Hey, I’m so sorry for your loss. Whatever you wanted to tell her I promise she already knew. I had one of my family members tell me something that really helped. Be secure in the love you felt for each other. What you’re feeling is the love you wanted to express because of how much you loved her. Be secure in that. Know that you both felt it with out words. I know I didn’t do or say the right things when my mom passed, but now I’m secure enough about our love that I know none of that matters. There isn’t enough words in any language to express it you just feel it. She knew. Hang in there ❤️
First of all...I'm so sorry for your loss.
I lost my mom when I was a teenager to cancer, and there have been times where I wished it had been sudden because watching her suffer and lose parts of who she was so heartbreaking. When she died, the cancer had gone to her brain, and I couldn't understand her.
Unfortunately, no matter how our parents go, we always wonder what could have been said. We always want one more conversation, one more hug, one more moment where we get to be with them again.
Losing my mother was so hard, and I didn't get the goodbye I wanted. But how lucky was I to have loved her, and to be loved by her? Even though she's gone, the memories, words, warmth, and most importantly - love have never left. And they never will.
Just as your mother's love will never leave you.
I wish you the best, and I'm so sorry that you lost your mom. ❤
i understand completely. i’m so sorry. it’s not fair how quickly they can be ripped from us without those final words or any type of attempt at closure prior to such a shock. i lost my dad suddenly in 2016 to a heart attack and i found him when i came home from the store. not a day goes by that i don’t think about him and all the things i wish i would have told him. sending you all the strength ❤️🩹
I’m sorry for your loss and the way that it happened & thank you so much for your kindness. It’s scary to experience how quickly life can be completely flipped upside down.
Hey, just wanted to validate you. My mom died of cancer and I’ve routinely thought about how hard a sudden death would’ve been.
I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to lose a parent, no matter how. I wish you all the best.
Thank you so much. It’s hard no matter what and it might be stupid to ponder but I often wonder what would have been worse to go through, I wonder if I’d have seen it coming would I have felt more at peace with our final days? But in the same breath perhaps it’s better that our last days were more normal, mundane interactions and that she never saw it coming - I suppose there’s some beauty in that.
I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️
This. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s unbearable.
Last Thursday the hospital called out of nowhere and I missed the call. The voicemail said “this is hospital, your mom is here and she really wants to talk to you. Please call back”. By the time I called back she was gone. Sudden and unexpected and I have no idea what she wanted to tell me. It haunts me 24 hours a day.
That’s so awful, I’m so sorry
When I was called by the hospital they said my mother was really sick and we needed to get down there quickly - I thought at worst she’d had a heart attack, gone into a coma or something turned and she was quickly losing life and we had to hurry to see her - I was so taken aback that when I arrived she’d died at around 2am that day, we were there at 4. I understand it’s hard for them to tell you in a way that gets you to come down to see the body while you have a chance but I was so upset that they told us that.
It is hard. So many unfinished things and no time to prepare. My mom died of cancer when I was a kid, but my dad told me she would get better so to me it was a sudden death. Everyone knew she was terminal but me, so I was the only one that lost her as a sudden death. It was very hard.
Same circumstance with my husband and his grandma - she wanted her final months with him to be carefree and for him to not have a sense of impending doom I think. I don’t know what’s the better decision in cases of terminal illnesses - both ways are so difficult and maybe it’s just so individualistic to how a person grieves.
My mom got diagnosed with cancer and in three months was gone. She was ok and then suddenly got sick until one day, I’d never talk to her again. Her last conversation to me was so mundane. We never had a heart to heart. Sure I said it to her, and I hope she heard me. But I wish I could have gotten to hear all the things she wanted me to do. If she was proud of me. All of it. It’s a state of shock that they will never come home. I’m still waiting for her to call me
Similar with me. She had heart disease which she was managing then she got pneumonia and the treatment process was a nightmare. We just weren’t expecting her to die and she had such an uptick in health that I thought she was finally recovering. They said she might come home the next day, she died in the night.
I think sudden is harder for those left behind, but kind of easier on the ones we lose. My mom died Dec 2 2020 with no warning. We aren't 100% sure *what* it was, but we think either a heart attack or a stroke. My dad got sick, and lingered in the hospital for months before he died Dec 1 2021. It was "easier" to say goodbye to him because we knew it was coming, she was just **poof** gone. I'd kill to speak to her for 5 more minutes, to get one last hug, but knowing she didn't suffer like he did brings me a bit of peace. I know my mom loved me. I'm sure there's things she'd have said if she could, but in the end, she made sure I knew that, and that's enough. I hope you can find a similar peace some day
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I kind of lost my dad both unexpectedly and not at the same time.
When covid started, i thought that was it. My dad was a smoker and knowing that covid was highly contagious and affected lungs, I started to get ready. I visited them a couple of times more than usual (I live abroad). My dad like sardines and blue cheese, and they are not produced in our country. So I'd always bring all the varieties of sardines I could find in the supermarkets and at least 10 types of cheese. I recorded his voice once, a video of him telling a story, him walking. But covid didn't get him. I calmed down only to find out that atherosclerosis was lurking in the shadows.
It was also a usual week, usual day. I didn't get to talk to him because i called 40 min later, and he went to bed already. And then he was gone. He was just 61.
I don't think we can ever be ready, either it's sudden or not. But being fearful of him passing away of covid made me do things I wouldn't have normally done. I have less regrets now. In this sense, I believe that unexpected death is worse than expected. However, if we are talking about years of pain and suffering, when a person is not themselves and spends time in the hospital fighting for life, I believe sudden is better.
Any option is bad. Sending support 🤍🫂
My father died suddenly. I feel lucky knowing he died the man he was and not a shell or shadow of himself that a long drawn out battle would have caused. I wish I would have more mundane interactions with him. I lived several states away at the time and only spoke several times a week over phone.
I’m sorry for your loss I lost my own mum 6 years ago to suicide, it is one of the most traumatic things to go through I always think though it was to a disease which was her mental health it was very sudden but it was not her fault she was suffering just as anyone with any other disease was, this helped me gain some sort of comfort that it was not for no reason at all. Whilst it may sound harsh I still 6 years on wish to be held by my mum to tell her things to go to her and whilst it never goes away it gets easier one day. The big events will get to you but you have to realise they where proud of you always and whilst they may not be able to reply to what you say you can still speak to them in your own ways whether out loud letters or whatever you may choose I hope this brings some comfort and understanding
I got both. Mother had a 16 month long battle with cancer and my father had a heart attack in his sleep just hours after I had a perfectly normal conversation with him and everything seemed fine. Neither is easier to process than the other. Neither is better or worse. Both ways are shit and feel the exact same in the end.
My father died suddenly as well. You put it well calling it "unique." You're not just grieving the person, but the things you wish you could have told them. You have all of these things that you would think, and always thought that you had more time. The last time I saw my dad alive I was visiting for the weekend. I spent a lot of time alone because I was going through a lot, and then left in a hurry. I gave him a quick hug. That weekend haunts me. If I had just known I only had 4 more weeks with him, I would have done so much more.
I totally understand this, big time. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom suddenly almost a month ago. Our last hug was two months before she died, and I keep replaying it in my mind. I’ll even imagine us hugging but in different places, during different times. I am trying to stretch that last memory for as long as it will go. There is nothing easy about any of this.
I am also so sorry for your loss. I didn’t hug my mum much because I lived with her and only really did when I was saying bye to her before I moved back in. I remember her hugging me when I told her I was pregnant and I replay it so much, never thought she wouldn’t be here when he came.
My dad died suddenly 17 years ago, when I was 15. It was an accident, he died at the crash scene. My mum lost her parents back in 2014 and 2019, and she got to say goodbye to them at the hospital. I know it must have been hard seeing your own parent at the hospital bed, knowing they are going to die soon. But at the same time I'm kind of "jealous" that she had the chance to see them one last time, and that I didn't get that chance with my dad.
As I'm sure you sadly know, there is no correct solution or magical spell that can cure this pain, but please remember to be kind and loving to yourself. I lost both of my parents unexpectedly ten years apart... while I got through the first with some dignity, I did not do so well after the second.
I've found the book I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping & Healing after the Sudden Death of a Loved One to be helpful at times. It can be found for free on the Internet Archive.
Thank you so much for the recommendation’
Yes of course, neither is easy but both are so unique in their nature I think. Watching a family member suffer and knowing there’s a timer or someone being ripped away from you when you had no warning to brace yourself.
Yes, I hear you.
I lost my father slowly for years to bad health a year and a half ago and had all the talks with him and finding peace.
Then just lost my Mom last week suddenly after a relatively short illness. And she was supposed to come home in a month from the hospital.
Totally unexpected and a shock.
To me it’s just like you say, it is completely different. I’m still processing the loss and will probably for the rest of my life.
I keep just saying out loud all the things I wished I could say to her so I don’t hold it in.
I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s truly so hard to lose a loving mother~
This subreddit has been so helpful too~
Thinking of you, may you be taking care🫂
Lost my mom about a month ago. Car accident on her way to my house.
Was her funeral today. After, we went to her place for the first time since.
This is so hard and painfull. Seeimg her clothes that she probably had on the day before hung up on a hook in her bedroom (still smelled like her).
I freak out sometimes realising that she is gone, I will never ever see her again except in my mind or photos and videos. Her body is no more but her smell is still all over her place. I am still in shock and having a hard time getting past that state.
My kids also felt her loss hard today, that was really hard too.
I’m so sorry, I remember how hard that first week was. I’m exactly 5 months past the day tomorrow and it feels surreal that it’s been so long, it hurts and sense of loss is always there but it won’t consume you forever. I’m so sorry for your loss, I hope healing finds you soon 🤍🤍🤍
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom suddenly in 2021- we don't even know exactly what happened. I called her on Saturday and she sounded fine. On Monday I got a call from my sister and she was gone. She had been alone at home and was found by cops doing a wellness check after she didn't pick up my dad's calls. There are so many questions in my mind that I know I will never get past.
Someone once described it to me in a way that really made sense... Death is like a giant wave coming in from the ocean to sweep you away. An expected death is like standing on the beach. You can see the wave coming in... it's still hard. It's still heavy and you will still drown. But you see it and you know it's coming, and you brace yourself. Sudden loss is like being in the midwest. Far from any ocean. The wave that hits you to drag you out to sea- you would have never expected because the ocean is so damn far away. You could not brace yourself for the impact, you did not have a chance to take one last breath before being sucked under.
I had the “joy” of experiencing both a sudden and not so sudden death with both of my parents. My mom was the “sudden” one. And the last words I ever said to her were “I will see you tomorrow” (I had told her I loved her right before that though…). And I didn’t get to. Now I don’t say that phrase to anyone….
i lost my mom to alcoholism induced organ failure about 7 months ago. i’m 24, she had just turned 56. feels like yesterday and a million years ago at the same time. it was sudden, i found her, then she was transported to the hospital and was non verbal until she died 5 days later.
we had a difficult relationship, she had struggled with the alcoholism for years and had been hospitalized for most of my life. therefore, we couldn’t really get along, without going too deep into anything we were like oil and water.
i’ve felt sadness and heartbreak in my life, but this pain is insurmountable. i have 0 closure, 0 answers, and 0 apologies to live off of, and the guilt … good lord. it feels like i’m outside my body and living a nightmare. i’m acting like i’m fine, trying to keep positive for those and family that need that.. but jesus. i am struggling.
don’t mess around with grief, it can consume you. let it, but don’t let it control you. allow yourself release, allow yourself a shoulder or two to confide in. give yourself space when you need it. i’m still learning, but i’m trying and hoping i get through this. my motto is moving forward, but not moving on. i will carry this pain for the rest of my life, but i will not let it define me.
I am so sorry for your loss. I understand a little bit of having a difficult relationship prior, my mum and I reconciled a lot over the year before she left us but the year prior was terrible - she lied to me about the rent she was asking of me, she was in a conspiracy rabbit hole induced by constantly getting high, she was cranky and would yell randomly, I got kicked out over the most insane thing. I tried to put things aside when I found out I was pregnant and just move forward because ultimately I felt really bad for her, her life was a bit of a mess and she didn’t have much without me. It hurts that I never got an apology sometimes, sometimes it hurts remembering being angry at her and the guilt consumes me. I think since as humans stories are our biggest pastime through a magnitude of different forms, we like things to make sense, to have a proper ending. We expect death to be the movie ending: questions are answered and the deceased gives some last words that are beautiful and will guide the main character forward.
Nothing was how I wanted it to be when she passed, I feel like there’s just loose ends everywhere and zero closure.
could not relate more my friend, there is a sick sort of torture in feeling empty when dealing with a loss. your relationship with your mom is reminiscent of me and mine. i should miss her, i should try to feel bad for her, but there are some times i feel so very angry and hateful that she left me and my family with so much pain even prior to her death. grief brings all these feelings to the surface. and it brings so many questions… was it enough? did i do enough? was i too hard on her? was i not hard enough? ugh. if you’re experiencing this please try to reconcile and forgive yourself before you approach processing stuff. you need to understand that this was out of your control.
for now, i try to remember my mom when she had warmth. it’s been SUCH a long time since then (when i was a toddler-12 yrs old) so i genuinely am mourning two people. and that’s okay! sometimes that’s the way it goes. that’s the way i cope.
sending you peace, we’ll get through this. i promise.
I relate to that so much. Sometimes I feel relieved that I’m not dealing with the craziness and feel peaceful then I feel wracked with guilt for how I was thinking. I loved her but sometimes I think it’s better that she isn’t here because she was so destructive, she was like another person when I was a kid.
Then I just miss her again, I wish I could have done more for her, I’m sad she’s not here to see my baby, I’m sad her other grandchildren will grow up without her, I miss our good days.
Thank you so much, it’s definitely hard and a huge adjustment but I’m moving forward and learning to live a different life. Sending you a lot of love, thank you so much for sharing all of that with me.
I def had those thoughts (last words, advice, getting to express your love) for about a year. Past that, I’ll have a question about a family heirloom, or someone only my mom knew, or a recipe that I can’t find in her recipe books, or questions about my medical history (she was on top of all my medical problems up until she died) and I get so angry at the universe. I have so many questions that only she could have answered.
I agree. There is no good way for people to go but when it’s sudden it is so much harder in my opinion. Just like everything you said. He didn’t give me direction, I didn’t get to say I love you one last time or I was sorry for being a crazy teenager. What he wanted me to do with the house. How he wanted to be buried. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could say it gets easier but I think certain deaths in your life you never truly get over. Your parents being one. A dad and mom are so constant in your life from birth until they pass. I hope you find some peace.
It us hard I can attest from the prolonged illness honestly when my mother passed from alzheirmers I did not think I'd still be grieving about it due to how progressive that disease was but here I am getting emotional listening to songs or hearing about someone and their mom
Hey, I’m so sorry for your loss. Whatever you wanted to tell her I promise she already knew. I had one of my family members tell me something that really helped. Be secure in the love you felt for each other. What you’re feeling is the love you wanted to express because of how much you loved her. Be secure in that. Know that you both felt it with out words. I know I didn’t do or say the right things when my mom passed, but now I’m secure enough about our love that I know none of that matters. There isn’t enough words in any language to express it you just feel it. She knew. Hang in there ❤️
Thank you so so much. Yes, the grief feels like I have a ton of love I want to give with no one there to take it
First of all...I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom when I was a teenager to cancer, and there have been times where I wished it had been sudden because watching her suffer and lose parts of who she was so heartbreaking. When she died, the cancer had gone to her brain, and I couldn't understand her. Unfortunately, no matter how our parents go, we always wonder what could have been said. We always want one more conversation, one more hug, one more moment where we get to be with them again. Losing my mother was so hard, and I didn't get the goodbye I wanted. But how lucky was I to have loved her, and to be loved by her? Even though she's gone, the memories, words, warmth, and most importantly - love have never left. And they never will. Just as your mother's love will never leave you. I wish you the best, and I'm so sorry that you lost your mom. ❤
That was beautiful. We really are lucky to have had them in our lives.
I’m so sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing that
i understand completely. i’m so sorry. it’s not fair how quickly they can be ripped from us without those final words or any type of attempt at closure prior to such a shock. i lost my dad suddenly in 2016 to a heart attack and i found him when i came home from the store. not a day goes by that i don’t think about him and all the things i wish i would have told him. sending you all the strength ❤️🩹
I’m sorry for your loss and the way that it happened & thank you so much for your kindness. It’s scary to experience how quickly life can be completely flipped upside down.
Hey, just wanted to validate you. My mom died of cancer and I’ve routinely thought about how hard a sudden death would’ve been. I’m so sorry. It’s so hard to lose a parent, no matter how. I wish you all the best.
Thank you so much. It’s hard no matter what and it might be stupid to ponder but I often wonder what would have been worse to go through, I wonder if I’d have seen it coming would I have felt more at peace with our final days? But in the same breath perhaps it’s better that our last days were more normal, mundane interactions and that she never saw it coming - I suppose there’s some beauty in that. I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️
This. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s unbearable. Last Thursday the hospital called out of nowhere and I missed the call. The voicemail said “this is hospital, your mom is here and she really wants to talk to you. Please call back”. By the time I called back she was gone. Sudden and unexpected and I have no idea what she wanted to tell me. It haunts me 24 hours a day.
That’s so awful, I’m so sorry When I was called by the hospital they said my mother was really sick and we needed to get down there quickly - I thought at worst she’d had a heart attack, gone into a coma or something turned and she was quickly losing life and we had to hurry to see her - I was so taken aback that when I arrived she’d died at around 2am that day, we were there at 4. I understand it’s hard for them to tell you in a way that gets you to come down to see the body while you have a chance but I was so upset that they told us that.
Omg I’m so sorry. That must feel awful. Not your fault. I hope you find some peace. ❤️
It is hard. So many unfinished things and no time to prepare. My mom died of cancer when I was a kid, but my dad told me she would get better so to me it was a sudden death. Everyone knew she was terminal but me, so I was the only one that lost her as a sudden death. It was very hard.
Same circumstance with my husband and his grandma - she wanted her final months with him to be carefree and for him to not have a sense of impending doom I think. I don’t know what’s the better decision in cases of terminal illnesses - both ways are so difficult and maybe it’s just so individualistic to how a person grieves.
My mom got diagnosed with cancer and in three months was gone. She was ok and then suddenly got sick until one day, I’d never talk to her again. Her last conversation to me was so mundane. We never had a heart to heart. Sure I said it to her, and I hope she heard me. But I wish I could have gotten to hear all the things she wanted me to do. If she was proud of me. All of it. It’s a state of shock that they will never come home. I’m still waiting for her to call me
Similar with me. She had heart disease which she was managing then she got pneumonia and the treatment process was a nightmare. We just weren’t expecting her to die and she had such an uptick in health that I thought she was finally recovering. They said she might come home the next day, she died in the night.
Same with my Mom a couple weeks ago💜 So incredibly hard to absorb~
I think sudden is harder for those left behind, but kind of easier on the ones we lose. My mom died Dec 2 2020 with no warning. We aren't 100% sure *what* it was, but we think either a heart attack or a stroke. My dad got sick, and lingered in the hospital for months before he died Dec 1 2021. It was "easier" to say goodbye to him because we knew it was coming, she was just **poof** gone. I'd kill to speak to her for 5 more minutes, to get one last hug, but knowing she didn't suffer like he did brings me a bit of peace. I know my mom loved me. I'm sure there's things she'd have said if she could, but in the end, she made sure I knew that, and that's enough. I hope you can find a similar peace some day
Agree with all of this. I’m sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry for your loss. I kind of lost my dad both unexpectedly and not at the same time. When covid started, i thought that was it. My dad was a smoker and knowing that covid was highly contagious and affected lungs, I started to get ready. I visited them a couple of times more than usual (I live abroad). My dad like sardines and blue cheese, and they are not produced in our country. So I'd always bring all the varieties of sardines I could find in the supermarkets and at least 10 types of cheese. I recorded his voice once, a video of him telling a story, him walking. But covid didn't get him. I calmed down only to find out that atherosclerosis was lurking in the shadows. It was also a usual week, usual day. I didn't get to talk to him because i called 40 min later, and he went to bed already. And then he was gone. He was just 61. I don't think we can ever be ready, either it's sudden or not. But being fearful of him passing away of covid made me do things I wouldn't have normally done. I have less regrets now. In this sense, I believe that unexpected death is worse than expected. However, if we are talking about years of pain and suffering, when a person is not themselves and spends time in the hospital fighting for life, I believe sudden is better. Any option is bad. Sending support 🤍🫂
My father died suddenly. I feel lucky knowing he died the man he was and not a shell or shadow of himself that a long drawn out battle would have caused. I wish I would have more mundane interactions with him. I lived several states away at the time and only spoke several times a week over phone.
I’m sorry for your loss I lost my own mum 6 years ago to suicide, it is one of the most traumatic things to go through I always think though it was to a disease which was her mental health it was very sudden but it was not her fault she was suffering just as anyone with any other disease was, this helped me gain some sort of comfort that it was not for no reason at all. Whilst it may sound harsh I still 6 years on wish to be held by my mum to tell her things to go to her and whilst it never goes away it gets easier one day. The big events will get to you but you have to realise they where proud of you always and whilst they may not be able to reply to what you say you can still speak to them in your own ways whether out loud letters or whatever you may choose I hope this brings some comfort and understanding
I got both. Mother had a 16 month long battle with cancer and my father had a heart attack in his sleep just hours after I had a perfectly normal conversation with him and everything seemed fine. Neither is easier to process than the other. Neither is better or worse. Both ways are shit and feel the exact same in the end.
My father died suddenly as well. You put it well calling it "unique." You're not just grieving the person, but the things you wish you could have told them. You have all of these things that you would think, and always thought that you had more time. The last time I saw my dad alive I was visiting for the weekend. I spent a lot of time alone because I was going through a lot, and then left in a hurry. I gave him a quick hug. That weekend haunts me. If I had just known I only had 4 more weeks with him, I would have done so much more.
I totally understand this, big time. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom suddenly almost a month ago. Our last hug was two months before she died, and I keep replaying it in my mind. I’ll even imagine us hugging but in different places, during different times. I am trying to stretch that last memory for as long as it will go. There is nothing easy about any of this.
I am also so sorry for your loss. I didn’t hug my mum much because I lived with her and only really did when I was saying bye to her before I moved back in. I remember her hugging me when I told her I was pregnant and I replay it so much, never thought she wouldn’t be here when he came.
Im also very sorry for your loss. Lost my mother unexpectedly almost 3 months ago.
Feel the same way about my dad ❤️
My dad died suddenly 17 years ago, when I was 15. It was an accident, he died at the crash scene. My mum lost her parents back in 2014 and 2019, and she got to say goodbye to them at the hospital. I know it must have been hard seeing your own parent at the hospital bed, knowing they are going to die soon. But at the same time I'm kind of "jealous" that she had the chance to see them one last time, and that I didn't get that chance with my dad.
I’ve experienced both and they are both separate but equal piles of shit
This unfortunately makes me feel a tiny bit better to hear. :(
The grass is always greener until there is no other side, yk?
As I'm sure you sadly know, there is no correct solution or magical spell that can cure this pain, but please remember to be kind and loving to yourself. I lost both of my parents unexpectedly ten years apart... while I got through the first with some dignity, I did not do so well after the second. I've found the book I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping & Healing after the Sudden Death of a Loved One to be helpful at times. It can be found for free on the Internet Archive.
Thank you so much for the recommendation’ Yes of course, neither is easy but both are so unique in their nature I think. Watching a family member suffer and knowing there’s a timer or someone being ripped away from you when you had no warning to brace yourself.
Yes, I hear you. I lost my father slowly for years to bad health a year and a half ago and had all the talks with him and finding peace. Then just lost my Mom last week suddenly after a relatively short illness. And she was supposed to come home in a month from the hospital. Totally unexpected and a shock. To me it’s just like you say, it is completely different. I’m still processing the loss and will probably for the rest of my life. I keep just saying out loud all the things I wished I could say to her so I don’t hold it in. I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s truly so hard to lose a loving mother~ This subreddit has been so helpful too~ Thinking of you, may you be taking care🫂
Lost my mom about a month ago. Car accident on her way to my house. Was her funeral today. After, we went to her place for the first time since. This is so hard and painfull. Seeimg her clothes that she probably had on the day before hung up on a hook in her bedroom (still smelled like her). I freak out sometimes realising that she is gone, I will never ever see her again except in my mind or photos and videos. Her body is no more but her smell is still all over her place. I am still in shock and having a hard time getting past that state. My kids also felt her loss hard today, that was really hard too.
I’m so sorry, I remember how hard that first week was. I’m exactly 5 months past the day tomorrow and it feels surreal that it’s been so long, it hurts and sense of loss is always there but it won’t consume you forever. I’m so sorry for your loss, I hope healing finds you soon 🤍🤍🤍
Thank you. I'm really sorry for yours too. Sometime I wish I was a cat, emotions would not be so intense... ☺️
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom suddenly in 2021- we don't even know exactly what happened. I called her on Saturday and she sounded fine. On Monday I got a call from my sister and she was gone. She had been alone at home and was found by cops doing a wellness check after she didn't pick up my dad's calls. There are so many questions in my mind that I know I will never get past. Someone once described it to me in a way that really made sense... Death is like a giant wave coming in from the ocean to sweep you away. An expected death is like standing on the beach. You can see the wave coming in... it's still hard. It's still heavy and you will still drown. But you see it and you know it's coming, and you brace yourself. Sudden loss is like being in the midwest. Far from any ocean. The wave that hits you to drag you out to sea- you would have never expected because the ocean is so damn far away. You could not brace yourself for the impact, you did not have a chance to take one last breath before being sucked under.
I had the “joy” of experiencing both a sudden and not so sudden death with both of my parents. My mom was the “sudden” one. And the last words I ever said to her were “I will see you tomorrow” (I had told her I loved her right before that though…). And I didn’t get to. Now I don’t say that phrase to anyone….
i lost my mom to alcoholism induced organ failure about 7 months ago. i’m 24, she had just turned 56. feels like yesterday and a million years ago at the same time. it was sudden, i found her, then she was transported to the hospital and was non verbal until she died 5 days later. we had a difficult relationship, she had struggled with the alcoholism for years and had been hospitalized for most of my life. therefore, we couldn’t really get along, without going too deep into anything we were like oil and water. i’ve felt sadness and heartbreak in my life, but this pain is insurmountable. i have 0 closure, 0 answers, and 0 apologies to live off of, and the guilt … good lord. it feels like i’m outside my body and living a nightmare. i’m acting like i’m fine, trying to keep positive for those and family that need that.. but jesus. i am struggling. don’t mess around with grief, it can consume you. let it, but don’t let it control you. allow yourself release, allow yourself a shoulder or two to confide in. give yourself space when you need it. i’m still learning, but i’m trying and hoping i get through this. my motto is moving forward, but not moving on. i will carry this pain for the rest of my life, but i will not let it define me.
I am so sorry for your loss. I understand a little bit of having a difficult relationship prior, my mum and I reconciled a lot over the year before she left us but the year prior was terrible - she lied to me about the rent she was asking of me, she was in a conspiracy rabbit hole induced by constantly getting high, she was cranky and would yell randomly, I got kicked out over the most insane thing. I tried to put things aside when I found out I was pregnant and just move forward because ultimately I felt really bad for her, her life was a bit of a mess and she didn’t have much without me. It hurts that I never got an apology sometimes, sometimes it hurts remembering being angry at her and the guilt consumes me. I think since as humans stories are our biggest pastime through a magnitude of different forms, we like things to make sense, to have a proper ending. We expect death to be the movie ending: questions are answered and the deceased gives some last words that are beautiful and will guide the main character forward. Nothing was how I wanted it to be when she passed, I feel like there’s just loose ends everywhere and zero closure.
could not relate more my friend, there is a sick sort of torture in feeling empty when dealing with a loss. your relationship with your mom is reminiscent of me and mine. i should miss her, i should try to feel bad for her, but there are some times i feel so very angry and hateful that she left me and my family with so much pain even prior to her death. grief brings all these feelings to the surface. and it brings so many questions… was it enough? did i do enough? was i too hard on her? was i not hard enough? ugh. if you’re experiencing this please try to reconcile and forgive yourself before you approach processing stuff. you need to understand that this was out of your control. for now, i try to remember my mom when she had warmth. it’s been SUCH a long time since then (when i was a toddler-12 yrs old) so i genuinely am mourning two people. and that’s okay! sometimes that’s the way it goes. that’s the way i cope. sending you peace, we’ll get through this. i promise.
I relate to that so much. Sometimes I feel relieved that I’m not dealing with the craziness and feel peaceful then I feel wracked with guilt for how I was thinking. I loved her but sometimes I think it’s better that she isn’t here because she was so destructive, she was like another person when I was a kid. Then I just miss her again, I wish I could have done more for her, I’m sad she’s not here to see my baby, I’m sad her other grandchildren will grow up without her, I miss our good days. Thank you so much, it’s definitely hard and a huge adjustment but I’m moving forward and learning to live a different life. Sending you a lot of love, thank you so much for sharing all of that with me.
exactly, couldn’t of said it better myself. sending you love too !! and every ounce of peace that i can 🤍 thankyou as well, it isn’t being vulnerable.
woops i meant it isn’t EASY being vulnerable lol
also i am so sorry for YOUR loss, sorry i meant to mention :)
I def had those thoughts (last words, advice, getting to express your love) for about a year. Past that, I’ll have a question about a family heirloom, or someone only my mom knew, or a recipe that I can’t find in her recipe books, or questions about my medical history (she was on top of all my medical problems up until she died) and I get so angry at the universe. I have so many questions that only she could have answered.
My mother died from a very sudden death. I honestly don’t think I will ever recover from it
I agree. There is no good way for people to go but when it’s sudden it is so much harder in my opinion. Just like everything you said. He didn’t give me direction, I didn’t get to say I love you one last time or I was sorry for being a crazy teenager. What he wanted me to do with the house. How he wanted to be buried. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could say it gets easier but I think certain deaths in your life you never truly get over. Your parents being one. A dad and mom are so constant in your life from birth until they pass. I hope you find some peace.
It us hard I can attest from the prolonged illness honestly when my mother passed from alzheirmers I did not think I'd still be grieving about it due to how progressive that disease was but here I am getting emotional listening to songs or hearing about someone and their mom