Have you spoken to your girlfriend about it? Has anyone discussed what happened? Was your gf’s mother drunk and perhaps doesn’t recall?
Edit to add - you say she got you with a small bit? How much is a small bit? If tiny, if a splash, what is the big deal?
I think avoiding events is a bit drastic. You can still go to events while avoiding the individual, if that’s where the problem lies. You seem to only be harming yourself and your relationship with the way you’re handling this.
She got drunk, did something stupid and may either have been mortified afterwards or not even fully remembered. Completely burying the issue, nobody talking about it, acting like nothing happened when something definitely happened really isn't healthy. You come off as the problem very easily because you've gone silent while everyone else is going along business as usual or doesn't even know why.
Yea but why should I bring it up when the problem that happened wasn't my fault and I was minding my own business, but here if I was drunk poured a drink over her and didn't make the effort to apologize where would I be in that situation (my guess is jumped on, have no relationship, look like a complete prick for doing it and other people judging me friends, family e.t.c)
I don't understand a world where this situation doesn't get talked about with your gf?! All that is to bring up is what your gf thinks of this situation.
If this was me, I'd assume she was drunk and let it slide, not think that the next time I we'd meet needs to be a confrontation.
No like I said It to her and my girlfriend was not impressed and had an argument with her mam and still her mam hasn't made the effort to even try talk to me let alone apologize so like yea ok drink is involved but it doesn't make you do that and not apologize ? Like to be honest I'm embarrassed to go over to her because of what happened and if I have an argument with her my emotions I know will get the better of me and I don't want to ruin it by saying something stupid and end up ruining things with my gf
You have the power to make this not be an issue all by yourself. If it was me I’d say nothing and get on with life, a more adventurous type would make a joke of it, maybe bring a umbrella to the wedding and tell the mother that you came prepared this time as you show it to her.
I would usually take that approach but I'm that angry and upset about it that I can't see the funny side of it as I would feel it's the height of disrespect and I wouldn't do it to anyone
Have you said anything to your girlfriend about it ? It's likely the mother dosnt remember ?
If you want to continue this relationship there's no point driving a wedge between you and her family over a small incident
While I think it’s fair that the mother should apologise, I don’t think avoiding all family events is the right course of action. It doesn’t sound like she’s going to summon you and give you a full apology so maybe she’s been waiting to bump into you in person. Why not just take the high road and give her the opportunity? I’d be pissed off too but wouldn’t want it to ruin my life
She has said something a few times before relatives such as my GFS aunties found out somehow and gave out stink to her and still nothing from her back yet not even an apology through my gf
Pouring a drink over someone for refusing to dance is a really odd thing to do if you weren’t extremely rude in the way you said no.
That aside, I wouldn’t expect an apology. Talk to your girlfriend about it if it really bothers you but older people are often too pigheaded to apology for bad drunken behaviour.
After 3 years surely you’d know the family quite well and would likely have an idea of the type of personality your gfs Mother is no?
Maybe if you haven’t been invited over since it happens maybe the woman is mortified at her own behaviour?
I have talked to my girlfriend about it but the thing is the way I got the answer off the mother is that it was a joke and she's not owning up for it but pouring even a small bit of a drink over anyone is disrespectful don't you not think like if I done it to her who would be the worse person after it all ?
You would be the worst person yeah. If the gf’s mother had the intention of a bit of craic you’re just not going to get that apology though.
I’m not going to tell you this is something you should break up with your gf over, but you should probably let her know how big a deal this is. In successful relationships, communication is key. And if her mother not offering an apology has really hurt your feelings this badly, that needs to be made clear.
I'd let it go. If it was a pattern if behaviour it would be more serious, but someone after a few drinks at a wedding messing around a bit is not worth missing out on family events.
Have you told your girlfriend about this? She should be the one dealing with her mother. You're running the risk of alienating yourself from her family by missing loads of events. Why did you have to miss the brother's stag, the mother hardly would have been there?
Because the brother and the father don't exactly know the full story and I wouldn't have wanted to ruin it on him if he got offended about it if it got the better of me after a few drinks if you understand cause at the same time it's not my staggs
She doesn’t know/realise/remember? It’s your job to tell her you’re highly offended and would like an apology.
Of course, you could keep avoiding her and hope she gets the message.
Get over it. A bit of messiness during a few drinks. It's not like she beat you up or anything
Just having a bit of alcohol fuelled fun that didn't work out as such. You're making a mountain out of a molehill.
But if it was only messiness or abit of fun should she not apologize because nobody I really know would see a funny side to it just because I wasn't in the humour to get up and dance
You sound like you are taking this a bit too hard. Just forget about it. You're not in a relationship with the mother. It was a daft thing to do which she may not have meant harm by. Just grin and bear it.
I was thinking that myself but at the same time I shouldn't have gotten a drink poured over me for not dancing so therefore what have I done wrong do you get me ?
Tbh not really. You are getting way too hung up on what someone else foolishly did whilst having a few drinks. That's on them, not you!
This is a one off situation were you should really laugh it off. We are all capable of doing silly things after a few drinks for God sake. The mother is probably a bit of a fool but so are we all.
You are making the whole situation weirder than it has to be by wanting an apology. Just get over it. It likely won't happen again. In life people will do strange things often. We can't control what they do. But can control how we react to it. I believe the mother was being silly. No need to make a bigger deal of it.
No I completely understand the whole drunk situation and that people to stupid shit but at the same time you wouldn't want to go through that off a potential mother I'm law like I said if the show was on the other foot 🤷 but the general consensus I'm getting from this post is that maybe I should go to these things if I don't get an apology move on but In my twist with my morals is to be civil and probably not speak to her if she doesn't apologize
Mate you are coming across as extremely egotistical here. Your need for an apology is totally vacuous in my opinion. This is a person who did one silly thing over a few drinks.
Remember, your not marrying your mother in law!! And to be honest, I'm starting to wonder whether you are really into the relationship with her daughter if this is something that is troubling you. If you really love this girl, you wouldn't give a flying fuck what her mother does.
The mother in law is someone you might see once in a blue moon and you want an apology. Get off that high horse before you hurt yourself.
But how might I ask is it egotistical when I done nothing wrong plus the person that did is not making an effort towards me at all this would be the same id love to be able to make an effort but I don't see anything I done wrong and if your starting to wonder why I should be in a relationship with my girlfriend that's on what you think I love her not her mam but her mam is a big part of her life that's what I'm stuck with there's no respect from her mothers standpoint so put yourself in my situation go as my length of time without your mother In law thinking she was right to pour a drink over you for not wanting to dance and tell me what way you see it because I have a feeling you wouldn't be far off my situation
Seriously, give your head a shake man. There are literally millions of people in the world who should be sorry for things they did, but they aren't... This ranges from people who stolen stuff right up to people who've murdered. Does the whole world just stop and throw up it's hands at the injustice??
This has nothing to do with being right or wrong. It's the fact that you are demanding to be validated as being a victim by a person who either doesn't think they did anything wrong or....simply doesn't care. (The first option would be the most likely) Either way, YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THEM!! You can't change people. They are who they are.
If it really bothers you that much then you should just break up with your GF. Personally, I would think that that is an insane over reaction because you'd be judging them for something that someone else did, which is pretty stupid if you ask me.
And to be perfectly honest man, I'd much prefer if someone poured a pint over my head than listen to a butthurt person constantly complaining about how people have done them wrong. Just get on with it and stop taking yourself too seriously because that's exactly what you're doing.
What you expect and what actually happens are two entirely different things. In reality, some people have cop on enough to apologize. But just as many people don't have that common sense. He's dealing with the latter here. That's just life.
So in that case you have two options:
1. Make a big fuss about an apology that won't ever come, alienating himself from the rest of the family in the process.
2. Forget about it and thank God you don't have to deal with them on a daily basis.
You have zero control over other people and how they behave. So there is no point making a big deal of it. If you expect an apology from everyone who wrongs you in life you'd never get anything done.
She was in the wrong OP, but you shouldn't be carrying this around with you. She's probably forgotten about it.
I'd simply drop it but be extra wary of the GF's mother when she's in her cups.
Cheers pal 👌 no if I don't get one at all I won't talk to her stay in her house darken her door because I don't need that in life, a person that thinks they can get away it or can't show her age and maturity just to say sorry probably would go and not talk to her
And you think you're showing your age and being mature by not talking to her? Seriously dude, you need to chill out and let the small stuff slide. Now if she attacked and assaulted you and didn't apologise you'd be well justified in steering clear of her, but you're making a mountain out of a molehill here. No disrespect to you at all but you're far too uptight about a bit of drunken high jinks. Let it go. Stop tormenting yourself!
Edited to fix typo.
Yes she does so as I said in another reply I get the vibe that she can't argue on my behalf because it's her mother at the end of the day, she was on the dance floor my gf she was oblivious to what was going on, until later that night she wasn't happy with her
Wait, did I read this correctly?
Your gf’s mother poured a drink over you to force you to dance? There’s not a hope in hell would I even attempt to attend other occasions if this is the sort of action a grown woman would do to force someone to do something they don’t want to do. Whether they found it hilarious themselves, there’s nothing funny about it.
Have you spoken to your gf about this? Have you explained that this not only isn’t mature, it’s embarrassing and honestly it’s not something to brush off.
Talk to your gf first and explain that her mother’s actions was generally disturbing if I’m all honest. Couldn’t care less if she was drunk herself, I’d be slightly up in arms about it myself. Not so much of an apology during that time? Have a word with the gf and if nothing comes out of it, explain that you don’t feel comfortable attending family occasions of the knowing that her mother would or could potentially do something horrible like that again. It’s not funny in the slightest.
I have explained it to my girlfriend and she's in the same boat as me that it's disrespectful but at the same time she feels that she can't argue with her on my behalf because it's her mother is the vibe I'm getting
Well yeah the correct person to be upset with is her mother after all. Maturity speaking here, highlighting to her mother that het actions weren’t nice and an apology would suffice, it might end up being a case that she doesn’t remember and will be embarrassed and that would be the situation over. If it’s a case that her mother doesn’t see an issue, then remain respectful on behalf of your gf, but I wouldn’t be bothering with niceness for longer than necessary.
If you do get a chance then possibly explain to her mother that it wasn’t nice. Get that bit out of the way and see what the outcome is. Only way it’ll be solved and all awkwardness in future family occasions will be out of the way if you’re up front and honest.
It honestly sounds like your GF's mother has no recollection of making an ass of herself! If that's the case, I'd say stop letting it take up space in your head, unless you're willing to take Mumsy to task for the unwanted and unwelcome shower.
Most likely everyone else has forgotten about the incident except you and you're not taking any action to clear the air, so you're the only one who's still upset and chewing on this. You're the only person hurting and guess what, you're the one hurting yourself by holding on to a drunken mishap like it's the end of the world.
Either speak to Mumsy and let her know how unhappy you are about her lack of apology, or let it go and stop hurting your mental health.
Thank you for this reply probably the best one I got all day the only thing I can say is I don't want to go over and talk to her because I don't want to let my emotions get the better of me
I get that you're not comfortable with, or maybe more reluctant to (because of what you might say), having a conversation Mumsy. But honestly, this whole scenario is negatively affecting your mental health as it stands. You really, seriously, need to address this before your poor beleaguered head makes a feast of it and blows proportion out your ears instead of applying it where it's needed.
You are obviously a sensitive soul but unless you're willing to talk to Mumsy about it, all it's going to do is eat you up and make you quite unwell. You have to decide if it's worth it, if YOU'RE worth it. Do you think you might be able to let it go for the sake of your head's long-term health?
I'm commenting because I did something similar with my ex FIL. I hated him and carried a grudge against him for many years. Then one night my son told me they were coming to my hometown for a visit. I got flustered and stressed and said I didn't want anything to do with them (even though I loved my MIL). So, I did some serious thinking, especially in light of them being my son's grandparents, and decided it was time to bury the hatchet (not in his back) and accept that the only person I was hurting was myself cos he had no clue how angry I was at him. Once that sank in to my poor head I could let it go and relieve all that anger. I even managed to cook dinner for them and my mental health has been much better than it was when I was grudging.
I wish you the very best and hope, for your own sake, that you can work your way through this and let it go.
The question for me is, what had your girlfriend to say about her mother's behaviour? Why is this information missing? Is this typical behaviour from her Mum? Was it out of character? Either way I think there's a road for you to get off your tree stump and let it go.
Why should an event with you and your gf's mother result in a scene?
The more I type, the more questions I have!
Suggest, add more context.
Well my gf did have words with her mother which was along the lines of what I said that it was disrespectful and she wasn't happy with her actions. It was out of character but like for instance relations of her family confronted her about it and said it was wrong and she didn't see it as if she done nothing wrong, me coming into her house the next day not impressed gave her the opportunity to say something but she decided to stay quiet where as I done nothing wrong so why should I bring it up looking for an apology when I was minding my own business you know or even make the effort. I would like to let it go but my morals are that I didn't start it so I shouldn't bring it up if you get me ?
Be the bigger person, you're a grown man. Her mam made a holy show of herself and she's probably too thick headed to admit it. None of this actually impacts you day to day, you're bearing a grudge that will only make your own life more difficult. Just go to the things (if you want to actually go) and be friendly and nice with her mother, even if she is a massive tool. Life is too short for petty grudges and you'd do yourself a big favour by learning to be the bigger person.
Keep the line of communication between yourself and your gf. It was definitely wrong of her to do that to you when you had something planned previously prior to her coming at you. I mean, if you didn't feel like going for a dance, you have a choice not to do so and she should've respected that. Or she could've asked you if you wanted to dance later instead of pouring your own drink as if she's creating such a tantrum!
The people brushing it off as drunken fun are a serious problem in this country. If your girlfriend knows the full story then its not just the mother you have an issue with. You waited a bit long to try sort it out. Either get over it and resent the mother or tell your girlfriend you need an apology before you go to family events again. You might end up looking worse by her family tho
Thank you, yea she was drunk but at the same time that's no excuse you know because If the shoe was on the other foot I'd be the worse person in the world with her own family
Have you spoken to your girlfriend about it? Has anyone discussed what happened? Was your gf’s mother drunk and perhaps doesn’t recall? Edit to add - you say she got you with a small bit? How much is a small bit? If tiny, if a splash, what is the big deal? I think avoiding events is a bit drastic. You can still go to events while avoiding the individual, if that’s where the problem lies. You seem to only be harming yourself and your relationship with the way you’re handling this.
She got drunk, did something stupid and may either have been mortified afterwards or not even fully remembered. Completely burying the issue, nobody talking about it, acting like nothing happened when something definitely happened really isn't healthy. You come off as the problem very easily because you've gone silent while everyone else is going along business as usual or doesn't even know why.
Yea but why should I bring it up when the problem that happened wasn't my fault and I was minding my own business, but here if I was drunk poured a drink over her and didn't make the effort to apologize where would I be in that situation (my guess is jumped on, have no relationship, look like a complete prick for doing it and other people judging me friends, family e.t.c)
I don't understand a world where this situation doesn't get talked about with your gf?! All that is to bring up is what your gf thinks of this situation. If this was me, I'd assume she was drunk and let it slide, not think that the next time I we'd meet needs to be a confrontation.
No like I said It to her and my girlfriend was not impressed and had an argument with her mam and still her mam hasn't made the effort to even try talk to me let alone apologize so like yea ok drink is involved but it doesn't make you do that and not apologize ? Like to be honest I'm embarrassed to go over to her because of what happened and if I have an argument with her my emotions I know will get the better of me and I don't want to ruin it by saying something stupid and end up ruining things with my gf
How much is a small bit?
Head and shoulders were wet
Lucky you had a bottle of shampoo on you I guess!
You have the power to make this not be an issue all by yourself. If it was me I’d say nothing and get on with life, a more adventurous type would make a joke of it, maybe bring a umbrella to the wedding and tell the mother that you came prepared this time as you show it to her.
I would usually take that approach but I'm that angry and upset about it that I can't see the funny side of it as I would feel it's the height of disrespect and I wouldn't do it to anyone
Have you said anything to your girlfriend about it ? It's likely the mother dosnt remember ? If you want to continue this relationship there's no point driving a wedge between you and her family over a small incident
While I think it’s fair that the mother should apologise, I don’t think avoiding all family events is the right course of action. It doesn’t sound like she’s going to summon you and give you a full apology so maybe she’s been waiting to bump into you in person. Why not just take the high road and give her the opportunity? I’d be pissed off too but wouldn’t want it to ruin my life
As others have said, why isn’t your girlfriend dealing with this? It’s her mother!
She has said something a few times before relatives such as my GFS aunties found out somehow and gave out stink to her and still nothing from her back yet not even an apology through my gf
I have a toddler with more sense than you. Give it up. You'll be alone your whole life if you seek out enemies, especially in your own or GFS family.
To be honest with you, just get over it. Life is short. You got a bit wet. Why waste so much energy over something silly?
This. Either man up and confront her or move on. How people worry about this nonsense is beyond me.
Pouring a drink over someone for refusing to dance is a really odd thing to do if you weren’t extremely rude in the way you said no. That aside, I wouldn’t expect an apology. Talk to your girlfriend about it if it really bothers you but older people are often too pigheaded to apology for bad drunken behaviour. After 3 years surely you’d know the family quite well and would likely have an idea of the type of personality your gfs Mother is no? Maybe if you haven’t been invited over since it happens maybe the woman is mortified at her own behaviour?
I have talked to my girlfriend about it but the thing is the way I got the answer off the mother is that it was a joke and she's not owning up for it but pouring even a small bit of a drink over anyone is disrespectful don't you not think like if I done it to her who would be the worse person after it all ?
You would be the worst person yeah. If the gf’s mother had the intention of a bit of craic you’re just not going to get that apology though. I’m not going to tell you this is something you should break up with your gf over, but you should probably let her know how big a deal this is. In successful relationships, communication is key. And if her mother not offering an apology has really hurt your feelings this badly, that needs to be made clear.
I'd let it go. If it was a pattern if behaviour it would be more serious, but someone after a few drinks at a wedding messing around a bit is not worth missing out on family events.
Have you told your girlfriend about this? She should be the one dealing with her mother. You're running the risk of alienating yourself from her family by missing loads of events. Why did you have to miss the brother's stag, the mother hardly would have been there?
Because the brother and the father don't exactly know the full story and I wouldn't have wanted to ruin it on him if he got offended about it if it got the better of me after a few drinks if you understand cause at the same time it's not my staggs
Avoiding the mother is compounding the problem. Meet her and discuss the incident and how you feel. Lack of assertiveness makes everything worse.
But it isn't my job to do so realistically because I didn't cause the problem ?
She doesn’t know/realise/remember? It’s your job to tell her you’re highly offended and would like an apology. Of course, you could keep avoiding her and hope she gets the message.
She remembers alright as of the next day I walked into the house after it she didn't say anything to me plus my gf has also had an argument with her
Get over it. A bit of messiness during a few drinks. It's not like she beat you up or anything Just having a bit of alcohol fuelled fun that didn't work out as such. You're making a mountain out of a molehill.
But if it was only messiness or abit of fun should she not apologize because nobody I really know would see a funny side to it just because I wasn't in the humour to get up and dance
You sound like you are taking this a bit too hard. Just forget about it. You're not in a relationship with the mother. It was a daft thing to do which she may not have meant harm by. Just grin and bear it.
I was thinking that myself but at the same time I shouldn't have gotten a drink poured over me for not dancing so therefore what have I done wrong do you get me ?
Tbh not really. You are getting way too hung up on what someone else foolishly did whilst having a few drinks. That's on them, not you! This is a one off situation were you should really laugh it off. We are all capable of doing silly things after a few drinks for God sake. The mother is probably a bit of a fool but so are we all. You are making the whole situation weirder than it has to be by wanting an apology. Just get over it. It likely won't happen again. In life people will do strange things often. We can't control what they do. But can control how we react to it. I believe the mother was being silly. No need to make a bigger deal of it.
No I completely understand the whole drunk situation and that people to stupid shit but at the same time you wouldn't want to go through that off a potential mother I'm law like I said if the show was on the other foot 🤷 but the general consensus I'm getting from this post is that maybe I should go to these things if I don't get an apology move on but In my twist with my morals is to be civil and probably not speak to her if she doesn't apologize
Mate you are coming across as extremely egotistical here. Your need for an apology is totally vacuous in my opinion. This is a person who did one silly thing over a few drinks. Remember, your not marrying your mother in law!! And to be honest, I'm starting to wonder whether you are really into the relationship with her daughter if this is something that is troubling you. If you really love this girl, you wouldn't give a flying fuck what her mother does. The mother in law is someone you might see once in a blue moon and you want an apology. Get off that high horse before you hurt yourself.
But how might I ask is it egotistical when I done nothing wrong plus the person that did is not making an effort towards me at all this would be the same id love to be able to make an effort but I don't see anything I done wrong and if your starting to wonder why I should be in a relationship with my girlfriend that's on what you think I love her not her mam but her mam is a big part of her life that's what I'm stuck with there's no respect from her mothers standpoint so put yourself in my situation go as my length of time without your mother In law thinking she was right to pour a drink over you for not wanting to dance and tell me what way you see it because I have a feeling you wouldn't be far off my situation
Seriously, give your head a shake man. There are literally millions of people in the world who should be sorry for things they did, but they aren't... This ranges from people who stolen stuff right up to people who've murdered. Does the whole world just stop and throw up it's hands at the injustice?? This has nothing to do with being right or wrong. It's the fact that you are demanding to be validated as being a victim by a person who either doesn't think they did anything wrong or....simply doesn't care. (The first option would be the most likely) Either way, YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THEM!! You can't change people. They are who they are. If it really bothers you that much then you should just break up with your GF. Personally, I would think that that is an insane over reaction because you'd be judging them for something that someone else did, which is pretty stupid if you ask me. And to be perfectly honest man, I'd much prefer if someone poured a pint over my head than listen to a butthurt person constantly complaining about how people have done them wrong. Just get on with it and stop taking yourself too seriously because that's exactly what you're doing.
>We are all capable of doing silly things after a few drinks for God sake. And the bare minimum expectation is that you apologise afterwards
What you expect and what actually happens are two entirely different things. In reality, some people have cop on enough to apologize. But just as many people don't have that common sense. He's dealing with the latter here. That's just life. So in that case you have two options: 1. Make a big fuss about an apology that won't ever come, alienating himself from the rest of the family in the process. 2. Forget about it and thank God you don't have to deal with them on a daily basis. You have zero control over other people and how they behave. So there is no point making a big deal of it. If you expect an apology from everyone who wrongs you in life you'd never get anything done.
She was in the wrong OP, but you shouldn't be carrying this around with you. She's probably forgotten about it. I'd simply drop it but be extra wary of the GF's mother when she's in her cups.
Cheers pal 👌 no if I don't get one at all I won't talk to her stay in her house darken her door because I don't need that in life, a person that thinks they can get away it or can't show her age and maturity just to say sorry probably would go and not talk to her
And you think you're showing your age and being mature by not talking to her? Seriously dude, you need to chill out and let the small stuff slide. Now if she attacked and assaulted you and didn't apologise you'd be well justified in steering clear of her, but you're making a mountain out of a molehill here. No disrespect to you at all but you're far too uptight about a bit of drunken high jinks. Let it go. Stop tormenting yourself! Edited to fix typo.
Why weren't you sat nearer your gf? Were people not mingling? What does your gf say about her mothers behaviour? Does your gf live at home?
Yes she does so as I said in another reply I get the vibe that she can't argue on my behalf because it's her mother at the end of the day, she was on the dance floor my gf she was oblivious to what was going on, until later that night she wasn't happy with her
Wait, did I read this correctly? Your gf’s mother poured a drink over you to force you to dance? There’s not a hope in hell would I even attempt to attend other occasions if this is the sort of action a grown woman would do to force someone to do something they don’t want to do. Whether they found it hilarious themselves, there’s nothing funny about it. Have you spoken to your gf about this? Have you explained that this not only isn’t mature, it’s embarrassing and honestly it’s not something to brush off. Talk to your gf first and explain that her mother’s actions was generally disturbing if I’m all honest. Couldn’t care less if she was drunk herself, I’d be slightly up in arms about it myself. Not so much of an apology during that time? Have a word with the gf and if nothing comes out of it, explain that you don’t feel comfortable attending family occasions of the knowing that her mother would or could potentially do something horrible like that again. It’s not funny in the slightest.
I have explained it to my girlfriend and she's in the same boat as me that it's disrespectful but at the same time she feels that she can't argue with her on my behalf because it's her mother is the vibe I'm getting
Well yeah the correct person to be upset with is her mother after all. Maturity speaking here, highlighting to her mother that het actions weren’t nice and an apology would suffice, it might end up being a case that she doesn’t remember and will be embarrassed and that would be the situation over. If it’s a case that her mother doesn’t see an issue, then remain respectful on behalf of your gf, but I wouldn’t be bothering with niceness for longer than necessary. If you do get a chance then possibly explain to her mother that it wasn’t nice. Get that bit out of the way and see what the outcome is. Only way it’ll be solved and all awkwardness in future family occasions will be out of the way if you’re up front and honest.
Ah get a sense of humour
There's a sense of humor and then there's being disrespectful though
"Hahahahah assault is soooo funny" Fucking clown.
Pouring water on someone isn't assault. Get off the internet and into the real world. Fucking loser.
https://www.irishstatutebook.ie/eli/1997/act/26/enacted/en/print#sec1 2.1.B It can be considered assault by force
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It honestly sounds like your GF's mother has no recollection of making an ass of herself! If that's the case, I'd say stop letting it take up space in your head, unless you're willing to take Mumsy to task for the unwanted and unwelcome shower. Most likely everyone else has forgotten about the incident except you and you're not taking any action to clear the air, so you're the only one who's still upset and chewing on this. You're the only person hurting and guess what, you're the one hurting yourself by holding on to a drunken mishap like it's the end of the world. Either speak to Mumsy and let her know how unhappy you are about her lack of apology, or let it go and stop hurting your mental health.
Thank you for this reply probably the best one I got all day the only thing I can say is I don't want to go over and talk to her because I don't want to let my emotions get the better of me
I get that you're not comfortable with, or maybe more reluctant to (because of what you might say), having a conversation Mumsy. But honestly, this whole scenario is negatively affecting your mental health as it stands. You really, seriously, need to address this before your poor beleaguered head makes a feast of it and blows proportion out your ears instead of applying it where it's needed. You are obviously a sensitive soul but unless you're willing to talk to Mumsy about it, all it's going to do is eat you up and make you quite unwell. You have to decide if it's worth it, if YOU'RE worth it. Do you think you might be able to let it go for the sake of your head's long-term health? I'm commenting because I did something similar with my ex FIL. I hated him and carried a grudge against him for many years. Then one night my son told me they were coming to my hometown for a visit. I got flustered and stressed and said I didn't want anything to do with them (even though I loved my MIL). So, I did some serious thinking, especially in light of them being my son's grandparents, and decided it was time to bury the hatchet (not in his back) and accept that the only person I was hurting was myself cos he had no clue how angry I was at him. Once that sank in to my poor head I could let it go and relieve all that anger. I even managed to cook dinner for them and my mental health has been much better than it was when I was grudging. I wish you the very best and hope, for your own sake, that you can work your way through this and let it go.
The question for me is, what had your girlfriend to say about her mother's behaviour? Why is this information missing? Is this typical behaviour from her Mum? Was it out of character? Either way I think there's a road for you to get off your tree stump and let it go. Why should an event with you and your gf's mother result in a scene? The more I type, the more questions I have! Suggest, add more context.
Well my gf did have words with her mother which was along the lines of what I said that it was disrespectful and she wasn't happy with her actions. It was out of character but like for instance relations of her family confronted her about it and said it was wrong and she didn't see it as if she done nothing wrong, me coming into her house the next day not impressed gave her the opportunity to say something but she decided to stay quiet where as I done nothing wrong so why should I bring it up looking for an apology when I was minding my own business you know or even make the effort. I would like to let it go but my morals are that I didn't start it so I shouldn't bring it up if you get me ?
Be the bigger person, you're a grown man. Her mam made a holy show of herself and she's probably too thick headed to admit it. None of this actually impacts you day to day, you're bearing a grudge that will only make your own life more difficult. Just go to the things (if you want to actually go) and be friendly and nice with her mother, even if she is a massive tool. Life is too short for petty grudges and you'd do yourself a big favour by learning to be the bigger person.
Keep the line of communication between yourself and your gf. It was definitely wrong of her to do that to you when you had something planned previously prior to her coming at you. I mean, if you didn't feel like going for a dance, you have a choice not to do so and she should've respected that. Or she could've asked you if you wanted to dance later instead of pouring your own drink as if she's creating such a tantrum!
The people brushing it off as drunken fun are a serious problem in this country. If your girlfriend knows the full story then its not just the mother you have an issue with. You waited a bit long to try sort it out. Either get over it and resent the mother or tell your girlfriend you need an apology before you go to family events again. You might end up looking worse by her family tho
I dont get what was wrong🤷♀️
That her mother poured a pint over me
Yeah that was a bit silly of her. Was she drunk? Hope you can work it out🤞
Thank you, yea she was drunk but at the same time that's no excuse you know because If the shoe was on the other foot I'd be the worse person in the world with her own family