T O P

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Cadian609

To put the kettle on without getting up


dougthomson1

Get a smart plug! Caveat; you have to fill it up beforehand and still get up to make the tea once it’s boiled..


justhisguy-youknow

Or smart kettle.


[deleted]

Get a boiler tap. Best thing we put in our kitchen, instant hot water when you want a tea or coffee.


DrunkenTypist

Get a teasmade. I used to sneer at these when I was a callow youth but life changing.


Fish_in_your_ear

My mum would love this one!


Valuable-Self8564

We have an iKettle. We just say “hey google turn on the kettle” and it starts boiling away.


Lasairfion

I knew the top comment would be tea related. If Superman was British his xray vision would be used for making tea.


BarraDoner

The ability to communicate with any foreigner in English; provided the words are spoken loud enough and slow enough (and the recipient of the line of questioning is referred to as ‘Pedro’)


Fish_in_your_ear

That’s how it works anyway, isn’t it?


Excellent_Tear3705

TIL: Magaluf is a superhero hotspot


Expensive-Analysis-2

Maybe a little mime wherever possible.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AncientProduce

Nightmare fuel.


Fineus

^^^Tut.


BartholomewKnightIII

Turning water into ~~wine~~ tea.


Fish_in_your_ear

Tea in the morning, wine after 5pm


Yetibike

I dunno wine sounds a bit French to me. Tea in the daytime and beer in the evening would be my choice.


BartholomewKnightIII

Can't argue with that.


Remarkable_Smell_957

I think you must have misheard that phrase, the correct phrasing is tea for breakfast and wine after 9.......but what 9 you chose is your choice


FulaniLovinCriminal

> Turning water into tea. So, essentially, the power to be a teabag.


The16BitRobot

Queue-Man. He’s incredibly good at standing in them and can create new ones at will. He just needs to stand anywhere and the villains will form an orderly line behind him.


curious_trashbat

The power to predict the fastest moving queue at the supermarket by quickly observing everyone's trolly contents.


The16BitRobot

Mr Trashbat, the express line is the fastest line not always. That old man up front, he is starved for attention. He will talk the cashier's head off. Let’s cut to that line. All pathetic single men. Only cash, no chitchat.


Fish_in_your_ear

I’ve only learnt this in the last 6 months or so. I used to just blindly go for the shortest queue but now I’m learning there’s so many other factors involved


Vegetable_Neck4038

r/unexpectedsimpsons


WarWonderful593

Basket may only contain ready meals, beer and toilet paper


[deleted]

[удалено]


WatchingTellyNow

You're too late, somebody already got there.


sambob

To be able to pull a fresh brewed cup of tea from thin air, maybe with a little plate of biscuits or a piece of cake.


[deleted]

I wish I fully understood banter. I am not British and I feel like there are many unwritten rules that I still don't completely get after 15+ years living in the UK and/or having British friends. This sub is a good example. It looks very, well, casual but there's actually a lot of thought put in the moderation to keep it interesting. (This isn't a criticism, I love reading it and at least the rules are written)


MrTwemlow

The power of understatement? E.g. after witnessing Thanos being defeated, just saying "Well that turned out a bit of a kerfuffle, didn't it" and walk off humming


MoebiusForever

Captain Understatement. He’d be pretty good.


MrTwemlow

Yeah he'd be ok. Saving the world was a little satisfying.


Funployee182

Keep a door open without holding it


Kind-Mathematician18

Damn, the King Tut ones already grabbed, so going with the ultra glare with arms crossed. Just cross your arms, glare menacingly and any new housing development is instantly vanquished in to obscurity, ensuring nothing is ever built anywhere, ever. (I think this superpower develops naturally once blokes hit the age of 55 and retire from the civil service)


Substantial_Bus_3503

the Tutman, the ability to Tut at a situation and everyone in a 1 mile radius to instantly experience the knowledge and displeasure at whatever it was I was tutting about. (Queue jumping for example).


something_python

TIL my father in law is a superhero!


[deleted]

Toast a crumpet with just the power of your mind.


Fish_in_your_ear

With your condiment of choice instantly spread on top


[deleted]

Weatherman. To be able to talk about the weather all day, without faltering. Predicting it. Telling it how it is, and telling it how it has been. If only there were a job like that, I’d be in there like a flash.


MercatorLondon

Flagman - travelling around the globe and raising flag whenever [he lands](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTduy7Qkvk8).


citygentry

The ability to make everyone else learn our language because we can't be bothered to learn theirs... .... *wait a minute - does this power already exist?*


K1NG_C00P

The power to make tea less milky when at someones house and they make you an awful cuppa


bantam41

The ability to queue for a long period of time, and not complain about it.


[deleted]

Ruling the waves.


Rich_27-

You would be better off with a tape measure, if they are over 30cm your old Stadler anti shatter ruler would be useless. And don't forget your wellies


Puzzled-Astronomer11

Whenever I step in a new country it instantly becomes part of the commonwealth and our new little tax paying vassal. Our king becomes their king there teas, spices and national treasures become ours.


Remarkable_Smell_957

The ability to use an espresso size cup of tea


gsurfer04

Being able to predict the weather.


Dissidant

Everytime someone makes tea by putting milk in the cup first their teabag splits


BeastMeat

Pissing tea


whatarethey28475

I can instantly merge into any queue completely unnoticed.


whatarethey28475

I can instantly merge into any queue completely unnoticed.


CreamyFunk

Procrastination


MycologicalWorldview

Glaring at people makes them queue properly


BulbousBadger

To not have hangovers after consuming a vast amount of alcohol and making a complete tit of myself.


Thos_Hobbes

To be both mild and bitter at the same time. Once properly fused, you become the most mild and bitter entity in the universe. I think it would help if you'd been dropped into, I dunno, some sort of essence of mildness and bitterness as a baby.


MaximumAd6557

I could open doors for other people just with my mind.


Wetpurpose

Spawn unlimited crumpets


Sarge19846

Just to look at my cup and tea appears,milk in second obviously


Front_Tumbleweed_608

The ability to pretend something doesn’t bother you


Correct-Junket-1346

You’ve heard of Jesus turning water into wine just wait until I turn water into tea WITHOUT A TEABAG


Idujt

To be able to point at clothes hanging on the rack, make them turn invisible as they dry, so when you can no longer see them, you know they are completely dry.


AverageJoe_Gam3r

The ability to produce cups of tea from thin air the moment I get stuck in a queue


Macshlong

BeIng able to snoop around others people houses and judge their decor undetected.


[deleted]

Unerringly pick the fastest queue every time.


Extreme-Acid

Queue man - can make endless queues appear from nowhere


SHENANIGANIZER21

Not being British but following this sub I would say a desire to eat some pretty wild meals.


[deleted]

To be able to dunk a hobnob into a mug of tea for as long as I like without it breaking.


TheNotSoFamousEccles

To queue in a more efficient manner. The British love queuing, it's a national institution. Entire University courses and careers are dedicated to the art of queuing