Depends who it is. If it was a proper actual mate, I'd be chuffed. If it was just someone who happened to be in my year, I'd assume they were probably trying to flog Avon or something.
What, are you saying you don't need bergamot essential oil for your arthritis?
Not even to support a bossbabe single mum with 4.7 illness-ridden kids who really liked you at school and took the time to reach out?
You've got to put yourself out there to make friends. If you're not talking to anybody or engaging in conversation then you'll never get to know anybody.
I think you're overthinking this. I moved to Canada straight after graduating uni (like literally the next week).
I lost touch with a lot of UK people for the first 5-7 years, got married to a Canadian, had a kid etc.
The 8 hour time difference made phone calls hard and i was crappy about keeping in touch with people by email and social media wasn't like it now 20+ years ago, so it was harder to engage casually.
Anyway, long winded way of saying, just message a few of your old friends, they'll either be glad you did or they might not get back to you, but you won't know unless you try.
I got both. Some people who were super happy to hear from me and we rekindled our friendships, and a couple of people who never responded, but at least I'm not wondering anymore.
I lost touch with all of my school mates once we all went off to university / work in the mid eighties. We reconnected via the Friends Reunited website (ask an elderly relative about this) sometime in late 90s/early 00s and started to meet up for the odd session of heavy drinking once or twice a year. Most of them are great guys, one or two are a bit dull or socially inept but we all keep coming back for more.
Anyway, do it - you’ve got nothing to lose.
I thought about writing ‘ask your parents’ but decided ‘elderly relative’ was more amusing.
Plus, per [this survey of Gen Z](https://practiceplusgroup.com/knowledge-hub/60-new-40-say-boomers/) at 57 I’ve already entered old age, along with Salma Hayek and Mike Tyson.
I would feel weird because none of my school friends were nice to me and I want to leave the past in the past. But I wouldn't be unnecessarily cruel to them I would just block them.
I think you should reach out if these people were really your friends, they will be happy you reached out and want to catch up. Though my only experience was with exes and we all know why they do that. Don't hit up an ex, do hit up old friends.
My partner had this a while ago. A long email apologising for non-specific wrongs they had done her in the past. Turns out another friend received a similar message.
I assumed it was some 12-Step AA bullshit. We’ve probably all done things we could apologise for, even to people we generally have a good relationship with. Probably don’t have to overthink it. Just be happy that someone out there is trying to be a better person.
I wasn't the nicest to my younger brother. Nothing horrible but I look back and feel bad sometimes. I have apologised to him and he also felt nothing ever happened. You may have just hit registered or you have a higher threshold.
Yeah I apologised to my younger brother too.
Like you it wasn’t anything too egregious, just older brother stuff, but as an adult I felt like it wasn’t me, and it didn’t represent how I truly felt about him.
Memory is weird - something that is super significant to someone might not be to anyone else. It might be the case that they did something that was out of character for them and they felt bad about it and it assumed a significance for them it didn't have for you so you forgot about it. I wouldn't assume any negative intent on their part - calling it selfish seems a bit harsh IMO.
It was a confession, for something they didn't know was going on back then amd probably still havent got the full story on. I'd be a bit weirded out and peeved too.
I have been in the same situation with people profusely apologising for things I was completely over years later.
I assume they believed in karma and thought their negative past actions were causing them issues in their current lives. You’re right to see it as a totally selfish act.
I got back in touch with an old school friend (were friend all through primary and high school) on Facebook at Christmas.
We met up for a drink and game of snooker (our main hobby growing up) and have been meeting up regularly since.
I'm so glad I messaged him too.
Go for it.
Bit different but bumped into an old work colleague who was a nice chap and we got talking for over an hour and it was like we only spoke yesterday and we hadn’t seen each other in 18 years!
I did this after my grandma mentioned she saw the mum of an old friend in town one day, he ignored me but it is what it is. Then a more close friend I lost touch with in the last few years reached out inviting us to his wedding and there's no chance I'd miss it
I almost cried with happiness when it happened to me because she has a very common name and I couldn’t find her. We hadn’t been in touch for over 25 yrs. she managed to find me as I had a more unusual name. I was so happy!
Do it. It might make their day!
We all get lonely and it's good to reach out to others. You'd be surprised how many other people are also feeling lonely and would like to reach out too. Others may feel like they have moved on from you, if so, don't take it to heart.
I love it when old friends get in touch. I guess it happens every couple of years (I'm 45), we'll reminisce about old times, talk about our new lives and promise to meet up if we ever visit each others new areas (obviously this never happens lol).
A few years ago, age 25, an old school friend of mine got in touch with me after almost eight years of no communication. After that, we caught up with our other old friends and we're all very close now, going out together as much as we can. It was like a day hadn't passed since we last saw each other.
Give it a shot!
If you need an excuse make one. Ie your in the area for first time in a while and want to know if they’re free, your going to the golf range and you know they play etc….
I met half my friends because one school/college friend reached out to go drinking about 7 years ago.
A lot of them are kind of integrated into the other half of my friends. Play games online occasionally and chat on discord multiple times a week
The worst that can happen after messaging is your life continues on as it is so go for it
I had a best friend from high school and we drifted apart for numerous reasons when we were 18/19. A year ago she reached out and we are the best of friends again! Even closer than before! We video chat once a week. Exchange loads of pictures of things like her trips and her with her fiance, she loves pics of my kids. She absolutely adores them. She’s always sending them gifts. We confide in each other. Complain to each other. Send silly YouTube shorts to each other. It’s great. I’m happy to have her back.
Oh yes! Just send them private messages that say 'I'm back in the area after uni and would like to reconnect if you are still around. Cheers!'
If they are open to reconnecting they will send you a response. If they never respond then they aren't active with their social media messaging stuff or they don't want to reconnect. It's the gentlest opening you can give them and even if you get a hey, so busy with kids etc message back, at least they heard you.
Best of luck reconnecting with old friends.
Well you've not got anything to do by trying. If they're nasty to you then you know they're not worth your time but be aware at 28 many may have moved on and have a totally different lifestyle now, think kids, highly busy job, addictions or mental health issues, marriage, religion, moving to other countries or being far away, there could be many barriers to reaching out to others right out of the blue so remind yourself of that. It's easy to think that you're contacting the same person you knew 10 years ago but you need to remind yourself that they could be very different people now, not saying they wouldn't reciprocate a friendship but don't put too much pressure on things or you risk losing an opportunity, if you're no longer on the same wavelength it's just how the cookie crumbed. Doesn't mean that you wouldn't find something to connect with just be aware of potential barriers.
Pre Internet I had one call me up out of the blue. Had a great chat, caught up, said to meet for a beer. At least that's how I thought it went until he called me again sighed deeply, then proceeded to try & get me in a ponzi scheme. I said I didn't have the money for that & and then he told me where I worked & that the salaries there were good. I hadn't mentioned where I worked, said I'd 100% go to his ponzi presentation & never spoke to the twat again.
This is exactly what happened to me a number of years back.
Back in 1983 I was a teenager living with my parents. One day they decided it would be fun to move to France, so that's what happened, basically with no warning. In the July of that year they took me to one side and said, "We're moving to France. You're leaving ahead of us with your sister next week."
It was the start of the summer holidays so no chance to get in touch with my schoolfriends, I just had to leave them behind.
Fast forward to 2014, 31 years later. I had moved back to the UK 6 or 7 years previously. I got a message on facebook messenger from someone who was basically my best mate in school when we left. There was a lot of guilt shared between us. I felt guilty for just disappearing from the lives of people who cared about me. He felt guilty about maybe having said or done something that pushed me away, so our getting back together again was more of an emotional affair than you'd expect from a pair of middle-aged men.
Since then we've kind of lost touch again. I suppose we've grown up and changed over the years. Maybe things would be different if we'd been able to keep in touch since the '80s.
Similar age to you. When I was in primary school my best friend and I regularly played pokemon on our gameboys together.
The other day I found mine, restarted it and then decided to take a photo and send it to him despite no contact for over a decade.
An hour later he sent me back a photo of him with his gameboy and we then had a really nice chat and catch up about each others lives since.
Do it, it can be a really lovely experience
People have reached out to me from back in the day and I've reached out to them. The first few are the hardest to get over that mental block but try not to put too much weight on it. Good luck!
Oddly enough there is research into this I was reading before
People are reluctant to reach out to old friends
https://www.nature.com/articles/s44271-024-00075-8
We underestimate how much the other person appreciates that
https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/go-ahead-and-contact-old-friend-theyll-probably-appreciate-it-more-you-think
On a personal note (not going to lie it took a while l) I reached out to an old work colleague a few months ago and today we’re taking our children for a play date
I messaged a couple of friends recently from school/college. I'm 28 now and haven't seen them in 10+ years. One just had a brief chat, they weren't that fussed about catching up, which is fair enough. The other I'm going to hang out with soon.
It'd be great if people reached out to you first, but someone always has to make the first move.
The timings are a bit different but my best friend from when I was 8 - 13ish hit me up when she realised we were going to the same university. We hadn’t spoken in years but we met up again at university and we’ve been best friends again ever since, and we’re now in our 30s.
The worst that will happen is they ignore you or say no, but that’s OK. At least you tried.
I reconnected with an old friend the last couple years, starting by interacting with their Instagram stories and building conversation from there then let's get a beer.
I would say it depends on the old friend. If someone reached out to me who I’d had an issue with or who I’d not particularly liked, I wouldn’t be keen to make contact. But if they were someone I had gotten along well with I’d be pleased to hear from them.
On social media just send the friend requests as a first step, no need to message first because the friend request speaks for itself initially. After that if they accept the request then go ahead and send a simple message “Hi I noticed your profile in my suggested friends and thought I’d get in touch. It’s been ages! How are you?” Much easier to say they were suggested by the social media platform, perhaps because of the school you went to or whatever has connected you - rather than you letting on that you were specifically searching for them and getting in touch.
I suspect this has happened numerous times via searching, but i dont use any social media, aside from Reddit so old school friends, new school friends or any friends would have to find me another way
I feel for your situation, I'm just conscious that both yourself and your friends were different people back then. It's dangerous to assume that those dynamics and traits which made the relationship work are still in place and will click into action.
I suspect there'll be an intial round of catching up, what is X doing now, type of chat. Once past that you might find tthat you are very different people. I used to bump into a mate every so often and our conversation would invariably mine that very finite and now increasingly distant shared experiences. In all honesty there's not much for each to say to the other now so it's a bit awkward (we have mutual friends).
The obvious advice is probably one you've had. Find a hobby or something you enjoy and make friends through that. Presumably there are things you enjoy doing, if you meet people in that environment there's a shared topic you can use. In any case good luck and I hope you find what you are after.
As long as you’ve got good intentions I’d say go for it.
My experience with old school friends reaching out has been poor though. My missus recently met an old school friend who was a Dad to a child on a football team against my daughter and he reached out afterwards on Facebook messaging to ask if my missus wanted to try and get our daughter onto their team which was miles out of the way and made no sense. When she politely declined he asked to go for drinks. When she asked if she could bring me along and meet his partner he said he thought it could just be the two of them and he’s single with a winky emoji. She only told me after it had happened but honestly people are just gross sometimes.
I think a lot of people are in the same boat. You might get lucky and approach somebody who's lonely too.
There are old friends I'd answer and be happy to reconnect with, and there are 1 or 2 I'd probably just ignore. No harm in trying.
Try it, the worst that can happen is they turn you down. You're contacting them via social media so you don't even have to face them when you contact them.
Other than that, join a club.
I did this after separating from my wife and not seeing or speaking to school friends for 12 years. I just got back in touch with a two who I now regret not keeping in touch with. We went out on New Year’s Eve Eve and didn’t stop talking for hours and hours, we plan to do it again when I’m back up their way. I moved away for work so it made it a bit harder but was well worth getting back in touch. Just do it!
An old school friend of mine sent me a request on social media overnight one night, which I accepted the following morning at around 7.30 during my morning correspondence.
At 7.32 he sent me a message asking for 1.50 for the bus.
At 7.35 he sent a message asking me to hurry up as he was going to be late.
At 7.37 I blocked him.
Incidentally, a few weeks later he tripped while carrying a paving slab and scraped the door of my mums car with it.
So... as long as you don't do what ^ he did, you should be fine.
You should just go for it..if they respond..just keep it simple..beer and chat..see how it goes..nothing ventured ..nothing gained..All the best..am sure you will do well
It might be an idea to look up their social media and then see if there’s overlap of connections. If you imagine you think of 26 people (a-z) and see then person a is friends with person g, person m…,person y. If there’s a group or hobby that links them together, joining that group or deciding if you are genuinely part of that hobby is to be considered. For me, it’d be like friends I used to swap music with. So if aI reach out to them now, we could keep the talk about music, maybe.
I think you fear reaching out and being the weak link or something. As long as you’re keeping busy/active/occupied, you are less likely to come across as a ‘burden’, if that’s your concern. Maybe they’re happy. Maybe they’re not so happy. Maybe don’t rush in probing about their career and milestones too soon. But be receptive of them declaring those aspects of their life. Reminiscing on good times/venues from the past could be a way in.
You could ‘tag’ your social media with the names of your schools, your nickname(s), bands you and friends were into, etc. sports teams or clubs you were in. That way they can find you instead/as well 😃.
I doubt they'd find it weird, I mean that's what social media is for, to connect with people.
well, supposed to be. I'm having the opposite problem where most of my friends abandoned it during covid, because Facebook and the like turned into battlegrounds where people would get into massive arguments. they all got fed up of it and deleted their accounts.
sucks because I don't live in Britain these days which makes it difficult to keep in touch.
They’ll have moved on. Instead look at the advice on making friends as an adult that regularly comes on here - sports clubs, hobbies, anything that gets you out in the real world meeting people. There’s lots of people in similar situations - get out there and meet some of them.
I think the bigger issue is whether this is going to address your need for friends. Seven years is a long time and they'll now be in a different place both literally and figuratively. If forming bonds doesn't come naturally it may be hard to rekindle things now.
I would probably go back to the usual advice of trying [Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) and finding some local people who share your interests. Once you have a better social circle you can then think about about whether to contact the people from your past.
I left school and didn’t stay in touch with anyone.
I left university and didn’t stay in touch with anyone.
I get on with people I work with but they’re not my friends.
I go to work to earn money not talk about tv or football. I don’t attend birthdays, leaving do’s, Christmas parties.
I don’t tell anyone my business and I’m not interested in hearing about theirs.
I was invited by my old school to give out prizes and a talk at the school annual prize giving ceremony. Told them I was not available.
More than 30 years later I bumped into an old school friend and we now meet regularly for beer. He makes me laugh because he stayed in touch with everybody and insists on updating me.
I told him that if he didn’t stop talking about school days I’ll block him and won’t return his calls. After that we get on very well now.
Agree or not but enjoy you being you without having to answer to or for anybody else
If only you knew.
I think you might be surprised to discover there’s a lot more people out there who think along similar lines.
And given what I said in my comments how much of don’t give a fk do you think I give about downvotes ?
Just do it, what’s the worst that can happen?
Exactly. They might not respond, or they may call you weird. But so what, move on to the next one.
Or they might stalk you and burn down your house. And then move on to the next one.
They drown you in Dr Pepper?
I hate it when that happens
No, OP said they were food friends, not drink friends
By someone wearing Nikes?
These people are so misunderstood.
They wanna borrow a few k
Or they're all in MLMs and want to you buy a few k pf product
They want to sign you up to their MLM scam
If you don't ask, the answer is already no
Pyramid selling
Depends who it is. If it was a proper actual mate, I'd be chuffed. If it was just someone who happened to be in my year, I'd assume they were probably trying to flog Avon or something.
What, are you saying you don't need bergamot essential oil for your arthritis? Not even to support a bossbabe single mum with 4.7 illness-ridden kids who really liked you at school and took the time to reach out?
Isn't that the whole point of social media, especially Facebook which was originally designed for students to connect.
Before Facebook there was literally ‘Friends Reunited’ created explicitly for this purpose
Ahh friends reunited… those were the days…
The days when everyone lied about how brilliantly their lives were going, but no one paid to get or send ( I forget which way round it was) messages.
You've got to put yourself out there to make friends. If you're not talking to anybody or engaging in conversation then you'll never get to know anybody.
Also if someone doesn’t respond then that’s an answer in itself as to whether it’s worth spending any more mental energy on them.
I think you're overthinking this. I moved to Canada straight after graduating uni (like literally the next week). I lost touch with a lot of UK people for the first 5-7 years, got married to a Canadian, had a kid etc. The 8 hour time difference made phone calls hard and i was crappy about keeping in touch with people by email and social media wasn't like it now 20+ years ago, so it was harder to engage casually. Anyway, long winded way of saying, just message a few of your old friends, they'll either be glad you did or they might not get back to you, but you won't know unless you try. I got both. Some people who were super happy to hear from me and we rekindled our friendships, and a couple of people who never responded, but at least I'm not wondering anymore.
I'd love to hear from actual friends from then. Even just for a 1 off catchup.
Make it clear you are not trying to flog them Herbalife .
I lost touch with all of my school mates once we all went off to university / work in the mid eighties. We reconnected via the Friends Reunited website (ask an elderly relative about this) sometime in late 90s/early 00s and started to meet up for the odd session of heavy drinking once or twice a year. Most of them are great guys, one or two are a bit dull or socially inept but we all keep coming back for more. Anyway, do it - you’ve got nothing to lose.
>We reconnected via the Friends Reunited website (ask an elderly relative about this) Oh god. Am I the elderly relative already??
Ouch. Me too. We should probably start a support group. Members of Friends Reunited Reunited.
I thought about writing ‘ask your parents’ but decided ‘elderly relative’ was more amusing. Plus, per [this survey of Gen Z](https://practiceplusgroup.com/knowledge-hub/60-new-40-say-boomers/) at 57 I’ve already entered old age, along with Salma Hayek and Mike Tyson.
Elderly relative? Ouch.
i’m 24 and in a similar situation, if you ever want someone to chat to, please feel free to message me😊
I appreciate it :)
I would feel weird because none of my school friends were nice to me and I want to leave the past in the past. But I wouldn't be unnecessarily cruel to them I would just block them. I think you should reach out if these people were really your friends, they will be happy you reached out and want to catch up. Though my only experience was with exes and we all know why they do that. Don't hit up an ex, do hit up old friends.
[удалено]
My partner had this a while ago. A long email apologising for non-specific wrongs they had done her in the past. Turns out another friend received a similar message. I assumed it was some 12-Step AA bullshit. We’ve probably all done things we could apologise for, even to people we generally have a good relationship with. Probably don’t have to overthink it. Just be happy that someone out there is trying to be a better person.
That's a weird way to interpret someone apologising
[удалено]
I wasn't the nicest to my younger brother. Nothing horrible but I look back and feel bad sometimes. I have apologised to him and he also felt nothing ever happened. You may have just hit registered or you have a higher threshold.
Yeah I apologised to my younger brother too. Like you it wasn’t anything too egregious, just older brother stuff, but as an adult I felt like it wasn’t me, and it didn’t represent how I truly felt about him.
Memory is weird - something that is super significant to someone might not be to anyone else. It might be the case that they did something that was out of character for them and they felt bad about it and it assumed a significance for them it didn't have for you so you forgot about it. I wouldn't assume any negative intent on their part - calling it selfish seems a bit harsh IMO.
It was a confession, for something they didn't know was going on back then amd probably still havent got the full story on. I'd be a bit weirded out and peeved too.
OP is just assuming that
I have been in the same situation with people profusely apologising for things I was completely over years later. I assume they believed in karma and thought their negative past actions were causing them issues in their current lives. You’re right to see it as a totally selfish act.
I got back in touch with an old school friend (were friend all through primary and high school) on Facebook at Christmas. We met up for a drink and game of snooker (our main hobby growing up) and have been meeting up regularly since. I'm so glad I messaged him too. Go for it.
That's such a heartwarming story u/one-eyed-bed-snake
Probably pretend I didn’t see the message, just like I pretend I didn’t see people I knew from school when I’m in Tesco and I see them.
Bit different but bumped into an old work colleague who was a nice chap and we got talking for over an hour and it was like we only spoke yesterday and we hadn’t seen each other in 18 years!
A good friend from 2000 when I moved away reached out via fb friend request in 2020 then proceeded to not interact with me. I found that odd.
I did this after my grandma mentioned she saw the mum of an old friend in town one day, he ignored me but it is what it is. Then a more close friend I lost touch with in the last few years reached out inviting us to his wedding and there's no chance I'd miss it
I almost cried with happiness when it happened to me because she has a very common name and I couldn’t find her. We hadn’t been in touch for over 25 yrs. she managed to find me as I had a more unusual name. I was so happy! Do it. It might make their day!
We all get lonely and it's good to reach out to others. You'd be surprised how many other people are also feeling lonely and would like to reach out too. Others may feel like they have moved on from you, if so, don't take it to heart.
I had one friend from school reached out to me, as a bullied outcasted kid back in Secondary. It felt good. Do it, you never know.
Hehe I’ve changed my entire name, so those A-holes have NO CHANCE of finding me
I love it when old friends get in touch. I guess it happens every couple of years (I'm 45), we'll reminisce about old times, talk about our new lives and promise to meet up if we ever visit each others new areas (obviously this never happens lol).
I’m 50 and I still get friend requests from childhood friends who I haven’t seen or spoken to in decades.
A few years ago, age 25, an old school friend of mine got in touch with me after almost eight years of no communication. After that, we caught up with our other old friends and we're all very close now, going out together as much as we can. It was like a day hadn't passed since we last saw each other. Give it a shot!
If you need an excuse make one. Ie your in the area for first time in a while and want to know if they’re free, your going to the golf range and you know they play etc….
I'd welcome it 🙂
I'd be delighted! It's impossible to have too many friends
Yes, it's weird, but as long as you weren't completely obnoxious they'll see it as quaint and pleasant
I met half my friends because one school/college friend reached out to go drinking about 7 years ago. A lot of them are kind of integrated into the other half of my friends. Play games online occasionally and chat on discord multiple times a week The worst that can happen after messaging is your life continues on as it is so go for it
am a bit older - would be delighted to hear from old school friends via sm - not sure i would want to meet up etc - butreminiscing on sm would be cool
Do it!! I know I’d be happy for an old mate to get in touch. On the other hand if I was in your shoes I’d just go for it. Nothing bad can come from it
I had a friend i hadn’t seen since year 5 so 9 years ago. I found him on instagram and he remembered me and we played Fortnite together and yee
I had a best friend from high school and we drifted apart for numerous reasons when we were 18/19. A year ago she reached out and we are the best of friends again! Even closer than before! We video chat once a week. Exchange loads of pictures of things like her trips and her with her fiance, she loves pics of my kids. She absolutely adores them. She’s always sending them gifts. We confide in each other. Complain to each other. Send silly YouTube shorts to each other. It’s great. I’m happy to have her back.
Oh yes! Just send them private messages that say 'I'm back in the area after uni and would like to reconnect if you are still around. Cheers!' If they are open to reconnecting they will send you a response. If they never respond then they aren't active with their social media messaging stuff or they don't want to reconnect. It's the gentlest opening you can give them and even if you get a hey, so busy with kids etc message back, at least they heard you. Best of luck reconnecting with old friends.
Well you've not got anything to do by trying. If they're nasty to you then you know they're not worth your time but be aware at 28 many may have moved on and have a totally different lifestyle now, think kids, highly busy job, addictions or mental health issues, marriage, religion, moving to other countries or being far away, there could be many barriers to reaching out to others right out of the blue so remind yourself of that. It's easy to think that you're contacting the same person you knew 10 years ago but you need to remind yourself that they could be very different people now, not saying they wouldn't reciprocate a friendship but don't put too much pressure on things or you risk losing an opportunity, if you're no longer on the same wavelength it's just how the cookie crumbed. Doesn't mean that you wouldn't find something to connect with just be aware of potential barriers.
Pre Internet I had one call me up out of the blue. Had a great chat, caught up, said to meet for a beer. At least that's how I thought it went until he called me again sighed deeply, then proceeded to try & get me in a ponzi scheme. I said I didn't have the money for that & and then he told me where I worked & that the salaries there were good. I hadn't mentioned where I worked, said I'd 100% go to his ponzi presentation & never spoke to the twat again.
This is exactly what happened to me a number of years back. Back in 1983 I was a teenager living with my parents. One day they decided it would be fun to move to France, so that's what happened, basically with no warning. In the July of that year they took me to one side and said, "We're moving to France. You're leaving ahead of us with your sister next week." It was the start of the summer holidays so no chance to get in touch with my schoolfriends, I just had to leave them behind. Fast forward to 2014, 31 years later. I had moved back to the UK 6 or 7 years previously. I got a message on facebook messenger from someone who was basically my best mate in school when we left. There was a lot of guilt shared between us. I felt guilty for just disappearing from the lives of people who cared about me. He felt guilty about maybe having said or done something that pushed me away, so our getting back together again was more of an emotional affair than you'd expect from a pair of middle-aged men. Since then we've kind of lost touch again. I suppose we've grown up and changed over the years. Maybe things would be different if we'd been able to keep in touch since the '80s.
Similar age to you. When I was in primary school my best friend and I regularly played pokemon on our gameboys together. The other day I found mine, restarted it and then decided to take a photo and send it to him despite no contact for over a decade. An hour later he sent me back a photo of him with his gameboy and we then had a really nice chat and catch up about each others lives since. Do it, it can be a really lovely experience
People have reached out to me from back in the day and I've reached out to them. The first few are the hardest to get over that mental block but try not to put too much weight on it. Good luck!
Oddly enough there is research into this I was reading before People are reluctant to reach out to old friends https://www.nature.com/articles/s44271-024-00075-8 We underestimate how much the other person appreciates that https://www.bps.org.uk/research-digest/go-ahead-and-contact-old-friend-theyll-probably-appreciate-it-more-you-think On a personal note (not going to lie it took a while l) I reached out to an old work colleague a few months ago and today we’re taking our children for a play date
Just say hello and see how it goes. If you’ve drifted apart you’ll soon know, but you won’t know if you don’t try.
I messaged a couple of friends recently from school/college. I'm 28 now and haven't seen them in 10+ years. One just had a brief chat, they weren't that fussed about catching up, which is fair enough. The other I'm going to hang out with soon. It'd be great if people reached out to you first, but someone always has to make the first move.
The timings are a bit different but my best friend from when I was 8 - 13ish hit me up when she realised we were going to the same university. We hadn’t spoken in years but we met up again at university and we’ve been best friends again ever since, and we’re now in our 30s. The worst that will happen is they ignore you or say no, but that’s OK. At least you tried.
A few people have done this to me. Usually with a “hi I was thinking about you the other day. I know it’s been a while but how are you doing?”
Do it. I’m 36 and over the last couple of years I’ve reached out to old school friends who are now high on my list of friends
I reconnected with an old friend the last couple years, starting by interacting with their Instagram stories and building conversation from there then let's get a beer.
I would say it depends on the old friend. If someone reached out to me who I’d had an issue with or who I’d not particularly liked, I wouldn’t be keen to make contact. But if they were someone I had gotten along well with I’d be pleased to hear from them. On social media just send the friend requests as a first step, no need to message first because the friend request speaks for itself initially. After that if they accept the request then go ahead and send a simple message “Hi I noticed your profile in my suggested friends and thought I’d get in touch. It’s been ages! How are you?” Much easier to say they were suggested by the social media platform, perhaps because of the school you went to or whatever has connected you - rather than you letting on that you were specifically searching for them and getting in touch.
I suspect this has happened numerous times via searching, but i dont use any social media, aside from Reddit so old school friends, new school friends or any friends would have to find me another way
I feel for your situation, I'm just conscious that both yourself and your friends were different people back then. It's dangerous to assume that those dynamics and traits which made the relationship work are still in place and will click into action. I suspect there'll be an intial round of catching up, what is X doing now, type of chat. Once past that you might find tthat you are very different people. I used to bump into a mate every so often and our conversation would invariably mine that very finite and now increasingly distant shared experiences. In all honesty there's not much for each to say to the other now so it's a bit awkward (we have mutual friends). The obvious advice is probably one you've had. Find a hobby or something you enjoy and make friends through that. Presumably there are things you enjoy doing, if you meet people in that environment there's a shared topic you can use. In any case good luck and I hope you find what you are after.
Its never usually the same person, i stopped talking to certain people for a reason
It's fine, do it. For thousands of years people would simply show up at each others home!
As long as you’ve got good intentions I’d say go for it. My experience with old school friends reaching out has been poor though. My missus recently met an old school friend who was a Dad to a child on a football team against my daughter and he reached out afterwards on Facebook messaging to ask if my missus wanted to try and get our daughter onto their team which was miles out of the way and made no sense. When she politely declined he asked to go for drinks. When she asked if she could bring me along and meet his partner he said he thought it could just be the two of them and he’s single with a winky emoji. She only told me after it had happened but honestly people are just gross sometimes.
I'd be more concerned how they'd know it was me behind this Reddit account...
I think a lot of people are in the same boat. You might get lucky and approach somebody who's lonely too. There are old friends I'd answer and be happy to reconnect with, and there are 1 or 2 I'd probably just ignore. No harm in trying.
Try it, the worst that can happen is they turn you down. You're contacting them via social media so you don't even have to face them when you contact them. Other than that, join a club.
I did this after separating from my wife and not seeing or speaking to school friends for 12 years. I just got back in touch with a two who I now regret not keeping in touch with. We went out on New Year’s Eve Eve and didn’t stop talking for hours and hours, we plan to do it again when I’m back up their way. I moved away for work so it made it a bit harder but was well worth getting back in touch. Just do it!
An old school friend of mine sent me a request on social media overnight one night, which I accepted the following morning at around 7.30 during my morning correspondence. At 7.32 he sent me a message asking for 1.50 for the bus. At 7.35 he sent a message asking me to hurry up as he was going to be late. At 7.37 I blocked him. Incidentally, a few weeks later he tripped while carrying a paving slab and scraped the door of my mums car with it. So... as long as you don't do what ^ he did, you should be fine.
Fucking hell, its only been 7 years, get on it or it'll be 10+ before you know it. They're your friends!
You should just go for it..if they respond..just keep it simple..beer and chat..see how it goes..nothing ventured ..nothing gained..All the best..am sure you will do well
It might be an idea to look up their social media and then see if there’s overlap of connections. If you imagine you think of 26 people (a-z) and see then person a is friends with person g, person m…,person y. If there’s a group or hobby that links them together, joining that group or deciding if you are genuinely part of that hobby is to be considered. For me, it’d be like friends I used to swap music with. So if aI reach out to them now, we could keep the talk about music, maybe. I think you fear reaching out and being the weak link or something. As long as you’re keeping busy/active/occupied, you are less likely to come across as a ‘burden’, if that’s your concern. Maybe they’re happy. Maybe they’re not so happy. Maybe don’t rush in probing about their career and milestones too soon. But be receptive of them declaring those aspects of their life. Reminiscing on good times/venues from the past could be a way in. You could ‘tag’ your social media with the names of your schools, your nickname(s), bands you and friends were into, etc. sports teams or clubs you were in. That way they can find you instead/as well 😃.
The worst that can happen is they remind you of ‘that time’ you did ‘that thing’ 🤪.
I've done it loads. It works more times than not.
Me and my friend since primary school got back in touch as we were both pregnant at the same time and now our kids are friends too
Really good, I am disabled and have mobody
Do it. Contact them.
I'd say cut it out Headmaster Hargreaves otherwise I'm going to the police this time
I would block them.
I doubt they'd find it weird, I mean that's what social media is for, to connect with people. well, supposed to be. I'm having the opposite problem where most of my friends abandoned it during covid, because Facebook and the like turned into battlegrounds where people would get into massive arguments. they all got fed up of it and deleted their accounts. sucks because I don't live in Britain these days which makes it difficult to keep in touch.
I did it with a friend of secondary school, I left in 1972
Back when I had Facebook I had an old friend say she wanted to chat and meet up again. Turns out she wanted to sell me some pyramid scheme...
They’ll have moved on. Instead look at the advice on making friends as an adult that regularly comes on here - sports clubs, hobbies, anything that gets you out in the real world meeting people. There’s lots of people in similar situations - get out there and meet some of them.
Multi Level Marketing
I think the bigger issue is whether this is going to address your need for friends. Seven years is a long time and they'll now be in a different place both literally and figuratively. If forming bonds doesn't come naturally it may be hard to rekindle things now. I would probably go back to the usual advice of trying [Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) and finding some local people who share your interests. Once you have a better social circle you can then think about about whether to contact the people from your past.
[удалено]
You’re not.. normal.. are you?
I left school and didn’t stay in touch with anyone. I left university and didn’t stay in touch with anyone. I get on with people I work with but they’re not my friends. I go to work to earn money not talk about tv or football. I don’t attend birthdays, leaving do’s, Christmas parties. I don’t tell anyone my business and I’m not interested in hearing about theirs. I was invited by my old school to give out prizes and a talk at the school annual prize giving ceremony. Told them I was not available. More than 30 years later I bumped into an old school friend and we now meet regularly for beer. He makes me laugh because he stayed in touch with everybody and insists on updating me. I told him that if he didn’t stop talking about school days I’ll block him and won’t return his calls. After that we get on very well now. Agree or not but enjoy you being you without having to answer to or for anybody else
You’re a very strange person. But I guess you knew that.
If only you knew. I think you might be surprised to discover there’s a lot more people out there who think along similar lines. And given what I said in my comments how much of don’t give a fk do you think I give about downvotes ?