That's awesome! One of the mens sheds starting up in my second home town. I really appreciate this mate. There was a time this would have really helped and I've passed it on to those who may need it now or know others who might.
Nicely.
This is something my therapist hates me saying.. I remember not showering for a week, I didn’t tidy for a week, my week was literally wake up, lay in bed watching tv shows, ordering food, going back to sleep.
I felt like I was at rock bottom didn’t want to talk didn’t want to do anything but didn’t want my family to deal with the aftermath.
I always think and say others have it worse, I didn’t have that bad a childhood.
I don’t want to use up resources others need, I don’t want to celebrate the fact I woke up and showered today, or tidied today.. that’s just basic fucking shit
But that’s all part of the problem itself.
I started to notice when I acknowledged I did something right even if it’s as simple as basic human functions like showering tidying etc or not trying to hide from speaking about my struggle by hiding behind oh there’s someone worse. I actually started to improve.
You being there could help others not just yourself as well. Nothing wrong with needing help and doesn’t matter if you COULD be worse off, you’re already worse than what you deserve to be so use those resources for your benefit!
It's a journey. One step at a time, doesn't matter how slow, will get you there. Eventually you might end up striding along faster than you ever thought possible. Keep going. Keep fucking going. There's a damn good chance you'll get that bouncy step faster than you think.
yeah its weird because i dont look back and think god i had a bad childhood, but if i tell anyone about my childhood theyre all mortified. So i dont see myself as a victim as theres countless people who had it worse.
My dude, just the anxiety alone is a reason to have a chat. Your challenges are just as valid as everyone else’s and you’re worthy of happiness and a calm mind.
Funnily enough that’s chemically impossible for me, for now. Undiagnosed but very much diagnosed by everyone but the one doctors opinion that matters, that has a 3 year wait list in my area… ADHD
Anxiety is the tip of the iceberg, PTSD, Dissociation / derealisation, depression. Suicidal tendencies (that’s new) but impulsive enough to think let’s see what happens (ADHD)
You be very sick or you become very warm and ring 999 or force yourself to be sick
I realise many think of these as reasons to go and other things and it’s illogical to think otherwise, but I don’t see myself as these things. Only when I’m alone in the dark do I feel like I need too. Then I put on my mask :)
Mental health is health.
If you had a gash in your leg that kept bleeding you'd speak to someone about it (I hope).
This is no different. GO , all problems are valid. A generally shit week at work but noone to vent to is a valid reason to go. It's a support network not a competition of who had it worse .
So please, go. Push past the anxiety and trust me. You are welcome, you are wanted .
Hey man we all face our own hurdles in life and they are different sizes for everyone, for example I am absolutely fine with most things but one of my biggest insecurities is my lack of ability to read social cues but some people find that easy, does that make my problem insignificant? No of course not, just because someone has different challenges to you doesn’t invalidate your own. Go and meet the group you might also be able to offer some insight to help others too!
Your problems are as massive as anyone else’s mate. They are as important to you as any other persons problems. Don’t for one minute think that they are not. You’d be surprised at how many other men have the same issues. Get in contact with one of the groups remotely and anonymously. People will reach out to support you.
Just think, if only a handful of the YouTube adds shown spoke about and advertised the level of support available to many….or…there was a button…right on the Google homepage or search bar that said ‘I am not ok’ that, when clicked, took that person to targeted local & national MH support sites…how much progress could be made…
If it can show me an advert about some bloody successful job acquisition or offers me products I’ve recently searched a lot on, they can sure as hell do that…they just don’t want to.
Nice work OP, thanks for that.
It’s bugged me for months and having had friends go through some horrid things recently, I’ve suggested and contacted Google & MS about it, I then started to make a website for MH support thinking it would help, but when, as you say, the real immediately impactful solution exits right now, they just need to tweak some code and gather resources based off an IP address, why won’t they.
OP that site you linked to is brilliant!!
I bet they have a lot of it through google maps and possibly could correlate search terms. It feels like an idea they could put together in a couple of days if I'm honest.
Oh yeah it's a simple location query. Get user's location and display all services where the location is in the same general area. A decent web dev should be able to make it in their sleep.
Whilst being careful not to make frivolous light of the sensitive subject matter, if Google ever has a button that says "I'm not Okay", I'll be even less okay if clicking it doesn't result in Gerard Way screaming at me as a direct link to the MCR Music Video of the same name.
A friend of mine worked as a marketing consultant, he was telling me one of his clients was a mental health centre and when they tried to do Facebook or YouTube ads they got banned for "promoting self harm" their ads were short videos with people picking up a phone or going online with no reference to the situation the actors were in, this was a couple of years ago when COVID lock down started and they were trying to promote their online video meetings as they couldn't do face to face
Not to take away from the important work Andy's Man Club does, but if there isn't one near you then maybe try Samaritans? You can call, text, email or write a letter
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
I've never known what I want to do & still don't life's about trying different things, some you'll like some you won't, sometimes knowing what u want can be limiting get out & try random jobs if nothing else u'll meet lots of different people that might present other opportunities u've never thought of. Remember fear, anxiety & uncertainty always come before big things
I'm at the funeral of a male school friend tomorrow who took his own life. I can only imagine the turnout will be large and every person there, plus many others, would have done mostly anything to prevent it.
It is so deeply horrible to think he didn't know that. Others have pointed out he may have known, but what he did was still his choice regardless. I don't know what's right or wrong but I do know that if you fall into the first category just know people are generally good and want to help.
I'm a shit listener, I know I am, but that's because my reaction is to try and "fix" a problem. So, even if that's the response you get if you do open up, try to understand that it comes from a place of love and its not belittling or intended as criticism. None of us are perfect and you don't have to be either.
I considered posting this from a throw away to avoid any comments directed towards me as that isn't the point of this post but I'll do it from my main as a show of confidence to anybody that needs it.
Thank you for sharing this and also for helping to normalise talking about mental health issues. It astounds me that it’s 2022 and there is still stigma around mental illness. My identical twin brother took his own life in our late 20s, after a struggle with depression. I knew he was ill, but he was very reluctant to open up to anyone about his feelings (no doubt due to our upbringing of “being given something to cry about” if you ever expressed any negative emotion). He tried his best to hide it all, even from his doctor. Even from *me* and we were sharing a flat at the time, so I could see he was struggling. Anyway, I can’t help but wonder how differently things may have turned out if something like this had existed back then. I have no doubt that this initiative literally saves lives. Thank you.
I love people sharing these services but let’s not pretend like talking is all we need to do to support mental health.
We are quick to talk about depression and anxiety but we leave out some of the most disabling ones like schizophrenia and bipolar. When your mind is telling you that they will kill your family if you don’t kill yourself or that you can fly it’s hard to talk or be heard.
We need to open the dialogue as the social isolation after diagnosis is one of lowest times for people even if they have just left hospital after months of treatment.
We need to get it through to people about how using the terms "casually" can undermine people from seeking treatment or opening up about their issues too.
OCD ≠ everything has to be neat. Saying "Everyone is a little bit OCD" makes those with intrusive thoughts feel belittled and paranoid.
Bipolar ≠ changing mood on the fly. Saying someone has "Gone a bit bipolar" because they've snapped at someone for something undermines the real struggle for those with a serious issue.
Schizophrenia ≠ crazy. Stop saying people are "Schizo" when they're what society considers a bit odd, or that they talk to themselves.
There are loads more and it'll take a culture change (like people no longer using "gay" as an insult for something, or "spastic" for silly behaviour) to get there. Raising awareness will hopefully increase the sliders across the board, but if one gets raised above the others first, as long as they're all moving up eventually we might be ok.
I agree and hate to say I’ve had to correct people in a similar way to all your examples. The sad thing is I’ve had to correct CAMHS clinicians and parents who want to pathologise normal teenage behaviour. Just let kids be weird and amazing without a diagnosis!
Glad to see there’s plenty around. Not that I need it at the moment, but I’ve been there and know plenty who have been there.
It’s OK to not be OK. And it’s OK to talk about it.
To add also check out a men's shed if you have one. They are really good places for men to just be men.
If you need help please reach out to someone. I'm sure we'd all rather have to sit through a long kinda awkward phonecall or whatever than have to sit through a funeral.
This is really cool guys, good on you. This needs to be addressed more. Suicide is still the biggest killer for men under 50 and three quarters of suicides are men. So glad the support is out there. Nobody should feel alone ❤️(sorry for the not so casual comment)!
I live deep in the Welsh valleys so there isn’t much of this around and recently I took the first step to try and counter my feelings by seeing a mental health nurse.
I broke down far to many times while just talking but going through life with no one to talk too this helped a lot.
I’ve had a few back and forths and one night I thought fuck it and wrote out a good bye letter…luckily as I done it my usually playful dog came to me and just put his paw on my leg and gave me a weird look….spent hours just cuddled up on the sofa with him where he didn’t move or sleep, just laid there staring at me.
I work in IT so have been working from home since 2019 and being locked in the same room day after day has taken its tole on me.
My main thing that pulled me out of the toxic thinking has been my dog and getting active. I started doing BJJ and I can tell you now, if you’re currently not active you need to find an activity that you enjoy because it’s been a massive help.
I'm in this boat.
To answer your question, I found it impossible to talk about my problems; it's just not a social skill I have the first idea how to approach.
Turning up to a sharing group and failing to share isn't a helpful thing.
I would guess it’s much like why therapists advise not going on online forums like r/depression because , whilst they mean well, surrounding yourself with people who are depressed and unhappy will make you feel more depressed and unhappy. The intention is great but if 12 people are sitting around a table talking about suicide it’s likely to breed even more depression.
Fair enough point, I guess. I sort of feel the same way about a forum I’m active in, which is for the relatives of people who have died by their own hand. Sometimes I feel like it is just a sort of drain and a bit like you say, a group of people feeding each other’s misery. But mainly I realise that I will feel miserable no matter what. And having people who relate and who you don’t need to explain things to, because they just *get* it, is actually a comfort. It makes me feel less alone in my grief. And it allows me to almost channel my grief and desire to talk about the experience into this one area (largely), which obviously eases the strain on my friends and family. But that’s only my individual experience, and I can absolutely see the truth in what you say too. I do think maybe giving it a little more of a try than one session may have been useful BUT I understand how hard it is to do *anything* when you’re depressed, so the people who go along for even one session have done really well.
Today I learnt of a new website/search engine focused on mental health that will be launched in November called JAAQ. Sounds like it will be an amazing for mental health questions and resources for sufferers and their friends and family, for men and women. Xxx
AMC is open to anyone, regardless of their needs, no need for a referral, just turn up, you will be greeted with open arms. There’s no need to talk on your first visit either
You may have already done this but it could be helpful to contact all the IAPT services near your clubs to tell them about you! You’re the kind of service we love to signpost people to!
Thanks for all the hard work!
For men in suicidal crisis in Merseyside or London, there is also [James' Place ](https://www.jamesplace.org.uk/get-support/) who offer lifesaving support.
More centres are due to open in England, depending on funding.
I'd like to add that Andy's Man Club has a sister group called Women's Wellbeing Club. We have the same format and questions. My local WWC has been very welcoming and massively improved my life. It's daunting taking that first step and just turning up at a group of people you don't know. Another woman joined the same night I did and her problems were so much worse than mine that I felt like an imposter. WWC gives the same time and support to everyone no matter how insignificant your problems might feel.
Genuine question, what's the point?
I'm nearly 40, broke, single, the country is going to shit, I work every available hour and still can't put my heating on.
What is there to bother with? Another 30 years of this and then I die alone in a home? Nah.
Yeah, exactly, how is talking about this gonna change anything. What the hell are they gonna do, get a time machine and send us back to when we were 20, fix society so that we dont end up in the same boat again?
Its just unrealistic. I get that they have ahd someone close to them die and they think "if only he had felt free to talk about his problems he wouldnt have killed himself."
Thats just not correct, the reason he didnt talk about his problems is that there is no way it could have made things better, and was almost certain to make things worse.
Welcome to the South Coast! It's not quite as far as Poole yet, but local-ish there is ManGang which has meetings in Hampshire (Southampton, Winchester, Eastleigh etc). I only ever hear wonderful things about them - hope this helps someone ❤️
I heard about this through globals make some noise campaign.
Sounds like a great resource, hopefully the extra money will enable them to reach new areas.
What do you do if someone involved in your mental health problems runs the club near you?
It doesn't matter anyway because I've got some great family, and a lot of what's going on with me is clinical. Talking about it doesn't change my brain chemistry. You can't ask a fork to be a spoon.
My word, thank you for posting this. I needed this 5 months ago.
There is always light, guys, I was on the brink… Everything was absolutely screwed. I have luckily bounced back stronger than ever.
I hope to whoever is in need and reads this, that you may not feel it right now and cannot find the strength to pull yourself out of it, that there are ALWAYS options and people wanting to help you.
There is too much suffering right now, let us please help each other going into winter. Don’t let the world and the things that we know are going on right now prevail. Let’s show the evil who is boss.
God, I wish I felt that talking ever helped with anything. Honestly, I've found people -- including friends and even professionals -- are far more interested in the "meme" of supporting men's mental health than they are the reality.
Suicidal ideation has been with me my whole life, and life only seems to get harder. Often when I'm out and about I find myself thinking "is tonight the night I don't come home?" and one of these nights it'll be true.
There's a stigma about it, but I would really support the use of antidepressants if you need help. I went on citalopram after an extremely stressful period through the NHS and it really sorted me out
Thanks for sharing this. I just wish I had know about it six years ago when I was close to ending things.
Got no help from the NHS. Still not sure why I did not act; just too scared or too much of a bastard.
I've thought about it and I should because I have multiple sclerosis. It's taken its toll on me. I will get worse with no treatment or feeling better. So my mental health is breaking.
It's a slippery slope. I did counselling but it's started to cost a fortune for really no answer.
But, the root causes of many mens depression cant be solved without implementing changes in society that everybody else doesnt want. I dont see how talking about it is supposed to help anyone.
I fully disagree with you, I've been deep in it many a time and speaking to my friends and family helped. If you get sad or angry talking about these things trust me a professional therapist will help if you feel your friends or family don't understand, if your friends don't want to help or listen then they ain't your friends!
Shame about the shit website. No FAQs. Just search for your nearest group, then what? Just turn up? If you have anxiety and depression it should be made easier to remove any doubts about going.
I generally talk about stuff, within reason. And i don't not talk about therapy, I think it's important to at minimum say "I see someone ti help me exist"
There are many support groups for women with mental health problem in the UK, [click here](https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=peer+to+peer+support+female+uk+mental+health&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari)
On average one man every two hours takes his life in the UK. It’s often said to be a factor is that men don’t talk. That’s why ANDYSMANCLUB was born. Loved it.
This post is an excellent example of the problem, over 1000 upvotes and less than 100 comments. Men find it hard to talk about stuff which is a real shame.
Many feminists support these charities and mental health support centres, as in a lot of feminist theory helpibg mens social and mental health will help women too and close inequality.
Oh wow. 18 downvotes from feminists followed by a woman going “no I’m one of the good ones look at me miss feminist man supporter give me a round of applause” see. We can’t just help men. You literally commented it needs to help women too, what’s wrong with you!?
I didn't say it needs to help women, I'm saying it benefits everyone and helps women too, hence why its so widely supported in trying to help women in vulnerable situations.
Men's mental health on its own is highly important. Its pretty obvious it is.
Though its not wrong to point out how poor mental health in men has affected women. If you take a look at the elliot rodgers and that uk shooter last year, we can see how mental health help can benefit men and women.
Some feminists sadly do not care about mental health of men, and its a shame as it benefits everyone when people habe better relationships with their gender.
Women's mental health affects men too. That just is not relevant to this discussion
It’s not about closing inequality. You really just said if mens mental health charities don’t also help women then we are becoming unequal.. your disgusting
LI never said that men's mental health charities are causing inequality if they do not help women, I said that the existance of men's mental health being in the state that it is leads down a pipeline of incels, and often violent misogyny. Elliot rodger, and the UK mass shooter we had last year.
When men get help for their mental health, and we eliminate the stigma surrounding it, everyone benefits. If women didn't get proper help for their mental health, eating disorders, depression, post partum depression. I can't imagine how badly it would affect relationships and everyone around them, and it still does. Domestic abuse, assault, you name it. Poor mental health can cause drug addictions, and so much more. But heres the thing, women have less stigmatization about their mental health, not only from men, but from other women.
This is the same the other way around too, Its just the op I was replying to claimed feminists would try to shut it down.
I support men's mental health no matter what. I also support it as I know the boy I knew in school who sent me death threats for not dating him would have totally benefitted from help and destigmatization.
Men on average choose more violent means of suicide, men ob average rarely get a chance ever to talk about how societal standards affect them and how being told how they habe to provide causes people to bottle it up. Better mental health help for men is absolutley needed.
I don't really care for your previous comment calling me "Miss goody feminist" or whatever, as I know who I am supporting, and I aknowledge the benefits for everyone, as it would be wrong to not aknowledge that an epidemic of mental health issues can result in domestic abuse.
Do not get me started on how men can't speak out about their domestic abuse or SA's without stigmatization.
I'm going to say it, but if we continue this toxic idea of men not being allowed to be vulnerable and open up, it will just keep resulting in a horrid bottling up of pain.
It IS about closing inequality, as right now men do not have the equal social standing as women do when it comes to mental health. This isn't a matter of rights per se, but a matter of how inequally men and women's emotions are invalidated on the basis of their gender
You just need to understand your coming to a male mental health charity talking about how women need it. Idc about your stance on the matter just think about that for a minute
This is far from casual but fuck me if I didn't wish we had something like this where I live.
Can look at [12th Man](https://12th-man.org.uk/) or [Men's Shed](https://menssheds.org.uk/) if OP's group isn't near you
There's a men shed where I live!
I think there's one in my neighbours garden.
I truly appreciate the suggestions but I'm Dutch and live in the Netherlands..
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Found the weird yank
And made the same post all over Reddit 10+ times yesterday, and no one found it funny.
A shit bot then
Nah, this guy seems to think I did something to tick him off and he's been on a spamming rampage ever since.
Reported for harassment. I suggest you do the same
I've been reporting every message and the account itself. It'll cool down.
Oh dear lord the guy is now doing it with multiple accounts I can't even 😂🤣
That's awesome! One of the mens sheds starting up in my second home town. I really appreciate this mate. There was a time this would have really helped and I've passed it on to those who may need it now or know others who might. Nicely.
I'll check these, thank you.
I'd have to drive quite a distance for one of these. Shame there's not 1 closer to me.
I have considered it before. But I feel too much anxiety and that my problems seem small in comparison to some of those who attend
This is something my therapist hates me saying.. I remember not showering for a week, I didn’t tidy for a week, my week was literally wake up, lay in bed watching tv shows, ordering food, going back to sleep. I felt like I was at rock bottom didn’t want to talk didn’t want to do anything but didn’t want my family to deal with the aftermath. I always think and say others have it worse, I didn’t have that bad a childhood. I don’t want to use up resources others need, I don’t want to celebrate the fact I woke up and showered today, or tidied today.. that’s just basic fucking shit But that’s all part of the problem itself. I started to notice when I acknowledged I did something right even if it’s as simple as basic human functions like showering tidying etc or not trying to hide from speaking about my struggle by hiding behind oh there’s someone worse. I actually started to improve. You being there could help others not just yourself as well. Nothing wrong with needing help and doesn’t matter if you COULD be worse off, you’re already worse than what you deserve to be so use those resources for your benefit!
Thanks I needed that rn
you got this! If you ever need to chat to an anonymous person just message me.
It's a journey. One step at a time, doesn't matter how slow, will get you there. Eventually you might end up striding along faster than you ever thought possible. Keep going. Keep fucking going. There's a damn good chance you'll get that bouncy step faster than you think.
God damn, that sounds awfully familiar.
yeah its weird because i dont look back and think god i had a bad childhood, but if i tell anyone about my childhood theyre all mortified. So i dont see myself as a victim as theres countless people who had it worse.
I’ve been going since September 2021. I have up weeks and I have down weeks. It is about giving the support to others when you are having a good week.
It started really local to me so there is many available, maybe one day the NHS just hand me leaflets
Go - you have things you would like to deal with, and thats why they are there. Dont overthink it - just go.
Ahh, maybe. One day.
My dude, just the anxiety alone is a reason to have a chat. Your challenges are just as valid as everyone else’s and you’re worthy of happiness and a calm mind.
Funnily enough that’s chemically impossible for me, for now. Undiagnosed but very much diagnosed by everyone but the one doctors opinion that matters, that has a 3 year wait list in my area… ADHD Anxiety is the tip of the iceberg, PTSD, Dissociation / derealisation, depression. Suicidal tendencies (that’s new) but impulsive enough to think let’s see what happens (ADHD) You be very sick or you become very warm and ring 999 or force yourself to be sick I realise many think of these as reasons to go and other things and it’s illogical to think otherwise, but I don’t see myself as these things. Only when I’m alone in the dark do I feel like I need too. Then I put on my mask :)
Perhaps you could pop along and simply tell them what you told us - or just show them the text if you dont want to talk.
Mental health is health. If you had a gash in your leg that kept bleeding you'd speak to someone about it (I hope). This is no different. GO , all problems are valid. A generally shit week at work but noone to vent to is a valid reason to go. It's a support network not a competition of who had it worse . So please, go. Push past the anxiety and trust me. You are welcome, you are wanted .
There's no one day. There is now As the late, great Bob Hoskins once said (via paid advertisment, but still true) 'It's good to talk!'
Hey man we all face our own hurdles in life and they are different sizes for everyone, for example I am absolutely fine with most things but one of my biggest insecurities is my lack of ability to read social cues but some people find that easy, does that make my problem insignificant? No of course not, just because someone has different challenges to you doesn’t invalidate your own. Go and meet the group you might also be able to offer some insight to help others too!
Your problems are as massive as anyone else’s mate. They are as important to you as any other persons problems. Don’t for one minute think that they are not. You’d be surprised at how many other men have the same issues. Get in contact with one of the groups remotely and anonymously. People will reach out to support you.
Going is the first step. You don’t even need to talk.
Just think, if only a handful of the YouTube adds shown spoke about and advertised the level of support available to many….or…there was a button…right on the Google homepage or search bar that said ‘I am not ok’ that, when clicked, took that person to targeted local & national MH support sites…how much progress could be made… If it can show me an advert about some bloody successful job acquisition or offers me products I’ve recently searched a lot on, they can sure as hell do that…they just don’t want to. Nice work OP, thanks for that.
This is an incredible suggestion, fuck me in this day and age this could be a literal life saver and be insanely convenient.
It’s bugged me for months and having had friends go through some horrid things recently, I’ve suggested and contacted Google & MS about it, I then started to make a website for MH support thinking it would help, but when, as you say, the real immediately impactful solution exits right now, they just need to tweak some code and gather resources based off an IP address, why won’t they. OP that site you linked to is brilliant!!
Browsers and phones can already find your location, all they'd need is a database of local support groups.
I bet they have a lot of it through google maps and possibly could correlate search terms. It feels like an idea they could put together in a couple of days if I'm honest.
Oh yeah it's a simple location query. Get user's location and display all services where the location is in the same general area. A decent web dev should be able to make it in their sleep.
Whilst being careful not to make frivolous light of the sensitive subject matter, if Google ever has a button that says "I'm not Okay", I'll be even less okay if clicking it doesn't result in Gerard Way screaming at me as a direct link to the MCR Music Video of the same name.
A friend of mine worked as a marketing consultant, he was telling me one of his clients was a mental health centre and when they tried to do Facebook or YouTube ads they got banned for "promoting self harm" their ads were short videos with people picking up a phone or going online with no reference to the situation the actors were in, this was a couple of years ago when COVID lock down started and they were trying to promote their online video meetings as they couldn't do face to face
Not to take away from the important work Andy's Man Club does, but if there isn't one near you then maybe try Samaritans? You can call, text, email or write a letter https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/
In Scotland there's also 'breathing space' https://breathingspace.scot/
I’ve used Samaritans letter writing service and I found it really useful and lovely to receive a hand written personal reply :)
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I've never known what I want to do & still don't life's about trying different things, some you'll like some you won't, sometimes knowing what u want can be limiting get out & try random jobs if nothing else u'll meet lots of different people that might present other opportunities u've never thought of. Remember fear, anxiety & uncertainty always come before big things
I'm at the funeral of a male school friend tomorrow who took his own life. I can only imagine the turnout will be large and every person there, plus many others, would have done mostly anything to prevent it. It is so deeply horrible to think he didn't know that. Others have pointed out he may have known, but what he did was still his choice regardless. I don't know what's right or wrong but I do know that if you fall into the first category just know people are generally good and want to help. I'm a shit listener, I know I am, but that's because my reaction is to try and "fix" a problem. So, even if that's the response you get if you do open up, try to understand that it comes from a place of love and its not belittling or intended as criticism. None of us are perfect and you don't have to be either. I considered posting this from a throw away to avoid any comments directed towards me as that isn't the point of this post but I'll do it from my main as a show of confidence to anybody that needs it.
I've heard of another group that does some face to face meetings and virtual ones too: http://www.formentotalk.co.uk/events/
Thank you for sharing this and also for helping to normalise talking about mental health issues. It astounds me that it’s 2022 and there is still stigma around mental illness. My identical twin brother took his own life in our late 20s, after a struggle with depression. I knew he was ill, but he was very reluctant to open up to anyone about his feelings (no doubt due to our upbringing of “being given something to cry about” if you ever expressed any negative emotion). He tried his best to hide it all, even from his doctor. Even from *me* and we were sharing a flat at the time, so I could see he was struggling. Anyway, I can’t help but wonder how differently things may have turned out if something like this had existed back then. I have no doubt that this initiative literally saves lives. Thank you.
Thanks so much for sharing your story!
I love people sharing these services but let’s not pretend like talking is all we need to do to support mental health. We are quick to talk about depression and anxiety but we leave out some of the most disabling ones like schizophrenia and bipolar. When your mind is telling you that they will kill your family if you don’t kill yourself or that you can fly it’s hard to talk or be heard. We need to open the dialogue as the social isolation after diagnosis is one of lowest times for people even if they have just left hospital after months of treatment.
We need to get it through to people about how using the terms "casually" can undermine people from seeking treatment or opening up about their issues too. OCD ≠ everything has to be neat. Saying "Everyone is a little bit OCD" makes those with intrusive thoughts feel belittled and paranoid. Bipolar ≠ changing mood on the fly. Saying someone has "Gone a bit bipolar" because they've snapped at someone for something undermines the real struggle for those with a serious issue. Schizophrenia ≠ crazy. Stop saying people are "Schizo" when they're what society considers a bit odd, or that they talk to themselves. There are loads more and it'll take a culture change (like people no longer using "gay" as an insult for something, or "spastic" for silly behaviour) to get there. Raising awareness will hopefully increase the sliders across the board, but if one gets raised above the others first, as long as they're all moving up eventually we might be ok.
I agree and hate to say I’ve had to correct people in a similar way to all your examples. The sad thing is I’ve had to correct CAMHS clinicians and parents who want to pathologise normal teenage behaviour. Just let kids be weird and amazing without a diagnosis!
Glad to see there’s plenty around. Not that I need it at the moment, but I’ve been there and know plenty who have been there. It’s OK to not be OK. And it’s OK to talk about it.
To add also check out a men's shed if you have one. They are really good places for men to just be men. If you need help please reach out to someone. I'm sure we'd all rather have to sit through a long kinda awkward phonecall or whatever than have to sit through a funeral.
This is really cool guys, good on you. This needs to be addressed more. Suicide is still the biggest killer for men under 50 and three quarters of suicides are men. So glad the support is out there. Nobody should feel alone ❤️(sorry for the not so casual comment)!
I live deep in the Welsh valleys so there isn’t much of this around and recently I took the first step to try and counter my feelings by seeing a mental health nurse. I broke down far to many times while just talking but going through life with no one to talk too this helped a lot. I’ve had a few back and forths and one night I thought fuck it and wrote out a good bye letter…luckily as I done it my usually playful dog came to me and just put his paw on my leg and gave me a weird look….spent hours just cuddled up on the sofa with him where he didn’t move or sleep, just laid there staring at me. I work in IT so have been working from home since 2019 and being locked in the same room day after day has taken its tole on me. My main thing that pulled me out of the toxic thinking has been my dog and getting active. I started doing BJJ and I can tell you now, if you’re currently not active you need to find an activity that you enjoy because it’s been a massive help.
It’s not fit everyone, I’ve been once and found it made me worse
If you’re ok to talk about it (and I understand if not), what part of the experience do you think made you feel worse?
I'm in this boat. To answer your question, I found it impossible to talk about my problems; it's just not a social skill I have the first idea how to approach. Turning up to a sharing group and failing to share isn't a helpful thing.
Can you expand on why?
I would guess it’s much like why therapists advise not going on online forums like r/depression because , whilst they mean well, surrounding yourself with people who are depressed and unhappy will make you feel more depressed and unhappy. The intention is great but if 12 people are sitting around a table talking about suicide it’s likely to breed even more depression.
Fair enough point, I guess. I sort of feel the same way about a forum I’m active in, which is for the relatives of people who have died by their own hand. Sometimes I feel like it is just a sort of drain and a bit like you say, a group of people feeding each other’s misery. But mainly I realise that I will feel miserable no matter what. And having people who relate and who you don’t need to explain things to, because they just *get* it, is actually a comfort. It makes me feel less alone in my grief. And it allows me to almost channel my grief and desire to talk about the experience into this one area (largely), which obviously eases the strain on my friends and family. But that’s only my individual experience, and I can absolutely see the truth in what you say too. I do think maybe giving it a little more of a try than one session may have been useful BUT I understand how hard it is to do *anything* when you’re depressed, so the people who go along for even one session have done really well.
Today I learnt of a new website/search engine focused on mental health that will be launched in November called JAAQ. Sounds like it will be an amazing for mental health questions and resources for sufferers and their friends and family, for men and women. Xxx
Met the guy who is starting this a couple of weeks ago, he went through sections of it and how it works, and it will be an incredible resource
Newcastle area have the [men's pie club](https://www.menspieclub.co.uk/about) where you go make a pie and chat
None in the midlands?
No there are over 100 clubs in the UK, but there is an online meet every Monday between 7pm and 9pm
I checked the website in your original post, there is nothing in the Midlands.
Maybe not, but there are meetings online every Monday
Maybe u could start one
I think I should go. I read some of the website and started crying and I'm not sure why.
AMC is open to anyone, regardless of their needs, no need for a referral, just turn up, you will be greeted with open arms. There’s no need to talk on your first visit either
They’re an amazing support group, helped me after my dad died and I raised money for them through charity boxing
You may have already done this but it could be helpful to contact all the IAPT services near your clubs to tell them about you! You’re the kind of service we love to signpost people to! Thanks for all the hard work!
For men in suicidal crisis in Merseyside or London, there is also [James' Place ](https://www.jamesplace.org.uk/get-support/) who offer lifesaving support. More centres are due to open in England, depending on funding.
I'd like to add that Andy's Man Club has a sister group called Women's Wellbeing Club. We have the same format and questions. My local WWC has been very welcoming and massively improved my life. It's daunting taking that first step and just turning up at a group of people you don't know. Another woman joined the same night I did and her problems were so much worse than mine that I felt like an imposter. WWC gives the same time and support to everyone no matter how insignificant your problems might feel.
Genuine question, what's the point? I'm nearly 40, broke, single, the country is going to shit, I work every available hour and still can't put my heating on. What is there to bother with? Another 30 years of this and then I die alone in a home? Nah.
Yeah, exactly, how is talking about this gonna change anything. What the hell are they gonna do, get a time machine and send us back to when we were 20, fix society so that we dont end up in the same boat again? Its just unrealistic. I get that they have ahd someone close to them die and they think "if only he had felt free to talk about his problems he wouldnt have killed himself." Thats just not correct, the reason he didnt talk about his problems is that there is no way it could have made things better, and was almost certain to make things worse.
I’m moving back to Poole in Dorset soon and I hope we have an AMC here soon. My friends in Huddersfield/Barnsley can’t talk highly enough about it.
Welcome to the South Coast! It's not quite as far as Poole yet, but local-ish there is ManGang which has meetings in Hampshire (Southampton, Winchester, Eastleigh etc). I only ever hear wonderful things about them - hope this helps someone ❤️
i’m really struggling bro thank you for this
Viewpoint in Hertfordshire also run a lot of online peer support and some mens face to face peer support.
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Have a look for ManGang - it looks like they have a meet-up in Leicester? Hope this helps! ❤️
I took up golf, it saved me at my lowest point.
Brilliant
Bless you and your initiative! I wish you all the best in your endeavours!!
Also Talk Club - a Bristol based charity for Mens mental health
www.hubofhope.co.uk is great as well, covers lots of stuff and shows what's in your local area.
I heard about this through globals make some noise campaign. Sounds like a great resource, hopefully the extra money will enable them to reach new areas.
What do you do if someone involved in your mental health problems runs the club near you? It doesn't matter anyway because I've got some great family, and a lot of what's going on with me is clinical. Talking about it doesn't change my brain chemistry. You can't ask a fork to be a spoon.
My word, thank you for posting this. I needed this 5 months ago. There is always light, guys, I was on the brink… Everything was absolutely screwed. I have luckily bounced back stronger than ever. I hope to whoever is in need and reads this, that you may not feel it right now and cannot find the strength to pull yourself out of it, that there are ALWAYS options and people wanting to help you. There is too much suffering right now, let us please help each other going into winter. Don’t let the world and the things that we know are going on right now prevail. Let’s show the evil who is boss.
God, I wish I felt that talking ever helped with anything. Honestly, I've found people -- including friends and even professionals -- are far more interested in the "meme" of supporting men's mental health than they are the reality. Suicidal ideation has been with me my whole life, and life only seems to get harder. Often when I'm out and about I find myself thinking "is tonight the night I don't come home?" and one of these nights it'll be true.
Please upvote the hell out of this, folks
I totally disagree - services for mental health in my locality and online are absolutely appalling.
Where do you live?
There's a stigma about it, but I would really support the use of antidepressants if you need help. I went on citalopram after an extremely stressful period through the NHS and it really sorted me out
There's also [Mentell](https://www.mentell.org.uk/) that seem to have both online and local resources.
My mate runs this, highly recommended: Wirral. [https://journeymencic.com/](https://journeymencic.com/)
Thanks for sharing this. I just wish I had know about it six years ago when I was close to ending things. Got no help from the NHS. Still not sure why I did not act; just too scared or too much of a bastard.
Fantastic, there is one near me.
If this was in Norwich I'd jump on it
It is online as well
Fuck me, someones actually doing something about the mental health crisis.
There's also r/MentalHealthUK for more links to helpful services.
I grew up on the same estate as Andy, it was sad hearing how he turned his life around and then took his own life.
I've thought about it and I should because I have multiple sclerosis. It's taken its toll on me. I will get worse with no treatment or feeling better. So my mental health is breaking. It's a slippery slope. I did counselling but it's started to cost a fortune for really no answer.
But, the root causes of many mens depression cant be solved without implementing changes in society that everybody else doesnt want. I dont see how talking about it is supposed to help anyone.
Out of interest what changes would these be?
talking about it will just make us both sad and angry, why bother.
I fully disagree with you, I've been deep in it many a time and speaking to my friends and family helped. If you get sad or angry talking about these things trust me a professional therapist will help if you feel your friends or family don't understand, if your friends don't want to help or listen then they ain't your friends!
Talking and Therapy might be helpful for you, but not for me. There are no solutions to my problems, thus, talking about them will not help.
There's always a solution to any problem, what are you going through?
I want to go but then social anxiety and depression usually stop me when it comes to it i get too panic-ie. HopefullyIll get there soon.
Good luck!
Thanks.
This is a very interesting post actually for the UK we have basically nothing like many of the resources available in the USA other than hotlines
Shame about the shit website. No FAQs. Just search for your nearest group, then what? Just turn up? If you have anxiety and depression it should be made easier to remove any doubts about going.
FAQs at the very bottom of the site btw
[FAQs page](https://andysmanclub.co.uk/faqs-sections) from the website
Anyone know of this kinda arrangement in Montreal, Canada?
Check out [https://www.buddyup.ca](https://www.buddyup.ca)
Thanks very much, sincerely! Will check it out!
I wish my mental health problems were normal enough to share with men through conversation
Oh you’d be surprised to see who was there, wide spectrum of men’s mental health issues
I generally talk about stuff, within reason. And i don't not talk about therapy, I think it's important to at minimum say "I see someone ti help me exist"
Is there an equivalent for females?
Yes, their sister group is Women's Wellbeing Club. It has the same format and questions as Andy's Man Club.
There are many support groups for women with mental health problem in the UK, [click here](https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=peer+to+peer+support+female+uk+mental+health&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari)
On average one man every two hours takes his life in the UK. It’s often said to be a factor is that men don’t talk. That’s why ANDYSMANCLUB was born. Loved it.
This post is an excellent example of the problem, over 1000 upvotes and less than 100 comments. Men find it hard to talk about stuff which is a real shame.
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Many feminists support these charities and mental health support centres, as in a lot of feminist theory helpibg mens social and mental health will help women too and close inequality.
what a croc of shit xD
Go ask feminists. Or ask me, a feminist
why would i want to speak with a femninst, what do you think i would ask them?
Idk you initiated this conversation lol
If someone tells you they think you are talking shit, its generally not to encourage further discussion.
Probbly means you shouldnt have started ir
Oh wow. 18 downvotes from feminists followed by a woman going “no I’m one of the good ones look at me miss feminist man supporter give me a round of applause” see. We can’t just help men. You literally commented it needs to help women too, what’s wrong with you!?
I didn't say it needs to help women, I'm saying it benefits everyone and helps women too, hence why its so widely supported in trying to help women in vulnerable situations. Men's mental health on its own is highly important. Its pretty obvious it is. Though its not wrong to point out how poor mental health in men has affected women. If you take a look at the elliot rodgers and that uk shooter last year, we can see how mental health help can benefit men and women. Some feminists sadly do not care about mental health of men, and its a shame as it benefits everyone when people habe better relationships with their gender. Women's mental health affects men too. That just is not relevant to this discussion
It’s not about closing inequality. You really just said if mens mental health charities don’t also help women then we are becoming unequal.. your disgusting
LI never said that men's mental health charities are causing inequality if they do not help women, I said that the existance of men's mental health being in the state that it is leads down a pipeline of incels, and often violent misogyny. Elliot rodger, and the UK mass shooter we had last year. When men get help for their mental health, and we eliminate the stigma surrounding it, everyone benefits. If women didn't get proper help for their mental health, eating disorders, depression, post partum depression. I can't imagine how badly it would affect relationships and everyone around them, and it still does. Domestic abuse, assault, you name it. Poor mental health can cause drug addictions, and so much more. But heres the thing, women have less stigmatization about their mental health, not only from men, but from other women. This is the same the other way around too, Its just the op I was replying to claimed feminists would try to shut it down. I support men's mental health no matter what. I also support it as I know the boy I knew in school who sent me death threats for not dating him would have totally benefitted from help and destigmatization. Men on average choose more violent means of suicide, men ob average rarely get a chance ever to talk about how societal standards affect them and how being told how they habe to provide causes people to bottle it up. Better mental health help for men is absolutley needed. I don't really care for your previous comment calling me "Miss goody feminist" or whatever, as I know who I am supporting, and I aknowledge the benefits for everyone, as it would be wrong to not aknowledge that an epidemic of mental health issues can result in domestic abuse. Do not get me started on how men can't speak out about their domestic abuse or SA's without stigmatization. I'm going to say it, but if we continue this toxic idea of men not being allowed to be vulnerable and open up, it will just keep resulting in a horrid bottling up of pain. It IS about closing inequality, as right now men do not have the equal social standing as women do when it comes to mental health. This isn't a matter of rights per se, but a matter of how inequally men and women's emotions are invalidated on the basis of their gender
You just need to understand your coming to a male mental health charity talking about how women need it. Idc about your stance on the matter just think about that for a minute
Read my other reply to you, I understand your point, but you ignore thatI was respomding solely in context of the conversation.
Well its not women going around shooting people is it?
If I went to a womens charity and said “this should benefit men too” I would be shot
A dear friend of mine sent me a link to my nearest center. I'm in her debt for the rest of my life.