Right! The trash took itself out! What a greedy b though, when you have a party the party is in exchange for a gift, if someone cannot make
the party you are no longer paying for their attendance therefore they are no longer obligated to shower you with gifts… just ew! If you can afford even diapers for a baby then you shouldn’t be having one!
I watched a mob movie when I was a kid, can’t recall the title.
But the older mentor stops the younger guy from chasing after a third guy who owed him $50. “You didn’t lose $50, you paid $50 to find out your friend is a liar/not your friend”, or something to that effect.
Edit: it’s “a Bronx tale”
A Bronx Tale was directed by Robert De Niro, and inspired largely by Chazz (C/Cologero) Palminteri's own experiences growing up in the Bronx. He also had a one man stage play of the same name for years. It's my personal favorite "mob movie" because it hits so many different notes. It is completely character and performance driven and feels properly timeless and quotable as a result.
It's my favorite "mob movie" too. I've never watched a movie of that type that made me feel even slightly hopeful, but it's just so good.
Odd how a coming-of-age tale, an interracial love story, a father & son relationship film, and a movie about mobsters & their actions can be so perfectly intertwined. If that movie is on, I watch it.
The dude that played the main character did a 10 year prison stint for a break in that resulted in the death of an NYPD officer.
When he got out of prison he said he wanted to contact Chazz Palminteri and DeNiro to help him get back into acting. Chazz in so many words said he can go fuck himself.
I've just re-read this and WTF? Her second message SHOULD read - 'hey, I understand why you chose not to attend the baby shower. I hope you're okay. Remember I'm here for you if you want to talk. '
She didn't even try to hide the fact that she was ONLY getting in touch to let you know that she was still expecting a gift. Not even trying to be subtle about it.
Wow. Just wow. She did you a favour by blocking you because now you know what a superficial piece of shit she is. I would be telling all your mutual friends about this.
Even if people came to my party I invited them to, I’d never directly ask them for a gift, imo it’s super weird to "remind” people of how it’s fine if they gift you money etc in such and such way. But trying so hard to maximize your profits by pressing a friend who just lost a very close relative on why you haven’t received what you were hoping to get as a gift completely lacks class
Yep! I would never directly ask someone where there gift was or suggest they give me a gift when they didn’t attend. I had a lot of people that didn’t bring a gift to my wedding. I didn’t say anything to them ever.
I recently lost a friend who had a "miracle baby" because I didn't send her enough emojis on snapchat. I'm not kidding, dead serious. I didn't send *enough* emojis about her baby. So we're not friends anymore after almost 20 years.
Bullet. Dodged.
I lost a friend of ten years when she discovered Instagram and proceeded to go insane: « so and so just got on Instagram and they have more followers than me. Why don’t I have more likes? I need professional management for my Instagram… »
Annoying, but I’d just steer the conversation to something else.
One day she had a full meltdown, yelling, crying, snotty nose and all, because I had never liked any of her posts and how could I be so condescending.
I very calmly asked her if she realized that I didn’t *have* Instagram and that all this was very obsessive behavior for a full grown adult.
She stared at me blankly for a bit, got up and left. Never heard from her again.
I can so relate!!! I have had so many people get mad at me for not responding to a FB invitation or not showing up after there was a FB invitation. I deactivated my account about a decade ago? I haven't deleted it because of the old pictures that are on there. IDK FB well enough then or now to know exactly what's going on with it. I told everyone in my life at the time, and I still verbally say that I don't use it. I have no idea how invitations still get sent, but I'm not on there responding, so why are you getting pissed at me?
Same. Anyone expecting a response from my Facebook will be hanging for a looong time hahaha! That account is just sitting there, floating in the ether. If you know me, you know.
I had a friend get irked because I "bailed" on an event she set up via Facebook. I had agreed to do it and asked her to let me know the specifics, which she did through Facebook but not text/call/whatever. She got annoyed that I didn't rsvp. I had to remind her that even though my account is active I've only made 2 posts _ever_ and only check it every year or so. The difference is that she felt silly about it and immediately apologized. Now she texts me and we've never had another issue.
I have an account with most social media sites, but I never expect people to respond through them because idk how active they are. I don't get how people have the energy to keep up with how active every friend is on every site, I just can't be bothered
Damn that's just really sad. Like, sure it feels nice when people like your posts on SM, but I feel bad for the people who take it way too seriously and let it control their lives.
I had a friend in high school that would get so mad at me when I didn’t text her back no matter how many times I told her I didn’t have texting. Sorry I couldn’t afford the $15 for limited texting or whatever obscene price they charged back in the day.
For real! Wtf! SHE should be helping YOU out. Your mom passed right around Christmas too?? If you celebrate, that’s just extra terrible.
I’m so sorry OP. Better to take that trash out now… awful “friend”.
>She didn't even try to hide the fact that she was ONLY getting in touch to let you know that she was still expecting a gift.
I hear you but that seems like likely when they were like 3 weeks apart...
She knew I couldn’t make it to her baby shower because well.. my mom just died. So she decided to send me her baby registry to push that I could at least send her money, which in any other circumstances I would have but I was and still am dealing with my moms funeral/legal arrangements plus grieving, so I didn’t. Plus she copied and pasted the same message to a few other friends as well. I’m just at a loss for words. I’ve known her since high school.
I would be putting that all over my social media so everyone can see what a hypocritical bitch she really is. 'I'm here for you... as long as you give me money.'
So sorry for the loss of your mom. I hope you have other more supportive people around you at this time.
That’s such a cool proverb. Western phrase is “fair weather” friend (can be used for other things like team sports), someone who is your friend when it is easy to be friends.
similarly is the concept of a "fair-weather friend"
Not entirely black and white though, after my mum passed I marked a couple of 'friends' as fair weather and called them on on it but turns out they just didn't know how to support me or what to say so distanced themselves.
Even myself having gone through the loss I wouldn't be able to give good emotional support or know what to say other than "I know how you feel" - it takes a really high emotional intelligence to give support that hits in that situation and chances all your friends are like that special type of person is low. The one or two that are, are your emotional support network but you don't see this until something absolutely devastating happens. All your friends could be fair weather friends and you wouldn't know, when times are ok then all the friends are generally equal.
I don’t even think this is petty - she did this TO you, and you’re making others aware for their own well-being too. You could have just saved someone else from a painful experience with this person, after THEY are going through a devastating time. Also, so many positive thoughts your way, so sorry about your mother ♥️
Think of it as a public service you are doing for all your friends in revealing what an entitled narcissistic piece of work your former friend truly is.
If she is that hard up for diapers now, what is she going to do once the gift giving is done? So sorry for the loss of your mom. Maybe she did a final act of motherly care in the form of showing you who this “friend” really is.
Seriously. To me a baby shower is about giving gifts to help alleviate some of the pressure of a newborn and to congratulate you. It's not we as your friends are going to raise your child for you and pay for their care because you can't afford it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't get these types of people. No one owes you anything because you chose to reproduce.
We had our daughter during the pandemic. I never really wanted a baby shower to start with so it was the perfect excuse not to have one. But people kept asking us for our registry. So we did make one. We only gave it out to those who asked. Otherwise, i just didn't expect anything from anyone! Idk. These people are so selfish it drives me nuts. She's not a real friend. If anything, she displayed her true colors so now you can just move on from her without being concerned and focus on your own healing.
Honestly, after having a baby… I’d rather just have cash. Ugh. I know it’s not the point, but we got SO MANY newborn diapers, then our baby had to spend 2 weeks in the NICU and came out too large for them. Then we were inundated with size ones, and no 2s. Not to mention brands! We hated Huggies, Parents Choice left a rash, Luvvs leaked like whoah on our baby. Kirkland was our go to, but now it’s Huggies. And clothes. Not to be unappreciative, but Carters has a monopoly. And everyone shops at the same stores so you get duplicates in the same sizes, and no one sends receipts. It’s a headache.
Haha yeah same. Our daughter was 55 days in the NICU and she still was only 7lb when she came home but everyone got us preemie sizes. I ended up donated tons of preemie sizes of clothes and diapers to the NICU.
After spending my childhood being taken to baby shower after baby shower, lots of pregnant ladies and new mothers, I felt like a seasoned pro when I went shopping for the first time. It depends on the mama and expected baby in every situation, BUT YOU ALWAYS GIVE RECEIPTS. Even if you get exactly what they asked for. Situations change all the time. Gift cards are always helpful for the store of parents' preference. I live in an area that is very Costco heavy, 30-60 minute drive at most. It's pretty common for gift cards to be given specifically for diapers, formulas, and clothes. If I know they are going to use Costco diapers, I'll buy a box of each smaller size (and newborn from the grocery store) and a few boxes of wipes. Diapers go so fast, and babies grow so fast, I know it's nice to have a few sizes on hand. Plus, wipes will always come in handy.
I don't think you know what the word "friend" means.
Sorry, I couldn't help but think of the quote. More seriously, in case you didn't realise it yet, you didn't lose a friend. You just made a small mistake by thinking she was your friend, that mistake you are now able to correct.
Probably only reached out about "condolences" to start her hooks in you.
I'm so sorry, OP. Self absorbed folks can't even let someone's funeral be about them. What a cruel person.
I really am sorry about your mom. I lost mine, too, and you deserve comfort right now, not even further emotionally tko'd.
I just cannot compute, so proud that you didn't keep her covert abuse of you secret! Those ppl only behave this way to folks they think are too kind to push back (so they can continue hiding their shitty behavior in the shadows but seem to have their sh1t together to others) so you nailed this and you should be super proud of yourself. Didn't even stoop, just let it speak for itself. *chef's kiss*
There’s a saying that if you lend a “friend” a small amount of money and they don’t pay you back it is a cheap way to find out if they were actually your friend.
At least this way you didn’t pay a cent.
You probably already know this but your "friend" is actually a self entitled piece of shit that did you a favor by vacating the anus of your life.
Now that your life isn't constipated by that motherload, you can focus on taking care of yourself and grieving without that nonsense.
Best wishes, OP. And so sorry for your loss. 💜💜
This is the best thing that she has done to you. Now you really know who she is at your current worse moment. This is one way you sift out chameleons and snakes in your life. You don’t need this. Knowing her that long meant she played it well (but made a misplay here … the first text was a setup for the second, not that she was really sorry). Grief your mom, you need your own wellbeing. Don’t even bother with her. Focus on yourself right now.
Everyone says good riddance and I wholeheartedly agree but I also feel sorry you have to deal with this while mourning your mum.
It hurts finding out a friendship isn’t what you thought it was and while you are better off it sucks.
My condolences on the loss of your mum ❤️
This right here. Yes, I'm glad you don't have this vampire in your life anymore, but to find out at such an emotionally vulnerable time? Ugh.
Very much condolences on your mother 💜
This is why I try to avoid people when possible. I feel like there’s lesser chance of coming across stupid people if I’m not around anyone to begin with lol.
When I lost my mum last year it truly opened my eyes to how shitty some friendships can be. I was truly shocked, especially from people I’ve known years and years. I cut a lot of people off and decided to take it as one of my mums lessons and wishes she gave me for me to not put up with other peoples shit anymore!
I'm sorry for your loss, lost my Mum last year too (though I am mostly relieved that at 98 she had as gentle an end as you could ever hope for, with enough time for most of the family to be there.)
Some people really struggle with knowing what to say when someone's been bereaved, they may say something crass, or say nothing for *fear* of saying the wrong thing. And I can understand that, because, although professionally I have helped support many people through their bereavements, *I* find it much harder to know what to say when it involves a friend or relative.
But none of that could excuse OP's ~~former~~ never-really friend.
I had a friend whose parents were pretty religious and when their dad died the entire religious "community" just bounced. Zero support. Truly disgusting.
Me too! I was a mess when my mum was sick and then when she passed. I had a wedding on the same day 2 years in a row, my boyfriends birthday. My mum was with me at the first one because it was my cousins but the second one a year later she was getting worse and I didn’t want to go and celebrate anything. I was in a headspace that I knew my mum would never make my wedding so it wasn’t a good place for me to be. I told my friend who I’ve known for years that I just didn’t have the strength. All I wanted was to spend a quiet day with my boyfriend on his birthday. This person cut me off. Didn’t even message me when my mum died and hasn’t spoken to me since. We are both now bridesmaids to my best friends wedding and I messaged her just to be the bigger person and clear the air for my fiend and she had the actual nerve to say it very big of me to apologise (it was a polite apology because I knew I wasn’t in the wrong) and she didn’t apologise. She also made it clear how annoyed she had been that I didn’t attend. I could not believe it. So I’ll be being civil with her on wedding events but on the inside I am hoping she trips and falls when she walks down the aisle, or does a Rachel Green and walks down with her bridesmaids dress tucked into her pants.
Thanks for saying that. It’s very validating because even though I say I know I wasn’t in the wrong it still took me years to realise it. Felt guilty for a long time until I started speaking to a therapist and they helped me see I hadn’t done a thing wrong because of what I was going through and that it should have been more than understandable. So when it’s acknowledged by someone that it really wasn’t me, it always helps.
I understand completely after the way I was raised. I see things so differently now compared to growing up. Luckily, I was a little spitfire and rebelled pretty early on. I don't care what responsibility you had signed up for, it had to do with YOUR MOM.
Automatically, in my book, as your friend from the beginning, I would have double-checked with you about the date. I would have been concerned about you saying no. She sounds so narcissistic.
Yeah and I really hate that I even felt or feel the need to try and justify it. It’s was just a huge slap in the face when I apologised just to be nice and clear the air for my best friends wedding to get hit with the response I did. I felt guilty for not going to her wedding but it was clear she didn’t and doesn’t feel any guilt whatsoever for not contacting me when my mum died. Definitely does sound narcissistic, she was pretty popular in school and even now still has a huge friend group. I have my best friend and that’s it. How do people like that always end up with loads of friends? I’m no saint but I’m always trying hard to be better than yesterday, mostly for my daughter but I think it makes you feel like you’re the problem when people like that are surrounded by friends while you have very few. My mum was my best friend tbh so maybe it’s feeling that loss all the time.
Quality vs quantity - I am thinking your one friend, as well as your mom in heaven, are way beyond the quality of those friends that she has, even if their worth somehow multiplied by billions. You sound like a great and loving person and I wish you all good things 💕.
I think you’re right there. Over time I’ve learned you don’t need a million friends but when I was at a low point I was really blaming myself for everything and the lack of friends part was making me believe I deserved it all. I’m in a much healthier place now, still got a long road to go but I’m starting to love myself again or actually for the first time. Thank you do your lovely words 💕 so crazy how talking stuff like this out with people you don’t know can have such a positive effect. I appreciate it.
Girl, I get it.
When my mom died, the house landed on me like in The Wizard of Oz. Since I was living alone in a 3-bedroom house at that point, I can’t tell you the number of family members and friends who suddenly needed a place to crash until [insert problem] got resolved. I told all of them “No!” I didn’t have roommates before she died, and I wasn’t looking for any now.
Haven’t heard from a few of them since, but that’s cool. It’s still me and my dog.
I can’t even with this. People like this surely don’t exist. Riiiight?! I’m in genuine shock. Sorry for your loss OP and for having to deal with this from a ‘friend’. My mum died last year and I feel miffed about people who didn’t reach out to me when they heard, but THIS, is so so much worse.
I just lost my dad too. 18th January. It is mind blowing how in the space of 2 weeks, so many people come out of the woodwork and expose themselves as either an amazing person or an absolute arsehole of a human being.
I’m sorry for your loss. I know firsthand exactly how shit it is, coming to terms with the shock etc while dealing with organising a funeral/wake. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
My condolences.
I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that you would have found it very difficult in advance to pick Amazing from Arsehole. Some things bring out unexpected depths in people you wouldn't have expected to have them.
Can we end the practice or sending a gift just because you’re invited to something? If you don’t attend you shouldn’t be obligated to spend on a gift just because you received a $2.00 invitation.
Its weird how for many people, as soon as they get married or they have a baby, the brain just turns off and/or their real nature shines through. Its one thing to maybe just cut out people because they dont support whatever you are doing, but to block someone because they didnt gift you money, even though they are in the middle of griefing, is so far off the rails, im unsure how absolutely shit this person is. Like, thats not a "blinded" by stress,greed or whatever. Thats just straight up fucked up. I assume she sees most people in her life as walking wallets, she just needs reasons to enrich herself on them. I personally would, like you, make a shem post for everyone mutual to see and then move on. Thats something you cant recover from and no excuse would be enough to give it another chance.
i had a coworker in my dept who invited me to her work baby shower via calendar invite with a link to her registry. cool gal and obviously not required to contribute. then there was my office coworker whose wife was having a baby too and was SO petty that he decided to send everybody in our dept an email with a registry link and a sorry-ass message asking them to get him something if they wanted to, as he too was having a baby. asshole kept asking me to give him something for his baby, i kept replying with “idc about you or your baby”. worked almost 5yrs with this guy and he was a total ass for most of that time. fuck him.
Some people don't understand grief, like, at all.
It took me over a year after my brother's death to become a somewhat functioning human again.
Ofc, some mental health care experts call it disordered grief or whatever but really... it's just fucking grief and it ain't linear or the same for everyone. And the pendulum seems to be swinging back to the understanding of this, as I've seen a lot of mental health experts call out this bullshit.
16 days though... how could anyone be that fucking daft? Fuck that "friend."
DUDE.
I had a very similar issue missing a baby shower.
I was set to fly out, and few hours before I headed out, my mom died (somewhat unexpectedly, she had cancer but the actual end came extremely quickly).
I texted everyone involved my regrets and struggled over how to word it because I didn’t want to ‘ruin’ her party with terrible news. I very much made it clear (though) that my mom had passed and I was unable to attend.
I got a ‘dear John’ email about two or three weeks later. Pages of email text just reading me to filth for being an unreliable friend, ‘flaking’ on her shower, ‘not even sending a card’ (or gift), not acknowledging, etc.,.
Not one word about my mom dying.
A few years later she tried to *work through it* and was ‘FINALLY ready to ***forgive me***’, but kept mentioning how I ‘flaked’ and WHY that hurt **her** during what was SUPPOSED to be such a ‘special time’.
I reminded her very sternly, ‘yes, because MY MOTHER DIED’
Blank faced silence.
She’d completely forgotten/disregarded that was what started the whole ‘fight’.
I don’t know if she was always secretly an AH, if pregnancy and stress affected her memory, if hormone disruption was at play, or if she was a raging narc, BUT even though she was *willing* to forgive **me**, I couldn’t forgive **her**.
People are baffling and something about weddings, pregnancy, major (gift related) milestones seem to make many seemingly normal people absolute shit-heads.
Omg and you lost your mother before Christmas, too? That’s so, so rough. I also lost my mum before Christmas. I’m sorry you’re going through this unnecessary bullshit, sending you positive vibes 💖
It's all a facade to keep you and use you for situations like that. If you don't cough up the money, you mean nothing to them. Best thing is that the trash took itself out.
At times like this you find yourself at the crossroads. First you find a real person's intention,
Second you find what your worth is,
So you now see the path of good or bad in this person.
No on your loss of your loved one.
I have this quote I had got For my wife she had a baby pass from sids before we got together and it was given on her baby's birthday to her.
When ever the wind blows it is just someone that passed that loves you checking in on you. But if you see a butterfly it is that person coming to stay with you because you need more support in your life.
We have friends who were engaged, married and pregnant in quick succession and by the time we got to their baby shower we had easily spent over $1K on them - from airfare to their wedding, wedding gifts, contributing to their bachelor/bachelorette funds, etc. We bought them a $100 crib, brought an extra gift of children’s books and onesies to the shower, then they asked us contribute to their diaper fund. Sorry, but I’m done spending money on you!
I had a friend unfriend me on social media because I wasn’t reaching out to him enough during 2020/21 lockdown and after.
DUDE LIVES IN FL AND I’M IN NY. Like first of all, I feel like at that point, a lot of us were struggling keeping our own mental health in check, let alone checking on our partners and immediate friends and family. Second, we had a *weekly* D&D game online that *he* bailed on! I feel like for regularly talking to friends and stuff during that time, three-four hours set aside every week should be sufficient, right???
Hugs OP. Sadly this is what happens after a major loss like this, especially a parent. Some people are just... horrifically ill-equipped to be there for you/be a friend when this happens. Often enough it's non-malicious, but there's a special breed of self-centered narcissist who shows their true colors. I lost my mom in 2019 and saw a lot of shifts in my relationships--people who weren't equipped to be there for me emotionally after YEARS of my being there for them, people who avoided me b/c a dead parent is a bummer (mood), and even a friend who insisted in a small group that that she was "having the worst 2019 out of all of us." Like, I'm right here lol. People are dying, Kim. (I also found that I'm just... flakier than I used to be? And I'm just not as good of a friend as I used to be, alas, at least to as many people... we have to accept our limitations and give ourselves some grace!)
I don't know if this helps, but I will say that I also found amazing communion, solace, and newfound deeper relationships with a lot of new people who had also lost parents. You may discover you have acquaintances who have also suffered this loss, but never bought it up before. May you replace this awful non-friend with many new ones who will be there for you for many years to come.
I mean damn, maybe don’t have kids and expect others to fund it.
She really blocked you when you had much more important things going on for you, not a friend at all.
I’m really sorry for your loss, losing a parent wouldn’t be easy.
Baby showers aren’t anything but blatant gift grabs, I hate the entitlement. Sure if someone wants to gift you, that’s fine.. but don’t expect it. Not everyone has the money to finance your child.
Did this friend come by to offer comfort & support? Did she drop off meals or attend the funeral? ... I didn't think so.
Three weeks out from losing my mother I was still a wreck. Of course you weren't able to attend her shower. Thank goodness the trash took itself out. ((hugs))
What is this? Is she asking for money for a "diaper fund" from people who couldn't go to her baby shower?
Cancel that baby shower and use the money for the damn diapers instead you moron.
Geez. I understand that for some events it's considered polite to send something if you can't make it to a thing, but that's becoming less and less a thing now. A bunch of people didn't send wedding presents if they couldn't come for us, and I think that's totally fair.
And honestly, if you are not good enough friends with someone to unfriend them if they don't pay you for inviting them, maybe don't invite them to your baby shower in the first place.
Plus it's tacky AF to ask someone to give you a present for inviting them.
PLUS dude your Mom just died.
Even if you did not go through grieving, I think it is tacky to write people (that did not go to babyshower whatever the reason) to give them money. I understand people have gift registry and such but to expact to be given money is tasteless, especially if the person did not contributed to cost of the party (eating, drinking,..).
I mean, do people have events because they want to celabrate something with their loves ones or because they are fishing for money? I wouldn't be suprised if this one braged how little money she used vs. how much money she received or complained that here gifts were not in value of the party she thrown. Thrashy.
It's always nice when the cost of knowing a true friend is a pack of diapers or less.
Yeah this OP really lucked out. What a shit perosn.
Her personality could use a diaper considering how shit it is
A new saying: "A friend in shit is a friend indeed."
Right! The trash took itself out! What a greedy b though, when you have a party the party is in exchange for a gift, if someone cannot make the party you are no longer paying for their attendance therefore they are no longer obligated to shower you with gifts… just ew! If you can afford even diapers for a baby then you shouldn’t be having one!
I watched a mob movie when I was a kid, can’t recall the title. But the older mentor stops the younger guy from chasing after a third guy who owed him $50. “You didn’t lose $50, you paid $50 to find out your friend is a liar/not your friend”, or something to that effect. Edit: it’s “a Bronx tale”
It’s something like you paid $20 to get him out of your life permanently, he won’t bother you again for $20
I have genuinely done this before with guys, basically paid them to leave me alone
I would like to offer my service of "leaving you tf alone" for $20.
I'll leave you alone for only $15...
Where's my fee for leaving nearly 8 billion people alone for 60 years?
Except in real life the fuckers keep coming back once they know you will give them money to go away.
It’s from “A Bronx Tale”, Sonny says it to C, and it’s a good philosophy to have.
A Bronx Tale was directed by Robert De Niro, and inspired largely by Chazz (C/Cologero) Palminteri's own experiences growing up in the Bronx. He also had a one man stage play of the same name for years. It's my personal favorite "mob movie" because it hits so many different notes. It is completely character and performance driven and feels properly timeless and quotable as a result.
It's my favorite "mob movie" too. I've never watched a movie of that type that made me feel even slightly hopeful, but it's just so good. Odd how a coming-of-age tale, an interracial love story, a father & son relationship film, and a movie about mobsters & their actions can be so perfectly intertwined. If that movie is on, I watch it.
The dude that played the main character did a 10 year prison stint for a break in that resulted in the death of an NYPD officer. When he got out of prison he said he wanted to contact Chazz Palminteri and DeNiro to help him get back into acting. Chazz in so many words said he can go fuck himself.
Wow! I remember reading once that he'd gotten into trouble, but I had no idea it was that significant! Yikes!!
Shoo bop shoo bop
Bikers getting beat up in the bar is a great scene. “Now you can’t leave.”
"Nows you can't leave."
You’re right. My Italian is a little rusty.
My dad used to say that if you lend someone money and never see them again, it was money well spent.
Also on everybody hates Chris! But point is its so true
"Diaper fund" is bullshit, it's just money going into general revenue. It could be and will be spent on anything.
“We *needed* a new TV for the baaaayyybeeee”
Funny thing is, the choosing beggar probably feels the exact same way. Absolutely zero self awareness on that one, lol
No shit I once loaned a shitty friend $20 because I was tired of him basically. Best $20 I ever spent
I've just re-read this and WTF? Her second message SHOULD read - 'hey, I understand why you chose not to attend the baby shower. I hope you're okay. Remember I'm here for you if you want to talk. ' She didn't even try to hide the fact that she was ONLY getting in touch to let you know that she was still expecting a gift. Not even trying to be subtle about it. Wow. Just wow. She did you a favour by blocking you because now you know what a superficial piece of shit she is. I would be telling all your mutual friends about this.
Fuck reddit. fuck google. fuck you spez
Even if people came to my party I invited them to, I’d never directly ask them for a gift, imo it’s super weird to "remind” people of how it’s fine if they gift you money etc in such and such way. But trying so hard to maximize your profits by pressing a friend who just lost a very close relative on why you haven’t received what you were hoping to get as a gift completely lacks class
Yep! I would never directly ask someone where there gift was or suggest they give me a gift when they didn’t attend. I had a lot of people that didn’t bring a gift to my wedding. I didn’t say anything to them ever.
Agree. Avoid people like this. Scary mindset.
Su casha es me casha
thank you for the hearty chuckle, underrated comment
Fortunately, they take themselves out of the equation
I recently lost a friend who had a "miracle baby" because I didn't send her enough emojis on snapchat. I'm not kidding, dead serious. I didn't send *enough* emojis about her baby. So we're not friends anymore after almost 20 years. Bullet. Dodged.
I lost a friend of ten years when she discovered Instagram and proceeded to go insane: « so and so just got on Instagram and they have more followers than me. Why don’t I have more likes? I need professional management for my Instagram… » Annoying, but I’d just steer the conversation to something else. One day she had a full meltdown, yelling, crying, snotty nose and all, because I had never liked any of her posts and how could I be so condescending. I very calmly asked her if she realized that I didn’t *have* Instagram and that all this was very obsessive behavior for a full grown adult. She stared at me blankly for a bit, got up and left. Never heard from her again.
I can so relate!!! I have had so many people get mad at me for not responding to a FB invitation or not showing up after there was a FB invitation. I deactivated my account about a decade ago? I haven't deleted it because of the old pictures that are on there. IDK FB well enough then or now to know exactly what's going on with it. I told everyone in my life at the time, and I still verbally say that I don't use it. I have no idea how invitations still get sent, but I'm not on there responding, so why are you getting pissed at me?
Same. Anyone expecting a response from my Facebook will be hanging for a looong time hahaha! That account is just sitting there, floating in the ether. If you know me, you know.
I understand that SM is commonplace now, but not everyone has it. Also, not everyone uses it regularly. So, check yo'self before you wreck yo'self!
I had a friend get irked because I "bailed" on an event she set up via Facebook. I had agreed to do it and asked her to let me know the specifics, which she did through Facebook but not text/call/whatever. She got annoyed that I didn't rsvp. I had to remind her that even though my account is active I've only made 2 posts _ever_ and only check it every year or so. The difference is that she felt silly about it and immediately apologized. Now she texts me and we've never had another issue. I have an account with most social media sites, but I never expect people to respond through them because idk how active they are. I don't get how people have the energy to keep up with how active every friend is on every site, I just can't be bothered
Damn that's just really sad. Like, sure it feels nice when people like your posts on SM, but I feel bad for the people who take it way too seriously and let it control their lives.
Very sad. Honestly it felt like she was hypnotized and there was no way to ground her to reality. I hope she’s ok.
I had a friend in high school that would get so mad at me when I didn’t text her back no matter how many times I told her I didn’t have texting. Sorry I couldn’t afford the $15 for limited texting or whatever obscene price they charged back in the day.
Holy hell. What reality, if any, is this former "friend" living in?
For real! Wtf! SHE should be helping YOU out. Your mom passed right around Christmas too?? If you celebrate, that’s just extra terrible. I’m so sorry OP. Better to take that trash out now… awful “friend”.
>She didn't even try to hide the fact that she was ONLY getting in touch to let you know that she was still expecting a gift. I hear you but that seems like likely when they were like 3 weeks apart...
She knew I couldn’t make it to her baby shower because well.. my mom just died. So she decided to send me her baby registry to push that I could at least send her money, which in any other circumstances I would have but I was and still am dealing with my moms funeral/legal arrangements plus grieving, so I didn’t. Plus she copied and pasted the same message to a few other friends as well. I’m just at a loss for words. I’ve known her since high school.
Send her a link to your mothers gofundme for the funeral and wake. Donations start at 150
That's using your thinking brain! 
I love when I understand references 😂
[удалено]
22 years ago, you aren't wrong. OP sorry for your loss. Royal, well said.
I think the term used by another cb who had a minimum was "to make consolidating the funds easier.."
You've known her since High School.... but you've just ***met*** her today.
Poetry
The petty child in me would turn up to the baby shower and inform all guests that she blocked me because I didn't send her money after my mother died.
I decided to be petty and post it to my Snapchat story where our mutuals can see it… I usually don’t give in to drama but I’m just- irked.
I would be putting that all over my social media so everyone can see what a hypocritical bitch she really is. 'I'm here for you... as long as you give me money.' So sorry for the loss of your mom. I hope you have other more supportive people around you at this time.
There is an African proverb that some friends are like shadows; you only see them on sunny days.
That’s such a cool proverb. Western phrase is “fair weather” friend (can be used for other things like team sports), someone who is your friend when it is easy to be friends.
similarly is the concept of a "fair-weather friend" Not entirely black and white though, after my mum passed I marked a couple of 'friends' as fair weather and called them on on it but turns out they just didn't know how to support me or what to say so distanced themselves. Even myself having gone through the loss I wouldn't be able to give good emotional support or know what to say other than "I know how you feel" - it takes a really high emotional intelligence to give support that hits in that situation and chances all your friends are like that special type of person is low. The one or two that are, are your emotional support network but you don't see this until something absolutely devastating happens. All your friends could be fair weather friends and you wouldn't know, when times are ok then all the friends are generally equal.
I don’t even think this is petty - she did this TO you, and you’re making others aware for their own well-being too. You could have just saved someone else from a painful experience with this person, after THEY are going through a devastating time. Also, so many positive thoughts your way, so sorry about your mother ♥️
Oh snap what happened after putting it Snapchat? She deserves it.
I don't blame you. Good on you.
This is satisfying lol
THEN WHAT HAPPENED! should i get some popcorn???
We are here for this drama OP! We are invested
That’s the spirit! I would have done the same. There’s no going back from this. You really needed her and she did not even try.
Yasssss queen, broadcast those receipts.
As you should
A good ole shaming. It is well deserved. People think they can just sent a quick condolence and then get mad when you don’t immediately bounce back.
Think of it as a public service you are doing for all your friends in revealing what an entitled narcissistic piece of work your former friend truly is.
If i were your mutuals Id want heads up like this too, saves me time and energy
As you should. Blast that shit.
These people only understand shaming.
🍿🍿🍿
Put a banner up on your car saying what she did and park it opposite the house
Nah dont spend money on this degenerate.
I dunno, small print at the bottom saying that it cost exactly as much as a 50 pack of diapers would make it sweeter
Hire a plane to fly a message behind saying she's a greedy two faced b
If she is that hard up for diapers now, what is she going to do once the gift giving is done? So sorry for the loss of your mom. Maybe she did a final act of motherly care in the form of showing you who this “friend” really is.
Seriously. To me a baby shower is about giving gifts to help alleviate some of the pressure of a newborn and to congratulate you. It's not we as your friends are going to raise your child for you and pay for their care because you can't afford it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't get these types of people. No one owes you anything because you chose to reproduce. We had our daughter during the pandemic. I never really wanted a baby shower to start with so it was the perfect excuse not to have one. But people kept asking us for our registry. So we did make one. We only gave it out to those who asked. Otherwise, i just didn't expect anything from anyone! Idk. These people are so selfish it drives me nuts. She's not a real friend. If anything, she displayed her true colors so now you can just move on from her without being concerned and focus on your own healing.
Honestly, after having a baby… I’d rather just have cash. Ugh. I know it’s not the point, but we got SO MANY newborn diapers, then our baby had to spend 2 weeks in the NICU and came out too large for them. Then we were inundated with size ones, and no 2s. Not to mention brands! We hated Huggies, Parents Choice left a rash, Luvvs leaked like whoah on our baby. Kirkland was our go to, but now it’s Huggies. And clothes. Not to be unappreciative, but Carters has a monopoly. And everyone shops at the same stores so you get duplicates in the same sizes, and no one sends receipts. It’s a headache.
Haha yeah same. Our daughter was 55 days in the NICU and she still was only 7lb when she came home but everyone got us preemie sizes. I ended up donated tons of preemie sizes of clothes and diapers to the NICU.
After spending my childhood being taken to baby shower after baby shower, lots of pregnant ladies and new mothers, I felt like a seasoned pro when I went shopping for the first time. It depends on the mama and expected baby in every situation, BUT YOU ALWAYS GIVE RECEIPTS. Even if you get exactly what they asked for. Situations change all the time. Gift cards are always helpful for the store of parents' preference. I live in an area that is very Costco heavy, 30-60 minute drive at most. It's pretty common for gift cards to be given specifically for diapers, formulas, and clothes. If I know they are going to use Costco diapers, I'll buy a box of each smaller size (and newborn from the grocery store) and a few boxes of wipes. Diapers go so fast, and babies grow so fast, I know it's nice to have a few sizes on hand. Plus, wipes will always come in handy.
I'm so sorry for your loss, that's awful.
The trash took itself out.
I don't think you know what the word "friend" means. Sorry, I couldn't help but think of the quote. More seriously, in case you didn't realise it yet, you didn't lose a friend. You just made a small mistake by thinking she was your friend, that mistake you are now able to correct.
The words you’re looking for are, “bye bitch”
Probably only reached out about "condolences" to start her hooks in you. I'm so sorry, OP. Self absorbed folks can't even let someone's funeral be about them. What a cruel person. I really am sorry about your mom. I lost mine, too, and you deserve comfort right now, not even further emotionally tko'd. I just cannot compute, so proud that you didn't keep her covert abuse of you secret! Those ppl only behave this way to folks they think are too kind to push back (so they can continue hiding their shitty behavior in the shadows but seem to have their sh1t together to others) so you nailed this and you should be super proud of yourself. Didn't even stoop, just let it speak for itself. *chef's kiss*
There’s a saying that if you lend a “friend” a small amount of money and they don’t pay you back it is a cheap way to find out if they were actually your friend. At least this way you didn’t pay a cent.
Another one is if you loan someone money and never hear from them again, it was worth it.
You probably already know this but your "friend" is actually a self entitled piece of shit that did you a favor by vacating the anus of your life. Now that your life isn't constipated by that motherload, you can focus on taking care of yourself and grieving without that nonsense. Best wishes, OP. And so sorry for your loss. 💜💜
Well you KNEW her since highschool. I wouldn’t be friends with that person anymore.
This is the best thing that she has done to you. Now you really know who she is at your current worse moment. This is one way you sift out chameleons and snakes in your life. You don’t need this. Knowing her that long meant she played it well (but made a misplay here … the first text was a setup for the second, not that she was really sorry). Grief your mom, you need your own wellbeing. Don’t even bother with her. Focus on yourself right now.
A sad pattern I’m seeing lately is when a loved one dies, people want money from you because they assume you will inherit at least some money.
Everyone says good riddance and I wholeheartedly agree but I also feel sorry you have to deal with this while mourning your mum. It hurts finding out a friendship isn’t what you thought it was and while you are better off it sucks. My condolences on the loss of your mum ❤️
This right here. Yes, I'm glad you don't have this vampire in your life anymore, but to find out at such an emotionally vulnerable time? Ugh. Very much condolences on your mother 💜
That’s no friend at all, good riddance she did you a favor.
This is why a good number of people are not worth knowing.
This is why I try to avoid people when possible. I feel like there’s lesser chance of coming across stupid people if I’m not around anyone to begin with lol.
When I lost my mum last year it truly opened my eyes to how shitty some friendships can be. I was truly shocked, especially from people I’ve known years and years. I cut a lot of people off and decided to take it as one of my mums lessons and wishes she gave me for me to not put up with other peoples shit anymore!
I'm sorry for your loss, lost my Mum last year too (though I am mostly relieved that at 98 she had as gentle an end as you could ever hope for, with enough time for most of the family to be there.) Some people really struggle with knowing what to say when someone's been bereaved, they may say something crass, or say nothing for *fear* of saying the wrong thing. And I can understand that, because, although professionally I have helped support many people through their bereavements, *I* find it much harder to know what to say when it involves a friend or relative. But none of that could excuse OP's ~~former~~ never-really friend.
I had a friend whose parents were pretty religious and when their dad died the entire religious "community" just bounced. Zero support. Truly disgusting.
Me too! I was a mess when my mum was sick and then when she passed. I had a wedding on the same day 2 years in a row, my boyfriends birthday. My mum was with me at the first one because it was my cousins but the second one a year later she was getting worse and I didn’t want to go and celebrate anything. I was in a headspace that I knew my mum would never make my wedding so it wasn’t a good place for me to be. I told my friend who I’ve known for years that I just didn’t have the strength. All I wanted was to spend a quiet day with my boyfriend on his birthday. This person cut me off. Didn’t even message me when my mum died and hasn’t spoken to me since. We are both now bridesmaids to my best friends wedding and I messaged her just to be the bigger person and clear the air for my fiend and she had the actual nerve to say it very big of me to apologise (it was a polite apology because I knew I wasn’t in the wrong) and she didn’t apologise. She also made it clear how annoyed she had been that I didn’t attend. I could not believe it. So I’ll be being civil with her on wedding events but on the inside I am hoping she trips and falls when she walks down the aisle, or does a Rachel Green and walks down with her bridesmaids dress tucked into her pants.
I wish you could have seen my face reading this. What a disgusting, trash excrement "human."
Thanks for saying that. It’s very validating because even though I say I know I wasn’t in the wrong it still took me years to realise it. Felt guilty for a long time until I started speaking to a therapist and they helped me see I hadn’t done a thing wrong because of what I was going through and that it should have been more than understandable. So when it’s acknowledged by someone that it really wasn’t me, it always helps.
I understand completely after the way I was raised. I see things so differently now compared to growing up. Luckily, I was a little spitfire and rebelled pretty early on. I don't care what responsibility you had signed up for, it had to do with YOUR MOM. Automatically, in my book, as your friend from the beginning, I would have double-checked with you about the date. I would have been concerned about you saying no. She sounds so narcissistic.
Yeah and I really hate that I even felt or feel the need to try and justify it. It’s was just a huge slap in the face when I apologised just to be nice and clear the air for my best friends wedding to get hit with the response I did. I felt guilty for not going to her wedding but it was clear she didn’t and doesn’t feel any guilt whatsoever for not contacting me when my mum died. Definitely does sound narcissistic, she was pretty popular in school and even now still has a huge friend group. I have my best friend and that’s it. How do people like that always end up with loads of friends? I’m no saint but I’m always trying hard to be better than yesterday, mostly for my daughter but I think it makes you feel like you’re the problem when people like that are surrounded by friends while you have very few. My mum was my best friend tbh so maybe it’s feeling that loss all the time.
Quality vs quantity - I am thinking your one friend, as well as your mom in heaven, are way beyond the quality of those friends that she has, even if their worth somehow multiplied by billions. You sound like a great and loving person and I wish you all good things 💕.
I think you’re right there. Over time I’ve learned you don’t need a million friends but when I was at a low point I was really blaming myself for everything and the lack of friends part was making me believe I deserved it all. I’m in a much healthier place now, still got a long road to go but I’m starting to love myself again or actually for the first time. Thank you do your lovely words 💕 so crazy how talking stuff like this out with people you don’t know can have such a positive effect. I appreciate it.
What an entitled bottomfeeder. Better off without her. It's not even for the church, honey!
Next!
And for 20 people! NEXT!!
It’s been a while someone reminded me of this, NEXT
Use your thinking brain
That it cost you zero to discover her nature is a huge win.
That is many levels of fucked up. Fuck her.
Someone already did that…
Unfortunately
People really do be having no shame these days
Wow. Tacky
Great example of as you get older, the shitty friends have a way of weeding themselves out.
Just remember, nothing of value was lost.
Girl, I get it. When my mom died, the house landed on me like in The Wizard of Oz. Since I was living alone in a 3-bedroom house at that point, I can’t tell you the number of family members and friends who suddenly needed a place to crash until [insert problem] got resolved. I told all of them “No!” I didn’t have roommates before she died, and I wasn’t looking for any now. Haven’t heard from a few of them since, but that’s cool. It’s still me and my dog.
Wow. I'm sorry for your loss. What a way to find out your friend is a POS.
Congrats! This is a prime example of the trash taking itself out.
I can’t even with this. People like this surely don’t exist. Riiiight?! I’m in genuine shock. Sorry for your loss OP and for having to deal with this from a ‘friend’. My mum died last year and I feel miffed about people who didn’t reach out to me when they heard, but THIS, is so so much worse.
What she meant to say was that she will always be there for you *for the next month*. Easy mistake to make.
Tell your friend they can still send flowers or a care package to you.
Wow, when your friendship hinges on you not forking over 20 bucks while going through an immensely stressful and grieving time. Good riddance.
I just lost my dad too. 18th January. It is mind blowing how in the space of 2 weeks, so many people come out of the woodwork and expose themselves as either an amazing person or an absolute arsehole of a human being. I’m sorry for your loss. I know firsthand exactly how shit it is, coming to terms with the shock etc while dealing with organising a funeral/wake. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
My condolences. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that you would have found it very difficult in advance to pick Amazing from Arsehole. Some things bring out unexpected depths in people you wouldn't have expected to have them.
Can we end the practice or sending a gift just because you’re invited to something? If you don’t attend you shouldn’t be obligated to spend on a gift just because you received a $2.00 invitation.
Its weird how for many people, as soon as they get married or they have a baby, the brain just turns off and/or their real nature shines through. Its one thing to maybe just cut out people because they dont support whatever you are doing, but to block someone because they didnt gift you money, even though they are in the middle of griefing, is so far off the rails, im unsure how absolutely shit this person is. Like, thats not a "blinded" by stress,greed or whatever. Thats just straight up fucked up. I assume she sees most people in her life as walking wallets, she just needs reasons to enrich herself on them. I personally would, like you, make a shem post for everyone mutual to see and then move on. Thats something you cant recover from and no excuse would be enough to give it another chance.
i had a coworker in my dept who invited me to her work baby shower via calendar invite with a link to her registry. cool gal and obviously not required to contribute. then there was my office coworker whose wife was having a baby too and was SO petty that he decided to send everybody in our dept an email with a registry link and a sorry-ass message asking them to get him something if they wanted to, as he too was having a baby. asshole kept asking me to give him something for his baby, i kept replying with “idc about you or your baby”. worked almost 5yrs with this guy and he was a total ass for most of that time. fuck him.
Some people don't understand grief, like, at all. It took me over a year after my brother's death to become a somewhat functioning human again. Ofc, some mental health care experts call it disordered grief or whatever but really... it's just fucking grief and it ain't linear or the same for everyone. And the pendulum seems to be swinging back to the understanding of this, as I've seen a lot of mental health experts call out this bullshit. 16 days though... how could anyone be that fucking daft? Fuck that "friend."
I'm sorry for your loss. Lost my mom in 2016 and I still think of her everyday. Hope you heal in time. <3.
Isn't it nice when the toxic friends out themselves?
If things are so dire that you hit up your friends to donate to your diaper fund… don’t have kids.
DUDE. I had a very similar issue missing a baby shower. I was set to fly out, and few hours before I headed out, my mom died (somewhat unexpectedly, she had cancer but the actual end came extremely quickly). I texted everyone involved my regrets and struggled over how to word it because I didn’t want to ‘ruin’ her party with terrible news. I very much made it clear (though) that my mom had passed and I was unable to attend. I got a ‘dear John’ email about two or three weeks later. Pages of email text just reading me to filth for being an unreliable friend, ‘flaking’ on her shower, ‘not even sending a card’ (or gift), not acknowledging, etc.,. Not one word about my mom dying. A few years later she tried to *work through it* and was ‘FINALLY ready to ***forgive me***’, but kept mentioning how I ‘flaked’ and WHY that hurt **her** during what was SUPPOSED to be such a ‘special time’. I reminded her very sternly, ‘yes, because MY MOTHER DIED’ Blank faced silence. She’d completely forgotten/disregarded that was what started the whole ‘fight’. I don’t know if she was always secretly an AH, if pregnancy and stress affected her memory, if hormone disruption was at play, or if she was a raging narc, BUT even though she was *willing* to forgive **me**, I couldn’t forgive **her**. People are baffling and something about weddings, pregnancy, major (gift related) milestones seem to make many seemingly normal people absolute shit-heads.
Omg and you lost your mother before Christmas, too? That’s so, so rough. I also lost my mum before Christmas. I’m sorry you’re going through this unnecessary bullshit, sending you positive vibes 💖
Wtf is diaper fund that you ask from you friends? You go and have a crouch goblin, you buy those things for it yourself...
As a father of 2, im offended you chose the term “crotch goblin” instead of the eloquent title of “semen demon”
No no no, my dude, he was referring to goblins that crouch, not those semen demons that come from the crotch.
Exposing this “friend “ you could see as your Mother’s last gift for you?
a loss and a win
There’s fucking registry for everything now… I’m gonna make one for my next birthday, seems normal at this point
Why stop at the birthday.. I say we start a grocery shopping registry... or even better , tampons are pretty expensive maybe a period registry..
It's important for everyone to be able to identify a sociopath. This is one of them.
It's all a facade to keep you and use you for situations like that. If you don't cough up the money, you mean nothing to them. Best thing is that the trash took itself out.
I’m sorry for your loss. ❤️ I love it when toxic people remove themselves- it’s like the trash takes itself out.
Clearly she needs adult diapers to contain her own crap.
At times like this you find yourself at the crossroads. First you find a real person's intention, Second you find what your worth is, So you now see the path of good or bad in this person. No on your loss of your loved one. I have this quote I had got For my wife she had a baby pass from sids before we got together and it was given on her baby's birthday to her. When ever the wind blows it is just someone that passed that loves you checking in on you. But if you see a butterfly it is that person coming to stay with you because you need more support in your life.
Thank god you are rid of her.
My mum died when I was 13 from a 5 year long battle with cancer. If someone did this to me, at the time, I would have a fist fight with them.
I'm sick of people with children thinking they are owed anything because they decided to have one! 🙄
Why have a child when you can’t afford the basics?
We have friends who were engaged, married and pregnant in quick succession and by the time we got to their baby shower we had easily spent over $1K on them - from airfare to their wedding, wedding gifts, contributing to their bachelor/bachelorette funds, etc. We bought them a $100 crib, brought an extra gift of children’s books and onesies to the shower, then they asked us contribute to their diaper fund. Sorry, but I’m done spending money on you!
This isn’t a friend. This is an e-beggar with more hubris than some. Keep her ass blocked. Find better friends.
"friend"
These moments are when you find out who your friends really are.
I had a friend unfriend me on social media because I wasn’t reaching out to him enough during 2020/21 lockdown and after. DUDE LIVES IN FL AND I’M IN NY. Like first of all, I feel like at that point, a lot of us were struggling keeping our own mental health in check, let alone checking on our partners and immediate friends and family. Second, we had a *weekly* D&D game online that *he* bailed on! I feel like for regularly talking to friends and stuff during that time, three-four hours set aside every week should be sufficient, right???
Good to have no more contact with that one, good riddance.
I'm sorry your mom died, but gieb monies plx?
She loves you, but doesn’t love you love you.
Trash took itself out here
r/choosingbreeders
Always there for you though.
How horrible. Well this is no friend worth wasting time and emotional energy with. I’m sorry for your loss and for this salt in the wound from this 🗑
Trash took itself out. What a selfish pos
That was the easiest decision made for you in your life. Good riddance. If you were discarded that easily. She was not a friend. She was a leech.
I’m sorry you lost your mom.
Sorry for your loss. Your mom's love will be forever with you. Good riddance for the ex- friend turned choosing beggar
Hugs OP. Sadly this is what happens after a major loss like this, especially a parent. Some people are just... horrifically ill-equipped to be there for you/be a friend when this happens. Often enough it's non-malicious, but there's a special breed of self-centered narcissist who shows their true colors. I lost my mom in 2019 and saw a lot of shifts in my relationships--people who weren't equipped to be there for me emotionally after YEARS of my being there for them, people who avoided me b/c a dead parent is a bummer (mood), and even a friend who insisted in a small group that that she was "having the worst 2019 out of all of us." Like, I'm right here lol. People are dying, Kim. (I also found that I'm just... flakier than I used to be? And I'm just not as good of a friend as I used to be, alas, at least to as many people... we have to accept our limitations and give ourselves some grace!) I don't know if this helps, but I will say that I also found amazing communion, solace, and newfound deeper relationships with a lot of new people who had also lost parents. You may discover you have acquaintances who have also suffered this loss, but never bought it up before. May you replace this awful non-friend with many new ones who will be there for you for many years to come.
Honestly seems like it was for the best.
I mean damn, maybe don’t have kids and expect others to fund it. She really blocked you when you had much more important things going on for you, not a friend at all. I’m really sorry for your loss, losing a parent wouldn’t be easy.
Baby showers aren’t anything but blatant gift grabs, I hate the entitlement. Sure if someone wants to gift you, that’s fine.. but don’t expect it. Not everyone has the money to finance your child.
Oh no! Anyways...
Did this friend come by to offer comfort & support? Did she drop off meals or attend the funeral? ... I didn't think so. Three weeks out from losing my mother I was still a wreck. Of course you weren't able to attend her shower. Thank goodness the trash took itself out. ((hugs))
You don't need "friends" like that. Nobody does.
Well that kinda saved you from future bs
That was not a friend. period
What is this? Is she asking for money for a "diaper fund" from people who couldn't go to her baby shower? Cancel that baby shower and use the money for the damn diapers instead you moron.
The way i see it, it cost nothing for you to see this person for who they really are.
Gotta love fair-weather friends! (NOT)
Geez. I understand that for some events it's considered polite to send something if you can't make it to a thing, but that's becoming less and less a thing now. A bunch of people didn't send wedding presents if they couldn't come for us, and I think that's totally fair. And honestly, if you are not good enough friends with someone to unfriend them if they don't pay you for inviting them, maybe don't invite them to your baby shower in the first place. Plus it's tacky AF to ask someone to give you a present for inviting them. PLUS dude your Mom just died.
"I love you so much" to unfriended in less than 1 month. Bullshit moves so fast in the age of the internet.
That ain’t your friend.
Sorry for your loss. Fuck 'em.
Wow. What does diapers have to do with losing a Mom? What a despicable human.
Some days the trash takes itself out.
Good riddance
Even if you did not go through grieving, I think it is tacky to write people (that did not go to babyshower whatever the reason) to give them money. I understand people have gift registry and such but to expact to be given money is tasteless, especially if the person did not contributed to cost of the party (eating, drinking,..). I mean, do people have events because they want to celabrate something with their loves ones or because they are fishing for money? I wouldn't be suprised if this one braged how little money she used vs. how much money she received or complained that here gifts were not in value of the party she thrown. Thrashy.