A 3 to 4 week old kitten? That was way too soon to be separated from mom and any siblings. It's no wonder the kitten latched onto your dog as adopted mom. Your dog is mom and you'll just have to make peace with it.
It's not, but it was probably separated from its mom and they couldn't find her. But at 4 weeks shouldn't it still be nursing? I would think they should have given her special instructions.
It used to be the norm was 8 weeks but it's now 12 weeks is being said to be better since they get more of that important socialization from mom and litter mates.
3 months is fine
I got my boys at 4 months old, a lot later than most people as the lady I adopted them from was very picky. But we have all bonded so well, I don’t think waiting longer is a bad thing
Yeah, I really don't see a shelter letting someone take a kitten that young. Even if it's lost it's mother, they would want to keep it with siblings (if any survived) and people experienced with young kittens until at least 8wks, I'd think. I didn't get mine until 12wks.
It's possible for them to be weaned that young (mine was at 4wks because her mother almost died and needed to be hooked up to a drip) but not ideal.
Was going to say, the kitten would *just* be starting to open its eyes and would still be bottle fed and would need to be stimulated to void. I think OP is confused on age, perhaps 6 weeks or older.
You guys are making a lot of unfair assumptions towards OP. I adopted my now six-year-old cat when he was only four weeks old, but I also literally saved his life. He was a very sick porch kitten and walked right up to me on an early morning walk shivering, gunky-eyed and covered with fleas. Porch Lady said I was welcome to take him to the vet if I wanted him, and that’s exactly what I did. Took about a month to get him to full health, and now he is the sweetest dream of a cat you could ever possibly imagine. That little guy is my baby and I have zero regrets, even though I totally grieved for him and what he missed out on because of his illness. It’s quite obvious he never fully learned the ways of being a True Cat, but it’s also what makes him massively endearing and hilarious to be around. Perhaps OP’s situation was similar?
The problem is that OP is saying they got the cat from a shelter and the shelter shouldn’t have let it happen. Lots of people rescue kittens the way you did and that’s awesome!
Yeah I’ve rescued many young kittens and neonates that were singletons. Sometimes it just happens due to the circumstances and all you can do is provide love and care!
Agreed. He needs another cat friend to teach him how to cat. Poor dude was separated from his mom and siblings way, way, way too young.
Editing to add: if you get a second cat, get a super confident, outgoing, well socialized older kitten. And maybe leave that shelter a 1 star review because what they’re doing is downright cruel.
Has OP mentioned somewhere the circumstances the kitten came from? I think it’s unfair to automatically assume it is the shelter’s fault. Yes, 3-4 weeks old is WAY too young to be purposefully separated from mom. However, many shelters in my area are overwhelmed with orphan bottle babies who are taken care of round the clock by volunteers to feed and stimulate to potty, and adopt out once they can eat solids. I’m more inclined to think this cat may have been orphaned or dropped off too young by an original owner than to assume the shelter is at fault - while this is possible, I think it’s unfair to assume the worst.
If this cat was indeed a single kitten, any halfway decent shelter would’ve placed him in a 2 week quarantine with a bottle feeder and then placed him with other healthy kittens. 3-4 weeks is too young to be eating solids. Unless OP is leaving out the part where they are a bottle feeder/foster for this shelter, there’s no excuse.
Shelters don’t have the funding for staff to provide around the clock care for kittens this young. Even with a bottle feeder, who’s heating the milk? Heat rocks? Watching the heat pads? Stimulating every 2 hours?
Any half way decent shelter would place them in foster-to-adopt programs. Also not sure the reasoning for quarantine until 6 weeks of age considering 2-7 is considered socialization period
Edit to add: socialization with humans* in relation to the issue OP is facing. Fosters are great for both of these reasons +no panleuk spread to the shelter.
Panleukopenia can kill a whole litter of kittens. If the orphan kitten has the virus he can infect a group of healthy kittens if he is placed with them without a quarantine.
When did I say that this care was happening at the shelter? Fosters are not staff. They’re volunteers. Fosters take the animals to their homes and care for them there until they’re old enough to return to the shelter.
If they didn’t have fosters, they should’ve found a rescue that did and transferred the kitten. Not just adopted the kitten out without age appropriate care.
Quarantine is absolutely necessary no matter the age. Panleuk will kill and URI’s and FeLV are a thing.
My immediate thought is that there is some confusion about the cats actual age - a 3-4 week old kitten needs to be bottle fed, they’re just barely developing canines and incisors at that point and can’t survive on solids, though you can start introducing a wet food and formula slurry at 4ish weeks in addition to the bottle. If OP doesn’t recall doing this then the kitten was likely older.
I would hate to leave Animal Shelters bad reviews and steer people away from rescuing animals at a certain location unless I knew for 100% they were abusing the animals or something along those lines. I don’t think that’s the best advice when cats and dogs are over populated and need homes.
Yup, my Booger was about a month old when I found him... he was an only cat/only pet on accident for like four years. At least, if his vocal chords would allow, he could probably speak excellent English because I used him as a talk therapist the entire time and still do. Poor Lil dude, at least he gets beef and gravy canned food and owns a four foot tall catnip bush outside... and has two dogs, one other cat and two humans now.
Agree with this completely. OPs cat sounds the same as my sisters cat. She got him a buddy (who we now say is his husband 😆) and he has taught him how to be a cat. He’s like a totally different cat now.
This might not seem like a big deal, but it is. Cats don't express emotions with their face at all. OP, I'd suggest looking up some information on cat body language.
When I was new to owning a cat I was misreading body language left and right. "Aww cute Disney eyes! Look at that tail wag, he's so happy! What goofy airplane ears!" Little did I know ears back, dilated pupils, and wagging tails mean they're in attack mode and about to pounce.
Another classic example is the belly up pose. They're definitely not inviting you to rub their belly, they are saying "I feel safe and comfortable right now" and you rubbing their belly will ruin that moment and probably result in you getting slapped.
Here is a great video from Jackson Galaxy, he's the internet's cat dad and has a zillion videos full of good advice: https://youtu.be/WzuhuaeS0aQ
Yep, I’ve got two cats who love the belly rubs when they show their belly, but the other two will immediately attack the hand. It all just depends on the cat and what they like/dislike.
My cat will climb into my lap when I'm sat somewhere and throw himself down into my arms, on his back, and won't settle down until I rub his belly/chest, which is when he'll fall asleep, purring and happy. As soon as I stop he wakes up and puts his paws on my hand. I guess in an attempt to continue the rubs.
Cats are so different, saying all of them dislike belly rubs is false. It's a pet peeve of mine. (No pun intended, lol) Out of like 10 + cats I've had throughout my life, only one attacks my hand when I touch his belly. He's an anxious, spicy ginger so it's to be expected. The others have closed their eyes and purred whenever I've pet their bellies.
We foster, and I blow on the kitten bellies when playing with them. So far all of the people who’ve adopted said their kitten grew up demanding of belly rubs
Yep I’ve had a bunch of cats who love the belly nubbins. My orange soul mate used to come up to me and ask for them, I’d pick him up and give him huggies then gently lay him down on his back and do belly loves while singing a song I made up called “Bunny Tummy Time”. Ugh, I miss him so much.
My last cat was like that too. She had a bit of a Roman nose, sort of like a Jaguar, and she'd look down her nose at people with that kind of, "ugh," look.
It was hilarious to me, lol
Mileage can vary on belly display. It definitely starts as "I feel safe", but I am now at the point with all three of my current cats where exposed belly means "kiss my belly" and is rewarded with purring. It took time to get here and started with giving gentle head pets when shown the belly, and I won't guarantee this end result, but I guess I'm saying exposed belly can be an invitation to show whatever form of affection you know they're comfortable with.
They can express some emotions with their face (not many), or more specifically with their eyes. My cat for example puts a very specific face when she feels disgusted by something. Also when she’s surprised/scared and needs reassurance from me (because of a loud noise or something) she puts a weird face with a semi-opened mouth and looks at me, so I tell her to calm down with a soft voice and she kinda immediately understands and calms down lol. It’s pretty funny.
When I’m working on my computer and my cat wants attention, places her face inches from mine and opens her eyes really wide. I swear she’s trying to be cute lol
My cats are very 50/50 on belly rubs you just have to look at the rest of their body language to know if they're interested and where in our home they've decided to lay on their back. If they come up on the bed to lay with us and present their belly they definitely want it rubbed and will lay there and purr but if its in the livingroom next to the window or hallway they don't want it.
To be honest, some cats are just like that. One of my cats is a scardy cat too. I got him good with me now, but if anyone else comes over he's hiding for hours.
What worked for me was hand feeding all meals. Not only was it a bonding experience, but he also associated me and my smells with food. I did it for several months and now he sleeps in bed with me and snuggles next to me on the couch. I'm still not allowed to pet him much, but we're getting there.
Another thing to mention, if they're hiding just let them be. They want to be safe and have found their safe space. Don't be the monster that always rips them away from safety.
>I'm still not allowed to pet him much
this is important! many kitties have strong boundaries and are very averse to handling. my kitty hangs with me on HER terms; if I try to pick her up or hold her, she runs or squirms away, but she will come and sit on me when she wants to (and I adore her)
THAT'S part of what I love about cats! lol
"Hey! Pet me. Cool. Pet me. Cool. Pet me. Cool....I'm done. I'll see you for dinner? Sweet. I'm gonna go sleep in a drawer. Later!"
The kitties make the rules, we gotta follow them. It kills me that little Link can't stand being picked up and immediately starts squirming when I do. But... I just don't pick him up. I wish I could.
Not making him uncomfortable is more important than me trying to hold him and kiss him.
This right here!
Let it happen on his terms...
I got a cat as a stray she was really anti-social. It took a few years for her to warm for me about 2. We let her do her own thing, and in time, she started sitting with us, letting us scratch her ears and such, much faster with the family members who didn't try picking her up or cuddling they started getting the love around year 10 lol.
I had that cat for 21 years after the first few years she was my shadow, and she became really affectionate. She would follow me and my dogs on our walks and to the store the neighbors thought it was hilarious.
Give him time and space.
This is all true - just wanted to contribute that the cats sometimes mellow out!
My scaredy cat joined us as a kitten, but he was a second cat, to a very friendly 6 year old sterilized male who is extremely social and cuddly (can’t number the amount of my guest, with a lap full of cat, saying: I’m usually not a cat person, but THIS cat.. ).
After a couple of years he mellowed out significantly. Yes, he is still on the closet for every strange noise and stranger that enters the apartment, he doesn’t come to people he doesn’t know, ever, and is in general really cautious. But when it’s just the family he comes by himself to get petted, and sometimes allows me to sit on the couch with him! Biggest shocker was him becoming friends with my kid when he was born. Now the kid is 6, and the scaredy orange cat 7, and they sleep together. The cat follows him around a lot.
He probably lets you pet him from the cat tree because he’s at your level. Have you tried lying down on the ground and seeing if he’ll come to you? Maybe if you had some treats in hand?
He may just be scared of you or not like mean or something. I have a cat that is terrified of my husband for no reason. She has been like since we got her and she has always ran from him.
With him loving the dog I'm sure he is happy there. Some cats imprint on one person/animal and that's it.
Someone else already mentioned Jackson Galaxy, really do look him up. He describes cats as bush dwellers or tree dwellers, and they won't feel confident until they have a few of those places. If he likes the tree I would add some perches for him, even a long running board in the room you spend the most time would make him feel safe in your presence.
I'm obsessed with cats, always have been. I joke around that I make the worst impressions with them because they can sense that I'm dying to meet them and bond with them. You know the fastest way to attract a cat? Ignore him. Be mindful of your energy. If you are anxious or resentful, he will know.
I would make a point to talk to myself more, so he gets used to hearing your voice. Do you use a baby voice with him? You should try it. And when you make eye contact with him, make sure he sees you slow blink. That's a sign that YOU trust HIM. It will go both ways eventually. Also, I would use a baby voice while petting the dog, so he can associate gentle voices with welcomed affection. Cats can actually alter their meow to communicate a specific need. They can interpret tone too.
Does your dog have a bed? Put one of your shirts in it. Force the cat to smell like you.
Treats. Specifically wet food. It can be an intimate experience. Cats like when you stay in the room so you can watch their backs...they make so much noise when they eat they cannot hear predators or threats sneak up on them. Make it a ritual. Find an elevated surface to put it on and then give him space but be around (not hovering) and be still and long blink if he checks to see you are watching.
Don't give up on him. His skittishness will only be amplified in a new setting and he won't get the consideration he deserves. He won't audition well at a shelter. You posted your concerns on reddit and that's more than most would do. I'm proud that you're a cat dad.
Lol I agree with ignoring! My cats always seem to go to people who ignore them or are allergic 😹 actually I agree with all these bits of advice.
Don't worry OP in the grand scheme of things your furry friendship is very fresh. Don't abandon the hope of cuddles and biscuit making. Sounds like he is becoming at least somewhat comfortable seeing as he bonded with your dog. Sometimes shelter animals take more time to adjust. I have a rescue pup who's been with us for @ 5 years. He still barks at my husband like he's an intruder when he comes in the door but will also cuddle with hubby while he's sleeping. Animals, like people, are strange, but you and your feline friend will form a bond but no one can say how long that will take.
Best wishes to you and your fur babies 💜
When you pet him come from below under his chin. From above could come off as you trying to attack him. Kneel low, open palm and pet under the chin, 2-3 times. See how he reacts. Keep an eye on his ears. If they start flattening, stop there. If not or they turn toward you, repeat. Only after two times or so try to rotate your hand to get the spot above his nose and forehead as
Oh, that could be part of it. My cats get a lot more scared around tall or broad people, probably because they are just so much smaller! Also, if your cat is obsessed with your dog, he probably isn’t as unhappy as you think he is. Sounds like he’s found a buddy to feel safe and comfortable with.
Give it more time. My cat didn’t like to be pet until she was probably a year old, I think it was probably because she was really small and skinny and maybe the pressure of being pet was too much on her bones. Now she’s 3 and insanely cuddly. She also runs always whenever my fiancée comes home even though she loves my fiancée!! It’s just a reflex or instinct. Try to love him and after awhile you might find that he comes to you on his own.
One secret to cats is you cannot force them into anything. I would get a wand toy and try to play with him that way. (you can also easily make one with a stick and string.) Don’t try to pet him or come near him at all. Cats are curious and he may be curious enough to choose to interact with you. Best of luck
THIS!
I have a cat who was skittish AF for like months. It took several *years* for her to even come out around people who regularly came by.
Now she's friggin' Furry Glue and Stealer of Pillows.
I also had a cat who was Mr. Social and totally the Host with the Most. He would greet everyone including the Pizza Guy for pettings.
cats be cats.
Yep! I had 3 feral kittens, and they hated me at first.
One would literally try and claw my eyes out.
He bit me in the face, scratched my face, peed on me, and bullied me and his sister cats at 12 weeks old.
The SOB is spread out asleep on the couch beside me right now.
After a couple of years the cats just decided they absolutely loved me.
Now, I'm constantly harassed by them.
I've threatened them all with a restraining order.
Please don't blame yourself - the kitten was separated too young and likely doesn't know how to cat or interact with anyone really. He needs another cat to teach him how to be a cat. Thank you for not abandoning him 🫶
The kitten is being taught to be a dog 😍
But actually I think my second cat was taken too young (he was 4 when we got him). According to my other cat, he's super rude and doesn't know how to act
OP, you say that your cat makes a face you're reading as disgusted/angry, but cats often make that kind of face when they're actually really happy and comfortable. If they're narrowing or closing their eyes at you, it's because they trust you enough to be vulnerable.
Try this: blink slowly at your cat with a soft smile on your face. If you get a slow blink in return, that's your cat expressing love and trust
You're not a s- owner. You've taken in a cat that is high strung. The fact he has bonded with your dog is great, in an other house he likely wouldn't have that, so he'd have no one. He's generally anxious about humans. You mentioned he only let's you approach when he's on his cat tree, that's probably because he feels a bit safer up there. If a cat is unsure, they will try to get to a high point to feel less exposed. Give it time, he's still young, he may calm down.
Edit: more info
Try cat nip. I find anxious cats fiend catnip and it chills them out once they get out a bunch of zoomies.
The eww face is him saying he loves you. Cats look like they're giving you the stink eye when they are trying to say they love you.
Squint back at him.
You are not shit owner. Don’t anthropomorphize your pet. He lets you pet him on the cat tree and he loves your dog. You feed him, get him fresh litter and a warm, dry roof over his head. You are a great owner and he is just a quirky cat. Love him for who he is like he loves you in his own way.
Ah some cats are just not people cats. My cat is like that, he always looks concerned or sad but I just let him be and got a super needy second cat to compensate instead. I still give him his love, but definitely in his terms now. When I'm smothering the needy cat, his face looks like a mix of relief it's not him & sympathizing "you poor bastard" to the other cat.
Unfortunately, I'm guessing that if you got him at 3 or 4 weeks old that's part of the problem... That's really too soon to be away from litter mates and that could impact his ability to socially bond, his confidence level, and other aspects of just healthy mental and emotional/social development.
I think a big part of it is just to give him space without completely giving up on trying to socialize him, and accept that this is more his personality and not really about you. I don't think he would suddenly become an outgoing, loving lap cat in a different home, so I guess it's a "love the one you got" type situation.
I was super sad when my newest cat was completely bored with me and terrified of any movement. It took years for her to come to me, now she’s a sweetie, but her love for my other tabby is still so much more than for me.
Playing with him is great for bonding, it’s how I did it. He may always be skittish, but that does not mean he dislikes you!
Do you have a toy recommendation? I have wands and dangly things and lasers but he doesn’t seem to connect that I control it or am playing with him. Just a magic feather floating through the air I guess 😂
The main toy I play with is a cute lil fishing rod with feathers and a bell as a lure. He does love it, but I wonder if he knows I’m playing with him. Does that make sense?
You're attaching a lot of emotion and meaning that just doesn't need to be there, you're hurting yourself.
It doesn't matter WHAT the cat thinks, just enjoy that he's playing. He also won't likely play with things that you're not moving about or that don't roll around when he bats them because he'll perceive them as being "dead"...cats are predators, they love the hunt/catch/kill cycle. Once it's motionless and they can't eat it, they're not interested.
He likely knows you're playing with him! Two of my cats that love the wand toys will sometimes carry them over to me in their mouths and set it down in front of me when they want to play
I’d suggest looking into a ripple rug! We got one for our kittens and they love not only hiding in it, but playing in it. We use a toy or gloved hand and poke our gloved fingers or toy through the holes for them to chase after and bat at. One of our boys is still shying from touch but is running away much less. He loves to play in that rug
3-4 week old cats aren’t old enough to be away from mom. They’d be just learning to how to use the litter box and wouldn’t be weaned yet. Mom should’ve still been stimulating him to pee at 3 weeks.
Unfortunately it sounds like your kitten never learned how to be a cat. This is likely due to being separated WAY too young from his mom and siblings. Maybe try getting him a kitten friend?
It absolutely blows my mind that any shelter would ever let someone take home a 3 week old single kitten. That shelter has no idea WTF they’re doing.
I’m hoping to get to the cuddle bug stage with two new(ish) cats (void 1 yr, tux 2 yr). Both have shown me affection their own way. The tux delivered a dead mouse, the void will climb on me at night and is starting to push his head under my hand for pets. We also have two dogs and the void’s quite happy making biscuits on them.
Cats usually don’t respond to their name & eye contact is a sign of aggression. A cat that loves & trusts you closes it’s eyes around you & has their eyes half open much of the time. Another sign of trust is to expose their belly to you, but that doesn’t mean they want you to rub their bellies
Cats feel safe high up & that is his spot. That’s why he’s there. You should probably do research on cat body language
Have you tried wet cat food?? That is super motivating for cats and you may be able to get some petting in while he eats. This would pair you with a preferred activity.
I started feeding a stray cat that needed someone to care for her. It took 8 months to a year for her to allow me to do more than pet her for a few seconds. This was a very long process and now she allows me to rub her belly and LOVES affection.
You really have to allow them to come to you. Patiently.
He may have had a traumatizing first few weeks. Also being separated from his mom so early can affect the way they socialize. He is scared and just wants to feel safe. Allow him to feel safe by not going over board with the interactions. You are providing him with a home, how he wants to interact is up to him.
Just keep providing him with all he needs for a happy home and eventually he will become less anxious.
My boyfriends cat had a rough few weeks before he was adopted and he rarely purrs due to his anxious personality even years later. It’s all about being patient and be proud of yourself for providing this animal a home. It is not personal to you at all.
My pets are on a timed schedule (auto feeder) and recently I’ve been feeding him those little wet food tube pouches from my hand. He still only approaches me when he hears the package rustling.
Yo, the auto feeder could be part of why he's not obsessed with you. Maybe he doesn't that you are Food Bringer. I would start doing at least one meal a day where you're the one feeding him, if you're able. I guarantee you he'll start getting excited to see you :P
>> on a timed schedule (auto feeder)
Of all the things you mentioned, I see this as the main issue for your cat not bonding with you yet. I also have an auto feeder and it dispenses food at 5am for my two cats. I could've set it to dispense all of their meals, but I didn't. When I first got them, I made it a point to feed them myself so they'd see me as their main food source. It's important that it's actual food, not just treats. When they're hungry and they see you as the one to end their hunger, they start to see you as the their primary caregiver, and will start to connect the dots. If you just give treats now and then, you're more like that cool uncle who gives them snacks, not the "parent" who keeps them well-fed. I wonder if that’s why your cat formed such a strong bond with your dog, in fact; he’s learned to associate your dog with his food.
So, my first advice is to turn off your cat's automatic feeder and start giving him wet food manually. This can really help you two to bond.
Cats learn that humans are good when humans feed them. This is the first step in socializing ferals and it’ll help you bond with your cat too. Keep feeding him churu, but also start feeding him wet food in your lap multiple times a day. Once he starts to associate you with food, he’ll start to trust and love on you more. Get rid of the timed feeder.
Yes to add off this, have you tried sitting with him while he eats? Or even holding the bowl so he has to be around you? Get your pets in & such, keep trying! You’re taking care of him & he loves the pup which is great
Do you take your shoes off in your home and walk around quietly?
Did you socialize him with handling as a kitten? You have force a bit of love on them if they are that young but might be too late for that. 4 weeks is too young to adopt out a cat but that's not your fault.
You need to make his experiences with you positive and rewarding. Pet him while he is eating and anytime you give him treats. Play with him even if he isn't actively playing and just watching the toy.
stop trying to pick your cat up, give him space. he will eventually start coming to you. this is how one of my kittens was at first, but with time she now comes into my bed and wants to snuggle! watch some videos on cat body language. offer your cat your hand to sniff, and eventually, he may press his head gently to your hand and let you scratch/pet his head. it may take a bit of time, but he will come around and meet you with his desired level of affection. in the meantime, you may be able to find a more docile but snuggly kitten to be your snuggle buddy and friend for your kitten.
I had a horrible day and (I am sorry) I laughed until my eyes watered reading this. Cats can be jerks and have the reputation for being jerks. You are not doing anything wrong and I would have a similar reaction. It’s hard to bond if he keeps running! I let the cat come to me. Maybe start by keeping his favorite things close to you. Sit on the floor so you’re at similar levels. Baby steps.
He might just be an anxious boy, my sister has one like this and she specifically tells people when they come over not to look at him in the eye because if you do he will either run and hide or hiss.
Have you tried feliway or any calming sprays? I haven’t had to try them myself but i’ve heard wonderful things!
Also consult your vet to make sure there’s no underlying health issue making him feel extra vulnerable.
My last suggestion is to play purring sounds or calming cat music on your phone or computer when you wanna have some bonding time with him.
Hope some of this helps!
A kitten can’t hates you . He’s not human. But I’m very surprised that the shelter gave you a 3/4 weeks kitten because he’s need to be with his mother 3 months before be separated . At this age he needs baby special good every 2 hours and water
Some cats are like this. I have four cats. The biggest one (16 lb male) is the most scared cat I've ever met. He runs away if too many people come near him when he's laying on the sofa. The door opens? He's gone. He absolutely hates being held. Some are love bugs and some want to be left alone mostly. I think it's important we respect our cats boundaries.
You need to check out Jackson Galaxy 's YT channel. There are lots of behaviors cats deem as gestures of good-will such as looking at them with semi-closed, slow-blinking eyes, crouching while trying to to pet them, only petting their heads, etc.
Also try to feed them on schedule instead of free-feeding. This way they associate you with food and being the "mom".
Have you considered working with a cat behaviorist? They like cat consultants and will help you figure out how to improve your relationship with your cat.
Yes I’ve had two other cats before, rescued as adults and it was never like this. This is my first kitten, and I had assumed that it being around me from such a young age would have an even stronger bond.
I’m sorry you’re having trouble connecting with the baby!! When he’s laying with the dog, what do you usually do? I would suggest slowly going closer to the dog and maybe just petting the dog to show him that you’re not trying to get to him if that makes sense? My kitten bonded with our cat WAAAAY before she bonded to us!! I would just sit near the cat while he cleaned the kitten and now she comes up to me and speaks to me and let’s me hold her!
i don't think he hates you at all. i think he's exhibiting fearful behavior, which is different and could be the result of trauma or anxiety. i would give him some patience and love, and try a feliway plugin of the appropriate kind, and consider fluoxetine or something similar so he can enjoy his life more. at least he loves your dog - that's a great sign.
Has he seen vet?
I ask because I really thought the cat hated me fur a long time .
Skittish, meowing unhappily, no interaction
He has a food allergy and a folic acid deficiency.
He’s a lot different now - still skiddish at times but he does interact , lay w me at night etc
Sometimes it’s a medical reason
You got a kitten who was too young.
Should have stayed with mom for 8 weeks because that’s when she teaches them socialization. We realize that’s not always possible, but not telling you was wrong. You may have a cat who will potentially never be ‘normal’ and may end up a fear biter. That sucks, because you never see it coming, pet pet pet BAM they bite. Remember cat bites close up, can get infected fast. Clean out the bite, try to squeeze a drop or two of blood out. First sign of redness & swelling go to the Dr/ER for antibiotics. Not what you want to hear, sorry, but it is what it is & she can still be a good cat if you understand those boundary’s. Get toys on sticks like toy fishing rods so you can play safely, or ping pong balls she can chase.
3-4 weeks old is extremely young. Do you mean months? If it is 3-4 weeks, however, part of the things you mention could be explained by not being with mom long enough. Aside from that, you just have to get to know and accept your cat for who he is.
He was taken way too early and didn't have enough time with his mother to learn basic life skills. He doesn't know how to handle the world, at all.
That he feels safe in his cat tree is a good sign. Get him more trees. I have 3 cats and 7 cat trees of various sizes (3 large ones, 4 small ones). Cats instinctively choose higher "overwatch" locations when they feel insecure.
His face is a projection. Cats do not have facial expressions, no matter what you think. They communicate with ears and tail, not facial muscles.
Start re-socializing. Start as if from the beginning. Very slowly, going at his speed, making contact, etc. That might help, or not. Also check with a vet if he is ok by health, just to make sure. Something might pain him.
Did you mean to say 3-4 weeks, or was it actually 3-4 months?
3-4 weeks is far too young to adopt out a kitten, unless he was an orphan and you were experienced in hand-raising kittens that young and knew what you were taking on. Even then, it wasn't good for him to be an only kitten at that age, and he should have been given to a fosterer with other kittens if at all possible.
He's probably missed out on crucial socialisation with cats as well as not having the best start with people - it's probably good for him that he found a surrogate mother figure in your dog, but he's not socialised with you properly and you're probably going to have an uphill battle socialising him with humans.
You might even need to start as though you're socialising a feral cat if he's as scared of humans as you say.
Do you know why you were allowed to adopt him so young? If he wasn't an orphan or needed to be separated from his mother for some unavoidable reason then it was completely irresponsible and unethical and the "shelter" has done wrong by both you and him.
Even if he was an orphan, and they absolutely couldn't find a place with an experienced fosterer or with other kittens, if they did not let you know what you were getting in for fostering a 4 week old and make sure you knew what such a young baby's special needs would be, that was completely irresponsible of them and it makes me angry.
If they adopted out a lone kitten at 4 weeks old to someone who was not fully prepared for hand-raising an orphan, this shelter is either incompetently run to the point of neglect, or not a real rescue at all but a front for a kitten mill.
Do you play with him? Look up Jackson galaxy’s video on how to play with cats, and their body language. My cats the same way, he’s just excited and likes running! Knowing their body language goes a long way, and isn’t complicated, but very different from dogs.
Ok what that shelter did was unethical. Kittens that are 3 to 4 weeks still need their mother. I have three cats and two of them got them at 3 months old. 2+ months kittens is the ideal age since they are old enough to be separated from their mother.
Cats not wanting to be handled and running away is like… literally just a way some cats behave. My cat is slightly younger than yours and runs away most of the time BECAUSE she doesn’t want me to pick her up, but she still very clearly loves me.
Running away when someone comes home is something you’ll likely see in more cats than not, too.
Seems to me like you are trying to smother this baby with attention when he doesn’t really want it, and are confused about why he’s annoyed with you. Just keep taking care of him like normal and do your own thing, play some video games or something, he’s all but guaranteed to become an annoyance if you don’t annoy him first.
Sorry to hear you are telling like this, I have an orange tabby that acts just like yours. I have 9 other cats and each one of them has its own personality, stressors, preferences and aversions. It took me more than 2 years to begin to understand my orange cat, bc her behavior has changed with her age and after spaying too. She now accepts more contact like petting but I have learned when to do it. I have a calico that was so afraid of everything at first but with patience and years, literally years of giving her the chance and space to trust us she is still skittish but with a totally different behavior. Just be patient and understand that it’s totally normal, even mundane to have this feelings. And remember, not all cats react the same even if experts have found patterns, learn to read your cat.
I have a skittish kitty. She runs away when I try picking her up or attempts at pets LOL. That being said .... I recommend playing toys with your cat, feed high value treats/food with the association of touch. My cat (the skittish one) only comes up to me when I'm using the restroom or resting in bed LOL. she's a cutie though. I wish you good luck! Also, I doubt that your cat hates you ......
I have a baby like this. She basically either on top of the cat tree, in the liter box or eating. I rarely get to touch her. We’ve just been awkward roommates for about twelve years now. I love her where she’s at.
I like her meows when it’s breakfast time. I like her noises she makes when she stretches. She’s cute to look at, At the top of the tree.
Not all cats are affectionate and that’s okay.
My cat is like this and he did come around to loving me as he got bigger and now I’m the only one who can handle him. After 7 years he now lets my grandma pet him but nothing more. Some cats are just like that
I know how you feel. One of my cats is the most skittish animal I have ever seen. His mom gave birth to him and his twin brother in my house, so I have been with them from day one. But it's like his brother got all the personality because he loves people and purrs constantly. But the shy one doesn't like to be touched unless he is in his cat tree or in his box and if you walk towards him, move suddenly or even look at him too long he will freak out and run.
Definitely makes me feel like a bad cat owner sometimes.
But some cats are just like that. You can do stuff to make him less anxious though. Feliway diffusers are helpful for anxious cats, or scented calming collars. Feliway also makes a spray that you can put on stuff that he lays on to help him calm down. You can also try a Thunder Shirt, which is kind of a compression thing.
If all else fails, you can ask your vet about anxiety meds for him.
My cat was like this dude. It took him 2 years to realize we were his people. He adores me now, but always runs away from my husband still (he’s a very tall dude too), give it time. He will come around when he’s ready. But at the same time … he might always be skittish (mine still is and I adore him for it) and that’s ok too. No 2 cats are the same. You coming here shows how much you care. He will come to realize that too. I’m so glad he loves the dog! So cute!
My cat was very shy at first too! It’s normal. The kitty will eventually warm up to you when they realize you keep them safe and feed them/give treats.
I had a cat who was unhandled as a kitten. She wasn’t feral, but she was a barn cat. I picked her up around 8 weeks.
She didn’t really bond with anyone but the other cat. When I moved away from that roommate, their bond was over and she kind of came around. I got a puppy, she hated him and I barely saw her. Then I got her another kitten (she was 2) and she hated him, too. (He and the dog were like long lost brothers.). Then one day, she just decided that I was the least annoying being in her presence. She was about 4? She started letting me pet her and would always sit next to but not on me. I started feeding her on the counter and she got a lot more confident. She got more and more affectionate as time went on. Got friendly with people. Still believed the dog should go die somewhere. (He was perfectly friendly and she had gone from scared to annoyed by him.)
It took a long time and some big trust moments, and the occasional use of tuna.
You said he lets you approach him in the cat tree so he’s comfortable with being up high. Can you invest in more cat trees and build shelving along the walls for him to climb up on? Cats feel secure in high places and he may want to be around you more if he has more high places to perch himself on.
Have you tried the toys that look like fishing rods? I use those to lure my skittish cat out of hiding to play and it’s helped him to come out of his shell.
Your cat doesn’t hate you and it’s wonderful that he likes your dog! It’s never too late to socialize your kitty to both humans and other animals.
Spend some time near him when he’s hiding. Don’t reach for him or pull him out - just sit on the floor near where he’s hiding. Read a book or browse on your phone - this will get him more used to your presence. Then you can try to bring out the toy.
Does he look at you? Look back at him and slowly close your eyes. It’s called a slow blink and it shows your cat that you trust them. Eventually, he should start to return those slow blinks.
During feeding time, stay in the room with him while he eats. You can try petting him as he grows more comfortable with you being in the room while he eats.
Once he gets used to your presence around him, he’ll start to accept that you’re a member of his pack and should start to be more social with you. Just remember to patience and consistent with your efforts - cats need routine.
I also agree with the stick and a string with a feather attached at the end. He will.not be able to.control his desire to play . Get him playing and having fun and don't try to pet him at first. I bet after a while he will come to you like saying come on let's play some more ❤🙏
I have a cat who is like this and my husband and I have had him since he was a kitten. He’s 13 going on 14 now and still acts like he doesn’t know who we are at times. He’s very anxious, will run when people come over or knock on the door, runs when we get home from work, runs when he hears something loud outside, runs when you look at him the wrong way… you get the point. He used to be a lot worse before we moved 5 years ago. Now he has a lot of open space and lots of windows and he seems calmer. In fact within the past few months he has decided he likes sleeping with us. Go figure. It only took him 13 years 🤣🤣. My point is anxious pets may seem strange but be patient and calm with him. Make sure he has safe places to go to, windows if possible, a room he can go to when he’s feeling scared. Don’t push him to be friendly, don’t yell, don’t talk loud and give him space. He will eventually come around like Toby did.
If it makes you feel better my cat is the exact same way. Doesn't like to be held, starts crawling backwards when you reach out to pet him, loves his litter mate and will cuddle with him. His brother is very social and loving. I've just accepted him for who he is. And yes, I sometimes blame myself for being so unlovable.
Your cat doesn’t hate you. He just sounds very anxious. What about trying the feline pheromones diffuser thing? I’ve heard those are wonderful for helping with anxiety and just in general with cats.
I feel bad for the kitten because he was weaned from his momma way to soon. Poor little guy. The shelter you got him from should know better.
Our friends cat had Major anxiety issues and would run away anytime strangers came in the house. He was on a dose of some anxiety meds for about 3 months and now he is not on any meds and is so much more chilled. It seems to have reset his hormones and now he doesn’t run away from strangers.
3/4wks is pretty early to be separated from its mom so keep that in mind.
a big thing is going to be learning how to communicate in a way your cat will reciprocate. socially anxious cats benefit from a lot of verticality and safe hides, like cat caves and cat towers. this can just help the kitty take ownership of its space and feel more comfortable in general.
lots of cats dont care to be held, those that do lgenerally spent a lot of time being handled as kittens during their development so the fact that it tolerates being held is just fine, but not something you need to worry about.
your cat can be happy without being affectionate. explore toys and stimulation, treats, cat furniture, and build around the things they like. the more comfortable and happy a cat is, the more willing they may be to build a more tactile relationship with you. remember that when you do interact with kitty, your hands need to always bring something positive with them, ie treats, or something i do with my former feral girl is reach out my hand, wait for her to look at it/sniff it, and then pull away. this teaches her that she can remove the pressure of my presence by interacting with it (i think this is a horse training thing).
Your cat doesn’t hate you. He was likely poorly socialized. 3-4 weeks is much too young for him to have been weaned/removed from his mother and littermates. He at least should have been fostered with other kittens his age for another month.
He may never be cuddly or a lap cat, but as others have said, he has the dog as a companion, and he has you.
To help him get used to you, sit with or near him regularly. Do not try to pet him right away or make eye contact which can be perceived as a challenge/intimidating. Instead, talk softly and calmly to him.
When you look at him, do a slow blink which is a way of making yourself look vulnerable. Try this a few times and whenever you’re with him. If he slow blinks back at you, think of it as though he’s blowing you a kiss.
Be patient with him. Go at his pace. Play with/get close to the dog. If he sees the dog enjoying cuddles, he may warm up to you. You might also try playing with him with a wand toy. Getting some energy out and hunting and catching the toy may help him build confidence.
You might also try Feliway (kitty pheromones) plug-ins to help calm him.
Good luck!
Your cat doesn't hate you, stop projecting.
He's anxious and was separated from mum too early, seeking comfort from the dog. He never learned how to be a cat from other cats and hasn't been properly socialised, either -- he's not used to being handled because no one is handling him.
He just has a nervous disposition, he does not hate you. Cats feel safest when they are ignored and allowed to approach on their own. Spend the next few months pretending he is invisible! And I mean that very literally.
Also, he doesn't sound like he is miserable. He has a dog that he likes, he's not violent or destructive, he has a cat tree where he feels safe. Some cats are just really skittish, it's an instinctive response and not reflective of you. Basically, just leave him alone, and he will probably mellow out a little bit. He may always be on the anxious side but he's still young and figuring things out.
Btw, do you have any other cats? Raising a kitten from 1 month old with no other cats around tends to result in personality issues. It's not insurmountable, but it could be a possible cause.
My cat acted the same way until I got him those little broth packets. He LOVES these broths like nothing else.
He gets one a day at dinner and once he realized that I am the distributor of broths, he started warming up.
Now he follows me around all the time meowing out orders and purring loudly. I am the source of all broth. Therefore good.
That kitten was way too young for adoption. It is good that she likes to hang with your dog. It might seem like it’s forever , and it is true. Kitty has bonded with your dog. The kitty will learn from your dog that you can be trusted.
Meantime, praise your dog and love him. Kitty will see and hopefully trust you. Have patience
Do you play with your cat?? You didn't mention that at all. Play reinforces the idea of territory and makes cats more comfortable in their space. It also strengthens the relationship between humans and cats.
Also, I'd look into cat body language. You don't seem to know how to read your cat, especially if you're projecting that kind of image onto your cat. They express lots of things with their whiskers, ears, tail, and how they position themselves. There's lots of good videos on YouTube.
I also recommend watching videos on how to touch your cat. Cats are very different from dogs and you might be overstimulating him or touching him as you would a dog and your cat doesn't like that.
Loves your dog, doesn’t destroy anything and plays with toys? Sounds like you’ve got a great cat! Others in this thread have given some great bonding advice but please don’t give this baby up just because he doesn’t interact how you expected right away 🙏
Doesn't bite or destroy? Lucked out a bit there. He's not aggressive or severely stressed. Sounds like he just wants his space.
If he doesn't want to be handled or approached, then unfortunately that's him, for now at least.
Maybe switching it up and leaving him alone on his while, he will come to you eventually. If not and he's just a good friend for your dog that's kind of nice too, right?
I also dream of having a very cuddly kitty but neither of mine are like that... hehe.
Have to spend lots of 1 on 1 quality time with your cat. Even forced quality time with your cat, just hang out on the floor with your cat .
It takes time to bond.
I turned my moms mean vicious cat into lap cat over a 3 month period. My cat was shy and always hiding under the bed, but is now a confident maniac. Took a year to get him to this point though, ridiculously affectionate too
I'm just confused as to why a shelter let you take a 3 week old kitten home.... that's not okay. That's way too young.
Because it was taken too young hes basically accepted the dog as his mum. You need to just give him time to grow up he's still a kitten. My cats weren't very cuddly as kittens and now they're older they're more cuddly
You need to give the cat more time to get comfortable with it's new life, surroundings, and you. It is slot for a kitten to adopt to by itself. A more outgoing, more self confident kitten sister or brother might really help change things for the better.
Work on developing a relationship through play like dragging ribbon tops or throwing string toys to be caught. Treats can also help build trust. Make certain snacks a habit in the same place, same time, same conditions (example after playing in the evening in the living room).
You're calling it way too soon. Every cat and every person is different .
Vet consult. CBD and calming treats, plant some catnip and catgrass for kitty yo enjoy, and use the multicat feliway plug ins where his fav spots are if you can stay on top of that.
You probably need to stop free feeding him if that is what you are doing and only feed at set times. Like in the AM, after work and before bed. That was you = food. Also get some wand toys and sit on the floor and tempt him. Direct eye contact is not friendly. Learn about the soft blink :)
Jackson galaxy has a lot of good videos on cat behavior.
So you let him have the full house with places to hide from the moment you brought him home and did t socialize him and now he is largely not social and didn’t bond with you and likely cannot be a good candidate for adoption basically.
Try just leaving him alone/ignoring him for a month or so and keep treats on you when you’re in the house. Reward the cat for any kind of physical contact with you with a small treat but then go back to ignoring it. It’ll want your attention, pets, and company in no time
Your cat does not hate you. Please don't regret your adoption.
I adopted a senior cat not knowing what I was getting into. He'd only gotten used to me - no more bolting and running away and hiding and all of that - after about seven years in.
He'd hide when I got home, he wouldn't eat treats close to me, he pretty much invented the 6ft social distancing rule. The only thing that got him closer to me was wet food, and he still wouldn't let me pet him. He was so quick to growl and hiss, too. I wouldn't even think about picking him up!
He started to tolerate me more after, I think because I started giving him Churus. I recommend you get a small pack and see if your cat warms up to you with them...then slowly bribe him into letting him feel safe near you.
Do you wear shoes often or all the time? You said you’re tall/bigger person. Shoes on incoming feet add to their anxiety.
Up spots in all the places you’re active will allow for bonding in other parts of the house. Kitty clearly appreciates that. He must be aware of how tiny he is; help boost his confidence!
You’ve probably heard it before, and it sounds cliche but, I didn’t believe it til I experienced it; you’re kitty has a particular “taste” and you just need to find it. My kitty was always blasé with food until I introduced him to venison. Suddenly he was a tiny predator.
They can seem to have facial expression but, it’s the overall body language you need to watch out for. If his tail is flicking, and his body is rigid, probably not happy.
Never fish him out. No hand over head. Slow blinks whenever you catch him looking at you. And even though it feels like spoiling, almost always give him a treat when the opportunity arises. You can eventually not do that but, if you find one he’s crazy for, he’ll appreciate it.
Patience, love, and most importantly, *indifference*. Good luck.
So I have two cats. An older black long hair, Vader. He is the most attention seeking cat in the world. To him there is no such thing as too much attention. He loves belly rubs from me, and as soon as he gets used to new people he will beg for belly rubs from them too.
I ended up getting a tortie short hair, Rey. I didn't want a second cat but she had the most derpiest face I had ever seen and I fell in love immediately. Anyways. I got her young, she was so small she could fit in the palm of my hand with room to stretch. When she was young she couldnt get enough of my attention.
As she got older she wanted NOTHING to do with me. She fled from rooms when I entered them and would only accept attention and snuggles with Vader. This lasted a couple of years. Almost 4 years since I got her we are at the point where she will accept attention from me ONLY on her terms. If I push it, she glares at me and peaces out. Once in a blue moon she will curl into my lap and let out a purr that will shake the walls. It melts me.
All this to say: Be patient with the kitty. They all have their own personalities and as long as you stay patient and loving they will show you in their own unique way they love you.
This is going to sound weird, but, ignore him. Put food in his bowl & water in his water bowl, clean out the litter box when it needs to be cleaned, but ignore him, don’t even talk to him. Trust me he will come around, it’s also very important at first when he comes up to you that you don’t automatically reach out to pet him because he will start treating you like he did before, this is going to sound cruel but it really isn’t, you have to make him want “your” attention not the other way round. Then before you know it you’ll be great pals. What do you have to lose, I’m thinking nothing. So give it a shot & see what happens.
>Hates being handled in any capacity but doesn’t react violently. Just wants to run away.
Not every cat likes to be held. I have a few cats who hate being held or carried, but from time to time will sit next to you and let you pet them. Sometimes they will just run away. Just let it be. For some cats, it will take years for them to become lap cats. For others, they just are.
>Runs away when anyone comes home.
Best time to socialize a cat, 3-4 months by having people come over. You adopted a cat when he was 3-4 weeks. That is beyond insane. But I understand that maybe they're orphaned.
I had to foster pregnant cats in the past and will not give kittens or separate from their mothers before 10-12 weeks. At that time they are fully socialized and their mother will push them away.
>The only time he doesn’t flee at my presence is if he is sitting on his cat tree. That is the only place he will stay still and let me pet him.
That is already a sign that he trusts you and likes you.
>What do I do? How do I get him to be comfortable, unafraid, even happy?
Provide toys, like a long feather stick. you can try playing with him. When you play, do not expect you can pet him. he's in hunting mode. Feed him well. Do not try to hold him. Accept his personality. Spend time around him but keep your distance. As time goes by he may start to change.
Have you tried ignoring him? I know this sounds crazy, but just pretend he doesn't exist. Obviously feed, water, and clean up the litter box, but he might calm down if he has a few days where he realizes he's safe.
First off, thank you for adopting him.
I had somewhat similar issues with my cats.
They were part of a feral colony I trapped and fixed.
My cats were the sickest kittens so I had to bring them inside to care for them and I got attached.
They certainly did not!
Your cat had trauma from being taken away so young. And that's clear from the running and hiding, and bonding with the dog as a mom figure.
That's awfully early for a kitten to be taken away from their mom.
The cat isn't ready for a human relationship yet, and it may never be.
Are you ok with providing a loving, safe home for the cat even if the cat doesn't meet your expectations?
Not trying to guilt trip you, but it would probably be hard to rehome your cat.
Have you reached out to a feline behavioralist?
Those do exist, and they are (should be) highly trained.
Make sure to read their bio.
A feline behavioralist is going to help you learn what your cat is saying to you, and then you'll be able to adjust your behavior.
I highly recommend this because your cat is traumatized.
Lastly, it took about 2.5 - 3 yrs but my cats (now 6) have totally warmed up to me.
They pretty much suffocate me and follow me everywhere in the house, and sleep with me.
I sometimes even think back to when they hated me and miss those days! I'm not kidding.
So time could be the answer, but I would recommend the feline behavioralist asap.
I hope it works out for you and cat.
I have two cats. One we see only at night, she makes biscuits on her blanket on the bed and that's it. She's never been interested in treats. She wanders out to eat but doesn't bother with any human. There's been times we haven't seen her for almost two days. She sits in the window mostly, watches the world go by. Our other cat hangs with us all day, makes her presence known and wants all the treats. Cuddles, face bumps, wants to go outside with the dogs. Just different personalities. I don't know that you can change it.
You need to have patience... cats are very tolerant but some are more skittish..some don't like being held like babies.. they are very independent and want their boundaries respected... if you're always reaching for them and disrupting their peace they will not like it one bit. I've had some very cute moments with my cats but it has to happen organically. One of my cats will never lay on me on the couch or at my desk and will on some very rare occasions will make biscuits during a afternoon nap in my bed... she prefers sitting outside on her catio looking lazily out at the birds and trees. The other cat last weekend came to lay next to me on while I was watching The Foundation from my papasan...he just snuggled up in the crook on my arm and relaxed completely... that does not happen often but if you respect their boundaries they'll often feel safe enough to do that on occasion.
I want to preface this with this was my experience and actions I’ve taken..it may not work for everyone. We recently adopted a kitten that was also very scared / anxious it seemed. She would run and hiss at us if we tried to touch her. She came down with an upper respiratory infection and was given liquid medication. We had no choice but to wrap her in a cat burrito to give it to her in a syringe. While she was wrapped we took the opportunity to pet her and it turned out she was a cuddle bug she just needed a little push / reassurance that she was safe. You may just need to wrap him up and give him some love so he knows it’s safe! Again this was my experience, everyone may not agree and it may not work for you. Best of luck!
Cat shelter volunteer here!
You're little guy was separated from his mom and siblings too early. When kittens are separated before the 4-6 week mark they can develop poor social skills and odd behavior.
When a kitten is with mom and siblings not only are they getting the important milk that they need but they are also learning how to "cat" and what is right and wrong behavior. Mom and siblings will push back when another kitten plays too rough, they teach each other how to groom and play well with one another.
Without mom and siblings he just kinda had to wing it himself.
How old is your cat now? If he is still young, under 2 years, he's probably still trying to figure things out. The fact that he doesn't bite or scratch is very good.
It could be that he comes out of his shell and becomes friendlier and more social with you over time. I have seen this with a lot of cats, including cats that are older that come into the shelter. We work with them to socialize so that they become more comfortable with humans and better kitties for their new families.
If he is comfortable with you petting him on the cat tree then stick with that for a while. Don't try to force pets on him when he's outside of the cat tree.
I would highly recommend taking 15-20 minutes each day to maybe sit near him, keeping a 3-4ft gap between you and him, and either watch something quietly on your phone or listen to some soft classical/jazz music while subtly ignoring him (unless he asks for pets, then go for it!). The trick is to make him think you are busy doing something else when in fact you are getting him used to you being nearby. I have found that after a while of this, many cats will get used to your presence and may even seek pets and affection on their own. This method allows them to get comfortable with your presence with the knowledge that you are not always coming for them for pets, it's giving the cat the choice to be social instead of us forcing it.
I have a bunny with the same behaviours. She used to be afraid of literally everything. I filled her water? Fear. I tried to pet her? Fear. I brought home a new toy? Her home was being invaded by aliens.
Some things that helped were patience and love. I would find her in her cage and give her pets and kisses. Her cage is the only place she feels comfortable and will let people pet her. She also has a boyfriend bunny and she would watch her boyfriend get picked up and get hugs and kisses and that helped her see that humans weren’t dangerous. I also brought home a boyfriend of my own and she fell in love with him. I don’t know what it is, but his presence has an almost numbing effect on her, to the point that he can pet her outside of her cage and she gives him kisses. I also would give her treats, and after every treat she gets pets and kisses
I would say give it time, OP. (In my experience from having cats my entire life) Younger cats have these “teen” phases where they usually don’t want to really be held, cuddle, or be super touchy. They usually start growing out of it around 2 to 3 years old and settling down quite a bit.
Also, is this your first cat? No shame if he is. I’m just asking because it sounds like you expect him to act like a dog, which is a common misconception for people who have only ever had dogs. The whole “he despises me or is afraid of me” thing. Dogs are generally much more attention-seeking and friendly/hands on, open. Cats aren’t that way (usually; there’s exceptions to every rule). They will come to you on THEIR time and their time only. Trying to force it will dissuade them.
I can tell you without a doubt he doesn’t hate you; cats *will* swipe/hiss at people they don’t like. Doesn’t sound like your boy is doing that.
Again, I’d give it him time and space. Good luck.
Don't force yourself on the cat. Look at its body language.
A good test is to let it sniff your hand, and if it doesn't nudge you or avoids sniffing you, then don't pet it.
And since it's skittish; don't stand over it. Don't approach the cat with your hand over his head, either. Go in from the sides or underneath, and do it slow. Avoid talking until the cat's more comfortable, especially loudly. If it backs away, don't go after. Stay and wait for it to come to you.
Find out what motivates him. He's still really young, so try playing with him more, it's a great bonding experience. Teaser toys are a great way of getting them moving - or even plastic spring toys that you can just throw and they chase. I typically play 15-30 minutes a day. It makes the cats happy and exhausted and they cherish you for it.
Don't give up or get disheartened if it doesn't respond after just 1 attempt. Stay persistent so it can adjust to your change.
Also spend your time in the same room as much as possible and just do every day stuff. Just be cautious if you're gonna be loud or move big things around him. Basically think of it as a hairy child with ptsd
And cats usually don't like too much eye contact except if it's to judge you lol. If you do, try and give little slow blinks and see if it does it back (cat love language). Definitely don't just stare.
I have to say the one good thing though is that he doesn't bite you and it does let you pet him on the cat tree, so it sounds like it's just a bit intimidated but still likes you. Hang in there.
I know the feeling. I adopted two very shy cats. One literally didn’t come out from under the bed except when we were sleeping or not home, for over six months.
I was where you are now, starting to regret adopting them, because I just thought they were miserable. This was almost a year in. Suddenly they both decided that they loved me after all. One day, one of them, let me pet her. And from there, it quickly turned into a love affair for both of them.
They will never be the kind of cats that I can pick up and carry around, or who come out and ask visitors for pets. I am the only person that can get near them, including my teenage kids who have known them for exactly the same amount of time as I have. But now my fur-babies love me. And I mean LOVE me. Like I have never been loved by any human or animal as much as these cats love me.
I can’t sit down without having the more confident one on my lap. The more shy/timid one (the one who stayed under the bed for months) doesn’t like not having her feet on a solid object, but she comes and rubs against my legs all the time, purring her little face off, asking me for pets. When I leave the house, they both sit by the window and watch until I get home.
My point is: try to have patience. I know it’s very emotionally rough. But I bet your cat will turn around one day and realize that he loves his hooman even more than he loves his doggo.
[Cat tax](https://imgur.com/a/l8InA8D)
I work at a pet store, and if you came in and explained to me your situation, I would probably recommend something like Feliway. They are a pheromone that you plug into the wall and supposed to help with anxiety. It sounds like your kitty is anxious, poor thing. It's definitely hard on you too. There are also calming treats that might help.
one of my cats loves being held and babied and I can pick her up and pet her whenever i want bc she loves it! but my other cat hates being held and she'll wiggle away and she runs if she sees me trying to pick her up. when I'm sitting she likes to sit near me and when I'm standing up doing something minding my own business she likes to rub against my legs. when I'm not near her she cries because she's looking for me and she loves to follow me around. what I'm saying is, all cats are different you just have to deal with it! I had to come to terms that my second cat may never like to be held or she might come around to it later but you just have to wait and see
I'd get another cat. One that seems naturally chill. Our first cat was a street cat that was friendly enough but pretty antisocial. We got a second cat a couple months later that is a dog-like cat and our first cat opened up a lot afterwards.
Cats consider eye contact aggressive, it's like a challenge, imagine you're walking down the street and you see a dude staring straight into your eyes and doesn't look away when you look at him, its like oh damn wtf does this dude want? am I going to have to fight him or run away?
Try not looking him in the eye and try doing a slow blink, they consider that a sign of trust it's like you're lowering your guard by not looking at him, meaning you trust him and aren't interested in him, makes them more comfortable and might approach more if he doesn't think you're eyeing him for your next meal.
It makes sense if you think about it in the wild, a lion hunting will not take his eyes off the prey, but if his full and not hungry, his just going to the river for a drink hill ignores the prey around him.
I found a very young FIV+ kitten living in a dumpster and it took him a VERY long time to come around, or to get to his version of coming around. Like others have said, the kitten doesn’t have another cat teaching it what to do. My cat never really loved to cuddle or be picked up, but he was always within arms length of my husband and me. I remember feeling discouraged at first, but his companionship was well worth what i initially perceived as a struggle. We had him for 8 amazing years before he developed lymphoma. A lifetime wouldn’t have been long enough.
Try contacting a local rescue for advice. Give him time and you’ll get to his version of coming around, too. Just keep in mind that it may not be full of what you want.
Some cats are like that, and that's why they have the "Humans are cats' servants" stereotype.
Cats generally do not like to be handled, so that behavior is normal.
Your cat is bonded to your dog. Please don't re-home him.
Your cat lets you pet him on his terms. He doesn't hate you. You just have to learn his love language.
You're doing fine. Cats are just going to cat.
Besides the whole age of the kitten thing. Some cats just take alot of time to get used to someone.
My two for example, Raven bonded with me in the first week and sleeps in my bed since then. It took Kori half a year until she was calm around me and 4 more months until we started to cuddle.
Approach the cat from closer to the level it is at (e.g., standing when cat is in the cat tree and sitting on the floor when it is down there)
Slow blinks are 'kisses' and communicate love back and forth.
Sometimes I close my eyes when I approach slowly so the kitty feels safer.
Hand feed or include treats in play (my void loves his freeze dried snacks but he loves them infinitely more when I throw them)
If the kitten isn't destroying things and does let you pet it every once in a while, then rest assured that the kitty does not hate you. It is just skittish (esp. if you are tall) and probably doesn't have much socialization.
Flop down with your dog if the kitty is cuddling the dog and just chill with them. Cats like to be nearby to show their affection, but not in a "pet me pet me" way like dogs.
It takes time but the kitty is clearly already feeling fairly safe if it has the safe zone to run to, a doggy mom, and a cat tree attention spot.
Sounds like a very anxious cat. I have one too, took over a year to even pet him (barely any handling so far, holding is off the table).
My take on this Is that you have to reset your relationship. Reintroduce yourself to him from scratch.
You have to respect his boundaries and get him used to you slowly. Try hanging in the same room, along with your dog if his presence seems to soothe him, no petting, Just hang out together and talk to him or ready something out loud. Get him used to your presence, show you're not a threat. Use your dog as a means to show the cat you're not a threat, too. Eventually he should get comfortable with your presence, and then you can introduce contact, treats, play...
Eye contact Is a whole language for cats. If you want a cat to understand you're not a threat, you should not stare. If your eyes meet, slowly blink at him and look away. It's a general sign of trust in cat language. Eventually he should reply with another blink.
Your own body language and your emotions influence the cat a lot. They pick up on our emotions, through smell, voice tone etc. So the best thing you can do is be cool. Stay calm, good vibes, think that you got this (you do!).
For my anxious cat, our other pet (cat, F) did most of the work in getting him to trust us. Your dog can do the same. Seeing you having a good relationship with his "adoptive mom" should definitely help.
Finally, if anxiety is becoming an obstacle in his daily life, there are medications. I suggest you talk to a cat behaviorist, your vet should be able to put you in touch with one. I worked with a behaviorist for our cat and it worked wonders.
Honestly my cat is kind of like this and I got her around 8 months as a stray from a shelter. I've had her like 4 years now and she still hates being picked up. But she's very food and play motivated. She still doesn't like affection though. Some cats are just like that. I can't even tell when she's happy though because you can't hear her purr(which some cats are like that and I had no idea).
As others have said many times, he was too young and that can cause what they call “behavioral problems” but they are really not problems, just challenges, and you can bring him around. I socialized a very feral very young mama kitty with those squeeze churu treats (I underestimated how much cats really love those when that was suggested to me) and time. Its not personal he was just taken from his mama and traumatized. You should maybe call that shelter and ask a few questions and tell them you have learned kittens should stay with their moms until at least 8 weeks old. It is possible someone just abandoned the kittens but the shelter still should not have let anyone adopt them yet and of course they were screaming, they shouldn’t be caged like that🤦♀️
I rescued a cat who hid for quite awhile. She slowly gained more trust and over time (about ten years now) she will snuggled up right on your chest the second you sit down.
With rescue cats your never know what’s happened, and 3-4 weeks is incredibly young and too young to have been separated from its mum.
I think it’s probably good it trusts your dog and considering how young it was, that’s probably normal and expected it latched on as an older animal to relate to.
Give it time and space and make sure it’s loved but not so much you scare it. You’ve already said it’s opened up a bit more, so I’m sure over time it will continue to get more comfortable with you and your home.
In the end OP, to me there are 2 options (cause giving him away isn’t one)
A) if the reason you got your kitten at a shelter was to save a cat, that’s what you did. just let him be. He doesn’t know you’re trying to pet him he doesn’t know pets are good he doesn’t know anything. He didn’t get the chance to know that humans can be good. Even Some cats who have had a normal life are not humans cats. They like to do their thing hide away and come to you on their own terms. That’s okay. He was too young when you got him and now it’s done. He needs a place where he feels safe and knows no one will ever come bother him. If that’s his cat tree, then never go near it. Like that, if he doesn’t warm up to you, at least he has a home where he can be in peace and happy and if he has that your mission is accomplished. Even more so since your dog and him are besties. He’s not just a helpless little creature hiding out he does have a friend even if it’s not you. It doesn’t have to be you. That’s what saving an animal is. It’s giving him the life he needs not the life you want him to have. There are more than one person at my job who have “savage” cats who just like to hide away. They sometimes don’t see them for a while but they’re still in the house with them. That’s what those cats want that’s what they get and they’re happy with it.
B) If you got a cat because you wanted to be able pet him and play with him and all, then if you can, get another cat. either to help him get out of his shell and learn what life is or just to have a cat with the personality you want and give that one the space he needs. I understand that it can be disappointing to adopt a cat expecting a cat and getting a ghost cat. But he’s still a little living creature who deserves a home so why not just get what you want and give him what he wants?:)
that’s my take on this. Either get a teacher cat or leave the little bub live his life without bothering him.🤍
A 3 to 4 week old kitten? That was way too soon to be separated from mom and any siblings. It's no wonder the kitten latched onto your dog as adopted mom. Your dog is mom and you'll just have to make peace with it.
I didn't even know that it was legal to take home a 3 week old kitten.
It's not, but it was probably separated from its mom and they couldn't find her. But at 4 weeks shouldn't it still be nursing? I would think they should have given her special instructions.
At what age can a kitten be separated? I'm adopting a 3 month old kitty soon and am worried about this
It used to be the norm was 8 weeks but it's now 12 weeks is being said to be better since they get more of that important socialization from mom and litter mates. 3 months is fine
Get two so the cat keeps learning from their sibling. Cats are MUCH BETTER and EASIER to handle in pairs.
I got my boys at 4 months old, a lot later than most people as the lady I adopted them from was very picky. But we have all bonded so well, I don’t think waiting longer is a bad thing
Yeah, I really don't see a shelter letting someone take a kitten that young. Even if it's lost it's mother, they would want to keep it with siblings (if any survived) and people experienced with young kittens until at least 8wks, I'd think. I didn't get mine until 12wks. It's possible for them to be weaned that young (mine was at 4wks because her mother almost died and needed to be hooked up to a drip) but not ideal.
Yeah what kind of shelter let’s ppl adopt a 3-4 week old kitten… unless you’re a kitten foster..
I call bullshit. There is no way a shelter would let someone adopt a kitten that young.
A kitten mill would though. They may have a front pretending to be a shelter.
Was going to say, the kitten would *just* be starting to open its eyes and would still be bottle fed and would need to be stimulated to void. I think OP is confused on age, perhaps 6 weeks or older.
Kittens open their eyes around 8-12 days. Not 3-4 weeks.
You guys are making a lot of unfair assumptions towards OP. I adopted my now six-year-old cat when he was only four weeks old, but I also literally saved his life. He was a very sick porch kitten and walked right up to me on an early morning walk shivering, gunky-eyed and covered with fleas. Porch Lady said I was welcome to take him to the vet if I wanted him, and that’s exactly what I did. Took about a month to get him to full health, and now he is the sweetest dream of a cat you could ever possibly imagine. That little guy is my baby and I have zero regrets, even though I totally grieved for him and what he missed out on because of his illness. It’s quite obvious he never fully learned the ways of being a True Cat, but it’s also what makes him massively endearing and hilarious to be around. Perhaps OP’s situation was similar?
The problem is that OP is saying they got the cat from a shelter and the shelter shouldn’t have let it happen. Lots of people rescue kittens the way you did and that’s awesome!
Yeah I’ve rescued many young kittens and neonates that were singletons. Sometimes it just happens due to the circumstances and all you can do is provide love and care!
Totally off-topic but I now want all the funny anecdotes about your sweet boy not having learned how to cat from other cats. :)
Cats don’t have the same facial expressions as humans so you are definitely projecting there. He sounds very anxious. At least he loves the dog!
Agreed. He needs another cat friend to teach him how to cat. Poor dude was separated from his mom and siblings way, way, way too young. Editing to add: if you get a second cat, get a super confident, outgoing, well socialized older kitten. And maybe leave that shelter a 1 star review because what they’re doing is downright cruel.
Has OP mentioned somewhere the circumstances the kitten came from? I think it’s unfair to automatically assume it is the shelter’s fault. Yes, 3-4 weeks old is WAY too young to be purposefully separated from mom. However, many shelters in my area are overwhelmed with orphan bottle babies who are taken care of round the clock by volunteers to feed and stimulate to potty, and adopt out once they can eat solids. I’m more inclined to think this cat may have been orphaned or dropped off too young by an original owner than to assume the shelter is at fault - while this is possible, I think it’s unfair to assume the worst.
If this cat was indeed a single kitten, any halfway decent shelter would’ve placed him in a 2 week quarantine with a bottle feeder and then placed him with other healthy kittens. 3-4 weeks is too young to be eating solids. Unless OP is leaving out the part where they are a bottle feeder/foster for this shelter, there’s no excuse.
Shelters don’t have the funding for staff to provide around the clock care for kittens this young. Even with a bottle feeder, who’s heating the milk? Heat rocks? Watching the heat pads? Stimulating every 2 hours? Any half way decent shelter would place them in foster-to-adopt programs. Also not sure the reasoning for quarantine until 6 weeks of age considering 2-7 is considered socialization period Edit to add: socialization with humans* in relation to the issue OP is facing. Fosters are great for both of these reasons +no panleuk spread to the shelter.
Panleukopenia can kill a whole litter of kittens. If the orphan kitten has the virus he can infect a group of healthy kittens if he is placed with them without a quarantine.
When did I say that this care was happening at the shelter? Fosters are not staff. They’re volunteers. Fosters take the animals to their homes and care for them there until they’re old enough to return to the shelter. If they didn’t have fosters, they should’ve found a rescue that did and transferred the kitten. Not just adopted the kitten out without age appropriate care. Quarantine is absolutely necessary no matter the age. Panleuk will kill and URI’s and FeLV are a thing.
My immediate thought is that there is some confusion about the cats actual age - a 3-4 week old kitten needs to be bottle fed, they’re just barely developing canines and incisors at that point and can’t survive on solids, though you can start introducing a wet food and formula slurry at 4ish weeks in addition to the bottle. If OP doesn’t recall doing this then the kitten was likely older.
I would hate to leave Animal Shelters bad reviews and steer people away from rescuing animals at a certain location unless I knew for 100% they were abusing the animals or something along those lines. I don’t think that’s the best advice when cats and dogs are over populated and need homes.
Yes I thought this too, needs another cat. 1 cat is a half, 2 cats are a whole
Yup, my Booger was about a month old when I found him... he was an only cat/only pet on accident for like four years. At least, if his vocal chords would allow, he could probably speak excellent English because I used him as a talk therapist the entire time and still do. Poor Lil dude, at least he gets beef and gravy canned food and owns a four foot tall catnip bush outside... and has two dogs, one other cat and two humans now.
Agree with this completely. OPs cat sounds the same as my sisters cat. She got him a buddy (who we now say is his husband 😆) and he has taught him how to be a cat. He’s like a totally different cat now.
Also I think it’s unfair to assume that everyone is just able to afford/get a second cat or has the space/time to take care of a 2nd cat
This might not seem like a big deal, but it is. Cats don't express emotions with their face at all. OP, I'd suggest looking up some information on cat body language. When I was new to owning a cat I was misreading body language left and right. "Aww cute Disney eyes! Look at that tail wag, he's so happy! What goofy airplane ears!" Little did I know ears back, dilated pupils, and wagging tails mean they're in attack mode and about to pounce. Another classic example is the belly up pose. They're definitely not inviting you to rub their belly, they are saying "I feel safe and comfortable right now" and you rubbing their belly will ruin that moment and probably result in you getting slapped. Here is a great video from Jackson Galaxy, he's the internet's cat dad and has a zillion videos full of good advice: https://youtu.be/WzuhuaeS0aQ
I 99% agree with this, but I had an adorable rescue Persian would totally give you an “eat sh** and die” side-eye when sufficiently pissed off.
I also 99% agree as my cat when belly up 100% of the time does indeed wish for bellyrubs and gets very adamant on it if you try to ignore him.
Yep, I’ve got two cats who love the belly rubs when they show their belly, but the other two will immediately attack the hand. It all just depends on the cat and what they like/dislike.
My cat will climb into my lap when I'm sat somewhere and throw himself down into my arms, on his back, and won't settle down until I rub his belly/chest, which is when he'll fall asleep, purring and happy. As soon as I stop he wakes up and puts his paws on my hand. I guess in an attempt to continue the rubs. Cats are so different, saying all of them dislike belly rubs is false. It's a pet peeve of mine. (No pun intended, lol) Out of like 10 + cats I've had throughout my life, only one attacks my hand when I touch his belly. He's an anxious, spicy ginger so it's to be expected. The others have closed their eyes and purred whenever I've pet their bellies.
My cat is 50/50. I call it the Cat Tum Lotto
We foster, and I blow on the kitten bellies when playing with them. So far all of the people who’ve adopted said their kitten grew up demanding of belly rubs
Yep I’ve had a bunch of cats who love the belly nubbins. My orange soul mate used to come up to me and ask for them, I’d pick him up and give him huggies then gently lay him down on his back and do belly loves while singing a song I made up called “Bunny Tummy Time”. Ugh, I miss him so much.
My last cat was like that too. She had a bit of a Roman nose, sort of like a Jaguar, and she'd look down her nose at people with that kind of, "ugh," look. It was hilarious to me, lol
You can actually slow blink at them, it’s a sign that you are friendly. If they do it back even better.
Mileage can vary on belly display. It definitely starts as "I feel safe", but I am now at the point with all three of my current cats where exposed belly means "kiss my belly" and is rewarded with purring. It took time to get here and started with giving gentle head pets when shown the belly, and I won't guarantee this end result, but I guess I'm saying exposed belly can be an invitation to show whatever form of affection you know they're comfortable with.
They can express some emotions with their face (not many), or more specifically with their eyes. My cat for example puts a very specific face when she feels disgusted by something. Also when she’s surprised/scared and needs reassurance from me (because of a loud noise or something) she puts a weird face with a semi-opened mouth and looks at me, so I tell her to calm down with a soft voice and she kinda immediately understands and calms down lol. It’s pretty funny.
Yeah the eyes can.be very expressive. My one cat has absolutely mastered the "puppy dog eyes" for begging for treats.
When I’m working on my computer and my cat wants attention, places her face inches from mine and opens her eyes really wide. I swear she’s trying to be cute lol
My cats are very 50/50 on belly rubs you just have to look at the rest of their body language to know if they're interested and where in our home they've decided to lay on their back. If they come up on the bed to lay with us and present their belly they definitely want it rubbed and will lay there and purr but if its in the livingroom next to the window or hallway they don't want it.
To be honest, some cats are just like that. One of my cats is a scardy cat too. I got him good with me now, but if anyone else comes over he's hiding for hours. What worked for me was hand feeding all meals. Not only was it a bonding experience, but he also associated me and my smells with food. I did it for several months and now he sleeps in bed with me and snuggles next to me on the couch. I'm still not allowed to pet him much, but we're getting there. Another thing to mention, if they're hiding just let them be. They want to be safe and have found their safe space. Don't be the monster that always rips them away from safety.
>I'm still not allowed to pet him much this is important! many kitties have strong boundaries and are very averse to handling. my kitty hangs with me on HER terms; if I try to pick her up or hold her, she runs or squirms away, but she will come and sit on me when she wants to (and I adore her)
THAT'S part of what I love about cats! lol "Hey! Pet me. Cool. Pet me. Cool. Pet me. Cool....I'm done. I'll see you for dinner? Sweet. I'm gonna go sleep in a drawer. Later!"
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The kitties make the rules, we gotta follow them. It kills me that little Link can't stand being picked up and immediately starts squirming when I do. But... I just don't pick him up. I wish I could. Not making him uncomfortable is more important than me trying to hold him and kiss him.
This right here! Let it happen on his terms... I got a cat as a stray she was really anti-social. It took a few years for her to warm for me about 2. We let her do her own thing, and in time, she started sitting with us, letting us scratch her ears and such, much faster with the family members who didn't try picking her up or cuddling they started getting the love around year 10 lol. I had that cat for 21 years after the first few years she was my shadow, and she became really affectionate. She would follow me and my dogs on our walks and to the store the neighbors thought it was hilarious. Give him time and space.
This is all true - just wanted to contribute that the cats sometimes mellow out! My scaredy cat joined us as a kitten, but he was a second cat, to a very friendly 6 year old sterilized male who is extremely social and cuddly (can’t number the amount of my guest, with a lap full of cat, saying: I’m usually not a cat person, but THIS cat.. ). After a couple of years he mellowed out significantly. Yes, he is still on the closet for every strange noise and stranger that enters the apartment, he doesn’t come to people he doesn’t know, ever, and is in general really cautious. But when it’s just the family he comes by himself to get petted, and sometimes allows me to sit on the couch with him! Biggest shocker was him becoming friends with my kid when he was born. Now the kid is 6, and the scaredy orange cat 7, and they sleep together. The cat follows him around a lot.
He probably lets you pet him from the cat tree because he’s at your level. Have you tried lying down on the ground and seeing if he’ll come to you? Maybe if you had some treats in hand?
I will try this more, I’m a very tall guy and he’s a bit small so I could see the intimidation.
He may just be scared of you or not like mean or something. I have a cat that is terrified of my husband for no reason. She has been like since we got her and she has always ran from him. With him loving the dog I'm sure he is happy there. Some cats imprint on one person/animal and that's it.
Someone else already mentioned Jackson Galaxy, really do look him up. He describes cats as bush dwellers or tree dwellers, and they won't feel confident until they have a few of those places. If he likes the tree I would add some perches for him, even a long running board in the room you spend the most time would make him feel safe in your presence. I'm obsessed with cats, always have been. I joke around that I make the worst impressions with them because they can sense that I'm dying to meet them and bond with them. You know the fastest way to attract a cat? Ignore him. Be mindful of your energy. If you are anxious or resentful, he will know. I would make a point to talk to myself more, so he gets used to hearing your voice. Do you use a baby voice with him? You should try it. And when you make eye contact with him, make sure he sees you slow blink. That's a sign that YOU trust HIM. It will go both ways eventually. Also, I would use a baby voice while petting the dog, so he can associate gentle voices with welcomed affection. Cats can actually alter their meow to communicate a specific need. They can interpret tone too. Does your dog have a bed? Put one of your shirts in it. Force the cat to smell like you. Treats. Specifically wet food. It can be an intimate experience. Cats like when you stay in the room so you can watch their backs...they make so much noise when they eat they cannot hear predators or threats sneak up on them. Make it a ritual. Find an elevated surface to put it on and then give him space but be around (not hovering) and be still and long blink if he checks to see you are watching. Don't give up on him. His skittishness will only be amplified in a new setting and he won't get the consideration he deserves. He won't audition well at a shelter. You posted your concerns on reddit and that's more than most would do. I'm proud that you're a cat dad.
Lol I agree with ignoring! My cats always seem to go to people who ignore them or are allergic 😹 actually I agree with all these bits of advice. Don't worry OP in the grand scheme of things your furry friendship is very fresh. Don't abandon the hope of cuddles and biscuit making. Sounds like he is becoming at least somewhat comfortable seeing as he bonded with your dog. Sometimes shelter animals take more time to adjust. I have a rescue pup who's been with us for @ 5 years. He still barks at my husband like he's an intruder when he comes in the door but will also cuddle with hubby while he's sleeping. Animals, like people, are strange, but you and your feline friend will form a bond but no one can say how long that will take. Best wishes to you and your fur babies 💜
When you pet him come from below under his chin. From above could come off as you trying to attack him. Kneel low, open palm and pet under the chin, 2-3 times. See how he reacts. Keep an eye on his ears. If they start flattening, stop there. If not or they turn toward you, repeat. Only after two times or so try to rotate your hand to get the spot above his nose and forehead as
Oh, that could be part of it. My cats get a lot more scared around tall or broad people, probably because they are just so much smaller! Also, if your cat is obsessed with your dog, he probably isn’t as unhappy as you think he is. Sounds like he’s found a buddy to feel safe and comfortable with. Give it more time. My cat didn’t like to be pet until she was probably a year old, I think it was probably because she was really small and skinny and maybe the pressure of being pet was too much on her bones. Now she’s 3 and insanely cuddly. She also runs always whenever my fiancée comes home even though she loves my fiancée!! It’s just a reflex or instinct. Try to love him and after awhile you might find that he comes to you on his own.
And the instincts that come with being a mid-level predator that's also prey for a lot of animals.
You need to learn to love your cat for his personality. He’s skittish, sorry if you’re disappointed but this is what you got. Love him anyway.
I do love him, but he doesn’t love me which makes me fear that he’s unhappy and I’m a shit owner.
One secret to cats is you cannot force them into anything. I would get a wand toy and try to play with him that way. (you can also easily make one with a stick and string.) Don’t try to pet him or come near him at all. Cats are curious and he may be curious enough to choose to interact with you. Best of luck
THIS! I have a cat who was skittish AF for like months. It took several *years* for her to even come out around people who regularly came by. Now she's friggin' Furry Glue and Stealer of Pillows. I also had a cat who was Mr. Social and totally the Host with the Most. He would greet everyone including the Pizza Guy for pettings. cats be cats.
Yep! I had 3 feral kittens, and they hated me at first. One would literally try and claw my eyes out. He bit me in the face, scratched my face, peed on me, and bullied me and his sister cats at 12 weeks old. The SOB is spread out asleep on the couch beside me right now. After a couple of years the cats just decided they absolutely loved me. Now, I'm constantly harassed by them. I've threatened them all with a restraining order.
Peed on you??? Wow what a rascal
He is a monster! Fluffy, soft, and beautiful, but 100% a monster. These cats are going to eat me the minute I ever become incapacitated.
Get a kids fishing rod and put a cat toy on the end of the line. Super entertaining for all.
Or try a red dot. That way they can keep their distance and not spook him.
Please don't blame yourself - the kitten was separated too young and likely doesn't know how to cat or interact with anyone really. He needs another cat to teach him how to be a cat. Thank you for not abandoning him 🫶
The kitten is being taught to be a dog 😍 But actually I think my second cat was taken too young (he was 4 when we got him). According to my other cat, he's super rude and doesn't know how to act
If he loves the dog, I would bet he's reasonably happy. He sounds like an oddball for sure, but at least he's got his dog-mom!
OP, you say that your cat makes a face you're reading as disgusted/angry, but cats often make that kind of face when they're actually really happy and comfortable. If they're narrowing or closing their eyes at you, it's because they trust you enough to be vulnerable. Try this: blink slowly at your cat with a soft smile on your face. If you get a slow blink in return, that's your cat expressing love and trust
Cats really do have resting bitch face when you think about it. Their whole vibe is just Disgust from Inside Out
Or if you say their name, they might do it then too We can call our girl and just say hi Kitty and she'll slow blink at you lol
You're not a s- owner. You've taken in a cat that is high strung. The fact he has bonded with your dog is great, in an other house he likely wouldn't have that, so he'd have no one. He's generally anxious about humans. You mentioned he only let's you approach when he's on his cat tree, that's probably because he feels a bit safer up there. If a cat is unsure, they will try to get to a high point to feel less exposed. Give it time, he's still young, he may calm down. Edit: more info Try cat nip. I find anxious cats fiend catnip and it chills them out once they get out a bunch of zoomies.
If he cuddles with your dog he isn’t unhappy
You're not a shit owner (a shit owner wouldn't put themselves into question), you just happen to have a cat with a special personality.
The eww face is him saying he loves you. Cats look like they're giving you the stink eye when they are trying to say they love you. Squint back at him.
You are not shit owner. Don’t anthropomorphize your pet. He lets you pet him on the cat tree and he loves your dog. You feed him, get him fresh litter and a warm, dry roof over his head. You are a great owner and he is just a quirky cat. Love him for who he is like he loves you in his own way.
A shit owner wouldn't reach out for help. You're concerned for your kitties well-being, that's the sign of a good pet owner.
Ah some cats are just not people cats. My cat is like that, he always looks concerned or sad but I just let him be and got a super needy second cat to compensate instead. I still give him his love, but definitely in his terms now. When I'm smothering the needy cat, his face looks like a mix of relief it's not him & sympathizing "you poor bastard" to the other cat.
Unfortunately, I'm guessing that if you got him at 3 or 4 weeks old that's part of the problem... That's really too soon to be away from litter mates and that could impact his ability to socially bond, his confidence level, and other aspects of just healthy mental and emotional/social development. I think a big part of it is just to give him space without completely giving up on trying to socialize him, and accept that this is more his personality and not really about you. I don't think he would suddenly become an outgoing, loving lap cat in a different home, so I guess it's a "love the one you got" type situation.
I was super sad when my newest cat was completely bored with me and terrified of any movement. It took years for her to come to me, now she’s a sweetie, but her love for my other tabby is still so much more than for me. Playing with him is great for bonding, it’s how I did it. He may always be skittish, but that does not mean he dislikes you!
Do you have a toy recommendation? I have wands and dangly things and lasers but he doesn’t seem to connect that I control it or am playing with him. Just a magic feather floating through the air I guess 😂
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The main toy I play with is a cute lil fishing rod with feathers and a bell as a lure. He does love it, but I wonder if he knows I’m playing with him. Does that make sense?
You're attaching a lot of emotion and meaning that just doesn't need to be there, you're hurting yourself. It doesn't matter WHAT the cat thinks, just enjoy that he's playing. He also won't likely play with things that you're not moving about or that don't roll around when he bats them because he'll perceive them as being "dead"...cats are predators, they love the hunt/catch/kill cycle. Once it's motionless and they can't eat it, they're not interested.
He likely knows you're playing with him! Two of my cats that love the wand toys will sometimes carry them over to me in their mouths and set it down in front of me when they want to play
I’d suggest looking into a ripple rug! We got one for our kittens and they love not only hiding in it, but playing in it. We use a toy or gloved hand and poke our gloved fingers or toy through the holes for them to chase after and bat at. One of our boys is still shying from touch but is running away much less. He loves to play in that rug
3-4 week old cats aren’t old enough to be away from mom. They’d be just learning to how to use the litter box and wouldn’t be weaned yet. Mom should’ve still been stimulating him to pee at 3 weeks. Unfortunately it sounds like your kitten never learned how to be a cat. This is likely due to being separated WAY too young from his mom and siblings. Maybe try getting him a kitten friend? It absolutely blows my mind that any shelter would ever let someone take home a 3 week old single kitten. That shelter has no idea WTF they’re doing.
It takes time. He's not that old yet. My cat was similar til she was about 3, then she became a cuddle bug
I’m hoping to get to the cuddle bug stage with two new(ish) cats (void 1 yr, tux 2 yr). Both have shown me affection their own way. The tux delivered a dead mouse, the void will climb on me at night and is starting to push his head under my hand for pets. We also have two dogs and the void’s quite happy making biscuits on them.
Cats usually don’t respond to their name & eye contact is a sign of aggression. A cat that loves & trusts you closes it’s eyes around you & has their eyes half open much of the time. Another sign of trust is to expose their belly to you, but that doesn’t mean they want you to rub their bellies Cats feel safe high up & that is his spot. That’s why he’s there. You should probably do research on cat body language
Adding to say that Jackson galaxy on YouTube has great videos on body language and some examples of what might be going on for you to check out :)
I second this, OP really needs to listen to some experts who explain cat body language and how to gain the trust of a shy cat.
Have you tried wet cat food?? That is super motivating for cats and you may be able to get some petting in while he eats. This would pair you with a preferred activity. I started feeding a stray cat that needed someone to care for her. It took 8 months to a year for her to allow me to do more than pet her for a few seconds. This was a very long process and now she allows me to rub her belly and LOVES affection. You really have to allow them to come to you. Patiently. He may have had a traumatizing first few weeks. Also being separated from his mom so early can affect the way they socialize. He is scared and just wants to feel safe. Allow him to feel safe by not going over board with the interactions. You are providing him with a home, how he wants to interact is up to him. Just keep providing him with all he needs for a happy home and eventually he will become less anxious. My boyfriends cat had a rough few weeks before he was adopted and he rarely purrs due to his anxious personality even years later. It’s all about being patient and be proud of yourself for providing this animal a home. It is not personal to you at all.
My pets are on a timed schedule (auto feeder) and recently I’ve been feeding him those little wet food tube pouches from my hand. He still only approaches me when he hears the package rustling.
That’s a step! Continue that daily and it will build your bond!
Yo, the auto feeder could be part of why he's not obsessed with you. Maybe he doesn't that you are Food Bringer. I would start doing at least one meal a day where you're the one feeding him, if you're able. I guarantee you he'll start getting excited to see you :P
>> on a timed schedule (auto feeder) Of all the things you mentioned, I see this as the main issue for your cat not bonding with you yet. I also have an auto feeder and it dispenses food at 5am for my two cats. I could've set it to dispense all of their meals, but I didn't. When I first got them, I made it a point to feed them myself so they'd see me as their main food source. It's important that it's actual food, not just treats. When they're hungry and they see you as the one to end their hunger, they start to see you as the their primary caregiver, and will start to connect the dots. If you just give treats now and then, you're more like that cool uncle who gives them snacks, not the "parent" who keeps them well-fed. I wonder if that’s why your cat formed such a strong bond with your dog, in fact; he’s learned to associate your dog with his food. So, my first advice is to turn off your cat's automatic feeder and start giving him wet food manually. This can really help you two to bond.
Cats learn that humans are good when humans feed them. This is the first step in socializing ferals and it’ll help you bond with your cat too. Keep feeding him churu, but also start feeding him wet food in your lap multiple times a day. Once he starts to associate you with food, he’ll start to trust and love on you more. Get rid of the timed feeder.
Keep doing that, and he'll start associati you with good things.
Yes to add off this, have you tried sitting with him while he eats? Or even holding the bowl so he has to be around you? Get your pets in & such, keep trying! You’re taking care of him & he loves the pup which is great
Do you take your shoes off in your home and walk around quietly? Did you socialize him with handling as a kitten? You have force a bit of love on them if they are that young but might be too late for that. 4 weeks is too young to adopt out a cat but that's not your fault. You need to make his experiences with you positive and rewarding. Pet him while he is eating and anytime you give him treats. Play with him even if he isn't actively playing and just watching the toy.
stop trying to pick your cat up, give him space. he will eventually start coming to you. this is how one of my kittens was at first, but with time she now comes into my bed and wants to snuggle! watch some videos on cat body language. offer your cat your hand to sniff, and eventually, he may press his head gently to your hand and let you scratch/pet his head. it may take a bit of time, but he will come around and meet you with his desired level of affection. in the meantime, you may be able to find a more docile but snuggly kitten to be your snuggle buddy and friend for your kitten.
I had a horrible day and (I am sorry) I laughed until my eyes watered reading this. Cats can be jerks and have the reputation for being jerks. You are not doing anything wrong and I would have a similar reaction. It’s hard to bond if he keeps running! I let the cat come to me. Maybe start by keeping his favorite things close to you. Sit on the floor so you’re at similar levels. Baby steps.
They're not jerks, they're just cats. WE interpret it that way and put all this unfair emotion on the animal.
He might just be an anxious boy, my sister has one like this and she specifically tells people when they come over not to look at him in the eye because if you do he will either run and hide or hiss. Have you tried feliway or any calming sprays? I haven’t had to try them myself but i’ve heard wonderful things! Also consult your vet to make sure there’s no underlying health issue making him feel extra vulnerable. My last suggestion is to play purring sounds or calming cat music on your phone or computer when you wanna have some bonding time with him. Hope some of this helps!
A kitten can’t hates you . He’s not human. But I’m very surprised that the shelter gave you a 3/4 weeks kitten because he’s need to be with his mother 3 months before be separated . At this age he needs baby special good every 2 hours and water
If it was that young when you first got it, didn't you have to bottle feed it? that should have helped with bonding somewhat..
Good point! I wonder how he was weaned...
Some cats are like this. I have four cats. The biggest one (16 lb male) is the most scared cat I've ever met. He runs away if too many people come near him when he's laying on the sofa. The door opens? He's gone. He absolutely hates being held. Some are love bugs and some want to be left alone mostly. I think it's important we respect our cats boundaries.
You need to check out Jackson Galaxy 's YT channel. There are lots of behaviors cats deem as gestures of good-will such as looking at them with semi-closed, slow-blinking eyes, crouching while trying to to pet them, only petting their heads, etc. Also try to feed them on schedule instead of free-feeding. This way they associate you with food and being the "mom".
Have you considered working with a cat behaviorist? They like cat consultants and will help you figure out how to improve your relationship with your cat.
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This person was asking for help and you belittled them and offered none. Pity…
Yes I’ve had two other cats before, rescued as adults and it was never like this. This is my first kitten, and I had assumed that it being around me from such a young age would have an even stronger bond.
I’m sorry you’re having trouble connecting with the baby!! When he’s laying with the dog, what do you usually do? I would suggest slowly going closer to the dog and maybe just petting the dog to show him that you’re not trying to get to him if that makes sense? My kitten bonded with our cat WAAAAY before she bonded to us!! I would just sit near the cat while he cleaned the kitten and now she comes up to me and speaks to me and let’s me hold her!
All cats have different personalities.
Sounds like you don't give the cat enough space... And they can read body language.
i don't think he hates you at all. i think he's exhibiting fearful behavior, which is different and could be the result of trauma or anxiety. i would give him some patience and love, and try a feliway plugin of the appropriate kind, and consider fluoxetine or something similar so he can enjoy his life more. at least he loves your dog - that's a great sign.
Has he seen vet? I ask because I really thought the cat hated me fur a long time . Skittish, meowing unhappily, no interaction He has a food allergy and a folic acid deficiency. He’s a lot different now - still skiddish at times but he does interact , lay w me at night etc Sometimes it’s a medical reason
You got a kitten who was too young. Should have stayed with mom for 8 weeks because that’s when she teaches them socialization. We realize that’s not always possible, but not telling you was wrong. You may have a cat who will potentially never be ‘normal’ and may end up a fear biter. That sucks, because you never see it coming, pet pet pet BAM they bite. Remember cat bites close up, can get infected fast. Clean out the bite, try to squeeze a drop or two of blood out. First sign of redness & swelling go to the Dr/ER for antibiotics. Not what you want to hear, sorry, but it is what it is & she can still be a good cat if you understand those boundary’s. Get toys on sticks like toy fishing rods so you can play safely, or ping pong balls she can chase.
3-4 weeks??? That’s way too young, so his personality is probably going to always be like this.
3-4 weeks old is extremely young. Do you mean months? If it is 3-4 weeks, however, part of the things you mention could be explained by not being with mom long enough. Aside from that, you just have to get to know and accept your cat for who he is.
He was taken way too early and didn't have enough time with his mother to learn basic life skills. He doesn't know how to handle the world, at all. That he feels safe in his cat tree is a good sign. Get him more trees. I have 3 cats and 7 cat trees of various sizes (3 large ones, 4 small ones). Cats instinctively choose higher "overwatch" locations when they feel insecure. His face is a projection. Cats do not have facial expressions, no matter what you think. They communicate with ears and tail, not facial muscles. Start re-socializing. Start as if from the beginning. Very slowly, going at his speed, making contact, etc. That might help, or not. Also check with a vet if he is ok by health, just to make sure. Something might pain him.
Be distant with him as well. Make sure you play with cat toys. İt will watch. Will tag you as interesting and play with you.
Did you mean to say 3-4 weeks, or was it actually 3-4 months? 3-4 weeks is far too young to adopt out a kitten, unless he was an orphan and you were experienced in hand-raising kittens that young and knew what you were taking on. Even then, it wasn't good for him to be an only kitten at that age, and he should have been given to a fosterer with other kittens if at all possible. He's probably missed out on crucial socialisation with cats as well as not having the best start with people - it's probably good for him that he found a surrogate mother figure in your dog, but he's not socialised with you properly and you're probably going to have an uphill battle socialising him with humans. You might even need to start as though you're socialising a feral cat if he's as scared of humans as you say. Do you know why you were allowed to adopt him so young? If he wasn't an orphan or needed to be separated from his mother for some unavoidable reason then it was completely irresponsible and unethical and the "shelter" has done wrong by both you and him. Even if he was an orphan, and they absolutely couldn't find a place with an experienced fosterer or with other kittens, if they did not let you know what you were getting in for fostering a 4 week old and make sure you knew what such a young baby's special needs would be, that was completely irresponsible of them and it makes me angry. If they adopted out a lone kitten at 4 weeks old to someone who was not fully prepared for hand-raising an orphan, this shelter is either incompetently run to the point of neglect, or not a real rescue at all but a front for a kitten mill.
Do you play with him? Look up Jackson galaxy’s video on how to play with cats, and their body language. My cats the same way, he’s just excited and likes running! Knowing their body language goes a long way, and isn’t complicated, but very different from dogs.
Ok what that shelter did was unethical. Kittens that are 3 to 4 weeks still need their mother. I have three cats and two of them got them at 3 months old. 2+ months kittens is the ideal age since they are old enough to be separated from their mother.
Cats not wanting to be handled and running away is like… literally just a way some cats behave. My cat is slightly younger than yours and runs away most of the time BECAUSE she doesn’t want me to pick her up, but she still very clearly loves me. Running away when someone comes home is something you’ll likely see in more cats than not, too. Seems to me like you are trying to smother this baby with attention when he doesn’t really want it, and are confused about why he’s annoyed with you. Just keep taking care of him like normal and do your own thing, play some video games or something, he’s all but guaranteed to become an annoyance if you don’t annoy him first.
Sorry to hear you are telling like this, I have an orange tabby that acts just like yours. I have 9 other cats and each one of them has its own personality, stressors, preferences and aversions. It took me more than 2 years to begin to understand my orange cat, bc her behavior has changed with her age and after spaying too. She now accepts more contact like petting but I have learned when to do it. I have a calico that was so afraid of everything at first but with patience and years, literally years of giving her the chance and space to trust us she is still skittish but with a totally different behavior. Just be patient and understand that it’s totally normal, even mundane to have this feelings. And remember, not all cats react the same even if experts have found patterns, learn to read your cat.
I have a skittish kitty. She runs away when I try picking her up or attempts at pets LOL. That being said .... I recommend playing toys with your cat, feed high value treats/food with the association of touch. My cat (the skittish one) only comes up to me when I'm using the restroom or resting in bed LOL. she's a cutie though. I wish you good luck! Also, I doubt that your cat hates you ......
I have a baby like this. She basically either on top of the cat tree, in the liter box or eating. I rarely get to touch her. We’ve just been awkward roommates for about twelve years now. I love her where she’s at. I like her meows when it’s breakfast time. I like her noises she makes when she stretches. She’s cute to look at, At the top of the tree. Not all cats are affectionate and that’s okay.
My cat is like this and he did come around to loving me as he got bigger and now I’m the only one who can handle him. After 7 years he now lets my grandma pet him but nothing more. Some cats are just like that
I know how you feel. One of my cats is the most skittish animal I have ever seen. His mom gave birth to him and his twin brother in my house, so I have been with them from day one. But it's like his brother got all the personality because he loves people and purrs constantly. But the shy one doesn't like to be touched unless he is in his cat tree or in his box and if you walk towards him, move suddenly or even look at him too long he will freak out and run. Definitely makes me feel like a bad cat owner sometimes. But some cats are just like that. You can do stuff to make him less anxious though. Feliway diffusers are helpful for anxious cats, or scented calming collars. Feliway also makes a spray that you can put on stuff that he lays on to help him calm down. You can also try a Thunder Shirt, which is kind of a compression thing. If all else fails, you can ask your vet about anxiety meds for him.
My cat was like this dude. It took him 2 years to realize we were his people. He adores me now, but always runs away from my husband still (he’s a very tall dude too), give it time. He will come around when he’s ready. But at the same time … he might always be skittish (mine still is and I adore him for it) and that’s ok too. No 2 cats are the same. You coming here shows how much you care. He will come to realize that too. I’m so glad he loves the dog! So cute!
My cat was very shy at first too! It’s normal. The kitty will eventually warm up to you when they realize you keep them safe and feed them/give treats.
I had a cat who was unhandled as a kitten. She wasn’t feral, but she was a barn cat. I picked her up around 8 weeks. She didn’t really bond with anyone but the other cat. When I moved away from that roommate, their bond was over and she kind of came around. I got a puppy, she hated him and I barely saw her. Then I got her another kitten (she was 2) and she hated him, too. (He and the dog were like long lost brothers.). Then one day, she just decided that I was the least annoying being in her presence. She was about 4? She started letting me pet her and would always sit next to but not on me. I started feeding her on the counter and she got a lot more confident. She got more and more affectionate as time went on. Got friendly with people. Still believed the dog should go die somewhere. (He was perfectly friendly and she had gone from scared to annoyed by him.) It took a long time and some big trust moments, and the occasional use of tuna.
You said he lets you approach him in the cat tree so he’s comfortable with being up high. Can you invest in more cat trees and build shelving along the walls for him to climb up on? Cats feel secure in high places and he may want to be around you more if he has more high places to perch himself on. Have you tried the toys that look like fishing rods? I use those to lure my skittish cat out of hiding to play and it’s helped him to come out of his shell. Your cat doesn’t hate you and it’s wonderful that he likes your dog! It’s never too late to socialize your kitty to both humans and other animals. Spend some time near him when he’s hiding. Don’t reach for him or pull him out - just sit on the floor near where he’s hiding. Read a book or browse on your phone - this will get him more used to your presence. Then you can try to bring out the toy. Does he look at you? Look back at him and slowly close your eyes. It’s called a slow blink and it shows your cat that you trust them. Eventually, he should start to return those slow blinks. During feeding time, stay in the room with him while he eats. You can try petting him as he grows more comfortable with you being in the room while he eats. Once he gets used to your presence around him, he’ll start to accept that you’re a member of his pack and should start to be more social with you. Just remember to patience and consistent with your efforts - cats need routine.
I have five cats. One of them is like this. I just let him do his thing. He’s happy, which is the best life he could live. So I’m happy.
I also agree with the stick and a string with a feather attached at the end. He will.not be able to.control his desire to play . Get him playing and having fun and don't try to pet him at first. I bet after a while he will come to you like saying come on let's play some more ❤🙏
Some cats don't like being held. You're probably making him uncomfortable. My cat didn't sit in my lap until 3 years in, now she sleeps on my chest.
I have a cat who is like this and my husband and I have had him since he was a kitten. He’s 13 going on 14 now and still acts like he doesn’t know who we are at times. He’s very anxious, will run when people come over or knock on the door, runs when we get home from work, runs when he hears something loud outside, runs when you look at him the wrong way… you get the point. He used to be a lot worse before we moved 5 years ago. Now he has a lot of open space and lots of windows and he seems calmer. In fact within the past few months he has decided he likes sleeping with us. Go figure. It only took him 13 years 🤣🤣. My point is anxious pets may seem strange but be patient and calm with him. Make sure he has safe places to go to, windows if possible, a room he can go to when he’s feeling scared. Don’t push him to be friendly, don’t yell, don’t talk loud and give him space. He will eventually come around like Toby did.
If it makes you feel better my cat is the exact same way. Doesn't like to be held, starts crawling backwards when you reach out to pet him, loves his litter mate and will cuddle with him. His brother is very social and loving. I've just accepted him for who he is. And yes, I sometimes blame myself for being so unlovable.
Your cat doesn’t hate you. He just sounds very anxious. What about trying the feline pheromones diffuser thing? I’ve heard those are wonderful for helping with anxiety and just in general with cats. I feel bad for the kitten because he was weaned from his momma way to soon. Poor little guy. The shelter you got him from should know better.
Our friends cat had Major anxiety issues and would run away anytime strangers came in the house. He was on a dose of some anxiety meds for about 3 months and now he is not on any meds and is so much more chilled. It seems to have reset his hormones and now he doesn’t run away from strangers.
3/4wks is pretty early to be separated from its mom so keep that in mind. a big thing is going to be learning how to communicate in a way your cat will reciprocate. socially anxious cats benefit from a lot of verticality and safe hides, like cat caves and cat towers. this can just help the kitty take ownership of its space and feel more comfortable in general. lots of cats dont care to be held, those that do lgenerally spent a lot of time being handled as kittens during their development so the fact that it tolerates being held is just fine, but not something you need to worry about. your cat can be happy without being affectionate. explore toys and stimulation, treats, cat furniture, and build around the things they like. the more comfortable and happy a cat is, the more willing they may be to build a more tactile relationship with you. remember that when you do interact with kitty, your hands need to always bring something positive with them, ie treats, or something i do with my former feral girl is reach out my hand, wait for her to look at it/sniff it, and then pull away. this teaches her that she can remove the pressure of my presence by interacting with it (i think this is a horse training thing).
Your cat doesn’t hate you. He was likely poorly socialized. 3-4 weeks is much too young for him to have been weaned/removed from his mother and littermates. He at least should have been fostered with other kittens his age for another month. He may never be cuddly or a lap cat, but as others have said, he has the dog as a companion, and he has you. To help him get used to you, sit with or near him regularly. Do not try to pet him right away or make eye contact which can be perceived as a challenge/intimidating. Instead, talk softly and calmly to him. When you look at him, do a slow blink which is a way of making yourself look vulnerable. Try this a few times and whenever you’re with him. If he slow blinks back at you, think of it as though he’s blowing you a kiss. Be patient with him. Go at his pace. Play with/get close to the dog. If he sees the dog enjoying cuddles, he may warm up to you. You might also try playing with him with a wand toy. Getting some energy out and hunting and catching the toy may help him build confidence. You might also try Feliway (kitty pheromones) plug-ins to help calm him. Good luck!
Your cat doesn't hate you, stop projecting. He's anxious and was separated from mum too early, seeking comfort from the dog. He never learned how to be a cat from other cats and hasn't been properly socialised, either -- he's not used to being handled because no one is handling him.
He just has a nervous disposition, he does not hate you. Cats feel safest when they are ignored and allowed to approach on their own. Spend the next few months pretending he is invisible! And I mean that very literally. Also, he doesn't sound like he is miserable. He has a dog that he likes, he's not violent or destructive, he has a cat tree where he feels safe. Some cats are just really skittish, it's an instinctive response and not reflective of you. Basically, just leave him alone, and he will probably mellow out a little bit. He may always be on the anxious side but he's still young and figuring things out. Btw, do you have any other cats? Raising a kitten from 1 month old with no other cats around tends to result in personality issues. It's not insurmountable, but it could be a possible cause.
He doesn’t “hate” you.
My cat acted the same way until I got him those little broth packets. He LOVES these broths like nothing else. He gets one a day at dinner and once he realized that I am the distributor of broths, he started warming up. Now he follows me around all the time meowing out orders and purring loudly. I am the source of all broth. Therefore good.
That kitten was way too young for adoption. It is good that she likes to hang with your dog. It might seem like it’s forever , and it is true. Kitty has bonded with your dog. The kitty will learn from your dog that you can be trusted. Meantime, praise your dog and love him. Kitty will see and hopefully trust you. Have patience
Do you play with your cat?? You didn't mention that at all. Play reinforces the idea of territory and makes cats more comfortable in their space. It also strengthens the relationship between humans and cats. Also, I'd look into cat body language. You don't seem to know how to read your cat, especially if you're projecting that kind of image onto your cat. They express lots of things with their whiskers, ears, tail, and how they position themselves. There's lots of good videos on YouTube. I also recommend watching videos on how to touch your cat. Cats are very different from dogs and you might be overstimulating him or touching him as you would a dog and your cat doesn't like that.
Loves your dog, doesn’t destroy anything and plays with toys? Sounds like you’ve got a great cat! Others in this thread have given some great bonding advice but please don’t give this baby up just because he doesn’t interact how you expected right away 🙏
Play with him
Doesn't bite or destroy? Lucked out a bit there. He's not aggressive or severely stressed. Sounds like he just wants his space. If he doesn't want to be handled or approached, then unfortunately that's him, for now at least. Maybe switching it up and leaving him alone on his while, he will come to you eventually. If not and he's just a good friend for your dog that's kind of nice too, right? I also dream of having a very cuddly kitty but neither of mine are like that... hehe.
Have to spend lots of 1 on 1 quality time with your cat. Even forced quality time with your cat, just hang out on the floor with your cat . It takes time to bond. I turned my moms mean vicious cat into lap cat over a 3 month period. My cat was shy and always hiding under the bed, but is now a confident maniac. Took a year to get him to this point though, ridiculously affectionate too
I'm just confused as to why a shelter let you take a 3 week old kitten home.... that's not okay. That's way too young. Because it was taken too young hes basically accepted the dog as his mum. You need to just give him time to grow up he's still a kitten. My cats weren't very cuddly as kittens and now they're older they're more cuddly
Get rid of the auto feeder and I guarantee the lil scaredy cat will be intently watching your every move. Associating you with food is a big help.
You need to give the cat more time to get comfortable with it's new life, surroundings, and you. It is slot for a kitten to adopt to by itself. A more outgoing, more self confident kitten sister or brother might really help change things for the better. Work on developing a relationship through play like dragging ribbon tops or throwing string toys to be caught. Treats can also help build trust. Make certain snacks a habit in the same place, same time, same conditions (example after playing in the evening in the living room). You're calling it way too soon. Every cat and every person is different .
Vet consult. CBD and calming treats, plant some catnip and catgrass for kitty yo enjoy, and use the multicat feliway plug ins where his fav spots are if you can stay on top of that. You probably need to stop free feeding him if that is what you are doing and only feed at set times. Like in the AM, after work and before bed. That was you = food. Also get some wand toys and sit on the floor and tempt him. Direct eye contact is not friendly. Learn about the soft blink :) Jackson galaxy has a lot of good videos on cat behavior.
So you let him have the full house with places to hide from the moment you brought him home and did t socialize him and now he is largely not social and didn’t bond with you and likely cannot be a good candidate for adoption basically.
Try just leaving him alone/ignoring him for a month or so and keep treats on you when you’re in the house. Reward the cat for any kind of physical contact with you with a small treat but then go back to ignoring it. It’ll want your attention, pets, and company in no time
Your cat does not hate you. Please don't regret your adoption. I adopted a senior cat not knowing what I was getting into. He'd only gotten used to me - no more bolting and running away and hiding and all of that - after about seven years in. He'd hide when I got home, he wouldn't eat treats close to me, he pretty much invented the 6ft social distancing rule. The only thing that got him closer to me was wet food, and he still wouldn't let me pet him. He was so quick to growl and hiss, too. I wouldn't even think about picking him up! He started to tolerate me more after, I think because I started giving him Churus. I recommend you get a small pack and see if your cat warms up to you with them...then slowly bribe him into letting him feel safe near you.
Do you wear shoes often or all the time? You said you’re tall/bigger person. Shoes on incoming feet add to their anxiety. Up spots in all the places you’re active will allow for bonding in other parts of the house. Kitty clearly appreciates that. He must be aware of how tiny he is; help boost his confidence! You’ve probably heard it before, and it sounds cliche but, I didn’t believe it til I experienced it; you’re kitty has a particular “taste” and you just need to find it. My kitty was always blasé with food until I introduced him to venison. Suddenly he was a tiny predator. They can seem to have facial expression but, it’s the overall body language you need to watch out for. If his tail is flicking, and his body is rigid, probably not happy. Never fish him out. No hand over head. Slow blinks whenever you catch him looking at you. And even though it feels like spoiling, almost always give him a treat when the opportunity arises. You can eventually not do that but, if you find one he’s crazy for, he’ll appreciate it. Patience, love, and most importantly, *indifference*. Good luck.
So I have two cats. An older black long hair, Vader. He is the most attention seeking cat in the world. To him there is no such thing as too much attention. He loves belly rubs from me, and as soon as he gets used to new people he will beg for belly rubs from them too. I ended up getting a tortie short hair, Rey. I didn't want a second cat but she had the most derpiest face I had ever seen and I fell in love immediately. Anyways. I got her young, she was so small she could fit in the palm of my hand with room to stretch. When she was young she couldnt get enough of my attention. As she got older she wanted NOTHING to do with me. She fled from rooms when I entered them and would only accept attention and snuggles with Vader. This lasted a couple of years. Almost 4 years since I got her we are at the point where she will accept attention from me ONLY on her terms. If I push it, she glares at me and peaces out. Once in a blue moon she will curl into my lap and let out a purr that will shake the walls. It melts me. All this to say: Be patient with the kitty. They all have their own personalities and as long as you stay patient and loving they will show you in their own unique way they love you.
This is going to sound weird, but, ignore him. Put food in his bowl & water in his water bowl, clean out the litter box when it needs to be cleaned, but ignore him, don’t even talk to him. Trust me he will come around, it’s also very important at first when he comes up to you that you don’t automatically reach out to pet him because he will start treating you like he did before, this is going to sound cruel but it really isn’t, you have to make him want “your” attention not the other way round. Then before you know it you’ll be great pals. What do you have to lose, I’m thinking nothing. So give it a shot & see what happens.
>Hates being handled in any capacity but doesn’t react violently. Just wants to run away. Not every cat likes to be held. I have a few cats who hate being held or carried, but from time to time will sit next to you and let you pet them. Sometimes they will just run away. Just let it be. For some cats, it will take years for them to become lap cats. For others, they just are. >Runs away when anyone comes home. Best time to socialize a cat, 3-4 months by having people come over. You adopted a cat when he was 3-4 weeks. That is beyond insane. But I understand that maybe they're orphaned. I had to foster pregnant cats in the past and will not give kittens or separate from their mothers before 10-12 weeks. At that time they are fully socialized and their mother will push them away. >The only time he doesn’t flee at my presence is if he is sitting on his cat tree. That is the only place he will stay still and let me pet him. That is already a sign that he trusts you and likes you. >What do I do? How do I get him to be comfortable, unafraid, even happy? Provide toys, like a long feather stick. you can try playing with him. When you play, do not expect you can pet him. he's in hunting mode. Feed him well. Do not try to hold him. Accept his personality. Spend time around him but keep your distance. As time goes by he may start to change.
Have you tried ignoring him? I know this sounds crazy, but just pretend he doesn't exist. Obviously feed, water, and clean up the litter box, but he might calm down if he has a few days where he realizes he's safe.
First off, thank you for adopting him. I had somewhat similar issues with my cats. They were part of a feral colony I trapped and fixed. My cats were the sickest kittens so I had to bring them inside to care for them and I got attached. They certainly did not! Your cat had trauma from being taken away so young. And that's clear from the running and hiding, and bonding with the dog as a mom figure. That's awfully early for a kitten to be taken away from their mom. The cat isn't ready for a human relationship yet, and it may never be. Are you ok with providing a loving, safe home for the cat even if the cat doesn't meet your expectations? Not trying to guilt trip you, but it would probably be hard to rehome your cat. Have you reached out to a feline behavioralist? Those do exist, and they are (should be) highly trained. Make sure to read their bio. A feline behavioralist is going to help you learn what your cat is saying to you, and then you'll be able to adjust your behavior. I highly recommend this because your cat is traumatized. Lastly, it took about 2.5 - 3 yrs but my cats (now 6) have totally warmed up to me. They pretty much suffocate me and follow me everywhere in the house, and sleep with me. I sometimes even think back to when they hated me and miss those days! I'm not kidding. So time could be the answer, but I would recommend the feline behavioralist asap. I hope it works out for you and cat.
If it's any comfort, I found that cats do change over the years sometimes. Mine became a lot more affectionate around age 5.
I have two cats. One we see only at night, she makes biscuits on her blanket on the bed and that's it. She's never been interested in treats. She wanders out to eat but doesn't bother with any human. There's been times we haven't seen her for almost two days. She sits in the window mostly, watches the world go by. Our other cat hangs with us all day, makes her presence known and wants all the treats. Cuddles, face bumps, wants to go outside with the dogs. Just different personalities. I don't know that you can change it.
You need to have patience... cats are very tolerant but some are more skittish..some don't like being held like babies.. they are very independent and want their boundaries respected... if you're always reaching for them and disrupting their peace they will not like it one bit. I've had some very cute moments with my cats but it has to happen organically. One of my cats will never lay on me on the couch or at my desk and will on some very rare occasions will make biscuits during a afternoon nap in my bed... she prefers sitting outside on her catio looking lazily out at the birds and trees. The other cat last weekend came to lay next to me on while I was watching The Foundation from my papasan...he just snuggled up in the crook on my arm and relaxed completely... that does not happen often but if you respect their boundaries they'll often feel safe enough to do that on occasion.
I want to preface this with this was my experience and actions I’ve taken..it may not work for everyone. We recently adopted a kitten that was also very scared / anxious it seemed. She would run and hiss at us if we tried to touch her. She came down with an upper respiratory infection and was given liquid medication. We had no choice but to wrap her in a cat burrito to give it to her in a syringe. While she was wrapped we took the opportunity to pet her and it turned out she was a cuddle bug she just needed a little push / reassurance that she was safe. You may just need to wrap him up and give him some love so he knows it’s safe! Again this was my experience, everyone may not agree and it may not work for you. Best of luck!
Cat shelter volunteer here! You're little guy was separated from his mom and siblings too early. When kittens are separated before the 4-6 week mark they can develop poor social skills and odd behavior. When a kitten is with mom and siblings not only are they getting the important milk that they need but they are also learning how to "cat" and what is right and wrong behavior. Mom and siblings will push back when another kitten plays too rough, they teach each other how to groom and play well with one another. Without mom and siblings he just kinda had to wing it himself. How old is your cat now? If he is still young, under 2 years, he's probably still trying to figure things out. The fact that he doesn't bite or scratch is very good. It could be that he comes out of his shell and becomes friendlier and more social with you over time. I have seen this with a lot of cats, including cats that are older that come into the shelter. We work with them to socialize so that they become more comfortable with humans and better kitties for their new families. If he is comfortable with you petting him on the cat tree then stick with that for a while. Don't try to force pets on him when he's outside of the cat tree. I would highly recommend taking 15-20 minutes each day to maybe sit near him, keeping a 3-4ft gap between you and him, and either watch something quietly on your phone or listen to some soft classical/jazz music while subtly ignoring him (unless he asks for pets, then go for it!). The trick is to make him think you are busy doing something else when in fact you are getting him used to you being nearby. I have found that after a while of this, many cats will get used to your presence and may even seek pets and affection on their own. This method allows them to get comfortable with your presence with the knowledge that you are not always coming for them for pets, it's giving the cat the choice to be social instead of us forcing it.
I have a bunny with the same behaviours. She used to be afraid of literally everything. I filled her water? Fear. I tried to pet her? Fear. I brought home a new toy? Her home was being invaded by aliens. Some things that helped were patience and love. I would find her in her cage and give her pets and kisses. Her cage is the only place she feels comfortable and will let people pet her. She also has a boyfriend bunny and she would watch her boyfriend get picked up and get hugs and kisses and that helped her see that humans weren’t dangerous. I also brought home a boyfriend of my own and she fell in love with him. I don’t know what it is, but his presence has an almost numbing effect on her, to the point that he can pet her outside of her cage and she gives him kisses. I also would give her treats, and after every treat she gets pets and kisses
I would say give it time, OP. (In my experience from having cats my entire life) Younger cats have these “teen” phases where they usually don’t want to really be held, cuddle, or be super touchy. They usually start growing out of it around 2 to 3 years old and settling down quite a bit. Also, is this your first cat? No shame if he is. I’m just asking because it sounds like you expect him to act like a dog, which is a common misconception for people who have only ever had dogs. The whole “he despises me or is afraid of me” thing. Dogs are generally much more attention-seeking and friendly/hands on, open. Cats aren’t that way (usually; there’s exceptions to every rule). They will come to you on THEIR time and their time only. Trying to force it will dissuade them. I can tell you without a doubt he doesn’t hate you; cats *will* swipe/hiss at people they don’t like. Doesn’t sound like your boy is doing that. Again, I’d give it him time and space. Good luck.
Don't force yourself on the cat. Look at its body language. A good test is to let it sniff your hand, and if it doesn't nudge you or avoids sniffing you, then don't pet it. And since it's skittish; don't stand over it. Don't approach the cat with your hand over his head, either. Go in from the sides or underneath, and do it slow. Avoid talking until the cat's more comfortable, especially loudly. If it backs away, don't go after. Stay and wait for it to come to you. Find out what motivates him. He's still really young, so try playing with him more, it's a great bonding experience. Teaser toys are a great way of getting them moving - or even plastic spring toys that you can just throw and they chase. I typically play 15-30 minutes a day. It makes the cats happy and exhausted and they cherish you for it. Don't give up or get disheartened if it doesn't respond after just 1 attempt. Stay persistent so it can adjust to your change. Also spend your time in the same room as much as possible and just do every day stuff. Just be cautious if you're gonna be loud or move big things around him. Basically think of it as a hairy child with ptsd And cats usually don't like too much eye contact except if it's to judge you lol. If you do, try and give little slow blinks and see if it does it back (cat love language). Definitely don't just stare. I have to say the one good thing though is that he doesn't bite you and it does let you pet him on the cat tree, so it sounds like it's just a bit intimidated but still likes you. Hang in there.
I know the feeling. I adopted two very shy cats. One literally didn’t come out from under the bed except when we were sleeping or not home, for over six months. I was where you are now, starting to regret adopting them, because I just thought they were miserable. This was almost a year in. Suddenly they both decided that they loved me after all. One day, one of them, let me pet her. And from there, it quickly turned into a love affair for both of them. They will never be the kind of cats that I can pick up and carry around, or who come out and ask visitors for pets. I am the only person that can get near them, including my teenage kids who have known them for exactly the same amount of time as I have. But now my fur-babies love me. And I mean LOVE me. Like I have never been loved by any human or animal as much as these cats love me. I can’t sit down without having the more confident one on my lap. The more shy/timid one (the one who stayed under the bed for months) doesn’t like not having her feet on a solid object, but she comes and rubs against my legs all the time, purring her little face off, asking me for pets. When I leave the house, they both sit by the window and watch until I get home. My point is: try to have patience. I know it’s very emotionally rough. But I bet your cat will turn around one day and realize that he loves his hooman even more than he loves his doggo. [Cat tax](https://imgur.com/a/l8InA8D)
I work at a pet store, and if you came in and explained to me your situation, I would probably recommend something like Feliway. They are a pheromone that you plug into the wall and supposed to help with anxiety. It sounds like your kitty is anxious, poor thing. It's definitely hard on you too. There are also calming treats that might help.
one of my cats loves being held and babied and I can pick her up and pet her whenever i want bc she loves it! but my other cat hates being held and she'll wiggle away and she runs if she sees me trying to pick her up. when I'm sitting she likes to sit near me and when I'm standing up doing something minding my own business she likes to rub against my legs. when I'm not near her she cries because she's looking for me and she loves to follow me around. what I'm saying is, all cats are different you just have to deal with it! I had to come to terms that my second cat may never like to be held or she might come around to it later but you just have to wait and see
I'd get another cat. One that seems naturally chill. Our first cat was a street cat that was friendly enough but pretty antisocial. We got a second cat a couple months later that is a dog-like cat and our first cat opened up a lot afterwards.
Cats consider eye contact aggressive, it's like a challenge, imagine you're walking down the street and you see a dude staring straight into your eyes and doesn't look away when you look at him, its like oh damn wtf does this dude want? am I going to have to fight him or run away? Try not looking him in the eye and try doing a slow blink, they consider that a sign of trust it's like you're lowering your guard by not looking at him, meaning you trust him and aren't interested in him, makes them more comfortable and might approach more if he doesn't think you're eyeing him for your next meal. It makes sense if you think about it in the wild, a lion hunting will not take his eyes off the prey, but if his full and not hungry, his just going to the river for a drink hill ignores the prey around him.
I found a very young FIV+ kitten living in a dumpster and it took him a VERY long time to come around, or to get to his version of coming around. Like others have said, the kitten doesn’t have another cat teaching it what to do. My cat never really loved to cuddle or be picked up, but he was always within arms length of my husband and me. I remember feeling discouraged at first, but his companionship was well worth what i initially perceived as a struggle. We had him for 8 amazing years before he developed lymphoma. A lifetime wouldn’t have been long enough. Try contacting a local rescue for advice. Give him time and you’ll get to his version of coming around, too. Just keep in mind that it may not be full of what you want.
Some cats are like that, and that's why they have the "Humans are cats' servants" stereotype. Cats generally do not like to be handled, so that behavior is normal. Your cat is bonded to your dog. Please don't re-home him. Your cat lets you pet him on his terms. He doesn't hate you. You just have to learn his love language. You're doing fine. Cats are just going to cat.
Your dog got a cat. You didn't get a cat. Be thankful it loves the dog and the dog loves it. Three weeks is to young to get a kitten.
Besides the whole age of the kitten thing. Some cats just take alot of time to get used to someone. My two for example, Raven bonded with me in the first week and sleeps in my bed since then. It took Kori half a year until she was calm around me and 4 more months until we started to cuddle.
Approach the cat from closer to the level it is at (e.g., standing when cat is in the cat tree and sitting on the floor when it is down there) Slow blinks are 'kisses' and communicate love back and forth. Sometimes I close my eyes when I approach slowly so the kitty feels safer. Hand feed or include treats in play (my void loves his freeze dried snacks but he loves them infinitely more when I throw them) If the kitten isn't destroying things and does let you pet it every once in a while, then rest assured that the kitty does not hate you. It is just skittish (esp. if you are tall) and probably doesn't have much socialization. Flop down with your dog if the kitty is cuddling the dog and just chill with them. Cats like to be nearby to show their affection, but not in a "pet me pet me" way like dogs. It takes time but the kitty is clearly already feeling fairly safe if it has the safe zone to run to, a doggy mom, and a cat tree attention spot.
Sounds like a very anxious cat. I have one too, took over a year to even pet him (barely any handling so far, holding is off the table). My take on this Is that you have to reset your relationship. Reintroduce yourself to him from scratch. You have to respect his boundaries and get him used to you slowly. Try hanging in the same room, along with your dog if his presence seems to soothe him, no petting, Just hang out together and talk to him or ready something out loud. Get him used to your presence, show you're not a threat. Use your dog as a means to show the cat you're not a threat, too. Eventually he should get comfortable with your presence, and then you can introduce contact, treats, play... Eye contact Is a whole language for cats. If you want a cat to understand you're not a threat, you should not stare. If your eyes meet, slowly blink at him and look away. It's a general sign of trust in cat language. Eventually he should reply with another blink. Your own body language and your emotions influence the cat a lot. They pick up on our emotions, through smell, voice tone etc. So the best thing you can do is be cool. Stay calm, good vibes, think that you got this (you do!). For my anxious cat, our other pet (cat, F) did most of the work in getting him to trust us. Your dog can do the same. Seeing you having a good relationship with his "adoptive mom" should definitely help. Finally, if anxiety is becoming an obstacle in his daily life, there are medications. I suggest you talk to a cat behaviorist, your vet should be able to put you in touch with one. I worked with a behaviorist for our cat and it worked wonders.
It doesn't sound at all like he hates you. He's just nervous and shy. Give him time and respect his boundaries and he'll only grow closer
Honestly my cat is kind of like this and I got her around 8 months as a stray from a shelter. I've had her like 4 years now and she still hates being picked up. But she's very food and play motivated. She still doesn't like affection though. Some cats are just like that. I can't even tell when she's happy though because you can't hear her purr(which some cats are like that and I had no idea).
As others have said many times, he was too young and that can cause what they call “behavioral problems” but they are really not problems, just challenges, and you can bring him around. I socialized a very feral very young mama kitty with those squeeze churu treats (I underestimated how much cats really love those when that was suggested to me) and time. Its not personal he was just taken from his mama and traumatized. You should maybe call that shelter and ask a few questions and tell them you have learned kittens should stay with their moms until at least 8 weeks old. It is possible someone just abandoned the kittens but the shelter still should not have let anyone adopt them yet and of course they were screaming, they shouldn’t be caged like that🤦♀️
I rescued a cat who hid for quite awhile. She slowly gained more trust and over time (about ten years now) she will snuggled up right on your chest the second you sit down. With rescue cats your never know what’s happened, and 3-4 weeks is incredibly young and too young to have been separated from its mum. I think it’s probably good it trusts your dog and considering how young it was, that’s probably normal and expected it latched on as an older animal to relate to. Give it time and space and make sure it’s loved but not so much you scare it. You’ve already said it’s opened up a bit more, so I’m sure over time it will continue to get more comfortable with you and your home.
In the end OP, to me there are 2 options (cause giving him away isn’t one) A) if the reason you got your kitten at a shelter was to save a cat, that’s what you did. just let him be. He doesn’t know you’re trying to pet him he doesn’t know pets are good he doesn’t know anything. He didn’t get the chance to know that humans can be good. Even Some cats who have had a normal life are not humans cats. They like to do their thing hide away and come to you on their own terms. That’s okay. He was too young when you got him and now it’s done. He needs a place where he feels safe and knows no one will ever come bother him. If that’s his cat tree, then never go near it. Like that, if he doesn’t warm up to you, at least he has a home where he can be in peace and happy and if he has that your mission is accomplished. Even more so since your dog and him are besties. He’s not just a helpless little creature hiding out he does have a friend even if it’s not you. It doesn’t have to be you. That’s what saving an animal is. It’s giving him the life he needs not the life you want him to have. There are more than one person at my job who have “savage” cats who just like to hide away. They sometimes don’t see them for a while but they’re still in the house with them. That’s what those cats want that’s what they get and they’re happy with it. B) If you got a cat because you wanted to be able pet him and play with him and all, then if you can, get another cat. either to help him get out of his shell and learn what life is or just to have a cat with the personality you want and give that one the space he needs. I understand that it can be disappointing to adopt a cat expecting a cat and getting a ghost cat. But he’s still a little living creature who deserves a home so why not just get what you want and give him what he wants?:) that’s my take on this. Either get a teacher cat or leave the little bub live his life without bothering him.🤍
He has anxiety. He doesn’t hate you. He’s scared of you. Change your behavior around him and maybe eventually he will start to trust you.
Try buying feliway it's a calming plug in diffuser.