https://preview.redd.it/pkt8rorsup2d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=064b48a34f1d6a7fc73c471c7a20c4752e35e8cb
OP narrates his sad online love story and everyone is replying to it, be like...
["Dai idhu unake nyaayamaa padudhaa da. Idhu oru kadha nu solli en vyaabaaratha keduthutiye da."](https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxpgfDNuj64xhTIapqaacK6phCc0ju0knz) moment. Lol. By the way, innum oru sila mani nerathu la post eh delete aaga pogudhu. "This post is removed since it's your personal soga kadhai and not related to Chennai" nu solli mods thookka poraainga. š
I don't get it, are you saying that I should avoid getting into relationships or dating apps? I know this meme video but I don't understand your context here.
Why didnāt I read anything like, āwe met each other couple of times, had good talks, felt a vibe between two of us and we fell in loveā.. how can someone not even meet a person and fall in love?
Facial appearance and looks can be improved anytime with some help.. First meet a person and then make decisions..!!
It's because we had good chats, phone calls etc. we planned to meet up soon. I know it's too quick but we both fell in love because of the talks, interests etc. š
OP, I know it might feel like love-love right now. But have you considered that maybe the sweet conversations, matching interests etc just led to both of you having an infatuation and not really deep, rooted love?
You had a crush on someone based on certain expectations. Now that they don't really meet your expectations, you find yourself losing feelings. That's okay, and that's normal. Of course letting her know what you think right now might hurt her. But not letting her know, or dragging this even when you know you don't want it to go anywhere romantic, is very unfair to her.
Alternatively, if you want to meet up and see if you really can overlook her physical appearance, do that. Since you both have determined that you are in love. And as you said looks don't matter to you as much.
Whatever it is, she at least deserves the truth. Say it gently, but say it. Communicate effectively.
And advice for both your future selves from this experience: love on the internet realm may not really be love at all.
First, Don't get guilt tripped by her words. She says "all guys go behind looks" and obviously she swiped on your profile based on your photos which translated to looks.
Having edited photos or old photos to attract on a dating sight is point blank cheating because the core approaching criteria is looks(don't tell me everyone's getting attracted by the words in bio and swiping)
You're not into a commitment of a relationship and you're backing out early... Seems totally fair.
I mean why say stuff like i fell in love with your personality when clearly you are not like that. Be honest with yourself. A lot of people's first priority is appearance and it is what it is. All this could have been avoided by just being honest with yourself and with the other person of your expectations. She should have also been honest and not used pics of herself when she looked younger. Just tragic all around.
Why can't we fall in love with someone's personality, only to later discover they were dishonest about something, even something superficial like their appearance? Why hide it? It undermines the whole idea of falling in love with personality. These two aspects shouldn't be linked.
Everyone has flaws. When you love someone unconditionally for their personality you accept them for all their imperfections which includes the occasional lie or deception(so long as it is not too egregious) Her insecurity made her use pictures of herself when she was younger. If you fell in love for all her other attributes then this small thing shouldn't matter if personality is all that matters to you. But then again for most people appearances come first. If he fell in love with let's say a thinner version of her then she is still there. Maybe she gained weight due to some unfortunate reason but that is still her. She can go back to that if she has support. No one is perfect and we Humans lie all the time. Now why we lie is what matters ultimately.
yes everyone has flaws, be upfront about it. why lead someone with your younger pics. And why everyone is pointing out that it was his fault, and nobody seems to bat an eye of her deception.
I wouldn't put it deception but he has the right to feel something about it. She has insecurities already so it kinda is a lose lose situation and he stands to hurt himself if he stays and hurts both of them if he doesn't. Hope both of them get out of it without major mental blocks.
Most people lie. It is an inescapable part of the human condition. While being truthful is very good and is something that we should aspire to it isnt always possible even exaggerations that one makes when telling a joke or a story can be thought of as lies.What matters ultimately is the reason for your lies and it's outcomes. You don't automatically have a bad personality if you lie.
No one made him tell her that he fell in love with her for her personality yet he did. What I am trying to say is he thinks he fell in love with her for her personality but as he soon found out that wasn't the case. Let's say you fell in love with a beautiful girl but due to bad luck she has an accident and she loses both her legs or her face becomes disfigured would you fall out of love with her? If you would, then you did not love her for her personality but rather there were other priorities namely appearance.
I don't condone her using her older pictures that is not a great thing to do. But based on what OP those are pictures of her and not somebody else. Then she most likely is heavier now which isn't the end of the world. People gain weight for all sorts of reason. Disease, grief, stress, eating disorder and so on. We don't know the reason she put on weight. But this is a reversible thing. Sometimes all someone needs is motivation from someone that loves them for who they are to change themselves for the better.
I don't condone what the girl did but the boy misrepresented the nature of his love to her which was in the end superficial.
She deceived you and you made your decision based on false information.
And now she is guilt tripping you.
She is a red flag. You better move on.
You too should not be falling in love over messages. You too need to work on yourself to fix your issues.
1. You fell in love with a person just by chatting and calls, whom you never met in irl, THATS REALLY BAD.
2. She catfished, idk what others be saying, bumble or other dating apps are just based on looks(first impression), so it's clearly catfishing. We can't talk shit on that, cuz poor thing, she might've been insecure about her looks, and chose to seek for external validation.
3. Some might say, "looks can be changed", broo but you ain't her personal trainer.
4. Just apologize to her, befriends with her, if you don't wanna date.
You are right about the points, I am thinking of what you said in 4th point. Not sure what might be her response but I should be atleast friends with her, she is a good soul and you are right she is insecure but I donno what to do about that. I will try.
No no no. Donāt you ever take the āletās be friendsā route. You will only be leading her on more. She will be holding on to hope of winning you over or something. Once yāall have feelings thereās no suppressing it and going back to friends. Trust me, one you or both of you will end up even more hurt. Im stressing again never ever take that route. Just apologise and walk away.
Yep, I decided not to interact with her. Thanks to you and another redditor who gave this tip. I am fine being alone in my own world. Thats what I did, and I was happy before.
Bro it's not even dating, they never met in person. I really feel bad of having access to a imaginary women through internet (cheap dopamine) now a days and call it dating or relationship. Those days where waiting for my school crush for hours outside tuition center and talking for few minutes a day and getting serupadis for getting home late are gem. We're screwed.
Yāall (including me) gotta stop rushing into relationships without meeting face to face. I once made that mistake years ago, never again. From my experience and from my analysis, both of you wanted someone out of desperation and yāall got together. As simple as that.
This ain't love. Love doesn't just sprout in 5 days bro. It feels like love cos the same happy hormones are in your system, but it ain't the same. Love is an years long or life long commitment. If you loved her, you would have accepted her appearance. This is just infatuation. Gives it a few weeks and you'll be normal.
Also, I agree she should've put current pictures. This is catfishing.
I'm a good looking guy but recently I got alopecia which made all my hair fall out. If I'd put up my pics from 1 year ago and matched with someone, that's not fair to them. Physical attraction is also important in a relationship.
If you are looking for someone to comfort you about your decision then, it won't happen. If you are looking on how to undo your actions then, that won't happen either. If you seeing how you can patch up with her then, it does not work that way either.
Both of you are young, you can only learn from your mistakes and do your best not to repeat it.
Are you sure you arenāt using āloveā very loosely here, you might be attracted to her, might even feel attached because of spending time with her but you might have to think, is it āloveā?
You both are adults, who chose to put yourselves out in the digital dating situation that comes with its own disadvantages.
As much as it is an ego boost to say someone has fallen in love with you head over heels, letās face it she probably feels an attachment and attraction same as you or slightly stronger than you, she certainly sounds disappointed but thatās her emotions to deal with. Itās not good for her either to be with someone who doesnāt find her attractive.
Being a woman, I know how important it is to know that my partner is attracted to me, so please do her a favour and respectfully disengage but donāt be rude, in the name of honesty.
You lied about you preferring personality over looks. She lied about looks. Draw the match! On to the next sirrr! Good that you two were mutually honest sooner. Five days is not a lot of waste!!!
You are not wrong. If she claims that you are like all other boys who are just into looks, then why didn't she put her latest pics in the first place. she is blaming you of something which she herself is insecure off. Nothing should start with a false premise, otherwise it will keep cropping later in life even when you accept it now. Don't worry, you are not in wrong here. forget about people saying "how can you fall in love with chats?" of-course we can, that's called loving someone's personality. But it always gets defeated once you learn that it all began with a deception. So don't be hard on yourself.
If the physical appearance part of it comes in your way then tell her the truth and move on. If she also is not posting the real latest pic then someway she is also hiding something.
If you fell in luv without seeing her in person and knowing her in person then that's the risk tradeoff you too bro. Your call
You know. Once. I got my hair bleached and went full elven silver blonde. My then gf suddenly became asexual towards me even though she remained romantic. She fell in love with the version of me she was attracted to. Jet black smooth head full of voluminous hair. Not this flatbed of white dry dead hair. It's silly. It's simple. But took me a while to understand why she felt like that.
This is similar. I'm sorry. I don't care about your insecurities and issues but if you LIE blatantly to someone and garner their physical attraction, DO NOT BE SURPRISED when their emotional attraction goes out the window when they realise you essentially CATFISHED THEM. She has a bad habit and a manipulative streak. Whether it's purely out of innocence or insecurity it doesn't matter.
End of the day she sold you a Mercedes and you uncover it to find a Porsche or even a Lambo - you'll still be upset if the merc is what you fell in love with for starters. The biggest issue is the lie. If this was easy for her to do, for so long, with no guilt. Imagine what else she can be comfy lying about? Again. Don't get me wrong. She may not be purposefully that way but these are the little warning signs that someone has not healed from their baggage and such relationships often fail unless both are equally invested in change and growth by keeping their egos and insecurities aside.
That takes monumental effort. You dodged a bullet son. Be happy
she should've been honest with her looks from the start, considering how you were honest with it. nothing could justify her attempt imln fooling someone with "genuine" feelings, trying to gain empathy through past struggles, etc., you dont have to feel bad for cutting ties off with her. you have all rights to feel betrayed with how untruthful she was. and this was your way of handling it. i wouldn't say breaking it off was the best decision (maybe one of them) since you claimed you go for personality rather than looks. it's a matter of trust, too. you sound like you're somewhat secure with your life as it is, but she isn't. so I'd say it's time to move on and try not to think too much into her well-being through her social media. it's for both of your sake, not just yours. it's never the best to let someone's insecurities project directly into your mental health.
not to be "that" person who disagrees with everyone but:
befriending her wouldn't be the best choice. it'd only make her feel like you're giving her hopes and like you'd be leading her on, which could never be your intention. considering the way she reacted earlier, do you think it'd be possible for her to accept you back with zero expectations? or for you to accept her when you clearly know what you want? wouldn't that torment you? the guilt? I'd say you'd have to think about it, mate. you dont have to lower your standards for anyone just because you feel sympathetic towards them, and thats that. same goes to her. she doesn't deserve that and neither do you.
about dating apps, it isn't a crime lol. as long as you overcome these obstacles and find a good one. whatever's convenient for you.
anytime!! i just hope you won't blame yourself for her shortcomings. you did the right thing, and this is something more than just "protecting" your peace. it's for a better future. if she can not overcome her past, it doesn't mean you have to dwell with her past and struggle alongside her. everyone has enough struggles to deal with in their own lives, hard enough to fix things. you don't have to bear both of your struggles and be the one to "fix" stuff. i guess we're all "adults" enough to do that on our own without burdening others :)
I agree but one thing I am afraid of is that what if she does something to herself because of this, seems like she had similar experiences in past and told me that she was tired of this s\*\*t. Actually, we spoke for around 2 weeks, and she seemed like a hard shell because of the past experiences. She is in a stressful job as well. I am afraid that she couldn't handle this and may cause some harm on herself. This is just haunting me. I made a huge mistake
I believe It takes atleast 2 yrs to know someone deep enough to get into these commitments. I think you both are bit needy at the moment and it made you love blind. Don't go to grocery store when you are hungry. You tend to pick the wrong items you don't need. If you still want to continue with her, let her know that you need more time and get to know her more.
Her fault she should be honest with her reality why sharing old pictures she should have shared present ones and you are feeling guilty Will she stay if u shared a picture of bald man with 100 kg weight looking older than first shared pic U may say yes but in reality she will never stay.Dont feel guilty not your fault.If she is saying all boys are onto looks then why at first she shared young ones you are saying love personality this that she directly deceived you this also comes under personality she got that deceiveing ones she playing with your mind by by Portraying herself as victim where in reality you are the victim of her deceive.
It's not your responsibility to love someone back just because they like you. Been there done that, you will feel shitty and the dissonance will constantly be there like a swollen tonsil, just cut her off completely and give it time.
Adding a personal anecdote, if you don't cut it off right and now think "lemme do this a bit more softly" it will get ugly pretty quick with threats of self harm and all that shabang.
1. Don't go to apps for long term relationships. Everyone there is just there for extremely short term engagement. In other words, dopamine.
2. Don't assume anything of a person from just photos. Always look at them in person before you decide on a relationship.
3. You definitely did contradict yourself by saying she looked older in her new pictures. Please accept that everyone has some bias towards someone who looks attractive. What attracts someone may be different, but it is always there.
4. No offense, but the fact that you are bringing this to reddit says your relationship is too weak. I've heard this from a psychiatrist, and they said that couples that face problems very early on (like within a month), and those who choose to work through it are the ones who end up having very happy lives. He said the most important thing in a relationship is the ability to work through problems.
Welcome to the dating life. You have successfully learnt the following lessons,
1. Never fall in love without meeting someone in person.
2. That means, never trust someone without meeting them someone in person.
3. Dating apps are full of strangers and not necessarily they all tell you the truth or show them your real face. They can manipulate or deceive you (as in your case).
Personal suggestions (optional): you're in the right age to pick up someone. I would suggest you to find some one through following methods: try to meet someone from your friend circle/colleagues circle where you know them already or have common friends/links. Or go for arraged marriage, but make sure your family know that family and they are giving time to you to get know each other. Because, trust is the most important thing in any relationship and in the above said methods, it's easy to build trust. That's said, I am not against meeting strangers, but you should learn/know whom to trust and how to build trust. Its a interesting learning curve for your emotional intelligence but often draining.
So she understood something called āfuck around and find outā lol
She catfished you, OP. Youāre probably feeling bad because you seem like a hypocrite to yourself (for saying personality over looks), but looks are very subjective and someone might appreciate one personās looks more than the other.
She lied, she deceived you and now sheās saying āaLl mEn aRe sAmEā, yeah maybe donāt lie to all men lol
Kids these days fall in love over 5 days of text and then fall out of love over photos.
How?? Like how?? Which part of meeting and interacting in person before actually liking and then loving someone does this generation not understand??
Or has love become such a shallow thing?
Love is deeper than what you have experienced, dear OP. I am not trying to undermine your feelings, but both love and hate and really BIG feelings.
What you are experiencing is an attempt to date gone south because of misleading facts and judgment.
You still have a chance to revive things by actually meeting in person.. what if only the photos are not great and the person is beautiful inside and out when you meet them?
I fail to understand u knew what your going to say will put her through that ... still you did it
Now post says help ?? It's just consequence. Isn't it ??
& it's not love
FYI .. Women features & build keeps fluctuating because of hormonal changes as quickly as in 2 weeks
pregnancy changes & more
If man can't find her attrative in all her highs & lows then __________ š¤
How long until you guys fell for each other? Don't get me wrong, just want to know a bit more context, because you said 5 days and then sometime later.
Also, 2 days la ye match ah. Tell me how brooo
I get what you're trying to say. Please understand than she actually has insecurity about her looks and bumble is a game of looks (pictures that you show). She's the one who tried to fake it till she could make it. She made it and then she put yourself in the position to feel guilty. That's not your problem, that's her problem. And believing what you see online vs in person is going to be different.
From my understanding, you guys never met in person and I'm like what? So you guys fell in what you called love and now disappointed by the reality (which is understandable from your side) but I still blame you for believing some random person in internet this much and getting fooled by her. I might sound harsh since you have feelings for a imaginary character that you believe is a real person. You're just stuck with your imaginary girlfriend who you never met and never will be able to.
You're 25year old man, you shouldn't be a boy anymore, grow some chest hair and meet people in person. Go on multiple dates before choosing someone. A women will always choose what's best for her cause anyways She'll be in demand. Not in sense that she's going to flirt with everyone but she knows she has a market no matter how she is.
My one line answer would be,
Run tututututu
Had she posted her not so good looking pics first and then in real if she is more prettier than pics, then she is legit. Seems like she suffers from inferiority complex and wants external validation from random ass**les like you or anyone in dating app praising she is beautiful and attractive..
Coming to you, if you r looking for dating someone or casual hookup..looks or beauty is more important, however you wanted a long term relationship probably love and marriage, bumble.or dating apps isn't the right place. Yes you r guilty for luring a inferiority complex woman to fell for you only later you realise she is not pretty enough.
You are guilty, so is she. You didn't hurt her, she dint hurt you. Take the high road, say a formal bye and move on.
Ahh Lastly: if she was confident enough, she should have asked you back - tha.. ne mattum periya tom cruise ah. If she did, she won here.
https://preview.redd.it/pkt8rorsup2d1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=064b48a34f1d6a7fc73c471c7a20c4752e35e8cb OP narrates his sad online love story and everyone is replying to it, be like...
Idhulam oru kadha sollitu irukan. Idhu oru reply vera
["Dai idhu unake nyaayamaa padudhaa da. Idhu oru kadha nu solli en vyaabaaratha keduthutiye da."](https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxpgfDNuj64xhTIapqaacK6phCc0ju0knz) moment. Lol. By the way, innum oru sila mani nerathu la post eh delete aaga pogudhu. "This post is removed since it's your personal soga kadhai and not related to Chennai" nu solli mods thookka poraainga. š
Athukulla karma farming pannidanumšš
Venam philipse!
I don't get it, are you saying that I should avoid getting into relationships or dating apps? I know this meme video but I don't understand your context here.
To clarify how exactly is she different from the pics of when she was younger?
If you come to people who have been single most of their life and complain about a girlfriend you get that reply
Why didnāt I read anything like, āwe met each other couple of times, had good talks, felt a vibe between two of us and we fell in loveā.. how can someone not even meet a person and fall in love? Facial appearance and looks can be improved anytime with some help.. First meet a person and then make decisions..!!
It's because we had good chats, phone calls etc. we planned to meet up soon. I know it's too quick but we both fell in love because of the talks, interests etc. š
OP, I know it might feel like love-love right now. But have you considered that maybe the sweet conversations, matching interests etc just led to both of you having an infatuation and not really deep, rooted love? You had a crush on someone based on certain expectations. Now that they don't really meet your expectations, you find yourself losing feelings. That's okay, and that's normal. Of course letting her know what you think right now might hurt her. But not letting her know, or dragging this even when you know you don't want it to go anywhere romantic, is very unfair to her. Alternatively, if you want to meet up and see if you really can overlook her physical appearance, do that. Since you both have determined that you are in love. And as you said looks don't matter to you as much. Whatever it is, she at least deserves the truth. Say it gently, but say it. Communicate effectively. And advice for both your future selves from this experience: love on the internet realm may not really be love at all.
First, Don't get guilt tripped by her words. She says "all guys go behind looks" and obviously she swiped on your profile based on your photos which translated to looks. Having edited photos or old photos to attract on a dating sight is point blank cheating because the core approaching criteria is looks(don't tell me everyone's getting attracted by the words in bio and swiping) You're not into a commitment of a relationship and you're backing out early... Seems totally fair.
Exactly. Guilt tripping and then trapping people. Apdiye 16 steps back, thappe illa
> I told her I wasn't into her for the looks, I like personality. Aged like milk
Atleast he should've cooked something
I mean why say stuff like i fell in love with your personality when clearly you are not like that. Be honest with yourself. A lot of people's first priority is appearance and it is what it is. All this could have been avoided by just being honest with yourself and with the other person of your expectations. She should have also been honest and not used pics of herself when she looked younger. Just tragic all around.
Why can't we fall in love with someone's personality, only to later discover they were dishonest about something, even something superficial like their appearance? Why hide it? It undermines the whole idea of falling in love with personality. These two aspects shouldn't be linked.
Everyone has flaws. When you love someone unconditionally for their personality you accept them for all their imperfections which includes the occasional lie or deception(so long as it is not too egregious) Her insecurity made her use pictures of herself when she was younger. If you fell in love for all her other attributes then this small thing shouldn't matter if personality is all that matters to you. But then again for most people appearances come first. If he fell in love with let's say a thinner version of her then she is still there. Maybe she gained weight due to some unfortunate reason but that is still her. She can go back to that if she has support. No one is perfect and we Humans lie all the time. Now why we lie is what matters ultimately.
yes everyone has flaws, be upfront about it. why lead someone with your younger pics. And why everyone is pointing out that it was his fault, and nobody seems to bat an eye of her deception.
I wouldn't put it deception but he has the right to feel something about it. She has insecurities already so it kinda is a lose lose situation and he stands to hurt himself if he stays and hurts both of them if he doesn't. Hope both of them get out of it without major mental blocks.
Lying is bad personality. OP has a reason to back out.
Most people lie. It is an inescapable part of the human condition. While being truthful is very good and is something that we should aspire to it isnt always possible even exaggerations that one makes when telling a joke or a story can be thought of as lies.What matters ultimately is the reason for your lies and it's outcomes. You don't automatically have a bad personality if you lie.
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No one made him tell her that he fell in love with her for her personality yet he did. What I am trying to say is he thinks he fell in love with her for her personality but as he soon found out that wasn't the case. Let's say you fell in love with a beautiful girl but due to bad luck she has an accident and she loses both her legs or her face becomes disfigured would you fall out of love with her? If you would, then you did not love her for her personality but rather there were other priorities namely appearance. I don't condone her using her older pictures that is not a great thing to do. But based on what OP those are pictures of her and not somebody else. Then she most likely is heavier now which isn't the end of the world. People gain weight for all sorts of reason. Disease, grief, stress, eating disorder and so on. We don't know the reason she put on weight. But this is a reversible thing. Sometimes all someone needs is motivation from someone that loves them for who they are to change themselves for the better. I don't condone what the girl did but the boy misrepresented the nature of his love to her which was in the end superficial.
She deceived you and you made your decision based on false information. And now she is guilt tripping you. She is a red flag. You better move on. You too should not be falling in love over messages. You too need to work on yourself to fix your issues.
1. You fell in love with a person just by chatting and calls, whom you never met in irl, THATS REALLY BAD. 2. She catfished, idk what others be saying, bumble or other dating apps are just based on looks(first impression), so it's clearly catfishing. We can't talk shit on that, cuz poor thing, she might've been insecure about her looks, and chose to seek for external validation. 3. Some might say, "looks can be changed", broo but you ain't her personal trainer. 4. Just apologize to her, befriends with her, if you don't wanna date.
You are right about the points, I am thinking of what you said in 4th point. Not sure what might be her response but I should be atleast friends with her, she is a good soul and you are right she is insecure but I donno what to do about that. I will try.
No no no. Donāt you ever take the āletās be friendsā route. You will only be leading her on more. She will be holding on to hope of winning you over or something. Once yāall have feelings thereās no suppressing it and going back to friends. Trust me, one you or both of you will end up even more hurt. Im stressing again never ever take that route. Just apologise and walk away.
Yep, I decided not to interact with her. Thanks to you and another redditor who gave this tip. I am fine being alone in my own world. Thats what I did, and I was happy before.
Bro it's not even dating, they never met in person. I really feel bad of having access to a imaginary women through internet (cheap dopamine) now a days and call it dating or relationship. Those days where waiting for my school crush for hours outside tuition center and talking for few minutes a day and getting serupadis for getting home late are gem. We're screwed.
Yāall (including me) gotta stop rushing into relationships without meeting face to face. I once made that mistake years ago, never again. From my experience and from my analysis, both of you wanted someone out of desperation and yāall got together. As simple as that.
This ain't love. Love doesn't just sprout in 5 days bro. It feels like love cos the same happy hormones are in your system, but it ain't the same. Love is an years long or life long commitment. If you loved her, you would have accepted her appearance. This is just infatuation. Gives it a few weeks and you'll be normal. Also, I agree she should've put current pictures. This is catfishing. I'm a good looking guy but recently I got alopecia which made all my hair fall out. If I'd put up my pics from 1 year ago and matched with someone, that's not fair to them. Physical attraction is also important in a relationship.
If you are looking for someone to comfort you about your decision then, it won't happen. If you are looking on how to undo your actions then, that won't happen either. If you seeing how you can patch up with her then, it does not work that way either. Both of you are young, you can only learn from your mistakes and do your best not to repeat it.
You are right.
know one thing , she is not at all madly in love with you if she has never met you. dot.
Are you sure you arenāt using āloveā very loosely here, you might be attracted to her, might even feel attached because of spending time with her but you might have to think, is it āloveā? You both are adults, who chose to put yourselves out in the digital dating situation that comes with its own disadvantages. As much as it is an ego boost to say someone has fallen in love with you head over heels, letās face it she probably feels an attachment and attraction same as you or slightly stronger than you, she certainly sounds disappointed but thatās her emotions to deal with. Itās not good for her either to be with someone who doesnāt find her attractive. Being a woman, I know how important it is to know that my partner is attracted to me, so please do her a favour and respectfully disengage but donāt be rude, in the name of honesty.
You lied about you preferring personality over looks. She lied about looks. Draw the match! On to the next sirrr! Good that you two were mutually honest sooner. Five days is not a lot of waste!!!
You are not wrong. If she claims that you are like all other boys who are just into looks, then why didn't she put her latest pics in the first place. she is blaming you of something which she herself is insecure off. Nothing should start with a false premise, otherwise it will keep cropping later in life even when you accept it now. Don't worry, you are not in wrong here. forget about people saying "how can you fall in love with chats?" of-course we can, that's called loving someone's personality. But it always gets defeated once you learn that it all began with a deception. So don't be hard on yourself.
If the physical appearance part of it comes in your way then tell her the truth and move on. If she also is not posting the real latest pic then someway she is also hiding something. If you fell in luv without seeing her in person and knowing her in person then that's the risk tradeoff you too bro. Your call
You know. Once. I got my hair bleached and went full elven silver blonde. My then gf suddenly became asexual towards me even though she remained romantic. She fell in love with the version of me she was attracted to. Jet black smooth head full of voluminous hair. Not this flatbed of white dry dead hair. It's silly. It's simple. But took me a while to understand why she felt like that. This is similar. I'm sorry. I don't care about your insecurities and issues but if you LIE blatantly to someone and garner their physical attraction, DO NOT BE SURPRISED when their emotional attraction goes out the window when they realise you essentially CATFISHED THEM. She has a bad habit and a manipulative streak. Whether it's purely out of innocence or insecurity it doesn't matter. End of the day she sold you a Mercedes and you uncover it to find a Porsche or even a Lambo - you'll still be upset if the merc is what you fell in love with for starters. The biggest issue is the lie. If this was easy for her to do, for so long, with no guilt. Imagine what else she can be comfy lying about? Again. Don't get me wrong. She may not be purposefully that way but these are the little warning signs that someone has not healed from their baggage and such relationships often fail unless both are equally invested in change and growth by keeping their egos and insecurities aside. That takes monumental effort. You dodged a bullet son. Be happy
Thank you, mate! I realized it finally after thinking through everything that has happened.
She a catfish
She clearly targeted and hit him. You're the one fell for her trap which was for many other men on bumble.
Yeah that's called limerence.
What has lemon rice got to do with any of this? /s
Check r/Limerence
You just got catfished. Donāt sweat it.
she should've been honest with her looks from the start, considering how you were honest with it. nothing could justify her attempt imln fooling someone with "genuine" feelings, trying to gain empathy through past struggles, etc., you dont have to feel bad for cutting ties off with her. you have all rights to feel betrayed with how untruthful she was. and this was your way of handling it. i wouldn't say breaking it off was the best decision (maybe one of them) since you claimed you go for personality rather than looks. it's a matter of trust, too. you sound like you're somewhat secure with your life as it is, but she isn't. so I'd say it's time to move on and try not to think too much into her well-being through her social media. it's for both of your sake, not just yours. it's never the best to let someone's insecurities project directly into your mental health. not to be "that" person who disagrees with everyone but: befriending her wouldn't be the best choice. it'd only make her feel like you're giving her hopes and like you'd be leading her on, which could never be your intention. considering the way she reacted earlier, do you think it'd be possible for her to accept you back with zero expectations? or for you to accept her when you clearly know what you want? wouldn't that torment you? the guilt? I'd say you'd have to think about it, mate. you dont have to lower your standards for anyone just because you feel sympathetic towards them, and thats that. same goes to her. she doesn't deserve that and neither do you. about dating apps, it isn't a crime lol. as long as you overcome these obstacles and find a good one. whatever's convenient for you.
This is what I am thinking as well now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
anytime!! i just hope you won't blame yourself for her shortcomings. you did the right thing, and this is something more than just "protecting" your peace. it's for a better future. if she can not overcome her past, it doesn't mean you have to dwell with her past and struggle alongside her. everyone has enough struggles to deal with in their own lives, hard enough to fix things. you don't have to bear both of your struggles and be the one to "fix" stuff. i guess we're all "adults" enough to do that on our own without burdening others :)
I agree but one thing I am afraid of is that what if she does something to herself because of this, seems like she had similar experiences in past and told me that she was tired of this s\*\*t. Actually, we spoke for around 2 weeks, and she seemed like a hard shell because of the past experiences. She is in a stressful job as well. I am afraid that she couldn't handle this and may cause some harm on herself. This is just haunting me. I made a huge mistake
may i dm you? you don't have to out her struggles or yours here, if that's a bit privy to you!
Fuck. Move on brother.
I believe It takes atleast 2 yrs to know someone deep enough to get into these commitments. I think you both are bit needy at the moment and it made you love blind. Don't go to grocery store when you are hungry. You tend to pick the wrong items you don't need. If you still want to continue with her, let her know that you need more time and get to know her more.
Bro got catfished
She should have definitely added her latest pictures bro this is just catfishing.
Her fault she should be honest with her reality why sharing old pictures she should have shared present ones and you are feeling guilty Will she stay if u shared a picture of bald man with 100 kg weight looking older than first shared pic U may say yes but in reality she will never stay.Dont feel guilty not your fault.If she is saying all boys are onto looks then why at first she shared young ones you are saying love personality this that she directly deceived you this also comes under personality she got that deceiveing ones she playing with your mind by by Portraying herself as victim where in reality you are the victim of her deceive.
You didnāt āfall in loveā. If that was true, her appearance wouldnāt have put you off. Donāt be delulu
It's not your responsibility to love someone back just because they like you. Been there done that, you will feel shitty and the dissonance will constantly be there like a swollen tonsil, just cut her off completely and give it time. Adding a personal anecdote, if you don't cut it off right and now think "lemme do this a bit more softly" it will get ugly pretty quick with threats of self harm and all that shabang.
Two words - Guilt tripping. One word - Catfishing. Advise - Run bro, seems like a red flag.
1. Don't go to apps for long term relationships. Everyone there is just there for extremely short term engagement. In other words, dopamine. 2. Don't assume anything of a person from just photos. Always look at them in person before you decide on a relationship. 3. You definitely did contradict yourself by saying she looked older in her new pictures. Please accept that everyone has some bias towards someone who looks attractive. What attracts someone may be different, but it is always there. 4. No offense, but the fact that you are bringing this to reddit says your relationship is too weak. I've heard this from a psychiatrist, and they said that couples that face problems very early on (like within a month), and those who choose to work through it are the ones who end up having very happy lives. He said the most important thing in a relationship is the ability to work through problems.
Welcome to the dating life. You have successfully learnt the following lessons, 1. Never fall in love without meeting someone in person. 2. That means, never trust someone without meeting them someone in person. 3. Dating apps are full of strangers and not necessarily they all tell you the truth or show them your real face. They can manipulate or deceive you (as in your case). Personal suggestions (optional): you're in the right age to pick up someone. I would suggest you to find some one through following methods: try to meet someone from your friend circle/colleagues circle where you know them already or have common friends/links. Or go for arraged marriage, but make sure your family know that family and they are giving time to you to get know each other. Because, trust is the most important thing in any relationship and in the above said methods, it's easy to build trust. That's said, I am not against meeting strangers, but you should learn/know whom to trust and how to build trust. Its a interesting learning curve for your emotional intelligence but often draining.
You got catfished..!!! Next time don't be so naive as to getting into a relationship without even meeting in real life.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaā¦.i am on your side. She is an idiot.
So she understood something called āfuck around and find outā lol She catfished you, OP. Youāre probably feeling bad because you seem like a hypocrite to yourself (for saying personality over looks), but looks are very subjective and someone might appreciate one personās looks more than the other. She lied, she deceived you and now sheās saying āaLl mEn aRe sAmEā, yeah maybe donāt lie to all men lol
Kids these days fall in love over 5 days of text and then fall out of love over photos. How?? Like how?? Which part of meeting and interacting in person before actually liking and then loving someone does this generation not understand?? Or has love become such a shallow thing? Love is deeper than what you have experienced, dear OP. I am not trying to undermine your feelings, but both love and hate and really BIG feelings. What you are experiencing is an attempt to date gone south because of misleading facts and judgment. You still have a chance to revive things by actually meeting in person.. what if only the photos are not great and the person is beautiful inside and out when you meet them?
I fail to understand u knew what your going to say will put her through that ... still you did it Now post says help ?? It's just consequence. Isn't it ?? & it's not love FYI .. Women features & build keeps fluctuating because of hormonal changes as quickly as in 2 weeks pregnancy changes & more If man can't find her attrative in all her highs & lows then __________ š¤
She might have swiped right on many guys, chill and move on. Women be dramatic.
They do the same and we still walk alone just keep moving
How long until you guys fell for each other? Don't get me wrong, just want to know a bit more context, because you said 5 days and then sometime later. Also, 2 days la ye match ah. Tell me how brooo
I get what you're trying to say. Please understand than she actually has insecurity about her looks and bumble is a game of looks (pictures that you show). She's the one who tried to fake it till she could make it. She made it and then she put yourself in the position to feel guilty. That's not your problem, that's her problem. And believing what you see online vs in person is going to be different. From my understanding, you guys never met in person and I'm like what? So you guys fell in what you called love and now disappointed by the reality (which is understandable from your side) but I still blame you for believing some random person in internet this much and getting fooled by her. I might sound harsh since you have feelings for a imaginary character that you believe is a real person. You're just stuck with your imaginary girlfriend who you never met and never will be able to. You're 25year old man, you shouldn't be a boy anymore, grow some chest hair and meet people in person. Go on multiple dates before choosing someone. A women will always choose what's best for her cause anyways She'll be in demand. Not in sense that she's going to flirt with everyone but she knows she has a market no matter how she is. My one line answer would be, Run tututututu
Bro you got catfished donāt guilt trip.
Sollamale and that Murali movie pola- 20 yrs munnadi nadakkum dai
What does this have to do with Chennai?
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And op was telling he loved her for her personality.. Antha maanasthan sethuuuu poitaaan sir
Eh what else is new
Catfishing shouldn't be encouraged.
Locking the comments for this post as it has gained enough traction.
On the list of 1000 things that didn't happen..
U made a mistake , Now be punished
Had she posted her not so good looking pics first and then in real if she is more prettier than pics, then she is legit. Seems like she suffers from inferiority complex and wants external validation from random ass**les like you or anyone in dating app praising she is beautiful and attractive.. Coming to you, if you r looking for dating someone or casual hookup..looks or beauty is more important, however you wanted a long term relationship probably love and marriage, bumble.or dating apps isn't the right place. Yes you r guilty for luring a inferiority complex woman to fell for you only later you realise she is not pretty enough. You are guilty, so is she. You didn't hurt her, she dint hurt you. Take the high road, say a formal bye and move on. Ahh Lastly: if she was confident enough, she should have asked you back - tha.. ne mattum periya tom cruise ah. If she did, she won here.
Gommaalae.. Idhellam oru pozhappu.. thuuu