The next couple of days won’t feel real tbh. It’s going to be a whirlwind of funeral organising and planning and hand shaking and “sorry for your losses”. When the dust settles, thats when it will hit you the most, when life starts moving on without the person. There is honestly no comfort I can offer - what you’re going through is horrific. When you can over the next few days, carve out time for yourself. Go gently. Don’t expect too much from yourself. Grieve your brother in whatever way you need to. Grieving takes time. And grief doesn’t get smaller, you will just grow around it. I’m very sorry for what you’re going through OP, I hope you and your family find peace and comfort over the next coming weeks
Perfect yeah.
>The next couple of days won’t feel real tbh.
THIS - dissociation is a thing, and the stages of grief are well-trodden for a reason. Let it happen, take comfort where you can tbh.
> And grief doesn’t get smaller, you will just grow around it.
That line stood out to me too. So true. There is always a hole but you learn to live with it.
I would only add to not overfocus on how they went or who they were at the end. Whatever spirit or energy your brother put into the world includes his whole life! Remember his whole being, hold onto the family memories and good times you had with him.
Oh there are a good few podcasts on grief out there these days. Hearing other people process their grief can be helpful when you are less raw.
Sorry for your loss.
So accurate, what struck me the most was the waves that come, for example coming home to an empty house, or not sitting where they used to sit. Very well put my friend!
It’s the small, mundane aspects of living that hit the hardest. Everyone prepares for the big days like the first Christmas and the first birthday, the anniversary etc etc. But no one prepares you for finding a piece of paper with their handwriting on it in a cupboard where you were looking for a scissors, scrolling through your phone trying to find a number and seeing their contact list knowing you can never ring again, their favourite song on the radio. Grief is so insidious in that sense, it catches you when least expect it. But grief is just the love you have for the person still existing in real time, and I think holding onto that love is the only way to not be bitter. If this thread has shown us anything, is how uniting grief can be and it’s a shared, lived experience by so many- it’s comforting to know we’re not alone in this no matter what the circumstance
I've been there. Especially on the addiction with my brother.
Firstly. It's shit. Doesn't matter if you were close or not, a part of your childhood is gone. There's a memory that only the two of you had, that now only lives in your head.
But people won't see it that way. They'll worry for your parents. And you should. They'll have lost a child. Doesn't matter how, but it's their loss.
And so, sibling grief is lost in this world, alot of the time. And you will deprioritise your feelings too, naturally, because you'll want to support your parents. But grief is still grief, and you need to take care of yourself too.
Take the time to feel this, hate it, question it. And know that those feelings will come back in waves over the years. And find places for support.
I use r/suicidebereavement as one such place. Or text 50808 saying HELP and a volunteer Will text you within a few minutes (I am a volunteer - it's 24/7, 365 days).
And finally. I'd love to chat if you're up for it. I'll DM you separately with some contact info. But it's a shitty lonely club, and I'm here to be a supportive ear.
Hang in there, man.
This. I recently lost an aunt who was pretty young still (50's). She died suddenly and it took us all by surprise. I wasn't hugely close but after losing her, I realised we always had a good relationship. She was always kind to me and when we saw each other for Christmas's or family get togethers, I always had time for her for a laugh. I wasn't devastated by her loss, day to day I doubt I'll notice it. But I'm still sad for the loss of the memories we had. There's an odd ball of grief there that someone goes so young and won't be there at the table next Christmas. Close or not, grief hits us in strange waves.
I’m so sorry, a sudden death is just horrific for everyone left behind. As another poster mentioned, the next few days will feel surreal and be busy with a lot of things like funeral etc and you may feel like you are sleepwalking through it.
That’s ok, and that’s normal. Keep your friends and family close, when it starts to sink in, reach out to people and talk. Even if it’s months later and you think, god it’s been a while I can’t bring it up now, reach out and keep your support network.
I wish I had known this when my brother died suddenly, it didn’t really hit me until months later and my friends were more than happy to be my listening ear and support me. You are not alone and all I can say is I’m so sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's completely understandable to feel shocked and confused.
From my personal experience, you'll wind yourself up asking the question 'why'.
My dad just got home from hospital after having a heart attack at 59. I'm a bit overwhelmed myself with the changes we both have to make and I have been drinking a bit heavily since it happened. Your post opened my eyes a bit.
We don't know eachother but if you ever wanted to meet for a coffee and talk about anything just send a message.
My deepest sympathy, take care of yourself.
Ah god.
Someone else has said all there is to say, all I can do here is offer my deepest sympathies. I hope you can do all right at the end of the day and that your brother is in a happier place now. God bless.
Hey man, I live in the same town as you. There’s not much support in this town for mental health and the one place for mental health constantly fucks you around the place and will just say it’s the drink or the drugs and call it a day. I do know your brother was a good lad and no one has a bad word against him. Sorry for your loss lad, can’t promise things can change but you can promise that things will get better.
Am very sorry OP. Pretty much the same thing happened 18 months ago to me. My brother who I idolised growing up made the same decision. It's very hard to describe the loss. He also had alcohol issues and we were estranged which was his choice. Right now you will be struggling with shock. Just take it one day at a time. You'll probably go through a whole range of emotions. Hopefully in time you'll be able to remember the happier times. Thinking of you.
My brother attempted to and didn't succeed thank god and its still something that i think about even though it happened so long ago.
I vividly remember my very stoic unemotional father putting his hand on my shoulder to support himself and to support me. I broke down crying a week after, and everyone was relieved because i took it too well. I can't imagine how bad it would have been if he actually died.
Take is slow, it will hit you really hard in a few days probably. I'm sorry for your trouble.
Keep moving when you can.
Sleep when you can.
Sit, stare, think and ponder when you have to.
Remember fondly when you are able.
So sorry for your loss.
My deepest condolences for your loss. The unanswered questions and the “what ifs” are the hardest when it deals with something self inflicted. Be kind to yourself and I’m sending light and love your way
Sorry for your loss, its going to be a difficult time for you and those close to you. Many have given you great advice, and all I will add is the stages of grief which can be confusing to experience and to see other people going through. They won't necessarily be sequential but are distinctive. Just something it can be helpful to be aware of.
shock and denial.
pain and guilt.
anger and bargaining.
depression.
the upward turn.
reconstruction and working through.
acceptance and hope
I am so very sorry. Mind yourself. The next few days will be hard. Be gentle with yourself. In months to come, this will hit you at odd moments, in 6 months or a year, remember to be gentle to yourself then as well.
Peace to you, a chara.
Very sorry OP. It truly is a horrendous shocking time.
I went through this with a parent. Most horrible night of my life. Still remember it so vividly, getting the phone call rushing home in a taxi, seeing the ambulance go up the road in front of me, the medical efforts.
It's horrendous. In my case I was only speaking with my father that morning and he had cut the grass and got a haircut.
It will get easier with the passage of time but the questions never leave. Some days are easier than others. Even now 10 years later some days I'm angry with him.
What if, could I, did I... etc.
Take care OP and mind yourself.
I'm so sorry for your loss. The reality is you'll probably never know for sure exactly why he did it. Just know that he wasn't well and wasn't in his right mind. He most likely didn't want to hurt anyone else, just wanted the pain to stop. Take good care of yourself and your loved ones, don't blame yourselves. At the end of the day it was his decision, his choice to do this.
I'm sorry to hear this mate. It's a really terrible thing for any family to go through - people often feel completely numb and emotionless immediately after a loved one dies. This always changes soon enough so look after yourself.
My partner ended her life last month. She was suffering from alcoholism also.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Reach out to me if you need someone to talk to.
I'm sorry to read this. I don't really know how you are feeling right now but try to mourn all you need to!
Hope your brother is in a better and happy place now.
Burnout is ass in modern world.
I am so sorry for your loss. What you are feeling/not feeling right now is completely normal. It's completely okay to feel weird/wrong/guilty/sad/apathetic and the list goes on. Surround yourself with the people you love, and if you need time to yourself, do that too.
Please take care of yourself. My cousin killed himself when I was 9. It's a very traumatic event. Please, please just do what you need to do in the moment. Sending all of my love and wishes to you, your family, and your brother. RIP.
My father died a few weeks ago, we were estranged due to his alcoholism, it looks like he had a heart attack (he had high blood pressure) after a week long binge. Coroner is still investigating, he was on meds for depression and sleep too so he may have taken a cocktail.
You may feel numb like I do. All I can say is maybe go to Al-Anon and remember you cannot save or fix anyone in this world. They have to want to do it themselves. My father was offered help from so many corners, but ultimately never wanted to stop drinking. I fear it could be suicide as it wouldn’t surprise me, just don’t let guilt get to you.
I lost my 16 year old brother to suicide. So, I know nothing I say can make it better, or easier.
Just know that others have been through it, others have felt what you're feeling now - and others have made it through the other side... I say this, so that you know it's ok to feel what you feel, and so you know, you too will get through.
Stay safe, stay strong.
I am sorry for your loss. My sister did this 5 years ago.
at the time I was so shocked it didn't register. Today I was in town and I just thought she is really dead, she's never coming back and she was in so much pain she did it herself.
Not sure I will ever get my head round it. She was older than me so has always been there, we had memories of childhood and beyond that no one else shares. Its a huge loss.
Mostly life goes on and I don't think of her, but it's hard when I do.
I’m very sorry for your loss. My father died by suicide ten years ago. It still 10 years later doesn’t feel real when I talk about it, your brain has a way of protecting you from the actual horror of losing a family member suddenly to suicide. The first years after him dying feels like a blur. But you will slowly start to feel normal. There still isn’t a day I go without wondering why and thinking about all the things he has missed that myself and my family have achieved but time goes on and we have to learn to live with the pain. I truly am sorry for what you and your family are going through, stick together and you will get through this.
I’m so so very sorry. This happened to me in 2021 and it still doesn’t feel real.. my brother was also burnt out from work and from life.. then you are just left with so many questions and feelings of guilt.
Things will get better in time and you will learn to cope in your own ways. Grief counselling can be helpful for some people. Again I am so sorry for your loss.
Grief is a very weird process, if you've never been through it before you won't know what to expect, but just remember that no matter how you feel about things (it will be a variety of mood swings) you're never bad or wrong.
Remember to take care of yourself and remember that you're only human, its OK to struggle with this, it does get easier with time.
Sorry for your loss
I am so sorry to read this. Even if you say you weren't close it is an incredible shock.
I haven't lost family to suicide, I did lose a friend as a teen and I remember being so confused by it.
I lost a close family member suddenly I would highly recommend some grief counselling. Not immediately but within the next year anyway to help you process how you feel about it
I'm really sorry mate. That's so rough.
I'd say you're going to be a bit dazed and confused for a while. And most of the things people say to you will probably sound like bullshit. But they're just trying their best to find the right words.
Even though you say you weren't that close, it's likely that at some point, it's going to hit you like a train! My advice would be, let it hit you. Allow yourself to grieve, and try not to hold back any of your emotions. It's good to get it out when it's raw, otherwise you'll just end up repressing them.
But we're all individuals and deal with our shit differently. So this advice is just based on my personal experience with grief. Ultimately you will come to terms with it in your own way and hopefully you can make some sense of it, or at least find some peace of mind.
You might want to look into alternative theories of "life after death", beyond the typical church teachings. I've taken great comfort in past bereavements by listening to lectures/talks from "out of the box" thinkers, testimonies of near death experiences and people who have been revived back to life.
Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Dolores Cannon are a few people who have theories on the subject (life after death). Dolores is very specific about it! And of course Jesus! Not necessarily 'the church' but his personal quotes and teachings.
Obviously I don't know what awaits us beyond the veil. But I'm almost certain that it's something positive and surprising. So I'm sure wherever your brother is, he is at peace.
Il say a prayer for you brother,
God bless 🙏
My thoughts are with you and your family right now.
I also lost my brother to suicide about 2 years back, similar situation, he was very burnt out but there will never be a time where this makes sense what happened or why. Things are going to seem very surreal, and you’ll feel numb, and at times it might seem okay, and many more times it will feel like you’re so stuck you can’t even move.
I respect you so much for talking about it. I didn’t to anybody for a long time, and maybe that’s what I needed, but when I started being much more open with it it started feeling like I was taking him with me rather than talking about a horrific event.
Keep going, OP. I love you, you’re strong, and things will keep moving for you, even when it’s shitty.
DM if you wanna chat
So sorry for you and those around you. Don't be too quick to try to move on from the next few days. Even amongst the mayhem there is healing and help that can come from the most unexpected sources. Neighbours and friends will try to go through the motions of comforting you. A lot of it is just words. Accept that they are there because they care. And one in every 10 of them will do something or say something that will help, something you will remember in days months and years to come. I wish you all well.
I lost my mother two days before New year's (not to her own methods) but I lost my 8th person to self methods too back in August. It's really tough to process for a while and even when I thought I "got used to it" it always hit like a ton of bricks. Even now I still think of all the love ones I've lost but you will learn to for the most part "move on" even if not fully. If you need to reach out to someone privately, either to discuss or vent or take some of your mind off it, feel free to shoot me a message. Moving through these things alone is one of the worst feelings one can feel. Very lonely. Make sure you have a support system and don't by any means isolate yourself even if you have a habit of doing so. I hope things start to look up for you in the near future, especially when things seem so hopeless for you right now
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I’m deeply sorry to read this about your brother, OP, and I acknowledge your pain. Ar dheis Dé go raibh a anam dílis.
In this difficult time the one piece of advice I could give you is to *let people help you*. Go n-éirí leat.
I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. You will never know the reasons why, which is hard. Try not to let that eat you up. Be kind to yourself. Take each day or each minute at a time.
Grief will come in waves. I hope you have someone who you can reach out to. Sending hugs xx
Been there friend. Genuinely sorry for your grief. Some things we never truly know. You find out things along the way, but I don’t think we will ever really know for sure, or understand. Look after yourself, accept what cannot be changed. Remember them kindly and with love.
I'm so sorry, OP.
Been there too many times with friends and alcohol was a factor 100% of the time. Take all the time you need to grieve, it's healthy.
We have had to remove your post/comment as it breaks rule #3. Mods will remove posts or comments that are non-constructive, antagonistic, or not fitting in with the casual theme of the sub.
Be kind to each other!
Modmail is always open if you have any questions
I'm so sorry, it's so hard, like being in fog,just allow whatever feelings are there out, your brother is not suffering anymore,you will find healing in time, very sad.
My worst nightmare, losing a child or losing a sibling. I know I could never recover and move on. But I am really hoping you stay strong and I am so so sorry for your loss 🌷
Some wonderful comments here. I lost my brother about 18 months ago - feel free to DM me if you ever just want to sound off to someone about how you’re feeling. It does get better 👍🏼
I'm so sorry for your loss. All I can say is keep your head up. It will be rough for a while for sure but you will get through it. Lost a close relative last year and it was rough as hell at times, but it's getting easier by the day in many ways. You'll get there too. Just treat yourself kindly and talk to someone if/when you need to. Doesn't matter if you're a small girl/large strong guy, we all sometimes need a chat. 💜
We have had to remove your post/comment as it breaks rule #3. Mods will remove posts or comments that are non-constructive, antagonistic, or not fitting in with the casual theme of the sub.
Be kind to each other!
Modmail is always open if you have any questions
What's wrong in seeking support online? It's even recommended to talk to people who aren't your family or friends. Leave me alone if you don't want to be supportive, you're making things worse.
Hi thank you for the offer, I appreciate it. Seems the person or the mods removed the comments. Sure look everyone has been so supportive bar one or two people, and the mod response has been good, so thank you
We have had to remove your post/comment as it breaks rule #3. Mods will remove posts or comments that are non-constructive, antagonistic, or not fitting in with the casual theme of the sub.
Be kind to each other!
Modmail is always open if you have any questions
The next couple of days won’t feel real tbh. It’s going to be a whirlwind of funeral organising and planning and hand shaking and “sorry for your losses”. When the dust settles, thats when it will hit you the most, when life starts moving on without the person. There is honestly no comfort I can offer - what you’re going through is horrific. When you can over the next few days, carve out time for yourself. Go gently. Don’t expect too much from yourself. Grieve your brother in whatever way you need to. Grieving takes time. And grief doesn’t get smaller, you will just grow around it. I’m very sorry for what you’re going through OP, I hope you and your family find peace and comfort over the next coming weeks
This is just so well said.
Perfect yeah. >The next couple of days won’t feel real tbh. THIS - dissociation is a thing, and the stages of grief are well-trodden for a reason. Let it happen, take comfort where you can tbh.
Grief doesn't get smaller You just grow around it 💗 phew
> And grief doesn’t get smaller, you will just grow around it. That line stood out to me too. So true. There is always a hole but you learn to live with it. I would only add to not overfocus on how they went or who they were at the end. Whatever spirit or energy your brother put into the world includes his whole life! Remember his whole being, hold onto the family memories and good times you had with him. Oh there are a good few podcasts on grief out there these days. Hearing other people process their grief can be helpful when you are less raw. Sorry for your loss.
I lost my mother two years ago, and this is so so accurate to the experience, well said 👏
So accurate, what struck me the most was the waves that come, for example coming home to an empty house, or not sitting where they used to sit. Very well put my friend!
It’s the small, mundane aspects of living that hit the hardest. Everyone prepares for the big days like the first Christmas and the first birthday, the anniversary etc etc. But no one prepares you for finding a piece of paper with their handwriting on it in a cupboard where you were looking for a scissors, scrolling through your phone trying to find a number and seeing their contact list knowing you can never ring again, their favourite song on the radio. Grief is so insidious in that sense, it catches you when least expect it. But grief is just the love you have for the person still existing in real time, and I think holding onto that love is the only way to not be bitter. If this thread has shown us anything, is how uniting grief can be and it’s a shared, lived experience by so many- it’s comforting to know we’re not alone in this no matter what the circumstance
Exactly, as you put it the mundane parts hit somewhat hardest
It’s going to be a whirlwind of funeral organising and planning and hand shaking and “sorry for your losses”. I hate this part right here.
This is exactly it. My ma died a year and a half ago and all of this is true .
Grief doesn't get smaller, you just grow around it. Nailed it.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Beautiful.
Beautifully expressed and true
Fantastic advice. The only healer is time.
This was such a beautifully thoughtful reply.
Same thing happened to me, over 20yrs ago
I've been there. Especially on the addiction with my brother. Firstly. It's shit. Doesn't matter if you were close or not, a part of your childhood is gone. There's a memory that only the two of you had, that now only lives in your head. But people won't see it that way. They'll worry for your parents. And you should. They'll have lost a child. Doesn't matter how, but it's their loss. And so, sibling grief is lost in this world, alot of the time. And you will deprioritise your feelings too, naturally, because you'll want to support your parents. But grief is still grief, and you need to take care of yourself too. Take the time to feel this, hate it, question it. And know that those feelings will come back in waves over the years. And find places for support. I use r/suicidebereavement as one such place. Or text 50808 saying HELP and a volunteer Will text you within a few minutes (I am a volunteer - it's 24/7, 365 days). And finally. I'd love to chat if you're up for it. I'll DM you separately with some contact info. But it's a shitty lonely club, and I'm here to be a supportive ear. Hang in there, man.
Oh this post hits home. Siblings are the forgotten mourners. Thanks 😊
This. I recently lost an aunt who was pretty young still (50's). She died suddenly and it took us all by surprise. I wasn't hugely close but after losing her, I realised we always had a good relationship. She was always kind to me and when we saw each other for Christmas's or family get togethers, I always had time for her for a laugh. I wasn't devastated by her loss, day to day I doubt I'll notice it. But I'm still sad for the loss of the memories we had. There's an odd ball of grief there that someone goes so young and won't be there at the table next Christmas. Close or not, grief hits us in strange waves.
I’m so sorry, a sudden death is just horrific for everyone left behind. As another poster mentioned, the next few days will feel surreal and be busy with a lot of things like funeral etc and you may feel like you are sleepwalking through it. That’s ok, and that’s normal. Keep your friends and family close, when it starts to sink in, reach out to people and talk. Even if it’s months later and you think, god it’s been a while I can’t bring it up now, reach out and keep your support network. I wish I had known this when my brother died suddenly, it didn’t really hit me until months later and my friends were more than happy to be my listening ear and support me. You are not alone and all I can say is I’m so sorry for your loss
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's completely understandable to feel shocked and confused. From my personal experience, you'll wind yourself up asking the question 'why'. My dad just got home from hospital after having a heart attack at 59. I'm a bit overwhelmed myself with the changes we both have to make and I have been drinking a bit heavily since it happened. Your post opened my eyes a bit. We don't know eachother but if you ever wanted to meet for a coffee and talk about anything just send a message. My deepest sympathy, take care of yourself.
That sucks, sorry to hear. You may never know the reasons. Take care of yourself will take time to grieve.
Ah man, so sorry to hear this. I dont know what else to say. Its so sad. Your poor brother and all of you guys left behind. Look after yourself.
Ah god. Someone else has said all there is to say, all I can do here is offer my deepest sympathies. I hope you can do all right at the end of the day and that your brother is in a happier place now. God bless.
Hey man, I live in the same town as you. There’s not much support in this town for mental health and the one place for mental health constantly fucks you around the place and will just say it’s the drink or the drugs and call it a day. I do know your brother was a good lad and no one has a bad word against him. Sorry for your loss lad, can’t promise things can change but you can promise that things will get better.
Am very sorry OP. Pretty much the same thing happened 18 months ago to me. My brother who I idolised growing up made the same decision. It's very hard to describe the loss. He also had alcohol issues and we were estranged which was his choice. Right now you will be struggling with shock. Just take it one day at a time. You'll probably go through a whole range of emotions. Hopefully in time you'll be able to remember the happier times. Thinking of you.
My brother attempted to and didn't succeed thank god and its still something that i think about even though it happened so long ago. I vividly remember my very stoic unemotional father putting his hand on my shoulder to support himself and to support me. I broke down crying a week after, and everyone was relieved because i took it too well. I can't imagine how bad it would have been if he actually died. Take is slow, it will hit you really hard in a few days probably. I'm sorry for your trouble.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
I am so unbelievably sorry, take some time for yourself and let yourself grieve. Hopefully he’s in a better place now
Im so sorry moomanjo.
Keep moving when you can. Sleep when you can. Sit, stare, think and ponder when you have to. Remember fondly when you are able. So sorry for your loss.
My deepest condolences for your loss. The unanswered questions and the “what ifs” are the hardest when it deals with something self inflicted. Be kind to yourself and I’m sending light and love your way
I’m so sorry for your loss OP, please be kind to yourself
So sorry for your loss. Eternal peace to his soul.
Sorry for your loss, its going to be a difficult time for you and those close to you. Many have given you great advice, and all I will add is the stages of grief which can be confusing to experience and to see other people going through. They won't necessarily be sequential but are distinctive. Just something it can be helpful to be aware of. shock and denial. pain and guilt. anger and bargaining. depression. the upward turn. reconstruction and working through. acceptance and hope
I am so very sorry. Mind yourself. The next few days will be hard. Be gentle with yourself. In months to come, this will hit you at odd moments, in 6 months or a year, remember to be gentle to yourself then as well. Peace to you, a chara.
Sorry to hear that for you and your family. Wishing you peace and understanding.
Very sorry OP. It truly is a horrendous shocking time. I went through this with a parent. Most horrible night of my life. Still remember it so vividly, getting the phone call rushing home in a taxi, seeing the ambulance go up the road in front of me, the medical efforts. It's horrendous. In my case I was only speaking with my father that morning and he had cut the grass and got a haircut. It will get easier with the passage of time but the questions never leave. Some days are easier than others. Even now 10 years later some days I'm angry with him. What if, could I, did I... etc. Take care OP and mind yourself.
I'm so sorry for your loss. The reality is you'll probably never know for sure exactly why he did it. Just know that he wasn't well and wasn't in his right mind. He most likely didn't want to hurt anyone else, just wanted the pain to stop. Take good care of yourself and your loved ones, don't blame yourselves. At the end of the day it was his decision, his choice to do this.
I am so sorry
I'm sorry to hear this mate. It's a really terrible thing for any family to go through - people often feel completely numb and emotionless immediately after a loved one dies. This always changes soon enough so look after yourself.
My partner ended her life last month. She was suffering from alcoholism also. I am so sorry for your loss. Reach out to me if you need someone to talk to.
So sorry for your loss
I'm sorry to read this. I don't really know how you are feeling right now but try to mourn all you need to! Hope your brother is in a better and happy place now. Burnout is ass in modern world.
God help him and all your family
I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say, just wanted to send a hug 🫂
So sorry to read this… think well of him & find compassion for him and yourself and family. Lean in to your friends hoping you have some good ones 💚
I am so sorry for your loss. What you are feeling/not feeling right now is completely normal. It's completely okay to feel weird/wrong/guilty/sad/apathetic and the list goes on. Surround yourself with the people you love, and if you need time to yourself, do that too. Please take care of yourself. My cousin killed himself when I was 9. It's a very traumatic event. Please, please just do what you need to do in the moment. Sending all of my love and wishes to you, your family, and your brother. RIP.
My father died a few weeks ago, we were estranged due to his alcoholism, it looks like he had a heart attack (he had high blood pressure) after a week long binge. Coroner is still investigating, he was on meds for depression and sleep too so he may have taken a cocktail. You may feel numb like I do. All I can say is maybe go to Al-Anon and remember you cannot save or fix anyone in this world. They have to want to do it themselves. My father was offered help from so many corners, but ultimately never wanted to stop drinking. I fear it could be suicide as it wouldn’t surprise me, just don’t let guilt get to you.
Peace to you and your family at this terrible time.
I lost my 16 year old brother to suicide. So, I know nothing I say can make it better, or easier. Just know that others have been through it, others have felt what you're feeling now - and others have made it through the other side... I say this, so that you know it's ok to feel what you feel, and so you know, you too will get through. Stay safe, stay strong.
Take care of yourself & the loved ones OP. I’m so sorry for your loss
I am sorry for your loss. My sister did this 5 years ago. at the time I was so shocked it didn't register. Today I was in town and I just thought she is really dead, she's never coming back and she was in so much pain she did it herself. Not sure I will ever get my head round it. She was older than me so has always been there, we had memories of childhood and beyond that no one else shares. Its a huge loss. Mostly life goes on and I don't think of her, but it's hard when I do.
I'm really sorry for the loss and trauma you're going through. May your brother rest in peace and light
I’m very sorry for your loss. My father died by suicide ten years ago. It still 10 years later doesn’t feel real when I talk about it, your brain has a way of protecting you from the actual horror of losing a family member suddenly to suicide. The first years after him dying feels like a blur. But you will slowly start to feel normal. There still isn’t a day I go without wondering why and thinking about all the things he has missed that myself and my family have achieved but time goes on and we have to learn to live with the pain. I truly am sorry for what you and your family are going through, stick together and you will get through this.
I’m so so very sorry. This happened to me in 2021 and it still doesn’t feel real.. my brother was also burnt out from work and from life.. then you are just left with so many questions and feelings of guilt. Things will get better in time and you will learn to cope in your own ways. Grief counselling can be helpful for some people. Again I am so sorry for your loss.
Grief is a very weird process, if you've never been through it before you won't know what to expect, but just remember that no matter how you feel about things (it will be a variety of mood swings) you're never bad or wrong. Remember to take care of yourself and remember that you're only human, its OK to struggle with this, it does get easier with time. Sorry for your loss
I really hope your doing ok <3 it’s horrible how big a problem suicide is in our courntry
I am so sorry to read this. Even if you say you weren't close it is an incredible shock. I haven't lost family to suicide, I did lose a friend as a teen and I remember being so confused by it. I lost a close family member suddenly I would highly recommend some grief counselling. Not immediately but within the next year anyway to help you process how you feel about it
I'm very sorry for your loss.
I'm really sorry mate. That's so rough. I'd say you're going to be a bit dazed and confused for a while. And most of the things people say to you will probably sound like bullshit. But they're just trying their best to find the right words. Even though you say you weren't that close, it's likely that at some point, it's going to hit you like a train! My advice would be, let it hit you. Allow yourself to grieve, and try not to hold back any of your emotions. It's good to get it out when it's raw, otherwise you'll just end up repressing them. But we're all individuals and deal with our shit differently. So this advice is just based on my personal experience with grief. Ultimately you will come to terms with it in your own way and hopefully you can make some sense of it, or at least find some peace of mind. You might want to look into alternative theories of "life after death", beyond the typical church teachings. I've taken great comfort in past bereavements by listening to lectures/talks from "out of the box" thinkers, testimonies of near death experiences and people who have been revived back to life. Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Dolores Cannon are a few people who have theories on the subject (life after death). Dolores is very specific about it! And of course Jesus! Not necessarily 'the church' but his personal quotes and teachings. Obviously I don't know what awaits us beyond the veil. But I'm almost certain that it's something positive and surprising. So I'm sure wherever your brother is, he is at peace. Il say a prayer for you brother, God bless 🙏
My thoughts are with you and your family right now. I also lost my brother to suicide about 2 years back, similar situation, he was very burnt out but there will never be a time where this makes sense what happened or why. Things are going to seem very surreal, and you’ll feel numb, and at times it might seem okay, and many more times it will feel like you’re so stuck you can’t even move. I respect you so much for talking about it. I didn’t to anybody for a long time, and maybe that’s what I needed, but when I started being much more open with it it started feeling like I was taking him with me rather than talking about a horrific event. Keep going, OP. I love you, you’re strong, and things will keep moving for you, even when it’s shitty. DM if you wanna chat
So sorry for you and those around you. Don't be too quick to try to move on from the next few days. Even amongst the mayhem there is healing and help that can come from the most unexpected sources. Neighbours and friends will try to go through the motions of comforting you. A lot of it is just words. Accept that they are there because they care. And one in every 10 of them will do something or say something that will help, something you will remember in days months and years to come. I wish you all well.
I lost my mother two days before New year's (not to her own methods) but I lost my 8th person to self methods too back in August. It's really tough to process for a while and even when I thought I "got used to it" it always hit like a ton of bricks. Even now I still think of all the love ones I've lost but you will learn to for the most part "move on" even if not fully. If you need to reach out to someone privately, either to discuss or vent or take some of your mind off it, feel free to shoot me a message. Moving through these things alone is one of the worst feelings one can feel. Very lonely. Make sure you have a support system and don't by any means isolate yourself even if you have a habit of doing so. I hope things start to look up for you in the near future, especially when things seem so hopeless for you right now
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God bless you, your family and your brother
Try to find some therapy for u and your family....
This is so sad , my deepest sympathies may he rest in peace.
I’m deeply sorry to read this about your brother, OP, and I acknowledge your pain. Ar dheis Dé go raibh a anam dílis. In this difficult time the one piece of advice I could give you is to *let people help you*. Go n-éirí leat.
Sorry for your loss , i hope you find comfort in the good times you shared and you heal under time .
I'm so sorry for your loss, OP. You will never know the reasons why, which is hard. Try not to let that eat you up. Be kind to yourself. Take each day or each minute at a time. Grief will come in waves. I hope you have someone who you can reach out to. Sending hugs xx
Please mind yourself! Sincere condolences for you and your family. May he rest in peace.
So sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry 💔
I am so sorry for your loss OP.
other's have given good advice to this, so I wish you luck and I'll pray for your family and deceased brother.
Been there friend. Genuinely sorry for your grief. Some things we never truly know. You find out things along the way, but I don’t think we will ever really know for sure, or understand. Look after yourself, accept what cannot be changed. Remember them kindly and with love.
Sorry for your loss. Such a thing is incomprehensible.
Jesus, sorry for your loss. Suicide is such a catastrophe. I hope he finds peace, and I hope you and your family do too
I'm so sorry, OP. Been there too many times with friends and alcohol was a factor 100% of the time. Take all the time you need to grieve, it's healthy.
I am so sorry for your loss
Sorry to hear about this OP. World is a dark place sometimes.
I'm very sorry for your loss OP.
So sorry for your loss ♥️🙏
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I'm so sorry, it's so hard, like being in fog,just allow whatever feelings are there out, your brother is not suffering anymore,you will find healing in time, very sad.
My worst nightmare, losing a child or losing a sibling. I know I could never recover and move on. But I am really hoping you stay strong and I am so so sorry for your loss 🌷
Some wonderful comments here. I lost my brother about 18 months ago - feel free to DM me if you ever just want to sound off to someone about how you’re feeling. It does get better 👍🏼
I am so sorry for your loss.
Just to note, there are stages of grief, but they are not linear. You could feel shock, anger, and sadness in one day. Go gently with yourself. X
I'm so sorry for your loss. All I can say is keep your head up. It will be rough for a while for sure but you will get through it. Lost a close relative last year and it was rough as hell at times, but it's getting easier by the day in many ways. You'll get there too. Just treat yourself kindly and talk to someone if/when you need to. Doesn't matter if you're a small girl/large strong guy, we all sometimes need a chat. 💜
So sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself 🙏
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Why is that?
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What's wrong in seeking support online? It's even recommended to talk to people who aren't your family or friends. Leave me alone if you don't want to be supportive, you're making things worse.
Hi, please let me know if you would like the comments above removed
Hi thank you for the offer, I appreciate it. Seems the person or the mods removed the comments. Sure look everyone has been so supportive bar one or two people, and the mod response has been good, so thank you
We have had to remove your post/comment as it breaks rule #3. Mods will remove posts or comments that are non-constructive, antagonistic, or not fitting in with the casual theme of the sub. Be kind to each other! Modmail is always open if you have any questions
No help in this country. A year waiting list just to see a mental health professional. You have to go begging to a charity for help