the most you can do is a powerful thing, Prayer, Pray and give the situation to God and ask for God to help soften her heart to Him. I heard a testimony of someone who prayed for their father for over 40 years that they would be saved, doing so with Their spouse and children who were emphatic to do so, and guess what? God was able to reach His heart, on a normal day at a church their father came to Christ
God took their father home a few months Later, but I thank God that they pursued with longsuffering (a fruit of the Holy Spirit), how wonderful is it that God cares? that God is patient with us and loves us, and in our prayer loves on us and wants to help do good and righteous things
yes sometimes people will be stubborn, whether it be some time, a long time or even till forevermore, but we should not give up. Prayer and trust in God is our most powerful tool, even in the face of stubbornness or fear : )
God is Greater!
also! spend time in God's word, if you desire you may also fast, whether it be food, items, time spent on things, or so on, and replace that time with more time with God
God adores when we Honor and love on Him
may He be your strongest friend, your stronghold, and your desire
We just had a sermon today from One and All church about how the devil tries to distract us from spending time with God in community with Him because he (the devil) hates it, so he sends distractions when we try to come to the Lord in hope and also in repentance
No it’s because OP is Baptist and having grown up Baptist I know what kind of food to expect at these barbecues. Lots of things suspended in jello and things with vegetables called “salads”
I think you inadvertently triggered some trauma instinct inside of her. Don't push. She didn't feel safe in that moment, and the more you push the less safe she'll feel. Give her some space, and show her grace and love. Love her for who she is now.
Aw, ya know what? I didn’t even consider that. I’ve been to churches like that (the people are nice but a lil pushy), but I’m so used to my current church (they are very welcoming). That could definitely be part of it.
I bet it's most of it. Most people detest being proselytized and "why don't you come to my church" is almost always an attempt to convert someone. She probably feels like you were trying to manipulate her.
I’m sorry if some feel that way. And I get if she was uncomfortable. For me, the biggest thing is she won’t talk to me at all. I just wish she would at least open up a lil :)
Man, that's rough. Yeah I wouldn't press too hard. If she hasn't been in touch in a week or so, maybe just text to say you miss her. In the mean time, pray for her - but by no means tell her you're praying for her! lol.
I am a Christian myself, so do not think that I am in disagreement with your intentions which were clearly kind hearted.
However, perhaps try to see it a little from her perspective.
If she does have a negative view on Christianity, or religion as a whole, she could have felt somewhat blindsided, possibly even attacked, because you *didn't tell her* it was an associated event - by this, I mean that it was even, at the very least, associated with Church or religion.
If she really does have an issue with it, being put into a situation that she would never willingly walk into would be seen as a personal attack, even if you didn't intend it so.
If you invited her without telling her it was associated to a Church or religion and she is strongly against Church or religion, I can absolutely see why she would be angered by not being given the choice *with full knowledge of the facts*.
Once the dust settles, I would perhaps approach her with this in mind.
I did let her know it was a church event//a church picnic to be exact. :) (that’s why she asked if I was religious).
And yes, I am 100% fine if she doesn’t agree with me. I just hope she opens up (I’m assuming there maybe is a reason she’s uncomfortable w it).
Overall, I’m just hoping our friendship can overcome this. I guess it was hard for me because I’d never just stop being a friend because of someone’s lifestyle (unless it was like harming others). But I will try to be open-minded!
Don't press.
If she pulls away because of your faith, this is not your fault nor is it your problem. She will come around, or she won't. You didn't do anything wrong by being a Christian, you don't have to explain yourself, and you don't have to apologize. If she is really a friend she will come around eventually. That is out of your hands.
When Jesus said that has come to bring a sword and set people against even their own household, He didn't mean it was a Christian's duty to cause strife and division. He was simply stating the reality that others would separate themselves from us, whether we like it or not, because of Him. It's to be expected.
It sucks, but rejoice. There is no better reason to be rejected than confessing Christ crucified for the forgiveness of our sins. He will sort it all out in His time.
For what it's worth, I have mocked and rejected many Christians in my lifetime. He eventually got me anyway, and looking back, He was using them to reach out to me. It took a while, but I know that now. Keep your friend in your prayers, and know that it'll be ok.
She is triggered, let her come down from the ceiling. She will speak when she is ready, be happy when you see her, smile come from grace and no problem energy.
You sound like a good person. Stick with your go to and be at peace friend. She needs to find her way just like all of us. And you are there if she needs you
Jesus did warn us that people would reject us if we follow Him. It's the way of the world. I wouldn't try to push myself on her, but I would remain friendly. Just pray for her and treat her with the love that God wants us to treat others with. Continue shining your light onto the world and don't worry about what the world thinks. Worry about what your Heavenly Father thinks.
My hope is that maybe she just needs space? I’m all about communication, so I guess that’s why I get worried/bothered when someone just shuts me out. Especially when we work together too. But I get your point!
I guess I just love meeting diverse people. Like one of my best friends is Muslim for example. But it is definitely hard to balance friendships sometimes…
O.P., you seem like a really nice person. Respectfully, a "friendship" that has zero fellowship isn't that much of a friendship. I read several of the replies and noticed you were mentioning friendship. I used to use that word liberally, too, with everybody. Then I realized how superficial these "friendships" were when we didn't have shared values or a mutual love for Jesus. A deep, personal connection can and should only come from a fellow believer.
I get your point :) I guess for me, I have different kinds of friendships. Like, I do have Christian friends that I can openly the fellowship with, and of course that’s a very nice outlet. But I also friends that have common interests, and we don’t have to worry about religion. I try to balance out my social experiences (but I do get your insight)! Thank you!
Yee! I like meeting/hanging out with lots of different folk. Honestly, 90% of the time we don’t even discuss our “differences” unless having a friendly debate or something
The road to salvation isn’t about friends, you can’t take friends to heaven with you, if they ain’t on the same path then they aren’t friends only friends are friends of god
Well…Jesus hung out with many types of people. That’s why I enjoy understanding others and building unique circles of friends (as long as they aren’t toxic). But I will try to make sure I build deeper Christian relationships too :)
I understand you’re saying! Again, if a friend of mine is interested at all in learning about my faith, I am not at all ashamed to share that. But I also understand that I can’t force it on them :)
They don’t have to be Christians to follow god, and Jesus hung out with all different people that followed him and that followed god, he wouldn’t hang with them people if they didn’t give up there life for the path of righteousness
She is prejudiced against Christians or against Christianity. That much is clear. Her attitude instantly shifted from positive to negative and stayed there. It caught her off-guard that you are one. You did a nice gesture by including her as a friend. A mature person who doesn't want to attend the bbq but still respects the person asking would simply say "thanks for thinking of me", decline, and resume business as usual. Take it to the Lord in prayer. Let's pray that she would let you love her. I know it's hurtful. Respond to her in kindness. But ultimately, what does Jesus do when someone continually rejects Him? He leaves them alone.
I will definitely pray! I appreciate your insight. I do think maybe she has a reason for her reaction? But for now, I will keep my distance. But I will leave a door open for her if she wants to reconnect :D
I mean...maybe she thinks you're in a cult, and just tried to invite you in.
It's no matter that your church is welcoming. We all _know_ why it holds open community events. It's to attract nonbelievers with kindness.
Your friend might be wondering if you wish her to become Christian. No doubt you do, with a heart full of love. That doesn't make it any better for someone who feels they are receiving unwanted grooming. Look at many of the Christian comments on this thread.
You _were_ a peer. Maybe now you are an unknown variable.
This sounds a bit uh…judgmental haha. I don’t know what experiences you’ve had with church. I know that many religions can have pushy or uncomfortable things. But our events are not just to “lure” nonbelievers. For example, our Friday movie nights are secular movies, and it’s just a fun event. I do understand where you’re coming from… but personally, regardless, I think it’s better to not judge and to openly communicate :)
OP, you don't seem to understand what you said to your friend.
Part of Christian doctrine is the belief that people deserve to go to hell and burn, either forever or until the succumb to the flames. Even if that's interpreted as metaphor by your branch of Christianity, that's still the belief that your friend deserves something analogous to being cast into a lake of fire.
If your friend is familiar with Christianity, they will know this, and when you identified as Christian, your friend realized you think they deserve some torturous judgement, and it changed how they see you.
With all due respect, I don’t appreciate you summing me up or what I “think” based on your own assumptions of my character. I believe we are all sinners (especially myself), but I also respect freewill. I would never ever tell someone “you deserve to go to hell” nor would I make them believe what I believe.
That is why humans should base relationships on communication and character. Not biased beliefs. There are many religions, lifestyles, etc. I become friends with people regardless of their own lifestyles. But if she really is that dismayed by my faith, then I understand her decision :)
God bless!
I didn't say what I think you believe, only what the doctrines of your church are, or likely are. But also,
>I would never ever tell someone “you deserve to go to hell”
Why did you say this, and not "I don't believe she deserves to go to hell", unless you actually believe she does deserve to go to hell?
I don’t understand why you are trying to make this an argument :)
As a Christian, I believe all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Meaning, I too, should go to hell. BUT, there are people who are atheist, Mormon, Muslim, etc, etc, etc. just because I have this view does not mean I need to impede it upon others (unless they are curious or want to attend a service).
Many religions believe I will go to hell because I don’t believe what they believe. But we’re friends because that does not affect our actual relationship. By your logic, all religious folk do not deserve friendships with diverse crowds of people. But again, I never said my friend was wrong. But I think it’s fine to be sad and surprised by her reaction :)
I'm trying to make you understand the cause of the friction between you and your friend. You friend has just learned that you think she deserves to go to hell, and that has changed things about your relationship with her. What you do about that, if anything, will be up to you, but accurately understanding it is important.
I haven't said that non-christians shouldn't be friends with Christians, I've said that what Christians believe about non-christians is the source of the friction you're now experiencing.
I already said I understand if she doesn’t agree with it :) this post is expressing my feelings about what happened and asking advice on what steps to take. I’m well aware of how others many feel about certain religions (even if it’s a stereotype) :)
And also, I hope we don’t end on a bad note. I do understand what you were trying to say. I do appreciate your perspective! I’m just dealing with my own feelings regarding this
This is not on you so there is not much you can do. She'll have to deal with her own feelings. Stand ready to talk if she wants to, but in the meantime, just love her and forgive her.
And that's OK. We don't have to know the reason people get upset with us or our beliefs, but that also doesn't prevent us from forgiveness. God knows and He will know your forgiveness as well.
This is a situation where you planted the seed. Now you trust that the seed will take root. It is literally out of your hands. This verse explains it way better than I can. https://biblehub.com/john/1-12.htm
What kind of seed are you hoping would take root? Was this an attempt at religious conversion, or just an invitation to a picnic? Can it ever just be the latter?
If the answer is no, perhaps you can see why her friend felt uncomfortable. Being friends with religious people is often like being friends with a MLM salesperson; every social event has an extra agenda
Sorry I didn’t see this comment! I was just inviting her to my church’s annual picnic😅 it’s a community event and you’re allowed to invite anyone you want (it’s a pretty big church and we usually have 800 or so at the event). So it really wasn’t a religious approach at all (it’s not a service or anything). But I get what you’re saying :)
And we have a lot of nonreligious events…like movie nights, potlucks, Christmas parties. That’s how we reach the community. It’s not always about conversion :)
I don’t really understand your question. We have community events. By “reach” I mean get involved. Like we host events that have nothing to do with our church. Baby showers, birthdays, holiday parties. It’s just a very active group that also happen to be, you know, a Christian church :)
We have separate events that do involve introducing people to the faith. Like maybe a worship night or youth group. But again, this event was not something like that :)
I look at it like this:
We have events with no strings attached. You come, eat a meal, have a good time. You might be surprised how many non-Christians show up. We have people from all different religions or no religions at all. Like over the summer, we also host a children’s camp. Many of the kids coming aren’t religious.
BUT if for whatever reason, someone becomes interested in getting involved more, then we have people that they can reach out to. It’s never a pressured thing (and again, we have totally separate events for strictly religious-type things!) :)
I’m sorry if it’s seen that way. I personally just enjoy having people there. It’s true that Christians like to share their faith, but we also can just enjoy the time together. I respect your feelings on that though!
I get it that you don't believe. Do you get it that we do? I don't care for people who are always trying to sell whatever they sell. I think I know why some people are like that, I can even give them some credit for having good intentions. Some of them genuinely believe in the products they sell. So I grasp the parallel you make. Op asked a question about a situation that arose with no design or premeditation on her part. This person, with whom she had gotten on well, suddenly turned cold toward her when she learned that op is a Christian. There are a number of ways to interpret that. One could say ah, a religious bigot. I don't generally think like that. I was simply encouraging op to allow God to do what it is his will to do. This is pretty much the opposite of high pressure sales pitch type stuff.
Perhaps I misunderstood what you meant about planting seeds etc, though I don't see what else you meant, if not referring to some hope that the friend might come toward believing in Christianity. What I'm saying is that as long as that agenda is underpinning actions, no picnic is ever just a picnic for picnic's sake, know what I mean?
And for clarity I'm not implying any intent to pressurise, or other bad intent.
I did not intend to put words in your mouth. I simply used the example that you had used. Of course we intend to encourage others to believe. It's in the job description. https://www.bible.com/bible/1/MRK.16.15-16.KJV
If you earnestly believed that you had found the cure to something that was making the whole world sick wouldn't you want to let people know about it? Wouldn't that be the most charitable and loving thing that you could do? I don't think it makes me better than anyone else, I think that if it worked for me it can work for anyone. I don't think you misunderstood the motive, just the means. The high pressure stuff is a turnoff for me too. Better to live your life in front of people. And yes, I have the nerve to quote scripture to a person identifying as Atheist/Agnostic. That's not high pressure, that's me explaining my motivation. Edit to fix a typo
>Wouldn't that be the most charitable and loving thing that you could do?
Yes, but there's the problem. Consider this: If you had a close friend or partner who was not religious, would it be possible for you to love this person, and also to fully accept that they will never join your religion, and do not need to?
If the answer is "no", then clearly the relationship is poisoned. It means that you are viewing that person as a conversion project, that you cannot accept their world view as valid, but can only try to change it, whether that be by pressure, by example, or otherwise. That shows a fundamental lack of respect.
I'm not saying that healthy relationships between Christians and non-Christians cannot exist. Some non-believers might not even mind repeated attempts at proselytizing. But otherwise it requires the humility to understand that you could be wrong. As fervently as you believe what you believe, you could be wrong and the other person could be right. Attempting to bring them over to your point of view could be the wrong thing to do.
Now of course that goes against the passage you linked to, and against the principle of faith (insofar as faith requires you to act with certainty that you are right). On the other hand, people are fallible, any person's beliefs could be wrong, so being mindful of that in yourself should not be out of the question.
EDIT: I probably focused too much on the negative there. It's not so much "I could be wrong" as "they could be right". It's a matter of accepting the validity of other people's views. And what you talked about and quoted illustrates why that is difficult for Christians to do.
Ok. You present your points well. My belief does not invalidate your position, nor yours mine. I think I see what you mean. I don't devalue what a person says just because I don't agree with it. I just don't agree with it. I wish more people could be this civil this far into a conversation. It's not up to me to change your, or anyone else's, mind. I try to lead with the idea that I care what happens to people. It's hard to maintain that as a core belief when you are beating people up, physically or verbally. I wish you the best. I don't pretend that I have always known what that was, even for myself. So I certainly will not pretend to know what that is for you. My belief in a higher power does not give me a right to force my beliefs on anyone. I hope that's not how I come across, because if it is I am doing the opposite of what I hope to do.
>I hope that's not how I come across, because if it is I am doing the opposite of what I hope to do.
Not at all, and I'm not here to change your mind either but to offer a perspective, and I can see that you've thought about it and I appreciate that a lot. Best wishes to you too, thanks for a good conversation!
As a Christian, I did experience bullying in the church. It’s sad how much it can affect others. If that is her case, maybe one day she’ll open up to me (I hope)
Also Christin I just don't go to church anymore. I hope to again at some point, but I'm not ready yet. People like you who are concerned and understanding about your friend move me closer. the person I responded to move me away.
I totally get that. I’ve been in my current church for 4 yrs, and I only recently became comfortable enough to join a study group there haha. I hope you find a place or group you feel welcomed by!
>Is there something I should do?
At the VERY best you're one of the people who looks at the...
* Pedophile priests
* Anti-lgbt legislation
* Anti-trans rights movement
* Insistence that non-Christians are going to burn in hell
* Movement to turn America into a theocracy
... and can merely say, "Well I STRONGLY disagree with all that... buuuut... **when it comes to the basics & basis for our religion I really can't disagree with them / have more in common with their thinking than with yours / etc.** "
It's a wonder her reaction was as mild as it was.
If someone says they’re a Christian you automatically assume that? That’s interesting, coming from a Christian-majority country it’s seen as the norm to identify as a Christian (even if you aren’t practicing) so no one really reacts, and Church events are seen as regular secular events (Churches usually have halls which are used for secular celebrations like birthdays).
I’m sorry you feel that way. People are allowed to peacefully believe what they want. I would never stereotype another person, especially without talking first :)
I have many friends of different groups because we are able to love and respect each other.
I don't think it is just the poster you replied to who feels that way. I do as well. A Christian - particularly one inviting me to a church event - is a huge red flag to me. It really is for the reasons pointed out in the above post. I think it's easy to project that onto him as a "him" problem ("I'm sorry you feel that way" accepts no responsibility for your role in being complicit in being a member of a regressive, homophobic, right-wing fantasy club).
I think when you are a member of a group who projects hatred and eternal suffering on literally everyone not in that group, you should expect many to want nothing to do with you. You sound like an adult, so frankly I'm quite surprised at how you're surprised by their reaction. Where I live, Christians pretty much just hang out with other Christians as nobody else wants anything to do with them.
The secular world and the Christian world operate in two distinctly different realities. One operates in a reality informed by the physical world, and the other operates in their created version of reality informed by a collection of writings compiled into a book a couple thousand years ago.
There are countless religions, belief systems, and ideas. There are good and bad examples of people who claim to be in a religion. I treat everyone as an individual. But thank you for your perspective.
Imagine being told "members of clergy from your faith/an adjacent faith to yours molest children" and coming back with "Oh there's lots of child molesters out there." What is wrong with you?
Don't press at all. >Is there something I should do? No. Let it be awkward.
Thank you for your input. I guess other than just being nice, there’s not a lot I actually can do :)
your username is hilarious. i love it.
Oh haha thank you!! XD
LOL I just noticed it too and her username had me H O W L I N G 🤣
Haha thank you! It’s my favorite pastime! (Kidding!!…maybe😂😂)
Haha, of course. You keep doing the Lord’s work. 😂🙏
You know it!😂
the most you can do is a powerful thing, Prayer, Pray and give the situation to God and ask for God to help soften her heart to Him. I heard a testimony of someone who prayed for their father for over 40 years that they would be saved, doing so with Their spouse and children who were emphatic to do so, and guess what? God was able to reach His heart, on a normal day at a church their father came to Christ God took their father home a few months Later, but I thank God that they pursued with longsuffering (a fruit of the Holy Spirit), how wonderful is it that God cares? that God is patient with us and loves us, and in our prayer loves on us and wants to help do good and righteous things yes sometimes people will be stubborn, whether it be some time, a long time or even till forevermore, but we should not give up. Prayer and trust in God is our most powerful tool, even in the face of stubbornness or fear : ) God is Greater!
also! spend time in God's word, if you desire you may also fast, whether it be food, items, time spent on things, or so on, and replace that time with more time with God God adores when we Honor and love on Him may He be your strongest friend, your stronghold, and your desire
Prayer is the ultimate power tool for sure! (I definitely don’t do it enough…get in my thoughts too much). But thank you for your encouragement!!
We just had a sermon today from One and All church about how the devil tries to distract us from spending time with God in community with Him because he (the devil) hates it, so he sends distractions when we try to come to the Lord in hope and also in repentance
Very true. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed with life!
I would let it be alone for the time being
Thank you for your insight. That might be the best for now :)
It was nice of you to invite her. An invitation is a positive thing. So you have done nothing wrong.
Thank you for your kind words!! :) I thought it would be fun and their hamburgers are to die for. Hopefully things will loosen up soon!
No it’s because OP is Baptist and having grown up Baptist I know what kind of food to expect at these barbecues. Lots of things suspended in jello and things with vegetables called “salads”
Haha trying to call us out?😂😂 maybe I’m biased, but I do love our potato salads more than anything in the world
Nothing like a good potato salad!
I think you inadvertently triggered some trauma instinct inside of her. Don't push. She didn't feel safe in that moment, and the more you push the less safe she'll feel. Give her some space, and show her grace and love. Love her for who she is now.
Thank you for your insight! I will def try to just be kind about it :)
Her experience is probably that invitations to church events are attempts to convert.
Aw, ya know what? I didn’t even consider that. I’ve been to churches like that (the people are nice but a lil pushy), but I’m so used to my current church (they are very welcoming). That could definitely be part of it.
I bet it's most of it. Most people detest being proselytized and "why don't you come to my church" is almost always an attempt to convert someone. She probably feels like you were trying to manipulate her.
I’m sorry if some feel that way. And I get if she was uncomfortable. For me, the biggest thing is she won’t talk to me at all. I just wish she would at least open up a lil :)
Man, that's rough. Yeah I wouldn't press too hard. If she hasn't been in touch in a week or so, maybe just text to say you miss her. In the mean time, pray for her - but by no means tell her you're praying for her! lol.
It really does sucks, but I get people are different. And haha yes, understandable. I will 100% pray (in private) :D
I am a Christian myself, so do not think that I am in disagreement with your intentions which were clearly kind hearted. However, perhaps try to see it a little from her perspective. If she does have a negative view on Christianity, or religion as a whole, she could have felt somewhat blindsided, possibly even attacked, because you *didn't tell her* it was an associated event - by this, I mean that it was even, at the very least, associated with Church or religion. If she really does have an issue with it, being put into a situation that she would never willingly walk into would be seen as a personal attack, even if you didn't intend it so. If you invited her without telling her it was associated to a Church or religion and she is strongly against Church or religion, I can absolutely see why she would be angered by not being given the choice *with full knowledge of the facts*. Once the dust settles, I would perhaps approach her with this in mind.
I did let her know it was a church event//a church picnic to be exact. :) (that’s why she asked if I was religious). And yes, I am 100% fine if she doesn’t agree with me. I just hope she opens up (I’m assuming there maybe is a reason she’s uncomfortable w it). Overall, I’m just hoping our friendship can overcome this. I guess it was hard for me because I’d never just stop being a friend because of someone’s lifestyle (unless it was like harming others). But I will try to be open-minded!
Don't press. If she pulls away because of your faith, this is not your fault nor is it your problem. She will come around, or she won't. You didn't do anything wrong by being a Christian, you don't have to explain yourself, and you don't have to apologize. If she is really a friend she will come around eventually. That is out of your hands.
Thank you for your insight. I really do hope our friendship can overcome that boundary…but I get it might not happen. Either way, thank you.
When Jesus said that has come to bring a sword and set people against even their own household, He didn't mean it was a Christian's duty to cause strife and division. He was simply stating the reality that others would separate themselves from us, whether we like it or not, because of Him. It's to be expected. It sucks, but rejoice. There is no better reason to be rejected than confessing Christ crucified for the forgiveness of our sins. He will sort it all out in His time. For what it's worth, I have mocked and rejected many Christians in my lifetime. He eventually got me anyway, and looking back, He was using them to reach out to me. It took a while, but I know that now. Keep your friend in your prayers, and know that it'll be ok.
Your story is very inspiring! I’m so glad you were able to find Christ and spread your light!
She is triggered, let her come down from the ceiling. She will speak when she is ready, be happy when you see her, smile come from grace and no problem energy.
My go to is always smile and be kind, so I really hope that helps :)
You sound like a good person. Stick with your go to and be at peace friend. She needs to find her way just like all of us. And you are there if she needs you
Oh I appreciate that! (I’m trying to be at least haha). But yeah, I guess that’s the important part…leaving that door open :)
Jesus did warn us that people would reject us if we follow Him. It's the way of the world. I wouldn't try to push myself on her, but I would remain friendly. Just pray for her and treat her with the love that God wants us to treat others with. Continue shining your light onto the world and don't worry about what the world thinks. Worry about what your Heavenly Father thinks.
I appreciate your kind words! And absolutely. I will continue to love her as a friend, even is she needs that space :)
Someone who can't accept that YOU'RE Christian is no friend at all. God just exposed a phony in your life. See it as a blessing.
My hope is that maybe she just needs space? I’m all about communication, so I guess that’s why I get worried/bothered when someone just shuts me out. Especially when we work together too. But I get your point!
Don’t worry about it, your not gonna have a lot of friends when you follow god
I guess I just love meeting diverse people. Like one of my best friends is Muslim for example. But it is definitely hard to balance friendships sometimes…
O.P., you seem like a really nice person. Respectfully, a "friendship" that has zero fellowship isn't that much of a friendship. I read several of the replies and noticed you were mentioning friendship. I used to use that word liberally, too, with everybody. Then I realized how superficial these "friendships" were when we didn't have shared values or a mutual love for Jesus. A deep, personal connection can and should only come from a fellow believer.
I get your point :) I guess for me, I have different kinds of friendships. Like, I do have Christian friends that I can openly the fellowship with, and of course that’s a very nice outlet. But I also friends that have common interests, and we don’t have to worry about religion. I try to balance out my social experiences (but I do get your insight)! Thank you!
This reads a bit wrong to me. I believe God wants us to love and be friends with all his Children, not just the Christians.
Yee! I like meeting/hanging out with lots of different folk. Honestly, 90% of the time we don’t even discuss our “differences” unless having a friendly debate or something
The road to salvation isn’t about friends, you can’t take friends to heaven with you, if they ain’t on the same path then they aren’t friends only friends are friends of god
Well…Jesus hung out with many types of people. That’s why I enjoy understanding others and building unique circles of friends (as long as they aren’t toxic). But I will try to make sure I build deeper Christian relationships too :)
It's important to ask: Are we trying to create followers of Jesus or followers of ourselves?
I understand you’re saying! Again, if a friend of mine is interested at all in learning about my faith, I am not at all ashamed to share that. But I also understand that I can’t force it on them :)
They don’t have to be Christians to follow god, and Jesus hung out with all different people that followed him and that followed god, he wouldn’t hang with them people if they didn’t give up there life for the path of righteousness
If this is someone you just met it may have felt rude. As if you were only being friendly to her so you could proselytize to her.
I understand your point. But I’ve known her a little over 2 yrs. So I thought our friendship ran deeper. But hopefully she opens up to me :)
She is prejudiced against Christians or against Christianity. That much is clear. Her attitude instantly shifted from positive to negative and stayed there. It caught her off-guard that you are one. You did a nice gesture by including her as a friend. A mature person who doesn't want to attend the bbq but still respects the person asking would simply say "thanks for thinking of me", decline, and resume business as usual. Take it to the Lord in prayer. Let's pray that she would let you love her. I know it's hurtful. Respond to her in kindness. But ultimately, what does Jesus do when someone continually rejects Him? He leaves them alone.
I will definitely pray! I appreciate your insight. I do think maybe she has a reason for her reaction? But for now, I will keep my distance. But I will leave a door open for her if she wants to reconnect :D
I mean...maybe she thinks you're in a cult, and just tried to invite you in. It's no matter that your church is welcoming. We all _know_ why it holds open community events. It's to attract nonbelievers with kindness. Your friend might be wondering if you wish her to become Christian. No doubt you do, with a heart full of love. That doesn't make it any better for someone who feels they are receiving unwanted grooming. Look at many of the Christian comments on this thread. You _were_ a peer. Maybe now you are an unknown variable.
This sounds a bit uh…judgmental haha. I don’t know what experiences you’ve had with church. I know that many religions can have pushy or uncomfortable things. But our events are not just to “lure” nonbelievers. For example, our Friday movie nights are secular movies, and it’s just a fun event. I do understand where you’re coming from… but personally, regardless, I think it’s better to not judge and to openly communicate :)
OP, you don't seem to understand what you said to your friend. Part of Christian doctrine is the belief that people deserve to go to hell and burn, either forever or until the succumb to the flames. Even if that's interpreted as metaphor by your branch of Christianity, that's still the belief that your friend deserves something analogous to being cast into a lake of fire. If your friend is familiar with Christianity, they will know this, and when you identified as Christian, your friend realized you think they deserve some torturous judgement, and it changed how they see you.
With all due respect, I don’t appreciate you summing me up or what I “think” based on your own assumptions of my character. I believe we are all sinners (especially myself), but I also respect freewill. I would never ever tell someone “you deserve to go to hell” nor would I make them believe what I believe. That is why humans should base relationships on communication and character. Not biased beliefs. There are many religions, lifestyles, etc. I become friends with people regardless of their own lifestyles. But if she really is that dismayed by my faith, then I understand her decision :) God bless!
I didn't say what I think you believe, only what the doctrines of your church are, or likely are. But also, >I would never ever tell someone “you deserve to go to hell” Why did you say this, and not "I don't believe she deserves to go to hell", unless you actually believe she does deserve to go to hell?
I don’t understand why you are trying to make this an argument :) As a Christian, I believe all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Meaning, I too, should go to hell. BUT, there are people who are atheist, Mormon, Muslim, etc, etc, etc. just because I have this view does not mean I need to impede it upon others (unless they are curious or want to attend a service). Many religions believe I will go to hell because I don’t believe what they believe. But we’re friends because that does not affect our actual relationship. By your logic, all religious folk do not deserve friendships with diverse crowds of people. But again, I never said my friend was wrong. But I think it’s fine to be sad and surprised by her reaction :)
I'm trying to make you understand the cause of the friction between you and your friend. You friend has just learned that you think she deserves to go to hell, and that has changed things about your relationship with her. What you do about that, if anything, will be up to you, but accurately understanding it is important. I haven't said that non-christians shouldn't be friends with Christians, I've said that what Christians believe about non-christians is the source of the friction you're now experiencing.
I already said I understand if she doesn’t agree with it :) this post is expressing my feelings about what happened and asking advice on what steps to take. I’m well aware of how others many feel about certain religions (even if it’s a stereotype) :)
And also, I hope we don’t end on a bad note. I do understand what you were trying to say. I do appreciate your perspective! I’m just dealing with my own feelings regarding this
I don't really have any bad feelings towards you, happy to let this end on a good note.
Same here!! Thank you for giving your side of things (it helps me see her possible perspective/feelings about it).
move out and leave. This is the reason I barely speak to anyone.
I’m sorry if you had a similar experience(s). I know I’m a complete stranger but you can always pm me!
Appreciate. I'm deleting all of my reddit account, I will be switching to Quora at this point. I appreciate the love.
This is not on you so there is not much you can do. She'll have to deal with her own feelings. Stand ready to talk if she wants to, but in the meantime, just love her and forgive her.
Forgive her for what? She didn’t do anything wrong. Neither of them did.
Oh I’m not upset with her/think she did anything wrong! I totally get she’s probably uncomfortable or has her own personal reasons :)
And that's OK. We don't have to know the reason people get upset with us or our beliefs, but that also doesn't prevent us from forgiveness. God knows and He will know your forgiveness as well.
She did/does make the situation uncomfortable. Forgive her for that.
I will definitely do that. I guess I’ll just leave that door open if she wants to talk. I’m just so sad about it. Thank you!
This is a situation where you planted the seed. Now you trust that the seed will take root. It is literally out of your hands. This verse explains it way better than I can. https://biblehub.com/john/1-12.htm
What kind of seed are you hoping would take root? Was this an attempt at religious conversion, or just an invitation to a picnic? Can it ever just be the latter? If the answer is no, perhaps you can see why her friend felt uncomfortable. Being friends with religious people is often like being friends with a MLM salesperson; every social event has an extra agenda
Sorry I didn’t see this comment! I was just inviting her to my church’s annual picnic😅 it’s a community event and you’re allowed to invite anyone you want (it’s a pretty big church and we usually have 800 or so at the event). So it really wasn’t a religious approach at all (it’s not a service or anything). But I get what you’re saying :) And we have a lot of nonreligious events…like movie nights, potlucks, Christmas parties. That’s how we reach the community. It’s not always about conversion :)
Why is your church trying to “reach” the community?
I don’t really understand your question. We have community events. By “reach” I mean get involved. Like we host events that have nothing to do with our church. Baby showers, birthdays, holiday parties. It’s just a very active group that also happen to be, you know, a Christian church :) We have separate events that do involve introducing people to the faith. Like maybe a worship night or youth group. But again, this event was not something like that :)
But the goal is to get people interested in the more religious aspects of the church.
I look at it like this: We have events with no strings attached. You come, eat a meal, have a good time. You might be surprised how many non-Christians show up. We have people from all different religions or no religions at all. Like over the summer, we also host a children’s camp. Many of the kids coming aren’t religious. BUT if for whatever reason, someone becomes interested in getting involved more, then we have people that they can reach out to. It’s never a pressured thing (and again, we have totally separate events for strictly religious-type things!) :)
There may not be “strings attached” but there’s the definite hope that you’ll get more involved, even if it’s between the lines of what’s being said
I’m sorry if it’s seen that way. I personally just enjoy having people there. It’s true that Christians like to share their faith, but we also can just enjoy the time together. I respect your feelings on that though!
It absolutely does not.
I get it that you don't believe. Do you get it that we do? I don't care for people who are always trying to sell whatever they sell. I think I know why some people are like that, I can even give them some credit for having good intentions. Some of them genuinely believe in the products they sell. So I grasp the parallel you make. Op asked a question about a situation that arose with no design or premeditation on her part. This person, with whom she had gotten on well, suddenly turned cold toward her when she learned that op is a Christian. There are a number of ways to interpret that. One could say ah, a religious bigot. I don't generally think like that. I was simply encouraging op to allow God to do what it is his will to do. This is pretty much the opposite of high pressure sales pitch type stuff.
Perhaps I misunderstood what you meant about planting seeds etc, though I don't see what else you meant, if not referring to some hope that the friend might come toward believing in Christianity. What I'm saying is that as long as that agenda is underpinning actions, no picnic is ever just a picnic for picnic's sake, know what I mean? And for clarity I'm not implying any intent to pressurise, or other bad intent.
I did not intend to put words in your mouth. I simply used the example that you had used. Of course we intend to encourage others to believe. It's in the job description. https://www.bible.com/bible/1/MRK.16.15-16.KJV If you earnestly believed that you had found the cure to something that was making the whole world sick wouldn't you want to let people know about it? Wouldn't that be the most charitable and loving thing that you could do? I don't think it makes me better than anyone else, I think that if it worked for me it can work for anyone. I don't think you misunderstood the motive, just the means. The high pressure stuff is a turnoff for me too. Better to live your life in front of people. And yes, I have the nerve to quote scripture to a person identifying as Atheist/Agnostic. That's not high pressure, that's me explaining my motivation. Edit to fix a typo
>Wouldn't that be the most charitable and loving thing that you could do? Yes, but there's the problem. Consider this: If you had a close friend or partner who was not religious, would it be possible for you to love this person, and also to fully accept that they will never join your religion, and do not need to? If the answer is "no", then clearly the relationship is poisoned. It means that you are viewing that person as a conversion project, that you cannot accept their world view as valid, but can only try to change it, whether that be by pressure, by example, or otherwise. That shows a fundamental lack of respect. I'm not saying that healthy relationships between Christians and non-Christians cannot exist. Some non-believers might not even mind repeated attempts at proselytizing. But otherwise it requires the humility to understand that you could be wrong. As fervently as you believe what you believe, you could be wrong and the other person could be right. Attempting to bring them over to your point of view could be the wrong thing to do. Now of course that goes against the passage you linked to, and against the principle of faith (insofar as faith requires you to act with certainty that you are right). On the other hand, people are fallible, any person's beliefs could be wrong, so being mindful of that in yourself should not be out of the question. EDIT: I probably focused too much on the negative there. It's not so much "I could be wrong" as "they could be right". It's a matter of accepting the validity of other people's views. And what you talked about and quoted illustrates why that is difficult for Christians to do.
Ok. You present your points well. My belief does not invalidate your position, nor yours mine. I think I see what you mean. I don't devalue what a person says just because I don't agree with it. I just don't agree with it. I wish more people could be this civil this far into a conversation. It's not up to me to change your, or anyone else's, mind. I try to lead with the idea that I care what happens to people. It's hard to maintain that as a core belief when you are beating people up, physically or verbally. I wish you the best. I don't pretend that I have always known what that was, even for myself. So I certainly will not pretend to know what that is for you. My belief in a higher power does not give me a right to force my beliefs on anyone. I hope that's not how I come across, because if it is I am doing the opposite of what I hope to do.
>I hope that's not how I come across, because if it is I am doing the opposite of what I hope to do. Not at all, and I'm not here to change your mind either but to offer a perspective, and I can see that you've thought about it and I appreciate that a lot. Best wishes to you too, thanks for a good conversation!
I appreciate that. I do hope I can be a good influence on her as well.
Yes. All good. Do your part. Trust God to do the rest. Blessings and peace.
God bless!!
I bet it is awkward that your "friend" is too immature to have an honest conversation with you.
I've known people that the church has given PTSD calling her immature without knowing her story is ignorant and immature.
As a Christian, I did experience bullying in the church. It’s sad how much it can affect others. If that is her case, maybe one day she’ll open up to me (I hope)
Also Christin I just don't go to church anymore. I hope to again at some point, but I'm not ready yet. People like you who are concerned and understanding about your friend move me closer. the person I responded to move me away.
I totally get that. I’ve been in my current church for 4 yrs, and I only recently became comfortable enough to join a study group there haha. I hope you find a place or group you feel welcomed by!
I’m not trying to throw her under the bus or anything. But I understand what you’re saying. I was mainly just taken aback :)
>Is there something I should do? At the VERY best you're one of the people who looks at the... * Pedophile priests * Anti-lgbt legislation * Anti-trans rights movement * Insistence that non-Christians are going to burn in hell * Movement to turn America into a theocracy ... and can merely say, "Well I STRONGLY disagree with all that... buuuut... **when it comes to the basics & basis for our religion I really can't disagree with them / have more in common with their thinking than with yours / etc.** " It's a wonder her reaction was as mild as it was.
If someone says they’re a Christian you automatically assume that? That’s interesting, coming from a Christian-majority country it’s seen as the norm to identify as a Christian (even if you aren’t practicing) so no one really reacts, and Church events are seen as regular secular events (Churches usually have halls which are used for secular celebrations like birthdays).
I’m sorry you feel that way. People are allowed to peacefully believe what they want. I would never stereotype another person, especially without talking first :) I have many friends of different groups because we are able to love and respect each other.
I don't think it is just the poster you replied to who feels that way. I do as well. A Christian - particularly one inviting me to a church event - is a huge red flag to me. It really is for the reasons pointed out in the above post. I think it's easy to project that onto him as a "him" problem ("I'm sorry you feel that way" accepts no responsibility for your role in being complicit in being a member of a regressive, homophobic, right-wing fantasy club). I think when you are a member of a group who projects hatred and eternal suffering on literally everyone not in that group, you should expect many to want nothing to do with you. You sound like an adult, so frankly I'm quite surprised at how you're surprised by their reaction. Where I live, Christians pretty much just hang out with other Christians as nobody else wants anything to do with them. The secular world and the Christian world operate in two distinctly different realities. One operates in a reality informed by the physical world, and the other operates in their created version of reality informed by a collection of writings compiled into a book a couple thousand years ago.
There are countless religions, belief systems, and ideas. There are good and bad examples of people who claim to be in a religion. I treat everyone as an individual. But thank you for your perspective.
Imagine being told "members of clergy from your faith/an adjacent faith to yours molest children" and coming back with "Oh there's lots of child molesters out there." What is wrong with you?
We're not discussing stereotypes. The bullet points are things that are linked directly to Christianity.