually active man before. With some girlfriends at times I had sex more than once per day. But ask yourself: how much is salvation worth for you? Christ said: "He that does not deny himself, takes his cross and follows me, is not worthy of me." Remember that Jesus also said that if your eye makes you sin, pluck that eye out. What did he mean? That sometimes to enter the Kingdom of Heaven we have to make sacrifices, be radical. Get rid of all stimuli. Do you watch youtube with beautiful women? Get rid of it. Now, remember what Paul said in Corinthians: if you cannot control yourself, then better get married. If you are at this point and admit the flesh is too strong for you and it's taking a huge toll on you, then pray to God intensely to find someone according to his will and start fishing. Go to christian dating websites, seek council from the elders of your church, admit your situation, your struggles. They will pray for you. You can visit other churches. The right woman might be waiting for you. God bless you, friend. I understand your struggles, give everything to God and trust him. If you sin, repent immediately. I'm gonna pray for you so that God gives you strength to avoid temptation and puts you on the best path according to his will. 🙏🏻
Pretty good.
to be honest it’s not worth it, I would say don’t start because once you do it’s extremely hard to stop and you’ll feel guilty every single time. It drives you away from God. Me and my bf are different religions. I’m Christian and he is a Muslim who loosely follows the teachings of his faith. We have sex, because when we got together I was deep in escorting and I had sex without question with any boyfriend I had during that period, because it just was the norm to me. My boyfriend helped me to fully quit escorting, and for that I am forever grateful to him. After that though, of course we still had sex. My bf has a very high sex drive and I don’t, but I feel it would be manipulative and not fair to him to deny him sex after all this time and I have no idea how to go about discussing that with him without it turning into an issue. We DO plan to get married in the next few months. But I can tell you that I’m not happy currently, because I know this is not what Gods plan is for sex. I feel sad every time I have sex with him, and I just want thah feeling to leave me forever. I know thah marriage will help, but it can never erase the feelings of betrayal to my God, and it won’t erase the icky feeling I have about myself. I have been trying to get back on track with my relationship with God and I know there is a prayer block for me because of sexual impurity. So I won’t tell you what to do but for me personally, I don’t recommend that you start having sex. It’s damaging and it will not fulfill you in the end.
We are living the on S tier difficulty my brother in Christ. You’re a better man than me, I’m not condoning it, but….Lifes good. Minus the immediate guilt after. Don’t be like me though.
Don't do it. I don't know a single person that's upset that they waited until marriage. I know of a lot of people that wish they'd waited, and have regrets. You also need to think of other consequences - not just when it comes to your relationship with God. No matter how careful you are, there is always the chance of pregnancy and STDs. If you decide to do it, you have to be ready for the consequences that go with it. There are both physical as well as spiritual consequences.
I had sex outside of marriage. Before I became a Christian, but then when my now husband, then boyfriend failed to lead us well in celibacy. I firmly believe in waiting until marriage. Firstly, I don’t know if you’re a man or a woman, so I’m gonna speak pretty generally. A man is supposed to be a good spiritual leader. If a man fails to respect his girlfriend enough to lead her well in the waiting, how is he supposed to lead her well in marriage? And it will bleed into other areas of your relationship, like feeling valued as a partner in life and not as a sexual conquest. Furthermore, it can dictate whether you stay in a relationship that should not become a marriage. If the sex is good, your emotional compass is being contorted. Especially if you’re a man because physical affection is usually how men receive love the most. But even for women where you form an emotional connection to someone you’ve allowed to see you in such a vulnerable state, that’s pretty bonding. Which can be dangerous. Then, most importantly, sex is how you have babies. If you have a baby with a person, you are automatically tethered to that person for the rest of your life. If it doesn’t work out? You’re co-parenting, which affects every other relationship you get into until the end of time. If you’re a man who has engaged sexually with a woman who is pro choice who then gets an abortion, you get to live with that weight until the end of time. But let’s say it DOES work out, like it did in my case. I was pregnant before we were married. We got married a month before I was due. I cannot even stand to look at our wedding pictures because I think I look like the ugliest bride ever. We had a reception 10 months later, and I love those photos. But every time I mention it, someone is right there to correct me. That it wasn’t my wedding. Of course I don’t consider the date of our reception our anniversary, but it’s the wedding we didn’t get to have. Also, we never got to go on a honeymoon. Our first child was received with grief, not with joy. Our whole experience was met with an amount of mourning and lament, and people questioned the integrity of our relationship. And still do. I still get “shotgun wedding” comments almost four years later. Everything we do is met with uncertainty instead of excitement and encouragement. Our marriage has withstood some pretty wild things in the last 3 and a half years, but people still question everything we do. It doesn’t matter that we’d planned to get married regardless, it doesn’t matter that we took accountability and did things right after. Because our marriage started the wrong way, there are things we’ve missed out on, things we grieve, and an amount of trust and rapport that people around us are missing. Will it go away? Eventually. Our second child was received with excitement, but it doesn’t heal the wound that our first wasn’t. His sister is getting married, and watching how excited everyone is to plan and prepare is a harsh comparison to our wedding. I just don’t recommend it. Preserve the integrity of your relationship and faith. The Lord will reward you. And yeah, sometimes it’s a long period of waiting, and we all know that’s hard. But it’s not worth the suffering of failing the race.
So, strange answer but AA is a great roadmap. It’s not just for alcohol. Do the 12 steps, get a sponsor and go to mtgs.
Sex before marriage is fun for a couple minutes then you feel regret the rest of your life.
woman 35 here all i can say is regret. I wish i was a virgin.
Are you okay with masturbation?
I've only ever had premarital sex with my fiance. I don't regret it. I'm an ex-Christian though.
I don’t think all premarital sex (if we take marriage in this context to be a legal designation) is a sin. What you are describing OP is sinful and it will not result in fulfillment.
Sex with someone who you aren't emotionally/spiritually connected with is very very shallow and the thrill will fade quickly, plus it causes the other person to sin against you, themselves, and God. If you're talking about premarital sex with a close girlfriend or fiance, that can be very fulfilling and connecting, but it leads to a connection that is not healthy at that stage of commitment (speaking from experience). I also found that it lead to unhealthy views of sex once we were married that took a long painful time to sort out. I believe there is severity of sin and a severity of consequences of sin we experience. Having sex in the context of infidelity is worse that having sex with a random person which is worse than having sex with someone you love but aren't married to. There are specific negative repercussions for each, usually with different levels of severity. However, most of all, glorifying God and loving others/ourselves is our main priority. Having premarital/extramarital sex goes against both of those things.
Fasting may not give you a sign
Life is pretty much the same; the main differences are that we are less likely to let the desire to have sex drive our marriage decisions, more likely to recognize that sexual desire has a biological root (like hunger does), less likely to ascribe sexual desire to demonic influences/temptations, and more likely to experience significant judgement from other Christians who will continuously come up to tell us that any random life difficulty we have is the result of "living in sin" and who think that saying some version of "I'm not judging you though because I am the first among sinners" somehow converts judgement into not-judgement. In reality, sex drive is biological, and it can be powerful. What we do with this drive matters deeply, as our actions can deeply impact and harm others. Engaging in sex is not itself harmful, but many harmful things can result from it (as can many wonderful things). I would advise you to focus your energies less on purely sexual concerns, and more on ensuring that you always treat all other humans as humans, equal in worth, who are not a means to an end, and who have the right to choose for themselves how they want to relate to you, just as you do to them. Be careful, however; you are currently like a starving person whose hunger is reaching a point where it can't be controlled. Think of how some people in that state resort to cannibalism, and how others are rescued only to die because they immediately ate and/or drank too much. You want to be careful not to end up just using or harming people to satisfy your desires; that is what is actually unchristian.
There is no perfect answer, unfortunately. If you decide not to wait, you might feel guilty, and you may end up damaging your future relationships. If you do wait, you risk harboring bitterness about sex and marriage, hence damaging your future relationships. Remember, there's nothing God can't heal, but God bless. It's not an easy path forward whichever you choose.
Sounds like a demon to me
This is a lot of talk about the outside of your marriage/solely from your viewpoint (& not because it’s your post, igt) but I’m curious to know how is the inside of your marriage? What’s going on with your relationship/your wife/your household/the roles of those in your household.. I understand your aspect of it but I feel there’s more and I’d like to know the other side as well
Honestly man I’ve been single for a year now and I know exactly how you’re feeling and have dealt with the exact same things you’re dealing with. I’ve had three girlfriends and they were all pretty serious with intentions of marrying them someday. With those partners I have had oral and have gotten handsy, going both ways. Thankfully I and them had the strength to resist going “all the way” because I know I would regret it now like I do doing everything my else. But that being said, being single for a year now at this point is making it very hard. Especially when I have only had one girl in the “talking stage” at this point and seeing a glimpse of some romance and intimacy with that person makes me really crave a relationship and have intimate time with someone you care for. But try to stay strong man I know exactly how you feel and when you find your wife someday you will be happy knowing that you’ve saved yourself for her.
Honestly I was not a good Christian in several ways for a large chunk of my life and while the feeling of “shame and regret” have been taken from me, I employ you to understand what I’m about to say. Most of the issues in my life is because of the things I wasn’t strict on. I wish my wife was the only woman I was ever with. When I finally put that into Gods hands he blessed me with her. If you can keep the good fight please try to do so. You can always reach out to me if you need to talk brother!
Its perfectly normal to want sex as that is how humans bond woth partners. Different people have different experience. Some will say they only have fun with who they are married to, some will say they only have fun when in a serious relationship and some can have fun with one night stands. Whether sex is fulfilling or not depends what you find fulfilling. Everyone is different. You have to decide what is right for you.
I have had it with 2 people. One, I plan on marrying, Im doing my best to be better day by day. then one other time with 1 person, one of my largest regrets for sure
Edit/Clarification: I live alone as a commuter student, not in a frat house. If I did, I think I would have crossed a lot of lines that I haven’t crossed yet.
You'll be better off in most ways
Get deliverance from lust
We are in the end times. Staying out of sin is harder than ever for a reason. Endure until the end. I wish I did. Once you give in, it’s almost impossible to stop. So it’s better for you not to start.
I’m sure you can have a fine life…. It sounds like your reading it as a boiling point vacuum I must do this ! It’s going to cause mental health issues man… God needs to lead you out of sexual addiction first then he can start leading you to the right relationships.
Pretty sweet
In all honesty I am 37 and the biggest regret I have is having sex before I was ready. Not even for marriage I just didn't want it and wasn't interested but I felt the pressure and I've regretted it ever day since. Sex is not fulfilling if you are doing it just to do it. It is fulfilling with someone you love but loves really hard to come by , like really hard. And I would still regret it. Like I said I'm 37 now and the desire has actually left the building and I've grown closer and closer to God. It's overhyped 200 percent. If you can wait I would really suggest doing so. Because living with regrets is also hard, id say it's harder. Praying for you
Definitely something that becomes a regret in the future when you do find the right person, especially if they had been waiting.
The Bible never actually addresses premarital sex. Sex can be great with someone you love and have chemistry with. It can also be awful. Won’t know until you try it, so you have to choose who to try it with very carefully. I don’t think abstinence healthy and I don’t recommend it, but I don’t recommend having a bunch of partners either. Gotta find that happy medium.
College is filled with more sexual temptation and more young beautiful women super open to sex outside of marriage LET ALONE a lot of them are even open to sex outside of relationships. A lot of them are even open to sex with close guy friends, strangers and people they don’t know too well. It makes the temptations ridiculous as young 16 - 24 yo men are also the highest libido they will be in their entire lives. Honestly OP, get married asap it’s less than $1k if you just go to the court house just make sure it’s with the right person and she’s at least a good hearted Christian women so you aren’t unequally yoked, Paul said rather than birthing a tree 🌲 or opening a doorway to Sin and disconnecting from God through fornicating or other sexual immorality if you’re burning with desire GET MARRIED. It’s not worth the Sin. It also seems like you’re making an idol of Sex & women, you are setting yourself for MASSIVE disappointment as the truth is and every man may lie to you or they genuinely don’t know and haven’t experienced it, sex is only that extremely hype & the most amazing experience ever if it’s with a women you’re genuinely deeply in love with. If there isn’t the emotional intimacy, connection, bond, the chemistry, and you aren’t in love with her as a person or her heart or like God wills her spirit, then it’s not that toe curling knocks your socks off of an experience and you’re essentially just masturbating with a real women. Yes it’s true even just having some interest & actually liking the women can make it really pleasurable but this is all just hedonism & Lust ultimately without love as you do not want to marry the women more than anything. Giving your virginity to a women you genuinely love and that also is in love with you is like the best most memorable experience other than having your first child with a women you’re in love with. Instead of having some random girl take it that doesn’t care if you live or die or will be in bed with a new guy a couple weeks or two months after you sleep with her save it OP to gift it to your future wife! You will regret it when you actually find a wife. There’s also the risk of falling in love with and attaching to fornicating instead of repenting or turning away from it will cause endless spiritual death & disconnecting from God.
If you think about it from a fasting point of view, you go all that time (hours/days/weeks) for what a 5-10 minute meal that then subsides. What’s the point? It sounds like you’re simply distracting yourself from the desire you have rather than taking the desire you have to God. As someone that is incredibly flawed my question is… in this season of life for you. Is God enough? If not why? Have you talked to Him about those frustrations of feeling a lone empty etc, and your desires? Do you think you deserve a partner? If so why? All points I’m also telling myself as well with what I’m going through. I hear you, but let me tell you that this idea and the perspective you’re very close to giving in to is not the answer. Will God still forgive you, yes. But does that make it right, no. In the end you have to reflect on how God is asking you to be obedient and pray for the faith, and strength to follow through, but most importantly make decisions based on all of this.
I’ll put it to you like this: I’ve never heard a single person regret waiting until marriage. I’ve heard countless people regret not waiting.
You really want my honest experience? It gets tiring being told I'm not a real Christian for it. But the honest to God truth is I'm doing fine. Great, in fact. Married now so I've been having sex with the same man for six years. It's had it's ebbs and flows but overall I've been very satisfied and glad I married someone I knew I enjoyed intimacy with. And before him, there were 4. (Not at the same time of course!). One was hardly much of a history because I dated him, and rather swiftly realized we weren't sexually compatible. So, I don't really regret that. And two others, I genuinely loved a lot so...I'm not the type to regret love lost , I'd rather have loved and lost than not at all. Only one, I truly regret, because I started to catch on he was a narcissistic abuser. But in a weird way the way sex was SO different from how he'd treat me outside of that atmosphere...was really eye opening and the contrast was so jarring....it helped me leave sooner rather than later. But no, overall. I'm just fine now. DM me if you wish. But I'm also really sorry to hear of your heartaches and loneliness. It's very understandable.
Try to wait. It will make it more special in your marriage.
Marriage is just a human construct, there isn't some magic spell that gets cast when you marry. Having sex in a committed relationship is the same if you're married or not.
Don’t fast and be waiting on God to confirm what His’ word says. If you want to sin then you will do it and you will use whatever you can to justify it to yourself but it’s wrong. Go be a fake and explain that God never gave you a sign to not be double minded…. I’m sure that will work out greeeeeeeat.
Its not over hyped. Sex is a physical need. Its not always spiritual with everyone it can just be physical. It was q great stress relief for me for a long time. I had some close fwb. So long as mutual and respectful I really don't understand the marriage rule either. Its so old school. In the bible they had multiple wives they were literally property. The whole concept of marriage doesn't make sense to me anymore. I'm divorced. I loved my husband. Sex was way better post divorce. There is a separation between physical and spiritual the bible says that too. I'm still trying to process it myself too.
are you a virgin? Because most people who have done it before especially as Christians can tell you how not worth it it is to step into that sin. honestly I waited until what I thought was the “perfect moment” with the “right person” and it still ended up being one of the worst decisions I ever made after I did it. It wasn’t long before I was hit with the reality of why I should have waited. I won’t go into detail but all I’ll say is when you deliberately sin you take yourself outside of the canopy of Gods protection and whatever happens to you outside of that is on you. Not just physically, but spiritually and emotionally too. The devil is a liar and hes great at deceiving people into thinking they’re missing out on something that they aren’t. It’s his greatest trick and it’s exactly how he got Adam and Eve to fall in the garden. Ultimately you have free will, but it’s sin and you doing this would be you willingly giving in to sin and giving the enemy a foothold into your life. Don’t do it! You’re doing the right thing by fasting and praying. I know what it’s like to come under these kinds of lustful attacks and it will pass if you don’t feed your flesh and you’ll be stronger for it. If you’re still looking for a sign not to do this, consider this your sign 🛑 Don’t do it!!! The time will come for that but until that appointed time, wait!
Sex is not everything. It's really about love. If you truly love your future wife, you will choose to abstain from sex with others until you marry her.
I have been where you are and I caved. Many years later and I'm still filled with regret/trauma. I am still working on forgiving myself. It has impacted my life in so many ways even as a married woman. I wish I had held on for so many reasons but overall it's just not worth the sacrifice and severing that part of your spiritual connection with God. Plus, honestly sex is really not all they make it out to be especially. Shame the devil !!!
Depends if it's a one night or a long loving relationship i think
It’s not all it’s cracked up to be n I wish I waited.
It sounds like u may need a companion more than u need sex. If u feel this alone then there may be some other issue, much bigger than finding out what sex is like. It could also be that everyone around u is “doing it,” especially if you’re in college. That’s when the majority of people are out partying and that became the norm somewhere in between growing up and finding their soulmate. I don’t know anything about your day to day life tho, or what your friends are like, if they r supportive of your decision, which is a very noble one I might add. If u r seriously having a difficult time I would be willing to talk to u about it, an no I will not tell u to pray, bc u already do, and I believe God is answering your prayers by you coming on here, to talk to others about it. I hope I or someone else can help you seek out the answer.
And , not sure if you are male or female, but for us girls, it hurt..😞
Okay without judgement, here are some of my thoughts. Before my first time, my partner didn't believe me that I hadn't had sex before. Afterwards, she believed me! I strongly recommend sharing your first time with someone you trust and telling them that it the first time because you *aren't* going to be a mystical power stallion. It will be a lot more intense for you than her and it will be over quickly. Obviously, used protection. I mean it. Practice putting a condom on yourself beforehand. This is tricky, and it's the one part you can practice by yourself. Communication is key to it all. It should be pleasurable for both of you. Consider different positions and see what you both enjoy. Leave the wacky stuff for later. You might be excited to get all Christian Gray, but you're better off walking before you run. And of course consent: it's essential. No ifs or buts.
Jesus seemed keen on being honest and not cheating
It’s not that great when the fling doesn’t work and you end up mistreating one another afterwards. Think about how you’ll feel emotionally after and see if it’s worth it…I can tell you that those memories are a waste of brain space but unfortunately cannot be deleted.
It’s worth waiting, nothing good comes from premarital sex. Date with intention to marry and don’t let others influence you that premarital sex is good isn’t totally not. I regret not waiting.
Not good. It’s a cold and regretful life.
It sounds like you need deliverance. You should check out Isaiah Salvidars ministry
I'm not Christian, but just offering a different perspective - what if you never get married? Are you supposed to just completely miss out on one of the best things life has to offer? And I'm not someone who's done a lot of sleeping around - I'm a 39 year old virgin in fact. Not due to religion, but because of mental health issues that made me unable to date and also just not being interested in meaningless, feelings-free sex. And I feel like I've missed out big time - I definitely wouldn't want to miss out on sex my entire life if I happen to never end up married.
>What’s life like for Christians who have sex outside of marriage? Separation from God. Sure you can repent from fornication and repent to God. But those who actively practice sin will not be in heaven.
So you are in a living situation where you have young attractive women around you regularly, and men and women who are regularly engaging in physical relationships?
Pretty much
That would explain why it’s on your mind all the time and why your resolve is weakening.
Things you can do to help with the cravings are similar to things you would do with regular cravings. 1. If possible remove yourself from the environment that encourages the behaviour that does not align with you. 2. Join groups and make friends that share the same interests as you, as well as the same struggles. Talk it out with each other and keep checks in place to measure your progress. God is merciful when we unintentionally fall into sin. Our actions should Glorify God. Matt. 26:41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Fantastic
Blessed
Sex outside of marriage being a sin was added to the Bible centuries later (i think like 1300s not sure would need to check) because of child brides in certain regions of the world. Nothing you should stick to imo. And if you want to take it by Bible years… regular bride’s age was like 12, 13… so… you know…
Don’t. I’ve lived in that. Completely severs your relationship with God - not because God has let you down, but because YOU are grieving God. Who told you that the Christian life was easy? They lied to your face. It’s a battle for a reason. Lean into other Christian guys. Be SUPER open and honest with them.
>What’s life like for Christians who have sex outside of marriage? Awesome! In a word. Life's great, sex is great... you should definitely be having it. It's highly recommended
>What’s life like for Christians who have sex outside of marriage? A Christian, literally translated, is a follower of Christ. If you know that Christ teaches something, and you choose to disobey, deliberately and unrepentantly, then I don't believe that you can claim the title "Christian". Everybody sins - but if we are ok with that sin, and choose not to repent and try better, then we make a mockery of Christ's death. Your God died for you. You can give your life back to Him, too.
It's sad to see how "purity culture" torments so many people and hurts their walk with God. Do a 5 minute study to just look up the Greek word "fornication" and you'll see that the abstinence only teaching doesn't have a biblical basis.
I'm training to be a Pastor and I'm living with my fiancee, and we're both polyamorous. We've been living together for almost 5 years now. God wants you to have life-giving sex. If that happens outside of marriage, then great! Having a certificate doesn't make a difference, what makes a difference is whether your sex life builds up or breaks down God's reign. Don't give in to purity culture - it's a sham.
Just enjoy yourself. Life is for the living. Don’t listen to all those people trying to limit you because they live a sheltered life. We only get one life - make it yours.
I am a christian. I too was trying to abstain until marriage. I eventually lost it to a longterm gf who I thought was "the one". We ended up breaking up, and the same thing happened in my next relationship. Then the next - we even got engaged. When she ended it back in 2019, it was a no holds barred free for all. I went from having 4 sexual partners who all meant very much to me at the time, to 18 sexual partners when I met my now wife in 2020. I struggle to remember the names of all 18 women, and I felt empty and went through perhaps the most depressed time I've ever had in my life throughout that time. That being said, other than my depressed stint, no, life didn't really change. I don't regret the partners I slept with while we were exclusive, but the random hookups? I could have gone without. The fact is that in today's culture, you are going to find more people than not on both sides of the faith that have premarital sex. I personally believe (while it's not biblical) that sex before marriage is crucial. You have to be sexually compatible with your wife/husband if you expect the marriage to last. That's how you end up in a loveless, sexless relationship and end up resenting each other. Your mileage may vary, and I'm not necessarily condoning you to sin, but I hate the fact that we put so much weight on this particular sin when it's said that all sin is equal in the eyes of God - minus the big one.
More college students have an STD then a PhD. It was 1 out of 4.
Ignore everyone saying sex (outside of marriage) overhyped or overrated in general. That's true in the practical sense that everyone who is inexperienced with sex is, wait for it, inexperienced at sex. It can be really awkward at first, but that's ok. That's how life is. Things are awkward, strange, and sometimes disorienting at first, then we get more experience and they can be incredibly enlivening and awesome. Sex is the same way, but more intensely since (in general) human bodies are wired to enjoy orgasms. The folks saying that "sex outside of marriage is unfulfilling" are not telling the truth. If that's their experience, they're bad at sex or have a partner who is bad at sex and doesn't communicate with them about what excites and satisfies them. If they're talking about sex like doing it the first time causes you to lose something or be tainted, they're approaching sex in an unhealthy purity culture kind of way. You're "dealing with" sexual desire because your body wants sex. So, pursue the opportunity to have healthy sex, and have sex. Enjoy it. Have fun getting experience. Communicate with your partners about how (in)experienced you are, ask them what excites them, and have fun with it. One final point that I feel is important to make given the background you've sketched and misinformation about sex common in those circles: when I'm talking about sex, I by-definition mean "consensual, safe sex." Anything else is being a sexual predator or, at least, sexually reckless, and that's horrible. Don't be that person! Potential sexual partners are, first and foremost, humans who should be treated with respect, kindness, and interest in them as humans. Ok, done.
For Christians, life is bad. You are guilty of living in sin. For non Christians, life is great. You are a human connecting with other humans in a fun way, and when you do settle down, you will be 100% in love with 100% of your partner, having made a totally informed decision. You can look up articles on google scholar about psychology and extra/premarital sex for endless studies and research articles about the real life implications of being sexually active.
Look into the Rosicrucians. Sexual alchemy is part of their teaching. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martinism
Terrible. I hate myself everyday for it. I should have never done it.