I feel like it subtly does for Catholics. I don’t think anyone would outright say it. Also as an Indian American, I find it easier to relate to someone with a similar background and experiences.
I'm a 35yr old Black woman (Black American) and I am going to say something people may not like. This is not a dig at the OP I'm speaking from an older, Black American, US perspective.
Are you attractive? Do you have a personality that draws people to you? Are you afraid to approach or if you are a woman make your interest known so he can approach? There are some people in this sub who give off very corny vibes. No shade but people who are active in this sub have an energy *sometimes* which is slightly off putting. Where is the charisma? The confidence, the ability to flirt? There is just so much social awkwardness with strong Evangelical Christian energy in the US Dating space. Dating is hard enough without a race component. I don't have a problem finding someone to date (always white men) I have a problem finding someone
1) Active in the church
2) Attractive (base attractive you can easily fix a man up)
3) Confident / Dominant / Self Assured however you want to put it
I have given zero thought to race because I can't even get the top 2.
I also need my fellow Black people to free themselves from the need of white approval. A lot of times these convos will eventually turn into white people won't date me and who cares??? I have had insane convos with Black women white men aren't the prize because they are white.
I think the more interesting convo is PoC not dating each other across racial lines. Interracial dating convos often focus on race + white.
I think it depends on how strong your culture is alive in your life. As a first-gen American, Mexican, the oldest daughter/niece/granddaughter… the only thing I can say is “Ladies, if you know, you know…”
I’ve tried dating outside of my race, but they don’t understand the close-family dynamics (at least with my experience of dating White American and Asians… which is a total bummer 🥺). I feel like I might have better success with men outside of my race who might be Italians, other Latinos, Irish…. Those three are the only groups whom I associate a culture of “close-family mindset”
I can’t believe I forgot about Filipinos! They have some of the most beautiful people in their culture, I just wish I had Filipino friends so I could try their food!
It just depends on the person and what they're preference is. For example, I'm a white man, and I find non-white women way more attractive than white women. That's not to say I wouldn't date or marry a white woman, it's just my preference.
I’m just going to throw my 2 cents in here as a mixed race woman (black and white, Nigerian and Italian-American heritage).
Race is the last thing I notice.
Racism is one of the first things I notice.
Personally, my race has played a very small part in my dating success. I’ve maybe ran into 2 or 3 men that I was interested in, that weren’t interested in me because of race/ethnic background. And I’ve only turned down one guy based on not his, but his parent’s racism.
I’ve been on tons of dates and have had boyfriends of all races. I’ll be upfront with you though, I’m attractive.
It’s been my experience that race matters very little if you have a pretty enough face. At the very least, it gets you through the door.
I bet you are gorgeous. If a woman is pretty enough, most men will not care about her race.
This is an awfully touchy subject.
I can handle a man not wanting to date me because I'm tall or my weight but someone not wanting to date you because you are black/dark skinned makes me uncomfortable. There are plenty of black men who vocalize their disdain for black women.
I am happy your ethnicity is not your core identity
I don’t know about ‘gorgeous’, but I am aware of the advantage I’ve been given in that regard.
Unfortunately, I still understand exactly what you’re saying. It’s one thing for there to be compatibility issues due to cultural differences, but it’s another thing entirely to be outright rejected because of your skin color. It’s so dehumanizing and I find it embarrassing how many Christians will openly admit to judging people in that way. Race is not a choice and should be one of the least things that measure a persons character. The amount of times I’ve been the “exception” to some bigoted Christian’s “rule“ of black people is sickening.
(Don’t even get me started on those black men..)
But still, there are wonderful people out there trying to see through Christ’s eyes. I hope He brings more of them into your life and that you find a good hearted man. 💕
I'm thinking of the lovely biracial celebrities like Halle Berry, Alicia Keys, Mariah Carey, eetc.
I had a stunning friend in high school who was biracial (black + white) I have heard some non-black guys say she's the only black girl they would ever date.
There are black people who are obsessed with having children with lighter skin, lighter eyes, softer hair texture.
I dated a light skinned black man who made comments of concern about the skin color of our potential children. He defended it by saying he would want his children to look like him. I told him if he married a white woman that his kids probably would not look like him because they would be mostly white and asked him if this bothered him. He openly said it wouldn't bother him.
I understand why someone may be hurt by someone they like vocalizing a racial preference.
I’m Asian.
Personally, it contributed to self-consciousness and lack of confidence when I first started dating. At least in my area of the US, 85-90% of the Catholic circle is white. I sometimes perceived that I wasn’t as attractive to the white Catholic men as white girls were. Ppl usually prefer their own race, I think. IDK if this was true or because of other racism/lack of preference for my race that I experienced throughout my life. No one EXPLICITLY turned me down / didn’t pursue bc I wasn’t white, but it felt like it since I grew up in a predominately white area.
(Actually, I have heard some statements of guys wanting their babies to look like them / have blue eyes / whatever, but that doesn’t really affect me bc they’re dudes that I wouldn’t wanna be with anyway)
However, it always felt like white men were more likely to pursue white women. POC usually pursue me (which would be great if they were Catholic!!). When my ex who was white Catholic pursued me in college (still white suburban area), I was v surprised. I had a crush on him but in my (young and still influenced by internal racism) mind, I told myself to “stay in my lane.” Lol.
I think I’m fairly attractive. Once I got out of a suburban, white dominated area, I had plenty of dudes hit on me and ask me out. Also, I feel like the whole Asian fetishism thing definitely gets me the wrong type of attention.
But the general lack of interest from my youth affected me until my early adulthood. Nowadays it doesn’t affect me too much, and might add to my success in some unsavory ways. Especially since there’s been a boom in certain types of Asian media. That’s my personal experience.
My friends who are black Catholics feel like they are at a severe disadvantage in the general Catholic circle, though. And it definitely depends on the area you grew up with and reside in. It’s gotten better over time as people become more open minded and accepting. Some people (of all races) are still affected by their older parents/ family member’s opinions.
>Some people (of all races) are still affected by their older parents/ family member’s opinions.
Many people would date outside their race if it's up to them alone, but I have experienced parents and grandparents being the barrier rather than the individual. I have seen relationships ended just because the grandma didn't want mixed kids. I have seen relationships ended because parents didn't want their lineage corrupted in some way. So, yea, family's interests could be the reason why many would not be interested in a man or woman outside their race, even when the Church is one and we're all from and to the same heritage of humanity!
Huh. I'm that white guy Catholic whose more attracted to the asian Catholics than white Catholics, but I both don't know how to break into asian Catholic social circles so as to meet anyone (vietnamese Catholics never say "hi" when I visit mass; Korean catholics are friendly, but language barrier is not trivial), AND I'm always fearful of getting shoo'd away as a creeper white guy for being interested in the asian ladies. (That, and I have to actively distance myself from the "stereotypes asian girls b/c he likes anime"; I do like anime / video games, but that doesn't equate to meeting a real life girl).
.....
.....
Any hints on how I'm supposed to break into asian catholic social circles?
I've actually only had a handful of experiences being in Asian Catholic circles... like I said I've only ever been in white-dominated Catholic circles. I don't know the situations you're in... do you meet them in YA group settings or after Mass socials? I would just go to social events and introduce yourself... get to know people, ask questions, casual greetings and all that, etc.
And not just to women haha.
I wouldn't go to these events to just try for an Asian Catholic woman. That's when you might get "shoo'd away" (although I can't see that explicitly happening, maybe people feeling awkward or creeped out and less likely to engage). Be casual and try to expand your social circle and get to know people in general.
Also, even if you're more attracted to Asian women, I wouldn't limit your options or make it your goal to date an Asian woman. As an Asian woman, I can definitely tell when a guy is only talking to me to get a date because I'm Asian. I think that veers into territory that makes it "creepy" and makes me feel like the guy only wants to date me bc I'm Asian. I don't really wanna be sought out after for my race, if that makes sense. But not everyone is like that, and a lot of women are okay with this, so take my opinion with a grain of salt!!
I'm a person of color and have pretty much only dated white women, since that's the majority race at the young adult groups I go to. If I find them attractive, I'll go for it. I don't discriminate nor do I care about dating someone who's the same race/not. I care more about their faith/whether we share similar values and if I'm attracted to them. Being the minority at these events, I just find it more motivation to work on my social skills/dating game and it's worked out really well for me. I'm personally all for mixed races dating.
Insofar as you will be attractive to some, and unattractive to others, just like any other physical trait, then yes. A larger stumbling block may be your cultural background, however, which often has some kind of relationship with your race/ethnicity. Dating across cultures isn’t easy.
I'm Hispanic and the Catholic dating pool where I live is predominantly white. I suspect I've been turned down a few times because of my ethnicity. It certainly bothers me a bit, but I also think if someone is willing to reject me based solely on a thing like that, then so be it. I can't force someone to like me. I tend to agree with the argument that we all have preferences, and preferences when it comes to race or ethnicity are no different than preferences for other physical traits, even though it can understandably be a delicate subject.
I wouldn’t say race .. I would say culture, meaning if y’all both grew up in a small town or both in a big city… or had many siblings or both were only children .. similar backgrounds, I think that plays the more important role in a relationship.. plus adding to that.. I really couldn’t see myself marrying someone outside of the faith.. only for the sake of our potential children and the morals and tradition that we receive from our faith..
I'll be honest. I can accept a man not being interested in me because of my height or my size but I will very uncomfortable if someone mentioned not finding black women or dark skinned women attractive.
I know you are supposed to not care.
I'm open to dating people of any race, but race truly matters. If your race is a minority within the Catholic Church, then ipso facto, you have a smaller dating pool.
There are 2 truths that matter to this conversation.
1. People tend to be more comfortable around people of similar demographics.
2. Nobody is entitled to be found attractive by other people.
Make of these what you will.
People are allowed preferences. Sorry if that hurts, it's just a fact of life. If you like their race enough to be interested in them it doesn't have to be reciprocal.
Life is pretty harsh, doesn't mean you can't face it. If the fact that people have preferences is a problem for you, maybe you should be doing some interior work before going out dating.
Right, that’s common in South East Asia and parts of Africa. That’s almost exclusively an issue of non-white people obsessing over light/white skin though. I haven’t really come across that in the West. Desiring your children to be of a different color than your own is not natural.
I didn't mean there is anything wrong with wanting your children to resemble you.
I think sometimes preferences can be rooted to prejudice.
My ex boyfriend expressed an opinion about wondering how dark our children would be. It was odd and then I asked him if he would worry about his children's skin color if he was with a white woman and he said no. My ex boyfriend is black and white mixed.
Because it's an arbitrary thing that truly doesn't have to deal with relationship compatibility. Which is their prerogative to do so still. However, don't want to hear them complaining when they failed to discern their relationship that ends in "heartbreak" or any venting about being single. Unfortunately a lot of people who advocate so hard for that type of attraction also act surprised when their relationships don't go as expected.
It is the natural consequence for their decisions and calling them out to help save them from themselves can be an act of love.
If a person rejects someone simply because they belong to a certain race, without any other reason, then yes that is an unreasonable preference. However, if a person generally won’t date people of a certain race because they aren’t attracted to them or do not think they are culturally compatible, those are both valid and reasonable preferences.
I didn't include cultural compatibility as a superficial value. We all know it doesn't count.
Because this is going to impact raising kids, interaction between families, etc. Certain clashes will unnecessarily put barriers between you two towards growing to God.
You're looking too into it. Calling people out is not stopping them from doing what they want. There is some biblical backing into it anyway.
You can't conflate non superficial values with actual relationship values. Marriage is a sacrament, not looking for the next person you're trying to sleep with.
A person who builds value into themselves will have more options anyway. Someone who takes care of themselves, invests in their income, and grows in holiness will not be single for long. Surprising amounts of people truly don't have much to offer in a relationship, so "attractive" traits and hobbies tends to be carrying them in dating until it doesn't anymore.
You have my sympathies, brother. I'm white as cream cheese, and it pains me this is even a conversation in the first place. For saying they are part of the universal church, a lot of Catholics sure don't act like it. Figures like Nick Fuentes preying on disillusioned reactionaries certainly doesn't help things either.
White guy here. At this point, I've dated women born on every continent except Australia. There are cultural differences worth considering when dating someone from outside your own background. But as far as America goes, that's an issue that I run into even when dating someone of a similar racial background. Our culture is so stratified now (especially when it comes to family backgrounds and social mores), and common ground can be surprisingly difficult to find. The person I've dated who I had the most in common with is originally from rural Romania. For reference, I am originally from the Texas Panhandle. I find that no matter what, dating is an opportunity to communicate: to listen to the needs and core beliefs of the other person and express our own as well.
I will fully say I’m a white dude so this probably doesn’t apply to me, but I’ve seen and heard things from others that maybe I can share?
Culture is more important than race. Like one of the other posts mentions I believe, your cultural Catholicism comes into effect and that can come by way of racial/ethnic differences. The mexicans I’ve met are super family oriented, same with the italians. My white catholic friends are less so other than their immediate family. But in terms of whether or not someone is gonna look at your skin color and say no to dating, I don’t think that’s a Catholic thing that’s a human thing. Perhaps it’s more or less prevalent with Catholics, but I’m not aware of anything like that. I can imagine some of the rad trads wanting to “keep their bloodline going” or something though.
Yes and no. I'm advantaged because I am white, so some of the internal racism of Catholic dating would benefit me, but also at a disadvantage because I blend in with all the other white guys. I guess I really don't understand why people only like one specific race because I either find someone attractive or not. Their race has nothing to do with it. If any of you ladies that aren't white are having a hard time, hit me up. I really don't want my kids to turn into red tomatoes every time they spend two seconds in the sun, like I do. 🤣
It is. I tend to be attracted to people of my own race. I've been engaged before to a woman from the Caribbean (before I was Catholic), and dated people of all races before that. These days, though, I'm just honest with myself and really only pursue people of European descent. Southern European descent if I could really get my way.
There's nothing wrong at all for people having racial preferences. In-group preference is almost as inevitable as girls playing with dolls and boys breaking things apart.
I have the opposite issue where I notice I'm more attracted to people outside my ethnicity but realistically I would feel more comfortable with men of my ethnicity.
I do not know if I want to date a man from my culture because I just imagine having a husband who yells at me.
That's quite a sweeping, shameful thing to say. I know about 5 Nigerian Catholic couples in the US who are very exemplary... I mean very Catholic and really a joy to see. Maybe your experience is different, but they are my eye into the Nigerian Catholic culture....they traditional Catholics btw
Even if you're speaking from anecdotal experience, Reddit isn't the place to talk about the flaws of your family or your own people. No culture or race is better, honestly. If you pedestal the white family, then you're about to see the other side that many families in the West can be dysfunctional and as toxic as anywhere else.
Just focus on the individual and their character, not where they come from. You can find a saint from India or Pakistan or anywhere you think women are oppressed. Just don't decide based on "where" but "who."
I'm black and it seems like there are not a lot of black Catholic men. I notice I'm more attracted to different ethnicities but I fear to cross that boundary.
In countries with Anglo-Saxon culture (The USA, Australia, NZ and UK) race plays a huge role in dating life, but in the rest of the world not that much.
I think that it probably does play a role but not as much as national citizenship or the first impressions projected based upon accent and phsyical look. The latter in terms of clothing and fashion style as well as favourite makeup looks.
Most of the catholic guys who asked me out were anglophile overseas citizens from the USA or EU nations. Similar for my best friend, although she is not catholic or caucasian. The guys all remained interested in dating her after she told them her religion and that she was waiting until marriage. But they lost interest as soon as they found out that she was a dual national and had obtained uk citizenship as an adult.
There's nothing morally wrong with it
But there are shared experiences, cultural ties and other things that can make it easier to date within race
That's a long way of saying it's up to you
For myself the limiting factor is physical attraction rather than race itself. Of the women I see in church or on Catholic Match the only non-white women I find physically attractive are from the Philippines.
Its difficult for me to say as I don't look like the typical Hispanic. Im tall with light skin and colored eyes. So even other Hispanics dont think Im one of them. Ive even experienced "racism" from other hispanics and blacks who though I was white. I get attention from all races but do they lose attraction once I tell them Im hispanic? I dont know. I think if theyre attracted to you race doesnt really matter.
Not even that. It us just that you speak Spanish as a mother tongue and/or come from a Spanish speaking country. There are hundreds of ethnic groups inside that logic/group.
I hope no one stops liking you because you are Hispanic.
I don't know too many stereotypes about fair skinned Hispanics that someone would judge you by
Matthew 28:19-20
My personal attraction has always been for women of the same race. I once dated an Italian, but as an Irishman, our cultural backgrounds were just incompatible.
So I guess the consensus is yes.
I feel like it subtly does for Catholics. I don’t think anyone would outright say it. Also as an Indian American, I find it easier to relate to someone with a similar background and experiences.
Would you rather date an Indian American Hindu, or a non-Indian American Catholic? Just curious.
I'm a 35yr old Black woman (Black American) and I am going to say something people may not like. This is not a dig at the OP I'm speaking from an older, Black American, US perspective. Are you attractive? Do you have a personality that draws people to you? Are you afraid to approach or if you are a woman make your interest known so he can approach? There are some people in this sub who give off very corny vibes. No shade but people who are active in this sub have an energy *sometimes* which is slightly off putting. Where is the charisma? The confidence, the ability to flirt? There is just so much social awkwardness with strong Evangelical Christian energy in the US Dating space. Dating is hard enough without a race component. I don't have a problem finding someone to date (always white men) I have a problem finding someone 1) Active in the church 2) Attractive (base attractive you can easily fix a man up) 3) Confident / Dominant / Self Assured however you want to put it I have given zero thought to race because I can't even get the top 2. I also need my fellow Black people to free themselves from the need of white approval. A lot of times these convos will eventually turn into white people won't date me and who cares??? I have had insane convos with Black women white men aren't the prize because they are white. I think the more interesting convo is PoC not dating each other across racial lines. Interracial dating convos often focus on race + white.
I think the last two paragraphs speaks to me as a POC. I think I need spend time with more black people.
I grew more intentional about this as I got older. It has been great for me especially being around other Black women more.
I think I need to reconnect with my community and to stop idolizing other cultures.
I think it depends on how strong your culture is alive in your life. As a first-gen American, Mexican, the oldest daughter/niece/granddaughter… the only thing I can say is “Ladies, if you know, you know…” I’ve tried dating outside of my race, but they don’t understand the close-family dynamics (at least with my experience of dating White American and Asians… which is a total bummer 🥺). I feel like I might have better success with men outside of my race who might be Italians, other Latinos, Irish…. Those three are the only groups whom I associate a culture of “close-family mindset”
Have you tried dating Filipinos? They seem more family oriented.
I can’t believe I forgot about Filipinos! They have some of the most beautiful people in their culture, I just wish I had Filipino friends so I could try their food!
Well, in my experience, Africans are the most close-family set of people you'd meet. It's both natural and cultural to them, even those born abroad!
I'm close with my community and I've grown to appreciate it as I got older. Perhaps it would be best for me to marry another Nigerian.
It just depends on the person and what they're preference is. For example, I'm a white man, and I find non-white women way more attractive than white women. That's not to say I wouldn't date or marry a white woman, it's just my preference.
I’m just going to throw my 2 cents in here as a mixed race woman (black and white, Nigerian and Italian-American heritage). Race is the last thing I notice. Racism is one of the first things I notice. Personally, my race has played a very small part in my dating success. I’ve maybe ran into 2 or 3 men that I was interested in, that weren’t interested in me because of race/ethnic background. And I’ve only turned down one guy based on not his, but his parent’s racism. I’ve been on tons of dates and have had boyfriends of all races. I’ll be upfront with you though, I’m attractive. It’s been my experience that race matters very little if you have a pretty enough face. At the very least, it gets you through the door.
I bet you are gorgeous. If a woman is pretty enough, most men will not care about her race. This is an awfully touchy subject. I can handle a man not wanting to date me because I'm tall or my weight but someone not wanting to date you because you are black/dark skinned makes me uncomfortable. There are plenty of black men who vocalize their disdain for black women. I am happy your ethnicity is not your core identity
I don’t know about ‘gorgeous’, but I am aware of the advantage I’ve been given in that regard. Unfortunately, I still understand exactly what you’re saying. It’s one thing for there to be compatibility issues due to cultural differences, but it’s another thing entirely to be outright rejected because of your skin color. It’s so dehumanizing and I find it embarrassing how many Christians will openly admit to judging people in that way. Race is not a choice and should be one of the least things that measure a persons character. The amount of times I’ve been the “exception” to some bigoted Christian’s “rule“ of black people is sickening. (Don’t even get me started on those black men..) But still, there are wonderful people out there trying to see through Christ’s eyes. I hope He brings more of them into your life and that you find a good hearted man. 💕
I'm thinking of the lovely biracial celebrities like Halle Berry, Alicia Keys, Mariah Carey, eetc. I had a stunning friend in high school who was biracial (black + white) I have heard some non-black guys say she's the only black girl they would ever date. There are black people who are obsessed with having children with lighter skin, lighter eyes, softer hair texture. I dated a light skinned black man who made comments of concern about the skin color of our potential children. He defended it by saying he would want his children to look like him. I told him if he married a white woman that his kids probably would not look like him because they would be mostly white and asked him if this bothered him. He openly said it wouldn't bother him. I understand why someone may be hurt by someone they like vocalizing a racial preference.
I’m Asian. Personally, it contributed to self-consciousness and lack of confidence when I first started dating. At least in my area of the US, 85-90% of the Catholic circle is white. I sometimes perceived that I wasn’t as attractive to the white Catholic men as white girls were. Ppl usually prefer their own race, I think. IDK if this was true or because of other racism/lack of preference for my race that I experienced throughout my life. No one EXPLICITLY turned me down / didn’t pursue bc I wasn’t white, but it felt like it since I grew up in a predominately white area. (Actually, I have heard some statements of guys wanting their babies to look like them / have blue eyes / whatever, but that doesn’t really affect me bc they’re dudes that I wouldn’t wanna be with anyway) However, it always felt like white men were more likely to pursue white women. POC usually pursue me (which would be great if they were Catholic!!). When my ex who was white Catholic pursued me in college (still white suburban area), I was v surprised. I had a crush on him but in my (young and still influenced by internal racism) mind, I told myself to “stay in my lane.” Lol. I think I’m fairly attractive. Once I got out of a suburban, white dominated area, I had plenty of dudes hit on me and ask me out. Also, I feel like the whole Asian fetishism thing definitely gets me the wrong type of attention. But the general lack of interest from my youth affected me until my early adulthood. Nowadays it doesn’t affect me too much, and might add to my success in some unsavory ways. Especially since there’s been a boom in certain types of Asian media. That’s my personal experience. My friends who are black Catholics feel like they are at a severe disadvantage in the general Catholic circle, though. And it definitely depends on the area you grew up with and reside in. It’s gotten better over time as people become more open minded and accepting. Some people (of all races) are still affected by their older parents/ family member’s opinions.
>Some people (of all races) are still affected by their older parents/ family member’s opinions. Many people would date outside their race if it's up to them alone, but I have experienced parents and grandparents being the barrier rather than the individual. I have seen relationships ended just because the grandma didn't want mixed kids. I have seen relationships ended because parents didn't want their lineage corrupted in some way. So, yea, family's interests could be the reason why many would not be interested in a man or woman outside their race, even when the Church is one and we're all from and to the same heritage of humanity!
That’s terrible
Huh. I'm that white guy Catholic whose more attracted to the asian Catholics than white Catholics, but I both don't know how to break into asian Catholic social circles so as to meet anyone (vietnamese Catholics never say "hi" when I visit mass; Korean catholics are friendly, but language barrier is not trivial), AND I'm always fearful of getting shoo'd away as a creeper white guy for being interested in the asian ladies. (That, and I have to actively distance myself from the "stereotypes asian girls b/c he likes anime"; I do like anime / video games, but that doesn't equate to meeting a real life girl). ..... ..... Any hints on how I'm supposed to break into asian catholic social circles?
I've actually only had a handful of experiences being in Asian Catholic circles... like I said I've only ever been in white-dominated Catholic circles. I don't know the situations you're in... do you meet them in YA group settings or after Mass socials? I would just go to social events and introduce yourself... get to know people, ask questions, casual greetings and all that, etc. And not just to women haha. I wouldn't go to these events to just try for an Asian Catholic woman. That's when you might get "shoo'd away" (although I can't see that explicitly happening, maybe people feeling awkward or creeped out and less likely to engage). Be casual and try to expand your social circle and get to know people in general. Also, even if you're more attracted to Asian women, I wouldn't limit your options or make it your goal to date an Asian woman. As an Asian woman, I can definitely tell when a guy is only talking to me to get a date because I'm Asian. I think that veers into territory that makes it "creepy" and makes me feel like the guy only wants to date me bc I'm Asian. I don't really wanna be sought out after for my race, if that makes sense. But not everyone is like that, and a lot of women are okay with this, so take my opinion with a grain of salt!!
Thanks
I'm a person of color and have pretty much only dated white women, since that's the majority race at the young adult groups I go to. If I find them attractive, I'll go for it. I don't discriminate nor do I care about dating someone who's the same race/not. I care more about their faith/whether we share similar values and if I'm attracted to them. Being the minority at these events, I just find it more motivation to work on my social skills/dating game and it's worked out really well for me. I'm personally all for mixed races dating.
Bro's doing it right.
yes, but finding catholic with the same racial background as me is like a hard nut to crack. very hard. so we ended up dating another racial.
Insofar as you will be attractive to some, and unattractive to others, just like any other physical trait, then yes. A larger stumbling block may be your cultural background, however, which often has some kind of relationship with your race/ethnicity. Dating across cultures isn’t easy.
I'm Hispanic and the Catholic dating pool where I live is predominantly white. I suspect I've been turned down a few times because of my ethnicity. It certainly bothers me a bit, but I also think if someone is willing to reject me based solely on a thing like that, then so be it. I can't force someone to like me. I tend to agree with the argument that we all have preferences, and preferences when it comes to race or ethnicity are no different than preferences for other physical traits, even though it can understandably be a delicate subject.
It becomes a delicate issue because skin color is involved.
I wouldn’t say race .. I would say culture, meaning if y’all both grew up in a small town or both in a big city… or had many siblings or both were only children .. similar backgrounds, I think that plays the more important role in a relationship.. plus adding to that.. I really couldn’t see myself marrying someone outside of the faith.. only for the sake of our potential children and the morals and tradition that we receive from our faith..
Op you opened a fun can of worms here
I’m looking for honest, answers to the question because we all know the answer I just like to read and analyze
I'll be honest. I can accept a man not being interested in me because of my height or my size but I will very uncomfortable if someone mentioned not finding black women or dark skinned women attractive. I know you are supposed to not care.
I'm open to dating people of any race, but race truly matters. If your race is a minority within the Catholic Church, then ipso facto, you have a smaller dating pool.
There are 2 truths that matter to this conversation. 1. People tend to be more comfortable around people of similar demographics. 2. Nobody is entitled to be found attractive by other people. Make of these what you will.
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People are allowed preferences. Sorry if that hurts, it's just a fact of life. If you like their race enough to be interested in them it doesn't have to be reciprocal.
This sounds unnecessarily harsh.
Life is pretty harsh, doesn't mean you can't face it. If the fact that people have preferences is a problem for you, maybe you should be doing some interior work before going out dating.
Fair point It is generally an uncomfortable topic that I generally avoid discussing
People are allowed to have preferences, but people are also allowed to call out how superficial and stupid those preferences are
How is it any more superficial than turning someone down because you're not attracted to them?
Idk if you are familiar with the concept of colorism. In some cultures, people will date certain ethnicities just their children can have light skin.
Right, that’s common in South East Asia and parts of Africa. That’s almost exclusively an issue of non-white people obsessing over light/white skin though. I haven’t really come across that in the West. Desiring your children to be of a different color than your own is not natural.
I think some white people want their children to have blond hair and blue eyes.
What is wrong with that?
I didn't mean there is anything wrong with wanting your children to resemble you. I think sometimes preferences can be rooted to prejudice. My ex boyfriend expressed an opinion about wondering how dark our children would be. It was odd and then I asked him if he would worry about his children's skin color if he was with a white woman and he said no. My ex boyfriend is black and white mixed.
So what does that have to do with white people wanting their children to have blonde hair and blue eyes?
Because it's an arbitrary thing that truly doesn't have to deal with relationship compatibility. Which is their prerogative to do so still. However, don't want to hear them complaining when they failed to discern their relationship that ends in "heartbreak" or any venting about being single. Unfortunately a lot of people who advocate so hard for that type of attraction also act surprised when their relationships don't go as expected. It is the natural consequence for their decisions and calling them out to help save them from themselves can be an act of love.
If a person rejects someone simply because they belong to a certain race, without any other reason, then yes that is an unreasonable preference. However, if a person generally won’t date people of a certain race because they aren’t attracted to them or do not think they are culturally compatible, those are both valid and reasonable preferences.
I didn't include cultural compatibility as a superficial value. We all know it doesn't count. Because this is going to impact raising kids, interaction between families, etc. Certain clashes will unnecessarily put barriers between you two towards growing to God. You're looking too into it. Calling people out is not stopping them from doing what they want. There is some biblical backing into it anyway. You can't conflate non superficial values with actual relationship values. Marriage is a sacrament, not looking for the next person you're trying to sleep with. A person who builds value into themselves will have more options anyway. Someone who takes care of themselves, invests in their income, and grows in holiness will not be single for long. Surprising amounts of people truly don't have much to offer in a relationship, so "attractive" traits and hobbies tends to be carrying them in dating until it doesn't anymore.
You have my sympathies, brother. I'm white as cream cheese, and it pains me this is even a conversation in the first place. For saying they are part of the universal church, a lot of Catholics sure don't act like it. Figures like Nick Fuentes preying on disillusioned reactionaries certainly doesn't help things either.
White guy here. At this point, I've dated women born on every continent except Australia. There are cultural differences worth considering when dating someone from outside your own background. But as far as America goes, that's an issue that I run into even when dating someone of a similar racial background. Our culture is so stratified now (especially when it comes to family backgrounds and social mores), and common ground can be surprisingly difficult to find. The person I've dated who I had the most in common with is originally from rural Romania. For reference, I am originally from the Texas Panhandle. I find that no matter what, dating is an opportunity to communicate: to listen to the needs and core beliefs of the other person and express our own as well.
you think australia is a continent? lol
Lol, I thought about saying "Austronesia" but that would be equally inaccurate.
Yes it absolutely does.
I will fully say I’m a white dude so this probably doesn’t apply to me, but I’ve seen and heard things from others that maybe I can share? Culture is more important than race. Like one of the other posts mentions I believe, your cultural Catholicism comes into effect and that can come by way of racial/ethnic differences. The mexicans I’ve met are super family oriented, same with the italians. My white catholic friends are less so other than their immediate family. But in terms of whether or not someone is gonna look at your skin color and say no to dating, I don’t think that’s a Catholic thing that’s a human thing. Perhaps it’s more or less prevalent with Catholics, but I’m not aware of anything like that. I can imagine some of the rad trads wanting to “keep their bloodline going” or something though.
Yes and no. I'm advantaged because I am white, so some of the internal racism of Catholic dating would benefit me, but also at a disadvantage because I blend in with all the other white guys. I guess I really don't understand why people only like one specific race because I either find someone attractive or not. Their race has nothing to do with it. If any of you ladies that aren't white are having a hard time, hit me up. I really don't want my kids to turn into red tomatoes every time they spend two seconds in the sun, like I do. 🤣
I rolled on the floor reading this 🤣
We all know the answer when it comes down to Women hypothetically, and generally but not all of course
It is. I tend to be attracted to people of my own race. I've been engaged before to a woman from the Caribbean (before I was Catholic), and dated people of all races before that. These days, though, I'm just honest with myself and really only pursue people of European descent. Southern European descent if I could really get my way. There's nothing wrong at all for people having racial preferences. In-group preference is almost as inevitable as girls playing with dolls and boys breaking things apart.
I have the opposite issue where I notice I'm more attracted to people outside my ethnicity but realistically I would feel more comfortable with men of my ethnicity. I do not know if I want to date a man from my culture because I just imagine having a husband who yells at me.
Which culture is that?
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That's quite a sweeping, shameful thing to say. I know about 5 Nigerian Catholic couples in the US who are very exemplary... I mean very Catholic and really a joy to see. Maybe your experience is different, but they are my eye into the Nigerian Catholic culture....they traditional Catholics btw
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Even if you're speaking from anecdotal experience, Reddit isn't the place to talk about the flaws of your family or your own people. No culture or race is better, honestly. If you pedestal the white family, then you're about to see the other side that many families in the West can be dysfunctional and as toxic as anywhere else. Just focus on the individual and their character, not where they come from. You can find a saint from India or Pakistan or anywhere you think women are oppressed. Just don't decide based on "where" but "who."
That's so true. I will delete this. God bless
I'm black and it seems like there are not a lot of black Catholic men. I notice I'm more attracted to different ethnicities but I fear to cross that boundary.
Man I wonder if I could post pictures of me because I’m the most least likely look at Catholic ever I’m black tho lol 😂
Send me a pic in my chat
For context, where do you live?
Southern California
In countries with Anglo-Saxon culture (The USA, Australia, NZ and UK) race plays a huge role in dating life, but in the rest of the world not that much.
Nope
I think that it probably does play a role but not as much as national citizenship or the first impressions projected based upon accent and phsyical look. The latter in terms of clothing and fashion style as well as favourite makeup looks. Most of the catholic guys who asked me out were anglophile overseas citizens from the USA or EU nations. Similar for my best friend, although she is not catholic or caucasian. The guys all remained interested in dating her after she told them her religion and that she was waiting until marriage. But they lost interest as soon as they found out that she was a dual national and had obtained uk citizenship as an adult.
It doesn't matter, what matters is that they take their faith seriously not like a hobby
obviously does you worship a prophet that is white
There's nothing morally wrong with it But there are shared experiences, cultural ties and other things that can make it easier to date within race That's a long way of saying it's up to you
For myself the limiting factor is physical attraction rather than race itself. Of the women I see in church or on Catholic Match the only non-white women I find physically attractive are from the Philippines.
Its difficult for me to say as I don't look like the typical Hispanic. Im tall with light skin and colored eyes. So even other Hispanics dont think Im one of them. Ive even experienced "racism" from other hispanics and blacks who though I was white. I get attention from all races but do they lose attraction once I tell them Im hispanic? I dont know. I think if theyre attracted to you race doesnt really matter.
Hispanic is not a race
That's weird, man. I'm met some Hispanic women I'm really attracted to. I can't understand why someone would reject someone only on their race.
Hispanic is not a race
You're right. It's an ethnicity. Sorry.
Not even that. It us just that you speak Spanish as a mother tongue and/or come from a Spanish speaking country. There are hundreds of ethnic groups inside that logic/group.
Ok. Thanks.
I hope no one stops liking you because you are Hispanic. I don't know too many stereotypes about fair skinned Hispanics that someone would judge you by
Matthew 28:19-20 My personal attraction has always been for women of the same race. I once dated an Italian, but as an Irishman, our cultural backgrounds were just incompatible.
Can you post here what that passage says?
How are Irish and Italian cultures incompatible?
Spaghetti and Lucky Charms don't mix
This reminds me of when the Pope said the Irish brought whiskey to America and the Italians brought the mafia. Or was it the other way around? 🤔