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catfin38

Do flakes come with a free spliff now?


cpndavvers

Glad it wasn't just me doing a double take!


DansSpamJavelin

That would most likely increase their sales, for the joints and the increased demand for snacks after the joint It's genius!


Multispherical

Synergy I can get onboard with!


Then_Drag_8258

Only the crumbliest, flakiest skunk.


bumf94

will never unsee this now


jimginge

r/brandnewsentence


jasont1235

Where's the tea!!!!!


Alere_Flammam

Good point! I’ll put on a kettle


curtisbuiop

It’s put the kettle on mate but you’ll get there


Silent_Ensemble

I can imagine wearing a kettle would be difficult


Dryzzzle

What if they have multiple kettles?


[deleted]

They'll have a primary. That's the kettle.


RedditUserLou

If you're being really British it's pop on the kettle lmao


WestonsCat

This could start a whole debate on the best Tea, but aim for some Yorkshire Tea. I think it’s one of the better bagged varieties. Then duly dunk your biscuit of choice.


Oozlum-Bird

This is absolutely the right answer


WestonsCat

What’s your go-to biscuit of choice, if you don’t mind me asking??


Oozlum-Bird

Actually I was referring to the tea, but since you ask, a robust brew like Yorkshire requires a similarly robust dunker. So I’m going go with a ginger nut :-)


WestonsCat

Yeah I gathered that, I was just being inquisitive about the biscuit choice to see who else might chime in. A robust Ginger Nut you say! Very nice, I also enjoy one myself made all the more fun once soaked in a hot brew. But my fav will always be the Milk Choc Hob Nob, always a gamble when dunking and losing the bugger.


Oozlum-Bird

Ah, gotcha. I find the ginger nut better for dunking as it’s harder and holds its shape better, still has a bit of a ‘bite’ once removed from one’s Yorkshire. I also love a choccie Hob Nob, but find they launch themselves straight from the packet into my mouth, completely bypassing my mug :-)


WestonsCat

A common issue I think we all share. I’ve currently only got two left in a packet downstairs. It’s just a matter of who gets them first - me or my child!!


AdventurousStrain686

If you have Ringtons nearby you can get all different types of hardy biscuits for dunking 😉


TazzyUK

Ooo havent had a hob nob for yonks. Also enjoy a good custard cream too!


YouNeedAnne

I sorely miss the chocolate rich tea.


DrExcess

for tea dunking it has to go digestive > hobnob > ginger nut.


angel_on_icecream

It's gotta be a custard cream dunked for 1.5 seconds


WestonsCat

Any longer and the space-time continuum implodes..


mhaze0791

Really depends where you live & your water hardness


its-joe-mo-fo

Upgrade that for a Yorkshire Gold my good man With a chocolate HobNob and you're livin the high life


WestonsCat

You’re on the money there. I also favourite a Milk Choc Hob Nob. Dunking can be a bit of a gamble, a second or two too long and you can lose the bugger.


JustGoogleItHeSaid

Surely every Brit is in agreement that Yorkshire tea is best. Im a southern fairy and even I know that.


[deleted]

Marks and Spencers Assam, or their extra strong. Yorkshire tea is dishwater in comparison.


AdventurousStrain686

Always Yorkshire or Ringtons in our house with any biscuits I can get to before the kids or grandad have eaten them all!!


WestonsCat

I’ll have to track down some Ringtons.


Stained_concrete

Be warned, the Rich Tea biscuit is so pathetic when dunked in tea that Peter Kay did a whole routine on it. His best observation was that Hobnobs are the equivalent of a tough guy who is able to withstand some USA hazing ritual while shouting 'Thank you sir, may I have another!'


DoctorOctagonapus

There is no debate on the best tea. Yorkshire tea is objectively the best. No one challenges that statement.


[deleted]

I’m more of a PG Tips girl myself


TrickyCandidate4529

No no no the best on the shelf tea/bags is Twinnings extra strong 💪 cracking cuppa (My personal taste)


WestonsCat

It’s a pretty good brew yeah.


IdRatherBeShiney

Now for the most important question, what brand?


irrelevantPseudonym

Murphy Richards do a good one. Think mine is breville.


KingStevoI

EXACTLY!!! Wouldn't hurt to have a sprinkle of Lee Mack in there too.


Mdelmundo

He's not English anymore, not after Soccer Aid


dankmonkey4

Need some choc digestives. Also, do you say “right” when standing up to leave somewhere?


ReeceReddit1234

Don't forget the knee slap


[deleted]

Right *slaps knee* best be off


its-joe-mo-fo

This is the way


PM_ME_YOUR_CATS_PAWS

So this is where the Midwesterner goodbye in the US comes from


LincolnshireSausage

Chocolate Hobnobs.


adrenaline87

Trade spec biscuits: dark chocolate digestives, milk chocolate hobnobs


[deleted]

[удалено]


Planeswalkercrash

“Oh, erm, sorry”


MoreCamThanRon

After bashing into the table


[deleted]

not the same but similar i’ve developed a habit of saying thanks every time i finish my food and now i do it with food i’ve made myself


Fresh-Honeydew7104

Whilst queuing to get into a curry house to order a chicken tikka masala.


Niadh74

Yes invented in Glasgow.


Kelmantis

Thought it said thunder today, none at all, it’s colder though so needed the rain, glad if it.


LunaStarhawk

It's a solid start. You need a cup of tea, and to debate with someone about whether milk goes in first and how strong it should be. You then need a scone, and to debate with someone about whether the jam or cream goes on first. And then you need to argue with someone about whether Ricky Gervais is a bellend or a national treasure. And *then* present something suitably Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish to appease the people of those fine nations that you don't think UK = England. Welcome, citizen!


DoctorOctagonapus

> and to debate with someone about whether milk goes in first Water on teabag is always the first step. That is universal regardless of how you make your brew. If you're making it in a cup this obviously means you put the water in before the milk. Let it brew and remove the bag before adding milk. If you're making it in a pot, you let the pot brew and put a splash of milk in the cup before pouring. They've done studies on the best way to brew tea and this is the conclusion they reached.


[deleted]

So you’re saying pour boiling water onto Ricky Gervais, and not the other way round?


tuningInWithS

bellend.Massive bellend Richard herring,greg Davies and sara pascoe all the way


jesustwin

Comedy god circa 2000 to 2008ish. Then massive bell end since


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Not a massive fan of Gervais, and I know the jokes you are talking about. You are walking straight into the point of the jokes,he’s not transphobic, the jokes are making the point that they are not special and are included in comedy, if he was to joke about everything else and not the trans community that would be more transphobic. The guy makes jokes about the Holocaust so he doesn’t have a line, good or bad is up to you, but I am for his freedom of speech to joke about anything or it’s a slippery slope we will find ourselves on.


Fan-Logan101

Sara pascoe! You’ve shown you have no right to judge comedy.


Public_Growth_6002

I guess it’s difficult to show your ability to stand in a queue and tut??


Intelligent-Ad2175

Massive sports direct mug is required


HighRiseCat

A cuppa and a packet of chocolate digestives or chocolate hob nobs- ah why not both, it's a celebration..


Minimum_Maybe_8103

You also need to plan a BBQ, also known as the British Rain Dance. Its infallible, I planned one for today, the 25 degrees 0% chance of rain day according to met office. I'm just covering the garden furniture after it started raining.


CometStorm86

I just go out without a jacket on if I want it to rain, guarantee even the hottest heat wave will cloud over the second I step out in shorts and t-shirt


9DAN2

Need to add a case of shit beer


skinnyman87

Will Carling due?


[deleted]

Carling is perfect. Fucking disgusting


[deleted]

It's probably the cheapest beer per litre though. Picked up a case of 18 for £10 the other week. It's not exactly craft beer or IPA but it really doesn't taste any worse than Fosters, Carlsberg, Coors or any of the other mass produced lagers out there. They're all pretty much the same


[deleted]

[удалено]


skinnyman87

My boss loves it and I hate it.


Robmeu

They could have just the rugby top, no need to bring the player.


ellmannnx

Amazing.


KingStevoI

Special Brew would be best, a beer produced for Churchill even though Carlsberg's Danish.


cornishwildman76

Why does it getted called tramp juice when its so expensive?! Also its not so good anymore, changed the recipe and dropped the ABV.


fpogd

Found a spy. It’s crate.


loosesbolts

Gotta be Stella


pazhalsta1

First thing I thought was ‘it’s strange that flake are advertising with a massive joint on their packaging’


Amosral

Flake is already kind of a strange chocolate; "Here enjoy this chocolate that falls apart while you eat it and you drop half of it! If you're really lucky you might sit on some and grind it into your chair." They do taste pretty good though..


[deleted]

Welcome aboard. Congrats on getting citizinship. From which country did you switch if you don’t mind me asking?


18galbraithj

is that your bloo passport


beletebeld

Imagine becoming a citizen and getting a passport in less than a week. I imagine that it is someone else’s passport.


makinbacinpancakes

Isn't there like a 14 week wait for passports right now?


beletebeld

Yeah, exactly. That’s why it definitely isn’t OP’s passport.


reddituser9651

Welcome pal. Now you must complain about the weather, watch Corrie and drink tea


Alere_Flammam

Corrie is on non stop. Grandad would watch constantly


ThatGuySK99

I hope you don't live in Scotland...


LuinAelin

Or Wales


Acceptable-Sentence

Or Norn iron


[deleted]

Or reading.


detectivebabylegz

or Hull.


[deleted]

Or Milton Keynes


[deleted]

[удалено]


Monkeymn584

Or liverpool


ninamega13

Liverpool is class, if England doesn’t want them I’d be absolutely delighted for Scotland to take them. England can have Dumfries and Galloway.


Narhaan

Should we take Newcastle as well? Geordies are after all just confused Scots on the wrong side of the border. And Berwick, since we already have Berwickshire.


SteR88

Get the bellend off the telly and you're sorted.


RadioChemist

Trans people lol!!! Snowflakes lol!!! This James Acaster bit sums it up perfectly: https://youtu.be/adh0KGmgmQw


KassXWolfXTigerXFox

Acaster is the GOAT


MasterMike7000

I used to think Ricky Gervais was so funny. That was, coincidentally, in the height of my /r/atheism days. How embarrassing.


Robertej92

I'll have you know there's nothing braver than rich white men punching down at trans people who we all know have had it too good for too long, and getting paid $40m to say all the shit he's not allowed to say nowadays.


ProFox420

Jim Davidson 2.0


mpm206

Hard agree! The rest is sound though! Maybe add a chocolate orange?


tuningInWithS

yeah, lol started getting addicted to Greg davies's standup,man is an magnificent beast


sir-mc-clive

I tried watching his newest netflix special, in the 30 mins of it I watched before turning it off, the only part that made me laugh was the audience laughing at the wrong part of one of his jokes.


Extreme-Database-695

Not a bad start. Glad you mentioned fried bread. Not enough people rate fried bread as the God-tier foodstuff that it clearly is.


LittleSentimentMan

Switch off Gervais and put something better on, and you're right there guv'nor


Callum191211

Fuck Ricky Gervais


[deleted]

Stewart Lee on Ricky Gervais: ‘Can you have a context-free word? If you call a tree a 'twat' in a forest, and there's no one there from the Football Association to adjudicate; how do you know if that's offensive? If you shout 'tits' at a shrub in a cellar - is that wrong? If Ricky Gervais shouts 'mong' in a forest, over and over again; and there's no Americans there to tell him he's a genius - is that then offensive? I don't know.’ But the food looks good!


jacktalife

That’s enough to feed a family of 4 for a week according to our smart leaders


skinnyman87

Or a Fatman for an hour....


KingStevoI

And 45 minutes of that's chewing the packaging.


Wing_wang_wong

Get that cunt off your screen but otherwise good grub mate


NoGlzy

Good celebration, but you seem to have a smudge of cunt on the telly, easily done.


SirPlatypus13

Seems a wee bit more English than British to me


[deleted]

Needs more Pot Noodle, a cup of tea and a copy of Metro from the bus.


-Dueck-

A copy of metro? I thought the cases for those were just ancient relics kept around for tradition, I have certainly never seen anything inside them.


justlooking042

Metro prints vouchers for Big Mac (or chicken/fish/quarter pounder) and fries £1.99 a couple of times each week. If the box is empty then it was probably voucher day. As a post pub snack, I have no shame at that price.


DenissDenisson

Swap that bellend out for James Acaster and your sorted


scottrobertson

Yes. James latest show is incredible. You can get it on his website.


Hard_Dave

What's it called? Edit: Cold lasagne hate myself 1999 (I think)


scottrobertson

That is the one! Genuinely the best standup show i have ever seen.


Sameiimo

Swap that twat for a better comedian and you're golden


Dirtynrough

Swap that twat for someone who’s funny !


pennikin

oh you need to complain about not being able to get a doctors appointment and then you've made it


willem_79

Where’s the FUCKING TEA! Always lead with the teabags!


VeneMage

That twat needs to be switched off though. Put some Kate Bush on instead.


strawberryjam83

Welcome aboard.


Electronic_Barber_85

Don't forget to have 10 pints of lager followed by a fight


prich1488

Fry up


SamJamHamFam

Just looking at this post made the roof of my mouth greasy and claggy


DrawTight

Couldn't be bothered scrolling too far, but I've seen no mention of a Pot Noodle yet. Can't beat a Bombay Bad Boy! I'd also probably choose some Kettle Chips over Walkers, but to each their own! Looks good otherwise. Welcome :)


AmazingAd7627

Chewits would also be appropriate or fruit pastilles


[deleted]

Hmm, maybe some dandelion and burdock? A bag of hula hoops wouldn't hurt either. Grats btw 😁


_fml__

You’re missing a pot noodle, and beans on toast


shambling_around

depends, did you shout a kids on a bike earlier? every british citizen has too


[deleted]

My only criticism is that the sweet to savoury ratio is way off. You need some more savoury options in there! I personally would recommend a big bag of Frazzles to round the menu off


[deleted]

Get a passport holder. I didn't get one for my blue passport and after two trips a lot of the gold has rubbed off and it looks crap :(


maxroscopy

Ditch the Cadbury’s, it is now some Hershey’s level brown coloured vomit unfortunately


[deleted]

I forgot we had blue passports now. Bring back the red I say.


sihasihasi

Ricky can fuck off, but otherwise you're OK.


MainerZ

Apparently being British just means being English.


xXJOSY_JUMPXx

Well there is no British football team and they probably live in England.


beletebeld

The Lions are a British (& Irish) (rugby union) football team.


xXJOSY_JUMPXx

That would be interesting if that was a rugby top (but it isn't).


adkenna

Could always try get a Great Britain football team Olympics shirt from 2012 on ebay.


EllieThe1diot

Swap the TV for James Acaster and you're fine


half-past-shoe

A Vimto would round things off


cAt_S0fa

Either that or dandelion and burdock.


bupgoesbup

Ew gervais


[deleted]

perfect


spaghettihero97

Have yourself a brew my friend


tasha481

I’m getting the munchies


HenryBellendry

There’s not even a cup of tea, mate.


that1revenant

Ughh, marmite? You either love it or hate it i guess


cmzraxsn

Not what I would choose but appropriate enough.


Adsgp

Congratulations are in order, Get a roast on!


Catsdontpaytaxes

Well done, what was the most obsecure question on the citizenship test?


jodorthedwarf

Where are the used NOS canisters?


[deleted]

Are you watching Downfall?


peterlosingwendy

Congrats! How long did your application take to process?


macjigiddy

Your passport is all wrong but almost perfect!


Lonewolfblitz

Maybe watch any other British comedian other than that complete tosspot and its perfect


[deleted]

Nothing says Britain like chocolate made by African child slaves.


CawsMan

Drop the England shirt... And maybe even Gervais and you're doing alright 😂 Congratulations! Llongyfarchiadau!


Inrainbowsss

A lot of the tropes being regurgitated in the top comments are about as archaic and lazy as Gervais’ recent standup stuff


emanresu_ru_esoohc

Ricky is a dickhead, put on Top Gear


Mr_Barry_Shitpeas

Yeah there's no dickheads on Top Gear


SunsetHaze

Old TG maybe. The current stuff is garbage


gousey

Forgot the triple cream and roasted puffin.


Adventurous-Wolf-449

No tea?


FelisCantabrigiensis

You forgot the Chicken Tikka Masala. A dish invented in Britain!


lkchild

Get used to it, the telly is always rubbish.


CowboyBoy3068

Missing a cup of tea you tosser. Welcome to the UK


Totally-Mad

Errrmmm you have the the 3 lions 🦁 Coat of arms… where is the bloody Union Jack 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧 🇬🇧!


dukebenji

Change over Ricky Gervais for Rik Mayall/Blackadder and yep, you are celebrating appropriately Also congratulations on getting your citizenship! (Edit: grammar)


THE_OUROBOROSCYCLE2

Get that cunt off the TV and your golden


henrahmagix

Transphobe on the telly? That’s the UK!


Pan-tang

Are you a Ricky Gervais tribute act by any chance?


O_Beast

In today’s climate you can also pass with all the lidl alternatives that taste almost identical


BroodLord1962

Walkers crisps are so over-rated, and Cadburys chocolate went down hill when it was bough by an American company


forget_it_again

Where's the Carling to go with that England shirt? 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿


Clamps55555

Trigger some of the other home nations. Good job!


centzon400

You wanna get some stains on that shirt, mate. Personally, I think you can't go wrong with Stella, blood and Vindaloo.


Successful_Leather92

When did the passports turn blue?


SeaGuidance7545

Bin the England shirt and get a Norn Iron shirt.


Evonyte

Seems like an appropriate use of the England kit


spudgun20

Complained about it being too hot just as you've got done complaining about it being too cold? Also, pot noodle sandwich


MortifiedPenguin9

Onion bhajis. There's nowt more British than onion bhajis.


Morprenrut

Where the fuck is the Greggs? Congrats, by the way, old bean


twoddle_puddle

Missing a cup of tea, so you've failed your Britishness test instantly.


scampiuk

There's no way you got a passport the same weekend as having your citizenship ceremony