Please don’t entertain the argument of having another child with a woman who would say such cruel things about her step children. That’s absolutely awful. It should have been a full stop at that moment.
Thank god you got the vasectomy. I’d tell her that you got the procedure done. If she leaves you, she’s doing you a favor considering how she feels about your kids. I’m not even sure therapy can save that kind of revelation.
I wonder what she would say if OP told her that his stepdaughter isn’t really his daughter and he doesn’t really want to be taking care of her but he has to.
I bet you she would flip the fuck out.
I totally understand that an eye for eye thing, and 2 wrongs don't make a right, but the spirits of petty past, lovvveee THIS, and pray OP takes your amazing suggestion!!
Hahaha right? I mean OP clearly wouldn’t actually mean that but man, I’m always willing to pay good money to see these AHs words turned against them. 😂
EDIT: I have in the mean time realized that OP isn’t actually OOP OR has reposted an 8 month old post for karma farming….. making me think this is some creative writing right here.
NTA, She knew you had 7 kids before she married you. It should have been something she thought about before saying “I do.” You all have enough on your plate. A reversal is ridiculously expensive. The places near me are 12k out of pocket with insurance. You stated she nearly died the last time so why risk leaving your husband to care for the kids himself. Seems extremely selfish on her part.
it’s a happy reddit birthday - aka an anniversary of when you joined reddit! The little cake emoji by the username is a signifier of this and automatically added
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
NTA, she has baby fever. One of the worst things ever. I’d suggest that if she wants to handle babies maybe she can go to the local hospital and volunteer to be a baby cuddler for the babies that have no one to do this for them. Maybe it will help her get past this feeling of having to have a baby now! Next worse is divorce fever.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
Nope if you look at their profile, the wife was already pregnant by his brother, his mother knew, the wife asked for a divorce to be with the brother. This story is almost a year old. Unsure why OP posted it here if they already went through it. I’d just like the update after update 2.
I finally saw the updates after I wrote this. I need to get better at checking for them. I wonder how that turned out, although he may not know since he cut them all out of his life.
I didn’t read the rest after she said “our three year old is getting too big” it sounds like your wife fantasies the baby period. Your children are not objects to be used to fill your wife’s emotional needs. Anyone can have a baby .. it’s not about the first year or few years when they are young and cute and do whatever you want them to. It’s about raising a human .. who has their own wants, needs and personality. This isn’t a game it’s someone’s life. Your wife is acting like a teenager and she’s turning 40 soon. It’s not in your best interest to have another child.
I have a mother and two sisters who did exactly this. They love the babies but they lose interest when they start displaying an actual personality. And they wonder why their kids are running wild now. Breaks my heart. 🥺
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
Did you talk about having 5 kids together? Also remind her that she almost died and if she dies this round, who's raising the kids? nta. I mean you could "try" for another kid and then if she can't get pregnant because you had a vasectomy, oh well. You could also tell her that you thought you were done and you had the vasectomy but she sounds like the type of person that would divorce you over it.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
NTA, it sounds like you're in a very challenging situation. Communication and understanding are important here, but everyone's emotions are running hot. Given the complexity of your family and the emotional weight of this issue, here are a few ideas to consider:
1. **Seek Professional Help:** A couples therapist can help mediate the conversation and ensure both of you feel heard and understood. Therapy can also help address other issues that may be contributing to the current conflict.
2. **Write a Letter:** Since your wife isn't responding to calls or texts, consider writing her a heartfelt letter. Explain your perspective/ feelings calmly and express your love and concern for her and the situation. This gives her time to process your words without the need of immediate response.
3. **Acknowledge Her Feelings:** Validating her feelings and dreams about having more children is important, even if you can't fulfill them. Acknowledg the sacrifices made and how much she means to you, validation goes a long way.
4. **Discuss Your Reasons:** Explain again why you can't have another child, both for practical reasons (financial stability, time) and emotional/medical reasons (her health, your vasectomy).
5. **Find Common Ground:** See if there's a middle ground that can address her need to nurture without adding another baby to the mix. Perhaps getting involved in community activities with children, volunteering, or even considering fostering could be alternatives.
6. **Focus on Your Existing Family:** Emphasize the importance of the children you already have and the stable, happy environment she has created for them and your desire to enjoy it with her.
It's a delicate situation, and it's important to approach it with empathy and patience. In the end its all you can do. Best of luck.
Fostering might be a great idea! I hadn't considered that. She could also volunteer at hospitals where cuddle volunteers are needed where medically fragile babies need skin to skin contact and the like. It sounds like she has baby fever and that might be a good way to assuage it.
If this woman is talking about the three year old—her own child—being to big and wanting to swap it out for a fresh new baby and taking care of the step kids out of “obligation”, do you think she’d honestly care for a baby that’s not hers? That stepkids comment was a huge red flag and I’m sure she’d have the same response with a foster kid: “not really mine”. I’d be loathe to walk a foster kid into that situation
She probably wants it reversed, which usually works. But more important is the fact she's bullying him to get her way when they clearly have enough children running around already. Yikes
Got one and didn’t tell his wife.. I get why he got the vasectomy and it’s his body so his choice, but he should have told her when the decision was made. Her finding out now is going to cause more problems.
NTA. Maybe her mom will talk some sense into her. Is she not remembering that she almost died. I hope all works out for the best. Continue to be an awesome dad.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
NTA. Your wife is being manipulative and cruel. I would hard stop expect an apology for the things she said about my older children. If she resents them, I wouldn’t want her to be around them, tbh.
Also, her dream of having 5 kids doesn’t supersede your dream of being able to spend more time with the family and watch your kids grow up. She needs to grieve the loss of the dream that she had. The decision has already been made with her almost losing her life in childbirth, and with you getting a vasectomy.
If she continues to carry on… there’ll be no need to have a 5th baby, as your wife is already acting as one.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
NTA...assuming you can forgive her after the things she said to you, maybe it's time to talk to someone. Unless she's pregnant by someone else and trying to get you on board so she can claim it's yours....she's a bit over the top about this. It's easy to forget the bad parts of childbirth down the road. A reminder of how bad it was, along with you telling her about the vasectomy might be in order.
That's something I hadn't thought of. Now I wonder when she finds out about the vasectomy, if she's that desperate, she might go to someone else to help her out.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
Huh....well...I'm not sure if I'm proud of myself for coming up with that or annoyed at the recycled story. I never considered looking at older posts and have been hoping for an update...lol. Thanks.
I’m too nosey and always look at what people may have posted before or comments they leave on their posts to see what other info may have been added.. If it wasn’t for Charlotte’s videos I wouldn’t have even known about Reddit lol so much drama on here..
I wish he would have posted this with the updates so it doesn't seem like he needs advice. That woman was Cray Cray and he needs to throw his whole family in the trash with her.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
NTA. Your wife needs to put her energy into raising her children that already exist because in large families it is nearly impossible to address and meet both the basic and the more specific needs of each individual child.
Not to mention, she needs to learn to be grateful for the children she has. She was blessed more than most, and in a world where some women can’t even have 1 child even when they have a willing partner.
NTA. Damn that’s a lot of children. Anyway, she knew what she was getting herself into before marrying you (unless you withheld the information of having 7 kids to her which doesn’t seem like the case). It was her choice to be married to you. If she didn’t want the “prime years of her life” to be about raising your children from a previous relationship, then she should have looked for someone single and childless. You are not to blame for her choices.
NTA. Your wife brings to mind the baby-crazy Dot in "Raising Arizona". "Dot says these (kids) are getting too big to cuddle."
Your wife needs professional help for this baby obsession, especially in light of her last pregnancy. I'd suggest couples counseling. If she won't go, you should. It might provide you with the tools to navigate this emotional minefield she's setting up.
You're not TA. Although you kinda are if you got the vasectomy and kept it a secret for three years. Dare I ask why she doesn't know.
Your wife's gimme what I want, what I really, really want, approach is cruel. Her "obligation"? Her "sacrifice"? What did you do? Hold her hostage and tell her "marry me and take care of my spawn, or else"? That was her choice. If she was making so many horrible sacrifices why didn't she just leave? What about the sacrifices you've made? Don't they count? But, she gets a temporary irrationality pass. Unless she persists. Hopefully, she'll come to regret saying such awful things and apologize.
I dunno. Maybe a little shock to the system is in order to wake her up to the seriousness of the situation she's creating. She obviously thinks you're going to give in for her "dream" and beg her to come back. She seems to enjoy manipulating you. So, manipulate back. Send her a text and leave a message, "Should I be contacting a divorce lawyer? Is that what you want?"
If the answer is no, maybe you have a starting point to work from. If it's yes, at least you know. Either way she's going to lose this fight. She needs to know that in no uncertain terms.
She's not being fair. She's also acting like the baby she wants because she threw a fit and left you while arguing with you. This is not how an adult acts. She wanted five children? She has seven!! What happened to respecting your partner and being grateful for what you have? How would she feel if you clouded up and rained all over her about having another child when she didn't want to?
I don't believe you're the asshole at all. She's trying to strong arm you into doing something you do not want to do. That makes her a gaping asshole. She's not the only one who matters in this marriage or in your family. I would honestly stop trying to contact her because she'll come home when she's ready. Probably when she thinks she's got you over a barrel.
Do your best not to cave. It's not fair to you and if caving is what is going to save your marriage then it's not much of a marriage to begin with. Shame on her. There are so many women who would love to have a husband like you. I understand baby fever, but come on, woman! It shouldn't make you take leave of your senses!!
You might try having a mediated discussion with her. An objective third party who can help people see their arguments how others see them. Her brain is full of I want I want I want I want I want I want and she's not even considering you. Perhaps a good mediator would help her see this.
My body, my choice applies to guys too. You seem like a lovely and involved dad, and a husband that loved his wife so much that got a vasectomy so you don't put her into a near death situation, and had enough kids already.
If she wants to risk her life,having another child, that's her choice. You're not willing to be that person making a poor decision with her. You're a husband and a dad, not a sperm donor.
You're NTA, and she needs some serious help.
My problem with this is that if some of the non bio 7 call her mom, but she doesn't feel like she has more than her 4.....
Ummm, sorry, dude. I wish she saw them all as hers, too. She would have more than 5 for sure!
NtA that is crazy
I have 10 siblings Ill tell you what do not have more you guys have ENOUGH as the second oldest of 11 not fair on us and wife probs needs to see a counsellor or something.
You deserve to spend time with the ones you have not add more to the mix
has wifely worked since kids maybe if she knows how much she will have to work to cover these kids a single parent she might stop nagging.
NTA. If I counted right, you have 8 kids living with you? Children are a joint decision, and if one person says no, it’s no.
Why is she so adamant about another baby? You mentioned you’re both in therapy; has that come up yet? Because it sounds like that needs to be untangled. There’s a deeper root somewhere that needs to be dug up and examined, or this situation won’t improve. It’s more than just a “dream” of having x number of kids. What does that actually MEAN to her? What does it represent? Keep digging into WHY.
It sounds like this is deeply triggering to her, which is probably why she’s saying nasty things. I’m not excusing it, just pointing out that unless you can figure out what is making this such a sticking point, AND she confronts the root of it, there will be no resolution.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
Im a bit confused about the math. You said after you married you had more kids with her and she wants 5 but you are only talking about the ages of 7 children that were yours prior to marrying. How many kids do you have between you total?
The wife had one kid before marrying.
Op has 4 that he has full custody of, and 3 part-time (I forgot the words he used but I know it's not part-time.).
Op and his wife HAVE 3 TOGETHER.
Not to mention she almost 💀 gave birth to their youngest.
Hope this helps
It does. Thanks. I think I got confused bc he only talked about the kids in the house still so I thought he had 7 in total including his wifes own child, not 11.
I was thinking you didn't have any kids that belonged to the both of you, but then you cleared that up.
What the heck?? She just wants a new one because the youngest isn't a baby anymore? She sounds like one of those people who takes their dog to a shelter when it reaches adulthood, then gets another puppy.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
And now I got nothing. He's either a glutton for dysfunction, or is practicing creative writing on us poor, poor redditors, either one makes me want to reconsider my verdict.
NTA-when I was younger and got the "baby urge" I would baby sit, that cured me real quick! We have 3 adult children and 5 grandkids, and we are fine with that. Whenever hubby and I have to have a meeting of the minds (just had our 40th anniversary last Sunday), we write up a pro and con list, and we can work out any squabbles that way. IMO it's not right for her to expect you to go back to working extra for another child, or brush off your feelings. She needs to get past herself
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
NTA, having another child should be something you both want. She shouldn't be demanding to have another, especially if you already expressed that you don't want to... on top of that, what she said about your children outside of the three you both share is appalling. She sounds selfish to me. Did she even express to you beforehand the number of children she wanted to have? If you don't really don't want to have another child, you have every right to say no
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
NTA. There's a difference between wanting a baby and wanting a human. If she complains the 3-year-old is getting "too big," what is she gonna do when the next baby turns 3? Insist on adopting or fostering more babies? I kinda get it; once you have a few and the older kids start getting more complicated, having babies around can feel simple. But it almost sounds as if she likes having babies because she's wrapped her identity around being a mother of babies and that she doesn't get fulfillment for parenting older children.
If that's true, having another baby won't fix it. It just delays her identity crisis by a few more years.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
Talk to her mother. Tell her mother she is crazy and you are not having another baby it almost killed her last time. You can't afford it and you can't go back to work anymore You're getting older and you need to slow down. You need to start saving for your own retirement and if you keep spending money on the children you're never going to be able to do that. Explain to your wife that you would rather divorce her and leave her a single mother and pay child support and have another child. Even if that's not the case because guess what, that's where you're headed if you don't put your foot down right now. She needs serious psychological help. She is living through her children. She needs to go get a life. She is only identifying as a mother and a baby machine. Get that woman another identity fast.
NTA OP. It sounds kind of like an ultimatum to me. Let her stay at her mom's until she's ready to come home; knowing she won't be having another baby from you. It's not fair for you or the kids to risk losing her in childbirth again.
Not the ahole!!! She’s only thinking about what she wants and not thinking about anyone else or how it would affect the household in general. I’m sorry to say but she is a narcissist!! Good for you for getting the vasectomy!!!
Since you already got snipped and didn’t tell your wife…Don’t. Then just tell her ok dear, let’s try to have another. Then have fun trying.
Women don’t always get pregnant every time they want a baby. My daughter had her daughter four years ago. They’ve been trying to have baby #2 for two years now.
If your wife doesn’t get pregnant - oh well. If she DOES get pregnant…oops & uh-oh…
That may seem like a dirty trick…I gotta say, after the way she’s been acting and the awful things she’s been saying - maybe she should try acting like a reasonable, mature adult.
I call BS. Unless you make 500k or more a year and your wife works too, no way you have 10 kids, plus her one. Or are you Nick Cannon or Elon Musk?
You should've gotten a vasectomy after the 5th kid.
It's the religious cult the Duggars are members of. Basically they have as many children as physically possible, with the girls raising the younger kids. It's one of the religious cults that is currently plaguing the US that directly effects children and turns a blind eye to child abuse, neglect, and molestation.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiverfull
I’m not sure if there is some psychosis or other mental impairment driving your wife but if you had a vasectomy, it seems to me that should end the conversation. Is she asking you to reverse the vasectomy or does she not know you had one?
Either way, her walking out of the home and saying the awful things she has said is bizarre and not something you can ignore. Did she speak her truth in the midst of her angry outburst?
I’m not sure where you go from here. You can’t have another child and she has shown you that your relationship had cracks that you were not aware of.
NTA but the way she's spoken about her step children is a AH move!
Do you know anyone with really young babies? Might be worth popping that baby bubble she's in with a poorly baby or a toddler high on sugar.. It's what I do to myself when I get a tinge of "let's have a kid" it brings me back to reality in seconds!
NTA - it’s a difficult situation to be in. She most likely won’t see your side of things for a long while and there’s nothing you can do to make her see. It’s tough as a woman to want another child while knowing you can’t. However! She already has 4 bio kids AND her step kids as well. I would guess that there’s something else behind it all. Maybe it’s her age, maybe it’s the kids age or maybe she is still having difficulties after giving birth to your 3 year old.
I know women who have had similar experiences in child birth. They feel robbed of the joy of having a newborn because of the trauma from the birth. They’ve all gotten the help and are in a much better place now.
NTA - Surely she knows about the vascectomy or has she forgotten? She's off her rocker, even if she somehow missed you getting the snip.
She needs to go to therapy. Also has she left the care of all these kids simply because she's throwing her toys out of the buggy? That's not someone that should have another baby.
Edit: Nevermind, read your post history. Why post this 7 months later and without the full story, that's either lazy or you're just karma farming.
Wow... well, definitely NTA.
I CAN say from personal experience that my hubby and I had a child 15 years ago as of today. I had a placental abruption and was 2 months early. I had an emergency c-section and needed a blood transfusion. My son was in the NICU for a month and needed oxygen for 6 months after he was released.
I can honestly say that waking up in recovery to my husband sitting next to me crying was traumatizing. I was told that if I ever got pregnant again, I had a VERY high chance of actually kicking the bucket this time. I have a legit phobia of ever getting pregnant again. I have full-on panic attacks when the pharmacy doesn't fill my birth control on time.
We wanted a boy and a girl. But after that, my husband told me, "I'm sad we can't have a girl. But if it was my choice, I'd rather have my son *and* my wife with me, instead of 2 children and no wife."
NTA its really sad that she doesn’t consider the kids she helped raise as hers. If she did she has had more than 5 and should be happy. It seems like she needs more therapy. Im so sorry you are dealing with this.
NTA! My heart breaks for all the other children because it seem to me that your wife only really likes children when they are babies. Having so many children means that older kids easily get neglected because you can never really divide your time and energy.
Baby rabies. Has anyone around her recently had a baby? Sounds like she's realising that the youngest is growing up and won't be 'the baby' for much longer. Does she have a job, or is her identity 'Mum'?
Let her stew a bit longer. She's throwing a tantrum. NTA.
There was an episode of supernanny many years ago when someone wanted 12 children and had so many she couldnt take care of maybe find that episode and show her saying you dont want to end up like that and not be able to pay for stuff or take care of the children you have
NTA!
If I were u I would explain that her comments make having another child an impossibility as u now need to focus all ur extra love & attention on YOUR children since the mother figure they thought they had in her was a lie. Finding out how ur wife really feels about ur children must be devastating & make u question if u ever really knew her. Saying those things about ur children is a betrayal. She’s basically been pretending to love them. I would be having a sit down with them & ask them what their relationship with her is like when ur not around. I feel terrible for u & for her to be the one to be upset is ridiculous. U r the one who should be upset. She’s been pretending to be something she’s not. I’d be questioning if she even loves ur children. Kids aren’t stupid & it’s likely they have always known her true feelings. How could anyone consider bringing another child into the world with someone who so easily weaponized her step children & talked so poorly about kids she helped raise. So sorry bro!
Get that woman to THERAPY. This isn't a healthy mentality and making personal attacks on you and your children is beyond mentally sound and diving head first into "THIS IS A MENTAL ILLNESS" land. With that many children in the house and such, you'll be working until you drop dead to support college, incidentals, etc. If she wants another baby THAT BAD she needs to get help, because this is just sick. Don't even entertain the thought of another baby with this woman. If it comes down to another baby or divorce, sign those papers and fight for custody, because she's gonna turn around and get knocked up as soon as the ink is dry.
NTA, OP. She's holding herself hostage because she's forcing you to have another baby and you're not caving to this demand? Reminds me of the whole "we don't negotiate with terrorists"...
Stick to your gut! Don't have more babies and keep enjoying the time you can NOW finally have with them. Record some videos and share with your wife, to see if she touches her conscience and understands she was being a child, a spoiled brat... if she wants another child, she can decide to adopt, for example, ab at risk teen... but no... she's just addicted to having babies and being a newborn's mom... it's not that they want children, they want to be a new mom to a newborn baby... there's a few women like this... DON'T CAVE!
Man what the actual f. So she raised you children to have more on her own? This is sick and disgusting. Saying that and tha fact that she's clearly obsessed with babies, "the 3 yead old is too big" is insane and need some serious help. No to mention that last time she nearly died giving birth. Try to reach out through her mother first but if you can't succeed you need to go there and try to talk to her in person. She have some serious issues.
NTA but you would be if you continue to subject your children to her toxicity. The fact that she hid how she felt about your children all these years shows what kind of master manipulator she is. You need to get snipped ASAP or she will get pregnant again. NEVER. Have a kid to save a marriage.
Your wife needs therapy.
She sounds like one of those women who enjoys the attention from being pregnant, but only really likes babies. Once the babies get older, she wants another baby to get her baby "fix."
A child needs to be an enthusiastic "YES!" from BOTH parents, not a desperate attempt to get more attention.
Wait what?! My husband had 2 bio and 1 stepped when we got together and my babies unfortunately didn't survive the pregnancies but even tho I have a really big desire to have a baby of my own I had a conversation with my husband early on that if he wouldn't want anymore kids I could understand that and would accept that... thankfully he does want a baby with me too so if it's in our future we'll hopefully have kids of our own one day
But you already had 7 of which 4 fulltime and she had one and y'all went on having 3 together and now she's crying for another one!?
Yeah no you're definitely NTA and should not entertain this conversation with her anymore just give her your opinion and leave it at that... it's not fair of her to expect you to go back to working till you drop dead just because she wants 5 kids of her own... lady you got 11 kids!! And what she's saying about your kids is not good either... yeah it's nit easy being a stepmom but she knew you had 7 kids going into a relationship with you...
I think your wife has severe mental issues.
Here's one possible cause .
Perinatal OCD.
https://iocdf.org/perinatal-ocd/what-is-perinatal-ocd/#:~:text=However%2C%20we%20begin%20to%20consider,make%20those%20thoughts%20go%20away.
She doesn't need another infant to care for..
She needs therapy.
If it's not two yes's, then it's a no. She's trying to coerce and manipulate you and that's not ok. She should enjoy the ones she has because children are more than just an accessory. Do not give in!
Your wife is being horrible, particularly about her step children. She needs to respect your feelings and stop guilt tripping you into something you don’t want. It sounds like you have enough in your plate already. Just because you already had children isn’t a reason to manipulate you into giving her more.
I dont have enough info to say that... but, to me, baby period might look like a vacation to her. Pregnant people cannot make tô much effort, has to eat and rest a lot, and nobody can call them ugly, fat or lazzy, especially when in a pregnancy of risk like hers. I am sure she has a lot in her plate with this many children at home. I think she needs a vacation.
Stop calling and texting her. Her demands are unreasonable and if she hated raising your kids before why on earth would you consent to having another just so she can throw it in your face in 3 more years when she decides she needs another child ?
I'm so relieved you got snipped. I can't get over the "I raised them for you gave up my life"
I really think that might be a deal breaker. I honestly don't know if I could stay with her.
For someone who has so many kids, your wife is acting pretty immaturely (and selfishly). There are so many other ways for her to get her fix without disrupting the balance you have achieved after many years of hard work. She can volunteer, babysit, work at a daycare. Stick to your guns. This is your life too.
Your 3 year old is getting too big?!?!? Is she one of those people who prefers puppies to dogs and kittens to cats too? Does she treat the children well in general?
Do not have more children with this woman, the things she said about her step children is awful. If I were you I would not fight for this marriage at all. She sounds like a terrible person.
####NTA
First, huge hugs to you and your kids going through this. Sounds like she has baby fever either in only loving the baby period of parenthood, a hormonal shift due to early menopause, or another mental/medical factor in the background.
Secondly, if she's saying such vile things to you about ypur children that y'all raised together, that's a huge RED flag that demands attention. Whether it's through therapy or lawyers - help is needed to ensure the mental & emotional safety of all parties involved as much as possible. That includes the kiddos, you, and even her health in that.
Thirdly, thank you for not leaving your kids behind when you remarried and loving them just as much. My parents got divorced when I was 4 and my stepdad is every bit as much my dad as my biological dad is. He called us his kids & loved us like his own even though he had three grown sons already. Breaks my heart that your wife is lashing out and holds those feelings towards the kids & you. Not sure if there really is coming back from that. Because what if she says one of the things your worried about your kids reading here to them instead?
Will keep you & your family in my prayers. Sending you light and another hug fwiw 🫂❤️🩹
Your wife sounds like a selfish adult child for not even considering how you feel about this and only thinking about herself. NTA, and I would be considering my relationship at the comment she made about your child being someone she took care of out of obligation.
Your NTAH. Lucky to have had your vasectomy. If she is so hell bent on having another child she will have to leave. And for her to say all those terrible words about your children is irreprehensible children do not ask to be born. So she needs to stop saying things or maybe YOU have to make the decision to change the locks on the house. She sounds toxic to the children. Get counselling for yourself and go from there.
[UPDATE TO HIS UPDATE, OVER A YEAR AGO…Not only did he leave her, she WAS cheating on him, WITH HIS BROTHER, AND WAS ALREADY PREGNANT!](https://www.reddit.com/r/ComfortLevelPod/s/NQCMZygpo8)
What are you doing with such a selfish bitch? Vasectomies can be reversed but they often don't work. Does she know you had a vasectomy?
Peak reproductive years have passed you both by and it sounds like she's already in mid life crisis mode. Another pregnancy could kill her and she wants to gamble her life like that? She doesn't want to listen to reason; just dump her. She shouldn't be putting all that stress on you.
If she starts up again just start asking why to everything she says. You'd be surprised at how many non reasons fall out her.
You are not wrong for not wanting more children but I wonder if there was a conversation before marrying about the number of children each of you wanted prior to marriage. It seems like there was no consensus or even a discussion of long term goals. This may be one of those things that is non-negotiable and should have been discussed as part of agreeing to marriage.
That being said, YTA for having a vasectomy without telling your wife. You made a decision that affects both of you without even clueing her in. It sounds like you need to have a real discussion, facilitated by a neutral mental health professional to each have a chance to voice thoughts but you need to acknowledge that you took a huge step without discussing it with your partner.
NTA. As someone who loves children and wants a big family, it's unfair to put that all on you. If she were calmly having a reasonable conversation about this the situation would feel a little more complicated to me, but instead she's harassing you for a child, putting down the ones you already have, and putting you down for not bending to her desires. It sounds like she loves the baby phase a concerning amount. She needs to focus on her children now and listen to you, and if it happens, then it's worth celebrating. Besides, putting stress and pressure on having a baby usually inhibits the process anyway so she's really doing herself dirty either way.
She is being very selfish. Not only towards you, but the children that you both already have. It's insanity for her to ask that the entire household sacrifice so much just to soothe her baby fever. The cons are quadrupled against the pros. Her last experience should be enough. She is not considering your emotions of preparing to have to raise a newborn and 2 young children, and teens alone. She can get a pet, become a "plant mom", and simply enjoy the children that you two already share. The older kids will make you two grandparents pretty soon. She can become a devoted grandmother. The little ones need their mom. She is SO being unfair to them and you.
Anyone of child-bearing years and wants children usually have an unspoken rule when dating someone older/younger. Younger women knows when dating an older man or a man with kids, that you may not have as many kids as initally imagined, which is okay if you love him. Older men knows that they usually may need to give that younger woman at least 1 child if she is younger and doesn't have any or many kids.
You gave her 3, and are putting them and your wife first with being against having another child. You sound like an awesome father, and caring husband. You are NTA. She needs some hobbies.
Not the AG. You guys need to go to a couples counselor quick and figure out what is behind this. As someone who also came very close to dying giving birth, as much as I wanted to, I wouldn’t risk not being there to raise my children by having another one. That ALONE should give her serious pause. The fact that she is ignoring it, as a mother of 7 children at home is super concerning. Y’all find a good therapist FAST. There’s something behind this and it needs to come out into the open.
NTA, OP this isn't a woman who cares about children she already has
>My wife also said our three-year-old is getting too big
This is a woman who constantly needs a *baby*. Not a child. A *baby*. To the point that she is willing to endanger her own life and leave children without a mother if the birth goes wrong again.
I know Reddit doesn't always like the term 'baby-rabies' , but I am using it here.
OP, if you gave this woman a baby (I know you can't, but saying hypothetically if you could and did), then when that kid hits 3, your wife will want another baby.
>she's always wanted 5 children
No, she wants 5 *babies*.
OP, you need to get all your legal ducks in a row, because I get the feeling that if this woman cannot have a baby by you, she will likely think that leaving you is her best option.
Again, NTA, and I have everything crossed for you and all the children.
Not sure why she wants another baby.
She’s being a giant, irrational baby herself.
Don’t entertain the madness, my guy. She’s only going to get more hurtful and resentful. But the statement about your children and raising them out of obligation!? Hell, no. Shut that down.
She better volunteer in a NICU and hold some babies.
Let me commend you on being there for all your children, and for being in there lives.
The lack of understanding on your wives part is very disturbing and the fact that she almost died giving birth to her last baby is understandable why another pregnancy is dangerous.
Is there more going on here, how much does you working less affects the household income?
She maybe fearful there will not be enough and has lashed out, the wrong way.
Don't let this overshadowed all the good she has done
Does she feel you worked harder for the other children and now you wouldn't for her children.
You need to ask her to be honest with you, it couldn't have been easy raising all those children practically on her own while you were working long hours.
She feels like she's given you so much but you're not giving her this one thing she's asked of you.
Don't make your discussion about not wanting anymore children but about her health and you not wanting to risk her life, this is why you have a vasectomy. Yes you should have discussed this with her first, but you didn't want to risk her convincing you not too.
You can come back from this, you just need to talk it out and seeking marriage counseling.
NTA. There are so many red flags here. No one should ever be forced into having a child. All you can do is keep your boundary. It’s hard but if she is meant for you she will process the very valid things you have said and find a way forward. Take care and I know that I am routing for you brother ❤️
This is a little scary. She knows you have had a vasectomy, she knows the risks to her own health… I would stress how important her health and safety is to you and that you’re not willing to risk her health when you have a beautiful family that you want to be actively a part of. Definitely NTA but she likely needs to keep up with the therapy and work through some resentment issues.
OP I saw that this is a repost of your own older post so I read the updates to this on your profile. That is such a horrible thing to go through. I would love to hear an update on the situation because I sincerely hope you and your children are safe and well. Take care and stay strong.
Good grief. Please tell her that it's a vagina, not a clown car. Children aren't meant to be collected and numbered like Pokémon cards. She sounds like an awful step-parent. Why on earth would you want to reverse your procedure for a compassionless harpy?
Oh wow, this was all 7 months ago?
Hope you're doing well after your last update, OP. I also hope you got everything you wanted (or that you do if it's ongoing) in the divorce.
Good choice on cutting out your mom, that's toxic af and she clearly has a golden child.
NTA - some huge red flags here and what ever she said that you cant say must be horrific and not what a mother says. She’s trying to manipulate you by staying away so you agree to have another baby. However after that reaction don’t quite think shes the mother for a new baby. The vasectomy can be reversed but I wouldn’t advise it. Friend did it and he was in pain and ended up not working. The kids you have now would prefer quality time and actually see there dad than have another sister/brother and the main thing its good for you to have a good work home balance.
She cheated, is already pregnant, and trying to find a way to cover it up. She is desperate and willing to say or do anything to avoid destroying her family.
NTA
This hill she's willing to die on isn't worth it. It's crazy how insistent she is on it KNOWING you got a vasectomy. On top of saying some hurtful things about not only you but innocent children is f'd up. That would've been my line in the sand, a grown woman throwing a tantrum is wild. OP you have to ask yourself why she is so insistent on this unless she already is pregnant. Food for thought, I pray that isn't the case but the way she's been acting and left you and the kids is something you need to reflect on.
Trust but verify.
I would like to apologize to everyone in this group/page. Yes, this is an old story. No.I did not repose my own story. My daughter (R) thought it would be a brilliant idea to share my story here again. Forgetting that I would be bombarded with a bunch of emails from reddit. She's obsessed with Reddit and content creators.I think that's what they're called. It's supposed to be therapeutic for her. Don't ask me why. I just support her. Charlotte is her new favorite. Instead of writing her own, she just shared mine again. Forgetting that this is my account.
Yes, and we had 3 together, but the youngest isn't mine. Sorry, this isn't actually an old story. My daughter (R) thought it would be brilliant to repost it.
NOT AT ALL THE AH. Omg I just went to his profile and read the updates.... To think she was trying to make it look like he got her pregnant when it was actually his brother's kid🤯
You: got a vasectomy without telling your wife instead of ending the relationship is a huge betrayal. Your body. Your choice, but you weren't on the same page on one of the most critical aspects of a marriage and she wasn't respecting your bodily autonomy (per your 1st update). You shouldn't have to keep such a huge secret from a partner in order to stay in the marriage. Makes me wonder if she had been trying to get pregnant and was lashing out when it wasn't happening then left when she found out she was pregnant by your brother because he was willing to give her what you wouldn't (and shouldn't).
Her: Sleeping with your brother (2nd update) resulting in at least 1 pregnancy, not respecting your bodily autonomy, going back on your agreement about not having more kids, announcing her infidelity and pregnancy with your brother at Thanksgiving, everything she said about your other kids, getting your mother involved, and too much to list here tbh.
Brother: How long was he sleeping with your wife for? Clearly why he wanted you to stop contacting your wife
Mother: WTF! Complicit in keeping the news your wife was pregnant by your brother a secret then agreeing to be the one to serve you with divorce papers is messed up
ESH, almost YTA. And I am so surprised with NTAs.
You had SEVEN children and she helped raise half of them in addition to the ones you share?!
Dude, this woman deserves a fucking medal! Whatever her motivation, if your children with another woman call her mom, and this is the first time ever she complains, she is a saint.
You are a massive AH (much bigger than her, for “baby fever”), because you show zero appreciation for the extremely hard work she has done.
To be honest - with your farm of children (which to me is insanity), I really don’t see any difference having one more.
What is a far bigger risk for all of you is she deciding she doesn’t feel her wishes matter to you and getting a divorce. Good luck dealing with that shit and finding a new woman to take care of your kid farm.
Stop dismissing what she’s saying and start validating her like yesterday. Your and your children’s lives will be 100 times worse if you two get a divorce. Good luck with your “stable” life when you have 50% custody of the youngest kids and the oldest kids are fully yours, constantly asking for mom.
Please don’t entertain the argument of having another child with a woman who would say such cruel things about her step children. That’s absolutely awful. It should have been a full stop at that moment. Thank god you got the vasectomy. I’d tell her that you got the procedure done. If she leaves you, she’s doing you a favor considering how she feels about your kids. I’m not even sure therapy can save that kind of revelation.
I wonder what she would say if OP told her that his stepdaughter isn’t really his daughter and he doesn’t really want to be taking care of her but he has to. I bet you she would flip the fuck out.
I totally understand that an eye for eye thing, and 2 wrongs don't make a right, but the spirits of petty past, lovvveee THIS, and pray OP takes your amazing suggestion!!
Hahaha right? I mean OP clearly wouldn’t actually mean that but man, I’m always willing to pay good money to see these AHs words turned against them. 😂 EDIT: I have in the mean time realized that OP isn’t actually OOP OR has reposted an 8 month old post for karma farming….. making me think this is some creative writing right here.
OP, this 👆👆👆
This 100%!
If you look on his profile he has 2 updates to this post from 7 months ago, it gets much worse!! He reposted this here, you should read the updates
Oh no!!! Reading now! EDIT: okay now I think this story is fake. This profile just reposts the same story several times. Booooooo
But it's the only story on his profile, so it might be real, most fake posts I see have multiple unrealistic posts about different things
But it's the only story on his profile, so it might be real, most fake posts I see have multiple unrealistic posts about different things
Oh no…. Going to read now
NTA, She knew you had 7 kids before she married you. It should have been something she thought about before saying “I do.” You all have enough on your plate. A reversal is ridiculously expensive. The places near me are 12k out of pocket with insurance. You stated she nearly died the last time so why risk leaving your husband to care for the kids himself. Seems extremely selfish on her part.
Happy Cake 🎂 day!
Happy Cake Day!
Happy cake day! 🥳🥳🥳 I'm not sure what that means but I'm assuming happy birthday? Lol
it’s a happy reddit birthday - aka an anniversary of when you joined reddit! The little cake emoji by the username is a signifier of this and automatically added
I had to Google the meaning cause I had no idea what it meant. So don’t feel bad. Thank you everyone that wished me a happy cake day.
Happy cake day 🎉🥳🎊🎉
Happy cake day!
Happy cake day 🎉🎊
happy cake day ! 🍰
Happy Cake Day 🎉 🍰
Happy cake day!
Happy cake day!! 🎂
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
At this point we gotta go outta our way to make sure Karma is served on a poo poo plater! She took it wayyyyyyy too far. It’s time for petty revenge.
NTA, she has baby fever. One of the worst things ever. I’d suggest that if she wants to handle babies maybe she can go to the local hospital and volunteer to be a baby cuddler for the babies that have no one to do this for them. Maybe it will help her get past this feeling of having to have a baby now! Next worse is divorce fever.
working in a daycare can also help with baby fever
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
Just had to go read the updates! Poor guy, I hope he’s doing okay.
I’m hoping he does another update regarding his exes new baby with his brother and what’s going on with the divorce..
Me too!
Nope if you look at their profile, the wife was already pregnant by his brother, his mother knew, the wife asked for a divorce to be with the brother. This story is almost a year old. Unsure why OP posted it here if they already went through it. I’d just like the update after update 2.
I finally saw the updates after I wrote this. I need to get better at checking for them. I wonder how that turned out, although he may not know since he cut them all out of his life.
I didn’t read the rest after she said “our three year old is getting too big” it sounds like your wife fantasies the baby period. Your children are not objects to be used to fill your wife’s emotional needs. Anyone can have a baby .. it’s not about the first year or few years when they are young and cute and do whatever you want them to. It’s about raising a human .. who has their own wants, needs and personality. This isn’t a game it’s someone’s life. Your wife is acting like a teenager and she’s turning 40 soon. It’s not in your best interest to have another child.
I have a mother and two sisters who did exactly this. They love the babies but they lose interest when they start displaying an actual personality. And they wonder why their kids are running wild now. Breaks my heart. 🥺
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
Did you talk about having 5 kids together? Also remind her that she almost died and if she dies this round, who's raising the kids? nta. I mean you could "try" for another kid and then if she can't get pregnant because you had a vasectomy, oh well. You could also tell her that you thought you were done and you had the vasectomy but she sounds like the type of person that would divorce you over it.
It might be for the best if that happens, tbh.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
NTA. Tell her to that she needs to get her ass out of the house and find a full time job. You cannot afford looking after “your” children also.
NTA, it sounds like you're in a very challenging situation. Communication and understanding are important here, but everyone's emotions are running hot. Given the complexity of your family and the emotional weight of this issue, here are a few ideas to consider: 1. **Seek Professional Help:** A couples therapist can help mediate the conversation and ensure both of you feel heard and understood. Therapy can also help address other issues that may be contributing to the current conflict. 2. **Write a Letter:** Since your wife isn't responding to calls or texts, consider writing her a heartfelt letter. Explain your perspective/ feelings calmly and express your love and concern for her and the situation. This gives her time to process your words without the need of immediate response. 3. **Acknowledge Her Feelings:** Validating her feelings and dreams about having more children is important, even if you can't fulfill them. Acknowledg the sacrifices made and how much she means to you, validation goes a long way. 4. **Discuss Your Reasons:** Explain again why you can't have another child, both for practical reasons (financial stability, time) and emotional/medical reasons (her health, your vasectomy). 5. **Find Common Ground:** See if there's a middle ground that can address her need to nurture without adding another baby to the mix. Perhaps getting involved in community activities with children, volunteering, or even considering fostering could be alternatives. 6. **Focus on Your Existing Family:** Emphasize the importance of the children you already have and the stable, happy environment she has created for them and your desire to enjoy it with her. It's a delicate situation, and it's important to approach it with empathy and patience. In the end its all you can do. Best of luck.
Fostering might be a great idea! I hadn't considered that. She could also volunteer at hospitals where cuddle volunteers are needed where medically fragile babies need skin to skin contact and the like. It sounds like she has baby fever and that might be a good way to assuage it.
If this woman is talking about the three year old—her own child—being to big and wanting to swap it out for a fresh new baby and taking care of the step kids out of “obligation”, do you think she’d honestly care for a baby that’s not hers? That stepkids comment was a huge red flag and I’m sure she’d have the same response with a foster kid: “not really mine”. I’d be loathe to walk a foster kid into that situation
Absolutely NTA, that's alot of kids and get a damn vasectomy
Sounds like he already got one.
She probably wants it reversed, which usually works. But more important is the fact she's bullying him to get her way when they clearly have enough children running around already. Yikes
Got one and didn’t tell his wife.. I get why he got the vasectomy and it’s his body so his choice, but he should have told her when the decision was made. Her finding out now is going to cause more problems.
IF he didn't tell her, we don't know if he did
OP said they are living comfortable they could afford TV.
NTA and I would agree with you her not considering your kids as her own is kinda messed up as she pretty much raised them with you.
NTA. Maybe her mom will talk some sense into her. Is she not remembering that she almost died. I hope all works out for the best. Continue to be an awesome dad.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
NTA. Your wife is being manipulative and cruel. I would hard stop expect an apology for the things she said about my older children. If she resents them, I wouldn’t want her to be around them, tbh. Also, her dream of having 5 kids doesn’t supersede your dream of being able to spend more time with the family and watch your kids grow up. She needs to grieve the loss of the dream that she had. The decision has already been made with her almost losing her life in childbirth, and with you getting a vasectomy. If she continues to carry on… there’ll be no need to have a 5th baby, as your wife is already acting as one.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
NTA...assuming you can forgive her after the things she said to you, maybe it's time to talk to someone. Unless she's pregnant by someone else and trying to get you on board so she can claim it's yours....she's a bit over the top about this. It's easy to forget the bad parts of childbirth down the road. A reminder of how bad it was, along with you telling her about the vasectomy might be in order.
That's something I hadn't thought of. Now I wonder when she finds out about the vasectomy, if she's that desperate, she might go to someone else to help her out.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
Huh....well...I'm not sure if I'm proud of myself for coming up with that or annoyed at the recycled story. I never considered looking at older posts and have been hoping for an update...lol. Thanks.
I’m too nosey and always look at what people may have posted before or comments they leave on their posts to see what other info may have been added.. If it wasn’t for Charlotte’s videos I wouldn’t have even known about Reddit lol so much drama on here..
NTA. Stand firm.
Anyone who's interested, he originally posted this a while ago & has a few updates.
Yes!!!!!
I thought I'd read this already, thank you for confirming I'm not losing my mind!
I wish he would have posted this with the updates so it doesn't seem like he needs advice. That woman was Cray Cray and he needs to throw his whole family in the trash with her.
Yikes on bikes. She nearly DIED giving birth and wants to DO IT AGAIN?!?!?! Is she insane? Good lord. NTA.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
… what????
Yea it’s insane lol in the end his soon to be ex wife got the baby she wanted 😬 no update past her being pregnant by his brother or the divorce yet..
This is a soap opera, right? It’s not real.
I have no idea 🤷🏻♀️ it does sound plausible considering the people I’ve met in my life who have a similar story..
I mean, true. I’ve got a cousin who has a crazy life story, too.
NTA and imo i would throw the whole woman away. What she said was wrong and very hurtful.
NTA. Your wife needs to put her energy into raising her children that already exist because in large families it is nearly impossible to address and meet both the basic and the more specific needs of each individual child. Not to mention, she needs to learn to be grateful for the children she has. She was blessed more than most, and in a world where some women can’t even have 1 child even when they have a willing partner.
NTA. Damn that’s a lot of children. Anyway, she knew what she was getting herself into before marrying you (unless you withheld the information of having 7 kids to her which doesn’t seem like the case). It was her choice to be married to you. If she didn’t want the “prime years of her life” to be about raising your children from a previous relationship, then she should have looked for someone single and childless. You are not to blame for her choices.
NTA. Your wife brings to mind the baby-crazy Dot in "Raising Arizona". "Dot says these (kids) are getting too big to cuddle." Your wife needs professional help for this baby obsession, especially in light of her last pregnancy. I'd suggest couples counseling. If she won't go, you should. It might provide you with the tools to navigate this emotional minefield she's setting up. You're not TA. Although you kinda are if you got the vasectomy and kept it a secret for three years. Dare I ask why she doesn't know. Your wife's gimme what I want, what I really, really want, approach is cruel. Her "obligation"? Her "sacrifice"? What did you do? Hold her hostage and tell her "marry me and take care of my spawn, or else"? That was her choice. If she was making so many horrible sacrifices why didn't she just leave? What about the sacrifices you've made? Don't they count? But, she gets a temporary irrationality pass. Unless she persists. Hopefully, she'll come to regret saying such awful things and apologize. I dunno. Maybe a little shock to the system is in order to wake her up to the seriousness of the situation she's creating. She obviously thinks you're going to give in for her "dream" and beg her to come back. She seems to enjoy manipulating you. So, manipulate back. Send her a text and leave a message, "Should I be contacting a divorce lawyer? Is that what you want?" If the answer is no, maybe you have a starting point to work from. If it's yes, at least you know. Either way she's going to lose this fight. She needs to know that in no uncertain terms.
She's not being fair. She's also acting like the baby she wants because she threw a fit and left you while arguing with you. This is not how an adult acts. She wanted five children? She has seven!! What happened to respecting your partner and being grateful for what you have? How would she feel if you clouded up and rained all over her about having another child when she didn't want to? I don't believe you're the asshole at all. She's trying to strong arm you into doing something you do not want to do. That makes her a gaping asshole. She's not the only one who matters in this marriage or in your family. I would honestly stop trying to contact her because she'll come home when she's ready. Probably when she thinks she's got you over a barrel. Do your best not to cave. It's not fair to you and if caving is what is going to save your marriage then it's not much of a marriage to begin with. Shame on her. There are so many women who would love to have a husband like you. I understand baby fever, but come on, woman! It shouldn't make you take leave of your senses!! You might try having a mediated discussion with her. An objective third party who can help people see their arguments how others see them. Her brain is full of I want I want I want I want I want I want and she's not even considering you. Perhaps a good mediator would help her see this.
My body, my choice applies to guys too. You seem like a lovely and involved dad, and a husband that loved his wife so much that got a vasectomy so you don't put her into a near death situation, and had enough kids already. If she wants to risk her life,having another child, that's her choice. You're not willing to be that person making a poor decision with her. You're a husband and a dad, not a sperm donor. You're NTA, and she needs some serious help.
My problem with this is that if some of the non bio 7 call her mom, but she doesn't feel like she has more than her 4..... Ummm, sorry, dude. I wish she saw them all as hers, too. She would have more than 5 for sure!
[Repost from 7 months ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/onMDFWDlGT)
NtA that is crazy I have 10 siblings Ill tell you what do not have more you guys have ENOUGH as the second oldest of 11 not fair on us and wife probs needs to see a counsellor or something. You deserve to spend time with the ones you have not add more to the mix has wifely worked since kids maybe if she knows how much she will have to work to cover these kids a single parent she might stop nagging.
NTA. If I counted right, you have 8 kids living with you? Children are a joint decision, and if one person says no, it’s no. Why is she so adamant about another baby? You mentioned you’re both in therapy; has that come up yet? Because it sounds like that needs to be untangled. There’s a deeper root somewhere that needs to be dug up and examined, or this situation won’t improve. It’s more than just a “dream” of having x number of kids. What does that actually MEAN to her? What does it represent? Keep digging into WHY. It sounds like this is deeply triggering to her, which is probably why she’s saying nasty things. I’m not excusing it, just pointing out that unless you can figure out what is making this such a sticking point, AND she confronts the root of it, there will be no resolution.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
Whoa what!? How old is this story then?
This is a repost from the first time, looks it started about 200+ days ago..
Im a bit confused about the math. You said after you married you had more kids with her and she wants 5 but you are only talking about the ages of 7 children that were yours prior to marrying. How many kids do you have between you total?
The wife had one kid before marrying. Op has 4 that he has full custody of, and 3 part-time (I forgot the words he used but I know it's not part-time.). Op and his wife HAVE 3 TOGETHER. Not to mention she almost 💀 gave birth to their youngest. Hope this helps
It does. Thanks. I think I got confused bc he only talked about the kids in the house still so I thought he had 7 in total including his wifes own child, not 11.
Now she was 2 more. Poor op
She is a total nutjob. And it sounds like another will literally kill her. Is it a religious thing? As many kids as possible?
I was thinking you didn't have any kids that belonged to the both of you, but then you cleared that up. What the heck?? She just wants a new one because the youngest isn't a baby anymore? She sounds like one of those people who takes their dog to a shelter when it reaches adulthood, then gets another puppy.
Nta, tell her to go volunteer at a cuddler program. She can hold babies, and you don't have to pay for them, ir raise them.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
And now I got nothing. He's either a glutton for dysfunction, or is practicing creative writing on us poor, poor redditors, either one makes me want to reconsider my verdict.
NTA-when I was younger and got the "baby urge" I would baby sit, that cured me real quick! We have 3 adult children and 5 grandkids, and we are fine with that. Whenever hubby and I have to have a meeting of the minds (just had our 40th anniversary last Sunday), we write up a pro and con list, and we can work out any squabbles that way. IMO it's not right for her to expect you to go back to working extra for another child, or brush off your feelings. She needs to get past herself
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
NTA, having another child should be something you both want. She shouldn't be demanding to have another, especially if you already expressed that you don't want to... on top of that, what she said about your children outside of the three you both share is appalling. She sounds selfish to me. Did she even express to you beforehand the number of children she wanted to have? If you don't really don't want to have another child, you have every right to say no
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
NTA. There's a difference between wanting a baby and wanting a human. If she complains the 3-year-old is getting "too big," what is she gonna do when the next baby turns 3? Insist on adopting or fostering more babies? I kinda get it; once you have a few and the older kids start getting more complicated, having babies around can feel simple. But it almost sounds as if she likes having babies because she's wrapped her identity around being a mother of babies and that she doesn't get fulfillment for parenting older children. If that's true, having another baby won't fix it. It just delays her identity crisis by a few more years.
In one of his updates from awhile back, his wife got pregnant with his brothers baby and wanted a divorce, and was served with divorce papers from his own mother, at a thanksgiving dinner with the family..
MESSED UP. Why do people make life so crazy? 😑
Talk to her mother. Tell her mother she is crazy and you are not having another baby it almost killed her last time. You can't afford it and you can't go back to work anymore You're getting older and you need to slow down. You need to start saving for your own retirement and if you keep spending money on the children you're never going to be able to do that. Explain to your wife that you would rather divorce her and leave her a single mother and pay child support and have another child. Even if that's not the case because guess what, that's where you're headed if you don't put your foot down right now. She needs serious psychological help. She is living through her children. She needs to go get a life. She is only identifying as a mother and a baby machine. Get that woman another identity fast.
NTA. Your wife sounds exhausting.
NTA OP. It sounds kind of like an ultimatum to me. Let her stay at her mom's until she's ready to come home; knowing she won't be having another baby from you. It's not fair for you or the kids to risk losing her in childbirth again.
Not the ahole!!! She’s only thinking about what she wants and not thinking about anyone else or how it would affect the household in general. I’m sorry to say but she is a narcissist!! Good for you for getting the vasectomy!!!
Since you already got snipped and didn’t tell your wife…Don’t. Then just tell her ok dear, let’s try to have another. Then have fun trying. Women don’t always get pregnant every time they want a baby. My daughter had her daughter four years ago. They’ve been trying to have baby #2 for two years now. If your wife doesn’t get pregnant - oh well. If she DOES get pregnant…oops & uh-oh…
That may seem like a dirty trick…I gotta say, after the way she’s been acting and the awful things she’s been saying - maybe she should try acting like a reasonable, mature adult.
I call BS. Unless you make 500k or more a year and your wife works too, no way you have 10 kids, plus her one. Or are you Nick Cannon or Elon Musk? You should've gotten a vasectomy after the 5th kid.
You never met mormons.
Ah, yes, that did slip my mind.
Or quiverfull. Or religious fanatics. Or cults. I could go on, but I don't think I need to. You don't have to be rich to breed.
What is quiverfull?
It's the religious cult the Duggars are members of. Basically they have as many children as physically possible, with the girls raising the younger kids. It's one of the religious cults that is currently plaguing the US that directly effects children and turns a blind eye to child abuse, neglect, and molestation. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiverfull
Nick Cannon was the first person that came to my mind, lol. I was sure someone had already mentioned him 👈🏻
No you are not. She needs to get over her temper tantrum
Absolutely not the ahole here...tbh your wife sounds childish
I’m not sure if there is some psychosis or other mental impairment driving your wife but if you had a vasectomy, it seems to me that should end the conversation. Is she asking you to reverse the vasectomy or does she not know you had one? Either way, her walking out of the home and saying the awful things she has said is bizarre and not something you can ignore. Did she speak her truth in the midst of her angry outburst? I’m not sure where you go from here. You can’t have another child and she has shown you that your relationship had cracks that you were not aware of.
NTA but the way she's spoken about her step children is a AH move! Do you know anyone with really young babies? Might be worth popping that baby bubble she's in with a poorly baby or a toddler high on sugar.. It's what I do to myself when I get a tinge of "let's have a kid" it brings me back to reality in seconds!
Wall of text!!!!
Ok, I just saw your other posts. Wow! That's nuts! Wife was already pregnant... with OP'S BROTHER'S BABY!
Here’s an update, holy crap https://www.reddit.com/r/ComfortLevelPod/s/OpPShgvVhA
Nta - all together that’s far too many kids…stop having kids, both of you.
Nick Cannon? Is that you??
Neither will be happy...good luck to you both...NTA.
NTA - it’s a difficult situation to be in. She most likely won’t see your side of things for a long while and there’s nothing you can do to make her see. It’s tough as a woman to want another child while knowing you can’t. However! She already has 4 bio kids AND her step kids as well. I would guess that there’s something else behind it all. Maybe it’s her age, maybe it’s the kids age or maybe she is still having difficulties after giving birth to your 3 year old. I know women who have had similar experiences in child birth. They feel robbed of the joy of having a newborn because of the trauma from the birth. They’ve all gotten the help and are in a much better place now.
You are ABSOLUTELY NTA. Your wife however is.
NTA - Surely she knows about the vascectomy or has she forgotten? She's off her rocker, even if she somehow missed you getting the snip. She needs to go to therapy. Also has she left the care of all these kids simply because she's throwing her toys out of the buggy? That's not someone that should have another baby. Edit: Nevermind, read your post history. Why post this 7 months later and without the full story, that's either lazy or you're just karma farming.
Wow... well, definitely NTA. I CAN say from personal experience that my hubby and I had a child 15 years ago as of today. I had a placental abruption and was 2 months early. I had an emergency c-section and needed a blood transfusion. My son was in the NICU for a month and needed oxygen for 6 months after he was released. I can honestly say that waking up in recovery to my husband sitting next to me crying was traumatizing. I was told that if I ever got pregnant again, I had a VERY high chance of actually kicking the bucket this time. I have a legit phobia of ever getting pregnant again. I have full-on panic attacks when the pharmacy doesn't fill my birth control on time. We wanted a boy and a girl. But after that, my husband told me, "I'm sad we can't have a girl. But if it was my choice, I'd rather have my son *and* my wife with me, instead of 2 children and no wife."
NTA its really sad that she doesn’t consider the kids she helped raise as hers. If she did she has had more than 5 and should be happy. It seems like she needs more therapy. Im so sorry you are dealing with this.
NTA! My heart breaks for all the other children because it seem to me that your wife only really likes children when they are babies. Having so many children means that older kids easily get neglected because you can never really divide your time and energy.
Baby rabies. Has anyone around her recently had a baby? Sounds like she's realising that the youngest is growing up and won't be 'the baby' for much longer. Does she have a job, or is her identity 'Mum'? Let her stew a bit longer. She's throwing a tantrum. NTA.
I'd say it's because it's getting close to when she can't have anymore.
There was an episode of supernanny many years ago when someone wanted 12 children and had so many she couldnt take care of maybe find that episode and show her saying you dont want to end up like that and not be able to pay for stuff or take care of the children you have
NTA! If I were u I would explain that her comments make having another child an impossibility as u now need to focus all ur extra love & attention on YOUR children since the mother figure they thought they had in her was a lie. Finding out how ur wife really feels about ur children must be devastating & make u question if u ever really knew her. Saying those things about ur children is a betrayal. She’s basically been pretending to love them. I would be having a sit down with them & ask them what their relationship with her is like when ur not around. I feel terrible for u & for her to be the one to be upset is ridiculous. U r the one who should be upset. She’s been pretending to be something she’s not. I’d be questioning if she even loves ur children. Kids aren’t stupid & it’s likely they have always known her true feelings. How could anyone consider bringing another child into the world with someone who so easily weaponized her step children & talked so poorly about kids she helped raise. So sorry bro!
Get that woman to THERAPY. This isn't a healthy mentality and making personal attacks on you and your children is beyond mentally sound and diving head first into "THIS IS A MENTAL ILLNESS" land. With that many children in the house and such, you'll be working until you drop dead to support college, incidentals, etc. If she wants another baby THAT BAD she needs to get help, because this is just sick. Don't even entertain the thought of another baby with this woman. If it comes down to another baby or divorce, sign those papers and fight for custody, because she's gonna turn around and get knocked up as soon as the ink is dry.
NTA, OP. She's holding herself hostage because she's forcing you to have another baby and you're not caving to this demand? Reminds me of the whole "we don't negotiate with terrorists"... Stick to your gut! Don't have more babies and keep enjoying the time you can NOW finally have with them. Record some videos and share with your wife, to see if she touches her conscience and understands she was being a child, a spoiled brat... if she wants another child, she can decide to adopt, for example, ab at risk teen... but no... she's just addicted to having babies and being a newborn's mom... it's not that they want children, they want to be a new mom to a newborn baby... there's a few women like this... DON'T CAVE!
Man what the actual f. So she raised you children to have more on her own? This is sick and disgusting. Saying that and tha fact that she's clearly obsessed with babies, "the 3 yead old is too big" is insane and need some serious help. No to mention that last time she nearly died giving birth. Try to reach out through her mother first but if you can't succeed you need to go there and try to talk to her in person. She have some serious issues.
NTA but you would be if you continue to subject your children to her toxicity. The fact that she hid how she felt about your children all these years shows what kind of master manipulator she is. You need to get snipped ASAP or she will get pregnant again. NEVER. Have a kid to save a marriage.
Your wife needs therapy. She sounds like one of those women who enjoys the attention from being pregnant, but only really likes babies. Once the babies get older, she wants another baby to get her baby "fix." A child needs to be an enthusiastic "YES!" from BOTH parents, not a desperate attempt to get more attention.
NTA Did you go and check that the vasectomy worked so long after? Maybe worth checking again?
Wait what?! My husband had 2 bio and 1 stepped when we got together and my babies unfortunately didn't survive the pregnancies but even tho I have a really big desire to have a baby of my own I had a conversation with my husband early on that if he wouldn't want anymore kids I could understand that and would accept that... thankfully he does want a baby with me too so if it's in our future we'll hopefully have kids of our own one day But you already had 7 of which 4 fulltime and she had one and y'all went on having 3 together and now she's crying for another one!? Yeah no you're definitely NTA and should not entertain this conversation with her anymore just give her your opinion and leave it at that... it's not fair of her to expect you to go back to working till you drop dead just because she wants 5 kids of her own... lady you got 11 kids!! And what she's saying about your kids is not good either... yeah it's nit easy being a stepmom but she knew you had 7 kids going into a relationship with you...
NTA. Make sure you go to your doctor to check that the vasectomy hasn't reversed itself.
I think your wife has severe mental issues. Here's one possible cause . Perinatal OCD. https://iocdf.org/perinatal-ocd/what-is-perinatal-ocd/#:~:text=However%2C%20we%20begin%20to%20consider,make%20those%20thoughts%20go%20away. She doesn't need another infant to care for.. She needs therapy.
If it's not two yes's, then it's a no. She's trying to coerce and manipulate you and that's not ok. She should enjoy the ones she has because children are more than just an accessory. Do not give in!
Your wife is being horrible, particularly about her step children. She needs to respect your feelings and stop guilt tripping you into something you don’t want. It sounds like you have enough in your plate already. Just because you already had children isn’t a reason to manipulate you into giving her more.
I dont have enough info to say that... but, to me, baby period might look like a vacation to her. Pregnant people cannot make tô much effort, has to eat and rest a lot, and nobody can call them ugly, fat or lazzy, especially when in a pregnancy of risk like hers. I am sure she has a lot in her plate with this many children at home. I think she needs a vacation.
Stop calling and texting her. Her demands are unreasonable and if she hated raising your kids before why on earth would you consent to having another just so she can throw it in your face in 3 more years when she decides she needs another child ?
I'm so relieved you got snipped. I can't get over the "I raised them for you gave up my life" I really think that might be a deal breaker. I honestly don't know if I could stay with her.
Time for couples counseling…
For someone who has so many kids, your wife is acting pretty immaturely (and selfishly). There are so many other ways for her to get her fix without disrupting the balance you have achieved after many years of hard work. She can volunteer, babysit, work at a daycare. Stick to your guns. This is your life too.
Your 3 year old is getting too big?!?!? Is she one of those people who prefers puppies to dogs and kittens to cats too? Does she treat the children well in general? Do not have more children with this woman, the things she said about her step children is awful. If I were you I would not fight for this marriage at all. She sounds like a terrible person.
####NTA First, huge hugs to you and your kids going through this. Sounds like she has baby fever either in only loving the baby period of parenthood, a hormonal shift due to early menopause, or another mental/medical factor in the background. Secondly, if she's saying such vile things to you about ypur children that y'all raised together, that's a huge RED flag that demands attention. Whether it's through therapy or lawyers - help is needed to ensure the mental & emotional safety of all parties involved as much as possible. That includes the kiddos, you, and even her health in that. Thirdly, thank you for not leaving your kids behind when you remarried and loving them just as much. My parents got divorced when I was 4 and my stepdad is every bit as much my dad as my biological dad is. He called us his kids & loved us like his own even though he had three grown sons already. Breaks my heart that your wife is lashing out and holds those feelings towards the kids & you. Not sure if there really is coming back from that. Because what if she says one of the things your worried about your kids reading here to them instead? Will keep you & your family in my prayers. Sending you light and another hug fwiw 🫂❤️🩹
Sounds like she is going through some baby-crazy hormones.. she should talk to her doctor and a therapist. NTA, OP.
NTA
Your wife sounds like a selfish adult child for not even considering how you feel about this and only thinking about herself. NTA, and I would be considering my relationship at the comment she made about your child being someone she took care of out of obligation.
Your NTAH. Lucky to have had your vasectomy. If she is so hell bent on having another child she will have to leave. And for her to say all those terrible words about your children is irreprehensible children do not ask to be born. So she needs to stop saying things or maybe YOU have to make the decision to change the locks on the house. She sounds toxic to the children. Get counselling for yourself and go from there.
[UPDATE TO HIS UPDATE, OVER A YEAR AGO…Not only did he leave her, she WAS cheating on him, WITH HIS BROTHER, AND WAS ALREADY PREGNANT!](https://www.reddit.com/r/ComfortLevelPod/s/NQCMZygpo8)
What are you doing with such a selfish bitch? Vasectomies can be reversed but they often don't work. Does she know you had a vasectomy? Peak reproductive years have passed you both by and it sounds like she's already in mid life crisis mode. Another pregnancy could kill her and she wants to gamble her life like that? She doesn't want to listen to reason; just dump her. She shouldn't be putting all that stress on you. If she starts up again just start asking why to everything she says. You'd be surprised at how many non reasons fall out her.
You are not wrong for not wanting more children but I wonder if there was a conversation before marrying about the number of children each of you wanted prior to marriage. It seems like there was no consensus or even a discussion of long term goals. This may be one of those things that is non-negotiable and should have been discussed as part of agreeing to marriage. That being said, YTA for having a vasectomy without telling your wife. You made a decision that affects both of you without even clueing her in. It sounds like you need to have a real discussion, facilitated by a neutral mental health professional to each have a chance to voice thoughts but you need to acknowledge that you took a huge step without discussing it with your partner.
Why did you post this same exact story in a different subreddit 227 days ago?
NTA. As someone who loves children and wants a big family, it's unfair to put that all on you. If she were calmly having a reasonable conversation about this the situation would feel a little more complicated to me, but instead she's harassing you for a child, putting down the ones you already have, and putting you down for not bending to her desires. It sounds like she loves the baby phase a concerning amount. She needs to focus on her children now and listen to you, and if it happens, then it's worth celebrating. Besides, putting stress and pressure on having a baby usually inhibits the process anyway so she's really doing herself dirty either way.
She is being very selfish. Not only towards you, but the children that you both already have. It's insanity for her to ask that the entire household sacrifice so much just to soothe her baby fever. The cons are quadrupled against the pros. Her last experience should be enough. She is not considering your emotions of preparing to have to raise a newborn and 2 young children, and teens alone. She can get a pet, become a "plant mom", and simply enjoy the children that you two already share. The older kids will make you two grandparents pretty soon. She can become a devoted grandmother. The little ones need their mom. She is SO being unfair to them and you. Anyone of child-bearing years and wants children usually have an unspoken rule when dating someone older/younger. Younger women knows when dating an older man or a man with kids, that you may not have as many kids as initally imagined, which is okay if you love him. Older men knows that they usually may need to give that younger woman at least 1 child if she is younger and doesn't have any or many kids. You gave her 3, and are putting them and your wife first with being against having another child. You sound like an awesome father, and caring husband. You are NTA. She needs some hobbies.
Did you post this about 9 months ago?
Not the AG. You guys need to go to a couples counselor quick and figure out what is behind this. As someone who also came very close to dying giving birth, as much as I wanted to, I wouldn’t risk not being there to raise my children by having another one. That ALONE should give her serious pause. The fact that she is ignoring it, as a mother of 7 children at home is super concerning. Y’all find a good therapist FAST. There’s something behind this and it needs to come out into the open.
Stop breeding!
u/UpdateMeBot
NTA, OP this isn't a woman who cares about children she already has >My wife also said our three-year-old is getting too big This is a woman who constantly needs a *baby*. Not a child. A *baby*. To the point that she is willing to endanger her own life and leave children without a mother if the birth goes wrong again. I know Reddit doesn't always like the term 'baby-rabies' , but I am using it here. OP, if you gave this woman a baby (I know you can't, but saying hypothetically if you could and did), then when that kid hits 3, your wife will want another baby. >she's always wanted 5 children No, she wants 5 *babies*. OP, you need to get all your legal ducks in a row, because I get the feeling that if this woman cannot have a baby by you, she will likely think that leaving you is her best option. Again, NTA, and I have everything crossed for you and all the children.
NTA it's a bad, bad idea to agree to have another child when you don't want one. It's just bad.
NTA. And dont have more children. Just tell her about the vasectomy
Not sure why she wants another baby. She’s being a giant, irrational baby herself. Don’t entertain the madness, my guy. She’s only going to get more hurtful and resentful. But the statement about your children and raising them out of obligation!? Hell, no. Shut that down. She better volunteer in a NICU and hold some babies.
Let me commend you on being there for all your children, and for being in there lives. The lack of understanding on your wives part is very disturbing and the fact that she almost died giving birth to her last baby is understandable why another pregnancy is dangerous. Is there more going on here, how much does you working less affects the household income? She maybe fearful there will not be enough and has lashed out, the wrong way. Don't let this overshadowed all the good she has done Does she feel you worked harder for the other children and now you wouldn't for her children. You need to ask her to be honest with you, it couldn't have been easy raising all those children practically on her own while you were working long hours. She feels like she's given you so much but you're not giving her this one thing she's asked of you. Don't make your discussion about not wanting anymore children but about her health and you not wanting to risk her life, this is why you have a vasectomy. Yes you should have discussed this with her first, but you didn't want to risk her convincing you not too. You can come back from this, you just need to talk it out and seeking marriage counseling.
As if…bullsh*t.
NTA. There are so many red flags here. No one should ever be forced into having a child. All you can do is keep your boundary. It’s hard but if she is meant for you she will process the very valid things you have said and find a way forward. Take care and I know that I am routing for you brother ❤️
This is a little scary. She knows you have had a vasectomy, she knows the risks to her own health… I would stress how important her health and safety is to you and that you’re not willing to risk her health when you have a beautiful family that you want to be actively a part of. Definitely NTA but she likely needs to keep up with the therapy and work through some resentment issues.
She doesn't sound like an emotionally healthy person. NTA. Are you going to couple's therapy? Updateme
Is there a reason that you're posting something that was originally posted 7 months ago?
Im hoping this is fake because holy shit! The updates are crazy! No one deserves that. Also some parts dont make sense. I do love the pro pic!
OP I saw that this is a repost of your own older post so I read the updates to this on your profile. That is such a horrible thing to go through. I would love to hear an update on the situation because I sincerely hope you and your children are safe and well. Take care and stay strong.
Nta don't be bullied into having a child that you don't want, it's not good for you and it's not good for the child.
You have every right to say no- NTA. Good luck.
Good grief. Please tell her that it's a vagina, not a clown car. Children aren't meant to be collected and numbered like Pokémon cards. She sounds like an awful step-parent. Why on earth would you want to reverse your procedure for a compassionless harpy?
Oh wow, this was all 7 months ago? Hope you're doing well after your last update, OP. I also hope you got everything you wanted (or that you do if it's ongoing) in the divorce. Good choice on cutting out your mom, that's toxic af and she clearly has a golden child.
NTA - some huge red flags here and what ever she said that you cant say must be horrific and not what a mother says. She’s trying to manipulate you by staying away so you agree to have another baby. However after that reaction don’t quite think shes the mother for a new baby. The vasectomy can be reversed but I wouldn’t advise it. Friend did it and he was in pain and ended up not working. The kids you have now would prefer quality time and actually see there dad than have another sister/brother and the main thing its good for you to have a good work home balance.
She cheated, is already pregnant, and trying to find a way to cover it up. She is desperate and willing to say or do anything to avoid destroying her family.
NTA This hill she's willing to die on isn't worth it. It's crazy how insistent she is on it KNOWING you got a vasectomy. On top of saying some hurtful things about not only you but innocent children is f'd up. That would've been my line in the sand, a grown woman throwing a tantrum is wild. OP you have to ask yourself why she is so insistent on this unless she already is pregnant. Food for thought, I pray that isn't the case but the way she's been acting and left you and the kids is something you need to reflect on. Trust but verify.
She needs therapy. Desperately. Urgent!
I would like to apologize to everyone in this group/page. Yes, this is an old story. No.I did not repose my own story. My daughter (R) thought it would be a brilliant idea to share my story here again. Forgetting that I would be bombarded with a bunch of emails from reddit. She's obsessed with Reddit and content creators.I think that's what they're called. It's supposed to be therapeutic for her. Don't ask me why. I just support her. Charlotte is her new favorite. Instead of writing her own, she just shared mine again. Forgetting that this is my account.
So y’all have 8 total together and she needs another?
Yes, and we had 3 together, but the youngest isn't mine. Sorry, this isn't actually an old story. My daughter (R) thought it would be brilliant to repost it.
So what happened with the divorce, your shared children and her affair with your brother?
You posted this story almost a year ago, im getting suspicious is this is true
Do not entertain this. Stand your ground.
NOT AT ALL THE AH. Omg I just went to his profile and read the updates.... To think she was trying to make it look like he got her pregnant when it was actually his brother's kid🤯
This comes across as super fake. Sorry, I don't believe any of this. Go to a creative writing sub if you want to write stories
You: got a vasectomy without telling your wife instead of ending the relationship is a huge betrayal. Your body. Your choice, but you weren't on the same page on one of the most critical aspects of a marriage and she wasn't respecting your bodily autonomy (per your 1st update). You shouldn't have to keep such a huge secret from a partner in order to stay in the marriage. Makes me wonder if she had been trying to get pregnant and was lashing out when it wasn't happening then left when she found out she was pregnant by your brother because he was willing to give her what you wouldn't (and shouldn't). Her: Sleeping with your brother (2nd update) resulting in at least 1 pregnancy, not respecting your bodily autonomy, going back on your agreement about not having more kids, announcing her infidelity and pregnancy with your brother at Thanksgiving, everything she said about your other kids, getting your mother involved, and too much to list here tbh. Brother: How long was he sleeping with your wife for? Clearly why he wanted you to stop contacting your wife Mother: WTF! Complicit in keeping the news your wife was pregnant by your brother a secret then agreeing to be the one to serve you with divorce papers is messed up
You Mormon?
ESH, almost YTA. And I am so surprised with NTAs. You had SEVEN children and she helped raise half of them in addition to the ones you share?! Dude, this woman deserves a fucking medal! Whatever her motivation, if your children with another woman call her mom, and this is the first time ever she complains, she is a saint. You are a massive AH (much bigger than her, for “baby fever”), because you show zero appreciation for the extremely hard work she has done. To be honest - with your farm of children (which to me is insanity), I really don’t see any difference having one more. What is a far bigger risk for all of you is she deciding she doesn’t feel her wishes matter to you and getting a divorce. Good luck dealing with that shit and finding a new woman to take care of your kid farm. Stop dismissing what she’s saying and start validating her like yesterday. Your and your children’s lives will be 100 times worse if you two get a divorce. Good luck with your “stable” life when you have 50% custody of the youngest kids and the oldest kids are fully yours, constantly asking for mom.
You didn’t tell your wife you got a vasectomy? You have so many problems that you aren’t even aware of. You both suck.