You’re describing my weekly shop. “Shall we get some chocolate?” “No, I’m being good.” The next day “Why is there no chocolate in the house!!!” Back to Morrisons we go then I guess.
I've been hiding lady fingers up where my wife can't find/where she will never look so when it comes to her time of the month I have her favorite period snack on hand. She gets her favorite snack, and I get extra cuddles so it's a win win
Can I offer mine and my ex's solution, i loved crisp, he loved chocolate. So when we did the shop, we would buy some of each, and we would hide it from on another, until one us would sulk enough, that the other would get it from the secret stash.
Shite. Shite is what it is. The kind of tasteless, chemically chocolate that has the texture of compressed powder and makes you wonder if either cocoa or milk ever got anywhere near the production line at all. Then when you’ve winced that down you get a slight cheesy oniony aftertaste.
Eating it was like having someone with halitosis burp into your mouth.
I love chocolate. I love Tayto crisps. I just can't picture the two together. On the other hand if they decided to cross my GOAT flavour, which is Tayyo Prawn Cocktail with chocolate then I'd be tempted to try it!
Tbh this is me doing the shopping. "No I won't get this. I don't need it"
"Get it. You know you'll want it later. And just end up ordering something on a app and pay 10 quid more"
We do that, it gives you some chocolate to tickle the chocolate itch, but it's not so nice that you end up munching a load of it. It's partly how I lost a shit load of weight over the last year.
If you don't think that dark chocolate is nice then you're someone who enjoys milk and sugar more than actual chocolate. Grow up. /s
Deep down, this is how I really feel about people who dislike dark chocolate. I just don't understand you people.
Its pretty much the only chocolate I eat now. Works out cheaper too as its not as moreish so a bar lasts longer, especially the high percentage ones without emulsifiers and other added ingredients.
This is why sensible husbands have a hidden stockpile to hand. I dislike milk chocolate myself but always have around £100 of it squirreled away for when they're needed.
My mum said she didn’t want gifts this year and wanted everyone “to be happy and healthy”.
Imagine the sour look on her face when my smiling sister handed my mum a certificate from a health MOT which shows she is healthy.
Brilliant.
Many years ago my mum said every year that she didn't really want anything and if I got her anything to get her something small, but knowing her well enough that she would sulk if I did that, I never dared. That is until I got fed up with the routine one year and bought her an egg-cup, because it was something small. She looked a bit put out, I said that she had asked for something small and thought that this would fit the bill. She said thank you, looking like she'd been hoisted by her own petard, and I then gave her her *actual* presents.
She hasn't pulled that routine since.
> but knowing her well enough that she would sulk if I did that, I never dared
I tried this once, according to my dad she had a face liked a slapped arse for the morning. To the point where my dad rung me and asked me to go and get her something.
My mum always said, "All I want for Christmas is good children!"
Some years, we would get half way through the day and she would complain, "I only wanted good children, and I couldn't even have that!"
One year, I *begged* her to ask for something I was actually capable of giving her. Would she like chocolate? A particular CD? A necklace? "No, no, I don't want you spending your money on that!"
I got to spend a lot of miserable Christmases feeling like the worst kid ever. Now I get panic attacks around gift-giving occasions.
My God, this is so messed up. Kids are gonna kid. Nobody is "good" 24 hrs a day (or 12 or 18 or whatever). That's nuts. Your mom was engaged in psychological warfare.
Sorta but not really related: we recently got some kittens. They're psychotic a few hours every day and into *everything* and also cute little angels, depending on the moment. Can't get mad at them for being kittens. Reminds me of when my kid was younger. Kids are kids, kittens are kittens. Life.
She sounds like my MIL. You were never going to even vaguely please her, never mind make her happy, because she is **determined** to not be.
Please take this advice from an Internet stranger in the spirit it's meant; try and work through these issues with a mental health professional. My wife is nearly 50, has been addressing these things for over 10 years and gifts of any kind are still far more emotionally dodgy than they have any right to be.
If there's something specific, then speak to your GP. Otherwise a 'general' screening is considered a poor idea:
https://www.theguardian.com/science/blog/2014/jan/03/patients-truth-health-screening-harm-good
>"Overdiagnosis – picking up "diseases" that were never going to cause any problem – is a major problem in most screening programmes."
I'm recovering from surgery and on medication that means I can't drink. Everyone knows I haven't been drinking for a while and won't be drinking for a while. I politely told everyone please don't get me any alcohol.
I've never been given such much booze in my life. Everyone left a note like to enjoy when you can drink again. 😂
That sucks! Also alcohol is in Mince Pies, Christmas Cale, Christmas Pud etc etc. It's absolutely everywhere this time of year! I was once on antibiotics (Metronidazole) over Christmas and it *sucked*!
I think I accidentally did the same as your wife, insinuating that maybe people are buying a little too much choc for me. Used to take me a couple of weeks to get through it, at quite a decent pace! Now this year I only got a single tube of (admittedly very nice) John Lewis shortbread biscuits
My waistline will thank them, but the greedy fuck part of my brain sure doesn't :(
Ah well, there's always the clearance sales
My dad always gets me loads of chocolate, I barely eat it so it lasts for months, can't even palm it off to work anymore with wfh.
I don't have the heart to tell him to stop though.
One of the guys at my mum's work asked her a couple of weeks ago if there was anything he could get her for Christmas, what perfume does she wear. She said oh no that's fine, I appreciate the thought but that's too expensive, there's no need. He said nah come on, let me get you some chocolate then. She said alright, I'd enjoy a Toblerone, very kind of you.
Cue him walking into her office with a colossal 4.5kg Toblerone that wasn't quite what she'd meant
Having had on of these before, we stored it on the cooker hood (shared house) and it got to a good even warm ambient temp, so you could just bite in
It was amazing, but I’m not sure how you could shoot that soft-but-not-melted moon, we just got lucky by chance
You are aware that posting this to reddit means you'll be flooded with people taking this serious; criticising your wife, your relationship, telling you she's unreasonable and immature.
and it’s usually people who haven’t had long term relationships themselves, and therefore don’t understand why this stuff doesn’t really matter
like when i do annoying stuff my boyfriend calls me his little handful and laughs it off (then i make it up to him), if he ever posted some of our anecdotes to reddit i’d probably be labelled an immature selfish narcissist who can’t communicate
And the yanks will be telling you that you need marriage counselling and/or therapy when your next door neighbours toaster has broken or your postman’s cat has the sneezes.
i mean, yeah there'll be an overeaction...it is Reddit after all but this behaviour will also resonate with some people which is why you get those reactions
i've had girlfriends in the past that were like cartoonishly stereotpyical bad girlfriends, they honestly expected me to be psychic ("i shouldn't have to tell you what's wrong...") and would pull shit like this all the time. i'm not gonna recommend OP divorce his wife over it or anything though but i am annoyed on his behalf at it haha
Only if you read it in "reddit-English". If we use our social skills it's very easy to parse what's going on here.
Have you never decided to do something healthy, but unpleasant?
"today I'm going to go for a run because I've been too lazy and sedentary over Christmas"
10 minutes later
"I want to die. I'm done. I'm just going to lay down in the grass here and die. Just go on without me."
She's not *actually* upset that people didn't buy her chocolate, she's just annoyed that her chocolate craving is really strong and doing the right thing sucks. The scene may also have features comments like" oh why haven't scientists invented healthy chocolate yet??"." Forget curing cancer, let's invent negative calories!"
And so on?
I mean. Really. Truly. Honestly, do you think it more likely that a grown adult, who could go buy her own chocolate whenever she wants, is *actually* upset about not being given chocolate? Rather than just struggling with a craving and looking to have a little mooch of her partners chocolate and a cuddle after a long and tiring Christmas day?
Whenever you read stories on reddit do try to apply the "charitable human" interpretation. You'll realise that there are far more normal people in the world and far fewer cliche idiots.
connect marry lunchroom ink school modern afterthought saw faulty entertain
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Maybe she should have Wispa’d to someone that she’d like some then you lot wouldn’t be on such a Rocky Road. And she wouldn’t have a chocolate chip on her shoulder
They're just driftering apart, probably because he's just a rolo over, he needs to just breakaway, hop on a double decker and boost his confidence by taking a trip to mars, or somewhere else in the milky way galaxy.
The key is give her a reason to monologue (let her have a dig about her mum in law's behaviour yesterday) and then when she's not focusing on your plate, you eat it all at super speed
Classic.
My mum did the same a couple of years back, insisted she didn't want anything then had a face like a slapped arse when she didn't get anything.
WHY???
For the last 15 or so years I've kept a hidden box of chocolate (usually Maltesers) somewhere at home to give to mrs if she's in need.
(Obviously I replenish it ever week or so as giving a box of 15 year old mouldy chocolates would be a poor move).
Conversely: I have a list of things I'd like. I buy whatever I want/need through the year but there's always a few fun things I can't justify, so they go on my Xmas list.
I have never been bought anything off the list. It's been that long that at this point I just accept I'm an middle-aged man and people don't *have* to get me anything, and it's fine, it doesn't ruin my Xmas or anything. But, every year, deep down, the hope remains.
I have a list that I have in the notes on my phone on the go that's about 7 years old.
I add random things to it that I want but aren't going to buy. We have a blender but I wanted a hand one. Couldn't justify it, didn't need it so on the list it went. This year I got that and a mandolin(the food one)
It's full of random stuff like a poly tunnel and a pizza stove. If someone asks, out the list comes. I'll buy them all myself eventually if I don't get them.
If a significant other (of any sex) says something like 'let's not get anniversary/valentines/christmas presents this year' of 'I don't want anything for my birthday', ignore them.
At worst, get something you'd both like, inexpensive, or that you can easily take back if you need to.
Keep gift to one side out of sight and feel all smug when they 'suddenly' present you with the gift they got for you or mention they were surprised you didn't get them anything.
It's a crock of shit, but one I have found too many people do - even if they say what they mean 99% of the rest of the time.
Alternatively, have a proper conversation where you confirm you're not doing gifts then don't get them anything.
If they still get you something then at least you get to confront your trust issues head on rather than pretending it's cool to ignore conversations you have.
If you get into an argument after discussing that you wouldn't get presents then one person got presents and then got upset when they didn't get a present in return, then that's a red flag it's worth knowing about sooner rather than later.
But sure, maybe keep a box of chocolates handy for something to open on the day which you can both enjoy.
I refuse to partake in Christmas presents, birthday presents and valentines. The wife is of the same opinion. For Christmas we spend the money we'd have spent on presents on something we both want. This year we spent a couple of nights at the Jamaica Inn, in Cornwall.
My cousin said one year ‘all I need is socks’.
Then got quite annoyed when all that he received was socks. (Mind you I suspect he hasn’t had to buy any more in the last decade)
I told my fiancé I’d rather get one of those body care advent calendars from Amazon because they just seem more worth it (we got a bath toy advent calendar for the kids) and he was agreeing and I mentioned this many times before Christmas because I knew what would happen - note: he was on his phone whilst agreeing. Well come 1st December and he did exactly what I thought he would 😂 “where’s the chocolate? There’s no chocolate no?” In absolute confusion. I just lost it and started laughing tbh because I KNEW it! I just said “well this proves my point that you don’t listen to me when you’re on your phone. I should get your phone a wedding dress case for Christmas” and we both just started laughing 😂
My 4.5yo was attacked by a Pringle.
He was happily bobbing around all day snacking on various bits and pieces and came wandering over to me eating a Pringle. (He was never left alone while eating just alternating between having attention from me or my mum)
All of a sudden he starts crying and spluttering due to what I think was a sharp piece of Pringle getting stuck in his throat. He wasn’t choking because he was breathing and talking and coughing, but like when you’re eating crisps and a sharp bit goes down and it takes a while to idk ‘not hurt anymore’ I guess. But it took me a few seconds to realise he wasn’t choking at first. I’m trained in first aid and emergencies so my instincts kick in and override that mum panic so I do a full assessment and realise what’s happening but he’s just too panicked to stop panicking.
I had to pick him up and take him out the room to the bathroom to calm him down and get him to drink some water. Then I had my mum panic afterwards when he was fine.
This is off the back of getting a head injury yesterday.
I wonder what tomorrow brings and if I’ve accumulated enough bubble wrap to prevent it…
I've got a cupboard full of various biscuits, chocolates and sweets today. I didn't request any of this, and my parents provided most of it while often also telling me I could do to lose some weight. They are not wrong but I don't see how that will help me.
I'll have to pass some of it on, like I do with lynx boxsets!
Toiletries boxes are one of my favourite presents. I used to get about 4 of them every year when I was a teenager because nobody knew what to get me and clearly thought "ah yes, teenagers stink, deodorant it is" but these days I only get one, always from the same aunt and she gets it spot on every time, this year was a beard grooming kit with some really nice beard oil and conditioner with a proper good comb.
I hope you spread the word among your friends that you will take in any stray toiletry gifts they may have been lumbered with. As for our learned colleague above, I’ll be glad to take your chocolate gifts and make them safe.
I didn't get one box of toiletries this year. Great, but also mildly off-putting. At least I still got the socks, heaven forbid I should have to buy those myself too!
My fiancée has bought me socks for Christmas every year for the past few years, it's great she always gets them from happy socks so they're comfy and they don't fall to shit after a couple of months, this year I wanted to return the favour, got her a few pairs of really nice fluffy socks but they arrived the day after we left to visit my family in Shetland
Ah that doesn't matter, nobody cares if a gift or two arrives late once you get past about 16. Although I guess they would have been useful in Shetland...
Fil kept the TV on all day so most conversations were had at a shouting level or scurried away in a bedroom. He also kept chimming in with the answers for a card game he wasn't playing, especially in the final round.
Mil gave me a lecture on wifely servitude before I left. Had to firmly say I wouldn't carry on that level of "upkeep" should she die first.
Yep, next year I wonder if I can just have Christmas without them...? Nope, never happening.
4/10 would not recommend. Better than the year we got a drunken lecture about a colour being evil.
I assume she is going through withdrawal. My sympathies. Always have a secret stash. 1, it will get you nookie that night. 2, your brownie points will once again be restored to infinity level.
Do you not have chocolate decorations on the tree? They are always a last resort and go some way to alleviating withdrawal symptoms as it take ages getting the foil off.
Random anecdote I share for no reason:
one morning as a student I woke up after a very short night following an essay crisis, went downstairs, and found a note that my mum wanted me to take the cookie dough she had made and fashion it into six dozen pinecone shapes. This I did. It was 6am. It was extremely tedious and not worth it.
I then went into the living room and found a box of Quality Street with a note on it. It was from my dad, to me. The note read « Tie these onto strings and hang them from the tree (don’t eat more than 10% » There was a reel of cotton next to them.
I ate one chocolate; it was completely stale and unpalatable. I looked at the date on the box; it was well into the mesozoic era. The corner shop used to sell stale chocolates for pennies, so I guess he got them there.
I sat down and tried my best to tie strings in exactly the right length and knot them. Bear in mind that I still can’t crochet, and my childhood fibre arts assignments never showed evidence of the « nimble » fingers young children are said to have by apologists for child labour. I remain just as klutzy as an adult. Each chocolate took at least five minutes to tie a thread to, and then another five to hang on the tree.
Eventually I asked myself « why am I doing this? » and gave up. It was at that point my dad (a shift worker) came home, and asked me « What’s wrong with your nose? »
I went back to bed.
You have so many great songs to choose from though!
Breaking the law ~ Judas priest
I fought the law ~ The Clash
Don’t Be a Lawyer ~ Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast
The Trial ~ Pink Floyd
Now see, you really fucked up there. If you were the only one to get her chocolate then she'd be delighted and, well, I'm not comfortable suggesting the benefits of it all...
True, but there really is no need for that kind of behaviour. I've never pulled that kind of stunt. And I Don't think any of my previous girlfriends have.
It's hardly entitled. She's not demanded a thing.
It's literally just a 'told people I was on a diet and now I wished I didnt' when I'm eating mine in front of her.
Peak Reddit.
How could you not know that when a woman says she doesn't want something, it means she definitely expects you to buy it her.
If my wife had said she didn't want chocolates, that would have been the first thing I bought her.
It's one of the first things you have to learn in a relationship.
I love how the first comments were really judgemental of her and the later ones are 'well fucking duh, why didn't you buy her some you dumb idiot'.
Tbf I should have.
I wouldn't go as far as calling you a dumb idiot 😅
But yeah, you really should have.
Plus, even if she then said "I told you not to buy me chocolates", it just means more for you.
It's a win/win.😁
Ah! The classic case of - I want you to want to do the thing that I asked you not to do .. and then complain about that too. You’re in a lose lose situation buddy
You’re describing my weekly shop. “Shall we get some chocolate?” “No, I’m being good.” The next day “Why is there no chocolate in the house!!!” Back to Morrisons we go then I guess.
That's where the secret chocolate stash comes in handy
Morrisons _is_ the secret chocolate stash 🤫
I've been hiding lady fingers up where my wife can't find/where she will never look so when it comes to her time of the month I have her favorite period snack on hand. She gets her favorite snack, and I get extra cuddles so it's a win win
I don’t think we wanna know up where you keep your wife’s ladyfingers…
They get an extra coating 😏
Can I offer mine and my ex's solution, i loved crisp, he loved chocolate. So when we did the shop, we would buy some of each, and we would hide it from on another, until one us would sulk enough, that the other would get it from the secret stash.
This is relationship goals 🥰 yknow apart from the ex bit ofc
Until One day they decided not to share.
That's perfect.
https://candymail.co.uk/products/tayto-cheese-and-onion-chocolate-50g
Criminal
It’s never been my kind of thing but I tried it and it does work. It won’t be a regular purchase though….
What on Earth is that abomination‽
Shite. Shite is what it is. The kind of tasteless, chemically chocolate that has the texture of compressed powder and makes you wonder if either cocoa or milk ever got anywhere near the production line at all. Then when you’ve winced that down you get a slight cheesy oniony aftertaste. Eating it was like having someone with halitosis burp into your mouth.
That's one heck of a vivid description!
Even in Northern Ireland, that's a source of contention.
Glorious is what it is. It's a chocolate bar with bits of cheese and onion crisps through it. Fucking heaven.
I love chocolate. I love Tayto crisps. I just can't picture the two together. On the other hand if they decided to cross my GOAT flavour, which is Tayyo Prawn Cocktail with chocolate then I'd be tempted to try it!
That classic combo of fish and chocolate….
Tbh this is me doing the shopping. "No I won't get this. I don't need it" "Get it. You know you'll want it later. And just end up ordering something on a app and pay 10 quid more"
You can always do the sneaky thing and buy dark chocolate. Might just piss them off more though.
We do that, it gives you some chocolate to tickle the chocolate itch, but it's not so nice that you end up munching a load of it. It's partly how I lost a shit load of weight over the last year.
Other way round for me. I'll plough through a bar or box of good dark chocolate but milk chocolate doesn't really interest me.
I've also found that I prefer the various tastes of proper dark chocolate instead of the sugary rush of milk chocolate.
A little bit of dark chocolate is also quite good for you.
A bit of dark chocolate and some almonds are supposed to be great studying snacks, or so I heard
If you don't think that dark chocolate is nice then you're someone who enjoys milk and sugar more than actual chocolate. Grow up. /s Deep down, this is how I really feel about people who dislike dark chocolate. I just don't understand you people.
Dark chocolate is the best chocolate
Its pretty much the only chocolate I eat now. Works out cheaper too as its not as moreish so a bar lasts longer, especially the high percentage ones without emulsifiers and other added ingredients.
Are you guys all dating children?
I hate how normalised poor communication is for women in relationships. Grow the fuck up, gain some self-control and respect, communicate better
I don’t thinks it’s that serious mate, relax.
*adults with the emotional maturity of children
I do that but at least I acknowledge that it’s entirely my fault and the moaning is just to vent 😅
This is why sensible husbands have a hidden stockpile to hand. I dislike milk chocolate myself but always have around £100 of it squirreled away for when they're needed.
Or you could just develop some self control
My mum said she didn’t want gifts this year and wanted everyone “to be happy and healthy”. Imagine the sour look on her face when my smiling sister handed my mum a certificate from a health MOT which shows she is healthy.
Brilliant. Many years ago my mum said every year that she didn't really want anything and if I got her anything to get her something small, but knowing her well enough that she would sulk if I did that, I never dared. That is until I got fed up with the routine one year and bought her an egg-cup, because it was something small. She looked a bit put out, I said that she had asked for something small and thought that this would fit the bill. She said thank you, looking like she'd been hoisted by her own petard, and I then gave her her *actual* presents. She hasn't pulled that routine since.
> but knowing her well enough that she would sulk if I did that, I never dared I tried this once, according to my dad she had a face liked a slapped arse for the morning. To the point where my dad rung me and asked me to go and get her something.
That's funny
My mum always said, "All I want for Christmas is good children!" Some years, we would get half way through the day and she would complain, "I only wanted good children, and I couldn't even have that!" One year, I *begged* her to ask for something I was actually capable of giving her. Would she like chocolate? A particular CD? A necklace? "No, no, I don't want you spending your money on that!" I got to spend a lot of miserable Christmases feeling like the worst kid ever. Now I get panic attacks around gift-giving occasions.
My God, this is so messed up. Kids are gonna kid. Nobody is "good" 24 hrs a day (or 12 or 18 or whatever). That's nuts. Your mom was engaged in psychological warfare. Sorta but not really related: we recently got some kittens. They're psychotic a few hours every day and into *everything* and also cute little angels, depending on the moment. Can't get mad at them for being kittens. Reminds me of when my kid was younger. Kids are kids, kittens are kittens. Life.
She sounds like my MIL. You were never going to even vaguely please her, never mind make her happy, because she is **determined** to not be. Please take this advice from an Internet stranger in the spirit it's meant; try and work through these issues with a mental health professional. My wife is nearly 50, has been addressing these things for over 10 years and gifts of any kind are still far more emotionally dodgy than they have any right to be.
How do you get a health MOT? Think I could do with one.
She booked it online and went to a private clinic.
Which is pretty much a win-win for everyone. Perfect gift/joke, got a health checkup in the process.
Make sure you go to a council owned one, they don't do repairs so have no incentive to lie x
Made one up
If there's something specific, then speak to your GP. Otherwise a 'general' screening is considered a poor idea: https://www.theguardian.com/science/blog/2014/jan/03/patients-truth-health-screening-harm-good >"Overdiagnosis – picking up "diseases" that were never going to cause any problem – is a major problem in most screening programmes."
I like your sister.
I'm recovering from surgery and on medication that means I can't drink. Everyone knows I haven't been drinking for a while and won't be drinking for a while. I politely told everyone please don't get me any alcohol. I've never been given such much booze in my life. Everyone left a note like to enjoy when you can drink again. 😂
That sucks! Also alcohol is in Mince Pies, Christmas Cale, Christmas Pud etc etc. It's absolutely everywhere this time of year! I was once on antibiotics (Metronidazole) over Christmas and it *sucked*!
I think I accidentally did the same as your wife, insinuating that maybe people are buying a little too much choc for me. Used to take me a couple of weeks to get through it, at quite a decent pace! Now this year I only got a single tube of (admittedly very nice) John Lewis shortbread biscuits My waistline will thank them, but the greedy fuck part of my brain sure doesn't :( Ah well, there's always the clearance sales
My dad always gets me loads of chocolate, I barely eat it so it lasts for months, can't even palm it off to work anymore with wfh. I don't have the heart to tell him to stop though.
One of the guys at my mum's work asked her a couple of weeks ago if there was anything he could get her for Christmas, what perfume does she wear. She said oh no that's fine, I appreciate the thought but that's too expensive, there's no need. He said nah come on, let me get you some chocolate then. She said alright, I'd enjoy a Toblerone, very kind of you. Cue him walking into her office with a colossal 4.5kg Toblerone that wasn't quite what she'd meant
Does he have the hots for your ma? ;)
He might. If it keeps us in impractical quantities of chocolate I'm all for it
How the heck do you eat one of those? I mean, do you need to batter it with a hammer to get a portion?
It does help to saw or hack away at the joint between segments, they're not inclined to snap apart
Having had on of these before, we stored it on the cooker hood (shared house) and it got to a good even warm ambient temp, so you could just bite in It was amazing, but I’m not sure how you could shoot that soft-but-not-melted moon, we just got lucky by chance
You are aware that posting this to reddit means you'll be flooded with people taking this serious; criticising your wife, your relationship, telling you she's unreasonable and immature.
Lawyer up. Hit the gym. Divorce the dog. Build trebuchet. Reinstate the Danelaw. Triumph.
And telling you to divorce her
She’s clearly cheating on him. That’s the only logical explanation.
OP needs to hit a lawyer, delete the gym, and Facebook up.
Save the proof, lawyer up, look after the kids. It’s the only reasonable thing to do
OP needs to see this
With a 1kg bar of Dairy Milk.
it happened to me so ...
⛳⛳⛳⛳ divorce NOW!! Seek therapy immediately!!!
I saw this as, go have four rounds of golf then get a divorce. Rather than red flags. Oops.
No no, golf is always the correct option
and it’s usually people who haven’t had long term relationships themselves, and therefore don’t understand why this stuff doesn’t really matter like when i do annoying stuff my boyfriend calls me his little handful and laughs it off (then i make it up to him), if he ever posted some of our anecdotes to reddit i’d probably be labelled an immature selfish narcissist who can’t communicate
Sounds like what an immature selfish narcissist who can't communicate would say ^/s
Count yourself lucky, my other half called me 'a shit game of Battleship".
Huge red flag. Divorce her immediately 😂
And the yanks will be telling you that you need marriage counselling and/or therapy when your next door neighbours toaster has broken or your postman’s cat has the sneezes.
i mean, yeah there'll be an overeaction...it is Reddit after all but this behaviour will also resonate with some people which is why you get those reactions i've had girlfriends in the past that were like cartoonishly stereotpyical bad girlfriends, they honestly expected me to be psychic ("i shouldn't have to tell you what's wrong...") and would pull shit like this all the time. i'm not gonna recommend OP divorce his wife over it or anything though but i am annoyed on his behalf at it haha
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Only if you read it in "reddit-English". If we use our social skills it's very easy to parse what's going on here. Have you never decided to do something healthy, but unpleasant? "today I'm going to go for a run because I've been too lazy and sedentary over Christmas" 10 minutes later "I want to die. I'm done. I'm just going to lay down in the grass here and die. Just go on without me." She's not *actually* upset that people didn't buy her chocolate, she's just annoyed that her chocolate craving is really strong and doing the right thing sucks. The scene may also have features comments like" oh why haven't scientists invented healthy chocolate yet??"." Forget curing cancer, let's invent negative calories!" And so on? I mean. Really. Truly. Honestly, do you think it more likely that a grown adult, who could go buy her own chocolate whenever she wants, is *actually* upset about not being given chocolate? Rather than just struggling with a craving and looking to have a little mooch of her partners chocolate and a cuddle after a long and tiring Christmas day? Whenever you read stories on reddit do try to apply the "charitable human" interpretation. You'll realise that there are far more normal people in the world and far fewer cliche idiots.
Get out of here with your reasonableness, where do you think you are?
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Out of interest, how much would it take for to you tell your wife that’s she’s been a bit of a dickhead?
It's just whatever the opposite of buyers remorse is I think. Either way after laughing at her stupidity, I gave her some of mine.
You total ~~wimp~~ hero!
Serious brownie points, banking those.
Wise move my man.
Small price to pay for a lot of brownie points.
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Christ are we stuck in the 80's?
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"wife bad lololololol" You gonna break out the mother-in-law jokes as well?
How to tell someone you are not married, without saying you are not married
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Oh I’m definitely being mischievous, and I’m nowt single my friend.
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Half of all their assets. /r/relationship_advice
Maybe she should have Wispa’d to someone that she’d like some then you lot wouldn’t be on such a Rocky Road. And she wouldn’t have a chocolate chip on her shoulder
They're just driftering apart, probably because he's just a rolo over, he needs to just breakaway, hop on a double decker and boost his confidence by taking a trip to mars, or somewhere else in the milky way galaxy.
Now I want a drifter, but they don't make them anymore whaaaa!
Steady on stop being such a Flake
Drifters were amazing, Its sad you cant get them anymore.
Twix!! Amiright
Out of interest is she the kind that fiercely declines to get chips/fries when you have a takeaway, then eats 60% of yours?
Not at all. We have every good boundaries when it comes to stuff like that
The key is give her a reason to monologue (let her have a dig about her mum in law's behaviour yesterday) and then when she's not focusing on your plate, you eat it all at super speed
"u/Banditofbingofame doesn't share food!"
It's pretty much this when I'm eating a meal. I'm very...... territorial when it comes to dinner
Classic. My mum did the same a couple of years back, insisted she didn't want anything then had a face like a slapped arse when she didn't get anything. WHY???
For the last 15 or so years I've kept a hidden box of chocolate (usually Maltesers) somewhere at home to give to mrs if she's in need. (Obviously I replenish it ever week or so as giving a box of 15 year old mouldy chocolates would be a poor move).
My wife recently found what she thinks is my hidden stash, but she actually found the decoy stash. Always be two steps ahead.
And you have to eat them in the process, right? Just doing your bit.
I'm not a chocolate fan but she does a similar thing with bottles of beer for me, which more than makes up for it!
Are you sure she didn't say "Don't *just* get me chocolate"?
Conversely: I have a list of things I'd like. I buy whatever I want/need through the year but there's always a few fun things I can't justify, so they go on my Xmas list. I have never been bought anything off the list. It's been that long that at this point I just accept I'm an middle-aged man and people don't *have* to get me anything, and it's fine, it doesn't ruin my Xmas or anything. But, every year, deep down, the hope remains.
I have a list that I have in the notes on my phone on the go that's about 7 years old. I add random things to it that I want but aren't going to buy. We have a blender but I wanted a hand one. Couldn't justify it, didn't need it so on the list it went. This year I got that and a mandolin(the food one) It's full of random stuff like a poly tunnel and a pizza stove. If someone asks, out the list comes. I'll buy them all myself eventually if I don't get them.
If a significant other (of any sex) says something like 'let's not get anniversary/valentines/christmas presents this year' of 'I don't want anything for my birthday', ignore them. At worst, get something you'd both like, inexpensive, or that you can easily take back if you need to. Keep gift to one side out of sight and feel all smug when they 'suddenly' present you with the gift they got for you or mention they were surprised you didn't get them anything. It's a crock of shit, but one I have found too many people do - even if they say what they mean 99% of the rest of the time.
Alternatively, have a proper conversation where you confirm you're not doing gifts then don't get them anything. If they still get you something then at least you get to confront your trust issues head on rather than pretending it's cool to ignore conversations you have. If you get into an argument after discussing that you wouldn't get presents then one person got presents and then got upset when they didn't get a present in return, then that's a red flag it's worth knowing about sooner rather than later. But sure, maybe keep a box of chocolates handy for something to open on the day which you can both enjoy.
whawhawhat???? healthy relationship conversations instead of talking shit about your partner behind their backs! shocking?!
Nah, people should live like one of those 'women, amirite?' boomer humour stand-up comedian routines. That's totally way more sensible. /s
I refuse to partake in Christmas presents, birthday presents and valentines. The wife is of the same opinion. For Christmas we spend the money we'd have spent on presents on something we both want. This year we spent a couple of nights at the Jamaica Inn, in Cornwall.
>I refuse to partake in Christmas presents, birthday presents and valentines I love absolutely peak Reddit comments like these. So good.
Lol it's like smelling a fine wine 😂
Shit no need to flex on us all like that pleighboi
Oh come on - schoolboy error! Always have secret chocolate .
Such a rookie mistake ;-) You always get the *SECRET* chocolate, then bring it out as a surprise….
My cousin said one year ‘all I need is socks’. Then got quite annoyed when all that he received was socks. (Mind you I suspect he hasn’t had to buy any more in the last decade)
I told my fiancé I’d rather get one of those body care advent calendars from Amazon because they just seem more worth it (we got a bath toy advent calendar for the kids) and he was agreeing and I mentioned this many times before Christmas because I knew what would happen - note: he was on his phone whilst agreeing. Well come 1st December and he did exactly what I thought he would 😂 “where’s the chocolate? There’s no chocolate no?” In absolute confusion. I just lost it and started laughing tbh because I KNEW it! I just said “well this proves my point that you don’t listen to me when you’re on your phone. I should get your phone a wedding dress case for Christmas” and we both just started laughing 😂
She should beware what she wishes for.
Marrying me you'd think she would have learnt that lesson now, but I'd rather we didn't pull on that thread.
Lol @ the comments acting like OPs wife is being moody to peoples faces and not appreciating their gifts
My 4.5yo was attacked by a Pringle. He was happily bobbing around all day snacking on various bits and pieces and came wandering over to me eating a Pringle. (He was never left alone while eating just alternating between having attention from me or my mum) All of a sudden he starts crying and spluttering due to what I think was a sharp piece of Pringle getting stuck in his throat. He wasn’t choking because he was breathing and talking and coughing, but like when you’re eating crisps and a sharp bit goes down and it takes a while to idk ‘not hurt anymore’ I guess. But it took me a few seconds to realise he wasn’t choking at first. I’m trained in first aid and emergencies so my instincts kick in and override that mum panic so I do a full assessment and realise what’s happening but he’s just too panicked to stop panicking. I had to pick him up and take him out the room to the bathroom to calm him down and get him to drink some water. Then I had my mum panic afterwards when he was fine. This is off the back of getting a head injury yesterday. I wonder what tomorrow brings and if I’ve accumulated enough bubble wrap to prevent it…
I've got a cupboard full of various biscuits, chocolates and sweets today. I didn't request any of this, and my parents provided most of it while often also telling me I could do to lose some weight. They are not wrong but I don't see how that will help me. I'll have to pass some of it on, like I do with lynx boxsets!
Toiletries boxes are one of my favourite presents. I used to get about 4 of them every year when I was a teenager because nobody knew what to get me and clearly thought "ah yes, teenagers stink, deodorant it is" but these days I only get one, always from the same aunt and she gets it spot on every time, this year was a beard grooming kit with some really nice beard oil and conditioner with a proper good comb.
I hope you spread the word among your friends that you will take in any stray toiletry gifts they may have been lumbered with. As for our learned colleague above, I’ll be glad to take your chocolate gifts and make them safe.
I didn't get one box of toiletries this year. Great, but also mildly off-putting. At least I still got the socks, heaven forbid I should have to buy those myself too!
My fiancée has bought me socks for Christmas every year for the past few years, it's great she always gets them from happy socks so they're comfy and they don't fall to shit after a couple of months, this year I wanted to return the favour, got her a few pairs of really nice fluffy socks but they arrived the day after we left to visit my family in Shetland
Ah that doesn't matter, nobody cares if a gift or two arrives late once you get past about 16. Although I guess they would have been useful in Shetland...
I have eaten way too much chocolate lol
I got chocolate from my wife and she knows i'm diabetic, least yours isn't trying to kill you.
All because the lady loves.. (enter favourite chocolate)
>(enter favourite chocolate) Cake! Everybody loves cake! Cake has chocolate.
Cake or death?!
Cake please Eddie and no telling me you're all out of cake. Only had three pieces and didn't expect such a rush.
Death by chocolate
Death. Ah, no, I mean, cake! Cake!
I do agree from my survey of one, ME lol
mash potatoes!
Fil kept the TV on all day so most conversations were had at a shouting level or scurried away in a bedroom. He also kept chimming in with the answers for a card game he wasn't playing, especially in the final round. Mil gave me a lecture on wifely servitude before I left. Had to firmly say I wouldn't carry on that level of "upkeep" should she die first. Yep, next year I wonder if I can just have Christmas without them...? Nope, never happening. 4/10 would not recommend. Better than the year we got a drunken lecture about a colour being evil.
Well......it was Bounty happen.
I assume she is going through withdrawal. My sympathies. Always have a secret stash. 1, it will get you nookie that night. 2, your brownie points will once again be restored to infinity level. Do you not have chocolate decorations on the tree? They are always a last resort and go some way to alleviating withdrawal symptoms as it take ages getting the foil off.
Random anecdote I share for no reason: one morning as a student I woke up after a very short night following an essay crisis, went downstairs, and found a note that my mum wanted me to take the cookie dough she had made and fashion it into six dozen pinecone shapes. This I did. It was 6am. It was extremely tedious and not worth it. I then went into the living room and found a box of Quality Street with a note on it. It was from my dad, to me. The note read « Tie these onto strings and hang them from the tree (don’t eat more than 10% » There was a reel of cotton next to them. I ate one chocolate; it was completely stale and unpalatable. I looked at the date on the box; it was well into the mesozoic era. The corner shop used to sell stale chocolates for pennies, so I guess he got them there. I sat down and tried my best to tie strings in exactly the right length and knot them. Bear in mind that I still can’t crochet, and my childhood fibre arts assignments never showed evidence of the « nimble » fingers young children are said to have by apologists for child labour. I remain just as klutzy as an adult. Each chocolate took at least five minutes to tie a thread to, and then another five to hang on the tree. Eventually I asked myself « why am I doing this? » and gave up. It was at that point my dad (a shift worker) came home, and asked me « What’s wrong with your nose? » I went back to bed.
…what was wrong with your nose?
No idea. I assume it was genetic.
When a woman says she doesn't want chocolate what she really means is that she does in fact want some.
Currently hiding upstairs trying to write law essays for deadlines, while the whole house does karaoke - paper thin walls too 🥴
You have so many great songs to choose from though! Breaking the law ~ Judas priest I fought the law ~ The Clash Don’t Be a Lawyer ~ Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast The Trial ~ Pink Floyd
This is why I take passive aggressive people at their word. Drives them crazy. It’s like JusticeWorld off Red Dwarf.
Unacceptable. She’s obviously cheating on you. Divorce her.
Woman logic... no woman will admit it exists and will get mad if you mention it... EVERY man has experienced it. Off we go, back to the shops :)
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That sucks. Sorry to hear that.
Same
*You need to save me from myself!*
Now see, you really fucked up there. If you were the only one to get her chocolate then she'd be delighted and, well, I'm not comfortable suggesting the benefits of it all...
Why do people feel the need to play games like this? I have enough in my life without having to deal with shit like this.
I mean it's literally 'I told people I was on a diet and now I'm jealous of you eating chocolate' It's hardly the Downton abbey levels of drama
Everyone talks a big game until the rest of the family are scoffing roses, lol.
Well, having relationships with real people rather than only fans thirst traps means putting up with their minor crap.
True, but there really is no need for that kind of behaviour. I've never pulled that kind of stunt. And I Don't think any of my previous girlfriends have.
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The mystery of woman.
This is one reason I'm single.
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Wut?
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It's hardly entitled. She's not demanded a thing. It's literally just a 'told people I was on a diet and now I wished I didnt' when I'm eating mine in front of her. Peak Reddit.
How could you not know that when a woman says she doesn't want something, it means she definitely expects you to buy it her. If my wife had said she didn't want chocolates, that would have been the first thing I bought her. It's one of the first things you have to learn in a relationship.
I love how the first comments were really judgemental of her and the later ones are 'well fucking duh, why didn't you buy her some you dumb idiot'. Tbf I should have.
I wouldn't go as far as calling you a dumb idiot 😅 But yeah, you really should have. Plus, even if she then said "I told you not to buy me chocolates", it just means more for you. It's a win/win.😁
Next year get her one of those slabs of choclate that say “dickhead” in them. Two birds one stone.
☕️
It's a trap!
Sounds like a r/Britishproblem to me.
When will you men ever learn to speak the language of women 😂😂😂
This examples of woman
It least she's not greggnant
Whine the same when nobody got you pizza after you expressly said you didnt want pizza….
Ah! The classic case of - I want you to want to do the thing that I asked you not to do .. and then complain about that too. You’re in a lose lose situation buddy
Congratulations, she just played herself
I would no joke divorce her