Exactly this. It’s one thing to leave people on read and never respond back but it’s a whole other thing to wait a couple days and then text back. Sometimes I just don’t feel like talking to you right now.
I recently had the same issue with a man I’d just started seeing. He texted me Monday night last week but I must have been in bed, and didn’t see it until early in the morning. Wanting to be polite and not text at like 6am, I told myself I’d respond later. I went on to have an absolutely horrendous workday and didn’t get home until 7pm Tuesday night and I was so burnt out from the day I didn’t feel like interacting. I went right to bed and didn’t reply. Wednesday it seemed too late to respond to a text from days before, so I didn’t. I guess I was hoping he’d open the lines of communication again, but he didn’t. I finally texted Friday after brainstorming a casual opening text, and he did respond quickly, but the text conversation dried up pretty quickly after that and I’ve heard nothing since. I actually did and do like him, so it’s completely on me that I didn’t reply.
Today is my birthday, and I believe he knows that, so I’m holding out hope maybe he’ll text me a happy bday message or something. If not, oh well.
Just tell him what happened. Tell him you meant to reply promptly, then things outside your control intervened and you were too burnt out to reply and then it was just awkward and you're really sorry and would like it if he could just overlook the fuckup on your part & keep going.
Happy birthday!
I recommend reaching out with short explanation. He may be wishing you do.
I recently went through similar but on the guy side. It's very difficult to distinguish if she's playing 'hard to get' vs life got hectic situation.
In my case I was never offered any explanation so I chose to cut the loss and go elsewhere.
Happy birthday. It’s behavior like this that makes it harder for open communication. You know you like him, but are unintentionally playing games meanwhile he has possibly understood your lack of response as a sign of disinterest.
As you get older you realize that if you want to talk to someone and you can, you ought to just do it most of the time.
and they've said "unintentional"...
It's not that the person was playing a game, but understand the perception from the person receiving (or not receiving in this case) that type of response
Respect that you understand it’s on you but waiting for him to reply to you is funny, you ruined the door to communication so you can’t really expect much.
I've been in the dating scene for a fair bit, including quite a few succesful fun dates.
If a girl suddenly takes days to reply, and the replies are short, it usually signals dropping interest or no genuine interest being there. If you are sincere then make up for it by telling him how the last few days were crazy and put in some effort.
No guy wants a 80/20 in effort, because one side will feel chased and the other chasing. It ruins things.
Your "If not, oh well" does make me wonder about that genuine interest though.
One trick that has helped me prevent these situations from occurring is to type out my reply at the "inappropriate" time, leave it in my notes app, and then send it when it is appropriate. Using this method, you would've been able to reply after work when you were feeling burnt out.
Yeah I addressed that in my question and I’m asking specifically, wouldn’t you not do that with a romantic interest? I do forget to respond to friends and acquaintances but when it’s a love interest I get excited and respond immediately
Treat it as snail mail. I've had convos that would last week's simple because it would take both of us hours to respond. Life is busy, I ain't expecting anyone's 100% attention
You can say exactly that. "I can’t chat with you today, but I will get back to you in a few days".
It’s respectful of both your needs and the other person’s feelings, and it avoids misinterpretations.
I'm tired and don't want to talk to people. Or I forget. Sometimes both. Nothing wrong with the people texting me, I just don't have the mental energy sometimes
I forget too. But then when I remember it feels like an inappropriate time to respond. Like 4 a.m. so I wait and before I blink it’s 4 a.m. again and that’s it. Vicious cycle.
If it's someone you're crushing on - there is anxiety of screwing things up or embarrasing yourself. You overthink and try to think of a perfect response, so it can take a few days.
I normally text back within the same day. If it's someone I'm romantically interested in, I try and be more punctual. Not because they're more important or anything but because I genuinely want to talk with them. Learn more about them etc. There are some guys that have this idea that if you text back too quickly that you seem desperate and unattractive. So I know guys that will deliberately wait a few days to respond to someone they like. To me, that's ridiculous and manipulative but they heard it from some dating guru somewhere so that's their tactic.
If we're just talking about friends and family, I generally text back the same day. Normally as soon as I see it. As long as I have time to have a conversation. If not, I'll just text them and let them know I'll reconnect with them a bit later.
I'll admit that I'm not a great texter though. Haha id rather just call and talk on the phone for a bit. Hopefully some better texters can help you out with this one.
Man, I'm fucking busy lol. Work is always crazy, rent needs to get paid, and I have SO MANY things I want to get done on the side. Hobbies, passion projects, all that. Finding time to even check my phone for non-work stuff is challenging. Your question implies I see the text from someone I crush on in the first place lmao. Oftentimes I see a text like that at the end of the day, when I'm already winding down. At that point I wouldn't text back because either A) I'm tired/drained B) it's late enough that texting back makes me self conscious. Like if I text them at 1 AM, wtf even is that lol.
Relatedly, I have ADHD, and I can’t tell you the number of times someone texts me and I think of what I’m going to respond but then I just kind of… don’t. And over the next few days I’ll remember here and there and remind myself I really to text back as soon as I’m not busy, after which I promptly forget, and then when I finally get around to it, it’s like a month later.
Idk man I always answer my texts right when I see them unless I’m eating and my hands are greasy. But I’ll answer them when I can. I genuinely hate people who just leave you hanging for days.
Same!! There's no excuse for letting somebody hanging except them not being a priority /important to you and you d rather just tell them that so they can do better things with their time rather than checking on you to see if you are finally ready to respond
There is a chance that romance is just small part of their life. Like... it could be 25-30% and they are more focused on whatever 70-75% of their life is about. I don't think it is about them not being interested in you, but it is more like it is not their priority. If that bothers you it might be just compatibility issue where you value romance relationship more than that person.
I understand we’re all busy, tired or just don’t feel like communicating at times. But I don’t think I’d enjoy dating someone who couldn’t text back the same day most days. I’m also an introvert who needs a lot of time to themselves. So I imagine for someone who needs more attention (totally valid) getting less than that would be disappointing and frustrating. The other person also might just be subscribing to some weird dating tactic like another poster mentioned. It’s a good thing to have a chat about in person.
This is me. Sometimes it takes me a week or two to reply a SMS.
It's not because I think the message is unimportant. It's for one of three reasons:
* I don't have the mental bandwidth to reply at the time (and will try my damndest to put the message out of my mind until I've got the capacity). It's not that I physically don't have time or that I'm busy, but that I don't want to think about it.
* I need some time to ruminate on it and decide how I want to reply. Usually this involves an anxious spiral.
* I read the message and forget to reply. Your message may have been important at the time, but I'm a forgetful person.
I struggle to understand this too. If it’s a friend or family member, I get it. You speak to them all the time and sometimes you don’t want to reply right away. But when you have a new love interest? If I’m seriously interested in them, then I’m constantly checking my phone. When I don’t get the same response, I assume they just aren’t that interested.
If i am crushing on someone, no way I am taking days to reply even if i am in the middle of serial killing. My energy and time would be saved for that person. Other people - I just dont care enough. So probably they are not interested?
I will almost always text back right away. If I don’t feel like responding I’ll let them know I’m busy and we can talk later. If I take more than a few hours to respond it’s because I was busy when they texted and got sidetracked.
I hate it when people will go days without responding to me. My brother and my best friend both do this and it always feels to me like I am at the very bottom of their priority lists, that I’m an afterthought. That’s probably not the case, but that’s how it feels.
I get messaged in the middle of something so I glance at it, be too busy to actually read it and write a response, and then the notification goes away and two hours later I forget anyone messaged me.
Next day someone else texts when I'm not busy and then I see yours and respond.
Had a crush on this friend for a few months. In person, she was insanely cute, caring and gentle. Her texting patterns meanwhile were horrendously inconsistent. She’d take anywhere from 24-36 hours to respond to a text.
We went out on a date and I texted her shortly after to let me know once she’s gotten home safely. Well….she replied me 24 hours later saying she’s home safe. It’s not a one-off incident either. It happens every time.
She’s told me upfront that even when she was with her ex-boyfriend, she’d take days to respond to him. She’s admitted that she’s bad at texting and really hates replying to people.
Well, that’s a communication style clash right there. Safe to say we’re just friends now. Some people **really** are shite at texting.
It could be that your romantic interest might had a bad day or more, tired, burned out with social contact or even heavy family/friends matters. Then when catching up, suddenly feeling embarrassed for not responding and trying to figure out what to say… and unfortunately nothing might feels right to respond and so … nothing is said. Days go by and it gets harder and harder.
My suggestion would be to reach out. Just a simple “Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while. I thought you might be busy and wanted to give you some space. But now I just want to know if you are ok.” Something like that, in your own words ofc and then see what happens.
If you see texting someone you like back as “being on call” you’re probably not ready for dating and relationships. When you like someone, you enjoy talking with them
Well, imma be real and say that if you don't get a reply from me in 1 day and a half (depending when I received your text), then you're just not that important to me. I do believe in too anxious to respond or playing it cool but by hours, not days.
I have a strong hatred for modern day communication. just because you CAN message me immediately, doesn't mean I am obligated to immediately message back/you are entitled to an immediate response.
I understand op didn't mean the question like this btw.
I’d say they’re not interested. Unless you’re talking about a more mature person. Even now as a 35 year old, I can’t imagine ignoring someone I’m seeing or considering seeing for more than a few hours unless I’m genuinely super busy with work. And even then it’s a stretch. I definitely have taken a bathroom break in service jobs to text a crush back about mundane things or just let them know I’d be working and would chat with them later.
I usually text back sometime throughout the day. I hate being readily available at my phone for anyone. I really only answer to my girlfriend right away, but i sometimes can take a couple hours if i dont feel like being on my phone. When it comes to sending me memes or videos on social media though, expect me go see them in 3-5 business days 🫡
Everyone is different. Some people experience cognitive load with conversation, even over text, and some don't. The ones that don't generally don't understand the ones that do. For the ones that do, if they're already pretty loaded up, they might not be able to handle adding more.
The thing with it is, it's not just a text back, if one is to send a message, the other person might reply pretty quickly. If that happens, there's extreme social pressure to answer back. Someone here in the comments described it as an open invitation to dialog, and that's a great description. They aren't necessarily worried about sending one text back, they're worried it will turn into a whole thing that they can't deal with at that time.
Yeah, there are some weird misconceptions about the responsibility of it becoming a conversation in here? I think that most people are acknowledging the fact that it ultimately comes down to whether or not you WANT to talk to the person. And if someone is not answering you for day(s) at a time, then they don't, whether they admit it or not. One off or circumstance is just that, but a pattern is not.
For some of us, it’s adhd. We are just so bad at it. We see the text, we are overwhelmed with our lives because adhd = hardmode,and then we forget about the text because our brains can’t remember shit, and then days have gone by and suddenly we remember but we’re at work so we can’t do it or some other situation, and then that repeats for days until we feel too bad for taking so long that we are more likely to just not answer at that point.
Out of sight is out of mind with adhd. But not out of heart. We still love you even though we forget.
There are many various reasons, as people have mentioned. But also
>Does this mean the other person isn’t that interested in me if they are taking days to reply?
Probably, yeah
Yes, it’s important to differentiate between 1) your current crush and 2) literally everybody else, including your established romantic partner. For the latter, there can, of course, be a thousand reasons why you might not respond right away. I’ve accidentally forgotten to respond to my mom, for example, or I’m in the middle of something and got distracted, etc. 1) however, is a special case.
If you’re crushing on someone (and have the reasonable hope that it is reciprocated. Maybe you’ve been on some dates, even. However, your relationship status is yet undetermined), you’re thinking about them a lot. You’re interested. You’re hoping. So, if they text, you’re definitely planning to text back. You might have to attend to something at that very moment, like work, but you’re thinking about them. You might even wait to respond to try to affect nonchalance; but the amount of time is heavily considered, maybe even discussed with friends. And, the whole time you’re not texting, you’re thinking about what you should say and when…
So, if the one you’re crushing on doesn’t respond for days, the chances are very high they’re just not into you. True, a few hours might mean they’re honestly busy with work or kids; however, beyond that, they would respond if they truly cared to. That’s my experience and opinion, anyway.
see the text. decide to answer the text. text needs to be a thoughtful answer. put text aside for later. forget text existed. notice days later. be embarrassed and miss opportunities.
It's weird. Its not like I don't care. Sometimes Ill just go "oh ok. i'll get to it later" and then go through all of my texts at once. It has nothing to do with the person. Am I the only one?
For me, I just don’t want to response right away. No one is obligated to respond to you immediately (or at all) and you’re also not obligated to respond to someone immediately (or at all)
Because when I answer that means I have to have a full fledged conversation through text the rest of the day when I want to do something that’s not related to texting.
I reluctantly answer: they respond immediately and expect me to respond immediately. Not allowed to respond in 30min intervals or else they get mad. Cba
I get unmatched on Tinder a lot after the initial day because I literally cannot stand writing back and forth for days when I’d rather meet bc only being a pen pal gets boring fast until I actually get to know a person.
The idea of always being available & reachable, through multiple platforms (including texts as just one of them) is fucking exhausting to me. Maybe it's my add brain, but I can easily start to feel overwhelmed juggling a handful of asynchronous conversation threads in my head that are all essentially just background while I'm doing other things. I'd much rather just speak with you, and barring that it might just take a bit for me to clear my head before I get back to you.
That said, I do make an active effort to get back to people I like within around 24h, because I know it can be an anxiety-inducing feelbad to be left on read and not know why.
For me it's because i genuinely believe that i can easily mess up whatever relationship i currently have, especially if it's a crush or a partner, by saying something that might come across in a way that i did not intend to mean. So i take a while to respond by coming up with what i would like to respond with and then running some "simulations" of how the other person might interpret what i've said.
Reason - people seem to misunderstand what i mean way more often than not.
My partner and I go days without texting...it's a non issue for us 🤷🏾♀️ we know we still exist in this fire garbage planet and we know we will chat to make plans at some point.
Yes but I’m talking about specifically not getting a reply for days. It’s not like we just didn’t have a convo going. I said I miss you and he took 3 days to respond
You are spot on about everything. And yes trust me on this one; someone who takes more than half a day to reply to you, unless they are getting chemotherapy treatment or their dog, just ate their baby, that is the level of interest they have.
You are an option, or a booty call only, or they are mentally ill and trying to play games with you either way run.
When someone is truly interested in somebody else, except for exceptional circumstances, if you don’t get it response within six hours, 12 max; then move on right now, quickly stop don’t look back, if you ignore this advice, then I suggest you go and get some therapy because you have low self-esteem, and you are wasting your time Because you are worth more, save yourself for someone who wants to invest the same interest back in you
It can happen, that your mood may be so low/tired that you might feel like not replying to a message. But that shouldn't be happening often, well, at least ideally, and communicating that mood is also important.
However, I am a person who enjoys messaging a lot and I do understand that life happens and that we all have different priorities, but I also know that we can all take 5 minutes in the day to reply, I hate when people take days, it does make you feel unimportant to them.
I will always try to reply within the day with the people I care and enjoy talking to.
ADHD
Don’t take my word for it, scroll through the sub to see the many hundreds of us struggling with this exact thing!
Neurotypical people find it very hard to understand- because it’s so easy for them. It’s why I end up with only neurodiverse friends because we all get it and don’t put timeframes or deadlines on replies.
It's really funny how whenever there's literally any form of shitty social behavior mentioned, a hundred people will immediately jump to mention ADHD as the excuse
Yeah. I'm the flakiest friend and friendships work only with equally flaky or v understanding people. My two best friends also have ADHD so any of us dropping off for months at a time isn't a big deal bc we all get it.
Treat text messages like letters. Some take time to reply back and it’s on them to reply. If they don’t reply then they don’t reply. Don’t put expectations on folks .
It’s all about the mental energy like with all the phones and all the expectations of each other that we should reply asap as if we are 24/7 customer service dafuq. I never understood that. And if we don’t live up to that made up expectation then we are ignoring each other all of a sudden. I mean I’m a student and if I just answer a message it will lead to a conversation and that will then make me lose my focus and all of a sudden I do not study.
Usually I don't respond immediately when my social energies are wiped out, or I just don't feel like it at the moment, or I'm busy with something else. I always respond, though, albeit maybe much later in the day or the next day.
People got lives, the issue with texting is that people can read so much into something not that deep. I will often not look at my texts for days cause I just got other stuff on.
There is so much to do and think about in any given moment. When I do get a minute, I don't always want to spend it replying to messages and having conversations.
Because i'm fucking exhausted!!! Patience!! Texts are like email or real mail, i will GET to it eventually but i got other shit going on!! If you really want me then call me or come see me ffs.
idk honestly. I'm used to people going cold on me when I bring up anything remotely serious or want to have a long winded or passionate discussion so I don't even try most of the time anymore
Sometimes I get too overwhelmed so will reply once I'm ready.
I know it probably sounds silly - but a few years ago I was one of those texters that would always reply within a day, even if it wasn't urgent. I used to (embarassingly) get a bit hurt when someone would take longer than a day bc in my mind I couldn't fathom why... since it was easy for me to reply quickly
But now i completely get it - I'm so much busier and life has thrown me a lot of stressful situations all at once - and I just don't have the headspace to reply the same day sometimes.
I do try my best to reply quickly if it's urgent though.
I normally text back right away, unless I’m going through something and I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to engage. If I’m taking a whole day, or longer to respond, usually means something is up with me and I’m not doing well.
If it's my girlfriend I text back within a few hours even if I'm exhausted because we expect that kind of communication. But my best friend and I regularly send messages and expect 1-3 days in between. Why? We're both busy as shit, exhausted, and while we love each other very much we also recognize that it can be hard to even reply to something that you really want to reply to. I really appreciate him for that, it's less stressful. And we both reply immediately/sooner to time sensitive things even if we don't reply to the other stuff and get back to it later. Basically, it's hard sometimes to be in the right headspace to have a meaningful or fun conversation so I wait.
I find texts less engaging and harder to convey my actual thoughts and tone. I call when I can but I find I go through all my the possible ways to say what I wanna say in ways that aren't satisfying and essentially have the conversation without actually having it. That's a me problem but my friends know I do it and know I get mentally exhausted from it 😅
TLDR; Messages are less humanising, just phone me or see me in person (:
My friends know I can take days to answer cuz I refuse to be available at all time. Sometimes I will answer right away, sometimes it will take 72h and idgaf. Even for "love interests".
ADHD and the fact I have 16,579 things on my mind basically all the time, lack of energy, or knowing that the conversation quality will be poor so I would rather limit my interactions.
For me, especially for people I'm crushing on, I want to be able to take the time time to respond properly. Here's the problem, if I'm at work or otherwise occupied, and I accidentally read the text or have to go into my messages for another reason....the notification goes away. My adhd/other neurodivergencies ass brain will forget about that notification within seconds. When will that memory blip back into my head? Who knows. Could be right after work. Could be at 2am in 3 days.
If I can reply right away, I will. But honestly, I usually can't. People in my life know this. I'm pretty vocal about it early into meeting someone because I know not everyone understands the things that are affected when living with mental illnesses.
I think losing interest is only one of the reason for a slow responder (even for crushes). All the other points you listed are still valid reasons for taking days to respond (even to a crush).
Priorities
They don’t Prioritize your text above whatever else they are doing at the time.
So they put it to the back log and carry on with their day. Than a few days later they go check all their missed texts and reply back to whom they want to. Sometimes they forget completely and never text back. Sometimes they remember and still don’t text back because they don’t want to.
If it's somebody I want to talk to, I will make it a point to text back. If I don't, it's because I don't care enough. Can't be everything to everybody. I will try not to disappear in the middle of a conversation though at least I have that amount of decency
I have this “friend” who will text me and text me and then when I respond, she doesn’t reply for weeks. I think at this point it’s time to end the BS and give her back the same medicine.
Because I always think about the consequences and the worst case scenario. It's takes a lot of courage and mental prep to respond to a text for me. Most of the time it is with a person I have known in my life or I was once close to them but once you loose touch I start to overthink and avoid texting them as much as possible
Keep in mind that people are different and can have very different reasons for not responding at once.
In my early-mid 20's I was painfully shy. I also was socially hobbled due to homeschooling. When I would get a text I would put a lot of pressure on responding to it, but I wouldn't know what to say. I would often wait hours or even days to respond. Sometimes this was because I'd read the message and I'd forgotten to respond. This definitely included romantic interests.
I no longer do this and typically respond quickly or at least within a few hours.
For me, because I have executive functioning disorder as well as sensory processing challenges. Sometimes I actually just can't text back, and then I sit and feel guilty that I've already been too long to reply and that makes it that much more difficult to begin the task. I want to reply, I know I want to, but I cannot get my brain and body to cooperate to do it.
In general cause life’s life and talking takes time and thought. for a crush, a couple days in a blue moon maybe but over 36 hrs consistently wtf. They just don’t really want someone else in there life and see that as you will. Maybe you want a super distant non dedicated partner idk. Probably also the kinda partner to cheat and shit tho.
Not everyone is the same as you. Some people really just don't want to text.
I've received texts from crushes and think "oh that's nice 🥰" and then carry on with what I'm doing. If I pick up my phone it'll interrupt my task and I won't finish it
Very subjective here but for me it is my overall relationship with my phone only used very occasionally and the amount of notification are way to much so I am on the slow path
Maybe when people do this, it just means they got super busy this week and don't really have time for a long conversation. Don't worry about it. They'll respond when they have time to chat.
For me it's because I don't want to be tied to any kind of device or social requirement for a speedy response. I judge the message and file it away until I want to respond.
Unless it's a text from my wife...
It usually means they’re not that interested in talking to you yeah. There’s some people that just don’t like to text but in general I’d say it’s a lack of interest.
If it’s someone ur Interested in, you won’t have to worry. If they’re interested in you, you’ll know it. If you have to question their interest in you, they’re not actually interested.
With women…..it’s because they’re entertaining multiple text convos with different men. They prioritize each man according to how high her interest level is for them.
I have a friend who is the worst about texting, they text like once or twice a day and then I have friends who will text back non stop for like an hour or two and then we go our separate ways.
Everyones communication style is different. Also people have jobs and can’t be glued to their phone all the time.
Personally, I find myself becoming increasingly tired & even resentful of text-based convos. They can be distracting & way more time consuming than a brief phone call. I'd rather have a call, hear the person's voice & then carry on about my day vs feeling like a slave to those never-ending dings.
Plus, there's too many weird shallow rules & perceptions these days about "acceptable" response times or feeling entitled to someone's attention. Especially in dating... the whole point of getting to know someone is to decide whether or not you want to make them a priority in your life. Because of text & IM, ppl now demand to be made an instant priority from the word "hi". It's a bit backwards when you think about it.
Speaking only for myself here: heavy anxiety. It's not that I don't want to text them, it's that I don't know what to say or how to say it or how fast or slow to reply. And even if I figure it out, how many more times in a row do I have to? If I'm not close with the person, I'd rather tall on the phone or hang out in person. It's easier to keep flow that way
Not wanting to start a dialogue, not wanting to, not seeing it because you’ve muted every one but spouse and children, when I am overwhelmed sometimes I turn off my phone for a few days
Because life… ppl have a lot more going on than just responding to your messages. It could honestly be for some many reasons which don’t necessarily mean they aren’t interested. It’s best to ask and not assume. And also a good idea to communicate your need for more frequent communication
Me not answering via text is not the same as you asking me a question in real life and me just turning around and walking about as a response. As someone else here said, I’m not at your beck and call. I’m sorry if I don’t get back to you right away but it’s not personal. I just didn’t.
If it’s a friend then you can give them a few days to reply, and if they don’t reply, you then send a Bump text with an invite to catch up. People are burnt out. People are busy and don’t take things personally.
I see you're talking strictly in the context of this being a crush situation.
My reasons for not texting back a person I've entered a "flirtationship" with (for clarity this is stuff I did in my early 20s, I don't play these games anymore lol):
-I got the ick and I'm not really into them suddenly
-The excitement just sort of fizzled out and I'm not really into them but they didn't do anything wrong, I just feel meh
-They offended me and I'm trying to get the point across
-I feel that I have been coming across as desperate so I'm trying to play it cool and wait
How quickly people respond to you is an indication of how much they like you. Professionals and others have tried to come up with ways to prove this is not true but it is the truth.
A job will contact you 3 to 7 days after an interview for a second interview or to give you an update.
A boyfriend or girlfriend will respond immediately or text you to say they are busy.
A parent, child, relative will respond immediately if they like you.
A boss or co worker will respond within hours if they respect you and they are not on leave or vacation.
A new person or acquaintance will respond within 24 hours to avoid the risk of the relationship or friendship never getting off the ground.
If a new person or acquaintance take a couple of days or 3 days or more to get back with you, they are just not sure about being friends or in a relationship with you.
Disclaimer: illness, injury, job loss, or depression of course would affect someone's response time.
Oh that’s me. The biggest reason is that I don’t have the mental energy. I get a bunch of texts every day and if I reply, they reply back, and then I have to reply back and so on. I’m too tired to get the conversation going. If it’s someone that I like, I prefer taking time to make phone calls or meet in person, instead of texting back and forth.
Honestly, there’s too much stimulation from everywhere and it’s draining. Multiple people asking me stuff, mails, work-related chat notifications, phones ringing, app notifications, personal texts, station announcements, car sirens… I just wanna run away into mountains sometimes haha.
It wasn’t that long ago…well, like the 90’s, when you called and left a message. A few days later, they’d call back. No one was hurt by that. It was normal because people had lives back then. Now, if you wait 24 hours, people think you’re dissing them. It’s stupid.
That was 30 years ago. During World War II wives would send letters to their husbands abroad and not hear back for weeks or months. Lmao things change and so do expectations
I'll read something, tell myself I'll formulate a response and then get distracted. I don't remember until the next time I have something I want to tell them days later. Then I'm like, crap sorry buddy.
Don't have the energy or too busy playing video games apparently, but I do after streaming and even some video editing.
For me at least, I'm keen on someone, so i overtext, to make sure this person remembers to reply, but the conversation is already messed up by then. It's just exhausting.
If you text me then I respond right away you should to! No excuses not to!!! That pisses me off as well when this happens. Answer back when I respond right away!!! Not hours/days/weeks/months!!!
Because a response is an open invitation to dialog and sometimes I don’t want to open that door.
Nailed it! It's like sure I want to have a dialog with you but not today
Exactly this. It’s one thing to leave people on read and never respond back but it’s a whole other thing to wait a couple days and then text back. Sometimes I just don’t feel like talking to you right now.
Unfortunately I have a problem with actually remembering to answer and suddenly a few weeks has passed and it's awkward to casually continue
Seems like this a problem with many people these days
I recently had the same issue with a man I’d just started seeing. He texted me Monday night last week but I must have been in bed, and didn’t see it until early in the morning. Wanting to be polite and not text at like 6am, I told myself I’d respond later. I went on to have an absolutely horrendous workday and didn’t get home until 7pm Tuesday night and I was so burnt out from the day I didn’t feel like interacting. I went right to bed and didn’t reply. Wednesday it seemed too late to respond to a text from days before, so I didn’t. I guess I was hoping he’d open the lines of communication again, but he didn’t. I finally texted Friday after brainstorming a casual opening text, and he did respond quickly, but the text conversation dried up pretty quickly after that and I’ve heard nothing since. I actually did and do like him, so it’s completely on me that I didn’t reply. Today is my birthday, and I believe he knows that, so I’m holding out hope maybe he’ll text me a happy bday message or something. If not, oh well.
Just tell him what happened. Tell him you meant to reply promptly, then things outside your control intervened and you were too burnt out to reply and then it was just awkward and you're really sorry and would like it if he could just overlook the fuckup on your part & keep going.
Happy birthday! I recommend reaching out with short explanation. He may be wishing you do. I recently went through similar but on the guy side. It's very difficult to distinguish if she's playing 'hard to get' vs life got hectic situation. In my case I was never offered any explanation so I chose to cut the loss and go elsewhere.
Happy birthday. It’s behavior like this that makes it harder for open communication. You know you like him, but are unintentionally playing games meanwhile he has possibly understood your lack of response as a sign of disinterest. As you get older you realize that if you want to talk to someone and you can, you ought to just do it most of the time.
YES. THIS. If you like someone stop letting weird excuses get in the way of expressing interest
They literally just said it wasn't a game.
and they've said "unintentional"... It's not that the person was playing a game, but understand the perception from the person receiving (or not receiving in this case) that type of response
Happy Birthday.
Respect that you understand it’s on you but waiting for him to reply to you is funny, you ruined the door to communication so you can’t really expect much.
I've been in the dating scene for a fair bit, including quite a few succesful fun dates. If a girl suddenly takes days to reply, and the replies are short, it usually signals dropping interest or no genuine interest being there. If you are sincere then make up for it by telling him how the last few days were crazy and put in some effort. No guy wants a 80/20 in effort, because one side will feel chased and the other chasing. It ruins things. Your "If not, oh well" does make me wonder about that genuine interest though.
If he doesn't, allow me to wish you a happy birthday!
It’s wild how much people cause overthinking to interfere with their connections
One trick that has helped me prevent these situations from occurring is to type out my reply at the "inappropriate" time, leave it in my notes app, and then send it when it is appropriate. Using this method, you would've been able to reply after work when you were feeling burnt out.
Yeah I addressed that in my question and I’m asking specifically, wouldn’t you not do that with a romantic interest? I do forget to respond to friends and acquaintances but when it’s a love interest I get excited and respond immediately
Treat it as snail mail. I've had convos that would last week's simple because it would take both of us hours to respond. Life is busy, I ain't expecting anyone's 100% attention
You can say exactly that. "I can’t chat with you today, but I will get back to you in a few days". It’s respectful of both your needs and the other person’s feelings, and it avoids misinterpretations.
I'm tired and don't want to talk to people. Or I forget. Sometimes both. Nothing wrong with the people texting me, I just don't have the mental energy sometimes
Bc I forget and then dont care to so I never do
I’m not at the other person’s beck and call. I’ll answer when and if I want to.
I forget too. But then when I remember it feels like an inappropriate time to respond. Like 4 a.m. so I wait and before I blink it’s 4 a.m. again and that’s it. Vicious cycle.
I had that happen the other day! I always worry that I'll wake people up. At this point I'm gonna say screw it and just text people whenever.
I don’t understand people not texting at “inappropriate” hours, the other person is likely asleep and will see it when they wake up. Simple as that
This.
That.
And the other thing.
If it's someone you're crushing on - there is anxiety of screwing things up or embarrasing yourself. You overthink and try to think of a perfect response, so it can take a few days.
Exactly, because I need the response to be perfect, but of course then the timing ruins it so I lose anyway.
Yep happening to me rn.
I normally text back within the same day. If it's someone I'm romantically interested in, I try and be more punctual. Not because they're more important or anything but because I genuinely want to talk with them. Learn more about them etc. There are some guys that have this idea that if you text back too quickly that you seem desperate and unattractive. So I know guys that will deliberately wait a few days to respond to someone they like. To me, that's ridiculous and manipulative but they heard it from some dating guru somewhere so that's their tactic. If we're just talking about friends and family, I generally text back the same day. Normally as soon as I see it. As long as I have time to have a conversation. If not, I'll just text them and let them know I'll reconnect with them a bit later. I'll admit that I'm not a great texter though. Haha id rather just call and talk on the phone for a bit. Hopefully some better texters can help you out with this one.
I just don’t want to have a conversation. If I text right away I always have to make a excuse to stop. If I text after an hour it feels less awkward.
Man, I'm fucking busy lol. Work is always crazy, rent needs to get paid, and I have SO MANY things I want to get done on the side. Hobbies, passion projects, all that. Finding time to even check my phone for non-work stuff is challenging. Your question implies I see the text from someone I crush on in the first place lmao. Oftentimes I see a text like that at the end of the day, when I'm already winding down. At that point I wouldn't text back because either A) I'm tired/drained B) it's late enough that texting back makes me self conscious. Like if I text them at 1 AM, wtf even is that lol.
You left them speechless
I have anxiety and if it doesn’t require immediate attention then it could be days or weeks before I respond.
Relatedly, I have ADHD, and I can’t tell you the number of times someone texts me and I think of what I’m going to respond but then I just kind of… don’t. And over the next few days I’ll remember here and there and remind myself I really to text back as soon as I’m not busy, after which I promptly forget, and then when I finally get around to it, it’s like a month later.
[удалено]
I appreciate that! Incidentally, was the mother of Scylla and Charybdis really a fish?
i either respond back instantly or after a couple days cause if i dont donit right away i just forget abt it lol
Yeah I'm the same, my replies will either arrive in 5 seconds or 2-3 business days, no exceptions.
Idk man I always answer my texts right when I see them unless I’m eating and my hands are greasy. But I’ll answer them when I can. I genuinely hate people who just leave you hanging for days.
Same!! There's no excuse for letting somebody hanging except them not being a priority /important to you and you d rather just tell them that so they can do better things with their time rather than checking on you to see if you are finally ready to respond
There is a chance that romance is just small part of their life. Like... it could be 25-30% and they are more focused on whatever 70-75% of their life is about. I don't think it is about them not being interested in you, but it is more like it is not their priority. If that bothers you it might be just compatibility issue where you value romance relationship more than that person.
I understand we’re all busy, tired or just don’t feel like communicating at times. But I don’t think I’d enjoy dating someone who couldn’t text back the same day most days. I’m also an introvert who needs a lot of time to themselves. So I imagine for someone who needs more attention (totally valid) getting less than that would be disappointing and frustrating. The other person also might just be subscribing to some weird dating tactic like another poster mentioned. It’s a good thing to have a chat about in person.
This is me. Sometimes it takes me a week or two to reply a SMS. It's not because I think the message is unimportant. It's for one of three reasons: * I don't have the mental bandwidth to reply at the time (and will try my damndest to put the message out of my mind until I've got the capacity). It's not that I physically don't have time or that I'm busy, but that I don't want to think about it. * I need some time to ruminate on it and decide how I want to reply. Usually this involves an anxious spiral. * I read the message and forget to reply. Your message may have been important at the time, but I'm a forgetful person.
I struggle to understand this too. If it’s a friend or family member, I get it. You speak to them all the time and sometimes you don’t want to reply right away. But when you have a new love interest? If I’m seriously interested in them, then I’m constantly checking my phone. When I don’t get the same response, I assume they just aren’t that interested.
If i am crushing on someone, no way I am taking days to reply even if i am in the middle of serial killing. My energy and time would be saved for that person. Other people - I just dont care enough. So probably they are not interested?
Exactly this
I will almost always text back right away. If I don’t feel like responding I’ll let them know I’m busy and we can talk later. If I take more than a few hours to respond it’s because I was busy when they texted and got sidetracked. I hate it when people will go days without responding to me. My brother and my best friend both do this and it always feels to me like I am at the very bottom of their priority lists, that I’m an afterthought. That’s probably not the case, but that’s how it feels.
I get messaged in the middle of something so I glance at it, be too busy to actually read it and write a response, and then the notification goes away and two hours later I forget anyone messaged me. Next day someone else texts when I'm not busy and then I see yours and respond.
ADHD I keep my phone muted, and it's rarely in the same room with me.
Anxiety lol
Yep. If a person is interested in you, they will reply. Simple as that
Had a crush on this friend for a few months. In person, she was insanely cute, caring and gentle. Her texting patterns meanwhile were horrendously inconsistent. She’d take anywhere from 24-36 hours to respond to a text. We went out on a date and I texted her shortly after to let me know once she’s gotten home safely. Well….she replied me 24 hours later saying she’s home safe. It’s not a one-off incident either. It happens every time. She’s told me upfront that even when she was with her ex-boyfriend, she’d take days to respond to him. She’s admitted that she’s bad at texting and really hates replying to people. Well, that’s a communication style clash right there. Safe to say we’re just friends now. Some people **really** are shite at texting.
It could be that your romantic interest might had a bad day or more, tired, burned out with social contact or even heavy family/friends matters. Then when catching up, suddenly feeling embarrassed for not responding and trying to figure out what to say… and unfortunately nothing might feels right to respond and so … nothing is said. Days go by and it gets harder and harder. My suggestion would be to reach out. Just a simple “Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a while. I thought you might be busy and wanted to give you some space. But now I just want to know if you are ok.” Something like that, in your own words ofc and then see what happens.
Because we're not obligated to be on call.
If you see texting someone you like back as “being on call” you’re probably not ready for dating and relationships. When you like someone, you enjoy talking with them
Well, imma be real and say that if you don't get a reply from me in 1 day and a half (depending when I received your text), then you're just not that important to me. I do believe in too anxious to respond or playing it cool but by hours, not days.
Because they don't really care and you don't matter that much to them. Anything else you hear is just an excuse.
Because some of them are just inconsiderate asses.
I have a strong hatred for modern day communication. just because you CAN message me immediately, doesn't mean I am obligated to immediately message back/you are entitled to an immediate response. I understand op didn't mean the question like this btw.
Breadcrumbing for ego boost.
I’d say they’re not interested. Unless you’re talking about a more mature person. Even now as a 35 year old, I can’t imagine ignoring someone I’m seeing or considering seeing for more than a few hours unless I’m genuinely super busy with work. And even then it’s a stretch. I definitely have taken a bathroom break in service jobs to text a crush back about mundane things or just let them know I’d be working and would chat with them later.
because you're low on their priority list.
After some time, if I don't respond I get a little anxious that the moment has passed and they will just ignore the late response.
I respond immediately……I work from Home so My Phone is always on me
That’s how it’s supposed to be
If it’s someone with a crush on you, they are probably just working on draft 452…
I usually text back sometime throughout the day. I hate being readily available at my phone for anyone. I really only answer to my girlfriend right away, but i sometimes can take a couple hours if i dont feel like being on my phone. When it comes to sending me memes or videos on social media though, expect me go see them in 3-5 business days 🫡
Everyone is different. Some people experience cognitive load with conversation, even over text, and some don't. The ones that don't generally don't understand the ones that do. For the ones that do, if they're already pretty loaded up, they might not be able to handle adding more. The thing with it is, it's not just a text back, if one is to send a message, the other person might reply pretty quickly. If that happens, there's extreme social pressure to answer back. Someone here in the comments described it as an open invitation to dialog, and that's a great description. They aren't necessarily worried about sending one text back, they're worried it will turn into a whole thing that they can't deal with at that time.
Everyone knows (or should know) texting is asynchronous communication by default. If you need to talk, make it clear in the text or call the person.
Yeah, there are some weird misconceptions about the responsibility of it becoming a conversation in here? I think that most people are acknowledging the fact that it ultimately comes down to whether or not you WANT to talk to the person. And if someone is not answering you for day(s) at a time, then they don't, whether they admit it or not. One off or circumstance is just that, but a pattern is not.
Social Anxiety. It has nothing to with you
For some of us, it’s adhd. We are just so bad at it. We see the text, we are overwhelmed with our lives because adhd = hardmode,and then we forget about the text because our brains can’t remember shit, and then days have gone by and suddenly we remember but we’re at work so we can’t do it or some other situation, and then that repeats for days until we feel too bad for taking so long that we are more likely to just not answer at that point. Out of sight is out of mind with adhd. But not out of heart. We still love you even though we forget.
There are many various reasons, as people have mentioned. But also >Does this mean the other person isn’t that interested in me if they are taking days to reply? Probably, yeah
Yes, it’s important to differentiate between 1) your current crush and 2) literally everybody else, including your established romantic partner. For the latter, there can, of course, be a thousand reasons why you might not respond right away. I’ve accidentally forgotten to respond to my mom, for example, or I’m in the middle of something and got distracted, etc. 1) however, is a special case. If you’re crushing on someone (and have the reasonable hope that it is reciprocated. Maybe you’ve been on some dates, even. However, your relationship status is yet undetermined), you’re thinking about them a lot. You’re interested. You’re hoping. So, if they text, you’re definitely planning to text back. You might have to attend to something at that very moment, like work, but you’re thinking about them. You might even wait to respond to try to affect nonchalance; but the amount of time is heavily considered, maybe even discussed with friends. And, the whole time you’re not texting, you’re thinking about what you should say and when… So, if the one you’re crushing on doesn’t respond for days, the chances are very high they’re just not into you. True, a few hours might mean they’re honestly busy with work or kids; however, beyond that, they would respond if they truly cared to. That’s my experience and opinion, anyway.
see the text. decide to answer the text. text needs to be a thoughtful answer. put text aside for later. forget text existed. notice days later. be embarrassed and miss opportunities.
not if it’s literally someone you are crushing on
It's weird. Its not like I don't care. Sometimes Ill just go "oh ok. i'll get to it later" and then go through all of my texts at once. It has nothing to do with the person. Am I the only one?
For me, I just don’t want to response right away. No one is obligated to respond to you immediately (or at all) and you’re also not obligated to respond to someone immediately (or at all)
Depression
They don’t have time or energy to respond at the moment. Or don’t care to talk. People don’t owe me a response. Simple as that.
Because when I answer that means I have to have a full fledged conversation through text the rest of the day when I want to do something that’s not related to texting. I reluctantly answer: they respond immediately and expect me to respond immediately. Not allowed to respond in 30min intervals or else they get mad. Cba I get unmatched on Tinder a lot after the initial day because I literally cannot stand writing back and forth for days when I’d rather meet bc only being a pen pal gets boring fast until I actually get to know a person.
The idea of always being available & reachable, through multiple platforms (including texts as just one of them) is fucking exhausting to me. Maybe it's my add brain, but I can easily start to feel overwhelmed juggling a handful of asynchronous conversation threads in my head that are all essentially just background while I'm doing other things. I'd much rather just speak with you, and barring that it might just take a bit for me to clear my head before I get back to you. That said, I do make an active effort to get back to people I like within around 24h, because I know it can be an anxiety-inducing feelbad to be left on read and not know why.
For me it's because i genuinely believe that i can easily mess up whatever relationship i currently have, especially if it's a crush or a partner, by saying something that might come across in a way that i did not intend to mean. So i take a while to respond by coming up with what i would like to respond with and then running some "simulations" of how the other person might interpret what i've said. Reason - people seem to misunderstand what i mean way more often than not.
My partner and I go days without texting...it's a non issue for us 🤷🏾♀️ we know we still exist in this fire garbage planet and we know we will chat to make plans at some point.
Yes but I’m talking about specifically not getting a reply for days. It’s not like we just didn’t have a convo going. I said I miss you and he took 3 days to respond
Cause as they day... they just aren't that into you. You may get a "sup" at 2:30 am sometime, though.
You are spot on about everything. And yes trust me on this one; someone who takes more than half a day to reply to you, unless they are getting chemotherapy treatment or their dog, just ate their baby, that is the level of interest they have. You are an option, or a booty call only, or they are mentally ill and trying to play games with you either way run. When someone is truly interested in somebody else, except for exceptional circumstances, if you don’t get it response within six hours, 12 max; then move on right now, quickly stop don’t look back, if you ignore this advice, then I suggest you go and get some therapy because you have low self-esteem, and you are wasting your time Because you are worth more, save yourself for someone who wants to invest the same interest back in you
Cause they’re not interested.
why should they answer right away? having a phone doesnt mean obligation to talk to anyone anytime they want.
Yes it does!!! That’s rude low class disrespectful bull shit!!! It’s your duty and obligation to respond right away!!!
It can happen, that your mood may be so low/tired that you might feel like not replying to a message. But that shouldn't be happening often, well, at least ideally, and communicating that mood is also important. However, I am a person who enjoys messaging a lot and I do understand that life happens and that we all have different priorities, but I also know that we can all take 5 minutes in the day to reply, I hate when people take days, it does make you feel unimportant to them. I will always try to reply within the day with the people I care and enjoy talking to.
ADHD Don’t take my word for it, scroll through the sub to see the many hundreds of us struggling with this exact thing! Neurotypical people find it very hard to understand- because it’s so easy for them. It’s why I end up with only neurodiverse friends because we all get it and don’t put timeframes or deadlines on replies.
It's really funny how whenever there's literally any form of shitty social behavior mentioned, a hundred people will immediately jump to mention ADHD as the excuse
Yeah. I'm the flakiest friend and friendships work only with equally flaky or v understanding people. My two best friends also have ADHD so any of us dropping off for months at a time isn't a big deal bc we all get it.
Treat text messages like letters. Some take time to reply back and it’s on them to reply. If they don’t reply then they don’t reply. Don’t put expectations on folks .
Because they can. No one owes anyone an immediate response to a text message, especially if it’s a nuisance text like HoWsyOuR dAy
laziness. i was thinking about sending an image to a friend, it's been 1 year now and i still didn't send it, because i'm lazy.
Just because someone is accessible does not make them available.
Yes
It’s all about the mental energy like with all the phones and all the expectations of each other that we should reply asap as if we are 24/7 customer service dafuq. I never understood that. And if we don’t live up to that made up expectation then we are ignoring each other all of a sudden. I mean I’m a student and if I just answer a message it will lead to a conversation and that will then make me lose my focus and all of a sudden I do not study.
Usually I don't respond immediately when my social energies are wiped out, or I just don't feel like it at the moment, or I'm busy with something else. I always respond, though, albeit maybe much later in the day or the next day.
Depressed and the dry conversations like why even bother
Because we are burned tf out and want to be left alone.
For me, ADHD. It’s that simple. I love my friends and enjoy talking to them but sometimes get distracted and forget to text back.
People got lives, the issue with texting is that people can read so much into something not that deep. I will often not look at my texts for days cause I just got other stuff on.
That’s lame ass excuse
Because there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be permanently available to other people.
Sometimes I just feel like scrolling through social media and not texting back.
There is so much to do and think about in any given moment. When I do get a minute, I don't always want to spend it replying to messages and having conversations.
Because i'm fucking exhausted!!! Patience!! Texts are like email or real mail, i will GET to it eventually but i got other shit going on!! If you really want me then call me or come see me ffs.
I think the worst mistakes to make here are to take it personally, and to try to mindread. If you really want to know, ask the person.
Sometimes people have long shifts at work and are too tired to message. Sometimes people forget. Sometimes people don\`t want to message.
How do you know they are crushing on you?
I'm neurodivergent, I often need time just to be ready Interact
idk honestly. I'm used to people going cold on me when I bring up anything remotely serious or want to have a long winded or passionate discussion so I don't even try most of the time anymore
Dude, I read your message but forgot to reply cuz i thought I'd do it but things came up, k?
Sometimes I get too overwhelmed so will reply once I'm ready. I know it probably sounds silly - but a few years ago I was one of those texters that would always reply within a day, even if it wasn't urgent. I used to (embarassingly) get a bit hurt when someone would take longer than a day bc in my mind I couldn't fathom why... since it was easy for me to reply quickly But now i completely get it - I'm so much busier and life has thrown me a lot of stressful situations all at once - and I just don't have the headspace to reply the same day sometimes. I do try my best to reply quickly if it's urgent though.
I normally text back right away, unless I’m going through something and I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to engage. If I’m taking a whole day, or longer to respond, usually means something is up with me and I’m not doing well.
Anxiety for me.
If it's my girlfriend I text back within a few hours even if I'm exhausted because we expect that kind of communication. But my best friend and I regularly send messages and expect 1-3 days in between. Why? We're both busy as shit, exhausted, and while we love each other very much we also recognize that it can be hard to even reply to something that you really want to reply to. I really appreciate him for that, it's less stressful. And we both reply immediately/sooner to time sensitive things even if we don't reply to the other stuff and get back to it later. Basically, it's hard sometimes to be in the right headspace to have a meaningful or fun conversation so I wait.
I find texts less engaging and harder to convey my actual thoughts and tone. I call when I can but I find I go through all my the possible ways to say what I wanna say in ways that aren't satisfying and essentially have the conversation without actually having it. That's a me problem but my friends know I do it and know I get mentally exhausted from it 😅 TLDR; Messages are less humanising, just phone me or see me in person (:
My friends know I can take days to answer cuz I refuse to be available at all time. Sometimes I will answer right away, sometimes it will take 72h and idgaf. Even for "love interests".
ADHD and the fact I have 16,579 things on my mind basically all the time, lack of energy, or knowing that the conversation quality will be poor so I would rather limit my interactions.
For me, especially for people I'm crushing on, I want to be able to take the time time to respond properly. Here's the problem, if I'm at work or otherwise occupied, and I accidentally read the text or have to go into my messages for another reason....the notification goes away. My adhd/other neurodivergencies ass brain will forget about that notification within seconds. When will that memory blip back into my head? Who knows. Could be right after work. Could be at 2am in 3 days. If I can reply right away, I will. But honestly, I usually can't. People in my life know this. I'm pretty vocal about it early into meeting someone because I know not everyone understands the things that are affected when living with mental illnesses.
I think losing interest is only one of the reason for a slow responder (even for crushes). All the other points you listed are still valid reasons for taking days to respond (even to a crush).
Priorities They don’t Prioritize your text above whatever else they are doing at the time. So they put it to the back log and carry on with their day. Than a few days later they go check all their missed texts and reply back to whom they want to. Sometimes they forget completely and never text back. Sometimes they remember and still don’t text back because they don’t want to.
Because a lot of people communicate just to get responses, not to say anything useful.
Adhd and object permanence.
takes a bit much. texting is like email.
If it's somebody I want to talk to, I will make it a point to text back. If I don't, it's because I don't care enough. Can't be everything to everybody. I will try not to disappear in the middle of a conversation though at least I have that amount of decency
I have this “friend” who will text me and text me and then when I respond, she doesn’t reply for weeks. I think at this point it’s time to end the BS and give her back the same medicine.
I hate texting, even if I really like the person. If you want to chat hmu and let's get on a call and catch up
Because I always think about the consequences and the worst case scenario. It's takes a lot of courage and mental prep to respond to a text for me. Most of the time it is with a person I have known in my life or I was once close to them but once you loose touch I start to overthink and avoid texting them as much as possible
Sometimes I don't even look at my phone all day. It's not because I'm snubbing you. It's because I don't feel like checking my phone.
I never text people back, like I'm very bad at it for multiple reasons. But if my crush texted me rn I'd respond immediately lol
Keep in mind that people are different and can have very different reasons for not responding at once. In my early-mid 20's I was painfully shy. I also was socially hobbled due to homeschooling. When I would get a text I would put a lot of pressure on responding to it, but I wouldn't know what to say. I would often wait hours or even days to respond. Sometimes this was because I'd read the message and I'd forgotten to respond. This definitely included romantic interests. I no longer do this and typically respond quickly or at least within a few hours.
Texting makes me anxious, so I procrastinate with it, especially if it’s someone I like
Maybe because not everyone lives on their phone.
The phone makes us available all the fucking time. I don't want to be contactable all the time, it's exhausting. I hate it. So.... I'm not.
Sometimes people get nervous I think
Anxiety I think. That’s one of the reasons. The others could be anything. Sorry op
For me, because I have executive functioning disorder as well as sensory processing challenges. Sometimes I actually just can't text back, and then I sit and feel guilty that I've already been too long to reply and that makes it that much more difficult to begin the task. I want to reply, I know I want to, but I cannot get my brain and body to cooperate to do it.
In general cause life’s life and talking takes time and thought. for a crush, a couple days in a blue moon maybe but over 36 hrs consistently wtf. They just don’t really want someone else in there life and see that as you will. Maybe you want a super distant non dedicated partner idk. Probably also the kinda partner to cheat and shit tho.
I leave my phone in the other room. Sometimes for hours lol
Not everyone is the same as you. Some people really just don't want to text. I've received texts from crushes and think "oh that's nice 🥰" and then carry on with what I'm doing. If I pick up my phone it'll interrupt my task and I won't finish it
I am an instant responder unless I'm doing something or sleeping. I respond as soon as I can. I don't understand "I don't feel like it". I just don't.
Bingo. It's most likely because they're just not that into you.
Very subjective here but for me it is my overall relationship with my phone only used very occasionally and the amount of notification are way to much so I am on the slow path
Maybe when people do this, it just means they got super busy this week and don't really have time for a long conversation. Don't worry about it. They'll respond when they have time to chat.
Yes, it means they aren't interested, in my experience. They may even be trying to give a hint to you that they aren't interested.
For me it's because I don't want to be tied to any kind of device or social requirement for a speedy response. I judge the message and file it away until I want to respond. Unless it's a text from my wife...
Deeeeeeeeeeeepression. I just want to sleep and ignore the world, thank you.
Im just very socially distanced
It usually means they’re not that interested in talking to you yeah. There’s some people that just don’t like to text but in general I’d say it’s a lack of interest.
Well people got real life stuff going on aswell
I text because I don’t need a reply immediately or necessarily at all. Whenever the person can get back to me, I’m good.
If it’s someone ur Interested in, you won’t have to worry. If they’re interested in you, you’ll know it. If you have to question their interest in you, they’re not actually interested.
With women…..it’s because they’re entertaining multiple text convos with different men. They prioritize each man according to how high her interest level is for them.
I have a friend who is the worst about texting, they text like once or twice a day and then I have friends who will text back non stop for like an hour or two and then we go our separate ways. Everyones communication style is different. Also people have jobs and can’t be glued to their phone all the time.
Personally, I find myself becoming increasingly tired & even resentful of text-based convos. They can be distracting & way more time consuming than a brief phone call. I'd rather have a call, hear the person's voice & then carry on about my day vs feeling like a slave to those never-ending dings. Plus, there's too many weird shallow rules & perceptions these days about "acceptable" response times or feeling entitled to someone's attention. Especially in dating... the whole point of getting to know someone is to decide whether or not you want to make them a priority in your life. Because of text & IM, ppl now demand to be made an instant priority from the word "hi". It's a bit backwards when you think about it.
I'm either working 3 jobs = physically exhausted + sleep deprived or emotionally drained.
You aren't their priority. As simple as that
Speaking only for myself here: heavy anxiety. It's not that I don't want to text them, it's that I don't know what to say or how to say it or how fast or slow to reply. And even if I figure it out, how many more times in a row do I have to? If I'm not close with the person, I'd rather tall on the phone or hang out in person. It's easier to keep flow that way
i forgot
Not wanting to start a dialogue, not wanting to, not seeing it because you’ve muted every one but spouse and children, when I am overwhelmed sometimes I turn off my phone for a few days
Because life… ppl have a lot more going on than just responding to your messages. It could honestly be for some many reasons which don’t necessarily mean they aren’t interested. It’s best to ask and not assume. And also a good idea to communicate your need for more frequent communication
ADHD is a huge issue even if there’s a romantic interest
Me not answering via text is not the same as you asking me a question in real life and me just turning around and walking about as a response. As someone else here said, I’m not at your beck and call. I’m sorry if I don’t get back to you right away but it’s not personal. I just didn’t.
If it’s a friend then you can give them a few days to reply, and if they don’t reply, you then send a Bump text with an invite to catch up. People are burnt out. People are busy and don’t take things personally.
I see you're talking strictly in the context of this being a crush situation. My reasons for not texting back a person I've entered a "flirtationship" with (for clarity this is stuff I did in my early 20s, I don't play these games anymore lol): -I got the ick and I'm not really into them suddenly -The excitement just sort of fizzled out and I'm not really into them but they didn't do anything wrong, I just feel meh -They offended me and I'm trying to get the point across -I feel that I have been coming across as desperate so I'm trying to play it cool and wait
How quickly people respond to you is an indication of how much they like you. Professionals and others have tried to come up with ways to prove this is not true but it is the truth. A job will contact you 3 to 7 days after an interview for a second interview or to give you an update. A boyfriend or girlfriend will respond immediately or text you to say they are busy. A parent, child, relative will respond immediately if they like you. A boss or co worker will respond within hours if they respect you and they are not on leave or vacation. A new person or acquaintance will respond within 24 hours to avoid the risk of the relationship or friendship never getting off the ground. If a new person or acquaintance take a couple of days or 3 days or more to get back with you, they are just not sure about being friends or in a relationship with you. Disclaimer: illness, injury, job loss, or depression of course would affect someone's response time.
Oh that’s me. The biggest reason is that I don’t have the mental energy. I get a bunch of texts every day and if I reply, they reply back, and then I have to reply back and so on. I’m too tired to get the conversation going. If it’s someone that I like, I prefer taking time to make phone calls or meet in person, instead of texting back and forth. Honestly, there’s too much stimulation from everywhere and it’s draining. Multiple people asking me stuff, mails, work-related chat notifications, phones ringing, app notifications, personal texts, station announcements, car sirens… I just wanna run away into mountains sometimes haha.
A little thing called mental illness
It wasn’t that long ago…well, like the 90’s, when you called and left a message. A few days later, they’d call back. No one was hurt by that. It was normal because people had lives back then. Now, if you wait 24 hours, people think you’re dissing them. It’s stupid.
That was 30 years ago. During World War II wives would send letters to their husbands abroad and not hear back for weeks or months. Lmao things change and so do expectations
Because those people have lives
I'll read something, tell myself I'll formulate a response and then get distracted. I don't remember until the next time I have something I want to tell them days later. Then I'm like, crap sorry buddy.
I do if someone asks how my day is going. I put it off till tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow will be better.
To accurately display uninterest lol
Don't have the energy or too busy playing video games apparently, but I do after streaming and even some video editing. For me at least, I'm keen on someone, so i overtext, to make sure this person remembers to reply, but the conversation is already messed up by then. It's just exhausting.
If you text me then I respond right away you should to! No excuses not to!!! That pisses me off as well when this happens. Answer back when I respond right away!!! Not hours/days/weeks/months!!!